More To Love Than This
by maxigrumpling
Summary: Using her best friends offer of marriage to escape a bad situation at home Bella hopes she's finally landed on her feet but she's just swapped one bully for another and this one wants her,and her baby, to pay for his broken heart. Love, loss,sacrifice.AH
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all recognisable characters and their traits. All Twilight related material, including situations and characterisations remain her property. **

**This is my first attempt at a human story. **

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Full Prologue:

Bella Swan has only ever loved once. Too bad that he never knew she existed.

Using her best friends offer of marriage to escape a bad situation at home Bella hopes she's finally landed on her feet. A surprise pregnancy snatches her hope out from under her feet and her supposed saviour turns into a jealous, possessive manipulator that ends up being far more dangerous than what she had ever faced at home.

Reconnecting with her teenage crush only puts her in more danger, until both her and her baby are snatched from the jaws of despair by a more than willing knight in shining surgical scrubs.

Do second chances really come along?

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Chapter 1 – More To Love Than This

**BPOV**

There has to be more to love than this. That's what he'd told me as he slammed the front door this morning. His disgust crushed me. Just like he hoped it would. I could see it in his eyes, that glimmer of triumph that he'd once again managed to push me down so easily.

And I let him.

I always let him. I have to, he's all I've got. Him and the baby and this dump that we call home. I have nowhere else to go and nobody to help me if I went.

Elizabeth begins to cry and I square my shoulders and begin my day. I try to put out of my mind what's gone before and concentrate on my baby and what she needs. It is for her that I stay here and put up with this. She's worth it. She'll always be worth it.

_This _was the more he's been searching for. _This _love I have for my child is what's missing from his life. The unconditional acceptance and love I have for her is something he'll never understand and something he'll never experience if he continues as he is.

And yet I let him do what he does to us.

"Good morning sweetheart." I scoop her out of her crib. I wince as my ribs jolt. I know they are broken and I know there is nothing I can do about it, even if I went to the doctor they'd only give me a prescription for pain killers I couldn't afford to have filled. So I grit my teeth and try to ignore the pain. I take the baby with me to the bathroom across the hall from her tiny room. "A nice bath to start the day I think." I coo to her as I slip her little sleep suit from her body.

With one hand on her belly I lean over and run the bath with my other hand. I let the warm water run over my bloody knuckles and hope it's enough to clean them. They are swollen and tender but I don't think they are broken. I can't say the same for my toes this time, however. Two on my right foot are definitely broken and maybe one or two of the little bones on the top of my foot too. An x-ray would probably show a perfect boot imprint, but it's not like I was ever going to have an x-ray anyway.

I long to slip into the warm water with her but if he finds out I've bathed again this week I'll be in more trouble than I already am. He'll smell me the instant he comes in the door, he'll know if I'm cleaner than I should be. So in the interests of harmony I slide only Elizabeth into the shallow bath. I talk to her as I wash her. She's still too tiny to make noises of her own other than wailing, so I keep up her end of the conversation too. I tell her how beautiful she is, how soft her skin is, how much I love her and how lucky I am to have her. I hope she believes me even though I've made sure her start in life is a hellish one. I tell her I'm sorry for that too.

I watch with barely concealed longing as the last of the water drains away from her bath and then I wrap her in my one and only clean towel. I'm only allowed two. One for her, one for me, and only one of them is allowed to be washed frequently. Mine is a rag and hangs on the back of the door. Hers is soft and clean and smells of sunshine and lavender.

I take her to her room and lie her down on the padded changing table. I dry her carefully and slip another little suit over her head once her diaper is in place. I'm not allowed to have cloth nappies so she has to wear disposable ones, but I've decided I don't care. As long as she's comfortable that's what matters. I comb her hair even though she barely has enough to need it and I hold her to me tightly while I walk the short distance to the kitchen. In the absence of strapping her body against mine helps me keep straight so the ache in my ribs isn't too bad.

My milk dried up weeks ago now, and luckily it did too. The health nurse at the clinic said it was probably from stress. I lied and said I didn't have any stress. She knew it was a lie and handed me a pamphlet about different formulas. I can't feed Elizabeth breast milk because my nipple is nearly gone. He's bitten it so often and so badly that it's almost black. I doubt it will ever truly heal. Elizabeth took well to the formula anyway, and that's all that matters.

The bulk of my food allowance goes on formula for the baby. I don't mind. She needs food way more than I do. My traitorous stomach grumbles its protest at that as I take a made up bottle out of the refrigerator and stand it in a pan of simmering water. Wasting water is also high on his list of bad habits so I have to be very careful with our consumption of this precious resource. He says it's hard enough to provide for me and 'that child' without me wasting his money on luxuries.

With Elizabeth at my hip I swirl the warm water around the bottom of the bottle to make it heat more evenly. After a few minutes I reposition the baby so that she's lying across my forearm so I can test the formula's temperature at my wrist. When it's perfect I turn off the burner and take her into the living room to feed her.

It's my favourite part of the day, when I feed her. She keeps her eyes open for as long as she can but eventually she can't fight the sleep that overtakes her when her belly is finally full.

I tuck her back into her crib and pull the blankets up under her chin. I take her towel back to the bathroom and hang it behind the door so it will dry. I use her still wet washcloth to rub at the dried blood at my temple and decide to use a little extra water to try to get it all out of my hair too. He'll think it's wasteful but I can't stand it matted in my hair this way. Having dirty hair is one thing, having it cling to your scalp because it's caked in two day old blood is entirely another. I won't have Elizabeth getting sick because I'm so grubby. I'll take whatever consequences he wants to dish out if it means she stays healthy.

I rinse the washcloth and rub it all over my face. Last week's bruise under my left eye is healing nicely. The fresh one on my cheek not so much. I can't open my right eye at all so I don't bother with that one. The swelling will go down in a few days and then I'll be fine. I run my tongue over the deep gash inside my mouth and realize that it's still bleeding lightly. It will take longer to heal than the one on my shoulder because it's always wet, but it will heal. I gingerly lift my jersey and inspect the blue mess that is my belly and chest. The skin isn't broken this time and I am relieved. It took a lot longer to heal there last time and I don't relish the thought of spending my mornings removing the remains of scabs off my putrid bed sheet again. I decide to take a risk and clean myself downstairs too. I put the plug into the vanity basin and run a tiny bit of water into it. I run the washcloth around the basin to wet it and then I run it up between my legs. I wince as the water hits the cut there. My skin is so sensitive I have to rub my nose and watering eyes on my sleeve before I can finish my haphazard cleanup job. I rinse the cloth again and give the area one last gentle pat. I know he's torn my perineum open again but there is nothing I can do about it now. It never got a chance to heal from the stitches I had there after Lottie was born and now the whole area feels hot and swollen and I realize I'm probably infected. I wonder again why he bothers with me. Why would he want to have sex with me when I'm like this? It hurts me, I know he knows that, and he hardly enjoys himself, it makes no sense. But he says I am his and he can do what he wants with me, and I guess that's what he wants from me.

I rinse the cloth again and hang it over the edge of the bath to dry.

I can't meet my own eyes when I look up and see my reflection in the mirror. I don't even recognise myself anymore. The woman I used to be doesn't exist any longer.

I used to tell myself, when I was standing in front of the mirror at my father's house wiping blood off my lip or massaging a new bruise, that one day I'd escape all that. I thought I had. At least, he promised I had. But I'd really only swapped one bully for another. At least this one was of my making. It wasn't my fault that my father was a violent drunk, but I'd chosen _this_ life so had to put up with it.

Slowly I let my eyes travel up the mirror. "There has to be more to love than this." I whisper and wonder if I believe it. I know I don't love him, I never really did, but he says he's always loved me. Surely he has to know this isn't love?

I love another and he knows it, that's why he did this to me two nights ago. All it took was one phone call, one message of concern for my health left on the answering machine. I begged Edward not to do it again. I risked everything and used the phone to call the clinic and tell Edward to never do it again. He refused to make the promise to me but I had to hope that he believed me when I told him that it would be so very bad for me if he called here again.

I go in and make his bed and tidy up his room. I put his dirty clothes in the hamper and drag it to the little laundry room. I take his detergent box down out of the cupboard and set the machine to wash. I add fabric softener and long to be able to do the same to my clothes. These are luxuries that only he is allowed to indulge in these days. His clothes can be clean and bright and soft, mine just need to be clean, somewhat. My detergent is generic stuff that makes me itch. But its okay, I don't mind. I had to choose, the baby's clothes or mine, I chose hers. I'll itch for her for as long as I need to.

I go back past my bed on the floor in the hallway and pull the sheet up. I straighten the covers and make sure the corners are perfect. I fold yesterday's clothes up and put them in the pile I affectionately call 'only three days of filth'. It will be another four days before I'm allowed to wash those. I don't think he's worked out my system yet. By rationing out my clothes I can keep fairly clean. I have seven sets of clothes, all in various stages of dirty. By cycling through them I can make them last longer and always have at least one set that has only been worn once. Sometimes it works, at other times like when Lottie spits up on me or her diaper explodes – it's happened and it took me two weeks to get the clothing system back to normal after that – I go without clean clothes for a few days. It doesn't really matter because I don't see anyone anyway. There isn't anyone to notice that I smell bad or that my clothes reek.

I know the way I smell today is because of the infection but there is nothing I can do about it other than try to keep clean and drink as much as I can. That isn't easy when I'm not allowed to waste water. When it rains I catch water on the balcony in a bucket and use it to wash or to clean my clothes. Then I can drink more tap water because it won't show up on the bill. Thank god it rains a lot in Forks.

I check on the baby and when I'm satisfied that she's sleeping soundly I go and have my meal for the day. It's pretty pathetic but it has to be enough.

I take the pan of water and put it back on the burner. I take my little Tupperware container out of the fridge and unwrap yesterday's teabag and set it in the pan of water. I add sugar and the two ounces of milk I've worked out is perfect for a pan full of water and stir it until it starts to boil.

It's the world's weakest cup of tea because the teabag is on its fourth use, but it's better than drinking plain warm water. Just. I slip the much coveted aspirin between my teeth and drink them down with the first mouthful of tea. They don't do much but they help a little. I went without a roll of toilet paper to buy them with this week's allowance, so they had better do something.

I take down a box of crackers and take an apple from the bowl on the counter. Though I have no way to know I am guessing that I am surviving on just enough calories a day to sustain life. The rate at which I'm losing weight suggests I could use more, and the sick, nauseous feeling doesn't leave me these days, but I'm doing okay. The fever I have comes and goes and I rationalise that its part and parcel of having the infection. It won't kill me so I do my best to ignore it.

I know better than to ask for more money for food. So I have to get smarter and make my small allowance go further and further as he tightens the reins more and more.

I rinse my cup carefully, catching the excess water in a large pan that sits under the kitchen tap. I can use that water later on to hand wash my clothes, so I save it carefully every day. Only his clothes, and Elizabeth's clothes, are allowed in the washing machine.

I take a tray of frozen lasagne out of the freezer for his dinner and set it on the counter. I'll make salad to go with it seeing as it's so warm today. He likes lasagne.

Elizabeth doesn't sleep for long so when she wakes up I change her diaper and give her a little cooled boiled water with a few drops of fruit juice in it to sweeten it. It's so hot that her hair is matted and stuck to the back of her neck. I wish that I was allowed to bathe her again, to make her more comfortable. Instead I wipe her over with a wet cloth and change her out of her suit and put her in a little light cotton dress. I'm not allowed to have the fan on during the day so I open the windows in her room and hope that a cool breeze wafts through for her sleep later on.

At two and a half months old she's nearly nine pounds, I am guessing. I'm not allowed to take her to the clinic to be weighed anymore. The last time I took her she was growing steadily, putting on a couple of ounces a week, so I keep a check on her growth by weighing myself and then adding her to the scales. Her weight grows as mine drops, but that's okay. She's longer now too. I only know that because it's getting harder and harder to do up the buttons on her little suits at the crotch. If she stretches too much they pop. She could go up a size but he won't give me money for clothes for her, so I have to save for them from my food allowance. I figure that the money he gives me doesn't go too far now, but once she's using less diapers a day I'll have enough to replace some of her fundamental items.

I take her back into the living room with me and take down one of my books from the top shelf of the cabinet above the television. There is no point trying to turn it on for background noise, the parental lock is on constantly and he's blocked every channel other than the weather and the news. Neither of those interests me, so I don't bother. I am allowed to have the radio on though, so when Lottie is asleep I try to listen to it on low so I don't disturb her.

With her in my lap I begin to read. I know she can't understand it but it soothes both her and me when I read to her. It's the only luxury I'm allowed. I brought all my books with me when I moved here after we were married, and he let me keep them all, but I'm only allowed six at a time. I can change them whenever I ask and I am allowed to choose what I read, but I'm only allowed six books on the cabinet at a time. That goes for personal possessions too. Six at a time. I have to swap them, one for another, if I want something different around me.

At first I resented it, not being able to have photographs on display or things that were purely mine before we got married. But now I don't care. All that matters is Elizabeth. She doesn't need 'things' around her. She needs her mother and she needs to be clean and warm and loved. She needs me to teach her, to read to her, to be there for her and I am. That's all that matters. He can do whatever he wants to me as long as he allows me to keep her.

The telephone begins to ring and it startles Elizabeth. She doesn't cry but her eyes get really wide. "That's the telephone little one. Lets listen and see who is calling us hey?" I ask her as though she understands.

The ringing stops and I hear his voice. 'You've reached Jake Black. I'm not here, leave a message.' There's no mention of me or Elizabeth but it's not as though anyone would ever call here for us anyway. We don't know anyone and nobody remembers us. I hear the beep and wait for whoever it is that's calling to leave their message. "Um, this is a message for Bella." Says a strangely familiar voice. "Ah, Bella, if you get this message please call the Olympia Family Medical Centre. Um, my mother Esme, I don't know if you remember her, but she's going to call you at some point to catch up, so listen out for her message too. Please call back Bella. Ah, this is Doctor Cullen calling by the way."

He leaves the number where I should call and then hangs up. I don't realize I am shaking until Lottie begins to wriggle and I look down at her. My hands are trembling and I am starting to see little silver stars at the edges of my vision. I know I have to get Elizabeth into her crib before the panic attack hits me full force. I don't even manage to tuck her in when the stars get brighter and I can feel myself begin to hyperventilate. I get myself back into the living room and try to make sure that when I feint I fall onto the sofa and not forward and crash onto the coffee table.

**EPOV**

I get the fucking answering machine again only this time I leave an actual message. I'm sick of that fucking message. I'm sick of hearing his voice and I'm sick of not hearing her or the baby's name in the greeting. It's like he doesn't want anyone to know they live there. Maybe he doesn't.

I've called before but nobody returns my calls. It's the same voice message, the same droning voice with no life in it. And only his voice. No mention of his wife and daughter. It eats me up. Not just because he's married to her but because he doesn't seem to give a shit that they exist.

I sit back in my chair and take a deep breath. She told me before not to call her but I have to. It's been three weeks since she's brought the baby in to be checked over. I know because I read the baby's file. I shouldn't have, but I did. The baby isn't my patient, Bella is, but I wanted to know if the baby was in as bad shape as her mother. But it's been weeks since anyone at the clinic has seen her or the baby.

I put a call in to the immunisation registry for Washington State and enquire if Elizabeth Black has had her two month injections, she hasn't. She's only a week overdue but still, its worrying. For me anyway. Nobody believes me, not even my own father and he's a doctor too. He says I'm seeing what I want to see. He says that because I've had a crush on Bella my whole life I'm looking for reasons to 'save' her when she doesn't need saving.

I know what I saw. Black eyes don't magic their way onto women's faces and dad would know that for himself if he got his head out of his buttcrack and took a look in the ER instead of hiding away on the cardiac ward. He's a good doctor, probably one of the best, but he doesn't 'get' people. They are patients to him. What happens to them when they leave his ward isn't really his thing. He's good to them while they're there, very good to them, but once they are discharged and go back to their lives he spares them no more thought. That's why we clash, because although we're both doctors I'm all about the patients as people. He says it makes it hard for me to be objective when I 'know' my patients as well as I do. He thinks that I can't make the hard decisions for them because I'm too soft. I think he's full of shit.

But that's why he is refusing to help me with Bella's case. I could just turn her notes over to a social worker and they'd get her some help, but I know she'd decline and then she'd never speak to me again. It's hard enough to get her to come to the clinic now, if I forced help onto her she'd resent me forever and I'd never see her again.

So I'm stuck in this hard place for now. I wasn't lying on the message when I said that my mom was going to call her. She is. Maybe she already has. I scrape together Bella's notes and shove them back into the file. I lock it in my bottom draw and put my glasses back on my nose.

"Gail could you grab me another coffee, thanks." I throw some change down onto her desk and reach for another file. "Mrs Gillies, come on through." I call into the waiting room.

An ancient lady with a walking frame pops up from the sea of bowed heads and starts to make her way towards me. She's not slow, despite the walker. "Hello Dr Cullen." She smiles as she passes by me.

"Hey there Mrs Gillies, you're a whizz with that frame, maybe we should get a race going. Do you know Mr Hobson? He's got a frame too, but I think you'd kick his ass." I laugh as I take my chair opposite her.

She plonks herself down into the chair. She swats at my arm. "Oh you. Always teasing an old lady." She giggles.

"Who's teasing? I really do think you could kick his ass. We could make a packet!" I chuckle and open her file. "So, how's the hip?" I ask and we begin her consultation.

Fifteen minutes later I see Mrs Gillies back into reception and collect my lukewarm vending machine coffee from Gail. She'd make me a fresh one, a proper brewed one, if she had time. But nobody has any time here. It's a free clinic, you don't need insurance or anything to come here, so there is always a waiting room full of people and the staff are over worked and underpaid. I love it. So do the others.

I guess you have to love it or you wouldn't do it.

"Your mother called while you were consulting." Gail tells me as I pass by with Mr Herbert. Gail hands me a post it note with a number scribbled on it. Its moms cell phone number. "She says you need to call her as soon as you get a minute."

"Okay, thanks." I hold up the coffee cup and nod my thanks for that too but she's already sorting out another appointment time for Mrs Gillies and doesn't see the gesture. "Come on through Mr Herbert." I wait for him to sit and then I ask how his cough is progressing. He's got asbestos poisoning and is in the end stages, he won't see Christmas and he knows it. He's got no cover for his illness because the employer he worked for when he was exposed to the asbestos went bust. A few years later when all the former employees got sick they went searching for the health insurance they'd paid in to back then, only to find it was never paid. Their employer skipped with the cash and they were left holding the bill for their own medical costs. That's how he ended up here, a last resort while he fought to live.

It's another twenty minutes before I get half a second to call my mother's cell. I get her voice mail and leave her a message. It's like tag team telephones sometimes. "Mom, you called so I'm calling you. Call me." I laugh into the receiver and then go to get my next patient.

I am just ushering Mrs Clements out of my office fifteen minutes later when my cell rings. I hurry back to my desk and pick it up just in time. "Hey mom." I answer. I jog back to the front desk with my phone wedged under my ear. I reach for another file while I wait to hear what she's got to say.

She's out of breath and I instantly stiffen. Something's wrong, mom is never flustered. "Edward you have to come now. We're in emergency at Forks General. Your dad is in with her, she's such a mess Edward." She's crying now and I try to get a handle on what she's telling me.

"Who's a mess mom? Who's in the hospital?" I bark into the phone as I stash my files in the basket behind the counter and reach for a pen from Gail's desk. She's looking at me with wide eyes, already rescheduling the rest of my patients.

"Bella, its Bella. He's beaten her half to death Edward." She's crying now and I'm running.

"I'm coming mom, just hold on, I'm coming." I throw my badge and clinic ID onto Gail's desk. "I've gotta go." I tell her but she's already waving at me to go already.

I double park my car and dare a parking inspector to give me a ticket. I couldn't care less. Tow the fucking thing, see if I care.

I sprint in through the emergency room doors and front up to the desk. "Hi Edward." Says the triage nurse. I don't even recognise her I'm so freaked out.

"Hey. My mother is here with Bella Black." I tell her and she starts typing the name into her computer.

"The girls been assigned to ward four. I think your mom is in the waiting room there already." She tells me but I'm already running.

Ward four is for pre surgery patients. I run like there's a fire right behind me. I find mom and Alice, my sister, in the waiting room, they both have tissues shoved under their running noses and red rimmed eyes. Mom jumps to her feet and grabs me and folds me into a tight hug.

"How is she?" I ask over her shoulder of Alice.

"We don't know yet. They brought her up here but they won't tell us what's happening because we aren't family." Alice sniffles.

"Did you come in the ambulance with her?" I ask my mom.

She's shaking her head no. "They wouldn't let me." She sniffs too.

"Okay, can you tell me what you found when you got there?" I ask. I might be able to work out what surgery she needs if mom describes her injuries to me.

I walk with my mom until she sits back down in the waiting room chair. They are uncomfortable fucking things at the best of times and she winces until she finds a good spot. "Oh Edward its awful there, where she's living. Its clean but it's awful." She wipes at her eyes and I get frustrated with her.

"I don't give a shit about the house mom, I want to know what you saw of Bella's injuries." I demand.

She sniffles a bit and Alice gasps at my roughness but I ignore it.

"Um, well, she's black and blue and one of her eyes is swollen shut. She screamed when the paramedic lifted her up off the floor and put her on the stretcher so she's probably got a lot going on under her shirt I suppose. She smelled awful and looked so thin. Oh Edward her cheeks are so hollow and her hair is all limp and filthy." She sobs and buries her nose in my neck again.

I get quite a lot from the small bits and pieces mom remembers. She's been hit if her eye is swollen shut. She was on the floor so she was either unconscious and has a head injury or she's lost some blood and feinted. She screamed when they moved her so that's either ribs or arms and legs broken or internal injuries, maybe all three. The smell worries me too. I don't want to ask if she was unclean because I don't want to know why. I knew she wasn't eating right because the last time I saw her she was already far too thin.

I fold my arms around her and look over her shoulder at Alice who is crying quietly into a clean tissue. I hold Esme but speak with my sister. "How long has it been since you actually laid eyes on her?" I ask her.

She thinks about it a second. "I haven't actually seen her since she got married. Since then I've only talked to her on the phone. She kept putting me off from going over there, I guess I know why now." She starts crying again and it sets mom off too.

So Alice hasn't seen her in months, possibly over a year and my mom only saw her today for the first time in ages. I still didn't know why she went there instead of phoning. I'd ask her about that later.

I rub her back and try to work out what the next move should be. Unless dad is going to be in on the surgery there is no way we're going to be able to find out how she is or what's wrong with her. I'm well known at the hospital, so are mom and Alice, so there's no chance of tricking some unsuspecting nurse into divulging information to us. I could get Emmett to ring through and pose as her brother or something but I'd save that for a last resort. I don't know what's in her file; it wouldn't help if we get caught in a lie like that because no siblings are marked in her file.

My dad comes out into the waiting room then. He sees me there and motions for me to join him at the nurses station. I let my mom go and go towards him. He looks softer, more concerned than normal, as though he understands and believes me now.

"How is she?" I ask.

"They're still assessing her. Edward she's in quite a state, I have to warn you she may be here for quite some time." He put his hand on my shoulder and I slumped.

He'd never touched me that way before. Offering his support. I felt bad that it registered so much with me. I knew he cared about me and my brother and sister, my mom too, but he'd never truly shown it, not in any physical way anyway. He wasn't a touchy feely kind of guy, not even as a doctor.

"What do you know so far?" I asked. I was afraid to hear it now.

"Well she's definitely got broken knuckles and a couple of toes for sure. The head wound is superficial, a lot of blood but no skull fracture. Her cheek and eye socket are in a bad way, they think the x-ray shows a depression fracture that might cause some nerve damage in her cheek and upper lip but they can't say for sure until the swelling goes down a little."

I felt my knees give out and he went with me to the floor. "Oh god." I mumble as my head sinks into my hands.

"Do you want to know the rest son?" He asks quietly.

I really had to think about the answer before I told him that I did want to know. "I can't help her if I don't know what's going on for her."

We stayed on the floor this time though, not so far to fall should I wimp out and crash again.

"She's malnourished and desperately underweight which wouldn't help her immune system any. There are two large wounds inside her mouth as well as the corner of her lips where she's torn right through. She's got loose teeth in her mouth and she might lose the back two or three on the right. She'll have an orthodontic consult once her mouth has healed. From what I know of her other injuries they are in fairly private places Edward." He said carefully and quietly.

I sat up then. "What do you mean?" I asked although I could guess. I was horrified. Surely he wouldn't have hurt her _there_? As well as everything else why would he do that?

"Try to think about it clinically son, try to see it as a patient, not your friend." He told me carefully. He knew I couldn't do that, but went on anyway. "Her left nipple has been bitten almost clean through the flesh, from side to side. She'll need to have that stitched too. I'll insist on a plastics consult though, I won't let a general surgeon do it, alright?" He told me and I was grateful that he'd bother. After all, to him she was just a high school acquaintance, more a friend of Alice' than a friend of mine. I'd never given him any reason to think otherwise and I wouldn't now either. "There are other injuries but the nipple seems the most vicious so far." He mumbled as though he wanted to hide that part from me. All I could do was stare at him. What sort of an animal bites through a woman's nipple? How could she feed a baby like that?

I didn't want to know anything else. If it was worse, if there was more, I couldn't hear it now.

I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I could hear the rumbling in my ears as I heaved the first lot up onto the carpet. I heard my mother gasp as she ran towards me and took me into her arms. I heard my father ask the nurse to get a cleaner to come and see to it. I heard Alice call Jasper and ask him to get Emmett and come. I heard my father tell me that he had to go back in now, that he'd stay with her, he'd scrub in and offer any help he could while they tried to repair her face and broken bones. I heard him promise to take good care of her.

With vomit dripping from my bottom lip and snot and tears running down my face I turned to my father and begged him to believe me now.

"I do, Edward, I do. We'll take care of her now, I swear." He gave me one more squeeze on the shoulder and then he disappeared down the hallway again.

"Come on darling." My mother helped me to my feet and sat me on one of the horrible waiting room chairs. She stroked my hair and dabbed at my eyes. Alice patted my hand and kept up a steady stream of texting, no doubt letting Rosie know what was going on here. My sister in law was anything but sympathetic but she was a good woman, she'd feel for Bella if not for Elizabeth.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I screamed. My mother leapt from her seat in shock at my outburst. "Where the fuck is the baby?" I bellowed at her, shaking her hard.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. Please take the time to review. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Panic

"I don't know, I didn't see any baby Edward. What baby?" She was gasping as what I'd asked sank in. "Oh my god she's got a baby and I left it there. I didn't know, I didn't know..." She begins to chant but I'm already running, again.

"Call Rosie, Alice. Get her to meet us here. Get a car seat from the paediatric ward." I shouted to my sister as I ran back down the hall towards the emergency exit and the carpark.

I have my cell phone in its holder and its dialling on hands free before I'm even fully reversed out of my double parked spot. No ticket either.

My brother Emmett answers on the first ring. "Dude, what do you know?" He asks.

I can hear the revving of his engine and know he's driving towards where I am. "Turn around, go back towards town." I bellow into the handset. I give him Bella's address and tell him to meet me there as fast as he can. I make sure he's got his kids car seat in his car and tell him to hurry up. Then I dial my brother in law Jasper. He too is driving. I give him the same address and he tells me he's only two minutes from there.

I speed towards her apartment and find them both standing on the nature strip waiting for me. "What are we here for?" Emmett asks.

"You're here for muscle in case her husband comes home while we're here." I point to Emmett. "You're here to help me get the baby and its things out." I point to Jaz.

"What baby?" They ask in unison.

"Bella's baby. Come on." I lead even though I've never been here before either. Bella's apartment is number twelve and it's on the upper of the two floors. This sucks because it would've been so much easier to break in if it was on the bottom floor.

We go up a narrow staircase at the end of the building and then make our way along a meshed off corridor. The place isn't old but it's not new either, but it smells better than I thought it was going to. As we get closer to number twelves door we begin to hear the screaming of the baby. She's really wailing. It's fucking hot today and she's locked in there on her own.

"If she's screaming like that the husband aint here at least." Emmett offers.

"He could be." I tell him and he winces as he catches up to my drift. If her asshole of a husband can beat her enough to put her in hospital what's he done to the kid?

Jasper gets to her door first but it's locked, of course. Emmett shoves him out the way and puts his shoulder to the door. He bounces off the first time but that only seems to drive him on. The second time he takes a bit of a run up and forces his shoulder against the part of the door closest to the lock. It fly's inwards as the door breaks the lock mechanism. Em steps out of the way as soon as the door is gone and I run past him.

I don't bother looking at anything I just run for where I think the bedrooms are and search for the baby. I find her in a closet. At least it looks like it's a closet, the room is so small. It only has a crib and a change table in it because that's all that fits in it.

She is really screaming hard. I scoop her up but she keeps going. She's bright red and her arms and legs are flailing all over the place. The two boys are standing at the door way now.

"Is it alright?" Emmett asks.

"She's fine. She's Elizabeth and she's nine weeks old." I tell them both so they'll use her name and not call her 'it'. I cradle her close to my chest and pat her to soothe her. She keeps crying but it's getting less and less as I follow the two guys into the living room.

She could've been asleep when Esme came to see Bella and it's probably been at most two hours since Bella was taken away in the ambulance so I doubt there's been any harm done to her while she's been on her own, but I shudder to think that a tiny baby has been all alone even that long. They are so fragile and Bella loves this baby more than life itself. I know that. I've seen that in her.

Jasper stops short in the hallway and we both look down at the filthy mattress on the floor. I know it's where Bella sleeps because beside it is a stack of folded women's clothes. I don't need her to tell me that's where she's been sleeping.

"Fuck." Jasper whispers. He takes off down the other end of the hallway and comes back a second later with fire in his eyes. "His room is pristine dude. Nice bed, clean sheets, a stack of perfect suits and shirts in his closet, alarm clock and shit."

"It doesn't matter now." I tell him and go through the living room into the little kitchen. "Can you get a bag and start throwing the baby's shit into it Jaz? Just take some diapers and a couple sets of clean clothes, if she has any. We'll buy everything else later." I ask as I rummage through the little refrigerator for formula for Elizabeth. There are three made up bottles in it but there's no microwave in the kitchen. The baby is wailing and is obviously hungry by the way she's trying to force her fist into her mouth between cries.

If she's hungry enough I know she'll take the formula cold and it won't hurt her any. It's fucking hot in the apartment and she looks flushed so I take the outer cap off the bottle and press it to the baby's lips. She opens her mouth and sucks like there's no tomorrow.

Emmett comes into the kitchen and looks down at her in my arms. "Is she okay?" He asks quietly.

Em's a big softie. He's got a little boy with Rosie, Angus, he's two, and I know they're trying for another. There isn't anything Emmett wouldn't do for his kid so I know he's gonna be real protective of Elizabeth. "Yeah I think she's fine." I tell him.

"She's all red. Is she sick too?" He asks as he puts the back of one of his enormous hands to her forehead.

"I don't think so, no. It's just fucking hot in here and she was real thirsty. The formula's cold, she'll cool down on her own now." I tell him and he's nodding along. He knows more about this shit than I do. He took a year off work when Angus was born, so he can probably teach me how to care for her. I might be a doctor and I'd be able to work out what she needs, but he'd be able to tell me what she wants. I realize that where babies are concerned there is a big difference between want and need.

Jaz comes out of the closet with an old duffel bag. "You want me to collect anything of Bella's?" He asks.

I shrug. "I don't know. Is there anything worth taking?" I ask.

Emmett clicks his fingers and I pass him Elizabeth. He takes her and goes and sits on the sofa. He starts cooing and shit to her, whispering like they've got some cosmic secret that only they know. She's sucking so hard on the bottle I can hear the squelching noises over his voice. I go with Jaz into the hallway to Bella's 'spot'.

It's fucking heartbreaking. Jaz kicks the mattress in protest and I give it one myself. It feels good to know she's never gonna lie on it ever again. "What kind of a cu..." Jaz starts but I tell him to stop.

"There's time enough for that later, we gotta get outta here before he comes back." I tell him and he nods in agreement. I get down onto my knees and sift through her clothes. They're all pretty clean but they aren't in great shape. A bit tattered. I decide to take nothing from the seven neat piles. There is a small toiletries bag at the foot of the mattress so I grab that figuring it's got her toothbrush and hairbrush in it at the very least. "Look for anything personal Jaz. Photos or jewellery a novel or something." I tell him and he gets up and starts hunting around the apartment.

Jaz is right. His room is pristine. Rows of clean clothes all perfectly pressed and lined up by colour in his closet. His ensuite bathroom is immaculate. Expensive aftershaves lined up on the counter top. Electric razor still plugged in. There is nothing of Bella's in there to even make me believe she's ever lived in this room with him at all. No pictures beside the bed, no makeup or women's 'things' in any of the cupboards. The closet has four drawers, three of which are filled with his clothes. Casual stuff like t-shirts and sweaters. In the fourth drawer I hit pay dirt.

There are two small boxes in the bottom drawer both marked Bella. One is the size of a shoebox, the other a bit bigger. Neither of them is taped shut or anything so I pull the flaps open on the bigger one. It's filled with books. Novels mostly. I don't know why they are in a box or why he's got them in a drawer, but I take the box out and call for Jaz to come collect it. The second box has photos in it. And a jewellery box and a couple figurines. There's a bound recipe folder and what looks like a wallet.

I take the wallet out and sigh. It's got her driver's license in it, her social security card, key card and a photo of the baby in it. A few coins in the zipper part but no cash. Under one of those little clear plastic photo squares is a hand written note. 'I own you, everything you have is mine and I can stop that too.'

"Jesus Christ." I mutter and slide the wallet into my back pocket.

I don't notice Jaz beside me, holding his hands out for the box. "Come on Ed, we gotta get out of here, it's getting late, he'll be home from work soon." He tells me and I close the flaps of the box and hand it to him.

I go back out to the living room and find Elizabeth asleep on the sofa and Emmett walking around taking photos with the camera on his cell phone. Jaz has stacked the boxes at the front door. "I'll be back." He says, nodding at the boxes while he takes the bag to his car.

"This is like something out of Sleeping with the Enemy dude." Emmett whispers to me. "Check out the kitchen." He nods in that direction and I step into the tiny alcove to take a look around. It doesn't look too bad to me. There's food in the cupboards and in the refrigerator. There's a homemade frozen lasagne defrosting on the sink.

Emmett steps in there with me and asks what I think.

"About what, it looks okay to me." I tell him.

"Dude." He sighs and points to the telephone on the wall behind my head.

The phone is normal but beside it is a handwritten poster with instructions on it.

Approved numbers: Police (But only if there is a break in)

Fire

Ambulance for Jake or Elizabeth ONLY

Forks General Store Delivery Service (Maximum credit $42 for you and Elizabeth)

There is a list of rules taped beside that. They are fucking ridiculous in the extreme.

No going outside for Bella, only to put the baby on the balcony to get some sunshine. He's written that the neighbours are logging her time outside so she better not dawdle.

Only approved calls are allowed to be made, as per the list opposite. Any messages left are to be there when he gets home, he'll check.

My heart sinks. "Oh fuck." I mumble. That's what she was trying to tell me. I left a message for her, a few times, each time she had to leave it for him to hear, she couldn't erase them! "Oh fuck, oh fuck." I can feel the bile rising in my throat. Emmett steps closer and reads the list again.

"What is it?" He asks.

"I called her. I left her messages. Oh god Em, he beat her because I called her!" I yell.

"You don't know that. Assholes don't need a reason. Come on." He tries to pull me from the kitchen but I want to read the rest of the list so I know what she's been living with.

She's not to open the door to anyone other than the delivery boy from the supermarket.

No personal mail is allowed. Any mail delivered is to be put on the shelf in the hall.

Only the newspaper and her allotted six books are allowed to be read.

She has to keep the garbage out for his inspection before she is allowed to close the bag up.

Six personal items on display only. She can change them, but only swap them over, no more than six at any time.

She may only shower twice a week and for four minutes at a time.

On the days she is permitted to shower she must be clean and 'ready' when he gets home. I shudder to think what that means, but I can guess.

She may not drive his vehicle for any reason.

No visitors, ever. Although she is allowed to see her father once a week, if he requests it. I wonder if he ever has.

She is not allowed to interact with any of the neighbours or the building manager.

The baby's crying is to be kept to a minimum. He will check periodically with the other tenants to make sure she is keeping her quiet.

Only her allowance may be used from his account and only at the supermarket. An example of how she is to divide the grocery bill is taped to the wall next to the list of rules.

The total is split into two. Almost exactly forty-two dollars on one part, one hundred and eight on the other. I can guess without being told whose part is whose.

"Fuck." I mumble. "How the fuck do you feed yourself and a baby for forty bucks a week?"

"You can't." He opens a cupboard over my head and pulls down a can of formula. "This shit would take care of half that and then there are diapers and shit too. One of them aint eating and the baby looks healthy weight to me." He mutters darkly.

I open the cupboard next to where he got the can and see two boxes of generic brand crackers and four packets of jell-o. I open the refrigerator and it's neatly stacked and perfectly clean. It's not until I take a good long look that I see the difference between the shelves.

"You see it now, right?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah." I tell him.

I hear Jaz come back for the boxes but I'm transfixed by the inside of the fridge. The top two shelves are nearly bare. Two plastic containers one with a used teabag in it and one with half an inch of milk slopping around in it. Another, bigger container holds red jell-o. There's a half eaten apple wrapped in the used wrapper from a trail mix bar and an unopened tub of generic plain yoghurt.

"She's got nearly all the food groups there, though, you gotta give her that." He sighs.

He's right too. She's got milk and fruit and grains and she must be fucking starving.

The lower two shelves are a totally different scene. Neat packages marked 'lunch' and a big tub of some sort of apple dessert covered neatly with cling film. There are vegetables and fruit and milk and bottles of wine in the door. Fruit juice with pulp floating in the bottom of the bottle and a big pitcher of iced tea. There's cheese in the compartment and eggs below it. Salad greens are freshly washed and in a colander as though she was going to make him salad to go with his lasagne. I open the freezer and curse. All his meals are portioned perfectly, lined up in the clear containers like the lasagne. There are even loaves of bread in there and two frozen cheesecakes.

"He's eating like a fucking prince and she's starving." I tell nobody in particular.

Emmett's back with me, Elizabeth in his arms again. He puts a hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, she is but she's out of here now. Come on, we gotta go."

I nod and follow him out what's left of the front door. "Should we leave a note?" I ask idly.

He snorts. "Nah, fuck him." And keeps walking.

I watch Emmett deftly buckle Elizabeth into Angus' car seat which is too big for her but will just have to do for now. I get a pulling feeling in my gut as I watch him drive away from the curb. I need to follow him but I want to stay here and wait for her fucking husband too. Jaz pulls away and I slide in behind him in the minimal early evening traffic. We didn't discuss it but Emmett heads to the hospital.

It's a short drive, maybe six minutes, and when I've parked and am standing beside Emmett's car with Elizabeth in my arms I wonder how the hell I got there. The car must have guided itself. I had been in my own little world the whole way.

Jasper's already gone in, probably eager to be with Alice now. They've only been married five months, it's all so new still and he'd know that Alice was upset from before. Emmett and I walk a bit slower than Jasper who's practically running through emergency.

Elizabeth is still asleep, despite being bundled up and hauled about like a sack of displaced potatoes. Em's got his hand on my shoulder again now. I never realized I'd need quite so much support from him as I do. He has no idea what the fuck I'm doing and he probably has no idea who Bella is, or this baby in my arms, but he's there for me anyway. "I'll tell you later." I mumble.

"You bet your ass you will." He chuckles as we go through the doors and into the hospital.

We've been gone a short hour but there is still no news from surgery. My mother sobs as I put Elizabeth into her arms for the first time. "She's so tiny." She whispers and bends to kiss the fine hair at her forehead. "I didn't know, Edward." She whispers to me.

I smile. "I know mom. She's perfectly fine, no harm done." I tell her and watch as she takes the baby back to where Alice and Rosie are sitting. "Her name is Elizabeth." I tell them and they all start cooing again. Angus is in his mother's lap but jumps up into Emmett's arms when he sees his dad standing there.

I watch for a little bit. Emmett hugs Angus hard. He's probably just making sure the kid is okay, it's been a tough hour for the big guy. Rosie slips her hand into his and I see them share a smile before she turns her attention back to the baby.

Another ten minutes go by and Alice comes to pace with me outside the nurses' station. I haven't forgotten Elizabeth but she's asleep and doesn't need me, so I'm concentrating on wearing a hole in the carpet while I worry for her mother.

Alice slips a hand into mine and walks with me. "I have to go and organise a few things but I don't want you to think I'm abandoning you, or the baby." She whispers.

I know Alice. She would have the whole thing planned out in her head by now. She is just waiting for my go ahead. As much as I know Alice, Alice knows me. She knows I've loved Bella my whole life, she knows I need to do this for her and for her daughter. I pace a little longer, thinking about how to go about this.

I don't know how to do this. I don't know if it's my place to try. I want to help Bella but she's not mine. Neither is the baby.

"I have to call her dad first Ally." I tell her and she nods as if she's already factored that into her plan. She lets my hand go and I go back out through emergency and into the smokers garden for a little privacy.

I do a few laps of the courtyard and then go out into the grass and do a few more. I did my residency here so I know why people come out here. This is where all the bad news is delivered. The families come out here to tell other family members the bad stuff. Smokers come out here to get away from the death and sickness for a few precious minutes. New fathers come here to vomit. The bereaved come here to mourn.

I dial Forks Police and get the front desk. "Chief Swan please. It's Dr Cullen calling." I tell her.

"One moment please." I get put on hold and then a click as he answers. "Chief Swan."

"Chief it's Edward Cullen calling. I'm at Forks general with Bella and Elizabeth. Can you come?" I ask.

The line is quiet for a few seconds and I can't believe he has to think about it. "I get off at seven, I'll come then." He tells me.

"Are you fucking kidding me? She's in surgery Charlie. She's half starved, he's beaten the living shit out of her and you want to finish your shift?" I shout.

I hear him huff, "You're wrong, Jake loves her, he wouldn't do that. She must've gotten herself mixed up in something else. I'll come at seven." And then he fucking hangs up on me.

No mention of his granddaughter no thought for what sort of surgery Bella is having, no emotion at all.

It's true I don't know him well but I thought they had a pretty good relationship, him and Bella. He was always at the parent things at school and he always brought and collected Bella from our house when she was over with Alice. I'd never met her mother, I had no clue where she was or if she was even alive. I'd have to ask Alice. Charlie Swan had been Chief of Police since I was a kid so I always thought he was a good guy. Maybe I was wrong. God knows I've been wrong about a lot of shit lately.

I put my phone back in my pocket and go back inside. Elizabeth is awake and being fussed over by my mother and Rosie, Alice is waiting for me in the corridor.

"He's not coming, is he?" She asks, like she expected it and can't believe I didn't.

"No, not until his shift finishes at seven." I look at my watch, its six now.

"He's an alcoholic Edward. Had her convinced she was there only to serve him. Half the time he didn't even know where she was and when he did he didn't care. She thought she was finally getting away when she married Jake. I never saw her after that so I assumed she had escaped it all." She whispers.

I scrub at the back of my neck with my hand. I'd had no idea. "I didn't know." I tell her.

"How could you have? She didn't tell anyone, not even me. It's not your fault Edward. You're here now, we'll all help them now." She tells me firmly, lifting my chin so she can see my eyes. I probably look like dogshit, I feel like it.

"What's your plan?" I ask her, because she always has one.

She smiles a little. "You're staying here for a bit, yeah?" She asks and I nod. "I'll take Rosie and we'll sort out everything Elizabeth needs. In your room, with you?" She asks me and I nod again. I don't need to think about it, I want her with me. "Good man." She chuckles and pats my arm. "Do you need anything here?" She asks.

"Some clean clothes I guess. A razor. I don't know, anything you can think of is fine." I take my wallet out of my back pocket and hand it to her. "Can you bring me some cash? For food and stuff. Um, spend whatever you need; my credit card is in there." I put it into her hand and she closes her fist around it.

She gets up on her toes and kisses my cheek. "You're a good guy Edward." She whispers then disappears down the corridor with Rosie and Angus.

If I'm such a good guy how come I didn't do something more when I saw the first signs of abuse I think to myself as I go back into the waiting room.

Elizabeth is awake again but she's not crying this time. She's lying in my mom's lap, along the length of her thighs while she talks to Jasper. I slide into the seat beside them and watch the baby. I take no notice of what the others are talking about.

Elizabeth is perfect. Her eyes are clear and bright. Her lips are pink and her cheeks are rosy. She's cooler now, her little dress is bunched up around her belly and her legs kick back and forth as Esme idly rubs her little fat tummy. She's got a fat belly and her mother is starving. Bella gave up everything for this baby. Even food.

Elizabeth's hands are clenching and unclenching as she lays there, her eyes turned to me. I wonder if she can even see me from this distance. Without thinking I put my index finger into her fist and she closes her hand around it. I know it means nothing, she doesn't know me from a bar of soap, but it feels nice to have some sort of connection with her. I love her mother, I wonder if she can tell.

She pulls my finger to her mouth and starts sucking on it. I can feel the hard bumps on her gums where her teeth will be. Her mouth is warm and wet and a bit gross. I hope there is nothing on my hands that can hurt her.

My mom is still rubbing her tummy while she talks to the boys but turns to me. "Do you remember the name of the formula she was using?" She asks. I shake my head. I didn't think to look. Emmett chimes in that he knows. He writes it on the back of a receipt from his wallet and hands it to our mom. "Is it okay if I take her home now?" She asks me.

I wonder why she's asking me. I have no idea what I'm doing and no idea what to do next, I can't be responsible for Elizabeth too, can I? I've never been responsible for anyone before, not even really myself. I still live at home, at twenty six years old I live with my parents. Sure, I have a whole floor to myself and it's only because I'm a doctor and there is no point having a place of my own when I would only sleep in it three nights a week anyway, but still.

Emmett is sitting beside me then, his huge hand on my shoulder again. "Ed, let mom take the baby home. You stay with Bella, she'll get the baby sorted, alright?" he asks me like I'm some sort of retard and can't understand English.

That's when I realise I do feel like I'm retarded. I'm lost. My brain is fried. I was good up until just then. The plan was simple. Make sure Bella was getting help; get the baby away from there. Done and done. I had no clue what would happen now.

Emmett gets up then and takes Elizabeth from mom. He's cradling her against his chest, she's looking over his shoulder. I find myself making sure he's supporting her head. Shit. She's not mine I have to tell myself before looking at my mom. "What?" I ask her.

She runs a hand through my hair and smiles. "It'll be okay darling." She whispers. "Elizabeth is going to get hungry at some point; we should make sure she has what she needs. I'll go and buy some diapers and some bottles and formula, that's all, alright? I won't take her far, just to the house, alright?" she asks.

I look at her and wonder why she's talking to me this way. I trust her, hell she raised us three and apart from some minor mental scarring from catching them screwing once a small scar on my hip I survived fine. "She's not mine." I tell her, for some reason I feel like I should say it.

Mom smiles again. "Maybe not, but you're who she's got for now, that makes you hers." She tells me reasonably.

I nod slowly as it dawns on me that she's right. I'm what she's got right now so I have to make decisions to help her. "Alright. Do what you need to do, Alice has my money." I tell her.

She laughs a little then. "I have money Edward." She pats my arm and we both stand.

For some reason I feel the need to hold the baby before they take her away from me. I don't know how long it's going to be before I see her again, especially if I'm signing up to stay here to be with Bella when she comes out of surgery. It could be days.

I feel the pinch in my gut as I think about that. I don't want it to be days. I take her from Emmett and hold her close. I smell her baby smell and close my eyes. She's a part of Bella, my Bella. I look up and see them all staring at me. Jaz has this stupid dreamy look on his face and Emmett looks about ready to say something to make me feel about an inch tall, so I kiss Elizabeth quickly on the temple and hand her to my mom.

"Call me the instant you know something, please." Mom makes me promise and of course I do. She kisses me and turns to leave with the baby.

I grab her arm and stop her. "Don't get too attached mom, Charlie Swan might want to take her home with him." I warn her.

A fierce look comes across her face and I step back involuntarily while she hisses, "Over my dead fucking body he will." She snarls and walks off down the corridor.

She's only gone ten paces when the two boys start in on me. I haven't recovered from what my mother said when I'm snapped back to reality by the moron twins.

"You love her." Jaz states simply.

"You boinking her?" Emmett asks at the same time.

I roll my eyes at them both. They are a fucking pair! "No I'm not fucking her but yeah, I love her. Always have I guess." I tell Jaz as we sit back down. I put my head in my hands and sigh. "She was Alice's best friend all through school. Do you remember her Em?" I ask through my laced fingers.

"Dunno, maybe." He says.

"She was always at our house, with Alice. For years she was there and I was too much of a pussy to even talk to her." I admit.

"You were kids man, it happens." Jaz offers reasonably. "So she married some loser huh?"

"Yeah. Jake Black, from the Rez." I tell him. "They got married last year, she seemed happy. I mean, I've only seen her a handful of times since school, but she seemed ok." I tell them.

"When did you suspect?" Emmett asks me.

"Not until after the baby was born. She came into the clinic. She was sick but the baby was fine. She had bruises and an infected lip and she thinks I bought her bullshit story. But she wouldn't tell me what was up so there was nothing I could do. I told dad, he knows Charlie Swan, but even dad didn't really believe me and Charlie doesn't give a shit." I told them.

"Well he fuckin believes you now dude." Emmett swore.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

Jaz stood then, dragging Emmett up with him. "We've gotta run out for a bit. The Chief will be here soon anyway. Call us if you hear." He tells me and I nod.

I don't know for sure where they are going but I can guess. I can't be stuffed asking them not to do it, they won't listen anyway. I'll patch their knuckles up for free when they get back.

I call the clinic and fill Kate in on what's happening. She's the clinic manager and she's a damn good surgeon too. She tells me to take my time, that she'll call Steve Glover in to cover my shifts for a while and to let them know if I need anything. I ask her to send over Bella and Elizabeth's files and she tells me she will.

I'm closing my phone when Charlie Swan wanders into the waiting room.

I stand and offer him my hand. He takes it hesitantly. "Where is she?" He asks gruffly.

I can smell the bourbon on his breath. He's tanked and he'd just gotten off duty. Fantastic. A pissed Chief of Police. Oh so handy in an emergency.

"She's still in surgery." I tell him.

"What's she done to herself this time? Broken a leg falling over her own feet or some shit?" He asks.

I try hard to keep my temper and stop myself from shouting at him by focusing on the print of a waterfall that's over his left shoulder. "She's been beaten. Some broken bones, cuts, bruising." I tell him.

His expression doesn't change. It's as if he's just not interested. Like she asked for it. "She probably just tripped, she does that a lot." He mumbled.

I could feel myself leaning into the punch but pulled back at the last second. It wouldn't do anyone any good if I was sitting in jail for punching the Chief of Police. Instead I just nodded. It felt insanely wrong to seem to agree, but what else could I do. Alice was right, he didn't give a shit.

"I guess you aren't interested in where the baby is, seeing as you haven't asked." I put it to him rather pointedly but he didn't even blink.

"You guessed right." He said blandly. "Well, I've been, there's nothing to see, I'll be at home if she dies." And with that he turned on his heel and left, leaving me standing there with my mouth open like a goldfish.

I don't know how long I stood there but at some point a nurse came and got me. "There is a message from Dr Cullen Senior." She tells me and I snap out of my brain fade and go to the nurses' station.

She hands me a slip of paper with dad's scrawl across it. It's a simple message and it makes me feel a little better. 'She's tough, she's doing well. Hang in there.'

I'm still sitting in the waiting room when Alice comes back with a bag for me. Clean clothes, some money and my iPod. All the usual shit is in there too, a toothbrush and a razor and some little bottles of shampoo and a bar of soap wrapped in a washcloth. I tell her thanks, she tells me that Elizabeth is all set up in my room at the house.

She slips away when I tell her there is no news other than what dad sent out hours ago.

It gets late and I try to sleep in one of the horrid chairs. They are too slim for me and the edges dig into my sides if I slump. They aren't tall enough for me either so if I sit straight up the top lip digs into my shoulder blades. Somehow I manage to be asleep when Emmett and Jaz get back.

They shake me awake and greet me with wide smiles and a bump of fists. Both their fists are bandaged. Expertly too. They've been to my clinic.

"Who?" I ask, nodding at the bandages.

"Kate did it for us. Dumb ass over here needed a stitch in his. I keep telling him he's gotta use less force more precision." Emmett booms with laughter and does a few air jabs to show Jasper where he went wrong.

"Where is he?" I ask. I know they've beaten Jake to a bloody pulp but I don't want him dead and I don't need to visit my brothers in prison. Jasper would never cope with a cock up his ass in the showers, he's a sensitive soul.

"Still there. His jaw looked pretty bad and he's prolly got a couple busted ribs of his own and I don't reckon he'll be beating anyone again for a while, but he'll live." Jasper told me as they took a seat either side of me.

"Will he press charges do you think?" I asked. "Will be come for Elizabeth?"

"Dude, have we got some news for you!" Emmett boomed again, raising the hackles of the duty nurse behind her desk.

She hissed at him to keep the noise down and he said a weak sorry.

"So we had a little punch-fest with his face for a bit and then we told him we don't want him near Bella and the kid no more. Told him I took photos of the place, and his stupid fucking list of rules, and told him that we'd squeal like pigs if he tried to contact her again." Emmett seemed pretty happy with his genius.

I had to admit the taking of the photos was a nice twist and I told him so.

"Yeah, I'm a genius, what can I say?" Emmett laughed.

Jasper took over the story then. "So we've got him on the floor, the man mountain over here has his boot to the back of his neck and we insist that he never try for custody of the kid. Ass wipe starts laughing so we let him up." Jasper stands up himself then, starts pacing like something was really pissing him off. "Turns out the kid isn't his. She was already pregnant when he agreed - get this, when Charlie Swan begged him to take her off his hands - to marry her. They don't know who the father is and she won't say. He's not coming for the kid Ed, you're in the clear." He tells me.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and slumped in the chair in relief. "Thank Christ." I blurt out. I didn't know how much tension I was holding until I could let it all go. I started blubbing like a fucking girl holding a bunny. I couldn't help it. The idea of him being able to just walk in, anytime he likes, and taking Elizabeth from me was killing me. "He can't come for her, he can't come for her." I start mumbling and Emmett's hand is on my shoulder once again.

"Yeah." He tells me. "He aint coming for squat dude." He squeezes a little. "Not that he could anyway, don't reckon he can do much other than ring an ambulance, lucky its approved for his use." He laughs darkly.

I thank them both and they ask if they should stay. I tell them both to go home to their wives. Rosie will want to hang some shit on Emmett for his knuckles and Alice will want Jasper's help to set up my room. They reluctantly leave but not before promising to call later.

And then I am alone again. Just me and the waterfall print on the back wall of the waiting room. I head down to the emergency room and ask for Bella's file. They give me both hers and Elizabeth's from my clinic and I take them and a cup of vending machine coffee back to the waiting room. I check my watch. Its nine now. That's four hours in surgery, she'd be getting close to coming out now. I call home and my mom answers.

She tells me that Elizabeth has had a bath and is dressed in clean new clothes and soon she'll be going to bed in her new crib in my room. I tell her thank you, she tells me to hang in there. I ask her to kiss Elizabeth for me, she says she will. I tell her I love her, she says she knows.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. It would be much appreciated if you would review. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Admission

**EPOV**

I wake up to find my dad sitting beside me writing notes in a file.

I scrub at my face and sit up. "What's going on?" I ask in a rough voice. I check my watch, its midnight.

"She's in recovery. She's doing nicely." He tells me before he puts his pen back in his pocket and closes the file.

"What's the prognosis? Can I talk to her doctor? Can I see her?" I ask all at once.

He just smiles. "You know, I wondered when it was going to happen for you." He says cryptically. "Come on." He stands and waits for me to follow.

He takes me past the swinging double doors and out of ward four, through ward five and on into the recovery suite at the side of ward six, where I figure she'll be spending the next few weeks on the general ward. We wash our hands in the trough inside the recovery suite and we take a mask each from the box beside the door. He nods towards the second of two doors and leads me inside.

My knees buckle a bit when I see her for the first time. She's got a naso-gastric tube in her nose and she's hooked up to every monitor and machine the hospital has got. They are all beeping and the noise is deafening, but necessary. They'll be the only warning her doctor and nurses have that something is wrong.

The right side of her face is covered with surgical gauze. The bruising has already made her nose purple. Her lips are swollen and the top of her lip is so fat its touching the underside of the tubing. I can't see the stitching at the side of her lip, but I know it's there. Dad told me her lip was torn.

Any other injuries she has are hidden under the blankets. I reach for the chart at the foot of her bed and start reading. My dad lets me. He moves to the head of her bed and starts adjusting the alarms on the monitors. He writes some more on his file and then sits beside the bed and laces his hands behind his head while he waits for me to finish reading.

At first there is too much for me to take in. I'm not a surgeon so some of it is over my head, but most of it makes sense after I read it a few times. I can't just read it like it's any other patient though, this is my Bella and she's broken.

"Break it down Edward. Small portions. Check her vitals first." He whispers from his seat when he sees me struggling.

Its good advice so I take it.

I flip the chart back to the top page and see that her heart rate was good through the surgery. She responded well to light in her left eye and her blood pressure was fine while they operated. Her temperature was a little raised on admission but that's logical because she presented with an infection.

I check her drugs list next because it's taped to the top sheet. She's in a forced state of rest for now, kept asleep by the anaesthetic she had during surgery and by the drugs she's had since. She needs to sleep for as long as possible to assist recovery, so that doesn't worry me.

What worries me is the clinical notes from her initial examination. Her right eye was permanently dilated and didn't respond to light. I flip the page and read some more about her cheek injury. Fuck. She had a zygomatic arch fracture and she might have damage to the optic nerve or the oculomotor nerve even.

"Who is the ophthalmologist?" I ask.

"We don't have one here. Let's wait and see what happens once the swelling has gone down. I'll get one here if she needs one." He tells me and I turn another page.

There is a preliminary report from a dental surgeon in there but his notes say the same thing. Maxillary and canine teeth on upper jaw are loose but he can't do anything until the swelling is relieved. Her doctor has been asked to watch for trismus. "Fuck." I mutter. That's lock jaw and from the x-ray that's above her head I can see the displacement of the bones in her jaw. That's going to mean more surgery if the dentist can't correct it through manipulation. "Do we have an orthodontist at least?" I ask.

"We do, a good one too. He'll come see her in a few days but I don't expect her to need him." He tells me and I raise my eyebrows.

"Why not?" I ask.

"If she had temporomandibular joint displacement she'd have been in more agony than she obviously was. She sought no help Edward, her jaw isn't as bad as it looks. In my opinion of course." He says quietly.

It's a fair assumption so I leave it alone. I go to flip to the third page of her notes but dad asks me to put it down now. "Why?" I ask.

"Because you don't need to know the rest son." He tells me very quietly. "If she wants to tell you later on then she will, but for now the rest of her injuries are private. You need to leave it at that for now."

I know about the nipple and I don't think I want to know about anything else if it's that private. Not yet anyway.

"What are you worrying about most?" I ask him.

"Her mental health." He tells me and I slump against the edge of the bed involuntarily.

I'd been so absorbed in her chart and in learning what had happened to her physically that I had completely overlooked how she must be feeling. I made my way to the head of the bed and took the seat he'd been sitting in. I took her hand out from under the blankets and held it in mine. I put my forehead to the back of her hand and closed my eyes. I heard the door close softly and knew that we were alone.

My tears come the instant I try to speak to her. I can't help it. I feel so fucking guilty, so sure this happened because I didn't listen to her when she told me not to phone.

"I'm so sorry." I tell her with a hiccup. "I should never have let you go home to him that last time baby. I knew he was hurting you but I did nothing, I'll never forgive myself for letting this happen to you." I wipe my eyes but can't stem the flow. It's like someone has turned on a tap. "I'm so sorry I left those messages. I didn't know what you meant, I didn't know he'd do this." I promise her. It's not enough, it will never be enough of an apology but it's all I've got for her for now. "I'll spend forever making it up to you if you'll let me." I tell her and rest my head on her good hand again.

A surgical nurse comes in then to do her obs. She writes on Bella's chart and checks the print out from the heart monitor. She writes the findings on the chart and then asks me to step aside for a moment while she checks Bella's surgical sites.

She doesn't question why I'm in here with her, she just goes about her business with a clinical efficiency. She lifts Bella's left eye lid and flicks a penlight back and forth. She checks the drainage tube that is coming out from under the gauze on her cheek. She checks and writes down the urinary output from the catheter Bella has inside her bladder.

She lifts the edge of a bandage that is stuck to Bella's hair, just above her right ear. I hadn't even seen that one. That must be what dad said was a superficial laceration.

"Does she have stitches or staples there?" I ask.

"Staples. Four of them." She tells me and writes her findings on the chart.

She lifts the blanket and I get my first look at Bella's torso. What there is of her is purple. She's so thin her ribs stick out and her hipbones look sharp. Apart from the leads that are taped to her chest she is one big bruise. I can't help the little yelp I let out and the nurse lifts one eyebrow in my direction before writing on her chart again. She checks the drainage site near Bella's right breast and palpates her stomach to make sure she isn't impacted or bleeding internally since surgery. She mustn't be because she writes again.

"You will need to look away now Dr Cullen." She tells me. I wonder how she knows who I am and who's told her to keep the private information from me.

I turn around and I listen for the lifting of the blankets. I had dreaded knowing the extent of her other injuries but I wasn't stupid. If Jake could tear into her nipple I knew he was capable of hurting her sexually too. Dad was right, if she wants me to know about that she'll tell me when the time comes.

"Alright Dr Cullen." The nurse tells me, and when I turn around the blankets are back in place and when the nurse leaves it's just me and Bella again.

I sit right back down where I was and take her hand in mine again. I know from her chart that she's got a crush injury to two of her fingers on the right side, so I sit on the left and hold that one. Her toes on her right foot are broken too, so are three of the five metatarsals on the arch of her foot.

An hour passes and when the nurse comes to take her obs again I'm still sitting there. It's probably two in the morning and I've not slept since the day before, but I'm not leaving. We go through the same routine as before. She writes, I watch. I turn away when she needs to check Bella below the panty line and then she leaves us alone.

"Elizabeth is at home with my family." I tell her so she knows the baby is safe and being looked after. "She's so beautiful." I tell her. "You're so beautiful Bella. I hope you know that. Even now, all beat up and helpless I think you're beautiful. I'll help you Bella. We all will. You won't ever go hungry again, I swear it."

I put my head onto the edge of her bed and close my eyes. They can drag me out of here if they want me gone but for now I'll try and sleep while she does.

It feels like minutes later, but it's really three hours later, that my father is shaking my shoulder gently. "Come on Edward, they're moving her to the ward now."

I wipe my eyes and let her hand go. I stand with my father and watch as the orderlies unlock the bed she's in and clip all her monitoring equipment to the metal sides of the bed. They tuck the blankets up a little and then she's on the move.

Dad walks with me but we go right past the number six ward where she would normally go until she's recovered. "Where are they taking her?" I ask in a panic when the orderlies turn right and push her bed through another set of plastic doors.

Dad just keeps walking. "I've got her a private room on eight. Come on, the baby is there with your mother." He tells me and I start to run to catch up.

"I'll pay for it." I tell him as I go into the room that Bella's bed had just disappeared into.

"If you insist." He mutters with a smile as he comes in too.

I take the baby from my mother and hold her close. She smells so clean and fresh and she's dressed in some little pink flowery dress and she's even got tiny shoes on her feet. "Thank you." I tell my mom over the baby's head. I kiss her temple and smell her again. God she smells so good. "Did she sleep at all?" I ask.

"A few hours at first but after her bath and another bottle she went right to sleep, didn't you sweetheart?" she runs her hand over Elizabeth's hair and smiles at her. "She's had a bottle this morning and a play with Angus and Rosie but I thought I should bring her to see Bella."

To anyone else that would've sounded daft. Bella didn't know she was there and the baby wouldn't know either way, but I was so pathetically grateful that I pulled my mother into a hug too. With Elizabeth in one arm and my mother in the other we stand and watch the orderlies slide Bella's bed into position in the middle of the room.

They leave but two nurses come in right after them. They hook Bella's monitors up to the wall above the bed and then they take her chart away. Dad is hovering beside her bed and writing notes on his file.

One of the nurses comes back in and slides Bella's name plate into the holder above the bed. Bella Black. The name tears at my insides. I want to change it myself but I can't. She's not mine I keep telling myself.

My mother squeezes my hand like she can read my mind. I squeeze back and hope she can.

The nurse writes some important notes in whiteboard marker on the white part of the headboard above Bella's head. Her date of birth, admission and patient number. No allergies. Nil by mouth. Things like that. And then she starts to write the names of all her doctors.

Dr Sandra Illic is going to be her physiotherapist. I don't know of her and I hope she is good at what she does. Her dentist is Michael Clough, I don't know him either but dad says he's good. She writes Dr Ambrose McPhee and then 'plastics consult' beside it and I sigh. A fucking plastic surgeon. That means whatever is under that gauze on her face isn't good. And finally her general physicians name goes on the wall, Dr Carlisle Cullen and I gasp in shock.

He smiles but says nothing, just keeps writing on the file in his hands. Mom doesn't shift or say a word either, so she knew.

Dad doesn't take on non cardiac patients. He can, he's a general surgeon and a family physician too, but he never does. I've never known him to take on a general patient and he's been at Forks General for twenty years.

Elizabeth snuffles in my arms and I let my mother go and sit with the baby on the visitor's chair. I arrange her in my lap and check her over from head to foot. She feels fine. Not hot like she was yesterday. She's plump and pink and seems perfectly content. I put my finger back into her fist, just like yesterday, and turn to my mother.

"Thank you for taking care of her." I tell her.

"It's my pleasure. She's such a good girl." She smiles down at Elizabeth. "Did Charlie turn up?" She asks with barely concealed disgust. Now I understand why her reaction last night was so severe.

"Oh yeah, he turned up alright. Half cut and uninterested." I tell her. She nods as though it wasn't anything less than she expected. "Chief Swan doesn't want to know unless Bella dies." I tell her. That makes her gasp.

"Son of a bitch." She mumbles, making my dad lift his eyebrows, but he makes no comment.

"You've seen Em and Jaz this morning?" I ask and she smiles. That tells me she has.

"They called in before work, yes." She's trying hard to fight the smile but I can see it. She doesn't want dad to know what they've done I suspect.

"I hope they gave him a good one for me." Dad mutters and now its mom's eyebrows that are raised.

"I think they might have." She giggles.

Dad kisses mom at the temple and announces he has rounds to do on the cardiac ward. He tells me goodbye and bends to pat Elizabeth on the head. Mom follows him out and that leaves me and Bella and the baby alone for the first time.

I take Elizabeth to the edge of Bella's bed and lay her next to her mother. "Bella, sweetheart, Elizabeth is here to see you baby. Mom says she had a good night and slept well. I'll get her checked out by a paediatrician today so you don't have to worry about her, okay?" I keep asking questions even though I know she can't answer.

Elizabeth still has my finger in her fist but now she's chewing on it. Her hard gums bite down on me and I smile at her. She's like a gummy shark, just gnawing away like that. I think I like it. Maybe that's weird. But it makes me feel important to her, like she wants to be near me, which is stupid and wishful thinking, but I'm here and she's with me so for now I can hold onto my fantasy.

"Emmett and Jasper went to see Jake baby. He won't be coming near you anymore. I promise he'll never come near either of you ever again. I'll take good care of you both Bella, I promise." I tell her as though we were having a normal conversation.

Mom comes back in and she takes Elizabeth out with her. I go out into the corridor and promise her I'll eat something and catch a quick shower and sleep when I can. I tell her I'll call her and ask if she can bring Elizabeth back if I can get a paediatric consult today, she says of course she can and then I watch them leave. I feel that same tug in my gut as they turn the corner and are gone from my line of sight.

"Hits you hard, doesn't it?" The nurse says as she comes to the door.

"What's that?" I ask as I follow her into Bella's room.

"Love." She says. "When they are first born you wonder how you ever functioned before they came. Wait till she starts dating, you'll know about it then." She chuckles and makes ready to give Bella more pain medication.

I sink into the chair beside the bed and don't bother to correct the assumption that Elizabeth is mine and I love her. It's not exactly a lie anyway. I watch as morphine is put into the cannula that is embedded in the top of Bella's right hand. Her poor broken fingers are swollen and blue with bruises.

A horrible thought occurs to me while I watch. "I didn't do this to her." I tell the nurse. It's so obvious that Bella has been beaten and it's written in her notes too, I need them all to know I didn't do it. If they think I'm her lover, or husband or partner or whatever, they need to know I had nothing to do with it.

"I know." The nurse says softly. She's got kind eyes. "The police would've been in to take you away if anyone thought you did. Don't panic Dr Cullen." She tells me kindly.

"Call me Edward." I tell her. "I'm not a doctor in here."

"I'm Sheila. I'm on days at the moment so we'll be seeing a lot of each other Edward." She tells me as she signs her medication chart and slides it back into the holder at the foot of the bed. "I'll be back in a few minutes." She tells me.

She comes back with two orderlies. They are carrying an armchair. Its upholstered in a blue flowery material and looks so comfortable compared to the one I'm sitting in. I think I audibly sigh when they put it behind me on the floor. I'm in it before they even leave the room. It feels like a little piece of heaven.

Sheila comes to me then, she's got hospital sheets in her hand and the bag Alice brought for me earlier. I'd forgotten all about that. Someone had found it though.

"The chair unfolds, it's a single bed." she tells me. "There are a couple of pillows in the closet too."

I get out of it and she shows me how it works. I'm so grateful I just want to lie down now and sleep the day away. But there is more for me to learn about this side of patient life.

"The bathroom is through there." She nods towards the door opposite the foot of Bella's bed. "There is an occupied button on the inside of the door, please push it when you are in there, otherwise we'll just walk in on you any old time." She laughs. "There are towels on top of the stall, help yourself. You can stow your bag in the closet there but I advise you not to put valuables in there, the cleaners are notoriously light fingered."

"Thanks." I tell her. I open my bag and put my wallet in my back pocket to keep it safe. Bella's is in my other pocket still from yesterday. I pat it.

Sheila puts a stack of papers onto the rolling table beside Bella's bed and puts a pen with them. "Meal times are listed on the top of the sheet. Fill them out and drop them into the slot on the outside of the door. As long as you get them in before ten at night you'll get fed the next day. This is a map of the hospital but I guess you won't need that. If you want a TV fill this in and drop it back to the nurses station. You can't use your cell phone in the private rooms but you can if you go just outside. There's a door just next to the nurses station, there's a small garden and some benches and some shade. It's for private patient use so you won't be disturbed." A lanyard with a key and a pass on it are put on the table too. "That's a pass to get onto the ward and to use that door. The key is for Bella's safe box. Her jewellery is in it and anything else she had on her when she was admitted too. You can put her wallet in there if you want. The boxes are numbered, same as the room numbers, and they're in the patient lounge, that's two doors down on the left. There's tea and coffee making stuff in there, help yourself to anything in there. I think today there is chocolate cake and grapes in the fridge if you're hungry. I've told the kitchen you're here so you'll get a meal at lunch, but help yourself in the lounge before then if you want. I guess that's it. Um, like I said, I'm here during the day and then you'll get Margaret, she's great. I'll be at the station outside if you need anything but don't hesitate to hit the call button if you think you need to."

She gathered up her notes and then left. I couldn't believe it. It was like staying a hotel. Food and a shower and 'help myself'. It was better service than at home. I wouldn't tell my mother that though, she'd slug me.

A shower was my first priority after making sure that Bella was okay. I slid my hand into hers and squeezed it lightly. I kissed her knuckles and told her I wouldn't be long.

I remembered to push the occupied button and everything. The hot water was bliss. Alice had packed me shampoo and soap and the towels were huge and soft. I had no idea how much this room was going to cost me but I didn't give a shit. Bella was going to need every ounce of this treatment in order to get better so I'd pay whatever they cared to charge. Especially if they treat her as well as they were treating me.

When I was clean and dressed in clean clothes I set about making my bed. The sheets were bright white and crisp. The blankets were that horrible scratchy wool that all hospitals had but they would be warm and I was going to be so tired by the time I got to sleep it wouldn't matter anyway.

I checked Bella's monitors and the print out of her blood pressure and urine output and then I went out to the nurses station. "Can you tell me who the resident paediatrician is please?" I asked Sheila.

She tapped a few keys on her keyboard. "We have Dr Jeffrey Guest. He's in the children's ward, I can page him if you like."

"No thanks. How do I go about getting a consultation with him?" I ask.

"I'd go down there. See him for yourself." She tells me.

"Thanks." I slide a business card across the desktop to her. "That's my pager number, if you need me." I tell her.

"She'll sleep for a lot longer yet Edward. Get done what you need done, I think she's going to need you here when she wakes up." She tells me softly.

I nod but say nothing. I'm too emotional to handle this. Too invested in this. I should step away, let her heal on her own, but she would truly be alone if I left her to it. Jake was off limits and her father wasn't interested, without me she'd have nobody. I can't do that. So until she tells me to fuck off I'll hang around.

I go back down the labyrinth of corridors and find the children's ward at the end of one long arm of hallways. I ask the nurse on duty for Dr Guest and she points to a grey haired man in a traditional lab coat. He's standing off to the side of the ward, not with a patient, so I go towards him.

After a brief introduction I explain what's happened with Bella and ask if he had time to check over Elizabeth. He asks if I am Carlisle's son, I say I am. He asks if I'm the doctor or the construction worker. I show him my hands. He says doctor. I tell him Emmett got the strength, I got the brains. He gets the joke and laughs along. He walks with me to his consultation suite and I wait while he arranges a time to see Elizabeth for me. He hands me an appointment card and tells me he'll see her at three. I thank him profusely and head back to Bella's ward.

I use my new key pass to get through the door that leads outside and find myself in a tiny courtyard garden. It's got hedges all along one side to block out the overlooking wards and a length of security fencing along the other two sides to make it private. There is a little fountain and some concrete benches. Two wooden benches overlook a small rose arbour. It's quite nice. I call my mom and tell her about Elizabeth's appointment. She assures me she'll bring her in time. She asks after Bella but I have nothing to report yet. She tells me dad is home now but he'll be back tonight.

I hang up and stretch my legs out in front of me in the sun. It's hot again today but I'm sitting mostly in the shade, just my legs are sticking out into the sun. I toss up whether to bother calling Charlie and decide not to. Bella isn't going to die, so I'll take him at his word and not bother calling.

I call the clinic and tell Gail that nothing has changed and that I have my pager if she needs anything from me. She assures me that Steve has it all covered and I should just do what I've got to do.

Heading back inside I go and check out the patient lounge. It's fucking brilliant. Two long leather sofas, a TV, magazines up the wazoo. There's a chess board and games and shit for kids too. A big bucket of Lego and a table with colouring books and pencils sits in one corner and in another is a pair of armchairs side by side with a little table and lamp between them. It's cosy. Like a little apartment. The kitchenette is small but functional. I make myself a coffee and take a slice of chocolate cake from the fridge. I chuck an orange onto the plate and head back to Bella.

She hasn't moved of course, but I check her out anyway. Her blood pressure is fine, heart rate steady and she's breathing evenly and there's no rattle yet from the chest infection she's going to have once the tubing comes out.

I don't have my penlight so I can't check her right pupil but I can read from her chart that at her last obs it dilated normally. Thank god.

I sit in the plastic chair and eat my cake and the orange. The coffee is hot and delicious compared to the vending machine crap I had last night. It's only eight in the morning and I don't need to be anywhere until three so I slide into the bed and close my eyes. Sleep isn't hard to find. In fact, it finds me about ten seconds later.

I'm woken in a blind panic by an alarm. I'm out of that bed like my ass is on fire and hovering over Bella well before the nurse comes running.

"It's nothing, her drip alarm." I tell her.

I get out the way while she hangs a new bag of saline. It takes me a full three minutes to calm my breathing. Sheila looks sympathetic. "I think it's worse because you're a doctor." She says rather astutely.

"Yeah, I think you might be right." I tell her as I go and sit down beside the bed again.

"I didn't want to wake you earlier but your lunch is there." She nods towards the rolling table.

I open the cover on the plate and see a dozen tiny triangular shaped sandwiches. There's juice and a package of cookies and an apple. "Thanks." I tell her and open the cookies.

"She's stable." She tells me and writes on Bella's chart. "I'm going off shift in a bit, Margaret will come on then."

"Thanks." I tell her again. I seem to tell her thanks a lot. A quick look at my watch and its two.

I have another shower to wake myself up properly and when my mom arrives with Elizabeth I'm ready to take her to her appointment. Mom says she wants to stay with Bella so I take Elizabeth down to the consulting suites.

The receptionists fawn all over her when I get there. I get called straight in and it's a quick check up. He weighs and measures her, checks the size and shape of her skull and belly. He's happy with the way her eyes follow his penlight and her heart and chest sound strong and clear. I lose more tears than she does when he jabs her with her overdue two month inoculation and then I take her back to Bella.

Mom is ecstatic to hear that Elizabeth is fit and well and takes a good few minutes reassuring Bella that she's being a good girl at home.

Mom tells me all about what Alice and Rosie arranged in my room and when Elizabeth starts to get cranky she pulls a bottle from a Styrofoam insulated pouch in the baby bag she put at the foot of the bed.

She hands me the bottle and I stare at it stupidly. "You know how to feed her." My mother tells me. I tell her of course I do. She tells me she is going up to cardiology to see my father's 'harem'. I laugh and tell her to play nice.

I put Elizabeth into the crook of my arm and take her to the armchair bed. I half lie down half sit with her in it. She stares at me almost the entire time she drinks. And boy can she drink! There is six ounces of formula in the bottle when she starts and by the time her little lavender eyelids flutter shut and she stops sucking there is about an ounce and a half left over.

I put the bottle aside and watch her sleep for a little while. She snuffles adorably whenever I move underneath her. I roll onto my side and put her between my chest and the armrest on the chair bed. With one hand on her tummy I close my eyes and rest while she does.

It's dark when she wakes me with a god almighty wail, right in my ear. Again I jump up out of the bed like my ass is on fire, only this time no nurse comes running. Elizabeth is grizzling steadily and I figure she's probably wet or dirty or hungry or something. The smell of her tells me which one it is.

I rummage around in the bag my mother had with her and find a diaper and some baby wipes in a little soft pack. I hope to god nobody comes in because within ten seconds I am up to my elbows in shit. How such a tiny body can produce so much waste is beyond me. In the end I don't bother with the wipes and I take Elizabeth into the bathroom with me.

I use the handheld shower head to wash her ass and then I wrap her in a towel and take her back into Bella's room. I get her dry and into a diaper and back into her dress with only minutes to spare before my mother comes in.

"You're up." She announces.

"Yeah. I guess we fell asleep, sorry."

"Don't be." She comes and sits by us on the plastic chair next to Bella. "Your father says they are weaning off the sleeping drugs now, she'll wake up soon." I watch her pat Bella's hand.

Elizabeth has my finger in her mouth again as I walk with her to the other side of Bella's bed. "I think so, yes. They might put her right back to sleep though. They'll let her rouse and check her out but if her blood pressure spikes because of the pain they'll sedate her again. Don't get your hopes up." I tell her gently.

Mom sighs softly and nods her agreement but we both know we've both got our hopes soaring way past up. "Did you know about this?" She asks.

"Not all of it, no. I didn't know it was like this, I promise." I told her truthfully.

"Did she love him?"

"I don't know mom. I wasn't in her confidence back then."

"Are you now?" She looks me in the eye as she asks.

"Yeah." I don't know why I'm embarrassed to admit it to her, probably because Bella is a married woman and I shouldn't feel this way about her. "It's complicated." I tell her.

"It always is Edward." She whispers. She leans in and kisses Bella softly at her temple and smoothes out her hair a little. "We'll come by and see you in the morning sweetheart. Sleep well."

I kiss Elizabeth the same way and tell her I'll see her in the morning too. Its agony to watch her go again, but I see my father and another doctor I don't know coming towards her room so I get myself ready to hear what they've got to say.

"Edward this is Terry Samuels, he's the head of the Occupational Therapy section here, and he'd like to assess Bella's injuries so he can work out a schedule for her basic therapy later on." Dad tells me and I shake the new guys hand.

"Good to meet you." He says in a thick accent that is probably Australian but could be Icelandic for all I know.

"You too." I mumble and follow them both back into the room.

I hang back while Terry reads her chart and lifts the gauze covering her face a few times. He makes some short notes on a page he takes from a file and then he's talking to me about what she's going to need longer term. I want to tell him that I'm not her husband, that I can't make the decisions he's talking about, but he doesn't pause.

"I think it's probably best for us to wait and see how she recovers here on the ward first Terry." My dad rescues me and Terry agrees that it's probably prudent to take a wait and see approach.

"Let me know what the neurologist says, won't you?" He asks dad and then slips out the door.

"Neurologist?" I ask. "What's going on?"

"Calm down Edward, its standard practise with a head injury, you know that. Its superficial, no skull fracture, but he's got to come and see her and do a basic neuro exam." He takes her hand and holds it, counting her pulse the old fashioned way despite the continued beeping of the monitor. "How are you holding up?" He asks.

"Me? I'm fine, why?"

"Because this is traumatic for you too. Its worse when you're a doctor, I imagine you feel pretty helpless." He takes the blanket off her feet and feels her toes for warmth and circulation.

"I am helpless. Even if I was her doctor there is nothing I can do for her right now. It's a waiting game, I know that." I put my fingers to the sole of her foot and feel for myself whether or not she's cold. She isn't, perfectly warm. Dad raises his eyebrows at me as if I'm checking his results, but I'm not. "Why did you take her on?" I ask.

"Ahh, well, it's complicated." He says with a smile.

"According to mom it always is." I chuckle.

"She's a smart woman your mother." I lean over and watch her left pupil dilate perfectly when he puts his pen light over her eye. "I took her on because I think I can help her and because you love her and she's going to be a part of our family." He says straight up.

I run a hand through my hair and choke back a sob. I'm such a fucking girl with shit like this. "Thank you." Is all I can get out of my throat.

"You're welcome. Now, your brother and sister are coming in shortly to see the two of you so you'd better get your shit together before then. I'm up on the cardiac ward if you need me, but I'll be back when they wake her up, alright?" He waits for me to nod and then he's gone.

A new nurse brings in a dinner tray for me and introduces herself as Margaret. "Sheila was right, you're a pretty one." She chuckles at me and I roll my eyes. There is never any reason to call a man pretty, it isn't right. "And this must be the lovely Isabella." She reads from the chart.

"Bella, she likes to be called Bella." I prompt her.

"Bella it is then." She signs the chart and begins to check Bella's vitals and the monitors. She hangs another bag of saline in readiness for the next alarm and then she takes another blanket out of the top of the closet and folds it across Bella's feet. "Her chart says there's a baby too right?" She asks as she comes back to the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, Elizabeth, she's nine weeks old." I tell her proudly, as if it's some amazing feat I've managed to accomplish all on my own.

"I'll look forward to meeting her too then. You should turn away now Dr Cullen." She tells me.

I turn and face the closed blinds on the window. "Call me Edward, please." I tell her.

I hear her click her tongue as she checks Bella's dressings and then the scratching of her pen as she writes on the chart. Someone has clued her in that I'm not to be told of her injuries below her waist. That's okay, I still don't want to know details. "Okay." She says softly and I turn around again. "You've got some visitors outside so I'll send them in now."

When she leaves Emmett and Alice come in. For once Emmett is quiet.

I forget that it's their first look at her and my heart goes out to Alice who starts crying straight away. "Oh Bella what's he done to you?" She asks and puts her lips to the back of Bella's swollen hand. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you say something?" She is crying softly so Emmett comes around to my side of the bed and sits in the plastic chair.

"Jesus dude." He mutters and I nod.

"Yeah. She's in a bad way." I tell him. "But she'll be alright, eventually."

"What's the worst of it?" He asks.

"I think her face. He busted the bone that runs along her cheek, just under her eye." I don't want to go into too much detail because Alice will lose it and Emmett will go and kill him.

"When will she wake up?" Alice whispers.

"She's sedated so the worst of the swelling can go down while she rests but they are letting it wear off now. Another half hour and they'll wake her up fully."

"Do you need anything?" Emmett asks. "We're taking care of the munchkin at the other end, but what do you need here?"

"Nothing, I'm set." I tell them.

"You should eat that." Alice points to the covered tray of food on the rolling table. "Go on, go out into the lounge, I'll sit with her for a while."

I don't want to. I want to be here in case the sedation wears off too quickly but Emmett is already walking out the door with my food. If he gets to it there will be no hope for me. "Thanks Ally."

Emmett sits with me while I eat. He distracts me with tales of his latest job. He's got a construction crew and they've taken on the renovation of a big church in Port Angeles. It's tricky because the city wants it restored but the church wants it renovated. He explains to me the difference and I try to follow along.

"Dude you look glazed." He laughs.

"Glazed?" I hate to ask.

"Yeah, like you aren't really in there. What aren't you telling us?" he asks.

"Nothing, honestly, I'm just fucked. I keep falling asleep. I even fell asleep when Elizabeth did this afternoon and I'd only been out of bed a couple hours." I tell him. I get up and put my dinner tray on the counter and make myself another coffee.

"You're in this for the long haul, right?" He turns serious on me.

"Yeah, I am. I always was, she just didn't see me I guess." I stir my coffee and go and stand by the door.

"You love her, right?" He asks.

"Yeah, I do." I tell him.

"And you're not gay?" He asks.

I snort coffee out my nose. "What the fuck?" I shout and run towards the sink at the same time. Hot coffee has burnt my mouth and my nose and it's all over my arms and the front of my shirt.

Emmett's laughing his head off. "Well, it's a valid question dude. We never see you with any skirt and you never bring anyone home with you. All you do is work. Some of us thought maybe you were gay and didn't know how to tell us." He shrugs like its nothing.

I wipe at the front of my shirt with a dishcloth and tip the rest of my coffee down the sink. "No Emmett, I'm not fucking gay. Jesus. I've dated I just haven't been serious enough about anyone to bring her near you lot. You're fucking intimidating to me and I'm related to you, fuck knows how a girl would handle you." I rinse the dishcloth and try in vain to get the coffee out of the weave of my shirt. "And I work a lot because I'm a doctor. The clinic takes twice as many patients as the hospital dude, it never ends trust me."

"Okay, fair enough, don't get upset. I was just asking." He mumbles. "But Bella, she's different, right? Intimidated or not you want her for good, right?" He asks.

"What's it to you?" I bark.

He's on his feet then and he's angry. He slams his hands down on the countertop, making my tray jump. "One, she's married. Two, she's a mom and three if you're just jerking her chain you gotta stop now. She's gonna need someone to take care of her and the baby for a long while I reckon so if you aren't onboard with that you gotta say so now." He shouts at me.

I just stare at him. I slam my hands down on the countertop just like he did. "One. Don't fucking come at me with shit you know nothing about. Two, I know she's fucking married. I had to fucking watch her do it even though I loved her. Three, I've never jerked anyone's chain, ever. I wouldn't do it to some slut I picked up in a bar and I couldn't do it to Bella or Elizabeth." I tried to keep shouting but my heart wasn't in it. It felt, on one hand, so good to finally say this shit and on the other hand it killed me to have to say it out loud. I slumped against the counter and let it all come forward. "I love her Em, I always have, I've never loved anyone else. I tried to. Especially once she got married, I really did. But it never worked. And then when she showed up last year at the clinic I thought maybe she'd leave him and I could take care of them both, but she wouldn't. I had to watch her week after week come in bruised and battered Em. You don't know shit about that. You don't know what it was like, not being able to do anything. You can't dob him in, you can't get her out of there if she doesn't want to go, you can't tell anyone because you're her doctor, you can't tell her dad because he's the Chief of Police and he'll do you for malpractice if you do. I'm telling you Em, I'm in it for the long haul. I love her, I love that baby and I'll fucking kill anyone who ever touches either of them ever again."

He caught me before I fell. "Like I said, you love her. Good for you Ed." He pats my shoulder a while and then leads me back into her room.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. If you have found something that interests you please review and let me know. If you hated it and want to bag me and call me nasty names, please review. **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Riposte

**EPOV**

Finally they'd paraded a doctor in front of me that I knew.

Mel Burrows was Bella's neurologist and I knew her from the UW School of Medicine. She was doing her neurology stint and I'd started a cardiac degree when we first met there. She kept going, I changed my mind and decided to stick with primary care. I had seen her a few times since and I'd referred a few patients her way over the time too.

The small private room was full to the brim with doctors. I stood off to one side, by my armchair bed, and tried desperately to keep an eye on what each of them was doing to Bella.

My father stood at the head of her bed on the right, Margaret stood on the left with the rolling table behind her piled high with a basic surgical kit laid out.

I'd been introduced to her plastics consult, Ambrose McPhee, and also to the orthodontist Michael Clough. They were on hand to assess what she'd need from them later on.

The anaesthesiologist who'd put her under for the surgery was there, though I had no idea who he was, and he was injecting something into the cannula in her hand which I assumed was Neostigmine, a drug that would reverse the sedation she was experiencing, but without reading her chart I didn't know exactly what it was.

Whatever it was it had a profound and very fast impact on Bella. Her heart rate spiked as she came back to semiconsciousness. She began moaning against the invasive tube in her nose and was trying to swallow past the one in her throat.

"Edward." My father called to me. "Come and calm her." He told me.

I slid in beside him at the top of her bed and took her hand. I leaned over and spoke as calmly to her as I could. "Baby its okay, its okay. Just breathe baby. Nobody is going to hurt you; we're all here to help. Shhh. Shhh. That's it, breath with me."

She opened her left eye and stared at me as though I was an alien come to feast on her brains. She was utterly terrified. I drew in breath and let it out slowly through my lips, showing her how slowly she needed to breathe to calm herself. It took a few breaths but slowly she followed my lead.

I began to whisper to her then, trying to block out the unfamiliar faces that were hovering all around her. "It's just me baby. Just concentrate on me and your breathing, nothing else matters. That's it. Nice and steady. I know the tubes are horrible but they have to stay in sweetie." I ran the pad of my thumb over her cheek and she closed her eye a little. Her breathing calmed a little more and the heart rate monitor slowed to its normal rhythm. "My friend Mel is going to check your responses now but it won't hurt, I promise, okay?" I knew she couldn't answer and neither could she give her consent, but I wanted her to know what was going to happen so she wasn't frightened any more than she already was. "We'll be quick and then you can sleep some more." She blinked twice and I wondered if she was trying to answer, but I had to step away then before I could find out.

I had to retreat to the back of the room again then while they all did their jobs. It was awful to watch as they poked and prodded her. She whimpered when the gauze was taken off her face, the tape pulled cruelly at her paper thin skin. She had no fat under her skin to protect her so it hurt as it was all removed.

I tried not to look but couldn't help myself. She had a terrifying gash from the corner of her lip that stretched two inches back towards her ear. It was held together with surgical staples and was probably stitched from the inside too. The entire right side of her face was black. Not bruise-purple, it was black. The depression fracture had been manipulated so strongly whilst she was under that all the capillaries on the surface had busted open and had flooded with blood. They were bruised and had trapped that blood.

The lobe of her ear had been stitched back into place and by the looks of it she had another four or five stitches on the peak of her right shoulder.

As predicted the major concern was for her right eye. She whimpered pathetically when Mel lifted the lid. Margaret was taking notes and I stifled my gasp when I heard Mel tell her to write unresponsive in the section of the neuro exam pertaining to the right eye.

Mel put her fingers in Bella's left hand and asked her to squeeze. She told Margaret that was a 'pass' for touch and also for hearing and Margaret scribbled the result.

"Squeeze when I guess your name correctly. Are you Hilary? Are you Jane? Are you Isabella? That's a pass." Mel said and I let out the breath I'd been holding. She knew who she was. "Squeeze when you know where you are. Are you at work? Are you at a movie? Are you in the hospital? That's a pass Margaret. Can you open your eye sweetie?" Mel asked and Bella opened her left eye without a problem. "Pass for that one too. Good girl. Now, I'm going to touch your toes, you squeeze my hand when you feel the touch. Good girl, that's a pass. One last test, you're doing so well. This will be uncomfortable but I have to do it sweetie, I'm sorry." I watched Mel tap the gastric tube and Bella gagged. "Sorry, sorry. That's a pass for pharyngeal response. Good girl Isabella. You did really well." Mel stepped away from the bed and took the notes Margaret had been writing.

She came to stand beside me while she wrote. "All passes?" I asked even though I'd seen and heard it for myself I wanted to hear her say it.

"All passes. She's in there Edward. She knows where she is and who she is and she knows you're with her." She assured me and kept writing. "I'll be back to see her again tomorrow.

Ambrose was assessing her lip and ear then. He was happy with the stitching on her lobe and at the edge of her mouth but said he would be happy to redo it should the need arise. He lifted the sheet off Bella and began to undo the tape at her breast.

"Ambrose." My father said softly, stopping the older man from going any further. "Edward, step out son."

I nodded and went outside the door. I crouched down and put my head between my knees to stave off the nausea I was feeling. A nurse came over from behind the desk opposite and helped me up. She walked with me to the lounge and sat me down. She put a hot cup of coffee into my hands and sat down beside me.

"It's a bit frightening, isn't it, when you can't help her. Must be harder for you Dr Cullen." She whispered.

I took a sip of the coffee. How did everyone know I was a doctor? I just nodded at her. There was nothing to say anyway. We sat quietly for a little while and when my coffee was finished I thanked her for sitting with me and we both went back out into the ward. She went back to her desk and I went to stand outside Bella's door.

Ambrose came out first. He shook my hand and told me she would do well. I thanked him. The dentist came out and reintroduced himself to me and told me that he'd have to wait a few more days until the swelling went down before he knew whether she'd need him, but that he'd keep an eye on her progress and come back as soon as he was needed. I thanked him too. Mel came out next. She hugged me and told me to hang in there. I thanked her and watched her walk into the next room to see her next patient. Dad stuck his head out the door and told me to come back in.

"Mal needs to put her back under but you can have a minute first, if you want." He told me as I slid into the space beside her bed.

Dad stood off to one side, writing away on her file. 'Mal' was the anaesthetist I assumed, and he sat beside the bed on the other side, an injection in his hand ready to slip into the cannula on the back of her hand.

I wasted no time. If I only had a minute I'd use it. I took her hand into mine and copied Mel. "Squeeze my hand Bella." I begged her. She did and I sighed. "Good girl. You're doing really well. You're safe here, nobody will hurt you ever again, I promise. Elizabeth is safe and well and at my house, I'll protect her too baby. I don't want you to worry about anything, alright, you just rest and get well." I kissed her left cheek and whispered that I loved her so that my father couldn't hear. He probably did but he never said anything. "Okay Mal." I said quietly. I watched him push the plunger on the syringe. "You go to sleep now baby, I'll be right here, I'm not leaving, everything will be alright." I told her but she was already asleep before I got the last words out.

Dad put her file and chart back into the holder at the foot of the bed and when Mal cleared his things away and left the room he came to stand beside me. He put his hand on my shoulder and I stiffened involuntarily. He never did things like this and it was hard to get used to.

"You love her?" He asked simply.

I'd been asked it over and over now so it was easier to answer. "Yeah."

"Good for you." He said softly. "She's doing well. All her vitals are perfect and the team is happy with her recovery from the surgery. She's got a long way to go but the outlook is good, so far."

"Thanks. And below the blankets, everything is okay there too?" I ask hesitantly. He only nods, doesn't say anything and that's okay. "When will you wean her off the sedation?"

"A couple of days at least. We have to get a handle on the infection and fatten her up a bit I think. She'll be better able to handle what she's facing if she's stronger before she has to deal with the pain."

"Oh god." I mumble.

"He's the one to ask for help sometimes." Dad whispers and steps back away from the bed. "I'm heading home but I'll be back tomorrow. I'll come by when your mother brings Elizabeth."

He's smiling and I wonder why. "You'll come visit?" I ask, incredulous. Dad doesn't do visiting. He consults, never visits.

"Yeah, I'll come visit. That baby is cute as a button and her mother needs a family she can trust. May as well be us, right?" He asks in a voice and language that just doesn't seem very him. It seems younger, less stern, more father than doctor and I wonder if I've ever heard him speak like that before.

"Yeah, may as well be us." I agree. "I'll see you then, thanks for everything."

He shakes my hand and leaves and I'm left wondering what the hell happened to my father in the last twenty four hours. I'll be so pissed off if he's an imposter.

~~~x0x0x~~~~

I can hear the alarm but can't work out why I'm hearing it. I crack one eye open and leap from my bed. I'm met with the image of a Bob Marley look alike in a nurses uniform. He's huge, bigger even than Emmett, and he's got dreadlocks and a red, green and yellow headband holding them back off his face.

"Settle man." He whispers to me. "It's jost the juice alarm."

He's good, for a figment of my imagination. I rub my face and try to wake up completely. I fumble around for my glasses but don't find them.

"You should go back to sleep, your lady she rests like Sleeping Beauty, Iggy take good care of her for you man." The apparition tells me.

I wander back to my bed and slump against the pillow. I have no idea what time it is and without my glasses looking at my watch is a waste of time and effort. Iggy, whoever he is, is taking good care of Bella so I close my eyes and drift back off.

Bob Marley is back again when I come out of the bathroom at seven the next morning.

"You look moch better this morning." He drawls as he adjusts the drainage tube in Bella's cheek.

I want to ask who the fuck he is because seeing him there is like some sort of weird déjà vu thing for me. "Thanks." I mumble instead.

I roll my dirty clothes up and force them into my backpack. This is my last set of clean ones so I'll have to ask mom to bring me more. I slip my feet into my shoes and zip my bag up. I made my bed before going in to shower so all that's left for me to do is sit with Bella. I take her hand and kiss it lightly while Bob draws drugs up into a syringe.

"This is jost Augmentin and a little Celebrex." He tells me before injecting it into her cannula. "There you go Sleeping Beauty." He rubs her hand as though the injection hurt her. It's kinda sweet.

Antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory. That makes good sense to me so I say nothing to him. "Good morning beautiful." I whisper to Bella as I kiss her left cheek. There's no change in the swelling on her face yet. The gauze has been replaced over her scalp wound and there is fresh tape holding the naso-gastric tube to her upper lip, so someone has been tending to her during the night. I assume it was Bob. "Can you bring some petroleum jelly please?" I ask.

"Sure thing." He tells me and goes off to get it. He drops it into my hand a minute later and goes back to writing on her chart.

I take some of the jelly onto the tip of my index finger and gently rub it along her swollen upper lip. She'll chafe if the tube rubs for too long. I rub some more on her bottom lip where the feeding tube touches her. I cap the jar and put it on the side table.

"You done this before man?" He asks.

"Doctor." I mutter.

"Ahh, you be Doctor Cullen then." He says. "I heard about you." He shakes his pen in my direction. "You be junior Cullen, big Daddy Doc Cullen be the cardio big man around here, right?" he asks.

"That's about right." I chuckle. It's an interesting way to ask if I'm related to my father. "And you'd be Bob, right?" I laugh.

He's chuckling too now. "Oh no, not Bob, I'm Iggy." He says in his thick Jamaican twang. Then in a plain voice, "But my mother named me Ivan and I've never been out of Washington." He laughs and offers me a hand across Bella's bed.

I shake it, laughing. "I think I'll call you Bob."

"Fair enough." He laughs. "Don't tell the nurses, I'll lose all my mystique."

"You're secret is safe with me." I tell him. "How were her obs during the night?"

He flipped the pages of the chart back and forth. "She's doing great. All her vitals are exactly what they should be, urine output is good and her temp has come down overnight. The drugs are working." He says in his regular voice. "I'm going off shift now but I'll be back at eleven tonight, keep her cool for me till then man." He switches, mid sentence, back to the Jamaican accent and waves on his way out of the room.

I busy myself with making Bella comfortable while I wait for mom to bring Elizabeth. From the nurses station I'm directed to where I can find a basin, extra towels and soap and a washcloth.

I try to be as gentle as I can with her as I wipe her down. I go nowhere near her lower body and confine my efforts to above her navel. I manage to wipe away the horrible brown stain from the iodine the surgeons covered her with during surgery and her skin begins to lose that pallid, orange tint as I go along. I'm careful to clean around the gauze on her breast and go very softly around the stitched laceration on her shoulder. Her hair is beyond my help and I won't be able to do anything with that until she's a lot better. But I can wipe the back of her neck for her and I do. The washcloth comes away caked in dried blood. Her hair must have been soaked in it before the staples closed the wound in her scalp. I did my best to clean as much of it away as I can without rubbing her skin raw.

Her face was harder to clean. The swelling under her left eye was almost gone, and with it the bruising. This was an older injury, maybe four or five days before the big beating so it had a head start on healing. I wipe her eye carefully and run the cloth over her cheek and across the part of her lip that was alright. I wipe it under her chin and down her throat too.

I rub down both arms and try to be gentle while I wash her broken fingers. I steer clear of the cannula and its tape but I do wipe each finger clean on that hand. I wash her toes the same way, gently washing each one before wiping the sole of her foot.

I hope she feels a little better. It wasn't a thorough wash but it was better than nothing. The nurses would have to wash the rest of her, I couldn't bring myself to try.

My breakfast tray arrives at eight and I chow down on cereal, cold toast and some juice. It's good and it will give me some energy. It was going to be a long day just watching her sleep.

I hear Elizabeth crying before mom comes into Bella's room with her so I was ready for the wailing. I take her straight away and stick my finger in her mouth. Her gums chomp down hard and she stops crying long enough for me to say hello to my parents. Dad hadn't been kidding, he did come by with mom just to visit.

He busies himself reading the notes on her chart from during the night and mom kisses Bella good morning before fishing in her bag of tricks for a pacifier for Elizabeth.

"She didn't sleep quite so well last night. She's been up for hours already, won't settle." Mom tells me and I mumble a sorry. I don't want to put her out and I don't want all her time to be consumed with Elizabeth. "Oh nonsense. Emmett didn't sleep until he was three and you were hardly much better." She tells me with a wave of her hand.

I bring Elizabeth with me to the other side of Bella's bed and lie her down beside her mother. I keep one hand firmly on her tummy so she can't roll off. "Bella baby, Elizabeth is here for a visit." I say softly. There isn't really anything else I can tell her so I sit quietly while dad finishes reading the chart.

"You aren't on duty Carlisle, you should visit." Mom hisses when he takes out his pen and clicks it in readiness to write. She gestures for him to join her at the side of the bed and he does.

He looks awkward and out of place without his lab coat on and his ID hanging around his neck. I can tell he has no idea how to visit with someone. He's not used to the protracted silences and the nervous embarrassment of watching someone just lie there.

"She had a good night." I tell them both to break the silence. Of course dad already knows that though. "The graveyard shift nurse is a bit unusual." I mumble.

"Let me guess, you met Iggy?" Dad actually laughs a little and I look at mom with wide eyes.

She's smiling but says nothing. "Yeah. Interesting character." I agree.

"A good nurse though. He resuscitated for eighteen minutes without a break for me once. Hell of a nurse." Dad tells me.

Elizabeth starts to grizzle and wriggle on the bed so I take her back into my lap. She's sucking furiously on the pacifier and I wonder if she's hungry. "How long ago did she have a bottle?" I ask.

"Around an hour I think. She might take some more though. There's one ready in the side pocket of the bag if you want to try again." She tells me and I reach for the bag.

Once the baby has the teat between her teeth I go back to discussing Iggy with my dad. Mom is rubbing vitamin E lotion up Bella's arm. Where the lotion came from is anyone's guess, but knowing my mother it came from within the cavernous confines of her handbag. I swear there are roast dinners in that thing sometimes. Maybe even dessert too. I wouldn't be surprised if there were national secrets in it.

"Did you assign particular nurses?" I ask my dad.

He smirks and I know that he did. "Possibly."

"You chose well, if you did of course." I chuckle.

Elizabeth sucks the last of the bottle dry and I sit her up and hang her over my shoulder. I pat her back like Emmett taught me with his boy and wait until she burps. It's a dainty little burp too, not like the window rattlers Angus used to do. Dad is watching me with a smug smile on his face and my mother looks like she's about to cry.

"Knock it off." I tell them both before they start in on me. "She's not mine." I whisper as I bring the baby back down into my lap. She's got heavy eyelids now that she's lying there like the fatted calf so I put her into the crook of my arm and hold her tight until she closes her eyes. I can't help but lean down and kiss her forehead. My mother sighs but I try to ignore it. Her fairytale ending seems just a little too farfetched for me just yet. When I am sure that Elizabeth is properly asleep I take her and lie her down on my bed. I wedge her in between my two pillows and make sure she can't roll either way.

"What happens for Bella now Carlisle?" Mom asks as she switches sides and begins to rub the lotion into Bella's other arm. This one has the cannula in it and it's the hand with the broken knuckles.

"Watch her fingers mom, the last two are broken." I tell her.

"Oh sweetheart." She croons to Bella sympathetically.

"Mel will come again this morning to repeat her neuro obs and I think she will be seen by the social worker too." My dad informs us.

My heart lurches. What social worker? What the fuck for? Will they take Elizabeth away from us?

I don't realise I've overreacted, or said it all out loud, until my dad has got his arm around my waist and is lowering me onto the end of Bella's bed. "Take some deep breaths Edward." He's rubbing my back and mom is hovering and I feel like a fucking circus freak.

I drag in oxygen and try to calm down. "What fucking social worker?" I manage to rasp out between ragged breaths.

Mom kneels between my knees and starts rubbing them too. God, since when did they go all touchy feely? Something isn't right in Dodge.

"We have to call a social worker Edward, I know you know that. But it's just routine, they won't take the baby from us, calm down." Dad tells me.

"How you can be sure, you hear about it all the time. The kid goes to some shitty fucking foster home and gets molested and sold to slave traders." I snivel.

Mom's smiling and dad's laughing at me. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Oh, you have got it bad." Dad chuckles. "Look, I won't let anything happen to either of them, I told you that already. I'm bound by law to inform Social Services. They'll send a nice lady in a cardigan out to see us and she'll see how bloody spoilt that baby is after only two days and she'll write a nice letter of recommendation in her little file. That's it." He tells me condescendingly.

"It'll be worse if we hide her Edward." Mom tells me reasonably. "Let them check us out, check you out, they'll see how good you are for her. We have nothing to hide."

I close my eyes and nod. They make good sense but I still hate the idea. "Bella can't tell them she wants us to take care of Elizabeth, will that matter?" I ask.

"I don't know, but there isn't anyone else they can ask either, is there?" Mom says reasonably, again, which just pisses me off even more for some reason.

It's like everyone is so calm and sure and in control and I'm so out of control. Hell I can't even function properly myself let alone help a baby or her mother. "How do you know there isn't anyone they can call? What about Charlie? They'll call him and they'll have to consider him before they consider us. What about Bella's mother? What about Jake, he's her husband." I spit the last word out from between clenched teeth.

Mom gets up then and starts pacing the width of the space between where I'm sitting and where Elizabeth is lying on my bed. She puts a hand on her hip and waggles her finger in my face. "Now, you listen to me Edward Cullen. That baby is not going anywhere. Charlie Swan is a drunk and a bully and I'll tell anyone who wants to listen that. Your father has patched Bella up enough times over the years to prove that the baby wouldn't be safe there. Bella's mother died when Bella was a baby herself so she's not going to put her hand up for custody is she." She takes another circuit of the small area and then bares her teeth in a long hiss. "As for that piece of shit she married, if he makes a whisper that sounds even remotely like he wants her I'll send Emmett and Jasper back around there to finish the job. Now that's an end to it. We failed Bella once, I won't allow it a second time."

She clicked her fingers and went out of the room with my father following close behind her.

I'd been told, it seemed.

When the door slammed behind them Elizabeth began to wail. I scooped her up and held her tightly, whispering softly to her to soothe her. They were back within minutes, my mother's red rimmed eyes proving how upset she'd been at the suggestion that Elizabeth should stay with someone else while Bella recuperated.

"I didn't mean to frighten you sweetheart." Mom cooed to Elizabeth and took her from me. She kissed her at her temple and handed her back. "You should go home with your father for a while Edward, I'll stay here with Bella."

I didn't want to leave her. "I can't."

"You can and you will. You'll be no good to either of them if you don't eat and sleep properly. Take Elizabeth home, settle yourselves into your room properly. She needs a bath, you should learn to do that for her."

"What if Bella wakes and I'm not here?" I whine. I can hear myself doing it but can't stop it.

Its dad who answers me this time and even before he says it I know what he's going to counter with. "She won't wake, not until tonight when we wake her. Come on, come home for a few hours, your mother won't leave her, will you dear?" He asks and mom assures me she won't leave Bella alone.

"Alice is coming in a little while and Rosie will bring Angus later too. The boys will come after work and you look like shit." She giggled.

"Fine." I huff. "I'll be back at six for her obs."

"Good. Have a good rest, both of you." She kisses me then Elizabeth and goes back to rub more lotion on Bella's legs.

I've loved Bella for over a decade and I've never touched as much of her as my mother has today alone!

I sling Elizabeth's baby bag over my shoulder and carry my backpack by its strap. The baby is content to lie in my other arm while we walk through the hospital. Nurses from every ward dash out from behind their desks to see her and to wish us well. We were famous for some reason. I would wager it's because my father is the youngest looking grandfather on the planet and all the nurses have giant crushes on him.

My father had to strap Elizabeth into the car seat because the stupid fucking straps and buckles were beyond me. He chuckled but said nothing as he drove us home.

I got her out of the car seat without a problem and felt pretty proud of myself as we went inside. Nothing was different and I wondered why I had thought that it would be. Probably because my whole existence had changed in the last two days and I thought everyone else's had too. Maybe not.

"Take her with you." Dad suggested and I looked down at Elizabeth. She was asleep again so I took her with me upstairs.

My bedroom looked completely normal. Bed, end tables, dresser all where it should've been. At first the changes Alice and Rosie had made weren't obvious but as I moved through the other rooms I saw what they'd done.

I had the whole second floor to myself since Alice and Emmett had moved out of home. Connecting doors had been put between the three bedrooms so I had rooms either side of my bedroom to use for whatever I wanted. One used to house my piano, the other used to be set up as a living room. The usual stuff. Television, bookshelves, a couple of sofas and a small desk and chair.

Now though, things had changed. My bedroom might be the same but the two other rooms were not.

My piano stayed put and everything else had joined it in the room. My desk was up against the far wall with the two sofas facing away from it. Between them was the cabinet with my TV on it and my bookshelves were up against the wall that opened into my bedroom. I liked it. It was a bit cramped because the piano took up so much room, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I could live with it.

I went back through my bedroom and into what used to be my living room. Now it was pink. And I mean pink. Everything was pink. Not the walls, although I would wager that at some point I would come home and they would be.

Gone was the dark green rug and drapes. Instead the windows had been thrown open and pale lace sheers hung there. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had these windows open.

A circular wooden crib stood in the centre of the room. It was made up with pink sheets and had a padded pink bumper that ran all around it. A mobile of brightly coloured butterflies hung from a long wooden pole attached to the back of the crib.

I put Elizabeth down into it and smoothed out the cotton sheet across her belly. She looked so tiny inside the crib. It was hard to believe that one day she'd fill it, even outgrow it.

I ran a hand over the changing station. It was tall and had a pink padded mattress type pad on top of it. There had to be a hundred bottles and jars under it on a shelf. Powders, lotions, potions pots and row after row of neatly stacked diapers. Cloth ones. Not the disposable ones.

There was a white bucket with a lockable lid on the floor beside the table and I figured that was for the actual used diapers. This I'd have to learn how to do. I was a disposable kind of guy. Disposable razors, disposable napkins, disposable cutlery.

A tall wooden double doored closet stood beside the table and I opened both doors wide. This was Alice' doing entirely. Dresses hung on tiny pink padded hangers. Shoes were lined up in tiny clear plastic boxes on the bottom shelf. Undershirts were neatly folded beside all in one grow suits. There were hats and socks, bibs and washcloths in the drawers, all in various shades of pink or lavender.

I couldn't help the quiet scoff that escaped my throat when I thought on what my mother had said at the hospital. Elizabeth _was_ spoiled already, it had only taken twenty four hours or so too.

I closed the closet quietly and went back into my bedroom. I emptied my backpack of its dirty clothes and threw them in the hamper in the bottom of my own closet. I listened to my message bank from the handset beside my bed. Two messages, one from Kate at the clinic wishing me well and one from Alice telling me to 'suck it up and let her spoil Elizabeth'.

She wasn't going to get any argument out of me. I'd seen where and how both the baby and Bella had been living, there was no way I was going to spare any expense when it came to looking after them. I had plenty to share.

I put Bella's wallet into my top dresser drawer and repacked my bag with clean clothes. I made my way back downstairs and find my dad sitting on the sofa in the living room reading the newspaper.

I crack open a beer and put one for him on the coffee table. He doesn't scold me for drinking during the day, he's a doctor, it's his night time right now and it may as well be mine too.

"Hell of a few days huh?" He mumbles as he sips from the bottle.

"Yeah. I went to work the other day wondering how to help Bella and now there is a baby asleep in a crib in what used to be my living room. Yeah, hell of a few days dad." I chuckle.

He chuckles too, low and long. He takes another sip of his beer and hands me the sports pages. It's quiet for a few minutes and then he starts. "So she isn't Jakes?" He asks out of the blue.

"That's what Jake told the boys." I confirm.

"Do you think he'd lie about that?" He's still reading his paper so I keep reading mine.

"I don't know. Can't see why he would." I tell him.

He makes a bit of a harrumph sound and turns the page. "That would mean she was pregnant before they got married, right?" He asks.

I tense a little, wondering whether he's implying something about Bella's character. I figure he isn't, for one he knows I'll slug him if he is, and two, he knows Bella. "I guess it would mean that, yes."

"I could order a paternity test." He says idly.

"I could too." I reply.

"I guess you could." He agrees. "Are you going to?"

"Nope. Are you?" I ask.

"Nope." He answers.

I take another drink of my beer and turn the page. Some stupid schoolgirl has gotten herself mixed up with a football player. A harness racing jockey has been suspended for taking cocaine on his days off and Tiger has been caught with his paw in the cookie jar again. Same old same old. "She's not mine." I tell him again.

"I didn't say she was." He mutters. "Did you know that there are over twenty thousand islands in the Pacific?" He asks for no reason.

"No, I didn't." I tell him. "Did you know that three days ago I called Bella's apartment and left a message on her answer machine?"

He turns the page again. "No, I didn't know that." He says nonchalantly. "Was it a personal message you left for her?" He asks like it's just another part of his geography lesson.

He's good like that. He knows where I'm going and he's letting me lead the merry chase to the point. This was how we were together. Clinical but interested. It worked. "It was a personal message. From memory I think I asked her to call me because I was worried about her. I think I enquired after Elizabeth and begged Bella to come back to the clinic for more treatment."

He folds the paper in half and puts it on the side of the sofa. He sips his beer and laces his fingers around the bottle. "Three days ago you say?"

"Yeah." I mutter. I'm not ready to put away my part of the paper yet. I intend to hide behind it a while longer and hope it masks my guilt.

"Is there any reason to believe that her husband heard this message three days ago?" He'd hit the nail on the head and I sighed, giving the answer away long before I said it.

"There is every reason to believe that Jake heard the message. His rules very clearly stated that she was to never answer the telephone. She had to leave all the messages for him." I see dad wince and know he's connecting dots.

"And you think he beat her because you called for her?" He asks nice and steadily.

I take another sip of my beer and put the paper beside me on the sofa. "Yeah, I think that's exactly what happened." I sigh.

"And these rules, they weren't things like put the lid of the toothpaste back on, don't leave the milk on the counter, don't wear shoes in the hallway, things like that, were they?" He asks astutely.

"Nope." Is my only answer.

"He came into emergency." He says quietly. "Calvin Harris had to stitch his lip and pack his nose."

"Must have fallen down the stairs, it happens, his apartment is on the second floor." I speculate.

"Oh I know it happens, it used to happen to Bella all the time." He sighs.

"It won't ever happen to her ever again, when she comes home with us I'll move us to the ground floor if it's what she wants." I tell him firmly, hoping he'd get my meaning. There would be no more 'accidents' for Bella.

"Good man, you read my mind." With a curt nod he went off to his study.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know your thoughts. **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Reveille

**BPOV**

"Squeeze when I guess your name correctly. Is your name Barbara? Is your name Mary? Is your name Isabella?"

I squeeze. I'm Isabella.

"That's a pass Margaret. Squeeze when you know where you are. Are you in a car? Are you in a restaurant? Are you at the beach? Are you in the hospital?"

I squeeze. I'm in the hospital.

"Another pass. Good girl. Can you open your eyes for me sweetie?" The soft voice says and I try to open them both, but only the left works properly. I see a bright light and close my eye as fast as I can. The pounding in my head is horrible but I really want to see who this voice belongs to. "Good girl, that's a pass." She reaches down and touches my toes and I squeeze her hand without needing to be asked. She laughs lightly. "Well done, definite pass. I'm just as sorry today to have to do this as I was yesterday, but I have to, alright?" I squeeze her hand to let her know I'm ready for it this time. I still jump and gag when she taps the tube in my mouth but I'm not so frightened today. "Perfect. Another pass." I try to look to see who she is, try to match her voice with her face, but my vision is just not strong enough to follow her as she moves beside the bed. A wave of nausea spreads from my belly and settles at the back of my throat when I try to move my neck to see her. "I'll see you again tomorrow Bella, you're doing fantastically well." She pats my shoulder and her voice is gone.

I can see if someone is right by the bed but I can't turn my face to follow them. It's quiet for a few minutes and I wonder where everyone went. I can still hear the machine behind my head whirring and I know there are others in the room with me, but I can't see or hear them. I start to feel panic.

I lift my left hand off the bed and wave it, hoping someone sees it and they come close enough so I know I'm not alone. A warm hand closes over mine and I close my eye in relief. I'm not alone.

A velvet voice in my ear then. "I'm here baby. I'm here. I won't leave you alone, I promise. You're doing really well. Nobody will ever hurt you again, I'll take good care of you baby." I feel warmth on my cheek and realize I've been kissed. I open my good eye but whoever it is is too far from the side of the bed and I can't see him. I know it's a him and hope it's Edward. I want to ask where Elizabeth is but I can't. I try but I gag on the tube. The hand in mine tightens and the voice whispers again. "Shhh. It's okay. It's okay. You just need to breathe baby. Listen to my breathing, slow yours to match."

I listen and try to match his. It's easy because I have no choice but to breathe along with the tube in my nose and the sound of his breaths. If I go against the tubing I'll gag again and it hurts when I try to swallow.

"Mal's ready Edward." I hear from somewhere in the room.

I don't know who Mal is but I know Edward. Edward is here, with me. And then he's right there, hovering over my face and I can see him, I can make out his beautiful features clearly with him so close. "Squeeze my hand Bella." He asks and I do. "Good girl. Mal is going to put you back to sleep now baby. You can rest now. Elizabeth is doing so well, she's so good. You sleep now, I'll be here. I love you baby."

He whispers the last words as the room slips away from me.

**EPOV**

Bella drifts back off into sleep and I can relax a little bit. Her neuro obs were good, better even than yesterdays perfect score. She anticipated Mel's request to squeeze so we all knew she was doing okay, at least mentally.

Dad isn't happy with her right eye yet but he insists it's too early to call in an ophthalmologist. I want to argue the point but don't want to rush either. It's only been two days and the swelling will take another week before any decisions can be made with any certainty. I'm well aware that it's going to be the longest week of my life, but I'm tough enough for the two of us. All she has to do is rest and sleep and heal, I'll do everything else.

When Mal has taken all his drugs and tubes away I straighten the covers on Bella's bed and kiss her goodnight. It's only eight but I'm exhausted and I am learning that I should sleep when I can.

Elizabeth slept for a good hour while I talked with my dad today but when she woke she really woke up. She screamed like a banshee until I put the bottle teat between her lips and even then she whimpered for a few minutes while she sucked. When she was fed I took her into the bathroom on my floor of the house. Mom said I needed to learn how to bathe her but there was nobody to show me how so I winged it.

I filled the tub to the brim with warm water, got naked, stripped her until she was naked too and then I took her into the tub with me. She came out clean and so did I. Epic win for me!

I put her on the floor wrapped in a towel while I dressed myself and then I took her into her new room and put her on the changing table. I dried her and that's when things began to go wrong.

She peed, soaking through the towel and getting it all over herself. I only just got that cleaned up and dropped the soiled washcloth into the bucket when she puked. Luckily she was still naked so I took her back into the bathroom and rinsed her off under the bath taps. Another clean towel later and she was in a diaper and in a dress. I had pee all over me and puke all up one side of my shirt but she was perfect.

I put her in her crib while I cleaned myself up but the instant I left the room she started crying. I slid my iPod into its dock on my bedside table and put on some classical stuff and it seemed to do the trick. I managed to dump the puke stained towel and its pee soaked partner into the washing machine and clean up the changing table without a problem, all while she listened to the music.

Another epic win for me!

I took her into my bedroom and laid her down on the bed beside me. I opened my mail and read it all to her. My bank statement had her enthralled for at least two seconds, which was a whole second more than it interested me. The propaganda promising me a thicker head of hair was more interesting but even more of a waste of my time. One thing I didn't need was more hair. By the time I started reading the letters offering me low rate home loans her eyes were closing. She was out cold at the mention of a ten year high school reunion and I didn't blame her.

She was still sleeping when my dad said he was going back for his shift and that he'd send mom home when he got there. I made him promise to stay with Bella till I got there and he did.

He was right there when I turned up, followed by Mel and Mal, the harassment twins as I liked to call them. One woke her up, the other worked her up. I knew it was necessary but I hated it. I was pretty sure Bella didn't enjoy it either.

Margaret brought me in a cup of coffee and a cookie at ten and I remembered lifting one eye and saying thank you but it was still there on the rolling table when I leapt out of bed for the IV alarm at one o'clock.

Bob beat me to it this time. He's got the bag changed and the alarm reset before I've got a foot on the floor. This time I find my glasses and I watch as he adjusts the flow rate and signs the chart.

"How is she?" I whisper.

"Asleep like she should be." He chuckles in his regular voice. "Temp good, pressure good, output good." He reads from her chart. "The rest is between me and the lady." He winks.

I get it. He can't tell me what else he's observed below the blankets, and I'm grateful. I'm still not ready to know. "Good." I tell him as he leaves.

I wake up a little stiff in the joints but a good hot shower sorts me out. I greet the new day with some good news from dad and Sandra the physio.

"We're going to take the breathing tube out today." Dad tells me. "She's got great lung function and she's not missed a beat since she was admitted, so I think it can come out." He confers with Sandra who agrees.

The physio will be on hand for when the coughing starts. And it will start. The use of the breathing tube down her trachea, and then its removal, triggers the coughing response. Bella has broken ribs seven through ten on the right side so when she coughs it's going to hurt, a lot. Hopefully she'll feel nothing because they aren't going to reverse her sedation, but she will cough anyway and Sandra needs to support her ribs while she does. Punctured lungs are harder to fix than broken ribs and prevention is worth two in the bush, or some shit.

"Can I help?" I ask as Sandra gathers the pillows from under Bella's head and asks for the two from my bed.

"Sure. You take the left side, I'll take the right. When Carlisle removes the tube she'll start coughing right away. I'll need you to press the pillow to her ribs on your side and support the lower back with the heel of your hand." She places a pillow across the bottom of Bella's chest on her side and I do the same. "Press slightly upwards, as if you are holding her innards in." She laughs. "Okay Carlisle." She tells my dad.

I hold the pillow firmly against Bella's chest and keep my hand to her back. Dad peels the tape away that's holding the tube in place and begins to pull it out of her nose. It sounds horrible and I feel so bad for her. She doesn't deserve all this.

There is a loud pop when the tube clears her nasal passages and as soon as it's out of the back of her throat she starts to cough.

"Press up Edward." Sandra encourages me and together we help Bella ride out the coughing fit.

Dad has his stethoscope in his ears and at the ready for when the coughing eases, which it does after about a minute. He presses it to Bella's chest and listens for any lung disturbance. I can't hear a rattle so I hope the first of her coughing fits didn't puncture her lung.

"All clear." He says and stands back.

Bella starts coughing again soon after but I'm right there, pressing against her chest with the pillow, and so is Sandra.

It takes a good half hour but eventually the coughing stops. She doesn't cough the whole time, it comes in fits and bursts as her throat gets used to the loss of the tube and her brain processes the fact that the irritant is gone. Bella is breathing on her own and with no chest rattle. I'm covered in sweat and my back is aching by the time Sandra declares the job done. I kiss Bella on the cheek and push the pillow back under her head. I smooth out her hair as best I can and whisper that I love her into her left ear.

"You did well, if you ever get sick of kids puking on you and little old ladies hitting on you, come and see me. We always need a good pair of strong male hands in physio." Sandra laughs and winks at me.

Dad is still chuckling when he leaves to go back to his own ward ten minutes later.

I go through the same routine as yesterday and wash Bella as best I can. Her hair is still matted with dried blood and I hate having to leave it like that, but at least I can wipe her face a little better this time. With the tube out of her nose I can wipe her upper lip and once she's clean I smear on a little more jelly.

She's missing her earring from her right ear so when I take the basin back to the storeroom I use my key to open Bella's security box, hoping it's in there. In a little clear zip locked back I find her earring her watch and her locket. I leave the watch and earring but take the locket back to her room.

I can't put her earring in because she's got stitches all along her earlobe and she has no need for a watch. But the locket I know she wants and needs. She's worn it her whole life. I've never seen her without it. It's got her teeth impressions in it from where she subconsciously chewed it right before Mike Newton asked her to the spring formal in the ninth grade. She runs it from side to side, slipping the loop along the chain, whenever she's tense. She wore it on her wedding day, I know because I was there. She didn't see me, but I was there. I saw her walk down the aisle on Charlie's arm and the locket was right there around her neck where it always has been.

I slip it around her neck and do up the clasp and set it at the base of her throat where it belongs. "You've got your locket back baby." I tell her. I grab her well worn copy of Pride and Prejudice and sit in the plastic chair beside her bed. "I thought I'd use our time wisely. I'll read you listen." I turned to page one and began, "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." I snorted. "What bollocks you read woman." I tell her but keep reading aloud.

I get through to chapter eight before the first visitors arrive. Rosie and Angus and Emmett turn up with flowers and a teddy bear for Elizabeth. I am, once again, pathetically grateful that they've all embraced how I feel about Bella and her baby and have just decided they are family. I push the worry that it might not be what Bella wants to the back of my mind.

Since its Saturday – a fact I didn't know until I asked Em why he wasn't at work – Alice and Jaz turn up as well. The boy's hands are healing well and Emmett has already ditched his bandaging. Jasper has to keep his on a little longer because of the stitches. He's a tenth grade history teacher so it didn't look too good when he turned up for classes with his hands like that. But apparently he earned a heap of props from the other male teachers when he told them he'd beaten the shit out of a wife beater.

I sit through a thrilling half hour of details about Emmett and Jasper's latest Xbox wrestling match and another ten minutes of Alice and Rosalie's shopping trip to Port Angeles the day before. I listen more intently when talk turns to Elizabeth and how wonderful she is. I thank my sisters for all they did in my rooms and get to sit through another half an hour of detailed information about where they bought every single item in it.

Our happy band of misfits is broken up when mom arrives with Elizabeth for a visit. Angus is already cranky and tired by that point so Rosie and Em take him home for his nap. Alice and Jaz hang around a little longer but they too are gone by the time my dinner tray is delivered.

Elizabeth is asleep in my lap and mom is napping on my armchair bed while I read some more. Dad wanders in with the harassment twins at six and takes Elizabeth from me. He tells me he'll take her for a wander through the cardiac ward for a bit and I should stay while Mel and Mal do their thing.

Mom snores on happily through the whole ordeal.

It goes a lot smoother now because Bella's breathing tube is gone and she doesn't have to fight against it anymore. I can tell she hates the feeding tube too, but that has to stay until she can eat on her own. I don't tell her when that will be though because nobody knows what her mouth, teeth and jaw will be like once the swelling is gone. She seems a little more aware and her left eye follows me as I move above her during her exam.

Bella passes the neuro exam again and I get a little longer to talk to her than I did in the morning. I tell her I love her and that Elizabeth is safe and happy and growing and eating and shitting like she should be. I kiss her goodnight and tell her to rest as Mal presses the plunger on his syringe. I begin to relax when Mel starts talking about laying off the neuro obs if she passes again the next morning.

Its good progress, nice and steady. Tomorrow will be three days post op and it's rare for complications to set in that far out from an operation. Dad brings Elizabeth back and we wake mom up. Dad goes off back to his ward to do his rounds, mom washes her face in the bathroom and I apologise about a hundred times for foisting a newborn baby on her. She is about ready to slap me by the time she leaves, telling me that she loves Elizabeth and Bella and that I should learn to lean on people more. She thinks I could do with being the one who needs support rather than the one giving it all the time. She kisses me, kisses Bella then takes Elizabeth home for the night.

I feel lonely as I watch her walk down the corridor with the baby. I start to wonder how many more days it will be before Bella can start talking with me while I visit.

I go back into her room and sit by her bed again. Margaret brings me a coffee at about ten and I decide I am tired enough to try and sleep.

I can't shake the gnawing feeling in my gut that tells me Bella might not want me here when she wakes up. She might not want to talk to me when she finds out I've taken her baby home without her consent. I fall into a restless sleep filled with images of screaming babies and screaming women.

~~~x0x0x~~~

I'm not done showering when I hear Bob talking in Bella's room. I figure it's either Sandra or Mel so I finish up normally instead of rushing. I slept so badly I hardly have the energy to bother shaving, but I do my best. When I'm done I gather my dirty clothes and go back through the connecting door.

I don't know who was more stunned when I saw who it was hovering over Bella in the bed, him or me, but I can say for certain that it didn't take long for the balance of power to shift and I had the upper hand.

I had Jake by the throat and the alarm button by the door pressed in a heartbeat.

"Let me the fuck go you fucking moron, I'm her husband." He was shouting.

I didn't say a word, I just kept him pinned to the wall. I knew if I opened my mouth my temper would get the better of me and I'd kill him where he stood. While he wasn't touching her he could be allowed to keep breathing.

Bob and Sheila come running. It's change of shift so they were both there. Sheila is at Bella's side in an instant, checking the monitors and her vital signs, thinking that the emergency is with her, not me.

Bob, on the other hand, has correctly identified the problem and is sneering down at Jake. "You need to step outside gentlemen." He hisses.

I let Jake go and we both go through the door out into the corridor.

"What the fuck? Who the fuck are you and why are you in my wife's bathroom?" Jake starts yelling while he rubs his throat with his fingers.

I spare half a second to look at Bob, he's got his hands up as if to say this isn't anything to do with him, but he's not moving away either. I nod minutely in thanks and turn my attention back to Jake. I keep my voice low and even and try to keep a hold on the tiny bit of self control I have. "I'm Edward Cullen and I'm the guy who took her out of her prison. If you ever touch her again I'll hunt you like the filthy dog you are. Get out of here and don't come back." I hiss.

And then he's got the balls to fucking snigger at me!

"She's mine, I own her and I have the paperwork to prove it." He smirks. "You're the doctor who keeps ringing her, aren't you?" He asks but doesn't wait for my answer. "I figured you had a crush on her, but I'll tell you right now she isn't worth it. Worst fuck I've ever had, like dicking a dead squid, but you probably know that already." Then he's coming at me, poking me with his finger, "You just do your fucking job and patch her back up and send her home."

Bob's barely holding his anger in by this point but he can't do shit because Jake's right, he is her husband and if she chooses to go home to him there is nothing anyone can do about it.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here." I tell Jake and he turns and leaves. Just like that. Comes at me then just turns and leaves.

He probably figured he'd accomplished everything he set out to do anyway. He's done his duty by checking on her, made his intentions clear to me, managed to degrade her again without her even being conscious and made me look like the aggressive one for man handling him in front of the nurses. Fuck!

I slide down the wall and put my head in my hands. Bob is right there, on his knees in front of me. "That's him right? He's the one who did this to her?" He's asking and I'm choking on tears and nodding violently.

There's snot dripping out my nose and my ears are ringing with rage and panic and I'm sobbing like someone's just run over my dog. "Jake." I mumble through the panic. "He beat her because I called her." I'm snivelling into my hands and Bob is cursing like a trucker.

Sheila comes out of Bella's room, I hear her walk back to the nurses station and then she's calling the security section, asking for someone to come down and see me. I get even more panicked, thinking I'm going to be escorted from the premises. But Bob is assuring me it's to protect Bella from Jake, not Bella from me.

Sheila is on her knees beside me then too, offering me a handful of tissues and rubbing my shoulder encouragingly. "I had to let him in Edward, he's her husband and until she says otherwise he's allowed to visit." She tells me and I nod.

"I know." I mumble. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to protect her." I admit.

We sit there like that until a security guard comes by to talk to me. I'm given a few minutes to collect myself and after I wash my face in the bathroom sink in Bella's room I go with the security guy into the patient lounge.

He tells me his name is Tony and he's the head of security at the hospital. He's got a notebook and a pen and he asks me to spill my guts. So I do. I tell him about Bella's situation and about how I can't do anything about Jake because of who her dad is and what he's like. I tell him that Jake has no legal claim to Elizabeth. He asks if I can prove it and I say that I can if the need arises. I explain about being able to do a paternity test and he makes notes in his book.

He makes a good suggestion about contacting someone else at Forks Police and I agree that I should go down there and make a formal statement. I tell Tony about Emmett and Jasper and that they came with me to collect Elizabeth and that Emmett took photos while we were there. He agrees that was an act of genius and also agrees that he never tells my brother that.

The informal meeting finishes with me assuring him I can control myself if Jake arrives again in between now and when I get a court order to keep him away, and I also agree to get my brothers to go with me to the police station to make a statement.

I'm preoccupied when the harassment twins turn up to do Bella's neuro obs and Mel takes me aside to ask what my problem is. I tell her Bella's got legal problems and that I am trying to work out a way to make them go away. She tells me she's there if I need to talk, I thank her and she gets on with the exam.

Thankfully it goes really well and the twins agree that Bella's brain is probably in good shape underneath her sedation. Today is day four and no new neurological signs have arisen, so it's agreed that unless she's needed we won't see Mel again for now. Mal on the other hand is still required for a couple more days.

So he goes from being one half of the harassment twins to being a single entity pain in Bella's ass, or cannula, if I'm being pedantic.

"You're doing so well baby." I tell her while she's still awake. "I know it hurts honey, but you rest some more and it will be much better in a few days. Elizabeth is great, perfect really. Mom is taking good care of her and everyone is spoiling her rotten." I'm crying by the time Mal depresses the plunger on the syringe. I'm so overwhelmed by the turn of events that Mal puts her right back to sleep without needing to ask. I get half a second more to tell her I love her and then she's out to it again.

Mal says nothing, he just clears up his shit and leaves.

I sit with Bella's hand in mine for a long time. I cry a bit more, more for my own stupidity than anything else, and I'm still sitting there like that when mom, dad and Elizabeth come to visit.

It's Sunday and dad's in a suit having come right from church. Mom's got a nice dress on and Elizabeth looks adorable in a white dress and pink shoes. She's even got a tiny pink ribbon tied in a spout of hair on the top of her head.

Mom sees the state of me and hands Elizabeth to me straight away. I thought she'd give the baby to dad and hug me, but she didn't. I take Elizabeth and hold her close. Her smell is so warm and delicious I can't help but sniff her while I hold her. I'm crying again then, I can't help it. I hold Elizabeth right up high, up under my chin and I'm rocking back and forth with her like she's the key to the entire universe.

Dad is reading Bella's chart, probably trying to work out what's wrong with me. But he won't find the answer there.

"It's not Bella." I snivel. "Jake turned up here." I tell them and my dad actually curses on the Sabbath. He even pulls out the f-bomb seeing as it's such a special occasion.

"Oh my god." My mom is shocked. She rushes to Bella's side as though Jake has somehow managed to make her worse.

"Esme, take the baby please." My dad asks. I kiss Elizabeth at her temple and hand her to my mother. I hope to Christ my father has got either a plan or some advice because I've got nothing. "You stay with Bella Esme, do you have everything you need for Elizabeth if we are gone for the rest of the day?" He asks her.

"I think so, yes. Alice will bring me whatever I need. Go." She smiles a little but I can see the stress under it.

Dad leads me out the door and down the corridor. "First we'll go to see Charlie Swan. When we get no joy from him we'll go to Port Angeles. Then we're going to see Gary Benson." He tells me as we slide into his car.

That he says 'when' we get no joy from Charlie and not 'if' we get no joy doesn't escape me. There's a history there that I don't know about, but I think I'm about to find out about it.

Ten minutes later we are both sitting opposite Chief Swan in his office at Forks Police Station. He's basically just told my father that Jake is a fine upstanding boy who works hard – he's a real estate agent didn't we know – who has had to put up with a lot from Bella this past year or two. He accuses me of trying to break up a happy family by pursuing Bella when she's already married. When asked about how he thinks Bella's injuries occurred he says he thinks she might have gotten herself caught up with some unsavoury characters in Port Angeles, there was a mention of drugs and gambling and that it was probably related to that.

Dad thanks Charlie for his time and ushers me out of the station before I can tear Charlie's head from his body and slam dunk it in his own trashcan.

We get back into the car and its a few minutes before dad speaks, but when he does he's decided not to hide behind his good catholic schoolboy persona and let the pissed off dad out. "Fucking dirty useless spineless drunken son of a motherfucker." He screams. "Bella and drugs!" He grunts. "Happy home my lily-white ass." He yells. "Bella wouldn't know what a happy home was growing up. He forgets who stitched her up all those times. He forgets how many times I reset her bones, how many concussions I nursed her through. How many times she turned up on our doorstep in the middle of the night bleeding. I'm going to crucify that bastard Edward and I'm going to take Jake down with him." He tells me.

"I never saw her bleeding. Why did I never know he was hurting her?" I ask in a quiet voice.

"I know you didn't see it then and if I'd known how you felt about her I wouldn't have kept it from you all these years. Edward, if I thought for one minute that she escaped Charlie only to have the same, and worse, happen to her at the hands of her husband I'd have told you and done something about it, but I didn't know." He assures me. "Son of a bitch. Okay, so plan B then. We'll go to Port Angeles and make a statement there. We have to get all this onto the record. I've got medical records of course and Emmett's got the photos he took, but you need to have your statement taken and we need to speak to a cop that's got nothing to do with Charlie fucking Swan."

It was a quick drive, dad was pissed and on a mission. On the way he called Emmett and told him to print out the photos he took and to not erase them from his phone. I called my clinic and asked Kate to make copies of all the notes there about Bella and Elizabeth. I had their files but there were x-rays and surgical notes as well as pictures and medication information held there in other sections.

A male and a female cop took our statements and neither of them looked particularly surprised when we mentioned Charlie Swan's unwillingness to help us. They made detailed notes about Jake and Bella and about Elizabeth and where she was right now. Dad assured them that in his capacity as Bella's doctor he'd already informed Social Services about Elizabeth and that they were planning to meet with us in a few days anyway. They said they still had to check but we had nothing to hide from the police, we'd come to them for help after all.

They asked to see the information both dad and I had about Bella's previous medical history and we were both handed a card that showed the number where the information could be faxed. They also asked for copies of the photos Emmett took and copies of the Polaroids dad had in the safe at home. I didn't even know he had any, but he said that he did and that they were welcome to them.

They agreed that my man handling Jake today had been foolish but understandable. The female officer went out into the reception area and came back to tell us that Jake hadn't made a complaint and that if he did they'd let us know right away. They suggested I get legal representation anyway. Dad assured them that he already had that covered. All I could do was sit and listen. Everyone knew what they were doing except me. I hadn't given any thought to the legalities of what I was doing let alone how to handle any legal problems I might have gotten myself into by taking Elizabeth out of the apartment that day.

Right before we left we were told how difficult it would be to prove that Chief Swan was neglecting his duties but that they were confident that once the question was raised someone higher up would investigate that part of our statement.

Dad took me to meet Gary Benson then. He had been mom and dad's best man at their wedding and he was also a pretty shrewd lawyer. I hadn't seen him in years but he knew me straight off, picked me as Edward and shook my hand enthusiastically.

He and dad talked for a while about Bella's situation and to me it sounded like this wasn't the first Gary was hearing about it. That didn't surprise me anymore. Four days ago I thought I was the only one who cared about what happened to Bella, I thought I was the only one who knew the situation she was in. Turns out I didn't know shit.

"If Jake has made no claim to the baby so far I doubt that he will. By the sounds of him he's only interested in getting his slave back. I suggest you attempt to prove paternity, or disprove it, if you can. If he applies to take Elizabeth the testing could take weeks and a judge would award him temporary custody while the tests are completed." He scribbles some notes on his page and then looks up at us again. "As for the claim of abuse that doesn't sound too hard to prove. If you've got irrefutable notes and pictures, and this latest stay in hospital to back it up, I shouldn't have too much trouble getting a restraining order."

"But she can't make a statement, he'll just say its all lies and she can't say anything for herself." I get panicked again thinking about how Jake has the law on his side. "Plus I threatened him this morning so what happens if he puts a restraining order on me?"

"I hope he does." Gary said with a smirk. "That would take a lot of the hassle out of what we have to do. I can guarantee you that I'll be granted an order for him to stay away from her, and if he has the same awarded to him because of you he's doubly bound to stay away from the both of you."

I hadn't thought of it that way, it would be an extra insurance. "Okay, but Bella can't say who she wants to see and who she doesn't."

"If I can show enough cause a judge will approve the order. If her husband isn't hurting her – and I believe you that he is – he'd still have to abide by the order until such time as she is able to tell a judge that it's a false accusation." He tells me.

"Will a judge listen to you though? She hasn't asked you to represent her." I hate having to be the pessimist but I want all the bases covered.

"That's true. Also, no court would appoint you or your father as Bella's health care proxy because you, Carlisle, are her treating physician and you, Edward, are not a relative. But, she has a minor child and I can have a guardian appointed for her. If you say the grandfather won't object I should be able to push it through. I think its best that the guardian is Esme, as she will be the primary caregiver of the child while Bella recovers. Do you both agree?" Gary asked.

I looked at dad and he nodded, so I did too.

"Good. Once Esme has been granted temporary guardianship of the child I can apply for her to become Bella's health care proxy. That means she will have control of any medical decisions that need making and also means she can engage whomever she likes to represent the child, and therefore Bella's interests in the child. Esme hires me I represent Elizabeth and Bella by default." He sat back and put his laced hands behind his head.

"Does that sound alright to you Edward?" dad asks me.

"Yeah." I scrub at the back of my neck with my hand and sigh heavily. "I can't fucking believe all this shit. I should've done something before now."

"You and me both, son." Dad says and gets to his feet.

He shakes Gary's hand across the desk and I do too. I thank him for all the bullshit he's about to wade through on our behalf and he laughs saying he was getting bored writing up pre-nups so bored housewives could legally screw millions out of stupid men anyway.

The drive back to the hospital is quiet. There is so much swirling around in my head. I realize it's all necessary shit, the legal stuff and the court orders and decisions for and about Bella and Elizabeth, but I'd much rather just take them both home and forget the outside world exists at all.

It's close to dark by the time we get back to Bella's room. Mom and Elizabeth are asleep in my armchair bed, the half eaten lunch tray is still on the rolling table and Bella's obs look good.

There is a note from Alice telling me to keep my chin up and that she's rooting for us. Its sweet and I wish she was here so I could thank her in person. I settle for a hurried text message. Dad pats Elizabeth on the head and kisses mom's cheek while she sleeps, tells me he'll be back when it's time for Mal to wake Bella up and then heads off for his shift in his own ward.

Mom and Elizabeth sleep while I clean up the room. I carefully wash Bella as best I can and apply more petroleum jelly to her lips. Her temperature is almost normal now so I know the infection is lessening as it should. Her skin is beginning to plump up a little bit around her joints but she's still really frail and really thin. Her left eye is almost normal size now and the bruising under it is all but gone. The right side of her nose is still blue from the surgery but the left side is a normal colour and the right size.

The swelling in her fingers has lessened a heap and her toes are almost the size they should be now. Because all she's done is rest for four days straight the bones in the top of her foot would be almost knitted too now. I wash her feet and calves gently and replace the blankets around her so she stays warm.

I ditch the basin and its water in the storeroom and grab a coffee from the lounge on my way back. I sit in the plastic chair beside Bella for a bit and when my dad and Mal come in and get set up to wake Bella I take Elizabeth off my mom's chest.

She's grumpy and wriggles a lot but she goes back to sleep without too much trouble. I want Bella to see her tonight, I want her to know that she's okay without her having to take my word for it.

I still don't know if Bella is okay with us taking care of her daughter so I have to show her that Elizabeth is thriving and that we've only got her best interests at heart.

Bella wakes slowly and by the time dad has checked out the injuries under the blankets and then the ones on her face, scalp and shoulder, she's ready for a few minutes of contact before going back to sleep.

I bring Elizabeth to the edge of the bed and hold her out so Bella can see her. "Elizabeth is here baby. She's asleep right now but she's here and she's fine, see?" Bella blinks and I hope that's her way of telling me she can see her daughter. "Everything is going to be fine baby, just rest and get well. You're doing so well Bella. Its better without the breathing tube isn't it and in a few days you can have the other tube taken out and you'll feel so much better again. I love you honey, just rest now. Okay Mal." I tell him when Bella's heart rate begins to climb. I kiss her on the cheek softly and wish her pleasant dreams.

I look to my dad and raise an eyebrow at the monitor.

"She did well Edward. It can't always be nice and steady. I will put the spike in heart rate down to her seeing the baby, she's worried, that's all. I think we'll still wean her off the sedation over the next twenty four hours." He tells me while he writes on her chart.

"Are you sure? I mean it's only been four days and the swelling's not gone. She's so thin, what if she can't eat on her own because of her jaw?" I'm rambling but I can't help it. Today has been an emotional rollercoaster and I'm losing it.

"Of course those are all considerations Edward, but the sooner she's awake the sooner we can assess her jaw and get the dentist back to look at her teeth. You know its better that she's awake. She'll be heavily medicated, I promise she won't be in too much pain." He tells me and I nod reluctantly.

I know he's right, the doctor in me knows all this shit, but the man in me just wants her to sleep through the whole recovery process and wake up perfect and refreshed at the end.

Elizabeth starts to wriggle in my arms and pretty soon she is wailing for a bottle. I am feeding her when mom wakes up. She's missed everything and I am glad. Dad explains to her what Gary wants to do and she asks me if that's okay.

"You will ask me before you make decisions for them, won't you?" I ask in a soft voice.

Mom hugs me around my shoulders and kisses my hair like she used to do when I was little. "Of course sweetheart. These girls are your family now." She tells me and I relax a little.

Elizabeth finishes her bottle and lets out a monumental burp and fart that cracks me up. "Not quite as dainty as you look, are you?" I laugh.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. The response to this story has been both amazingly encouraging and staggering in its abundance. **

**Thank you all so much for taking the time to review, it makes me type faster ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – Melioration

**BPOV**

"Open your eyes Bella. If you can hear me open your eyes."

I can hear the voice but I can't open my eyes. They feel too heavy and I just want to sleep some more. I didn't hear my alarm clock going off so it can't be time to make breakfast yet.

"Open your eyes Bella. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

The voice just won't leave me alone this morning. It's not Charlie, he'd push me out of the bed if I slept in, it can't be Jake either because he would kick me on his way past, so I open my eyes to see who it is that's bugging me.

That's when the pain grabs me. All along the right side of my face. Hot and angry pain shoots across my cheek when my eye opens. There's a man standing above me, staring down at me and I panic for a second until I remember where I am and why I hurt so bad.

There is a hand in mine so I squeeze it and someone nearby sighs.

I blink a few times and let my eye adjust to the light. It starts to not be quite as bright as before. It's kinda comfortable for my left eye, but my right one doesn't want to open yet. There is a ringing in my right ear and my lips hurt.

It's easier to breathe and I try to push my tongue to the roof of my mouth to see why. I've still got the tube in my mouth but not the one in my nose. I remember Edward telling me before that it would be easier now that one was gone. He's right. A little bit.

"Squeeze my hand if you know where you are sweetheart." The soft voice says again. I squeeze and hope he can feel it. "Good girl." He says.

The voice is coming from the face hovering over me but the hand that's squeezing mine is on the other side of the bed. I want that person. I want to see that person because I know that's Edward. He promised he wouldn't leave me alone so that has to be Edward there.

The wrong one puts his hand onto my arm and starts talking again. I want Edward but I listen to what this one he wants me to do too. "I'm going to run my hand across your body now. I want you to squeeze Edward's hand if you feel pain where I touch. Squeeze if you understand."

I squeeze and Edward tells me that's great. I want to see him, why won't he move closer so I can see him?

I try to speak around the tube but it's just a gurgle that makes me gag.

"Shh baby, don't try to talk right now, that tube will hurt your throat if you do. Shhh, it's alright, I'm right here." Edward whispers into my ear. I can feel his breath against me, it feels nice.

I've never been this close to him. He smells nice. Like soap and sunshine. I miss the sun. Elizabeth is allowed in the sun, I haven't seen it in weeks. I get distracted and feel a bit nauseous when I'm yanked back to the present.

"Okay Bella. I'm going to run my hand up your left leg. Squeeze his hand if it hurts at all." I hear the other voice again and try to concentrate on what I'm feeling.

His hand is warm but nothing hurts so I don't squeeze. I feel his hand switch to my left right and it feels fine too. When he gets to my ankle I tense. My foot was sore before and my toes were broken too, so I get ready to squeeze my hand. The top of my foot is okay, tender but not sore so I don't squeeze but when he runs his fingers over my toes I squeeze hard.

"Sorry sweetheart. That's a yes on the toes still Sheila." The voice says and I wonder who Sheila is. "Okay, we'll do your arms now."

He runs his hand up my left arm but its fine, the right arm is fine too but not the top of my shoulder. It stings a bit there. I squeeze.

"A yes on the right shoulder. Bella you have some stitches there, that's why that hurts. They'll come out in a few days and it will be good as new. Does it hurt when I touch your neck at all?" He asks.

It doesn't so I don't squeeze. It's stiff and I don't think I can turn my neck too far without being sick, but it doesn't hurt. He runs his hand down over my collarbones and towards my ribs on the left side. I know this isn't going to hurt but I know the other side will so I'm already tense and waiting for the pain that I know is to come. Sure enough when he runs his hand across the bottom couple of ribs I flinch and pull away and squeeze Edward's hand tight.

"Sorry sweetheart. That's a yes on the right Sheila. I need to check your other injuries now Bella. Edward knows about your breast but nothing else. Squeeze now if you would like him to leave the room for this part." The voice tells me.

I open my left eye as far as it will go and search for Edward's face but I can't see him. He can't know about this part. I don't want him to know what Jake did to me, it's disgusting what I had to do to stop him beating me, I squeeze as hard as I can and hear Edward curse softly. I want to tell him I'm sorry, I don't want him to be angry with me for not sharing this with him, but I can't have him here when the doctor does this.

"I'll be outside baby." Edward tells me and for a brief second I see his beautiful face as he leans over and kisses my cheek. "Call me when you're done dad." He mumbles and leaves.

Oh my god. His dad is my doctor! Carlisle has patched me up so many times already, he's put me back together when I thought I would come apart at the seams.

I get no time to contemplate what it's going to mean that Carlisle is about to check me out under my clothes because as soon as the door clicks shut another hand is in mine.

"I'm Sheila Bella, your daytime nurse. You squeeze my hand when you feel pain." The owner of the hand tells me.

Carlisle lifts the blankets off my body and I shiver as the cool air hits my skin. He pushes into my belly with his fingers but it doesn't hurt. The bottom of my ribs hurt when he does the same to my hips but he's not pushing on my ribs so I don't squeeze. Next he digs his fingers in between my breasts but there is nothing there to hurt me either.

"I know your right nipple is sore, and it's still covered because you have stitches in it Bella, so we'll mark that as painful without having to manipulate it please Sheila." Carlisle says carefully.

I'm grateful. It hurt so much before, with stitches in it I imagine it would be agony if anyone touched it now.

"Okay Bella, this is going to be uncomfortable for you but I need to check your vaginal stitches now, I'll be as quick as I can and I'll try not to hurt you. Just try to relax." Carlisle tells me softly but it's too late.

I know what's coming. He's going to make me part my legs for him. He's going to touch me there. He's going to see me. He'll know that I'm all torn, he'll think I'm a slut who can't lay off sex long enough to let herself heal after her baby was born. I can feel the hot tears falling from my left eye before he's even touched me. They sting my right eye and I try to speak, to tell him not to touch me but I gag on the tube and no sound comes out. Then the alarm clock sound goes off again but it's louder. Then there is another alarm and I gag on the tube in my mouth and fight for the right to swallow.

There is someone else with me then, Sheila lets go of my hand and then I feel a cold rush of something going into that hand and up my arm. All of a sudden there is another man's voice. "Pushing the Halothane now." I hear him say.

I hear Edward again then. He's shouting but I can't make out what he's saying. The alarm is still going off when I fall asleep.

**EPOV**

"What the hell happened?" I shout at my dad.

Sheila is at the head of the bed switching the monitors over so the alarms stop. Mal is clearing up his gear and Bella is asleep again.

"Her heart rate spiked when I began her exam. Mal sedated her right away, a mild panic attack I think." Dad tells me and I go right to the head of the bed.

I take her hand and kiss her cheek and wipe away the tears that are still leaking out of her left eye. "It's okay now baby. I'm here. Nobody is going to hurt you, I promise." I tell her and lay my cheek along hers. I turn my face so my dad can see my eyes. "Can you go now? Just leave her alone." I hiss.

He nods but he aint happy. I don't really give a shit. He obviously upset her and now I just want him to go away, Sheila too, so I can look after her myself.

When it's just us again I tell her I'm sorry, that I'm doing all I can to help her and that she just needs to sleep for a little longer and get well. I want to tell her that it's okay that she doesn't want me in the room while she's being examined but I'm not ready to voice it just yet. She's asleep and won't wake up again until the sedation is allowed to wear off or Mal reverses it again, so I just sit and talk to her for a little while. It calms me and I hope it helps her too although I've got no way to know.

I know from all the research that coma patients do better both physically and mentally if they've had visitors who speak to them during their sedation so I keep talking. I want her to know that I'm there, I want her to know that she's loved and I want her to know that she's safe even as she sleeps.

I can't meet Sheila's eyes when she comes in to do Bella's obs and I know she feels the tension in the room. "How is she?" I ask, my head still resting on Bella's hand at her side.

"Stable. Dr Cullen senior has dropped her sedation dosage by a quarter every four hours so she'll be lucid by this time tomorrow." She said softly.

"I'm sorry I told you to leave before." I mumble against my hands.

"It's fine Edward, really. I get it all the time." She chuckles. "I understand, you're stressed and she's got a hell of a fight on her hands to get well. Don't worry about it."

"I am sorry though." I tell her. "I'm just so helpless. I'm usually the one doing something, now I just sit here."

"And that's what she needs from you right now. To just be here. She knows you're here, she can hear you, it's not a waste of your time or hers." She comes to the side of the bed and takes Bella's temperature using an ear probe. She's writing on the chart as she speaks. "I think you should bring the baby more often though. You might not think Bella knows she's here but I'm betting she does, on some level. And Elizabeth knows Bella, more than you realise. Just smelling Bella will calm Elizabeth and it can't hurt you to spend some more time with the little one either." She grins.

It all makes good sense. "Thanks. I'll ask mom to bring her more often." I mumble.

"Well, she's doing well so I'll be back in an hour for another set of obs. Read to her some more, her saturation rates peaked when you were reading to her last time." She tells me as she's leaving.

_That _makes me lift my head. Her sats went up when I read? That was news to me. There was no way just reading would make her take in more oxygen, or for her lungs to process it more efficiently, but if Sheila says it will help I'll do it.

But first there is some business to take care of. I take the two thick files out of the bottom of Bella's closet and take them to the nurses station. I scribble a note for someone to make copies of everything in them and then I bundle them into an internal mail packet addressed to my clinic. I text Kate to make sure she knows they are coming and then I head back in to Bella and our reading date.

"I think we were up to the part where Elizabeth walks all the way to Bingley's and his sister is hanging shit on her for it. So I'll start there. T_o walk three miles, or four miles, or five miles, or whatever it is, above her ankles in dirt, and alone, quite alone! What could she mean by it? It seems to me to show an abominable sort of conceited independence, a most country-town indifference to decorum. _She's such a bitch his sister, she's got a stick up her ass that one. _It shows affection for her sister that is very pleasing said Bingley. I am afraid Mr Darcy, observed Miss Bingley in a half whisper, that this adventure has rather affected your admiration of her fine eyes. Not at all he replied, they were brightened by the exercise. _I don't know too much about Austen but I reckon Darcy should tell his best friends sister to shut her trap. Elizabeth Bennett is hot, even in the crappy black and white versions on the telly she's always played by hot girls."

I was still crapping on about the pissy sister when mom brings Elizabeth in.

"Good morning you two, look whose come to visit." She is beaming as she hands the baby to me. "Good morning darling." She makes me bend down so she can kiss my cheek and then she goes right to Bella's side and kisses her too.

Elizabeth is wriggling in my hands. I kiss her and sniff her which I know is bloody weird, but I like it anyway. If they could bottle that baby smell I'd buy it. "Good morning little one." I tell the baby. "How was she last night?" I ask my mom.

"Perfect, of course." She tells me though I think she has the potential to bullshit when it comes to babies. I remember her telling me once that Angus was perfect too. And that was right after he'd screamed for two hours straight then puked in her hair. So her idea of perfect and mine were pretty different.

I take the baby to Bella's side and sit with her in the plastic chair. "So the nurse was saying I should keep Elizabeth here a bit longer during the day, that Bella will know she's here, it might help her. What do you think?" I ask as I arrange Elizabeth so that she is lying beside Bella.

"I think she's right. She might only be a few weeks old but she knows her mother and Bella knows when she's near too. I really do believe that. I'll nip home later and bring you some things for her. Maybe we can arrange it so that I bring her in the morning and Alice collects her in the afternoons?" She asks.

"That would work for me." I tell her. "Bella, Elizabeth is here." I say and run my hand over the baby's belly. "She's had a tough morning." I tell my mom who is already lathering her hands with lotion.

"I know, your father came home right after. I think it will do him good to be told to get out more often." She grins.

I cringe. "I'll have to apologise for that later. It's just so frustrating for me here. I can't _do_ anything and he can. I think I hate that." I admit.

She stops rubbing Bella's arm for a second and smiles at me across the bed. "Of course you hate that, who wouldn't? If it's any consolation he feels horrible having to test her pain levels." She whispers at the end.

Elizabeth starts gurgling and I smile down at her. "Do you really think she knows Bella?" I ask.

"Definitely. By smell and the sound of her heartbeat, I am certain of it." She tells me.

I watch as she lathers more lotion between her hands and begins to rub it up Bella's calf. I long to do that for her but know I'll need to wait for an invitation from Bella before I can. I can enjoy watching it until then. "You should keep reading." Mom suggests.

"Toss me that book then." I nod toward the side table. Mom passes me the book and I open it to where I left off. It's hard to turn the pages because I've got one hand on Elizabeth's belly and the other on the book, but I manage.

I'm still reading and mom's still rubbing lotion into Bella's skin when my lunch tray comes. I decide to take it outside into the private garden while mom stays with Bella. I take my lunch outside first then come back for the baby and the newspaper mom brought with her. I spread one of the blankets from my bed out on the grass in some mottled shade and then lie Elizabeth down on it on her back. She squints against the shadowy sunshine at first but then her eyes adjust and she starts gurgling away again. I lean back against the legs of the bench and eat my lunch, talking to her the whole time about stupid stuff, anything I can think of to fill the silence.

Today's meal is cold chicken and salad and it's surprisingly good. All the tension and stress I've got going on makes me hungrier and more tired than I normally would be so I eat the whole lot plus the apple and the packet of cookies on the tray.

When I'm done with the food I dip a finger into the cup of juice on the tray and put it in the baby's mouth. She sucks hungrily at it. I do it again and again and she sucks and licks the juice from my finger. It's odd that I like it so much when she does that and again reconcile the feelings with wanting her to want to be close to me. I want her to need me like she needs my mother I guess.

I lie down beside her and rub her tummy. I close my eyes against the dappled light and talk to her in half whispers while we rest.

"I suppose I should tell you about me huh? I mean, you live in my room and we don't even know each other that well do we? Seems weird. Well, I'm twenty-seven next birthday so that makes me two years older than your mommy. Her birthday is September thirteenth and mine is June twenty, so I guess I'm closer to three years older, but it doesn't matter does it? You know my mom and dad but I guess you don't know the others that well yet. They're pretty great but I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the boys I said that. We have this thing going. It's a sort of mutual pretend dislike. I don't know why we still do it, but we do. I think it started when my little sister started dating Jasper. Alice is my sister and she's the same age as your mommy. Anyway, when Alice was eighteen she met my friend Jasper at a party in my dorm room at college and they fell in love right away. I didn't like it very much so I tried to stop being Jasper's friend. Stupid huh? Well, Alice said I was being stupid and that she'd dump him and make herself miserable on purpose if I didn't start being his friend again. So I said I'd be his friend again and she stayed his girlfriend. My big brother Emmett didn't like it that our little sister was Jasper's girlfriend either, so we agreed to both secretly hate him. We really both like him though. He's a good guy and he's real good to our sister, but we don't tell him that we like him, ever." I'm almost whispering by this point because it's so warm and nice outside and I can feel myself drifting into sleep.

I keep rubbing Elizabeth's belly and hope she's getting sleepy too. "The blonde lady who drove you to my home that first day is Rosalie. That's Emmett's wife. I don't know what your first impression of her was but she scared me the first time I met her. But she's great once you get to know her, I promise. I know she likes you already because she keeps volunteering to visit with you, she doesn't do that for just anyone. You know Angus by now though right? He's crazy. All that running around and butting things with his head and stuff. But he's amazing too. He's a quick learner and walked really early. He's fun to have around. I give him sweets when his mommy says no, it's our secret, don't rat me out will you?" I ask her. "So that's the family. Now, I'm a doctor like my dad only he's a big time cardiac specialist and I'm a lowly primary care physician. But it works for me, I get to meet all sorts of interesting people, he only gets heart cases." I tell her with a snort, as though she knows what the hell I'm crapping on about and has agreed that I got the better deal over dad. "I don't work here at the hospital like him, I work at a free clinic. That means I can help people who don't have enough money to pay for their medicine. I'm going to have to go in there in a few days, see some of my regular patients. I'll take you there one day so you can meet the others." I stop to take a breath and let myself fall headlong into sleep.

I don't know how long we both slept but I wake up with mom in my face telling me to get out of the sun before I cook. I scrub at my eyes and reach beside me for Elizabeth. I'm on my feet and searching for her when I realise she's not there on the blanket beside me. I relax in relief when I see her in mom's arms.

"Shit." I mumble and rub my eyes again. "I didn't mean to fall asleep, I can't keep my bloody eyes open lately." I mutter. I reach for the baby and mom reluctantly gives her back to me. I kiss her cheek and scoop up the blanket.

Mom takes my lunch tray and I follow her inside. The wall clock above the nurses station tells me I was asleep for over an hour. At least Elizabeth got some time outside, Jakes rules meant she'd hardly seen the outside world at all.

Back in Bella's room I can see the changes. Mom's been home already and brought back things for Elizabeth. There is a pink bag on the floor beside my armchair bed and another smaller one on the rolling table. There is a horseshoe shaped pillow on my bed and a big bag of disposable diapers beside it.

"Thanks mom." I mumble as I take Elizabeth back to Bella's side. "I'm sorry for all this messing about."

"Nonsense. Elizabeth needs her mother and her mother is here, so that's where she should be too." She tells me as she starts unpacking things out of the backpack and putting them into the drawers in Bella's closet. "Alice will come after she finishes work tonight and collect her. Jasper says he's coming along for the ride but secretly I think he wants to play with Elizabeth. There are three made up bottles in the fridge in the lounge but there is a container with measured doses of formula in the side pocket of the other bag. I'll get going if you think you're all set?" She tells me once the drawers are sorted out.

I'm a bit nervous, I've not been really left alone with Elizabeth without someone else around to help out but I tell her I'm fine. She kisses Bella then Elizabeth then me and then the three of us are alone again.

First thing I do is change Elizabeth's diaper. There are these awesome smelling plastic bags in with the diapers and I wrap the used one up in that and stick it in the rubbish bin in Bella's bathroom. I read Bella's chart out loud so the room isn't so silent and then we go and investigate the contents of the bags mom brought in. My iPod is in there and so are my cell phone charger and my mail. The mail is boring, a bill for my car insurance and two letters from drug company reps. I snort when I realise I have no idea where my car even is!

I remember driving it here four, or is it five now, days ago but after that I have no idea where it is. Come to think of it I have no clue what day it is. My cell phone tells me its Monday and its two in the afternoon. The days are all melding together and I have no concept of time when I'm this mentally exhausted.

I decide to take Elizabeth for a walk around the hospital and introduce her around. She's been cooped up in that apartment for her whole ten weeks of life so I figure a little social time might do us both good. I kiss Bella and let Sheila know where we're going to be and that my pager is switched on at my belt. She suggests we go down to the children's ward so we head that way.

I let the nurse on duty know who we are and what we're doing so we don't get kicked out and she tells us to enjoy ourselves and waves towards the beds.

Now, Forks is a pretty small place, at best the population hits three and a half thousand regular residents, so I didn't think the children's ward would be teeming with little tackers, but it was. There are eight beds in the general ward and they're all full. Two of them has two identical kids in identical striped pyjamas. There is a woman sitting between them trying to referee a fight over a bright green toy car. She tells me they are twins and they've been fighting since the womb and now they are fighting over who's got more stitches than the other from a fight two days ago about who can jump from the highest point of the next door neighbours step ladder. Apparently Jeremy, he's older by ten seconds and his brother James resents the hell out of it, has one more stitch and is lording it over his brother. I smile but move on. Those are the sorts of kids who make me want to slap them. I'm in enough trouble as it is so I go for something a little less stressful.

The next bed has a little girl asleep in it so I move on further still until I spot a little fellow in a high sided crib. He's got the sort of hair I had as a kid. It sticks out at all angles and looks like it's got a pound of product in it when in reality you'd trade anything to have hair like your brothers that just sits flat. This little guy is about four, maybe three I'm not an expert, and has a direct feed oxygen tube taped to his nose. His chart says he's actually four – good guess Edward – and is a ward of the state. His name is Joshua and he's got an antibiotic resistant chest infection. I don't think he's going to be having any visitors anytime soon if he's an orphan or is in foster care, so I sit down beside his crib on his plastic chair. I prop Elizabeth up on my lap and we start chatting away to the little guy.

"Hello Joshua." I tell him and he smiles.

"I'm Joshua." He says.

"Yeah, I got that. I'm Edward, this is Elizabeth. How are you doing today?" I ask him.

"I have a robot." He tells me and fishes out a little metal robot figurine thing from a small string bag tied to the edge of the crib. He holds the robot out to me and I take it.

"It's pretty cool. Does he have a name?" I ask and hand it back.

"Nope. He's just a robot." He says.

He wipes his nose with the back of his hand and it comes away covered in green snot. I take a tissue from his rolling table and wipe it off his hand then get a clean one and wipe his nose. "What else have you got in your bag?" I ask.

Elizabeth is just happily sitting in my lap. Joshua fishes around in the little bag and comes out with three pieces of Lego and a handful of army men. "I have a book too." He tells me proudly and he dives back in to retrieve it.

He hands me the book. It's just a little picture book, a few ragged pages with some brightly coloured pictures on each one. I move a little closer and start reading. I get halfway through when a woman comes and sits on the other side of his crib.

"Hi, I'm Rachel, I see you've met our Joshua." She smiles and holds her hand out across the crib for me to shake.

"Hi, I'm Edward, this is Elizabeth. We were just visiting." I tell her.

"That's great. You don't get a lot of visitors do you little man?" She pats him fondly. "I'm his foster mom." She tells me. "Is your little one sick too?" She asks, nodding at Elizabeth.

"No, her mom is." I say sadly.

"Joshua's too. That's why he's with us." She smiles at him and he sits back down and starts playing with his robot again. "Cancer." She whispers over his head to me.

I nod sadly. I see it all the time. Single moms doing really well then they get sick and leave behind poor little buggers like Joshua. She's shared with me so I figure I should share too. "Bella, that's Elizabeth's mom, she got beaten up."

Her eyes widen. "Jeez, that's rough, sorry to hear that. Is she going to be alright?" She asks.

Joshua hands her his robot and sets about locking and unlocking his handful of Lego bricks.

"Yeah, eventually." I tell her hopefully. "She's still sedated at the moment."

"Oh you poor thing, and with such a young baby to look after too. Are you kangaroo cuddling with her?" she asks.

I raise one eyebrow at her like she's an imbecile when in reality I'm the idiot. "I never thought about that." I jump up, startling Elizabeth. "Thanks so much, I gotta, yeah, thanks so much, I'll be back tomorrow. Thanks so much." I tell her like an idiot and start to walk, almost jog really, back out of the ward. I can hear Rachel chuckling as I go.

I spend ten seconds at the nurses desk by the children's ward to let the nurse know that a heap of toys will be delivered tomorrow and that they should make sure that Joshua has his pick of them right away.

I'm texting Rosie with one hand and holding Elizabeth with the other. I ask Rose to buy whatever toys she likes, just buy lots of them, and charge it to my credit card. I ask her to bring them by tomorrow if she gets a minute. I get a quick 'yeah, I'll do your shit, you fag' as a reply and I'm still chuckling over it when I get back to Bella's ward.

The shift has swapped over so it's Margaret I find at the nurses station when we get there. "Can I let Elizabeth kangaroo cuddle Bella?" I ask hurriedly.

Margaret blinks and raises an eyebrow at me. "I don't see why not, let me page your dad first." She says.

"I'll be in the lounge." I tell her and she waves me away.

I heat a bottle for Elizabeth in the microwave and test it on my wrist. Alice will be here soon to collect her but I want to try the cuddling when Mal comes to wake Bella up so she'll just have to hang around until we try it.

Premature babies do so much better when they are cuddled skin to skin with their mothers, and fathers too, but especially with their mothers. I don't see why the same can't be done for Bella. It might not be Elizabeth that needs the cuddle but it will help to keep their bond alive and it might do Bella the world of good, both mentally and physically too, if she feels close to Elizabeth.

Margaret comes in while I'm burping the baby and tells me that dad thinks it's a great idea but that he'd like us to wait until he's there because of the breast injury. I'm excited to try it as soon as possible but agree to wait for dad to come on shift at six.

I take Elizabeth back to Bella's room and change her diaper. She's full, clean and asleep in a blanket on my armchair bed, hemmed in on all sides by the horseshoe shaped pillow, when Alice and Jasper arrive.

They whisper their hellos to Bella and to me and Alice drops a kiss on Elizabeth's head. "How is she today?" She asks of Bella.

"Stable. Her obs are good and her temperature is finally normal. They're backing off on the sedatives now, she'll be awake tomorrow morning and unless her blood pressure goes up or something she'll be able to stay awake after that." I tell them.

"Oh that's so good." Alice sits beside Bella and smoothes her hair a little. "I'll bring some things in tomorrow and clean her hair for her."

I roll my eyes and catch Jasper doing the same.

"What?" Alice asks offended. "She'd hate having dirty hair like this." She pouts.

"Thanks Ally." I give in when I see how genuinely concerned she is for Bella's state. "Can you guys hang around for half an hour or so? I have to wait till dad comes but we're going to put Elizabeth skin to skin with her, it helps premmie babies so we're hoping it might help Bella too."

"I've read about that." Jasper goes to sit on the end of my armchair bed. "Some Australian thing, isn't it? Koalas or something?" He asks.

"Kangaroos, yeah. They call it kangaroo cuddling I think they call it attachment parenting here, either way it works." I tell him.

"Cool." He mumbles. He shares a 'look' with Alice and I know there is something he wants to say. I just wait until he's ready. I don't have to wait long. "So, um, we heard that Jake turned up here yesterday?" He asks.

I sigh and adjust Elizabeth on my arm. "Yeah. He did. Told me to just do my job, fix her up and send her home." I snarl.

"Asshole." Alice mutters darkly. "Like she's going to go back to his sorry ass."

I say nothing. Nobody can tell Bella what to do and I've tried to prepare myself for the fact that women _do_ return to relationships that are bad for them. The emergency room is full of them all the time. If Bella wants to go back to Jake there is nothing any of us can do about it.

"What's the plan?" Jasper asks.

I shrug. "Charlie Swan didn't want to know so dad took me over to Port Angeles and we made a statement there. You and Emmett have to go too at some point. Told them what we could and left it in their hands. I haven't heard anything but I didn't think I would yet. I'm not even sure if I will, I'm not related to either of them so I don't know if the police can tell me anything even if there is something to tell." I shrug.

"I could've told you her dad wouldn't have cared." Alice snipes.

"Yeah well I didn't know that until a couple days ago myself, did I?" I snipe back. "Maybe if someone had've told me what was going on for Bella earlier I might have prevented this." I tell her cruelly. "Then again, I think, _this _happened because I didn't listen to her and kept phoning her house. Shit." I mumble and hang my head.

I can't help the hot tears and before I know it I'm a blubbing mess. Alice is beside me right away. She doesn't deserve my anger, she was just a kid herself when Charlie was hurting Bella and she didn't know about it once Bella left home. This is all on me.

"It's alright, she's out of there now. We'll get her well again and then you two can sort yourselves out." She tells me. "It's not your fault Edward, its Jakes." She says firmly.

I hug her back and try to calm myself down. Bella doesn't need this, she needs us to be strong for her and get a grip. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and Alice goes to sit back down on the other side of the bed.

I look to where Jasper has Elizabeth. He picked her up when she began to grizzle because I'd been loud. He's standing by the windows looking out into the gardens. He's swaying back and forth and looks so natural with a kid in his arms. I wonder when he and Alice will start a family.

I'm still thinking about that when dad and Mal arrive. I move out the way while Mal sets up his syringes and swabs beside Bella's bed and go and stand with Jasper by the windows.

Dad introduces Alice and her husband and then it's time to wake Bella up. "Do you want us to go?" Jasper asks.

I look to dad but he says it's up to me. I tell him it's not up to me. Mal looks pissy so Jasper says he'll go, Alice says she's staying. Alice takes Elizabeth and dad tells Mal he can go ahead and wake Bella up.

I'm right beside her when she comes around. "I'm right here baby." I whisper.

**BPOV**

He's here, Edward is here with me. He didn't leave. He's here.

I feel pressure on my hand and I squeeze the fingers there. "Good girl. Squeeze again baby." The velvet voice asks and I do, earning me another 'good girl'.

Soft, warm pressure on my left cheek, I think he kisses me. He smells like baby.

"Let's do the exam and then we can talk about the other." Another voice says. A bright light is shined into my left eye. It makes me close my eyelid really tightly but according to the voice that's a good response. "I'm going to take the dressing off your cheek now Bella. I'm sorry if it hurts sweetie." The voice says.

I figure its Carlisle again. His voice is rougher than Edward's. Not as deep. I try to keep my left eye open but the light in the room is bright and I'm still so sleepy.

I force my tongue up against the tube in my mouth and hold my breath while the tape is pulled off my cheek. It stings a bit and I have to squeeze the hand in mine a few times but it's not so bad as I thought it was going to be. The bright light is shined in my right eye then and it stings too. I moan against the tube and a soft finger wipes away the tear that's leaked out of my other eye.

"Sorry." The voice tells me.

I open my left eye and see Edward's dad hovering over me. I want to tell him hello, I want to thank him for taking care of me but it just comes out like a gurgle against the tube. I feel the need to cough then. The tube grates against the back of my throat and I have no strength to cough so it sounds a bit like a dog that's been debarked. It hurts my ribs and I feel more tears leak out of my eye and run down into my ear.

Then Edward is there, right above me, encouraging me to cough if I need to. He's holding something soft against my chest and I can feel his hand slide underneath me and hold on under my back. "Cough if you can baby, it'll help your ribs and lungs if you can." He tells me.

I stop trying to fight the need to hold it in and let the cough come. It hurts less with him holding my chest and back and I feel a bit of relief when I'm done.

Another voice, a girls voice this time, praises me then. I open my left eye to see who it is but all I can see is Edward. I'm so relieved. If he's here I'm safe. He's promised me before that he won't let anything happen to me, that he'll protect me. I try opening my right eye so I can see him more clearly. This earns me another 'good girl' and a beautiful smile from him. I want to smile back but can't really move my lips at all.

I can feel the sharp points of the stitches inside my mouth with my tongue and know that even if I didn't have the tube in I wouldn't be able to smile. I squeeze his hand instead and see a tear leak out of his eye. I want to tell him that I'm okay, that I'm getting better but I can't. He looks so hurt, so lost. I squeeze again and then his face is gone and it's his dad above me.

"Edward has suggested we try a skin to skin cuddle with Elizabeth today Bella. I think it will help you and it will keep the bond between you strong while you recover and can't do things for her yourself." He tells me kindly.

I widen my eyes in panic. I don't want her to see me like this. I know she's tiny but I'm disgusting. I've got tubes and stitches and my nipple must be completely dead and gone by now. I hear the alarm going off again behind my head and then I hear the girls voice near me.

"Should I leave?" It says softly.

"No stay." Edward says. Then he's leaning over me again. "Breathe with me baby." He's telling me and I watch his lips as he breathes. I try to match my breaths to his and the alarm stops. I understand then. When I panic my heart rate goes up and the alarm goes off. It upsets Edward when that happens so I slow my breathing to match his. His face softens into a smile, "That's it baby. Breathe with me. Alice is here today." He leans away and my visual field is filled with my friend Alice' face.

I want to reach out and hug her. I've missed her so much. I've got so much to tell her, so many things I need to show her. She needs to meet Elizabeth and I have to tell her how sorry I am that I couldn't see her all these years. I'm gagging again then and the alarm is going off. Alice is crying and telling me it's alright and then Edward is back above me, begging me to calm down and to breathe when he does.

I'm quicker at it this time and it only takes a few seconds for me to follow his lips and make the alarm stop. I'm squeezing his hand like mad and wishing I could at least tell him that I'm okay, that I'm not upset to see Alice, that I'm happy they are all with me. Instead I've given them all the impression that I'm having panic attacks. They'll stop coming to visit if they think that so I close my eye and drag in a deep breath.

I turn my head as much as I can and search for Edward's dad. He leans over and comes into my view. "If this is too much for you squeeze Edward's hand." He says.

I keep as still as I can. "Nothing." Edward chuckles.

It's a glorious sound! I try to smile but the cut on my lip pulls and I end up gagging again instead. This time the alarm doesn't go off.

"We'll take the tube out tomorrow Bella, once you are awake on your own." Carlisle tells me and I close my eye in relief. I want rid of it now. "I really do think it will help you both if you cuddle Elizabeth, squeeze Edward's hand if that's what you want." He tells me and I begin squeezing like mad again.

"Definite yes." Edward laughs and leans over me. "You're a feisty one, aren't you beautiful girl." He chuckles and bitches to Alice playfully about a strain injury to his hand. He tells her that I'm busting his hand squeezing it so tight. I want to laugh with him but I can't. Every move in my mouth, and of my lips, pulls at the stitches and stings like mad.

I can hear Alice but can't see her. "He's such a pussy Bella. He's been crying like a girl all week." She laughs.

Edward curses and it's almost as wonderful a sound as his laughter was. "Can you undress Elizabeth without waking her Alice?" I hear him ask and Alice says she'll try.

I'm left to wonder what was happening for a few minutes and then Edward's hand disappears from mine and I start to panic again. No alarm, but I guess that I'm close to setting it off when I see a little pink body in front of my vision and get excited rather than panicked. "She's here baby. She's asleep but she's here." Edward tells me. "Can you see Elizabeth Bella?" He's asking in a soft voice.

I can see her a little bit. Her wispy hair is dark so I can see that against her pale skin. Her little eyes are shut and I wish I could see them, but I'm glad that she's so comfortable with him that she's asleep in his hands. She looks like a tiny pink blob, curled up in his massive hands like that.

"You will need to step out for a moment Alice, we'll call you back in when she's ready." Carlisle says. "I need to shift your gown now Bella, just so you can feel Elizabeth's skin. I won't touch you in any way." He says.

I've got no energy at all and it feels like my bones are mushy as I lay there. I wish I could help him, move the sheet or something at least, but I'm so weak I can only just wiggle my fingers and toes. It feels like I'm wading through mud to even do that.

I've got a hospital gown on, I think, and Carlisle pulls it down off my chest and tucks it under the sheet, out the way of where he's going to put Elizabeth. I hope Edward isn't looking, I don't want him to see me like this. But I'm desperate enough to feel Elizabeth against my skin that I decide I don't care enough to stop what Carlisle is doing.

Edward leans over me and lowers Elizabeth onto my chest and I sigh in relief. She's all curled up like and resting her cheek against my breastbone. She's so warm and soft. I can smell her baby smell and start to cry. I want to wrap my arms around her and pat her little bottom but I can't. I feel useless and wish I could just kiss her for myself.

"I'm going to lift the bed just slightly Bella." Carlisle says.

I feel the head of the bed moving upwards and then I feel the wave of nausea hit me. It's so violent I see stars in front of my left eye and can hear what sounds like the ocean in my left ear. I dig my hands into the mattress at my side, which makes my busted fingers ache, and try to hang on while the rollercoaster in my gut finds a good place to stop the cars.

"Breathe Bella. Nice and steady, stave it off." Carlisle tells me.

I do what he says and try to concentrate on just breathing. Soon the waves slow down and the rollercoaster comes to a stop. I wouldn't like to move again, but I can handle where I've been moved to, for now.

Elizabeth's baby smell distracts me from that and I realize I can now see her head without having to move mine. She's tucked just under my chin. I know I can't kiss her but I want to. She hasn't even moved. She's so comfortable with Edward and his father she stays asleep even though she's been undressed and must be cold. I feel my hand being moved and then I'm touching her. I close my fist a little and feel her skin for the first time in days. I try lifting my other arm and find that I can, a little. It takes a lot longer than it should, but then I'm cradling her bottom in my hand and I'm crying like an idiot. Big fat tears are rolling down my cheeks because I'm so fucking happy at being able to feel my daughter for myself.

The blankets are pulled up around us and an extra one is patted down on top of her little body so she's warm. I can smell her and feel her and hear her as she snuffles in her sleep and I'm almost whole again inside this battered shell. Almost.

I open my eyes, the left one is easy and the right is getting easier even though its focus is still off, and search for Edward. He's still crying as he watches us.

"We'll be outside, call when you're ready." His dad says and then I hear the door click shut.

This is how it should've always been. Me, Edward and Elizabeth.

He's right beside me then, slipping onto the bed beside us. He's above the covers but he's right there with us. He puts his hand on top of mine where I'm holding her at her back and then he's moving my hand with his. He knows I've not got the strength or the energy to stroke her so he does it for me. I wish I could tell him thank you.

"I'd ask if this makes you happy Bella, but I think I know that it does." He says. I can't see him, he's too far to my left, but his voice is close to my ear and his breath is warm on my cheek. "You're both so beautiful." He tells me and I wonder what on earth he's been smoking lately.

I'm purple from head to toe. I'm busted and broken and ripped and torn and he thinks I'm beautiful. I want to tell him to put his glasses on but he's already wearing them.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know your thoughts on all that's happening for Edward and for Bella too. She's slowly coming around. We'll learn more about her thoughts soon, I promise. **


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – Proficuus

**EPOV**

I want to lay on Bella's bed with them forever. They are so gorgeous, so perfect together. It makes my heart ache and my gut clench to think of them apart. Elizabeth has to be allowed to stay with her mother as much as possible from now on. Bella needs this, she needs Elizabeth close to her.

The fifteen minutes or so that she's had Elizabeth on her skin has done her the world of good. Even without her being able to say it I know it. Her breathing stays even and deep the whole time. Her eyes follow me whenever I move and her right eye opens and closes when the left one does. She's squeezed my hand over and over as I whisper to her.

"She's warm, isn't she?" I ask and Bella squeezes. "She's been so good, everyone is totally in love with her already. She's so spoiled." I tell her. "I know she'd much rather have you but we're doing our best for her while you recover baby. I know I keep calling you that, and you're not mine, but I can't help it Bella. If you squeeze my hand I'll stop, I promise." I hold my breath and wait for the squeeze and then I sigh in relief when it doesn't come. I figure I better give her another chance to get rid of me though. Sort of like a cooling off period when you buy a new cell phone. I roll sideways a little more and put my mouth close to her left ear and whisper. "Is this okay? Me, here, with you and Elizabeth? Squeeze if it is." I tell her and watch as she closes her eyes. A line of tears fall from the side of her eye as she begins to rhythmically squeeze my hand. I'm so grateful, so happy, I let a tear fall from my eye too, but don't let her see. "Thank you baby." I whisper. "You're doing so well. They're going to wean you off the sedation drugs overnight so you'll be awake a lot more from now on and you'll be able to see Elizabeth much more often too. I promise we're doing all we can for you baby, you just keep resting and we'll look after everything else."

Bella's energy doesn't last long so it's only a few minutes more before I'm calling for dad and Mal to come back into the room.

Mal prepares a mild sedation for Bella to help her rest deeply and while dad checks all her vitals and writes his findings on her chart I take Elizabeth from her chest. When Mal has all his gear cleared away, and has gone to annoy another patient, I quickly redress both Bella and the baby so they are warm and then I can call Alice and Jasper back in.

I don't want to hand Elizabeth over to them. I've had her with me all day and it hurts when I think about her going home without me. For the first time I hate the idea of her being in her crib in a room all on her own with only my mother on the floor below.

I hang on to her longer than I should and it becomes obvious to Alice that I'm struggling with my emotions when it's time for them to take her home to my mom. Alice is kind and gentle and lets me say my goodbye at my leisure but it's not enough. I don't want to let go of her at all. "I'll take good care of her Edward, I promise." She whispers in my ear and takes Elizabeth from my hands.

Elizabeth has slept through it all and has no idea that I'm being a pansy-assed pussy about her going home, thank god. Jasper looks like he's in pain as he watches me repack her bag with the empty bottles and her dirty clothes from during the day. I hand him the bag and tell them to drive safely. He assures me that they will and then they are gone again.

The room seems so quiet, a little bit empty despite there still being three of us in it.

"I think that went well." Dad says as he scratches out some more notes on Bella's chart.

"Yeah." I say noncommittally.

"The wound on her scalp is healing nicely and so is her mouth, on the outside anyway. Look at her ear." He nods toward the bed and I go and stand on the right side of Bella and look at the stitches at her earlobe. They are loose, ready to come out.

"When the time comes I'll remove them." I tell him.

"If you insist." He says with a smirk.

"Knock it off will you." I grin. "Like you aren't protective of mom." I tease.

"Of course I am. And I didn't say a thing." He counters.

"You didn't need to." I chuckle. "Is everything else alright?" I ask, hoping he knows what I'm referring to without needing to be told.

"I haven't checked for myself so far, you saw her reaction to that, but her temperature is normal." He flips the chart to the back pages, where I've been staying clear of, and reads for a few seconds. "The female nurses have done obs and the wounds seem to be healing well. A few more days on the external stitches and we'll check the internal ones have dissolved after that. She'll need to have an OBGYN consult very soon, regardless of her reaction to that news, I'm afraid."

I figured as much. What frightened me most was that he'd used the word wounds, plural. I knew the importance of wound care but couldn't bring myself to think about what the hell had happened to her below her gown. For now all I could cope with was what was happening on her upper body. "Did her right eye react tonight?" I asked.

"A little. It was better than yesterday and that was better than the day before. It's coming along Edward. The swelling's looking good so we'll know in another day or two if she's developed diplopia. I want that feeding tube gone before we worry about that though. She needs to be able to speak when the ophthalmologist examines her eye."

"Yeah." I mumble. There isn't really anything else I can say, so I say nothing more.

Dad is beside me then, his hand on my shoulder again. It's so out of character for him that I flinch a little, if he notices he doesn't say. "She's doing exactly as I'd hoped she would Edward. Hang in there. You did well tonight, handled her just right. She's lucky to have you." He says and then he's off out the door and heading back to his own ward.

I put my head onto the back of Bella's hand. It's true I felt amazing knowing she was happy for me to be there, but there was so much going on for her I didn't quite trust that she knew what the hell she was agreeing to. She was so overwhelmed, and probably barely lucid, and it had been greedy and selfish of me to even ask the question of her when she was dealing with so much more.

I know I should back off, just try to be her friend, but I can't. She knows I love her, it's not a secret between us anymore. I told her long before she wound up here in this bed. She knew, and she still knows, that I'm here for her.

Margaret coughs lightly as she comes in to do Bella's obs. I'm still sitting beside the bed, my head resting on top of our clasped hands.

I hear the chart being flipped over and over as Margaret catches up with what has gone on since she was last in the room. She checks the ECG print-out and checks Bella's temperature with the ear probe. She notes the rate of flow of the IV and the amount of urine output from the catheter.

"How is she?" I mumble.

"Stable. Doing very well according to the chart. You should get some sleep, tomorrows a big day." She whispers as she closes the door.

I'm totally exhausted and know I should sleep, instead I grab for the packet in the side pocket of my backpack and go to the lounge. I make myself a coffee and use my pass to get out into the private garden.

I walk the perimeter and sip my coffee and think about everything that's happened over the past week. If I had only listened to Bella when she begged me not to call her anymore none of this would've happened. I wanted to tell myself that she'd be safe and well at her home, but I didn't know if she'd ever truly been safe there.

I crush the disposable cup and throw it in the bin then I light a cigarette and draw on it deeply. It's my first in five days and I get such a rush from the first hit of nicotine it makes me shake a little. I draw deep breaths from it and savour the flavour. I hate the fucking things and I have maybe one a week, two if I lose a patient, but sometimes I just fucking need one. Now is one of those times.

I drag on the cigarette and keep walking. Why did she marry Jake? Was he hurting her before they married? I know Charlie was, well I knew it now, I didn't know it at the time. Why did she stay with Jake even after he began hurting her? Did she really think he was the only option she had? Okay, I'm not naive and I realise that Bella was either already pregnant when they married or got pregnant pretty soon after they signed on the dotted line. Elizabeth is ten weeks old and Bella married Jake just long enough ago to make the numbers stack up for the baby to be his. But, it's also close enough in time that she might have already been pregnant to someone else and he didn't know. That would be pretty hard to take for a newlywed, finding out your new bride is having someone else's kid. It's never enough of a reason to beat her, but it makes some sense out of some other stuff that's happened. I suppose.

Jakes indifference to Bella's welfare for one. How he provided only the bare necessities for them both but lived a normal life himself. Why his rules included both Bella and the baby makes me think he's telling the truth about Elizabeth not being his. If she were he'd exclude Bella from a normal life but include Elizabeth, surely?

I keep walking round and round the fountain, then back across the garden to the rose arbour, back around the left side to where the bench was where I'd had lunch with Elizabeth today. Round and round I walked, finishing that circuit a dozen times, cell phone in my hand while I decided whether or not I wanted to dial.

Finally I give in and push the green call button. I stamp on the butt of my cigarette and make sure it's out. Mom answers on the third ring but doesn't sound too shocked to hear that it's me.

"How is she?" I ask.

I can hear both the teasing and the pleasure in her voice as she tells me that Alice and Jasper arrived at the house with the baby safely. Yes, she's had a bath. Yes, she's had a bottle. Yes, she'll be able to hear her if she cries. I feel stupid for asking but can't help myself. My bond to the baby is growing every day. She's a part of Bella and so very important to her and I gave her my word that I'd protect her and look after her until Bella could do it for herself. I've handed over that role, purely out of necessity for now, and I feel both proud and guilty that the baby is thriving without my help.

I thank my mom, again, for taking care of her and wish her goodnight.

I make another circuit and dial again.

"What do you want dipshit?" Rosie asks when I say hi.

"Nice to hear your voice too Rosie." I laugh. "I suppose you spent all my money you greedy bitch?" I ask playfully.

"Shit yeah. Angus and I had our hair cut, I had a facial he had a massage, we had some high tea and tipped a hundred even though the service was appalling. We bought new clothes, new cars, and then I bought a packet of army men to fulfil my obligation to buying your fairy-pink ass some toys." She laughs.

"Good, good. So pleased you had a good time on my dime." I laugh.

"I bought a shit load of stuff actually."She says, getting serious. "Once I told the woman at Leaps and Bounds, that's that educational toy supply group that's up on Ross Street by the vet clinic, well once I told her that it was your money and what you wanted the toys for she gave me a massive discount and threw in two of those interactive kids' laptop things for free. It's all going to be delivered tomorrow morning you big softie you." She giggles.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone else for fucks sake, I'll never live it down. Now, fuck off and let me speak to my brother you vicious life sucking succubus."

"Oh you silver tongued devil you. Here he is, sitting on his ass as usual. Hey, knob jockey, its Faggoty-Anne for you." I hear her tell him.

Emmett takes the phone and I get a rousing 'how's it hanging fuck knuckle' as a greeting.

"Charming, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" I laugh.

"Nah, but I tongued dad once. He's fucking useless, his technique's crap for a guy so good looking." He bellows his laughter at his own joke. "What's new? How's our girl going today?"

I'm still not recovered completely from the mental image of Emmett French kissing our dad so I mumble something about Bella being okay while I gather my thoughts. "She was awake for a bit longer tonight. They let her cuddle Elizabeth, skin to skin like the premmies, it was good." I tell him.

"Awesome. Mom says the squeak-toy is going great up there."

"Squeak-toy? Really, that's what you're calling Elizabeth? Man, your standards have dropped." I laugh. "I at least expected a Betsy or a Lilibet or something a little bit hurtful, squeak-toy seems a bit pathetic Em." I laugh.

"Yeah well," He mumbles and I can hear the whining in his voice, "Rosie said I had to be nice until you were finished being a pussy about it all. So, you've got a couple days before I let rip bro." He mutters.

I'm still laughing when he starts threatening to clue Bella in on all my supposed secrets. "Alright, shut up you dick. So, Bella is on the mend, slowly, so things are looking up this end. I gotta ask you to go to Port Angeles and make a statement to the cops there. Jaz has to too, but can you take the photos from your phone with you?"

"Sure, sure. I'll do it tomorrow, I've got to be at the church at eight but I can go over there when the foreman shows up. So no news on that side of things?" He asks.

"Nah. Not sure they'd tell me even if there was, I'm not her family."

"Close enough." He mumbles. "Dad says Bella is gonna be woken up tomorrow."

"Yeah, they're weaning her off overnight." I sigh.

"I thought you'd be ecstatic about that." He says.

"She's gonna be in pain Em. Bad pain. The longer she can sleep through that the better, but they need to wake her up so they can start therapy and shit."

"They'll fill her full of good stuff first though right? They won't let her hurt for nothing will they?" He asks.

I take that to be Emmett-speak for 'will they give her plenty of pain killers' and keep the conversation going. "Yeah, they'll give her pretty heavy pain killers until her injuries are healed, especially her cheek and her jaw."

"You need anything there?" He asks.

"Nah, mom is bringing me clothes and I'm eating here. I'm all good thanks."

I don't know what else there is to say and it goes quiet for a second before Emmett speaks again. "Alice says you keep crying, you want me to bring you some tampons?"

"Fuck you Emmett." I hiss.

He's pissing himself laughing and I can't help but join in. This was why I called him and not Jasper or Alice.

"You're alright Ed, just keep doing what you're doing, get her well then sort out the rest of the shit. I've got your back man." He tells me and once again I'm reduced to pathetic gratitude.

I mumble my goodbye and shove my cell phone deep into my pocket.

I've just about carved a moat into the edge of the garden I've paced the line so much tonight. I spend a few more minutes just working through my thoughts and then I go back to the ward. Bella is sleeping peacefully, the comforting rhythm of her heart rate lulls me to sleep in the armchair bed right beside her.

~~~x0x~~~

The nightshift nurse isn't Bob and I startle a bit when I wake up to her changing Bella's IV bag in the middle of the night.

"Hi, I'm Grace." She whispers.

"Edward." I mumble and reach for my glasses. I don't know why I bother because I can't see her all that well anyway in the softly lit room. "How is she?" I ask as I throw my legs over the edge of the bed.

"I've called Dr Cullen senior for authorisation to up her pain meds, she's been moaning in her sleep as the sedation wears off." She tells me as she writes on the chart. "There is a slight elevation in heart rate as the last quarter dose wears off and her blood pressure is rising."

"Shit." I mutter darkly. This was what I was telling Emmett about. The minute you let the anaesthesia wear off she's got to deal with the fucking pain. "Can you page Mal Burrows for me please?" I ask.

"Of course." She says and goes leaves the room.

I use the bathroom and wash my face and generally try to make myself look like I haven't just had four hours of restless sleep on a too short bed that used to look like my grandmothers armchair. I fail miserably.

I go to Bella and kiss her and tell her that I'm going to make sure the pain goes away again. I tell her I'm sorry. Just so damn sorry, for everything.

Mal must have been on call or close by because he comes in with his bag of tricks and asks what's going on. He reads her chart then steps out to speak to my dad on the phone. He comes back and tells me that he's going to administer more morphine and she'll be assessed again in the morning.

"Your father is going to request a full screening in the morning. Occ Health, Gynae and dental. If they give the all clear we'll remove the gastric tube and we'll wake her anyway. You should prepare yourself for that Edward." He tells me kindly.

It's the first time, other than when he introduced himself to me on that first day, that he's got anything to say to me and I don't like what he says. "Whatever, just make her comfortable for now please." I ask of him.

He's already injecting the morphine into the back of her hand so there is no need for him to say anything else. He's got his signature on her chart and his box of bullshit packed up and he's gone in two minutes flat.

I know, professionally, that there is no good reason to keep her so deeply sedated now, but I want there to be. I desperately want her to be stronger before they let the drugs wear off. I don't want her to wake screaming in pain and for her to have to deal with the trauma that all that brings. I want the hardest part of her suffering to be done while she's out to it. But I _am_ a doctor and I _am _aware of the dangers of any type of anaesthesia. It's fucked up but it's safer for her to be awake.

"I'm sorry baby. I'll fight for a few more days but I don't think he'll agree. I'll take your stitches out myself, nobody who doesn't need to touch you will touch you, I swear it. I'll make sure they do all your exams before they wake you up, I won't let them hurt you, I promise." I kiss her cheek and hold her hand for a little bit but she's deep asleep again and her heart rate is steady, her blood pressure is becoming more normal with each passing minute. She's in no pain now.

I crawl back into my bed and long for the day I can take her home with me. If she'll go that is.

By eight the next morning Bella's room is filled with differing opinions.

Dad and I have already gone at it, outside Bella's door, about the benefits versus the risks of keeping her sedated for another few days. I lost but he was a reluctant winner. I argued from a purely pain management point of view but he trumped me with a dozen good reasons and a dozen well qualified specialists who were all lined up and ready to take on Bella's second stage of recovery.

In the end I was left with no choice and no good reason to keep her sedated.

I went back in with dad and he made me tell the others that they were good to go. I didn't want to, I wanted to be able to tell Bella that the pain she was in was someone else's fault other than mine. I wanted to be able to tell her, one day, that I'd refused to tell them to go ahead. But in the end dad saw through that and made me play bad cop.

There was a plan in place for this day. Each of the specialists would get their turn with her but quite a few of them needed her to still be sedated while they made their examinations. It was decided that the first course of action would be to remove her feeding tube.

I asked for a minute to talk to Bella and was granted it. There was a fair bit of feet shuffling while the team tried to busy themselves with notes and soft discussions about how to proceed, but I think it was done to give me some semblance of privacy.

I held Bella's hand and kissed her softly on her left cheek. "I'm so sorry about this baby, I tried. I won't let them hurt you, I promise. I'll be right here. I love you baby." I whispered into her ear and then moved away to let them do their thing.

I'd longed for it to be gone, so she might have the chance to speak, but as I watched Grace peel the tape from under Bella's nose and lip I wavered. When all the tape was removed dad praised me for having applied the petroleum jelly so diligently. I shrugged and watched as Grace, and the physio Sandra, slowly removed the tube. The 'gluck' sound as it slipped past her pharynx made me cringe.

I understood that this type of feeding was far superior to intravenous nutrition, especially for someone like Bella who was malnourished to begin with, but I still hated it. The length of the tube was also offensive but I was pleased that this was being done before she was woken from her sedation. The rasp sound as the end of the tube cleared her mouth was hideous.

She gagged, the normal reflex when something enters or leaves the back of the throat, but Bella bucked and jerked on the bed and I wanted to run to her side. But Grace was there and between her and Sandra they steadied her and settled her back onto the mattress. Grace connected a smaller diameter length of tubing into the wall suction outlet and cleaned Bella's throat. Mucous build up and excess saliva that had pooled there was vacuumed away and then Bella was free from the restrictive tubing once and for all.

I kept a close eye on her heart rate and blood pressure monitors but they didn't make a hitch, she stayed steady and strong throughout.

The powers that be – the specialists standing around the room that is – decided that next would be the drainage tube in Bella's cheek. Once again Grace removed the tape from Bella's face and once again an angry red welt appeared where the tape had been. Her paper thin skin seemed to bruise before my eyes as the gauze was removed fully.

Her eye was much better though, as was her cheek. No longer black it was now a soft purplish colour that was lessening at the outer edges near her nose and ear on either side and under her eye and near the gash at her mouth from top to bottom.

With the swelling having lessened so much I could see just how much improved her cheek structure was from five days ago. The depression fracture had been manipulated during surgery to correct the concave placement of the arch, that's what had caused the most swelling, the manipulation to correct it, not the blow that created it in the first place. But now that the swelling was receding I could see that the cheek was once again a match for its twin on her left side.

Because of the nature of the injury she might suffer from upper lip numbness but I was more worried about the state of her eye. Dad stepped forward and used his penlight to make her right pupil dilate.

"Partial dilation again today." He announced, a dozen pens began scratching on charts and folders. It made me wish I had one too. He slid his penlight back into his coat pocket then used the pads of his thumbs to feel along the rise of her cheekbone. "Palpation reveals no evidence of flotation or blood present in the eye socket. There is no residual flatness of the temporal portion of the zygomatic bone." He announced again to more pen scratching.

I let out the breath I'd been holding. This was good news. The surgical manipulation of the cheekbone had not left pieces floating around, it was holding its own shape without the need for pins plates or a prosthetic implant and there was no blood in her eyes socket, which hopefully meant the nerves in and under her eye weren't trapped or going to cause her to lose the sight in the eye. Of course there was still the issue of diplopia, or double vision, but that could be corrected or at least lessened with help. In all it was a good outcome so far.

Dad asked Grace to bring the surgical kit closer to his left elbow. She wheeled Bella's rolling tray until it was pressed tight up against the edge of the bed and dad reached into the plastic kidney dish for scissors and a scalpel. He slit the single suture that held Bella's drainage tube in place and pulled it free with the hilt of the scissors. He deftly, and expertly, removed the shallow tube from its entry wound and swabbed the small trickle of blood from the side of her face with care. He nodded to Grace who removed the surgical kit and wrapped it in the plastic sheet it came with for disposal.

"The wound looks good. No evidence of infection or tissue damage. You'll be able to tell us more Michael." He nodded to Michael, the dentist, who was already pulling on his own pair of latex gloves.

Dad threw his on top of the used surgical kit and came to stand by me. "Hang in there." He said quietly to me.

I wanted to thank him for thinking of me but Michael was already dictating his clinical notes to his assistant. I wasn't offered her name and didn't ask for it. She wrote while he spoke.

"I'll need better access to the maxilla molars so I don't disturb the laceration, possibly an x-ray or head CT will suffice later." He told her. She scribbled furiously. "For now the maxillary central incisor is intact, lateral incisor and canine in good condition."

He put the heel of his hand against the lower part of Bella's jaw and pushed. He had his index finger and thumb on either side of her mouth, one inside one outside, and I could tell he was trying to be careful of the long gash there.

"The mandible is flexible in movement but not indicative of TJD at this point. Further exploration after suture removal is requested Janine." He said to his assistant. "At a guess I think she may have a small depression in the premaxilla but without a full x-ray it could be simply a childhood displacement. The third maxillary molar is maloccluded, again that could be adolescent displacement. I'll know more post x-ray." He took his hands away from her face then. He gave her a quick pat to the shoulder and then stepped back to deposit his gloves in the rubbish bin.

"Want to give that to me in English?" I asked with a grin.

"Sure." He chuckled. He reached for the diagram that Janine had been writing on and showed it to me. It was a top and bottom diagram of the teeth and jaw. He started pointing to the various structures. "These teeth are all intact and holding their place in the gum as they should. From here back they're lose, but not dangerously so. She'll keep them if we can keep infection out of the picture. Without an x-ray I can't tell you the extent of any damage to the temporomandibular joint, but the flexibility of the lower jaw leans towards there not being any disorder there. No trismus is present, but she's sedated so that remains to be seen. Her wisdom teeth top and bottom don't meet but I can't stretch her lip to see if the surfaces are eroded prior, meaning they might have met before the blow to the jaw and now they don't, or they never did before. When her stitches come out I'll check again. It's good news Edward." He smiled and handed the card back to Janine.

"Thanks." I mumbled. I fucking hated dentists but this guy was okay. "I appreciate that." I tell him, nodding to the card and meaning his explanation.

"No problem." He said.

He left with his assistant then. There was nothing further he could do or add, so I guess he moved on to his next patient in his rounds schedule. Since Bella hadn't coughed, or even really moved, Sandra excused herself too. She'd come back when Bella was awake and could begin her physiotherapy properly. I thanked her and she said to give Bella her best.

That left me, Grace, dad and Ambrose, the plastics specialist.

He quickly checked his handiwork at her shoulder, pronounced it a fine job and then moved on to her ear laceration.

"These can come out." He reached for gloves in the holder above her bed and I sped forward.

"Leave them, please. I promised her I'd do it myself." I told him.

He's so far above me on the totem pole I expect him to tell me to fuck off and call me 'boy' or 'pup' while he does it, but he doesn't. Instead he looks to my dad then back to me. "Of course." He says and moves his hand away from her ear. He does reach for gloves though, and when he has them on he takes the thin strip of tape off the laceration on her scalp. "The staples can come out too Edward." He tells me, giving me the go ahead to remove them myself. "It looks good. The scar is going to be hypertrophic so you'll need to check frequently as this site will have a tendency toward keloid scarring." He tells me and I nod.

"I'll watch it." I agree.

That means Bella is always going to have a red, raised section of scar tissue in a straight line running directly over the top of the healed laceration. It will always be raised and I'll need to make sure it doesn't grow any larger than it is at the point at which it heals. If it does it can turn into a tumour.

There is so much to remember, so many options, so much to think about. I push my glasses back up my nose and force the beginnings of a headache out of my mind.

I know what's coming next. This had been the easy bit. Dentist, physio, tubes out, drain out, check her stitches at her ear and scalp. But I know what's coming now, even before my dad ushers Ambrose out and brings in a short man and his assistant.

"Edward this is Ben Cheney. He's our OBGYN and this is his nurse Debbie. This is my son Edward." He introduces us and I cringe.

I blow out the breath I've been holding and lean over my knees to stave off the wave of nausea that hits me. I do what I've been telling Bella to do, breathe evenly in through my nose and out my mouth and slowly I come good. I stand back up and expect to see three faces all looking at me like I'm an idiot. Instead I see Ben and Debbie at the sink washing their hands and dad standing a few feet from me watching me intently.

"Alright?" He asks quietly and I nod. "I'll do the breast exam first and then Ben will do his exam. Alright?" He asks again.

I nod and he tells me to go and stand on the left side of the bed. I take her hand and sit in the plastic chair. Dad removes the gauze over her breast and I get my first look at what that fucker did to her. There are clear bite marks above and below her nipple. Two perfect sets of teeth have closed down over the flesh and they've obviously met at some point because I can see that the nipple has been detached and then sewn back into place.

I have to close my eyes when dad inspects the stitching. I can't watch. I feel sick. I want to kill. I want to scream and kick and punch and get in my car and go find the fucker and tear him limb from limb.

"Edward." Dad says quietly and I raise my eyes to meet his. "It looks good son. The damage is only cosmetic. There is no infection and the scarring from the stitches should be minimal in time." He tells me.

I feel the relief of what he's saying but all I can see are the teeth marks. They are never going to go away. They don't, human bite marks stay. She'll always have them, they'll stay there and taunt her for the rest of her life, and mine.

Dad reaches for the fresh surgical kit on the rolling table and redresses her wound with fresh gauze and tape. When he's done he removes his gloves and rolls them up in the plastic sheet to dispose of them.

Then Ben steps forward. He's already got gloves on and so has Debbie. They stand either side of the bed and I close my eyes and draw in a long steadying breath. I don't think I want to be here but I don't want to leave her either.

"Edward, are you sure you want to be here for this? Being a doctor yourself you'll understand all that I report, it could make it worse for you." He asks but I wave his suggestion to leave away. He nods and continues, "We can do this without you having to watch if you prefer. If you take her hand and stand by the head of the bed and face her, not us, you can stay with her without needing to see." He tells me kindly.

I do as he says and move to the very top of the bed by Bella's ear. I keep her hand in mine and bring it with me so her arm is raised above her head a little. I turn my back to her body but keep myself angled so I can see her face.

Dad goes to the door and asks Grace to come in. There is the shuffle of paperwork and the click of a pen then the rustle as the sheets and gown are taken off Bella.

"Alright, let's begin." Ben announces formally. "Catheter in place Grace, note that the urine is clear and bright in colour. Major wound is dry and clean, no evidence of infection present. Sutures in good structure and condition externally. Debbie can you, thanks." He says and I realise he is being careful with his words because he knows I'm not up to this and probably because I know what he's on about. "Okay, we have a second degree perineal tear. The laceration extends beyond the fourchette and beyond the vaginal mucosa but not to the anal sphincter. A little jelly thanks Debbie."

I hear the inhuman squirt of lubricating jelly and my knees give a little. Dad is there then. Behind me, his hand on my shoulder, whispering that she's okay, that I'm okay, that it's necessary but she's healing well. I nod and the exam continues.

"Internal sutures intact and in good structure. Interior vaginal wall intact and no further evidence of trauma present. Carlisle." He says and then I hear the snap of two pairs of gloves being removed.

I blow out my breath again and close my eyes in relief that it's over for her and for me. That's when I hear another pair of gloves being put on.

"Burns one through four on the identification card are healing without treatment. Five, six and I'd say eight at this stage Grace, will need Silvadene treatment for another ten to fifteen days. Seven and nine continue to show evidence of infection. I'll have Bacitracin topically for another ten days please Grace." Dad reports just as formally as Ben had.

Another pair of gloves snap off and the rustle of blankets again and then they are through.

"Is that all Dr Cullen?" I hear Grace ask.

"Yes, thank you Grace. Can you rush that request through the pharmacy please." I hear his pen scratching at the paper and then the door closes again. "Edward it's all done son." He whispers.

"Go, please." I whisper. "Leave us alone." I tell him.

The soft click of the door tells me he's gone and I slump to the bed next to Bella's ear.

"Oh baby…oh baby…oh god what has he done to you? I didn't know. I swear I didn't know. Oh god, Bella." I'm howling like an idiot and the tears are coming hard and fast but there is no way I can stop them. "Why didn't you let me help you before he did this?" I sob into her hand. And then I'm kissing her cheek and running my thumb over her lips and crying into her ear and I'm so fucking sorry about it all that I can't control myself any longer. I climb up onto the bed and take her battered and broken body into my arms and I hold her and stroke her hair and tell her I love her and then I curse that fucking bastard and all that he is for doing this to my beautiful girl.

* * *

**A/N: A tough chapter to write, and I imagine it will be a tough chapter for you to read. Please review and let me know how I'm doing with the different emotions, both good and bad. Thanks so much for taking the time to read. **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Transition

**EPOV**

I get to hold her for a long time. It feels like seconds but my watch tells me its forty minutes. There is a soft knock at the door and I mumble for whoever it is to come in while I wipe my eyes.

Mom comes in with Elizabeth and comes right to us. "Oh Edward." She mutters as she kisses me on the cheek.

I kiss Bella once more on the cheek and climb down off the bed. I don't know if mom knows anything and right now I don't want to talk about it if she does. Dad can't share the information with her, but as I've come to learn over the last couple of days, the people around me aren't as oblivious as they seem. I reach for Elizabeth and she hands her to me. I bury my nose in the crook of her neck and inhale deeply.

Baby smell is the most calming thing I've ever smelt and that's what it does for me now, it calms me. At a time when I'm about ready to run from the hospital and commit bloody murder what I need is a hit of baby calm.

"How was she?" I ask.

"Perfect." Mom tells me with sad eyes. She reaches for my face and I let her cup my cheek with her hand. I can't help but close my eyes. Any bit of physical affection I get right now is going to overload me emotionally, so I lean in and let my mom comfort me. "You look so tired Edward." She says.

I settle Elizabeth into the crook of my arm and take her to the side of the bed. "Elizabeth is here Bella. She's right here and she's fine." I tell her and then turn my attention back to the baby. She looks great. She's got a ribbon in her hair again and her eyes are clear and bright. Her plump little tummy is straining against her top and the infantile kicking reflex is alive and strong in her as she flexes and relaxes in my arms.

Mom puts her bag on my bed and sits in the other plastic chair beside Bella's bed. She's got lotion spread on her palms and is massaging it into Bella's hands in seconds. Is it a mother thing? I wonder as I sit in the other chair.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Mom whispers.

"No mom, I can't." I tell her honestly. Most of it isn't my story to share, I'm still not sure I should've been in the room when it was being discussed anyway. I know for sure I would feel better right now if I didn't know. "All I can say is its not good and I'm sorry I know about it, so you should be happy you don't."

"Will she be okay?" She asks and switches her lotion attentions to Bella's arms.

"Her injuries will heal." I tell her. The mental damage I have no idea about.

Mom sighs a little. "We'll help her with the rest." She says as if it's a foregone conclusion.

Grace comes in with an armful of clean sheets. "Can you give us a few minutes?" She asks and I take Elizabeth out into the corridor. Mom is right behind us.

"Come with me for a minute, I want to show you something." She tells me and I follow her down the corridor, but not before I ask the desk nurse to page me if Bella needs me.

We stroll down the main hall and mom steers us towards the children's ward. It looks like Christmas has come early when we get there. There are dozens of brown boxes stacked in the main thoroughfare and more, open ones, beside each of the beds in the ward. The kids in the beds are laughing and giggling and pulling toy after toy out of the boxes.

There are four nurses on the ward, more than I saw the day before, and they are all shoulder deep in the boxes, pulling out toys and unwrapping them.

Mom takes my arm and rubs me gently. She reaches up and I bend down so she can kiss my cheek. "Rosie told me what you did." She whispers and kisses me again.

I just shrug. It's not such a big thing. I live at home and I have no expenses, I can share what I have and buying a few toys for some bored kids is nothing. I look for Joshua and his crib is overflowing with toys. He looks so happy but he's still clutching his little robot in his right fist. I take Elizabeth and go visit with him.

"What have you got there Joshua?" I ask him.

"My robot." He tells me. He opens his palm and shows me his robot then closes his fist tightly again.

"What else?" I ask. I put Elizabeth on my lap and lean over the crib a bit so I can see what's inside the box there.

"Lots of toys for Joshua." He says happily. "Woody!" He bellows and pulls out a wobbly legged cowboy doll.

It's obvious he's a lot happier today than he was yesterday so I leave him to investigate the box of toys and go and stand by mom again. She's elbow deep in a box of dolls. "Aren't they beautiful?" She asks me as one after another dolls of all shapes and sizes come out of the box.

"Yeah." I mutter, but the smile I settle on my face is fake and she knows it.

One of the boys in stripy pyjamas runs across the aisle with a toy truck and the little girl who was sleeping yesterday squeals in delight as she's handed one of the kids laptops to play with. The moms are onboard with the unpacking, as well as the nurses, and it really does look just like Christmas morning from when I was a kid.

Packaging everywhere and a ton of rubbish as everything is unwrapped and assembled. The moms of the sick kids are clicking trucks together and standing books onto the shelves at the foot of the beds. The nurses are distributing packets of Lego and wooden blocks and my mom is busy dressing a newborn baby doll in a diaper for a little girl in the first bed.

Rachel, Joshua's guardian, comes to stand beside me. "You look a bit green, you alright?" She asks.

I try to smile but I still think it looks like a grimace because she shakes her head and purses her lips a little. "Yeah, I'm fine." I lie.

"Bullshit." She chuckles. "But tell it your way."

"Rough morning." I tell her.

"Us too, Joshua's mom passed away during the night. He doesn't understand, thank god. Look at him, couldn't care less now that he's got Woody." She nods in his direction.

Now I feel like utter shit. He's an orphan now and I'm a complete bastard for feeling this way about some stitches and a few bruises that will heal. Bella will survive this, Elizabeth will have her mother with her, and Joshua will only ever have a temporary, or borrowed family now.

Nothing like a good dose of reality to put you in your place, is there? I cuddle Elizabeth closer, "Sorry about Joshua's mom." I tell her.

"Thanks. You've done a good thing here, you know." She doesn't wait for my answer before she goes down the centre aisle and grabs a box to unpack.

"I'll hold her if you want to help unpack." A nurse tells me and I hand Elizabeth to her. I can't help but wait to make sure she knows what she's doing and supports the baby's head. I feel a bit of a prick for doing it, but can't help it.

Mom smiles at me and mouths 'love you' to me as I take a box and drag it to the middle of the aisle to unpack it. She knew what I needed and when, it's what moms do. It might not be as subtle as a kick in the ass, but it worked none the less. I mouth 'love you too' and unwrap a mechanical dinosaur from its plastic.

~~~x0x0~~~

"Okay let's do this." I tell my dad and Mal when I finally get back to Bella's room.

My outlook on things has changed totally in the last two hours. Bella is alive and she'll be well again one day, she's here and that's a fucking good start compared to the alternative.

Elizabeth needs her mother awake and all the doctors and specialists agree that Bella needs to be awake too, so that's what we'll do. We'll wake her up.

I can help her with the pain, I'll help her with her therapy, we'll deal with whatever she needs as it hits us. We can do this, together.

Jake did this to her and he took away her dignity and her strength but I'll be fucked if he's going to ruin the rest of her life too. I'll help her to fight.

I ask mom to take Elizabeth to the lounge. She needs a clean diaper and a bottle and a sleep after all the excitement of the great toy unveiling in the children's wing and she doesn't need to hear or see Bella in pain right now. We'll kangaroo cuddle again when Bella is up to it. Maybe later tonight. There's plenty of time, we aren't going anywhere. Not now that I've gotten my head out of my ass and have stopped feeling sorry for myself and for Bella on her behalf.

Mal is all set up beside Bella's hand and dad gives him the go ahead to, one last time, wake her up using drugs.

She comes around fast, just like the other times. The heart monitor alarm sounds as her heart races through the first disorienting moments of her consciousness but she looks for me right off and I talk to her and help her use breathing to get through the panic. She does so well, combating it in seconds.

"Welcome back beautiful girl." I kiss her cheek.

**BPOV**

The ache pressed in on the sides of my head like a vice. It hurt so much I didn't want to open my eyes and find out what was pressing on me.

"Open your eyes sweetheart." I hear the velvet voice and instantly I know where I am.

I'm with Edward.

But oh god it hurts. My head hurts so bad.

"Open your eyes baby, come on, open those beautiful eyes." I hear right next to my left ear and I crack open my eyes just a little.

It's not as bright as I thought it was going to be and it hurts a bit less than I was expecting. Even my right eye doesn't feel as puffy this time.

"There she is. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me Bella." Edward asks and I squeeze hard. "Good girl." He tells me.

I groan when Carlisle hovers over me and shines a light into my left eye. Wait a minute, I can groan!

The tube is gone from my mouth!

I groan again and feel the dry, raspy feeling in the back of my throat. It feels good because the tube is gone and my mouth is my own again. I swallow and although it hurts a little bit it's so good to finally be able to do it when I want to. I squeeze Edward's hand again and turn my head a tiny bit so I can find his face.

He's a bit blurry but he's right there, smiling down at me. "Hey there." He says.

I try to say hello back but the pain in my throat, and the gurgling noise I make, makes me cough. The agony of my chest and ribs as the dry, itchy feeling in my throat erupts into a coughing fit makes my eyes water.

Edward is there with a pillow pressed to my chest and a hand at my back straight away. I can cough, and it still hurts, but not as much as he pushes hard against me. He lays me back on the pillows and I swallow and try to lubricate my throat before I try again.

"It's probably best that you don't try to speak yet Bella." I hear from my right side.

I turn my eyes that way then my neck, just a small movement until I'm more sure that it's not going to hurt. I see Carlisle there, just. I squeeze Edward's hand and hope he can tell his dad that I understand. He does.

"She's squeezing my hand dad, she gets it." He says. He leans over so he's close to me again. "Your throat is probably raw Bella. Give it a few hours and then you can try and talk a little bit, alright?" He asks.

I squeeze his hand and he smiles again. I decide to try it for myself. I press my tongue to the inside of my cheek and hold the stitches still and try to smile only with the left side of my face. It must look pretty stupid and it makes Edward cry.

"She's smiling dad, look, she's fucking smiling at me!" He's shouting and crying and squeezing my hand all at once. And then he's burying his face in my neck. "Oh thank god. Thank god you're alright in there, I'm so sorry for all of this, it's all my fault, I should never have called you again. I'm so sorry Bella." He mumbles over and over against my neck.

I want to tell him to stop, that it's alright, that it's not his fault, but I can't. Not yet. I have no voice yet. I have to learn to use what I have got for now, so I lift my left hand and bring it across my chest. I have to rest halfway, but after a few seconds I can lift it again and then I touch the side of his cheek.

He startles and pulls away at first and as he does I see his eyes. He's shocked but I'm not moving my hand. I've waited so long to do this, all my life really, to touch the one I love, and I won't let what Jake did to me stop me from doing it ever again.

Edward closes his eyes and I trail my fingers down his cheek to his jaw. His skin is just like I thought it would be. Smooth on his cheek then rough where his stubble is.

I've used the little energy I have so I let my hand fall back onto my chest, but I've gotten my message across. Edward isn't crying now, he's smiling and laughing like a school boy.

"Did you see that dad? Did you see her? She smiled at me and then she touched my face. Did you see?" He's shouting.

I can hear Carlisle laughing but I don't want to turn my eyes away from Edward while he's so happy. "Yes son, I saw." Carlisle chuckles.

It's such a small thing to do, to try a small smile and to reach out with one hand, but for me it's a huge thing, something that takes all my effort and all my resolve just to attempt. But the reward is enormous. It makes Edward smile.

"You're doing so well." Edward tells me, leaning closer so I can see him. "Your cheek is much better and the dentist is pretty sure your teeth are going to be okay too. He needs an x-ray to make sure your jawbones are alright, but if you can smile, oh god Bella your smile is so fucking gorgeous." He says and then he's kissing my cheek and rubbing my hand and rambling so fast I can't really catch everything he's saying properly. I hear 'fracture' and 'joint' something and then he's saying something about the stitches in my ear coming out later and he's tripping over the words to get them out fast enough.

I just watch his face as he speaks, so passionate about the medicine of it and for me. I can see that, his care for me. I can hear it in his voice and see it on his face. He's been right here beside me since I was brought in. I have no idea how long ago that was, maybe a week, maybe it was yesterday, maybe I've been asleep for a year, I have no way to know. But I do know that Edward has been right here the whole time.

Carlisle is chuckling again then and I realize I've missed most of what Edward has been saying and I think I might have fallen asleep for a little bit too because I need to open my eyes to see him beside me and I remember seeing him before, so I try not to fade out again.

"Okay son, I'll leave you to take the stitches and staples out. Would you like Grace to assist?" He asks.

Edward stands then, letting my hand go. I reach for it, I want it back, but he's moved from beside the bed and his voice travels further away from me as he speaks. "No, I'm okay on my own but I'll need a surgical tray please." And then he's right back beside me, gripping my hand. "I'm going to take the stitches out of your ear and the staples out of your scalp today baby. I promise to be gentle, I won't hurt you, alright. Squeeze if that's okay." I squeeze hard and he smiles. "Thank you baby." He tells me and then he's gone from beside me again.

"I'll leave an order for her pain meds and I'll expect your notes from the suture removal to be complete when I come for rounds." Carlisle says. "I'll come back tonight." I hear and then the click of the door.

I hear it again and a woman's voice asks if Edward needs anything else. He tells her no thank you and then the door clicks shut again.

I hear running water in the room and then the snap of gloves. I hear plastic being torn then Edward is beside me again, but on my right side this time. "I'll start with your ear baby. This will be cold." He tells me and I feel a cold swipe across my ear lobe. "I'll be as gentle as I can but you might feel me tugging a little bit."

I do. But it doesn't hurt. I can hear the snipping of the stitches and it sounds weird when he pulls them from my skin, but I don't feel too much of anything really. Pretty soon he tells me that he's all done with my ear and he's going to remove the staples in my scalp now. I'm a bit more worried about this part. Staples in your skull doesn't sound too good and I think it's going to hurt even before he's touched me. I don't want to set the alarm off but I am frightened of what it's going to feel like to have him touch me there and remove metal staples from my skin.

I feel the same cool sensation against my head but when Edward puts the swab down and picks up what looks like a pair of pliers I make as loud a gurgling sound as I can.

He puts the pliers down and comes close to my face again. "I promise it won't hurt sweetie. The staples are already pushing their way out of your skin because you've healed so quickly. All you'll feel is tugging, I promise." He tells me gently.

I do my best to nod but in the end I realize they have to come out, no matter how much I don't want him to put the pliers near me, the staples can't stay in there forever. I've lived through worse pain than some tugging so I close my eyes and wait for him to start.

It doesn't really hurt. I feel more than I did with the stitches in my ear, it's true, but it's not painful as the metal clips come out of my skin. I hear them plink plonk into the tray though and that makes me cringe a bit. There are four of them and they've been holding my head together.

Another swipe of something cold and Edward announces that I'm all done. "I have to go and dispose of this and clean up a little bit, are you alright if I leave the room for one minute?" He asks. I have no way to tell him okay though. But he knows that so he puts his hand in mine. "Squeeze if that's okay."

I squeeze hard and he smiles down at me.

He's not gone long and while he is I try to look around me. I'm lying flat on my back so I can't see too much other than the ceiling, which is, predictably plain white and boring. Now that the stitches are out of my ear I can lean over that way a little more comfortably so I do. It's not a complete turn of my head, I know I'll feel sick if I move too quickly plus the pain in my jaw is making itself known now too. So I sort of tilt my head to the side a little. I can see the bright steel of the pole beside the bed and the green outline of a pitcher on the table beside my bed and further away the shady outline of another bed underneath the brighter light of a window.

Although there is a double blur when I try to focus that far away I can make out vague details. The bed isn't a hospital bed, it's too low and it's got a blue pattern on it, I don't know what the pattern is, but I know it's blue. Someone has been sleeping in the room with me. I guess Edward but can't be sure.

Now that I'm awake I'll be able to learn what's been going on around me while I've been asleep.

I long to see Elizabeth and hope she is here somewhere. I don't have to wonder for too long because when Edward comes back he has her with him.

"Look who I found baby. Elizabeth is here to see you Bella." He tells me and comes closer.

He stands by the bed with her in his arms. She's asleep, I think, and tucked into the crook of his arm. She's got a pink outfit on and shoes on too. I've never had shoes on her before, I couldn't afford to buy them before. She looks so much bigger than I remember. I turn my eyes to Edward's and see him looking down at Elizabeth with utter devotion on his face. I know he told me she was being taken care of but it's obvious the way he holds her, the way he looks at her and the way he speaks her name that he isn't just looking after her, he's caring for her like he's caring for me.

I desperately want to tell him thank you and to tell him that I love him. I've waited so long to be able to tell him that, but it's still just slightly out of my reach. Elizabeth, however, is not. I lift my right hand from by side and fight the shake in my hand and reach for her. Edward lowers her to meet my hand and I wrap my fingers around her tiny fist. She's so warm and soft I let the low moan come out of my sore throat without thinking.

"Do you feel up to a cuddle?" He asks. My eyes flash to his right away, desperately trying to show him that yes, yes I definitely feel up to a cuddle. "How about we try sound?" He chuckles. "Can you make a sound in the back of your throat without it hurting your lip or cheek baby?" He asks.

I close my eyes tightly and concentrate. I'm a little reluctant to try to speak again in case it makes me cough, but I can grunt a little so I do that. It still hurts my ribs because I'm using my chest to make the sound not my throat, but it doesn't make my lip pull or my mouth hurt. I grunt again and Edward is praising me.

"Good girl, that's fantastic Bella. You'll be talking to us in no time at all baby." He crows.

That he says 'us' makes a warm flush come up my body. He wants me to be able to talk to him and to Elizabeth. I want that too, so very much, I've so much to tell them both. So much to make up for, so many apologies I need to say out loud.

Instead of all that I grunt again but this time I try to make my lips wrap around his name. It comes out as 'eww-ahh' but it's better than the rasping 'dog with its testicles caught in a trap' sound I was making before.

"I'll take that as a yes baby." He chuckles. "I'll sit you up a bit. Not too far, try to keep your eyes open and focus on a single point while I move you up, it'll help fight the nausea." He moves to the head of the bed and it brings Elizabeth closer to me so I can see her more clearly.

Then the head of the bed is moving, slowly but enough to make my stomach lurch and my head thump. I do as he says and keep my eyes focused on Elizabeth and after a few seconds the wave of nausea recedes. I feel really weak and a little bit queasy but it's not as bad as it was the last time.

"Okay, here we go." He tells me. He puts Elizabeth on my chest and helps me to wrap my arms around her. "She's a little piggy this one." He says with a grin. "She's just taken seven ounces of formula in one go." He says and I can't believe it. She's never had that much in one feeding before. "She falls right to sleep when she's done, doesn't she? But she watches you the whole time she's drinking. She's got the biggest most expressive eyes I've ever seen, besides yours of course." He says and I hear his shoes hit the floor with a thud as he toes them off.

Then he's on the bed beside me again and it's bliss. Elizabeth in my arms and Edward is on my bed with me. It's not the way I fantasised it would be, but its good enough. He's here and he's beside me. It's all I've ever wanted. I know it can't last, but for now I want it and I'll take it while I can.

He puts his hand over mine and helps me stroke her again. I wonder, if when I get my own strength back, if I'll tell him that I have. I want his hand on mine and touching my baby more than anything. It's so intimate, so caring. I've never had anything like it before and I doubt I'll want to ever give it up.

I know that I will have to. He won't stay once he knows what I've had to do, once he knows about Elizabeth, but for now I can enjoy it. I know I am setting myself up for a fall but for now I can use the excuse that I can't actually tell him the truth about us.

Elizabeth begins to wriggle and I know she is waking up. She always stretches her legs and back right before she wakes up. I want to tell Edward that she's about to move and that I might drop her, but he's already moving. He knows her! He knows what she does, just like I do.

I'm so grateful when he puts his other hand on her other side to steady her, that I start to cry. Softly at first, but when she wakes and starts whimpering and he strokes her hair and tells her that everything is alright I cry harder. I can feel my tears falling from my eyes and pooling at my ears and I know I must be making an awful grating sound in my throat but I can't help it. I want this, with Edward, and I know it's going to be so short lived.

"Hey, don't cry baby." He's whispering then. "I wish I knew what was upsetting you Bella. Don't cry, don't cry." He tells me as he wipes away my tears with his thumb.

"Eww-ahh." Comes out of my throat again but it's not distinct enough for him to realize that I'm trying to say his name.

My jaw is aching even from the small movement it took to form the sound the 'w' in his name makes. By the time Elizabeth is fully awake I'm spent. My energy is gone and I'm closing my eyes. I don't want to, but I've not eaten properly for five months and my ribs ache and my headache is right there at the front of my face and I just want to fall into sleep to ease it all.

I panic, only a little, to think that I'll drop the baby if I let sleep take me, but once again Edward is there for her and for me.

"Sleep baby, I've got her. I've got you both. I'm right here Bella. You sleep, it's good to sleep, you'll get better faster baby." He tells me and I feel the weight of Elizabeth being taken off my chest and I know that he's got her, she's safe with him.

I'm safe with him. He won't let anyone hurt us now. Later, when I've told him about Elizabeth and about me, I'll have to learn to protect her on my own, but for right now I know that Edward is here.

**EPOV**

Bella slips into sleep while I watch. She did so well, she's so brave. She tried to speak to me a little and I saw her try to smile and I can't believe how amazing it feels to know that she's in there and wants me here.

"Well Elizabeth, mommy is on the mend hey baby girl?" I ask her as her eyes begin to open. "I hope you know your mommy like she knows you. Does it feel nice to lie on her like that?" I ask as I take her to my bed to change her diaper. "I wonder if she smells the same to you right now? Does the medicine she's having make her smell different? I wonder if you've ever seen her without the bruises on her face huh? I have and she's so beautiful. Not that she isn't now. But her smile...wow...her smile, well it's amazing. You'll see it soon, I promise. I'm going to make her smile all the time when we get her home." I roll the used diaper up and put it in one of those great smelling bags and then I take Elizabeth out into the corridor.

Mom and Alice are there waiting for us. I didn't know Alice was coming, she should be at work, but there she is.

"How did she go?" Mom asks. I hand Elizabeth to her when she holds her hands out.

"Hey sis." I kiss Alice' cheek and turn back to mom. "She went so well. She smiled a little and tried to talk. That will take a few days, but she'll get there." I tell her.

"Oh that's great. Will she stay off the drugs now then?" Alice asks.

"I think so, yes. She's going to get tired pretty quick so she might not be awake much these first few days, but she'll get better quicker, according to the specialists, if she sleeps when she wants but can wake in between." I tell them as we begin to walk towards the lounge.

"You don't agree with them?" Mom asks.

"I'd much rather she sleeps through the whole process and wakes up perfectly healthy on the other end, wouldn't you?" I ask a bit tetchily.

She reaches for me and holds me by the forearm. "Edward, that's what we all want for her, but they are specialists for a reason, I know you know that." She says far more kindly than I deserve.

"Yeah." I tell her and sink into one of the leather lounges. "Help yourself Ally." I tell Alice whose busy checking out the little kitchen.

We aren't in the lounge long when my pager goes off. I look down and see that the message reads 'Jake Black at reception attend asap'. I'm off that fucking lounge in a shot, "Keep Elizabeth in here, Alice go into Bella's room, don't let anyone other than one of us or the staff in there." I shout and then I'm out the door heading towards the front of the hospital like a bat out of hell.

I see him before he sees me, but this time I'm smart and don't touch him. I slow my walk and calm my breathing. This time I hold all the cards. Tony the man mountain security guard comes out from behind the reception desk as I reach where Jake is standing.

"You can't stop me from seeing her, she's my wife." Jake is telling the clearly frightened woman at the desk.

"Bella isn't up to having visitors Mr Black. You should come back when she is." I say very carefully and very formally.

Tony stays put and says nothing but his stance and his presence speaks volumes.

Jake looks him up and down then turns back to me. "You can't tell me when I can and can't see my own wife." He hisses.

"Visiting hours are between two and four in ward six." The receptionist says.

"I'm her fucking husband; I don't need to know when visiting hours are." He rages.

The patients sitting in the emergency waiting room are getting interested in our conversation now. I need Jake to go home before this gets out of hand and I lose my temper, again. "Look Jake, you know she doesn't want to see you, but you're right, you don't need to come during visiting hours. However, her doctor can insist she stays isolated. I don't want to have to request that, but I will if you don't leave now." I whisper.

Jake takes a step back and looks me up and down again. I hope to Christ he's not assessing his chances of flattening me because he could, he's fucking massive compared to me. Taller by at least three inches, wider by about a foot and much stronger. I've spent my life sitting at a desk handing out prescriptions, he's been in the gym getting fit so he can beat up women. It'd be no contest.

He takes a step forward towards me and I see Tony mirror it out the corner of my eye. I hold my ground, I'll fight if he wants to throw the first punch, I'm not a pushover, I'll fight like a mad man, but he'd win.

He gets right up in my face. "I'll be back, you can count on it. She'll come home with me when she's well enough, you mark my words, she knows where her place is." He spits right in my face.

I smile as smugly as I can. "Maybe so, but she's here, with me, for now. Drive safe Jake." I tell him.

He flips me the bird but leaves all the same. Tony has his hand on my shoulder instantly. "You did good Edward. Nice and calm. He's the bad guy here, everyone can see that now, well done. Come on through, we'll write up the report." He says.

I'm shaking like a leaf as he ushers me behind the reception desk and into the security office at the rear. I'm introduced to Mark and Pauline, two more security guards and then I'm sat in a chair at a desk and given a pen.

Tony starts writing up his report and I look around, trying to calm myself down. I'm a lover not a fighter and my heart rate could attest to that right then. "How did you know he was here?" I ask.

"Reception." He mutters as he writes. "Everyone has to announce themselves when they come to visit. If the girl don't recognise you she asks your name. His name raises a red flag, plus his picture comes up on her screen when she types in Bella's name. Simple." He tells me and passes me his report to sign.

I don't bother reading it, I was there. I sign it and pass it back.

"Thanks Tony." I tell him.

"I didn't do nothing, it was all you man." He gets to his feet and ushers me back out into reception. "You get some legal advice?" He asks.

"Yeah. Should know more today, I hope." I tell him. We shake hands and I take my now aching fingers back from him and go back towards Bella's ward.

Alice is right where I asked her to be and so is mom with Elizabeth. I tell her its okay and she can come into Bella's room with us now.

"What's going on?" Alice asks as soon as we step inside.

"Jake turned up but his name raises a flag at reception now, so I got a page." I tell them.

Mom gasps but Alice just looks pissed. "What happened?" She asks again.

"Not much. I just told him that Bella doesn't want to see him and he should go home, he did."

"Yeah, I bet. His whipping boy is gone, bet he's real lonely." Mom snipes. It's not like her to talk like that and I raise an eyebrow. She spots it and huffs. "Well, he's been without Bella to bully for nearly a week, people like that get more and more wound up the longer they go without someone to bother." She shrugs.

I take Elizabeth from her and sit with her on the end of Bella's bed. "Well I can't keep him away from her, legally that is, for much longer by bullshitting him, we need the restraining order now." I tell her and she nods. "Don't suppose you have Gary Bensons number handy?" I ask but she's already reaching for her vast handbag.

She flips open a book and takes out a pen. She scribbles the number onto a scrap of paper and hands it to me. I pass Elizabeth to her and take the paper with me outside into the garden.

"Gary Benson's office how may I help you." A woman answers.

"It's Edward Cullen calling for Mr Benson please." I tell her.

"Yes Mr Cullen, Mr Benson has left a message for you should you call. One moment please." She puts me on hold and I start pacing the length of the garden again, I can see the track marks I left the other day. "Mr Benson's message says that he is in court this afternoon to apply for your orders. He will call you as soon as a decision is made. Can I please confirm your contact details Mr Cullen?"

I rattle off my cell phone number and pager number and throw moms number in for good measure. I am assured that someone from the office will call the instant the judge hands down his decision and I give her my thanks.

Mom and Alice are relieved to hear that it won't be long until we can legally keep both Elizabeth and Bella safe, but I'm left with the same sense of dread I have always had about Bella's safety.

If the judge denies mom temporary custody and Jake is allowed to take her and Bella home I don't know what I'll do, but you can bet your ball sack that it will be highly illegal and will very possibly contain mindless violence and a fair amount of blood, not all of it mine.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know how I'm doing. **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 – Lēx

**BPOV**

I wake up slowly this time. I can hear voices when I come to. Soft voices, women's voices and I begin to wonder where I am.

I've never woken up to a woman's voice before. My mom died when I was little and I don't remember her at all. I don't have any sisters and I was never allowed to stay over at Alice' house, so waking up to the sound of soft voices is weird for me.

I can smell lotion, or soap or shampoo or something. It's very strong and it prickles my nose.

"How long before she can eat solid food?" I hear and I start to wonder if they are discussing me or Elizabeth.

The concept of solid food is a little frightening considering the pain in my mouth and jaw right now, so I hope they mean the baby and not me.

"Oh that's a ways off yet Alice. Six months is a good time to start trying, but not yet. She's nice and fat and happy with the formula for now anyway." The voice says and I relax, they are talking about Elizabeth.

"Angus was a porker compared to Elizabeth." The other voice giggles.

It could be Alice but it's been so long since I heard her voice in person that it could just as well be a nurse. I have no idea who Angus is. I open my left eye and the right is a little slower, but eventually it too opens and I am met with the usual view of the boring white hospital ceiling.

I flex my fingers and toes and slowly begin to stretch my legs and back. There is a dull ache at my ribs on the right side but other than that I feel pretty good. I know better than to lift my head or attempt to move my neck, so I lie still for a few minutes.

"I want to wash her hair but Edward always looks at me funny when I mention it." I hear. "But I know she'd hate having dirty hair like this."

I hear the shift of a chair on the linoleum floor and wonder who it is that just moved. "Don't antagonise your brother." The other female voice says and I wonder if that's Edward's mom. "You know he's very protective of her, he doesn't want her moved yet. Did you know those toys cost him four thousand dollars?" She said quietly and I wondered what toys. Not toys for Elizabeth, surely?

"Yeah, Rosie told me how much she spent." The one I think is Alice says.

There is a little tiny cough then and I know its Elizabeth. I swallow thickly and try to remember whether it was better to speak from my chest or from my throat. Both hurt so it wasn't going to matter too much. I take a breath and try to be heard.

"Eww-ahhh-dd." I manage. It's better than the last time, I can enunciate the 'd' on the end a little better this time. It gets my point across because straight away there is movement and they are on their side of my bed looking down at me.

"Hello sweetheart." Esme Cullen says quietly. She's holding Elizabeth.

"Hey stranger." Alice Cullen says on my right side. "I'll push the call button." She says and reaches above my head.

I flinch and try to pull away because the sudden motion of her hand looks like she's going to slap me. I realise that she's not going to hurt me, this is Edward's sister and she was once my best girl friend, but I pull away because it's my natural reaction to such quick movements.

The alarm sounds straight away because I've moved so quickly the pain in my ribs and my cheek and mouth overwhelm me, and then the room begins to fill up. Another female voice is asking what happened then she comes to stand where Alice was and the alarm stops. I hear a male voice too, asking whether or not he should page Dr Cullen senior. And then I hear Edward.

"What the fuck happened, who upset her?" He shouts as he comes to my side. He leans down and instantly his voice is softer. "Hey baby, it's alright, nobody is going to hurt you here. I'm here, we won't hurt you." He tells me.

"We didn't upset her, I swear." Alice is crying now. "She woke up so we thought we should call the nurse, I reached over her head to hit the button but she startled. I didn't mean anything by it Bella, I promise." She's crying harder now and I feel so bad for her.

I know in my brain that Alice Cullen would never hurt me. She spent years trying to get me to open up to her so she could help me, she wouldn't do that only to hurt me now. But my brain also knows that any quick movement has a hit, a punch or a slap attached to it and I recoil out of ingrained fear, no matter who the movement belongs to.

"Eww-ahh-d." I manage to get out again. I can lift my hand much better now so I reach for him and close my fingers around his forearm and squeeze.

He's right there beside my face again in a second. "It's alright baby. Just breathe Bella. Breathe with me." He's telling me and I realise that the alarm is sounding again. "You're alright baby, nobody will hurt you." He's telling me and I'm following his lips as he breathes.

When the alarm stops he asks if I want everyone to leave, he asks me to squeeze if I want that. I hold very still. I want to see them and I don't want them to take Elizabeth away yet. I'm awake for such short periods, I want to see her as much as I can while I can.

"Squeeze if you want them to stay baby." He finally asks it the right way around and I squeeze as hard as I can. His smile is dazzling. "Then they'll stay." He tells me. "Let's get you sitting up and then you can visit with Elizabeth a bit." He says as though he can read my mind.

I prepare myself for the bed to be raised by focusing on the buttons on his shirt as he sits me up. Again I feel a small wave of nausea but it's not big enough to make me gag or retch. Elizabeth is awake and in Esme's arms as she's brought to me. Edward takes her and then settles her on my chest. I can lift my arms on my own a little so I wrap them under her bottom and try to hold her there.

It's different with her awake, she can wriggle and move against me and it takes a lot more effort to hold her like this. I wish I could talk to her but I can't, so I use what energy I have to stroke her back with my fingers.

"She's doing so well." Esme tells me. She moves a little closer up the bed and I can see her a little more clearly. She's aged a bit since I last saw her. It's probably been five years at a guess, but she looks just like I remembered her. Kind. She has kind eyes and a sweet voice. "She sleeps for about six hours at night now and she's having seven ounces each bottle. She weighed nine pounds four ounces this morning and that's perfect for her age Bella." She tells me.

She's put on six ounces since I've been in hospital but I still don't know how long that's been, so I don't know if that's enough of a weight gain. I can't ask either, so instead I can feel myself getting frustrated. Edward said to give it a few hours before I could try to speak and I guess it's been that long because I fell asleep in between, but my throat still feels raw and my cheek and lip are burning with pain from the stitches and cuts inside.

"Hooo loooo." I manage to get out before I have to close my jaw against the stabbing pain. I wanted to say how long, but of course it sounds like a braying donkey instead.

Nobody understands me even though they all look down at me kindly. Edward is there then, at my side again. "Shhh, let your mouth heal baby. I promise she's fine, she's eating and sleeping and healthy and happy, I promise." He tells me and I try to relax.

For now I've got my daughter in my arms and Edward at my side. Everything else can wait. Besides, I tell myself, the faster I can speak the faster he'll start asking questions and the faster he'll leave us.

Not speaking has its rewards.

**EPOV**

Bella tires so easily so she can't hold Elizabeth for long, or fight the sleep that overtakes her soon after I take the baby off her chest.

Mom and Alice take Elizabeth home after that and I go back out into the garden to call Emmett to see how his interview with the cops in Port Angeles went.

I catch him as he's on his way out the door and he tells me it went okay. They took his statement and copies of his photos. They asked a million questions about what he remembered from when we were kids, he told them not much. They asked him had he ever had any dealings with Charlie Swan, to which he says just once in his capacity as a cop, when he was seventeen he got a speeding ticket, and a few times when he came to collect Bella from our house. Although Emmett explained to the cops that he didn't really know Bella, but that he knew of Charlie Swan.

Halfway through the call I hear the background noise change and he says he's driving now so I'll have to speak up a bit.

They asked him what he knew of Jake and Emmett tells them that he's met him once. I asked what he told them about the beating he handed down to Jake and he says they didn't mention it and he didn't either.

He asks after Bella and when I tell him that mom and Alice got to spend a few minutes with her while she was awake he goes off at me!

"Dude why didn't you say she was awake? Fuck Edward, that's stuff you should say right up front. Shit. I wanted to be there when she was awake too you know, damn. Does she wake up at regular times, can we come at a designated time so she can meet Rosie and Angus? What times good? Tonight maybe? I've got to drive to Olympia tomorrow but I can come tonight." He bellows into the phone.

"Calm down Em, jeez." I mutter. "It's not a fucking conspiracy you know. I'm not keeping her from you. If you turn up and she's awake good, but I don't know what time she's going to sleep and what time she's going to wake up, I'm a doctor not a fucking magician."

"You'd suck as a magician dude, you'd cuddle the fucking assistant instead of cutting her in half." He barks with laughter and I hang up on his smart mouth.

He calls back but I don't answer. Stupid prick. He calls again and I answer but tell him to piss off. He's laughing so hard I can't help but laugh along. As usual, even though he's a complete tosser, he's just what I need. I thank him, he tells me to stop being a pussy, I tell him he's gay, he says only for me, I fake gag, he tells me he loves me, I tell him I love him too, he threatens my life if I tell anyone. I hang up happy.

My dinner tray is there when I get back, and so is my dad and Ben fucking Cheney.

I look to my dad and hope to Christ he's going to back me up when I speak because if he doesn't I'm going to have to slug him and I really don't want to. "You can't examine her, not now, she's only just gone back to sleep, you can't wake her up to poke at her down _there_." I'm telling him, probably too loudly but I don't give a shit. "She's lucid now when she's awake so you need her consent. Fuck off until she gives it to you."

"Edward, calm down." My dad starts but I'm already working up a full head of steam by the time he gets the next sentence out. "He just stopped by to..." Is as far as he gets.

"You touch her and I'll have you." I tell Ben then turn to my dad. "You can touch her but only above the navel." I tell him, pointing my finger at him.

Luckily for me he just rolls his eyes at me and grins. "Christ." Dad mutters and I balk. He doesn't take the Lords name in vain, I've fucked up and I know it. "Just stop you idiot." He's telling me. "He's not here to examine her Edward. This is a social call you moron." He says.

I run my hand through my hair and let my breath out through my teeth. Shit. "Sorry." I mutter.

Ben's laughing though. "You don't remember me, do you?" He asks and I look at him hard.

"Should I?" I ask.

"Probably not. I was a year below you, in between you and Alice. I knew Bella though, she was friends with my wife, Angela Weber she was back then." He says with a grin on his face.

"Ben Cheney, Ben Cheney. Oh shit, yeah, I remember you. I tutored you for Biology my senior year, right?" I ask and he nods, big grin on his face. "Shit, sorry man. I didn't twig before." I tell him and offer my hand.

He shakes it while he laughs. "Can't say I've ever been threatened in my line of work before, the husbands don't like me, but I rarely get roughed up." He laughs.

"Shit, I'm so sorry." I tell him again. "Sorry dad." I tell him too.

"I'll leave you to it. Her obs are fine Edward. Good job on the sutures and your notes are impeccable." He puts her chart back in the holder at the foot of the bed and shakes Ben's hand before leaving. He's still muttering to himself and I guess I'll have to apologise again later for what I said.

When he's gone I offer the plastic chair beside Bella's bed to Ben and he sits. "So, does it suck to have your dad as her doctor or what?" He asks.

"Kinda. No. Yes, a bit." I admit. "Look, I'm really sorry I spoke you like I did. I'm just a bit of a mess, it's no excuse but I haven't quite got my head around any of this yet." I tell him as I sit in the other plastic chair and take Bella's hand.

He's nodding so I hope he's ok with my apology. "I can't imagine what it's like to watch your wife go through something like this." He says sadly.

"We aren't married, she's not my wife." I tell him quietly.

"Oh right, shit, I just assumed. Sorry." He says.

"Her husband did this. You might know the piece of shit. Jacob Black, from the Rez." I tell him.

"Yeah, I know that asshat." He mutters darkly. "Bella used to hang around with him all the time. I think their dads were friends or something. Ange used to go with Bella to the beach down there and I picked her up a few times, Jake and his friends were always being idiots. Jumping off the cliffs and stuff, hanging shit on us guys who wouldn't do it. They thought they were tough guys I think." He says. "I never thought she'd marry him though, she always seemed keen on you I thought." He said quietly.

I run my free hand through my hair and exhale loudly. I missed so fucking much because I wasn't looking back then. "We were kids." I tell him. "I thought she had a crush on Mike Newton, I never saw her look at me twice."

He's laughing again then. "You can't be serious? One, Mike Newton, nobody had a crush on that idiot. Bella was too smart to like that douche and two, did you honestly never see her staring at you?" He asks as he leans back in the chair and puts his hands behind his head.

I think on it a moment. I know Newton is a douche, he always was, but I did honestly think she had a crush on him. She went to all the school dances with him the year I was a senior so I figured she liked him. And I never, ever saw her staring at me. But, I stared at her, a lot. "Nope, never saw her staring." I admit. "Your wife, Angela Weber, she the same Angela Weber who writes for the Forks Gazette?" I ask.

"That's her yeah. She was on the school paper way back when. You know her or remember her?" He asks.

"I don't remember her but she interviewed me couple years back when the clinic first opened." I tell him.

"Yeah, she got some good feedback from that article." He nods towards my dinner tray then. "You should eat that before it gets cold. I'll leave you to it." He stands and makes to leave so I stand too and offer him my hand again.

"Sorry about before. Wait till she gives you the all clear before you examine her yeah? As a favour to her at the very least. She's gonna be real panicked about it, give her a choice, please." I beg him.

"Yeah, no worries. I'll have a chat to Kerry, you met our resident therapist yet?" He asks.

"Not yet, I wondered how long it would be before the shrinks waded it." I mutter darkly.

"Nah, Kerry's great, you'll like her. Tells it real straight, won't take any shit but will help her a lot too. I'll mention what you've said to her, get her to come by to assess Bella before I examine her again. Take it easy Edward, pass on our best when she's awake next." He nods to Bella and then he's gone.

I eat my dinner and think about what everyone has said and done today.

I've had no word from Benson so I don't know if our petition for a restraining order has been denied or granted. Jake turned up again but left without too much fuss when confronted. Bella had been awake twice and twice she did really well. Her stitches and staples came out without a problem and she tried to speak and smile.

Not such a bad day in the scheme of things. It could've been a lot worse. My thoughts stray to Joshua and his mom. I throw the jell-o into my head and when the tray is clean I kiss Bella and take the tray to the lounge to stow it for the cleaners. I let the nurse at the desk, Jaimee her nametag says, know that I'll be within the hospital but to page me if Bella wakes while I'm gone. Then I head for the children's ward.

My watch says it's eight-thirty and the nurse at the desk says he's already asleep in his crib but I ask if I can go and sit by him anyway. The ward is quiet even though three of the eight kids in it are still awake. They are older than Joshua so I figure they'd have later bedtimes if they were at home anyway.

Joshua is asleep on his side and I can see that his oxygen tube has been taken out. A quick read of his chart tells me that his temperature is almost normal now and his lung function test this afternoon was a lot better than yesterdays. He's eaten more today than he had the previous three days combined and he's sleeping less, playing more. It's about as good a result as a doctor could hope for. His infection is resistant to antibiotics so the body has to fight it itself, not always easy. But he's doing well. I figure he'll be going home in a day or two if he continues to do as well.

I sit in the plastic chair by his crib and watch him sleep for a bit.

He snuffles just like Elizabeth does and I wonder if all little kids do it. I never watched Angus sleep before. Mostly, if I took care of him while Em and Rosie went out, by the time the little monster finally fell asleep I didn't want to see him for hours.

Joshua is on his belly, his little hands in fists beside his head. He's got the longest eyelashes I've ever seen on a boy. He's a good looking kid. His string bag is still tied to the edge of his crib and I can see his robot and his Lego are still in it despite the ward being filled to overflowing with new toys. These mean something to him, they're special to him and he wants them close by.

I don't even realise I'm crying until the duty nurse comes and offers me a tissue. I take one and tell her thanks before heading back to Bella's ward. I've never cried this much in my life. If I added up all the times over my twenty-six and a half years that I'd cried it would maybe be four times. Once when Grandma Cullen died, once when Grandma Masen died, once when Alice broke her wrist and I had to sit with her on the ground under the jungle gym until a teacher came to get her, and once when Angus was born.

In the past week I'd blubbed like a girl a dozen times. I couldn't help it. Now I knew why mom was always dabbing at her eyes all the time. Stuff hurts.

I check Bella's latest obs when I get back to her, kiss her goodnight, tell her I love her and then brush my teeth. I change into some sleep pants and a plain t-shirt and try to get comfortable in the too short bed for the sixth night in a row. Sleep finds me long before I think it will.

**BPOV**

It's quiet and quite dark when I wake up this time. I know where I am straight away though, I don't need to wonder. I can smell the hospital smell and see the blinking lights as they reflect off the monitors behind my head.

There is a gentle snoring in the room and I try to carefully move my neck to the side so I can see who it is that's asleep in that small bed under the windows. My sight is better in the dark than it is in the bright lights of daytime so I know straight away who belongs to that mop of copper hair.

Edward groans in his sleep as he tosses and turns from side to side. The bed is way too short for him and his sock clad feet hang out the bottom of the blankets.

I watch him sleep for a long time. I count the beeps of the monitor and guess that each little beep is my heart beating. I can't count the beeps and the seconds in a minute so I assume that I beat at least once a second – I failed biology senior year, hell I failed everything senior year – and count off the hour that way. It might be two hours if I beat more often, might be less than a full hour if less often, but the counting helps to pass the time. Edward groans again and then he turns to face me. I wish him awake but he doesn't open his eyes at all while I'm watching him.

My door opens and in comes a Bob Marley look alike.

"Sleeping beauty awakes." He whispers to me as he takes my temperature with a thing he sticks in my ear. "I'm Iggy but your man calls me Bob." He tells me quietly. I want to laugh. Edward thought he was Bob Marley too! I can't say anything so I just follow Bob with my eyes. "Your chart says you can't talk to me yet, but I bet you're in there, dying to tell me how gorgeous I am, right?" He chuckles as he checks my cheek and my lip then shines a light in my left eye then my right. "Your mans been here every minute since they brought you in. He's a good guy, his dad is too. Don't you go given them any shtick when you get your voice back Sleeping Beauty." He laughs and then I can't see him anymore.

I hear the scratch of his pen on paper and then the door shutting.

"You okay baby?" I hear from Edward. He's swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands. He stands and comes to the side of my bed and I feel his warm hand slide into mine.

"Ed-www-aaah." I rasp out. Its sounding better, the letter sounds are more distinct.

"Oh baby that's nearly it, you're doing so well." He tells me. "Squeeze if you're okay." He tells me and I squeeze hard. I want to tell him to get onto the bed with me but of course I can't do that. I keep squeezing his hand and hope he'll play twenty questions with me. "I wish you could tell me what you need baby." He mutters and bends down to kiss my cheek. I take my hand out of his and pat the bed as best I can. He looks at me blankly so I do it again. I slap my hand up and down on the bed and stare up at him. "You want me up on there with you?" He asks and I take his hand and squeeze.

"Ye-eh-th." I whisper as best I can. "U." I tell him. I can make the 'you' sound without any problems, it's a good start I think as Edward smiles widely.

"You want me up there with you?" He asks as if it's the stupidest idea he's ever heard. I squeeze his hand and he sighs. "Oh you got it baby." He laughs and slides up onto the bed beside me. He shuffles down so that our faces are lined up and I can see him clearly. He puts his arm across me gently and rests it under my ribs. "I've dreamt about this." He whispers as if he can read my mind. "Admittedly we were naked and you were a lot more well than this, but it's a good start baby." He chuckles.

I fall back to sleep with him stroking the soft hollow of my stomach with his fingertips and his beautiful face half an inch from mine.

**EPOV**

I wake up with her beautiful face only an inch from mine and have to blink a dozen times to make sure I wasn't dreaming it.

The events of yesterday and the night before come flooding back when I realise we aren't alone in the room.

My father is standing at the foot of the bed writing on Bella's chart. He's grinning from ear to ear.

"Morning." I mumble and slide off the bed.

"Morning son." He chuckles.

"Don't say anything." I warn him playfully.

"I wasn't going to." He mutters and keeps writing. "I wondered how long it would be before I caught you with a woman." He laughs.

"Dad I'm twenty-six." I laugh.

"Exactly." Is all he says.

I go into the bathroom with my toiletries bag and a stack of clean clothes and leave him to it. I do not want to have that conversation with my father and I don't want a lecture from him in his capacity as Bella's doctor either.

I shower and shave and change into clean clothes. Mom brings me new ones everyday when she visits and I don't think I've once said thank you. I have to remember, in fact I should go to the gift shop and send her flowers. And Bella. Bella's room needs flowers too. And cards and she can have visitors now and we will need to get her moving soon too. I'm looking forward to taking her outside. From the paleness of her skin and the rules I saw in the apartment I know it's been a long time since she's seen the sun.

Dad's gone when I get back into the room but Sheila is back and she's got a basin of water and a washcloth.

"Welcome back." I tell her as I put my dirty things into my backpack for mom to take home later.

"Thanks. How is she doing?" She asks me. It's been two days since she's seen her after all.

"Much better. Here let me do that, please?" I take the washcloth and begin to wash Bella's arms and hands. "She's off the sedation and has been awake three times under her own steam now." I tell her.

"That's great." Sheila says as she strips the sheets and blankets from my bed. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I should check in at work, but I'm fine." I tell her as I switch sides and wash Bella's other hand and arm.

"I heard what you did in the children's ward. That was really good of you." She says as she remakes my bed for me.

"It was nothing." I mumble. "What can you tell me about Kerry, I don't know her last name, but she's a therapist here I think."

"Oh that would be Kerry Nunn, she's fantastic. She works out of here and she has a private practise in Port Angeles as well. I think she might be attached to the high school too." She adds at the end. "You'll like her. Is she going to come and talk to Bella?"

"Ben Cheney said he'd mention Bella to her, yeah." I lift Bella's gown and wash her carefully across her stomach and under each breast. I know she's got to have her dressings changed today, and have her wounds examined, but I don't want to think about that yet.

I rinse the cloth and pull the blanket off her right leg. I hesitate and Sheila reaches for the cloth. "Let me. You throw those in the trolley outside and we'll call it even." She laughs and points to the dirty linens.

"Thanks. I'm going to head to the gift shop, page me if she wakes up please." I tell her.

In the gift shop I arrange for white roses and carnations to be sent to my mother at home, red zinnias to be sent to Rosie at her home and yellow roses to be sent to Alice at her work. Then I choose an enormous brown teddy bear with a pink knitted sweater on for Elizabeth and a smaller matching one for Bella's room. I choose a massive arrangement of pink and white flowers for Bella, at the centre of which is a half dozen pink rosebuds. I write on the card and tell the girl there which room Bella is in on ward six. She writes it in her little book and I ask her to send a smaller version of the arrangement, in every colour she has it in, every two days until Bella is discharged.

I grab a candy bar from the vending machine outside the cafeteria on my way past and then I head back to Bella's ward.

"Dr Cheney and Dr Cullen senior are in with her Edward, they've asked if you can stay outside for the moment please." Sheila cringes and is probably waiting for me to explode.

I sigh but realise there is nothing I can do for her right now. "Was she awake when they arrived?" I ask.

"No. Hopefully she'll sleep though it." She says and I nod.

"I'll be outside." I tell her and make my way through the door beside the nurses station.

It's hot outside and there isn't much shade this early in the day. I start my pacing at my usual spot and start my laps. I wish I had a cigarette but when I think of the burns on Bella's inner thighs I resolve to never have another one on my lips. I hate to think what her reaction would be if I stuck a smoke in my mouth around her. I shudder at the thought.

I take my cell phone out and call Kate. She's understanding about Bella's recovery but I can hear in her voice how stressed she is. She tells me Simon Field is doing well in my absence but my regular patients have been cancelling and rebooking their consults for the following week in the hope that I'll be back by then. I give in and promise that I'll go back the following week, but only every second day. She is relieved and thanks me profusely. I hang up and take stock.

Its Wednesday now so that gives me today and four more days before I have to even think about leaving Bella during the day. Hopefully she'll be up and around under her own steam by then. That will be two weeks since admission and all her stitches will be out and she'll be on the mend physically at least.

She'll be having physio for her ribs and feet and probably her hands too and god knows what will be happening by then with her eye and mouth. I figure I can leave her, if mom or someone else comes to sit with her for a bit, for a couple hours a day to see my patients. I can still sleep right beside her at night and spend alternate days with her too. But I have to work if I'm going to pay for her recovery and the medical bills, and that's how I'll explain it to her on Sunday evening.

For now I'm here and that's where I'm going to stay.

My next call is to Emmett. He answers on the first ring and loudly asks what's wrong.

"Nothing, god Em calm down." I tell him, "I just want to ask if you three want to come see Bella tonight? She's been awake for a bit early in the evening so I thought it might be nice for her to meet you properly."

"We'll be there dude. Sure. You hear anything yet from the law?" He asks. "Angus put that down, Christ Rosie take that off him will you." He shouts and I have to pull the phone away or risk permanent hearing damage.

"No, I've not heard anything, that's my next call. See you about six, right?" I ask.

"Sure, sure, see you then. For fucks sake Rosie don't let him put that in his mouth..." I don't want to hear what the little monster is doing so I hang up.

After five minutes on hold I finally get to talk to the female cop in Port Angeles who took my statement. She tells me there's been no complaint made against me or anyone else in the family since we removed Bella from the apartment and she's not heard from Charlie Swan since she made her enquiries with him about his daughters injuries.

"You mean he hasn't even called you back? Not even to help you find out how she got hurt?" I ask.

"Nope. I called and spoke to him in person. I asked him if he was aware his daughter was in hospital, he said he was. I asked the nature of her injuries he said self inflicted. When I asked how she managed to give herself two black eyes and cut her mouth like that he said she was very resourceful and very attention seeking. Our detective told me to end the call and I did. That's all I can tell you Edward. But we're working on it, trust me." She tells me.

"Okay, I get that you can't tell me anything because I'm not family, but just tell me you guys aren't ignoring it because he's a fellow cop." I beg.

She scoffs. "You have no idea how serious this is Edward. And trust me, nobody here is ignoring this. It's in our best interest to get rid of any cops who are doing the wrong thing, so if we can prove that he is, or has, we'll do everything we can to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone ever again. You gotta trust us Edward, trust us to do our job." She tells me.

I want to trust her but Charlie Swan is a cop too and people trust him too. I thank her for all she is doing and hang up. I don't feel too much better knowing that Charlie is ignoring what's happened to Bella, but in a way that's good too. If he's not interested that means he's not going to bother trying to get temporary custody of Elizabeth or interfere in Bella's recovery. That could be good for us and will be excellent for Bella.

I take a deep breath and call Gary Bensons office again.

The same woman answers and I tell her I'm Edward Cullen.

"Oh Mr Cullen I'm glad you called. I've just finished your paperwork. Mr Benson is already in court this morning but I've been authorised to tell you that Mrs Esme Cullen has been granted temporary custody of the minor child Elizabeth Smith. A further hearing has been set down for two weeks time, before which time a court appointed social worker will need to meet with you, Mrs Cullen and Mrs Black if she's able. Is there a number I can fax the copy through to you Mr Cullen?" She asks.

I'm still trying to digest what she's said but I give her the fax number at the hospital as if on autopilot. I've sent so many things to the hospital over the years the number is imprinted on my brain. My mom now has custody of Elizabeth and I can relax a little. Jake can't take her and neither can Charlie Swan. It's such a relief.

I thank her and get ready to hang up when she says there's more.

"The petition to grant a temporary restraining order has also been granted against Mr Jacob William Black effective today. He cannot come within two hundred yards of Mrs Black or the minor child Elizabeth Smith. Another has been granted by reason of implied violence against Mr Charles Andrew Swan. Mr Swan's is temporary and will last until such a time as Mrs Black can report to the court her intention to renew it or declare it null and void." She tells me stiffly as though she's reading it, which she probably is.

"Wait a minute, Charlie Swan can't come near either of them?" I ask incredulously.

"That's right Mr Cullen. The application for health care proxy for Mrs Black is being heard today and you should have an answer this evening. Mr Benson requests you meet with him in the next few days to discuss what happens next and to discuss Mrs Black's application for divorce that is pending." She says.

"What application for divorce?" I ask.

"The one Dr Cullen senior asked Mr Benson to prepare." She says matter of factly.

I leave it at that. She won't tell me anymore about that anyway, even if I ask, so I thank her for her time and ask her to send all the documents to the hospital fax and the originals to my father at our home address. She says she'll do it right away and I hang up.

I'm walking towards the hospital general offices before I've even put my phone away.

Neither Charlie nor Jake can come anywhere near Bella or Elizabeth. It's a fantastic outcome, so far. Mom has custody of the baby and I'm free to keep taking care of Bella.

I have copies of the two restraining orders in my hand in seconds and then the machine spits out a copy of my mother's temporary custody order and I sigh in relief. They're both safe. At last.

I make copies of the copies and leave a set for Tony and his security team before taking the others back to Bella on the ward.

I give Sheila a copy for Bella's file and take a copy in to show Bella herself. She's asleep when I get there and I hope to Christ she's slept through the ordeal of being examined.

I read her chart and note that she wasn't and that she had a large panic attack when she was told that she'd need to be examined. A medium dose of morphine was administered, effectively putting her sleep. Ben had then continued with his exam while she was out to it. His findings were good, she was healing well, but that wasn't the point.

"Fuck." I mutter. "Two fucking steps forward and three steps back." I slam the copied documents onto the rolling table and take Bella's hand into mine. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that baby. I wish I could take it all away for you. I can't wait to tell you the good news, but you rest for now. I love you baby." I tell her. I reach for her novel and begin to read to her from where I left off.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**It really has been two steps forward three steps back for Edward, but for Bella she is making good progress. **

**I hope you have found something of interest in this chapter and hope that you'll review and let me know what it was. If you hated it and it's made you want to write to me and tell me how much you hate me, please do, I enjoy all my mail ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 – Family

**EPOV**

Mom brings Elizabeth mid morning and I'm still sitting there reading aloud when they arrive.

I take Elizabeth as soon as mom hands her over and I take in a bit hit of baby calm from her. I hold her a lot longer than I normally would and I know mom notices, but she lets me calm down before asking what's going on.

I sit with Elizabeth in my lap beside Bella's sleeping form. "Elizabeth is here Bella. She's perfect." I tell her then turn to mom. "She had to have morphine this morning so she'll sleep for a bit longer I think." I tell her and mom nods sadly. Dad probably already told her anyway.

I move Elizabeth so she's lying along the length of my thighs. She's gripping my finger like it's her pacifier and then it's in her mouth and she's chomping away on it. It's strangely pleasant again and I wonder if there is something wrong with me for liking it so much.

Am I that lonely, that starved for human affection that I'll take whatever I can get including bite marks from a ten week old gummy shark in a dress? Yeah, I am.

I sigh when I realise the truth in the statement and mom's staring at me sadly.

"Can you tell me sweetheart?" She asks softly.

I shake my head no but she's just sitting there looking at me with these big sad eyes and I know I'm going to cave at some point, may as well do it while it's just her to see me fall apart.

I'm crying before I even get the first words out of my mouth. Mom hands me a tissue and I swipe at my eyes angrily. Why can't I control myself anymore? Why does everything reduce me to tears? Do I need the tampons Emmett offered?

"It seemed like good news when I got it, but now it feels awful." I tell her. "Read those." I nod towards the rolling table and the papers on it.

I busy myself with Elizabeth while she reads. The baby has a cute little dress on again today and another ribbon in her hair. Her hair is darker than Bella's, almost black, and it makes her pale skin glow. She has dark lashes like Joshua does, but his are curled on the ends where Elizabeth's are straight. She is still chewing happily on my finger and her legs are kicking and flexing while she does it. She's perfect.

Mom puts the papers down and smiles. "Well, that is good news. I can't see the sting in the tail Edward, why are you so upset darling?" She asks.

She calls me darling and I'm blubbing again like a four year old. "Oh shit mom, it's not bad news at all, not for Bella's safety, but imagine what it would feel like to have an order granted that meant you couldn't see your husband or your father." I whisper.

"This is what's best for her Edward, you know that." She tells me.

"I know that." I hiss. "But she never asked us to do this, she never said it was Jake, not out loud anyway. What if she wakes up and hates us for doing that?"

Mom doesn't hesitate. "Bullshit." She mutters darkly and then she's on her feet, pacing the space between the end of Bella's bed and the bathroom door. "She refused to say or do anything about it when she was growing up, and I don't pretend to know why, but she wouldn't ever let us help her back then. Now we've got a chance to stop the cycle of abuse Edward, with or without her consent someone has to take charge of the situation whether she likes it or not. She's not on her own anymore Edward, she has Elizabeth to think about."

"I know. But, I can't help worrying that she's going to be angry and we're going to lose her." I whisper, not because I don't want anyone to hear my thoughts but because it causes me physical pain to think about losing her now that I've only just got her safe again.

Mom is beside me then, one hand on my shoulder the other on Bella's hand on the edge of the bed. "She's a mother Edward and that means she'll do what's best for Elizabeth. I believe that, no matter what Bella is a good mom. She gave up everything for Elizabeth, she took beatings and she starved herself so that Elizabeth would have what she needed. That's not the actions of an indifferent mom. For whatever reason Bella believed she couldn't leave him. But she's here now and we won't let anything happen to her, or to the baby."

"She's Elizabeth Smith." I say softly.

"I know, I saw that darling. I don't understand that either. Maybe it's Elizabeth's fathers name? Maybe it's a grandparents name? She'll tell you when she's ready Edward." She strokes my hair and goes and sits back down beside Bella. Out comes the lotion. "A social worker is coming to the house this afternoon to meet with us. You should be there." She tells me.

"I'll ask Rosie to come sit with Bella." I tell her.

"I already did, she said that's fine." She smiles. "Now, what news from Port Angeles?" She asks.

How the hell do women do that? They know shit. They either have a network of informants all over the place or they just 'know' shit and men don't understand how it's done. "They called Charlie and he told them that he knew Bella was in hospital but he believed her injuries were attention seeking and self inflicted. That's all they'd tell me, that they'd talked to him, not what they intend to do about him. But the female cop told me they were investigating him and to trust them to do their job." I shrug.

"Well then, we'll just have to be patient won't we?" She switches to Bella's legs and I watch as she rubs the lotion into her thin calves. "Why did Bella have to have morphine this morning Edward?" She asks.

"She had to have a gynae consult and she keeps having panic attacks whenever anyone has to touch her _there_." I cringe. "Like yesterday with Alice, sudden movements or gestures frighten the shit out of her. So dad increased the morphine, which she's been having in low doses for pain management anyway, he just increased it to put her to sleep for a bit."

Elizabeth starts to whinge, she's bored by my fingers now and is sucking hard, she's hungry. I go straight to her baby bag and take a bottle from the side pocket. She's already sucking hard by the time I sit back down with her. I stare at her as she drinks, those big brown eyes stare right back at me. It doesn't take her long to drain the bottle and her eyelids begin to droop as the last of it is sucked from the bottle. I put her over my shoulder and pat her carefully, trying to coax a burp from her before I put her onto my bed. It's a little burp but it's good enough.

I lay her down on my bed and pull the horseshoe pillow around her so she can't roll off. I put a sheet over her and pat her bottom to make sure she settles.

"You're very good with her." Mom whispers.

"So are you." I tell her and take my seat opposite again.

"I've done it before, you haven't."

"Bragger." I laugh.

"You should learn to take a compliment." She teases. "Your father tells me that you and Bella were sharing the bed last night, do I need to stop by the pharmacy on the way home?" She giggled.

I rolled my eyes and tried to busy myself reading out loud from where I'd left off earlier.

**BPOV**

I could hear giggling and Edward's velvet reading voice. I slowly come back to the surface of consciousness and realise where I am and why almost straight away this time.

No disorientation and very little pain either, which made a nice change from the last twenty or so years. I actually manage to stretch a little without needing to groan or moan in pain as my toes, ribs and neck are stretched in turn.

"Edward." I hear the woman's voice again.

Then he's there, beside me, whispering in my ear. "Hello baby. You're safe here, nobody will hurt you here." He tells me and I relax a little more. I search the side of the bed for his hand and find it. It's warm and soft and he closes his fingers around mine and squeezes a little, I squeeze back and open my eyes. "There you are, hello baby."

He's smiling and looks so gorgeous my breath hitches in my throat. "Ed-wahh-d." I manage to mumble and his smile just about splits his face in two it's so huge.

"Did you hear that mom? She said my name. Did you hear her? Oh baby that's so great, you're doing so well." He crows then bends to kiss my cheek. "How do you feel baby? Squeeze my hand if you're okay in there." He tells me and I squeeze as hard as I can. "Oh thank god." He whispers and buries his nose in my throat.

I can't help the tear that leaks out of my eye and I feel a warm thumb wipe it away. "Edward." I hear again from his mom who's sitting beside me on the other side.

The strong smell of some type of perfume is in the air again and I wonder if it's from her or from me. It's been so long since I was truly clean so it's more likely from her.

Edward lifts his eyes to mine. "Do you remember my mom? Esme, remember?" He asks me and I squeeze his hand. "She remembers you mom. Come say hi. You have to come a bit closer, I don't think her focus is very good yet." He tells her.

Then she's there, above me and I can see her clearly again. "I'm so sorry we upset you yesterday sweetie." She's telling me and I'm squeezing Edward's hand like mad. I want her hand too so I uncurl my fingers and reach for her. I find her wrist, its good enough. I start squeezing it and she smiles. She twists her hand so hers is clasped in mine and we both squeeze a little. "I'm right here Bella. We aren't going anywhere, we're here for you darling girl." She's telling me and I'm crying more steadily now.

I'm so pathetically grateful for any sort of affection, any care that I get, I can't help the tears as they begin to flow harder and harder. I swallow as deeply as I dare and part my lips. "Thh-aaa-k ooo." I manage to eke out. It doesn't sound too far off the thank you I was going for and it makes them both cry and smile.

"Thank you. She said thank you. That was so clear baby, you're doing so well." Edward crows again.

There is a knock at my door and I cringe. I don't want to be examined and I don't want to see Ben Cheney's face again for a while. I don't realise that I'm shaking and the alarm is going off until Edward tells me it is. I watch his lips and breathe with him to calm myself. Esme gets the door and comes into the room with a massive flower arrangement. I've never seen anything so huge before. It's in a huge glass bowl and she puts it on the shelf on the wall at the end of my bed.

Edward is grinning like the cat that stole the cream now. "It's just a delivery baby, nothing to worry about. Nobody will bother you here. I promise. I'll tell you later why I'm so sure, but nobody will ever hurt you again baby." He promises and kisses me on the cheek.

"There's a card, would you like to read it Bella?" Esme asks and I squeeze Edward's hand hard.

"That's a yes." He laughs. "I'm going to need therapy right along with you baby if you keep squeezing that hard."

I want to laugh too but I know that if I smile the stitches inside, and outside, of my mouth will pull and I'll have the pain and burning for hours again. Instead I raise my eyebrows at him. Esme comes to the side of my bed and puts the card into my left hand.

I concentrate hard and lift my hand so that the little white card is in front of my eyes. It takes a second to focus but eventually I can make out the words. 'That I could take away your pain is my first and biggest wish. That you loved me even half as much as I've always loved you, that is the second. Edward.'

My tears come thick and fast again and I'm reaching for his hand blindly. I'm squeezing it like a mad woman and he's crying with me and telling me he loves me and nobody will ever hurt me again. I wish I could tell him that I love him too, I wish I could ask him not to make me promises that he can't keep, but most of all I wish that Elizabeth was his and that we had even a slim chance at a happily ever after.

**EPOV**

She's crying so hard and it's got to be hurting her throat but I can't stop and neither can she. Mom slips out the door and leaves us alone and I'm grateful. It's so hard not knowing what's upset her, or even if she is upset. She could be crying because she's happy but she could also be crying because she's sick of my over emotional ass already and wants me gone. I have no way to know and don't want to ask any more questions of her, I'd rather just go on believing she is overwhelmed with emotion just like me. I don't want to know if I'm wrong.

I do my best to calm myself down so she'll do the same. I don't want her hurting. When she's calmer and I've wiped away her tears with a tissue and mine with the back of my hand I sit beside her and hold her hand. "Elizabeth is asleep over there. Can you turn your head and see her?" I ask. Bella's eyes widen and I realise she had no idea that her baby was here. "Mom brings her every morning to visit with us. She's so good Bella. So content. She goes right to sleep after her feed and sleeps for hours. Can you see her?" I ask as she turns her head very slowly and carefully towards the window.

"Ooo bbb-aaaddd." She says and I can't quite make out what she wants to say. I understand 'you' and ask her to squeeze if that's right. She does.

"Okay, the first part is you, the second sounded like bad, squeeze if that's right." No squeeze. "Okay, not bad. So, bad, bod, bid, bud bed. Bed, is it bed?" I guess by going through the vowels and she squeezes. I smile at her when she turns her gaze back to me. "Yeah, that's my bed." I tell her. I feel embarrassed, nervous even. She never asked me to stay with her, I just took it upon myself to do it. "We've got a lot to talk about, you and me." I tell her and she squeezes my hand again. "I need to tell you some things and then I have an idea." I tell her. "I'll be right back."

I run out to the lounge and ask my mom if she'll run home and collect my laptop and its bag from my bedroom. Of course she says she will. I tell her thank you then run back to Bella's room.

"How about I sit you up a little? It can't be too exciting staring at the ceiling all the time." I tell her and push the button to raise the head of the bed. She's breathing a little heavier as I move her upright but she's getting really good at staving off the nausea as she's moved. By the time I'm sitting beside her again she's sounding and looking good.

"I don't know where to start. I've got so much to tell you and so many questions I want to ask you. I guess I'll tell you the most important things first. Jake has turned up here twice, but I don't want you to worry, he won't be coming back any time soon." I tell her and put my other hand on top of hers because she's obviously anxious, she's squeezing my hand like mad and gurgling in the back of her throat. "Shit, I don't mean to upset you but I have to tell you these things. I don't want to lie to you Bella, I'll always tell you the truth, even if it hurts you I'll be honest, alright?" I ask and she squeezes again. "Good. So, he turned up here on day two I think it was and yes he came into your room but he was just looking at you. I got him out before he could do or say anything, I promise. After that dad took me to Port Angeles to meet with his lawyer and since then Jake's been back, but he didn't get any further than reception before he left again. He's not allowed anywhere near you again Bella, ever if that's what you want, but for now you've been granted a restraining order which means he can't come within two hundred feet of you or Elizabeth." I smile and hope its good news for her.

Bella makes a little coughing sound and I get ready to get her pillow and press it to her chest if it goes any further, but it doesn't. She's trying to speak but it's only going to hurt her throat and mouth so I ask her not to try.

"Moms gone to get my laptop baby. I've got a tablet and a digital pen, you can write down things then, but for now just listen, alright?" I ask and she squeezes. "Now I know you didn't ask me to do any of this, and I'm sorry if I've gone about it all wrong, but I promise I thought it was what was best for both you and Elizabeth at the time." I scrub at the back of my neck with my free hand and get ready to tell her the rest. "Dads lawyer also applied for an order to keep your dad away from you." I wince while she digests that and when there is almost no reaction other than her breath being forced out over her teeth I go on. "That's only a temporary one, you're going to have to meet with the judge about that one because your dad is a cop, I think, they've only got our word to go on that he's hurt you before. But for now he can't come near you or Elizabeth either. I hope that was the right thing to do Bella, I had no way of knowing and dad said he was sure your father had hurt you before...oh god Bella it's so hard to know what to do for you baby." I put my head onto the back of her hand and gather myself a little. She's squeezing my hand rhythmically either because she's pissed or she wants me to keep going so I take a chance and tell her the rest. If she wants me gone I'll know soon enough, when mom arrives with my laptop. "Now I don't want to panic you and I know this is going to hurt, but the court has granted mom temporary custody of Elizabeth." I feel her flinch and I keep going as fast as I can to soften the blow. "It's only temporary, nobody is taking her off you, I swear it Bella, I would never let that happen. But we had to find a way to stop Jake or your dad taking her away from you, this seemed the best idea." I tell her and she relaxes.

There is a tear rolling down her cheek and her eyes are sad and worried. I understand that, I totally get it, it kills me to think of Elizabeth with someone else so I can only imagine how hard it is for her to hear that she no longer has custody of her own child.

I wipe away her tear with the pad of my thumb. "I'm so sorry baby, but it was all we could think of to keep her with us, not them." I spit the 'them' out caustically. "I won't let them near her, bastards." I mutter to myself. "So I have to go home with her soon to meet with the courts social worker. They're coming to make sure we're taking good care of her at the house, and I promise that we are. Alice has bought everything you can think of and decorated a room for her right next to mine, not that I've slept there at all." I chuckle. "But she's all set up and she's got clothes and toys and they all spoil her rotten, I promise. I know you didn't ask us to do any of this and I'm so scared that you hate us for taking over your life like this, but we only want the best for you both." I tell her. She's squeezing my hand like mad again and I wish, for the millionth time, that I could know what she's thinking. I'm about to ask the most personal, important question of my life and I know I'm shaking worse than she is. "Bella, baby, I have to ask but I want you to know that I don't care about the answer, I really don't, I just need you to be honest so I can keep helping you both, squeeze so I know you understand that." She does and I sigh. "Bella, Elizabeth isn't Jakes, is she?" I ask.

Her eyes widen and she's staring at me in panic the second the question leaves my lips. Her heart rate monitor starts the alarm and then I'm begging her to just squeeze and tell me she's not. She's squeezing and crying and I'm begging her to calm down, telling her that I don't care, that I only needed to know so I can help her. She eventually calms back down and drifts off to sleep again.

I feel a bastard for having to ask but I don't want to order a paternity test without knowing for myself what the answer is going to be. I was honest, I don't care who Elizabeth's father is, I just don't want it to be fucking Jake Black. I don't want him to have any claim over the perfect little thing that's starting to wake up in my bed.

I've got Elizabeth into a clean diaper and sucking on my finger again when mom comes back with Alice in tow. No Rosie or Angus though, mom tells me slight change of plans and I thank Alice for sitting with Bella and mention that she probably won't wake up before I get back, but if she does to call me and I'll come straight back. Mom hands me my laptop bag. I stash it in the bottom of Bella's closet and kiss her goodbye. I hope we won't be gone long, and I did tell her I needed to go home for a bit to meet with the social worker, but I leave the same message with the nurses station for when she wakes up again.

We make a slight detour on our way out to the parking lot and look in on Joshua in the children's ward. Rachel is there, sitting beside his bed while he plays with a heap of new toys. She greets us fondly and tells us that Joshua is doing well and should be able to go home the following day. He says hi to us and shows us his robot, still clutched in his hand.

I'm still thinking about what sort of life he's going to have now when we get to our house. Dad's car is in the driveway so I know to be quiet when we go in. He doesn't get a lot of sleep, so when he gets the chance he takes it. Coming back to check on Bella of a morning is cutting into his already limited time off. I should make sure I thank him more often.

I take Elizabeth up to our rooms and sit with her at my desk while I read my mail out loud. More propaganda about an upcoming local election. Some junk mail and a letter from the hospital thanking me for my more than generous contribution to the children's ward. That's nice. There's a card from the wife of a patient of mine thanking me for the flowers I sent for her husband's recent funeral. He wasn't my patient, but I knew him through her. I tell Elizabeth who she is and why I know her and then I tell her a little bit more about the people I know at the clinic.

I wander through my rooms with her on my arm. She stares up at me the whole time with big wide brown eyes just like her mothers. "You'll like my boss, Kate. She's great. She's got a little girl too but she's bigger than you, she's at school now. You'll like her dad too, Milo, he's a doctor too just like my dad is. It was his clinic but he's retired now. But every now and then he comes in to check up on us. I think he's bored and a bit lonely. He's going to love you. I should take you down there later, introduce you around." I tell her as I put my dirty clothes into the hamper and shove clean ones into my backpack ready for tonight.

"I guess you aren't tired so how about I introduce you to someone else that I love." I tell her and take her to my piano bench. "I've never played with a girl in my lap before, so if I hit a few wrong notes you'll have to forgive me, right?" I chuckle. I sit her up in my lap so she's facing the keys. I have to have her slumping a little so she doesn't fall forward, but I get her settled and we're fairly comfortable and then I lift the lid. "Elizabeth this is my piano, piano this is Elizabeth, she's Bella's little girl, you remember Bella." I tell the piano.

Anyone listening, or watching, would think I was a fucking nutjob, but I love this thing almost as much as I love Bella. I've written more teenage mooching music on this thing than anyone alive and it knows all my secrets. I have nothing to hide from Elizabeth either, I love her mom, she may as well know that right from the off.

I start with Nocturne and move on to Brahms Intermezzo. I play it slowly and quietly and Elizabeth seems content even though I'm missing some notes and hitting others wrongly while trying to keep her balanced in my lap.

"This one is one of my all time faves little one." I tell her as I begin the first notes from Mendelssohn's Song Without Words. I've written a few pieces of my own over the years so I pull out a few scraps of sheet music off the top of the piano's lid and shuffle them until I find a particularly soft piece I once wrote in the middle of the night.

I'm still playing when there is a soft cough behind me. I stop immediately, I hate being busted when playing, especially when I'm playing something of my own. With one hand around Elizabeth's belly I turn to see what mom wants.

It is my mom but she's got another woman with her. Shit. This must be the social worker. I look at my watch and grimace. Yep. Social worker time and here's me with a tiny baby propped up in my lap while I pluck out classical music. Fuck, great start I think as I get to my feet and put Elizabeth into the crook of my arm.

I walk towards the two women with my hand outstretched to the social worker. "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen and this is Elizabeth Smith." I try my best to keep the tone of my voice even as I say the generic last name out loud.

"Hello Edward, Elizabeth. I'm Julie and I'm here to assess the living arrangements for Miss Elizabeth." She says with a smile on her face.

"Come on in, have a seat." I nod towards the sofas in my living room and mom strides right to one and sits down.

"You're playing was lovely today dear." She tells me softly.

"Thanks." I tell her as I sit beside her on the sofa.

I expect Julie to sit opposite us and begin the inquisition but she doesn't. Instead she takes a clipboard from her satchel and a pen from the inside pocket of her jacket. "Her room is through there?" She asks while looking at my mom and I figure mom's already told her about the recent renovations in my rooms.

"Yes, through there and then into the next room." Mom says carefully.

Julie goes through the connecting door and into my bedroom. I settle Elizabeth more comfortably in my lap and look to my mom. She's nervous. Her leg is jumping up and down on my rug and her hands are clasped tightly in her lap.

"Hey," I whisper to get her attention, "We've got nothing to hide, remember?" I remind her and she smiles. "We're so much better for her than Jake or Charlie, she'll see that." I tell her and she smiles again.

She pats my thigh and smooths Elizabeth's hair. "You're right." She whispers back. "Did you enjoy Edward's playing Elizabeth? He plays beautifully doesn't he? He wrote that last one for your mother, did he tell you that?" She asks conspiratorially and I cringe.

"God mom." I whine.

"Well, its true isn't it? You used to play it all the time, especially when Bella had been here with Alice after school." She whispered.

"Yeah, but you don't have to tell her that, do you?" I chuckle.

"Oh Elizabeth, men are so silly. They think we don't see right through them, but we do, don't we sweetheart?" Mom laughs and runs her finger lovingly over Elizabeth's cheek.

Elizabeth gurgles and smiles!

"Oh my god, she smiled at you, did you see that? She smiled at you. Do it again, rub her cheek, talk to her." I urge mom.

"Did you smile at me little one? Did you like that when I rubbed your cheek, did you, did you?" My mom coos. Elizabeth smiles again and makes a little gurgling sound. "That's right, silly boys think we don't know them, isn't that right Elizabeth? Yes it is. They think they are so big and strong when really they are little boys in men's bodies." She laughs.

"Alright, knock it off, you don't want her growing up thinking I'm an idiot." I laugh. "That smile is gorgeous though, just like your mommy's." I tell Elizabeth. "She'll smile again soon, I promise, we'll make her smile again soon." I'm telling Elizabeth when Julie comes back from the direction of our bedrooms.

She sits in on the sofa opposite and writes on her clipboard for a few minutes. Moms leg is jumping again and I start to think I fucking hate clipboards. No good ever comes from one, the people who hold them are often the people who can fuck with your life the most. Teachers, head masters, sports coaches, doctors, tax agents and fucking social workers.

"Well, I think I've seen enough." Julie announces. She looks right at me and says, "You'll need to tie up the cords from the blind in her bedroom when she starts crawling and walking but apart from that her room is sound and safe. You'll need to secure a few of your personal items in your bedroom Mr Cullen, things like low bookshelves with small objects on them, but that will come later when she's older. I've made notes on the medications kept in your bathroom Mr Cullen and I expect you to maintain that clean living approach while you care for Miss Elizabeth. Mrs Cullen you'll need to take a drug screen test and I'll need your signature on some forms but other than that I am going to go ahead and approve your custody application as granted by the court. Congratulations Miss Elizabeth, you've certainly landed on your little feet." Julie stands and offers mom her hand, then me.

"Thank you so much." Mom tells her.

"Yeah, thanks so much." I echo.

"Oh, and Mr Cullen, you do play beautifully. She'd do well to have someone like you teach her one day." She nods to Elizabeth and smiles warmly. "I'll see myself out." She says and goes back out of the room.

Mom turns to me with the biggest smile I've seen on her face in a long time. "She's ours." She whispers. "She's really allowed to stay here, oh Edward thank god." She's giggling then and hugging us both and giggling and laughing and then giggling some more.

"Alright mom, sheesh." I tease. "I would've given you grandkids eventually, god."

"Huh, not while Bella was married to that piece of shit you wouldn't have, now maybe..." She raises and lowers her eyebrows at me and I cringe.

"Oh god woman." I glare at her. "Knock it off, you're worse than dad."

She reaches for Elizabeth and tells me to bugger off back to the hospital with dad before Emmett and Rosie turn up to visit. I kiss her cheek, then Elizabeth's, then do exactly as she tells me.

My car ride with dad was more talkative than usual because I had to fill him in on the legal situation and how our visit with Julie went. He seemed pleased that Elizabeth was going to be allowed to stay with us and pissed off that Charlie Swan never contested the custody hearing.

"You'd think he'd want a say in how his own granddaughter was raised." He hissed as we turned into the parking lot.

"I thought so too, but I can't say I'm not pleased he hasn't made a fuss." I tell him.

"I agree. Will you order a paternity test now?" He asks me as we sit in the now quiet and still car.

"Yeah, I think I will. Gary said it was smart to get the ball rolling and Bella confirmed for me today that Elizabeth isn't Jakes, so I guess I should get the test done in case I need to prove it in a hurry." I tell him.

"Smart thinking. I'll rush it through if you get the swabs from them both." He offers and I thank him. "Let's get her obs out the way so she can visit with Emmett and the family for a bit." He says as we go in through the reception area.

Bella is sitting up and sipping water from a cup held by my sister when I get there.

"Here he is." Alice says when I come into the room. "Hey Edward."

"Hey Alice. Hello beautiful." I tell Bella and kiss her on the cheek softly.

"We thought we would try sitting up for a bit." Alice says sheepishly, as though she's about to get into trouble for helping Bella to sit up and drink on her own.

"Good thinking. And sipping water eh? I can see I'll have to lift my game or I'll be superseded." I tease Alice. I squeeze Bella's hand and sit beside her. "Squeeze if you're alright baby." I whisper and she squeezes hard.

"Aah-ll-isss." Bella says slowly and I can help but grin.

"That's brilliant baby, that's Alice, that's so clear now." I tell her encouragingly. "Your stitches are looking fantastic Bella. They are loosening up now, they'll be ready to come out tomorrow I think." I tell her and run my thumb ever so lightly around the edge of the wound at the corner of her mouth.

She doesn't pull away from me like she does the others and I sigh in happiness. She trusts me.

"How did you go with the social worker?" Alice asks.

"It went brilliantly actually. I've never seen our mom so nervous Bella. But it went great. She's given mom the go ahead for temporary custody and she's signed off on the court order. That's all set now. So all you have to concentrate on now is getting better baby." I tell Bella.

"I've been talking to Bella about her hair Edward." Alice says and I cringe. "Don't look at me like that, see I told you he was a typical male, didn't I Bella? The nurses said that Bella can have her hair wet now that the stitches are out of her scalp so tomorrow I'm going to come after work and wash her hair for her, aren't I?" She asks Bella.

"Ye-th." Bella says, pretty clearly too.

"God your voice sounds so good Bella." I tell her with a smile. "You'll be telling Alice to piss off like the rest of us in no time at all." I laugh.

Alice throws Bella's empty cup at me and I only just catch it before it hits me in the head.

Dad comes in then and Alice gets in trouble for throwing stuff around, I poke my tongue out at her and she dobs on me to dad. He rolls his eyes and tells us both to grow up.

"Ha! You're older than me and he told you to grow up." Alice pokes her tongue out this time and I point to her.

"Did you see that Bella? She poked her tongue at me. How rude! And I sent her flowers today too, how rude is she?" I laugh.

Alice gasps. "They were from you?" She shouts, making both Bella and dad cringe. "Oops, sorry. There was no card you idiot, Jasper just about went out of his head trying to work out who sent them." She giggled. "Don't tell him, I'll milk the secret admirer angle for a bit." She winks at me and then at Bella.

"Ja-ss-Pa." Bella sighs.

"That's sounding better all the time Bella." Dad tells her.

"Jasper is Alice' husband. I don't think you know him, he didn't go to school with us. You'll meet him soon." I tell her.

"Aa-gguss." She says and I have to think about that one for a second before it makes sense.

"Oh, Angus. Of course. You don't know who Angus is." Alice says at the same time that I work out what Bella means.

"That's our brother Emmett's little boy. Do you remember Emmett?" I ask and Bella nods a little. "Hey, you nodded. Wow. Anyway, Emmett married Rosalie Hale, do you remember her? I bet you would. She was the tall blonde bitch who looked down her nose at everyone." I laugh and dad clucks his tongue disapprovingly. I turn to him, "You weren't there." I tell him. "Well he married the succubus what, four years ago now, and they have a little boy, Angus, he's two. I can only hope they don't breed again." I chuckle and dad scowls at me.

"Charming Edward." He mutters and puts Bella's chart back in the holder at the foot of her bed. "I'm going to do my rounds now, call me if you need me. Good night Bella." He says and then he's gone.

My dinner tray arrives and Alice tells me to go into the lounge and eat while she gossips with Bella some more. I'm not convinced it's a good idea but when I ask Bella if that's what she wants she squeezes my hand so I have to leave her in the clutches of the evil sister.

"Okay, I'll be in the lounge but if I hear any giggling I'm coming right back. Bella baby, don't listen to this harridan, she's evil and lies through her teeth." I kiss Bella's cheek and take my tray out the door.

I hear the laughter before the door even closes. God only knows what Alice is going to fill her head with. I just have to hope that she takes pity on me and doesn't tell her how many times she's seen me cry this week.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. The response so far has been both surprising and extremely humbling for me. Please review. **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – Limbo

**EPOV**

I hear Emmett's booming voice as I'm coming out of the lounge after eating my dinner and then spot the three of them coming up the corridor.

I wait for them at Bella's door.

"Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed." The Angus monster is shouting as he runs towards me. He launches himself and I catch him under his arms and swing him around high.

"Hey there Angus McFarty pants." I laugh and kiss his cheek.

"I wish you wouldn't call him that, he's going to go to kinder and tell the teachers that's his name you know." Rosie scowls at me. "Hey." She mumbles and kisses my cheek. "Thanks for the flowers, they're lovely." She whispers.

Emmett claps me on the shoulder and I nearly fall forward. "I swear to god you are the product of mom and some fling she had with a meathead pro wrestler." I tell him as I usher them into Bella's room.

Alice is still in there with her and she's still sitting up. "Hi guys." Alice says her hellos and takes Angus from me, settling him on her lap on the plastic chair.

"Hey baby." I tell Bella and take her hand at the side of the bed. "You remember Emmett and this is his wife Rosalie and this is their little boy Angus." I tell her. "Hey Angus, say hi to Bella for me."

"Hey Bewwa." He says with a wide smile, showing off his teeth.

"Aa-guss." Bella says.

"That's sounding good." I tell her and squeeze her hand.

Emmett comes to the side of the bed in front of where Alice is sitting with Angus. "Hi Bella. You look heaps better than the last time I saw you kiddo." He says and I cringe. Nothing like a good backhanded compliment to make you feel like shit hey? "Oh, yeah, and I flogged fuck outta Jake for you too." He winks and goes and stands back at the end of the bed.

"Ed-warr?" Bella asks and I want to praise her for how clearly she says my name but I know she's said it as a question, not just to practise her speech.

"Um, yeah, the boys went round to introduce themselves the other day. I'll tell you later." I mumble and squeeze her hand some more. "Rosie, come say hi." I urge.

She looks hesitant but I pull her forward with her sleeve. "Um, hi Bella. Remember me from school? I remember you, sorry I was always such a bitch." She mumbles.

"Doesn't matter now Rosie." Emmett tells her. "You're not a bitch anymore, not that you were then either babe, I want it noted I added that bit." He laughs.

Rose goes back to his side and slaps his arm. "Idiot." She hisses playfully.

I take the chart from the end of the bed and read her latest obs. "Says here you will be seeing Ambrose again tomorrow. He's the plastic surgeon who fixed your mouth Bella, I think he's going to give me the go ahead to take those stitches out for you. That'll be heaps better won't it?" I ask and go back to her side.

She squeezes my hand but turns her face to Alice. She nods a little and Alice fills the cup with more water from the jug. I watch as Alice moves the cup under Bella's mouth and puts the straw between her lips. Bella can suck, but only shallowly, while she's got the wounds in her cheek. It's those muscles you use to suck with, so it must hurt even to get a little water. I sigh and it doesn't go unnoticed.

Bella is squeezing my hand like mad. "What is it baby?" I ask.

She pulls her hand from mine and makes the shape of holding a pen with her fingers and then makes the sign of writing. It takes me a few seconds, but I realise she's asking for my laptop and digital pen.

I leap up and grab the bag out of the bottom of her closet. The others are chatting away about Elizabeth, telling her what they've done with her, and for her, over the past few days while I boot the computer up and plug in the tablet and turn its pen on.

"You don't even have to press hard baby. Just write on here and it will appear on the screen." I tell her and put the pen in her hand.

I'm anxious to see what her first 'words' are going to be and I guess the others are too because they start to come closer, moving in so they'll see too. Angus is sitting on the floor with a handful of toy cars so Alice is leaning over now too.

Bella finishes writing and I turn the screen around to see what she's written first before showing the others.

~Thank you all so much. Stop frowning Edward. Let Alice wash my hair. Rose you aren't a bitch. Emmett hit Jake? Angus is cute. ~

She's covered the lot in one foul swoop. The others are all crowing about their individual messages and I'm so pleased she can now communicate with me better.

I lean in and kiss her cheek. "I won't frown if you give me a smile." I ask. I move away and she swallows hard. The left side of her mouth lifts and her eyes look as clear and as bright as I've ever seen them. "Jesus, you're so fucking beautiful." I tell her and earn a groan from my brother and sister in law and a sigh from my sister.

She's got the pen in her hand and is writing again.

~Put your glasses back on. ~ She writes and I laugh my head off and put them on. I don't need them all the time, I'm just lazy and don't take them off in between.

"Nope, sorry, still beautiful." I tell her.

She rolls her eyes and Alice starts laughing at me. "Oh, you're going to be so whipped boy." She tells me. "Elizabeth is going to run you ragged and Bella will bust your balls all day and night." She laughs.

I just shrug, "Sounds okay to me." I laugh. I look to Bella but she's not happy, she's fucking crying. "Hey, don't cry. Shhh, it's alright, you're alright." I tell her but she's still crying and sort of shaking her head from side to side a little bit.

I put the pen back in her hand but she doesn't write, she just keeps crying. I don't know what to do but Alice has a suggestion. "Give us girls a minute hey? Take Angus to get a candy bar or something." She tells me and I give Bella's hand one last squeeze before I go out the door with Emmett and the monster.

We walk down the corridor to the lounge and are sitting on the sofas before either of us says anything. It's Emmett who breaks the drought.

"She's still pretty hot bro, even busted up you can tell she's got a nice rack. Far too fucking hot for you with your faggoty hair and big bambi eyes." He laughs and I can't help but join in.

"Fuck off Em." Is all I've got and it makes him laugh harder.

"Fucking weak." He goads.

"Fuck." Echoes Angus.

"Oh shit." Emmett whines.

**BPOV**

As soon as Edward and his brother are gone both Alice and Rose are on either side of me pushing me to write down what's wrong.

Rose dabs at my eyes with a tissue while Alice strokes my arm and hair.

"Don't cry Bella, please don't cry." Alice tells me. "I cry when someone else does and I look like a raccoon when my mascara runs." She sniffles.

I've got the pen in my hand but don't know what to write. In the end I figure honesty is the best policy.

~I don't know where to start. ~ I write.

They both say the same thing at the same time. "Why are you crying right now?"

I sigh a little and start to write.

~You all expect Edward and I to be together, but once he finds out what's happened to me none of you will want to know me, or Elizabeth. ~ I write. I don't know if I should show them but Alice grabs the screen and reads it before I can decide.

She clucks her tongue and turns the screen so Rose can read it too. Her reaction is a bit louder.

"Oh fuck off. That's bullshit. He's loved you his whole life Bella, you could set fire to his house and run over his dog and he'd still love you. That goes for Elizabeth too." She says loudly, with one hand on her hip.

Alice takes a more dainty approach. She dries my eyes again with the tissue and sits on the edge of the bed with my hand in hers. "Okay, so you've had a bad time of it, we get that, but none of it was your fault. You didn't ask to be beaten like this, so none of that is going to make Edward love you, or want you, any less. Elizabeth is innocent too, so you can't think like that. You love him too, right?" She asks.

I grab the pen and click the top of the page for a clean one. ~Always. ~ I write and she smiles and sighs.

"I thought so." She says. "One day you and me are going to sit down and you're going to tell me why you ended up with Jake and not with Edward, but for right now I think you and Edward need to have a talk, don't you?" She says.

"I'm going to take the man mountain and his spawn home now and let you two talk now you have the means." Rose says and taps the edge of the computer to make her point. "I'll come by again in a couple days, is that alright?" She asks.

I can't quite believe she's asking _me_ if I want her to visit. I mean, she is Rosalie Hale, or I guess she's Rosalie Cullen now, but she was prom queen and popular and she sneered down her nose at everyone and here she is asking if I want her to visit me. It's a bit surreal. I click for a fresh page and write again.

~Please visit, with Angus. ~

"You got it, and don't say you weren't warned about the devil child." She laughs. "You get well and we'll see you in a few days. I'll call you Alice." She says and then she's gone, leaving Alice and I alone again.

"Right, so, I'm going to go and get Edward for you and then you two can have a chat before the bags under your eyes swallow you up and you fall asleep again." Alice giggles. She brings the cup to me again and I sip carefully. It hurts but the water is so good on my throat. "I'm sorry I let you tell me not to visit you the past couple years Bella. I won't make that mistake again. We were best friends once and I'd like to be again, but you gotta talk to me. Not now, but when the time's right you'll talk to me and I'll listen, alright?" She says sternly.

I want to say yes, I want to tell her that I've missed her, I want her to know that I'm sorry I sent her away, but I can't. Because in reality I'm glad she let me tell her to stay away, I'm glad she didn't get caught up in all my shit. But I did miss her, every single day I missed her. I write 'soon' on the page and she smiles.

"Yep, soon. Get started on what you want to say and I'll send Edward in. I'll come by tomorrow afternoon and we'll wash your hair. Take care Bella." She kisses my cheek lightly and then she's gone too.

I use the few minutes I've got to start writing what I want Edward to know.

**EPOV**

"Give her a few minutes before you go back in." Alice tells me.

"What the fuck did I do to upset her?" I ask as I scrub at the back of my neck with my hand. I feel so fucking useless.

"Nothing really. She's afraid Edward. Afraid you won't want to know her once you know all her shit, that's all." Alice says plainly. "I've told her to just talk to you and I think she will when she's ready, but she's pretty messed up, but we all figured she would be."

"Yeah." I mutter. "So do I ask questions or let her tell me when she's ready? I mean, do I push her to tell me or just say nothing until she does? Christ this is so hard. I thought the hard part would be getting her out of there, now that she is I've got no clue what the fuck I'm doing." I admit.

Alice is laughing softly. "If you weren't so pathetically in love it would be funny." She giggles. "Alright, here's my advice, but I'm no shrink so take it or leave it. Let her tell you what she's comfortable with. Don't ask questions about anything she hasn't already led with and don't open up new ground, let her lead. Be understanding and don't fly off the handle and go all caveman when she tells you about Jake, she doesn't need another aggressor. Just be sympathetic and reassure her that you are the total opposite of that asshole. I guess you should just listen for now." She tells me.

I pace back and forth a couple times and then pull my sister into a tight hug. "I love you Ally." I whisper against her hair. "Thanks for everything." I tell her.

She hugs me back and pats my cheek when we break apart. "She loves you Edward, she always has and I know that you've always loved her. You've got your second chance, just be patient." She says and then she's off down the corridor.

I down the rest of my coffee and wash the cup. I make every excuse but in the end I've got nothing. Bella now has the means to talk to me and I want to hear what she's got to say if it makes us closer and able to move forward, but I'm fucking terrified of what I'm going to hear, or read. I don't want to know what happened to her, but there is a part of me that thinks I'm not going to be able to help her if I don't. The doctor part of me can deal with her injuries because that's what I'm trained to do, but my brain isn't used to having to help someone emotionally. I've spent my whole life trying to avoid emotions. I just figured if I couldn't have the one I wanted I didn't want anyone at all.

When I can't put it off any longer I make my way past the nurses station, admittedly I spend a moment or two shooting shit with Jaimee while there, but then I've got no reason to be out of the room anymore and I go on in.

She's still awake and sitting up and writing on the laptops tablet.

"Hey." I say quietly and her eyes meet mine. She's been crying and there is still a tear sitting on her cheek. I'm beside her and wiping it away with my thumb in a heartbeat. "Don't cry baby, I'm right here." I tell her, just like Alice suggested I should.

She's still writing so I sit in the plastic chair and wait while she finishes. When she does she puts the pen down on the tablet and turns the screen to me. "Ed-waah-d." She says and it sounds fucking glorious, so clear now.

"That's brilliant baby. It's sounding good." I tell her, trying to keep my eyes from the screen. "Can I read?" I ask.

She picks up the pen again and I look at the top of the screen. She points the pen at the first line.

~Can I ask you some questions, please? ~ It says.

"Yeah, of course you can." I tell her.

She points to the next line.

~Do you think I'll be able to talk properly again? ~ The next question says.

"Of course you will. The stitches will come out tomorrow and you'll see the speech therapist and the surgeon again and probably the dentist too, but yeah, of course you'll talk again. There's no injury stopping you, only the pain from the stitches right now. Your throat is fine, just raw from the tubes. Your jaw is okay, from what the dentist said last time he examined you anyway, so yeah, you'll talk to me soon baby, I promise." I tell her.

"Goo-d." She says carefully. She's elongating the sounds to stop the stitches pulling but it's getting clearer all the time.

She's pointing to the next line so I read.

~Has my father been here? ~

I sigh. "Yeah, the day they brought you in, I called him and told him you were hurt, he came but he left right away, he's not been back." I tell her. "I promised you yesterday that I'd always tell you the truth, and I meant it Bella. Your dad said you were probably attention seeking and your injuries were self inflicted, he even told the detectives that, so he's just not interested baby. I'm so sorry." I tell her.

She's pointing at the next line and I sigh in relief when I read it.

~I don't want to see him, don't let him near Elizabeth, please. ~

I'm smiling then. "I won't let him near either of you baby. The law says he can't and by now he knows it." I tell her smugly. She doesn't seem too upset about her father not being interested in her recovery and I'm happy about that. She's got enough to worry about without feeling bad about her dad too.

~I'm not ready to tell you what happened to me THERE ~

I sigh and press my fingers to the bridge of my nose. I didn't want to have to discuss this either, not yet anyway. "Okay." I mutter without meeting her eyes. I want to tell her I don't want to know, but I don't say anything. I think she is going to need to tell someone soon, just so she can begin to recover mentally from what's she's been through, but I don't know if that person should be me yet or not.

She's tapping the tablet then and I look through my fingers at the next question.

~Do you still want to help Elizabeth and me? ~ It says and I'm on my feet and pacing, trying desperately to rein in my temper. She taps the screen again and I see there is a second line for me to read. This one makes me madder. ~You got us out of there, you don't have to stick around now if you don't want to. I'll understand. ~

I pinch my nose again and blow out a breath through my teeth before I answer.

"Bella, I will tell you this everyday if you need to hear me say it. I love you, I've always loved you, I love your daughter and I don't care about anything or anyone else. I wanted to be with you even when you didn't know I existed, I've tried to help you every day since you came into my clinic and I'll keep helping you until _you_ send _me_ away. Nothing you can say to me, nothing you could ever do, nothing that's happened to you will change that. You decide if you want me around, you decide for you and for Elizabeth. Not me." I tell her as firmly but as gently as I can.

I try to keep Alice' advice in the front of my mind and try to keep the Neanderthal out of my character while I try to tell her what I think. It probably still sounds like I'm a complete controlling prick, but I do my best to tell her that I want her, and Elizabeth, no matter what.

She's frantically writing on the tablet now, tears streaming down her cheeks. I go to the side of the bed and wait for her to finish so I can read it. She turns the tablet to me and I sigh in relief.

~I've loved you forever. I have things to tell you, and I hope you'll understand what I've had to do, but I want you to know I've loved you forever. ~

I'm up on that bed and lying beside her, my arms around her while she cries, in a split second. I hold her while she sobs and I tell her over and over how happy she's made me. How fucking happy I am to know that she loves me back. I tell her I don't care what she's had to do, I tell her that I'll love her anyway.

When she's calmer and finally falls asleep I allow myself a few minutes to lose it. I have a little silent cry for all the things she's had to do to stay alive. I don't even know what they are yet, but if she's this worried about telling me about them they can't be good. But I'm here, for the long haul like Emmett said, and I'll do whatever I can, whatever she needs, to keep her with me.

I resolve they are the last tears I'll shed for our past. I recognise its time to man up, time to be strong enough for the two of us. I hope I can keep the promise to myself and to her.

One thing I do know for certain, I just got her and I'm never letting her go.

~~~x0x0~~~

At the change of shift Bob lowers the bed for us and I thank him before going back to sleep right beside Bella.

At three in the morning I'm woken by Bella moaning in pain. I press the call button and Bob administers a low dose of morphine that's already been authorised by dad. Once again I thank him and go back to sleep when Bella does.

I wake up on Friday morning filled with dread. I slept badly the night before, Bella was unsettled and was filled with morphine, and I had a fucking headache brewing that I just knew was going to turn into a migraine if left untreated.

I slipped off the bed and headed for the shower without waking Bella. A quick look at my watch said it was barely six so I figured I could take my time and shower at my leisure before dad showed up wanting to poke and prod her during his rounds.

Even though I took my time I felt like shit and looked like shit when I bothered to look in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and from worrying so much the past few days. My face looked like I'd shaved with a warm brick instead of my razor and my clothes were so crumpled I looked like a hobo.

My eggs were overcooked and tasted like rubber ass when I got them, and even though I knew I should've been grateful that I was being fed at all, I felt belligerent and hard done by all morning.

I talked with Gary Benson first thing and he faxed me a stack of papers that I needed to read through with Bella before she gave her consent to mom being made her health care proxy. I thought it was a waste of time now that Bella was on the mend and could make her feelings known, but Gary thought it was best just in case she suffered a setback at any time. I didn't want to think about that but could see the logic and agreed to talk to her about it.

When dad arrived to do her obs I high tailed it out of there and made my way to the pharmacy. They wouldn't even give me an aspirin without a consultation with a doctor so I wrote myself a prescription and took it back there myself. I waved it under the nose of the fucking pharmacist and eyed her hostilely as I signed for the little bottle of pills.

Bella was still asleep when I got back to her room so I used some of the water in her jug to wash the pills down. I lay down on the armchair bed and wished the headache away.

I was still there when she woke an hour later.

"Ed-ward." She whispered almost perfectly.

"I'm here baby." I tell her and make my way to her side. I have to squint to see her, my fucking headache is pounding out a merry tune behind my eyes. I take her hand in mine. "Your voice sounds so good baby." I tell her.

She makes the writing sign with her left hand and I get the laptop and its tablet from the bag in the closet. When it's all hooked up I pass her the pen and sit in the chair beside her bed ready to hear what she wants to tell me.

~Elizabeth today? ~ It says.

I can give her a smile for that. "Yeah baby, Elizabeth will be here soon. You wait until you see what she's learned to do." I tell her proudly, as though it was me who taught the little girl to smile. "Alice is coming too, I think she's going to wash your hair for you today." I tell her and put my head down on the back of her right hand.

I can hear her scratching on the tablet and know she's going to ask what's wrong with me.

Sure enough I see ~What's wrong with you? ~ On the screen when I look up.

"I've got the beginnings of a migraine, nothing to worry about." I tell her.

Scratch scratch again and the next line reads ~I know a really great doctor. ~

I chuckle. "Yeah, my dad's great."

She writes again and then turns the screen to me. ~You. You're the best doctor I know. ~

"Thanks." I tell her. "But if that was true I'd be able to cure this fucking headache." I tell her. "Sorry I'm so cranky today baby. Yesterday was rough. I've got some papers to go over with you, if you're up to it?" I ask. May as well get it over with.

"Ye-sss." She says. It's like hearing the voice of an angel when she speaks. I know the effort she has to go to to even make the sounds, so each time she bothers it's so special to me.

"Getting better all the time." I tell her and squeeze her hand before getting up and getting the stack of papers off the rolling table. "You keep the tablet and pen close at hand and write down any questions you have, okay? I'll read what the lawyer has written and you can tell me if it's what you want to do." I tell her and she nods a little. "Okay, so you should know that your doctors are bound by the document and the instructions in it, should you sign it. So if you say you don't want to be resuscitated and mom is asked, she'll say do not resus. It says that you authorise Esme Lillian Cullen to make decisions regarding your medical needs and any decisions she makes shall come into force should you be incapacitated or made comatose. Christ." I mutter. This sounds so fucking morbid, I hate it. "Okay, so the rest says, that you need to write down the instances or circumstances in which this proxy comes into effect. The examples are if you are incapacitated and are unlikely to recover within a specified time, then your instructions come into force. It also asks you to nominate someone to take care of Elizabeth long term, should her father not come forward to argue his paternal rights." I sigh and run my hand through my hair. It kills me to think of some bastard just turning up and being able to say 'she's mine give her to me'.

Bella is just laying there, her eyes on me while I read the form. Then she's writing. I wait before reading the next part of the form to her until she's finished. She twists the screen of the laptop around so I can see it.

"Aww, shit, are you sure that's a good idea?" I ask.

Under the line ~I don't want your mother listed, I want it to be you. ~ She's written, ~Yes I'm sure. Will you do it? ~

"Why not mom?" I ask before committing myself to it.

She writes for a moment then turns the screen to me.

~Because she has custody of Elizabeth. You're a doctor, you'd know better than her what to do for me. You'd make decisions for me, she'd make them for Elizabeth and I know she'll be fine with your family long term. ~

I get up then. I can't sit there anymore. My headache is screaming behind my eyes and I hate this whole conversation. "I don't know Bella. I don't know if I'm the right one to do this, I mean, I'm likely to ignore your wishes and do whatever I can to keep you alive, regardless of your quality of life, because I would just refuse to let you die. I'm fucking selfish Bella, I'd want you here no matter what. Are you sure you can trust me with decisions like that?" I ask as I pace along the end of her bed.

The left side of her mouth curls up a bit then and she starts to write. When she's done she turns the screen to me.

~You worry too much. You promised me you'd stop frowning. Sign the fucking form then lay down with me some more. ~

I can't help the bark of laughter that escapes my throat at that. "Alice was right, you're going to bust my balls all the way, aren't you beautiful?" I chuckle.

The raise of her eyebrows is so fucking gorgeous I can't help but kiss her cheek and nuzzle her neck when I get back to her side.

I print my name in the space on the form then sign it and pass it to her. She signs it and prints her name in the space beside mine. She hands me back the pen and the starts writing on the tablet again.

~All done, now lie down with me before they come to poke me again. ~

I smile down at her. "On one condition." I tell her. She nods a little. "I'll lie down with you if you say my name again."

"Edwaarrd." She says and I smile as wide as I can.

I push the rolling table aside and get up onto the bed and take her into my arms, being careful not to hold her too tightly near her injured ribs. "God that sounds so good baby." I tell her and wait while she finds a comfortable spot to rest her head on me. When she's settled against my chest I pull the blanket up over her and kiss her forehead. "They're going to come and poke you soon and mom will be here with Elizabeth soon too, you should sleep if you can." I tell her and close my eyes too.

We only get an hour but it's enough to get rid of the worst of my headache. That and another pair of pain pills from my own prescription. I swallow them with a mouthful of water from Bella's jug and silently raise my middle finger to the pharmacist.

Mom kisses me hello and hands me Elizabeth. It feels like forever since I held her last, but it's really only twelve hours or so. She smells so good, again. I can't help but hold her and sniff her. She's a much better cure for me than the pain killers.

"She's been smiling and gurgling all morning." Mom tells me and replaces my dirty clothes in my bag with a clean set from the depths of her handbag. She puts my mail on the rolling table beside Bella's bed and then puts a half full bottle on there too. "She only had half that, so she'll need some more soon." She tells me. "How is she this morning?" she nods at Bella.

"Yesterday was rough." I tell her. "Lots of paperwork and a few shocks I think. She didn't even flinch when I told her Charlie hasn't asked after her." I tell mom as I settle Elizabeth onto my lap. "She's asked me to be health care proxy, sorry." I say quietly.

I look up to mom but she's smiling. "Good. I'm glad. If the papers are signed I'll get them back to Gary right away for you." She says and scoops the pages into her bag.

"Thanks." I tell her. "I don't think today is going to be any better for her. I think Ambrose will say the stitches in her mouth can come out, and that will be great for her, but I think she has to see Ben again today too." I cringe.

"Dad talked to me about that." Mom tells me as she squirts a decent amount of lotion into the palm of her hand and starts spreading it up Bella's left arm. "I'm going to ask Bella if she wants me to stay during the exam. Your father thinks that might help a little. I know she never really had a mother, but maybe it's time she did have?" She asks.

"I don't know, I can't answer that for her, but thank you, from me."

"You're welcome." Says mom as she switches to Bella's leg. "Dad says they want her up and moving soon."

"Shit, really?" I mutter. The first time a patient gets up after being idle for over a week is never pleasant, for them or for their visitors. I'll have to be here while that happens but once again I can't help wishing she could sleep through all this and just wake up healed and perfect in a few weeks time. "I suppose they'll want her to bathe then." I think out loud.

"I think so yes. I know that's going to be rough on her, she hasn't looked in a mirror, has she?" She asks in a whisper.

"No, she hasn't. I haven't even thought about that, shit." I hiss, startling Elizabeth. She starts to whimper and I cradle her tighter against my chest to soothe her. But the damage is done. She starts to wail louder and Bella begins to stir.

Mom goes to the head of the bed and talks quietly to the rousing Bella. Elizabeth won't stop crying, no matter what I do, and mom suggests giving her to Bella.

Mom pushes the button to raise the head of the bed and Bella holds her arms out for Elizabeth without too much effort, so it seems to me anyway. She has more strength than she did a week ago, that's for certain.

"There you go baby." I tell her as she takes Elizabeth's weight for herself.

Bella closes her eyes and Elizabeth closes her mouth. It's astonishing. The instant Bella has her the baby stops crying and burrows under Bella's chin. Bella strokes her back and Elizabeth gurgles happily. Mom is smiling at them and excuses herself, saying its time she paid dad's harem another visit.

When she's gone and I return my attention to Bella I see she's got her eyebrows raised. "What? Dad's harem?" I laugh. "Inside joke. All the nurses have crushes on my dad and mom has always called them dad's harem. He only needs to lower his voice and widen his eyes and they all do his bidding, it's both sad and pretty bloody impressive to see in action." I laugh. "When specialists do their rounds around here they take an assistant or a student or someone like that, dad has a 'following'." I use my fingers to do the air quotes. "Every now and then mom likes to show up on his ward and remind the harem that he's taken. She never says anything, as such, but she gets her point across quite well without needing to. We'll watch one day, you can see for yourself." I promise.

Bella is smiling then and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The right side of her mouth is still necessarily flaccid, but the left is curved up perfectly. Her eyes are filled with fun and humour, she's beautiful and I tell her so.

"Than you." She says almost perfectly. The 'k' sound is still a problem for her but she's getting better every day.

Elizabeth is grizzling again, flexing and drawing her legs up to her belly. I grab a bottle from the side pocket of her bag and take it to the edge of the bed with the horseshoe pillow. I've seen new moms use these pillows to help with feeding after having had c-sections so I figure the same principle would apply for moms who have no upper body strength and healing ribs.

"Do you want to feed her?" I ask. The look on Bella's face tells me her answer so I slide the pillow around Bella's middle and rest it on her lap. I take Elizabeth from her hands and lay her on her back on the pillow. Bella settles the baby into the crook of her arm. I put the bottle into Elizabeth's mouth and as she starts sucking Bella puts her hand to the bottom of the bottle to support it. "There you go." I tell her and retreat to the plastic chair.

Bella hasn't taken her eyes off Elizabeth and the baby is staring up at her mother as she feeds, just like she does for me. Probably for my mom too I realise. I feel strangely left out, almost jealous as I watch them together. Bella's concentration on Elizabeth is whole, nothing could deter her from exactly what she's doing and Elizabeth's attention is only for Bella. It's stupid to feel envious of their connection, after all I'm just Bella's friend and just Elizabeth's guardians son, I'm nothing at all.

Bella lets the bottle rest on Elizabeth's chest and reaches her hand across the baby towards me. "You too." She says so clearly it's as if there is no mouth injury at all.

I don't hesitate. I'm up on the side of that bed in a shot. There isn't much room but I do alright. I slide down beside them and when Bella returns her hand to supporting the bottle I put a hand on Elizabeth's head and stroke her fine hair while she feeds. I've never been quite so happy in my entire life.

"Thank you." I whisper in Bella's ear.

"Than you." She whispers back as we watch Elizabeth's eyes flutter then close.

We are still lying there watching the baby sleep when mom comes back in.

"Oh, sorry, I'll come back later." She whispers.

"No, don't go. It's alright." I tell her and get down off the bed. "I'll put her on my bed Bella." I say. She takes her hand off Elizabeth's tummy and I pick her up, and the pillow, and take her to my bed. I know Bella is watching me so I'm real careful to make sure that Elizabeth is tucked into the pillow properly, so she can't roll off. "She can't roll." I tell Bella then go back to sit beside her.

Mom sits in the other chair. "Ambrose is on his way." She tells us and Bella's eyes widen in fright. "Don't worry Bella, nobody will hurt you here." Mom tells her just as I was about to say the same thing.

Bella is making the sign for writing but I'm reaching for the laptop before she finishes. I put the pen into her hand and she's writing furiously.

I read what she's written, sigh, and then turn the screen to mom.

~Don't let him touch me, promise me nobody but you will touch me. ~ It says.

"I promise baby." I tell her and kiss her cheek.

The heart rate monitor is still belting out its alarm when Ambrose arrives.

* * *

**A/N: A few steps forward, only one step back. **

**Thank you for reading. I hope you've found something of interest in this chapter and I look forward to hearing what it was for you. If you hated it drop me a line and call me names, I enjoy those emails too :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 – Tough Day at the Office

**BPOV**

A tall man comes into my room with a nurse beside him. She's carrying a clipboard and is already writing when they come in.

My alarm is still sounding and I'm doing my best to calm down, but it's hard. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to be examined, I want to be left alone with Elizabeth and Edward and his family.

The doctor ignores the alarm and comes to stand beside the bed, next to the side of my face that's got stitches all through it.

"Edward?" The doctor says and then Edward is beside me, leaning over and whispering to me to please calm down.

"I'll keep my promise baby, he won't touch you." He whispers and I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Edward said he wouldn't lie and I want to believe him, but the doctor is hovering and I know he wants to touch me. "She's asked that you don't touch her Ambrose, I gave her my word." Edward says as he moves back to his seat.

"Very well." Ambrose says. "Hello Bella. I'll start with the wound near your mouth. Healing seems as expected Grace. No puckering or redness present in exterior wound. Stitches to be removed today by Dr Cullen junior." He says and moves closer to me. "Are the stitches inside your mouth as loose as those on the outside my dear?" He asks.

I run my tongue over the stitches and then reach up to touch the ones on the outside of my face. I've not done that before and when I feel how many there are, and how sharp the cut ends of the stitches are, I panic a little. Edward has my other hand in his so I squeeze it hard.

"Yesss." I say as carefully as I can to the doctor.

"Good. Grace, make a note that Michael can remove those at his leisure." He says. I don't know who Michael is but he's not touching me either. I squeeze Edward's hand but he's squeezing mine back already. I hope we are on the same page. "I don't think you'll have too much scarring at the juncture of your mouth Bella, but if you aren't happy with the outcome in say, six months, make an appointment and I'll see if I can do anything further." He tells me kindly. I nod a little. "I'll prescribe a cream you can apply twice a day to minimise the scarring and to assist the healing, it should reduce the redness in time." He says and he quickly moves on. "Let's see my handiwork on your scalp." He says and stretches his hand out towards my head, but I'm already pulling away.

"NO!" I shout, which makes my throat close over and my mouth bursts instantly with fiery pain.

Edward is there but it's too late. I can't pull away from them far enough because I'm lying down and Edward is hovering over me protectively, but it's just too close. I'm pushing at his chest and my fingers are aching, he's shouting at the doctor to move away, his mom is there beside me, talking to me quietly but I want them away from me. All of them. Edward too. I don't want to be touched, at all, but I can't make myself understood. "NO." I say again, trying to ignore the pain in my mouth. "NO." I say as loudly as I can.

The alarm is going crazy and I can hear Elizabeth crying too. Tears are streaming down my face and I'm pushing on Edward and trying to tug my hand out of his mothers all at the same time, but nobody is listening to me.

I can feel myself falling, I can see the blackness coming towards me, and I do try to fight past it, but it's stronger than me and I fall towards it.

**EPOV**

Kerry, the psychologist, is in with Bella and I'm sitting in my dad's office with a coffee between my hands.

"It was to be expected Edward." Mom says quietly. She's tidying the bookshelves behind his desk.

"I know." I mumble.

I feel like shit, my headache has gone way past what it had been this morning and I can't stop trembling. Elizabeth is asleep again, finally, after another half a bottle and some cooing and cuddling with mom, on dad's sofa.

I spill my coffee as I go to bring it to my lips. "Shit." I mutter and mom comes to stand beside me. I mop at it with tissues from the box on dads desk.

"It's alright Edward. She's going to be alright." She tells me and kneels down. She's trying to hug me but I'm pushing her away even though I know it hurts her when I do.

For once I'm not going to cry, I'm in danger of smacking someone, or throwing something, but no more tears. I've switched sides in all this, I've gone from frightened little boy to pissed off protector. "I frightened her." I grimace. "I scared the shit out of her just as much as Ambrose did." I say.

"I know honey, I know. But it's all to be expected. Every man she's ever had in her life has hurt her, her brain knows no different. It's not you, its conditioning Edward." She tells me reasonably.

"I know that, but it makes me so fucking angry." I tell her and straighten up in my seat. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, even though for once I've managed to stave off tears, and crane my neck to release some tension. "And you and I both know this isn't just about men, its everyone and anyone, Alice moved too quickly near her and she freaked out too." I remind her.

Mom sits on the edge of dad's desk. "Okay, I concede that point. But have a think about the types of actions that were going on around her when she 'freaked out' as you so eloquently put it. Honestly Edward, eighteen years of schooling and the best you can come up with is freaked out?" She laughs lightly and I have to chuckle, it is funny. "Alice reached past her, quite close to her head, if you were trained to expect that the only time anyone ever touched you it was to hit you, that sort of unexpected movement would scare you too. And then today, Ambrose was reaching for her head, same thing. Then you rushed to her and held her down. I know you didn't mean anything by it, and I'd bet good money that somewhere inside her she knows it too, but her brain would think she's being attacked by Ambrose and held down by you, so he could do it." She says, again reasonably.

"Oh fuck." I mumble sadly.

"Yeah, oh fuck." She echoes. It's always weird to hear your parents swear so casually. "It's not your fault; it will just take some time before she trusts that not everyone on the planet is out to hurt her. Be patient and don't rush things, let her recover at her own pace."

"Yeah, I'll try." I mutter. My pager beeps and I look down at it to see who wants me. It's Grace on the ward. "Kerry's done with Bella, she wants to see me." I tell mom.

"Then go. I'll take Elizabeth home I think, call when you can, let me know how it's going." She says.

I tell her thank you and make my way back to ward six. There is a very tall, very slim blonde woman with a clipboard – always a fucking clipboard – waiting for me at the nurses station.

She comes towards me, free hand outstretched, and I take it. "Edward Cullen." I tell her.

"Kerry Nunn, I'm the resident head cracker." She chuckles.

"Interesting introduction." I laugh. "You wanted to see me?"

"I sure did. Walk with me?" She asks and leads the way out into the garden. "Your reputation for being handsome precedes you." She laughs as we hit the bright sunshine.

"Fantastic." I sneer. Nothing like unwanted attention.

"It is, actually. Everyone wants to be thought of as attractive. So does Bella." She says quietly as I begin my usual circuit of the garden. "As you know she can't speak very well yet, so our meeting was brief and not very informative for me, I'm hoping you can shed some light on what's going on for her?" She asks.

She doesn't walk with me, but sits on the bench where I sometimes take my meals. She hasn't opened the clipboard, at least. For me that's a mark in her favour.

"It's not my story to tell, and I don't know shit." I tell her and keep walking.

"Alright," She says slowly, "Then how about you tell me what's going on for you?"

I snort. "That's an interesting question." I say and keep walking. "I'm just hanging on as best I can. I can help her heal physically; I know how to do that. But mentally, emotionally? Huh, I've got no clue." I tell her honestly.

"Nobody expects you to; you do know that, right?" She says calmly.

Her body language is so relaxed and her voice is so steady I want to tell her things, I realise that I need to have someone who is removed from the situation to spill my guts to. I walk some more, do maybe one and a half more trips around the edge of the garden, and then I walk right to where she's sitting and stand in front of the bench.

"I'm not too proud to ask for help." I shout even though she's right there. "I'm not one of those guys who's going to keep it all inside until he bursts and takes a gun out and starts a rampage. I know when I'm in over my head okay?" I'm still yelling but have no idea why. "I'm smart enough to admit I've got no clue how to help her, I don't need anyone to tell me that she needs help." I throw myself down onto the end of the bench like a child throwing a tantrum over being told no. "I don't want to know what happened to her okay. I know that probably means I'm an idiot, or I'm ignoring feelings and emotions or some shit, but I just can't bring myself to hear what they've done to her. I'm sorry if that makes me a bad man. I want to help her, I do, but I don't want to know how she got this way. I don't want to know who Elizabeth's father is, I don't want to know what her father did to her and I don't want to know what her fucking husband did to her to land her here either, okay?" I get up and start walking again. I feel the seams in the bottoms of the pockets of my jeans give a little as I shove my hands into them roughly. "But I'm not stupid. I know, so she can get better, she's going to have to tell me that shit, I know that. I remember what I learned in class. I know how you people work. She's going to have to spill her guts and make it all worse for herself before she can hope to get better. I'm onboard for that, I am, but I still don't want to fucking know."

I keep walking. Round and round. She still doesn't open the fucking clipboard and she hasn't even got a pen in her hand, I start to wonder if she's really a psychologist or whether she's just a rubber-necker. Someone who turns up to see the blood at a car accident, or who turns up outside the victims house just to see how many flowers are delivered when someone dies. Then she speaks.

"You're totally right Edward. Totally, one hundred percent correct. And that doesn't make you a bad man, not at all, it makes you smart and protective and its human nature to not want to know the details. But, she is going to want to tell you, she is going to need you to listen and to know it all, before she can get past it for herself. And yes, it's going to crucify you to have to hear it and it will probably tear you up inside to watch her struggle through everything she's going to face from now on. And I'll be right here to listen when that happens. You're going to need someone to vent to, someone removed from your life, and that's going to be me. I won't judge but I won't lie to you either. There are going to be times when you're going to wish you had your nice, safe, easy teenage life back again. But, on the other hand, if you love her, and I can see that you do, if you love her you'll do this together and you might just come out the other side intact. Again, I won't lie, things like this often break us, we're fallible, we're human, and it might be too much for you and for her. It's your choice, and hers, whether you can be together at the other end. But right now she wants you by her side and for now, just for this first little bit, that's got to be more important to you than what you want. Does that make sense?" She asks quietly.

I'm still walking but the frustration and my anger is gone from my stride. My shoulders are hunched over and my fists are now just hands in my pockets. "It makes perfect sense." I whisper. I walk back to where she's sitting and take the empty space again. "I just wanted her away from them, I don't want her to be hurt anymore. I don't want her to struggle to survive, I just want her to live how she wants to. I want to live with her, but only if it's what she wants. I understand what you're telling me, I really do, and I agree with you. Thanks for being honest, it's what I needed to hear." I tell her.

"I thought it might be. You're a doctor, I know you understand more about this than a layman would, that's why it's going to be harder for you than an ordinary man Edward. You know the processes she's going to have to undergo, you know the steps she's going to progress through in order to deal with all that's happened to her. I don't even know yet what's happened to her, but I can guess, from the injuries and her reactions to certain situations, I think you can too, right?" She asks and I nod bleakly. "Ambrose wants the stitches out today, can you do that?" She asks and I nod again. "Good. I've asked Karen Rivens to meet with her on Monday. Do you know Karen?" She asks.

"No, but I'm guessing she's a speech pathologist."

"Bingo. So that is going to be my first move. I need just one more answer from you before you tell me what your next move is going to be. I've heard all about what you want for Bella, what do you want for yourself?" She asks.

I sigh. "Two weeks ago the answer would've been easy. I wanted Bella. End of story. Now, though, not so easy." I admit. "I want what she wants. If that's me at the end good, if it's not, doesn't matter. I just want her well."

"Good man, good answer. Now, what's your next move sunshine?" She asks.

"Sunshine? Really? That's all you've got, sunshine?" I laugh. "I guess my next move is to get the stitches out and get her moving."

"Good plan. But, you should think about what the next move _for_ you is, not just _from_ you Edward. This is about you too. Right, that's my job done for another day. I'm off for a drink and an obscenely expensive steak, that you just paid for my new friend." She laughs and stands from the bench.

I shake her hand reluctantly. I didn't like her, but I think I could, some day, maybe when all this was over. She was going to be a thorn in my side, I could tell, but I also thought she might actually be able to help me too. I hoped she could help Bella. Didn't matter what that cost was going to be. "Do whatever you need to, I'll buy you as many steaks as you can stuff in your gullet if you help her."

"I think I'm going to like you. I like your dad, by the way, he's totally hot. But I bet your mom's stacked too, right?" She laughs as we go back into the corridor inside the ward.

I'm shocked at the question but laugh anyway. "Yeah, and she'd tear you limb from limb if you got too close to him." I shrug.

"Fair enough. Always the way." She laughs. "Unattached brothers by any chance?" She asks and shrugs when I say no. "I'll see you Monday." She tells me and then she's off down the hall on the way to fuck with someone else's head.

She didn't open the clipboard, she made good sense and she was pretty cool. Could work.

I use the phone at the nurses station to call mom at home. I tell her that everything is fine, that Bella will be okay and that she should bring Elizabeth in the morning as normal. I tell her that the plan was to get Bella up and moving tomorrow. She wishes us luck, asks me to pass on her good wishes to Bella then hangs up saying it's time for Elizabeth's bath.

"I'm going to grab a surgical kit from the storeroom Jaimee." I say at the nurses station.

"You know where everything is." She waves me away.

At Bella's door I take a deep breath in before I open it. She's sitting up with a cup and straw in her hands and my sister is there, right beside her.

"Hey big brother." Alice says.

"Edward." Bella says so clearly I nearly drop the surgical kit to the floor.

"Jesus that sounds so good." I tell her and rush to her side. "I'm so sorry about before, I didn't realise, I won't hurt you, I won't let them hurt you." I'm telling her as I bury my face in her neck and hair. I'm clinging to her and she's clinging to me and we're both shaking softly against the other. I feel her hand in my hair and stifle a moan.

I hear Alice backing away from the side of the bed and I try to calm myself so that I don't look like a total idiot in front of her. "Isss ahhhl-rite." Bella whispers and I get the gist straight away.

I pull away and look into her eyes. "Are you sure? Are you sure you're alright?" I ask.

Bella nods a little and I sigh in relief. "Okay, I accept that you say you're alright, but I want to tell you how sorry I am, I got that whole situation so wrong Bella. I promised you nobody would touch you and then I let him reach for you. I'm so sorry, that won't happen again. And I won't hold you down again, ever, I swear." I tell her firmly. "Apparently, from now on, according to your head quack, we need a plan. I've got a plan baby. I know this is about you and I don't know what your plan is yet, but I've got a plan. I'm going to take those stitches out and then we're going to get you cleaned up, Alice can do your hair, and then we're going to sit you up a bit more and start working on getting you moving. What do you think?" I ask her.

I can see a little bit of panic on her face, I've probably overwhelmed her, but I think I also see the hint of a smile too. "Yesss." She says and I throw her a huge smile of my own. She's squeezing my hand like mad so I think we're going to move forward now.

"Can Alice stay while I take the stitches out or would you rather she leaves?" I ask.

"Staayy." Bella rasps, moving her eyes from me to Alice.

"You heard the lady Alice, get your ass up here with us." I chuckle.

She does. She moves up to the head of Bella's bed. "Are you sure? I can leave, I'll come back when you're all done." She says hesitantly.

"You're not gonna pass out are you?" I laugh as I go to the sink to wash my hands.

"Shut up Edward." Alice giggles. "I won't pass out Bella." She whispers conspiratorially.

"Me." Bella says softly and I wonder what she means.

"Oh, you won't pass out." Alice says, she worked it out quicker than I could. "He's real gentle. Emmett says he's the gayest straight man he's ever seen. He's got soft hands." Alice laughs.

"Oh nice." I huff. "See what I've got to put up with?" I ask Bella playfully. Her eyes are sparkling again and the edge of her mouth is pulled up into a smile. I pull on my gloves then open the surgical kit and lay out the instruments inside it. I hate the plastic tweezers because they are so clumsy, but they'll have to do. "Okay, nurse Alice can you lie the bed back down please." I ask.

"Oh right." She says and pushes the button so the bed reclines again. "I want a badge and one of those upside down watches next time." She giggles.

"Yeah, when you pass the course I'll buy you one, now shut up." I chuckle. "Bella you shouldn't feel much, just like the ones in your ear alright?" I ask her and she nods.

"She's squeezing my hand." Alice says.

"Okay, here we go. Just lie still baby and they'll be all out in a minute." I tell her and lean over towards her face.

She closes her eyes without me having to tell her too. Its better that way, she won't anticipate my movements. I swipe the alcohol swab across her cheek and lips and she startles a little, but that's a normal reaction because it's cold against the skin. I snip the first stitch using the scalpel blade then pull the first strand through her skin. I discard it into the kidney dish and then snip the second. They are all free from her skin in seconds and she's not moved at all through the whole process.

"There you go, all gone." I tell her and she opens her eyes.

"Than you." She says. It's still sounds like she's elongating the sounds but I can understand her instantly.

"Brilliant Bella. That's almost perfect." I tell her. "It looks so good, a little red but that will fade. Let me clean up and then we'll talk about the ones in your mouth."

I roll the kit up into its disposable sheet and throw the whole lot into the rubbish along with my gloves. I wash my hands in the sink again and dry them on paper towel that joins the mess in the bin.

"Makeup will cover the mark Bella." Alice tells her. "Nobody would ever know it's there. What does it feel like?" She asks.

I hold my breath while Bella puts her fingers to the jagged line. She doesn't seem upset but I wait for her reaction before I say anything.

"Not soo baad." She says eventually and I sigh in relief.

"Nope, not so bad." I agree and go and sit by her. "I'm going to go and find Michael, he's the dentist, remember?" I ask and she nods a little. "If he says the ones in your mouth can come out would you like me to do that too?"

I see her cheek move as she runs her tongue over the stitches there and then she nods. "Yes puh-lease." She says slowly.

'P' sounds are hard to form when you've got a cut in your mouth, but I get what she's saying. "Great, Alice you can wash her hair if you like, I'll go and find Michael." I kiss her lightly on the cheek and go to find the dentist.

**BPOV**

"Right, let's get your hair sorted out." Alice says.

Not for the first time I wonder how she's going to manage to wash my hair while I'm sitting in a bed, but I figure she's either got a plan or she's a magician.

She pulls a carrier bag up off the floor at the end of the bed and out of it comes another plastic bag and bottles of shampoo and conditioner. There's a new brush, still in its wrapper, and a hair dryer. She goes into the bathroom and comes back with an armful of towels. "Okay, I Googled how to do this and if I make a mess of it the nurses say they'll help me change the sheets and dry you off." She giggles. I watch as she tears a second plastic bag down the side seam halfway. "Right, now I have to tie this around your head. Is that okay?" She asks.

I take a deep breath and try to remember this is Alice, she was my best friend and right now, besides Edward, she's my only friend. She wouldn't be here if she didn't want to be and she had no reason to hurt me. Rationalising that is pretty difficult considering nobody should have any reason to hurt me, yet they do. "Yess." I tell her.

She smiles and moves closer. She wraps the bag around my head and ties it at my forehead. It feels stupid but I want clean hair more than I want anything else right now.

"Right, now I have to put a towel around your shoulders." She says and rolls a towel up lengthways and puts it around my neck. "I've got to put cotton wool in your ears too, but I know you just had stitches taken out of the right one, do you want to do it for yourself?" She asks and hands me two pieces of bright white cotton wool.

I shove the left one in easily but I'm more careful with the right. There is no pain though.

Her voice is muffled but I can still hear her. "I'll go get the basin." She says and goes out of the room. She's back a few minutes later, carrying a green plastic tub with water and a washcloth floating in it. "All set now. Right so tilt your head back a little bit and I'll get started." She tells me.

I lean my head back a little and close my eyes against the bright light on the ceiling. I feel the warm water and it feels like bliss. It's been so long since I felt truly clean. Even though I'd probably throw up if I stood up, the idea of a shower sounds like luxury, but I guess it's still pretty far off for now.

I can feel small trickles of water down the back of my neck but it's being caught in the plastic bag. I want to tell Alice how clever I think she is but figure I'll shut up for a bit and let her do her thing.

When my hair is damp all over I hear the washcloth hit the tub of water and then the click of the lid of the shampoo bottle. It smells divine. I wasn't allowed shampoo, I had to use soap, so the smell of strawberries is a welcome one. Her fingers are strong and she rubs my head hard at the back of my neck and behind my left ear. She remembers about the cut on my head though.

"I don't want to rub where you got hurt Bella. I'll just leave that bit for now, okay?" She asks.

"Than you." I mumble and she goes back to scrubbing the rest.

I feel warmth again when she uses the wet washcloth to rinse the shampoo from my hair. It takes a long time because my hair is long and it's filthy, but I don't mind. It feels nice when she touches me even though I'm on edge the whole time. I try to breathe like Edward showed me. In through my nose and out through my mouth. I try my best to hide the tiny bit of panic I'm feeling and I hope Alice knows it's about me, not her if she can hear and see me worrying.

I hear the tub being emptied into the sink at the side of the room and then refilled from there too. Then Alice is back again, using more warm water to wash away the shampoo from my hair. She's very gentle, hardly touching the part of my scalp that had the cut on it. I flinch a little bit when she goes near it but get used to the feeling soon enough and I stop pulling away.

There is conditioner in my hair then and she's massaging me again. I think I moan a little bit as she rubs my head because it feels so good. Then the warm washcloth washes away the conditioner and I feel infinitely better for having clean hair, finally.

"There you go, much better." She says and unties the plastic bag from the front of my head. "Let me get rid of this stuff and I'll come and dry it for you." She says.

She is only gone for a few minutes and then she's towel drying my hair for me. The constant hum of the hair dryer is strangely soothing and the warm air is mesmerising. I'm just about asleep by the time she announces that I'm all done and can take the towel away from my shoulders. I pull the cotton wool from my ears and pass it to her so she can throw it away.

"Than you." I tell her and she smiles.

"You're so welcome. Do you feel any better?" She asks.

"Yess. Mucsh." The 'ch' sound is hard to make without pulling at the stitches in my mouth, but I figure she'll get the idea.

"I'm so pleased." She tells me. "Once you're out of here we'll go for a spa day somewhere nice. Facials and haircuts and massages, pedicures and manicures. Oh and champagne, lots of champagne." She giggles.

I point to the laptop that's sitting on the chair beside the bed and she passes it and its tablet to me. I make a list.

~1. No money. 2. Never had a haircut. 3. I don't think I want a massage. 4. I Don't drink. But thanks anyway. ~

I turn the screen back to her and her face clouds over. I've upset her, but I've been honest. It's all I have to offer them, the Cullen's, is honesty.

"Okay, I'm going to address each numbered point in turn. Nice list by the way." She giggles. "Point one, you're family now, what's ours is yours and that includes money. Point two, never having had a haircut before is exactly the reason you should experience one. Point three, I'm sorry I suggested a massage, probably not a good idea, I concede. So we'll have hand and foot rubs instead, just as good, especially with the right pair of hands rubbing you." She raises and lowers her eyebrows a few times and then presses on. "And point four; it was insensitive of me to suggest alcohol, what with your dad and all. But, a glass of champagne wouldn't hurt you or anyone else Bella. You might like it. But I wouldn't force you to drink if you don't want it. So we'll do high tea instead." She nods sternly and I try to smile.

I click for a clean page and write my answer.

~1. Thank you. 2. Thank you. 3. Thank you. 4. Thank you. 5. I've missed you and I love you. ~

"Points one through four, you're welcome and point five, I've missed you and I love you too. Don't make me cry." She sniffles. "When Edward comes back I'm going to head off. If they are going to get you up and around you're going to need some clothes so I'm off shopping." She giggles.

I write furiously on the tablet.

~Don't buy me clothes, please. ~

"Yeah, right, like I'll agree to that." She laughs. "Do you really want to do laps around the ward in a hospital gown with your ass hanging out and no bra on?" She asks and I cringe.

I'm writing again then. ~Plain white cotton please. I've got stitches in my nipple, and elsewhere. ~

She pats my forearm. "I didn't know that, thanks for telling me. I'll get some nice soft cotton ones, top and bottom." She promises. "Maybe a baggy t-shirt or two and a pair of sweats for now?" She asks and I nod. "Good. So I'll bring those by tomorrow when mom comes with Elizabeth. Tomorrow is Saturday by the way, so everyone will come to visit tomorrow, no work."

~Why aren't you at work today then? ~ I write.

"Because my best friend is in the hospital and she needed me." She says matter of factly.

Edward arrives back, with a man in tow that I assume is the dentist. A nurse slips into the room behind them, like a shadow. Must suck to have to follow around a doctor. But then I think of Carlisle's harem and laugh to myself.

"Right, well, that's my cue. I'll see you in the morning Bella and I'll talk to you later Edward. Love you, bye." And she's gone.

"That was my sister." Edward says sheepishly. "Bella this is Michael Clough, he's your dentist." He says and comes to the side of the bed. "Baby he says I can take your stitches out but he's going to need to examine your mouth anyway. I know you don't want to be touched but I don't know enough about teeth to do this for you. I'm sorry, I wish I did. What do you think, are you up to an exam, you can have the stitches out then, might be a good pay off." He chuckles but I can tell how worried he is for me.

I write on the laptop and then turn the screen to face him.

He's laughing then. "Sure, I'll go back to school and learn dentistry if you want." He chuckles to me, then to Michael he says "You can examine her, just be mindful that she's not keen to be touched." He tells him.

"I'll be gentle Bella." Michael tells me as he begins to wash his hands and don his gloves.

**EPOV**

She's so brave as Michael sticks his big fat fucking Shrek fingers into her mouth. I can see her wince in pain now and then as he pulls and pokes and prods, but she's quiet through it all.

Oh sure, she crushes my knuckles plenty, but she allows him to examine her mouth all the same.

"Okay Janine. We have partial recovery of the maloccluded maxillary molar that I suspect is directly attributed to the, what are we at, fourteenth day of recovery. The previously suspected depression in the premaxilla is as expected, its normal childhood displacement. Mark it on the chart as laterally depressed, a small indentation towards the gum on the inside thanks Janine. Requires no further treatment unless dentine begins to erode further." He says to his nurse and she scribbles furiously on the chart.

Michael steps away from the edge of the bed and looks at me. "In English again?" He laughs and I nod. "Well Bella, I think the two weeks of rest for your jaw have done the world of good." He says as he pulls his gloves off with a snap. "I'm going to order an x-ray for today, as soon as you have those stitches out please Edward. There was a slight slackening in your jaw before that I hoped would repair itself with rest and I think it has. Do you have any pain when speaking, other than your lip of course?" He asks Bella and she shakes her head no. "Good, that's good. You had three loose teeth on admission but they've settled back into your gums without issue. If you run your tongue along them, on the top, from the very last one, count them forward three teeth, you'll be able to tell me in a few weeks whether or not they still feel loose. I don't expect they will though. Um, I think when I first saw you I thought you had the type of injury that sometimes displaces your jaw, it makes your teeth not line up anymore, and that's a hard problem to fix, but I don't see any evidence of that now. So the rest has done you good. I'm going to recommend that you begin with soft foods as of today, once Edward has removed your stitches, and I'll see you in a week's time. Thanks Edward." He reaches across the bed and I shake his hand. "Good to see you Bella." He tells her and then they leave.

I blow the breath I'd been holding out across my teeth and raise my eyebrows at Bella. "Well, that's some good news there hey?" I ask.

She's writing so I wait patiently to read her thoughts.

~Why aren't I hungry? ~ She's written.

"Because you are having everything your body needs through that cannula in your hand there." I point to the entry point on the back of her right hand. "The bag up there has sodium and sucrose and electrolytes and because you've been unable to eat for yourself for two whole weeks they've been adding vitamin C and proteins and even some fats to it to help fatten you up a little bit." I tell her and stroke the thin skin on the back of her hand near where the needle has been slipped under her skin. "You can have that removed once you're eating on your own again."

Her eyes light up at that. "Out." She says and points to her mouth.

I smile. "Yeah, that's step one, let's get those stitches out hey?" I ask and she nods. "Good, I'll go get another kit, be right back." I tell her.

I tell another new nurse, this one's nametag says she's Morgan, that I'm getting a surgical kit from the storeroom and ask her to book Bella a dental x-ray. Then I go back to Bella's room and tell her I'm nervous about removing her stitches.

"I've never taken stitches out of someone's mouth before. Bit of a learning curve for me." I tell her as I wash my hands and put on new gloves. I spread the surgical kit out and make ready with the scissors and tweezers. "No scalpel this time, just scissors, okay?" I tell her and she nods. "Alright, lie back and close your eyes and I'll be as gentle as I can, I promise."

It's tricky because I can't retract her lip too far, but I manage to snip through the first stitch and pull it from her mouth. I talk to her the whole time, reassuring her that it looks good and that I know what I'm doing which is a total wank because I've just admitted to her that I haven't done this before. It only takes a few minutes and then she's stitch free, in her mouth anyway. I clean up and pass her the cup and straw so she can rinse her mouth.

After I've thrown the kit away and ditched my gloves I ask her how it feels.

"Better." She says clearly and smiles. Not a full mouthed smile, the right side is a little lower than the left, but god it looks gorgeous.

"Wow, look at you. You're so very beautiful baby." I tell her and kiss her cheek. "An orderly will come get you and wheel you down for an x-ray soon, then we can try some food, alright?"

"Thank you." She whispers perfectly.

"Amazing." I tell her. "You sound so good already." I want to talk about her other injuries but don't know how to bring it up. I should be able to do it clinically, but this is Bella, my Bella. "Um, so with the other stitches you have, um." I can't finish the sentence and instead find myself pacing the side of the bed, one hand running through my hair nervously.

"Ben." She says clearly and I grimace.

"Yeah, Ben." I go back to her side and sit on the plastic chair. "I'm pretty sure he's going to have to examine you either tonight or tomorrow baby. It's been fourteen days since you got your um, stitches there, and they are going to have to come out." I tell her.

"I know." She mumbles sadly.

"Yeah, I know you do." I sympathise. "I don't know if I can find a female who'll do it for you, but I can check, would that be better?" I ask.

She thinks on it for a second and then nods. "Yes." She says firmly. "Not you." She adds.

"No, not me baby. Even if I wanted to, and I don't want to, I wouldn't do that. That's private Bella, between you and your doctors. But, mom was asking if you maybe wanted her to come hold your hand during that part?" I ask gingerly.

Her eyes widen while she thinks about it.

"Maybe." She whispers.

"You think on it. She just thought, seeing as you're on your own you know, with no mom of your own, that you might like to borrow mine. She's pretty amazing." I tell her playfully. "And she makes a mean brownie. If you ask nicely she might bring you some." I laugh.

"Okay." She says tentatively. I can see her running her tongue over the inside of her cheek every now and then and I wonder if she's still in pain.

"Do you need something, pain killers, for that?" I point to her cheek.

"No. Funny. Smooth." She says.

"Yeah, I guess it would feel funny for a while. The new skin will be smooth like the skin on your cheek is, for a little while." I tell her.

"Can I see?" She asks.

"If you want to, sure. There's a small mirror in the bathroom, I'll get it." I bring it out and put it in her hand. I know better than to just hold it up and let the patient see straight away. It's a choice they need to come to themselves, if she wants to see she'll lift the mirror herself.

She does. She's so fucking brave. She stares long and hard but she doesn't cry or even look too upset which just really pisses me off. It's like she just accepts what he's done to her, like she's used to it. "Okay." She says and hands me the mirror back.

"Okay." I agree. If I say anything else I'll start ranting about how I want the fucker dead, so I just agree.

Nurse Morgan taps once on the door then comes in to tell us that Bella will be doing down to x-ray now. An orderly comes into the room and hangs Bella's IV bag on the back of the bed head and unlocks the wheels.

"I can't come to x-ray with you baby, so I'll go visit a little fellow I met in the children's ward, alright?" I ask her and she nods.

"All set?" The orderly asks and Bella says yes. "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to x-ray we go." He sings as he swings the bed expertly out the door and begins the walk down the corridor. I walk beside the bed. "With a bed and a chick and a quack sidekick, hi ho hi ho hi ho." He laughs.

"Oh brilliant. Of all the orderlies in all the world we get Dopey the smart ass dwarf." I chuckle.

"Hey, that's harsh man. I'm at least as good as Sleazy or Slutty Dwarf." He laughs and manoeuvres the bed out the door.

* * *

**A/N: Now she's getting somewhere. She can speak for herself now, thank heavens. **

**Thank you so much for reading and thank you, too, to everyone who reviews and sends me messages, I am so proud to know you all and to read just how into this story you are. **

**Please review. **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 – Continental Drift

**EPOV**

I hand Rachel a card from my clinic with my name on it, with the phone numbers to make an appointment, and ask her to bring Joshua by if he ever needs anything. She says she will.

"Well little man, I guess you're free then huh?" I ask him.

"I'm going to Rachel's house." He says proudly.

"I know. Lucky you. You be a good boy for Rachel, won't you?" I ask.

"I will. I have a robot, look." He uncurls his fist and shows me his beloved robot.

"He needs a name." I tell him and hand Joshua off to Rachel. They were about to leave, I'd almost missed them.

"You could call him Edward." Rachel suggests.

"That's your name." Joshua says pointing at me.

"Yep, that's my name." I agree.

"You bought me toys. I like Lego. Robot is called Edward." He says with a firm nod.

"Take care Rachel. Call if he needs anything." I tell her and watch them walk away.

I feel that same tug in my gut as I watch them leave as I do when mom takes Elizabeth home. I watch them for a long time. I stand like an idiot in the middle of the corridor and watch them go all the way from the children's ward to the reception area.

I head back to Bella's ward and ask Morgan to page Ben for me. He calls the nurses station almost instantly and I'm grateful. I tell him that Bella is prepared for the fact that her stitches will have to come out today, or tomorrow, and touch base with him about her wanting a female to do it. He assures me he has a colleague who is highly respected and he's sure she'll do it. He wishes us well and tells me to expect a page from Amanda Levine at any time.

I ask Morgan to arrange some soft, bland foods for Bella to begin trying and she tells me she'll go to organise it right away.

I call my mom next and tell her that Bella has agreed to have her there when her stitches come out. I ask if she can come when Amanda does and I tell her I'll have Elizabeth while it all happens.

Bella comes back, with a different orderly I notice, from her jaunt to x-ray and is soon back in her room. This is the longest she's been awake since being admitted and while she looks tired she says she's not ready to go back to sleep yet.

"How was it?" I ask, of the x-ray.

"Okay." She says clearly. "Ben?" She asks.

"I've talked to him and he's recommended a colleague of his named Amanda someone. Anyway she's going to page me in a little while and we'll set up the exam. Dad will be around here soon I think and Mom's on her way so you'll get to see Elizabeth in a few minutes." I tell her.

Her face lights up and I know she's excited about that. "Elizabeth." She whispers. She forms the name perfectly and for the first time in two weeks I'm positive her mouth and lip are going to be fine. If she can say Elizabeth, and it's a tough one with four syllables, she'll be fine long term.

"Jeez Bella, you're so lucky." I tell her.

"What?" She says loudly and I realize my mistake.

"Oh baby, I didn't mean that how you think I did. Shit. I'm sorry. I don't mean you're lucky, obviously, you've just been beaten, but Elizabeth. I mean you're so lucky to have Elizabeth. She's so beautiful and so perfect and just holding her makes me feel so much better, I can only imagine what she does for you." I tell her in a rush, hoping that if I get the words out fast enough she'll forgive my massive faux pas.

She's smiling a little and reaching for the laptop. She writes, furiously, for a few seconds then turns the screen so I can see it.

~I am lucky to have Elizabeth. She's the only good thing I've ever done. ~

I want to argue that point but realise I don't know enough about her, and what happened to her, to refute the claim. Instead I'm honest with her, "You know what? I'm a doctor and I managed to drag my sorry ass through Med school successfully, and I think I'm a good guy, but if I had a kid I'd think it was the best thing I'd ever done too."

She's writing again so I leave her to it and take the two trays of food Morgan brings in. I tell her thank you and set them both on the rolling table.

~You are a good guy. I'll make sure Elizabeth knows you rescued her. ~ She's written.

It can be taken one of two ways and I'm at a loss as to which one she means. One, she intends for me to be a part of their lives and we'll one day tell Elizabeth the story of how we got her out of a bad situation, or two, Bella doesn't think we'll be together long term and one day in Elizabeth's future _she'll _tell the little girl about the 'guy' who took her out of the apartment that day. I have no come back to what she's written and I don't want to have such a deep discussion with her when there is so much looming for her tonight with exams and mom and dad all coming to poke and prod her, so I leave it alone.

"Dinner's here." I announce. I am aware that my voice breaks when I say it and that my throat is thick, but I ignore it and keep things as light as I can. "I've got some type of casserole, mash and green beans. You've got jell-o and custard. Yay for you." I chuckle as normally as I can.

She's frowning when I turn around to face her but I smile as best as I can and push the rolling table across her lap. "Thank you." She whispers.

I fill her cup with water from the jug and put her straw into it. I set it on the table beside her meal and wait for her to take the first mouthful of her dinner.

She's tentative at first but once she's got some of the custard in her mouth and she realizes it doesn't hurt to swallow anymore she's off and running. I scoff my meal, I'm starving, as usual. Mom always jokes with us boys about how much we could tuck away at a mealtime. Emmett was obvious, his was converted into brawn. Mom always said I ate as much as I did to fuel my brain. Emmett always, without fail, punched me in the thigh under the table every time she said it and an hour later, you could set your watch by it, he'd come find me and punch me again for being too smart. He grew out of it eventually, but I had some pretty impressive bruises for a few years there.

When I'm done I cover my plate and watch while Bella eats the rest of the red jell-o in her bowl. She's slow, but steady. "Does it hurt?" I ask.

"No." She mumbles. "Not hungry." She shrugs.

"Then don't eat it." I laugh. "How about I swap your water for my juice instead?" She sucks the juice down like it's the elixir of life and lets out a satisfied sigh when it's all gone. "I'll organise some juice then." I chuckle.

Morgan sticks her head around the door and says I have a visitor who'd like to see me in the hall. I raise my eyebrows at Bella and tell her I'll be right back. When I get outside its dad, shoulder against the wall, waiting for me.

"What's up?" I ask, knowing there was a reason he didn't come into Bella's room.

"I've just had a very interesting phone call with Charlie Swan." He says as he leads the way to the lounge.

"Oh, right." I mumble.

"Hmm. He's been served his restraining order and he's not happy. I've checked with reception and he's called twice since Bella was admitted and twice he asked for updates about her recovery. At first I thought that might be progress, that it could be father daughter concern, but when I spoke with Dawn, she took one of his calls today, and she specifically remembers him asking whether Bella could speak for herself or not." He tells me. I have no idea where he's heading so I ask him to just spit it out. "Alright. I will. Charlie knows it wasn't Bella who petitioned the court for the restraining order, he's realized its come from one of us and his parting shot on the phone just now was that he might not be allowed near Bella or Elizabeth but he knows where we are."

"Oh fuck." I mumble and run my hand through my hair. "Do you think he's dumb enough to have a crack at one of us?" I ask.

"I don't know. I think he's scared that he's being investigated and he can't be too pleased at the prospect of losing his position, I don't know what he's capable of really. If he'd hurt his own daughter..." Dad trails off and I sigh.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. So maybe I can call those two detectives from Port Angeles, give them a heads up maybe? And we should call mom and Emmett and Jasper, get them to keep an eye on the girls." I say.

"Good ideas, all. I'll call your mother and Jasper, you call Emmett and Port Angeles. How's Bella?" He asks.

"You're her doctor, you go and see for yourself." I chuckle. "I've got calls to make."

"She must be doing better if you've got your attitude back." He mutters as he leaves the room.

**BPOV**

Carlisle arrives soon after Edward leaves and instantly I know that he was Edward's visitor. They don't want me to know something. It's so obvious and they both suck at hiding things, their faces give them away.

"What's wrong?" I ask. My voice is getting better by degrees. My throat feels so much better because it's well lubricated now I've eaten something semi solid, and my lip feels better able to form the sounds because the stitches are gone.

"Nothing at all. How are you feeling now that the stitches have been removed?" He asks, hiding his face from me by studying my chart.

"Bullshit." I say.

"Sorry?" He asks, his eyebrows way up on his forehead.

"Bullshit. What's wrong?" I ask again.

He smiles a little and puts my chart back. He comes to the side of the bed and shines his annoying little light into my right eye, then my left. "Your eye is dilating properly now but I'd still like you to meet with the ophthalmologist next week." He says quietly. He listens to my chest with his stethoscope and then runs his thumb across where the stitches were in my face. I close my eyes while he does it and try not to flinch while he's touching me.

"Liar." I say quietly and feel his fingers flex against my cheek.

He lets out a long sigh and pulls the chair closer, then sits on it. "Fine. I'm lying. But only because I don't want to upset you." He pinches the bridge of his nose just like Edward does and sighs again. "Your father has made a threat against the family because we had a hand in applying for the restraining order."

I'm crying before he's finished the sentence and his hand in closing around mine at my side. "I'm sorry." I tell him.

"There is nothing to be sorry about, nothing at all. Please don't cry, I'm not worried, not at all. Edward is pissed and he's calling Emmett right now and is probably making him pissed too and in a few minutes I'm going to call Esme and Jasper and then everyone can all be pissed at the same time." He chuckles. "My boys will protect the girls, I'll protect Esme and Elizabeth and Edward will be here, protecting you. So you see, there is nothing to worry about." He tells me firmly. "I suppose keeping you in the dark is not going to work, is it?" he laughs as he stands.

"No. I want to know." I tell him. "It's my fault, my problem."

"Not anymore it's not. It's our problem now Bella. I should've done more when you were younger, and I'll be eternally guilty for that, but now I can make sure nobody ever hurts you, or your baby, ever again and that's exactly what I'm going to do. You are my family now, and not just because my son loves you, but because we love you too." He kisses my cheek and hands me a tissue for my eyes. "I'll let you in on a little secret. There is a rumour that surgeons don't like to get their hands dirty. Its bullshit Bella, I like nothing more than dishing a little dirt, and so do my boys, your father has messed with the wrong family my dear." He whispers at my ear and then he's back at the end of my bed. I watch as his face changes from pissed off protective father back to his usual nonchalant doctor face. "Right, now. I can see that someone has organised for the lovely Amanda to visit you tonight to have your stitches removed. You'll like her, she's Australian and has rather nice breasts." He trails off and I giggle. "Don't tell Esme. Anyway, once she has done that for you I'll come back and we'll take the ones in your breast out, alright?" he asks.

I'm still way back there, stuck on him appreciating someone's boobs that aren't Esme's, but I nod anyway. He tells me good luck with Amanda and then he's gone.

I lie there for a while and think about all the trouble I'm about to become for the whole Cullen family. Dad will make their lives hell and what if he decides to hurt one of them because of me? Its better that I just get well and leave them all alone. Whatever he does to me is one thing, but I won't have him hurt good people.

**EPOV**

Bella looks shell shocked when I get back to her room. I'm still shaking from talking to Emmett and the police but try as best I can to hide it from her.

"How did you go with dad?" I ask casually. I pick up her chart and note her obs were fine. I see he intends to come back later and take the stitches out of her breast.

"Fine." Bella says quietly.

She's lying back with the bed partially lowered and I can see how tired she is now. "Mom's here with Elizabeth and Amanda is on her way from her rounds." I tell her.

There's hardly a reaction to that news. I was expecting panic, perhaps some tears and maybe even a little pleading, but nothing. I don't know what's more worrying, her abject lack of concern for what she's about to go through or that there is no excitement on her face even though she knows Elizabeth is right outside the door.

There is a soft knock and then mom comes in with Elizabeth. "Hello, look at you. No stitches. Wow. How does that feel?" Mom's gushing as she brings Elizabeth to the side of the bed.

"Better." Bella whispers and reaches for Elizabeth.

I watch intently as she pulls the baby to her tightly. She doesn't look at us at all, just Elizabeth. She closes her eyes and smells her, just like I do, then cradles her against her. It's not lost on either of us that she's not said hello to mom or really even acknowledged that either of us are still in the room.

I nod towards mom then towards the door and she follows me out. Bella says nothing as we leave. As soon as the door is shut I'm walking up the corridor, "I have to ask dad something, you go back in if you want." I tell mom.

I find dad on his cardiac ward. He's sitting beside a teenage girl while she sleeps. She's got a chest drain in and looks grey. He looks up from his notes with tired eyes. I've never seen him like this, in his native environment. He looks worried, like someone's dad who's waiting for his daughter to wake up after heart surgery. I realise, much too late into my life, that my dad does care about his patients.

"What did she say when you told her?" I ask. It's obvious to me that he told Bella that Charlie phoned and that's what's upsetting her.

"Not a lot." He says, getting to his feet and motioning for me to follow him out into the corridor. "Listen, she called bullshit and I had to tell her. I explained that she's not in any danger and that we'd all protect her and the baby, she seemed okay with that."

"Okay. Well, there's something wrong with her now and I don't think it's got anything to do with what's about to happen with Amanda." I tell him.

"Did you ask?"

"Not yet, no. She's got Elizabeth in with her. I have to go, Amanda will be there in a minute. You're coming to see her after, right?" I ask and he nods. "Okay, shit, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing." I mutter.

"Just be there, it's all you can do. Sit beside her when she cries, laugh when she laughs, and sleep when she sleeps. That's it son." He tells me.

I say thanks and head back to the ward wondering if it really was just that simple.

Mom is in there with her when I get back. Elizabeth is asleep on Bella's chest but the two women aren't speaking, just sitting in silence. Mom looks worried and Bella looks...distant. It's like she's not there. She probably wishes she really wasn't.

"Everything alright?" I ask.

"Sure is." Mom answers flatly.

I move to the head of the bed and put a hand on Elizabeth's back. Bella flinches away, like she's trying to stop me touching the baby. She pushes my wrist with hers and I withdraw my hand and search her face for what could possibly induce that kind of reaction, but there is nothing to see. Her face is blank.

I remember this face. This retreat. This is how she looked when she came into the clinic the first time. Like it truly was her last resort, and now that I know what I know – which admittedly is only marginally more than I knew then – I guess it was her last resort. She looks as hollow now as she did back then. Lost. Defeated. Missing.

This is Bella in lockdown. Fiercely protective of Elizabeth but doesn't care about herself at all.

"Bella." I whisper but she won't meet my eyes. "Bella, please." I whisper again but I get no reaction at all. I look to mom but she's shrugging and shaking her head.

There is a soft knock at the door and a very tall, dark haired woman comes inside. She's followed by a nurse with another fucking clipboard.

"Hello there. I'm Amanda and this is Penny and I'm here to remove some stitches I believe." Says the tall one.

I move towards them and hold my hand out. Amanda shakes it. "I'm Edward and this is Bella, Elizabeth and my mother, Esme." I tell them.

"Great, so, who's sticking around and who's leaving?" She asks, looking from me to mom.

"I guess I'll take the baby and be right outside." I say and turn back to Bella. I lean down to take Elizabeth and Bella lets her go without looking at me at all. "We'll just be in the lounge love." I tell her but I know I'll get no response.

Mom looks worried but Amanda is already scrubbing her hands in the sink so I have no chance to do anything about it, or even find out what the fucking problem is before I'm ushered out. The door shuts with a resounding thud and then it's just Elizabeth and I in the corridor.

I hang back for a few minutes while I try to get my head around what the fuck just happened when I hear Bella screaming from inside her room. I tuck Elizabeth under my chin and all but run to the lounge with her.

They're all there when I get inside. Rose is sitting on Emmett's lap and Alice is sitting between Jasper's knees on the floor.

"What the fuck are you lot doing here?" I ask.

"Mom told us it was going to be a rough night for you both so we thought we'd come lend some support." Jasper says.

Alice gets up as soon as I come into the room and takes Elizabeth from me. I must look a mess because Rose comes right to me. She hugs me hard and sits me down on the sofa beside Emmett.

"What's going on bro?" He asks.

I watch as Alice settles Elizabeth into her lap. Jasper has his arm around Alice' shoulders and is staring at the baby intently. "Something's wrong." I tell them.

**BPOV**

I just want them all to leave. I don't care that I've just had to part my legs for a stranger. I don't care that Esme Cullen now knows that I've had to have my vagina stitched back together. I don't even care that I've hurt Edward so badly by switching from gratefully in love to distant and cold with him. I just want everyone to go away and leave me and Elizabeth alone.

I scream when the first stitch is removed. Not because I'm panicking, but because it fucking hurts. Esme is right there, holding my hand, where she promised she'd be and I hate her for it. I tell her over and over to get out, to leave me alone, but she won't go. She just holds me tighter, tells me more often that she's there for me. I yell and tell her that I hate her, that I don't need her help. I swear and curse and end up pleading with her to leave me alone. She ignores it all and holds me through the entire ordeal. I tell her I hate her.

When Amanda is done and I'm allowed to close my legs and pull the blankets back up, Esme still won't leave. She wipes my tears with fresh tissues. She wipes my face with a warm washcloth. She tells me that I'm brave, that I'm good, and that I'm worthy. I tell her I hate her.

The nurse brings burn cream for my thighs and Esme tells her to leave it and go. It's Esme who pleads with me to let her apply it and its Esme who eventually does. She's gentle and soothing and sorry for what I've endured and for what I'm going through. I hate her.

She pushes the button above my head and the nurse comes back in. It's like Esme has them all on a string. She tells her to fetch Dr Cullen senior _now_ and the nurse scurries away like she's been given instructions from the queen of England.

I tell Esme to get out. I plead with her to leave. I tell her that by being near me she's in danger herself. I tell her that my dad and Jake will make trouble for her, maybe even try to hurt her, but still she stays. I tell her I'm not worth the time and effort she's putting in. I tell her that I'm trouble, that nothing good ever came from knowing me. I tell her to leave me alone and save herself from the problems I'll inevitably cause. She tells me she loves me. And I tell her that I hate her.

Carlisle arrives and Esme tells him I'm ready to have the stitches in my breast removed. I yell and tell her to stop making decisions for me. I tell her I'm not a child. She tells me to stop behaving like one. I tell her she's not my mother. She tells me she wishes she was. I tell her to get the fuck out. She tells me to shut my potty mouth and let the doctor do his job. I tell her I hate her.

It hurts to have the first stitch taken out of my nipple and I cry. Esme wipes my tears and Carlisle apologises over and over for hurting me. I tell him I hate him too. He tells me that's okay, that everyone needs someone to hate and that his personal vendetta lately is against my husband, but that I'm welcome to hate whomever I like. When he's done he tells me that he's proud of me, that he loves me like a daughter and that he's going to order a sedative if I don't calm down on my own. I tell him to go fuck himself.

He tells me he'd much rather wait until Esme is home later and then he leaves. Esme wipes my face with the washcloth again but still won't leave. I beg her to bring me Elizabeth and she says she will, as soon as I've calmed down. She tells me I'm no good to Elizabeth if I'm upset. I tell her I'm no good to anyone, ever. She tells me to grow up. I tell her I hate her. She says that's okay because she understands what I'm trying to do and that she's seen it all before and that I suck at it.

"You know, if you really wanted us gone you'd demand a different doctor and you'd press the nurse call button and insist that we leave and not be allowed to come back. You'd stop squeezing my hand so damn hard when you're hurting and you'd pull away when I touch you, but you don't. You can try and push me away emotionally Bella, but I'll keep coming back. Edward will too. You think you're putting us in danger because your dad is the law here, but let me tell you something, Charlie Swan is nothing and he's nobody. I'm not afraid of him. He's weak and a bully and he's afraid of what's going to happen to him now that others know what he's done to you. But I'm not afraid of him. Let him come to my house, I'll be there waiting. So you can stop with all this crap right now. We aren't going anywhere and you'll only hurt yourself if you try to make us leave." She finishes her diatribe with a kiss to my forehead.

I haven't even noticed that the alarm has stopped. She's managed to calm me without my noticing. I'm so caught up in what she's just said that I didn't notice that she was speaking more and more softly, calming me despite the angry tinge to her words. "Oh god." I whimper. "I'm so sorry." I cry. And I am sorry. Sorry for all I've already put them through, all they're going to have to go through in the future because of me, sorry for the threat against them. I can only imagine what everything they've already done will cost me. "I'm so sorry." I tell her again.

"Hush." She says kindly. She puts an arm around my shoulders and hugs me tightly. "I understand Bella, and you've nothing to be sorry for. Your reaction is perfectly normal. With everything happening around you I'm surprised you haven't tried to force us away before now." She smoothes my hair down and kisses me again. "We'll help you get through this darling, we're all here to help, not hurt you. We'll never hurt you. Now, gather yourself and I'll go and get the baby for you. I'll stick around for a bit and visit with Carlisle and then collect Elizabeth. I'll see you as normal in the morning sweetheart. Try and get some rest." She kisses my hair and pats my hand and moves to the door.

"Esme." I call and she turns to me. "Edward too, I want Edward too." I tell her.

She smiles. "I know dear, I'll get him too."

**EPOV**

Mom joins us in the lounge after what feels like half the night. I'm on my feet and in her face before she's taken one full step past the doorframe.

"What's going on?" I shout a little too loudly.

Mom puts her hand to my cheek and smiles weakly. She looks tired. Drawn. "She's asking for you and for Elizabeth." She tells me.

"Alright, but what happened?" I ask.

"She's asking for you Edward." Mom says firmly. "If she wants to tell you what happened she will. She's ready to sleep so I'll wait for the baby." She says.

I kiss her cheek, tell her I love her, tell her thank you and take Elizabeth from Alice. "I'll see you all tomorrow at some stage, right?" I ask and they all tell me they will. "Thanks for coming tonight, you know." I shrug and they are all telling me to take the baby and get out. So I do.

Bella is lying down flat and crying softly when I get there. I have no idea what's gone on and no desire to ask, I just need to make her as happy as I can as fast as I can. There is only one way I know that will accomplish that without doubt.

I go further up the side of the bed and whisper. "Bella, I've got Elizabeth." I tell her. "She's asleep but I'll put her beside you baby."

Bella lets her left arm flop out and I put Elizabeth into the nook between her arm and her body. Bella wraps her arm around the baby and cuddles her. She starts to whisper so I back away a little, giving them some privacy. I hear Bella tell Elizabeth that she loves her, that she's sorry for the fucked up start she gave her. She tells her daughter that they'll never go back to 'him' ever again and that she's sorry she can't look after her at the moment. I want to protest, I want to say that its only out of necessity and that it won't be long until Bella can care for her, but I stay quiet and let her say what she needs to say. This is her show, I'm a spectator.

Bella kisses Elizabeth on the forehead and runs her thumb over the apple of the baby's cheek lovingly. "I love you little one." Bella whispers then looks to me. "Your mom is waiting to take her home." She tells me.

I nod and take Elizabeth, "Is it alright if I come back?" I ask. I recognise something has changed, there has been a shift in the dynamic between Bella and I in the last few hours and although the hollow, lost and defeated look is gone from her face, there had been a reason it was there in the first place.

"Please." She whispers and closes her eyes in rest.

"I'll be right back." I tell her.

The others are gone already but mom is there, at the nurses station, talking with the night shift. She takes Elizabeth from me and kisses me on the cheek. She promises to come for the usual visit in the morning and I wish them both a goodnight. I don't watch them walk down the corridor this time, tonight I'm too eager to be in with Bella before she falls asleep.

This has been the longest she's been awake since she was admitted and I know it's not going to last much longer.

I slip back into her room and take the plastic chair beside the bed. "Bella." I whisper, seeing if she's asleep or awake. Her eyes are closed.

"We need to talk." She whispers.

I run my hand through my hair and try not to panic. It's never good when a woman says that to a man. "Not tonight." I tell her. "You should sleep."

"Not without you." She whispers and my heart soars.

I'm flipping back and forth between terror at being told to leave and ecstasy at being asked to stay. It's draining, but I'm a spectator and for now I'll give her whatever she needs.

I move around to the other side of the bed, where I can see her face. She's curled up on her side, one hand underneath her left cheek. The hand with the cannula in it is resting on her hip. "Bella, are you sure that's what you want? I can just as easily sleep on the other bed." I suggest. I want to sleep on her bed with her, but things have changed, for whatever reason I feel the change, and until I know what it means I am hesitant.

"Please. I need you near." She whispers, so close to sleep now.

I smile even though she can't see it. "Two minutes." I tell her.

I use the bathroom, brush my teeth and pull on my sleep pants and an old UW t-shirt that mom packed for me to sleep in. I roll my dirty clothes up in a ball and shove them into my backpack. I think Bella is sound asleep by the time I get to her side and I am reluctant to get onto the bed without her approval, I don't want to frighten her again. I don't want her to wake in the night with me there and I've not been invited. I move the plastic chair closer and get ready to sit in it. If she wakes soon I'll ask again if it's alright to get into the bed with her, but until she is aware of my presence I'll wait.

I'm only sitting for half a second when she says my name. I'm up like a shot and perched on the side of the bed. She shuffles herself forward so she's on the edge of the bed a little more and I slide in behind her. I pull the blankets up over us both and settle in behind. I curve my knees so they are up against the back of her knees and I lightly drape my arm across hers where it rests on her hip.

I kiss the point of her shoulder and tell her good night before closing my eyes.

"Thank you." I hear in a sleepy whisper just before I fall into sleep.

~~~x0x0~~~

We sleep right through. Bella doesn't wake for pain meds in the night, or if she did she did it quietly because I don't remember a thing from when I laid down with her until my mother is standing at the end of the bed and its daylight.

"Don't look Elizabeth." Is the first thing I hear when I wake. My mother is giggling like a schoolgirl and covering Elizabeth's eyes with her hands. "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much they sometimes ..."

I cut her off quick smart. "Hey." I say. "It's too early for that shit." I grumble.

"Early? It's nine in the morning Edward." Mom tells me and I curse. Dad will be here for rounds any minute and here's us still asleep.

I leap off the bed, pat Elizabeth's head on the way past and throw myself into the world's fastest shower. No time to wash my hair, no time to shave. I take a total of six minutes and emerge in clean clothes just as my dad arrives for rounds.

Bella is awake, but only just, when I get back into the room. Dad is there, reading her chart about the obs taken during the night. I shove my sleep clothes into my backpack and take Elizabeth from mom. I cuddle her close and take a big belt of baby calm before putting her onto Bella's chest. "Morning." I whisper and kiss first the top of Bella's head, then Elizabeth's.

"Morning." Bella whispers back. There is the hint of a smile on her lips.

"Well, your obs are good and your temperature has stayed normal since your sutures were removed so I think we can dispense with the IV today. Do you think you can manage with antibiotics in tablet form for a few days?" Dad asks.

"I think so." Bella says quietly. She's stroking Elizabeth's back and it's hypnotic. I can't take my eyes off her fingers.

My dad is saying something about administering a dose of Dramamine and letting it take affect before getting Bella on her feet later this morning, but I'm only half listening.

Instead I'm staring at her hand as it strokes Elizabeth's back. I wonder what it would feel like for her to stroke me that way? What would her fingertips feel like against my cheek, or my chest, or my...

"Edward!" Dad is shouting and I blink rapidly and turn to face him.

"Sorry, what?" I say stupidly.

"I was asking if you'd like to remove the cannula for Bella." He rolls his eyes at me and I cringe. Thank Christ nobody can read minds.

"Sure. I'll go get a swab and some tape." I tell him.

I get what I'm looking for from the storeroom and go back into the room. Bella asks if she should give Elizabeth to mom, but I tell her it will only take half a minute to take the tube from her hand and she should be fine to leave the baby there.

I get her to lay her hand flat against the mattress and as I pull the tubing from her arm I press down on a cotton swab. Bella hisses a little as it is finally released from under her skin and I wince, knowing how much it stings to have one removed.

"There you go. Finally free of your metal work." I tell her.

I stick a clean piece of cotton wool over the wound and tape it down tightly.

"Well now, that's all your staples, sutures and tubing removed so I think we'll get you up for a shower. Any objections?" Dad asks.

I'm not imagining the smile on Bella's face this time. "What do you think?" I ask her, "Does a shower sound good?"

"Can I have soap and shampoo?" She asks and I'm instantly standing back in her apartment reading the list taped to the side of the kitchen wall.

I go right to the head of the bed and put a hand on Elizabeth's back while I lean over and speak directly into Bella's ear.

"You can have whatever the fuck you want. If you want a scantily clad houseboy to scrub your back I'll get you one. You name it, it's yours, always." I tell her firmly. She's smiling when I pull away and my mother is sniggering in the background, but I don't care. She never saw the list of rules, she doesn't know that Bella was only allowed to shower twice a week. I hope she never has to know that, either. "You can have three showers a day if that's what you want." I tell her.

"Just one would be great for now." She says lightly.

"Normally a nurse would help you Bella, but perhaps you'd like to choose one of the girls?" Dad suggests and Bella's brow creases as she thinks on it.

"Esme?" She asks softly and mom's eyes light up.

She's there, right beside Bella, holding her hand over Elizabeth's back, in a heartbeat. "Of course I'll help. Of course." Mom says.

"Right, well, if you don't need me for a while I think I'd like to take Elizabeth on a little jaunt." I announce. "I have to go to the clinic for a bit, is it alright if I take Elizabeth with me?" I ask Bella.

She looks to my mom first, which confuses me, but I try not to take it personally. "Sure." She says eventually.

"I promise I'll be careful with her. She has a proper car seat and I won't leave her alone at all. I'll bring her right back." I assure her.

She's smiling though, she doesn't look worried. "I know she's safe with you." She says quietly. That leaves me wondering what the problem is, so I ask. She looks at my mom again and I see my mother nod slightly. Whatever the problem is mom understands it. "My dad threatened you. You're safe here because of my restraining order, but not out there." She says in a soft sigh.

Mom's patting her shoulder lightly, it looks encouraging. I still don't get what's gone on between them but I also know now isn't the time to ask, so I leave it for now. "We need to talk." I tell her and she nods. "I'll keep an eye out for the law." I tell her and lean in to kiss her cheek before lifting Elizabeth off her chest. I hold the baby while Bella kisses her and then I'm grabbing moms keys off the rolling table. "I won't be long, a couple hours at the most. I'll take her bag." I tell them.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. I hope you have found something in this chapter to whet your appetite. Please review and let me know your thoughts, good or bad, I answer all reviews and messages. **


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: The fanfiction site has been unable to allow us to upload for the past 120 hours, even though I desperately wanted to share these chapters with you. So, for being so patient (and only sending me several hundred messages asking me where the hell I've been instead of several thousand) I've decided that I will upload a few chapters at once as a reward. Fingers crossed that the site lets me. ****

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**Chapter 14 – Learning Curve

**BPOV**

When Edward and Elizabeth are gone Carlisle stops writing on my chart and comes to the side of the bed. "I need the catheter removed Bella. If you're going to be up and about you won't need it. Would you prefer to have the nurse remove it?" He asks and I nod violently. "Good. So I'll get that organised and page Sandra for you. She's the occupational therapist here and she's met you already, but you were still sedated then. She's going to help you get up onto your feet and into the shower." He tells me.

I thank him and he wishes me luck before going out of the room.

I remember Sheila the nurse so even though I'm panicking like mad as she lifts the sheet I close my eyes and try to stay as calm as I can. She talks to me the whole time, telling me each time she is going to touch me so it's not a surprise, and Esme holds my hand the whole time. I manage to get through it without setting off the alarm even though it hurts and is horrible to have the catheter taken out. But once it's gone I feel so much better. Nobody should need to touch me there again now and I'm instantly relieved when she leaves to take the horrible tubes away.

Sandra arrives not long after Sheila leaves and introduces herself to me. She tells me she is going to coordinate my therapy and show me the best ways to look after myself and Elizabeth while my injuries heal.

It seems so stupid to be so frightened of having a shower, but I was. It had been, so I'd been told, fourteen days since I'd last stood upright under my own steam and I was scared to try.

I didn't want to lean on Esme either physically or emotionally, I knew better than to rely on someone, but I had no choice. If I wanted to get up and get moving again, and I did, I had to take the help she offered me.

"Okay, your chart says you've had a dose of Dramamine so that should help with any nausea you feel when you first stand, but let's discuss how we'll do this before we try, alright?" Sandra, my occupational therapist, says. "First we'll sit you up fully and when you are comfortable with that we'll swing your legs over the edge of the bed, again we'll rest until you are settled. With your feet on the floor your mother and I will take one arm each and help you to take some weight on your legs. You'll be wobbly at first and that's normal, so don't be disappointed if you feel sick or dizzy. There is no hurry and no time limit here, we move only when you're ready." She tells me but I'm still stuck way back there where she assumed Esme was my mom.

I was staring at Esme but she didn't bat an eyelid. She was nodding along with the plan Sandra had. I guess it didn't matter what they called her and turned back to Sandra. "What if I throw up?"

"Then you'll throw up. This is a hospital, we've seen it and cleaned it a hundred times, don't worry about it." She tells me kindly. "I'm going to unhook you from the monitors first, and then we'll get you up." She says.

She unclips the heart rate monitor from my finger and then undoes the blood pressure cuff at my bicep.

"Let's get you on your feet then we can talk about getting into the bathroom." She says and begins to raise the head of the bed a little at a time. "I'll lift you until you're sitting as you would in a chair."

I don't feel sick at all, even when the bed is all the way up. I've sat up before so I figure I'm good with that so far. "I'm okay." I say to the hovering Esme.

"Good, let's swing your legs to this side of the bed. Esme would you like to pull the blankets back." She suggests and I wonder if she's been told I don't like to be touched?

When the blankets are out of the way I pivot my hips and put first my left leg then my right out over the edge of the bed. With my hands braced on the edge of the mattress I look down at the floor for the first time. Big mistake.

The wave hits me so fast I don't even get a warning. I throw up and up and it's a fantastical combination of red jell-o and yellow custard and it trickles down my right leg and pools on the floor.

"I'm so sorry." I say as Esme and Sandra start cleaning it up.

"Shh, I told you, we see it every day." Sandra tells me as she lays a towel over the mess on the floor and uses her foot to wipe it all up. "Right, now you doubly need to get to the shower." She laughs and I can't help but smile. If she's joking it can't be that bad. "So, now that's over with let's see how you go on your feet."

Esme is on my right and Sandra has my left elbow. I scoot forward, using them as a brace, and let my feet rest on the floor.

"Lift your eyes." Esme suggests and I look up, out the window. She's right, the dizziness subsides quickly and I feel less likely to throw up if I'm not looking at the floor.

"I'm standing." I say, like it's the most amazing thing either of them should've ever seen.

"You are. You're doing so well." Sandra tells me. "How are your ribs?" She asks.

I lower my shoulders and take a little more weight on my own feet and take a deep breath. My ribs hurt but only a tiny bit. "I've had worse." I tell her and instantly know it's the wrong thing to have said with Esme in the room. I hear her sigh heavily. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." I tell her.

"No, you're right, you've had worse. You should be able to say that if you want to. Nobody will ever do that to you ever again Bella, I can promise you that." She says fiercely.

I want to ask her not to promise me things but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I was awful to her yesterday and she's never been anything other than kind and caring towards me since I'd been admitted, I would feel even more awful if I upset her again now. "Thanks." I tell her instead. "Are we heading for the bathroom then?" I ask Sandra.

"I guess we are." She laughs lightly. "So, let's go very slowly. Do you have any pain anywhere that I need to know about?" She asks and I do a bit of a check down my body.

"My lip, ribs, right ring finger and you know." I shrug, hoping she'll get the gist without me having to say it out loud.

"Right. So, Esme, you hold your palm out flat and Bella you put your hand into hers. You lean on her and Esme you take the brunt of her weight on your forearm, not your hand, that will take the pressure off the broken finger. Your ribs I can't do much about while you're walking, but I can show you how to support yourself once you're sitting up more frequently, we'll talk about that once we're done in the bathroom. As for your 'you know' I want you to hold your pelvic floor muscles taut while you're walking. Do you know how to do that?" She asks.

I'm mortified. I don't want to talk about this with anyone, but especially not in front of Esme Cullen! I must be bright red. "Yeah." I mumble.

"Good. So as you walk I want you to clench those muscles as tight as you can, that will take any pressure you're feeling off your perineum. Your chart says you have some burns, so if you feel those chaffing you tell me right away and we'll put a temporary dressing on them while you're walking, alright?" She asks.

I mumble alright again and try to hide my embarrassment. I can feel myself trembling and I know that Esme can feel it too because she sighs and clutches my arm tighter.

"Shh, it's alright, take some deep breaths." Esme tells me kindly. She leans closer and whispers into my ear. "What happens in this room stays in this room Bella. I would never embarrass you or betray your confidence. I promise. Just concentrate on what you've got to do, I'll be right here and I won't say a word."

I don't know what to say. Nobody has ever offered me this kind of support before and I don't know how to react. My head tells me to mistrust any generosity because anyone who's ever offered it to me has turned my reliance on them around and hurt me with it. But on the other hand I am smart enough to know that I can't do this on my own. She is the closest thing I've got to a mother right now and I need her. She is taking care of my baby while I can't and I know that I owe her my loyalty and thanks. So I take a chance, the first I've taken for a long time. "Jake only allowed me to shower twice a week and only for four minutes at a time." I admit in a small voice and Esme gasps.

"Oh sweetheart." She sighs. "Thank you for trusting me with that. I promise it will stay between us. Now, let's get you into the shower. You can stand in there all day if you want to."

"Unlimited hot water here." Sandra says as she takes my left arm. "Right. Clench those muscles and step with your right foot first. We'll follow your lead Bella, you drive this train." She laughs.

It doesn't take me very long to get to the bathroom door, maybe three minutes, but I'm exhausted by the time I do. My ribs ache and my pelvic muscles burn as I try my best to push a foot forward each step. We get to the bathroom door and I'm ready to give up and at the same time shout that I made it this far!

"Can we rest a minute?" I ask, breathlessly.

"Sure. Just lean on us." Sandra says and I do. "Take deep breaths and try to expand your lungs width ways instead of front to back. In through your nose and out through your mouth, like Edward showed you." She tells me.

It helps, amazingly. Instead of pushing my ribs out the front I try to push them outwards and it does ease the ache a little, making it much easier to catch my breath. "Okay, what now?" I ask.

"Ahh," Sandra chuckles, "Now the fun part. Let's get you a little further into the bathroom, so we can at least shut the door, then I'll show you a neat little chair we have."

I take four more steps, easier ones because I've had a bit of a rest, and Esme closes the door behind us. I'm not shocked by my appearance so I stare at myself and move on. I'm no longer bothered by bruises or cuts, not even the red scars along my ear, scalp and lip bother me. I know it's wrong to be used to seeing them, but I am. They don't make me panic now though. I don't have to hide them, Esme has seen them and so has Edward. They didn't balk and they didn't run, so far.

"You're beautiful Bella." Esme tells me as I stare.

"It's not so bad this time." I tell her.

"I'm going to let go of your arm now Bella, I want you to take your weight onto your good hand and hold this rail here." Sandra tells me, pointing to a shiny silver railing that's bolted to the wall near the basin. She helps me lean forward a little and I clutch the railing when she lets me go. I don't even waiver, I'm rather proud that I can hold my own weight. Esme is barely touching me and I'm standing almost on my own.

Esme leans over and whispers into my right ear. "Take a good look at the bruising, you'll never see it again sweetheart." She tells me and I smile.

"I won't miss it." I say.

She matches my smile and tells me 'good girl'.

Sandra pulls a chair on wheels out of the shower stall and stands it in front of me. It's just like the ones that sit either side of my bed but this one has holes drilled in the seat and lockable wheels on the ends of the legs. "I think for this first time we'll sit you in this." Sandra tells me as she helps me lower myself into the seat. "We can wheel you into the shower and then lock the wheels. The holes in the seat will let the water drain away and you can just pull your gown off and throw it out of the stall."

"Fantastic." I tell her, and it is. "I don't think I could stand for very long yet."

"Of course not, I don't expect you to. It's a monumental feat to walk to the bathroom. Now you get to take it easy and let the hot water do its thing." She laughs.

"You won't leave will you?" I ask Esme.

"Not if you don't want me to." She assures me. "I'll go and collect your shower bag and then we'll get you clean."

"I have a shower bag?" I ask. It seems such a stupid thing to ask.

Esme smiles wide. "Alice and I bought you a few things we thought you'd need. We didn't know what you liked, but we bought a bit of everything."

While Esme was in my room Sandra showed me how to lock the wheel on the chair and how to work the controls for the shower. It was a push button type arrangement with a pad that had to be pressed to start and stop the water flow. You could adjust the temperature of the water by turning a dial. I couldn't wait to be clean.

"I'll leave you two to it. I'll come back later and talk to you about the therapy you'll be having later on. Enjoy." Sandra tells me.

I thank her and use my feet to push the chair to the basin. There is a black bag on the countertop and an electric razor plugged into the socket. It's obviously Edward's. I open the black bag and see a toothbrush and toothpaste, a deodorant stick and a bar of soap wrapped up in a washcloth. I take that out and am smelling it when Esme comes back. I throw it back into the bag in a hurry but I know I've been caught.

"Would you rather use Edward's soap?" Esme asks.

I know I'm blushing but can't help it. I don't know what to answer. If I say yes will she think I'm creepy? I have nothing to lose by being honest so I ask if it's creepy to want to use it.

"I don't think so, no." She takes the soap out of the washcloth and puts it on the low shelf in the shower stall. "Carlisle uses this spicy shower gel and I love it. I sneak it now and then, especially when he's on night shift. I like to smell like he does, it makes me feel close to him even when he's not at home." She tells me.

I know I'm staring at her wide eyed but I can't help it. "Is that true?" I ask before my brain says it's a rude question to ask. I seem to have no filter anymore. It's been so long since I held a normal conversation it's like I've forgotten what's appropriate. "Sorry." I mutter and push the chair with my feet so that I'm inside the shower stall.

"Don't be, it's a fair question." She says and leans past me to put a bottle of shampoo and one of conditioner on the shelf. She hangs the washcloth over the shelf and hangs the cord of a shower sponge over the rail that's bolted to the wall of the shower. "Not everyone lies Bella." She whispers. "I won't lie to you, none of us will. It's okay to admit you love someone. I love Carlisle with my whole heart. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him and I'm sure that he feels the same about me. When you love someone they show you how they feel, they tell you how they feel. And when you've loved them long enough they forgive you for wearing their shirts to bed and their socks around the house." She giggles.

I'm stunned. Speechless. To love someone so completely must feel amazing. I love Edward, I don't need to second guess what I feel for him, but I have no way to know if what he feels for me is true.

"I don't love Jake." I blurt out and quickly cover my mouth with my hand.

Esme isn't shocked though. She moves to my side and kneels down so we are eye to eye. "I didn't think so sweetheart. You just found yourself in a tough situation and took the first hand offered, didn't you?" She asks.

I can't control my tears and they begin to fall as she pats my knee. "I didn't get a choice. I thought he was my friend. He said he'd take me away from my dad. I believed him." I snivel.

"Of course you did. Oh darling I'm so sorry for all the lies you've had to endure. But here you are, you survived them both, and you've got Elizabeth and us now. Let's get you under the hot water, you'll feel better, I promise." She says kindly.

The water begins and it's hot instantly. At Jakes I had to let it run for ages before it warmed up. But here it is a constant hot stream. It's hitting the lower half of my legs and it feels great already. I can't wait to get the rest of me clean too.

"Alright. Now, I'll step out and close the curtain. You pull your gown off and just throw it out and I'll sort that out." Esme tells me and backs out of the stall.

I pull the gown off my shoulders and wiggle a bit in the chair until it's free of my back and butt. I toss it out the side of the curtain and then pull it closed again. I use my feet to scoot the chair back so I'm under the spray.

I moan loudly when the hot water begins to run down my back. It's divine. I've got no time limit, plenty of soap and no rules. Oh my god. I've got no rules. "I've got no rules." I say out loud, as though Esme will understand and be as overjoyed as I am.

"What's that sweetheart?" She asks.

"Nothing. The hot water is good." I tell her instead.

**EPOV**

I saw the cruiser and knew it was going to pull out into the traffic if not right behind me, pretty close to it. Sure enough as soon as there was a break in the line of cars it pulled out.

"Sorry about this little one, but you're about to see your granddaddy. Forgive me for saying he's an asshole." I tell Elizabeth and slow down and pull over long before the cruiser pulls into the lane beside me and its lights begin flashing.

I figured this was how it was going to work for a while. I stick my head out over the top of the bunker and a rifle will be there, pointed at my head, every time.

I pull moms car over all the way and turn it off. I should probably be nervous but I'm not. I've done nothing wrong. I know Charlie won't actually hurt me because he's got a deputy in the car with him, but I also know this is all about intimidation so he's likely to be threatening without being physical. I can live with that as long as he ignores Elizabeth in the back in her car seat. He knows he can't come anywhere near her, but I'm pretty sure there'd be a loophole so he is free to conduct his duties as Chief of Police.

The deputy stays put and I see Charlie get out and put his hat on as he walks back towards me. He's got a ticket book in his hand and he's saying something into his radio at his shoulder.

I press the button to lower the driver's side window. "Good morning Chief Swan." I say politely.

"License and registration." He says sourly.

I know I should ask what I've been pulled over for but it would be a crock of shit anyway, so why bother. I take my wallet out and hand over my license and then dig around in the glove compartment for moms registration. He checks them over then hands them back.

"Step out of the car." He says with a smug grin on his face.

I'm alright with that. I expected it. He wants to humiliate me like I did him. He wants to make the point that he can order me around, that he's the law, that he's more powerful than me. When he was served his restraining order he lost face with his deputies, I get that. I can play along if it means he just fucks off and leaves us alone again. I do wonder what he told the deputy though, what the reason was for pulling me over.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and let it roll back up into the holder. I pop the lock on the door and unfold myself from the driver's seat. I close the door quietly, not wanting to wake Elizabeth. I step onto the sidewalk and face him.

"Is there a problem officer?" I ask carefully and politely.

He ignores the question. "Why are you driving a vehicle that's not registered to you?" He asks.

"It's my mother's car. She has the proper safety restraint bracket installed for the baby's car seat, mine doesn't." I tell him honestly.

He looks into the backseat of the car and sees Elizabeth asleep in her seat. "So she dumped the kid on you huh? Figures." He hisses.

I don't rise, even though I want to. I've learned my lesson. Jake showing up at the hospital, and what Bob telling me about how it looked, have put me off defending Bella and the baby to the two men who've hurt them. It makes me look like the bad guy to anyone who's watching, and I know that the deputy is watching.

"I don't mind, she's a good baby." I say happily.

He hands me the registration papers and my license. "I'll be watching." Is all he says as he walks back to the cruiser.

I get back in the car and wait until he's a hundred yards ahead in the traffic before I pull back out into it myself. "Well Elizabeth Smith, your granddaddy is a total asshole. Sorry about that, but he is." I tell the sleeping baby and head towards the clinic.

The parking lot at the clinic is full, like it always is, but I slide into the reserved parking space with my name on it. I unbuckle Elizabeth and scoop her out of her seat, hoping she stays asleep a little longer. I don't mind holding onto her but I am starting to see why a lot of mothers have a pusher. I might stop in town on the way back to Bella and buy one. Elizabeth could sleep in it at the hospital instead of having to lie on my makeshift bed.

Gail is on her feet and rushing out from behind the reception desk before the front door has closed behind me.

"Oh Edward she's gorgeous. Give her to me." She insists and I put Elizabeth into her arms.

"Hold her head." I warn as I let her go.

Gail laughs, "Oh sure, because my four little ones only barely survived because I don't know what I'm doing. Sheesh." She laughs.

"Sorry." I mumble and go with her back behind the desk. "What's news?" I ask.

"Same old same old I'm afraid. Too many patients not enough hours in a week to see them all. How's Bella doing?" She asks.

"Much better." I say proudly. "She's up having a shower right now, first time." I say.

"Big leaps and bounds, that's fantastic. She'll be home before you know it." She says and takes the social security card off the man standing at the counter. "Have a seat Mr Harvey, she won't be long." She tells the patient. "Milo's in the break room if you wanted to see him." She tells me. I look down at Elizabeth in her arms and wonder if I should take her with me. "Forget it, I'm keeping her, you go back there." She waves her fingers in the direction of the break room and I figure I've been dismissed.

"Are you sure?" I ask, because I'm not.

"Go." She waves her finger again and I go. "Your daddy is a worry wart." She coos to Elizabeth and I freeze in my tracks.

I'm not her daddy. I'm not sure what my motivation is to keep telling people that, but I feel as though I should. Someone is Elizabeth's father and he might not know that he is, so until Bella tells me she's with me permanently and I take on the role of Elizabeth's father, because it's what Bella wants, I'm just looking after the little girl. I decide to address the situation when there aren't quite so many ears in the room and head back towards the break room.

Milo is sitting in his armchair in the streak of sunshine that comes in through the windows at this time every morning. He's got the paper in one hand and a coffee in the other. 'A heaped coffee and six sugars boy. But don't stir it, I don't like it sweet' is his standard request when I make him coffee.

"Ahh, the prodigal son returns." He smiles and looks up from his racing guide. Milo likes a flutter.

He might be ancient but he's sprightly. "Good to see you Milo." I tell him and shake his hand.

I make myself a coffee from the drip machine and take a seat opposite the old man. "How's that girl of yours? Pretty nasty business I hear." He says matter of factly.

I like that he calls Bella my girl. I smile, "She's doing much better. All the sutures are out and she's up and about for the first time this morning." I tell him just as proudly as I told Gail.

"Good, good. I hear your father is looking after her." He says.

"Your spies have been hard at work." I laugh and sip my coffee.

He chuckles. "Margaret is my niece on my father's side. She told me Doctor Cullen senior had cracked open his own chest and found a heart recently." He chuckles again.

Milo had always tried to argue in my father's corner. We haven't always seen eye to eye on dad's methods or his bedside manner. However, my view of my father had been shifting of late. "You know, he's not as cold as I first thought." I tell him with a raise of my eyebrows. "I think he remembers Bella from when we were kids. He's taken her under his wing."

Milo takes a swig of his coffee and sets the paper down on the arm of the chair. "You know, fathers and sons aren't always supposed to be best friends, especially those who begin to follow in their father's footsteps and then drop out of cardiology at the eleventh hour." He tells me.

I chuckle. "I didn't drop out, I decided not to specialize, there is a difference and you know it." I laugh.

"Maybe so, but it would've been a disappointment for Carlisle all the same. Two sons, one a man with a head made of meat and the other with enough brains for the two of them who just so happens to decide not to follow daddy. Gonna hurt, is all I'm saying." He shrugs.

"Doesn't matter now, it's done and he's fine." I laugh. "I've got bigger problems than dad's father son issues." I tell him. "Seems we've upset the law in town."

He snorts with laughter then. "Charlie Swan got his nose out of joint huh?" He asks and I nod. "Figured as much. Strange man that one. Never took another wife once Renee passed. He was young enough, just never did. I always thought that was odd, but to each his own."

"Did you know Renee very well?" I ask.

"Not very, no. But from what I remember she was a lot like your Bella. Kept to herself, rarely saw her in town and when you did she was with Charlie. My Ella invited her to along to some charity function or some such but she said that Charlie wouldn't like it, so she didn't come. I just assumed them being newlyweds they just wanted to be on their own, but she never did join in. And then Bella came along of course and she was at home with the baby. Don't rightly remember seeing her again after that." He shrugs.

"How did she die?" I ask.

"Don't know. She and Charlie and the baby were at the reservation and she died there. She wasn't bought to Forks, I know that much, I was working at the hospital then, I would've seen her. No, she probably got taken to Olympia." He says.

"Weird." I say.

"It was at the time too. But Charlie was a cop already by then so nobody gave it a second thought. Charlie brought the little girl up on his own and she kept to herself too, just like her mother had."

"Yeah, probably just like her mother." I mutter darkly. Fuck. What would be the odds that Charlie Swan had flogged Renee just like he'd abused Bella? Pretty damn good I'd reckon. "You ever treat Renee here?" I ask.

"No, she died when Bella was real small, only a few months old, I didn't open this clinic until years later." He says and opens his paper again. "Be a good boy and put a twenty on horse four in race two will you." He chuckles, handing over his wallet to me.

I take it and shake my head. "Do you ever win?" I laugh.

"Sure I do, I just don't brag. The ladies like to think I'm demure." He laughs.

"The ladies. Like you can still get it up old man." I snort.

He grins up at me as I stand. "If Mrs Nugent is out there for her regular appointment you check out the love bite on her neck, it was two days ago but we mark up pretty good at our age." He chuckles.

"Jesus Milo." I grumble good naturedly. I take a twenty out of his wallet and throw it back into his lap. "If you knock her up the kid will look like a shar pei dog, all those wrinkles, gross." I laugh and head to my office.

I phone through Milo's bet and use my credit card to place the bet as usual. Anyone checking my accounts would think I was a gambling addict. Milo had me place his bets and gave me cash to do it, if I collected his winnings he flipped me ten for my trouble. I didn't need the money but he always insisted. I usually put my 'commission' into the tin on the front desk. The ladies used the donations from it to fund contraception handouts and I figured it was a good idea to donate to it, saved me having to counsel too many teenage girls who found themselves knocked up by accident. I log into my work email. I answer a few but delete the rest. They are mostly drug company spam anyway. I check my schedule for Monday morning and see the names of all my regular patients on it already. It will be a long day, twelve hours, and I'll miss Bella and Elizabeth like crazy.

I write up a request for a DNA screen for Elizabeth and go and collect her from Gail. She reluctantly gives me the now wide awake baby, but I have to plead. I take her back into my office and swab the inside of her cheek with the long cue tip inside the collection container. I sign and date the outside of the holder and slide it and the request form into the zip lock bag.

I take it and Elizabeth with me back into reception. I drop the bag into the collection bin on the side of Gail's desk and get a raised eyebrow for my trouble. "Mind your own business." I laugh.

"So we'll see you Monday, right?" She asks.

"Sure will. I saw my list was full already." I sigh.

"Always." She replies. "You make sure you bring her back again sometimes, she's gorgeous." She tells me.

"I will. Thanks for minding her, I'll see you Monday." I tell her and turn towards the front door.

I see Mrs Nugent in her usual seat, up against the front windows. You can't miss the huge purple love bite on her neck. I am still chuckling about Milo as I strap Elizabeth back into her car seat.

**BPOV**

I know Esme must be bored just standing in the bathroom waiting for me but I can't bring myself to turn the water off. It just feels too damn good. I know it's a waste and I should get out, but I don't want to.

It felt so good to be clean, truly clean, with soap and hot water and real shampoo and conditioner and all. I scrubbed and scrubbed every inch of skin I could find with Edward's soap and the shower sponge Esme gave me. I washed my hair twice and conditioned it twice too. The long roll of scar tissue on my scalp didn't hurt although it felt raised and a little rough compared to normal skin.

I brushed my teeth ten times, loving the smooth feel of my teeth once I did. It hurt a little to have the brush rub against the inside of my mouth but not enough to put me off doing it again and again.

One of my toes was still blue but all my fingers were a normal colour and size again. I couldn't say the same for my nipple. It was red raw and swollen into an angry golf ball sized lump. I hated the look of it and wished they'd just removed it completely. I'd never have any use for the breast again anyway; I doubted I'd have missed it.

I couldn't bear to do anything other than wash carefully between my legs. For the first time in months there was no blood on the washcloth when I wiped myself down. I was tender though, very tender. I didn't use soap, just the warm water and I felt a little better once I knew I was clean all over. The small burn marks were fading although one of them was still bright red and angry looking but the rest were a dark purple colour and were shiny, like new skin had finally been allowed to grow there.

The logistics of how I was going to get dry were beginning to bother me. I didn't want Esme to see me and I didn't want to be touched while I was naked but how I was going to dry myself enough to be comfortable was beyond me.

I pushed the off button on the wall pad and let the water drip down off my skin for a minute before I called Esme's name.

"I'm going to hand through a towel for your hair. Can you tip your head over and wrap it up on your own?" She asked as her hand came through the gap between the curtain and the wall, a thick white towel in it.

I took the towel from her and shook it out. "I think so, yes." I tell her. I lean forward in the chair and put my head between my knees. It hurts my ribs like a bitch but I manage. I must groan a little because she's asking me if I'm alright. "Yeah, just hurts my ribs." I answer and her hand comes through the gap with another towel.

"Sandra said you should slip that towel under your bum, sit on it." She tells me.

I fold the towel into thirds and brace my feet onto the floor. I put one hand on the rail on the wall and pull myself up. It's easier than I think it's going to be and I've soon got the towel on the chair and I'm sitting on it. It's so soft, it feels great. Much better than the plastic on my sore parts.

"Okay." I tell her.

Another towel comes through. "Wipe what you can, the rest will dry on its own." She tells me and I set about wiping my skin down. "Throw the towel out when you're done." She says.

I wipe my legs first and then my feet. It hurts my ribs to do down that far, but it's not so bad. I wipe my belly and under my arms, down my arms and up under my chin. I pat carefully between my legs then throw the towel out the gap. This is the part I'm dreading next. Getting dressed. Will she come in now? Will she have to see me? Touch me?

"Okay, I'm going to pass you in a nightgown, slip it on over your head and if you can pull it down, if not it will fall down when we get you on your feet again." She tells me and I sigh in relief.

I take the white piece of material she hands through and shake it out. It's soft, very soft, and it's long. It's really just an elongated t-shirt. It's got stars in silver glitter printed on the front and I slip it over my head, towel and all. I pull it down my back and over my thighs. I do what I did before and put my feet square on the floor while I pull myself up to standing using the rail on the wall. "Okay, I've got that on."I tell her.

"Okay, if you feel covered up enough I'll open the curtain and come in, alright?" She asks.

"Come on in." I tell her.

She pulls the curtain back and I'm sitting there in a nightgown, all clean and relatively happy for the first time in months.

"Oh look at you. Does that feel better?" She asks with a smile.

I can't help but smile. "You've got no idea how good it feels." I tell her truthfully.

"So tell me." She says seriously.

I tilt my head and stare up at her. Can I tell her? Should I tell her? She seems to genuinely want to know, and to help. Maybe it won't hurt to tell someone. "Alright, but it stays between us. I will tell Edward, but not yet." I say.

"Of course. I told you already, what happens in here stays in here. It's your business Bella." She puts another towel down on the floor and helps me to stand by putting both her hands out palm up for me to grip onto. I pull myself, using her as leverage, and then I'm standing again.

I give it a second before shuffling one foot forward onto the towel. It's a slow process, this walking business, so while I take the half dozen steps out of the stall and back into the centre of the bathroom I tell her about my bathing rules.

"I was allowed to shower twice a week. Tuesdays and Fridays only. Four minutes at a time and right before he was due to come home from work." I take a small break and take a few deep breaths, I'm nearly exhausted and it's showing. "No shampoo only soap. I was allowed a razor once a week but not while the water was running. I had toothpaste and a toothbrush though, so that was something." I concede.

We get to the vanity and I put my hands on the counter top to steady myself.

"I'm going to put some panties on the floor by your feet, I'll pull them up to your thighs then you do the rest, alright?" Esme tells me.

"Okay." I reply. Now that I know she's not going to touch me or see anything I feel a lot better about how this all works.

She sinks down and puts a pair of plain white cotton panties on the floor. I step one foot into a hole, then the other. "Why Tuesdays and Thursdays?" She asks as she pulls the pants up my legs.

"What?" I ask. I'm so absorbed in what she's doing I don't quite get the question.

"Why were you only allowed to bathe on those days?" She asks.

"Oh," I say as I reach down and tug the panties up my thighs and pull them all the way on. "Those days were the designated sex days. I had to be clean so he could have sex with me." I tell her matter of factly.

"Oh my god." She gasps. "Sex days?" She asks, eyebrows raised.

I don't get it. I don't understand her reaction. "Yeah, sex days. You know, the days your husband has sex with you because you're his." I tell her. It seems weird to me that she doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell her, maybe she doesn't have sex with Carlisle anymore, now that her children are grown up?

She takes the towel off my hair and begins to run a brush through it. "Sweetheart married people don't have sex days." She whispers. "It's not a right, or a ritual to be observed honey. A husband and wife have sex because they want to make each other feel good, or they want to love one another more fully than just emotionally. And you were never his property." She hisses and I startle. "You aren't his belonging, he doesn't own you Bella. Carlisle doesn't own me and we've been married for thirty two years. We don't have sex because it's his right, we have sex because it feels so fucking good. Jake doesn't own you." She says again.

"Yes he does, he bought me off my dad." I tell her.

* * *

**A/N: A tough one for me to write, please review. **


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 – Force de Cullen

**EPOV**

The second I walk into Costco I'm accosted by a salesgirl. I tell her I want a pusher and she spends the next half hour telling me why the one on sale is the best on the market. I know I should care about what I put Elizabeth into, but after the first three minutes of dialogue I just want a fucking pusher so I can put the baby down. She weighs all of ten pounds but when its dead weight it feels like a hundred.

"I'll take it." I tell her the instant she lets up long enough for me to get a word in.

She wheels it towards the front of the store and in ten seconds I'm five hundred quid lighter and have Elizabeth installed in her new pusher, giving my arm a break.

I smile at the girl who helped me and go right back into the store once I've purchased the pusher. She looks at me like I'm a nutter but I don't care. Babies are fucking heavy!

This is my first chance to pick up a few things since Bella was admitted so I want to make the most of the chance I've got. I head right for the clothing department. I buy a pale pink fluffy dressing down and a pair of rubber soled slippers for Bella. I go to the men's section and get myself two more pairs of sleep pants and two huge t-shirts to wear to bed. I throw in two new pairs of jeans and a couple of button downs. I know I'm not going to get a chance to do laundry between the clinic and Bella, so more clothes on hand make sense.

I go by the electronics department and grab a Nintendo Ds. It'll keep her amused and help with the physio for her broken fingers. I grab the first digital camera I can find that looks decent and throw that in too.

I have to go right by the books so I grab a couple magazines, a new copy of her three favourite Austen's and a Bryce Courtenay for me.

I head to the food section next. I take a basket and balance it on the top of the pusher's canopy. I pile it high with candy, cookies and little bottles of juice.

I pay for the lot and put Elizabeth into her car seat. It takes me fifteen minutes to make the pusher smaller, eventually I find the click lock that makes it collapse – I don't read instructions, I've been taught they are for wimps - and when everything is in the trunk I head back to the hospital.

**BPOV**

It takes less time to walk back to my bed than it did to get into the bathroom, so I must be getting better at it. By breathing shallowly and holding my pelvic floor muscles taut I can avoid the bulk of the pain.

There are clean sheets on it and they feel amazing. The whole room smells of disinfectant and I look for some trace of my vomit on the floor from earlier but there is none. The whole room has been cleaned while we were in the bathroom.

Esme hasn't said a word since we last spoke in the bathroom and I'm a little concerned that I've hurt her feelings. She helps me to sit on the edge of the bed and then helps me to lie back once I'm in the bed.

She pulls the rolling table up to the side of the bed and takes the lid off my lunch. There's a bowl of hot soup and some bread as well as juice and more jell-o. "Thank you." I whisper.

"You're welcome." She says just as quietly.

I watch her as she retreats to the bathroom and comes out with my things. She puts the shampoo and washcloth, my toothbrush and hairbrush into a pink zipped bag, just like Edward's black one, then takes it back into the bathroom. She comes out with the used towels and steps outside with them. She comes back into the room with another enormous flower arrangement. She sets the card on the rolling table and puts the bowl of flowers onto the shelf. She takes the oldest ones, I've had an arrangement delivered every other day since last week, out of the room and comes back to arrange the new ones. Todays are yellow roses with smaller white flowers in between.

There are other new flowers there too and I search the rolling table for the cards. There are two more, besides Edward's regular one.

I read those first. One is from Emmett and Rosie and Angus, wishing me well and saying they are looking forward to when I come home. It's an interesting concept and something I've heard from doctors, nurses and the Cullen's for two weeks. 'When I come home', they say, as though I'll be going home with them. I have no home to speak of. I gave that up when I agreed to stay in the hospital and take the help they offered me. I can't go back to my fathers; he made that clear when I married. I have no money, no car, a newborn baby and no hope for a better life for either of us. I figure I had another two weeks in this bed and then I'd be lining up for assistance with other unwed mothers.

The second card is from Angela and Ben Cheney. Again they wish me well and send their best wishes for a speedy recovery. I've not seen Ben since the night I freaked out on him and I haven't seen Angela for about four years now. That she remembers me is incredible.

"You should eat that before it gets cold." Esme says, pointing to the soup.

"I've offended you, haven't I?" I ask quietly, unable to stand the silence anymore.

Her brows crease together and she shakes her head. "No, no you haven't. Don't take my silence for judgement, please. I just don't really know what to say. I'll end up saying the wrong thing." She tells me, coming to sit beside me on the plastic chair. She takes my hand and rubs it gently. "Can you tell me what you mean about Jake buying you from your dad?" She asks.

I open the silver tab top on the bottle of juice and slide my straw into it. I take a long drink while I think about what I can say. I figure being vague will still get the point across without having to admit my part in it all. "When I found out I was pregnant my dad insisted I get married. He said that I was tainted then, used goods and that nobody would want me. Jake offered to take me off his hands, I was grateful at the time. Jake gave dad the agreed price and I married Jake. Jake owns me. He said he paid a fair price and that I had to do what he tells me now. That was the deal. He'd allow me to keep Elizabeth, he'd pay for her until she was of age, all I had to do was what I was told." I tell her.

I slid the spoon into the soup and took my first taste of hot food in weeks. It was sublime. Smooth and creamy and rich. There were small slivers of chicken in it and thankfully I didn't have to chew them at all, they just slid down with the liquid. It was so good I was tipping the bowl towards myself to scoop out the last mouthful before Esme had thought of what she wanted to say.

"Edward will be back soon." She whispers and reaches for the bottle of lotion on the side table. "When you were asleep I used to rub lotion into your skin."She says.

It is oddly out of place in the conversation and I can tell she's struggling with what I've said. "I smelled the lotion, I thought it was your perfume." I whisper and use my spoon to mash the jell-o into a pale orange sludge.

"Are you finished?" She nods towards the tray and I say I am. "I'll take this to the lounge." She says and carries the tray out.

The door isn't all the way closed when I hear her sob and the tray smash to the ground.

And this is why I told her not to come near me, to stay away, I infect people. I upset them, I make them unhappy, I'm like a parasite. Dad always told me I sucked the life out of my mother and then him, probably Jake and now I'm doing it to Esme Cullen. I refuse to do it to Edward and Elizabeth as well. They both deserve better than that.

I press the nurse call button and steel myself to say the words I hoped I'd never have to say.

Sheila was quick. She was in front of my bed in seconds. "What can I get you?" She asks.

I take a deep breath. "I don't want to see the Cullen's anymore and I want to switch doctors. In the closet is a stack of papers, can you pass them to me please?" I ask.

She looks shocked but I don't care. "Are you sure about this, do you want me to get Kerry for you first? Talk about it a little bit first?" She asks as she goes to the closet and hands me the stack of papers.

"No. I've made up my mind." I tell her firmly. I shuffle the pages until I find one with the lawyers name on the top. "I need to see this man, can you call him for me please?" I ask.

"Sure." She says sadly and leaves.

**EPOV**

Elizabeth is quite happy in her pusher as we walk through the hospital towards Bella's ward. We stop at the children's ward so the nurses can goo and gaa at her a bit and while we're there my pager goes off. The message is to contact ward six ASAP.

I tell the nurses I have to go and then I run to Bella's ward. I see Tony the security guard standing outside Bella's room and my mother crying and shouting and poking him in the chest.

Alice is there too but she's hanging back near the nurses station. She's crying too but she's trying to keep a lid on it.

I run to the desk and demand to know what's going on. Sheila steps around the desk and takes my arm. I follow her to the lounge, leaving Elizabeth with Alice.

"I don't know what happened in the room but Bella has asked me to contact your family lawyer and she's decided she doesn't want to see anyone." Sheila tells me.

"What do you mean? She was fine when I left this morning, what the fuck?" I shout, making Sheila wince. I take off and run to my mother and pull her away from Tony and back into the lounge where Sheila is still standing. "Tell me what happened." I demand.

Mom is crying throughout, "I can't tell you what she's confided in me, but she might think that she's upset me. She was telling me why she married Jake and I was quiet because honestly, there was going to be nothing I could say that wasn't going to upset her, so I kept quiet. She might have taken my silence to be condemnation. I don't know, Edward I just don't know." Mom wails and I pull her into a tight hug.

"Alright, I'll talk to her, see what's going on for her." I tell the two women but Sheila is already shaking her head no.

"That's why Tony is here Edward, Bella doesn't want to see anyone." Sheila tells me.

My stomach lurches but I recover quickly. I remember what Kerry told me yesterday and resolve to do what's best for Bella, not what's best for me. "Okay, so we'll send dad in. He can find out what the problem is then we can solve it."

"She's requested a change." Sheila whispers.

The string of expletives that falls from my lips makes even my mother cringe and she can swear like a sailor when she wants to. I pace the length of the room which is about twelve feet and fucking useless because I'm so tall. "Right, you take Elizabeth to her Sheila. That will calm her down and then you can ask her if she's ready to talk to us after she's had Elizabeth for a little while."

"I'll try." Sheila says and the three of us go back to the nurses station. Sheila takes Elizabeth from Alice and knocks lightly on Bella's door.

I hug Alice under one arm and mom under the other as we watch. Sheila goes into Bella's room and the door closes. She's not in there twenty seconds when she comes right back out again, Elizabeth still in her arms.

My mom starts to cry harder as the three of us register that Bella doesn't want to see her daughter either. "Oh fuck." I mumble.

I am truly at a loss as to what to do now. This was my plan. My only plan. I never for one moment thought Bella would turn Elizabeth away, it never crossed my mind. What could she be thinking? Why would she pull away like this? Why would she withdraw in such a violent way? I knew if I could see her face that I'd see the same hollow defeated expression I've seen before. Then it makes sense. I saw this reaction yesterday in her. Whatever happened yesterday happened again today.

"Mom. Yesterday, when Bella stopped speaking, the two of you shared something before that, what was it, what made her snap out of it?" I demand gruffly.

"I can't break her confidence Edward." She tells me between wiping her eyes then her nose.

"Fuck that. I'd rather you betray a confidence than we all lose her. Elizabeth needs her mother." I bellow.

"She'll never trust me again." My mother whines and then I'm shaking her. Holding her by the shoulders and shaking her hard.

"Just fucking tell me so I can help her!" I shout.

Tony takes my forearm and asks me politely to keep my voice down and to remove my hands from the lady. Of course I do it right away and apologise in the very next breath but mom is waving me away, telling me that of course she wants me to be able to help Bella.

"Your dad told her that Charlie Swan threatened us. She tried to force us away. She said that she was trouble, that she always caused trouble for everyone near her. I told her we weren't afraid of Charlie Swan. She cried a bit but after that she seemed better and then she asked for you and Elizabeth. That's all." Mom says.

"Alright, and today? What went on today?" I ask.

My mom sighs as though she's trying to decide whether or not to tell me. I scowl and she relents. "She told me Charlie paid Jake to marry her when he found out she was pregnant. She believes that Jake owns her. He told her that the only way she could keep Elizabeth was if he paid for it. I couldn't speak after that. Everything I wanted to say sounded so wrong in my head. So I made an excuse and left the room." She tells me and starts softly crying again.

"Who the fuck are these people?" Tony asks me and I shrug.

"Yeah, makes you wonder what special breed we're dealing with huh?" I tell him. "Alright. So, at a guess I'd say she is thinking we are all better off without her. Is that your take on it?" I ask mom and she nods. Sheila is nodding too. "Right, so how do we deal with it if she won't see us, dad or Elizabeth?" I ask but don't expect an answer.

Sheila looks sheepish so I ask for her thoughts. "Um, well, she specifically said she didn't want to see 'the Cullen's' anymore. Your sister isn't a Cullen anymore, is she?" She says with a sly grin.

I look first to Tony, because if we send anyone in it has to get by him first. I understand that we've put him in a hard position and he has to do what Bella wants. "What do you think?" I ask him.

He puts his hands up as if in surrender. "Hey, I do what the little lady tells me. She said she didn't want to see no Cullen's. That means I can't let any Cullen's through that door. If your sister isn't a Cullen that's a good enough grey area for my report." He says.

"Alice." I call and she puts Elizabeth back into the pusher and comes to stand by us. I put an arm around her and hug her a little. "In brief Bella has some fucked up idea that we're going to get dragged into her shit if we keep hanging around her. She might think we are better off without her and we think she means Elizabeth too. She's said she doesn't want to see any Cullen's, but you're a Whitlock now." I smile slyly.

Alice looks up at me with red rimmed, tear stained eyes. "Give me one minute." She says and bounds off towards the ladies bathroom down the hall.

She really does only take one minute and then she's back. Her eyes are dry and she's slapped on some crap under her eyes to hide the bags and the redness because she looks as flawless as she always does. She's a fucking miracle worker and I tell her so. She smiles wanly and says she's going in to see Bella now. I kiss her cheek and tell her to just do her best and to remind Bella that we love her. She knocks once and then goes in.

"Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!" I hear and see Angus running towards me, Emmett and Rosie bringing up the rear.

"Angus McFarty pants." I catch him and swing him around and call him that just to piss Rose off. It works, as usual.

"Stop calling him that, jeez." She says and kisses my cheek.

"What's going on?" Emmett asks.

I sigh. "Come for a walk bro." I tell him. I grab Elizabeth in her pusher and use my pass card to go through the door and out into the garden with Angus and Emmett.

**BPOV**

I expect to see the lawyer when the door opens but its Alice fucking Cullen!

I push the nurse call button and Tony comes right in. "I said I didn't want to see any Cullen's." I tell him through gritted teeth as Alice makes her way to the side of my bed.

"She is Alice Whitlock." He tells me and slips back out the door.

"Mother fucker." I hiss and stare at Alice as she sits on the side of my bed. "Get out." I tell her.

"Nope." She says, popping the 'p' like we're back in grade school.

"Please go Alice." I try but she just shakes her head.

I decide that she can stay and I'll just ignore her. I roll onto my side, facing away from her, and close my eyes.

She says nothing, just sits there. It's so frustrating. I want her to go and I want to be left alone but they just won't fucking give up! Esme warned me yesterday that I could push them away but they'd keep coming back, they're like syphilis, you think you've gotten rid of them then they flare up and arrive en masse.

"I don't want to talk to you." I whisper.

"Don't care." She whispers back.

"Gary Benson is coming. When he gets here I'm going to tell him to make you all stay away from me." I warn her.

"Don't care." She says again and it's so fucking annoying I want to shout and tell her to go away.

"I'll make sure I add Whitlock to the instructions this time." I tell her nastily.

"Good." She says. "I'll just wait until you're discharged and come visit you then, wherever you end up. Thought about that yet? Where you're going to live once they let you go?" She asks.

I want to tell her that I've got somewhere to live and that I don't need her charity, but it's a lie. "Go away and leave me alone." I tell her instead.

"Nope." She pops the 'p' again and I fight the urge to tell her to grow up.

She shifts her weight on the edge of the bed then sits back down again. I hear the bottle open then smell the lotion as she rubs it on her hands. Without asking she takes my free hand, the right one, the one with the aching fingers, and she starts rubbing it gently between her hands. I try to pull away but she's ready for that and just holds my hand a little tighter. Not enough to hurt me, she knows I've got busted fingers. She rubs the lotion into the back of my hand first and it feels so good I want to moan. But I don't. I want her to leave.

She takes more lotion into her hands and then she's rubbing each of my fingers in turn. She rubs hard on my thumb and forefinger but more gently on the third and fourth finger, she knows which ones are broken. Harder again on my pinkie then she turns my hand over and begins to rub lotion into the palm. It's so calming, so soothing, I feel myself drifting away and letting my mind wander.

I know I've moaned when she whispers that I should just rest if I need to. She tells me she's not going anywhere and when I'm ready she'll be right there.

I want to tell her to go away but I can't fight the blissfully content feeling I have as she rubs still more lotion into my forearm and elbow. I vaguely remember feeling this when I was sedated. Esme said she used the lotion when I was asleep, she must have done this for me over and over while I slept.

I try not to let Alice see the tears that are streaming down my face when I realize how much I've already hurt them all. I've rejected Esme twice now, Carlisle and Alice once each and Edward over and over in the past six months.

I know it's for their own good but I can't help wanting them, all of them. I want what they are offering to me and to Elizabeth, but it's out of my reach. I'm useless and not worth the time they are giving me. Jake was right, I'm a parasite. I take and take and never have anything to offer back. I refuse to do that to good people. I refuse to make the Cullen's hate me down the track, and they will, everyone always does. Jake loved me at the start but I made him hate me in the end too.

"Shh, don't cry sweetie. We aren't going anywhere, I promise." Alice tells me and passes me a tissue.

I must have been crying louder than I thought and she caught me. "Get out." I whimper, but I don't have the energy to be forceful anymore. I'm already grieving for the little bit of happiness I had with the Cullen's.

"I won't." She says and then she's on the bed behind me, just like Edward was last night. She wraps her arm around me and holds me tightly. "You're family Bella. We don't abandon family, ever. So you can tell whoever you like to keep the Cullen's out of your room, but we'll be right there outside the door when you come out."

She strokes my hair and I cry. I cry for our lost friendship and the relationship we should've had. I cry for Elizabeth and what she's missing out on because she's got such a useless mother and I cry for Edward because he deserves someone worthy of all the love he's got to give.

"Please just leave me alone. I don't want to ruin you too." I beg her.

"Nothing is ruined Bella. We're here and we're not leaving. You don't need to tell me why you want us gone, but you should know we aren't leaving. So go ahead, get a court order to keep us away, we won't care and we'll break it the first chance we get. We'll all keep each other company in jail." She tells me.

"I hurt your mothers feelings already." I tell her. "My dad has threatened you all. Jake is angry and he's strong Alice, you have no idea how strong he is. I can't protect Elizabeth from them, but you can. Just take her away and don't come back." I cry.

"Elizabeth belongs with you, nowhere else. You let us worry about your dad and Jake, all you have to concentrate on is getting well and keeping the bond alive between you and your daughter. Leave the rest to us." She says.

"You shouldn't be near me."

"Let us decide where we want to be." She counters.

"I don't want you." I tell her.

"We want you." She replies.

"I hate you." I tell her in a last ditch effort to make her leave.

"I love you." She tells me and holds me tighter. "Now stop all this and let me get your family for you Bella."

**EPOV**

I've done a dozen laps and Emmett looks like he's trying to set a new land speed record he's pacing my line so fast. Angus is happily sitting under the tree playing with his diecast cars in the dirt. Elizabeth is asleep in the pusher in the shade.

Alice has been in with Bella for half an hour and I'm going out of my mind. Nobody has any news and I don't know whether it's good or bad that Alice hasn't come out.

Mom comes out the door and tells us that Alice wants to see us in the lounge. Emmett grabs Angus and I push Elizabeth inside and we all gather in the patient lounge to hear what Bella wants.

I hold my breath as Alice begins to talk.

"She's a fucking mess." She starts with and I sigh heavily. It's so loud Emmett puts his arm around my shoulders for support. For the first time in my life I don't shrug him off. "She's bound so tightly and she's so scared for all of us. She is convinced she's no good for us, that we'll all get hurt, that Jake or her dad will hurt us if we keep coming around her. She thinks Elizabeth is better off without her and at first she just wanted me to leave, to take Elizabeth and go for good. But I think I've convinced her that no matter what she says, who she tells and how many restraining orders she takes out, we'll just keep coming back. All of us that is."

I let the breath out that I've been holding and wonder what the next blow will be.

Mom speaks before I can ask what the catch is. "I've talked with Kerry, that's Bella and Edward's psychologist, and she thinks we need to present a united front on this. So I've called Jasper and your father and they are both on their way. Kerry has suggested we get tough and put this issue to bed once and for all. We have to make sure she knows we want her in the family, that she's not evil, and that she's not to blame for anything bad that happens. What do you think?" She asks me.

I'm still waiting for Emmett to make some smart assed remark about me having a head cracker of my own but he's just staring at me, they all are, and I realize they are waiting for my opinion.

"I love her." I tell them honestly. "I don't care what it takes, I want her and I want Elizabeth too. I'm sorry you've all been dragged into this too." I tell them.

"Bullshit bro. We're in this with you, no matter what. She's our sister now and we protect our own. Doesn't matter if you love her, mom and dad have said they'll help her, that's good enough for me. So we'll go in there and present a united front." Emmett tells me with a clap to the shoulder that rattles my brain.

"I agree, and it's not just because Edward loves and wants her. It's the right thing to do. She was my best friend and I won't abandon her now." Alice says.

"Hell, there isn't a choice to make Edward. She's family already." Rosie says firmly.

"Angus done a stinker." A little voice pipes up from the floor in front of the sofas and I crack up.

"Which one of you bastards taught him to say that?" Rosie yells, waking Elizabeth up.

**BPOV**

Another knock at the door and I brace myself for all the Cullen's, and the Whitlock's, to flood the room and call me out, instead a large man with a briefcase comes in, followed by Tony.

"This is Mr Benson. You wanted to see him, right?" Tony asks.

"Yeah, thanks." I tell him and he leaves again. "Hello Mr Benson." I say quietly.

He puts his briefcase on the floor beside the bed then holds out his hand for me to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you Isabella." He says.

I look at his hand for a long time. I can feel the panic rising but force it back with a long swallow. I take his hand as quickly as I can then let it go. "Call me Bella, please." I mumble.

"Well then, Bella, what is it I can do for you today?" He asks.

I feel ridiculous now, calling him here. I don't want to banish the family now, not after Alice told me they'll just ignore anything a court says anyway. If they are willing to go to jail for me they are in it for keeps. They'd all have their own reasons for that, and those are things I want to talk to them about, but for now I'll hang off having them removed legally.

But there are things I want to talk to this man about. The only problem is money. "I can't pay you." I tell him.

"I'm billing the Cullen family, of which I am led to believe you are one, so the bill isn't an issue." He says evenly and retrieves a fat folder from the case on the floor. He lays three separate piles of pages on the rolling table and then he rolls it over the bed so the papers are facing me. "What is it you'd like me to do for you Bella?" He asks again.

"You can't tell anyone the things I tell you, can you?" I start with right off.

"That's right. As your lawyer I'm bound by law to keep what you tell me privileged information. Not even a judge can order me to tell what you disclose." He says.

"Good." I tell him. "I have signed the proxy forms but they need to be changed to Edward, not Esme Cullen." I tell him and point to the forms on the cabinet beside the bed. He takes them, reads them briefly then puts them in his case.

"Done. Anything else?" He asks.

"I want to make Edward Elizabeth's guardian should anything happen to me." I tell him.

He taps one of the forms in front of me and points to a blank line on the top page. "You need to print his name there and then sign where the red crosses are on that page and the one under it and it's done." He tells me. "You should be aware that this does not undo what the court has already done. Esme Cullen will remain Elizabeth's temporary guardian until you are released from the hospital."

I nod and take his offered pen, write Edward's name in the space, sign twice and hand the forms back. "I want to let that judge know that I want to keep the restraining order against my dad."

He taps the second set of pages. "You sign on all three pages, you keep one, I take one, the judge gets one and it's done."

I sign all three spaces and he puts them back into his case. I don't want to talk about the last thing but I realise this might be my one chance to do this. I won't be able to afford it later on if I don't stay with the Cullen's, so it has to be done now. "I want a divorce." I say very quietly.

"I thought you might, so did Carlisle." He pulls the third set of papers across the table and puts them under my hand. "There are some things I need to ask you, but basically once you sign this form and I lodge it with the court a hearing will be held to dissolve your marriage. Is that what you want?" He asks.

"Oh yes, that's what I want." I tell him.

"Okay." He takes his pen and a notepad out of his case and starts writing. "Will you be asking for alimony?"

"No."

"Will you be claiming your share of any property, cash and investments including anything purchased during the marriage?" He asks.

"No."

"Are you willing to compromise and agree to a trial separation first?"

"No."

"On the issue of visitation for the minor child Elizabeth, are you willing to concede fifty percent parental visitation?" He asks.

"No."

He raises his eyebrows then and I know I'm going to have to admit that she's not Jakes. "As your lawyer I'm bound to give you the best advice I can, which means I have to inform you that under Washington State Law your husband is legally able to press for visitation, if not shared custody." He says.

It should make me panic, but it doesn't. "Even with the restraining order would he be granted visitation?" I ask. If I don't have to I won't admit to anyone who's Elizabeth's father actually is, so I take the easiest road, for now. That it's not Jake is in my favour for the very first time.

"I'm not sure." He taps his pen on the pages for a few seconds, "If you wanted to use spousal abuse as the reason for requesting no visitation rights be granted then I'd advise you to make a police statement right away. I'd advise you to make detailed notes, get access to any photographic evidence and inform your doctors that you intend to use the information contained in your medical records as such."

"Did my husband appear at the hearing for the restraining order?" I ask.

"No, he did not." He tells me with a sly grin beginning to form on his lips. He knows where I'm going with this, that or he suspects I'm holding an ace. Which, of course, I am.

"Did my husband appear at the hearing for Elizabeth's temporary custody?" I ask.

"No, he did not."

"When asked did he step up and want to make decisions for me about my treatment here?"

"No, he did not. Is there a reason, do you think, that he did not come forward, or defend himself to the court Bella?" He asks carefully.

"Oh yes, many reasons." I chuckle. "He's not Elizabeth's father." I tell him.

"I see. And can this be proven to the court if it needs to be?" He asks as he writes.

"I suppose so, yes. I don't know how the tests are done, but if she's tested she won't have any link to Jake Black at all." I tell him.

"I see. Well, that would make your divorce application a lot simpler, if the minor child's custody was removed from the equation, I mean. Are you sure you don't wish to press for a division of assets?" He asks, still writing.

"I can't even if I wanted to. The contract between my father and my husband, that I signed, says I can't have anything if I leave him." I tell him.

His eyebrows go so high up I think his eyes might pop out of his sockets. "You signed a prenuptial agreement?" He asks and I nod. "Do you happen to have a copy of that contract?"

"It's at the apartment, but I can't go back there." I tell him.

"Was it written by a lawyer?" He asks but I shake my head. "I see. So this is a hand written agreement between the two of you, is it?"

"No, it's a hand written agreement between my father and my husband." I tell him.

He writes furiously on his page and I wonder if the pen is going to snap, or the paper tear. "Is there an agreement between you and your husband that is separate from this one between the two men?" He asks.

"No, just that one. When Jake bought me off my father I had to sign to say I agreed to the rules, but there isn't a contract between me and Jake, just the normal marriage contract I guess." I tell him.

He writes again then puts his pen on the table along with his notepad. He leans back in his chair and puts his hands on his head. Just like Edward does he blows a breath out over his teeth before he speaks. "Alright, from the top, shall we? You would like me to enter into the court the document that names Edward Anthony Cullen as your health care proxy should you become incapacitated in the future, is that correct?" He asks.

"That's right, yes."

"Secondly you'd like me to reiterate your intention to uphold the restraining order against your father, Charles Andrew Swan, is that correct?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Thirdly you'd like me to note, for legalities sake, that should anything happen to you, and in the absence of any other relatives claim to the child, your wish that Edward Anthony Cullen is to become the minor child Elizabeth Smith's guardian, is that correct?" he asks.

"That's right."

"And fourth you would like me to begin divorce proceedings against Jacob William Black. You do not wish to press for alimony, a division of assets accumulated or a stake in any property held. Is that correct?"

"It is."

"With regard to the minor child, Elizabeth Smith, you are quite sure that Jacob Black is not the biological father of the child and that any application he makes for visitation or shared custody would be denied if the court wishes for you to disprove his paternity. Is that correct?" He asks.

"Very correct."

"Excellent. I will make all that happen for you." He tells me and I relax a little. "Now, the small matter of this contract." He says and I tense again.

"What about it?" I ask.

"If I am understanding you correctly you say that your husband purchased you from your father, is that correct?" He asks.

"Yes. That's right. They agreed on the price, Jake paid it, I belong to Jake." I tell him matter of factly. It's very simple, I imagine it happens a lot. Not all marriages are based on love.

"Did actual money change hands?" He asks. He's writing again but on a new sheet of paper.

"Yes of course. You can't buy someone without paying for them." I laugh.

"Do you happen to know the amount?" He asks.

"Twenty thousand. I was worth a lot less than usual because I was already pregnant they said."

He mumbles something under his breath and keeps writing. "And there is a copy of your contract at your marital home, is that correct?" He asks and I say that's right. "Can you tell me where it's kept?"

"I don't know where Jake's copy is but mine is inside the dust jacket of a recipe folder, it's in a box in the fourth drawer of the dresser in Jakes bedroom." I tell him.

"Jakes bedroom? Did you not share a bedroom then?" He asks.

"That's private." I warn.

"If you wish." He says and keeps writing. "As your lawyer I am going to offer you some advice and I hope you will take it very seriously. The contract between your father and your husband is illegal, it's tantamount to slave trading. The obvious abuses you've suffered at your husband's hand is chargeable and could see him in prison for a very long time. I urge you to ask for a policeman to attend you here in the hospital and that you make as detailed a statement as possible. I want your permission to share this information with Carlisle Cullen, at the very least, and urge you to share it with at least Edward, if you intend to consider a relationship with him in the future."

"Why Carlisle?" I ask.

"Because that man loves you as he loves his own children. He engaged me as your lawyer and he has the means, and the intention to help both you and your daughter. I have no doubt he'll continue to help you if you don't open up to him, but it would help you both, and me to better defend your rights, if he knows what we are trying to achieve." He says.

"Alright, I'll tell Edward when I'm ready but you have permission to speak to Carlisle." I say.

"Right, well, I'll leave that to you then and I'll speak with Carlisle when I leave. Now, let's talk about what these bastards have done to you." He says and leans forward in the chair, pen poised again.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading. A tough chapter, as are the next few. For those of you who have hung in, thanks so much, let me know what you're thinking of the story so far. Please review. **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Very strange problems with the Fanfiction site of late have meant that I have not been able to update for over a week. So I've decided to add a few extra chapters now that the kind ladies on the Help/Support forum have shown me how to get around the fault. Thank you ladies, you are brilliant!**

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**Chapter 16 – Plan A

**EPOV**

We've been kept out of the room so long that Elizabeth has had another bottle and is back asleep in her pusher by the time Gary Benson comes back out again. He comes right to the lounge but says he has only been given permission to speak with dad. I protest, loudly, but in the end I realise that it's what Bella wants and I have agreed to do this her way, and in any way that's best for her.

We all vacate the lounge and leave them to it. I take Elizabeth in her pusher to the cafeteria and buy everyone coffee and a round of sandwiches. Angus gets a candy bar because I know it will annoy Rose.

We sit outside in the garden to eat and half an hour later dad comes outside looking tired and pale.

"Edward, a word." He says.

Mom says she'll watch Elizabeth so I follow dad inside and back into the lounge.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"I can't tell you what she's asked Gary to do, but I can tell you it's all good news." He says with a sigh.

"Not good enough. You have to give me more than that." I shout.

"I can't. He can't either, so don't go calling him." He says sternly.

"Fine. What's going on for her? How is she? Is she alright? Can't you at least tell me that?" I beg.

He seems to think on it for a minute. "She has told him she'll speak with you about the details when she's ready, but you need to know that she's in a very fragile state right now. She's swinging between anger and pain and she's determined to keep us all out of her shit, as she's put it. I think you should speak with Kerry as soon as you can arrange it and make some plans about how to go forward." He tells me.

Most of what he says goes over my head. All I need to know for right now is whether or not she will see me. "Will she see me?" I ask.

"Alice has said she will see us all, so yes." He says and I sigh in relief. "We'll have to tread carefully though Edward, we can't barge in there and demand she joins us as a family member. We can't insist she accepts our help and we can't force our company on her. I agree that would be easier, and far more satisfying, but for a little while at least we need to do this her way." He says. "It has to be her decision whether or not she accepts our help." He reminds me.

"Okay, so plan B. We'll play nice." I tell him.

"Good." He stands and I follow, "You go in, I'll give you a ten minute head start then we'll join you." He chuckles.

I nod but I'm already running to her door. Tony's gone back to the front desk and her door is unguarded once again. I knock once but don't wait for her answer, I have ten minutes and I won't waste it.

She's lying on her side crying steadily when I get inside the door. I'm beside her in seconds, holding her to me and telling her that everything will be alright. She's sobbing, saying how sorry she is for everything she's already done and all the things she's yet to do to us.

"You haven't done anything to us baby. You've never done anything to anyone." I tell her. "We love you because you're you, not because of what you do or don't do. You gotta know that by now. We're here and we aren't going anywhere."

"You should run now, while you've got the chance." She sobs.

I kiss the top of her head, careful not to go anywhere near the scar on her scalp, and scoff lightly. "I didn't have to get involved in the first place, but I did. I want you Bella, any way I can have you. If you just want to be friends that's fine, if you want me like I want you, and baby I _want_ you in my life, then that's great. But right now we're all here to help you to just get through this, not for any other reason. There is nothing in this for us except to see you well and on your feet again." I tell her.

"Why do you all care at all?" She cries. "I'm no good, I ruin everything eventually. I can't do anything right and you shouldn't have to pay the price for that."

"Oh that's just bull baby. I know you, I see you, the others do too. We saw your apartment Bella. We know what you sacrificed so Elizabeth could have what she needs. A bad person wouldn't do that, only a good person would. Please don't try to push us away, we just want you to get well and have a shot at being happy." I tell her.

"But my dad and Jake, they're dangerous. They've threatened you all, what if they do something to hurt you, or your mom, or Alice. Oh god. You don't know them, they're mean and they know how to make things look like accidents." She wails.

"I'm not afraid Bella. I've spent a long time wanting to be near you and I won't let anyone get close enough to you to hurt you, or Elizabeth, ever again. I can promise you that Bella. I won't let anyone near you. I've already seen your dad today and he didn't do anything to me. He knows he can't. He knows he can't come near you again. And dad will protect mom and Elizabeth when he's there and Emmett and Jaz are close by, they'll keep an eye out too. Nobody will get close to you baby, they'll have to go through me first." I promise her.

"Nobody should have to protect anyone because of me. You should just leave now. They're my problem, they shouldn't have to be yours, and your families, too." She says softly. She's trying hard to keep up with the front she's projecting but it's slipping. She wants us to think she doesn't need us, but I know better.

"I know you don't mean that, you just think it's what you should say, and do. Come on Bella, be honest with me, please?" I ask. I turn her, and myself, so that I can see her face. Tears are still streaming down her cheeks and they're flushed and red. It's exaggerated the redness of the wound on her lip and it looks angry and painful. "Look at me beautiful girl. Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to go away and I will. I'll leave right now and I won't bother you ever again." I promise.

Her eyes dart from mine to my lips and back again a few times as she mulls the situation over. I can almost hear the cogs in her brain working overtime, trying to decide what to do. But I know her, I know she loves me, she's told me before, she won't send me away now.

"Come on Bella, you say you want us to go away, now's your chance." I press a little, trying to get her to make the decision but not force the issue too vehemently, like Kerry suggested.

"I can't." She whispers and I'm smiling and pulling her to me before she's finished saying it.

"Didn't think so." I whisper into her hair. I want to kiss her but I know better than to go there. I settle for kissing her hair and wrapping my arms around her. "Now, let's not do this again huh? There's bound to be some misunderstandings, and I think you and I will disagree now and then, but let's not use it as a reason to push each other, or the family, away. Alright?" I ask.

"Alright. Thank you." She whispers and tucks herself up under my chin.

"Good. Now, there is a whole group of people out there who are here for you and they want to come in here and show you, and tell you, that you are loved, wanted and worthy. Can I tell them to come in?" I ask.

She wipes her eyes on the back of her hand and I pass her a tissue from the box on the bedside cabinet. "I upset your mother." She whimpers as the last of her tears are mopped up.

"She said you didn't, but that's between the two of you." I tell her firmly.

"I was rude to Alice." She moans.

"So what, I'm rude to her all the time, she still loves me and she still loves you. Sisters fight." I tell her.

"She's not my sister." She says.

"May as well be." I argue. "She wants to do your hair and gossip about boys and you tell her to fuck off, sounds like sisters to me." I laugh.

"But everyone will want to know what I've done." She is still clutching at straws, trying to come up with some decent reason why we shouldn't want to know her.

"Nobody knows anything significant because you haven't told anyone, as far as I know, and the little bits we do know individually are secrets you've asked us to keep." I tell her. "Nobody is discussing you out there Bella. The things you tell us are private and we don't share them. If you've told my mom things then she's kept them for herself. The things you tell me are ours and only ours, unless you say otherwise." I make the little white lie with a straight face and tell myself I'll deal with my god when the time comes. Mom did divulge a little, but not enough for me to understand anything I shouldn't know about. I press on. "You gave your permission for Gary to tell dad some things, right?"

"Yeah." She sniffles.

"Well, he did, but dad won't tell me even though I've just chucked a tantrum like a five year old. So I promise that your business is yours, it's safe, nobody is telling tales." I assure her.

"Really?" She asks in a small voice. "Your dad wouldn't tell you anything?" She asks.

I think about what she's asked and try to decide what it is she's looking for from me. After I consider what her own father is like I decide how to answer. "Come on, sit up, dry your eyes, they'll descend any minute." I tell her and help her to sit up more fully. She wipes at her eyes while I speak. "I don't know your dad very well, and I only know I don't like him because of what I know about what he's done to you, but I want you to know that you can trust _my_ dad. He's the best guy I know. Even if he wasn't a doctor I think he'd still spend his time helping people. He's not perfect but he's a good guy. If you ask him not to tell a secret he won't. I think he's been looking out for you for a very long time and he's had plenty of chances to let you down, or to lie or to betray you, but he hasn't, not once. Even for me, when I begged him to tell me what Gary told him he wouldn't. So even if you don't feel you can talk to me about things you can always talk to dad, alright?" I tell her.

It hurts me to say that. I want her to confide in me, despite not wanting to know details of what she's been through, I meant what I said to Kerry. Bella is going to have to unload to me if we're going to be together and if she has a hope of getting past this, but I still don't want to know details. But if she wants someone to confide in and it can't be me, then I'd want it to be dad, because I believe every word I just said to her about him.

She's nodding and mopping at her eyes. "Okay." She mumbles. "I have some things to tell you." She says and I've got such mixed feelings about that that I just tell her okay for now.

"I have got some things I want to talk to you about too, but let's deal with the masses first, alright?" I laugh and she nods. "I know you're tired baby, I'll make sure they are quick."

I let her go and stick my head out the door to let the others know they can come in now. Emmett just about lifts me out of my shoes to get past me and through the door. So much for 'softly, softly'.

I take Elizabeth from mom as she comes inside and when everyone is in I close the door and find a place near my makeshift bed.

I don't know what to say to ease the silence and I can tell that Bella is uncomfortable. "Do you want to say anything while we're all here?" I ask her with a shrug.

Her eyes find mine and I know she's struggling with the size of the group and the size of the task. She takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes with her soggy tissue again. "I guess I just want to say thank you and I'm sorry." She's crying by the time she's finished the sentence but there are three women standing by her in a split second, each of them supporting her and encouraging her in their own way.

Mom is stroking her hair and assuring her there is nothing to be sorry for. Alice is rubbing the back of her hand and telling her that she's always loved her. Rosie is standing beside my mom, Angus on her hip, telling my Bella that if anyone comes anywhere near her ever again she'll rip their balls off and then make them swallow them.

It's as unorthodox as Rosie is herself, and it makes Bella smile.

I muscle myself in to Bella's side and take her free hand. I squeeze it and she gives me a gorgeous smile. "See? They're here because they want to be here Bella. No hidden agenda, no expectations, they're just here to help you. Except for Angus, but he'll go where the candy bars are plentiful, right McFarty pants?" I chuckle.

"Angus McFarty pants!" he bellows, waking Elizabeth and making her wail like a banshee. "Izzy cwying." He says, pointing to her in my arms. I have to let Bella's hand go because the baby is thrashing about as she wails.

"Can I have her?" Bella asks.

I hand the baby to her and she cradles her against her chest. Elizabeth stops crying right away and nearly everyone smiles or sighs at the gorgeous sight of Bella and her baby.

"Izzy." I echo the name Angus has given the baby. "It's kinda cute." I tell Bella.

"I've never shortened her name before, but I like it Angus." She smiles at the little boy who puffs out his chest proudly.

"Izzy." He says and points to the baby who is now burrowing into Bella's embrace searching for her next meal.

I lean down to the bag on the bottom of the pusher and take out her bottle. I hand it to Bella.

She's got the teat in Elizabeth's mouth in seconds and we all stand around and watch as mother feeds daughter. They're so beautiful together. "Thank you." Bella whispers, looking right at me.

I have no idea what I'm being thanked for, but the smile on her face and the light in her eyes is thanks enough. "I have no idea what I've done to earn a smile like that, but you're welcome." I tell her.

I tentatively reach out my hand and put it on Elizabeth's belly. I don't want to intrude and I don't want another repeat of yesterday, where Bella pushed me away, so I'm careful this time. I needn't have been. The instant my hand touches the baby's tummy Bella curls her fingers around mine and holds them tight. I burst with pride. I lean over and kiss her hair and then Elizabeth's. They've made me so happy.

"Alright, dinners on me." My dad announces, jumping up to his feet. Apparently he's had enough for one day.

My mother's mouth opens and stays open; it's the perfect rendition of a goldfish. "You're buying?" She asks my dad.

"Is that a problem?" He chuckles.

She laughs. "Not at all. I can't remember the last time you took us to dinner."

"Well then, best you get your cute little butt out to the car then." He chuckles, making the rest of us cringe. "We'll come back for Elizabeth in a few hours." He tells Bella and me, and then he leaves the room.

"I guess that's my cue." Emmett says. "Come on, let's get there before he changes his mind and the moths in his wallet wage mutiny at being released." He laughs. "I'll see you tomorrow sis." He says to Bella and she blushes the sweetest shade of pink. "What? You're my sister now." He tells her. "Come on woman." He tells Rosie.

She leans over and kisses Bella's cheek. "We'll come by tomorrow afternoon." She promises. "Say goodbye Angus."

"Bye bye Bewwa, bye bye baby Izzy." He says sweetly. The kid is fucking adorable. "Bye bye Ed." He tells me with a wave and I wave back.

"See you Angus McFarty pants. Bye Em, bye Rosie." I tell them and successfully avoid Rosie's scowl.

Jasper kisses the top of Bella's head and takes Alice' hand. "Come on sweetpea, dinner on dad is not to be missed." He laughs. "We'll come by tomorrow too." He tells Bella.

Alice kisses Bella, then Elizabeth, then me. "Talk, you two need to talk." She waggles her finger at me and I nod my agreement.

"See you sis. Take it easy Jaz." I tell my brother in law and shake his hand.

And then it's just the three of us. How it always should've been. Me, Bella and Elizabeth.

**BPOV**

It's so quiet when they all leave. When it's just Edward, Elizabeth and me the room seems enormous.

"Where did the pusher come from?" I ask.

"We did a little shopping after our trip the clinic." Edward says. He wheels it closer to the side of the bed and turns it around and around, like he's giving a fashion show for a pushchair. "She seems to like it, she's slept in it pretty much all day today."

I look down at the baby just in time to see her eyelids flutter shut. "I should change her diaper before she goes to sleep." I tell him. I shift Elizabeth down my thighs and rest her on them. "Can you pass me one?" I ask.

"I can do it." He says grabbing her bag from the back of the pusher.

I really want to do it, it's been weeks, but he seems so eager to help that I tell him alright. I watch with fascination as he powders her tiny bottom and fastens the diaper expertly. "Where did you learn to do that?" I ask.

"Mom showed me. Did I do it the way you like?" He asks, his big green eyes desperate for approval from me.

I smile. "Of course. She's dry, she's comfortable and she stayed asleep the whole time. You're perfect." I tell him.

"Far from it, but thanks." His grin is adorable as he picks Elizabeth up and brings her closer to me. "Give her a kiss and I'll show you how much she likes the pusher."

I kiss Elizabeth's head and he takes her away again. I watch him put her ever so gently into the pusher and tuck her in with a pink blanket on top of her. He rolls up the used diaper and knots it inside a small apricot coloured bag then throws it into the rubbish can in the bathroom. When he comes back in he moves the pusher and stands it beside his bed.

"What's in the bags?" I ask, pointing to the carrier bags on his bed.

He scrubs the back of his neck with his hand and squints self consciously. "Um, well, I bought you a few things, but now, I don't know now." He says.

"I can't have them now?" I ask playfully.

"Of course you can. It's just, well, I thought maybe you were uncomfortable with us doing things for you, without asking you first. After today, well, I just figured maybe I'd back off a bit." He shrugs.

"I'd like to see what you've bought." I tell him. "I don't have anything of my own anymore, do I?" I ask sadly.

"Jaz brought almost all of Elizabeth's things, they're in her room at my house, but your things, no, not a lot. I've got your box of books and your wallet and your toiletries bag too. But we left your clothes there. Alice has been shopping, she's bought you new ones for when you come home." He tells me.

"You have my box of books?" I ask, suddenly excited. "Is there a recipe folder in it?"

"Yeah, I think so, do you want me to bring it for you?" He asks, going to his bed and taking up the bags.

"Yes, I need that folder." I tell him even though I have no intention of telling him why. My copy of the contract is in that, Mr Benson said he needed a copy.

"The next time I'm at home I'll bring it back with me." He says. He sits in the plastic chair beside my bed and puts the carrier bags on the floor at his side. "So, I bought you a dressing gown now that you can get out of bed anytime you want. And some slippers too." He says putting the first bag on the bed for me.

I take the items out of the bag and smile. The gown is so fluffy and soft I can't help but rub it on my cheek. "Thank you so much." I tell him.

"The slippers have rubber soles so you won't slip." He points to them and I take them out of the bag too. They match the gown.

"Thanks." I tell him. "You didn't need to do that."

"Oh, so you want to wander the hospital in just your nightie do you?" He chuckles and I have to concede that I don't. "You'll need to walk to get well Bella. Your ribs will need you to be upright for a lot of hours a day and it will help your balance to walk. With the injury to your face as it is you might have some lasting balance issues because of your ear. We won't know until you've seen the audiologist and the ophthalmologist. Dad's trying to organise that for Monday." He tells me.

I run my fingers over my cheek and wince. It's still tender and the cut in my mouth still smarts if I don't talk for a while then say something without remembering it's there. "I was dizzy when I was walking today, is it going to be like that forever now?" I ask.

"I hope not. Most patients get sick and dizzy when they are upright for the first time after lying still for weeks on end. Do you think your hearing has been affected?" He asks.

I shake my head. "I don't think so, no. I haven't had to strain to hear too much so far."

"Good." He says with a beautiful smile. He pulls another carrier bag up onto his lap and delves into it. He puts a small box into my hands. "That's a Nintendo Ds and you can play games on it. I thought it might help with your fingers."

"I've seen these." I say. "They're really expensive Edward, I can't take this from you." I tell him and push it back into his hands.

"Oh no you don't. You said you'd let us help you, this will help you. It will keep you amused when I can't be here and it will help get your fingers healed too." He says, pushing it back towards me.

"What games did you get?" I giggle. "Hello Kitty?" I laugh.

"If I'd known you liked Hello Kitty I would've gotten that, but no, I got Brain Training, Sudoku, Mah-jong, Chess and Donkey Kong. But that one's because I like it." He laughs.

"Wow, that _will_ keep me busy. Thank you, that's very kind." I tell him as I look through the little boxes with the games in that he's handed to me.

"But wait, there's more." He chuckles and reaches into the bag again. "I also bought you a camera so you can take pictures of Elizabeth every day, that way she won't grow too fast without you noticing. Mom said she's put on another four ounces in the last few days." He tells me and hands me the box. "It's nothing special, I just picked the first one that looked decent, but I figured you could take all the photos you want and then use my laptop to edit them, or email them or whatever."

I wanted to cry. It was so sweet, such a nice thing to do for me, but it was utterly useless. "I don't have anyone to email them to." I whisper.

He's laughing then. "Yes you do. When you open my email program you'll see addresses for all of us, you can email me anytime you like. I'd love to see the pictures you take of Elizabeth." He says, his gorgeous green eyes gleaming. "I suppose I should tell you that I have to go back to work on Monday."

I'm so glad I'm not hooked up to the heart monitor now because the alarm would be going berserk if I was. "Oh." I say sadly. I realise he needs to work, everyone needs money. "But you'll come see me after, right?" I ask.

"Of course I will. I want to stay here with you at night, if you still want me to that is. And I've organised to only work every second day, so you're stuck with me every other day." He laughs.

"Stuck with you, huh." I scoff. "And I do like it that you stay with me at night. Don't you miss your own bed?" I ask.

"Not at all." He says. "So I've bought you some books too." He puts three novels on the beside cabinet. "And some magazines, sorry if they're crap, I didn't know what to get. But I saved the best for last. Tada!" He says excitedly.

He tips the last carrier bag out onto my bed. Out of it come little bottles of juice, candy bars and bag after bag of cookies. "Oh my god." I giggle. "I haven't seen a candy bar for so long." I tell him and snatch up the first one I can lay my hands on. I read the wrapper and see that it's got caramel and nougat in it. It sounds like heaven.

"I'd go easy if I were you, don't eat them all at once, your stomach will have to get used to eating stuff like this. How long has it been since you ate a proper meal Bella?" He asks.

"Not as long as you're thinking." I tell him. "You've probably got the idea that Jake starved me or that he wouldn't let me have money to eat. But he did. I just had to ration it so that Elizabeth had what she needed. I cooked all the time at first, I like to cook, but once he found out I was pregnant things changed."

"Say it as it was Bella, you had to starve yourself so that Elizabeth could have the basic essentials. Don't sugar coat it, not to me, you need to tell me how it actually was, not how you want others to see it." He says. He leans over the edge of the bed and uses his finger to lift my chin so that our eyes could meet. "I'm going to hate all the things he did to you, but I'd rather you told them to me straight."

"I guess we should have that talk now huh?" I say quietly.

"Maybe." He agrees half heartedly.

"Help me clear these up." I tell him and we both shovel the candy and the juice back into its bag. He takes that one and the boxes with the camera and the DS back to his bed and puts them on it.

Then he pulls the plastic chair up closer to the side of my bed and puts his head in his hands so I can't see his eyes. "I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me." He mumbles.

I use the button to lower my bed a little and pull back the covers. I pat the mattress, "While Elizabeth is asleep maybe you should be up here with me while we talk." I tell him.

He lifts his eyes to mine and grins. "Are you sure? You've had a rough day. I understand if you don't want me that close to you now, you know, after today and all." He says but I can tell it would hurt him for me to reject him again today. And I really don't want to.

"Please Edward. Just lie down with me while I say what I need to say." I plead.

His smile is beautiful. He toes off his shoes and climbs up on the bed beside me. Just like yesterday we manoeuvre ourselves so that I'm half lying across his chest, my arm resting across his stomach. He has one arm around my shoulders, his other hand resting on mine.

"Can I tell you what I've asked Mr Benson to do?" I ask quietly.

"Of course." He replies just as softly. "But can I tell you something first?" He asks and I echo his reply. "I have to tell you how beautiful you look. I wanted to tell you as soon as I saw you when we got back, but the timing was wrong. But you look amazing. Do you feel better after a shower and clean clothes?"

"Oh yes it felt amazing. And thank you, I'd tell you to put your glasses on but we've done that joke." I laugh softly.

I feel a kiss on my hair, "Well you are beautiful. I just wanted to tell you that, now you go."

His fingers begin to rub lazy circles across the top of my right hand. My fingers still ache but nothing has ever felt as good as his fingers touching my skin. I try to put it out of mind while I speak.

"Well you know about the forms you signed making you my health care proxy, so that's an easy one. I've signed a paper making you Elizabeth's legal guardian if something happens to me." I say carefully. "I know we haven't talked about this but I want you to take care of her if I'm gone."

He's very quiet and just when I think he's not going to say anything he takes a deep breath and does. "Alright, if you think that's best, I can do that. But you aren't going anywhere." He tells me and kisses my hair.

"I hope not." I mumble. "He had forms for me to sign for the judge too. To make my dad stay away at my request, not yours, so I signed those too." I tell him.

"Good. I don't know what he's done but I'm glad he can't come near you if you don't want him to." He says.

I take a deep breath before the next bit. "I've asked for a divorce."

He takes a deep breath too. "Thank Christ for that baby." He says. "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you though." He adds on the end.

"No you aren't." I laugh. "But thank you for saying so anyway." I sigh. "I think I have to organise a paternity test to prove that Jake isn't Elizabeth's father. Can you help me with that? I understand if you can't."

"Of course I can. I'll organise it, don't worry about that. Are you going to talk to the police about what he's done now?" He asks and I tense.

"I don't know. At the moment I'm just grateful to be away from him, its reward enough for now." I tell him honestly. "I think I upset your mother talking about this today, and Mr Benson seemed horrified, but I need to ask you something."

"I told you before baby, I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me. You shouldn't worry about upsetting me, I'm a big boy, I can handle whatever it is." He says firmly.

"Alright. Here goes. Your mom and Mr Benson have told me that the contract between my dad and Jake was against the law. I don't know what to think now."

"I don't know what you mean." Says Edward.

"Um, okay. Well, when my dad found out I was pregnant he insisted I get married. He wasn't fussy about to whom, he was only worried that he couldn't ask for a higher price because I was, well, compromised." I cringe at the word but it's what he'd said at the time and I'd never gotten past it. "I lied to him Edward. He didn't know I was pregnant. He thought he was getting a good deal. I needed to be away from my dad so I didn't tell him. He paid good money for me and I wasn't what he thought he was getting. It made him angry, so very angry when he found out. I assumed my dad had already told him, that's why the price was so low, but he hadn't." I'm so ashamed of the lie I can't bear to hear what he thinks of me now.

Edward is quiet for a long time. He's breathing evenly and I think he might be asleep. It would be better if he was, I wouldn't have to admit the horrible things I've done. I wouldn't have to admit that I'm a liar. Maybe I should tell him the rest while he's out to it, I can pretend I've told him and we could forget it.

"He paid your father?" He asks eventually and I cringe.

The tone of his voice is deadly. "Yes, of course he did. That was the agreement. He didn't back out of his obligation, not even when he found out I was pregnant." I say carefully.

"He actually gave your father money for you?" He asks. I can feel his muscles clenching and I can feel the tremble in his arm as it tightens around my shoulder.

"Yes of course Edward. That's how it works, I know you must know that. When you take a wife you'll have to pay for her, to her father. My father was very angry when I got pregnant because I'd cost him a lot of money to raise and he wasn't going to get much of it back by selling me off so cheaply. But I lied Edward, I lied to Jake and he didn't know I was already pregnant when he married me. You must hate me." I whisper. I hate myself so it stood to reason that now that I'd admitted it that Edward would hate me too. He'd never be able to trust me now.

"And actual cash money changed hands?" He asks.

"Yes." I mumble.

"Why did you marry Jake?" He asks very quietly. "Were you in love with him at the beginning?"

I can hear the rage behind his words and I'm already planning my getaway.

"No. I didn't love him at the beginning and I don't love him now. I married him because I couldn't raise my baby in my father's house. I wouldn't. And I don't know why Jake went along with it, I think he'd always loved me, even when we were kids. I didn't trick him on purpose, I know you won't believe that now, but I didn't. I told him I didn't love him but he still insisted and then dad agreed and they came to an arrangement over the price and then it all happened really fast." I say in a hurry.

He's shaking now, really shaking. His nostrils are flared and I can feel the anger rolling off him. I carefully take my arm off his stomach and put it over my own hip. If I lift my head he'll know I plan to run so I'll do that last.

I need away from him before he strikes. I can't be hit again. Not now. I've only just healed from the last blow, I'll lose my teeth for sure. Edward isn't as big as Jake but he's far angrier with me than Jake was. Edward loves me, his anger will be lethal, and my lies to Jake will make him snap.

I pull my head off his chest, roll onto my back, throw my legs over the edge of the bed and am on my feet and backing away in half a second. The pain in my ribs rips through me from the chest up. It burns as I move. My toes ache as I stand on them under my own steam for the first time since they were broken. The pain radiates up the top of my right foot and up my calf. The nausea is overwhelming but I manage to keep the contents of my stomach in by concentrating on the plan to get the pusher out the door with me. Like Jake I have no doubt that Edward wouldn't hurt Elizabeth, but I won't leave her behind this time.

Edward is up and staring at me in the next blink. "Bella? What the fuck?" He's asking as he slides off the side of the bed.

I realise too late that I've made a fatal mistake.

I've left myself nowhere to go. I chose to lie on the wrong side of the bed. I'm penned in now. With Edward on his feet he stands between me and the only way to Elizabeth.

Now he's standing on _my_ side of the bed, his hands out, palms up, staring me down.

I look him up and down. He's so much taller than me and I'm so skinny still, still weak. I'd be no match for him. I might be able to duck past him but there's no way I'd get Elizabeth out the door with me if I chose that. I start hopping from foot to foot because I don't know what to do. I should've pushed the nurse call button. But I didn't think of that in time. I don't know how he hits, closed hand, open hand, fist, will he backhand me or will he come at me from above? I have no idea how to defend myself from Edward. This is new.

He takes a tiny step forward and I cringe and try to flatten myself against the closet door.

It's a stupid thing to do because he holds all the cards now, all the power. I can't back up any further and the only way out of there is closer to him. I look up into his face and try to work out how he fights. Jake always bit his bottom lip if he was angry enough to punch and Edward's face is red but he's not showing me any 'tells' that I can interpret yet. I don't know him well enough to know how he's going to hurt me.

"Bella." He says softly and I look back up to his eyes. They are softer than they were before, he doesn't look angry, but I've fallen for that before. I won't be hit again. "Bella please. Calm down baby. I won't hurt you." He's saying but he's still coming toward me and his words don't match his actions.

I need a new plan.

What worked with my father, and with Jake, won't necessarily work with Edward, but I've no choice. I'm hemmed in and there is no way I can get to Elizabeth. So I have to go with what I know.

I drop to my knees. The pain forces itself from my ribs up to my throat and I gag on it a little. I force it back and reach for Edward's belt. I take a deep breath and stare up at him through my lashes like I've been taught. "I'll make it good for you, please don't hit me." I tell him as I unbuckle him.

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**A/N: Please review. **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Some readers have described their anguish over what has already been written about Bella's situation in this story. This chapter deals with what has happened to her in greater depth, and also addresses Elizabeth's paternity. Sensitive readers should use caution when reading. The author does not in anyway condone the actions portrayed in this fictional story. I have tried to treat the situation with as much dignity as possible, but the outcome remains the same, abuse is never acceptable. **

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Chapter 17 – OMFG

**EPOV**

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

"Bella stop." I scream. It wakes Elizabeth and she starts to cry, but she's not in any danger, so I ignore her. I grip Bella's hands firmly as they reach for my belt and push them away from me. I know it's going to hurt her feelings, and probably hurt her injured fingers physically too, but I need her hands off my belt. "Bella!" I yell again, "Get off me." I tell her firmly. I don't want to be rude, and I don't want to swear, but she's not listening, she's shut down. "Bella get up, for fucks sake get up." I tell the woman on her knees offering to blow me so I don't hit her.

She backs away and falls onto her butt on the floor. I'm shaking as much as she is now. I can feel the vomit in the back of my throat, it's going to come out if I don't get a handle on my boiling emotions.

Elizabeth is wailing, great wracking sobs are coming from Bella and I'm panting like a racehorse trying to stave off the nausea I feel. "Bella, I need you to get up now." I tell her as calmly as I can manage, but still it comes out like a barked order from some army general.

I reach out for her but she swats my hand away and rears back until her back is flush with the closet door. "Get away." She hisses at me.

I take a step backward and run a hand through my hair.

I cannot, and will not ever, understand what the fuck she just did and said.

She's crying and cringing away from me as I bend down to help her up. She's got to be in agony on the floor. Her ribs for one, she's sitting on her toes so her barely broken bones would be screaming with the pressure not to mention that she's only just had the vaginal sutures removed. It wouldn't take much to tear her again if she moved too suddenly or stretched too far.

I reach for her again but she's fighting me all the way. I understand she doesn't want to be touched by me but she can't stay on the floor either. "Bella get up baby. Come on, I won't hurt you." I whisper, hoping she'll listen if I'm quieter. Elizabeth is still crying but I know it won't hurt her if she does. "Bella. Get up." I say firmly and slide my hands under her arms.

She lets me help her up, finally. I help her to the side of the bed and help her to lie back against the incline. I push the nurse call button and pull the blanket back up around Bella's waist. She's crying and trying to hide her face from me, I let her. I can't comprehend what just went on and I don't want to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing and make it worse before I can make it better. So I let her hide for now.

Margaret comes in and asks what I need. "Bella needs pain killers and can you call my mother's cell phone and tell her to get here now, please. She needs to take Elizabeth home." I tell the startled nurse. Bella is crying harder, if it's possible, at the mention of Elizabeth being taken away again but it's for the best. "Bella, honey, I can't look after Elizabeth and you at the same time. It won't hurt her to cry for a few minutes until mom gets here. I'll stay with you, I'm not leaving and I won't hurt you Bella. Ever." I reassure her.

I let her go long enough to go to Elizabeth and slip her pacifier into her mouth. I pat her belly once or twice but she has no intention of going back to sleep so I leave her to grizzle and go back to Bella.

She's completely covered in the blanket now, she's pulled it up over her head and she's under it crying steadily. I take a tissue from the box beside her bed and slide it in under the blanket. She takes it but says nothing.

I start pacing while I wait for the nurse to come back. I'm only just holding on, another five minutes and the meals I've eaten today will become part of the pattern on the linoleum on Bella's floor.

Margaret comes back into the room and puts two small tablets onto the rolling table with a cup of water. She looks over the hidden Bella and asks "Do you need a consult?" I shake my head no. "Your mother is on her way." She tells me then leaves again.

"I'm going into the bathroom Bella, I'll be two minutes." I say out loud so Bella will know where I am.

The instant the door is closed the contents of my stomach erupts out of my mouth and into the sink. I throw up and up. Everything I've eaten it the past twenty four hours comes out, violently. I shake and shudder with the effort. When there is nothing left to vomit up I choke up some bile, the acidic taste of it burns my throat on its way out.

She offered me a blow job so I wouldn't hit her. What the fuck _is_ that? Why the fuck would she _do_ that? Has she had to do that to stop a beating before? Oh god. Is that what she's so ashamed of? Having to give out sexual favours to stave off beatings? What the fuck has happened to her?

I hunch over the basin for a bit longer, trying to gather my thoughts and gain control over my bodily functions before I deal with Bella, but it's hard. So fucking hard to comprehend what just happened. I give myself a good talking to, silently, in the mirror, and scrub my face with my hands to try to regain some composure. Right Edward, I tell myself, she's had a fucked up time, she's upset, you've just rejected her, no matter the reasons she offered, you've rejected her. You've gotta address that and assure her you'll never expect it or demand it. Right. Time to fix this I tell myself. Be calm, be loving, be gentle, and don't swear if you can help it. Don't stand over her. Offer support and encouragement, don't lecture. Right.

I brush my teeth and swill some water around my mouth to get rid of the taste of the bile and then I go back into Bella's room. She's still hidden under the blanket but that's okay. I need another few minutes to collect my thoughts before I try to tackle the monumental mess I've found myself in the middle of.

Elizabeth has settled down a bit but she's sucking hard on the pacifier and I know that only another bottle will soothe her now. There isn't one left so she'll have to wait until mom makes her one at home.

I sit on the plastic chair and pull the pusher closer. I rub Elizabeth's tummy and wait for my mom to arrive. She isn't long, maybe ten minutes, but it's a long ten minutes when it's spent in silence.

She knocks but comes right in. She takes one look at me and then the blanket covered Bella and sighs. "Everything alright?" She asks carefully.

"It will be." I tell her but shake my head so she'll know not to let on to Bella that it's not alright. "Elizabeth needs another bottle and her bed I think."

"Then that's what she'll have. Tell Bella I said goodnight when she wakes up next." Mom winks at me and I mouth 'thank you' to her.

"Thanks, I'll tell her. I'll call you." I tell my mom and let her kiss my forehead.

When she's gone I push the plastic chair away and pull the blanket off Bella's head. She's stopped crying but can't look me in the eye. I get that. I'd be mortified too if I was her. If she's been taught to do what she did then she's probably feeling humiliated and rejected right about now. But what worries me more is that she thinks I was going to hit her. I never would.

I push the rolling table across her lap and ask her to please take the pain killers and drink the water. She does, but does it without lifting her eyes.

I start pacing the length of her bed. She can see me if she chooses to look, but it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to.

"Bella I have some things to say and I want you to listen please." I tell her and keep pacing. I'm a pacer, it helps me to keep my thoughts ordered and calm while I'm speaking. "I want to tell you that I love you and that I'll never, ever insist you _give_ me anything. I don't want anything you aren't prepared to give freely. Let's just get that out the way first. There will never, ever, be a situation that can be fixed between us with a blow job, ever. Okay, I don't know any other way to put this but, I've never heard anything so utterly evil as your husband paying your father for you. That's so wrong, on so many levels, they'll have to invent new charges to lay against your dad just to get the point across how fucking wrong that is. Nobody pays for the bride Bella. Nobody. Jesus, this the free world, nobody owns anybody else so they can't be bought and sold like stock." I tell her. I walk some more and gather my next thoughts. "I don't know who to be angrier at, your dad for selling you or Jake for buying you. And I don't ever want to hear you say that Jake got less for his money than he thought he was getting. He should've been fucking grateful that someone like you showed him the time of day, let alone agreed to marry him. Shit, I'd have married you Bella. You could've told me you were pregnant and I'd have married you in a heartbeat. I still will. I always would have. Just because you were pregnant didn't mean you had to get married either. Women raise babies on their own all the time. If you didn't want to get married we would've helped you to raise Elizabeth on your own. The family I mean. Jeez, you spent enough time with us it was like you lived with us anyway. And another thing. Nobody owes their parents for raising them Bella. They do it out of love, not in the hope that their kid will fetch a tidy price when it marries and leaves home." I can't believe some of the bullshit she's been fed. It's like she's been brainwashed or something. "That's just sick and wrong and so disgusting, I can't comprehend what you must have been told growing up, just know that he's wrong, terribly wrong."

I'm pacing again and rubbing my neck with my hand, trying to get a grip on my anger. Not at Bella, but at the two men she should've been able to trust. Her husband and her father. But instead it's those two bastards who've hurt her most.

"I cannot get my head around what you just did Bella. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at him. I don't want to think about you ever having to offer sexual favours to Jake to stop him from hitting you. It's wrong, it's disgusting and had I known about this two weeks ago I'd have waited for him to come home just so I could kill him myself." I spit. "You never, ever, have to do that with me. Ever. Not only will I never hit you, but when we're together, and I hope that one day we will be, it will be because it's what you want. But even if you never want that I won't hurt you. If you never want to be touched or loved ever again, and I don't blame you if you don't, I won't hurt you Bella. I don't want you thinking I'm helping you so that I can get something from you. I'm not. I'm helping you because I want you well again. If you ever give that to me, it's a gift, and it's yours to give, not mine to take. I don't want it if you give it as a favour. I want you to make love with me one day because you want to, not out of obligation, not out of fear and never because you think if you don't sleep with me I will hurt you. I will never do that. Not now, not ever. I've never hit anyone Bella. Not in a school yard fight, not in a bar, not ever. I don't hit women, decent men don't." I tell her.

I'm aware that I'm rambling, and most of it sounds like a lecture, but I have to get this out of my head. I have to express it or it will eat me alive. I make another circuit of the room before starting again. "Don't ever do that again Bella. If you're afraid of me tell me so and I'll stop whatever it is I'm doing that's made you feel that way. But don't ever drop to your knees like that again baby. I can't stand it. I hate seeing you like that, I'll never purge that image from my brain. I don't want that for you. I want you to be well and happy, that's all." I tell her. I clutch at my hair and pull hard, trying to rid myself of the mental picture of my beautiful Bella on her knees, terror in her eyes, offering to blow me in exchange for basic human decency.

"It's all I know how to do." She whispers. "They said it's all I'm good for. They told me that was all I was good at."

I'm at her side then in an instant. I'm up on the bed with her and I'm holding her to me tightly. "Who the fuck is they? Jake, obviously, but who else? Elizabeth's father? Did he hurt you too? Did he make you do things too?" I demand a lot louder than I wanted to. She's nodding into my chest and I sigh. "Jesus baby, what a fucked up time you've had. I'm so sorry your life has been this way Bella. It's not what anyone should have to endure." I tell her quietly and hold her while she cries. I realise we are at the point of no return now. I'm going to ask the question that I don't want to know the answer to, but I'm going to ask it anyway. She needs it off her chest and without that we can't move on. "Alright, I think you need to tell me now. I think I need you to tell me about Elizabeth." I say quietly.

I've got the worst feeling that I already know, but to hear it confirmed is going to hurt like nothing's ever hurt me before. I can only imagine what it must do to Bella, having to live with it every day.

She pushes herself up off me a little and dries her eyes on the now soggy tissue. I get her a new one and throw the old one on the floor. "Thanks." She mumbles. "I couldn't get rid of her." She whispers.

I pull her back to me and stroke her hair. "No, of course not." I tell her. "God no, I couldn't have either." I tell her honestly.

She sniffs a bit and I steel myself to hear what she's got to say. "I loved her even before I saw her, even before I knew she was a she." She tells me and I nod. "My dad put me on the pill when I was fourteen because I got my period and he said it was what was best. He took me to the clinic where you work now and made the doctor give me a prescription. I didn't argue. The doctor told me that it would be a month before they'd take full effect. Thirty days to the day dad started coming into my room at night." She says. She's shaking and sniffing as she speaks so I hold her as tight as I can. "He said that it was to teach me how to be a good wife one day but I knew it was wrong. He said it was every fathers right, that he'd spent a lot of time and effort and money teaching me how to be a good woman, how to look after a house and a man and that this was just the next step in my training. He reminded me every day that he was Chief of Police and that everything I did reflected on his position, so I should behave. I was punished when I didn't, rewarded when I did. He took me to the Rez a lot because his friend Billy was his drinking buddy, and I spent a lot of time with Jake. He didn't know what was going on but he knew I wasn't happy. He'd seen me with black eyes and bruises, cuts and sometimes broken bones too. So I never said no when dad wanted to go visit the Blacks. I was sort of safe there, dad wouldn't touch me in front of them and if we stayed over because he drank too much he couldn't visit me in the night either. But dad drank a lot so I was getting punished more and more often when we were at home, rewarded less and less, no matter how I behaved. And then, almost a year ago now, I got a stomach flu. Everyone at the Rez had it and I got it too. I didn't know that if I threw up my pills might not work. Dad took me back to your clinic and got me a prescription for anti-biotics when the flu wouldn't go away. I knew the pills wouldn't work if I was taking antibiotics and he did too, but still he came at night. I knew I was pregnant almost right away. I got sick in the mornings and my boobs hurt. I missed a period and then dad worked it out. He was so angry. He told me that he'd never get a husband for me now, that I was useless, a waste of his time and effort. He told me the baby would come out with two heads and be a retard. He told me I'd have to get rid of it, that he'd take me somewhere and the doctors would remove it and I'd be good as new. But I wanted it. It wasn't the baby's fault that I was useless, that I was all wrong, that I couldn't be taught. So when Jake told me he loved me and offered to marry me to get me out of dad's house I accepted. I thought for sure that dad had told him I was pregnant because they reached an agreement for such a low price. Jake would have had to pay much more if he thought I was normal. So I thought he knew. We got married real quick, two weeks later actually. As soon as we moved into that apartment Jake asked me to stop taking any birth control because he'd like a family of his own. I told him I was pregnant then. He assumed I'd been with someone else, like a boy from school or in a bar or something. I never told him about Charlie being Elizabeth's father, I just let him go on thinking I'd been a whore for someone else."

She slumped against me when she was done. I felt numb. So utterly, devastatingly sorry for her.

Charlie Swan is an animal of the worst variety and I am going to make it my mission to make sure he pays for what he's done to her, but I can't ignore the fact that he is Elizabeth's father. Can I rid the earth of the vermin he is and still remain true to Elizabeth? It's not something, if it was my choice, that I'd ever want her to know about, but I also know it's not my choice. I don't know how Bella feels about that, I just know now isn't the right time to ask.

I didn't know what to do to help her. I didn't even know if I could anymore. Could anyone help her? Her whole life has been a series of lies, betrayals and evilness that I couldn't even begin to comprehend how to fix it. Could professionals like Kerry fix it? I hoped so because I had no clue.

So I gave her the one thing I had to offer. Honesty.

"Don't say that. That's not what you are, not who you are. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you must know it's wrong. You aren't a whore. Whores get paid for sex, they don't have sex so they won't get punished. I want to say that I'll fix this for you, that I can make you happy, that I'll make all the hurt and anger and pain go away for you and I'm going to try, I'm going to try so fucking hard Bella. But I just don't know if I can truly fix it. I can't take any of it away, I can't make them pay for what they've done if you won't talk to the police and I can't help Elizabeth if your father decides to claim her." I admit. I feel lousy offering her essentially nothing, but at least it's honest.

"Do you hate me now?" She whispers.

"No, I could never hate you. I've loved you for so long Bella. Nothing will ever change that." I tell her.

"I've had to do things, like I offered you before, to stop Jake hitting me Edward. I'm not proud of them, and I knew it was wrong at the time, but I did them all the same." She says.

"I know. I think I sort of knew that even before. It doesn't change anything Bella. Like I said earlier, I saw that apartment, I saw how you were living. I saw what you had to go without so Elizabeth could have what she needed. You did what you had to to survive in a shit situation. It changes nothing. I love you, I want you, I've always wanted you and I always will. I'll help you in any way you need me to, I don't want anything from you that you don't want to give. I want Elizabeth, I want you, and I want us." I tell her.

"Are you sure?" She asks.

I smile for the first time in hours. "I'm fucking positive baby. I've got you now and I'm never, ever giving you up again. Now, dry your eyes. You've told me now, now we can move on. I'm so happy you confided in me Bella. I don't like what you had to tell me, and I'm going to hate knowing the rest, but we need to do this part. We need to be honest." I kiss the top of her head and sit up more fully. "I know there is more to say, and I know it's going to take a long time for us to work through all this, but that's enough for one night, okay?" I ask and she nods. "Okay, so, I'll go find you some cold juice and then we'll get ready for bed and try and get some rest before my dad comes in for rounds. What do you think?" I ask.

"Will you sleep up here with me?" She asks in a small voice.

I kiss the top of her head again, "Of course. My opinion of you hasn't changed Bella. You're still the most beautiful, wonderful person I've ever met. What you had to do to survive them is on them, not on you baby. Now, enough of that for one night. I'll be right back." I tell her.

I slide off the bed and wait until she's comfortable before I go into the patient lounge and get two bottles of juice from the fridge there. I go right back in. I don't dawdle this time. I know her shit now. Charlie Swan raped his own daughter and fathered his own granddaughter. He's a bigger piece of shit than I thought he was before and he's going to fucking pay for selling Bella to Jake only so she could be raped and beaten all over again. I know some of her shit now and she loves me and I love her. I know there's more to learn, but nothing could be that bad. The rest we'll deal with as it hits us.

Her eyes are dry when I get back. She's lowered the bed and is lying on her side much as she was the night before. I slit open the silver foil top on a bottle of juice and put her straw into it. "Here you go baby." I tell her and pass the bottle to her.

She drinks it down greedily. I swig from mine and put the bottle on the bedside table. I toe off my shoes again and push them under my armchair bed. I pull my shirt off over my head and pull on one of the baggy ones I bought that morning. I know her shit so I'm not embarrassed to change in front of her, so I undo my belt and strip off my jeans. I pull on the sleep pants and then turn back to her. She watched me the whole time, I could see her reflection in the mirror.

"You ready for me up there?" I ask as I move to her bedside.

"Come on in." She tells me, pulling back the blankets. I slide in and she turns over, her back to my chest. I curl my knees up behind hers again and slide my arm over her belly, resting it there. I hear her sigh softly. "You're beautiful too Edward." She whispers ever so softly.

I knew she'd been watching. I sigh a little myself. I kiss her shoulder, being careful not to go near the scar. "I love you Bella." I whisper and close my eyes.

She moves ever so slightly and puts her hand in mine at her waist. "I love you too." She whispers in reply.

~~~x0x0~~~

I slept badly, thoughts of Charlie Swan hurting Bella swirled in my head all night long. It took me a lot longer to get moving than usual when the sun came up. I showered and changed into clean clothes but couldn't be bothered shaving. My hands weren't steady enough for one thing, for another my head wasn't in it. All I'd learned the night before dominated my every thought.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror for a long time that morning. I didn't look any different but I felt different. I felt like my whole view of my little world had been tilted. I felt as though everything I knew about love and family and devotion was somehow tainted because of what I now knew about two men I'd shared my town with.

It was bad before, when I thought Charlie was hurting Bella, but now that I know the depths of his betrayal, the evil that lurked beneath his pristine police uniform I felt ill. Beating a defenceless girl, and she had been a girl when it first started, was bad enough. Raping her and making her pregnant then selling her to the highest bidder was just plain wrong. There was no redeemable feature about that man at all. He taught her to owe, he taught her that everything he did for her as her father had a price attached to it. I hated him. I hated him and I wanted him to pay for what he'd done to her. I didn't want him to be able to just go about his job and his life as though none of this had ever happened.

It might have been Jake Black that put Bella in the hospital this time but it was Charlie Swan's actions that had set the ball rolling all those years ago.

I had more questions than I had answers for now. Kerry told me to let Bella lead but there were things I needed to know now, so I'd know what my next move was going to be.

I washed my face with cool water again, in an attempt to get my shit together before Bella saw me, and then I went back into her room.

"Good morning." She says as I come back into the room.

I throw my dirty clothes onto my bed and go to her. I kiss the top of her head and long for the time when I can kiss her lips. "Good morning yourself." I tell her. "Let's get you up and moving." I tell her and notice the frown beginning on her face. "Hey, it's okay. We can do this together. You'll be needing the bathroom and you'll feel better after another shower." I tell her.

Her frown softens, but only slightly. "I would like another shower." She says slowly.

I know what she's thinking, I'm way ahead of her. "I won't touch you Bella. I won't touch you until you ask me to touch you and I won't look at you either. Not till you tell me I can. Mom explained to me how it worked yesterday, I know how to do this." I assure her.

She smiles a little then. "Alright."

I lift the head of the bed until she's sitting upright. I tell her to get used to that while I put her shower things into the stall.

When I get back I help her to swing her legs over the bed. With her feet on the floor she stands, with me braced on the floor in front of her, her arms using mine to steady herself. "Did you hurt yourself last night?" I ask carefully.

She looks up at me then, her big brown eyes wide. "No, I don't think so." She says.

"Good. Don't do that again baby. If you want away from me you tell me and I'll move away. Don't leap away like that again, you'll undo all this healing you've just done." I tell her as we begin the slow process of walking towards the bathroom.

It takes a few minutes but I can tell it gets easier for her as we get nearer the bathroom door. Her muscles are weak still from no use and her ribs must be agonising. I look down at her poor foot and see that she's got her toes curled over, probably trying to relieve some of the pressure there as she walks. I will have to remember to ask the physio whether a brace would help.

"Okay, let's get you into the chair and then into the shower." I tell her once we're inside the room properly.

I slide the chair up to her bottom as she's braced against the basin. "I need to take my knickers off before I sit down." She tells me.

"I'll turn around." I say and turn my back and face the bathroom door.

I hear her moving about and then she tells me she's ready. I turn to face her again and help her to sit on the chair. She does it very gingerly I notice. "Are you sure you're alright? Are you bleeding?" I ask.

She shakes her head and I know this is something she doesn't want to discuss with me.

I wheel the chair into the shower stall and pull the curtain shut. A few seconds later her nightgown comes out the side and I take it and fold it up for her. "I'll be outside, I'll come back in when the water turns off." I tell her and go back into her room.

**BPOV**

The hot water is once again bliss. I need to use the toilet but there is no way I can stand and get myself to it, so I have to do the unthinkable and pee in the chair. Of course I can just wash it off me, but it's still gross.

Now, more than ever, I'm determined to get on with healing and get up onto my feet under my own steam. I want to be able to walk into this bathroom whenever I want. I don't want to have to lean on someone.

I unlock the wheels on the chair and use my feet to turn it so that I'm sitting facing away from the water spray. I tilt my head back and let the water wet my hair. I use the shampoo Esme got for me and wash it for myself. The scar on my scalp is still raised and it hurts a little bit, but it's nothing compared to the pain of my cheek and mouth still, so I can ignore it.

I use the conditioner and when my hair feels clean and soft I turn the chair around again and set to washing my body. There was no blood in my knickers when I just took them off but I'm still careful when I wash myself. It was stupid of me to move like I did last night, Edward was right, I could've undone everything I'd healed so far. The thought of having to be stitched back up makes me shiver.

I'm still tender but I can tell it's less than yesterday even. The one bright red burn is not great though. It has chaffed as I've walked even the small distance to the bathroom and the sore is weeping. I'm still taking antibiotics but I don't want this to get infected because then Carlisle will have to examine it and I don't want that. I'll ask for the burn cream and put it on for myself.

When I'm clean I reluctantly turn the water off. I could stand under it for hours but that's just wasteful. True to his word Edward comes in when the water turns off. He passes me a towel through the side of the curtain and I lean over as best I can and wrap up my hair. I tell him I'm going to stand up and he says okay. I lock the wheels and then use the railing to hold myself up, I say okay and he hands through the folded towel for me to sit on. I sit back down on it and sink into its softness gratefully. Yet another towel comes through the gap and I use this one to wipe myself down as best I can. When I'm dry I ask for a nightgown. Another new one is passed through the gap. This one is yellow, with two ducks on the front. It's long too, like yesterdays. It's soft and smells of lavender fabric softener.

I tell Edward alright and he opens the curtain. He wheels the chair to the edge of the basin and helps me to my feet. He puts a clean pair of knickers on the floor at my feet and I slip one foot, then the other, through the holes.

He turns his back while I pull them up. I tell him thank you and then he helps me walk back into my room.

"Oh." I say when I get back into it. His bed is gone. It's been folded back up into the armchair shape it must have been before. His things are gone too, just the carrier bags are sitting on the floor now. "Where are your things?" I ask.

"In the closet." He says as he helps me walk. "I thought you might like to spend some time in a proper chair today?" He asks and I nod.

We walk to the armchair and I sink into it gratefully. I tell him thank you for his help and he says it's no problem. "Um, can you ask the nurse for burn cream please?" I whisper.

Edward sighs but I just can't bring myself to look up into his eyes. "I'll get it, I'll leave it on the bedside cabinet." He tells me softly then he brings me the breakfast tray that's been delivered while we were in the bathroom. I can't eat some of it, the toast for one, and the oatmeal is lumpy, but it's hot and I'm hungry. There is a cup of sweet tea and a little container of pureed apple too.

Edward has eggs and bacon and toast and I want what he's got, but my jaw is just too sore for that yet. We eat in silence but it's not uncomfortable. Just quiet. I eat what I can and sip at the tea. When I'm done I cover the plates and bowls and push the tray further down my knees. Edward takes it and puts it with his on the rolling table.

"What's the plan for today?" I ask, knowing there would be one. Edward was a planner.

Pulling the plastic chair up near me he tells me what his plan is. "Mom and dad will be here with Elizabeth soon. I think Alice and Jasper will come early but Rosie and Em will come later this afternoon. Sandra is going to see you at some point too. I have to run home, I need clothes for work tomorrow and I have case files there and my ID and you want your recipe folder. I might go back with mom and dad and bring my own car back with me. Is there anything you need me to do for you today?" He asks.

"That's an impressive plan." I laugh. "Can I tell you my plan?"

"Sure, I didn't mean to make decisions for you." He says quietly.

I reach for his hand and pull it into my lap. "You aren't. Can I ask to use a phone here?" I ask.

"Sure you can. They'll bring you a cordless if you need one. I'll organise one for you. A TV too huh?" he asks.

"I wasn't allowed to watch TV." I mumble but he hears me because he squeezes my hand a little. "I'd like a TV, thank you. Um, can you leave me the number for the police in Port Angeles?" I ask.

"Of course. Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to. You said last night you were just happy to be away from them, I understand if you don't want to tell the police."

"I think I have to. Mr Benson is going to I think. So they'll come and talk to me at some point anyway. Better to do it on my terms than theirs." I say.

"Good for you. I've made a statement already so I can get you into contact with the two that are already looking into what's happened. Might make it easier for you to tell your story, if they have an idea about it already." He suggests.

"Thank you. I wish I'd been brave enough to talk to you when we were at school." I blurt out without thinking.

His smile is amazing. It really lights up his face. He tugs my hand out of my lap and kisses the back of it. "I tried to, a few times. But I remember the first time like it was yesterday. You were with Alice and the pair of you were leaning up against the door of the biology labs. I was passing through, on my way to English at the other end of the building. Alice went inside, leaving you standing outside. I'd finally gotten up the courage to say hello to you, and was just about to do it, when Angela came by and pulled you into the room with her. I stopped so abruptly in the hallway that a sophomore ran right into my back. I ran off to my class and felt like an idiot all that day." He says with a chuckle.

"You couldn't even say hello to me?" I ask. It seems so ridiculous that he even wanted to know me, let alone speak to me in public. "I'd been at your house so often, you never spoke to me, not once. I thought you hated me actually. I didn't know why because I'd never done anything to you, or even talked to you before, but that's what I thought. You even stopped coming out of your room when I was visiting." I say quietly.

"I could never hate you." He says, lifting my fingers to his lips again. A little zing of electricity sweeps across my hand and settles in my chest as his soft lips close over my hand. "I was just shy and you were so lovely. Everyone loved you, you know? I heard so many boys talking about you, about how they wanted to date you, wanted to kiss you and other things. I just hated them all. So I tried to stay away from you. If I wasn't near I wouldn't ache quite so much from wanting you and if I stayed out of yours and Alice' way I wouldn't have to hear too much about you from others either." He admits.

Since we're admitting things I come clean about something else. "After I finished school, and you were already at university, I used to time my visits to Alice with your trips home."

He laughs a little then. "I used to hope so, but could never be sure. I asked mom once how often you came over and she told me not so often as when I was at home." He chuckled.

"Oh god, it must have been so pathetic to her. You always had girls hanging off your every word, I must have just looked so pathetic." I mutter.

"Don't say that. God, all the time we've wasted Bella. I should've told you how I felt, but I thought I was too old for you when we were at school and then after, I was gone all the time for college. I had nothing to offer you other than two weeks in the summer when classes were out. And then by the time I was done and back here you were getting married and my chance was lost." He hangs his head over my hand and sighs. "I watched you marry him you know?"

"I know, I saw you." I whisper.

His head comes up so fast I think he's going to give himself whiplash. "You saw me?" He asks.

I smile. "I did. I could pick you out of a crowd of a hundred Edward." I giggle. "Besides, you were the only one there in jeans and a Def Leopard t-shirt." I laugh.

"Hey that was a good disguise. I thought it would make me look like a creepy cousin or something." He chuckles. "It killed me to watch you do it. But I thought you loved him, I could be happy for you if it was what you wanted. Only later, when you came to the clinic all busted up and you told me you weren't happy did I really start to hope that we had a chance."

"I should never have done it. I know that now. It was a temporary solution and I ended up making it worse for you all." I start to cry a little but he's there, tissue in hand.

"Shh, don't cry. You didn't do anything wrong. You thought you were giving Elizabeth a chance, and you did. As bad as things were with Jake I don't want to even think about how much worse they could've been if you'd stayed with your dad." He tells me and sits back down again.

"She is as perfect as I think she is, isn't she? She's not retarded or anything, is she?" I sniffle and try not to cry.

His smile tells me what I want to know long before his words do. "She's fucking amazing Bella. So perfect. So beautiful. She's perfectly healthy. She's seen the paediatrician here, I told you that but you were sedated still. She's had her shots and he's checked her out and even he said she's perfect. There's nothing to worry about." He assures me.

There is a small knock at the door and then there she is. Esme has her in her arms, Carlisle is pushing the empty pusher into the room. Esme is wearing a dark charcoal grey suit and Carlisle has a black suit and tie on. I wonder if they've just come from church. They used to go, when Alice was younger, maybe they still did.

"Look at you!" Esme crows as she crosses the room to where I'm sitting in the armchair. "You look so good Bella. And sitting up and all, well done sweetheart." She tells me with a kiss to the top of my head. She puts Elizabeth into my lap and moves across to kiss Edward's cheek. "Good morning darling." She tells him.

I'm looking down at Elizabeth when Carlisle comes to my side. He kisses the top of my head too, as though it's the most natural thing in the world for him to do. I don't even cringe as he does it. "Good morning you two, good night?" He asks.

"Not really." Edward mutters, "But today is brilliant so far."

"Excellent." Carlisle moves to the end of my bed to read my chart and I turn my attention back to Elizabeth.

She's wearing a tiny white dress that is embroidered all over in pale pink flowers. Each one has a yellow centre. She has tiny white shoes on her feet and pale pink tights on under the dress. A little tuft of her hair has been pulled up into a spout on top of her head and it's held there with a little pink ribbon. I kiss her cheek and hold her tight. I take a long pull of her baby smell and relax back into the chair a little. I always feel so much better when I've got her to hold.

"Have you been to church?" I ask Esme.

"We have. She was perfectly well behaved as usual. The preacher is so enamoured with her she got a special mention in his service. I think you know him Bella, Pastor Weber, Angela Weber's father. Do you remember her?" Esme asks and I tell her that I do remember Angela and that she's now Mrs Cheney. "Oh yes, Ben, lovely boy, Edward tutored him for a bit senior year didn't you darling?" She asks Edward and he nods. "Well the Pastor asked everyone to keep her, and you darling, in their thoughts while you recover. He thanked the church ladies for their very generous work knitting for her and at the end of the service he gave us an enormous bag of sweaters and blankets and shawls that all the church ladies had made for her. There is the most beautiful pair of booties in there and the shawls are all lacy and so very beautiful. So she's all set for when her first winter comes around." Esme tells me.

I don't really know what to say. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before, I don't really know how to express gratitude. Saying thank you seems so small. "That's so kind of them, please tell them thank you for me."

"They know you're thankful Bella. But I'll tell them." She says. "So, how about we dry your hair for you?" She says, pointing to the towel that is still wrapped around my shoulders since my shower.

Edward is on his feet then. "I'll take this opportunity to get out of here before you two start swapping makeup tips and talking about bras. I'll go and organise the phone and the TV for you Bella. I'll be back soon." He tells me and reaches across to pat the top of my hand.

All of a sudden I want him to kiss me. I don't know why, but I do. Like normal couples do. I've seen them. When one leaves the room they kiss the other, on the mouth. He kisses my hand and fingers, even my hair and my cheek, but never kisses me on the lips. Maybe he's afraid? Maybe my scar is hideous to him? I've kissed Jake before, of course. When we were first married, before he knew I was pregnant, we kissed a lot. I liked it but I could never quite shake the idea that I was kissing the wrong person. I wonder now if I was to kiss Edward would it feel different? I hoped it would.

"I'll come with you son, I want to check on a patient. We won't be long ladies." Carlisle says and comes to kiss Esme just like I'd been hoping Edward would.

When the door is closed behind them Esme goes to fetch the hairdryer from the bathroom. She plugs it into the socket beside my bed and soon she's drying my hair for me. Elizabeth is lying in my lap happily staring around her. She has my finger clutched tightly in her fist.

"Is it nice?" I ask Esme.

"What dear?" She asks back.

"Is it nice to be kissed by someone you love?" I ask.

She stops brushing my hair and puts a soft hand on the top of my shoulder. "Oh sweetheart, you've missed out on so much, haven't you?" She asks sadly.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review. All reviews answered. **


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: This chapter is again filled with the details of the abuse Bella suffered at the hands of her father and her husband. Sensitive readers should be aware that the contents may be disturbing. The author in no way condones, or wishes to trivialise the plight of abuse victims. However, suggestions on how to harm the offenders are always welcome :)**

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* * *

**Chapter 18 – Rules, Consequence and Reward

**EPOV**

I arrange the burn cream for Bella from the nurse and then sign the paperwork to request a television for Bella's room. I go outside and use my cell phone to call the detectives in Port Angeles. They seem grateful to hear from me and are very pleased when I tell them that Bella would like to talk to them too. They tell me they are leaving right away and will be with us within the hour.

While I'm pacing around the garden area I call Gary Benson. He assures me that he is working hard for us and for Bella. I don't doubt it and tell him so. I tell him I know about the contract and that I know who Elizabeth's father is now. He says he needs a copy of the contract and then he tells me that Bella hasn't confided Elizabeth's paternity to him, and that I shouldn't either. Not without permission from Bella. I tell him it will soon be out anyway as Bella intends to speak with the police today. He asks if it will become a police matter, the paternity, not just the contract, and I tell him it most certainly will. He asks if I think Bella needs legal advice while she speaks with the police and I tell him that's why I'm calling. I am firm and tell him that she's done nothing wrong, she doesn't need defending, that she just needs someone with legal advice on hand while she speaks to the police, and he's just as firm and tells me he's quite aware of that.

He agrees to come even though it's Sunday. He rings off by telling me it'll be on the bill.

I call Emmett and Rosie and tell them that they should come even later in the day than they had originally planned, to give Bella time to meet with both Gary and the police. They agree to leave it until after dinner tonight. Jasper and Alice have already left their house and there is no answer there. I figure it's too late to tell them not to come yet, so I call Alice' cell and ask if she's bringing some clothes for Bella. She assures me she is and that they will have a quick visit and are only five minutes away.

When I get back to her room Sandra is in with her. Bella is standing, but looks as though she is in pain. I hang back even though all I want to do is race to her side and help her, I know she needs to do this for herself.

Mom has Elizabeth and she puts her into my arms when I come to her side. "She got up on her own just now." Mom tells me and I smile.

"Looking good baby." I tell Bella who throws me a small smile.

"Now remember what I said about your pelvic muscles. When you take a step I want you to pull yourself in, just like we talked about. Visualise pulling yourself in towards the centre, hold everything tight and then move your right foot forward. Ready?" Sandra asks her and I hold my breath.

Bella straightens her back and shoulders and I see her take a deep breath in and hold it. She's got Sandra's arm to hold onto, but she's on her own on the left side. That's her good side at least. The first step looks painful.

"Would a foot brace help with her toes and metatarsals?" I ask Sandra.

"Possibly, I'll look into it." She tells me. "That's it Bella, just small steps."

Ten minutes later Bella is still walking slowly around the small space between her bed and the armchair when Jasper and Alice arrive. They are so supportive of her efforts and both exclaim loudly how well she looks compared even to yesterday.

She's soon exhausted though. Sandra helps her back into her bed and I lie Elizabeth down beside her when she's settled on her side. Elizabeth is content to just lie there and Bella seems content to just watch her as she does.

Alice and Jasper have a nice visit, even though it's short. They are on their way to afternoon tea with Jasper's grandmother in Port Angeles, but they tell us that they'll come after work tomorrow. Alice leaves a bag of clothes for Bella in the closet, with instructions on what to wear with what. I catch Bella rolling her eyes and laugh a little, earning a scowl from my mother and a 'don't encourage her' from Alice.

When dad comes back from checking on his patients it's decided that we'll leave. She knows I need to go home briefly and I assume she will want to speak with the police and Gary Benson without me hanging around. I was wrong.

"You aren't leaving are you?" Bella asks, clinging to my hand in hers.

"Give us a minute?" I ask mom who has Elizabeth, Bella has kissed the baby goodbye already. I wait till mom and dad are outside the door and then I turn my attention back to Bella. "Baby, Gary Benson is on his way and he's going to sit in with you while you talk to the police. He will take good care of you, I promise. And I won't be long." I tell her.

"No, don't go. I won't talk to them without you there." She says. "I can't be left alone with strangers, don't leave me here with men, I can't be on my own with the police." She's shouting and clawing at my arm in terror.

I get up on the side of the bed and take her into my arms. "Alright, it's alright. I won't go, I'll stay. Alright, you're alright." I tell her. I had no idea just how frightened she was of 'people' before. She always seems so at ease with us. The way she said the word 'men' made my stomach drop. "Okay, I'll tell mom and dad to go home with Elizabeth and I'll come right back in, okay? I'll go home later, it's no big deal." I tell her.

I pass her a tissue so she can dry her eyes and I go out and tell mom and dad.

They are, as always, very understanding and they wish us well for what we're about to go through. I tell them I'll be home later today to collect some things and I watch them walk down the corridor before going back in to Bella.

She's shaking still, but she's not crying anymore. I ask if she needs anything and she says the bathroom, so I slip her new slippers onto her feet and help her up out of the bed. She uses the new techniques Sandra has showed her to keep her muscles clenched while she walks the short distance to the bathroom. She still uses me as a brace but I can tell she's leaning on me less now than she did this morning.

I get her into the bathroom and when she's leaning up against the basin, and has her weight balanced, I back out and leave her to it. I've showed her where the call button is if she needs help and tell her I won't come back in until she calls for me.

She's still in there when the police show up. Sheila tells me they've arrived and I let Bella know I need to go to the nurses station to greet them. She tells me okay.

It's the same two cops I met with that first time in Port Angeles. The guy comes forward first, hand outstretched. "Good to see you again Doctor Cullen." He says and I shake his hand.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember your names." I tell them. "That day was a bit of a blur."

"Happens all the time. How about we do introductions with Bella, that way we don't have to do it twice?" the woman says helpfully.

"Sure, she's in here." I tell them and lead the way into Bella's room. "She's in the bathroom, have a seat." I tell them. "Our family lawyer has asked that we wait to speak with you until he arrives, but he should only be a few more minutes." I tell them. Neither has any problem with that. I turn back to the bathroom door. "You ready to come out again Bella?" I ask.

"Edward?" She calls quietly.

"Yeah baby, it's me. I'm coming in to get you now, alright?" I ask. She says okay so I go in. She's standing at the basin already and she looks pretty steady to me. "You're doing so well." I tell her. "The police are in your room so I don't want you to get a fright alright? I won't leave you and they won't hurt you, okay?" I tell her firmly. She nods and I put a hand on her back gently. "Okay, I want you to turn slowly and then we'll walk back in together." I tell her.

I keep my hand on her back as she turns to face the door and straightens. She's holding her own weight for the few seconds it takes her to face it and then she can lean on my forearms again. She sighs in relief when I take her weight. She shuffles along for a few steps and then loosens up as she gets control of her muscles and her pain. She's walking a little better by the time we get to the side of her bed.

She concentrates hard as I sit her down and help her to lie back down in the bed. She looks up at the cops and smiles a little. "Hello." She says quietly.

The female cop is staring at her intently; I just hope she's got the good sense not to gasp at the bruising still on her face and the scars at her ear and mouth. Luckily, for her, she gathers herself and introduces herself as Detective Carol Hardwick and then her partner as Detective Ken Livingstone.

"I'm Bella Black." Says my Bella and I cringe. I hate that name, I hate it so much I want to rip the plaque off the wall where it's written.

There is a soft knock at the door and Gary Benson joins us. I introduce him to the two cops and he tells us that he'll just hang back and take notes. Bella seems okay with that so I go and sit in my armchair while the interview goes ahead. This is nothing to do with me, I'm only here for moral support for Bella, and so I try to stay focused on what she needs, rather than what I want.

Ken takes out a notepad and asks whether Bella would prefer to tell her story or be asked questions. She says she would rather just answer their questions today. He says he understands that the whole matter is delicate and assures her that anything she tells them remains with them, they won't tell anyone who either doesn't need to know, or has no way to help her situation.

I see her take a deep breath as Ken reads the first questions from his notepad. And his first one is a biggy.

"There has been an allegation made that your father, Chief Charles Andrew Swan of the Forks Police Department, abused you physically and mentally as a child. Would you care to make a statement about that?" He asks.

Bella looks to me first but then looks back to the cop. I see her set her jaw before she answers in a good, clear voice. "Physical, mental and sexual abuse, yes." She says.

I'm so fucking proud of her. The first question would've done me in but here she was, telling it straight up without fear. I smile when she looks my way again. The female cop is writing and so is Gary.

"I see." Ken says. "We'll need details of the instances of that, but for today I think we need to just get a broad idea of what we're dealing with as the statute of limitations for most of the felonies has elapsed." He says.

I'd figured as much. Even the cop shows on the TV teach you about that shit. Bella will be twenty five soon, so it's too long ago to charge Charlie with what he did when she was a kid.

"I am in possession of some evidence to support Mrs Blacks claims officers. My office will forward all the information to you as soon as your request is official." Gary says and Ken thanks him profusely.

Carol speaks up then, her notepad open too. "I'm sorry to have to ask this, but I need to know the answer Bella. Were you sexually active before your father hurt you the first time?" She asks. Bella cringes but says no, she wasn't. Carol notes the answer. "How old were you when the sexual assaults began?" She asks. Bella tells her fourteen and another note is made. "Did you ever tell anyone about it back then? A friend, a teacher, a doctor or another relative maybe?" She asks.

"No. I was frightened and dad told me that because he was a policeman he'd lose his job and we'd have to eat out of rubbish cans if that happened. So I didn't tell anyone. I thought about it when I got older and started to realise that other girls didn't have it happening to them, but by then he'd started the punishment and reward system and it was just easier to go along with it rather than be hurt." She says quietly.

Carol writes furiously in her notepad so Ken takes over the questions. "Did you ever receive any medical treatment associated with sexual assault Bella?" He asks and Bella is quiet while she thinks.

"I don't think so, no. I mean, he beat me if I resisted, but I got beaten a lot back then. Not all of it was about sex. I was stubborn at the start, until I learned to behave in the house properly. Sometimes I did things wrong and I was hit, but I don't think I had any specific injuries that came from the sex though, so no." Bella says clearly.

It's Carol's turn again then. She's finished writing in her book and it's her turn to ask the next question. Again it's a fucking beauty. "When did the sexual assault end?" She asks.

Bella tips her head to the side and thinks. "I got married on a Friday, um two days before that, so the Wednesday before I got married."

"Mother fucker." I hiss, not quite quietly enough by the looks on the cops faces. "Sorry." I mutter and throw Bella as big a smile as I can muster.

"I'm so sorry." She says to me.

"Nothing for you to be sorry for." I manage to tell her while I rein in my anger as best I can.

"And you were married when?" The cop asks.

"July 30th last year." Bella tells her.

I will never forget that date for as long as I live.

"And your baby was born when?" The cop asks.

I want to let Bella know that she's nothing to be ashamed of, that they know Elizabeth isn't Jakes, that she should just tell them what Charlie did, but this isn't my interview and she's already said she would find it easier if they just asked her questions.

"March sixteen." She mumbles.

"Well, that's one thing then."Carol says. "That is still within the statute so if we can prove it, and that's never easy, we can charge your father with molesting you. There are a whole myriad of things he can be charged with actually. Ranging from sexual assault, indecent liberties, rape and aggravated assault, but proving it might be difficult. Especially if your child was conceived during the time you were assaulted by your father. He could claim promiscuity, if you'd been sexually active with a lover or boyfriend during that time, and you'd have no comeback I'm afraid." She says sadly.

Bella's eyes fly to mine and I know exactly what she's thinking. I'm out of my chair and by her side, her cheeks in my palms in a heartbeat. "Baby, tell them, they're here to help. I know you don't want anyone to know, but they can stop him, they can make sure he never hurts anyone ever again." I beg her. "You haven't done anything wrong darling, this is his doing, nobody will think less of you, I swear."

Her eyes are filled with tears and my heart breaks as she sobs, but I know this is the right thing, this is what has to happen. I lean over and kiss both her cheeks softly. I whisper that I love her, that I'm here for her, that I'll hold her hand while she tells her secrets.

"If there is something we should know about, something that will help us stop Chief Swan from abusing someone else, you should tell us Bella." Ken says kindly.

Bella asks for a tissue and I pass her one. She dries her eyes and leans a little closer to me. "Do you really think it will help?" She whispers to me and I nod furiously that I do. She sighs and takes a big gulp of air. "I can prove that my dad raped me when I say he did." She whispers.

All three start writing in their various notebooks but its Carol who breaks the silence. "How can you prove it Bella?" She asks slowly.

I feel Bella stiffen as she begins to speak but I know she's going to go through with it because she's the strongest person I've ever known. "Because he's Elizabeth's father." She whispers.

"Son of a bitch." Ken Livingstone hisses, and then he coughs to cover his reaction.

Carol looks directly at me this time. She's probably heard it all, and worse, before, so her calmer reaction shouldn't shock me. "A DNA screen will have to be performed." She says to me.

"I have a sample from the baby, I just need one from Bella." I admit. Bella looks at me with murder in her eyes and I sigh sadly. "When we were at the clinic yesterday I took a swap of the inside of her mouth baby, that's all. It didn't hurt her, I promise. Gary said we should be prepared to have to disprove any claim Jake might make on her. I didn't want to have to wait weeks for that. I wanted to have the proof ready to go if we ever needed it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you first." I say.

She sighs but rests her head on my shoulder. "I guess it's alright, you would've had to do it today anyway."

Her reactions to things are the total opposite of what I'd been expecting today. So is the reaction of the police.

"You'll need to sign a paper to give your permission Bella, even though the test has already been conducted we'll still need to be able to prove to a court that you have consented to the test being done." Ken tells her.

"I'll sign." Bella says.

"I don't pretend to understand how DNA works, but if Bella's father is the father of her child, what will the test show?" Gary asks.

"I can't say for sure, it's not my field of expertise, but it will show that Jake isn't Elizabeth's father at least. It will prove that Bella is her biological mother, of course, and I'm guessing here so don't quote me, but it should also show that the genetic link that Bella and Charlie Swan share is the same as the genetic link between Charlie and Elizabeth. It will prove that he is her biological father without doubt." I tell them.

"Then that line of questioning will be put on hold until the results of those tests are returned. Bella you'll need to have a swab taken too." Ken tells her and Bella asks if I'll do it. I tell her of course I will and then it's back to Ken's questions. "Your child is registered as Elizabeth Smith, can you explain to us the reason she does not have either your maiden name or your married name?" He asks.

I've wanted to know this for myself for a long time too. Bella sighs lightly. "I refused to call her Swan because of my dad, Jake refused to let me call her Black because he wasn't her father, so I picked a random, generic name. Neither of them wanted her, neither of them would call her theirs, my father even tried to accuse me of sleeping with some random boy that I'd met in the street so I knew, if it came down to it, he'd deny her, so I named her something that she wouldn't be ashamed of when she got older."

"I see. Well, I'd like you to know that I believe you Mrs Black, but as a cop I have to cover all the bases and ask questions that I sometimes don't think I should. This is one of them. Did you choose the name Smith because you had a liaison with a Mr Smith and conceived the child with him prior to your marriage to Mr Black?" Ken asked.

"No." Bella answers simply. I kiss her hair in encouragement.

Ken writes her answer down and moves on, "There has also been an allegation made that Charles Andrew Swan has made a written contract with your husband, Jake William Black, for your purchase. Is that something you can confirm or deny?" Ken asks.

Bella doesn't flinch this time. She knows, after talking with mom and me, and Gary yesterday, that the contract is a crock of shit and how very wrong it is. "It's true. Jake paid my father twenty thousand dollars for me. They both signed a contract of sale and I signed it too. I have a copy, it's at Edward's house."

Gary's eyes light up when he hears that. "I'll have it delivered to your station tomorrow." He tells the detectives. "Do you happen to know how the payment was made?" He asks Bella.

"Bank cheque, it was my job to deposit it." She says.

Gary starts writing furiously, as do the other two. Apparently this is good news.

"Excellent." Carol says as she writes again. "There is evidence that Mr Black has assaulted you on several occasions Mrs Black. Is it your intention to make a complaint against your husband in relation to this evidence?" She asks.

Bella looks to me and I shrug. "I can't tell you what to do Bella. This is your decision. You have to decide if you want Jake to pay a price for what he put you and Elizabeth through."

"I think I do." She mumbles and I smile. She turns to Carol. "He beat me when he found out I was pregnant. He hadn't done anything to me before that, it only started after he found out I was already pregnant. I assumed my father had told him, but he hadn't. He was furious. After that first beating he stopped that though, because it might hurt the baby. He had other ways to punish me. He and my dad talked about how to discipline me, dad explained to him what I was used to, how he should punish or reward me. That's how I ended up with the rules list." Bella tells them.

This was new ground for me and I hated having to hear it. I did my best to remain as calm as possible, especially since I was sitting beside Bella, her head was resting on my shoulder, so she could feel every reaction I had.

"The other ways he punished you Mrs Black, can you describe these for us?" Ken asked.

"I don't want to be called Mrs Black, I'm Bella." She says in a firm, clear voice. I squeeze her hand as a thank you and she squeezes back. "Are you asking what I was punished for, or how he punished me, because there is a list of behaviours that earn me certain punishments as well as rewards." She says.

Fuck me dead. I didn't want to know this shit. I hadn't come to terms with the stuff I already knew, I was nowhere near ready to hear this part. But the police were.

"You can describe it to us any way you wish Bella. If we have questions we'll ask at the end." Carol says kindly, making sure to call her Bella, not Mrs Black this time.

Bella takes a deep breath. "My rules list at home with my father was a little different to the list at Jacob's, but I was Jake's wife so I guess the situation was a little different from the start. I don't know what to tell you, I've lived this way my whole life, it seems normal to me." She shrugs and I cringe.

I can't help it. What's normal for her is so fucked up for everyone else and it hurts me to hear her say it. She pats my belly and I tense. I close my hand over hers and squeeze her fingers in support. "I saw the list of rules on the wall." I tell the cops.

Ken raises his eyebrows. "There is an actual, physical list?" He asks.

"Didn't Emmett give you a copy of his photos?" I ask. I'll kill him if he hasn't.

"Oh, yes. I have that here." He pulls some six by fours from the back of his notepad and lays them out on the end of Bella's bed. "I can't really make out the wording of most of them, but I have been able to read some. Can I ask a few questions about these rules, maybe we'll get a clearer picture about how you were treated that way?" He asks and Bella nods. "You had a list of telephone numbers you were allowed to call, is that what the top of the list says?"

Bella nods. "Yes. Jake said that because he worked and paid the bills, and the use of the telephone was a privilege not a right, that I was only allowed to use it in certain circumstances. I didn't mind, I didn't have anyone to call anyway."

"You could've called me." I mumble and Bella's little hand tightens against my stomach a little.

"Do you recall who you were allowed to call and when?" Carol asks.

I realise she knows already what was on the list, they just need to hear Bella explain it in her own words.

"Um, sure, it is pretty standard though. I am allowed to call the police if there is a break in at the apartment. I can call the fire brigade anytime and an ambulance only if it is for Jake or the baby. The number for the grocery store is programmed into the phone so I am allowed to call them once a week to place our grocery order. I am allowed to call my father any time I like, but I don't." She says quietly.

"Bella, that's how you _used_ to live. Not anymore, not anymore." I tell her firmly. All her words were present tense when she was describing it and it fucking killed me to think that she'll ever have to live by a list like that ever again.

"The next one is difficult to interpret. It says only the baby is allowed outside, is that correct?" Ken asks.

"Yeah, Elizabeth was allowed outside, on the balcony, to get some sun. She liked it too. I would take her diaper off and let her lie there to get some fresh air, and the lady at Edward's clinic told me that a little bit of sunshine is good for babies. Is that wrong?" Bella asks, craning her neck to look up at me.

I sigh. "No baby, that's not wrong. But you needed sun too." I tell her.

"I wasn't allowed. The neighbours on either side of us were watching. They took notes on how long I was out there with the baby, so I knew not to dawdle." She says sternly.

"Wait a minute, you think the people who lived either side of you kept notes on your movements outside the apartment?" Carol asked, incredulous.

"Yes of course. Jake told me they were watching me for him. When the postman came each day I was allowed to walk to the sidewalk to collect it and then come straight back inside. I saw the curtains twitch on the window beside ours early on, so I knew he wasn't lying. Once a week I was allowed to the curb to collect the trash bin, so it's not like I never saw the sun." She clucks her tongue as though we are all crazy and her situation is perfectly reasonable and we just don't understand.

Carol's face is pallid. I think it's only just dawning on them what sort of life she's had to lead. "Were you allowed to have your own mail?" She asks very quietly. Oh yeah, she's just worked it out how fucked up it really was.

"No, of course not. That is a fathers, or a husbands decision, whether or not I get mail. I don't though, ever. Oh, wait. That's a lie, sorry. I got a letter from your clinic once Edward. It was a reminder that Elizabeth was due for her two month shots. I was allowed to have that. I still have it. Oh, I have another letter too. I got an invitation to Alice' wedding late last year. It was beautiful. The paper was ivory and it was so thick. I still have it. I'm only allowed to have six personal objects on display in the apartment at any one time, so I keep it tucked away inside a book to keep it clean, but I still have it." She says proudly. She turns her face up to me with sad eyes. "Alice won't mind that I didn't display it will she? It's just that I kept my toiletries bag out and the photo of Elizabeth they took when she was at your clinic the first time. With Elizabeth's teddy bear and her pacifier, my wedding ring and locket, that was six things." She says apologetically.

I think of all the mail I get and don't bother reading. I think of the useless 'things' that I've got on every surface in my rooms and my heart breaks for her. I kiss the top of her head and hold her tight. "If it's in the books that were in his closet I've got it baby. When you come home you can have it framed. We'll never put your things away again Bella. You can display whatever you want." I tell her quietly. I reach for her hand and run her wedding ring around her finger. She's so fucking loyal, even when they beat her she stays loyal to them, wearing his fucking ring like it's something she needs to do. I want her to take it off. "Do you want to keep that?" I ask, nodding at her hand. She looks down at it and then back up at me. Her eyes are sad and she's pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Slowly she shakes her head back and forth. I'm aware that we have an audience and that this probably isn't a good time for this type of thing, but I don't fucking care. She needs healing, she needs to cleanse herself of all the bullshit, the pain and the lies she's been surrounded with her whole life. I want that ring off her finger and mine there to protect her. She tugs the plain gold band off her finger and holds it out to me in her palm. I take it and put it on the bedside cabinet. I pull her hand to my lips and kiss her fingers softly. I put her hand back on my stomach and take the signet ring off my right ring finger. All the Cullen men wear them and I've had mine since I started high school. I've never taken it off, until now. I slide it onto her left hand and kiss her knuckles again. "Please don't take it off until I put an engagement ring there." I whisper to her softly.

I know she's crying because she's burrowed up under my chin and won't show me her eyes. She's nodding and squeezing my hand like mad. I raise my eyes and take in the three others in the room. Carol is smiling widely, Ken is writing in his notebook furiously and Gary Benson is grinning from ear to ear.

"Shall we continue?" I laugh and the tension is broken.

"Are you able to continue Bella?" Ken asks and Bella nods. "You were only allowed six books as well as six personal items, is that correct?" He reads from the photo in front of him.

"Yes." Bella says softly, still curled up against my chest.

"No television, no radio, no outside contact with anyone other than your father, is that correct?" He asks.

"No, I was allowed television. The news only. I was allowed to listen to the radio during the day. But no visitors other than my dad." She says.

"I don't understand the next one. You had to leave the garbage out for his inspection before it could be sealed and disposed of?" He asks, eyebrows raised.

"That's right. He was afraid I'd throw something away that was valuable. He put on his grocery list that he needed a new toothbrush once, so when it came with the groceries I threw his old one out. He was furious. I was punished. He wanted me to keep it to clean with, so after that he inspected the garbage before I took it to the curb." She tells him.

All three write furiously. I can see Ken's anger rising but he's doing his best to keep up a nonbiased countenance. He's doing better than I am and I knew some of this shit already.

"Speaking of your grocery list," Ken says as he shuffles the photos in front of him and chooses a new one to read from, "You had an allowance of forty-two dollars for yourself and the baby, is that correct?" He asks.

"Yes. It went up each month though. In a few days Elizabeth will be three months old, so it will go up to forty-eight then." She says like it's a generous concession.

"I see." Ken writes as he speaks. "The statement made by Doctor Cullen says that on the shelving marked with your name in the kitchen there was, and I quote, 'a couple of packets of crackers and maybe three or four packets of jell-o'. It also states that the contents of the refrigerator were meagre in the extreme on the top two shelves, but that the door and the remaining shelves were filled with food and drink. Are the top two shelves assigned for you and your baby's use?" He asks.

"Yes." Bella mumbles. "But I had more food than just crackers and jell-o, Edward just mustn't have seen it. I had some apples in a basket on the kitchen table and in the freezer I had eight slices of bread and two strips of bacon." She says defensively.

"A wrapped teabag was in a container in the refrigerator, was that yours?" He asks carefully of Bella.

"Yes."

"How many times had you used it prior to putting it in the container?"

"A few." She admits.

"How much does a can of baby formula cost?" He asks.

"Twelve dollars." She mumbles.

"And diapers for a newborn, per week, at a guess?" He asks. "That's wipes and powders and lotions and the diapers themselves. How much do you think?"

"Twenty dollars I suppose." She mumbles again.

"So out of your forty-two dollar allowance, each week, you are obligated to buy thirty-two dollars worth, at a minimum, for your child, leaving you with ten dollars to live off for yourself. Is that correct?" he asks.

"I suppose so, yes." Bella sighs.

"I see." He says and keeps writing in his notepad. Gary is quiet but writes steadily through almost the whole interview.

Carol is going to have a turn now. "I need to ask some questions now about your punishment and reward system. At any time during your marriage were you threatened with the withdrawal of basic necessities, those are things like food and water, shelter and protection, if you failed to provide sexual favours?"

"No. I mean, I had things I needed to do to earn my keep. But everyone has that. Right?" Bella asks the female cop.

"Things like doing the washing and ironing, mopping the floor, cooking meals, things like that?" Carol asks. It sounds like an ordinary question but I think I might know where this is heading and I brace myself to hear Bella's answer.

"Well yes, those things too." She says, almost defiantly. "Of course I had to do those things, that's what a woman does. We cook and clean and wash and iron and the man provides the money. I'm not stupid, I know everyone has to do those things." Bella says.

"Of course, someone has to do those things in a marriage, and I concede that it's usually the woman." Carol says evenly. "But I'm talking about other things. Were you required to do other things so that Jake kept providing for you and for Elizabeth?" She asks astutely.

I sigh, I can't help it. I know now where this is going. Bella is going to have to explain the things she's done in order to survive, to stave off beatings, and I just don't want to hear it. My tiny glimpse into it last night was enough. I can feel the sick, bile-like flavour rising in the back of my throat as Bella begins to speak.

Bella tucks her head up under my chin and mutters 'I'm sorry' to me and then starts her story. "There were rules I had to follow in order to be fed, yes. They weren't all unreasonable, he was my husband, I married him freely, he didn't force me to, he offered and I accepted. That gives him rights, I know that. I'm not stupid or naive. I know he was right to expect sex from me. But babies aren't cheap, they cost a lot, and he'd been tricked. I tricked him by not telling him I was pregnant, so it was a cost he wasn't prepared for. So I had to earn the right to keep Elizabeth." She whispers.

I can see that Ken is disgusted and Gary isn't too far off tossing his cookies either. Carol is writing furiously and trying hard to keep her composure. "Go on." Ken says finally. "Can you tell us how your husband made you earn that right? Can you explain to us how he exercised his right to have sex with you?" He asked, leading Bella towards telling them what they needed to hear, but what I didn't want her to have to say out loud.

"Well, I'm allowed to shower twice a week, four minutes at a time on sex days. That's Tuesday and Friday. I'm allowed to have soap, no shampoo or anything though. I'm allowed toothpaste and a toothbrush, my hairbrush and a razor once a week, but not when water is running. I have to be clean shaven and clean, you know, elsewhere, by the time he comes home from work on sex days. The baby must be asleep, or out of sight, on sex days." Bella says.

I swipe at my eyes with the back of my hand. I'm not crying but I'm not fucking far off it. I can feel the tears sitting in the corners of my eyes, just waiting for me to give in and sob like a baby. But Bella is calm and being so brave so I stave them off, shoving all the pain and anger deep down so I don't embarrass myself. Carol is having no such luck. She's mopping at her eyes openly. Gary is appalled but writing still.

"Any other rules?" Ken asks quietly. He doesn't look like a cop now, he looks like an ordinary man who's just heard something so evil he wants to kill. He looks like I feel.

"Sure, lots." Bella says nonchalantly. I have to keep reminding myself that she's lived by these rules her whole life, she doesn't realise there aren't rules for normal people, not like these anyway. "If I cried during sex I'd earn an extra sex day that week. I learnt that one early. I don't cry now. If I didn't show enough enthusiasm I'd be schooled. If I showed too much, and it sounded fake to him, I'd be punched. He liked to bite, a lot. If I cried out or voiced my pain when he bit he'd punch." She said matter of factly.

"I'm sorry to have to ask this, but can you tell us how you received the vaginal tear?" Carol asks and I cringe. Bella does too.

This is something she doesn't want people to know about, but they've seen her records by now, they know what she was admitted with and for. This is unavoidable now. I squeeze her hand in support and hope she's able to tell them because I don't think I can.

"Elizabeth was born on a Wednesday, right here in this hospital actually. They let me take her home on the Friday morning. I had stitches from her and I was still bleeding, but Friday was a sex day so I had to shower and be ready by the time he got home. I begged him not to, I told him that it would hurt so much, that I had stitches and was sore, but he told me that that was my problem. That if I'd just kept my legs closed until after we were married I wouldn't have a bastard kid and he'd be able to fuck me as normal. The stitches didn't last long." She mumbled. "I think my ribs got broken that night. He didn't like the blood, you see. I hadn't had my period around him of course, because I was already pregnant before the first time he took me, but he said he would've forgiven me menstrual blood, but that this blood was different. This was the evidence of what a whore I was, it was whoring blood. He did it anyway but I cried, I tried not to, but I cried because it hurt when I tore. I think he knew I was going to have to go to the hospital so he didn't punch me in the face that night. He broke my ribs instead so nobody would see. He brought me to the clinic the next day, remember Edward?" She asks me.

"Yeah." I sigh. "Ten weeks ago, my notes are in the file I sent you." I tell Ken and he nods. "Ribs seven through ten, same as this time." I tell them. I'm on auto pilot by this point. Numb. Horrified. Shocked. Sick and just utterly devastated at the life she's led.

"Okay. Um, what can you tell me about the beating you received to put you in here this time?" Ken asks almost reluctantly. I know how he feels, I've heard enough too.

"Oh. Um. Well. I had an infection where my stitches were I think. I smelled pretty bad and my nipple was nearly falling off from the biting, so I took a chance and went to Edward's clinic. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and begged me to bring Elizabeth for a check up and to come back for myself in a few days. He thought my ribs were broken and that the infection was very bad, you see. But it's not his fault, I wouldn't let him help me, I was afraid." She whispers. I kiss her hair and tell her to just tell them, that nobody blames her for anything. "Well, I went home again and everything was normal for a couple of days but when I didn't go back to the clinic for my check up Edward called the apartment. I'm not allowed to answer the phone so I had to let him leave a message. Jake heard the message of course, and accused me of having an affair with Edward and of squandering his money on medicines and clinic visits. I have to take the bus you see, to get there, and its three dollars twenty for both Elizabeth and I to ride the bus each way. He was really angry that night. He made me wash, even though it was a Monday, and not a sex day, he said he wanted it anyway. He was rougher than normal. He told me that he had to mark me so that even if I did manage to fool Edward into wanting me he'd never bother once I got my clothes off and he saw what damaged goods I really was. He bit my nipple so hard he had to spit some of it out of his mouth. He used the base of his bedside lamp to hit me and it opened the cut on my head and gave me the one on the top of my shoulder. I'd put my hands up to defend myself, which is a rule by the way, I'm not allowed to do that, so he hit me with it again. It broke my fingers and cut my shoulder open. Because I was infected and smelled bad he didn't want normal sex, just oral sex. If I'd been good for a whole week that was sometimes my reward, just oral sex not full sex. But that night he was too rough and he pushed and pulled me a lot, my teeth cut the inside of my lip and when he took his penis out of my mouth at the end, and saw there was blood on it, he got angry. Said it was whores blood and that now I'd ruined my, you know, my vagina, and my mouth. He hooked his fingers inside my mouth and then punched me. I felt it rip but I don't remember much after that. I think I passed out." She says quietly. "Actually I know I did pass out because when I woke up I was in my bed and Jake was gone to work. Elizabeth was screaming and she was really wet and really hungry. I think I'd been out all night."

"Mother fucker." Ken mumbles. "Um, sorry about that. Disregard that. Do you recall anything else about that incident?" He asks.

"Not a lot, no. But when Jake came home the next day, it was Tuesday, a sex day, he said he didn't want me for either oral sex or normal sex because I was a mess so he said he'd take me in my bottom. I'd never done that and I knew it was going to hurt so I cried and asked him not to, to let me just heal and then he could go back to having me normally. He punched me and I woke up a couple hours later with the burning pain in my foot and in my cheek. I couldn't see properly after that and my ear was torn right through. So I don't know what happened after I passed out." She shrugs like its nothing.

Carol is openly crying, but she's turned her back so we can't see her mopping at her eyes. Ken looks to her sympathetically but I can see he's imploring her, with his eyes, to get her shit together so they can finish this up. "The admission report says you have some burns on your thighs. Were they caused by your husband?" He asks.

I know about the burns but I don't know how or why she has them. I feel sick again, I wonder if I can take much more. She's so matter of fact, so calm, so devoid of emotion as she tells them what he's done to her, but I can't handle much more. I'm at my limit. This might just break me.

And then she speaks.

"Oh yes, they're from Jake. If I didn't orgasm when he said I should he'd burn me with his cigarette on the inside of my thigh to teach me the difference between the pleasure he allowed me to have, and the pain he could insist I have instead." She says.

I can taste the vomit in my mouth by the time she's done saying it. Gary Benson is wiping his eyes with his handkerchief, Carol is on her feet and walking towards the bathroom. Ken is writing but his hand is shaking. I hold Bella but it's a selfish act. I need to hold onto her so I don't topple over myself. She's so fucking strong, so able to do this, and I'm not.

Ken waits until his partner is once again in her seat, her red rimmed eyes trained on her notebook once again, before he speaks. "One more question Bella and then we'll leave you be for now. The day you were brought in to hospital, you were alone in the house with the baby, is that correct?" He asks and Bella nods. "When Mrs Cullen called for the ambulance, and I have a transcript of the call here, she stated that you were unconscious and unresponsive. That you were lying on the floor in the living room with no obvious signs of a struggle or anyone else in the area. Did you pass out because of your existing injuries or did something else happen to render you unconscious?" He asks.

If someone asks me, in ten years time, if I took a breath between him asking the question and Bella's answer I'd swear on a stack of bibles that I didn't. I didn't want to hear it. If she voiced my guilt it would end me. I knew she had no choice, my part in this was bound to come out.

"Edward phoned and left a message begging me to contact him so he could help me. I knew if Jake heard it, which he would, he'd hit me again and he'd kill me. I wouldn't survive another punch and I wouldn't recover from sex again, not with the injuries I already had. So I put Elizabeth in her bed and tried not to faint where I'd hit the furniture on the way to the ground." Bella whispers.

"It's my fault she's in here." I mumble and hold her tight.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you're thinking. **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: The response to the previous few chapters has been overwhelming! It took me hours to reply to all the reviews and private messages. Thank you to those who took the time to write to me and tell me how the last chapter made you feel. I apologise to those it made feel sick and applaud those who found a new understanding for battered women. **

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Chapter 19 – Truth and Dare

**BPOV**

The minute the police left, and Mr Benson too, Kerry was there to talk to us. I don't know if it was arranged that way, but she was there within minutes of the door closing on them, there she was, clipboard in hand.

Edward was shell shocked, I think, about some of the things I'd said in the meeting but Kerry told us that it was better to have all our secrets out on the table before we began a relationship together. I agreed, in principle, but when the person you love most cannot seem to stop throwing up because of the things you've done it certainly makes you wonder if the advice is good advice.

I admitted to them both that I was afraid of what was going to happen now. I was afraid that my father and my husband would take their anger out on the Cullen's and that we would never be free of them if I took up with Edward. He asked me, point blank, if that was what I wanted, to be with him, and I told him honestly that it was. I told him that it had always been what I'd wanted.

He seemed to calm down after that. It was as though everything else he'd learned could be set aside just because I'd told him I loved him. I wished it could be that easy for us, that we admit to each other that we are in love and all the rest just melts away, but of course it doesn't work that way at all.

Kerry tried to talk to Edward about how he was feeling about his part in the incident that put me in hospital, but he wouldn't be moved from his original thoughts. He believed that he was responsible for me being beaten because he didn't respect my request for him to leave me alone.

Kerry tried to tell him that if he hadn't called I wouldn't be free of Jake now. He nodded but I could tell he didn't believe it at all. He agreed to speak with Kerry about it some more during their sessions. He wouldn't say anymore to her about it after that. He told her very rudely that he needed to speak with me about that before he could speak with her about it again.

Kerry left us after we agreed to speak with her again in a couple of day's time, when Edward wasn't working.

Edward climbed up onto my bed and stroked my hair and told me over and over how proud of me he was, how brave I'd been, and how much he loved me.

I tried to tell him, in my own words, that he wasn't the reason I was in the hospital. I needed him to know that I didn't blame him at all. I told him I was grateful that he hadn't listened. He was shocked and angry when I said that, but when I explained that I believed I'd still be in the apartment right now, Elizabeth too, he relented a little. He still couldn't forgive himself for putting me in danger and I guess that if I was in his position, I'd find it hard too. I tried a different tack after that. I made him promise me never to say it again, I made him promise me that he would never take responsibility for my injuries again because he'd never laid a hand on me, Jake and Charlie had and unless he was willing to say he was like them, he shouldn't try to take a part of their blame. After that he agreed, but I was left wondering if he'd just agreed not to voice it, that he'd still believe it for himself.

We each agreed that we needed to talk to Kerry some more about the things I'd talked about with the police today.

When we'd both calmed down Edward went home. The room felt so quiet, so empty without him in it. I knew he had to go. I knew he didn't want to and that made it a little easier to say goodbye to him when it was time for him to leave. I didn't want to think about the following morning when I'd have to say goodbye to him for the day. It hurt to think about.

I was pretty proud of myself for not needing too much help from Sheila to get into the armchair. I leant on her, of course, but not as much as I had been and it hurt a lot less to sit down now. It was the first hint that I was truly healing and at least physically I might just be able to move on.

Of course, mentally, I had a long way to go. I knew that. I'd talked to Kerry about that already. She agreed that I was going to have to relearn almost everything. And therein lied the problem for me.

Edward had now learned a lot about what my life was like with my father and then with Jake, and although I now understood that the things I'd always been taught to think were normal were actually not, my brain was going to take some time to get used to that. I had no point of reference. So while people were telling me that my rules weren't the average ones, I didn't know what rules anyone else lived by either.

I didn't know what a wife really did. I knew what was expected of me in the only relationship I'd ever had, and being told that wasn't normal, or even legal, didn't really make much difference to me. It's what I knew.

I was grateful to be out of harm's way, and I had told Edward that, thanking him over and over for being the one to rescue me, but it was a hollow relief. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, no value and nothing to offer.

I knew that Esme and Alice, even Rosie, would be good role models for me, but how do you ask someone something like that? Do you just call them up and ask outright? 'Hey, its Bella, I was wondering, can you teach me how to be a woman?' Or, 'Hi, it's Bella, out of interest, when your husband wants sex do you have the right to refuse?' Imagine having to call up Esme one day and asking out of the blue how to be a mother. These weren't things I could ask. And then there was the other side of the coin. What about Edward? How do I know that the things he wants from me – even though he says he wants nothing I'm not prepared to give – are normal things he should want? How do I know what I want to give, how do I know what's the right thing to offer him? I can't ask him and asking Carlisle makes my heart race with anxiety. Should I _want_ to have sex ever again? _Can_ I have sex ever again? Am I permanently broken down there? What about my nipple? Will he be horrified, like Jake said he would be, when he saw it? Would he ever want to see me naked? _Should_ he want to see me naked? Do women have sex when they aren't trying to make a baby? Should I like it every time? Am I supposed to expect an orgasm? Is it wrong to want one? Am I supposed to like it or is it just one more chore for me?

I'll never be comfortable asking Kerry these things, and I don't know if they are even things she'd know the answers to.

And then there is Elizabeth. I have no idea what I'm doing for Elizabeth. I don't want to teach her the wrong things, but I only know the wrong things. And they are wrong because people keep telling me my skill set is all wrong. What if she grows up thinking my way of life is the right way? And honestly, how do I teach someone what's right and wrong when I don't know myself. Is there a rule book? Is there a test? Can I study for it? Is there a wiki page?

Everyone assured me that I had nothing to fear anymore, that I'd done nothing wrong and that my father and Jake were bad men who deserved to be punished. I accepted their assurances, but deep down I ached for Elizabeth and Edward most of all.

For the hand that Elizabeth had been dealt and that poor Edward was in love with a whore. And not even a very good one. I hadn't satisfied my father, or made him happy. I'd lied to Jake and agreed to marry him even though I didn't love him. I deceived him and hadn't managed to satisfy him either. I was good at making him angry and I was good at sucking the life from men, but other than that I had no worth at all. If it wasn't for Elizabeth I'd have removed myself from this earth a long time ago.

I was no good at keeping house because I spent too much money and used too many resources on my child. I was no good as a daughter because I'd had to be punished far more often than rewarded and as a wife I'd failed miserably. Now I was bleeding Edward dry. The hospital bills were going to be astronomical. Then there was the drugs bill, physio, dentists, shrinks, gynaecologists and even a plastic surgeon. What Mr Benson cost made me shiver. Then there was what Elizabeth was costing him, costing them all really. In time and effort and in monetary terms too. They'd had her for two weeks and she had all new clothes and all that formula and god knows what else. Edward had even spent money on a pusher!

Now he had arranged for a television and for me to use the phone, that all cost money and he wasn't working because he was here looking after me. I know he had to go back to work tomorrow morning, but this was all going to cost him a small fortune, and I had no way to repay it.

To make it worse I now had Edward's ring on my finger, before I even had a divorce from my husband, and that just reinforced the fact that I was a whore. I'd sold myself to the highest bidder, Jake, and now I was quite likely going to ruin another man's life simply because I was afraid to be on my own with Elizabeth.

It was quite possible that he was in love with a Bella that didn't exist. He was in love with the idea of the girl he thought I was when we were younger. I'm not that girl, I never really was. In public I was a quiet, invisible girl who people sort of thought they knew of. I was the girl nobody missed at parties, the kind of girl you assumed was in the room but didn't actively seek out.

I think Alice, out of everyone, saw a small part of the real me back then. I could be a bit freer with her, locked in her room on the second floor. We could try on her clothes and do our hair. We could gossip about boys and made wild speculations about which of the girls in our class were padding their bras and wearing too much eyeliner. I still couldn't confide in Alice, but she was the only person I let get close to me back then.

In private I was a desperate recluse who spent so much time hiding from her father, and then from her husband, that the sound of a doorknob turning was sometimes enough to make her lose control of her bladder. This of course meant another beating for being filthy.

Edward deserved a nice girl, someone who would give him what he wanted without the baggage I had. Someone who he could be proud of, someone without a face covered in scars for a start. Someone who could give him children of his own. He'd never see Elizabeth as I did, as a perfectly blank canvas that had no ties to the horror of her birth. He'd always see her as Charlie's mistake and my weakness. I didn't want that for her or for him.

I needed to talk to the therapist and also talk to Alice and then to Esme. If after speaking with them they all thought that Edward was in a good enough mental place to make the decision to be with me, and that he truly saw me for what I am and he still decided he loved me after all that, well then I'd relent. But not until then. I loved him, I'd never loved anyone else, but I loved him enough to let him be if I thought that us being together was going to be bad for him.

I sat for a long time and thought about what I was going to do when I got out of the hospital. There was a women's shelter in Forks, the ladies at Edward's clinic had given me brochures before, but I'd had to throw them away in case Jake saw them. But I was sure that if I asked the nurses about it they'd be able to tell me or point me in the right direction. I pushed the nurse call button on the wall beside the armchair and when Sheila came in I asked for some information about women's shelters and for the burn cream. She came back with both.

I applied the cream carefully, the one weeping sore looked horrible now that I'd knocked the top off it when I was drying myself. It was bloody and raw and it stung like a bitch when I put the cream on it.

I read through the three brochures Sheila left for me and decided that I'd contact the first one. It sounded well run and it would offer a place for me and for Elizabeth, if I was lucky. I put the brochures on the floor beside the armchair for later.

I drank the tea Edward left for me and I drained two more little bottles of juice while I contemplated a very bleak future for me, and unfortunately for Elizabeth. Eventually I had to admit that I needed the bathroom and couldn't put it off any longer. I pressed the call button and Sheila helped me. It wasn't quite as bad as it had been the other times I'd been before. My ribs didn't hurt quite so much now that I knew the trick to holding myself upright, and my toes hurt less now that they were wrapped into a tight blue brace. Edward said I'd only have to wear it for a few days, until I could stand without pain. He'd been so careful with me, so gentle, even though I knew it hurt him so very badly to hear me confess to the police.

I did my business and called for Sheila to help me back into the armchair in my room. It was more comfortable to sit than it was to half lie down, so I spent my time in the armchair while I waited for the family to show up.

My dinner arrived and I had some soup again and this time I managed a little of the bread too. It hurt to chew it at first, but after a little while it wasn't so bad.

Rosie brought Angus in for a visit at six, she said Emmett wasn't far behind and was coming from the job site. I had no idea what he even did as a job.

Angus asked where Izzy was and I smiled at him when he said her name that way. "She's at home with your grandmother." I tell him. "Do you call her nana or gran or something else?" I ask the little man as he makes himself comfortable on the arm of my chair.

"Nan, she's my Nan." He says proudly. "Izzy lives wiff Uncle Ed and Nan and Pa now." He tells me.

"Yes she does. She's very lucky, isn't she?" I tell him.

"Yep." He says with a big nod of his head.

"She's just as spoiled as you are." Rosie laughs. "She's great Bella. I saw her half an hour ago and she's perfect. You're so lucky having a girl." She says kindly and sits on the edge of my bed. "How are you feeling today?" She asks.

Angus starts rolling his little metal car up and down my right forearm as I talk. It tickles a little. "I feel much better actually. I've been up on my feet three or four times now and it's not so bad. The shower helps."

"How long do you have to stay in here, do you know?" She asks.

Angus is making brum brum noises, it's so adorable. "I don't know, another week, maybe two. I don't know." I tell her.

"Hopefully you'll be home by the time Eddie's birthday comes around." She giggles conspiratorially.

I know when Edward's birthday is and I know he hates being called Eddie. "Don't call him Eddie." I giggle. "Define home?" I ask her carefully.

I've never seen a soft side to Rosalie before, but I was seeing one now. She came right to where I was sitting and she sunk down onto her knees so we were eye to eye. She put her hand over mine and sighed. "Home is where you are loved." She says softly. "I don't know anything about you Bella, to be honest until Alice phoned and told me to come down here the day Esme found you I hadn't thought about you since high school. I'm sorry for that. I should've taken the time to find out who Eddie was pining after. And I can call him Eddie because he messes with Angus all the time." She laughs. "But I think about you and your little girl all the time now. We all do, even Angus, right little man?" She asks the little boy who is now running his toy car up the legs of the chair and over the arm. "We love Izzy, don't we?" She asks.

"Yep, baby Izzy smiles at me." He says without looking up.

"See? Everyone is here for you Bella. We're all ready to have you home with us when you're recovered enough." She says.

She pats my hand once more and then pulls the plastic chair over in front me and sits in it. We are knee to knee now. "Do you all live at the Cullen house now?"I ask.

Rosie laughs, "No, we don't. Thank god. We'd drive each other nuts if we did. I couldn't live with Esme, don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous and I love her as much as I love my own mother, but she's a neat freak and I've got better thing to do than polish the trash cans." She laughs. "We live two streets over, behind the high school, and Alice and Jaz have just moved into their own place over on Fletcher Street. But we're all close by and we see each other almost every day. They're good people Bella, all of them, and to me it seems you could do with a good dose of good people for a change." She raises her eyebrows at the last part.

"I know they're good people, I knew that from when I was a kid, but I'm pulling them into this and it's not fair. They have a nice life, I'll only ruin it." I mumble.

"I don't actually think they'd let themselves be pulled in unless they wanted to." She says, raising a frown on her forehead as though she's thinking hard about it. "I've seen the doc come and go here for years and he's never taken an interest in someone like he's taken to you. At first I figured it was because of Eddie, you know, he loves you so the doc stuck his hand up because of that, but now I don't think it's just that. I think he has a crush on your kid as well." She laughs.

I laugh a little and think about what she's said. They could've just brought me to the hospital and left me here. They didn't have to hang around. And they all came. From what Esme's told me they were all there in a split second, even Jasper. They all played a part. The two boys went with Edward to get Elizabeth, Esme stayed with me, Alice and Rosie got hold of a car seat and everything that Elizabeth would need. Carlisle took me on as a patient and Edward never moved from my side. They didn't have to visit and they didn't have to take care of Elizabeth. But they had all that organised before I'd even opened my eyes that first time. "She's not Edward's." I tell her. I wonder if Rosie knows that. They all need to get that through their heads. They treat her as though she is a Cullen and they consider Edward her father, despite the fact that he's not.

"I know that. He told us that himself and Jake told Emmett that he wasn't her father either, so before you think you're confessing some big dark secret, save it. It's none of my business anyway. I just know she's adorable and we all love her and she's yours, so she doesn't have to be anyone else's, just yours." She says.

I've never thought about Elizabeth that way before and I tell her so. "Do you think it's enough for her to be just mine?" I ask quietly.

Rosie smiles, "Of course it is. Give yourself some credit girl. You carried her, you birthed her, you took care of her – and from what Emmett's told me about what he saw from your house, you did an incredible job of that under some pretty shitty circumstances – and you survived. Why wouldn't you be enough for her? I think you're worth knowing, so does Em." She tells me.

It's as if he's heard his name because right then there is a knock at the door that would wake the dead and then Emmett comes waltzing into my room. "How's my babes today?" He asks, big cheeky grin on his face. He moves to Rosie's side and kisses her full on the mouth, I have to look away. Next he goes to Angus who is now happily sitting on the floor beside my armchair scooting his car back and forth, using the wall to bounce it off. "Hey little dude, give daddy some love." Emmett tells the little boy who immediately jumps up into his father's arms and kisses his cheek. Emmett kisses him right back and puts him back on the floor. "What about you, you got some love for a big brother today?" He asks me.

I look to Rosie who raises her eyebrows at me as if to say 'I told you the Cullen's love you'. "Sure." I tell him. He leans down and I kiss his cheek. "Hey big brother." I tell him quietly.

I feel totally at ease with the Cullen men, even the Whitlock one. I've never felt comfortable near men before, not one. But these ones, they make me feel protected, like they would rather cut off a limb than let someone hurt me, or Elizabeth, or their wives for that matter.

"Hey." He says quietly. He's not moved all the way back from me, he sort of hovers over me, staring at me. "It's so good to see you sitting up." He says softly, "You look better today." He says then moves to Rosie's side. When he gets there it's as if the quiet man is gone again and in his place is the Emmett he wants others to see. Huge dimples at either corner of his mouth, smirk firmly in place on his face, trouble in his eyes. "So, any hot male nurses help you to shower today or what?" He asks, making Rose gasp.

"Jesus Em," she hisses, "After what she's just been through that's what you're gonna lead with?" She spits.

I can't help it, I start laughing, more at Roses reaction than anything else. I don't want people to behave differently around me, I don't want pity and sympathetic looks, and I want to be able to laugh. "Nope, no hot male nurses, unless you count Bob, but I don't." I giggle, making Rosie cluck her tongue.

"See? She's okay with it, quit hitting me woman." Emmett whines at Rose who is slapping his forearm. "So, who's Bob, do you think Eddie could take him?" Emmett laughs.

"Don't call him Eddie, and yeah, I think Edward could take him." I giggle. "Bob is the night nurse. I think his name is actually Iggy, but we call him Bob because of the dreads and the terrible fake Jamaican accent." I laugh.

Emmett scoots back so he's sitting right in the middle of my bed. "So he's actually a fake?" He asks, fascination on his face.

I nod as I laugh. "Yeah, I hear him talking in a regular voice in the middle of the night when he thinks we're asleep." I tell them.

Rosie raises her eyebrows, "Mom said she busted you two in the same bed." She sniggers.

I want to be shocked, or at least embarrassed, but I don't think I am. "He snores." I tell them and wait to see their reaction before I laugh. Rosie smiles and Emmett bellows his laughter, so I laugh too. It's so normal. To just laugh without consequence. I can talk to these people, really talk to them. Like normal people talk. I can be funny.

Emmett's in full flight now that I've laughed along with his jokes. "Mom and dad took us camping when we were kids, I was about ten so Eddie was probably eight, Alice would've been real small, just at elementary school. I had Eddie convinced that bears were attracted to human snoring and that his was just the right pitch. He was so fucking scared he stayed up all night long, refused to close his eyes. The next day dad wanted to take us all to this indoor railway display. Like model trains and shit, I wasn't into it, but nerd-linger Eddie was. He was dying to see it. Poor little bastard fell asleep in the car on the way there and mom told us to let him sleep, he missed the whole fucking thing. He was so pissed off, he screamed blue murder the whole way home. I laughed my ass off." Emmett booms.

"You're so mean to him." Rosie defends, but I can see the sparkle in her eyes. She's so in love with Emmett, she'd take his side every time. "Angus is going to grow up cursing like a sailor." She mutters. "Eddie's a good guy Bella." She whispers to me.

"I know." I whisper back.

"Where is the little punk anyway?" Emmett asks. Angus stands at the edge of my bed and whinges for Emmett to pick him up, which he does. He sits the little boy on my bed and they proceed to play with the little toy car.

"He's at home. He's going back to work in the morning so he had to collect some things." I say sadly. I yawn and sigh as the side of my mouth pulls painfully.

Rosie's up on her feet in an instant. "Hey Em, take Angus out to the car will you, it's getting late. I need a word with Bella and I'll be right out." Rosie says, getting to her feet.

"Sure." Emmett says. He scoops Angus up and tips him over his shoulder roughly, earning a high pitched squeal of delight in reward. "We'll be seeing you little sis." Emmett tells me and blows me a kiss. "Say bye bye to your Auntie Bella." Emmett tells Angus and turns around so I can see the little boy as he hangs over his father's shoulder.

"Bye bye Auntie Bewwa." Angus says and blows me an identical kiss to Emmett's.

I smile proudly. I never thought I'd be anyone's aunty, and even though I'm not really, I like it when they say it. "Bye bye Angus. Bye Emmett." I tell them both and blow kisses back in return.

When they're gone Rosie slips back into the plastic chair and scoots closer to me again. "So, are you truly alright?" She asks.

"Yeah, I think I will be. Just so tired all the time, today was pretty full on." I admit.

"Yeah, I bet it was. Esme told me that you'd met with the cops and the lawyer. I hope you got some stuff off your chest." She tells me. I keep expecting them to ask what my 'stuff' is, but they never do. "Do you need anything before I go? Can I do anything for you?" she asks.

"No, thank you so much for asking though. Thank you for coming to visit." I tell her.

"Huh, don't mention it." She says with a wave of her hand. "So, mom was saying that Eddie is going to work every second day. I thought I might get Angus into daycare one or two days a week anyway, so I could come by one of the days that Eddie isn't here, keep you company, help out, whatever you want?" She asks with a shrug.

"You don't need to do that. I know you're busy." I say in a small voice.

She puts her hand on mine and smiles. "It's what sisters do." She says, just like Alice and Edward have told me over and over. "So I'll come by on Wednesday, alright?"

"Thank you." I tell her.

"Good, that's settled then. Edward's got my cell number so if you need anything just call." She tells me as she gets to her feet. She leans over and kisses my cheek, "Get some rest yeah? Eddie won't be long, I guarantee it, he can't stay away from you for long." She winks at me and waves as she leaves.

I hope she's right, I miss him.

**EPOV**

I had checked off my mental list a dozen times but still felt like I was forgetting something.

I had Bella's recipe folder, with the copy of the contract under the clear plastic insert. I hadn't read it, it was none of my business, but I had checked that it was still there. I had my ID badge for the clinic, my keys for the clinic, and the files from the clinic and I didn't want to go back to the clinic!

I knew I had to. I had a responsibility to all the people there who were counting on me. I had regular patients who had already rearranged their personal schedules to accommodate my time off, I couldn't let them down. Plus, I had a family to think of now. Elizabeth was going to need things, a lot of things, as she grew, and so would Bella. I had plenty of money, so it wasn't about cash, it was about being a good provider and someone both Bella and Elizabeth could be proud of. I had to make smart decisions now because they wouldn't just affect me anymore. Bella would need everything from a car to shoes and Elizabeth would need an education, toys and games and everything in between. We'd need a house of our own once Bella was healed and we'd be starting from the ground floor, we'd need everything. All I own is the furniture in my own three rooms and it's not enough to furnish a whole house. Hell, Bella doesn't even have any clothes of her own, other than what Alice has bought in the last few days.

I unpacked my backpack for the third time and repack it as I mark off my list. Clean clothes for the clinic tomorrow, clean clothes for the hospital Tuesday. Bella's recipe folder, her wallet, my ID, her new cell phone and mine. I make one last check on Elizabeth, who is snuggled down into her bed, with her bottom in the air, happily snuffling her way through some hopefully pleasant dreams. I kiss my fingertips and put them to the top of her head and wish her good night.

Mom meets me at the bottom of the stairs and asks me to come into dad's study. My first thought is 'oh oh, what have I done' like a little boy called to the principal's office.

Dad's in there when I get there, and the safe is open. My initial thought is that he wants me to take files to the hospital for him. He often brings them home to finish transcribing his notes and he always stores them in the safe while they are in the house. But I don't see any files.

"What's up?" I ask as I sink into the chair by the door.

My mom shares a 'look' with my dad who is smiling. "Nothings 'up'." Mom says. "We have something for you, that's all." She grins and dad reaches across the desk to pass me a small, black velvet pouch.

"What's this?" I ask, taking it.

"It was my mothers." Mom says. "Go ahead, open it." She nods towards the pouch and I slide my thumb under the flap.

I tip it out into my palm and see a small gold ring. It was heavy though. It looked like a wedding band but I knew that Rosie wore my Grandma Mary's wedding band, Emmett gave it to her the day they got married. I knew that Mom gave Jasper Gran's engagement ring and that Alice wore that one, so what this one was I was at a loss to say.

"Can you read the inscription?" Dad asks quietly.

I slip it over my index finger and bring it closer to my face. The engraving is obviously old, but it's not unreadable. "My beloved? Is that right?" I ask.

"Your grandfather was a bit of a romantic." Mom giggles.

"What's it for?" I ask stupidly. "Obviously I know it's a ring, I'm not an idiot. But it's not a wedding ring either, is it?"

My dad chuckles and rocks back on his chair, lacing his hands behind his head. "It's a promise ring and it's for Bella." He says matter of factly. "You're not wearing your crest." He nods towards my hand, my bare hand where my signet ring has always been. "We figured you'd give it to her at some point, god knows I had to retrieve Emmett's from various girlfriends over the years." He rolls his eyes and grins. "The signet ring is too masculine for a woman's hand, son." He says kindly. "We thought you might like something a little more delicate until you're engaged?"

He says it like a question, rather than a statement. "A promise ring? What the fuck is a promise ring?"

I don't realise I've said it out loud until my mother is slapping me upside the head and telling me not to be so rude. I say I'm sorry but she clucks her tongue at me and tells my father to explain it. "It's probably pretty old fashioned these days, but years ago men gave their girlfriends promise rings. It was sort of a precursor to an engagement, I suppose. That horrid bit in the middle where you get to taste the cream but aren't allowed to eat the pie underneath." He chuckles, I cringe, mom giggles. Jesus. "Anyway. Bella is married and her divorce will take time, but we thought you might like to give her this as a promise that you'll get engaged once her divorce is official. A stepping stone, so to speak. A promise ring." He tells me.

I stare down at the tiny ring in my hand. "A promise ring?" I ask and they both nod. "Do you think she'd like that?" I ask and my mother sighs and smiles so I know she thinks she will. "A promise ring?" I ask again. "I think I like it." I mumble. "Do we have your blessing then?" I ask as calmly as I can. "I mean, there is no way I'm asking Charlie Swan for her hand or anything, I don't want his blessing, but I want yours."

"Of course you have our blessing darling. We wouldn't have given you the ring if you didn't." Mom says as she comes around to my side of the desk and hugs me. "Now, go and give it to her and put your signet ring back on before your father has to perform a resus on his own heart." Mom laughs.

I chuckle too, "It really irks you that much that I don't have it on?" I ask the old man.

He leans forward and smiles, "If I say yes you'll take your sweet ass time putting it back on your hand just to fuck with me, if I say no you'll assume I'm lying and take your time putting it back on just to fuck with me. So think what you like." He grins.

I laugh, "Understood. It'll be back on my hand by sunrise, I swear." I tell him and he smiles and says thank you. "Thanks for this, it means a lot." I hold up the ring and its pouch. "I have to go now, she'll think I'm never coming back. I'll see you Tuesday morning." I tell them and then run out the door, dragging my backpack into the car.

~~~x0x0~~~

I don't know what I expect when I'm walking through the corridors, probably Jake standing over her or something, so I'm wound so tightly by the time I get to Bella's room that I sigh in relief when I get inside it and she's there, sitting up in her bed, beautiful as ever and perfectly safe.

I just about skid to her side, "Hey." I say in a rush. I drop my backpack to the floor and it startles us both, the crash it makes. "Hey." I say again, stupidly.

It makes her grin adorably and I want to kiss her so badly. So, so badly. "Hey." She says quietly.

She's staring up at me, but not at my eyes. She's staring at my mouth. Could she want me to kiss her too? I should ask her, I've nothing to lose. I'm right there, right beside her bed, I can just lean down and ask, right? But not like an inquisition or anything, I'd have to do it softly, I don't want to frighten her, not after what she's been through. She's smiling now, what does that mean? Right, I'm going to ask.

I take her right hand in mine, like I always have when I'm at her bedside, and I squeeze it a little. I lean down a bit until my lips are at her ear. She smells like strawberry shampoo and lotion, delicious. I can feel the redness creeping up my throat and spreading across my face so I decide to just say it, the worst that could happen is she says no.

I feel her squeeze my hand, "Please kiss me." She whispers.

I try not to startle, try not to act too surprised, I don't want to frighten her, or make it look like I'm shocked. Instead I smile and whisper my reply. "I've waited so long to hear you say that Bella." I kiss her softly at her ear and then on her cheek before making my way to her lips. I know she's sore and she's not totally healed, but I was honest, I'd waited an age for this and I was going to savour it all the same.

I kiss her softly at first, probably too softly if the squeezing of my hand was any indication of what she was feeling. I keep her right hand in mine and I sweep my left into her hair at the base of her neck as my lips lightly brush hers again. I rub small circles on her cheek with the pad of my thumb and I hear a tiny moan from her as I kiss her a little more fervently. It's chaste though, no tongue and not even very much lip action, but it's incredible all the same. I feel it in my toes, I feel it in my chest and my brain is screaming inside my head. This was why I was on this earth, for this woman, for her child and for this. To love her. To be what she needs. This was who I truly was.

I lift my lips off hers slightly and whisper, "I'm yours." I tell her and kiss her again.

**BPOV**

I've waited my whole life for this very moment. It's like everything up until now just melted away when his lips finally touch mine. I can forget the lies, the hurt, and the uncertainty of my future for a little while, because this was what I'd always wanted. Edward. My Edward.

I can only just hear him as he tells me he is mine. I wait until the next time his lips leave mine before whispering my reply. "I've always been yours." I tell him.

He leans his forehead on mine and I hear him sigh. His sweet breath covers my lips as he lets out a deeper sigh. "I love you Bella. I always have." He says softly.

I smile as best I can, it still hurts a little bit where the scar at my lip pulls, but it's getting easier every day. "Me too Edward, I've always loved you too." I tell him.

He pulls away and sits on the side of the bed. His grin is magnificent and if my lopsided one is half as good he'll know how happy he's just made me. He pulls his hand away from my face and I can't help the urge I have to turn my lips to his palm as he does. "So beautiful." He whispers. "I have something for you." He says quietly. "A couple of things actually, have you been good while I was gone?" He asks playfully but I cringe away.

I can't help it, I know he doesn't mean it like Jake did, or dad, but I cringe anyway. I'm scrambling back up the head of the bed without thinking and he's appalled.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't think." He's saying, coming towards me, hands outstretched. "I didn't mean it like that, you don't need to behave for me to give you things, oh Bella, baby, I'm so sorry." He's telling me.

I know he's not reaching for me to hurt me but my brain knows nothing else. "Don't touch me." I tell him as calmly and quietly as I can. I try my best not to panic, not to give in to it. "Give me a minute." I tell him softly. I close my eyes and feel him retreat and get up off the bed. I try to calm myself, breathing deeply and telling myself over and over that it's just a turn of phrase, it was said playfully and he wasn't going to hurt me. It takes me a few seconds but I do calm down. I think about the things Kerry has told me to remember. That he won't hurt me because it was him who rescued me. That Edward doesn't want anything from me that I'm not willing to give. I open my eyes but Edward is gone. He's at the far end of the room, at the foot of my bed, and he's upset. I can see it on his face, in his eyes. He's going to spend an hour saying he's sorry and I just don't need to hear it. "I'm okay." I tell him as he begins to pace. "Edward, please." I tell him as I settle myself further down into the bed. "We can't keep doing this." I whisper. "I'm not as fragile as you think." I reach out my hand for him and see him balk. "I'm not. I'm going to learn to get over this. I'm going to learn that you won't hurt me." I tell him.

That brings him to the side of the bed, at least. "I'm so sorry. I have to remember what's happened to you and learn to think before I speak. I'm so sorry. You never have to be a certain way for me, I swear." He's telling me. I can see the pain on his face, I can see how sorry he is.

"Stop." I say gently and reach for his hand. Once I have it I rub my thumb across the back of his hand and stare into his eyes, forcing him to calm down too. "Just stop." I say softly. "It's alright. I know you didn't mean it the way my brain heard it, you won't hurt me." I tell him and punctuate that I mean it with a crisp nod.

"I won't, ever, I swear." He's telling me, coming closer to the head of the bed. I let him come, I'm not afraid of him.

I pull his hand up my body until its resting on my belly, still clasped in mine. "Come closer." I urge and he does. He shuffles up the bed until he's standing right beside me, I pull on his arm until his face is right before mine. "I'm not afraid of you." I tell him softly. "I know you won't hurt me, but my brain reacts anyway." I say as gently as I can. "Kerry will teach me how to deal with that."

His eyes soften a little. "You've talked to her about this?" He asks and I nod. "I'll talk to her about it too, I promise. I want to learn what upsets you. I want to learn how to be with you. I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean anything by it. I'll do better." He tells me.

"Stop." I tell him again. I do what he would do and pull his hand to my lips. I kiss the back of it softly and hear him sigh. "You didn't do anything wrong. We'll just have to get used to what sets me off."

"We've got forever baby." He tells me and buries his face in the curve of my neck. It's blissful, feeling him so close to me. He smells so good. Spicy, like vanilla and sandalwood soap. I turn my face so I can smell his hair, it's so soft on my cheek.

I let his hand go and without even thinking I'm running it through his copper mess. It's exactly as I always thought it would be. Soft and wavy and perfect. I've longed to touch it for as long as I can remember. He makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds just like a purr and I moan, involuntarily. "Do you like that?" I ask.

"So good." He whispers right by my ear. It makes me shiver. "I want to kiss you some more." He says softly.

I tug gently on his hair and he brings his face out from under my hair. "Gently." I tell him. "My lip hurts."

He closes his eyes very quickly, "I know baby." He tells me. "We'll wait." He says.

**EPOV**

I want so badly to kiss her, more than I've ever wanted anything. I want to show her how much I want her, but I can't. It's only been two weeks, I need to be more patient. I know that, but other parts of my body do not. Or, they know it, they just mutiny anyway.

Her hand running through my hair set me off. It was such an intimate thing for her to do. I wanted her to touch me that way. I couldn't help where my brain went. I saw us clearly, so very clearly, lying side by side on my bed at home, running her hands through my hair, begging me to kiss her some more. It took all my resolve to maintain my dignity and not whimper like a fourteen year old with his first hard on!

I've waited so long to be so near to her and now she is right there and yet still so very far out of reach. But I need her to be comfortable around me and I need her to concentrate on recovery before we can even think about being together that way.

So I admit that I want to kiss her but also tell her that we'll wait. She looks as disappointed as I feel, but it's the right thing to do. "It's getting late and I need to be at the clinic at eight in the morning. We need to sleep baby." I tell her with a smile. I don't want to sleep, I want to spend another two or three hours exploring what makes her moan so sweetly, but we can't.

"You don't want me?" She asks so softly I think I dreamt it.

I smile down at her, "You have no idea how much I want you Bella. I've always wanted you, you've been my dream girl since I knew what one was for." I raise and lower my eyebrows a few times to emphasise my point and she giggles adorably. "That's better. I love to see you smile. Your laugh is music to my ears." I tell her. "But, you need to get well and you won't if you sit up to all hours of the night. So it's bed for us both." I tell her playfully.

"Yes sir." She giggles.

"Good. I'll be two minutes. Do you need anything?" I ask and when she shakes her head I take my backpack to the armchair and lay out my button down for tomorrow so it won't be so creased. I want to give her the cell phone and the ring so I put the box with the phone in it on the bedside table and slide the ring into my jeans pocket. I tap the cell phone box. "You should read up how to work that thing." I tell her. "And your wallet is here." I put it on the bedside cabinet and go into the bathroom.

I do my business in the bathroom and transfer the ring in its pouch to my fist seeing as there are no pockets in my sleep pants. Bella has the cell phone in one hand and her open wallet in the other when I come out. "Is this for me?" She asks, her eyes shining brightly.

"It sure is." I tell her. I stow my dirty clothes back into my bag and go and sit on the side of the bed. I put the jewellery pouch on the bedside table. "You'll need cash for when you are up and about more. There is a gift shop down the hall and a cafeteria." I tell her about the money she is eyeing suspiciously in the wallet. I point to the cell phone she's holding, "You seemed so pleased to be able to use the cordless phone for yourself, and I wanted you to be able to text or call whoever you want whenever you want to, so this seemed the obvious solution. Do you like it?" I ask.

She smiles so beautifully, despite the obvious pain it causes her lip as it pulls, "Oh yes, thank you so much. I've never had one." She says, turning the handset over and over in her fist. "All the other girls always did, I envied them being able to call whoever they wanted. They all seemed so glamorous, chatting away on them after school." She says and my heart breaks for the childhood, or adolescence at least, that we all took for granted and she missed out on. "Alice always said I could use hers, but I never had anyone to call." She whispers sadly.

"I can fix that for you right now." I tell her. I grab my cell phone and hold my hand out for hers. I was smart enough to charge it at the house for a little bit so it turns on right away. I programme my number into hers and hers into mine. I punch out a text on my phone and hit send.

Two seconds later hers beeps and I hand it back to her.

She giggles as she reads the text. "Is it okay to reply?" She asks.

"Of course it is." I tell her and wonder at her hesitancy. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"The cost. I have no money Edward." She whispers as she taps out her reply.

"I don't ever want you to worry about things like that again Bella. We'll talk about it when you come home, but for now I don't want you to worry about it. I won't give you things I can't afford and I won't risk our future by making stupid choices with the money we have already got." I lean forward and kiss her forehead, "Luckily I'm the most boring man on the planet and I never spend anything I make, so I have enough for the three of us." I tell her. "We'll have a good start, I promise." Triumphantly she waves her phone and mine beeps her reply. I open my message centre and read her reply. I recognise that this could go on all night if I reply so I tell her she's a sweetheart for telling me she loves me via text and then I put our twin phones on the bedside cabinet. "You make as many calls and send as many texts as you want, alright?" I tell her and she nods. "I'll send an email to the family when I get to work tomorrow and give them your number, so be prepared to be bombarded with calls and texts." I laugh. "Now, I have one more thing I want to give you tonight." I take the black velvet pouch off the cabinet and tip the ring out into my hand. "My parents noticed that I came home without my signet ring on. They guessed I'd given it to you, apparently dad hates it when one of us boys isn't wearing it, and so my mom has given me this. It was her mothers, my Grandma Mary's." I tell her. She's staring down at the ring which makes it a little easier for me to explain it to her. "It's a promise ring Bella. If you agree to wear it it means that we are promised to one another. We can't get engaged until you are divorced, so my dad explained this ring to me as a promise. A sort of stepping stone to marriage one day. I want to give this to you and make you a promise Bella. I'm yours, will you be mine?" I ask.

She lifts her chin and I can see the tears rolling down her cheeks. I hope they are happy tears. She slips off my signet ring and puts it into my palm. She holds out her left hand for me and I slip the promise ring into the place my ring had occupied before. "I'm yours." She whispers softly. "Thank you. My beloved." She whispers as she turns the ring round and round on her finger, reading the engraving.

I slide into the bed beside her and let her settle herself into the crook of my arm. I kiss the top of her head and wish her sweet dreams. She wears my promise and I have hers. Never a better sleep have I had.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. Please review. **


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 – A Hard Day's Night

**EPOV**

The alarm on my watch woke us at six. I groaned and Bella cursed. God it was fantastic. To wake up beside her and have her curse because I had to leave the bed. It felt like all my Christmas's had come at once.

I kiss the top of her head, morning breath be damned, and slide out of the bed.

I shower, shave and dress quickly and quietly. I don't have to be at the clinic until eight, and it's only a five minute drive, but I know that Bella will need the bathroom and will want a shower to begin her day, so the quicker I vacate the bathroom the better. I want to be the one who helps her, I want it to be me she leans on, as often as it can be.

When I'm done I stash my dirty clothes, pull on my socks and shoes and throw my ID lanyard over my head. "Good morning beautiful." I tell Bella as she stretches and groans. "Fancy a trip to the bathroom with me?" I ask and she smiles. "I'll take that as a yes, come on." I tell her.

We follow the same routine as the day before. I lift the head of the bed as far as it will go and when she's comfortable with that we swing her legs over the edge of the bed and wait until her nausea passes. It's quicker this morning, hardly any at all, and she's looking pretty pleased with herself as she gets to her feet faster and easier than ever before. I tell her she's looking good and she grips my forearms a little less tightly as we walk to the bathroom. It's a new personal best, three minutes and ten seconds and she's beaming from ear to ear when I get her into her chair and into the shower stall. Same as yesterday I leave her to it and tell her I'll be back when the water switches off.

While she's under the water Bob helps me remake her bed before he goes off shift. He tells me good things about her obs during the night, teases me about breaking hospital rules and sleeping in the bed with her, and wishes me luck for my first day back at work before he leaves. Sheila comes on to shift just as I'm throwing the dirty linen into the hamper outside Bella's door. She shows me Bella's schedule for the day and I type it into my cell phone diary. She's got the dentist first, he'll review the x-ray he took on Friday. That seems so long ago now, but I'm confident he'll see that she's healing well.

Next she'll have physio with Sandra and she's written that she's going to work on Bella's foot today. That will help her become more independent so I'm pleased she'll be making a start on that. After lunch she has a one hour booking with Kerry that I hope will be the start of Bella's mental healing. I make a note to make an appointment for myself with the resident head cracker.

At two she has a session booked with the audiology section inside the hospital, which, by the look of the notes, is a simple hearing test to rule out any permanent damage to her auditory system after the blow to the head, and the damage to her cheek and skull. Again I'm not worried, she says she's not having any difficulties hearing, but I would like to see it in writing from an expert too.

An hour later she has a meeting with Ambrose to assess the scarring on her face. There isn't much change yet, so I have no idea how that will go. I don't even truly know how Bella feels about the jagged line across her mouth and cheek. She hasn't said anything about it, even though I know she's seen it in the handheld mirror and again in the bathroom mirror each day.

It looks like her day will end around four, which is perfect because I'll be finishing at half passed and will be back in time to take her out into the garden and into the sun for a while before dinner and visitors. I ask Sheila to arrange for a DNA swab kit and a wheelchair and she tells me they will be waiting when I come back this afternoon.

When the shower turns off I repeat yesterday's routine. I help Bella to slide her knickers on once she's dried herself and is standing by the basin. Then I help her walk back into her room and help her to sit in the armchair, ready for her day.

It's after seven by this point and our breakfast trays have been delivered while we were in the bathroom. It's nice to sit and eat my meal with her before I have to go to work and I imagine what it would be like to have this every day. Sharing a meal with her before I go to the clinic and again at the end of my day. Coming home to her, going to bed with her every night. Discussing the milestones Elizabeth makes and what I've seen and done at work as well as how Bella has spent her day. It's my idea of nirvana and tell her so.

She smiles widely, as wide as she's able, and tells me it sounds divine. I catch her rolling her promise ring around and around her finger when she's finished her breakfast of oatmeal and orange juice and she tells me she loves it and can't stop looking at it.

"That's exactly how I feel about you, beautiful." I tell her and take her tray from her lap. "I have to get going." I tell her.

"I'll miss you." She whispers sadly.

"Me too. But you'll text me through the day, won't you?" I ask, suddenly worried that we won't have any contact all day long.

"Would that be alright?" She asks. "I don't want to disturb you when you're working."

I smile and lean over her, putting a soft kiss at the corner of her lip. "You have no idea how much you disturb me Bella." I tell her cheekily. "Call, text, email, hell you can call a cab and put it on my credit card if you want to come visit." I laugh before pulling away and grabbing my cell phone and keys. I pull out my wallet and put the credit card on top of her wallet. "It's there if you need anything." I tell her.

"Maybe one day I _can_ come and visit?" She asks quietly.

"Then I'll look forward to that." I tell her. I don't want to leave her but I know the longer I drag it out the harder it's going to be. "I have to do this like a sticking plaster, love. I have to just go or I won't be able to leave you." I tell her honestly. "I love you, you call me if you need anything, no matter how small, just call and I'll be here." I assure her. I kiss her once more on her hair, wish for a split second I could kiss her lips more fully, tell her good bye then leave the room. Her forlorn whispered goodbye was almost my undoing.

I lean against the closed door and take a deep breath. Sheila is throwing me sympathetic looks. She promises to page me if anything happens.

I hate the walk down the corridor. I hate Dawn's cheery 'have a nice day' attitude as I leave reception. I hate the sunshine as I walk to my car. I hate my car and as I slide into the driver's seat I put my head against the steering wheel and sigh. "I don't want to do this." I mutter darkly and turn the key.

I apologise to my beloved car as I drive her towards the clinic. She's gorgeous and I love every inch of her, truth be told. She's a black BMW X5 and she's perfect in every way but one. Bella's not in her with me.

The clinic is quiet when I get there. Our first patients won't arrive for another half hour so there's time to shoot the breeze with Gail and Kate and to thank Simon for looking after the gap I made when I took off so abruptly.

Everyone is kind and asks after both Bella and Elizabeth and I have to promise to bring the baby by the next day, and Bella by when she's up to it. When the pleasantries are over and the first patients begin to arrive I take my coffee to my office and set up for my day. I print my patient list and pin it to the board above my desk. I lay out my equipment and put down a clean sheet on the raised examination table to the side of the window. I put my cell phone on top of my stack of patient files and will it to ring. It doesn't. Bastard.

At exactly eight thirty I go out into reception and take the file from the top of the bin marked 'Doctor Cullen' on Gail's desk. "Mrs Reynolds." I call and wait until the elderly, grey haired lady has gone by me into my office. "How are you today Mrs Reynolds?" I ask as she flops herself down into the chair.

"Oh not so good Doctor Edward, not so good." She tells me and I open her file.

"It's been three weeks since you began the antibiotics, is there still no improvement with your pain and inflammation?" I ask.

"No, no improvement. But enough about that. Mary-Ellen Portney said she saw you over at Costco with a tiny baby in your arms. What have you been up to Doctor Edward?" She grins and I groan.

I can see how my day is going to fair. I have Mrs Portney at eleven-thirty and her sister in law Mrs Richardson at one-forty. It's going to be a long, long day of gossip.

**BPOV**

Edward is only gone ten minutes and I'm already toying with the idea of texting him. The novelty of having my own means of communication will take a long time to wear off seeing as I must be the only over twenty human being on the planet whose never had a cell phone before!

Nurse Sheila asks if I need anything when she comes to check on me and I ask for Edward's laptop bag from the closet. I hate not being able to move around when I want to, but it was easier to get into and out of the bathroom this morning, so maybe it won't be too long.

I had access to the internet when I was a senior so I know what I'm doing, sort of. Some things have changed of course, but the fundamentals are the same. I open Edward's email program when the machine has booted up and I fill the first hour of my day writing emails of thanks to all the members of the Cullen family in Edward's address book.

I am careful to sign them from me, and to make sure they all know that although the account is Edward's, it's me writing the letters. I wonder if Edward has emailed them all and given them my new cell phone number and I also wonder how long it will be before Esme brings Elizabeth to me.

At nine I tap out the first text to Edward. I thank him for the ring, the phone and tell him that I'm about to begin my round of being poked and prodded. I wish him a good day at work and sign it 'love Bella' hoping he knows that I really do love him.

Ten minutes later Michael the dentist comes by with my x-ray pictures. He tells me that my jaw looks good and that I shouldn't have any lasting problems once I am used to chewing again. He asks whether or not my back teeth are still loose and I slide my finger carefully up between my cheek and my gum and push and pull them like he suggests, but they are sitting firm.

He leaves telling me he doesn't expect I'll need to see him again, but gives me his card in case I need anything in the future. I tell him thank you and eagerly say goodbye so I can get to the text message that beeped on my cell phone not long after he arrived.

~I miss you so bad, I'm swamped here, hope your appt's go well, call anytime if you need me. Love, Edward. ~ Is his reply and I am holding the phone to my chest and smiling like an idiot when Esme arrives.

"Ahh, now that is the look of a woman in love. Good morning sweetheart." She tells me as she puts Elizabeth into my arms and then kisses the top of my head.

"Good morning." I tell her and smile down at Elizabeth. She's dressed in a little jumpsuit today. It's blue but it's got hearts all over it and it's adorable. She's got a blue ribbon in her hair and a gold bracelet on her wrist. "What's this?" I ask.

Esme smiles at me as she puts a carrier bag onto my bed and pulls the plastic chair over so she can sit opposite me. "Oh, well, Carlisle and I were wondering if you'd accept that from us." She asks. "Our girls wear them, you see. Alice has one with pink roses etched onto it and Rosie has one with white hearts on hers. Of course theirs are adult versions, but we thought our two newest girls should have one each too. I have one, look. What do you think?" She asks as though I'm going to be angry.

I smile as widely as I can. "Thank you, so much, for everything." I tell her. "You've done so much for us already, you don't need to buy us things like this too."

"Oh hush. I shop, it's what I do." She giggles and takes out a small white satin covered box from her carrier bag. "And this one is yours. Please say you'll wear it." She hands the box to me and I open it carefully.

Inside is a beautiful gold bracelet just like Elizabeth's. Hers has two small bluebirds on either side of the nameplate, mine has no engraving on the nameplate, just my name, but it does have a small gold padlock dangling from the right-hand side link, right by the plate. "It's lovely." I tell her as I take it from its bed of satin. "Are you sure?" I ask.

She nods to my left hand, "You are wearing my mother's promise ring Bella. If you've made a promise to our son, and he's made a promise to you, that means you're a Cullen now. We'd like you to wear it, if you want to of course. We don't want to make it seem like it's a rule, just because we all wear one." She says in a rush at the end and I realise I may have offended her.

"I didn't mean anything by it." I say quietly. "I don't think it's a rule, I think it's wonderful that you want to include me. Thank you so much." I tell her and slip my wrist through the bracelet.

"It's still too big but we'll fatten you up in no time." She grins. "Now, tell me, was it terribly romantic when he gave you the ring?" She giggles and raises her eyebrows at me.

I put my finger into Elizabeth's fist and let her drag it into her mouth to chew. She seems content to just lie in my lap, so I turn my attention back to Esme and wonder how to answer her question. "I think it was, yes. He kissed me." I admit nervously.

"Oh sweetheart that's wonderful. Congratulations. Was it as nice as you thought it should be?" She asks.

"Is this weird, because it's Edward?" I ask.

"Not at all." She tells me and pulls her chair closer. She's got the lotion bottle in her hands and then she's rubbing lotion up my right calf. It feels so wonderful, all I can do is sit still and let her. "He might be my son but he's a man now, and you're a woman. And you two have been in love with each other since puberty, so it's good for a mother to know that her children are happy. And seeing as your mom isn't here, I'll take her share." She winks at me.

"Then yes, it was as nice as I thought it was going to be. It tingled right down to my toes." I giggle. "But it hurt my lip too, so I think that might be the one and only for now."

"Well then, I'm glad that it was memorable. We'll just have to work extra hard to get you well again so you can get out of here and come home and start your new life together." She tells me.

"I've seen the dentist already this morning and he's said my jaw is fine. I just have to start chewing a little more and get the muscles working again when the pain is gone fully. So that's good news. I think I have physio this morning too and I know I have to have a hearing test this afternoon." I tell her.

"Wow, you are going to be busy. And here I was worried you were going to be bored." She laughs. "If you need to start chewing maybe I can make something to help a little. What is your favourite food?" She asks.

"I don't know. I like pasta, I think." I tell her with a shrug.

"Ooh, Italian cooking lessons, that sounds like fun. Leave it with me." She grins. "I see you have a television now, that will keep you amused for a bit, oh and Edward said you have a cell phone now too. He's going to email me your number so I'll add that to mine. What else can we get for you to make you more comfortable?" She asks.

"Nothing, really, I've got everything I need." I tell her with a small smile.

"Excellent. So you just enjoy the baby and I'll finish putting the lotion on. Nothing worse than cracked and scaly skin in summer." She mumbles and puts more lotion onto her hands.

**EPOV**

By ten I've just about had it. Every female patient I've had has asked me about Elizabeth, news travels fast in a community where nothing ever happens. I grit my teeth as each of them asks me how old she is, when she was born, who her mother is and how come I didn't say anything about either getting married or becoming a father. I ignore the questions because it's really nobody's business, but it's getting on my tits after the fourth one.

When I've patched up Mr Garvin's eye patch and given him his prescription for drops I help him back into reception just as Jake Black waltzes through the front door. I instantly tense.

"Thank you Doctor Cullen." Mr Garvin tells me and I mutter my wish that he's better soon.

I don't take my eyes off Jake as he comes towards me. He's got a grin from ear to ear as he strides towards me. "I need a word." He hisses.

"Gail, show Mrs Henry into my office, I'll be five minutes." I tell the stricken receptionist. I don't think she knows who Jake is, but she can see all is not well in Wonderland. "Ask Steve to join me in the break room would you please?" I ask casually.

"Sure boss." She says and starts dialling our resident women's health specialist Steven Glover. He's the only other male on duty today that I trust with this and I want him in the room with me just in case I need to defend myself. I don't want to be accused of throwing the first punch.

"Right this way Mr Black." I tell Jake and step in front of him to show him down the hall to the break room. Once we're both inside I offer him a chair, which he refuses. I move to the far side of the room by the sink and lean against the wall. "What can I do for you?" I ask carefully.

He doesn't advance but I can see his demeanour change as he speaks. "You fucking bastard. The cops just showed up at my work!" He screams.

I'd expected as much but didn't think he'd come here once they'd spoken to him. "I see. Well I can assure you that I didn't send them, it's nothing to do with me." I say evenly. Steve comes to the door and knocks to alert Jake to the fact that he's there, I can see him already. "Hey Steve, this is Jake Black, Jake this is Steve Glover, my friend. This is my friend Bella's husband. Come on in, we're just having a chat." I tell him and he nods to let me know he's read and understood the situation.

It was Steve I asked advice from when it first became clear to me that Bella was in trouble and being hurt. He doesn't know Bella, but he knows a bit about the situation she's in. He also knows what this situation is about. He's here as a witness and he knows to keep quiet. Which is exactly what I plan on doing myself.

"Hey Jake, good to meet you." Steve says carefully as he comes into the room more fully. He goes to the counter and starts making himself a coffee, his back to the room. His intentions are clear to both of us. He's here, he's not leaving but he's going to play no part.

"Whatever." Jake says snidely to Steve. He turns back to me. "It's her word against mine that I ever laid a hand on the bitch." He says.

"I see." Is my answer, which only makes him madder.

"I bet you fucking do." He mutters. "You think you're better than me but you're not. She's my wife and you're fucking her, that makes you the asshole here, not me. She's mine, I paid for her, she's married to me and I'm not divorcing her. Once I've got her home again she'll never go anywhere near you ever again." He spits at me.

I can't help the bark of laughter that escapes my lips. I realise I'm antagonising him but I don't give a fuck. "You honestly believe your own bullshit, don't you?" I ask rhetorically. "First, I am better than you because I've never hit a woman in my life and I don't intend to. Second, I'm not fucking her, but that's our business, not yours. She might be married to you for now, but that won't last much longer. Then she'll be free and clear to be with whoever she wants, whether that's me is her business. She's never going anywhere with you ever again, she's not going home with you, she doesn't want to see you and she doesn't want to talk to you. I thought you would've realised that when they served the restraining order on you, or is English your second language?" I ask. I can see his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides and I know this has to stop now before he explodes. "Now get the fuck out of her and don't ever come back." I tell him.

"You can't prove I ever did anything to the bitch. You mark my words Cullen, the instant that fucking restraining order is lifted I'll finish her. And then you're next." He points directly at me then turns on his heel and leaves.

I blew the breath I'd been holding out over my teeth and lean over my knees to get my shit together a bit before I have to admit to Steve how fucking close I was to losing it.

"Well, nice friends you've got." Steve says as he puts a cup of coffee on the table in front of me. "Not the brightest button in the tin, is he?" He asks as he claps me on the back.

I straighten up and take the offered chair and the cup. "Nah. Not really." I agree.

"He says he never touched her but then threatens to kill her. Yep, you got yourself a real winner there buddy." He tells me with a chuckle.

"Thanks." I tell him and lift the coffee to my lips. "Sorry to drag you into this."

"Don't mention it. I was getting bored looking at vagina all morning anyway." He laughs.

"I thought I smelled tuna." I laugh. It's our standard joke. "Thanks man." I tell him.

"You've made a statement I hope?" I nod. "Good. And Bella, she's made one too right?" I nod again. "Good. Finish your coffee then get back to work. I can't sit here all day holding your hand." He chuckles.

"Oh thank fuck for that, how would I explain the smell to Bella?" I laugh and push my chair out. "And before you bother, my office does not smell of death." I laugh.

"I wasn't going to say it did. Give me some credit. You've just had a very nasty visitor, I wouldn't say something like that to you at a time like this." He says almost seriously. I know him better than that and wait for the sting in the tail. We walk to the door, he turns to go right, I go left. I only get three paces away when I hear him mutter. "It doesn't smell of death today anyway, today it smells like old lady farts." He laughs at his own joke as he closes his office door.

I wink at Gail on my way past. "Hello Mrs Henry, so sorry for the wait. How can I help you today?" I ask as I slip into my chair and pick up my pen.

"Well, Doctor Cullen, it's my bum, you see. I can't poop." She tells me and I grin.

Old lady farts would've been better.

**BPOV**

Esme rocks Elizabeth in her pusher while Sandra helps me with my exercises.

"If you do this even for a few minutes every couple of hours you'll feel a difference in two or three days." Sandra tells me as I push my toes against the foot board of the bed. "That's it, a little harder this time." She tells me as I push again. "Good. Now point your toes and hold for ten seconds."

I point my toes and wince as the pain travels up my foot, over my shin and up to my knee. "It hurts all up my leg." I tell her.

"I know it does. That's muscular and it will get better as you get moving more and more. This is the key to that. Once you can hold your weight on your foot you can get up more often, and for longer." She says as she pushes on the ball of my foot with the heel of her hand. "Once your infection is completely gone, and you've got your balance back, we'll get you into the rehab pool. You'll be weightless in there and this will be much easier, less pressure on the top of your foot and on your ribs."

I don't like the idea of the pool but the thought of being weightless sounds like bliss as she pushes my toes up again. "How come I don't have a cast on for my toes or foot?" I ask.

"No point." She says, pushing harder again. "They'll heal on their own, it just takes time. The bones weren't displaced, everything was in the right place, just broken." She says. "Now I want you to lift this foot a little higher when you're up and about for the next few days. That will stretch the muscles in your leg a bit more and it won't feel so tight." She says patting my calf. "It's an interesting bruise pattern on your foot. Push against my hand."

"Size eleven." I mutter darkly as I try to curl my toes over and push against her hand like I'm asked.

"Bastard." Esme mumbles.

"Good." Sandra tells me. "So, I want you to push against the foot board for three minutes every hour and I also want you up and about as much as possible. Once you've had the all clear from the audio department, we can address your balance issues. I'll wait to see the report, but I think you are feeling dizzy only because of the inactivity. But we'll wait and see."

"Thanks." I tell her.

"No problem. I'll see you again tomorrow morning. And don't forget I need a good solid hours playing on the DS from you before then." She smiles.

"I will." I promise.

As soon as she's gone Esme is sitting in the plastic chair beside my bed again. "You did really well sweetheart." She tells me kindly.

"I feel a bit better. Not so weak." I tell her and reach for my cell phone from the beside cabinet. No messages I read from the screen in disappointment.

"Why don't you send him a text? Tell him how your physio went, I bet he's waiting to hear." Esme suggests.

"Do you think so?" I ask, but I'm already typing.

"I do. He'll check all the notes, just like his father will, but he's going to want to hear from you how it all goes." She giggles.

I press send on my message and put the phone into my lap. "They do like to read my charts, don't they?" I laugh.

"It's like a moth drawn to a flame. They can't help it. They just have to know what's going on. If it wasn't so sweet it would be annoying." She tells me as she puts Elizabeth into my arms. She passes me a bottle and a cloth. "She'll be three months in a few days, won't she? Would you like me to make the appointment with Dr Guest? You might not be able to walk to his rooms, but we could get a chair and you can take her yourself." She suggests.

"Yes please. I'd like that, thank you. I haven't been able to do much for you, have I little one." I tell Elizabeth as she begins to suck on the teat. "It wasn't supposed to be like this, you know." I mutter to neither of them in particular. "I had a plan. I wanted to be like Alice and go off to college. I wanted to meet people and have some fun and fall in love. She knew, even when we were twelve or thirteen, what she wanted. I took longer, but I knew I wanted to get a good job and take an apartment in the city. We were going to be roommates. She didn't know, but I wanted Edward, even then, even though I didn't know what that even meant when we were that young." I giggle. "I wanted nice clothes and friends and nights out dancing. I wanted to show Charlie that I wasn't useless, that I'd learned the lessons he'd tried to teach me. And then things went wrong. Not you baby girl, you're not wrong, you're perfect. But things, situations, my life, it went wrong." I tell the baby. I lift my eyes to Esme and see she's gently mopping at her eyes with a tissue. "I want to be a good person. She's not a mistake." I tell her and she nods and pats my arm. "I've done some terrible things." I admit. "I've had to do some awful things Esme, horrible things, things that made Edward vomit when he found out." I tell her and she gasps. "He thinks I didn't hear him, but I heard him being sick after he found out. But I still don't regret Elizabeth." I say firmly.

"You shouldn't either." Esme says. She sits on the edge of the bed and runs her fingers over Elizabeth's hair. The baby's eyes look upwards, trying to find her and I smile.

"She knows you."

"She knows you too darling. She's only truly content with you." She says kindly. I don't think it's true, but it's nice of her to say.

"I wish she was Edward's." I tell her truthfully. "I wish my plan had worked out. I wish I'd talked to Edward sooner, I wish I'd listened when Carlisle told me he could help me. I wish I'd let you help me when you offered. I wish I'd gone off to college and taken that apartment and known Edward and done things the right way with him. I wish she was his. I wish I'd been his." I mumble.

"It's not too late darling." She says kindly. She pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear and puts her hand on my shoulder. "It's never too late. We'll get you through this and then you'll have your chance. I have no doubt that you are what he wants, you both are. I've known it a long time Bella. But I thought you'd made the choice to marry Jake because you loved him. I ached for Edward of course. He was so upset when you married, but now I know its Edward you want. He's waited for you Bella. I don't know if he did it consciously, but he waited for you. I've never seen him like this, nobody has. He's so different, already. I was worried that he was devoid of emotion, or that we'd done something wrong when he was growing up because while he was away at college he didn't really seem to connect with anyone. And then when he came back and started at the clinic I worried that he'd never find someone to love because he was locking himself away to much. But he wasn't, he was waiting for you beautiful girl."

I'm crying now. Who wouldn't when someone tells you things like that? "I hope I don't let you all down." I mumble.

"You never could. You've already given us Elizabeth." She smiles.

We both look down and see the sleeping baby. "She's so perfect. What if I ruin her too?" I mutter.

"You haven't ruined anyone darling. What your dad did to you, and then Jake, that's not because there was something wrong with you, it's because there is something wrong with them. They don't know how to love, they don't know what caring for someone is all about. But we do and we're going to show you. You just have to let us. All of us." She tells me quietly.

There is a soft knock on the door and Sheila comes into my room with a man in a dark blue uniform. "Bella this man is here to collect a contract from you?" She asks with a questioning eyebrow lift.

"Oh right. Thanks Sheila." I tell her and she leaves. "Can you pass me that recipe folder there please Esme?" I ask and she hands it to me. I take the copy of the contract out from under the clear plastic covering and hand it to the man.

He puts a carbon receipt book onto the rolling table with an envelope. He writes on the envelope and then puts the contract into it. He writes on the carbon book, turns it to me and asks me to sign on the line. I do. He rips out a copy of the page and hands it to me. He says his goodbyes and the whole transaction takes one minute. I read the form he's given me. It says he's to deliver the envelope to Mr Benson right away. I sigh and smile grimly at Esme. "Things are about to get a whole lot nastier." I tell her.

She shrugs and smiles. "Let them bring it." She says firmly. "I'm small but I'm feisty." She giggles.

**EPOV**

By midday I'm frustrated, cranky, hungry and sick and tired of answering questions about my personal life. Almost every patient has asked, or been told by someone who saw me with Elizabeth, that I now have a family. They all mean well but I'm over it.

"I'm going for some lunch." I tell Gail and throw my last patients file onto the pile on her desk. "I'll be back in half an hour." I tell her.

"Say hi for me." She giggles.

I ignore the comment. I'm not going to the hospital. I'd get ten minutes, tops, to be with Bella and that would just make coming back to the clinic for the afternoon worse. I drive into town and head right to A Work in Progress Cafe. I slide into a booth and a waitress brings me coffee while I look at the menu.

I order a bacon, cheese, tomato and relish toasted sandwich and a coke. I ask for a laptop and she brings me one while I wait for my order. This is the best part about this place. Free wireless and free laptop use if you order a meal. And because everyone comes here for that reason nobody wants conversation with the other diners. It's perfect for someone like me in the mood I'm in today.

I open my webmail and smile when I see that Bella has used it to send thank you letters to all the family, including me at the clinic, which is surreal. Using my email address to send me an email at another email address.

I delete her letters from the sent folder, knowing I'll read them at some point if they just sit there taunting me, then I open the one she sent to me.

_Dear Edward,_

_Thank you isn't enough. _

_When I was younger I thought love was what made you think of someone in terms other than sex. To me sex was just a physical need that people had, something men needed from women. It was love that I craved when all around me teenage girls were giggling and dreaming of their first sexual experiences. But not me. When I dreamed it was of whispered conversations, shared secrets, mutual respect and time spent together. When I dreamed it was of you. _

_I always wondered what it would be like for you to love me back. I watched you a lot when we were at school together. When you spoke to someone I imagined it was me. When you touched someone I wished that it was me. When you were mentioned in the school paper I kept the cut out, when you won your scholarship I thought I would burst with pride. School was never the same without you in it. I had nothing to look forward to. Nobody to search a crowd for. No one to watch. _

_When you came home for holidays or visits I could watch you again and I felt whole. Alice was always so excited when you came home and I loved that she'd always tell me your plans, so I could plan too. Just being in the same house as you made me feel better. It made me ache too, for all that I wanted and all that I thought you'd find without me. _

_But you always came home alone. _

_I knew you worked at the clinic. I had seen a flyer in the mail advertising the clinic and saw your name. When I got sick it was you I wanted to see, you I wanted to help me, I came that first day because of you. I'm so glad I did. I'm so happy to finally know what it feels like for you to love me. I'm so grateful that you're giving me a chance I thought I'd never have. _

_I hope I'll be enough. _

_With all my love and respect,_

_Bella._

My sandwich is cold by the time I take the first bite, but I don't care. I read and reread the email over and over again until I can just about memorise it. I have no idea how to answer it, or even if I should. I take a swig of my drink and another bite of my sandwich and hit reply.

I can't let her think I didn't get it, or I ignored it, so I reply.

_Dear Bella,_

_Thank you isn't necessary. _

_My first memory of you is of a little girl in pigtails swinging far too high on our jungle gym in the backyard. You always wanted to go higher, I always wanted to catch you if you fell. But you never did and I never got a chance to hold you. _

_Even when you were older and you tripped and fell on the ice outside the Chemistry block I couldn't catch you as you fell. You were always one step ahead of me, or I was always one step too far behind. _

_But now, when you need me most, I'll be right there, ready to catch you and Elizabeth. I won't let you fall again baby. I won't let you swing too high, and I won't let you fall. _

_I've got the chance to hold you, finally, and I'll never let you go. _

_You are more than enough for me, more than I deserve, more than I ever thought to wish for. _

_I offer you all that I have, all that I am and hope that you know how very much I love you. _

_Edward._

I hit send before I chicken out and go back to my sandwich. I get back to the clinic with two minutes to spare and snatch up the next patient's file with a spring in my step. "Mrs Dollitch." I call into the waiting room. I usher her into my office with a flourish and a wink at Gail. "How can I help you today Mrs Dollitch?"

"Oh Doctor Cullen, I've been feeling so sad lately, so very very sad." She tells me with a sad shake of her head. "You've been all alone, a lovely boy like you, but now you've found a girl and have a baby!" She crows and I cringe.

"Oh, that's right, you live next door to Mrs Portney, don't you?" I chuckle. "How about you tell me what I can do for you today and I'll tell you about my Bella and our Elizabeth." I bribe her with a smile. I figure if I can't beat 'em I'll have to try and join 'em.

* * *

**A/N: Again, an overwhelming response to the last chapter so I hope you all find something of worth in this offering too. Please review (and keep the private messages coming too, those are a hoot...some very evil, very interesting suggestions on what to do to Jake and Charlie for their part in Bella's pain) and let me know what you're thinking. **


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 – Baby Steps

**BPOV**

My hour with Kerry is illuminating but exhausting.

I try to be honest about what's happened to me in the past. It's hard to share the information with a stranger, but she tells me that I have to confide in someone, so it may as well be someone who can help me. I totally agree.

I like Kerry a lot. She doesn't baby me and she doesn't expect me to know how to help myself. That's a big part of why I feel so worthless, so useless. Because I've never known how to make my situation any better, because I've never been in control of myself or anything around me. Kerry says I need to learn to take control of everyday things. That it will help me to learn how to survive in a world that now seems foreign to me.

I've told Edward most of it and he can help me. I've told the police what they need to know so they can help me and now I've confided in Kerry who says she can help me too.

Kerry says she needs to start at the beginning with me, to learn what it was like for me growing up, so that she can help me to learn what it should've been like. She says it will help me be a better adult, if I learn what was wrong with the way I was taught to be a child. She says I'm going to have to relearn the fundamentals of being a child so that Elizabeth can be one. That makes sense to me. I never really was a kid, not really. Kerry says I had too many responsibilities at too young an age and that they were things a parent should've been taking care of, not insisting they were my chores.

She wants me to reach out to Carlisle and Esme more. She says they have a lot they can teach me about family and about unconditional love. She says she's known them both a long, long time. She asked me what I thought of their children and I had to admit that I loved them all, that they were good people and that they were lucky to have had the parents they did. She asked me to remember that the next time one of them offers me help. She wants me to see it for what it is, help and not pity. She helps me to see that I'm not pitiable, I just need some help right now. She tells me that everyone needs help at some point in their lives and it's not a weakness that makes them ask, it's actually a strength. She tells me that recognising the need for help is being strong. She wants me to accept the help they are offering without feeling guilt for needing it. She tells me my thoughts on wanting to be independent are admirable, but unrealistic for now. I need help and I should ask for it, or accept it, when it's offered.

I'm sad that independence isn't something I should strive for, but Kerry says that's wrong. It's not that I can't be independent; it's that I need help right now and I should concentrate on getting well, with that help, then I can work on functioning independently.

We talk about how it is the Cullen's decision to offer me their help, how if they didn't think they could afford the time or the money they wouldn't offer it. I tell her that Edward has said the same, that he wouldn't give me anything he couldn't afford because it would affect our future. She said he was very smart for someone with testicles. That made me giggle.

When Sheila brings in a lady named Linda and tells me I'm needed in the audiology department for my hearing test Kerry asks for two more minutes.

"I'll see you again tomorrow Bella, at the same time, but I want you to have a think about fear for me before then. Make some notes or a list or just a mental note, however you prefer to do it, but have a think about what you're afraid of now. Not physically afraid, I'm not talking about punishments or abuse, I'm talking about the future. The things you are afraid of for yourself and for Elizabeth. We'll talk about those things tomorrow." She tells me. "So, I'll bill your lovely Edward and I'll see you then. Bye for now Bella and good luck on your test."

For some reason I want to remind her that he is _my_ Edward, but I don't. At least not out loud anyway. In my head I'm shouting at her to stay the hell away from _my _Edward.

Linda comes back, with a wheelchair, and Sheila helps me down from the bed and into it so we can make the trek to the audiology department. I slip on the gown Edward bought for me, and Sheila pushes on my slippers, and with my new cell phone in my lap I'm off for my test and my first look at the hospital.

Linda is very quiet, she hardly says boo as we move through the wards, but the audiologist herself is much friendlier. She introduces herself to me as Narelle and tells me not to be nervous. She wheels me into a little soundproof booth and explains the test to me. I have to put some earphones on and keep a small button in the palm of my hand. When I hear a beep I just press the button. It sounds easy to me so I'm not nervous at all.

I watch as Narelle puts on earphones herself and then puts a small microphone over her ear and pulls it towards her mouth. "We'll start with your left ear Bella. Just press the button when you hear the sounds." She tells me through her headset into my headphones.

I listen carefully for the beeps and press each time I hear one. It's a lot harder than it sounds because after a little while I start to think I've heard a beep when maybe I haven't. Then I panic and press the button just in case.

"Okay now we'll switch to the right ear Bella. Same as before, when you hear a sound press the button." She tells me.

This time I'm ready when the first beep sounds. I press the button and I'm away. By the end of that test I'm just as worried as before. Some sounds I think I've imagined, others I think I've missed. Narelle just keeps pressing buttons on her keyboard and making notes on my file. I have no clue whether I've passed or not.

When the beeping stops she comes around to my side of the table and takes the headphones from me. "That's all done Bella. I'll call for an orderly to take you back to the ward." She tells me as she wheels me out of the booth and out into the corridor.

She disappears back into the booth and after a few minutes a girl in a volunteer's uniform comes to collect me. Predictably her name is Britney and she's volunteering so she can earn credits for college. I smile and try to stay quiet while she chats nonstop along the walk.

We pass by the children's ward and I ask if we can stop for a minute to watch the children playing. I miss not having Elizabeth with me all day, she was the only company I had for nearly a year, while she was inside me and then after she was born she was the only person I had to talk to. Britney parks me at the top of the ward so I can watch as the children play with the toys on a large rug that's been placed in a corner of the ward. They all look so happy, it's hard to remember that they are sick. One little girl has a tube in her nose like the one I had, but outwardly she looks okay and I wonder what's wrong with her.

Britney comes back to my side after her chat with the nurses. "Belinda says a doctor bought thousands of dollars of new toys for the ward. Isn't that great?" She asks.

"Yeah." I mumble. "You can take me back now." I tell her and she shouts her goodbyes to the nurses as we go back towards my room.

Sheila is there to help me back into bed and Britney says good bye with a wave. "She's interesting." Sheila laughs, nodding towards the door that Britney just left via.

"Hmm mm." I agree, sort of. "We stopped by the children's ward. All those toys!" I laugh.

"He did a good thing, didn't he? The nursing roster has been in chaos since he did that. All of the single nurses are clamouring to work on the ward during the day because he stops by on his way to and from seeing you." She giggles a she tucks the blankets in around me once I'm settled.

"Carlisle did that?" I ask, incredulous.

"Oh, he didn't tell you did he? That hot and selfless too." She shakes her head and smiles. "Your Edward did that Bella. Took a shine to a little boy down there who was on his own, just a foster mom I think, and just decided to buy them all toys. Don't get me wrong, Doctor Cullen senior is a great man, but junior is something else entirely." She pats my arm and says she'll be back with the DNA swab.

My Edward did that? Bought all those toys for the children's ward? Wow. That's so generous. Why wouldn't he say something? Why would he keep it a secret from me? Was he embarrassed?

Sheila wanders back in with a small plastic bag. "This is a DNA swab kit Bella. It's non-invasive, I just need you to rub this swab around the inside of your cheek." She flips the lid open on a cylindrical plastic tube and out pops a giant cue tip.

I run it around the inside of my left cheek and then hand it back. Sheila slips the lid closed and seals it with tape then writes on it. She signs and dates the form inside the plastic bag then tells me I'm all done for the day.

I lean back on the bed and begin my foot exercises while I wait for Edward to come back from work. After ten minutes I'm bored so I pull the DS out of its little carry bag and pop in a Brain Training game. I have to do an hour of this before I see Sandra again, to help my healing fingers. It's kinda fun.

**EPOV**

Four o'clock finally rolls around and I'm about bursting at the seams to see my last patient and get the hell out of here for the day.

I usher Mr Garrett back into the reception area and do a little internal gig. My day is done and I can get back to Bella. I scoop up the files I have to write up and shove them into my backpack. I wave a hasty goodbye to Gail and another to Kate as I run out the front doors.

I should be surprised to see the cruiser waiting on the curb, but I'm not. I knew this was how it was going to be, especially after Jakes visit this morning. I'm going to be dogged everywhere I go for a while. She's still worth it.

I slide into the X5 and push my cell phone into the holder in the console. I dial dad first. He answers on the first ring and I immediately, out of habit, apologise if I've just woken him.

"You didn't. I'm actually sitting outside on the decking with your mother and Elizabeth. What can I do for you?" He asks.

I'm so envious for what he's doing, but press on. "Had any visitors today, by chance?" I ask, knowing he'll know what I mean.

He chuckles. "Oh yes. Of course we did. Didn't expect any less. You?" He asks.

"The husband this morning and her father is sitting at the curb waiting for me to pull out into the traffic." I chuckle.

"My my, quite the popular one, aren't you?" He laughs. "We only had the pleasure of the father, something I'll discuss with you during rounds this evening. Nothing to worry about though. You alright there?" He asks.

"Sure. As far as I know he only hits girls." I snigger. "I'll see you tonight, and thanks." I tell him and prepare to disconnect.

"You might want to give your brother a call first." He says.

"I'll do that." I tell him and hang up. I dial Emmett and he answers with his usual style.

"Hi, you've reached me, if I owe you money fuck off, if you owe me money, speak minion." He laughs.

"Jesus Em, what if I was your mother or Rosie?" I laugh.

"I know it's you douchebag, I _can _read caller ID. Do you owe me money?" he laughs.

"Not since the ninth grade when you bet me I couldn't ski down the stairs and out the front door." I laugh.

"You nearly did it; don't beat yourself up, you paid your debt, eventually." He booms. "You get visitors today?" He asks and I know immediately that he did too.

"Yeah, Jake turned up at the clinic this morning, he's not happy." I mutter. "No harm done though. Now the dad is parked on the curb waiting for me to head to the hospital. What about you?" I ask.

"Jake turned up on the site this morning, cocky as you like too. Started screaming about charging me with breaking and entering and trespass because we broke into his pisshole that day. I told him he better fuck off or I'll let Cyril, you remember Cyril right, he's that fucking mad Australian with the missing ear - mad as a cut snake that one - I told Jake to fuck off or I'll let Cyril loose on him with the nailing gun. He fucked off." He laughs.

"Shit." I sigh. "Sorry he showed up there. What do you think we should do?" I ask.

"Nothing. Let them have their scream. Nothing they can do to us. You scared little brother, cause I've got your back." He says quietly and I know he's genuinely asking, not taking the piss.

"Nah, I'm not scared, but Bella is. Let me know right away if he shows up again, we'll have to let the Port Angeles cops know if he does." I tell him.

"Sure. Whatever you want. Listen, I'm only two minutes from you right now, leave right on half past and I'll be right behind you just in case." He tells me and I agree.

I use the two minutes to send Bella a quick text telling her I'll be there in minutes. When the clock ticks over the half hour I start the car. I make sure I'm wearing my seatbelt and that I indicate when I leave the lot. Charlie pulls the cruiser out right behind me and I hope Emmett is there somewhere too.

I stop at the lights on the corner closest to the clinic and try to look a few cars back to see if I can see my brother. He drives a ridiculously big SUV with one of those metal trays on the back for his tools so he won't be hard to miss, even in traffic.

The light changes and I drive off carefully. I stay in my lane, I don't speed, I check my mirrors obsessively and I keep both hands on the wheel. He's alone so he won't need to think of a reason to pull me over this time, so I'm careful. I turn right onto Sol Duc Way and right again a few streets later onto Campbell Way, so I don't have to get up onto the highway. Charlie is right there and as I make the turn I see Emmett's truck two cars back. He would normally get onto the highway to get to his place, but he's right there, where he said he'd be, watching my back.

I go left into Ash, left onto West Division then right onto South Second Avenue. Charlie is still right behind me. Instead of turning off and going down Bogachiel Way I go the distance and turn right into East Street, coming at the hospital from the East side entrance. I have a parking pass, because I'm a doctor, so Charlie can't follow me into the underground parking lot. I want to stick two fingers up at him as he pulls to the curb, still idling, while I wait for my pass to be scanned at the entry point to the parking lot, but I don't. I know better than to poke the dog through the fence.

I see Emmett go by and hear the honk of his horn as he waves to me. Charlie must see him too because he leaves me and pulls out behind Emmett. Fuck. As soon as I'm through the boom gate I'm dialling Emmett.

"Yeah, I see him." He mutters. "Thought I'd draw him off for you. I feel like a bit of a jaunt, maybe a trek through some scrub. The truck hasn't been off-road for ages. See you tonight fucknuckle." He laughs as he hangs up.

I didn't even get a word in. He's fucking enjoying himself leading the Chief of Police on an off-road jaunt? What the fuck is that?

I throw my backpack over my shoulder and head inside via the lift. I'm still shaking my head and laughing at the size of Emmett's balls when I pass by the children's ward.

Joshua is back in his crib by the windows in the last row of the ward. I sigh and stop at the nurses station. "What's Joshua in for this time?" I ask.

"Chest infection's back." Leonie sighs. "Rachel brought him in just now, he's only just been admitted. Poor little man." She says sadly.

"I've got to go up to see Bella real quick, but we'll be back. If Rachel comes back before I get here can you send her up to six?" I ask. Leonie tells me sure and I all but run towards Bella's ward.

I knock but it's only a hasty gesture, I push the door open and blow my held breath out over my teeth when I see her, safe and well, sitting up in the bed. Just like last night I let my backpack fall to the floor where I stand and I'm beside the bed, her hand in mine, her cheek in my other palm, my lips at her ear in seconds. "Hey." I breathe against the side of her cheek. "I missed you." I tell her softly before kissing the shell of her ear.

I feel her shiver and pull away to make sure she's alright. She is. She's smiling up at me. "Hey. I missed you too." She whispers. "My lip is a lot better today, please kiss me." She whispers breathlessly and I'm not stupid enough to need to be asked twice.

I watch her lick her bottom lip in anticipation and a tiny, ball stiffening moan escapes her lips. She's so fucking lovely. I lean down and slowly, very slowly and very carefully, kiss her lips. It's so soft and she's so warm and beautiful I have to use all my resolve to stop at just the little kiss. I want this woman, all of her, I want to give all of myself to her, but I know I can't yet. I draw back and peck at her lips once more before letting her go and sitting on the edge of the bed. "I have so much to tell you, and I want to hear all about your day, but there is something I'd like us to do first." I tell her. "I'll be right back." I run out the door and find Sheila. She points to the wheelchair off to the side of the desk and I thank her for it. I wheel it back into Bella's room. "I want to take you outside to get a little fresh air, but can we make a stop on the way first?" I ask.

"Um, sure." She says tentatively.

"I'll help." I tell her as she swings her legs over the edge of the bed.

"I can do this part." She tells me and I back off. I watch with a proud smile as she steadies her feet on the floor then pushes herself up using the palms of her hands on the bed. When she's standing she throws me a spectacular smile. "That's twice today I've gotten up on my own." She says proudly.

I move forward then and help her to turn around and sit down in the chair. I kiss her cheek while I'm facing her. "You'll be chasing the nurses down the corridor in no time." I chuckle. "Come on, I want you to meet a friend of mine." I tell her as we start down the hall. When we get to the children's ward the kids are all sitting up in their beds and their doctors are making afternoon rounds. I push Bella so that she's parked alongside the nurses station. Leonie is there, writing notes on charts. "How is he?" I ask.

"Doctor Guest thinks it might be pneumonia this time." She says sadly.

"I thought as much. Leonie this is my Bella." I tell the nurse. Bella gives her a small smile but turns back to watch the doctors on the ward. "Has Rachel been back in?" I ask Leonie.

"I don't think so, no. She has other children, two of her own and another foster kid too, a girl I think. She might have gone home to sort them out for a bit." She tells me as she writes on Joshua's chart.

When Doctor Guest is finished with his obs for Josh I wheel Bella down to his bedside, which is a crib again this time, and park her right up close to it. "Hey there Joshua, remember me?" I ask the little boy.

He's lying on his side fighting for breath. It's only been a few days since he was discharged but I can see that he's lost some weight and he's pale and drawn. "Robot is Edward." He whispers and reaches his hand through the timber slats on the edge of his crib.

I put my fingers into his hand and he holds them. "Bella, this is my friend Joshua. Joshua do you remember the little baby I brought to visit last time, Elizabeth, do you remember Elizabeth?" I ask. He nods but only slightly. "This is Elizabeth's mommy, this is Bella." I tell him.

He doesn't turn to face her, nor do his eyes search for her. "Robot is Edward." He says again. There's no string bag attached to the side of his crib this time and I wonder where his robot is.

"Hang on buddy, I'll find him." I tell him. "He's got this toy that he loves, I'll see if Leonie knows if it came in with him. I'll be right back." I tell Bella.

I pull my fingers out of his hot little hand and go in search of the robot named Edward. "Did he come in with a string bag of toys this time?" I ask at the desk and she points me in the direction of the patient lounge attached to this ward.

Its nowhere near as nice as the one in Bella's ward of course, but it's nice enough. I find the cubby hole with Josh's name printed on it and eventually find the string bag at the bottom of his little bag of clothes. There are pyjamas in there and a little worn teddy bear. I take those, and the string bag, back out into the hall. I hear my name whispered and go back to the nurses station.

"Leave them be for a minute." Leonie whispers and I look through the ward at where I left Bella.

She's leaning forward from her chair, her arms stretched right through the slats of the crib. Josh is asleep on his belly, his bottom up in the air just like Elizabeth does. Bella has one hand on his bottom, patting rhythmically. The other hand is stroking his hair. She's saying something but I'm too far away to hear. I sigh and Leonie giggles. "What?" I ask.

"He wouldn't settle for me but he went right to sleep for _your_ Bella." She sniggers teasingly.

I chuckle a little when I realise that I actually did introduce her as mine. I do it subconsciously, I don't mean to make it sound the way it comes out. I turn back to watch for another minute. Bella is still speaking even though it's obvious the little boy is well asleep. "Do you know what she's been saying to him?" I ask.

"Not a clue." She tells me and goes back to writing on charts.

**BPOV**

The only lullabies I know are actually nursery rhymes but they worked for Elizabeth so I figure they'll work for Joshua too. I start with twinkle twinkle and get halfway through rock-a-bye baby before he closed his eyes. He looked so sick and so lonely, my heart broke as he reached for me through the slats.

The crib looked so much like a cell. And the little boy looked just like a tiny body lying on the floor of a cold prison cell. He was much too old to have to sleep in a crib, but if he was admitted on his own I can see why they'd put him in one. You couldn't have sick kids running around through the hospital. I slid forward in my chair and began patting his bottom, just like I did with Elizabeth, and felt a warm rush of contentment flood my body. He was a lot older than my baby, of course, about three or four at least, but he looked just as helpless as Elizabeth did to me. I ached to hold him in my arms. I could actually feel the pressure on my chest from wanting to take him from his bed and hold him against me. At first I thought it was my ribs pulling because I was leaning forward, but when I shifted a little in my chair and got more comfortable I realized it wasn't my ribs, it was my heart.

For whatever reason this little fellow was all alone tonight. His mother wasn't here and my baby wasn't here either. I figured we could help each other. I needed a baby to love and he needed a mom. I ran a hand softly over his hair as he slept and began singing again. His breathing was one long rattle in his chest, his nose was filled with mucous and his mouth hung open and slack as he slept. It was frightening. He was obviously very sick.

I watched as Edward walked towards us, a little red string bag of toys in one hand, a teddy bear and some clothes in another. Slung over his shoulder was a hospital blanket. "Hey." He tells me as he leans over the crib and folds the blanket over the little boy. I watch him tie the string bag to the side of the crib then take a small metal robot toy out of it. He puts the robot onto the mattress right by Joshua's hand and then hangs the clothes – which I see now are Wiggles pyjamas – over the top railing of the crib. "He's four and his mother died from ovarian cancer about a week ago now. He's in foster care. His foster mom, Rachel, has other kids to look after so she can't come too often." Edward tells me. He steps back and leans against the window sill.

"What's wrong with him?" I whisper. There are other kids in the ward but they are all pretty young and five out of six of them are asleep too.

"Last time he was here he had a resistant chest infection. Now it's pneumonia." Edward says sadly.

"He won't catch anything from me, will he?" I ask.

Edward smiles, "No baby, you're not infectious." He turns his eyes back to the little boy and I follow. "What were you saying, before?" He asks in a whisper.

"I was just singing nursery rhymes. Can I come and visit him?" I ask.

"Of course you can. I'll leave word with the nurses that you'll be coming." He tells me. He turns and looks out the window at the slightly darkening sky. "We'd better get going if we want to see what's left of the sun. He'll sleep for a while I think." He tells me.

"How can they help him?" I ask as Edward as he begins to push me back towards my ward.

"Well, if it's bacterial, which is probably pretty likely, he'll need an IV in and they'll give him high doses of antibiotics. He'll need lots of fluids for the fever and pain killers for the chest pain and side effects of the fever." Edward says sadly as we come to a door beside the nurses station.

He leans over me and uses the pass card attached to his lanyard to unlock the door. He pushes me through and we are in a small garden. "It's gorgeous." I mumble as I'm pushed further out into the sunshine and come to a stop beside a small wooden bench.

"I came out here a lot the first few days after you were admitted." Edward tells me as he locks the wheels on my chair. "See that track over there," he points to a thin bare patch that stretches the length of the fence and I nod, "That's my pacing track." He laughs.

I stare at him as he moves in front of me and then settles on the bench beside me. "Pacing line? You mean that you wore the grass away because you were pacing up and down out here?" I ask.

"Yeah." He chuckles. "I don't do patience very well and I suck at handing over control to others." He laughs.

"I'm sorry I put you through this." I whisper.

"Hey, don't say stuff like that. You've nothing to be sorry for, not at all." He tells me. He scoots along the bench so that we are side by side even though I'm in the chair and he's on the seat. He puts an arm around my shoulders gently. "How is the wound on your shoulder?" He asks.

I lift my shoulder a little, pressing it up under his arm. "It's good actually. I can't feel your arm on it."

"Good. So, tell me all about your day." He says jovially.

I turn and stare at him. "Nobody has ever asked me that before." I tell him. His face drops a little but I can tell he's trying hard to keep things light so I keep speaking, "I was very busy today. I saw the dentist this morning and he's happy with my jaw so I'm allowed to start trying to chew. I had physio. That hurt a bit, but I've been able to stand on my own a bit too so it's helping I think. I talked to Kerry for a bit. I think I like her." I tell him.

He chuckles. "I like her too, but whatever you do don't tell her." He laughs. "These head crackers feed off that shit."

I laugh a little too. "I think she might be able to help me." I whisper.

His fingers tighten around my shoulder a little and then they begin to stroke softly, little circles. "Good. I think she's a very smart lady and I think she might be able to help me too." He tells me. "She wants me to keep making plans. She's asked me to think about ways to help you and to talk with you about them before deciding what we should do. It makes sense to me." He shrugs.

"It sounds like a good idea. She's asked me to think about the future and fear." I tell him quietly.

"Are you afraid of the future?" He asks.

"Yeah, I am." I admit. "I have no skills, no money, no job and a baby. It's not where I thought I'd be, that's for sure."

"I guess you could look at it that way." He mutters darkly. I'm about to apologise for whatever it is I've said that's upset him but he's already speaking before I get the chance. "I wish you could see it how I see it." He says. "You're finally _out_ of the bad situation and you've landed on your feet with us." He says flatly. "You're concentrating on all the things you don't have but you're forgetting the things that you do. You have a baby, sure, but she's perfect and healthy and that's more than some have. You have skills, you've just never been able to use them for yourself, and you'll be able to use them in time. There aren't any limitations to what you can do you know. You say you have no money, but I do, we do, and I've told you already that what's mine is yours. No job, well, you couldn't really have a job right now anyway because you have a newborn baby. I know women go back to work these days, but you don't have to so you should just concentrate on being Elizabeth's mom. When you're ready you can go and do whatever you want. And you have us. You have a family now that's here to help, not be the problem Bella. We're all here, we're all offering, all you have to do is say thank you." He tells me.

**EPOV**

I don't mean to be controlling, I really don't. But it pisses me off that she's still thinking in negatives. When she was living at Charlie's and then with Jake _that_ was the negative part of her life and that's over now.

Now I want her to see the potential she's got. I want her to see that things can be better, different. All she has to do is accept us.

"Thank you." She whispers.

"You're welcome. So, no more woe is me. We've got an opportunity to have everything we've ever wanted Bella, we just gotta get through this so we can enjoy it." I tell her. "So, what news from the hearing department?" I ask.

"Who's asking?" Bella giggles. "Doctor Cullen or Edward Cullen?"

I have to laugh. "You've spent, what, two weeks with my mother, and half of that time you were semi conscious, and you're already talking like her." I laugh. I lean over and kiss her hair, "I think I like it. And I'm asking, Edward Cullen is asking, Doctor Cullen will read the report later." I tell her.

She giggles and it sounds so fucking awesome. I want her to be able to laugh all the time; I just want her happy again. "Well then, Edward Cullen, I think it went okay. The lady didn't tell me whether or not I passed, but I think I did okay."

"Good, then I'll look forward to reading the report that confirms that. Has Ambrose been to see you yet?" I ask.

"I didn't know he was going to, how did you know?" She asks.

"I know because Doctor Cullen put a copy of your appointment schedule into his cell phone this morning." I admit. "He's probably been caught up with an emergency or something. He'll probably come by tomorrow." I tell her. "How was Elizabeth today?" I ask.

Her smile is gorgeous. She's never prettier than when she's talking about Elizabeth. "She was perfect of course. Your mom is going to make the appointment for her three months check up and I'm going to take her." She says proudly. "That's alright, isn't it?" She asks suddenly.

"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?" I ask. I honestly can't work out what the problem is this time.

"Because Doctor Guest is a private doctor, the appointment will cost money, money that I don't have." She says sadly.

I get up off the bench seat and kneel in front of her wheelchair. I put my hands on her knees and look up into her eyes. "Let's try something." I suggest. "You repeat after me. Edward, Elizabeth is turning three months this week and she needs to see the paediatrician."

Bella rolls her eyes at me and tries to look away, but I put a finger under her chin and turn her so she's looking at me again. I just wait patiently, she'll repeat it, I know she will. With a huff and a small sigh she does. "Edward, Elizabeth is turning three months this week and she needs to see the paediatrician."

"And then I'd say, oh good. Three months, what an important milestone for our little beauty. You go ahead and make the appointment with Doctor Guest, and if you make it for Thursday I can come along too. And now you say, yes Edward, I'll see if I can get an appointment for Thursday, I'd like it if you could come too." I say condescendingly to make my point.

She rolls her eyes again but giggles adorably. "Yes Edward, I'll see if I can get an appointment for Thursday, I'd like it if you could come too." She mumbles in a monotone.

"Well done, see how easy it is?" I laugh.

She's giggling her head off then. God she's lovely. I wrap a strand of her hair around my fingers and tuck it behind her ear, leaving my hand there, cupping the back of her neck. I lean over a little bit and brace my other hand on the armrest of her chair. I kiss her cheek lightly, then again, and wait for her to sigh.

_There. _

"I love you." She whispers as I kiss the corner of her lips.

I'm smiling as I kiss her. Very softly still, her lip is still very bruised and it's not all the way healed, but I'm kissing the love of my life all the same. "I love you too." I tell her as I draw back. "Let's go in for some dinner." I tell her and get to my feet.

Dinner for me is some rather watery lasagne and a small pile of salad. It's not great, nowhere near as good as my mom's lasagne, but its food and I scoff the lot. Bella's got soup and fresh bread, some fruit salad and juice. She eats through it steadily, even managing to chew the fruit a little, but it doesn't look like it's enough to eat to me. She assures me it is so I let it go. I don't know much about diets and what someone with the injuries Bella's had should and shouldn't eat, but to me it doesn't look like it's enough.

The infection she had was pretty severe because it was left untreated for months. She was dangerously close to having permanent problems if it had gone on much longer, so I'm worried now that she's not eating enough, or drinking enough, to get her back to a reasonable weight. I decide to talk to dad about it during rounds.

When the knock at the door comes I expect it to be dad, but its Alice and Jasper.

"Wow. Look at you!" Alice gushes as she comes to the side of Bella's bed to hug her. "You look fantastic today. What's different?" She asks as she moves aside so Jasper can kiss Bella's cheek.

I watch to see if she cringes or pulls away, but she doesn't. I'm so proud of her and so happy that it looks like she might, finally, be able to accept that we just want to help her for no reason other than we love her.

"I don't know what's different." Bella says self consciously as she runs a rand through her hair.

"I do." I chuckle. "That's Grandma Mary's ring on her finger." I tell Alice proudly.

"Oh my god, really? Show me, show me." She shouts as she reaches for Bella's hand.

I'm ready to jump up and get Alice away from Bella if she even slightly panics at the close and very pushy contact, but Bella looks proud and a little bit smug, not worried or frightened.

"Well, well, well." Jasper says as he comes to me, hand outstretched. I shake it. "Our little boy is finally growing up Ally." He sniffs teasingly and mops at his eyes.

Alice is giggling and Bella is laughing at me, not with me, at me. I can take the hit if it makes her happy. "Yeah, get all your cheap shots in now, go on." I tell them.

"Nah, I think I'll save a few up for my best man's speech." Jasper tells me.

Bella and Alice are already whispering conspiratorially, too low for me to make out what's being said, but Bella looks radiantly happy so I decide to give them some time alone to gossip and catch up. Bella's going to need female friends around her as she recovers; there are things I just can't help her with. "I need coffee, come with dude?" I ask Jasper and he nods.

I follow him to the patient lounge and sink into a sofa there. "Spill." He says the minute his ass hits the leather. Jasper is the most intuitive person I know. He can pick up on people's moods and he knows exactly what's going on with me every time he sees me. It's like he's an empath or something.

"You get visitors today too?" I ask and he nods. "I got both." I tell him.

"Shit. Just one for me. The Chief followed me to and from work and he followed Alice over here tonight too." He tells me. "I don't care for me, but it freaked Alice out a bit." He mutters.

"He turned up at home too, dad saw him off I think. I don't have details till he comes on for rounds. Charlie was waiting for me outside the clinic this afternoon and when I got here he went off after Emmett. You heard from him tonight?" I ask.

"Yeah, he was pissing himself laughing over it." He tells me and I relax knowing my brother is safe and well again. "He led him on a merry chase. Went down the 101 towards Olympia and then went into the National Park. You know that track we followed that time that led to the lake, he fucking tore off down that in the big truck and the Chief was in his pissy little cruiser. Em said he was bouncing around like a bladder on a stick. Anyway, Em drives right by the lake and out the other side of the National Park. He said he came out at the back of an industrial estate only five minutes from his church project in Port." He chuckles. "He said he waited by the highway turn off to see how long it took the Chief to come out the other side. Took him half an hour." Jasper is crying with laughter by the time he's finished telling it.

"Well I'm not treating his fucking piles if he comes to the clinic." I laugh.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. It really feels like Bella is making good progress now. Share your thoughts with me via review or private message. I love reading your thoughts. **


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 – BFF

**BPOV**

It's been so long since I giggled with Alice, but it feels like we've never been apart when she asks me to sit up so she can braid my hair.

"Was it romantic when he gave it to you? Have you kissed him? Is he any good at it? Are you getting a divorce? Are you going to marry my brother?" She asks with a shocked gasp. "Oh my god, Bella, if you marry Edward you'll really be my sister!" She shrieks.

I have to laugh. She's not changed one bit. She's just like she was when we were teenagers at school. "Yes, it was very romantic when he gave it to me. Yes I've kissed him, but not like you're thinking. Yes I'm getting a divorce from Jake, of course I am. As for the rest, we'll see." I tell her.

"But you want to marry him though, right?" She asks, leaning around so she can see and hear my response.

"That's a long way off Alice." I tell her. "I'm still married, in case you forgot."

"Oh that won't take long to sort out and then you'll be free to marry my brother and we'll truly be sisters and we can shop and gossip and set up your house, oh, and I can babysit Elizabeth all the time if you two want to go out and stuff." She rabbits on like this, without stopping for breath, until she finally announces my braid is complete.

"Thanks." I tell her and look at it as best I can in the handheld mirror. I examine the scar that runs around the bottom section of my earlobe and run my thumb over the ridge that's been left there. It's still pink, but it doesn't hurt anymore. I'll have to ask for my earrings soon or the holes will close up. Next I push my tongue up to the scar that runs along the inside of my mouth. That presses the scar on the outside outwards too, widening it and making it angry and red looking. I sigh as it returns its normal place because it still hurts.

"It looks okay Bella. It'll fade." Alice whispers.

"I know." I tell her sadly. "I'm not vain."

"You don't need to be vain to worry about scars Bella." She says sadly. "How are you really feeling?" She asks quietly.

I smile. "Much better. I've been up and about a bit today, I've had physio for my foot and I've been given the all clear for my hearing." I tell her.

She pulls the plastic chair up and leans on her elbows on the side of the bed. "That's great, but that's not what I mean. How are you really feeling?" She asks again.

I think about what she's really asking and I have a decision to make. I have absolutely no doubt that neither Edward nor Carlisle, nor Esme, has told anyone anything, so it's entirely up to me to confide in Alice if I want her to know my business. She's always been the closest thing I've ever had to family so I figure I've got nothing to lose and my best friend to gain. "Relieved. Alice I feel relieved." I tell her.

I can feel the tears coming and can't do anything about them when I look to her and see them in her eyes too. "Oh Bella." She sighs and jumps up to wrap me in her arms. "I wish I'd known. I don't know what I could've done if you didn't want to leave, but I wish I'd known." She mumbles against my hair.

"I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone. Dad would have killed me Alice. And then with Jake, I wasn't allowed to contact anyone. It would've been you though Alice, I would've told you." I tell her through my sobs.

She pulls away and hands me a tissue and then takes one for herself. "I don't understand why they did this to you. Why did your dad beat you Bella?" She asks pointedly.

It's the first time anyone's ever asked me that, point blank that way anyway. "I don't know, I never asked." I tell her truthfully. "But, I think he may have beaten my mother before me, he's very angry at her, even now." I say coldly. I don't remember my mother, she died when I was only a few weeks old, and it's hard to feel something for someone you've never been allowed to know anything about. "He told me once that I was like her, I was bad stock, I had bad blood and that it was going to be hard to teach me how to behave."

"Jesus Bella. There's no such thing as bad blood." Alice rages. "And what about Jake, what's his excuse?" She hisses.

That one I know the answer to. "Think about it Alice. How would you react if you married someone you loved and a month later you found out they were pregnant with someone else's baby?" I say condescendingly, as if the answer is obvious because to me it is.

She looks horrified though, not accepting. "You cannot be serious?" She asks. "You can't tell me you think he was justified?" I shrug and it just seems to make her madder. "No, no, no, no, no." She chants acidly. "There is never, ever any reason to hit someone. I don't care if you torched his car and murdered his dog in cold blood, there is never any reason to hit you Bella."

"I tricked him Alice. He loved me and he thought I was going to give him children of his own and then I have Elizabeth and he's stuck with us both." I counter.

"I don't care. He starved you, he beat you, god knows what else he did to you, and all because you had a baby? That's bullshit Bella. It's wrong and its evil and it's just...it's just disgusting." She sneers.

"I am disgusting. You don't get it. I am disgusting." I'm crying again now. It's so hard to admit that to a friend, to finally be able to tell them that you are so awful, so dirty, so disgusting that you bore a child in the most heinous of circumstances.

"Oh no you don't, you don't get to accept the blame for this Bella. You're not disgusting, IT'S disgusting, they're disgusting, they're vile and horrid and deserve to be hung drawn and quartered even though I have no idea what that is. You didn't do anything wrong. You can't accept the blame for this." She's telling me as she climbs up onto the bed like we used to do when we were kids.

She curls herself around me, just like Edward does at night, and holds me while we cry. "I just wanted away from Charlie, I agreed to marry him by tricking him Alice, I just wanted to get away from Charlie." I sob.

"Okay, I can see that Bella, I truly can." She soothes, stroking my hair and cuddling me close. "I wish I'd known, you could've come to us, we would've helped you." She says calmly, "But why aren't you married to Elizabeth's father Bella, where is he in all this? Why does my mother have temporary custody, where is her dad?" She asks and I suck in a big gulp of air.

I realise this is going to all come out eventually. I have no doubt the police have confronted my dad about it. Edward has done a test on Elizabeth and I've done one now too, so the truth will come out very soon. I've made the allegation and Mr Benson is sure that Charlie is going to get into a lot of trouble because of what he's done, but I never wanted to be the one to have to actually tell anyone. "Alice, what would you have done, where would you have run to, if your baby's father was the one who was hurting you?"

"Oh my god, he beat you too? Jesus Bella, what sort of people have you surrounded yourself with?" I feel her dip her head and rest it on my back, I can feel her crying even though I can't hear it.

"No Alice. You don't understand. I didn't meet someone, have sex with him, get pregnant and then get beaten by him." I tell her. "I was beaten at home." I don't want to have to actually spell it out for her.

I lie very still and wait for her to connect the dots. I know the exact moment she does because her whole body tenses and she lets out a great big sob. She chants my name over and over as she cries for me. I cry for me too. "Why would he do that?" She cries. "Oh god Bella, I'm so sorry. I wish I'd known, I would've tried to help you get out of there. I promise I would have." She whispers as she tries to gather herself. I'm quiet. She'll have more questions and she's going to be angry, I just have to wait for her to process what she knows. "We can't let him anywhere near Elizabeth." She hisses and I smile. She's connecting dots. "He can't be allowed to go near her ever again, or you. God, he's not allowed anywhere near you, is he?" She asks.

"No, he's not allowed near me or Elizabeth. I have a restraining order." I tell her and she relaxes a little. "But he's allowed near you and your family Alice. You need to be careful."

"He followed me to work this morning and then he followed us both here tonight. He's very angry." She whispers and I shudder in fear.

"I knew this would happen." I hiss as I shuffle forward and untangle our bodies. "You have to leave." I tell her as I sit up and swing my feet over the edge of the bed.

**EPOV**

It's been an hour and I'm ready to go back in to see her now. An hour away from her is all I can spare. Going back to work is going to severely limit the amount of hours I'll have with her, so I'm unwilling to give up too many of the ones I have got, even for Alice.

"Come on, let's go back." I tell Jaz.

He's just gotten to his feet when Alice bursts in. "Get back in there, something's wrong with her." She points at me and I'm off and running before she's got time to tell me what's going on.

Bella's on the floor beside the bed, curled on her side, whimpering softly to herself. She won't respond to her name being called and she won't tell me what's wrong. I hit the nurse call button above her head and scoop her up and put her back onto her bed. I know better than to touch her, or to advance on her, but she can't be on the floor. She doesn't even cringe or pull away when I touch her. She's shut down. When she's covered with a blanket and physically alright I retreat to the end of her bed and plead with her from there instead.

"Bella sweetheart, what happened?" I ask carefully and quietly. "Bella, darling, please tell me what's wrong." I beg.

She's not in any pain that I can see, she hasn't reopened a wound, or created a new one, and she's not crying as such. She's shut down mentally. Her eyes are glazed over, she's on autopilot again. Whatever's been said between her and Alice has upset her and she is lost to us again.

Margaret comes in and takes in the scene before asking what I need. "Get Kerry Nunn if you can, and my sister and brother in law, ask them to come in." I tell her. I lean over and begin to rub Bella's good foot. It's the only nonthreatening contact I can have with her from the end of the bed so it will have to do. "Bella, baby, you have to talk to me, I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong." I plead.

Alice and Jasper come in and I can tell that my sister has been crying. I beg her to tell me what went on. "We were just talking, I swear. She was telling me about Elizabeth, about Charlie, you know?" She cringes and I realize that Bella's confided in her the truth.

"Jesus." I mutter darkly. "What else?" I ask a little too rudely.

"Um, I don't know. I guess I got angry at Charlie and Jake and I guess I said I was glad that neither of them could come anywhere near her or Elizabeth again. But she got upset and said that they could both still come near us, the family, you know? I think I told her that her dad followed me to work this morning and then again here tonight. She just lost it Edward. She started screaming that I had to leave. She shouted at me to get out then she jumped up out of the bed and tried to get me to leave, but she was crying so hard I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me. So I came to get you. I'm so sorry Bella, I didn't mean to upset you." She cries against Jasper's shoulder.

I run a hand through my hair and process what I've been told. Bella's terror this time is for us, not for her or for Elizabeth. "Alright Ally, it'll be alright." I tell my sister. "She's afraid for us. She thinks Charlie is going to hurt us because we're helping her. Bella, honey, we're all okay, he can't hurt us." I tell her firmly and move further up the bed. I go slowly, I don't want to make things worse. When I get to her side I take her hand and squeeze it rhythmically. "Everyone is fine baby. He only followed us in his cruiser. He followed me here from the clinic and I'm fine baby. You know I am. And Alice is fine and so is Jaz and he followed you to work too, right Jaz?" I ask.

"Yeah, he followed me too Bella, but he didn't say a thing and I'm totally fine. So is Emmett, I've talked to him and he's fine too." Jasper says and I mouth 'thank you' to him.

"See? Everyone is perfectly fine. He's just trying to intimidate us baby, but we aren't afraid. You don't need to be afraid for us." I tell her. She's still not responding. "Squeeze my hand baby." I beg her, but she doesn't move. I let her hand go and snatch up her cell phone off the bedside cabinet. I dial the house. Mom answers on the third ring. "Mom, it's me. No everything is not okay. I need you to speak loudly and clearly. Please tell Bella what happened when her father came around to see you today." I ask my mother. "You're on speaker mom." I tell her.

"Oh, ah. Well, he knocked on the door and I answered. He asked if Elizabeth was here and I said she was. I told him he couldn't come inside because the restraining order says he can't see her. He said he didn't want to see her. He asked if I'd heard the lies Bella was telling about him, I told him to take his woman beating ass off my front porch. He said he would be watching us. I told him I'd be watching him too and that he should sleep with one eye open because if I got the chance I'd come for him in the middle of the night and cut his cock off with a rusty blade while he slept." Mom says and I cringe.

"Jesus mom." I mutter. Alice is giggling and Jasper is sniggering. "See Bella, everyone can handle themselves. He's only trying to intimidate us, it won't work, we love you too much to abandon you now." I tell Bella. "Thanks mom, I'll call you later." She wishes us goodnight and tells us she loves us. I dial again. "Rosie its Ed, look I've got Bella here and she's real frightened because her dad went around following everyone today, did you see him?" I ask. "You're on speaker."

"Hey Bella. Don't be frightened, I'm not. Sure I saw him today. Moron followed me to my mother's this morning and he was waiting for me when I came out of the daycare too. I pulled alongside him, flipped him the bird and yelled for him to fuck off or I'd make a complaint for harassment. His window was shut so I don't know whether he heard me or not but he fucked off, so maybe he did." She chuckles.

I'm laughing by the time she's done and I can see Bella finally has her eyes open again. "See baby, they aren't worried. They aren't scared of him. None of us are scared of him." I tell Bella. "Thanks Rosie, hug the kid for me." I tell her before I disconnect. "There you are beautiful girl." I tell her softly and lean down so we are eye to eye. "Nobody is afraid of him Bella. He won't hurt us. He's frightened because it's about to come out what he's done and he's scared. And he should be. He knows life as he knows it is over baby." I tell her quietly, hoping she believes me.

"We're going to head off." Jasper whispers. "We'll come again tomorrow after dinner. Bye Bella." He says and leaves the room.

Alice comes to the head of the bed on the opposite side to me. She leans over and kisses Bella's cheek. "I'm sorry I upset you but you don't need to be afraid for us. You just get well so you can come home, I need you Bella, we all need you to be well again." She kisses her again and then looks up to me with red rimmed eyes. "I love you big brother. Take good care of my best friend." She pats my cheek across the bed and I mouth 'I love you too' to her and then she leaves.

The soft click of the door closing is some sort of signal to Bella because as soon as we hear it she's crying. Really sobbing. Tears are pouring out of her eyes and she's reaching for the tissues. I hand her the box and she hugs it to her chest with her injured hand and pulls a hand full of tissues from it with the other. "I don't want anyone hurt because of me. You should all just leave me here." She sobs.

"Nope, not gonna happen. We've been through this already. We aren't leaving you, we aren't leaving Elizabeth, and you can't make us." I tell her. I'm not so scared for her now, she's talking again and that's a good thing.

There is a soft knock at the door and Margaret sticks her head around it. "Kerry says she's sorry but she's been held up at an emergency, she says that if it can't wait she can send you Pat, page her if you need the consult. If she doesn't hear from you she'll assume you have it under control and she'll meet with you both in the morning as scheduled." She tells me and I nod.

"Thanks Margaret. Who is Pat?" I ask.

"Pat Char, she's the staff psychiatrist. She's on call tonight but I can get her if you want?" She asks.

"No, don't disturb her; I think we'll be okay until we can see Kerry in the morning. Thanks so much Margaret, sorry to have messed you around." I tell her.

"Don't worry about it. You two are much easier to look after than some of the others. Mrs Todd in the room next door won't even feed herself." She clucks her tongue and rolls her eyes as she leaves.

I turn my attention back to Bella who is sniffing into her wet tissues. "Oh Bella, it's so sweet of you to worry about us like this, but don't, please. We can take care of ourselves. He won't hurt us. He's a bully Bella, and when you stand up to a bully they back down. Plus, he knows he's being watched by the Port Angeles police now, so he won't try anything." I tell her. I wonder whether to tell her about Jake's visit to the clinic. If I don't and she finds out later it will seem more important than it really is. If I tell her and it upsets her again tonight, well, then I guess we'll have to have a longer appointment with Kerry tomorrow. I sigh. "Come on, let's sit up and talk properly." I tell her and help her to straighten up and get comfortable on the bed.

She hangs her head and won't meet my eyes. I run the pad of my thumb under her left eye and wipe away the tear there. "I'm sorry." She whispers.

"Nothing to be sorry for. You were worried for us." I tell her. "I'll tell you a secret; I like it that you're worried for me." I chuckle and she gives me the tiniest hint of a smile. "Can I tell you about my day?" I ask her. She lifts her eyes to mine for the first time since I came back into the room and I can see the worry in them. "Oh baby." I mumble as I pull her into my arms. "This is so hard for you, isn't it? All you've ever known of your dad is how he was with you, but he can't do those things to us. He lied to you for so long, telling you that nobody would believe you, or that you'd both starve if he lost his job. But that's not how it really is Bella. He can't do anything to us, not really. Now, I don't want to upset you again, but Jake came by the clinic today." I say quietly and wait for her reaction before I go on. She turns frightened eyes to me but says and does nothing. I assume she's waiting to hear more so I go on. "He turned up to yell at me because the police had just been to see him at his work." I chuckle. "He didn't like that."

"Oh god. He's got to be so angry." She mumbles with a shudder that sets the hair at the back of my neck on end.

"He's pissed alright, but he can't even get close to you baby, so you've got nothing to fear from him anymore." I tell her firmly, hoping she believes me.

"Are you alright?" she asks hesitantly. She's looking me over from top to toe, or as much of me as she can see, so I get up from the bed and walk into the centre of the room.

"See?" I ask, turning in a circle. "Jake can't hurt me Bella. The only way he can hurt me is if you continue to be afraid of him."

I see the change in her, I see the question forming on her lips and in her brain. "Is that true?" She asks quietly and I move back to the side of the bed.

"It is." I tell her confidently. "If you're not afraid of him anymore then he can't hurt me Bella. He can say what he wants, he can do what he wants, but if you aren't afraid of him anymore then we'll be free. Do you see that?" I ask and she nods slowly. "He can accuse you, and me, of anything he wants, but we know the truth. The truth can't hurt us Bella."

"But he'll lie. He'll tell people, and the police, that you and I have been sleeping together and that you broke us up." She whispers as though they are dirty words.

"So what?" I say firmly.

"Well people will believe him. People look up to him." She says sadly.

"I doubt it. But even if they did who cares what they think?" I ask rhetorically. "Do you love him?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Of course not." She says sternly, her eyebrows knitting together adorably.

"Do you love me?" I ask.

This time she really smiles. "I really do."

"Then we know the truth and I don't care what anyone else thinks. Let them think I broke up your marriage, what do I care as long as I get the girl?" I chuckle.

She swats at my arm and sucks her bottom lip a little way into her mouth. It takes all the self control I have not to pull it out with my own lips and teeth. "You're a doctor though, won't your reputation be tarnished because of me and Elizabeth?" She asks adorably.

I slide up onto the bed beside her and pull her to my chest. "God I hope so." I laugh. "I've been the goody two shoes for so long now. It's about time I got a turn to be the bad ass." I turn a little so we're snuggled down a little further onto the bed. "I've waited so long to have you for myself and I got the best deal ever because I get to have Elizabeth with me too. There is nothing about either of you that could tarnish anything or anyone." I tell her with a kiss to the top of her head. "All the little old ladies I had to see today asked me endless questions about Elizabeth, and you, by the end of the day I just went with it and told them we secretly got married last summer and had a baby together." I laugh.

I hear her gasp and wait for the inevitable self loathing. It comes, but when it does its less than normal. "You shouldn't do that, people will think I trapped you."

"I wish you'd trapped me Bella." I chuckle.

"I wish she was yours." She whispers and my heart clenches with pride.

"She'll be mine Bella. She can be yours for now, but when you are truly mine forever she'll be mine too baby. I promise, I want you both." I kiss her hair and hold her close.

"You shouldn't promise things like that." She whispers. "It's too soon. You don't even really know me Edward. What if I get out of here and you change your mind, you'll be trapped just like I trapped Jake and I don't want that for you."

I have to snort at that. "What a crock of shit." I chuckle and Bella stiffens. "I'm serious, that's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard and you have to remember I listened to Jake for a whole five minutes today, so I've heard a lot of shit." I laugh. "I will promise you that you'll be mine forever because that's exactly what I intend. The only way we aren't going to be together is if you tell me you don't want me. Then I'll leave. I won't go if you tell me I _should_ leave, I won't go if you tell me that I _shouldn't _want you. I'll go when you tell me you don't want me anymore. Not before." I punctuate how serious I am with a hard kiss to her temple. I reach for her hand and pull her knuckles to my lips. "You wear this ring until you are divorced, then I'll put a nice big diamond and a wedding band on it. Then I'll legally adopt Elizabeth and give her my name too, you'll see how serious my promises are baby."

"I want to believe you I just think it's smart to wait and see." She whispers against my chest.

"But I know what I want Bella. I've always known. I never thought I'd get it, but I've always known I wanted it." I tell her honestly.

He lifts herself up off my chest then. There is fire in her eyes as she speaks. "This is the first time in my entire life that I've had choices Edward."

I think about that before I speak. It feels like rejection, the way she said it. As though now she's got the chance to choose she's not going to choose me. I'm careful when I speak. "I won't take your choices away from you Bella, ever. You do what you have to do, for yourself. You're right. This is your first chance to see what's out there for you, and you should." I pull her back to my chest and hold her again.

She's trembling slightly. "Thank you." She whispers and I feel her warm lips press to the base of my throat.

"You're welcome." I tell her. The lump that's lodged in my throat is growing by the second. The pain of what's just been said is clawing at my gut. I can feel her little hand resting there and it's burning me. Right to the core, it's burning me as I fight to control myself.

I'm almost ready to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to see if I can't put a braver face on things when there is a knock at the door that could only be Emmett. It rattles the hinges and makes the painting on the wall adjacent tremble.

"Come on in Em." I shout.

I slide out from under Bella and settle her against the tilt of the head of the bed. Emmett comes right to her and plants a kiss on the top of her head. "Hey little sis. What's news?" He asks.

Bella beams up at him adoringly and my gut clenches. "I'll be back in a minute, I'll be just outside." I tell them both but they are engrossed in each other already.

I slip outside the door and hunch over my knees. I drag in as much oxygen as I can. I feel a hand at my shoulder and a soft voice. "Walk it off son."

I stand and find my dad right beside me, hand on my shoulder. I can't quite meet his eyes. He'll see me for the pussy I am if I do. "Em's in with her, I won't be long." I tell him and head down the corridor towards the front of the hospital. I'll run until the sick feeling in my gut dissipates.

**BPOV**

"I've got the all clear from the dentist, I had my hearing test and that went okay. I freaked your sister out and I don't think Jasper will visit again for a while." I tell the man mountain who's sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Okay, Alice could use a little freakiness now and then, but do tell, what did you do to Jasper?" He laughs.

"Did my dad really follow you today?" I ask. When he nods I continue. "I'm sorry about that. Alice told me he followed her too and I got scared. I sort of lose it when the fear takes over Em, I can't help it. It freaked Alice out and scared Jasper I think."

"They'll live. What's this shit about you being scared of the old man?" He asks casually as if it's nothing.

"Of course I am." I admit. "He's the law here. He can hurt me anytime he wants and if he wants to he can be cruel and hurt you all too."

"I don't fucking think so." Emmett laughs. "He's just a bully Bella. Bullies aren't scary; they're all talk and no action. He might have hit you before but he aint gonna hit any of us. There's nothing he can do to us or he would've already done it." He says matter of factly.

It's not been put to me like that before. If Charlie had wanted to do something to one of them he's had the past two weeks to do it. He hasn't. "Aren't you worried for Rose and Angus?" I ask.

"Of course I am, but that's nothing to do with your dad. I worry about them day and night. Don't you worry about Elizabeth?" he asks, his head cocked to the side.

"All the time." I admit.

"Well then, there you go. I worry because it's my job to worry about them. You worry because it's your job to worry about her. But I'm not worried because of your dad. And you shouldn't be either. Besides, anyone stupid enough to take on my Rose when she's in defend mode gets what they've got coming to them." He nods and grimaces at the same time. "So, what's the pansy boy up to you reckon? Hurling his dinner or crying like a girl?" he asks with a laugh.

I don't know the answer and I say so. "I think I upset him." I mumble.

"Bound to happen. This was always going to be a shit time for you both. One or the other is going to get hurt feelings, pretty often too I reckon. You just gotta keep talking to each other." He says kindly.

"I'll try. Thank you for the email today." I say shyly.

"You're welcome. I'll send you some porn tomorrow, that'll be good physio for your mouth." He laughs. I'm about to ask what the hell he's on about when he tells me. "I'll send you some of the really weird stuff, make you laugh good and long, it'll help your lip to heal. Trust me." He winks. "I was on the wrestling team all through high school and college. I split my lip open like that once, look." He tells me and leans over so I can see the slightly darker line that runs from the corner of his lip about two inches back towards his ear. "I got a knee to the mouth and my mouthguard slid sideways. My teeth went right through. Yours too right?" He asks and I nod. "Yeah, hurts like a bitch, I remember. Well, the coach said I should read joke books and watch comedies, laugh a lot, you know. He said it would stretch the wound naturally, sort of teach it how to move again after so long being held still. It worked. So I'll send you some hilarious porn." He gives me a thumbs up and I giggle.

"You could just bring me a joke book." I mumble. "I'm not sure porn is my thing."

He seems to think on that for a second. "Look, I don't know what happened to you and to be honest I don't really want to know details, but I know what I saw in that house. I read those rules Bella. Having to be clean on sex days, that's some fucked up shit right there. So I get that sex scares the hell out of you, but it can be awesome too. When you love someone, really love them, like with your whole head and heart, its fucking incredible. You don't want to miss out on shit like that, even if your only experiences with it so far have been scary as shit, you still don't want to miss out on it. Trust me little sis." He winks at me and I can't help but smile. "It'll take time, I get that, but eventually you're gonna wanna do the nasty with my little bro, so I'll send you some porn and you can see just how fuckin weird some of them positions really are." He laughs. "If you can laugh together you'll stay together always. That's what I think anyway." He shrugs. "I might be speaking shit too though, what do I know?" He shrugs.

I reach for his hand and when he puts it in mine I squeeze. "I don't think you're speaking shit Em, I'm just scared. The only touch I've ever felt has been to hurt me. It's hard not to expect that, even with you guys." I tell him.

"Aww fuck, that's just really fucked Bella." He pulls his hand out of mine and puts it on my forearm. I don't flinch though, I trust Emmett. "See? I just touched you and I didn't do it to hurt you. Not everyone wants to hurt others. I wouldn't do that. I won't hurt you, ever." He says firmly. "Right, so, I'll send you some porn and you can get a handle on what moves you want to try with the Nerd-ward. I reckon he'd be a bit of a firecracker in the sack seeing as he's so nerdy and weedy on the outside. I'll bet you twenty quid he'd be into kinky shit like leather and rubber. Yeah, rubber hoods and latex jocks." He laughs. "Whatever you do don't fall for the 'I'll just tickle your ass with this feather' line, I reckon he'd be a 'let's use the whole chicken' sort of guy." He bellows with laughter at his own joke and I can't help but join in.

He always starts of serious and by the end he's got me laughing. Which is exactly the way Edward and Carlisle find us. Giggling. Well, I'm giggling, Emmett is sitting sideways in the plastic chair, one leg cocked up on the side of the bed, one hand down between that and the floor moving back and forth like he's tickling his own ass with a feather. He's got his tongue lolling out and he's trying to explain the intricacies of 'weird' porn positions to me.

I've got tears rolling down my cheeks I'm laughing so hard. Edward's eyes light up as soon as they find mine. He comes to the top of the bed and leans down so he can whisper in my ear. "I love you." He says breathlessly.

I put my hand up and he rests his cheek in my palm. I'm aware that Emmett has stopped speaking and that the whole room has gone quiet. I wrap my fingers around and under Edward's ear until my fingers have his hair between them, I pull him so that his ear is near my lips. "I'll always choose you. I love you too." I whisper.

He's smiling widely as he straightens up. "What the fuck are you doing?" He asks Emmett.

"I'm showing Bella porn positions, of course. God you're such an idiot sometimes. How's she supposed to learn what she likes if she has no point of reference?" Emmett laughs and I giggle.

Carlisle is fighting his laughter as he writes on my chart. "If you'll both excuse us I need a word with my patient." He says sternly, back to doctor mode. When they're both gone out the door he comes to stand beside the bed. He takes my wrist and counts my pulse. He shines his penlight in my eyes. He takes my temperature with the ear probe. He checks my cheek, earlobe, scalp and shoulder wounds and then asks if he can examine my nipple. He assures me he'll be brief and very careful not to touch me in any way.

I bite my bottom lip and nod. I pull the blanket down and my nightgown up until my right breast is partially exposed. Carlisle tilts his head this way and that and shines his penlight on it a little before telling me I can put my gown back down.

"It looks very good Bella. The new skin is nice and pink and the wound itself has healed very nicely. It will be a while before you have feeling in it, but I'd think that within the year the nerves will have regrown and it'll be as sensitive as the left." He tells me as he writes on my chart. "Have you had a chance to examine your vaginal wound for yourself when showering?" he asks and I cringe.

"Yes." I mumble.

"How is the pain?" he asks.

"It's okay. It's not painful really, just a dull ache when I'm standing. Lots of pressure." I tell him.

"It's to be expected. Internally you'll have healed already, but externally will take a little longer I'm afraid. You've had the type of tear new mothers sometimes experience if they are left to tear instead of being cut during childbirth. Those types of tears heal within six to eight weeks, I'd expect you to be a little longer given you had the added menace of a nasty infection. But you are doing very well already, so around eight weeks I'd expect you to be able to engage in sexual activity again without pain or the ache." He says and puts my chart back into the holder.

"Okay." I tell him. He's probably thinking what everyone else is. That I'm a whore and that I can't wait to start having sex again as soon as possible.

He comes to the side of the bed and examines the tube of burn cream on the bedside cabinet. "Are you still applying this?" he asks and I nod. "Are they healing?"

"Most of them, yes. I keep knocking the top off one and there are two more that are still raw, but they aren't so bad anymore." I tell him.

"You can apply this for another week but if they haven't healed by then I'll have to organise a burns specialist to come and see you. But I don't anticipate we'll need to do that, just keep applying the cream when you can." He tells me. "Now, that's enough doctoring, I believe you have some concerns about the visit your father made to our home today?" He asks.

I wait until he's pulled the plastic chair up to the side of the bed before I begin. "I'm sorry about all this." I tell him honestly. "I don't want any trouble for any of you, you've all been so kind, and you don't deserve what my dad is trying to do."

He takes my hand, just like the others do. He's got the softest hands of them all. Emmett's are huge and rough, Jasper's are smaller but no less rough. Edward's are smaller than Emmett's but he's got longer fingers and his are soft-ish too. But Carlisle's are the softest by far. They are surgeons hands. He uses his thumb to massage the two recently broken fingers on my right hand and I can't help but sigh in relief as he manages to release some of the pressure that's been building in them over the day. "Does that feel better?" He asks and I nod a little. "I want to tell you, right from the start, that I'll be completely honest with you Bella. I've nothing to hide from you and I hope that one day you'll be able to open up to me too. So I'll always tell you the truth in any situation, just like I do for the others. Alright?" He asks and I nod again. "Nothing your father, or your husband for that matter, could ever do or say could make me more afraid than I was the day you were admitted. The state of you that day nearly undid me. No matter what I saw it doing to Edward, what I felt when I was called to emergency to treat you was some of the worst pain of my life. That someone could beat you so severely, leave you that way and for you to believe that you'd deserved it, _that_ was the most afraid I'd ever been. For you. I was afraid for you, for Elizabeth and for my son. Not because Jake or your father might want revenge for us taking you away from them, but true fear for what might happen to you if you went back to him. You aren't returning to him, are you?" He asks.

I've got tears splashing down onto my nightgown by this time, but I still manage to croak out a 'no I'm not going back to him'.

Carlisle pats my forearm and sighs heavily. "Good." He says firmly. "Those two men are beasts Bella. They are the worst kinds of cowards. They've lied to you and manipulated you, violated and isolated you. I can only imagine how you begin to rebuild your life after that. I might not know the first thing about how to help you heal emotionally, but I'm going to learn. So will Esme. Will you consider something for me please?" He asks.

"Of course." I mumble into my tissue.

"No matter what happens with Edward, whether you two make a go of it or you decide he's not what you want, please just let us – Esme and I – let us be a part of your lives. Both you and Elizabeth are going to need us, Bella. We only want what's best for you and we won't interfere with whatever that turns out to be, but we'd like the chance to show you what family really should be." He says with another pat to my arm.

"I don't need to consider that. I want to be with you all. I want to be a part of your family. And I do want Edward. I've always wanted him; I've never really wanted anyone else. But he's got us engaged and married and happily ever after and I don't even know where I'm going to live once I get out of here." I sob.

Carlisle smiles indulgently. "Of course it's up to you, but I had assumed that you'll be coming home with me. Not with Edward darling girl, with me and Esme. You're going to need help with Elizabeth and she's already running the roost at the house, so it makes sense that you'll come home with us. Emmett is already remodelling the downstairs guest rooms for you both and they'll be ready by the time you are discharged. I know I haven't asked you, and assuming was just rude, but we really do want you home with us, please say you'll come."

I can't quite believe what I'm hearing. "Emmett is remodelling rooms for me?" I ask and he nods with a smile. "I can come and live with you and Esme and Elizabeth at your house?" I ask and he nods again. "I'll have my own room, with a lock on the door?" I ask.

"Of course. Nobody will disturb your privacy there Bella, and I'll get Emmett to put a keyed lock on your door." He assures me.

"But what about Edward, I think he expects me to come and live with him, in his room." I sigh.

"Well then Edward will have to deal with the fact that you aren't. If you don't want to of course. If you want to live in his rooms, he has the whole first floor to himself you know, then that's yours and Edward's business. But I'm offering you somewhere to live regardless of how you choose to do it, with him or with us. The offer is the same. You'll have what all my children have. My love, loyalty, resources and protection, and that goes for your daughter as well." He tells me sternly.

It's the most wonderful thing anyone has ever offered me. Privacy, love, loyalty and protection. I can do without the resources, or I will be able to once I've gotten myself sorted out. But for now I do what Kerry suggests and I accept. "I'd like that. Thank you so much." I tell him. I can't help the tears then. They bubble up in my throat and I'm crying loudly. I let him pull me into his arms and I accept his kiss at my temple and his stroking fingers in my hair without panic. He's been more of a dad to me in the past twenty minutes than my real father has been in my whole life.

"What's all this then?" He asks as my crying steps up a notch.

I pull away from him and attempt to wipe my mess of a face with the soggy tissue. "I feel so stupid." I tell him.

"What for sweetheart?" He asks with a chuckle.

"I'm wearing Edward's ring and I've made a promise to him and we've never even been on a date." I whimper. "I'm afraid he's got this image of me that's not real. He might not like who I really am."

* * *

**A/N: We'll start to get into Bella's issues now and they can begin to get on with healing. Thanks so much for reading. Please review. **


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 – Love me, love my family.

**EPOV**

On my way back into the hospital I pass through the children's ward to check on Joshua. He's sound asleep, his little butt up in the air as usual. I comb my fingers through his hair and feel the sweat from his raging fever.

His chart says he's got a horrific temperature and that his right lung is filled with infection and fluid. He's going to have to have an IV inserted into his hand in the morning, poor little man. It's going to hurt. I write a note on the bottom of his chart asking to assist when the time comes. I hope his doctor, Dr Robson Willis, reads it and agrees. I don't know him and I know I'd be pretty pissed if some doctor I don't know asks to sit in while I did my job, but I write the note anyway, I'd like to help if I can and I'd also like to see Joshua through the ordeal.

"I'll bring Elizabeth and Bella to visit in the morning little man, you get some good sleep." I whisper to him and pat him on the back a couple of times.

I leave my pager number with the nurse on duty at the desk and head back to Bella. She's been in with dad for over an hour and as usual I'm eager to be with her again. So much for finishing work at four-thirty and having the afternoon and evening with her. So far I'd shared her with Joshua, my sister, brother in law, brother and now my father.

It's only nine in the evening but it feels like three in the morning. I'm so exhausted.

I ran for over an hour while Bella was in with Emmett but it did little for me compared to her words when I returned. I'd been so wound up and so scared that I'd finally gotten her, only to lose her so quickly, that I'd needed to run. I couldn't smoke anymore, so running was a good outlet for me. It wasn't much fun in jeans and a t-shirt, but I think I covered a couple of miles before my emotions began to calm to the point where I didn't feel like throwing up anymore.

I ran halfway back to the hospital and walked the rest, my feet screaming in pain because I was wearing the wrong trainers for running, but I made it back in good time. I was wary of going into Bella's room by the time I got to the nurses station on her ward. Dad was walking towards me, her chart in his hands, so I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. I also knew dad was concerned for whatever it was that had caused me to hyperventilate outside her room earlier.

I didn't want to have to explain it to him, so when he asks I just tell him it's been a long day and I needed to run. He asks nothing else and says he needs to see her now so I should follow him in for a minute.

She's laughing when I get in there and she looks completely transformed. Her face is filled with happiness and her cheeks are flushed from laughter. Emmett is doing something that only he'd be able to explain, and even then whether or not I'd understand it could be debated. But it's Bella who I turn my attention to.

I go to her and tell her I love her and when she tells me that no matter what she's going to choose me, I melt. All the worry of the past hour melts away when I realise that she's not talking about making choices that don't include me. Relief floods my system and I can smile again with ease.

And just as quickly as I'm reunited with her I'm asked to leave again. At least Emmett has to go out of the room with me. Its Doctor dad who's going to monopolise her time, not Carlisle Cullen. For some irrational reason I feel better about that.

As soon as Emmett and I get out into the corridor it's like we are kids again. He's ribbing me about my 'girlfriend' and I'm ribbing him about his head of meat.

We walk through the corridors eyeing off the pretty nurses but I know, without doubt, that both of us are only doing it because it's expected of us as men. I have no interest in anyone other than Bella and I know that he has no interest in anyone that's not Rosie.

By the time we get to reception he's ribbing me about Bella again and I'm laughing my ass off at his description of the porn he's going to email her tomorrow.

"She'll hate it." I warn him.

"Nah, it'll make her laugh which is what she needs. It'll work three ways. One, it'll get the cut on her lip moving, two it'll make her laugh which always makes someone feel better and three it'll get her thinking about you in terms of shagging. You can thank me later bro." He punches my shoulder so hard I just about fall over backwards.

I know better than to grimace or complain though. That would only earn me another. Instead I punch his shoulder back and laugh. "You're coming tomorrow night too right?" I ask and he nods. "Bring the kid, yeah?" I ask.

"Sure. You don't think he's too much for Bella though, right? He's pretty full on." He cringes.

"I think he's exactly what she needs." I tell him honestly. "She's missing Elizabeth so much and she needs a reason to want to get better, I figure the kids will be good incentive. If she's going to be strong enough to take care of Elizabeth full time again she has to do the physio and have the sessions with Kerry. I don't think they'll let her out of here until they're sure she's healed physically and has a good grasp on her emotional state. They won't sign the releases until she stops shutting down when the fear takes hold. Exposure to little kids is the key, I'm sure of it. Time with Elizabeth, Angus and there's a little boy in the children's ward we're going to visit, and I'm certain she'll double her efforts to get well." I tell him.

"Then I'll bring Angus with me tomorrow night. Rosie's coming to spend some time with her on Wednesday while you're at work, but not the kid, so I'll bring him when I come." He tells me. I shake his hand and tell him thanks as I wave goodnight to him.

For the second time in twenty minutes I check on Joshua on my way back to Bella. He's sound asleep and there's no changes noted on his chart. The rattle as he breathes worries me, but they'll be doing half hourly obs all night, so if anything happens I'll be paged along with his regular doctor, I hope.

Margaret tells me dad is still in with Bella when I get back to the ward so I make myself a coffee in the lounge and sit down to wait. I send Alice a quick text asking if she's alright and get a quick reply telling me that she's fine and to leave her alone, that her and Jasper are having 'quiet' time. Cringe at the little winking smiley she leaves at the end of the message. Urrgh. My family are so, so...I want to say gross but that's not the right word. Outwardly affectionate. That's it. My mother and father fawn all over each other no matter who's around, my brother and his wife all but conceived Angus in public and my sister and her new husband take any available opportunity to bump uglies, no matter who's in their house or in their car at the time. I learned that lesson early on. Never hitch a ride with that pair if you see them wink at each other when you ask. Shudder. Too gross to think about and there's not enough bleach on the planet to perform the lobotomy that would erase the mental image of your sisters hand in your brother in laws lap while driving in the dark.

Dad comes into the lounge while I'm still shaking my head over that image and asks what's wrong.

I laugh. "Nothing. How's Bella?" I ask as he sits opposite me in one of the recliners.

He's got her chart in his hands so I know he's about to go and write up the notes from her consult with him. He hands me the chart and I read from it eagerly. "Do you think she'll need the burns consult?" I ask.

"I hope not. I'll give the cream a few more days, but I'll leave a note for Ambrose to see for himself tomorrow." He tells me.

"She's got speech therapy tomorrow?" I ask. "She seems to be doing okay, is that really necessary?"

"I think it is, so does Sandra. Not because of her speech, but for the problems she's having with her mouth and her lip. The muscle has been severed laterally so every time she opens her mouth it's going to pull. The sensation is going to take a while to clear up on its own but she needs to use the muscles now or she'll suffer later on with slackening. A speech consult will be able to give her exercises to strengthen the muscle without causing pain in the wounds." He tells me matter of factly.

I'd not thought about it in those terms and agree that it's a good idea. Dad laughs and says thank god I agree. His sarcasm is noted. "Am I right in thinking you won't clear her for discharge until Kerry does?" I ask carefully.

"Correct." He says. "Physically she's healing well, but you and I both know that mentally she's nowhere near ready for the outside world. The stress of knowing she's vulnerable to both the men who've hurt her once she leaves the hospital might be enough to trigger a breakdown." He says sadly.

"You'll be meeting with Kerry to discuss her progress?" I ask.

"And yours." He tells me.

"I see." I mutter darkly. I feel like a kid again. My daddy checking up on me with my teachers to make sure I've been a good boy.

"Don't take it personally." He chuckles. "And remember she can't tell me specifics, but I want to know that you're both alright, especially if you are going to be looking after Elizabeth. Bella has agreed to come and live in the guest rooms when she's discharged." He says quietly.

"What?" I roar.

He doesn't look shocked that my reaction is so loud. He just sits in the chair and laces his hands together. "Bella wants the opportunity to live normally, to get to know us, and you Edward." He says quietly and evenly.

The instant he says it my anger and resentment disappear. "Shit." I mutter and run my hand through my hair. "I just assumed she'd come home to live with me, not you." I mumble. "I promised her I wouldn't make decisions for her and I have, I've already broken a promise."

"I wouldn't beat yourself up. The outcome is the same regardless, no matter how it comes about. She's going to be at the house with us and you'll have an opportunity to get to know each other and build a real relationship. Not only that, but Bella and Elizabeth will have your mother there to help each day. Bella is worried about how she's going to be able to function in the real world now that she knows her upbringing was less than normal. I think we can all teach her some things, but your mother is going to be the best for that. Kerry agrees." He tells me.

"You've discussed what's best for Bella long term with Kerry, but not with me?" I ask petulantly.

"We have. I'm sorry that hurts you son, but what's best for Bella and Elizabeth right now is what's important. I know you know that. Kerry will talk to you both about this in your next session, but the priority has to be getting Bella moving and well enough mentally to cope with her baby on her own. After that we'll see." He says reasonably.

"She wears my ring." I say caustically.

"I know, and I'm so happy for you both, but that has to be secondary at the moment to what she and the baby need. And right now they need a place to live that's safe and private while Bella learns how to live her life. You've made promises to each other, I'm well aware of that, but I don't think either of you intends to break them, even if you think your relationship is fragile, I don't think it is. She might be married to someone else but it's you she loves. It's so evident to anyone who sees you together, and I have no doubt that the reason you've never been serious about anyone is because you were waiting for her. So give yourselves some credit. The bond you have is strong, just give her some time and space to learn to live within it and you'll be better off for it in the long run." He says like some sort of relationship guru.

I want to be angry and I want to be hurt that he seems to be taking control of Bella and Elizabeth, but I can't be because he's right. I know she loves me, I don't doubt that at all. Even before she was liberated from the apartment she told me that, so what she feels for me isn't about obligation and it's nothing to do with gratitude. Its love, same as it is for me. Dad's right though, she needs to take the time to learn to live her life, there'll be time enough for the two of us together later on. "She's agreed to live with us?" I ask carefully.

"She has. Emmett is remodelling the guest rooms to accommodate them both and when she's discharged she's going to come and live with your mother and I." He smirks. "It's quite the coincidence, don't you think, that the one she loves just happens to live in the same house. I do hope there are no shenanigans between floors." He chuckles.

I sigh, "I think that's the furthest thing from her mind."I say sadly. "I don't know whether she'll ever want me that way, and who could blame her after what she's been through?"

"Give her a chance before you write that part of your lives off." He says as he gets to his feet. "Well, I'm off to the cardiac ward. I've got an interesting case actually. Twenty-six year old professional athlete with sudden onset tachycardia. Fit as a bull and struggling, it's very odd. I hope she's not misusing drugs, I quite like the girl. I'll see you both in the morning." He says and puts his hand on my shoulder.

I mutter my goodbye but stay put. He's given me a lot to think about and no doubt Bella too.

**BPOV**

I'm tired and I want Edward back so that we can go to sleep. I want him in the bed with me before I close my eyes for the night. Apart from when I was sedated – and I don't know that he didn't – I haven't slept without him by my side since I've been awake. It's getting late too and there's no sign of him. I'm toying with the idea of texting him. He's in the hospital somewhere, he's got to be. He wouldn't go home to spend the night without telling me, would he?

I press the nurse call button on a whim and wait for someone to come and see to me. I can feel the panic rising inside me as I lie there waiting. What if I've hurt him so badly that he doesn't come back? What if Carlisle has told him I don't want to share his room? What if he's decided it's too much trouble to be with me? What if he walked Emmett out to the parking lot and my dad, or Jake, was waiting for them?

Margaret comes into the room and comes right to the side of my bed. "Calm down dear, deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Nice and steady, with me." She tells me.

She's got my hand clutched tightly in hers and she stares at me as I breathe along with her. "Edward." I manage to say between gulps of air. "Didn't come back."

"Just breathe Bella. Deep and slow." She tells me. "He's fine, he's in the patient lounge with Doctor Cullen senior." She tells me with a pat to the top of my hand. "Good girl. Keep breathing deeply and I'll go and fetch him for you."

Edward comes running through the door within one minute of Margaret leaving the room. His face is worried and his eyes are darting about, no doubt trying to work out what the problem with me is, again. "What is it?" He asks.

I feel so stupid now. I turn over and hide my face in the pillow. "Nothing. It's stupid." I tell him.

I hear him sigh as he comes to the head of the bed. He leans down and kisses my hair. "What bothers you isn't ever stupid." He kisses my hair again. "I'm going to the bathroom to get changed. Then we'll talk. We both need sleep. Today's been a ride and a half." He whispers and kisses my hair again.

I listen to the tap running while he brushes his teeth. I hear the toilet flush and the rustle of clothes. He comes out of the bathroom in his sleep pants and baggy t-shirt. His hair is a mess from his continual nervous rubbing and he looks tired and upset.

I watch as he rolls his dirty clothes into a ball and shoves them into his bag. Then he is beside me. I scoot over and hold the blankets while he settles himself in beside me. I let out a long sigh as his body conforms to the shape of mine as he snuggles in behind me. I feel his hand snake over my hip and come to a stop on my belly, just like every other night, and sigh again when I feel his warm breath at my neck. "I had a panic attack because I thought you weren't coming back to me." I whisper into the dark as he reaches above us and pushes the light switch to off.

I feel his kiss at the back of my neck before he speaks. "I've got you now." He says and holds me tighter about my belly. "I'll always come back to you."

"I'll always choose you." I tell him.

Another kiss to the back of my neck before he speaks. "You'll always have me."

"You don't know me." I tell him sadly.

He sighs a little and I feel his arm loosen against me a little. He presses his knees harder up against mine and his fingers begin to trace slow, lazy circles across my stomach. "You don't know me either." He whispers into the dark.

I put my hand over his on my belly and move as he does. I pull his hand up to my mouth and kiss his fingers, like he does to mine, then I push our hands back under the blankets and wait for him to begin tracing the circles again before I speak. "I love you but I don't know you very well, do I?" I mutter.

"I love you too and I don't know you very well either." He mumbles against my hair. I can tell he's almost asleep, his words are slurred and they are getting longer and longer. "It makes no sense."

"I'm going to live in your guest room." I whisper and close my eyes.

"I'm going to date you." He mumbles.

I smile and let sleep take me.

**EPOV**

I wake up with Bella's hair all over my face. She's asleep on my chest, one arm thrown over my stomach; her fingers are dangerously close to the waistband of my pants. Her other hand is holding on tightly to my forearm. I've got one arm under her and the other over her arm on my gut, I'm sweating like a rhinoceros and I've got morning wood that could crack concrete.

My first coherent thought is we need a bigger bed. My second is that we're asleep in the fucking hospital and my mother and Bella's daughter are standing at the foot of the bed looking at us.

"Bella." I whisper and shake her a little.

She mumbles 'what' adorably and I chuckle.

"Good morning darlings." My mother says as though it's the most normal thing she's ever seen. "Your father will be here in twenty minutes for rounds." She tells me and I leap from the bed and run to the bathroom, hoping she doesn't see the tent I'm pitching.

I shower as quickly as I can and have to think about Milo and Mrs Henry to get my hard-on to go away. It works though and I'm able to dress and be back with Bella in under ten minutes.

She's sitting up and has Elizabeth in her arms when I get back into the room. I tell my mother good morning and ask Bella if she wants to shower before rounds. She says she does so she hands Elizabeth back to my mom. I move around to that side of the bed and kiss Elizabeth, then my mother, good morning. I wait while Bella swings her legs from the bed on her own. She stands on her own too, much quicker than on previous days. She's smiling widely and beaming with pride as mom keeps up a steady stream of encouragement while we walk to the bathroom.

She's leaning on me less and less now that she knows how to hold herself to keep at bay the bulk of the pain. She tells me she's not dizzy anymore and that she can stand while I ready the chair inside the stall, not at the counter today.

I turn my back while she shimmies out of her knickers and then she walks, with only my hand at her forearm, into the cubicle and sits in the chair unaided. I tell her how amazing she is and she scoffs. I tell her I'll bring clean clothes and towels when I hear the water turn off and then I leave her to it.

I take Elizabeth from mom and take a good big hit of her baby calm. "How was she last night?" I ask as mom and Grace change the sheets on Bella's bed.

"Perfect, of course." Mom tells me. "She's smiling more and more now."

I look down at the tiny baby and smile at her. "That's because she's the most clever baby in the whole world." I tell her stupidly, as though she understands me. She gives me a tiny smile and my heart clenches. "You make sure you show your mommy that beautiful smile when she comes out." I tell Elizabeth.

The water in the shower switches off a few minutes later, at the same time that my pager goes off. It's a message for me from Doctor Willis, Joshua's consultant. If I want in on the procedure I've got five minutes to get there.

I hand Elizabeth back to mom and go into the bathroom. "Bella, Joshua is having his IV inserted in a minute and I want to be there to hold his hand. Do you mind if it's mom who helps you today?" I ask through the closed curtain.

"No, you should go. I'll be okay with your mom." She tells me. "I can go and see him afterwards can't I?" She asks and I smile to myself.

"Of course you can. Once dad's been in for rounds I'll take you both down there to see him, alright?" I tell her and mentally pat myself on the back for being smart enough to work out that babies of any age would do Bella good.

I shake Doctor Willis' hand when I get to the children's ward. I introduce myself and he tells me the stock crap about being an admirer of my dad's work. I mumble the standard reply that he's a great doctor blah blah blah and move to Joshua's side.

"Hey little buddy." I tell the sad little boy who's still burning with fever and lying on his back listlessly in his crib.

He's clutching his robot but his eyes are dull and he's uninterested. "Edward is robot." He mumbles almost incoherently, but I know what I'm listening for and can work it out.

"What's that?" Willis asks.

I chuckle. "Josh and I are old friends, he named is robot after me." I tell him. "The doctor has to put a tube into your arm today Joshua, but I'm going to hold your hand while he does it, alright?" I ask the little boy. He doesn't reply and he doesn't move or resist when I reach into the crib and pull him out. I set him on my knee and hold his hot little body against my chest while Willis preps the back of his hand with an alcohol swab. "I'll hold him still, but be quick." I tell him.

It breaks my heart that the little boy hardly flinches as the cannula is pressed up under the skin on the back of his hand. He buries his face into the collar of my shirt when it's done and I hug him hard. "Robot is Edward." He tells me.

"I'll have the nurse hook up the IV and stand." Willis tells me. "His blood work was good. It's definitely bacterial so it'll clear up fast once he's hooked up. I'll push ibuprofen and get the fever down." He tells me and signs the chart. "Good to meet you Edward." He offers me his hand again and I shake it.

"Thanks Robson. I'll hang around for a bit."I tell him as he moves off to see his next patient. I rock Joshua back and forth on my knee and pat his back. "You're a very brave boy." I tell him. "My friend Bella had to have a nasty tube in her hand just like yours, so I know it hurts, but you were real brave." I keep rocking and pretty soon he's asleep on my chest. His breathing is horrifying. He rattles on every intake and gurgles on each exhale. I lean forward and read from his chart what sort of antibiotics they are going to be giving him and sigh in relief when I see the size and frequency of the dose.

Leonie comes down the centre aisle with the IV trolley and starts to set up the stainless steel pole and its hooks for all his medications. She runs tubing from the now suspended bags of drugs and wraps them over and under the top rails of the crib. "You can lie him down, he's asleep." She whispers to me. I don't really want to set him down and tell her so. "He gets so little physical contact." She tells me sadly. "Will _your_ Bella be able to visit?" She asks with a smirk.

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" I laugh quietly. "She'll be coming to visit soon, after rounds." I tell the nurse as she carefully connects the tubing to the cannula in Josh's hand. I watch as she measures a dose of children's ibuprofen in a syringe and forces it into the socket on the top of the cannula. I tell her thank you and she smiles down at me. "Could you bring a nebulizer? I'll sit with him while he has it."

"Sure. Won't be long. Oh look, here comes _your_ Bella now." She giggles and goes to find a nebulizer for me.

I look up the centre aisle and see Bella in her wheelchair, Elizabeth in her arms, mom pushing them both.

"Hey, how is he?" Bella asks right away, concern in her eyes.

I mentally high five myself again, I wonder if she realises just how alive she looks and sounds when speaking about Elizabeth, Joshua or Angus? "He's okay." I tell her and stroke Joshua's back. "He's had his IV inserted, didn't even flinch, poor little man."

I can see the war going on in her brain. She wants to hold him but she's holding Elizabeth. Should she put her own baby down in order to hold someone else's child? She's weighing up the 'my child is healthy and well and that one isn't and needs contact' debate that's raging in her brain. "Why don't I take Elizabeth for a walk to see the harem, give you two a chance to sit with Joshua for a little bit?" Mom rescues her and Bella smiles widely.

"Oh, are you sure?" Bella asks, even though she's smiling.

"Oh yes, I've been dying to show her off to them. It's always a good idea to continue to stake ones claim." She chuckles and nods pointedly to Bella. I don't quite understand the look that passes between them.

Bella kisses Elizabeth's head and passes her to mom. "We won't be long." She tells us.

The instant Elizabeth is away with my mother Bella is reaching for Joshua. He's tethered to the IV pole so I can't put him in her lap where she is. "I'll stand and move this chair out the way, you roll up to here." I tell her as we shuffle around the small space between the crib and the window.

When she's manoeuvred herself into position I untangle Josh from my body and transfer him to hers. I don't know if she herself knows just how loudly she sighs when the little boy is settled against her chest. She holds him high up under her chin and I watch her close her eyes and whisper to him how brave he is.

Leonie returns with the nebulizer and I help her plug it in and fill its chamber with the steroids he's been prescribed. She attaches the mask and I take it to where Bella sits. "I'll slip this over his face." I tell her. He doesn't even flinch when I press the mask over his mouth and nose. "It'll help him breathe. There are steroids in the mixture he's breathing in and that will help open up his airway so he can breathe without so much effort." I tell Bella as I secure the mask around the little boy's head with the straps. I pat his hair and smile at Bella.

I thank Leonie and she goes to the bed next to Joshua's to help a little boy with his pyjamas.

"Do you think he's going to be alright?" Bella asks in a whisper.

"I'm certain of it. He's young and strong and once the fever has broken he'll be terrorising the ward again." I tell her and hope to god it's the truth.

"I know you told me his mother passed away, but where is his father?" She asks.

I shake my head. "I don't know. His foster mom didn't mention one."

Bella kisses the top of his head and strokes his back with her fingers. She's got so much love to give, she's just never had the chance before. "Do you think he'll do well in foster care? You hear some awful things." She whispers.

"I've met Rachel and she seems great, but it's not the same as a family of his own, no. It's meant to be temporary." I tell her.

"What are the chances of him finding a family though? They all want babies, don't they?" She asks.

"I don't know, I've never looked into it. Maybe I should." I mumble under my breath.

"Maybe you could?" She asks, turning shining eyes to me.

"Maybe I could." I agree. "It takes a special kind of person to give love to a child that isn't theirs biologically." I hedge.

I want her to be able to see how easy it is to love a child, no matter who that child's biological parents are. I want her to know how simple it is for me to love Elizabeth.

She eyes me carefully before answering. "When will the dramatic music start and the voiceover man tell me the moral to this story Edward?" She giggles.

I've been busted, but I don't really care. "I think I've made my point." I laugh. "No need for a voiceover man, is there?"

"No, there isn't. And your point is clear. Thank you for loving my daughter." She whispers.

I smile, "No thanks necessary, she's a part of you Bella, how could I not love her if I love you?" I stand and try to shake off the heaviness of the conversation before we both end up in tears in the children's ward. "Sandra is going to be looking for you shortly, maybe we should put him into his bed?" I ask and move the chair aside. I take him from her and kiss his matted and sweaty hair as I lay him into his crib. I pat his bottom until he's stopped squirming. I wrap the tubing out of his way and turn the nebulizer down a little. "We'll come back later little man." I tell him quietly.

Bella slips her arms through the slats and pats his bottom. "Sleep well little one." She whispers.

As predicted we only get back to her room with two minutes to spare before Sandra is there for physio. Mom is back soon after so I sit with Elizabeth while we watch Sandra put Bella through her paces.

She's got a lot more movement in her injured foot and her fingers are healing really well. She says she has only a slight ache in her ribs when walking, but its easing every day. She's embarrassed and nervous to speak about her other injuries with us in the room, but she answers Sandra's questions, even though it's only in single syllable answers. It hurts to know that she's still suffering from them, I hate knowing he's hurt her so badly that she needs pain killers for vaginal injuries more than she needs them for multiple broken bones. I feel so useless as I sit there watching her raise a sweat simply from walking unaided. Mom and I encourage her all the way through, telling her how well she's doing, we cheer when she lets Sandra's hand go for the first time and takes six small steps on her own. I hold Elizabeth's hands and clap them together and Bella crows with pride at Elizabeth's beautiful smile. Sandra praises me for thinking of the DS to aide Bella's recovering fingers and as she's leaving she reminds Bella to do her foot exercises and play nice with the speech therapist later on. Bella giggles adorably and I promise to be a good boy.

"That would be a first." My mother chuckles. "He was a menace as a child Bella. A perfectionist right from the minute he was born. If he was half a degree too hot or cold he whined. If he was left alone for too long once he was toddling around on his own he'd whine. He looked for constant praise." She laughs as she helps Bella back up into her bed.

Bella throws me a magnificent smile over my mother's shoulder and raises her eyebrows. "I only remember you from about eight, I think." She says. "You played nice with the other children then." She giggles as mom tucks the blankets back in around her and comes to take Elizabeth from me.

I hand her over reluctantly. "I was a model child." I throw my mother a playful scowl. I watch Bella as she takes her daughter into her arms. "I always played nice with other children. Other children, just not Emmett." I laugh and my mother swats at my arm.

"You still don't." She agrees. "Now, I think I'll take Elizabeth home for her bottle and nap, seeing as you're about to have more appointments. I'll call past the paediatricians and make the appointment for her check up." She tells Bella who looks right at me and smiles.

"Can you make it for Thursday, I'd like Edward to come along." She says.

"Of course I can." My mother beams at me then Bella. "It's good for you two to start doing these things together, you can start learning how to be a family." She chuckles and takes Elizabeth from Bella and presents her to me so I can kiss her goodbye.

Bella asks for one more kiss from the mewling infant and mom hovers over the side of the bed with her. "I love you little one." Bella whispers and kisses the baby once more. "Thank you." She says quietly to mom.

"You are most welcome. I'll see you again tomorrow Bella, Edward I'll see you on Thursday unless you're coming home in between?" She asks.

"I'll have to come tonight, I need clean clothes." I tell her.

"Then I'll see you then." She leans down and kisses me then takes Elizabeth home.

"So, what shall we do while we wait for your next poke and prod session?" I ask, raising and lowering my eyebrows suggestively.

Bella giggles adorably and pats the side of the bed. I'm there in a heartbeat. "Is it wrong to want you to be kissing me all the time?" She asks in a breathless whisper.

I've got her cheek in the palm of my hand and my lips at the corner of hers before she's finished her sentence. I very carefully kiss her there and wait for her soft sigh.

_There._

I move my lips more towards the centre of her mouth and kiss her a little harder. I feel her hand come up from beside her, graze over my chest, up over my jaw and come to rest over my hand on her cheek. It's the most incredible thing I've ever felt. Intimate, affectionate, incredibly loving and it's from my Bella. I sigh against her lips and kiss her softly once more before pulling away. I rest my forehead on hers and smile. "It's not wrong to want a kiss, if it is I'm wrong a lot." I chuckle.

She runs the back of her knuckles over my cheek and jaw and then puts her hand back against my chest. "I've never wanted to kiss before now." She whispers. I can feel her heat through my t-shirt. "Please ask me out." She whispers.

I smile again and feel the redness of my nerves and the flutter of anticipation well up inside me. "Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night please Bella?" I whisper before kissing her again, very carefully, at the corner of her mouth.

"I'd love to." She whispers in reply. "I don't think I'm allowed to leave here though." She giggles.

"Leave that to me." I say.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. **

**I have, by popular demand, completed the outtake that is Emmett and Jasper versus Jake. It is the missing scene when the two boys leave Edward in the surgical waiting room and go pay Jake a visit. They return with bloody (and in Jasper's case stitched) knuckles. **

**Reviewers can have the chapter, regular readers will have to wait until the story is done and I post all the outtakes as supplementary chapters :)**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 – Friendly Competition

**BPOV**

Karen Rivens was the speech therapist and I liked her straight away. She was easy going, very kind to me and infinitely patient as she tried to get me to make the most ridiculous sounds with my mouth.

Edward was laughing so hard when she asked me to make a mooing sound like a cow.

"I should've gotten Rosie to bring Angus, he's love this, he loves farm animals." He laughed.

I threw him a scowl and kept trying to make my lips move the way I wanted them to.

The sound I was making was right but it hurt to force my lips to make the shape for longer than a few seconds. Karen insisted I try. "I know it hurts but that's why I'm here. The muscle needs to be stretched so that normal sounds won't cause pain. If you do this now, and again before you eat, you'll notice the difference." She encourages.

We switch to making the sound 'ow' which stretches my lip in a completely new and torturous way. Edward's not laughing this time, he can see how much it hurts me. I don't want to give up, but I'm close to it and Karen recognises that.

"How about your husband comes and does the exercises with you? A little friendly competition." She laughs.

I don't want to correct her assumption that Edward is my husband so I don't. He doesn't either. His smile is magnificent, however. He comes to sit beside me on the plastic chair and holds my hand. "How will this work?" He asks Karen.

"I want you both to begin making the same 'ow' sound on my mark. The first one to stop loses. Best of three, ready, go." She says.

I start making the sound and so does Edward. I'm out of breath way before he is and have to concede. I don't want to though, and I'm pretty pissed that he's grinning like the Cheshire cat. He goes on for a lot longer than I do and eventually I pull my hand from his and scowl.

"Again." Says Karen. "Ready, go."

We start again, only this time I've taken a good deep breath. I let it out slowly, like I would if I had to swim underwater. I go for much longer but Edward still manages to outdo me. I'm furious. I swat his arm and he stops. "Again." I say, not waiting for Karen. "Go." I huff.

I realise I've already lost the game, its two nil, but I don't care, I'm determined to win at least one round. I've had practise now and I'm doing better this time. I let the breath out even slower than I had in round two and just when I think Edward is struggling he manages to raise his voice a little more and I have to concede again. He stops straight away though and I realise I wasn't too far off beating him that time.

"Right, well, as I said, a little healthy competition." Karen laughs at my sulking pout. "How does the lip feel now?" She asks.

Instinctively I put my fingers to it on the outside and my tongue to it on the inside. It feels fantastic and tell her so. Stretching it, even though it hurt at first, has meant it's loosened up and doesn't hurt so much now when I move it. "Emmett's a freakin genius." I tell Edward.

"For god's sake never tell him that." Edward mumbles with a smirk.

"Who's Emmett?" Karen asks.

"He's my brother, the man with the amazing head of meat." Edward says.

Karen raises her eyebrows but says nothing more about that. "I suggest you do that again for a few minutes before your next meal and let your lip stretch naturally a little. Your dental report says you have no lasting damage to your teeth so I expect you'll be able to begin eating the meals your mother in law has left for you." She gathers up her charts and reports and tells me she'll see me again in a couple of days.

As soon as the door is closed I look to Edward. "Your mom brought meals for me?" I ask and he shrugs.

"I have no idea. She didn't say anything to you?" He asks, getting to his feet.

"Not a word. She asked a few days ago what my favourite food was, but she didn't say anything this morning." I tell him excitedly. I'm eager to begin eating properly again and now that my lip feels a bit better I want to start right now.

"Well then, I'll just go and find out." He laughs. He's back in minutes with a foil container and napkins. "You should see what she's done!" He crows. He sets the container on the rolling table and unclips its lid.

Lying in the container is a dozen perfectly formed cannolis. "Cannoli!" I can't believe it. "I told her I liked Italian food." I say, incredulous that she'd go to this much effort.

"Knowing mom she went home and taught herself Italian cooking from the food network." He laughs and pushes the container towards me. I take one from the box and wait until he has one in his hand before taking a bite.

I can't help but groan. The pastry is perfect, light and crisp and delicious. The ricotta filling is sweet and velvety and utterly perfect. "So good." I mumble around the pastry. Edward has the whole thing in his mouth in one bite, making me laugh. "How are you so slim?" I mutter as I take another bite.

He reaches for another and shoves that into his mouth too. When he's done chewing he grins. "I have Emmett as a brother and Alice as a sister. He's a human garbage disposal unit and she's the devil in disguise. If you didn't eat fast Emmett would steal it, if you ever let it slip that you loved something Alice would whine until you gave it to her. You'll learn to eat fast at our house." He laughs.

I like the way he says that. I like that I'm going to live there. "I can't wait to live there." I tell him.

His smile is angelic. "I can't wait till you're living there." He tells me. "Can I talk to you about that a little?" He asks and I nod shyly. I still feel guilty for agreeing to live in the guest room and not with him. "I talked to dad last night. He told me about what you'd agreed. Can you tell me why?" He asks.

I lick my fingers and wipe them on the napkin. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." I tell him. He waves that away though. "I love you, you know I do, but I'm not ready to live with you. I know that makes no sense and I understand if you want your ring back." I tell him.

His eyes widen in fear. "No. Don't take the ring off." He says in a rush. "Please, don't take my ring off." He says more quietly. He leans back in the chair and runs a hand through his already messy hair. "Look, I know we don't know each other very well, despite being madly in love." He grins. "I will admit that I was assuming you'd come to live with me at the house, at least at first I did assume that, but I do understand that you can't."

"Everything I know is wrong." I mumble. "Your parents have offered Elizabeth and I a home and that's what we need right now. Somewhere to live while I try to learn how to be me."

"I can offer you a home too Bella." He says petulantly.

I reach for him and stroke his cheek with my thumb. "I know you can, thank you. But you'd need to leave every day and I'd be left alone again. I can't be alone just yet." I admit. "Your mother is going to teach me to care for Elizabeth and I need to learn what's right and wrong all over again. I know you can teach me that too, but that would eat all our time up after you'd been to work. I want a home with you Edward, I truly do, but I have to learn how to live in one first."

He smiles and I think we might just be okay again. "The tread on the second stair squeaks." He grins. "Remember that when you sneak up to my room." He laughs into my palm then kisses it.

"I will." I laugh back.

**EPOV**

I need to change the subject fast because I'm barring up in my jeans at the thought of Bella tiptoeing up the stairs to my rooms in the middle of the night.

"So you should get your gown on and we'll take a walk to the patient lounge. I want to show you what mom's done." I tell her.

At the mention of walking her eyebrows shoot up but then she's smiling. "I could try." She concedes and I smile too.

"Of course you can. I'll be right there beside you." I tell her as I get to my feet. I lean over and put a kiss at her temple. "I won't let you fall." I whisper.

"I know. Alright, let's do it." She says firmly.

I take her robe from the closet and wait while she gets to her feet at the side of the bed. I put her robe around her shoulders and she slips her arms through. I put her slippers on the floor as she steps forward into each of them in turn. "All set?" I ask and she nods. I move the plastic chair out of her way and hold the door as she shuffles through it.

Grace tells Bella how great it is to see her up and about under her own steam and Bella thanks her proudly.

"We'll be in the lounge." I tell her as we pass, very slowly, past the nurses station. It takes us a while but Bella looks both proud and exhausted by the time we get into the room. I settle her onto one of the sofas and show her what's in the room. She's not been in here before so she looks around in awe.

"This is going to cost you a fortune, isn't it?" she asks sadly.

I just laugh. She's got no idea the lengths I'd go to for her. It's probably best she doesn't know actually, I frighten myself sometimes when I think about it. "That's nothing for you to worry about. You just get well and come home." I tell her. I like being able to say that now that we both know where we're headed and how. "Watch this." I tell her and open the door of the refrigerator and freezer.

"Oh my god." She gasps when she sees the stacks of foil containers. "Is that all for me?"

"Well, they've all got your name and room number on, so yeah." I laugh. "Mom likes to cook." I tell her even though it's quite evident that she does. "They've all got names on, you want me to read some to you?" I ask.

"I'll be as big as a house when I leave." Bella giggles and tells me to please read the labels.

I tug each tray out in turn from the freezer and read the names of the dishes. "Ravioli and Bolognese. Veal ravioli with mushroom and cream sauce. Tortellini with chicken and vegetables. Tagliatelle with roasted pumpkin and pine nuts. Spaghetti Bolognese. Oh good, there's heaps of those, I want some of that, moms is the best." I tell her proudly. "There are three lots of lasagne, I bags one of them too." I close the freezer and reopen the fridge door. "These are all pastries I think. Biscotti, never heard of it. Zippuli, god knows what that is. This one says macaroons, I know those. God there has to be a dozen containers in here. She must have devoured the food network." I laugh.

I take the Zippuli container with me and sit by Bella on the sofa. I crack the lid open and we both stare down at the sausage shaped pastries. "They smell like doughnuts." Bella says and reaches for one. I watch her bite into it then smile when she groans. "Awesome." She sighs.

I take one and throw the whole thing in my mouth. Bella giggles as I chew. God it's so good, I almost drool. I close the lid and set the container aside. "If I start I'll never stop." I tell her. I rest my arm along the back of the sofa and drape it along her shoulders. "It's good to see you eating." I tell her.

Bella pulls her cell phone from the pocket of her robe and starts texting. I can't help my smug grin as she does. The phone has made her so happy and it's something so simple. "My mouth feels so much better after seeing Karen. I thought it was dumb making the noises, but it really worked. Your brother really is a genius. I'm going to watch the porn he sends me just so I can laugh." She giggles. She hits send on her text and I ask what she sent. "Oh, here, sorry." She passes me the phone.

She's misunderstood. "I don't want to read what you send Bella. That's your business. I was just making conversation baby. I won't check up on you, I won't read your phone and I won't read your emails. I deleted the send history yesterday, so you never need to worry about what you write. In fact, I'll sign you up for your own email account." I tell her.

She shifts so she's facing me a little on the sofa. "You can read them, I have nothing to hide." She holds the phone out for me again.

I push it back towards her with my free hand. "I don't want to read them. They're yours, they're private." I tell her firmly as the phone begins to beep.

She's so excited to receive a reply. "Your mother says she loves Italian cooking. She says you shouldn't eat too many cannolis or your clothes won't fit, but I'm allowed to have as many as I want." She laughs and pokes her tongue out at me.

"You're so fucking beautiful." I tell her absent mindedly as I pull her towards me. I kiss her softly on the lips. "And before you say it I don't need my glasses on to see it."

"Where are they?" She giggles against my lips.

I kiss her once more and sit back again. I pull my glasses from the pocket of my button down and slide them on. "Better?" I laugh, thinking she'll continue with the joke. A slight pink tinge crosses her face as she nods. "What's the blush for?" I tease.

I'm so unprepared for what she does next that I grunt a little without thinking. Bella turns a little more and is all but facing me square on. She reaches out her hand and pushes her fingers through my hair and pulls me toward her. She licks her bottom lip and kisses me firmly on the lips. This isn't quite as gentle as we've been. This is more. More what I have no idea, but it's more.

I don't reach for her like she's doing to me, I don't want to crowd her when she's still so unsure of herself, I don't want it to look like I'm dominating her, so I relax into the kiss and let her lead. I groan when she parts her lips slightly. I do the same and try my hardest not to press for more. It's only been an hour since she's exercised her mouth in a way that's freed her of some pain, so I don't really know what to expect.

The first taste of her tongue was not it.

But that's what I got.

She, ever so lightly, traces my top lip with it and I know I'm moaning like a fourteen year old boy. But I can't help it. I can taste the cinnamon from the Zippuli. Her fingers in my hair are tugging gently, her other hand is sitting still on my thigh and her tongue is very slowly tasting my lip. I'm in fucking heaven.

And then we're caught by Grace. She coughs to let us know she's at the door and we break apart like two teenagers busted by their parents. "Sorry to interrupt but Leanne Cross is here to see Bella." She announces with a smirk.

"Leanne Cross?" I ask.

"Dietician." Grace giggles. "I'll tell her you're on your way." She laughs as she backs out of the room.

"I'm so sorry." Bella says sadly.

"Don't be, I'm fucking not." I laugh. I pull her back to me and kiss her softly on the lips again. "Please don't be embarrassed. It's completely normal to kiss each other Bella. She wasn't mortified, she was giggling, remember?" I ask, knowing Bella would be feeling self conscious and wondering if what she did was wrong.

"She was giggling." Bella says as though she's trying to convince herself.

"She was. I love kissing you." I tell her. "So let's get you back to your room. I'll go get the chair." I tell her.

It'll take too long for her to walk back to her room and the effort it took to get to the lounge is probably enough for now anyway. I help her into the chair and we get her settled back into her bed as Leanne introduces herself to us.

"Doctor Cullen senior has asked me to come and see you both." She tells us as she reads Bella's chart. "I can see you've been on soft foods for a few days now, but it says here that Karen Rivens has given the go ahead for you to begin eating more normally from now on. Can you tell me if you have any food allergies or are experiencing any pain or discomfort from the foods you've been consuming since admission." She asks Bella.

"I'm not allergic to anything that I know of." Bella tells her. "I've been eating jell-o and soup. Some bread yesterday too and I've felt alright so far. We just ate Cannoli and Zippuli." She giggles.

Leanne smiles. "Half your luck." She says. She's still reading Bella's admission report as she speaks. "So there's a bit of a discrepancy with your overall weight that I'd like to address. Your notes say that there has been a protracted period of starvation so I'd like to get you onto a high protein high carbs diet until you are consistently gaining each week. To do it in a healthy way we'll need to limit your sugar and fat intake until you're back to a more normal weight. Your stomach will have shrunk during the duration of starvation, so smaller meals more frequently will be the key here." She writes on the chart and I look to Bella. She seems okay with what's been suggested so far. "You'll be suffering some muscle weakness and tonal loss, so I'll talk with your physio and we'll arrange some strength building exercises to go along with the diet. I can see you have other injuries, so you can start off with some light weight training at first. The pool will be good for you and I can see that you're scheduled for your first session on Friday." She writes again. "I'll recommend pasta, bread, grains and cereals. Lots of meat and some yoghurt and milk as well. Try and steer clear of fatty snacks and try fruit and nuts instead. If you like peanut butter that would be good too."

"I do like peanut butter." Bella says.

"It says here you two have a newborn, is she being breastfed?" Leanne asks.

Bella looks to me but I'm smiling. I fucking love it when they assume she's mine. I've stopped correcting people. I needed to make it clear to my family, but strangers I have no problem with.

"No." Bella says sadly and I realise that breastfeeding is out of the question for her with the nipple injury. I know she was feeding her herself before though.

"Right, well, for a change that might work in your favour. Apart from antibiotics and mild pain killers I see no other medications listed here." She flips Bella's chart back and forth. "When the pain killers are finished with I'm recommending you have one glass of red wine a day. It's packed with calories and it's good for your cholesterol while we're trying to fatten you up." She says. "And seeing as you aren't feeding your little one you can have a drink without worrying." She smiles.

Bella looks sceptical, but I figure it's something to think about later, rather than sooner. "We'll talk about it again after you've stopped the pain killers." I tell her quietly and she nods.

"Alright then." Leanne says. "I'll write up your eating plan and get a copy to the kitchens and one for you will be in your discharge documents. I'll see you again next week and we'll weigh you then to see how you're progressing."

She shakes both our hands and excuses herself. "I don't want to drink." Is Bella's first, and predictable, comment.

"I know you don't. You don't have to." I tell her. "I'll find out about grape juice, see if it does the same thing as wine."

Bella's laughing then. "You're so bloody smart." She giggles.

"Why do people say that like it's a bad thing." I huff.

"Because we're all so dumb." She giggles.

"You aren't dumb." I say fiercely.

"I know that, just that nobody else does." She laughs.

"Well I do." I say.

There is a soft knock at the door and our lunches are brought in and put on the rolling table by a volunteer in a striped apron. We both say thank you and lift the lids on our meals.

"I've got canned fruit and custard." Bella says sadly. "What have you got?" She asks.

I put the lid back on my cold meat and salad and stand. "I've got a hankering for mom's lasagne. You want to try some?" I ask. When she smiles and nods I take the two trays out to the lounge and put them both on the counter. I nuke two serves of the lasagne and split my salad into two. When the lasagne is good and hot I serve it onto two clean plates and take it back to Bella.

I put it onto the rolling table and hand her some cutlery. "Take your time, it's hot." I tell her as she cuts a small piece off the end of her serve.

I watch as she tentatively takes the first bite into her mouth. Her smile says it all and I tuck into mine with a moan. "Nothing beats mom's lasagne." I mumble.

**BPOV**

"Will she teach me to make this, do you think?" I ask Edward as I put more of the delicious cheesy pasta into my mouth.

Edward can't even stop chewing long enough to speak, so he just nods. I know how he feels. I've never tasted anything so good before. I used to buy trays of frozen, pre-packaged lasagne at dads, and even though I made my own at Jake's it never tasted like this does.

Edward wipes his mouth on the napkin and smiles. "I hope she teaches you and I hope you make it all the time for me." He grins. "I'll give you whatever you want if you make this." He laughs.

I try not to over think the comment, I don't want to have to analyse every comment made to me, but it does make me think about the things he's going to want from me at some point. The kiss we shared, or rather the kiss I took from him in the lounge just now was wonderful, and now I understand what the difference is between kissing someone you like and someone you love, but I'm still thinking in terms of consequences, even with Edward.

"I'll make it because you like it, that'll be enough." I whisper.

He smiles and reaches for my hand. I give it to him eagerly. "Was that the wrong thing for me to say?" He asks softly and I nod a little. "Will you learn to make lasagne just because I like it?" He asks and I nod again. "Thank you." He whispers and pulls my fingers to his lips. Over the back of my hand he raises and lowers his eyebrows a little. "If you ask me to kiss you right now you'll taste of it." He chuckles.

"You better kiss me then." I say.

He pushes the rolling table aside and stands out of his seat. He leans over the bed towards me, a smug grin on his beautiful lips. "You lead." He whispers as he kisses me softly.

I understand what he's telling me. He wants me to be in control of what we do because if I'm not I'm just going to freak out on him. I want to tell him I appreciate that he's letting me lead but I'm already lost in the soft sensation that is Edward's lips on mine. I can't help but brush my fingers into his hair and pull him closer. I part my lips carefully and slowly, waiting for pain but it doesn't come. He does taste of lasagne and I moan as quietly as I can when his tongue meets mine. I wind my fingers into his hair and tug gently, wanting more. Of what I'm not sure, but I want more. I part my lips a little more and find what I'm looking for when he moans into my open mouth. I must startle because he pulls away.

"Don't. I'm okay." I whisper and pull him back to me using the front of his shirt. Our lips reconnect and I don't need to be quite so careful now that I know the pain won't come. I open my lips to him and allow his tongue into my mouth. His lips are so soft and so warm, he's being so gentle and I'm so in love with him. I tell myself I do want this, that I do want Edward, and relax into his kiss. I slide my fingers between the plackets of his shirt and swallow his sigh as my skin touches his. It's enough for me, for now. Just with the back of my fingers against his chest, his lips on mine and his sweet tongue gently licking back and forth across my bottom lip, it's enough for me.

All too soon Edward is pulling away. He rests his forehead on mine and I smile. "I love you." He whispers and I echo the sentiment without hesitation. "How is your lip?" he asks.

"It's fine. I have to keep using it or it will go back to how it was, I think, but I've never felt better than I do right now." I tell him truthfully.

"Me either." He says softly. "Please don't be offended but I have to get some fresh air." He chuckles and moves back off the bed and stands beside it.

I'm not completely sure I get what the problem is and I wonder how on earth I can ask. "I'm not offended." I say quietly. "Can you explain it to me?" I ask carefully.

He's got his hands in his jeans pockets, shoved in them, way down deep and he looks kind of sheepish as he speaks. "I can't help the way my body responds to you Bella. You have to know that I'd never do anything you didn't want to do, but sometimes my body is going to react whether I want it to or not." He grimaces.

"Are you trying to tell me you're turned on?" I ask.

He nods. "Yeah. Can't help it, sorry." He says with a shrug.

I find that I'm not actually offended, or bothered by his admission. I might not be ready to do anything with the information, but it's nice to know that he wants me. I'm worried that I'll never be able to have him, but it's pretty incredible to me that I can turn Edward Cullen on. "It's normal, right?" I ask hesitantly. He looks embarrassed, "It's stupid that I have to ask." I mumble.

He takes his hands out of his pockets and comes back to the side of the bed. "Please ask, always ask. I won't lie, I promise. And yeah, it's normal." He mumbles right back. "Around you it is anyway."

I can see how embarrassed he is so I drop it. "Are you going out for a while?" I ask, bringing the subject back to fresh air.

"Yeah, I need to run home and I want to have an anchor bolt put in the back of my car so I can put Elizabeth's car seat in it." He tells me, looking relieved that I saved him another awkward explanation. "Will you be alright for a bit?" He asks.

"Of course I will." I tell him truthfully. "Kerry will be here soon and I have emails to answer, I think." I laugh.

He raises his eyebrows. "You don't need to, you know. I can just tell him to lay off." He says good naturedly.

"Nah, I doubt he'll actually send me any porn anyway."

"Oh aren't you sweet?" He chuckles. "He'll send it alright and it'll be gross and the stuff he chooses will probably be illegal or involve rubber." He laughs. "I've got my cell, text or call or whatever if you need me, alright? I'll try to be quick but I'm not sure how long I'll be." He leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips. "Don't forget we have a date tonight." He whispers and kisses me again.

"I won't." I kiss him back.

**EPOV**

I'm dialling my sister as I walk to the front of the hospital. She answers just as I pass through the automatic doors that lead to the parking lot.

"Hey big brother." She answers.

"Hey Alice. I need a favour, fast." I tell her.

"Of course you do." She giggles.

I ignore the jibe. "Look, I'm supposed to have a dinner date with Bella tonight but she can't leave the hospital, I need your help to set it up." I tell her.

I realize I'm being pushy but I'm in trouble and I know it. "Sorry big brother, no can do tonight. I'm already busy." She says.

"Oh come on Ally, you can't leave me hanging here. This is our first ever date, I need your help." I whine as I slide into the X5.

"Nope." She says, popping the p. "I've got something on already. Call mom." She giggles.

"Aren't you supposed to visit Bella this afternoon after work? I heard you say you would, you could just bring me some things then, can't you?" I'm aware that I'm begging but I don't care.

"Gotta go Edward. I'll talk to you later, love you, bye." She rushes and hangs up.

"What the fuck?" I mutter as I pull out of my parking space.

I don't see Charlie Swan anywhere on my trip home. Hopefully he's given up trying to intimidate us. I take my backpack into the house and am assaulted by Elizabeth's screaming.

I take the stairs three at a time and run into my rooms at full tilt. She's lying on her back in her crib, arms and legs flailing wildly, screaming. I scoop her up and hold her close. "It's alright, shhh, it's alright." I tell her as I cradle her bottom in one hand and hold her head with the other. I sort of jiggle up and down with her until she stops crying and then I go in search of my parents.

They're out on the decking at the back of the house, glass of wine in hand. "Oh hello darling." Mom says over her shoulder.

"She was screaming blue murder up there and you two are out here having a nice drink?" I accuse.

Dad rolls his eyes and raises his glass to me before taking a sip.

"Don't be so dramatic Edward. We knew she was crying." Mom says nodding towards the baby monitor perched on the timber railing of the porch. "She's only been crying for five minutes, she's just being stubborn." She tells me.

I hold Elizabeth tighter and scowl at my mother. "How can a three month old baby be being stubborn?" I insist.

"Oh Edward." She says dramatically. "Just because she cries doesn't mean something's wrong with her. She's been fed, bathed, played with, she's dry, warm and in a clean bed in the quiet. She's being stubborn." She tells me condescendingly.

I sigh. "And I've just picked her up."

"Yeah." My dad laughs. "No harm done. Just kiss her and put her back into her bed and come and have a drink." He chuckles.

So that's exactly what I do. I take her back upstairs. I check that she is actually dry, I pat her bottom and kiss her hair and tell her I love her. She's crying again before I leave the room and it's so hard to just leave her there. But I do. Mom is trying to teach her, and me, something. And even if she doesn't learn it right off I'm determined to.

I take a beer from the fridge and go out onto the decking with my parents. I can have one beer if I'm driving without the baby in the car. I can hear Elizabeth still crying via the monitor but I try and ignore it as I take a seat beside dad. "I need your help." I tell them.

"Do tell." Dad laughs and says cheers as he taps the edge of my beer bottle with his glass.

"Bella and I are going to have a dinner date at the hospital tonight and I've got no clue how to make it happen so it's nice." I admit as I take a nice long swig of my beer.

Dad laughs but mom sighs dreamily. "Oh how romantic." She checks her watch and tuts her tongue. "Your suits hanging in your closet so that's okay. I'll call Bella Italia and get them to deliver you something yummy. You get to go up into the attic and pull down the string lights." He points at me. "And you can get on the phone and charm the orderlies into setting up the garden for them." He points at dad and he huffs.

"Jesus, how did I get dragged into this? It's my one day off for three weeks, can't I just sit here and enjoy it?" He grumbles.

I nod at the monitor and laugh. "Are you enjoying that?" I laugh.

Elizabeth is still crying though the ferocity of it has waned since I sat down. "She'll give up eventually." He tells me. He too looks at his watch. "She'd be in with Kerry right about now wouldn't she?" He asks and I nod. "Have you met with her today?" I shake my head and take another swig of my beer. "How's Joshua?" he asks.

"Fuck." I mutter. "I've peed twice today, just in case you want to know that too." I say darkly. I know I've hurt his feelings the instant I say it because he ducks his chin and sips his wine. "Shit, I didn't mean that. Sorry. I'm just not used to being checked up on."

"No, it's alright, I'm the one who should be sorry. I don't mean to do it, I just want to know that you're both okay. It's a dad thing. Just like you with Elizabeth just now. She cries you go running. You're having a tough time, I try to help. It's instinctual." He tells me with a shrug.

"Hey, she's stopped." I tell him and nod at the monitor.

"Of course she did." He says. "She's really very good you know. She hardly ever cries. But when she does, boy." He rolls his eyes.

I swig at my fast emptying bottle and start picking at the label. "Josh had an IV inserted and they're pushing steroids and antibiotics. His blood work says it's bacterial. Gram positive, thank god." I tell him quietly.

He nods. "Good. He'll get well fast if they push the fluids and the drugs. How did Bella go with him?" He asks.

I want to sigh again because he knows everything that happens in that hospital, even if he's not actually there, but I don't. He means well and I don't want to hurt his feelings again. So I smile instead. "Just as I'd hoped she would." I tell him.

"And your thinking on it would be what?" He asks astutely.

I chuckle. "Are you sure you haven't missed your calling? You could be Kerry's assistant or something." I laugh.

He shakes his head violently no. "She scares me a little plus she knows your mother quite well, I couldn't work that closely with her." He takes a big gulp of his drink and I laugh. "I don't have the patience or the tolerance to be any sort of psychological therapist I'm afraid. I much prefer my patients to be unconscious when I work on them."

"In your line of work I'm guessing your patients prefer it too." I chuckle. "As for Bella, I figured out that she's only truly happy when she's got a child in her arms. So I've given her a child to think about when Elizabeth can't be there with her. It's working so far." I tell him.

He seems to consider what I've said before he replies. "And if he succumbs?" He asks.

"Christ dad, don't talk like that." I shout.

He waves his hand in front of himself as if to tell me that it's not outside the realms of possibility. "Don't be naive. Small children succumb to pneumonia all the time. I'm not saying he will, but have you thought about what it would do to Bella if he did?" He asks.

"No, I haven't because that's not going to happen. Jesus, what is wrong with you?" I ask darkly.

He ignores the question. "And when she comes home and he has to stay there, what then?" He asks.

"I don't know, alright, I haven't thought that far ahead." I shout again.

He turns and raises his eyebrows at me. "Haven't you?" He asks.

I let my shoulders slump and I take the last drink from the bottle. I've learnt a lot about my dad lately but his clairvoyance has to be, by far, his most annoying trait so far. "I'll call Gary before I leave." I mutter.

He tilts his glass in my direction as I get to my feet and prepare to go back inside. "Have a nice time tonight. Show her a good time, but please be careful with her feelings. She's very nervous." He tells me and I him promise that I will. "The information you need is on my desk. You're welcome to take that copy, I have another." He says cryptically as I go in through the glass doors.

**BPOV**

My hour with Kerry goes by in a flash. We talk about fear and about what it means to me now that I'm away from both Jake and dad.

I tell her all about my talk with Carlisle and that I've accepted his offer to move into his house after I'm discharged. We talk a little about what that means for Edward and I and I tell her that we've agreed to date, for now.

She asks about the ring I'm wearing and the promises I've made. I ask if she thinks it's okay that I've made the promise without really knowing him very well and she tells me that she thinks we are both smart enough people to realise that sometimes we don't need to know everything about a person to love them. She tells me that she doesn't think Edward would give me the ring, or make his promise, without meaning it or having thought about it before hand.

We talk a little about my feelings of obligation and what are some sensible boundaries that I can create for myself to help me get over the feelings I have about Edward. We make a list of the things he's given me freely since I was admitted and it's a considerable one. We make a second list of things he's done for me, or on my behalf, including for Elizabeth, since I was admitted and the list is impressive.

Next she asks me to make a list of the things he's asked of me, or from me, since I was admitted. I can only think of one. He's asked me to be honest with him.

We compare the three lists and I can instantly see the point she is trying to make. Until I actually see it on paper like that, so clearly defined and accurate, I didn't truly believe that he was in this for love, just like me.

She asks how I'm going accepting help when its offered and I tell her that Alice is about to arrive to help me with something special. She smiles and tells me I'm doing fine.

She says it's time for her to go and wishes me luck with Alice. "Can I ask you something before you go?" I ask.

"Sure you can." She says, tucking her clipboard under her arm.

"What do you know about adoption?" I ask.

She thinks on it a little and smiles. "I know that I'd recommend you and Edward in a heartbeat." She says and wishes me all luck until our next meeting.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. They are really making some good progress now, it's very exciting to write and I'm so happy that others are enjoying it too. **

**Again, I have an outtake available for reviewers. **

**It is the serving of the restraining order to Charlie Swan by the Port Angeles police officers investigating Bella's case. It also contains the interview between those two detectives and Jake Black the morning his restraining order is served. **

**It is a lot larger than the previous outtake, it's a full chapter in its own right, so fingers crossed that our little review reply page can handle it :) Otherwise it will be emailed upon request. **

**Happy reading, and thank you all, once again. **


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 – Garden of Plenty

**BPOV**

When Alice arrives I'm in the bathroom. I got myself in there no problem at all. I even managed to get myself into the shower on my own. What I hadn't thought about was towels and clean clothes.

Luckily Alice calls to me through the door and I tell her my predicament. She comes into the bathroom, after warning me she was coming in, with an armful of towels. I can stand much easier, and for longer now, so drying myself is a lot simpler than it has been. I still need to be careful of the burns on my thighs, but everything else seems to be healing well. Alice passes me a nightgown through the gap in the curtain and I slide it on over my head before shuffling out of the cubicle.

"Wow. Look at you!" She says. "Standing on your own and all!" she says excitedly. "Obviously you won't be wearing a nightgown on your date, but for now it'll suffice." She says, putting clean knickers on the ground for me to step into.

"Thanks Alice, I'm sorry it's so short notice."

"Don't mention it." She giggles. "Edward called me not ten seconds after you did, begging me to help him set it all up. He was so pissed when I said no." She laughs. "Let's get you into a chair so I can braid your hair."

"What do you think he's going to do? I can't leave here." I tell her as I gingerly sit in the plastic chair.

Alice takes a pillow off my bed and helps me to stand again before sliding the pillow under me. "He'll sort something out; he's at home now, picking mom's brains." She laughs.

She plugs the hairdryer into the socket on the wall above my bed and begins to brush out my hair as it dries. It's obvious she's being very careful near the scar on my scalp and near my ear. But within fifteen minutes it's dry and I'm sporting a perfect braid from the crown of my head to the nape of my neck. Alice has done it so that it wraps back on itself and is a mass of swirls and spirals, but still loose and not pulling against my scalp at all.

"So, if not a nightgown, then what?" I ask hesitantly.

Alice smiles widely and I wonder if I've done the right thing asking for her help. After all, we can't be going out of the hospital grounds and nobody is going to see me other than Edward, so a nightgown my robe and slippers probably would've been fine.

"Don't frown you'll get wrinkles." She giggles as she unzips the garment bag on my bed. Just before she lifts out its contents she looks over at me and gives me a little smile. "I know you aren't feeling too great yet and I also know you're self conscious and nervous, so I've gone simple and understated, I hope I got it right." She tells me and takes out two hangers. She lets one fall back onto the bed but holds the other up. On it is a chocolate brown skirt that looks like it will fall mid calf. "It's got a tie waist so you can have it as loose as you need it to be." She screws her face up as though she's waiting to see if I'm going to hate it.

"It's perfect Alice." I tell her honestly. "I love the colour."

Now she's smiling widely. She holds up the other hanger and comes toward me with it. It's a soft cream coloured peasant blouse. "It's probably a bit old fashioned but it'll be comfortable, with your sore, you know." She cringes and can't say it.

"It's okay Alice, you can say it. I've got a sore nipple. I'm still Bella you know. I might be broken and a bit of a mess right now, but I'm still the same Bella." I tell her firmly. "We can say nipple around each other." I huff. "After all, I know all about your first sexual dream." I giggle and she gasps.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you remember that!" She squeals and dances back towards my bed with the peasant top on the hanger. "God that seems so long ago now. I can't even remember who it was I was dreaming about anymore!" She laughs.

"I do." I giggle back. "It was tenth grade and Emmett was home from college and he'd brought his friend Mark home to stay for the holidays. I stayed with you five nights that time and on the second night you had your dream. We spent the whole rest of that week swimming in the hope that he'd notice you, remember?" I laugh.

"Uggh, yeah, I remember him now. I can't believe I found him even a little bit attractive. My Jasper is so much more gorgeous than that guy ever was, or will be." She laughs. "I remember those holidays because Edward was home too, it was the first time we'd all been home at the same time since Edward finished school with us." She seems to get lost in her thoughts as she leans back against the side of my bed. Her eyes widen and she starts giggling. "Oh my god. That's why you wanted to stay the whole week with me, because Edward was home!" She shouts as if she's only just working it out now. "Did you ever even talk to him back then? I don't think you did, he never left his room." She scowls at the thought.

I can feel my blush rising. "No, I didn't ever talk to him back then. I wanted to, all the time." I tell her. "Turns out he did too." I giggle.

"Spill sister." She laughs. "Let's get you dressed while you tell me all the bits I've missed."

I push myself up and out of the chair and shuffle to the bed. I sit right on the edge of it while Alice holds the skirt for me to step into.

"He said he wanted to talk to me all the time but he felt he was too old for me while we were at school, and then when he went off to college he worried that all he could offer me was two weeks at the end of each term." I tell her as she ties the skirt loosely around my waist.

"But that's just stupid. You could've texted and emailed, written and called. It would've been okay. God, that's what he was hiding away for, wasn't it?" She asks sadly.

"Yeah. He told me that if he didn't see me it didn't hurt quite so much." I admit.

She's smiling now, "Well, he's an idiot but you've got a chance to put it right now." She says kindly. "Let's sort out your top." She says.

"Yeah." I say hesitantly.

I know at some point I'm going to have to attempt a bra, but I don't want to. I'm worried about taking my nightgown off with Alice in the room too. She takes the blouse off its hanger and then goes to my closet. She's back in seconds, a plain white cotton crop top in her hand. "I thought a crop top might be better than a bra for now. No seams, look." She holds it up and shows me the soft cotton cups. "Plus you can just slip this on over your head, you don't need to try and fasten anything. I wasn't sure how your shoulder has healed."

I put my hand on her forearm. "Thank you Alice." I tell her quietly and she smiles. "That's so kind of you."

"It's what sisters do." She tells me, just as Rosie told me two days ago.

I think I might like having sisters.

"I shouldn't be nervous, but I am." I admit quietly.

"We can do this any way you want to Bella. I'm only here to help. I can leave the room or whatever you want, it's your call." She tells me.

"It's so ugly though. My nipple." I tell her.

"Maybe it is, but you know I'm not going to care, right? I care that you've been hurt and I care how you're healing, but scars I don't care about. We've all got them." She tells me and turns her back to me and lifts her left pants leg.

A rough, jagged scar runs from the back of her ankle for about five inches. It's an inch wide and it's raised, red and deep. "Oh god Alice, what happened?" I ask with a gasp.

"Motorbike. Jaz has this big silver beast of a thing and we took it into the national park one weekend, just for fun. The road is really potholed and we hit one pretty hard, the bike jerked under us and I fell off and tore my leg open when I hit the ground. It's just a scar. It tells a story, that's all." She shrugs.

I tilt my head to the side and think about what she's said. Scars are just scars. They tell a story, that's all. I lift my arms and take my nightgown with me, leaving my chest and breasts exposed for Alice to see. I look down at the horrible mess that used to be my nipple and then look back to Alice.

She's looking too, which makes me feel uncomfortable, but not scared. This is Alice, she's my sister. "He bit it off so that if I ever managed to get anyone to want me he'd see that I was damaged goods." I tell her. "He's sure nobody will want me anymore."

She raises her eyes to mine and all I see is the regular Alice. No revulsion, no judgement, no pity. "Well, that backfired didn't it? In an hour's time Edward will be here to take you on your first date." She laughs. "I can guarantee that my brother isn't shallow and he's going to think you are beautiful no matter what, so boo sucks to Jake Black." She says with a wink. I hold the crop top out for her and she helps me get it on over my head. "And it doesn't look too bad." She tells me. "It'll heal some more over time. A couple of years you won't even notice it. And even if you do it can't hurt you, it's just a story." She says casually.

The top is soft and comfortable and all my worry was for nothing because when the blouse is on I'm not in any pain or discomfort and I feel pretty and feminine and ready for my first real date.

"Thanks Alice." I tell her. "I know it's not enough, but thank you."

She kisses me softly on the cheek. "It's all I need." She tells me. "We aren't going with makeup because I know you don't like it and to be honest you don't need it." She says. "Now, I'll leave you be for a bit, let you get your head together before the big date. I'm going to go and see what he's got planned and if he needs any help. Have a great time, call me tomorrow and tell me all the details." She giggles.

I hug her and tell her I will, and then settle back onto the bed with my DS. If I've got an hour to wait I may as well do my exercises. So while I make the little guy in his go-kart zoom around the racetrack I push my foot up against the end of my bed and make stupid 'ow' sounds with my mouth.

If there is CCTV in this hospital I'll be moved to the psychiatric ward by morning for sure.

**EPOV**

I'm a total fucking idiot.

It's true.

I have come to the realisation that I don't think. Things were going swimmingly well all day and then I ruined it by not thinking.

I put myself in these stupid situations and yet I'm still shocked to find myself in a bind when I do. The depth of my idiocy never fails to astound me.

I look up at the signage on the mechanical workshop and shake my head at my rampant stupidity.

I see them inside and they see me. I'm fucked.

Not only are there three of them, and only one of me, but if I calculate their size and weight they'd make ten of me in sheer mass! To top it all off I've walked into _their_ space, _their_ workplace and I'm unprepared, unarmed and a pussy.

I could turn and leave but if they decide to give chase I'm fucked. If they hold me down I'm dead. I've got a smart mouth so I decide bluffing is my best bet.

I go towards the office and lean over the counter like I would if I weren't crapping myself.

"What can I do for you?" Asks the very brown skinned guy in the office.

"Ahh, I need an anchor bolt fitted." I tell him carefully.

He scoops up the oily rag off the counter and comes through the doorway. He's a full foot taller than me and twice as wide. "Sure, no problem, you want it done now?" He asks and I tell him I do, if he's got time. "Yeah, I got time. Lead the way." He says.

I walk back through the workshop to the parking lot where I've left my car. I want him to go ahead of me but of course he doesn't know which car is mine, so I have to lead which makes me doubly uncomfortable. Its one thing haven't your skull bashed in when you know its coming, it's another entirely when it's a surprise.

I push the button on my keys and the lights on the X5 announce which one is mine. "Nice ride." He mutters as I open the back hatch so he can get to the trunk space. He leans into the back of the car and pushes aside the matting. I move so that I'm far enough away from him should he come out swinging. He doesn't, but he is smirking. "I'm not gonna hit ya." He grins, "You can relax." He chuckles as he backs back out of my car. "I'll go get a drill and the bolt." He laughs as he walks back into the warehouse.

He knows who I am. I imagine everyone on the Rez knows who I am by now. I wonder if there are posters with my picture and name on them. Have all the boys at the Rez gone past my house, the clinic or the hospital so they can eyeball me?

I watch as he goes to the back of the workshop and takes a massive drill off the wall. The two other mechanics in the workshop go to him and they exchange a few words. The two others turn to look at me and I know I'm being identified as 'that Cullen'. The two others come out of the workshop with the first and I start to wonder whether just leaving is probably the smartest thing I could do now.

They come towards me and I take a deep breath, ready to run.

"Relax." The tallest one says with a wide grin. "He had it coming." He says.

"What?" I mutter without thinking.

"Jake, he had it coming." He says again. "Look, we don't want no trouble here. Yeah we're from the Rez and so is he, but you can't judge us all because of what he's done." He says reasonably.

I let my held breath out in relief. I hold my hand out to the tallest one. "I'm Edward." I tell him.

"Sam." He says and shakes my hand.

"Seth." Says the one with the drill and I shake his hand too.

"Paul." Says the big bastard on the end as he shakes my hand.

"I wouldn't judge you just because of Jake." I tell them. "As long as you don't judge me because of my brothers." I tell them. "I didn't send them there." I say.

I don't want them to think I sanctioned what they did to Jake that night. It wasn't my idea and while I'm pretty happy that he got a flogging, it makes my brothers no better than him, in my opinion. Up until they beat him we held the higher ground. Not so much now.

"We know that." Sam laughs. "If we thought you did you'd be on the ground already." He smiles wide, showing me the whitest teeth I've ever seen. "How's Bella doing?" He asks kindly.

I sigh. Adrenalin is rushing through my body, I'm so wound up. "She's going okay, going to take time, you know." I shrug.

"Anything permanent?" Sam asks.

"I don't think so, no." I tell him. "Physically she's going to be fine."

"What about Elizabeth?" Seth asks.

"She's with my parents. She's fine. She's great actually." I say proudly.

"Good, good." Paul says. "So, um, Bella's with you now, right?" He asks and I nod. "Good, she deserves a bit of happiness." He mutters darkly. "What are you doing about Charlie?" He asks.

I stare at the three of them in turn. Do they know what he's done? If that's the case why haven't they done something, or told someone, before now? I decide to play dumb, see what he means. "What should I be doing about Charlie?" I ask.

"You know he's told his deputies to watch your whole family, right?" Seth asks.

"Well he's been following us around, but I didn't know about the deputies." I say honestly.

"You should be careful man, Charlie's a nutter." Seth says. "Make sure you all drive real careful, don't be caught doing anything you shouldn't, he's itching to catch one of you doing something. You don't want to give him any excuse to get you into the cells. Trust me." He actually physically shivers.

"Thanks for the heads up, but what aren't you saying?" I ask.

Seth looks to Sam who looks at Paul. Sam nods and Paul is silently elected spokesman for the group. "If asked we'll deny it, right?" He says and I nod. "He used to bring her to the Rez, he used to hang out with the Black's all the time. Drinking and stuff, watching the game, that kind of thing. But she'd show up black and blue. If anyone said anything about it, or asked her what was going on, they'd end up in the cells for the night. Sometimes it was suspicion of this or speeding or parking tickets or whatever he could think of, but in the end we worked it out that if you asked you got your ass kicked. Big time. We stopped asking." He says sadly. "Only Jake stuck it out cause he loved her, back then he did anyway."

"She's told me her dad beat her." I tell them. If they don't have anything helpful to add I'm done. I don't want to stand in the street and discuss Bella's injuries and I don't want to hear how much Jake once loved her.

"You're a doctor, right?" Sam asks and I nod. "So you can find out for sure." He says and I wonder what the hell he wants me to find out. "Seth's probably too young to remember but Paul and I aren't, we remember Bella's mother. Renee was her name. She used to come visit the Rez with Charlie too. She turned up black and blue a lot too. Same story man. Anyone who asked found themselves followed or in the cells overnight. Everyone stopped asking, except one." He says pointedly.

I have no idea what he's trying to tell me, but I bite. "And who might that be then?" I ask.

"My dad." Seth says. "Harry Clearwater."

They all look grave but I'm just not getting the hint. "Okay. So your dad, Harry Clearwater, kept asking Bella's mother, Renee, who was hurting her. Is that right?" I ask slowly.

"Yeah. Same as Bella. _Only_ _one man kept asking_." Sam says, the emphasis on the last sentence. I must have looked blank because he huffs and rolls his eyes. "So its history repeating itself man. God they breed you white boys dumb. Harry loved Renee. Jake loved Bella. You getting what I'm saying?" He asks.

"You think Renee and Harry were having an affair?" I ask.

"Positive about it. Charlie found out and flogged Harry right there on his own front lawn. We saw it." Paul answers for Sam. "There was always some talk about Bella not being Charlie's, that she might be Harry's."

"And that's what you think I can find out?" I ask. I can find out. It'll be easy and the test is already on its way. Any paternity test to find out who fathered Elizabeth will also be able to tell me if Charlie is Bella's father as well.

Seth shrugs. "I always wondered if she was my sister."

"Charlie was already beating Renee before she had the affair with Harry, why'd he do that?" I ask. "If Jake's excuse is that Elizabeth isn't his, what was Charlie's?" I ask.

That stumps them. They look back and forth between each other. "She's not Jake's?" Asks Sam.

Shit. I thought they knew. I thought Jake would've crowed about it now that he's free. "No, she's not Jake's." I say quietly. "Look, that's not public knowledge obviously. Bella told me but Jake told my brothers, so he knows."

"It's none of our business." Sam says. "I thought she was yours anyway." He says with a shrug. "I don't know why he beat Renee, but after Bella was born it got worse. She died, right there on the Rez you know? He beat her to death in Harry's backyard." Sam says matter of factly.

I'm stunned. Surely the reservation can't be that insular that they'd allow something like that to happen and not report it. "Is this rumour or fact?" I ask.

"To me its rumour, but others saw it." Sam says. "Look, I know what you're thinking. Why did they cover it up, why didn't they tell someone. But you have to remember, Charlie is the law. We've gotta live in this town, we don't want him following us and locking us up for nothing whenever he likes. So it was covered up. They said she had an accident or whatever and Charlie went home with baby Bella and that was it. Until he started bringing her down all beaten up."

"Any idea what Jake's plans are?" I ask.

"He got served a couple weeks ago, so he can't go near them, and from what he's said he really doesn't want to. She's filed for divorce and he's not going to argue it from what I heard. To hear him tell it, and he's been telling plenty at the Rez, she's a slut who got knocked up and tricked him into marrying her and he's well shot of her and the kid. His words, not mine man." Paul says with his hands up in surrender.

I'm relieved he's smart enough to stay away from her and I'm ecstatic that he's going to grant her a divorce without arguing, but there is still the small matter of him having beaten her. "We can prove that he's been beating her." I tell them. "And Charlie too, but we can't do too much about that because it was so long ago. But they are going to go after Jake." I don't think I should tell them that the police are going to be pursuing rape charges against her dad, that would just start more rumours and Bella doesn't need that.

Seth raises his eyebrows and Paul nods. Sam nods too, "Good. I just hope you aren't going through the Forks police to make it happen."

"Port Angeles." I tell him.

"You might have some luck then. You've got nothing to fear from anyone on the Rez, we might look like we've got Charlie Swan's back, but it's for convenience, not because we agree with what he's done. Same goes for Jake." Sam says. "Seth, you get that anchor bolt put in good and tight. I'll give you a good price." He tells me and holds out his hand.

"Thanks. For everything." I tell him pointedly and he nods before turning his back and going back into the workshop.

"We've got Bella's back man." Paul tells me, hand outstretched. "And tell your brothers that the next time they want to pay Jake a visit we'd like an invite." He laughs and follows Sam.

Seth plugs his drill into an outdoor socket on the curbing and sets to work in the back of my car. I'm left standing there, mouth agape, wondering what the fuck I'm going to do about Charlie Swan.

**BPOV**

I've done my exercises, for both my foot and my fingers, and my mouth is good and loose after half an hour of shitty animal sounds. I'm hungry and eager and nervous all at once.

Edward has been gone for hours. He left at two and I've not heard from him since. I want to text him but I don't want to disturb him if he's busy. Alice' visit was great, but I'm lonely now.

I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and slip my feet into my slippers. I pull my robe on over my pretty new outfit to hide it, just in case Edward comes along, I slip my cell phone into the pocket of the robe and then I shuffle out to the nurses station.

"Well look at you." Grace says excitedly. "How are you feeling?" She asks.

"I feel great. Um, can I take that chair to the children's ward for a visit?" I ask, pointing to the wheelchair beside her desk.

"Of course you can. Would you like me to call an orderly?" She asks but I decline. I hold onto the front of the desk for support and she pushes the chair up behind me. "You just tell the girls on the ward to call me and I'll come get you if you get too tired to push yourself." She tells me as I wheel myself down the corridor.

It's hard to make the wheelchair turn but I manage alright with a bit of practise. My fingers are aching by the time I get to the nurses station at the head of the ward, but I make it on my own eventually.

'Hey, Bella isn't it?" The nurse says as I pull up by her desk.

"Um, yeah. Can I go and visit with Josh for a bit?" I ask hesitantly.

"Of course you can, you go right on through." She tells me brightly.

I wheel myself down the aisle towards Josh's bed at the end. He's lying in his crib just staring at the ceiling. The other children are snacking, sitting either on their beds or at the small table and chairs at the end of the room. It's louder in here today with them all awake, but Joshua is quiet and still.

I push his visitors chair aside and wheel myself up to the edge of his crib. I unhook the latches on the drop side and let it fall to the bottom. I lean over and pat his belly. "Hey little man, remember me?" I ask, knowing he was asleep at the time, but it's always polite to ask. He turns his face to me but says nothing. "Hey." I say softly. "I'm Bella, Edward's friend. You remember Edward, right?" I ask.

His little fist opens up and he shows me his robot. "Edward is robot." He whispers.

He's so hot that his hair is all matted and sweat has soaked into his little shirt around his neck. I pull the sheet back off him and reach over his head and push the nurse call button. "That's right, Edward is robot." I say. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well." I tell him.

He holds up his other hand for me to see the IV in it. "I don't like it." He says.

"I know you don't, but the doctor is giving you medicine through there that will make you feel better soon little one." I tell him. The same nurse I saw at the desk comes to the end of his bed. "Sorry to bother you, but can I have a wet washcloth please?" I ask.

"Sure. I'll be right back." She smiles.

On the rolling table that's pushed up against the windows are two small bottles of juice and a cup. The bottles are hot though, so I don't open either of them. I test the water in the plastic jug on his bedside cabinet and find it hot too.

The nurse comes back with the washcloth and I ask her for something cold for him to drink. She says there is ice in lounge and she thinks some cordial too. I tell her I'd go but it would take me half an hour in the chair. She doesn't seem put out though and says she'll get it for me.

"Would it be alright if I use this to make you a bit cooler?" I ask Joshua. I put the washcloth near his hand and wait till he touches it for himself. When he nods I smile. "Thank you Joshua." I tell him. I talk while I wipe him down. He sighs a little when I wipe under his chin and at the back of his neck. "It's very hot today and when you aren't feeling very well it's not very nice to feel so hot, is it?" I ask absently.

"Are you sick too?" He asks in barely a whisper.

"I was, yes, but I'm feeling much better now." I tell him as I wipe the cloth across his forehead and across his rosy cheeks. "Your friend Edward's daddy helped make me feel better." I tell him. I hold out my hand and let him see the mark from where my IV used to be. "See? I had a tube in my hand too. That's how I had my medicine too."

The nurse comes back with a new jug filled with ice and a small pull top bottle of orange cordial. I tell her thanks so much and she smiles warmly at us both. I pour some of the cordial into his cup and put in a few cubes of ice.

"Is for Joshua?" He asks quietly, holding his hand out for the cup.

It's not a sipper so he's going to have to sit up for it. "Let's get you sitting up." I tell him and run a hand under his hot little body and help him sit. I pass him the cup and he gulps hungrily at it until it's just the cubes in the bottom clinking around.

"More please Edward's Bella." He says, holding the cup out for me.

I smile at the name he's given me. I like it even if it's for reasons other than what a small boy can understand. "You have lovely manners." I tell him as I refill his cup and pass it to him. Again he drinks all that's in it and when the liquid is gone he uses his fingers to scoop out a piece of ice to suck.

"My mommy teached me." He says proudly. "But mommy's gone to live with grandma now."

My heart breaks for the very sad little boy in front of me. So sick and so alone in the world. "My mommy went to live with my grandma too." I tell him and take the cup from him. "Would you like some more to drink?"

"Nope." He tells me and lies back down. "Was your mommy sick too?"

"Yes, she was." I tell him, even though I have no idea how my mother died. My father always said it was an accident, but he never said what sort and I had no idea how to find out. Now that I know that much of what he'd told me was lies it was hard to believe that he wasn't lying about my mother to. "So was your mommy, right?" I ask.

"She looked funny. Her head was shiny." He says quietly.

I figure he means she lost her hair because of cancer treatment. "That happens sometimes." I mumble.

"Will my head get shiny?" He asks and lifts his little hand up to show me his IV again.

I smile, "No, your head won't get shiny. You aren't the same sort of sick as your mommy was." I tell him. He's clutching his robot in his fist. "Why did you name your robot Edward?"

He undoes his hand and lays the robot across his palm. He holds it up so I can see it. "Edward robot is my friend. Your Edward is my friend too. He brings Joshua toys for when he's sick." He tells me.

"Yes, he did. He's my friend too." I tell him. He's fighting sleep even though he's fighting for breath too. "You can go to sleep little one, I'll be right here." I tell him and put a hand on his super heated belly.

He startles me by rolling so that he's hard up against the edge of the crib. He's backed up against the slats. "Want Bella." He tells me and grabs behind himself for my hand. I give it to him and he puts it on his hair. "Want Bella." He mumbles again as I start to stroke his curls.

He's still sweaty so I take the washcloth again and wipe across his forehead and down over his hair and the back of his neck. I put the cloth up on the table and stroke his hair again. "Sleep Joshua." I whisper.

It can hardly be comfortable with his back pressed up against the wooden slats, but he's soon fast asleep. He rattles and gurgles but he sleeps. I whisper the nursery rhymes I can remember until I'm sure he's well and truly asleep and then I take my hand away. I can't put the side of the crib back up because he's lying against it, so I leave it. I'll have to mention it to the nurse on my way out.

I put the cordial cup with the ice in it on his bedside table and push the rolling table out of my way before wheeling back towards the nurses station. I'm halfway when I spot Edward.

He's dressed in a dark suit a crisp white shirt and a navy tie. He's got shiny black dress shoes on and he's absolutely stunning. He's leaning against the desk, legs crossed at the ankles, watching me with a gorgeous smile on his lips. He straightens as I come closer and by the time I've rolled to a stop at his feet he's grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey beautiful." He whispers and leans down to kiss my hair.

"Hey yourself." I smile up at him. "You look amazing." I tell him honestly and notice his shy smile and the matching pale blush to go with it.

"And you are as beautiful as ever." He says. "I went to your room to collect you for our date but you weren't there. Grace told me you were down here. How is he?" He asks.

"He's so hot Edward, and he can barely keep his eyes open. He's so thirsty and his breathing is still awful." I tell him sadly.

Edward looks at his watch and then back at me. "Can you get yourself back to your room?" He asks and I nod. "I'll check his chart, call his doctor and get a progress report. I'll check on him for myself and then I'll come collect you for dinner. Is that alright?" He asks.

I nod, "On one condition." I tell him.

"Name it." He chuckles.

I look down the corridor and then up the corridor. "Kiss me hello." I giggle.

"Oh baby, with pleasure." He leans down and puts his hands on either side of me, on the metal arm rests.

His lips are soft and warm and his breath smells and tastes of peppermint mouthwash. I can smell cologne and he's shaved in the last hour or two, he's so smooth I want to run my hands along his cheeks and jaw.

It's a quick kiss, not like the one we shared before, but it's lovely all the same. When he pulls away his eyes are sparkling with his happiness and I hope he can see how happy I feel too. "I'll see you in my room." I giggle and push myself up the corridor.

**EPOV**

I watch her retreat down the corridor and sigh with happiness. She's so beautiful, so giving and so tempting.

I wonder what she's got on under that robe because I know Alice has already seen her and that she's all ready for our date. I feel stupid standing in the hospital in a suit and tie, but I have a job to do before I can enjoy my evening. There are heaps of doctors who spend their lives suits and ties, but I'm not one of them.

I go down to Joshua's crib and pull his chart. I look over him first and note the pale pink colour of his skin. His temperature at his last set of obs was still way too high. His rattle and gurgling haven't settled from the antibiotics yet but it's still early days, he's only had the drip in for nine hours or so, so I wouldn't expect there to be too much improvement as yet anyway. His fluid intake from the IV is high but his urine output is low so far. Nobody seems too worried for him, but I know that Bella is, and I am a little too.

He's so young and so alone, with nobody watching him closely I know just how fast something could go wrong for him.

I see that his last visit from Robson was at four so I put his chart back and go up to the nurses station. It's after six now and I don't know the nurse on duty so I introduce myself as Doctor Cullen junior and ask if she'd mind paging Doctor Willis for me. She asks if I need to speak with him or see him and I tell her that a quick call will be fine. She picks up her handset and makes the page and I go back to sit with Joshua while I wait.

His skin is burning hot and he's rattling hard in his sleep. I can feel the effort he needs to make just to draw in oxygen when I put my hand to his back. His chest is thick with mucous and his nose is streaming. I take a tissue and wipe it and he snuffles in his sleep but doesn't open his eyes.

I hear the phone at the desk ring and look up to see the nurse waving at me. I tell Josh to sleep well and that we'll check on him again soon, and then make my way up to the desk to speak with his doctor.

I apologise for stepping on toes and enquire about Josh's progress. Robson tells me not to worry about toe stepping and he proceeds to fill me in on his plan of action. Everything he says is exactly what I'd say to any parent but there is something about his tone that I don't like. It's nothing personal, he seemed a nice guy when I met him. But, to him Joshua is just one more kid on his patient list, but to me he's more than that. Whether it's because he's totally alone in the world or because he's a sweet little guy or because he named his robot after me I don't know, but to me he's not just the kid in the last bed before the windows.

I watched Bella for fifteen minutes with him and she didn't take her eyes off him once. Not once in all that time did she look away, think of herself or anyone else. If she did I didn't see it. Her attention was wholly for him. She bathed him with a cool cloth, I watched her feed him ice chips, she concentrated hard to put him back to sleep and then she sang to him.

He wasn't just a patient, to either of us.

I knew we had problems. Big, serious problems. And not problems that a bit of therapy and a place for Bella and Elizabeth to live could solve overnight, but to me Joshua seemed even more at risk than Bella and her baby ever had.

I always knew that if Bella could, or would leave, that I'd be there for her and for Elizabeth. I always knew that my family would help her, I always knew Bella had options over and above what she thought she did.

But Joshua had nothing and nobody. He had a foster family, sure, and they were probably great, but where were they?

I liked and admired Rachel for taking care of him, and from what little I knew about her it was an admirable thing she was doing for the kids in the fostering system. But it wasn't enough for Joshua.

I wanted for him what I could and fully intended to do for Elizabeth.

I had the information about fostering and adoption tucked into my backpack and I'd spoken to Gary Benson about the likelihood of someone like me fostering someone like Josh and adopting Elizabeth, and I now knew my chances were good, but I had no idea what Bella would think about it.

She had enough on her plate to worry about, to think about and to learn about, without the added pressure of a sick little boy adding to it. So I'd let her have the time she needed to get well, but I'd keep an eye out for Joshua and begin the process that would allow him to come home with us Cullen's. It didn't really need to be something that involved Bella and if she decided it was too much for her, with Elizabeth and her own healing going on at the same time, I'd take responsibility for Joshua myself.

I trusted Robson Willis to tend to Joshua's illness in a professional way, but his emotional wellbeing I fully intended to handle myself. Maybe Bella was already invested in it too, but for right now, tonight, I had to put that aside because I had a date to attend.

I strode through the hospital like I owned it that night.

Margaret smiled warmly at me as I got to the nurses station.

"Are you ready?" She asks kindly.

"I've been waiting all my life for this." I tell her with a wink.

She hands me the posy of flowers I'd left with her earlier and I head towards Bella's door. Margaret helped me set up the garden and lay out our dinner that had been delivered, so she knew what a big deal this was for us. A first date. In a hospital. While Bella was less than well.

It made no sense and yet it was the most perfect way I could think of to begin my life with my Bella.

I knocked lightly on her door and when she called for me to come in I did.

She was standing beside her bed and she looked absolutely stunning. The skirt was beautiful and the blouse was understated and very Bella. She wore no makeup because she just didn't need it and her smile was breathtaking.

I held the flowers out to her and once she'd taken them and laid them on the rolling table I crooked my elbow and she took my arm. "I am the luckiest man alive. You are so beautiful." I tell her.

"And I am the luckiest girl alive because you love me, and you saved me." She whispers as I lead her from her room towards the garden.

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**A/N: Well, a mixed bag this chapter, I think. For those who are going to yell at me for depriving them of the date (that's the next chapter, obviously) I hope this little insight into Edward's plans, and Bella's feelings for little Joshua will appease those who are desperate to know. **

**Please review, I do so enjoy hearing what you all think. **


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I am pleased with the way the big date went, but there will be those of you who would like to yell and scream at me, and write me nasty emails, by the end of this chapter. I promise this is a minor, fixable setback for Bella and more good will come of it than bad. It seems horrible and I know that it will upset some of you, but it's something that had to happen in order for her to address some of her self loathing issues. Trust me people...I make nice stories. :)**

* * *

Chapter 26 – Define Clean

**BPOV**

There are three nurses at the desk as Edward helps me walk out of my room and into the corridor. Margaret and two others that I don't know. I think they might be there just to see what's going on, but can't be sure. They know Edward and all three of them wish us a nice time as we shuffle slowly along and through the door beside the desk and out into the garden.

I should've felt self conscious, or at the very least a little embarrassed to be all dressed up and having a dinner date in the hospital, but I wasn't. I was on the arm of Edward Cullen and this was our first date. Finally. After ten years of longing it was finally happening for us.

I gasp when I get my first look at what he's done for me.

The garden is spectacular. There are thousands of fairly lights strung on and over every available surface and structure. They snake up and around the fencing, they drape over the garden benches and they twinkle and sparkle all through the bushes and shrubs, through the tops of the trees and all through the hedge. It's spectacular. Just like the Christmas's I saw others having.

We shuffle a little further into the garden and Edward leaves my side only long enough to pull a chair up for me at a tiny little white clothed table. Then he's right back at my side, his arms out for me to hold onto as I shuffle to the seat. There is a cushion on it and I sink onto it gratefully. I've only taken thirty paces from my door to the table but it's enough to make my ribs and thighs ache, not to mention the sting of those two burns that just outright refuse to heal.

"It's so beautiful." I tell him as he snaps a crisp white napkin and lays it across my lap for me. "Thank you for going to so much trouble." I whisper.

His smile is gorgeous. "Nothing is too much trouble for you." He chuckles sweetly.

I watch as he strides off towards the outside wall of the hospital and flicks a switch there. Suddenly the whole garden comes alive with the soft twinkling of a piano. I look to where he is and see that he's set up an iPod and a dock under a socket on the wall. He returns to the table with a bbq lighter and lights the tea light candle in its holder in the centre of the cloth. He lowers a small frosted glass cap over the holder and it begins to give off a soft glow.

He goes back to the switch on the wall and flicks another. More lights come on, this time around the base of the little fountain and over and around the rose trellis. Water begins to trickle out of the cup of the fountain and I watch, mesmerized, as it begins its fall towards the little pond.

"I have blankets if you're too cool, just let me know." He says as he moves back towards the table.

"I'm great." I tell him. The night air is lovely. Cool but not cold. It smells so clean. "It's been a long time since I've been outside at night." I tell him. I can see him fighting the urge to scowl and I'm sorry for making the comment. "I shouldn't have said that, should I?" I mumble. "I'm going to have to get used to not speaking about it, aren't I? People are going to get offended."

He's smiling again then. He kneels down in front of my chair and takes my hand in his. He kisses the back of my hand so softly I think I've imagined it. "You don't have to ever curb what you say to me. I might not always like what I hear, but you can say whatever you please to me. I'm sorry it's been so long since you've seen the stars. I promise we'll star gaze as soon as you're well enough to lie on a blanket with me." He chuckles. "I have a very nice spot in mind." He kisses my hand once more then gets back to his feet. "I have to go back inside to collect our dinner. I won't be more than a minute, I promise."

I can tell he's waiting for me to reply so I tell him I'll be just fine and he should take his time.

He sets my heart to fluttering by replying that a minute away from me is about all he can handle and then he's away inside.

True to his word he's back in one minute, pushing an old fashioned drinks cart. He wheels it right up to the edge of the little table. On it are two covered plates and an ice bucket with a bottle of sparkling mineral water in it. I smile at that. He knows I won't touch alcohol.

With a good deal of pomp and ceremony he pours the water as though it was a thousand dollar bottle of champagne. He even puts it into two champagne glasses. I giggle a little as he asks me to taste and see if it's 'to my liking'. I tell him it is and he moves behind the cart.

With a flourish he takes the lids off the domed plates that are there. "I hope it's still hot." He tells me as he places one in front of me and the other on his side of the table.

I take a long sniff of the pasta dish in front of me. It smells divine. It's some sort of ravioli with a thick creamy sauce and I can't wait to try it. "It smells great." I tell him.

He takes up his glass and nods for me to do the same. "To the most beautiful girl in the world, and to the first, I hope, of many romantic dates for us." He smiles and clinks his glass to mine.

I can't help but giggle as I take a sip.

I take up my fork but I watch as he tastes his before I taste mine. I can't help the moan that escapes my throat because the pasta is delicious.

"Good?" He asks with a smile and I nod sharply. "I thought it might be."

I take another bite and wait for him to do the same. It's been a long time since I've eaten a meal with someone. I've eaten with Edward in the hospital of late, but before that it's been years. Charlie always ate in front of the television long after I'd eaten in the kitchen, and Jake refused to have me in the same room as him when he ate. I wonder if that's something I can tell Edward. I know he said I can say whatever I want, but the circumstances of my marriage, are they things he's going to want to know about? Kerry says they are. She says I should share as much as I can about the time I spent with Jake with Edward. She says it will help me to learn what's normal and it will help Edward to learn about me. "Apart from eating with you in my room the last couple of days I've not eaten a meal with anyone since the last time I stayed at your house." I whisper.

Unexpectedly he smiles at that. "Well then, this is doubly special, isn't it?" He grins. "Tell me about it." He says softly and leans back in his chair a little.

"Are you sure?" I ask sceptically.

"Of course." He says, wiping his mouth on his napkin and taking up his glass. "Kerry thinks sharing all of it will help us both. But more than that, I want to know how you've lived the last few years so I don't screw up when you come to live with us. I don't want to do things that upset you." He says reasonably.

I smile because I like it that he's listened and learned what Kerry wants to teach us, and also because he's so obviously happy that I'm going to live there. "Charlie ate in front of the television. He said the kitchen was where I ate because it's where I worked. I didn't mind, he was rarely home when it was meal times anyway." I tell him then scoop another ravioli into my mouth.

"And with Jake?" He asks calmly as he sips from his glass. "Why didn't you eat meals with Jake?"

I put my fork down and wipe my lip. "Um, at first it was because of his hours. He ate before work and I wasn't up and about then. He had his lunch at his office and by the time he came home at night it was late and he ate alone at the dining room table because he would spread out all his work papers there. But once he found out I was pregnant he refused to share a meal with me." I tell him. "I didn't mind after that. I didn't want to pretend to be happy after he hit me, so not eating near him was a blessing."

"What about on weekends or days he didn't work?" He asks.

I pop a ravioli into my mouth and think on it. "Saturdays he worked because the real estate office was always very busy on a Saturday, but Sunday's he spent at the Rez with his family. I never saw him Sundays."

He nods but says nothing. I continue eating but I'm much more fascinated watching him eat his. He takes each ravioli into his mouth in turn, savouring the flavour before swallowing. I watch his Adam's apple bob with each bite and can feel the heat rising in my belly, up my throat and onto my cheeks as I ogle him unashamedly.

He smiles at me but I can't admit to what I'm thinking so I smile back and return my attention to my meal. This time he's watching me as I eat. I chew carefully, but not because it's in any way seductive like he was, but because I need to be careful not to bite the roll of scar tissue on the inside of my cheek. Chewing doesn't hurt my teeth, not when I'm chewing something soft like pasta anyway, and my lip has been put through its paces with my exercises and through talking so it's pliable and able to cope with the eating quite well, but I still need to chew carefully to stave off pain later.

I need to take my hand out of his to scoop up the last of the little parcels of pasta on my plate because chasing them around with the tines of my fork isn't working, but he grabs for my hand and holds it firm. "Let me." He whispers and leaves his chair to crouch beside mine. Still holding my hand he spears the last ravioli square with his fork and holds it to my lips for me. I part my lips slightly and he pushes forward with his fork until the little square is on my tongue. I take it and chew cautiously, all the while watching his eyes as they watch my mouth. He spears the last morsel and puts it between my lips. I can feel the droplet of sauce on my bottom lip and am about to lick it off when he leans forward and runs his tongue along it, stealing my sauce and making me moan deep in my chest. "Delicious." He whispers against the corner of my mouth, "and the sauce isn't bad either." He chuckles and withdraws back to his own seat.

His meal is long gone, of course. He eats like a man should. Quickly and with gusto. I like that he's hungry, I like that he finishes what's in front of him. I like that he seems to want my company while he eats it. I like that he's not let go of my hand.

"That was wonderful, did your mother make that for us?" I ask as I dab at my mouth with the napkin.

"Nope." He chuckles. "There is a tiny restaurant in Port Angeles called Bella Italia. They delivered it for us."

"Really? You had Italian food delivered here, from Port Angeles?" I ask, incredulous.

"Of course." He says as though to suggest anything else would be criminal. "You love Italian food, Bella Italia is the best around, so I got what you'd like." He tells me matter of factly. "I'd love to take you there once you're home." He says and I wonder if he just asked me out again.

"I'd like to go. I've never been inside a restaurant." I admit.

He leans back in his seat again. "I bet there are heaps of things you've never seen?" He asks.

I put my napkin beside my plate and lean back too. I'm so full and so happy. I can talk to him, really talk to him and he doesn't seem put off or disgusted at all. He really wants to know about my life so we can make it better. I smile. "There are heaps of things I've never done too. I've got a list." I giggle.

He leans forward, his eyebrows raised and a boyish grin on his lips. "Give me the top five." He says playfully.

"Of things I've never done, or things I've never seen?" I ask, playing along.

He thinks for a second. "The top five from each list."

"Alright. Things I've never seen. One, I've never seen my mother's grave. Two, I've never seen the city. Three, I've never seen a movie in a theatre. Four, I've never seen a concert. And five I've never been to the fun fair." I tell him with ease. I've had this list in my head for so long I know it by heart. Some days I move things around, like the movies or the fun fair, swap places, but numbers one and two don't move.

He looks shocked as he sits back and sips his drink. "Wow. That's quite a list. I think I can make every single one of those happen for you." He grins. "I'll find out where Renee is buried and we'll go there, I promise." He says softly and I nod my thanks. "The fun fair might take some doing, they're only on at certain times of the year, but I promise, within the year, I'll make all that happen for you."

I can feel my lip pulling because I'm smiling so widely. "Really? Will you take me to the city one day? A movie in a real cinema? Can I have popcorn?" I laugh at the thought.

"You can have whatever you want. I'm a Malteser kind of guy, but I can go popcorn too." He chuckles. "We could kill two birds with one stone and drive to Seattle one weekend and see a movie there. I'll show you around. You'll love it. It's so fast compared to here." He says. His eyes are excited for me.

"But that's such a long drive." I say.

"We could stay the weekend then. Drive there on Friday night, stay somewhere nice, see a movie on the Saturday, a nice dinner at a restaurant – mark something else off your list – drive back Sunday." He says matter of factly, like it's something that can be achieve easily, simply because I asked for it.

"Elizabeth." I whisper.

"Don't think I hadn't thought of her, please, because I did. I know it'll be hard for you to leave her, and I know you will worry the whole time, but we can have that Bella. You have resources now. You have a family who are all here to help and you've got me." He smiles, showing his teeth to make his point. He winks and I feel a flutter in my belly, "I don't think we'll have too much trouble finding a babysitter." He chuckles.

"But how can I ask someone to look after her if we are just going to go and have some fun? She's my responsibility Edward, I can't just dump her with someone so I can go to the city with you to see a movie." I counter.

He smirks and I watch closely as he runs his fingers through his hair. I want to do that, so badly. I want to feel how soft it is, I want to rub it between my fingers.

"How long has it been since you did something just for fun Bella?" He asks solemnly and I cringe.

"I know how to have fun Edward, I haven't been living under a rock." I scowl.

"I didn't say you didn't know _how_ to have fun. I remember you and Alice always laughing and giggling about something. I asked how long it's been since you did something _just_ for fun. Just because it felt good, or because you needed a laugh or a lift. How long since you did something just because?" He asks.

"I read to Elizabeth all the time. And I sing to her too." I add as an afterthought.

"Alright, those are nice things, but they aren't for you, they're for Elizabeth. What was the last thing you did for yourself, to make yourself happy?" He asks.

That's an easy one. "I asked you to kiss me."

He rocks back on his chair and grins like a schoolboy. "Touché my beauty." He chuckles. "Well played." He claps his hands at me and I nod my head to accept his praise. "So, back to the issue at hand. We could go to Seattle for the weekend without a problem. If you'd like to go, you say when and I'll make it happen."

"I can't." I whisper. "I can't just leave her to go away for the weekend. I can't expect your family to look after her for days on end, and now doesn't count." I wave my finger at him to punctuate that point.

"When Angus was five months old Emmett wanted to take Rosie to Paris for their anniversary. The trick was it was to be a surprise. It took him about ten minutes to arrange. He called me up and asked me to take the Friday morning off work so I could drive them to the airport. Which I did. He called our mother up and asked if she'd watch Angus for five days. Which she did. He called Rosie's mom and asked if she'd watch him the other five days. Which she did. He called Alice and asked her to help him make the bookings and to pick out a gift. Which she did. He called Jasper and asked if he'd look after the house while they were gone. Which he did. Ten minutes Bella. Five phone calls and it was done. And that was for ten days, out of the country." He laughs.

I know my mouth is hanging open so I snap it shut. Ten minutes and five phone calls and Rosalie was being whisked away to Paris for their anniversary, as a surprise? Oh my god. Who were these people? Do they have a magic wand to make everything happen for them so easily?

I can feel the tear escaping my left eye and I swat at it with the napkin fiercely. "But he's theirs." I sniffle.

"What?" He asks, his brow all crinkled up.

"Angus, he's theirs. He's their actual grandchild and your actual nephew and he's Emmett's actual son. Why should anyone want to watch Elizabeth?" I ask.

His smile is utterly heart stopping. He reaches across the table and takes my fingers into his. "I wish you'd ask me a hard question now and then, these are too easy." He chuckles. "They'd watch Elizabeth for us, notice I said us not just for you, they'd watch Elizabeth for us because she's ours. She's your daughter Bella, and I love you both, that makes you both a part of my life. And that makes you both a part of theirs. Family isn't always about blood Bella. It's about who you love. If you love someone enough to bring them into your life they are family. We're your family now Bella. Elizabeth's too. I'll take you wherever you'd care to go and I guarantee it would only take ten minutes and five phone calls to organise." He whispers confidently. "Probably four because I won't have a mother in law to phone and be buggered if I'd ask your dad." He chuckles.

I don't know what to say. I've never heard a speech quite like it. For so long I've wished for a family, a real one, where other people care about us, where we'd get the chance to love other people too. I want Elizabeth to know what that feels like. I think I may have just found it and it's cracked my heart wide open. "I want a family." I whisper and he's nodding his head and rubbing the back of my hand with his long fingers. "Thank you." I tell him.

**EPOV**

She's so gorgeous. So thankful, so easy to please. It's a big issue and probably not a good one to be hashing out on your first date, but it's out there now and I hope she just gives us all a chance to show her what a real family can be like.

"You don't need to thank me. Everyone deserves a family. You've got one now, a real one. Now, would you like some dessert?" I ask with a small smile.

She nods and whispers, "I would, but you'd have to let go of my hand to get it."

I run my free hand over my jaw and nod sadly, "I would, wouldn't I? I do think you'd like what's for dessert though. Perhaps we can strike a deal?" I ask. "I'll only let go to collect dessert and I'll come right back. And as compensation I'll agree to whatever you want, name your price."

"Deal." She giggles. "But I reserve the right to name the price later, when I can think of something better than just a kiss."

Holy shit! I can't help where my head goes after hearing that. Jesus. It's probably an innocent thing for her to say, but it makes my brain go off on a tangent that isn't polite and it's not innocent, at all.

I do my best to stifle the moan that's building in my chest. "Deal." I manage to squeak out. "I'll be two minutes." I tell her and go inside to collect our desserts from the fridge in the patient lounge. I lean against the door frame for a few seconds once I'm in there. I take several big gulps of air and try to calm myself. She's everything I've ever wanted, everything I've ever dreamed of and she doesn't have any idea just how much of a physical reaction she causes in me when she speaks like that. She might think they are innocent things to say, or that she's touching me innocently, but my brain sees and hears them as things it's craved for a decade and it processes them in ways that my dick refuses to ignore.

I shake myself out of the funk I'm in and try to concentrate on putting our desserts onto a tray. I make two cups of coffee and load creamer and little packets of sugar to the tray before taking the whole lot back outside.

I am aware that the nurses are still gathered at the desk and they probably want a progress report, but they'll get nothing from me right now.

I put the tray onto the cart and shove our dirty dinner dishes under it, on the shelf there. I put the two cups of coffee in front of each of our places and then each covered plate. I put a clean spoon next to her plate and take one for myself. I try hard to make the unveiling of the dessert dramatic and she plays along with a giggle and a gasp with the required amount of surprise when I unveil the two neat squares of tiramisu. "Voila!" I say stupidly and sit in my seat. Her eyes are wide as she looks back up at me from her plate. "It's tiramisu, do you like that?" I ask hesitantly. I've no idea what she likes and since we can't go to a regular restaurant yet I had to guess.

She nods firmly and I watch as she takes the first taste. Only after she's swallowed and thrown me a smile do I taste it for myself. It's fantastic, velvety smooth and totally delicious.

"If you like that I will learn to make that too." She tells me as she licks the back of her spoon to get the last drop of cream off it.

"I'll be as big as a house come our first Christmas if you make lasagne and tiramisu all the time." I chuckle.

I wonder what it would be like for her to cook for me, or me for her. I wasn't too bad a cook, I could make something edible at least. But I'd love to watch her in the kitchen at home.

"I'm looking forward to cooking in that huge kitchen at your house." She says as though reading my mind.

"I remember you and Alice destroying it one Saturday." I laugh. I pour more water into her glass and put our empty dishes onto the cart. "I don't know what you were making but it burnt and it took mom weeks to get the 'black death' off the bottom of her pans."

"Toffee. We were making toffees." She grimaces sweetly as I think of the horrible smell of burning sugar in the bottom of that pan. "She never even raised her voice at us." She says softly. Her face seems to cloud over and I wonder why.

Then it makes sense. In her house, when she was growing up, a mistake like burnt toffee would have probably earned her a flogging. "She raised her voice plenty when we were growing up, but she'd never hurt anyone." I tell her. "I know she's looking forward to having you home."

This time she smiles. "Home." She whispers. "I'd like to learn what a real one is."

"And you will. We'll show you. It's real easy, we're just nice to each other and it works." I laugh. "Now, we can't dance and you can't sit on the hard wood of the benches out here, so what would you like to do now?" I ask.

She looks at her wrist, probably where her watch used to sit, but now she only has a bracelet. "What time is it?" She asks.

"It's only seven-thirty."I tell her. "I like your bracelet, it looks just like the other Cullen girls." I tell her. I assume my parents gave it to her. I've seen the one on Elizabeth's wrist and this looks just like it.

She blushes adorably. "Your parents gave it to me. Elizabeth has one too now." She whispers as she turns it around and around on her arm. "Do you think its okay that I wear it?" She asks, her eyes screwed up as if she isn't sure.

"Of course. All the Cullen women have them. Us guys wear the rings, the girls have those. It's very pretty." I tell her.

"I'm not a Cullen though. Do you think it's weird that I have one?" She asks.

"That depends. I know that my parents wouldn't have given it to you if they didn't consider you family and I know that you wouldn't have accepted it if you didn't have some kind of respect for that, would you?" I ask. "Do you not want to be a Cullen, maybe?"

"Of course I do. Of course I respect them and I respect what this means to them. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I want to wear it. I just don't know why they think of me as family. Up until two weeks ago they didn't know me, not really, if they even know me now." She mumbles.

I chuckle and she lifts her eyes to mine. "I really do wish you'd throw something at me that isn't quite so easily explained." I laugh and she huffs. "Simple question for you. Do you love me?" I ask teasingly.

"Yes, of course." She answers defiantly.

She knows it's a trap but she doesn't know how yet. "And we've agreed that we can love each other despite the fact that we don't know a whole lot about each other, right?" I ask.

She huffs again and it's totally adorable. Her pout is so sweet I want to take her bottom lip between mine and just suckle it for myself. "Right." She sighs.

"So if you can love me without knowing everything there is to know about me, and I love you even though I don't know everything about you, isn't it possible that they love you simply because they do?" I ask, triumphant.

She smiles then and if it's possible it's even more alluring than her pout. "I fold." She giggles. "I love the bracelet and I love wearing it, it makes me feel like I belong somewhere." She whispers and turns it around her wrist again.

"You belong right here." I tell her and when she returns her eyes to mine I tap my chest right above my heart. It's corny and it's cheesy and I mean every word of it. Before we descend into complete mush I change the subject. "Okay, so I know what you haven't seen, I think you owe me the top five off your list of things you haven't done." I wink and sit back in my chair a little.

She smiles and thinks on it for a moment. "The top five things I've never done. One, I've never had a job. Two, I've never voted before. Three, I've never been in a plane. Four, I've never been bowling, skating or dancing." She giggles knowing that's three separate ones.

"What about five?" I ask. "And don't think I didn't notice you slipping extras in that last one." I waggle my finger at her playfully.

"It was cheeky, I know, but I never got to do fun things like that, like everyone else did." She shrugs. "I guess five would have to be you. I never got to do anything with you."

I want to tell her she can 'do' me any time she wants but that's crass and rude and it would ruin an otherwise fantastic evening. "Well, at the risk of being done over my an extremely clever girl I'll do you another deal. You work hard to get well and get the hell out of here and I'll do my best to mark every single one of those ten off your list within the year." I tell her firmly.

She giggles. "You're good but even you can't make it so that I can vote this year." She laughs.

I nod and agree that's a big ask. "But, I can take you to the right place to get registered.

"And what about a job? Can you magic me one of those too?" She laughs.

I smirk. "Actually I can." I smile smugly. "You're a mom and that's the most important job on the planet. You get well and I'll make it so that you can stay with Elizabeth for as long as you want so you can teach her and love her and spend time with her without having to worry about anything else." She's about to protest and say some shit about her pulling her weight, or paying her way or some shit but I'm just not interested. I know that at some point, for her own self worth at least, she's going to want to do something, but not yet. I figure I had better explain that or it will look like I'm making choices for her again. "I know you're going to protest, but save it, please. Right now all that's important is yours and Elizabeth's health. Take all the time you need, years if you want, to get your head around her and then go and do whatever you want to do. But for now, please just let me take care of you both? While you heal at least?" I ask.

She smiles a little and nods. "Thank you." She whispers.

"Right, that's enough heavy for now. Now it's eight, what would you like to do with the rest of the evening?" I ask.

"I think I know what I'd like to do." She tells me with another smile.

"Name it." I tell her as I start putting the cutlery and napkins onto the cart. "As long as it's not water skiing or abseiling." I laugh.

"No, nothing like that." She giggles. "I'd like to visit with Joshua, is that alright?" She asks quietly. "I can't stop thinking about him, how he's alone."

I smile smugly but don't let her see. "I think that's a great idea. I'll take you down there and come back and clean this up." I tell her and get to my feet.

**BPOV**

I feel bad that Edward is left to clean up all our 'date mess' but I'm so happy to have Joshua in my lap that I forget all that and can only think of the sweating little boy.

The nurse told Edward and I that he'd still not shown any signs of improvement and that his temperature was still very high. I asked if he could cuddle with me and the nurse helped Edward put him onto my lap. His tubes and wires drape over the handles on my wheelchair as he lies limply in my arms.

He's all sweaty and flushed again so I ask for another washcloth and more ice chips. The nurse seems happy enough to bring them to me and I resist the temptation to snap that she could've done that for him without me having to ask. I hold my tongue though, the nurses work hard and I know it.

I tip half the ice chips into his jug of cordial and leave the other half in his cup. I wipe his face, neck and hair with the washcloth while he moans against me. His lips are cracked and pale and his hair is filthy and clinging to his scalp. He needs a bath.

I stroke his back and coo softly to him as he sleeps. He's moaning steadily and he's still rattling and gurgling as he breathes, it's a mixture of awful sounds and it makes my heart ache for the poor little man.

There is a giant wet stain in the centre of his crib where he's been lying all day sweating. The image of it makes me shake and shudder. I knew what it was like to lay on a filthy sheet. I knew what it felt like to never be clean. I knew what it felt like to be alone. I didn't want that for anyone and I certainly didn't want that for innocent children like my Elizabeth or for Joshua either.

I pull the whimpering little boy higher up my chest and I bury my face in his hair and cry quietly. I cry for myself, for Elizabeth and for Joshua. I cry for all the nights I had to sleep in my own filth and for all the days Elizabeth had to lie in hers. I'd been rescued but Joshua was lost. I'd been saved, Joshua was alone. Elizabeth would have a future, Joshua had nothing and nobody.

Edward is there, right beside me, telling me that everything is alright, that I'm okay, that I'm safe. He's begging me to tell him what my tears are for. He's being quiet so he doesn't wake Joshua and I try my hardest to pull myself up and shake off the pain I am feeling in my heart.

"Bella, please. What's wrong darling?" He asks so sweetly.

"I can't live like this. I won't sleep on that filthy sheet. I need a bath." I shout. I'm scratching at my arms and rubbing my face with my hands. I feel filthy. I think I smell bad. I need to be clean.

Joshua is crying then, I've woken him and he's frightened and disoriented. Edward takes him from me and lays him on his back in his crib and he stops crying as Edward pats his belly and tells him everything is alright. The nurse comes then, asking what the problem is with me and with Joshua.

Edward tells the nurse that the bed needs changing and Joshua needs cleaning up and she promises to do it right away. Edward pushes me in my chair back to my room. He puts the chair up beside the bed but I scream and shout for him to get me into the bathroom. I tell him how dirty I am, how filthy the bed is, how I can't lay in it like that. I scream until he agrees to take me to the bathroom.

He goes right into the bathroom and parks me up against the edge of the basin. He asks me to stand and I do. He takes the chair out of the bathroom and comes back with my toiletries bag and an armful of clean towels. He turns his back while I slip out of my knickers and then he helps me to walk into the shower stall. He tells me he'll take my clothes from me as I pass them out, and I do. The crop top is difficult to get off, but not impossible. I throw them all out through the gap in the curtain and then I turn on the water.

I stand under it even though it's cold for the first few seconds. I don't care about the temperature. I just need to be clean. "Get out." I shout at Edward and then I hear the door close. I'm scrubbing before I'm fully wet all over. I can't stand for long so I have to scrub while I can stand. I use the shower puff Esme bought for me and I scrub every inch of skin I can reach. I use what's left of the bottle of shampoo and scrub and scrub at my hair and scalp. I can feel the scar burning but I don't care. I'm not clean.

I rub against my nipple and feel the ache begin as the filth washes away from it. His mouth has been there, his teeth have sunk into my flesh, and his hate is buried in my skin. He's infected me with his anger. I can feel it just below the surface of my breast. It seeps from the wound as I rub. His loathing for me is red and it runs down my belly and into the drain as his disgust for me leaves my breast and covers my skin as it makes its way to the floor.

I brush my teeth till I'm spitting out watery blood and then I brush them again.

I can feel the dirt clinging to my skin. I can feel it creepy along as I scrub. It's gone from the top of my body but it's stuck to my legs and feet now. I can't bend and it's so frustrating. I can't get down that far to scrub my feet. I want it gone, I need it off me. I can feel Jake on my skin. I can feel where he's kissed me, where he's bitten me, where he's touched me. I need it gone from me. I grind my teeth while I bend my legs up, one at a time, so I can scrub them and my feet.

There's no body wash left in the bottle, no shampoo left in the bottle, no toothpaste left in the tube and no conditioner left in the bottle. I slam my hand down on the call button and scream for soap. Edward is there in seconds, begging me to tell him what I'm shouting about. I scream for more soap and his hands me his through the gap in the curtain. I snatch it out of his hand and use the shower puff to scrub some more.

When I think I've got it all off my body I lather the soap in my hands and fill my mouth with the foam. It tastes disgusting but I'm not clean. I've had him in my mouth, I need to get it out of me. I rinse and bite the bar of soap so that he's off my teeth too.

I throw the shower puff out of the stall and hear it hit the tiles with a wet thump. I lather my hands and wash between my legs. Over and over I rinse then wash, rinse then wash. I'm never going to be clean of him. He's been in there, he's touched me there, he's bitten me there and he's forced himself into me there. I'll never be clean of him. I feel the burn of the soap on my raw skin as I rub and scrub. The water turns pink as I begin to bleed. I rake my nails up my thighs and into the creases of my groin and scrape away Jake. I wince when I reopen the burns but I don't care. I let the blood from the sores run down my legs and mix with the whores blood. I'll never be clean of him.

I realise there is no point to all this when I've used gallons of hot water, all the shampoo, soap and toothpaste and I'm still not clean. I slam my fist into the pad on the wall and the water stops.

I have just washed for half an hour and I still don't feel clean. I could stand there for three days and wash until I was nothing but bones, I could scrub my skin away and I'd never be clean. I'm dirty on the inside.

I lean against the far wall of the stall and sob. "I'll never be clean." I whisper to myself while I watch the blood run down the drain.

"Bella?" Edward calls as he comes into the bathroom.

"Get out." I screech. "Get out."

I hear the bathroom door close and I let myself slide to the floor. It doesn't hurt. Nothing hurts anymore.

I look down at my hands and see the swelling beginning on my knuckles. I've rebroken them and I'll never be clean again. I begin to pick at the underside of the nails, scraping out underneath them with the nails on my other hand. No matter how hard I pick I can't get out what's under them. I'm dirty on the inside.

"Bella?" I hear a womans voice behind the door. It hasn't opened.

"Go away." I shout.

"Bella it's me, Esme, I'm coming in." She says and I hear the door open.

"Get out." I shout but she ignores me and I hear the door shut as she comes into the room.

"If you let me see that you're okay I'll leave Bella, but not until you let me see." She whispers.

"I'll never be okay. I'm dirty on the inside. I can't clean that." I tell her.

"Oh sweetheart." She sighs.

"I'm dirty and I'll never be clean. I can't be what you want me to be." I tell her. "I'm too dirty."

The curtain is pulled off its rings then and I scream in fright. Her eyes widen with her disgust when she sees me sitting there and I cry harder. Now she knows. Now she sees what I am. She sees the filth now too, I can see it on her face. I'm dirty, disgusting and I'm a whore.

It's like slow motion as I watch her push the call button beside the shower pad. She pushes and pushes and pushes it, over and over again. I wonder why. "Oh Bella." She sobs as she takes me under the arms and pulls me out of the shower cubicle. "It's alright sweetheart. It's going to be alright." She tells me as she covers me over with a towel.

The door bursts open then and I'm surrounded by people. I can hear them but their faces don't register. They could be anyone. It could be Edward seeing me like this. Seeing how dirty I am. It could be Alice. It could be Carlisle. It could be anyone. They'll all know now. It's better that way. That they know exactly what I am. It'll be easier now. Now they'll truly see me for what I am. "I'm dirty on the inside. I've got whores blood on me. Clean me from the inside." I beg as I'm wrapped in something warm and soft and lifted off the floor.

**EPOV**

It's a long night, even longer than the first night she was admitted because now I know what's happened to her, before I had to guess. It's worse knowing and its worse seeing her bandaged up again after she was doing so well.

She only has superficial wounds, and they'll heal fast, but she's done it to herself and that somehow makes it worse. Charlie and Jake drove her to this and that makes them culpable, again.

She's broken her fingers again and she needed her scalp stapled shut again, but other than that she has minor abrasive wounds where she scrubbed herself raw. Dad isn't concerned about her mouth even though it was bleeding when they pulled her from the bathroom. She hasn't reopened the wound to her lip or the inside of her mouth, she'd just brushed her teeth so hard she made her gums bleed.

That's how she opened the scalp wound, she scrubbed her hair and head so hard she abraded the recently healed wound. Same with the vaginal tear. She scrubbed so hard she rubbed herself raw.

The burns were another matter. Dad says one or two of them weren't healing very well to start with, but now all nine of them were oozing plasma. Once they scabbed over she'd heal, again, but for now they'd be stinging and very uncomfortable.

Her nipple was the worst of her wounds. It had had to be stitched again. Only three stitches, but stitched none the less.

So dad wasn't concerned for any of the wounds more than he was concerned for her mental health. She honestly believed she was dirty on the inside and that no amount of scrubbing would make her clean of Jake.

It was heart breaking. It was awful to hear and watch and if I lived a thousand years I never wanted to see her in as much mental agony as she was in when they brought her out of that bathroom.

She thrashed and kicked and fought and demanded that my father clean her from the inside. She wanted poison, she wanted drain cleaner, she wanted bleach, she wanted any damn thing that would wash away her filth. She screamed over and over for me to see the whores blood on her body. She shouted that I should take a good look at her whores blood because that's what was inside her. Jake's hate mixed with her whores blood.

I'll never forget it. She believed it. Her eyes were utterly convinced as she told me that she'd gotten some of it out of her breast but there was still so much dirt inside her that she'd have to have an operation to have it all cleaned out. She begged my father to do it, begged me to do it, begged the nurses to do it. To just make her clean again.

When dad finally sedated her and she stopped thrashing long enough for him to assess her injuries the full extent of the horror she was experiencing became clear. She honestly and truly had believed that she could scrub her perceived filth off her body, and from within it. Her mouth was full of soap, it was stuck in her teeth and under her fingernails.

She'd carved long, bloody trails up her thighs to rid herself of the dirt she imagined on her skin. She tore at her own breast to let out Jake's hatred for her. She believed she had whores blood.

I'll never forget how she begged me to not put her on filthy sheets. She was terrified that her bed was covered in sweaty, filthy sheets. She said she'd rather die than sleep on them and begged me to promise that I'd put her on clean sheets. I promised her I would and then she let dad inject her with a sedative. But only after I'd promised.

I insisted Margaret help me change her bed before I'd let dad near her and even though he was pissed that I'd risk her injuries for something as ridiculous as clean sheets, I told him to shut the fuck up and let me do what I'd promised. He backed off and even helped lift her while we pulled the clean sheet underneath her.

When she was stitched back up, bandaged and covered in antiseptic cream he let mom and Elizabeth come back into the room again. Thankfully the baby had slept through the entire ordeal and I felt so guilty for having called mom and dad to come and rescue me again because it meant reefing poor Elizabeth from her warm bed.

Mom hovered over Bella for a long while, cooing to her softly and stroking her hair. All I could do was sit quietly by the bedside and rest my head on my hands. I couldn't help her and it felt exactly like we were back where we started.

"Take Elizabeth home Edward. Sleep in your own bed tonight. I'll stay with Bella." Mom says eventually. I'm about to chuck a tantrum and tell her no when she smiles gravely and puts her hand to my cheek. "She needs a mother this time Edward. Let me take care of her this one time. You need to take care of your baby." She nods towards Elizabeth in her pusher and then turns her eyes back to me. "I'll call if anything happens." She tells me.

I didn't miss the inflection on 'your baby' and I'm grateful that mom's onboard with my attachment and commitment to both Bella and her child, but I don't want to leave. "What can you do for her that I can't?" I ask petulantly.

Mom smiles and sighs before putting her hand on my shoulder. "I can teach her that not all blood is whores blood Edward."

I throw my hands up and concede. "Call me." I tell her sternly and let her kiss my cheek before I kiss Bella's cheek and tell her I love her. "You aren't dirty Bella, they are. They did this, what they did was dirty. Not you. I love you baby." I tell her again and kiss her hair. "Call me." I tell mom again and she nods and takes my position at the top of Bella's bed as I vacate it.

I push Elizabeth out the door and after another quick look at the love of my life lying, once again, broken in her hospital bed, I take our daughter home.

* * *

**A/N: Well, let the hate mail begin :)**

**Please review. It makes me want to write when I read your thoughts. **


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 – The Road to Rehabilitation is Paved with Good Cullens.

**EPOV**

I sleep soundly despite having gone to bed without Bella for the first time since her admission. At first my mind had been filled with images of her on the floor in the bathroom, covered in blood, but I'd slept soundly with Elizabeth beside me once I'd calmed down and used the sound of her breathing to settle myself.

With nobody in the house when we returned to it – dad was doing his usual shift – I couldn't handle being on my own. I pushed my dresser aside and pulled and pushed my bed so that it was up against the wall so Elizabeth wouldn't be able to roll off during the night. I changed her diaper, fed her her last bottle for the night and then put us both to bed. I put her on the wall side and slid in beside her. I patted her for a few minutes but she went right to sleep. I must have followed soon after, despite my appalling mental images, because I don't remember a thing between lying down and the wailing of the baby beside me at six in the morning.

We'd both slept right through. I was quick to get moving and get a bottle between Elizabeth's lips to stop her screaming, but once she'd had her feed she was a pleasure to have with me. I took her into the shower and when we were both clean I once again wrapped her in a towel and laid her on the floor of the bathroom while I got myself dry. I dressed her in a little pink dress and did my best to do her hair. The spout was beyond me so I settled for two little pink clips in either side, but she looked cute to me by the time I laid her on my bed while I dressed myself.

I laid her in her pusher in the middle of the kitchen while I ate toast and drank my morning coffee. I read the front page of the paper to her and the basketball scores from the night before. Neither page seemed to interest her much, and I had to agree with her when she yawned during my recitation of an article about some political unrest in Egypt.

At a quarter to eight I call the hospital and am told that both my mother and Bella are still sleeping. I leave a message for them both and then I take Elizabeth to the clinic with me. There was no sign of a cruiser as I drive and there are no messages or any indication that either Jake or Charlie had been in to ask after me the day before.

Gail is ecstatic to see Elizabeth again and when Kate lays eyes on her she bounces up and down on the balls of her feet crowing over how adorable she is. I warn them that Bella has had a difficult night, and that I might need to leave at any moment, and they assure me that they'd deal with that if it happens.

I had no idea how I was going to be a doctor and a father for the day, but somehow I manage. Well, Gail and Kate and Milo manage, I plod along as best I can. When she is awake Elizabeth is with Gail at the front desk being fawned over by every patient who comes through the doors. More than once I hear Gail introduce her as Elizabeth Cullen and while I should step in and correct the assumption, I found I actually fucking loved it, so I let it go.

I have to push back two patients while I feed and change her but once she is asleep again, in her pusher in my office, I quickly make up the time. The patients don't mind once I explain that my 'wife' is sick and I have to take care of our baby today. In fact my appointment slots are increased by ten minutes each because every single patient spends the first few minutes of their allotted time staring down at her as she sleeps.

At ten I have a small break and call the hospital for an update on Bella and mom. Sheila tells me they both seem fine and that she'll be sure to get one, or both, to call me as soon as they are done with Kerry. I ask if they are both meeting with her and Sheila tells me that yes, both mom and Bella were having a session with the head cracker.

My hour after that piece of news is uneasy in the extreme. I have no idea how Bella is, I have no idea how she'd slept, nobody had called me to let me know anything and I felt out of the loop and severely pissed off about it. I send countless text messages to both women but hear nothing back. I call dad's ward but am told he is at home. I didn't want to disturb his sleep so I leave a message for him on the ward and go back to my own work a little grumpy.

Elizabeth wakes at twelve thirty and I take her with me to the diner for my lunch break. I feed her first then she sits in my lap while I read my emails and call the hospital for news. I almost do my top when Sheila tells me that Bella _was_ done with Kerry but is now in consultation with Lisa McMillan, the social worker attached to the hospital, and the resident psychiatrist Pat Char. I ask why nobody has called me back and she tells me that they went straight from their appointment with Kerry into this one and there had been no time. I leave yet another message for someone to call me at the clinic, on my cell or to page me, and hang up even more pissed off and out of the loop than I'd been at ten.

Elizabeth goo's and gah's her way through my lunch break and promptly falls asleep again in the car on the ride back to the clinic. She stays asleep, thank god, when I transfer her to the pusher and steer her into my office.

Another two hours later and I am fed up to the back teeth with explaining who she is to each and every patient and getting no message, reply or page from the fucking hospital. I call once more and am told that she isn't in her room, that my mother and sister in law were in the cafeteria at the moment, but that everyone is fine.

At three I decide I've had enough and I tell Gail and Kate that I have to go. They are very good about it and wish us, and Bella, well. Kate is going to take half of what is left of my patient list and the other half will go to Steve. I tell them I'll call with any news when I can.

I strap Elizabeth into her car seat and pull out of the parking lot. I've only gone two blocks when I see the cruiser pull out of a side street and slip in behind me. I curse, apologise to Elizabeth for what I'd called her grandfather and try to concentrate on the road. I remember what the Rez boys had said, that I should be a careful driver and give him no reason to throw me in the cells, so I am doubly careful today. I have the baby with me so I am already extra cautious, but anyone watching me drive today would've thought I had the British crown jewels resting in the passenger seat I go so carefully.

He didn't bother following me right to the hospital this time so I am in a much better mood by the time I get Elizabeth in her pusher and make it into the hospital proper. We have a quick word with Dawn at reception, are stopped in ward three by the nurses who want to see Elizabeth's bracelet, as described by dad's harem who'd heard all about it from my mother, who had filled them in a couple of days ago according to the nurses in the children's ward, who also stop us for a look. I hand the baby over to Leonie while I check on Joshua. I feel guilty for rushing but I am desperate to see Bella, so I only check his chart. I am ashamed to be relieved that he is sleeping soundly when I get to the foot of his crib. His temperature has dropped but only marginally. His obs during the night show no ill effects from his disastrous visit from Bella, and according to Robson's notes he seemed to be responding to the antibiotics minutely.

I am pleased to see that he has clean pyjamas on and that his sheets are immaculate. Bella had screamed blue murder at the state of them the night before and while my reaction wouldn't have been quite so vociferous, I was appalled that they'd let him sleep in a puddle of his own sweat all night. This time there was cool water in his jug – the remnants of recent ice chips were in it – and he has a washcloth in a basin of cold water on the rolling table, ready for someone to sponge him down.

I pat him once or twice on the bottom and tell him I'll be by later, when he is awake, to check on him again.

I collect Elizabeth from the nurses and we head to Bella's ward. Sheila is on shift so I stop at the desk and ask who is in with Bella at the moment.

"Just your parents," she tells me.

I see red. "I've left messages all day, here and on dads ward, why does nobody ring me back?" I seethe.

"You'll have to ask them." She cringes and puts her head back down over the file she's writing on.

Whatever's going on in there I'm outside of. I spit a hasty 'fine' at her and tell her that I'm delivering Elizabeth and that I'll be back later.

"You aren't going to take her in yourself?" She asks.

"No." I tell her. I kiss Elizabeth on the crown of her head and stalk back down the corridor.

I'm far too angry to go in there now. I remember what both Kerry and Alice have told me. Bella doesn't need another aggressor, she's had a couple of those already. So I have to calm myself down and shake off my bad mood before I can see her again.

I stride right past the children's ward and head to reception. I ask Dawn to page Pat Char for me and I sit in a waiting room chair while the call is made. A few minutes pass and Dawn calls my name. I front up to the triage desk and she tells me that Pat is in her rooms, on the second floor, and has a few minutes if I want to make my way up there. I tell her thank you and head to the elevator bank. I try not to think about all the people sitting in the waiting room, and the queues I've just managed to jump simply because I'm either a doctor, or a Cullen.

I've only been upstairs to the executive suites once before, when I did my residency and I had to meet with the hospital administrators to discuss my internship, so this is new ground for me.

I find her rooms easily, there are only a few consulting suites up here and hers is the second lot. The receptionist asks me to go right on through so within minutes of having made the page I am sitting in front of a psychiatrist.

After shaking the woman's hand and being introduced I slump into the visitors chair across her desk and plunge my hands into my hair. "I don't know what the fuck is going on." I tell her honestly.

She smiles kindly and takes out a pen. "Nobody expects you to," she says softly. "Being a clinician yourself might not be a plus in your particular situation."

"I'm getting that," I tell her.

"What do you know about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?" she asks.

"I know Bella has it in spades."

"Indeed," she agrees. "I've spoken with her at length today and as you can imagine she has some very serious issues going on at the moment. She's given me permission to speak with you about what's happening with her, but I'm going to ask you a few questions first, is that alright?" she asks.

"Yeah," I mumble and raise my eyes to hers.

She's a striking woman, dark hair and dark eyes. She's intense. And of course there is the obligatory fucking clipboard. "Are you sleeping?" she asks and I nod. "Any unusual dream activity or anxiety issues I need to know about?"

"No. I'm functioning okay," I tell her.

"Good." She writes on the file. "Appetite suppression, aches and pains, anger issues, feelings of guilt shame or self harm?" she asks.

"That's a hell of a list," I sigh. "Appetite is fine, I ache but I've been sleeping in a hospital bed with Bella, so no surprises there. I'm angry, of course I'm angry, but that's why I'm here and not with her right now. So I'm not angry near Bella. I am feeling guilty because it's my fault she's here, but I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone else," I say defiantly.

"Well then, if you're in such good shape why did you seek me out?" she asks seriously.

I slump in the chair. "I'm not in such good shape and neither is Bella. I don't know what the fuck happened last night and nobody will speak with me today so I can find out." I admit. "I want to help her but I have no clue what went wrong in the first place."

"I can help you with that," she says evenly. "I don't know your psychological knowledge background, so I'll be plain. Bella is in what we call psychological shock. Her sense of safety and trust have been shattered, and not just from this latest instance of trauma, but from a very early age when her trust was broken by her parental guardian. She's had to learn to live inside a disconnected world where her rules don't match those of others around her. Within that world she's learned to recognise certain triggers, if you will, that set into motion certain responses, and courses of action, from both her father and her husband. She describes these as rules and consequences, punishments and rewards. But they are all associated with various triggers. Some are smells, some are sounds, and some are sights. Last night's episode of reliving the trauma was associated with the sight of the dirty sheet the little boy was sleeping on," she says simply and I sigh.

"I tried hard to work it out at the time, but she just kept screaming about needing to be clean. I thought she was clean, she'd showered and changed her clothes only hours before so I couldn't work out what the problem was," I tell her, rubbing my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"It is difficult for those around the patient, and it will continue to be, until you become more aware of the sorts of things that are going to be Bella's main triggers." She flips the page on the clipboard over and reads from it. "Being in a room with men she doesn't know is going to be a major one. Hiding and hoarding food is going to be something to look out for, as is the action of hiding personal belongings. Because she's been denied personal items for quite a while she's going to be especially attached to things of meaning for her. While this isn't necessarily a problem, we are all attached to certain items in our lives, if she becomes obsessive over seemingly ridiculous items I'd claim that as a symptom, rather than a normal emotional response to physical possessions," she says.

I had never thought of any of this. "Hiding food?" I ask with raised eyebrows. "She's hiding food?" I ask.

"She is. Right now she has two small packages of biscuits under the novel in her bedside table and she's kept the sugar packets and a teabag from a breakfast tray several days ago. She tells me she has counted and recounted the bags of sugar over and over, to make sure she hasn't lost any of them. She's concerned about being starved, of course."

"Shit," I mumble. "I had no idea," I admit.

"Nobody expects you to. You have to know that this isn't an ordinary situation. This isn't something you should've expected to ever know about Edward. It's no failure on your behalf that you are learning this along with your family and with Bella herself," she tells me kindly.

"What else?" I ask. "What else is setting her off right now?" I ask, needing to know.

"Clean sheets. She associates dirty sheets with the filthy linen she had to endure at her home. Going along with that are these feelings of being physically unclean that she's having at the moment. Being denied access to clean clothing and running water have made her associate herself with being unclean whenever she sees or smells something dirty. Like last night, the little boy was sweating profusely and while she knows and understands that is a normal bodily process for someone who is sick, as he is, her brain tells her that the mark on his crib sheet is directly associated with how she lived at her home. She had the only logical reaction she could process. She needed to bathe while she could, before the water and the access to it were withdrawn from her again. She is living in a constant state of flux. Denial and access, being given only to have taken away," she says matter of factly.

"But I'd never take anything away from her. I've spent weeks giving her everything I can think of that she'd need or want," I shout.

"And she knows that. Logically she knows that you don't want to deny her things, basic things like food and water, but her brain is telling her that those things come at a price and that at some point you're going to exact that price from her, by force." She sighs and I cringe. "Look, for now she is doing exactly what she should be doing. She is exactly where Kerry and I expect her to be. She's facing the things that make her react this way. She's talking about them with the right people, me, Kerry, your parents. I've prescribed a mild anti depressant but you and I both know that only treats the secondary symptoms. As painful as it's going to be for her, and for you, she needs to keep reliving these things. She needs to keep being exposed to the triggers and she needs to voice the consequences and punishments she experienced in order to dull her reactionary responses to them."

"Behavioural therapy," I mumble.

"Exactly," she chuckles. "She is right where she needs to be. She's surrounded by help and she wants it. That's a serious plus right there. She wants to be well, she wants a shot at a normal life."

"So this isn't a serious setback?" I ask hopefully.

"Not at all." She smiles and I relax a little. "This is a positive step, despite how terrifying it would've seemed to those around her, she had to do this. She's going to have to keep going through this until all the reactions are under control and she learns to live within them. This was a very physical reaction this time. Sometimes it might be less physical more emotional, sometimes she might withdraw totally until the fear and anxiety pass, it's difficult to say how each trigger will make her react. But you need to be able to recognise the trigger and help her through her response to it. That's where myself and Kerry come in. We'll work with you all to help you get through this," she tells me.

I blow out my held breath. "They'll never let her leave here if she keeps hurting herself."

"No, _we_ won't. But she knows that now. She's agreed to talk more, hurt herself less, if she can. She wants to be able to tell you, and your parents, what's going on for her but she's terribly afraid it will drive you all away. She's had to do some unspeakable things in her short life, those things leave a mark and she's ashamed. Of course you and I know that says more about her abusers than her, but for her they are her actions, no matter the causes, and she's ashamed of them. So our job for the next few weeks will be to encourage her to tell us these things in a controlled environment so that by the time she comes into contact with her triggers we'll already know her secrets and can help far more easily, without having to go through this process again like this," she says reasonably.

"Fine," I tell her. "My head is in overload. I've got so much to learn, so much to find out."

"It's a lot to take in, I realise that. But you'll learn along with the family and you'll all be stronger for it. Now, I suggest you get down there and join your family. You can't do this for her on your own, try to remember that," she says and stands.

Consultation over obviously. "We'll be meeting with you again I assume?" I ask as I shake her hand across the desk.

"You will. Every few days while she's here then less often once she's gone home," she tells me.

"Send the bills to me, not dad," I mutter and she agrees with a grin. I tell her goodbye and I slowly make my way back through the hospital to Bella's room.

**BPOV**

I am so tired I can feel it in my bones. I am doing my best to hang on but if Edward doesn't show up soon I'll be asleep and I'll miss him altogether. I desperately want to see him. I desperately need to speak with him. I've wanted to all day but we'd been kept apart on purpose and I've had enough now.

Carlisle did his best to make me see that refusing to speak with anymore doctors, nurses or therapists would only make it more difficult for him to convince them to let me go home soon, but I was done for the day.

"Is there anything you'd like sweetheart?" Esme asks for the hundredth time.

"Edward," I mumble.

"I know," she mumbles right back. "He'll be here soon, I'm sure."

I nod but roll over onto my side and hide my face. I'm so over their presence now. I'm grateful that they spent the day with me, helping me to sort out what the hell happened last night and helping me with all the appointments and therapy discussions, but I was done now. I wanted them to take Elizabeth and go home. I wanted to be with Edward, just Edward, and I didn't know where he was or when he was coming.

"I'm going to have to go and check my patients Bella. But I'll be back in time for rounds tonight. Try and rest sweetheart." Carlisle tells me right before he kisses the top of my head and leaves the room.

I totally ignore him. I've got nothing left to say until after I've talked to Edward. Esme busies herself tidying the room but it just annoys me further. "Can you go and ask where he is at least?" I say. I know it sounds rude and unkind and ungrateful, but I just don't care anymore.

"I'll try and find out," she whispers and goes out of the room. She's back in minutes. "He's with Pat," she tells me and I sigh.

"Go home," I tell her unkindly.

"Not until he's here with you. I know you heard the lady when she said you weren't to be alone if we could help it," she admonishes me like I'm a child.

I resent the hell out of being told I'm not allowed to be alone, but I can see why too. I ache all over from my scrubbing and my head is pounding like a bitch because I've once again got staples in it. My boob is agony, three stitches in it again, and my fingers are black and blue and twice their normal size. I get why they don't want me on my own, but it's not like I'm going to do that again in a hurry, I'm not crazy, no matter what they say, I know I'm not.

Esme sits on the edge of my bed and rubs lotion onto the palms of her hands. She holds them out to me, wanting me to put my injured hand into hers so she can rub it for me. I don't want to but I know how good it feels when she rubs. I cluck my tongue and put my hand into hers as though it's some sort of amazing concession I'm making for her benefit, not mine. I am fully aware that I'm behaving like a petulant child, but I can't help it. I want Edward, now.

There is a soft knock at the door and I hold my breath while I wait to see who it is. I hear his voice before I see him.

"Bella," he whispers.

I can't contain my relief that he's finally here any longer and I reach for him. Esme stands and lets him past and I call his name and pull him to me and hold onto him like he's the last life preserver on a sinking ship. "I'm so sorry, I won't do it again, I'm so sorry," I tell him over and over again. I've been told not to apologise but it's natural, I need him to hear it.

He buries his nose in my hair, his warm breath is at my ear as he sighs against me. "Oh god, oh god," he whispers, "Bella."

He slides his arms under me and holds me to his chest tightly. I cling to him even though it hurts my ribs and he's tugging on my hair, running his hands all over me like he's making sure I'm whole. It hurts the cut on my head but I don't care. I need him. I need him here, right here where I can feel him, smell him, taste him.

I slide my fingers into his hair and pull his face around so that I can see his beautiful green eyes. He's in there, my Edward is in there and he's so worried for me, it's written all over his face. I know it's going to hurt when I do it, but again I just don't care. I pull his face to mine and kiss him as hard as I can. It's possessive and it's desperate and it's exactly what I need.

He moans into my mouth and I match it as his tongue finds mine. I open my lips to him and let my own tongue trace his bottom lip. I feel his fingers flex against my back as he deepens the kiss and pulls me closer to his chest. I vaguely hear the door click shut, but ignore it. This is what I want now; this is what I need now.

I run my fingers through his hair, over his neck, his shoulders. I trace his cheeks and run my fingertips over his jaw line. I let them fall over the point of his chin and travel down his throat and into the collar of his shirt. He groans loudly and digs his fingers into my flesh at the small of my back, its bliss. I try to wiggle so I'm facing him more squarely, but I can't get as close to him as I want to with him standing by the side of the bed.

I use both hands and pull on the collar of his shirt. He sighs into my mouth and then he's on the bed with me. He lies down beside me and pulls me over so that I'm half lying on his chest, half sitting up. His hands are in my hair again, pulling my mouth this way and that, so that he can kiss me as he pleases.

I do the same, using my fingers to pull him and push him so that I can kiss him hard. I need him to know that I want him. All of a sudden that's very important to me. I need him to know that one day I'm going to want more from him than this. I don't know why I know this now, when for weeks all I've been able to think about is what he'll think if I _can't_ be with him. But now, now that I've got him in my arms, now that he's kissing me so insistently, I know that I want him. I know that I can have him, I know that I can give myself to him. One day.

He closes his lips slightly and I know that he's preparing to pull away from me. I let it happen. I'm satisfied that he's here, that he's okay, that he loves me. I'm unprepared for the conversation we're about to have, but I know that we need to have it all the same. I take a deep breath when his lips finally leave mine. He rests his forehead on mine and blows his breath out over his lips, letting it tingle on mine.

"I love you," he whispers.

I smile. "I love you too."

"Are you alright?"

"I will be. Are you?" I ask.

"I am now that I'm here," he says breathlessly.

I put my hand back into his hair and hear him sigh. "I'm sorry to have worried you," I whisper.

"I _was_ worried, so worried, but you don't need to apologise. I need to learn what to do when that happens for you, but you shouldn't apologise," he says sweetly as he moves back to my side and lies down.

I let him put his arm around my shoulders and I lift myself so that I'm lying across his chest again. "I didn't have any control," I admit. "All I could see was that filthy mattress in the hallway. I could feel the dirt, like actually physically feel it on my skin."

"I know," he whispers. "I talked to Pat; she explained it all to me. It's okay you know, it's okay to be out of control like that. I'll learn for next time, what to do for you, and you won't need to hurt yourself."

I relax against him a little, satisfied that we can talk about this without either of us getting upset. I'd had enough of being upset during the day, now I want a quiet, serious discussion with Edward. "I didn't even realize that I was hurting myself. I just needed to be clean. It makes no sense, I know, but I thought I was dirty."

He pulls my broken fingers to his lips and kisses them softly. "You're not dirty baby," he whispers, "What was done to you was dirty, the way you have had to live was dirty, not being allowed to shower was dirty, but not you. Never you."

I smile to myself. He's trying so hard for me. He's listened to what Pat has had to say, I can tell because he's quoting almost word for word what she told me herself. "I'm sorry I ruined our first date," I mumble.

I hear him drag in a long breath and then blow it out over his teeth slowly. "You didn't ruin anything, you never could. I'll remember our first date because you were so beautiful, because the garden was fantastic, because the food was nice and because we talked for hours but especially because I made you smile over and over. What happened afterwards we'll both be able to forget in time, and then only our dinner will be left."

"Thank you," I tell him and kiss his shirt front, "Is Joshua alright? Nobody will tell me."

"He's fine baby," he tells me softly, "He was asleep when I checked on him last. His temperature was a little lower, but not much. He was clean though, nice clean sheets and cold juice and water for him to drink, you don't need to worry."

I smile. He's been taught about triggers, just like me. "Thank you for taking care of Elizabeth."

"She's perfect Bella. She slept like an angel. I had her with me all day long and she was perfect. Spoiled all day long. I loved having her with me. Everyone just assumed she was ours, yours and mine. I've never been so proud," he says softly against my hair.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Are you really okay with people thinking she's yours?" I ask.

"Perfectly. I _want_ them to think she's ours. I _want_ them to know we're together. I _want_ everyone on the planet to know that I love you Bella."

All I can do is smile against his shirt. It sounds so good when he says it. "I think I want it too," I whisper in reply. I feel his kiss against my hair and sigh in happiness, which hasn't happened a lot over the course of the day.

"Can I read your chart now, please?" He chuckles as he asks.

"It's killing you, not knowing, isn't it?" I giggle.

"A little, I can't help it, it's what I've been taught to do," he says as he helps me to sit up again.

"I understand what that's like," I mumble.

As he walks to the end of my bed and takes the chart he stares at me pointedly, "I'll read about it anyway, but can you tell me what you hurt?"

He starts flipping pages but I know what he's asking. He could read about my injuries in the chart but he wants me to share the information with him. Pat said I should, so did Kerry. Everyone agrees that it's the easy way to let Edward discover this via my notes. If he wasn't a doctor we'd have to talk about it, so we should anyway. I take a deep breath. "I've got staples in my head again and I've got new stitches in my nipple. I've rebroken my fingers and I opened the burns on my thighs," I cringe at having to tell him the rest, but know that I have to. "Um, I sort of scrubbed a bit too hard between my legs, um, and I'm a bit raw there too."

He's still reading the chart for himself but when he's done he comes right back to the head of the bed. He waits until I've scooted over a bit and then he gets back in with me, one arm around my shoulders the other holding my hand on his stomach. I feel him kiss my hair again. "The scalp wound will only take a day or two and I can take the staples out again. Your notes say five days for your nipple, but it's not as bad as it was before. Dad's concerned about the burns and he's ordered a specialist to come and see you in ten days time. The rest are abrasion wounds and will heal if kept clean and dry. So that's what we'll do, hey? We'll keep you clean and dry baby," he says softly and kisses my hair again.

He's so understanding and so tolerant. I've basically undone all the healing I'd done the past two and a half weeks and his only comments are how to make it better for me, how to help me heal again.

I can hear Elizabeth beginning to stir in her pusher. Her little legs are pressing against the foot rest and making the whole thing shift and shake as she moves. "What time was her last feed?" I ask.

"Two, so it won't be long and she'll announce her presence."

"I'd like to feed her. It's been so long," I tell him.

"There's a bottle in the bag, I'll get it," he says and lets me go again so he can tend to our baby. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. "What?" he asks with wide eyes.

I smile a little. "I just called her 'our' baby in my head."

His smile is gorgeous. "Good." He lifts her out of the pusher and brings her to me.

She's still not completely awake. Her little lips are pursed together and her eyes are only just beginning to flutter open. She's stretching and pushing against my arms as I hold her. When she opens her eyes I tell her hello and she smiles up at me beautifully. I tell her how wonderful she is, how much I love her and how happy I am that she had a nice day with Edward. He brings me her bottle and I put it to her lips.

It's so comforting just caring for her in a normal way. Without needing to worry about whether I'll be able to afford more formula. Whether the number of nappies in the packet will last the week. Whether she's too loud, awake too often, bothering Jake in any way. With Edward it all seems so much simpler. He isn't bothered by her. He isn't put out by what she costs to feed or clothe. He loves her like his own.

He loves her like his own. "You love her," I blurt out stupidly.

"I do," he says simply. "I love you and I love her."

It's such a simple revelation but it's a profound one. Edward loves my baby. She's not his but he loves her anyway. He loves me. I'm married to someone else and I've had to do unspeakable things, but he loves me. "I can't speak for Elizabeth, but I love you too," I tell him proudly.

He pulls the plastic chair up to the side of the bed and puts his hand on her belly, covering mine. "I hope one day she'll tell me herself."

All I can do is smile. There is nothing that needs saying. There is nothing to admit, nothing to share, nothing to work through. It's all very simple with Edward. He loves us, both, and I love him back. Elizabeth will learn to love him, not because she's not his, but because she doesn't know what love is yet. But when she does I'm sure she'll love him too.

There is a very soft knock on the door and Esme comes into the room with a soft 'hello you three'. She's followed by a procession of Cullen's, and a pair of Whitlock's.

"Is this an intervention?" Edward laughs and I can't help but join in.

"If it is I give in now, you've all told me over and over how it's impossible to get rid of you," I giggle. "I'll go to rehab, I promise."

Alice and Rosie laugh loudest, Emmett and Jasper look concerned and Esme looks like she always does. Totally accepting. No matter what the circumstances, no matter what the problem is, Esme Cullen is just always accepting. She's the closest I'm ever going to come to having a mother I realize with a jolt. I reach for her hand and tug her so she's leaning over me, her ear near my lips. "I'm sorry I worried you, Mom," I whisper very quietly, so it's just for the two of us.

She pulls away and her eyes are twinkling with unshed tears as she puts her hand to my cheek. "You don't need to tell me sorry sweetheart," she says kindly. "It was nothing you could control, we all understand that. Just get well so we can get you both home."

I smile widely and feel my lip pull a little. I hide the grimace that usually goes along with such a movement and instead concentrate on smiling up at her. "I can't wait to go home," I tell her.

Edward is squeezing my hand like mad, Alice is openly crying, Rosie is looking anywhere but at me and Esme is beaming down at me. "Just get well darling. That's all we want. Get well and come home and we'll help you to learn everything you want to learn."

I don't know what to say other than thank you, so that's what I tell them. Each of them, in turn, I tell them thank you.

Rosie, who's spent hours with me today, is the first to leave. She has to collect Angus from daycare and then sort out their dinner. Emmett leaves not long after, saying he hates it when he's not seen either of them all day long. It's sweet the way he is with them, like he can be really himself when he's a husband and a dad. When he's just Emmett Cullen he's different, not better or worse, just different. I suspect most normal men are and resolve to watch and listen and learn from the men around me from now on.

I have men around me and I'm not afraid of them.

I've never been able to say that before. I kiss Emmett's cheek when he leaves and let him do the same to me. I'm not nervous or anxious. When Jasper announces he's hungry, and Alice says she's going to leave with him so they can eat together, I let him kiss my hair and pat my cheek fondly. I don't cringe, I don't pull away, I let him do it and I like it.

Alice kisses and hugs me, holding me tight and promising to come the next night as planned. She makes me promise not to hurt myself again, if I can help it, and I tell her I'll do my best.

Esme waits patiently while Elizabeth finishes her bottle and once I've changed her diaper, kissed her a hundred times, and thanked Esme just as many times, she leaves and then it's just Edward and me, alone, again.

He stares at me intently and I wonder, for the millionth time, what he's thinking.

"We have an hour before dinner, what would you like to do?" I ask.

His whole face lights up and a cheeky grin comes across his lips. "That, my dear, is a very leading question. I'd very much like to spend it kissing you, but I'd settle for a quick kiss and a walk," he grins.

"Where would you like to walk to?" I giggle.

"Would you like to visit with Joshua for a bit?" he asks softly.

I drag his hand up from the side of the bed and kiss his knuckles. "How do you know me so well?"

He pulls my hand towards his lips and kisses my knuckles, just as I've done to him. "Because you care about him and you care about others more than you care for yourself sometimes," he whispers against the back of my hand. "So I'm going to take care of you, so you can keep taking care of everyone else."

"Deal," I giggle and twist so I can get myself off the side of the bed.

"I'll get your chair," he says as he rises from the plastic chair.

"No," I tell him, "I want to walk. It's time I was up and about. I want to go home sooner rather than later Edward," I tell him firmly.

His smile is beautiful. "Then we'll walk," he says just as firmly.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Sometimes, in this life, the hard way is the best way. And so it is for Bella at the moment. **

**For those of you who are still hanging out for a quick recovery, a nice easy transition into Cullen family life and a speedy happily ever after I apologise now. For those of you who are going to hang in there and watch this mess unfold, and get fixed, thanks so much. Of course they'll get their HEA, but they are going to have to work for it. So often the things really worth having require us to work for them. It means a lot to me that so many of you are willing to go the distance with this pair and their little one...**

**Shoot me a review, or a private message, no matter your thoughts on this chapter. I love to hear from you all regardless of your side of the fence. **


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28 – The Sins of the Father

**EPOV**

Our visit with Joshua went smoothly. I watched Bella as she cradled the sick little boy in her arms. She told him over and over that she was sorry for frightening him the night before. I felt separate from her blossoming relationship with the little man, but strangely closer to Bella the more attention she lavished on him. It was surreally like watching her heal right before my eyes.

She was so careful as she bathed his sweaty face and head. She was so attentive as he showed her his robot and his beloved books. She was so patient as he yabbered about everything and nothing. She was so loving when she kissed his tiny cheek and stroked his back. I think it was subconscious that she rocked him back and forth even though the plastic visitors chair was not a rocker.

It was obvious, to me, that he was feeling a little better than he had been previously. He was speaking, for a start, and his chart said he'd eaten a little of his dinner and a bit of his dessert too. He looked brighter and was able to sit up and participate in the visit far more than he had the night before.

Neither of them noticed when I excused myself to speak with Leonie. I asked if Rachel had been in to visit that day. She checked her records and shook her head sadly. It isn't quite the shock it should be when she tells me that he won't be going home with Rachel again and that he's been reassigned to Lisa McMillan, the hospital's social worker.

I resolve to talk to my parents about his situation when I see them next and when I get back to Joshua's little section of the ward I find them both asleep in the plastic chair. It can't be comfortable so I take him from her and put him carefully into his crib. I pat him softly until he's settled and then I gently wake Bella.

She wakes with a start and cringes away from me until she realizes it's me and that she's safe. Then her fright is replaced with a beautiful smile. She lets me help her to her feet but waves away the suggestion of a wheelchair.

She is so determined to move on her own now, it's like last night's setback has given her a new resolve to fight, and win, against her inner demons. She's the strongest person I know and I hope she can teach me how to do it because most times I just feel like crumpling under the weight of the fight ahead.

It's a silent shuffle back to her room and once we're both inside I can see that Bella is all but spent. We are only in the room a few minutes when Margaret brings her meds and our dinner trays. I encourage her to take her medication even though we both know it's going to put her to sleep.

"There is so much to talk about," she whispers. She puts the tablets in her mouth and takes the cup from the tray anyway. She's either hurting and needs the pain killers or she's placating me by being a good patient. Either way she takes the meds.

"There is nothing to say that can't wait until you aren't so tired," I tell her. "Try and eat though, you are still so thin."

I push her tray to her side of the rolling table and take my own onto my lap as I sink down onto the plastic chair. I don't even care what I've been given to eat. I'm so hungry I'd eat the furniture so I wolf it down. Bella picks at hers – she's got some chicken and rice and some vegetables – but I can tell she's just not interested. She's yawning and trying to get comfortable before I've even moved the rolling table out of the way fully.

I push the table to the side and toe off my shoes. I get up onto the bed and take her into my arms. I'm not tired yet and I have a few things I need to do before I can sleep, but I hold her close and kiss her hair and tell her I love her while she falls asleep. It's so nice to hold her while she drifts off. It's so good to feel her relax totally.

After fifteen minutes or so, when I'm sure she's fully asleep, I slip out of the bed and head out into the garden. I let Margaret know where I am in case anyone needs me, but I'm happy to be out in the garden on my own to make my calls.

The first is to mom. I thank her for all she did for Bella during the night and today. She won't tell me what went on and I don't press. Bella will tell me when she's ready. I ask after Elizabeth and am told that she's about to have her bath then her bottle and then be put to bed for the night. Mom assures me she's fine, the baby is fine and that dad will be there soon for rounds.

I call Rosie and thank her for whatever it was she did with Bella today. She's a little more forthcoming with the information but its things I already know about. She tells me about Bella's self loathing issues, how she truly did feel dirty and about how guilty she feels for making my life so much harder than it should be.

I talk to Rosie for a while about that and about how Rose thinks she can help Bella in future. It's a nice conversation, for a change. There is no ribbing, no foul language and by the time I disconnect from the call I've got a new found respect for my sister in law. She's a good mom and she's a great wife to my brother. She's determined to teach Bella what she can and I'm grateful that she's willing to try.

Alice answers on the second ring and announces that she has been waiting for my call. I tell her she's full of shit but she insists she knew that I was going to call. We talk for a while about her day but eventually she asks after Bella and then why I'm calling and talking to my sister when I should be in talking to my girlfriend.

I chuckle a little at the term girlfriend and Alice giggles. "She's asleep Ally," I tell her. "You know better than me that she had a rough day, she was exhausted."

"It was pretty rough," she agrees. "Have you talked to her about it yet?"

"No, not really. There just isn't enough time," I whine. "I have to work and then there are all the appointments she has to keep, and Elizabeth and Joshua and the family." I run a hand through my hair in frustration and take a deep breath. "We have to meet with both therapists tomorrow and I think she's got an ophthalmology consult too, then there is physio and Elizabeth has a check up with the paediatrician."

I can hear the sympathy in her voice as she replies. "That's a lot to cram into a day. Just do your best. Nobody expects you to be all things to all men, Edward."

"I'm not trying to be. I just want to do what I can for Bella and for Elizabeth, and for Joshua too. But I can't be everywhere," I tell her.

"That's twice you've mentioned Joshua. Is there something you want to tell me Edward?" She giggles.

"Not yet. When there's something to tell, I'll tell you Ally," I laugh. "I gotta go. I've got more calls to make. I just wanted to touch base and say thanks."

"You're welcome big brother. Hang in there, I know it's tough, but you're doing great." She wishes me goodnight and signs off with a big raspberry kiss down the phone line.

I have to laugh at her antics and as I walk back into Bella's room I'm still chuckling to myself about it. Dad's in there and he puts his finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet as I come into the room.

"How is she?" I whisper.

He folds the top pages of her chart back on themselves and holds it out for me to read. Her temperature is fine, her pulse heart rate and stitches are all perfect and she's eating and sleeping, so nothing to worry about. I nod and he puts the chart back into its holder. "Come and buy your old man a cup of coffee," he whispers and nods towards the door.

I'm reluctant to leave her again but follow him out of the room and into the lounge. He sinks into one of the sofas and I begin to make us both coffees. We're silent while the kettle boils and only when I've put his cup beside him on the low table, and taken my own with me to an armchair opposite him, is that silence broken.

"Egypt's a mess," he states flatly then takes a sip of his coffee.

I smile. It's how we work. "Yep, sure is," I agree. I wait half a minute then change the subject. "Cougars won last night."

He sips again. "I saw that in the paper this morning," he tells me. "Taking a son to a game is a lot of fun."

I sip my drink and then put it on the table in front of me. "I imagine it would be," I play along. This, after all, is us at our best. Totally in sync without having to come at the hard stuff head on. "I hope to enjoy it myself one day."

He takes another drink then puts his cup beside mine on the table. He leans back in the seat and laces his hands together on top of his head. "The information Gary had for us was enlightening, wasn't it?"

I nod sagely. "It was, very enlightening," I agree. "I mean, who knew you didn't need to be married to be a foster parent?"

"I certainly didn't," he agrees. "You don't even need to be in a relationship. You just have to have a stable home life, a good job and a good heart. Simple things to prove."

I mimic his body language and lace my own hands up behind my head. This is just a casual chat between father and son. "Very simply proved, that's true," I agree. "But, if you were single you'd have to have the support and backing of whomever you shared your home and life with before you entered into such a commitment. You couldn't do it if you didn't have people around you who would be able to help. Like when you were at work, for instance."

He nods and reaches for his coffee. "I totally agree. It would be difficult to pull it off without that." He sips his drink and holds it between his hands as though warming them. "Fostering an older child, say one who's four or five, would be easier though. He, or she, would go to school. That would be easier than fostering a tiny baby."

I take up my cup and drink. "Yes, yes it would. That would be much easier than a tiny baby." I put my cup back now that it's empty and take a deep breath. We are at the crux of the conversation and we both know it. "Do I have your support?" I ask.

He drains the last of his coffee from his cup and puts it on the table in front of him. He turns to me, "Always," he says matter of factly. "But in this, most definitely. I've spoken with your mother about it and we are both agreed. If you feel it's something you can do we'll help, but if you can't manage it, with Bella and Elizabeth, the clinic and your own life to lead, we'll do it ourselves."

I'm not as surprised as I should be. This is what he does best. He finds out what's going on for us kids and then he makes sure we're on track to achieve whatever it is we've set out to do. That they've offered to foster the boy if I choose not to is a shock, however. "Has mom even seen him?" I ask.

"Does it matter?" he asks with a slight chuckle. "Did it matter to you that Bella hadn't met him before you began to form your plan?" I shake my head no and he continues. "I didn't think so. Sometimes, son, there are just things we _have_ to do. This is one of them."

"Will you back me?" I ask.

"Of course. Have you filled out the paperwork?"

"I have. I'll courier it to Gary tomorrow morning. I want to talk to Bella about it first though," I tell him.

"As you should. She's doing very well," he tells me firmly.

"Last night scared me," I admit.

"I don't doubt it. She's done some damage to herself but nothing that won't heal," he says assuredly. "I don't pretend to understand the human brain, but from what the therapists are saying its all part of a series of ordeals she has to encounter and learn to deal with before she can move on with her life."

"That's what they tell me."

"You don't agree?" he asks.

"I don't like seeing her hurting. Anything I can do, or she can do, to avoid that gets my vote," I tell him.

He shakes his head sadly. "If only shielding them from pain worked," he grumbles. "That they could stay asleep and heal only to wake up at the end fully well and mentally alright. We'd be out of a job, but watching the process you're about to watch Bella go through might just have been worth it."

I'm astounded to hear him say exactly what I think myself. "I wish that were possible."

"I bet you do," he says quietly. "It's natural to want to take her pain onto yourself. Nobody expects you to be alright all the time Edward, nobody expects this to be easy for you."

I scrub at the back of my neck with my hand and nod. "Everyone keeps telling me that."

"Good, then I know I'm not totally full of shit," he laughs and gets to his feet. "I have patients to check on and you look like you could use a good night's sleep."

"I have a couple more calls to make then that's exactly what I'm going to do," I tell him and get to my feet. "Thanks for being here with her today, dad."

"Don't mention it," he says as he goes out the door.

I sit for a few minutes more and then I take my cell phone back out into the garden. I don't bother to turn the lights on; I just find my groove and start my laps as I dial.

"Port Angeles Police department how can I help you?" The female voice says.

"I need to get a message to Detective Livingstone or Detective Hardwick if I can," I tell her.

"Your name and number please?" she asks.

"Its Doctor Edward Cullen calling," I tell her then recite my cell number.

"Thank you Doctor Cullen, I'm sending the page now, stand by for a return call," she says and then disconnects our call.

I keep my phone in my hand and manage to get through only four complete, and one half lap of my route before it rings.

"Hello," I answer.

"Edward its Ken Livingstone, what can I do for you?"

"What is the statute of limitations for murder?" I ask bluntly.

"There isn't one," he tells me flatly.

"There are witnesses to Charlie Swan beating his wife to death on the Reservation at La Push," I tell him.

I hear him blow out a breath. "Witnesses who'd be willing to swear to it?" he asks. For some reason he doesn't sound as shocked as I'd be if someone just said that to me. He knew and was waiting for more proof!

"Maybe," I say softly. "They're afraid of him. From what I've been told he has a history of incarcerating anyone who 'annoys' him," I say, putting the inflection on the word annoys.

"Yeah, I've been hearing that too. Okay, you have obviously learnt some things we need to know about so we're going to need to sit down and talk about this. What are your movements for tomorrow?" he asks.

"I'm not working but I have appointments to attend with Bella at the hospital. We can either meet real early or real late," I tell him.

"Give me a second," he says. I hear the rustling of paper and a hurried conversation that I assume is with Carol. "Real late it is then. I'm assuming you'd like to have this conversation without Bella present?"

"Correct. Can you meet me in town at eight tomorrow night? At the Smokehouse up on 101, do you know it?" I ask.

"Sure, great salmon there. We'll be there, thanks for calling Edward," he says and I disconnect the call.

I have mixed feelings about what I've just done. I know the boys I saw at the garage don't want to stick their necks out and tell what they know about Charlie Swan, but I have to try. I have to try to make right what Charlie has done.

The next call isn't quite so orthodox. I make three more full laps before I've got the balls to actually dial. I'd found the number by using the internet at the clinic yesterday but I'd not had the courage to call it before now. I had the number in my phone but as my thumb hovered over the 'call' button I began to second guess the wisdom of opening up this particular can of worms.

I wanted to ask someone for advice but there was nobody as invested in this as I was. Mom would tell me to do what I thought was right. Dad would tell me to do the smart thing. Emmett would dial for me and Alice would beg me not to. Emmett would want me to do this because it would mean a lot to Bella if it's true. Alice wouldn't want me to do it because it would mean taking something away from what Alice perceives she's going to have with Bella in the future.

It's a tough call to make. It's a tough decision. I hit dial.

It rings and just as I am about to hang up and change my mind it's answered.

"Hello?" says a gruff male voice.

"Hello, may I speak with Harry Clearwater please, this is Edward Cullen calling."

I hear a sigh and then the gruff, harsh voice from before sounds softer. "That's me, I'm Harry Clearwater," he says.

"Harry I'm at the hospital with Bella Black. I was wondering if you'd like to come and see her?" I ask.

If the boys from the Rez are wrong this is going to be awkward and possibly dangerous, but I have to find out. Bella would want to know. If she's got a family she knows nothing about she's going to need them. I'd do anything if it meant she didn't only have Charlie Swan to claim as family. I'd do a hell of a lot more if she could discount him as family all together!

I hold my breath while I wait for Harry to consider what I'm asking. If there is even a slim chance that he's her father he'll know it. I hope he knows. I hope he can tell me the truth.

"After all these years does she finally want to know me?" he asks very quietly.

I blow out the breath over my teeth and sigh. So many lies, so much pain. "She doesn't know Harry. I've only just heard the rumour for myself. Are you telling me it's true? Are you her father Harry?" I ask point blank. He has no idea who I am or what it's got to do with me, and I'm prepared to explain that it's none of my business, but he doesn't hesitate.

"Yes. I am. I've always known. Charlie said she knew, Charlie said she didn't want to know me. He said she believed I abandoned her, he said it would only hurt her if I tried to get to know her. He said Bella thinks I raped her mother." He's crying, I can hear it in his voice. "He said he'd be her father and that I should stay out of her life because it only upset her to think about. And I believed him, oh god what have I done?"

"Fuck," I mutter. "Is there nothing that man hasn't infected in this town?" I rage. "Bella doesn't know Harry. Charlie never told her, she has no clue." I rub my hand through my hair and wonder at the intelligence of this call. "I don't know what to do now. I didn't think this through Harry. I didn't think this through," I tell him.

"Did Jake hurt her?" he asks.

"Very badly," I admit.

"I'll be there. At first light. I'll be there. We'll tell her together, you and me. She can make of it what she will, but I need her to know, before it's too late for us to get to know each other, she needs to know."

"Alright. Alright," I say slowly. "But she's really fragile Harry. You have to swear to me that at the first sign of hysteria you turn and leave, if she freaks out you have to go, if you can't swear to that you can't come."

"I swear. I'll swear to whatever you want. Where is she, where do I go?" he asks.

"Forks General. Ward Six. I'll leave your name with security at the front desk. I hope I'm doing the right thing," I say to nobody in particular.

"She has a right to know, that's always the right thing, son," he tells me softly.

"I'll see you in the morning Harry," I tell him and hang up.

I make two more complete laps then go back inside. Tomorrow as going to be a rough day all round.

**BPOV**

I ache all over. My skin feels raw as though I've shaved the top layer off. Which, of course, I have.

I open one eye gingerly and reach for Edward. The bed is empty and I sigh in frustration. I know our days of going to bed together and waking up side by side are numbered – when I leave the hospital it's to the guest room I'm going – but I hate it when I wake up and he's not there beside me.

I can hear the water running in the bathroom, so I know he's not far, but I still don't like waking in the bed alone. I throw the blankets off my body and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I no longer have that swimming, dizzy feeling when I first get up, thank god, so I can stand without needing to hold on to anyone. I shuffle to the closet and take my toiletries bag and clean knickers from the pile Alice has left for me. She actually took my dirty ones away yesterday. She told me she'll launder them and return them tonight. It made me cry. To think that someone was going to wash my dirty clothes for me so I didn't have to wear them twice made me cry.

I know I have a lot to get through today. The eye specialist is coming, Kerry wants a word, Pat wants my sanity and Elizabeth has her three month check up. So I decide not to dress in a nightgown and instead I reach for a pair of sweat pants and a big baggy t-shirt. The crop tops are right where Alice said they'd be so I tuck one of those into the t-shirt too. It might hurt my nipple but it's something I'm just going to have to live with, seeing as this time the wound is self inflicted.

There is a soft knock at the door and then a volunteer brings in our breakfast trays. I thank her and sip my juice until Edward comes back out of the bathroom.

He's still rubbing his hair with a towel but he's dressed. He's glorious. He smiles when he sees me standing on my own. "Good morning beautiful," he tells me softly and comes to stand in front of me. He lets his towel rest around his shoulders and then bends to kiss me lightly on the lips. "Did you sleep well?" he asks.

I'm still recovering my breath from being kissed by him so all I can do is nod. He smells so good and he's so close to me. I want to run my fingers over his just shaven jaw and then thread them into his hair. I want him to kiss me over and over. Instead I reach for his hand and hold it tightly. "Did you sleep well?" I ask.

His smile is magnificent. "I was next to you, of course I did," he whispers and kisses me softly at the temple. "Breakfast first or a shower first?" he asks.

I want to say kiss me some more, but I settle for a shower. He offers to help me get into the bathroom but I wave his help away. I tell him I can do it and I do. I walk myself into the bathroom and strip myself without too much hassle. I slap the water pad and manage to clean myself without too much pain or problem. Where my skin is raw it stings when I use soap, but I did it myself so I grit my teeth and try to remember what the sting feels like, just in case I ever decide I'm dirty enough to want to try it again.

I shampoo my hair and brush it out while the conditioner is still in it so it's tangle free. My fingers give me a bit of grief when I wrap my hair in a towel but other than that it all goes to plan and I'm clean, dry and dressed in the sweats and t-shirt in under fifteen minutes. I feel like writing the time down so I can see if I can better it tomorrow, but think it's a bit childish.

Edward has waited for me so we get to sit under the window in the sun and eat our breakfast together. I love it. It's so normal. At least I assume it's normal. I have no point of reference. I swallow the slice of pear and decide to ask. "Do your parents eat breakfast together?"

He puts his knife and fork down and wipes his mouth on the napkin. "Yeah, they do. When dad's on his usual shift he gets home at about ten at night but he's back here again for rounds in the morning. So mom waits for him to get back, usually about nine. She has breakfast ready for him and they eat together. When the weather is nice they eat outside. Dad reads the paper, mom flicks through a magazine, its kinda nice I guess." He shrugs.

"It sounds nice," I admit.

He smiles and picks up his fork again. "It would have to be earlier because I have to be at the clinic at eight-thirty, but we could have breakfast together of a morning too."

I match his smile. "I'd like that, thank you," I tell him and take up another piece of pear.

"You don't have to keep thanking me for ordinary things Bella. It's not a gift to eat a meal with company. It's just what people do. In fact, when I was growing up mom insisted we all eat together. No matter what we were doing we had to be home at six for dinner. Breakfast we always had early, just cereal and stuff, before school. And of course lunch we had at the school cafeteria, but dinner we always ate together. She hated it when dad got called in at dinner time. Do you remember us all eating together?" he asks and tucks back into his toast and eggs.

"I guess so," I say softly. "I remember Alice saying we had to be inside and washed up before six, but I figured it was just your rules."

He cringes at the word 'rules'. He puts his fork down again. "I guess it was a rule, in a way, just not a rule meant to hurt anyone, or oppress them," he says evenly. "I remember you eating with us all the time. I remember you sitting between Alice and mom at the table. You liked pasta the best and you always ate everything put in front of you. You took tiny bites, like you were making it last. So many times I wanted to slip my foot next to yours," he says wistfully. "I also remember you always helping to clean up and mom telling you to go and have fun with Alice instead. But you always stayed to help clean up."

I smile at his recollections. He really did notice me back then. He even knew what I liked to eat and how I did it. "You always offered to help me. It was the best part of the meal for me. Just you and me in the kitchen, cleaning up," I admit. "I liked it best when you were home from college because you'd tell us all what you'd been up to, what you'd seen, how your classes were going. I loved it when you freaked Alice out with stories about the cadavers." I shiver at the memory of him sitting opposite me slowly recalling his lessons. "I remember how your face lit up when you told us what you were learning. I wish I'd had the guts to talk to you then."

"Alice hated it when I talked about the bodies," he laughs. "You did talk to me back then. It was the only time you'd talk to me, at the dinner table at night. It's why I made sure to be there as often as I could." He puts his fork down and puts the napkin on his plate. He's left a whole egg and half a slice of toast and I can feel the panic rising in my throat at the thought of throwing it out. "Bella?" he asks. "What is it?"

I shake my head and take a deep breath. I start mumbling the things Pat says I should say, but I feel ridiculous. The others have heard this. Esme, Carlisle, Alice and Rosalie, but not Edward. "Nobody will stop me from eating. I can eat when I'm hungry. I can ask for food. It's not normal to worry about food," I chant softly and rise from the chair. "Esme and Carlisle will feed me. I won't go hungry."

I open the top drawer of the bedside cabinet and check the supplies I have there. Six packets of sugar, two teabags. Of the things Edward bought for me I still have four candy bars, two thin slabs of chocolate and a tiny open bag of smarties. I tip them out into my hand and begin to count them. I have counted off thirteen when Edward comes to my side and takes my free hand away.

"You don't need to count them, baby. Nobody will touch them," he says calmly and quietly. "Look at me sweetheart," he asks and I turn my eyes to his. "Nobody will take them from you. Don't count them Bella."

I look down at them in my hand and close my fist around them. I tip them back into their bag and fold the top over and over so that they are sealed inside it. I push the motley collection back into the drawer but don't close it. "They're mine," I tell him firmly.

"They are," he agrees. He reaches behind himself and takes out his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. He takes out a thick wad of bills and puts them into the drawer next to my food collection. "You can buy whatever food you want Bella. It's not just my mom and dad who will make sure you have food. I will too. We all will. There will never be a shortage of food for you, or for Elizabeth, I promise."

I nod. "Alright."

"I know it will take a while for you to really know it, but I've not lied to you, ever, and I don't intend to ever start. So when I tell you that this food is yours and nobody will touch it or take it you can believe me. When I tell you that I'll make sure you have money for food and that you can have as much food as you want, you can believe it," he says softly against my temple. I feel his lips kiss me there softly and I begin to relax.

He's never told me a lie. He's never done anything to hurt me. Edward will let me have food. I have money for food. I shove the bills towards the back of the drawer and close it carefully. "I have money for food," I tell myself.

"Good, now come and finish your breakfast. You have a visitor coming in a few minutes," he tells me and leads me back to the chair.

I put another piece of pear into my mouth and then take a long suck on the straw in my juice. Edward begins eating his left over egg. I'm about to protest when he raises his eyebrows at me and tells me that he'll eat it, that it's a waste not to. I nod and finish the fruit on my plate.

"Who's coming to visit?" I ask.

He's about to tell me when there is a soft knock at the door. "I'll be back in one minute," Edward tells me as he wipes his mouth on the napkin.

I fold mine and put it on the plate as he leaves the room. I run a hand through my hair and hope I look alright. I get the feeling that whoever has come to see me is someone new. Edward would've just said who it was otherwise, and they would've just come in if it was someone I know.

He comes back into the room and behind him is a native man I've seen at the Rez before. He's smiling at me and so is Edward.

"Bella this is Harry Clearwater," Edward tells me and ushers the man into the chair that Edward has used for his breakfast.

I'm wary of the man for two reasons. One, I don't know him and two, if he's from the Rez he knows my father and Jake. "Hello," I say quietly.

He holds his hand out for me and I look down at it. I shake my head a little and he withdraws it. He turns to face Edward who is standing off to the side a little. He looks back to me with sad eyes. "I won't hurt you Isabella," he tells me. "I have so much to tell you."

I look to Edward. He comes to kneel beside me. He takes my hand into his and squeezes it tightly. My fingers ache in protest and I realise that he's forgotten that I've broken them again. The seriousness of his expression makes me forget the pain as I stare at him. "Sweetheart Harry knew your mother. He's come to talk to you about that," Edward says quietly.

I wonder what the big deal is. My mother lived in Forks her whole life. There must be hundreds, if not thousands of people who knew her at one time or another. I look to Harry who is doing his best to keep his smile on his face. I can tell it's forced.

"Isabella," he whispers. "I loved your mother very much. I want you to know that. I loved her and I wanted you, but your father wouldn't let her go," he says softly.

I have to strain to hear what he's got to say. It takes me a few minutes to work it out. He loved my mother. He wanted her to leave my father and he was prepared to raise me as his own if she'd leave Charlie, but he wouldn't let her leave.

Edward was trying to teach me something. He was showing me that another man could love a child that wasn't his. Harry had been prepared to love me just as Edward is prepared to love Elizabeth. The only difference is that I've left Jake and I'm not going back. My mother stayed with Charlie.

"I'm not going back to Jake, you don't need to worry. I won't make the mistake my mother made," I tell Harry hoping it will take away the hurt look on his ragged face.

He looks to Edward who is still on the floor beside my chair. Harry looks back to me then back to Edward. "You've misunderstood Isabella. I didn't just want Renee to leave Charlie, although that would've changed things it's true, I wanted you both to come and live with me because you are mine, dear girl."

I look at Edward and I can see that he believes it. Harry sounds sure. "You and my mom?" I ask Harry and he nods. "Charlie Swan isn't my father?" I ask and he nods again. "She wanted to leave but he wouldn't let her?" I ask and he nods.

"I tried to get her to leave but Charlie hit her whenever she brought the subject up. I said I'd just go there and take her, that she could just come back to the Rez with me, but she wouldn't risk it," he tells me quietly. He's crying steadily now. Big fat tears are streaming down his face.

I stare at him for a long time. I think about what he's said and then I decide what I'm going to say. I can feel the red heat rising up my chest and coming up into my cheeks. I slide my hand out of Edward's and grip the seat of the chair as I speak. "He beat her because I was yours. Charlie beat me because I'm not his. He beat me and made me work for him. He raped me because he hated my mother for being with you," I sob. "He said I can't be allowed to turn out like her. He said I had to learn to be a good wife. He told me she was a whore and that each time he raped me it was to teach me how to please my husband, so that I'll never feel the need to look elsewhere like she did," I shout. I get to my feet and shake off Edward. I shake my fist at Harry Clearwater and let my anger burst out of my mouth. "You knew! All these years you knew I was yours and you left me there with him. I saw you at the Rez, you knew he was beating me. You knew!" I yell right in his face. "How could you leave me there with him? He beat me, he raped me, he gave me Elizabeth and you left me there! I hate you! I hate you! Get out! Get out!" I shout and he runs.

He actually shoves the chair backward and runs from the room.

"Bella," Edward whispers but I shove him away.

"Don't touch me!" I bellow. "Don't touch me Edward." I warn.

I walk to the side of the bed and lean over it a little while I catch my breath.

"Bella please, let me help you baby," he whispers and comes to stand beside the bed with me.

I let him put his hand on my back and let him fold me into his arms. I bury my face in his chest and sob.

Charlie isn't my father. The man who is left me with a man who beat me day and night for twenty-two years because my mother loved him, and not Charlie. I loved Edward and Jake beat me because of it. "I'm just like my mother," I sob into Edward's throat.

"You were, but you're out of there now and you're never going back," he tells me sternly.

All I can do is nod into his chest. "Don't send me back," I beg.

I feel him kiss the top of my head. "I'm never letting you go, Bella. I've got you baby, and I'm never letting you go."

I nod again and relax into his embrace. "He's my dad," I mumble.

"He is, sweetheart." Edward agrees.

"I'm not Charlie's," I mutter darkly.

"No, you aren't."

"He loved my mother," I whisper. The conversation is so disjointed. Anyone listening would think we were crazy.

"So he says," Edward replies.

"Can you go and get him and bring him back please?" I ask. "I have so much to ask."

"Of course I can. I love you Bella," he tells me with another kiss to the top of my head.

"I love you too Edward. Thank you for bringing me my dad," I tell him. He smiles and nods as he goes to find Harry Clearwater, my father.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review. **


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Happy Easter one and all!**

**Sorry for the delay, a big five day weekend was had here. I hope the Easter Bunny brought you a chocolate coma too :)**

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Chapter 29 – Tug of Heartstrings

**EPOV**

"Harry!" I shout down the corridor at the retreating man. I run to catch up to where he is and tug on his sleeve to make him stop. He's crying hard and I wonder if he's even heard me calling after him. He looks like he's in shock. I pull him down onto some seats outside a ward. "Harry, I'm sorry that went so badly," I tell him. "But we've had a bit of a talk about it and she wants you to come back. She wants to talk to you."

He wipes the back of his hand over his eyes and squares his shoulders. "She does?" he asks. "She really wants me to come back in?"

I smile. "She does. I can't swear that she won't get upset again, but she asked me to come and get you so she can talk to you some more."

"She's right, you know," he says sadly. "I knew he wasn't treating her right and I did nothing. Then she married Jake and I thought she'd be okay then. Some of the boys started coming home telling me stuff but I didn't want to believe she could be that unlucky, you know?" He crinkles his eyes up and shrugs at me. "I didn't want to think she could have such bad luck to have two men do that to her."

I know just how he feels, I didn't want to think about it either. "We all failed her Harry. We're all just as guilty as each other. But some of us want the chance to make it up to her, I know I do. She's agreed to let me try and she wants to give you a chance too. You'll have to decide for yourself if you want to take what she's offering, even if sometimes that's her anger."

He blows a breath out over his teeth and stares at me. "Are you the one she's in love with?" he asks bluntly.

I smile widely. "Yeah, I'm the lucky one," I tell him honestly.

"Who told you about me?" he asks.

I swipe at the back of my neck with my palm. I don't want to betray a confidence so I just tell him that I heard a rumour and decided, for Bella's sake, to make the call.

"Is what she said true? He beat her like he beat Renee?" he asks softly.

"Yeah, he did. She hid it real well though. I've known her nearly her whole life and I didn't know until a few weeks ago. I knew about Jake though, but she wouldn't leave him," I mutter darkly. "I tried to get her to leave, but she wouldn't go."

"And her baby?" he asks with sad eyes.

I know what he's asking. Bella screamed it at him and I know he heard because he grimaced as she said it, but he was asking for confirmation of it from me. I know it's not my place to say it, and that it should come from Bella, but if I can spare her having to explain it to him I will. "Elizabeth, her name is Elizabeth and she's Charlie's. He raped her and sold her to Jake when he found out she was pregnant."

I watch as he puts his head into his hands and sobs. There is nothing I can do for him. He's as helpless as I am and just as frustrated as I was when I first found out. I know how he's feeling right now.

"Will she be alright?" he asks in a raspy voice as he dries his eyes and squares his shoulders once more.

I smile. He's doing the right thing by putting Bella first. I wish I'd sought help from Kerry sooner because I would've known to put my own feelings aside and to concentrate on what Bella needs first, just like Harry is. "She will be, in time, yes," I assure him. "She doesn't trust men, that's why she wouldn't shake your hand. But she mostly trusts me, and the members of my family a bit, so we're going to help her through this. Her and Elizabeth."

He holds his hand out for me and I shake it eagerly. "Thank you. Thank you for being there for her when I wasn't. Can I see her now?" he asks and we both stand.

"Come on," I lead us back to Bella's room and once I've ushered him inside I ask Bella if she wants me to leave them alone to talk. The utter panic on her face crushes me. She's reaching for me and I can tell she's about to hyperventilate so I step right to her side and hold her tightly. "It's alright, I won't leave you alone," I assure her and kiss her hair.

**BPOV**

"Please stay," I beg of Edward.

"Are you sure? This isn't any of my business, I understand if you just want to talk privately," he tells me but I'm already shaking my head.

I turn to Harry. "I need Edward to stay. You can tell him anything, I trust him." Harry nods and Edward says we should go into the patient lounge where we'll be more comfortable. I wait with Edward while Harry goes out of the room. "I can't have him walk behind me, I need to be able to see him." I whisper to Edward, hoping Harry can't hear me.

"Okay, love," Edward whispers back and takes my arm.

I shuffle along as best I can while holding onto Edward's arm. He helps me to sit down on one of the long sofas and when Harry is sitting in an armchair Edward comes and sits by me. He takes my hand and pulls it into his lap.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I whisper to the man I now know to be my father.

"It's alright, I deserved every word," he mumbles.

I take a minute to look to Edward. He shrugs at me and I know he's telling me that it's my call. He's telling me that if I want to know what Harry knows I have to be the one to ask him to tell me. "No, you didn't. We've both been lied to by Charlie," I tell him. "I'd like to understand, if you'll tell me."

Harry rubs his palms up and down along his thighs as if they're itchy and the he stares at me for a long moment. "You look just like her, you know," he whispers. "Same dark eyes, same dark hair. But you're thinner than she was." He seems to stare off somewhere behind my left shoulder for a minute and I recognise that he's remembering my mother, not really seeing me. He brings his eyes back to mine with a smile.

"Can you tell me about her? How you knew her?" I ask.

He smiles then and it's a genuine smile. When he speaks of her it's with love in his voice. "I loved her but I had nothing to offer her. Opportunities for us on the Rez were few and far between and I had no money and no chance of ever giving her what she wanted. What she deserved. She wanted a nice house and nice things, like all the girls did. All I could offer her was a room inside my parent's home, on the Rez, with nothing of our own. My parents were hardly likely to accept her either; we were expected to find our wives within the Reservation in those days, if we could. Besides, she was so far above me, much too good for me, so I never told her what I felt for her." He sighs and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "Charlie Swan was already a policeman by then, he's three years older than your mother and me. He knew her already though, from the high school. I want to tell you that he lured her away from me by promising her things with lies, but they weren't lies, not back then. And she was never truly mine, not really. I loved her but I don't know if she knew back then. Not at first. If she did she never said anything to me, or anyone else that I know of. Charlie could give her a nice house and nice things. He could take her on vacations and with him she had a nice future. So when I found out they were getting married I couldn't think of any reason to ask her not to."

"She never knew?" I ask. "It's just like me. I never knew Edward loved me, till now." I turn and smile at Edward and he smiles back. I squeeze his hand and turn back to Harry.

He smiles widely too. "You're different though. You have a chance to be together now. You were smart enough to get out, to get away from Jake."

I want to correct him, I want to tell him that if it wasn't for Esme Cullen I'd still be there in Jake's house, but I want to hear more about my mother first. "How are you my father and not Charlie?" I ask rather indelicately. I don't have time to be polite. I need to hear what he's got to say in case this is my one and only chance to hear it.

He nods sagely, "The summer after they got married Charlie formed a friendship with Billy Black. He'd been in a car accident and was made a paraplegic. Charlie met him right here in the hospital when he was investigating the accident. Well, they became friends so Charlie started hanging out down the Rez with us. He'd bring Renee with him when he came. They seemed happy. I thought I was being foolish for feeling the way I did, knowing she was happily married. Then, one day soon after, she showed up with a black eye. She told the women that she'd walked into a door, fallen, whatever the stupid excuse was. Nobody thought anything of it till they came another time and she had a split lip. I kept asking her what was going on but she never would tell me. The more often they came to the Rez the more we'd see her upset or hurt. Pretty soon some of the other men began asking Charlie what was going on. As soon as one did they'd find themselves in the cells on some trumped up excuse, or their kids would get speeding tickets or parking fines, their cars impounded or they'd be investigated for drugs for no good reason. Pretty soon everyone stopped asking what went on in the Swan household. But not me. I asked her, I asked your mother, every chance I got I begged her to tell me so I could help her. Charlie did everything to me he could think of. Jaywalking, littering, and loitering. He tried to do me for being drunk one time and another time he had me picked up outside the grocery store and I was hauled off to the cells for the whole weekend. But I didn't care. He could do whatever he wanted to me, as long as he didn't hurt Renee. Then Charlie and Billy started going away for whole weekends at a time. Fishing and drinking mostly. But there was talk of strip clubs and gambling in Seattle, but I never saw that, so can't say if it's true. Anyway, your mother would come and stay at the Rez while the two men went away. I'm not proud of what happened between us, she was a married woman and not married to me." He grimaces but I nod and roll my finger to tell him to keep going. He sighs and gives me a weak smile. "But I loved her and I wanted her. She told me she loved me too, but she couldn't leave Charlie. He threatened her, you see. She believed him when he told her that if she ever left he'd kill her."

Harry was shaking and rubbing his hands up and down his thighs, I could see the pain on his face as he told me about my mother. "I'll make us coffee," Edward says, getting to his feet.

He busies himself filling the kettle and setting out the cups. I watch him as he moves about the little kitchen. Every now and then he raises his eyes to meet mine and smiles. He's got so much on his shoulders and while I know they are broad I feel sorry that he has to go through this with me. I wish I could come to him whole, and better, and able to give him what he needs and deserves.

"I know how it feels to be trapped," I tell Harry. "Jake threatened me too, so did Charlie in his own way. I understand why she stayed."

"I never will," he whispers and hangs his head. "Even poor we would've been better off than she was with him," he says angrily. "I might not have been able to give her 'things' but I would never have hurt her the way he did."

I don't really want to know, but I have to ask the next question. "What happened when she found out she was pregnant?"

His head whips up and I can see the fear in his eyes. He looks over his shoulder to Edward who brings two cups of coffee and sets them on the coffee table in front of us. He goes back for his then joins us on the sofas again. He takes a sip then tells Harry to just tell me the truth.

I look at Edward but he won't meet my eyes. He already knows. He already knows this and I'm the last to find out!

He takes my hand and squeezes it. "I only heard it as rumour, what I heard might not be true. Let Harry tell it, baby," he whispers.

I look back to Harry. He puts his cup back onto the table and rubs his palms on his jeans again. He's nervous. I am too. "She told me right away that she was pregnant and that the baby, you as it turns out, was mine. I wanted it to be true, that she wasn't sleeping with Charlie, but they were married and I wasn't stupid. I knew there was a good chance you were his, but it didn't matter to me. I wanted her and I wanted you. She told me that the dates didn't match for you to be Charlies and that he knew it. She told me he was really angry, that he called her a whore and told her she was ruined. He threatened her, told her that if she ever had anything more to do with me he'd kill her and the baby. She was terrified and she really did believe that he'd do it. I begged her to leave. It was so hard, but I tried to put her and the baby first. I wanted you both with me you see. But I told her to just go somewhere else, if she didn't want to come to me or to be with me, to just go somewhere else. I told her I'd help her, I asked her to go to a relative's house, or a friend or a shelter and I'd come later. She said she wasn't allowed any contact with the few relatives she had and she was too scared to set foot out of the house if he told her to stay in it. I begged her, I told her, over and over I told her to just come to me, on the Rez, just come and I'd protect her. That I'd protect the baby, that we could be happy. But she was terrified of him. Then she stopped coming to the Rez altogether and I had no legitimate reason to go anywhere near her, so I stayed away." He hangs his head and I can see the tears falling onto his shirt front. "When you were born she wrote to me and told me that we had a daughter, that she'd called you Isabella and that she loved me, still. She asked me not to contact her again, she wrote that Charlie had stopped hitting her since she stopped coming to the Rez. What could I do? I loved her and I wanted my daughter. So I wrote her back. I'll never forgive myself for it. It was stupid and vain and it cost us everything." He's really crying now and rocking back and forth in his seat. I swipe my own hand across my cheek and rub my tears away. "Of course she wasn't allowed to have mail of her own so the letter was opened by Charlie. He beat her senseless that night. Dragged her down to the Rez and flogged her on my parents' front lawn. Called me out and beat me too. I tried to protect her from him, I lay across her as he kicked and punched, but it was no use. She died right there in my arms that night, right there, on the lawn. There was so much blood. He kicked her in the skull you see, she bled out in my arms. He kicked me away from her and beat me unconscious when I wouldn't let her go. He dragged her into his cruiser and drove away. Two days later he came back with an accident report and told me to sign it. It said the two of us had been speeding along a back road on the Rez when I'd crashed into a tree. Renee hadn't been wearing her seatbelt and she cracked her skull on the dashboard and died before I could call for an ambulance. Everyone knew it was lies. I didn't have a car and I've never had a driver's license. I've never crashed a car in my life, I swear it. I have no depth perception, driving for me is a nightmare, so I don't. I'm so sorry Isabella, I should've done something at the time, and I should've said something. But I was weak and I was scared and I was grieving. He made it all go away and then there was nothing I could do. I wanted to see you, I wanted to take you home with me, but after years of trying to see you he eventually just told me that you knew about me but didn't want to know me. He said it was you who didn't want contact with me. And I stupidly believed him. Until your man here called me last night. And here I am." He shakes his head and a few more tears fall onto his shirt.

I don't know what to say. It's so awful. So horrific. There is nothing I can say or do to relieve his pain. Nothing I can do to help him, or myself. "Did she want me? Did she love me?" I ask in a small voice.

When he returns his eyes to mine his face is fierce. "Oh you have no idea how much she loved you. Everything she did was for you. He starved her, you know? Gave her only just enough to feed you and a bit left over to feed herself, but you wouldn't take cow's milk and there weren't all these fancy formulas and things now. So she had to spend the extra on soy milk. In the end the only way I could help her, and you, was to put money on her account at the grocery store." Again he seems to be looking over my shoulder, lost in his memories. With a start he goes on, "But that's why she stayed with Charlie, I think. Because he threatened to kill her and she didn't want to leave you with him. In the end that's what happened anyway, and I let it happen. I made it happen. If only I hadn't written to her."

Edward is squeezing my hand tightly. "If only I hadn't called you," he whispers and my heart breaks for them both.

I turn to Edward first. I pull my hand out of his and put both my palms to his cheeks. I lean over and kiss his beautiful lips lightly. "If you hadn't called we wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't be free, safe. Thank god you called me." I kiss him lightly at the juncture of his lips again then pull back. "That's enough guilt now Edward. I see what happened between us more clearly now. It's just like my mom and Harry, only with a better outcome. I didn't die and Elizabeth won't have to stay with Jake because I'm not there to protect her. You saved us both Edward. You saved us both because you didn't listen to me and you called me. I'll never be able to thank you enough, and neither will Elizabeth."

His smile is gorgeous as he closes the small distance between us. He places his hands over mine at his cheeks. "Please don't thank me," he whispers and closes his eyes. "Just be happy." Then he kisses me lightly in return.

I let him go and turn to Harry. "I don't know what to say to you Harry. I've listened to all that you've told me and I want you to know that I believe every word of it. I know that Charlie is a liar and that he's vicious and I know how he can manipulate things and people to make it look like you're the bad guy all the time. I'm sorry he kept us apart, I think I would've liked to have known you." I sit back and rest for a second against the back of the sofa. I take a good deep breath before speaking again. "I don't know what to say or do now. But I want you to know that I don't blame you for any of it, it's all Charlie. All of it." I shout a little too loudly. Edward squeezes my hand and I take another deep breath. "I wish I could just leave everything he did to me behind me and get on with life with you as my dad, but it's not that easy, is it? I don't mean to be rude, but I need you to go now. I need some time to talk to Edward about all this. And please don't be offended but I need to talk to Esme and Carlisle about it too." I reach across the table and hold out my hand. I bite my bottom lip a little as he takes it, but I shake my father's hand as best I can. "I'm so glad you've told me who you are and how it all happened. But I don't know what to do with the information. Thank you for being so honest. If I give you my cell phone number will you give me yours, please? I'd like to be able to call you when I'm ready."

He's smiling, really smiling when he nods. "I'd like it if you called me. When you're ready. I know it's a lot to take in and you're not well, but I'm glad you know now. I've been carrying it around for a long time. Thank you for calling me Edward," he says and gets to his feet. He reaches for my hand and I look at it carefully before I put mine into it again. It's easier this time and I hold onto his hand a little longer than the last time. "Get well soon Isabella. I'll leave my number at the desk."

I watch him as he leaves the room and then I slump back against the sofa. Edward's arms go around me straight away. He pulls me close and I sigh heavily into his shirt collar. "What should I do?" I mumble.

"Whatever you want, baby," he murmurs against my hair. "You can do nothing or everything. You've got all the information now, the next move is yours to make."

"How did you know?" I ask.

He blows out a breath. "The other day, when I went to get the anchor bolt put into my car for Elizabeth's car seat, I met some of the boys from the Rez at the garage. They told me about the rumours. One of them is your half brother, Bella."

I sit up with a jolt. I put my hand over my mouth. "Oh my god, I've got a brother?" I shout.

He smiles. "I may have done a search for medical records, I may not have. I'll never tell. But I think you have a sister too."

**EPOV**

I can't help but laugh at her reaction. She's grinning from ear to ear and clapping her hands just like she used to do with Alice when they were teenagers.

"A brother and a sister?" she asks me again and again.

I know that her brother, Seth, is keen to meet her and that he's always wondered if she was his sister, but I don't know anything about the sister other than her name's Leah.

I'm about to tell Bella that when Grace comes into the room to let us know that the ophthalmologist is here for Bella's consult. I watch as Bella calms herself and then I help her to her feet, ready for the walk back to her room. I tell her, as we walk, how well she's doing. She beams a beautiful smile at me when we get back to her room and she's once again settled into her armchair.

After a knock at the door a tall Asian man comes into the room and introduces himself to us both as Jeremy Glass, the ophthalmologist. Bella tenses as he offers his hand to her and shakes her head minutely.

"Um, Bella doesn't like to shake hands," I tell him carefully.

"As you please," he says formally. He swings his case up onto Bella's bed and opens it. He takes from within it a larger penlight than the one I usually use and a small ruler. As he moves towards where Bella is sitting he explains what he's going to do, and why. "Your referral mentions a recent trauma to your cheek, resulting in some temporary diplopia and some late reactive dilation of your right eye. I'm here to make sure those symptoms have resolved on their own," he tells Bella.

Bella looks to me with scared eyes as he hovers over her. "It's alright, I'll stay right here," I say and take her hand from her lap and hold it in mine. I slide into the chair beside her and drag her hand into my lap.

"May I?" Jeremy asks, holding his light and ruler out. "I will be as quick as I can."

Bella tilts her face up to him and I squeeze her hand in support. She flinches a little as he touches her cheek for the first time, but then she settles and he gets on with the exam.

I watch as he shines the light into her eye and holds the lid up and away. He examines the tear duct and the lining of her bottom lid carefully. He places the little ruler to measure Bella's pupil size and once he has he turns back to the case on the bed and notes the measurement on a little pale card. Returning with the penlight he swings it across in an arc from one eye to the other to note the change in dilation. He says nothing but makes more notes on his card.

"I'm going to hold my pen out in front of you Bella, I need you to look towards it but only when I say go, alright?" he asks and Bella nods. He moves the pen way out to Bella's left then says go, she moves her eyes towards it and he makes a note. He holds the pen over Bella's head and says go. Again he writes once she's followed it with her eyes. Then he does the standard 'H' test and Bella follows his pen as he moves through the eight fields of vision. After writing on the card he brings a chart out of the case and leans it on the shelf at the foot of Bella's bed. Covering each eye in turn he asks her to read from it, which she does, perfectly.

I've got my glasses on and can only read the second bottom line, but Bella can read them all. I feel stupidly proud.

After asking her a few questions about how her eye socket feels, and whether she has any of the symptoms he reads from a list, he announces her eye health to be perfectly fine. He's very efficient and has all his things contained back in his case in minutes. The whole exam takes ten minutes from start to finish and soon Bella and I are alone in her room once again.

I look at my watch then grin. "We have fifteen minutes until the head crackers descend, name your poison," I chuckle.

She doesn't hesitate. "Kiss me," she giggles.

I slide across the leather sofa and take her into my arms. "I thought you'd never ask," I laugh at the cliché but do as I'm bid. "You lead," I tell her and lean forward.

I close my eyes and wait for the touch I know is coming. The electric zing that fly's up my arm as she runs her fingers over it jolts me a little. All the way up my arm and into the hair at the back of my neck, her little fingers travel slowly. Far too slowly. I feel her warm breath on my lips before I feel her and get another jolt when she softly brushes her lips onto mine. I sit perfectly still and let her guide us. She holds me firmly by the back of the neck and pulls gently until I'm slightly leaning over her as she reclines on the armchair. We're side by side so it shouldn't frighten her, me being this close, because she has an 'out'.

I moan when she parts her lips and I feel her tongue flick out against mine. I've got a tingling in my toes as she deepens the kiss by pulling me harder, closer towards her. I put a tentative hand on her thigh and wait for her reaction. She groans into my mouth and it's wondrous.

I put my other hand up onto the back of the armchair, along her shoulders and stroke her shoulder softly. I want to pull her over into my lap, have her straddle me, but she's driving this train and I have to be patient.

As it is we are only just getting into the kiss properly when there is a loud cough at the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Pat is in the lounge, ready for your consult." Sheila is trying hard to stifle her giggle, but she sucks at it and Bella starts to giggle too.

I'm so glad she's not bothered anymore by being busted. I slide my hand over her cheek and into her hair. I look over my shoulder at Sheila and grin, "We'll be one more minute, thanks Sheila," I say cheekily.

The instant she's gone I'm kissing Bella again. Deeply but softly. I run my tongue along her bottom lip and suck gently, careful not to pull her scar. I can't help but moan when she fists my shirt in her hand and holds me tightly to her. I don't want to end the kiss but know I have to. I pull back slightly and rest my forehead on hers.

"She's early," Bella giggles.

"She is," I agree. "I don't want to do this," I admit.

She sighs and nods a little. "I don't either. But I want to go home, so badly, so I have to. Come on, I'll hold your hand." She raises her eyebrows at me and I can't help but laugh.

The transformation in her, in only a few days, has been incredible.

I put my hand in hers and help her to stand. "You lead," I chuckle.

"One day we're going to dance and you'll have to lead," she laughs right back as she begins her shuffle towards the door.

I hover protectively near her as she walks back to the lounge. I'll catch her if she falters. "One day we're going to go dancing and I'm going to sweep you off your feet," I tease as we go into the lounge once again.

**BPOV**

He hovers so sweetly when I'm walking. I want to tell him thank you but he's told me before not to thank him for things that are so normal. His protective nature is normal. I know that. Both my therapists have told me that and so have his parents. So I know that Edward wanting to help me isn't him trying to tell me I'm useless or can't do things for myself. He wants to help me. So I let him.

I actually kind of like it.

We both mumble a greeting to Pat as we get into the room. She's sitting on one of the armchairs by the windows. Edward helps me ease myself onto the sofa and he sits down right beside me.

"So, let's begin by answering a few basic questions," Pat says as she opens her clipboard. Always with the clipboard. "How did you sleep Bella?"

"Really well," I tell her and throw Edward a small smile.

"And you, Edward?"

"Perfectly," he tells her and matches my smile. He already told me he slept well because he was in the bed with me.

"How did your morning meal go? Any issues I should know about?" she asks me.

I shrug. "I ate," I mumble. I don't want to admit to her that I resorted to counting my food stash, it feels stupid to have to admit that.

"Bella was a little panicked when I didn't finish my meal." Edward dobs and I throw him a scowl. "It's nothing to be ashamed of Bella," he says with a conspiratorial wink. "Bella started counting the food she has in her drawer but stopped when I asked her to."

Pat starts scribbling away on the clipboard. "Did you stop counting because Edward asked you to, or for another reason?" Pat asks me.

"I stopped because I told myself that I can ask for food when I need it, like you told me to do. But I stopped because I have some money of my own now, to buy food if I want to," I tell her proudly.

She smiles and writes on her notes. "Good. You've showered and dressed I see, any issues there?"

I shake my head. "No."

"I've read your chart and you've taken your meds so unless there is something else you two want to discuss that's me done for today."

I look to Edward who is staring at me intently. It's like I can read his mind. 'Should she tell her?' is what he's thinking. I smile a little and turn back to Pat. "I spoke with my father this morning."

I realize my mistake when she starts furiously flipping pages on her clipboard. "From what your file says there is a restraining order that prevents that," she says in a rush.

Edward puts his hand in mine in my lap and squeezes softly. "Charlie Swan isn't my father. Harry Clearwater is. I spoke with him for the first time just this morning," I tell her.

Edward squeezes my hand again and then leans over to kiss my temple.

"I see," Pat says calmly. She writes for a few seconds then closes her clipboard. "Well, I can see that this bit of new information hasn't set you back, or caused any undue stress, so I've noted it and I'll let you get on with your day." She smiles and stands.

"That's it?" Edward asks.

Pat laughs a little. "That's it. I'm here to make sure that Bella isn't harming herself, or anyone else, and to see that she's taking her prescribed medications. The details of why she needs those medications is for Kerry to talk with you about, not me. I will call her now though, I'm sure she'll want to talk to you both about this new twist. I'll see you again tomorrow Bella."

We once again make the short trek back to my room. It's getting easier and easier the more often I walk and I tell Edward so as he helps me get settled in the armchair in my room.

I'm just about to ask I'm to finish the kiss he started earlier when there is a quiet tap at the door and his mom comes in with Elizabeth.

Esme brings her right to me and puts her into my arms. "Hello sweetheart," she greets me then kisses the top of my head. I watch her carefully as she moves behind my chair to Edward. She puts her hand to his cheek and kisses him softly too. "Hello darling," she says softly.

"Hi mom," he says back just as sweetly.

"Hi mom," I say to Esme with a smile.

She beams back at me and I feel Edward squeeze my shoulder a little.

I look down at Elizabeth in my arms. She's so beautiful. She's dressed in a little pink dress with yellow daisies embroidered on it. Her bracelet hangs from her tiny wrist and I look from mine to hers and sigh happily.

"Did you have a nice evening?" Esme asks. She opens her cavernous bag and takes out two foil containers and sets them on the rolling table. Next she takes out some neatly ironed nightgowns and places them on the shelf in my closet. I watch intently as she puts a brightly coloured towel and a dark navy blue swimsuit on the shelf next to the nightgowns. I grimace, knowing that is for tomorrow's therapy session. A new bottle of shampoo and another of conditioner are stood on the same shelf. She pulls a folded shirt and a pair of jeans out of her bag and puts them on the spare shelf; they are obviously Edward's things for tomorrow.

"We had a good night," Edward says. "Thank you for bringing Elizabeth. Her appointment is in ten minutes, do you want me to bring her home after?" he asks.

Esme consults her watch then throws me a smile. "I think I'm going to go and meet your Joshua, actually. Your father is coming in as well, so we'll wait until she's done charming the paediatrician, then we're taking her to lunch with Alice."

I look over my shoulder at Edward, who I see is grinning like a schoolboy. "You're going to meet Joshua?" I ask.

"I am, yes." She smiles just as widely as Edward and I'm left wondering what I'm missing. "You two should get moving." She winks at Edward but I catch it.

I look over my shoulder at him but he's already moving towards the door to show his mother out. I watch very closely, to see if they share any other signal or if I can see any other clues, but there are none. Esme tells us goodbye and Edward comes back to where I'm sitting.

"Would you like to walk, or should I get the chair?" he asks.

"How far is it?"

He screws up his face while he thinks about it, it's adorable. "Past the children's ward, down a corridor then left into the consulting suites."

"Do you think I can walk that far?" I ask hesitantly.

"I do, come on, I'll carry Elizabeth." He takes her from me then puts his free hand under my elbow while I get to my feet.

**EPOV**

I feel so proud as the three of us make our way down the halls of the hospital. All the nurses, on each of the wards, come out to see us and wish us well as we go along. Everyone knows Elizabeth by now and just as many know Bella. It's like the whole hospital is rooting for us, or for her anyway.

With Elizabeth in the crook of my arm and Bella holding onto my elbow I feel like the luckiest man alive. They are both so very beautiful. Bella has my promise ring on her finger and I have her daughter in my arms, all that was missing was Joshua walking along beside us, Bella holding his little hand.

The wistful look Bella shoots Joshua's way as we go by his ward isn't lost on me and I resolve that at some point today I have to talk to her about my plans for the little guy.

It's a slow procession to the paediatric suites but we make it in time for Elizabeth's appointment. Doctor Guest ushers us into his office and I watch Bella's face as he checks the baby over thoroughly. She listens intently when he tells her about the shots the baby will need at her next visit. She uses a strong, clear voice and positive body language when she's asked questions about Elizabeth's general health, diet and routine. It's so obvious that she adores the little girl who, as my mother predicted, has totally enchanted the normally stuffy doctor.

He has her in his lap even though he's trying to write on her file in front of him. Every few seconds he glances down and makes a stupid face at her, making her smile. I look from her to Bella and back again and marvel at just how quickly I fell for the little pink bundle. Her mother was easy to fall for, she's utterly divine, the baby took hardly any less time and that surprised me. I always knew, should Bella decide to leave Jake, that I'd happily take them both, that wasn't even worth discussing, it was a given. But that I'd fall for the baby so fast was a complete surprise to me.

"...isn't that right Edward?" I hear and snap my head round to try and work out what Bella is asking of me.

"Sorry?"

She smiles widely. "I was saying that I didn't think I'd still be in hospital by the time her next check up was due. Isn't that right?" she asks again.

I nod. "That's right. You'll be home long before then." I move around so that I'm standing behind Bella's chair and can see the baby in the doctors' lap. "I'd say another week," I tell him.

He scribbles once more on Elizabeth's file then hands her back to Bella. "Well, she's right where she should be. Smiling and gurgling, kicking strongly and putting on some good weight. So unless anything changes in the next month I shouldn't need to see you before then," he says and ushers us back out into his waiting room.

I ask his receptionist to add the consult to Bella's hospital bill then we start the walk back through the wards. Bella hasn't really said too much about Joshua and as we near the children's ward I wonder if it's the right time to broach the subject with her. She's just had a nasty shock with Harry Clearwater and she's injured herself again in the past couple of days too.

Mom has Joshua in her lap when we get there. Dad greets us warmly and takes Elizabeth from me, which surprises me. He makes faces at her and has her smiling and gurgling within seconds. Bella takes a seat next to my mother and I watch with interest as the little boy is passed from one to the other. When he's settled in Bella's lap she begins to stroke down his back. He clutches his robot in one hand, Bella's hand in the other.

They are soon whispering to each other as though they have secrets that must be kept from the rest of us at all costs.

"Joshua would like some more juice," Bella announces after a quick conference with the little guy.

"I'll go," my dad says and heads off, with Elizabeth in his arms, towards the lounge.

I can't quite believe what I'm seeing. The old man with a baby in his arms offering to fetch and carry for a little boy he hardly knows. Either I'm missing something or I don't know him at all. I'm slowly starting to realise that the latter is, quite possibly, very true.

I take Joshua's chart from its holder and wait until my mother has finished her silent rant and her not so silent huff. "I know, I know. Why can't you just visit, why must you read the chart?" I laugh as I read the chart.

"Don't you sass me boy." My mother plays along nicely. "You might be bigger than me but I can still spank your behind young man."

I raise my eyebrows at her but its Bella who replies.

"I didn't know you liked that kind of thing," she giggles.

I shake my head and goggle at her quick wit. I was ready to tell her that we were just kidding, that nobody would be smacking anyone and that nobody would smack her, but she saw it for the joke that it was right off. I decide to play along. "I'll let you find out one day," I chuckle and put the chart back in its holder. "How are you feeling today little man?" I ask Joshua.

"Sleepy," he mumbles against Bella's chest. "Your hair smells nice."

Bella is beaming. "You should sleep if you need to. I always feel better after I've had a good sleep. You'll get better faster."

"Want some juice please," he mumbles again.

Dad comes back with a little bottle of juice and I watch as Bella pierces the foil lid and puts his straw into it. He drinks the lot in seconds then puts his head back up under Bella's chin.

She starts to pat his back and stroke his hair as his eyes begin to close. "Let me lift him into his bed for you, love," I whisper and take the sleepy boy from her arms.

Once he's lying back in his crib he rolls so that he's pressed up against the slats, as close to Bella as he can get. I've seen this before, how he positions himself to be nearer to her, but my parents haven't. I smile, knowing what's coming.

"Want Bella," Joshua whispers hoarsely.

"What's that?" Mom whispers to me as she comes to stand beside me.

"Watch," I whisper back and nod towards the crib.

"Want Bella," Josh says again, a little louder this time.

Bella scoots her chair closer to the side of his crib and puts her hands through the slats. One on his side, which he clutches tightly, and the other she puts into his hair. She strokes from the top of his head to the back of his neck and soon he's sound asleep. She withdraws her hand a little at a time, watching carefully to make sure he's really asleep.

I hear my mom sigh and know exactly what she's thinking without needing to ask. Bella was destined to be a mom, its fate that she found Joshua and that he found her. I'm about to say as much when Bella steals my thunder.

"We can't leave him here Edward. We have to take him home with us," she chokes out.

The tear on her cheek is enough to convince me that the papers I've already signed need to be sent off today, without delay.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. **

**For those that review this chapter I have the next outtake available. **

**It is the missing piece from just before this story starts. Bella visits Edward's clinic because she is ill. This is the clinic visit which is actually the catalyst that leads to Bella being hospitalised this time. So, please review and I'll send you the outtake with the reply. **


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30 – Sit Very Still, Don't Move

**BPOV**

Edward and I talk with Kerry about what's happening for me at present. We tell her about Harry and how **he** came to be my dad, not Charlie Swan. She's stunned but impartial and says exactly what Edward has said to me before. I can do whatever I want with the information. Anything and nothing.

For now I choose nothing and surprisingly Edward supports me on that. Kerry asks for my reasoning and I tell them both what I'm thinking, without hesitation, that there are bigger things for me to think about, and to worry about, than who my father is right now. I make sure they both know that I'm not ignoring Harry or turning my back on what might turn out to be a significant relationship in my life, but for now I have more to concentrate on than the prospect of a family I don't know.

I tell them both that I have a family that I _do_ know and that I need to work hard to get myself to a place where I can go home to them. I very pointedly tell Edward that I desperately want to go home, I want to live with him and his family, and that I want to have a normal life. When I've got that, and I've learnt how to live it, then I'll contact Harry again.

Kerry tells me it's a smart way to go even though I should spend some time working out what it is I want from Harry long term. I promise that I will, but not now.

Edward looks happy and proud when he explains his plans for Joshua for me and for Kerry. He says he understands if it's all too much for me right now. He says that he realises I'm hardly well enough to take care of myself, let alone Elizabeth and Joshua at the same time. I feel bad about that, knowing that I asked him to consider taking in Joshua myself. He assures me that the plans had already been made, that he'd talked to his father about it, that he'd mentioned it to Kerry well before now and that there were others willing to help Joshua too. That it wouldn't all fall to me naturally. I was so grateful to the Cullen's for wanting to help the little boy.

Edward fills me in on the plan. That he would foster Joshua in his name only, that local laws said he could do that if he could prove he had a stable job and home life. Both Esme and Carlisle had agreed to take care of the boy when Edward was at the clinic and that when I was ready I could help or participate in any way I thought I should, or could. I wanted to throw myself at him, I wanted to hug and kiss him and thank him. Instead I just squeeze his hand and tell him a quiet thank you. His smile lit up the whole room.

We talk for a while about my food issues and how both Edward and I handled the slight mishap over breakfast that morning. Kerry agrees with Pat. As long as I am aware that I no longer need the food I'm hiding it doesn't really matter that I keep hiding it. It won't hurt anyone if I have food stashed somewhere, as long as I understand that nobody is going to deprive me of anything in the future.

The issue of cleanliness is brought up once again, and again I have to admit that my major problem is one of clean sheets. We talk about it for a little while and Kerry wants me to admit that it's unreasonable of me to expect, or want, clean sheets daily, especially when it's not something I can achieve for myself at the moment. I can't admit that out loud because it's a lie. I do want clean sheets all the time. I can't handle the idea of dirty ones, at all, and I'm rather unwilling to try to. I think Edward is very sweet when he tells me I can have clean sheets everyday if I want to once I get home, that he'll do it himself of a morning, but Kerry admonishes him for the suggestion.

She tells us both that I have to learn what is normal and what is unrealistic. I'm told that normal people use sheets for a week and that that is a perfectly reasonable length of time. I know this; in my head I know this. I didn't always have to sleep on filthy sheets, only since being married to Jake. At home, with Charlie, it was my job to change the sheets and I only did it once a week, so I know that it's okay to sleep on them for that long. But now, now that I know what it's like to sleep on dirty ones, really dirty ones, my brain tells me I shouldn't want to.

It is decided that I will use the next week of my hospital stay to stretch out the length of time I sleep on my bed sheets. Kerry will leave a message with the nursing staff that they aren't to be changed today or tomorrow. They can be changed on Sunday and then not again until Wednesday next week. That will be three days now and then four days next week. After that we'll reassess the situation and see how I'm coping before deciding what to do in the last few days of my stay.

I ask her if she's really sure I should be thinking about going home in a weeks' time and she tells me I should've been thinking about going home every day since being awake. That it's normal to want to be out of the hospital, that I should want to go home, no matter where home might be.

They both assure me that I'll be safe outside the hospital but my brain doesn't think so. I've never truly been safe anywhere, so while I trust that Edward won't hurt me, and neither will Esme or Carlisle, if I'm going to be truly normal I'm going to have to get out of the house now and then and that means coming into contact with men I don't know. _That_ is what makes me want to stay in the hospital. The only men I don't know here are doctors and nurses, the occasional policeman or lawyer, and all of them I see with a Cullen in the room with me. The thought of being out in public, possibly on my own, and coming into contact with a man makes me shiver and shake with worry.

Both Kerry and Edward are so understanding of my fears. Kerry says it's totally rational that I should be worried about it. She says that she'd be more concerned for me if I wasn't. Edward says he'll protect me but Kerry tells him that it's unrealistic to think that every time I am away from the house that he'll be with me. She says it's admirable that he wants to be, but not practical considering he has to work at the clinic.

I feel bad for Edward. He wants to give me the world, promise me all that he can, protect me so that I feel safe, but every suggestion he makes Kerry shoots down. By the time our session time is up he looks forlorn and worn down.

We lie down after she's gone but it's very quiet in our little room. There really isn't too much to talk about now that all the cards have been laid on the table in front of Kerry, so we are just quiet. I feel good lying next to him, wrapped in his arms. He falls asleep first and I snuggle closer to him and listen to his steady breathing.

I'm so exhausted that I sleep right through our lunch being delivered. Edward is right beside me in the bed, his head resting right beside mine on the pillow.

Sandra wakes us up when it's time for my physio session. Edward excuses himself, telling me that he has to organise a courier to take the fostering forms to Mr Benson and that he wants to check on Joshua and call the clinic.

That left me with Sandra, my own personal instrument of torture, for a whole hour.

She knew that I'd reinjured my fingers and that I was sore all over from all the scrubbing and she said she took that into consideration when planning my exercises for the day, but to me it seemed as though she was punishing me for undoing the good work we'd already accomplished. She insisted she was going easier on me, but I ached all over within minutes of her arriving.

The worst of the torment was the stretching exercises she gave me for my perineum. With the stitches out and my mobility improving she had me stand beside the bed, using it to steady myself as I bent from the waist and squatted as close to the floor as I could while trying to keep my upper body straight up and down. It was torture. It hurt so much it made me cry. But still she pushed me and I managed to do it only a half dozen times before she said I could rest.

It felt like punishment, like I was being taught a lesson. That reinjuring myself would result in worse and worse exercise torment in the future. I don't know if that was her intention, but I got with the program pretty quick and promised myself, and Sandra, that I'd not do it again.

She watched me play the DS for a few minutes and announced that an hour of that a day would do my fingers good.

By the time she left, fifty minutes later, I was a quivering mess with swollen fingers, aching ribs and a stretched and sore perineum. I got myself into the shower and washed carefully. I had no thoughts of scrubbing too hard, I didn't want to stay here. I wanted to go home with the Cullen's and begin to really live, so I was careful to wash thoroughly, but not scrub.

I ate my lunch alone, which I didn't particularly enjoy. It was cold and I was lonely and wondering where Edward was and what he was doing. I knew I could text him but didn't want to disturb him if he was busy. I knew his world didn't revolve around me like mine seemed to around him, but I did wonder if he thought of me when he wasn't with me.

**EPOV**

I know I am annoying the woman sitting beside me with my tapping foot but I'm finding it hard to care too much. The courier service said fifteen minutes and it's been twenty already.

I cannot handle being apart from Bella when I don't need to be. When it's for stupid reasons, like dickhead couriers who can't drive fast enough, I just get mad.

I want to text her but I know she's busy with Sandra. I want to know that she's alright. I want to know if she thinks of me obsessively like I think of her. I want her to know that every move I make I have her in my thoughts.

When I see the courier van pull up in the circular drive I put the woman beside me out of her misery and run out the automatic doors to meet him. I shove the envelope with the fostering papers in it into his hand and hurriedly sign the form he has on his fucking clipboard. As I'd always suspected, anyone with a clipboard is an asshole.

He takes his sweet-assed time writing me a receipt and I snatch it from him then start to run back through the corridors to Bella's door before he's even back in his van.

I knock on Bella's door but it's cursory, at best. I push the door open and search the room for her without waiting to even hear if she's said I can come in. I'm not even all that sure that I care; I just need to be with her again.

I'm more and more aware as the day goes on just how quickly our time passes before I have to go to work again the next day. My days at the clinic drag by and I spend the whole time clock watching so I can be right back here with her again. The reverse is true when I am. I clock watch all day when I'm with her because our time goes so fucking fast!

She looks as pleased to see me as I am to see her. She's sitting in the armchair with her DS in her lap, her poor swollen fingers working the controls clumsily.

She puts the little game console down the instant I come into the room and then she's smiling up at me.

"Hey," I mumble as I cross the room and sink to my knees beside her chair. I drag her hand away from the DS and hold it in mine. I lean over and kiss her softly at the corner of her lips. The scar is healing well, it's still very red but it doesn't look quite so angry now.

She hardly ever cringes or grimaces when speaking now and I've not noticed her flinch when she eats, so it must be feeling a little better.

"Hey," she whispers back, squeezing my hand hard. "Have the papers gone then?"

"They have, he took his fucking time getting here too," I chuckle and pull her fingers to my lips. I don't want to frighten her with the depth of my desperation, but I need to feel her, touch her, and kiss her. I need her to know that I want her. I kiss her hand again and then let it fall back to her lap.

After spending a little while with Joshua, and then wasting all that time waiting for the fucking courier to arrive, it's been over an hour since I'd seen her and it felt like an eternity.

I get back to my feet and drag a plastic chair under me so that I am sitting in front of her, my knees touching hers. She's watching me intently; her eyes follow when I move. I look around and see if there is anything wrong, out of place, but there isn't. She looks perfectly content as she sits. I smile tentatively and she mirrors it without hesitation.

She sort of screws up her eyes before a grin comes across her ruby red lips. "Can I ask you something?"

I can't take my eyes from her lips as I reply. "Of course."

"Is it normal that I want to know where you are and what you're doing when you can't be with me?" She tilts her head to the side as she waits for my answer. "Is that creepy, wrong?"

I can see that this isn't a joke to her. It's not just some silly, random observation or question. This is part of Bella's learning curve. I smile and try to construct a suitably serious answer. "I don't know if its normal but I feel it too, so maybe it is," I tell her honestly. "I've never loved anyone other than you but I can tell you that I always want to know where you are, what you're doing and if you're okay. So for me it's normal. Maybe it is what's going to be normal for us?" I slide my chair a little closer to her and take her hand again. I try to use as light a touch as I can as I rub her broken fingers. She sighs a little and I hope I'm helping, not hurting as I rub. "When I leave this room all I can think of is being back in it, with you. The further I walk down the corridor the more it hurts me to. I feel sick knowing I have to go to work tomorrow. I don't know much about relationships, and the bit I do know could be written on the back of a postage stamp, but I know that this feeling I have to be near you all the time is what love is supposed to feel like. I'm supposed to want to be with you, I'm supposed to crave you like a drug, and I'm supposed to think about you day and night even when you're right beside me. I'm not ashamed to feel it. I don't think it hurts me to feel it. I don't think it's unhealthy to feel this way."

She raises her eyes to meet mine and I can see the concern in them. "I don't like being away from you either. But I feel so guilty for thinking of Elizabeth, or for worrying for Joshua, because it takes away from the time I think of you," she whispers.

I pull her hand to my lips and kiss her palm. I return our hands to my lap and rub hers again. "If we were to ask Kerry about this I think I know what she'd say to that," I chuckle. "She'd tell us it's healthy to want to be together all the time, but I don't think it should make you feel guilty to be thinking of you own child, Bella. There is room enough in my heart for the three of you. I can love you equally, without taking anything away from any one of you. What about you? Is there room enough for us all?" I ask.

This time it's Bella who pulls my hand to her lips. She uncurls my fingers and strokes my palm with hers. It's such a soft touch, feather light, I love it. "There is plenty of room inside me for you all," she whispers. "But I feel differently about the babies. I love them too, but I feel differently for you. Is that normal too?"

She tips my hand up so that my palm is facing upwards. She leans over it and kisses it softly. She lets it fall back to her lap but she keeps stroking my palm so I close my eyes and savour it. "Perfectly normal," I answer quietly. "I love them both too, but not the way I love you. Actually no, that's wrong," I say, lifting my eyes to meet hers. "I love you all equally, none is more valuable to me than another, but I _need_ you, Bella. Those children need me, but I _need_ you. I want to share myself with you in ways that only two adults can." I want to be brutally honest with her, even if it scares her.

Her eyes are wide when she looks up at me. She does look a little scared. "I don't know if I can share myself with you like that," she says timidly.

I fold my fingers around hers and turn her hand so now she is the one with hers palm up. I hold her hand in mine softly and bring my free hand to the crook of her elbow. I don't know if she'll ever be able to be with me, truly be with me, and right now I don't care about that. But I want to show her that there is more to being together than sex. "That doesn't matter to me," I whisper. I use the pad of my index finger to trace a light circle in the crease of her arm. She shivers deliciously as my finger moves. She's got her eyes cast down, watching as I stroke her. I move my finger a little further down her arm, closer to her wrist. I increase the size of the circle, but don't deepen the pressure of my fingers. "There is a lot more to loving someone physically than the actual act of sex, Bella," I whisper. "Just touching you like this is me loving you." I press a little harder when I get to the crease of her wrist properly. With my fingers on the underside and my thumb on the top I rub along the creases. "You are already sharing yourself with me, Bella. You share your thoughts with me and they are valuable. You share your worries with me and I want them so you don't have to carry them on your own." I keep stroking but now I have moved down her hand further, to the soft pad of flesh between her thumb and index finger. "When you ask me to kiss you that's you sharing what you can of yourself with me. We're already sharing, and for now it's enough," I tell her softly. I run my fingernail across the lines in her palm and trace them over and over, from right to left as I speak. Her breathing has quickened and with my free hand I can feel her pulse racing. She's aroused and that her reactions have aroused me too and she seems totally oblivious to it. For now I intend to keep it that way, I just want to show her that intimacy isn't always sex. "I told you once that I don't want anything from you that you don't give freely and I meant it. If all we ever have is sharing our lives together it'll be enough for me, Bella, I swear I'll take what you want to give, nothing more."

I take my finger off the crease in her hand and let her hand fall to her lap. I can still feel the zing where I've touched her; my fingers are tingling from it. She blows a long, slow breath out and then brings her eyes to meet mine. Her cheeks are rosy, her eyes are glassy and she's breathing rather quickly. She's fucking gorgeous and I want her. Badly. I didn't lie to her, I'd take what she'd give me, even if that's nothing I'd live with it. But I still want her.

Her pink tongue snakes out and licks her bottom lip as she stares into my eyes. She flexes her hand, open then shut then open again before she speaks. When she does it's a hoarse whisper and it's utterly adorable that she has no idea how beautiful she is, how wantonly innocent she looks and just how much she's responded to me just now. "It tingles," she whispers in dismay.

She turns her hand over and opens it as though she's looking for the mark where I've touched her. I put my hand back into hers and squeeze lightly. "That's attraction, Bella. It's totally normal. I feel it too, all up my fingers and down my arm and elsewhere too," I chuckle.

She blushes sweetly. "You feel it?" she asks and I nod eagerly with a raise of my eyebrows. "I want to touch you," she says softly and I swear my balls clench so hard they hurt.

I do my best to keep a straight face. "I'll still perfectly still. I won't move."

She seems to hesitate before eventually reaching out her little hand towards my forearm. I dip my head to watch her fingers explore my skin but not because I want to see, it's to hide my eyes from her. I can't let her see what she's doing to me, it'll scare the crap out of her. So I look down and watch her petite little fingers work their way up my arm just like mine did to hers.

I want to shift forward in the seat and take some of the pressure off my erection but I can't. I focus on the freckle on the inside of my arm and try to will it away. It's no use. My dick knows its Bella's hand on me, it knows what it wants. No amount of coaxing from me is going to change its mind. Bella slides her fingers under the band of the sleeve of my shirt and I shiver involuntarily. She sort of half giggles half flinches and without being able to see her face I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling.

I clench my fist and make my bicep tense. She closes her fingers around it and giggles. This time it's a full-on giggle, no mistaking it. "You're muscles are so big," she whispers.

At that I bark out my laughter. "Oh you're so cute," I chuckle. "They aren't big Bella, they're the muscles of a guy who sits behind a desk five days a week and in front of the telly the other two days, but you're so sweet for saying so." I laugh.

"Shhh," she hisses playfully. "I think they're big, so there."

I imagine her poking her tongue out at me and then mentally reprimand myself because it makes me think of her tongue in totally inappropriate ways again. I stare back down at my arm and focus on that freckle again. I know I moan a little when she takes her fingers out from under the band of my shirt and lets them rest at my collar, lightly grazing my throat as she goes. Pushing her thumb under the material of my shirt she runs it from my shoulder to the base of my throat and back again. She rubs lightly where I've shaved to, and then rubs the juncture of the buttons of my shirt. She rubs my stubble again and sighs. Without warning she scoots forward in her seat and rests her face against my chest, right above my heart. Her fingers are resting between the plackets of my shirt, between the second and third buttons. I bend my head and inhale the smell of her hair. I don't think I've ever been quite so deliriously happy in all my life.

She giggles and I realize I've said that out loud. "Oh god," I mumble and try to pull away a little. I'm so embarrassed. My brain filter sucks.

"Stay, let me lead," she whispers against my throat as she pulls me back to her.

I can't say no, despite the pain in my groin. I want her to know that she can trust me. That I won't touch her inappropriately, that we can be close physically without her needing to be afraid. So I sit stock still while she explores my body.

**BPOV**

I'm so nervous I can feel myself shaking. There is a wobbly, jelly-like feeling in my belly that I can't quite place. I don't think I've ever felt it before. My brain is swimming; I'm trying to decide what I want more, to touch him or to taste his skin.

I slide my cheek up and down along his shirt, just over his heart. I slip my fingers back through the gap between his buttons. He's so warm. I feel him tense as I run my fingers through his chest hair and I worry that I'm hurting him, or he doesn't want me to do this.

"Is this okay?" I ask quietly without taking my cheek from his chest.

"Mmm hmm," he hums.

I want to ask what that means but I know that if he wanted me to stop what I was doing he'd stop me, or ask me to stop. I'm not afraid of him. He won't hurt me. He'll ask me nicely to stop, he won't slap me away.

"Please be more precise. I need to know this is alright," I say softly. I don't mean to be bossy, or pushy, but I'd rather say it than be punched later.

"Its okay, Bella," he whispers hoarsely.

I slide forward in my seat a little more. It hurts a bit because I have to drag my bottom across the edge of the chair, but I want to touch and taste Edward more than I want to worry about my pain. Besides, once I'm settled on the edge of the chair I don't need to move again and I have full access to Edward's chest, neck and face.

He smells spicy. His clothes smell of laundry detergent and ironing starch, but his skin smells spicy like his soap. The hair on his upper chest is soft and springy and it tickles my knuckles as I move my fingers in and out of the space between his buttons. I lift my cheek from over his heart and move upwards, under his chin.

The hair here is rougher, spikier. He's shaved this morning but it's already regrowing and I can feel it against my cheek. My sore fingers are resting on my thigh and I decide that I want both, touch and taste. I put my sore hand onto his shoulder then into his hair at the back of his neck. I love this part of Edward, where his hair is slightly curly at the back of his neck. I know that if I tug on this hair he'll moan softly, so I do, and he does. I like it when he does that.

With the backs of my fingers inside his shirt against his chest and my other hand winding its way through his hair I am free to tilt my mouth and lips upward and taste his skin.

I kiss his chin lightly at first then lick my lips to identify the taste. Under his chin is spiky and coarse and tastes of soap. I pull him downward using my hand at the back of his neck and as my tongue washes across jaw line he sort of grunts and stiffens against my touch. I pull my tongue back into my mouth and wait. If he shifts or tells me to move I'll be ready. He does neither.

"Let me hold you," he whispers instead. "I'll be gentle, but I can't sit still and do nothing."

I smile against him. He likes it. He likes that I'm touching him. He wants to touch me too. "Yes," I whisper in reply.

I sit very still and wait for his touch. I don't know where it's going to happen, where he'll choose to hold me, so I wait. I feel both his hands on my shoulders at first, and then they slowly move down the outside of my arms and settle at my waist. I suck in a breath and try to concentrate on what I want to achieve, rather than knowing he's holding me there. If I want to move away he'll let me.

I know that he will. He won't hold me down, he'll just hold me.

There is a difference. I can see that now.

I sit up a little and his mouth is right there and I want to kiss him. For the first time ever I'm not afraid to want someone. I want to feel more of him. I just want him nearer to me. I use the hand at the back of his neck to pull him to me. I part my lips and as our tongues meet he groans into my open mouth. His fingers tighten at my waist and it's wonderful. He's kissing me and holding me and I feel nothing other than what I think I should. A burning desire to feel more of him.

I pull harder and he sits forward in his chair a little more. He's above me now, because he's taller and his chair isn't squishy like my armchair, so he's above me and I'm sort of underneath him as we kiss across the space between us. For once it's not intimidating. I'm not frightened to have no way to escape. I want this. I want this.

I let his shirt front go and put that hand up around his shoulders too. I'm clinging to him, holding his mouth to mine and I'm sighing and moaning and it's wonderful.

His fingers at my waist are flexing rhythmically as our tongues flick across each other. He tips his head sideways a little and deepens the kiss still more. I don't think it's possible for it to feel any better, for him to make me feel any better than I already do, but it does and he does.

Ever so slowly I feel his right hand begin to move against my side. It's like a feather at first, then a little more insistently, less hesitantly he moves it over my hip bone and around my side until it's resting at the small of my back. This move makes us closer still. He's holding me at my hip with one hand, at my back with the other, his tongue is in my mouth and I have no thought for fear, my only thought is for more.

I pull myself away from his lips and mouth and kiss across his cheek to his ear. "I want more," I whisper as quietly as I can. I'm not even embarrassed to say it. I thought I would be, or maybe I should be?

I hiss when he withdraws his hands from me. The skin at the small of my back is burning from where his fingers rested. My hip is tingling from the shape of his fingers there. He puts both his hands on the tops of my arms and sighs heavily.

I have my face buried in his neck, below his ear, so I can't see his face, or his eyes.

"We aren't ready for more Bella, and that's okay," he whispers softly.

He is the voice of reason once again. I smile against his neck and kiss him once more. "Okay," I whisper in reply.

His arms fold around me and he holds me close. I duck my head back up under his chin and rest on the edge of my seat. "I want more too, don't think that I don't, please," he sighs. "But we aren't ready for that. You aren't sure if you can and I won't know what to do if you get upset. If we can go further I want to do it right. We'll both know when it's the right time for more, baby. It won't be in a hospital room, that's for sure," he laughs.

I can't help but giggle. He's right and I tell him so. "I guess it's not very romantic."

"No, it's not. I'd like to make it romantic for us, when the time is right for us to go forward. I want it to be special; I want it to mean something. If we can have more I want it to be perfect between us."

"Thank you," I whisper. He'll know what for.

**EPOV**

I really didn't want to push her too far, not when she'd already taken such huge steps forward for herself.

It took all the resolve I had to break the kiss and just hold her. I wanted more, of course I did, but I could see the merit in waiting too.

I'd been honest when I told her I didn't want to go any further while she was in the hospital. If she wanted more of me I wanted it to be special, to mean something more than a quick grope in a less than private setting while she was recovering from horrific injuries.

I wanted her to feel adored, pampered, worshipped. I wanted it to be the very opposite of every sexual experience she's ever had. I wanted us to be relaxed, alone at the very least.

I guess I really just wanted to date her for now. We'd both come to realise that although we loved one another we didn't really know all that much about the other, so it made sense that we should take our time. It would be so easy to just fall headlong into life with Bella, and the children, but I wanted more than just a life. I wanted it all. I wanted love and respect, I wanted to worship her body and mind, I wanted to know all that she'd share with me and most of all I wanted her happy.

I rallied my self control and remade the promise to myself that I'd date her properly. I'd already promised to make several things happen for her before the year was done and it was almost halfway through now. As I held her I thought about how to make her list of things she'd never seen or done come true.

Most of it would have to wait until she was home, but I thought there might be one thing I could make happen while she was still in hospital.

"Will you go to a movie with me tomorrow night?" I ask her quietly as I hold her.

She giggles against me, making the sound reverberate through my chest. "Is there a cinema in this hospital too?" she laughs.

"Nope, but I can make one," I tell her smugly. "Will you go to a movie with me tomorrow night, Bella?" I ask again.

"I'd love to, Edward."

"Good, I'll pick you up at six."

"I'll be ready," she giggles.

"You're going to have visitors soon. Alice and Jaz are coming and I think Em is bringing Angus too. We should get moving, trust me, you don't want to be caught like this, not by Emmett anyway," I chuckle.

Her laughter against my chest makes me squirm again. She's so lovely, so young and innocent despite the horror she's lived through. I want to make her laugh over and over, forever more. She deserves to be happy, truly happy. I don't know what I've ever done to deserve to be the one to try, but I'll take on the job with a smile on my face.

She shifts away from me and I feel the loss of her skin on mine as she withdraws and sits back in her seat. "I guess it would be embarrassing for you if they saw us kissing," she says quietly, ducking her chin and staring at her hands in her lap.

I scoot forward and put a finger under her chin, bringing her eyes back up to meet mine. "I'm not embarrassed to be caught kissing you. Don't ever think that. You aren't a dirty little secret Bella, you're beautiful and special and smart and kind and I'm proud that you let me within ten feet of you," I laugh, trying to keep the conversation light so we aren't in the middle of something heavy when we're interrupted, which I know we will be. "Don't ever think that I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. I never was and I never will be. But, you don't want my brother catching us doing something intimate, trust me, we'll never live it down."

Her eyes are sparkling with laughter and I'm relieved. "He sent me animal porn, Edward. How can he be shocked to catch us kissing?"

I roll my eyes playfully and sit back in my seat. "Oh baby, you have so much to learn about the man with the amazing head of meat!" I can't help but laugh loudly, "If you give him any reason to tease you he's merciless. If he'd have walked in just now and seen us kissing he'd be able, in half a second, to turn it around so that we'd come off looking like we'd kicked a puppy or something. He'd work it so that he'd be able to hang shit on us for a decade! I don't know how he manages it, but even innocent stuff he can turn around so that you wind up looking like some sort of pervert, or gay, or a weirdo or all three," I laugh. "I was sitting in my room minding my own business one day; I guess I would've been about sixteen or so. I was reading over chemistry notes, I thought it was perfectly innocent," I chuckle. "On the front of the chemistry textbook was a picture of a woman in a lab coat holding a glass beaker and a glass stirring rod. Emmett comes in, throws himself into a chair, looks at what I'm reading and then runs out of the room, screaming on the top of his lungs, shouting for mom to stage in intervention because I was training to become a terrorist!"

Bella is giggling, holding her hand over her mouth. "How did he make that leap?" she asks.

I roll my eyes. "Chemistry textbook," I check off on my fingers, "Plus a beaker of fluid, plus the war in the Middle East plus my brains and his stupidity equals Emmett deciding it would be fun to try and prove that I was trying to work out how chemical warfare works. Mom went nuts, of course. She tore into my room like a woman possessed, dragged all my textbooks out of the room and stacked them in dads study. I was confined to my room until he came home and could 'sort me out'. She wanted him to check through the textbooks looking for terrorist sympathy clues. She confiscated my cell phone because Emmett told her he'd heard me speaking to someone only the day before and I'd used a 'funny voice' like I was trying to hide something." I was really laughing now, recalling how far Emmett had gone to get me in trouble, all the while he'd pissed himself laughing at my predicament. "Emmett told Alice that I was a Muslim now and that I was going to have twelve wives and wear robes all the time. He told her I was going to move to Libya and take over the training of other terrorists. She cried for hours."

Bella is still laughing but I can see that there is concern for Alice on her face too. "What happened? Did Emmett ever get into trouble for making it all up?"

"Of course not. He never does. He's a genius at that, but never let on that you think so. Dad spent about ten seconds looking at the offending textbook before declaring it perfectly normal for a chemistry text. He handed me my phone back, told Emmett to take my books back to my room and then told Alice that nobody was moving anywhere. Mom looked at me weird for days after that. But nothing was ever done to Emmett, it was just assumed that he was that stupid and that he'd really believed what he'd said. I knew better of course, he just loved the drama he caused. Plus it gave him a shit tonne more ammunition when it came to tormenting me," I laughed.

"Oh my god, you must have been so angry!" Bella crows. "Is that what it's like, having brothers and sisters? Do they just annoy each other all the time?"

I realise my mistake now. I've told Bella the silly side of having siblings when I should've been explaining all the amazing things about having them. I lean forward as though I have a secret to share. I tug her hand so she's right there with me, leaning over the space between us, ready to hear my revelation. "I'll tell you a secret but you have to promise never to tell Em or Ally, alright?" I wait until Bella is nodding violently before sharing my secret. "Having Emmett for my brother and Alice for my sister is the greatest gift my parents ever gave me," I whisper and sit back upright so I can watch her face for her reaction.

Her eyes are wide and her cheeks are flushed as she returns to her normal sitting position too. "Is that the truth?" she asks hesitantly.

"It is. One hundred percent true. For all his pranks, all his ribbing and her always wanting to know my business Emmett and Alice are my best friends. When something good happens for me it's them I want to share it with. When something bad happens it's them I want to call to commiserate. I'd do anything for them, no matter what. That kinda includes Rosie and Jaz sometimes, and I'm sure that the longer those two are a part of my family they'll become just as important to me as the other two, but Em and Ally have always been my first priority, until now." I smile.

"Until now?" she is smiling so I know she knows what I mean, she just wants me to say it.

I'm good with that. "Yes, until now. Now I have you and Elizabeth and Joshua. You will be my priorities from now on but my brother and sister will always be real high on my list."

"That's nice," she whispers. "I wonder what my brother and sister are like."

"I've met your brother, Seth is his name, he seems nice and he's very keen to get to know you. I don't know anything about your sister, sorry," I tell her.

"Seth. That's a nice name," she whispers more to herself than to me.

There is a not so subtle bashing on the door and I start to laugh, "Your visitors have arrived," I chuckle and call out for Emmett to come in.

He comes into the room with Angus hanging from his hip. "Hey Bella, lookin good babe. Hey asshole, you look like shit," he says as he hands Angus to me.

Bella is giggling, I am not. I kiss Angus on his cheek. "Angus McFarty Pants, how are you doing little man?"

He pokes his tongue out at me and I see a long blue stripe down the centre. With his tongue still sticking out he tells me what it's from. "I goth a wollypop from tha lady-th out-thide," he says. I know he can speak properly, but with his tongue out it's tough to decipher what he's on about.

Emmett throws a carrier bag onto Bella's bed and crosses the room to kiss her cheek. "He got a lollypop from the girls at reception. Inhaled the thing he did," he chuckles. "Rosie's sent along some new magazines and said she'll be here tomorrow morning at ten. Mom says you've gotta get in the pool at ten-thirty, so Rosie's going to go with you, moral support, you know." He shrugs and sits in the chair I just vacated.

Bella looks shell shocked. I go to her and lean down with Angus to see if she wants me to put him in her lap. She nods and I do. She cuddles him close and I notice she sniffs him just like I sniff Elizabeth. Weird.

"Tell her thank you from me please," she says to Emmett. "Hello Angus. I like your top. Is that Iggle Piggle?" she asks.

I hadn't even noticed what the kid had on his shirt, but Bella had. She had a knack for engaging little ones. Angus looked thrilled that she knew the character on his shirt. "Iggle Piggle!" he squealed and threw his hands up and clapped.

"Mommy says if he's a good boy she will buy him a Makka Pakka hat for daycare. I don't think he'll get one though," Emmett says sadly with the biggest fake pouty bottom lip I've ever seen.

"Why is that? Have you been naughty?" Bella giggles.

Angus hangs his head and nods sagely. "I wanted to help," he pouts to match his father's face.

Bella looks to Emmett who is smiling now. "Rosie said she was real busy and that they couldn't go to the park to play until all the housework was finished and she'd at least had a shower. He thought he'd help." Emmett laughed. "The washing machine was already full and in the middle of its cycle so he took the clothes that still needed washing and put them in the bath with a whole bottle of shampoo."

"It cleans my hair!" Angus bellows making Bella laugh.

"It does, I know. You're a good boy for wanting to help though," she concedes.

"Oh he wasn't done," Emmett laughs again. "While Rosie had her shower he put the breakfast dishes in the bath too. And Rosie's muddy boots, the toys he had on the floor in his room and the TV guide. Apparently he mixed up 'clean' with 'tidy'."

Bella is really laughing now. Angus looks forlorn but I can see the sparkle in his eyes, he wants to laugh but knows he did the wrong thing even though it was borne of good intentions.

"Well I think you did a great job dude," I tell him and cross the room to where he sits with Bella. I hold out my fist and he bumps it. "If daddy says its okay I'll take you to get that hat on the weekend."

Emmett rolls his eyes but smiles. "If you want to dude you go right ahead, but it's you who'll have to deal with Rosie at some point," he laughs.

"I think I can take her," I chuckle and ball my hands into fists. "She's big, but I think I can take her."

Bella smiles sweetly but Emmett is shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "She'll take you down and make you beg for mercy, you're no match for my woman."

"Where is your little boy, I want to play with him," Angus asks Bella. He's twisting a strand of her hair around his fingers and then letting it go, watching in fascination as the curl holds its shape.

"I don't have a little boy, I have Elizabeth though, but she's at your grandparent's house right now," Bella says forlornly.

I twigged right away what Angus meant so I step in. "Joshua, Angus means Joshua," I say with a conspiratorial smile.

She mirrors mine and we do our best to hide it from Emmett, but it's to no avail, he misses nothing. "What gives?" he asks predictably.

Bella shakes her head minutely which means she either doesn't want me to tell him about our plans or she doesn't want her name to be included in _my_ plan for Joshua. I have no idea which it is. "You should tell him, Bella. If you want to, of course," I suggest.

She tilts her head to the side a little while she thinks on it. "Um, Edward and I are going to foster Joshua. Well, Edward is, at first, but once I'm well I'm going to help too," she says softly.

Emmett looks from her to me and then back again. "Edward is going to foster the kid?" he asks and Bella nods. I can't make out, from either his tone of voice or his body language, what his opinion is yet. "And when you're well you're going to help him?" he asks her and she nods again. "You?" he asks me and I nod. "And you?" he asks Bella and she nods again too. Her smile is wide so his very odd reaction doesn't seem to be bothering her like it's bothering me. I'm about to ask him what his deal is when he smiles wide, dimples and all. "Well, asswipe, you sure did land on your feet," he laughs. "A boy and a girl and a smoking hot woman to boot!"

I cringe at the way he describes Bella but she's beaming so I let it go. "Thanks, I think," I mutter. "I've only just sent off the forms to Benson, so don't get too carried away yet."

He's on his feet then. He nudges Angus aside and plants a big sloppy kiss on Bella's cheek then comes toward me. If he opens his arms to me I'll punch him in the nuts. He doesn't. He holds out his fist for me to bump and I do. "They'd be crazy not to let him go home with you two," he says with what sounds like total belief. "You gonna introduce us to him or what?" he asks.

I look to Bella who has a smile a mile wide. "I don't know Em, he's sick, you'll probably scare the shit out of him."

Emmett takes Angus from Bella and then smiles at me again. "Hey Angus, let's show Uncle Eddie that we can talk quietly okay?" he asks a giggling Angus. They put their foreheads together and start whispering. "Tell me a secret little man."

"Mommy keeps the chocolate cookies in the cupboard where the cookbooks are," Angus whispers.

"Ahh, good intelligence gathering little man. Now daddy needs to know where she's hidden my Xbox controller," Emmett whispers back.

"Yeah, alright, point proved you too. God Em, he's gonna grow up thinking spying on his mother is okay," I laugh.

"It's not spying Unca Eddie; I'm daddy's little ninja!" Angus bellows, arms outstretched.

The kid is so adorable I can't help but laugh. Bella is giggling like mad and Em looks proud. I turn to Bella.

"Feel up to a walk to see Josh?" I ask. She's nodding before I've finished the sentence though. "Good. We'll leave a message at the nurses' station in case Jaz and Ally show up."

She gets to her feet without a problem but I'm there, right beside her, as she takes her first few shuffling steps towards the door.

"Looking good sis," Emmett encourages as we head off towards the children's ward.

"I'm feeling heaps better," Bella tells him proudly.

When I step away from her to leave our message Emmett steps to her side and takes her arm. I hate it, even though he's my brother, and I know his interest in her is purely platonic, I hate that he's touching her. Angus reaches for my hand and I take his as we walk. I want to push Emmett aside and take my place beside Bella, but I am Angus' uncle too, so I have to be mindful of what that means as well.

In fact, in light of the fact that I am the boy's uncle I decide to try to include him in my plans. Once Bella and Angus are happily sitting beside Joshua and talking happily I pull Emmett aside and ask what he and Rosie and the kid are doing the following night.

"Probably the same as every other Friday night dude, sweet FA, why?" he asks.

"I've asked Bella on a movie date. I think I'll be bringing Joshua and wanted to know if you guys want to come and bring your ninja," I laugh.

He's nodding before I'm finished. "Sounds like fun but how you gonna do that here?" he asks. I just smile smugly. "You should call mom and get her to bring Elizabeth too. Why not make it a family movie night and get Jaz and Ally invovled?"

"That's a great idea, bella will love that. I'll call as soon as I get the chance," I assure him.

"What are we watching?"

I scrub the back of my neck with my hand. "I hadn't thought that far ahead." I admit.

Emmett is grinning from ear to ear. "You sure you want us, and the kids, to cramp your style bro?"

I punch his arm and shake my head. "Jeez Em, she's still recovering, give me a break."

"Bullshit, Moms busted you and the nurses have busted you too, so don't give me that 'she's still recovering' bullshit. Her lips aint sick," he chuckles.

I cringe. "The fucking gossip mongers here are incredible," I mumble. "I'll get a kids movie. What does Angus like best at the moment?" I ask.

"Um, he's still kinda stuck on Shrek." He shrugs.

"You got that on DVD right?" I ask and he nods. "Can you bring that tomorrow night?"

"Sure. You think you can pull this off?" he asks.

I slap him on the back and chuckle. "If it makes her happy I can pull anything off, you just watch me."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. **

**Just in case you haven't noticed I have uploaded the outtakes from this story on my profile page. You can now read them whenever you like, rather than me sending them to you via message or email. **

**I hope you have enjoyed this chapter, a lot of progress made I think. Another nice date in the next chapter, a family date this time. After the aqua therapy I will speed things up and we'll head home. **

**Please review. **


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Thank you to those who contacted me to ask if all was well. It wasn't, but hopefully things are going to improve in the real world for me now. I apologise to those who were waiting for an update. I can't say it won't happen again, but I wanted you all to know that I don't like not being able to write and I miss this story badly when I can't. **

**As an aside, my trip to Sydney for the Water for Elephants premiere/red carpet was amazing. I got to see him, meet him, talk to him and touch him. I'll never be the same again. :)**

* * *

Chapter 31 – The Long Arm of the Law

**BPOV**

Joshua seemed so much better during this visit, but whether that was because of Angus or his medication I didn't know. But he was brighter and more cheerful and even played a little with the smallest Cullen.

Edward managed to spot Alice and Jasper as they moved past the ward and they too came to meet Josh too. Alice was smitten in seconds, just like Esme and I had been. Jasper congratulated us profusely even though Edward tried to get them to tone down their excitement in case our application was denied, but they refused point blank. They were totally convinced that the best place for Joshua to be was with us. I was proud that they thought that way, but tried not to get too carried away.

Angus, true to his word, spoke softly and played quietly with Joshua inside the little boys crib. Joshua couldn't move too far because of his IV and associated tubes from the nebulizer, but I think he had a nice time playing.

He clutched his robot in his fist for most of the visit and when Angus asked to see it he proudly showed it and said his name with a smile. Angus, like the rest of us, was quick to point out that he had an uncle with the same name. The look that passed between Edward and Joshua wasn't lost to any of the adults present. It was mutual adoration in its purest form.

The conversation moved along swiftly between the adults but I watched Joshua carefully as the two little boys played with the Lego bricks. They built towers and trucks, houses and forts with the little bricks. Every minute or so Joshua sought Edward. Not obviously, in fact for his age he did it very subtly, but I noticed him doing it.

He'd be careful to place a brick then raise his eyes, not his head, to see if Edward was still where he was the last time he checked. He'd grin minutely and return to place another brick on his creation. A moment later he'd do it again. If Edward shifted his position within the assembled group Joshua turned his body so that he was in the direct line of sight to Edward.

It was remarkable and wonderful to watch. But also heartbreaking if the consequences were examined more closely.

A strong attachment on either of their behalves, and mine for that matter, would end in heartache if Edward's application was denied. It would break both their hearts, and probably mine too, if we had to leave him here. I felt the pain settle in my gut as I thought about that. Having to wave goodbye to him. Being allowed to go home myself would feel so hollow and empty if I had to leave the little boy here.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I instinctively covered my mouth with my hand to hide my sob. Edward was there, right beside me, before I'd completely moved.

"Hey, it's alright. It'll be okay, we'll take him home, I promise," he whispered into my ear as he sat on his haunches beside me. How he knew what was bothering me I didn't know, I guess it really wasn't too hard to work out. Maybe he was just as worried.

I knew it was something he couldn't actually promise me, but I was grateful that he was trying to soothe me. I put a hand to his cheek and smiled. "Thank you," I whispered in return. "He watches you." I nod towards the crib where Joshua is now pressed up against the slats watching us both intently.

"I know," Edward says with the sweetest smile. "I'll make it happen," he says firmly with a nod.

I nod back and he rises to rejoin his siblings. Alice and Jasper are whispering conspiratorially, their foreheads almost touching as they share some secret. Alice' eyes are sparkling, I notice, and Jasper is hovering closer to her than normal. They are in their own little world and I realise that they have been that way since they joined us tonight. Small touches, shared 'looks' and grins that could light up a room. Something was going on!

Emmett was preparing Angus to go home for his dinner so we said our goodnights to Joshua and wished him a good sleep. He clung to me as I hugged him close. He was still warm but his temperature had come down a lot since he'd first been admitted. He didn't cry as I left but he did when Edward kissed him and told him he'd be by again in the morning. Clutching his robot he reluctantly lay back down to wait for his dinner to come.

Edward helped me up and we walked out into the corridor to say our goodbyes to Emmett and his son. Edward kept one eye on Joshua in his crib the whole time. Emmett grinned but said nothing when Edward said thank you to his brother. He had no idea that Emmett had just called him a wanker, he just nodded, shook his brother's hand and said thanks. His eyes never left Josh.

The four of us walked slowly up towards my room. Alice and Jasper went ahead of us and I watched happily as they continued to share whatever their secret was. Edward held me at my elbow but was lost to his own thoughts as we moved through the hospital.

He snapped out of it a little when we got back to my room and our conversation started up again, but I could tell his mind was elsewhere tonight.

I assumed that was with Josh, but when our dinner trays arrived and he inhaled his in such a hurry that he gagged on some of the pasta I knew he had more on his mind. It was as though he couldn't eat fast enough. Sly glances at his watch gave some of his game away. He was leaving tonight, he had somewhere to be and he needed to leave soon. His preoccupation wasn't just about Joshua, he didn't want to tell me he was going, or why.

When the meal was done with Jasper offered to take the trays to the lounge and Alice went with him to help. I took the chance to let Edward off the hook.

I patted the side of the bed and he came to stand beside me. With my hand in his I smiled up at him. "Where are you going and what time do you have to leave?" I asked.

His eyes opened wide but his smile was quick to follow. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips and with a laugh he told me how well I already knew him. He said he had to meet with the detectives in town tonight. He explained that he felt he had to tell them what he knew about what had happened to my mother, even though for now it was just gossip from the boys he'd met and retold to us via Harry Clearwater. He said it was the right thing to do and that the detectives seemed eager to hear what he had to say.

I thought about it for a half a moment before agreeing that it was the right thing to do. He asked if I would be willing to make a statement about any or all of it if the detectives asked me to and I, of course, said that I would. I didn't know what I could add because I didn't remember my mother at all, but I knew that I'd help in any way I could. He kissed me again and said he'd be back as soon as he could. He was already gone when Alice and Jasper came back into the room.

Her hair was dishevelled and he had a grin on his face that could only be described as mischievous.

"Alright you two, spill it, what's going on?" I asked, sitting up straighter in the bed.

Alice looked to Jasper who was laughing and shaking his head. She shook her head but her eyes told me she wanted to share with me what was going on. "We can't say yet," she said finally, with a regretful squint and grimace.

"It's alright, I understand," I said carefully. I could guess what they wanted to share anyway. It didn't take a genius to work it out.

The way Jasper patted Alice' tummy when he thought nobody was looking, the way Alice let her hand sling under her perfectly flat belly and rubbed wasn't lost to me either. They were having a baby. I was ecstatically happy for them but I understood that I wasn't family and they needed to tell family first.

Jasper threw Alice one more smug grin then announced he was going to head home. They'd come in separate vehicles, having come right from work, so Alice said she'd stay a little longer.

I let Jasper kiss me goodbye and when it was just us two girls left in the room I smiled at my best friend and patted the edge of the bed. "Come, sit with me," I told her. When she was perched on the side of the bed I broke the silence with a question I knew would make it impossible for her not to answer. "So, do you want a boy or a girl?" I giggled.

**EPOV**

The drive to the Smokehouse is interesting.

I expected a cruiser to pull out of a side street and follow me, but not a regular car with Charlie Swan at the wheel. I had no idea what sort of car he drove when he wasn't on duty so it had taken me a little while to realise that it was him following me. I took every backstreet and turn I could think of to try to work out if I _was_ being followed, and I was. There was no way that someone just on their way home or to work would take the convoluted way I'd driven to get to the interstate.

When he had no choice but to pull up directly behind me at a set of traffic lights – there were no cars between us by this point – I got a good look at the driver and knew from the moustache it was Charlie.

I wasn't sure what to do and I didn't really want him to know that I was meeting two detectives at a restaurant so I dialled Ken Livingstone and slid my cell phone into its holder so I could talk to him while he was on speaker.

He didn't seem too bothered that Charlie was right behind me while I drove towards a meeting with him. In fact he said it was probably a good thing. His reasoning was that Charlie knew he was being investigated by Internal Affairs and had done nothing to change his usual routine so Ken was hoping that seeing me meeting with two detectives from Port Angeles might make Charlie take the whole thing more seriously. I had my doubts. I told Ken I thought he was taking it all real seriously already and that I wasn't so sure about being seen with him or Carol, but in the end our discussion was pretty pointless because Charlie turned off and headed back towards Forks well before I took the turn off to the Smokehouse.

It was a quiet Thursday night in the little roadside restaurant so I spotted my companions easily. They'd chosen a booth along the length of the front windows so I figured they really weren't too concerned about being seen.

I slid into the booth and shook both detectives hands in turn. A waitress came by and I ordered a Coke while the two cops ordered strong black coffee.

The waitress left three menus but I handed mine right back, telling her and the others that I'd already eaten. They hadn't so they both ordered a burger and fries.

"Okay, so when you called you said you had information about the death of Renee Swan, how's about we talk about what you know?" Ken suggested.

Carols got her notepad out and was poised ready to take notes. I look from her to Ken and sigh. With a hand running through my hair I admit I know nothing for certain. "All I can tell you is what's been told to me. I know that second hand information is no good to you, but maybe if I tell you you can convince the ones who told me to make a statement." I shrug.

"All you have to do is tell us what you've been told and we'll take it from there," Ken says quietly.

I blow out my held breath and begin the tale as Harry told it to me. Carol writes continuously throughout and I wonder if she knows shorthand. Ken asks a few specific questions but doesn't add anything other than encouragement for me to tell the story.

Our drinks and their meals arrive in the middle of my retelling but I'm encouraged to just keep talking. I do. I tell them about how Harry explained the circumstances of Bella's birth, how he loved Renee but couldn't convince her to leave. I tell them how others at the Rez knew she was being beaten but that Charlie dissuaded their questions by harassing them using the law. I recount Harry's version of Renee's death and point out, as he did to Bella, that the car accident report that Charlie manufactured was a lie. I told them about Harry's driving problems, how he didn't possess a license or own a car and that he said he never had before.

I told the two detectives about the three men I'd met at the auto garage and how one of them was Seth Clearwater, Bella's half brother. I told them the story I'd been told by them and how it related to what Harry told me.

While Carol ate her burger Ken questioned me about what I'd learned about Renee. He asked if it was possible that the clinic had medical records for Renee. I had to tell him no, that Milo had already told me that the clinic opened after Renee passed away, even though Milo did remember her and probably had information about her injuries from his stint at the emergency department at Forks General back in the day. Ken asks whether or not my parents would've known either of the Swan's before Bella was born but I have to tell them no again. My parents didn't move to Forks until just after I was born, Emmett was two and my Dad had accepted a placement there to satisfy my mother's craving for small town life. So my parents hadn't ever met or known Renee, just Charlie and Bella.

When Carol is finished her meal Ken begins his. It was like watching a well oiled machine at work, the way they complimented each other. I began to wonder if they were more than partners at work.

"What can you tell me about the time between you finishing high school and the first time you came into contact with Bella since your return to Forks?" Carol asks me, taking out her notepad again.

"I didn't have much contact with her at all really. I wanted to, I pumped Alice for information about her all the time, but apart from 'she's great' or being told I'd see for myself the next time I came home I didn't have any way to know what was going on for her," I tell her sadly.

"I'm not implying that you knew about the abuse Edward, I'm just trying to work out who did so I can ask the right questions when I question them," she says kindly.

"I saw her when I was home for the holidays, but I kept to myself, I didn't think I had anything to offer her and I didn't know how she felt," I admit. "I think my parents knew something wasn't right, but Bella refused to let them help her. Alice may have known something was going on but if she did she never said anything to me about it. Once I moved back here after grad school I saw her more often, but not a lot, not socially or anything either because by then her and Alice' friendship had been lost. Of course now we know that both Charlie and Jake isolated her." I hiss their names and Ken nods sympathetically. "I don't know who else would've known about her situation, she didn't leave the house much and from what I know she didn't keep any of the friendships she had from school."

"The records from the clinic show she had been seen there three times between being married and this latest hospitalisation. I understand there was nothing you could do professionally about the suspicions you had, but did you ever try to do anything outside of the clinic? Are there documents somewhere else?" she asks.

I hang my head and run my hand through my hair and stare at my coffee cup. "I couldn't do anything without her permission. You know as well as I do that anything I find out during the course of my work at the clinic is privileged information. If I used any of that outside the clinic I'm in trouble. Plus, she wouldn't leave him. I begged, I pleaded and even after she admitted to me that she loved me, not Jake, she still wouldn't leave. She honestly believed he'd kill her and the baby. I believed it too."

"Bella has given her permission for us to read hers and the baby's files, so I can tell you that we both know the condition she was in when she saw you those times. And you're right, unless she was willing to do something there was nothing else you could do but treat her. You did nothing wrong," Carol says firmly.

"She wouldn't even really let me treat her!" I shout just a little too loudly.

The dining room gets real quiet and hushed whispers are made as everyone looks towards our table. I apologise to the two detectives and it's Ken who takes over the questions while Carol writes again.

"Why do you think she didn't let you treat her?" he asks.

"I don't think, I know," I say firmly. "I gave her a prescription for antibiotics but she never filled it, I checked. Now that I know more about her situation I know it's because he wouldn't give her the money to have it filled. She couldn't afford to treat herself even though the consultation was free at the clinic."

Carol writes furiously but it's Ken who speaks. "And her physical wounds at the time, did she let you treat those?"

"She wouldn't let me examine her but I know she had bruising about her face and neck and she was underweight and drawn. She was feverish and shaking. She was fucking terrified too. When the OBGYN came in to examine Elizabeth Bella was frightened to be in the room with him. She was okay again when he left but she wouldn't let me touch her to help her. I didn't know she was, um, torn." I cringe.

The two cops share a 'look' between them. "Failing to render medical assistance, or withholding medical assistance, is a felony. I'm not saying we can't get him for anything else, but with your records and your testimony we can at the very least make that stick," Carol tells me.

"Good. He fucking deserves it."

Ken grins but says nothing. His agreeance is written all over his face, as is Carols.

Carol asks me a few questions about Bella's recovery and Ken asks a few more about Harry and the boys from the Rez and then our meeting breaks up. I shake their hands and head back to the hospital.

Nobody follows me this time, or if they do I don't spot them.

Bella is asleep when I get there so I quickly shuck my clothing and pull on my sleep pants before brushing my teeth. I slide into the bed beside her and pull her up onto my chest as has been our routine.

"Hey," she mumbles against me.

"Hey," I reply into her hair as I kiss her. "I love you," I tell her before I close my eyes.

"I love you too," she whispers hoarsely as she wraps her arms around my waist.

**BPOV**

My room was quiet and dim as the storm raged outside on Friday morning.

With the lights off it would've been easy to think I'd slept all night and all the next day and woken at dusk. But I knew better.

I'd woken slightly when Edward slipped into the bed beside me. He smelled of coffee and toothpaste as I cuddled up against him. He held me all night long and we woke in the usual tangle of limbs and sweat the next morning.

We had a nice breakfast together – I didn't keep any of the little packets or pots of jam this time – and he'd gathered my things and escorted me into the shower before heading off for his shift at the clinic.

The wind whistled through the trees outside as I tidied my things and folded my pyjamas at the closet door. I sent a text to Alice thanking her for sharing the secret of her pregnancy with me the night before. Her reply told me that I was welcome and that she'd told her parents and would tell her siblings the next time they were all together. I felt special and 'in the loop' and so grateful that Alice was willing to share with me. We'd giggled and planned and she'd asked endless questions about my pregnancy with Elizabeth.

I'd never talked to anyone about my pregnancy before so it was wonderful to be able to share it with Alice.

At the time I'd been ashamed to be pregnant, knowing that she wasn't planned and had been conceived under such awful circumstances, but once I came to realise that that wasn't her fault I began to enjoy the experience more and more.

Protecting her and making sure she knew I loved her became my goal, so I spent endless hours talking to her, reading to her, listening to music I thought she'd like and generally doing all that I could to make sure she knew she was wanted.

Alice was fascinated with the details of her birth and listened with rapt attention as I described how she came into the world. It hadn't been pretty and even though it had only been three months ago the memory was already clouded with a rosy glow, rather than the fear and agony it had actually been for me at the time.

Of course Alice wouldn't have to go through it alone. Jasper would be right by her side and so would all the other members of her family, and his. She wasn't worried or scared about it. She was eager to experience everything, even the morning sickness, which made me giggle.

We spent hours laughing and reminiscing, giggling and talking. It was a wonderful night and I was pleasantly tired when she left to go home to her husband.

I'd had to keep her secret from Edward this morning and whilst I was dying to tell him I knew how important it was for Alice to be the one to share it with him.

Of course when Carlisle arrived for rounds first thing the next morning Edward was long gone and I could share the good news with him freely. He seemed genuinely excited for is daughter and for a new grandchild.

"I'm so happy for them," I tell him as he takes my temperature.

"Alice is so excited and her mother is beside herself," Carlisle chuckles. He writes his findings on my chart and comes back to my bedside to shine his penlight in my eyes. "That's four, babysitting duties are going to get hairy," he laughs.

I look up from the blood pressure cuff around my arm and stare at him. "Four?" I ask.

He smiles and it's just like Edward's smile. His whole face lights up. "Yes, four. Joshua, Angus your Elizabeth and now this new baby. Quite a brood isn't it?" he laughs as he pumps up the cuff.

I don't want him to see the tears as they fall from my eyes but they fall on my white shirt and I know he can see them. "That's very sweet," I mumble and leave it at that.

He pats my hand after he takes the cuff off my bicep. "You're family now Bella." Is all he says as he moves to the end of my bed again.

I nod but can't meet his eyes. He writes my results on the chart and wishes me luck for my appointments today. As he leaves he smiles at me again and I do my best to smile back at him.

I'm not given long to think about what's been said because Esme arrives with Elizabeth. She tells me that my baby had an unsettled night. I coo and fuss over her but I know there is nothing I can do for her now. Esme assures me that she's being no bother despite the loss of sleep and the increase in washing and time she has to spend looking after my child.

I thank her, profusely, again and again like I always do and she waves it all away, as she always does.

I get to feed Elizabeth her morning bottle while Esme and I talk about the exciting news from Alice and Jasper. Again the circumstances of Elizabeth's birth are discussed and I find myself regretting not allowing Esme and Carlisle to help me when they offered all those years ago.

Elizabeth is asleep in my arms when Kerry arrives and rather than give her up I ask if Esme would mind hanging around at least until my session is over. She agrees saying she would like to go and visit with Joshua. I keep Elizabeth in my arms while I talk with Kerry.

There is no new ground to cover for a change so we talk mainly about my recovery and what I still need to do to be able to go home with the Cullen's at the end of the following week.

She asks how my 'issue' with the sheets is going and I admit that it has crossed my mind this morning – that the nurses wouldn't be changing my sheets today – but I'd been busy enough that distractions kept the thoughts from being invasive or abnormally problematic.

I get praised for recognising the need to be independent and for showering and dressing myself this morning without assistance. I accept the suggestion to try to increase my diet and calorie intake and am told that Leanne, the dietician, will meet with me again on Monday to assess how my weight gain is going.

At the end of our session she reminds me that Kelly, the physio therapist who runs the pool, will come for me at midday. I say goodbye to her but begin to worry about the pool session.

I don't want to get into the water for many reasons but the top of my list of concerns is the suit Rosalie sent along for me to wear. It was a one piece, thankfully, but it was high cut on the hip and low in the back. That meant my cigarette burns on my thighs would be visible to everyone and the scars from the beatings on my back will be visible even if the ones on my thighs were concealed underwater. There was no way to avoid having to show my body to either Kelly or anyone else who might be using the pool at the time.

My skin was still raw and it stung every time I got under the shower so the thought of getting into a chlorinated pool made me shiver with dread. I had only met Kelly once and that had been fleeting so the idea of her seeing my body was bad enough, but Rosalie had sent a message with Emmett saying she'd be coming too!

Edward hadn't even seen all my scars yet. I didn't want his sister in law seeing them at all. Esme had seen most of them and that was bad enough, I doubted I'd even share them with Alice even though she, so far, had been the most nonchalant about their existence out of all the Cullen's.

I was still sitting up in bed, Elizabeth asleep in my arms when Rosie arrived. She had a beach towel slung over her arm and greeted me warmly with a kiss. She planted one on Elizabeth's head which made me smile. They were all so attached to her already. I wasn't surprised, I'd fallen for her the instant I knew I was pregnant with her.

"Are you ready for the pool?" Rosie whispers as she put her things on the end of my bed.

I shake my head. "I don't want to do it at all."

Her face softens and she comes back to the head of the bed. She puts a hand on mine and squeezes gently. "I know you don't, but to get out of here you have to," she says sympathetically.

"Esme hasn't come back and I can't leave Elizabeth unattended, so I can't go," I tell her, nodding at Elizabeth asleep in my arms.

"I can fix that for you right now," she says as she goes out of the room again. She's only gone half a minute and she's smiling when she comes back. "They've paged her, she won't be long."

I close my eyes and silently curse the blonde bombshell. "Thanks," I tell her disingenuously.

"You're welcome." She opens my closet and pulls out the swimming suit and a change of sweats, some underwear and my toiletries bag. She goes into the bathroom and comes back with an armful of towels off the rack overhead of the basin. "I've put your suit in there, I'll hold Elizabeth while you get changed."

I very reluctantly give up the sleeping baby to her and go into the bathroom to change. I don't want to but I figure that just because I'm wearing the suit doesn't mean I have to get it wet.

When I come back out Rosie is sitting on the bed with Elizabeth who is still asleep. "We're all set when mom arrives," Rosie whispers.

There isn't really anything more I can say and it seems like Rosie is determined for me to go to the pool so I stay silent. I spend the few minutes between our last conversation and Esme arriving watching Elizabeth sleep. She's so content, so peaceful and very beautiful. She's totally innocent, despite the start to life I've given her and I'm more determined than ever for her to have what I didn't, a family that cares.

When Esme arrives I help her settle Elizabeth into her pusher and I kiss them both goodbye for another day. Esme tries to cheer me up me with news that Joshua is much better again today, brighter and sitting up playing with his robot and some Lego, laughing and talking with her and the other children for a change. She also reminds me that it's only another week and I'll be home with her, and Elizabeth, and that makes me feel better too. I thank her, again, and go with Rosie into the corridor to watch them leave. It hurts to watch the pusher fade into the distance but I've got bigger problems than not being able to mother my own child right now. I have a blonde amazon who is hell bent on getting me into the pool.

I've got three words rattling around in my head as Rosie ushers me back into my room. Not. Gonna. Happen.

**EPOV**

I hated leaving her as per usual, but the clinic needed me too. I knew Bella had a busy day with appointments with Kerry, the pool and with the head of occupational therapy to discuss her discharge requirements. There wouldn't be too much I could help her with so I was glad to be at work and pulling my weight a little bit.

My drive from the hospital to the clinic had been its usual uneventful self right up until I hit the corner of Wood Street and Rhody Avenue. Charlie Swan sat in his cruiser just after the intersection and the second I was through it he hit his lights and had me pull over.

It was the standard intimidation routine. He asked for my license and registration, I produced it. He walked slowly back to his cruiser and I watched as he radioed my details back. He walked just as slowly back towards me and all but threw my papers back through the window at me.

He asked me to step out of the vehicle and while I stood on the sidewalk he went over my car with a fine toothed comb. He checked everything from the glove compartment to under the seats, inside the centre console and under the hubs of the tyres. Of course he found nothing because I had nothing concealed in the car that shouldn't be there. I didn't smoke anymore so he didn't even find ordinary cigarettes, let alone anything more sinister. I didn't take drugs of any kind and I rarely drank. If I did it was at home and I never drove if I had more than one beer.

After his inspection he had me get back into the car and turn on all the lights and indicators as he stood on the road and instructed me which to turn on and when. It was a brand new vehicle. I'd only had it two months, so I knew everything worked just fine. This was Charlie's way of trying to get at me because he knew there was no way to get at me legitimately.

I was okay with it. He could go his hardest. I'd done nothing wrong and I had nothing to hide. He certainly didn't scare me so all this posturing and intimidation was for nothing.

After he was satisfied with his inspection he wrote me a ticket for running the red light and even though we both knew I hadn't I accepted it with a smile on my face. I said 'thank you officer' and 'yes sir' and 'no sir' and kept a lid on my anger until after I was back on the road and heading for the clinic.

Then, and only then, did I call my brother and swear and curse and holler at the motherfucker that was Charlie Swan. Emmett sympathised and said all the right things so that by the time I pulled into the clinic parking lot I was calm and we were both laughing at the antics of the obviously shit-scared Chief of Police.

Kate was congratulatory when I told her that Bella would likely only spend one more week in the hospital and Steve clapped me on the back and wished us well when I explained about Joshua and our plans with him.

I had a full patient list so my morning flew by in a whirl of coughs, sneezes and wheezes as I made my way through my list. It felt good to be there because I knew that Bella was alright and working hard towards being well enough to come home with me.

I did spend some time running over my conversation with Ken and Carol, but I soon realised I had nothing new to share with them and no way to gain any more information than I'd already given them the night before. I doubted I'd hear too much from them, unless I called them, but I hoped they were doing something with the information I'd given.

I toyed with the idea of giving Harry a heads up to let him know he might be contacted, but decided against that in the end. I wasn't convinced he'd want to tell his story to the police and giving him time to come up with an excuse not to wouldn't help Bella in the end. So I left that boiling pot alone and tried to concentrate on work.

By mid morning I was back into my usual routine. I'd seen dozens of patients and had worked up a good appetite for coffee and cake by the time my break came around.

Milo was in his recliner in the break room when I arrived so I made him a cup of tea and talked with him for a few minutes. He said he was in good health and had spent the night before refining his cooking skills as he had a date tonight.

I didn't ask any details and he offered none, thank heavens.

I did tell him about my family movie date though. He seemed amused and pleased for me and for Bella. Before I collected the file for my next patient I called my mother and asked her and dad to come along. She said they'd love to and that they'd bring Elizabeth for the movie too even though she'd be too little to actually watch. Bella would love being able to spend the extra time with the baby even if Elizabeth only slept right through it all. Mom said she'd already talked to Alice and they had it all organised. They'd bring popcorn and drinks and some cushions and blankets. All things I hadn't thought of, so I was quick to say thank you.

I sent a quick text to Rosie to make sure that Em had told her about the plan and I got a reply saying he had and that they would all arrive at six. She was on her way to the hospital to help Bella in the pool and said she'd text with a progress report in the early afternoon.

By midday I was feeling pretty good. I'd gotten through my list with only a slight delay when Mrs Heslop refused to see Steve and insisted she see me. That set me back about ten minutes while I slotted her into my list, but other than that I finished my morning quota of patients quite well. No surprise visitors and no run ins. It was shaping up to be a pretty good day.

I had my lunch at the clinic, in the lunch room with the others for a change. I made myself a mug of soup out of a packet from a stash in the cupboard and made coffee for myself and for the others. I had photos of Elizabeth to show off since Bella had emailed me some from two days prior and I spent a nice half hour accepting the praise of my colleagues as we ate our various meals.

I went back to the afternoon session of consultations with a spring in my step. It wasn't to last, though. Mr Cameron was just getting ready to show me the boil on his thigh when Gail buzzed me from reception saying there was a call from the hospital for me. I asked Mr Cameron to please be patient a moment as I took the call.

Kelly, the physio therapist, was having a hell of a time convincing Bella to get into the pool and without at least one aqua session under her belt nobody would sign off her physio discharge sheet.

I said I'd be there as soon as I could and would do what I could to help. I got on with lancing Mr Cameron's boil as quickly and efficiently as I could.

**BPOV**

Nobody could force me to get into the water.

Rosie pled and begged. Kelly huffed and puffed. But nobody could force me out of that chair and into that water.

I even went so far as to say I'd happily stay in the hospital if they wouldn't sign off my discharge because of it. I said I was happy to have someone feed me, change my bedding, clean my bathroom and do my laundry. I knew I was being childish by saying it, but I wasn't getting in the water and I wasn't going to explain to either of the perfect women beside me why.

Rosie was stunning in her suit. Tall and lean and blonde and gorgeous. Kelly was shorter but no less stunning. She had long dark hair and huge expressive dark eyes to match. Beside them I was going to look like a beaten side of pork. White from no sun, bruised and battered and cut and scarred and there was no way I was baring my body to either of them, or anyone else who wanted to try to make me get into the pool.

Kelly stepped aside to make a call and I hoped it was to Kerry who would tell her that trying to force me would just upset me and that I should just be allowed to go back to my room.

She didn't say who she'd spoken to when she returned and I didn't ask. Rosie pulled on her sweats again and I hoped that was going to be the end of it, that they'd just take me back, but they didn't.

Instead they wheeled me over to the side of the ramp and left me there. They went to stand a little ways away and just left me there! I was furious. They were whispering and conspiring and I was utterly livid with them both.

It was Rosie who tried again, so it was Rosie I yelled at first.

She knelt beside my chair and looked at me with sad eyes. But I didn't care.

"Why don't you just get in with your clothes on, do what she asks and then we'll go back and you can have a shower?" she asked me quietly.

"I'm not getting in," I said through gritted teeth.

"They won't let you out of here if you don't," she said more firmly.

"I don't care!" I screamed right into her face, making her fall back onto her butt in surprise.

"We only want to see you well," Rosie said forlornly. I knew I'd hurt her feelings but I just couldn't care. So I told her so, loudly.

And then she looked right over my shoulder and gave a little shrug, probably to Kelly. I huffed in annoyance and held more firmly to the sides of my chair.

I heard voices behind me and I knew one of them was Edward. They've fucking called Edward! The back stabbing bitches have called Edward to plead with me. Mother fucker.

My tears come and I can't help it. When he comes to me I'm sobbing and saying how sorry I am but I still don't care about the water. I don't want to let him down but I can't get in that pool!

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Your review would be appreciated. **

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	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32 – A little help from a friend.

**EPOV**

It wasn't going to work. I knew it long before I got the first call.

I'd seen the look on Bella's face when the swimming costume was put into the closet the night before and I knew that whoever it was that had the task of getting Bella into the pool today had their work cut out for them.

When I'd wished her good luck this morning as I was leaving I hadn't imagined the shiver and the worry in her eyes. I'd not mentioned it then and I was loath to be party to it now, but after consultation with Kerry, Pat and Kelly I said I'd try.

That's how I found myself driving back to the hospital only four hours into my shift at the clinic. I'd apologised profusely but again I'd been waved away by Kate. I said I'd be back, that I was only needed to help get Bella actually into the water, and she'd been great in telling me to take my time and do what I needed to do.

I felt guilty for driving away and leaving them with the mess in the reception area but I really did want to do all that I could to help Bella too. As I turned out of the parking lot and onto the main road I spotted two things, one that made me happy, one not so much.

I see no cruiser and no Charlie Swan in his regular car.

What I do see is Jake ahead of me. I give him the bird as I overtake him on the right and speed ahead through the amber light that he'd had to slow down for. I have no idea if he saw me but I prefer to think that he did.

That he was still free to drive around and have a nice life stuck in my gut. That I was racing towards the hospital that _he'd_ put Bella into, that I was speeding just a little to get there to help convince her that she should do the therapy offered because _he'd _beaten her so badly, just makes me shake with rage.

I'd never been to the therapy pools before, but I knew where they were. Everyone did. You couldn't miss them. To the right of the emergency room entry doors were two massive glass doors that opened into the pool foyer. Every time those doors opened you were treated to a blast of chlorine and damp air.

I'd gotten there in record time, it had been maybe ten minutes from when Kelly had called me, so I didn't know if Bella and Rosie would still be there or if they'd gone back to Bella's room, but I got the answer as soon as I passed through the foyer and heard the shouting.

"I don't care!" Bella was screaming.

I heard a softer voice and figured it was either Rosie or Kelly, but which one I couldn't be sure.

"I don't care!" Bella shouted again as I approached.

She had her back to me as she sat in her wheelchair so she didn't see me coming, but Rosie did. She smiled sadly and gave me a little resigned shrug. Kelly straightened up and came towards me up the ramp. With her hand outstretched she introduced herself and thanked me for coming.

"She's still refusing and I can't sign off on her discharge until she's done at least one session," she tells me apologetically.

"No, I understand. I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything," I say and head down the ramp to Bella.

She is shocked to see me, that I can tell, as I come around from behind her to kneel in front of her chair. I smile a little, showing her I'm not angry or disappointed, because I'm really not. "Hey baby," I whisper.

She hangs her head and I know she's crying before I see the first tear fall and land on her clasped hands in her lap. "I'm so sorry," she mumbles.

I slide my hand across her cheek and into her hair, pulling her forward so I can hold her. "Hey, there's nothing to be sorry for. I know it's frightening."

"They can't see me, not my skin," she howls against my chest.

"I know baby, I know." And I really do know. She's covered in scars, hundreds of them, from between her breasts to her knees. She's got cuts and welts all over her back and shoulder and she's got burns and bruises almost everywhere else in between. I saw them that first night in recovery and again a few times since, but I know that nobody else in the pool area has seen them. I knew the idea of being in a swimming costume was an uphill battle for her, but I had had to let her do this her way, even if that meant refusing.

"They won't let me go home till I've gotten in the pool but I won't go, they'll see me," she whimpers, breaking my heart with each syllable.

I kiss her temple and try to get her to meet my eyes, she won't of course. I try my best anyway. "Baby, they won't look. They don't care about your skin Bella. They only want you well. Kelly wants you well so she can mark off your discharge and Rosie just wants you well so you can come home, right Rosie?" I ask and Rosie chimes in with her agreement. "Nobody will look, nobody will care, I won't look and I love you so much, so you need to do this so you can come home with me. You want to come home with me, right?" I ask, trying the only bit of bribery I have.

She's nodding furiously but it's not enough for me. I want to see her face, see her eyes. I put a finger to her chin and drag her up so she can't avoid me. There are tears streaming down her face but she's not having a panic attack. She's upset but she's not hysterical. She's pissed but she's not shut down emotionally.

"You want to come home with me, right?" I ask again, a little more forcefully.

"Of course I do," she hisses.

"To come home with me you need signatures in boxes on forms. That's it. That's all you have to have, some signatures in boxes on forms. But to get them you have to work, you have to fight, and you have to want to be well enough to come home. Do you want to come home with me?" I ask again.

She's crying harder now and nodding her head with real gusto. She's getting pissy, I love it. "Of course I fucking do!" she shouts right into my face.

I smile. She's back. My fighter is back. "Good, then you should get in the pool, you should do the exercises, and you'll get the signatures. Right?" I ask.

She shakes her head and I start to figure a few things out. She's been given 'outs', she's been given compromises, she's ignored them all. This isn't about scars, or it's not about her scars alone. There is something here I'm missing.

"I don't want them to see..." she whines but I cut her off mid sentence.

"Not good enough. You've been offered to have the place to yourself. They've said you can do it fully clothed. So that's not the real reason. You'll have to come up with something better than that for me. They might believe you, but I know you better than they do. Tell me what's going on for you." I demand.

This time she stares me down. I can see the fire in her eyes this time. She's in there and she aint happy with me, but I don't care. She needs to do this. Even if it's just once, she needs to get into the fucking pool, do what she's told and get the signature in the box on the clipboard. Because somewhere there will be a fucking clipboard, I guarantee it.

"The fucking chlorinated water will sting like a bitch!" she screams right into my face.

I hadn't thought of that. She's red raw between her legs and all over her body she has rubbed herself so hard she's pink and exposed. I wince. "Shit," I mutter. "I hadn't thought of that. Oh baby, I'm so sorry." I pull her to me and hold her. I look over her head at Kelly who's cringing as it dawns on her what the problem really is. Rosie looks appalled. They obviously both know that Bella has scrubbed herself silly recently. "Ok baby, its okay. We'll do this together," I tell her sternly. "Kelly, can we do this real quick? If she gets in and does what you want her to do and gets right out again is that enough for your form?" I ask hopefully.

Kelly raises her eyebrows but she knows a deal when she hears one. "Yeah, I guess so. I mean, Sandra wants her weightless, to see if she can move the muscles that normally ache and if they can be moved more easily in the water. I guess if we achieve that I can mark her off. But Sandra has the last word." She adds at the end with a point of her finger right at me.

It's good enough for me. "See baby, we get in, do what we need to, get out. It might sting, it might not, we won't know till you're in."

Bella's eyes are huge as she stares at me again. "You'll get in with me?" she asks in a tiny voice.

"Sure." I assure her and jump up to my feet and move around the back of her chair.

"Hang on, I've got an idea," Rosie calls to me as she runs back up the ramp towards the locker rooms. "Don't get in until I come back," she yells.

I agree but keep pushing Bella in the chair towards the edge of the pool. "What will you swim in?" Bella asks quietly as I lock the wheels on her chair after positioning her so that she only needs to take one or two steps onto the ramp that will take her down into the water.

I shrug. "Just this I guess. It's no big deal Bella. I have spare clothes in your room, don't worry about it," I say as I shrug out of my shirt, leaving me bare-chested. I take my belt out of the loops in my jeans and toe off my shoes. I put my wallet, phone and keys by my shoes and belt and then go back to where she is.

She's staring openly at me, as is Kelly. I'm not self conscious or embarrassed. I'm a little whiter than I'd like to be at this time of year, but I look okay. I'm not muscled like Emmett or wiry like Jaz, but I think I look okay for a guy who does nothing.

Rosie comes running back down the ramp waving a jar in her hand. "Here," she shouts and tosses the jar. I catch it and stare down at it while she explains to Bella what it is. "It's barrier cream. It won't stop all the stinging, but it will stop some of it. Just smear it onto your skin," she huffs as she bends over and catches her breath, her hands on her knees, dragging in breath.

"Thanks Rosie," I say with a smile. She closes her eyes and nods at me, she knows how grateful I am, but I'll tell her again later. "Now, you rub this on, we'll move aside, give you a minute, then we'll get in," I tell Bella and toss the pot of cream into her lap.

The three of us move away, back up the ramp slightly, and give her the minute she needs. The two girls turn their backs on the scene but I stay facing forward, eager to see that Bella is doing what she should be. I feel for her, it's a tricky situation this therapy business. Both the physical therapy and the mental work she has to do to get to the point where others trust her enough to go home isn't easy for her.

Kelly and Rose are quietly discussing the ways they'd tried to convince her this morning but I am only half listening. I just stand and watch Bella rub the cream on herself. I'm only slightly ashamed to admit I'd rather do it for her, and not for purely medicinal reasons either. When she is done she drops the pot on the ground beside her chair and slumps back into the seat.

I nod towards her and the two girls follow me back to the pool's side. "Ready?" I ask Bella who shrugs but says nothing. I have no problem being the bad cop if this is what she needs, so I smile and reach for her. She lets me help her to her feet even though she hardly needs the assistance anymore. Her inability to get moving is nerves, not because of pain or any medical condition.

She grunts a little as we shuffle down the ramp into the water and even though it's warm she shivers as the water creeps up to her waist. She winces when it covers her hips and I know that she wasn't able to completely cover her raw skin with the cream. I feel bad for her, but it was self inflicted so I put aside my need to protect her and hope she is learning something from this.

**BPOV**

I swear to god, as long as I live I will never scrub that hard ever again!

The stinging of the chlorine on my hoo-ha makes tears spring to my eyes and my throat thicken and close. I want to cry, or whimper, or complain or scream, but I did this to myself and I don't want pity. So I grit my teeth and let Edward pull me further into the water.

It's warm but not as warm as a bath so it still makes my skin prickle with cold. The stinging is worse between my legs than anywhere else so I concentrate on that. Everywhere else seems to pale in comparison to that so I move gingerly until the stinging settles down. I move slowly beneath the water, not wanting to open my legs too much. My sweats are clinging to me and are a dead weight, not one of my brightest ideas, but a necessary one. There is no way I could've done this with just a bathing suit on.

Edward has me by the hands and is tugging me gently further and further into the water. It's just over my hips by now and the stinging between my legs has eased a little as my body and my brain have gotten used to the chlorinated water. My forearms are burning because I'm raw there too, but I say nothing and hope my expression gives nothing away. I don't want sympathy. I want to remember what this feels like so I never have the notion to do it to myself ever again.

Once I've gotten used to the temperature and feel of the water I can take in more fully what I'm seeing.

Edward has kept his jeans on but nothing else. I bite my lip to stop myself moaning at the sight of him. He's so much taller than me, and the pool at this end is very shallow, so he's only just up to his groin while I'm fully immersed up to my hips. This creates an interesting look for him. Pale blue jeans from his crotch upwards, dark blue waterlogged pants below the surface. His nipples are peaked and hard from cold and he's utterly divine.

With his hands in mine, as he guides me further into the middle of the pool, surely he can feel me trembling? I close my eyes briefly, only a little longer than a blink, in the hope that I can clear my mind of the sight of him and try my best to get myself back on the task at hand.

Oh god, his hands!

His thumbs are stroking me softly as he helps me move towards the centre lanes of the pool. His fingers are so long, he should've been a surgeon with fingers like that. Each movement of his fingers on my hand makes me melt even more. I can't look him in the eye because he'll see the desire in mine. I can't look down at the surface of the water because he'll think I'm ogling his crotch. I decide to turn my back to him and hope he doesn't think it's rude. I let go of his hands and turn my body so that he's behind me. As I'd hoped he puts his hands on my hips to steady me.

I look to Kelly and Rosie who are perched at the edge of the pool waiting for the go ahead to get in from me. I nod at them both in turn and they slip beneath the water easily.

Rosalie slides beneath the water in one fluid motion. When she surfaces she is right in front of me. She comes up with her long blonde hair trailing down her back. She's gorgeous.

"It's not as warm as I thought it was going to be," she giggles. "How do you feel?"

I shrug, "I'm okay I guess."

Kelly has a kickboard in her hand as she comes towards me. It's the kind little kids use when they are learning to swim and I am embarrassed to learn that I have to use it myself.

"We need to move up the lane a little, up to your collarbones at least," she nods towards the centre of the pool and Edward's hands tighten on my hips a little as we all begin the slow progression up the pool.

Each step I take makes my skin sting. I bite my bottom lip as the water swishes around me again, making the burning between my legs intensify. Edward moves closer to my back and whispers in my ear.

"Is it too much for you?"

I shake my head but say nothing. I know that if I open my mouth I'll either scream or cry, neither of which is an acceptable response. I just need to grit my teeth and bear this so I can get the signature and get the hell out of the hospital.

"I'm right here, you can do this baby," he whispers and pushes slightly with his hands on my hips to keep me moving towards deeper water.

My sweatshirt is a dead weight now. It's sodden and heavy, dragging me down with it. I can't take it off and I realise that I've made this whole exercise harder for myself by insisting on wearing it, but taking it off is still not an option.

When my collarbones are covered with water I stop, Edward does too. Kelly passes me the kickboard and I hold it in my hands. The two girls swim ahead of me and then it's like the two sides of a game. The two of them on one side, Edward and I on the other. I try not to see the situation as an us and them one, but it's hard. It feels like Rosie and Kelly don't understand me, or my problems, but that Edward does.

"Okay, this is deep enough," Kelly says. "I'd like you to be weightless, so how about you try to tread water and see how it feels for your ribs?"

Edward's hands let me go and I take a good deep breath before lifting my feet off the floor of the pool. I sink, of course, and my chin and mouth disappear below the surface for a few seconds before the air in my lungs lifts me back up. I cling to the kickboard and let it right itself as I get used to being weightless.

I kick my legs gingerly and feel the sting of my exposed skin once again. I wince and Rosie purses her lips sympathetically. I try to ignore the sting and do as I'm told, eye on the prize sort of reasoning. It's not so bad once I get in that headspace.

"That's good. How do your ribs feel?" Kelly asks.

"They're okay," I mumble.

"Good. Now I'd like you to experiment with floating."

That means putting my head in the water. I'm not sure whether the staples in my scalp are going to sting or not but I figure I've come this far and haven't given in, so that will be just one more fucking obstacle I can make my bitch today.

I put my feet back on the pool floor and turn so that I'm facing the side of the pool. I let the kickboard go and let it floats where it will. I flutter my hands to keep me steady and lie back on the surface of the water. I'm usually a strong swimmer and I can float normally, so the action of getting onto my back and hovering on the top of the water isn't a problem. There is a slight sting from my scalp but nothing anywhere near as painful as my other skin, so I close my eyes and concentrate on lying still on the surface. The sweats and my sweatshirt are really heavy now as I try and stay level.

"You're doing great," Rosie says encouragingly.

"That's great Bella," Kelly chimes in. "Kick a little and get yourself moving, we'll stay close."

I do as I'm bid and pretty soon I'm moving up and down between the two sides of the pool without a problem. Edward calls encouragement from his position and I know that Kelly and Rosie are now on either side of my path as I move. I do two full width ways laps and when Kelly suggests I turn over and try to actually swim, using any stroke I'm comfortable with, I don't hesitate.

She's been right all along. The water, apart from a slight sting, can't hurt me. Weightlessness is much better for my aches and pains and having the pressure off my ribs is a relief even if it is coupled with the sting.

It's tricky to manage the kicking with the stroking, the harder I kick the more water comes into contact with the rawness between my legs, but the feeling of being free of the ache in my ribs is worth it. After a few hesitant strokes I put my face in the water and plunge under fully. I come up and stroke away towards the far end of the pool.

It's liberating.

I can do this and I feel great!

I swim slowly but at a consistent pace until I touch the end wall and then I turn and come back to where the three others are standing in the shallower water. I come up with a smile on my face, right in front of Edward.

His smile is gorgeous. It's obvious he's happy for me.

"Good you look good," he whispers as his arms close around my waist. "How does it feel?"

"It stings a bit but my ribs feel great," I admit, turning slightly so that I can tell Kelly that too.

"Great." She seems pleased for me. "And the wound on your head?"

"Bit of a sting at first but it's fine now."

"Good. So a few more laps and I'll happily sign your form," she laughs.

"Swim with me?" I ask Edward and he nods eagerly.

I'd be more comfortable with the sweatshirt off and losing the pants, but as that's not an option I go with what I've got and stroke out towards the end of the pool again. As I breathe I keep a check on where Edward is. He's right beside me, stroking lazily to keep pace with me. When we hit the end of the pool I stop and reach for the handrail attached to the block. He's there, grinning like a mad man.

"How's it really feel?" he asks quietly, so the other two can't hear.

I cringe and try to smile. He knows me so well, it's uncanny. "It stings like a bitch," I chuckle. "But I can handle it if it means she'll sign that form."

"Fucking clipboards," he mutters.

"Yeah. Fucking clipboards," I agree.

"Let's head back." He nods towards the other end and then dips back under the water.

I watch him for a second as he swims away from me. He's strong, really strong. He's got a sinewy body with tight muscles, even if he does say he's lazy. He kicks hard and even though he's wearing jeans it's obvious that he can swim so much faster than he is.

I take a breath and head off after him. I know he's going slowly but I'm pretty happy that I catch up to him in a few strokes. Side by side we hit the wall at the shallow end. I have no intention of stopping because it feels strangely good to be moving this way. I'm not tired and neither are my muscles despite the fact that I've been idle for months on end, almost a whole year now. Because I'm taking it quite slowly my muscles aren't fatiguing like I thought they would. In fact, it feels good to use them again.

Edward has turned and is racing to catch up to me but before long he's right there alongside me again as we hit the far end wall and turn for home once again.

He pulls away from me about a quarter of the way back down the pool and I kick a little harder to catch him up. Just as I get to where he is he too kicks harder and pulls away again. My lungs begin to scream when I take a super deep breath and up my pace. By the time we hit the wall my legs ache, my lungs are crying out for air and my arms are tired and sore.

He's beaten me, of course, but he's humble in his victory.

"You nearly had me!" he shouts as he takes me around the waist and hugs me close.

"Yeah, right." I giggle. "We'll have a rematch one day and I'll kick your ass."

"Deal," he laughs. Looking over my shoulder he asks Kelly if I've done enough to pass.

"She sure has. How do you feel?" She asks me as Edward lets me go and turns me around so that I can face her.

"Sore but good."

"Great. We're all done if you want to get out now."

"You two go ahead, we won't be too far behind you," Edward says to Kelly and Rosie.

"I'll go back to your room Bella, I'll bring you a robe," Rosie says as she goes up the ladder and out of the water.

I turn once again in Edward's arms. "You want another race?" I laugh. But he's not smiling. His eyes are dark and he's looking down at my lips shaking his head.

**EPOV**

She's fucking divine and she has no idea what her show of physical and mental strength has just done to me. I intend to tell her but want the other two girls out of earshot before I do.

When Kelly has exited the pool deck and gone into the locker room and Bella and I are alone I cover her lips with mine and pull her up to my chest.

She tastes of chlorine and salt and she's delicious. She puts her hands into my hair instantly and I can't fight the erection I'd been trying to hide. It's instinctual to want to push it against her, but I'm mindful of how frightened she is by any physicality, so I hold my hips away as best as I can while I kiss her.

It's a hungry kiss despite my good intentions. She moans a little when I let my tongue trace her lip. I want to pull her closer but refrain. In the end I have to end the kiss because I'm getting more and more carried away as the seconds tick over.

When I've pulled away I let my hands travel down her back and settle at her waist again. "I'm so proud of you," I tell her quietly, our foreheads touching.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"You're so strong."

"I'm not. I'm weak." She argues. "If you hadn't talked me into getting into the water I'd still be sitting on the deck."

"That doesn't matter. You did get in and you did swim and god, Bella..." I can't finish the statement without blurting out how fucking hot she makes me.

"What?" she asks and I'm sunk.

I sigh heavily. "I know you don't want to hear this, but everything about you makes me want you," I admit quietly. "I can't help it. I won't do anything about it, so don't panic, but god. You're so strong and so beautiful and so, just, well, just so incredible."

She's giggling sweetly so I know she's not worried. I can control myself, I'm not some sort of sex maniac, but I'd glad I can tell her what I'm feeling without her freaking out about it.

She surprises me by letting her hands fall from behind my neck to my chest. I watch her watching herself touch me and I get impossibly more turned on by it. She tucks her head up under my chin and lets her fingers trace my chest just like she did yesterday. It's no further than she's gone before, this is not new territory or anything, but she's never done it when I've been shirtless before. It feels so much more intimate this way. Perhaps it's the warm water. Perhaps it's the proximity. But more than likely it's just Bella.

"You're so beautiful," she whispers.

Again with the beautiful! I want to protest but my voice is lost to the hasty moan that escapes my throat when she lets a fingertip trace my nipple for the first time. I think I jump, more in surprise than anything else. I close my eyes and try to just hold steady while she explores my upper body.

Her soft touches and feather light caresses drive me insane. I'm sucking in air at an alarming rate but when she lets her hand travel further down my body towards the top of my jeans I think I stop breathing altogether.

"Is this okay?"She whispers.

"Yeah," I mumble.

She turns her hand so that it's the backs of her fingers that trace the band of my pants. She dips them cautiously under the fabric and I feel her shiver under my hands. She moves from side to side, from hip to hip, under the waistband and I gulp in air, startling her.

"Do you like that?" she asks.

"Of course."

A soft little giggle travels up between us and I smile to myself. She's twenty-four years old and has no idea just how good it feels to be touched by the one you love.

I take a chance and begin to rub softly up the centre of her back. I know my hands are trembling but can do nothing to stop it. I make slow circles and love the way she sways along with the direction of my touch. She's breathing heavily now, just like I am. I can feel the involuntary shivers she's having as I press a little harder with each circuit.

I pull the hem of her jersey up a little and slide one hand under it so I can feel her slick skin as she's feeling mine. She stiffens momentarily then melts back into my chest as I touch her. I can feel the welts; they begin at the bottom of her rib cage, as my fingers move further upward with each stroke. It makes no difference to me. Her skin is as glorious to me as it always was, the marks don't bother me at all. Apart from wishing she never had them in the first place, of course. If she'd let me I'd kiss each one in turn. But for now all I can do is touch her softly.

She's getting bolder too. Her fingers begin dipping further into the waistband of my jeans. She moves from my navel to the small of my back, then back again to my stomach, with each movement.

I use the flat of my hand to pull her closer still, giving her no choice but to lift her face to me. I slip my feet apart and meet her halfway, capturing her lips with mine in one fluid movement.

She wastes no time bringing her hands up my back and threading them into my hair at the back of my neck. She pulls me harder onto her mouth and I can't help but moan between her parted lips.

I echo her movements and while I leave one hand on her bare back I put the other to the back of her neck and hold her mouth to mine. It's the most intense kiss we've ever had. It's the most we've touched each other, ever. That's why we don't notice the voices around us until it's too late.

"Ahem," I hear over my shoulder and startle.

"Shit," I mutter when I pull away from Bella and see my sister in law standing at the edge of the pool deck with a white robe dangling from between her fingers. She's grinning smugly.

Bella is about to panic, I can see it on her face, but Rosie saves the situation deftly. "I'd say get a room but you've already got one," she laughs.

I laugh and Bella giggles, thankfully. We step apart and Bella moves to the edge of the pool to where the ladder is. I want to ask for a moment but I know the ribbing I'll get if I do. So I wait until Bella is out of the water and is accepting a towel from Rosie before I use my forearms to push myself out of the pool. I rush to the side and take a towel for myself, wrapping it around my waist strategically. Rosie still raises her eyebrows at me over Bella's shoulder but I just flip her the bird and go about my business.

"I have to head back to the clinic so I'm going to run back to your room real quick and get changed," I tell Bella who is now wringing the bulk of the water out of her hair. I step to her and kiss her softly at her temple. "I'll pick you up at six for the movie."

She giggles and says she'll be looking forward to it. Rosie winks at me once more and then I'm away to Bella's room to change and hopefully will away the erection I'm sporting.

**BPOV**

Rosie walks with me to the locker room. There is no way I can sit in the chair all the way through the hospital dripping the way I am. I'm not keen to get into the shower in there, but I have no choice.

Rosie says she'll wait outside so I strip off as fast as I can and get under the steaming water. My muscles are tired but feel good for the exercise I've just gotten. I wash myself carefully, mindful of the barrier cream. I remind myself to say thank you to Rosie for that, it really helped. It's hard to get off my skin though, I don't want to scrub too hard because that will just set me back again. So I use the soap sparingly and get most of it off as best I can.

I rinse my hair but don't wash it, I'm never going to use a cake of soap to do that ever again. I'll wait till I'm back in my own room then shower again. I turn the water off reluctantly and pull two towels off the shelf above the stall. Endless clean towels are blissful, and even if it's a luxury I shouldn't get used to, just like clean sheets, I still revel in the feel of the fluffy white towelling against my skin.

I step out into the room and look for the robe Rosie brought for me to wear back to the ward. I put it up on the vanity unit out of the drips from my clothing and pull on my wet underwear. As I'm reaching for the robe I knock it off the counter and curse loudly. It's all wet down one side.

I'm wringing it out over the basin when Rosie rushes in.

"What happened? Are you alright?" she bellows as she runs towards me.

I get a fright and I think I scream a little, I stumble backward and press myself against the shower stall door. The robe hits the floor and I'm standing there in only my wet knickers as Rosalie assesses the situation with a critical eye.

She comes towards me with open hands. "I'm so sorry, don't be frightened, I heard you shout and thought something was wrong," she says carefully and softly.

I'm not really all that scared of her, for one she's female and girls don't really bother me, but I am aware that I'm standing there in only knickers.

She bends and collects the robe from the floor and holds it out to me. I take it gratefully and turn my back to her so I can fling it around my shoulders and slide my arms into it. "I'm okay," I tell her as I belt it around my waist. "I dropped it in the water, that's all."

She sighs heavily, in what sounds like relief, "Thank god."

I eye here carefully. "What's that?" I ask, not able to work out what she's so relieved about.

She smiles sadly and leans back against the counter. "I wouldn't know what to do if you were hurt. Edward would kill me if something happened to you on my watch."

I laugh a little at the imagery. "On your watch?"

"Yeah," she giggles. "I can't mother you like Esme does and I don't know you well enough to laugh and joke with you like Alice can, I guess this is all I had to offer. To fetch and carry for you today." She shrugs. "Edward was counting on me to take care of you today."

For the first time in my life I want to hug someone I barely know. I look at her up and down and decide to try it. I know she won't hurt me, she's here of her own accord and stands to gain nothing from being aggressive. So I decide its okay to show her that I appreciate her help. I step toward her carefully and reach for her. I pull her to me gingerly and pat her back softly. "Thank you so much for being here today Rosie. And you have so much more to offer me than I have to offer you. You're a mom and a wife, I need you to teach me how to be that too."

She pats me back and I feel her relax a little. She's smiling wide when we let go. I can see the tears shining in her eyes and know that she can see mine. "You're a good mom Bella, nobody needs to teach you that. You can probably teach me something about that, I'm nowhere near as patient as you are. But I can teach you to be a wife. I think I'm okay at it, Emmett hasn't run screaming yet," she chuckles.

I swipe my wet clothes off the counter and we head out of the locker room, back to where my chair is perched at the exit door. She waits behind it while I get settled and then she pushes me back to my room. I feel a lot more comfortable with her now, since we shared our 'moment' and I hope she does too.

I tell her to have the first shower and she goes into my bathroom with her little satchel of clean clothes. She's quick and back out again in only a few minutes. She looks scrubbed clean and is fresh faced. She's so beautiful, even without makeup and with dripping wet hair.

"It's all yours," she tells me.

I do as she did and shower quickly. I love the feeling of my clean hair once I've used the shampoo and run my brush through my hair as I come back into my room. She's sitting in the armchair flipping through a magazine so once I've hung up my towel and put my brush away I go and sit on a plastic chair opposite her. "Thanks so much for today," I tell her again.

She flips the magazine shut and puts it back down beside the chair. "Don't mention it," she says with a smile. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Your scars, did Jake do that to you?" she asks quietly.

I cringe, knowing she'd seen them in the locker room. I wasn't prepared to have to answer questions about them but see nothing wrong with admitting that he did. Alice has seen them, Esme too, Carlisle has worked on them and Edward knows about them too. If I want her help when I get home I have to be honest with her. "Yeah, most of them," I say and get back up from my chair. I turn so I'm facing away from her and pull my jersey up my back. "The burns are Jake, the welts are Charlie, the bruising is from my broken ribs."

I hear her gasp and give her a second to recover before I turn back around. When I do she's openly crying. It's not a reaction I was expecting. She seems so much harder, almost like ice, on the surface that I don't expect softness and empathy from her. But underneath she's just as soft as Emmett is, they're just really good at projecting a tough outer exterior. I sit back down and reach across the space between us, capturing her hand in mine.

"Don't cry Rosie, I'm okay now. They can't hurt me anymore."

"How do you do it?" she asks.

"Do what?"

"How do you stay so nice? Emmett told me your dad has been hurting you pretty much since you were born and yet you're still so nice. Why aren't you all angry and pissed at the world?"

I smile a little. "It's all I've ever known I guess. I'm learning that it can be different, so I guess I'm just grateful that I got rescued, Elizabeth too."

She nods and dries her eyes on the back of her hand. "I'm so glad Esme went to your house instead of calling that day."

"Oh me too," I say honestly. "She never told me why she came around instead."

"She talked to Alice. Alice said you brushed her off for ages, she told her mom that you wouldn't agree to see anyone so there was no point calling. I guess she just decided to turn up and force the issue. Lucky she did huh?"

All I can do is nod. So much had happened in the background of my life that I didn't even notice or know about. Edward was looking out for me, Carlisle too. Esme and Alice talked about me and how best to get me to agree to see them and Rosie and Emmett had discussed my situation so they could both learn how to help me. I'd been so very lucky and hadn't even known it.

"Very lucky," I agree. "There is something else you can teach me."

Her eyes light up at that and I smile. "Do tell."

"I want to look nice for the movies tonight, will you help me?"

She's on her feet and grabbing her bag before I've even finished the request. "I'll run out now and grab some things, but I'll be back at five," she shouts over her shoulder at me.

I get the distinct feeling that I've unleashed a bit of a makeup monster, but it's nice to know that she wants to help me.

I've got an appointment to see the occupational therapist very soon but I decide to send Edward a text before she arrives.

~Thank you for coming and rescuing me again today. I feel so good for it. You felt pretty good too ;) 'More doesn't seem quite so frightening all of a sudden. I love you, Bella xx ~

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. **

**They are making good progress now, even though the going is a little bit tough in places. **

**Next chapter is 'Cullen Family Movie Night'...**

**Please review. **


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33 – Cullen Family Movie Night

**EPOV**

My patient list was under control when I got back to the clinic so I was able to just slip into my role easily and resume consultations as if I hadn't been missing for the two hours prior.

I didn't have long to let the others know how the therapy session had turned out, but I did take the time to let them all know that all was once again well for Bella.

With the few spare minutes I did have during the afternoon I made numerous calls to make sure that tonight went off without a hitch. Mom assured me she was on track, Elizabeth was going to have an early sleep so she should be tired and ready for a feed, and another a sleep, by the time we were sitting down to start the movie.

I wondered if that was the right order of things, but mom assured me that Bella would adore feeding the baby and being able to rock her to sleep for herself, so that became the plan.

Dad was asleep when I called the house and mom told me he was planning to go in to do his evening rounds early so he too could come to the movie. That floored me. Sitting in a lecture theatre watching a children's movie just didn't sound like something my dad would stick his hand up for. But if I'd learned anything these past few weeks it was that I really didn't know my father very well at all. He was a much more compassionate, family orientated man than I'd previously thought. I don't know why, but as an adult I'd forgotten all the times he'd rearranged shifts, asked others to cover for him and generally ran after us just as much as mom did. Now that I was a doctor myself I could appreciate just how difficult that must have been for him to make happen. My whole life was a juggling act now. with Bella, Elizabeth and Joshua to think about as well as the clinic and the rest of the family I was going to have my work cut out for me to find enough hours in a day to give them all the love and attention they deserved. I had no doubt that I'd do it, but it did make me appreciate my father's efforts a whole lot more now I was staring down a similar barrel.

Next I called Rosie and thanked her profusely for all her help at the pool. She insisted she'd done nothing, but I thanked her for bothering to try and for the ingeniousness that was barrier cream.

She told me she was organised for the evening and that Emmett would be bringing Angus to the hospital while she went with Alice to help Bella get ready. I begged her not to overwhelm Bella with 'girly shit' but she too surprised me by saying that she understood Bella a lot better than she had before and that she'd do her best to tone Alice down.

Alice was my next call. She promised that she'd be mindful of Bella's feelings and would be careful when applying makeup to Bella's mouth and cheek and I was grateful that she listened to me, and to Rosie, when we told her about Bella's needs. I sometimes forgot that Alice knew Bella even better than I did, that they'd been friends for a long time before Bella withdrew and that Alice knew how Bella thought better than anyone.

Things were changing within my family. Dad was a different man than the one I'd seen all my life, Rosie had softened and Alice – around Bella anyway – was quieter and more respectful, not so hyper and was even acting her age more and more outside the hospital room.

I placed a call to Robson Willis, Josh's doctor, and made sure he was fine with me taking the little boy into the lecture theatre for a few hours. He sounded sceptical but gave is permission for Joshua to attend the family movie.

I'd already gotten dad to book the lecture theatre for the night but I called the hospital administrator just to double check the booking. His secretary read me back the details and I was pleased that everything seemed to be on track and going smoothly. God knew this family deserved a break in our luck.

I finished my patient list on time and after a quick debriefing in the lunchroom I was off and headed home to collect the few things I needed for the night. I showered in my own shower for the first time in weeks and dressed in clothes that hadn't been brought to me by my mother, or reefed from a backpack for the first time in weeks, too.

I spent a few minutes with mom and Elizabeth in the kitchen before gathering some of the travel blankets we kept stowed in the foyer coat closet and heading right back to the hospital again. This time, thankfully, I wasn't followed. I shoved what I could of my provisions into my backpack and clutched the blankets in a wad under one arm while I locked up my car and headed for the hospital administration offices to collect the keys for the theatre.

Once it was all opened up and I'd set down all my things I went to the children's ward to sort out Joshua. He had no idea where we were going or why he was leaving the ward and when I told him he was going to be seeing a movie he seemed disinterested, almost as if he had no idea what a movie was.

I asked him if he knew who Shrek was and he said that he did, but without any real enthusiasm. I was concerned and tried to talk the evening up a bit by making it sound like a bit of an adventure. I needn't have bothered. Once I explained to him that Bella was coming, and Elizabeth and Angus, and that I would stay with him while the movie played he perked right up.

One of the nurses helped me disconnect him from his various tubes and the IV. The cannula on the back of his hand was flushed with saline and then capped for the couple of hours he'd be out of the ward. He was excited and talkative as I walked with him to the theatre just before five o'clock.

The two of us chatted about his robot and about his Lego and how he was feeling. He sat on the blanket I'd brought from home that I'd laid out on the floor in front of the stage. He spread himself and his few toys out on it quite happily while I buzzed about getting other things set up and ready for the family.

I turned the air-conditioning on and set the control to a nice cool temperature so that both Bella and Josh would be comfortable, seeing as they were the two patients attending the film.

Mom was brining the food and the snacks so I didn't really have to do anything for that so I found myself sitting on the blanket playing with Josh and his Lego while we waited for Em and Angus to arrive.

They came at five thirty, Emmett with his arms laden with carrier bags. He threw them all onto a front row seat and said he'd be back with the rest if I could watch Angus.

Angus himself was decked out for a big night of Shrek. He had his favourite Shrek pyjamas on and also had a sort of headband thing perched on top of his head that sported a pair of bright green ogre ears. He had another one in one fist and his Iggle Piggle stuffed in the other.

The instant he spotted Josh sitting on the blanket he ran to his newest friend and presented him with the headband. Josh looked at it warily, then looked to Angus' head. With barely a seconds hesitation he slid the headband behind his ears and smiled wide.

While I had a quick glance through the various bits and pieces in Emmett's carrier bags I kept one ear trained on the conversation between the two little boys. Angus was espousing the merits of being an ogre who happened to have a best friend who was a donkey while Josh sat in rapt silence, clinging to every word.

The lecture theatre looked just as I remembered it. Boring and clinical. I'd sat through hundreds of lectures in it and during every single one I'd nodded off despite the painfully rigid seats that ran in rows from midway up the room to the rear where the double doors led back into the hospital proper.

From two thirds of the room down, and towards the front lectern, was a blank open space. To either side of the room were two rows of much more comfortable chairs. These were usually for the visiting professors or doctors who came to deliver the mind numbing addresses such rooms were reserved for.

These chairs had arm rests that folded back up between the seats, like on a plane, and were plush and plump compared to the straight backed ones for the students.

I took the throw rugs and pillows out of Emmett's carrier bags and spread them evenly amongst the two rows on either side of the open floor space. I figured everyone would take a seat on those, nobody would willingly sit on the straight backed ones if they didn't need to.

In another carrier bag were a dozen headbands just like Josh's. Rosie must have bought them for everyone so I put those out evenly between the two sides of the room too.

The DVD of the actual movie was in the bottom of the last carrier bag so I took that up onto the stage and set it on top of the player that was housed inside a little black booth off to the right hand side.

Emmett came back with two small cooler bags and Angus's daycare bag slung over one shoulder. He gave me the two coolers and told me one was for the boys, the other had been sent along by our mother and was for Elizabeth. He put the little bag of Angus's things onto the blanket and told me to bugger off and collect my date before the others arrived.

I asked Josh to please stay put, and to play nicely with Angus while I went to get Bella and he promised he would be a good boy. I had no doubt that he would, he was a very placid little boy from what I'd seen so far.

I thanked Em and bounded out of the theatre, back through the corridors of the hospital to collect Bella, my heart pounding with nervous anticipation as I went.

Today had been an emotional rollercoaster for us both and it was hard to know which Bella I was likely to be taking to the movie tonight. Happy carefree Bella who had managed to leave behind the horror of her past, or the scared timid Bella who didn't like the dark or crowds. Both of which she was going to be confronted with in a matter of minutes.

**BPOV**

True to her word Rosalie is back at five, with Alice in tow.

They bring with them a garment bag, arms full of carrier bags and a makeup case on wheels. Yes, on wheels!

Thankfully they didn't bring a dress for me to wear, so I didn't have to hurt their feelings and turn them down to wearing it. Instead Alice had chosen a long navy skirt and a matching blouse in some sort of shiny, slinky material. It had little capped sleeves and black buttons down the front. It would cover all of the marks on my body so I loved it instantly.

Rosie pulled a pair of black low heeled court shoes from one of the carrier bags and I was told to go into the bathroom and change so they could do my hair and makeup.

I felt nice, pretty even, in the outfit. I looked at myself for a long time in the bathroom mirror before going back into my room and subjecting myself to the ministrations of the sisters Cullen. Or rather Cullen and Whitlock Inc.

Alice looked pleased when I came out and Rosie actually whistled so I figured I looked okay. They sat me on one of the plastic chairs and while Rosie did my hair Alice did my makeup.

I asked them both to keep it simple, especially the makeup near the scar at my lip, and they both promised they'd be both careful and sparing with the makeup.

Rosie pulled all the hair from the crown of my head up into a knot and slipped two navy combs into it to hold it all up. She curled and sprayed the length of my hair and announced me all done only a few minutes later. I was pretty confident that she'd not done anything too elaborate. She certainly hadn't bothered the staples that were still in my scalp while she'd worked on me.

Alice took a little longer to do my makeup but she too kept it simple. A light dusting of powder, a little subtle eye shadow, some mascara and a slick of some shiny lip gloss and I was done. Ten minutes, tops. She stood back and surveyed her work and then said I was 'perfect', her word not mine.

She handed me a small mirror and I smiled and said thank you a dozen times as I stared at myself in it. You could still see the long jagged scar from my lip, of course, but it was a soft pink colour underneath the powder, it didn't stand out like a string of lights shouting 'look at the girl who got cut'.

At half past five they both ran out of the room. Alice to run home and collect Jasper, Rosie to meet Emmett to help contain Angus. That left me alone in my room with half an hour to kill before my 'date'.

I headed off to the patient lounge and heated up some of Esme's amazing lasagne. I didn't put in a meal order for tonight, knowing the tray would arrive right after Edward collected me for the movie.

I still had no idea where this movie was going to be shown, or how I was going to get there. I ran over several possible scenarios but each seemed more unlikely than the next.

He'd rented a nearby cinema. Extravagant even for Edward. The family owned a cinema. Not outside the realms of possibility, but probably unlikely. The family had a big screen television that someone was going to bring to my room. More than likely. A projector screen was being erected in the garden. I doubted it, nobody would trust Forks weather that much. The movie was going to be projected onto the side of the hospital and all the patients were going to be allowed outside to sit in deck chairs and watch. Nope, wouldn't happen that way.

Edward was right on time and knocked on my door promptly at six. He came into the room and took the breath right out of my lungs in his black jeans and black striped button down.

He'd had a shower and had shaved recently, I could tell by the strong smell of his soap and the light sheen of water still in his hair, not to mention his smooth jaw line.

I rose from the armchair as he came further into the room and he smiled and looked me up and down before telling me how nice I looked. I thanked him and let him kiss me softly at the corner of my mouth. He was careful not to kiss off all my lip gloss and I ran my thumb over his bottom lip to smudge away the slick of it that was left there, but was startled when Edward turned his mouth into my palm and kissed it very softly, his eyes closed as he did so.

I felt my knees buckle as his tongue swept across my skin ever so slightly. It was a simple gesture, probably fairly innocent in its nature, but to me it felt like fire travelling up my arm and into my chest.

I wanted more.

It's all I could think about as we walked, hand in hand, out of my room and through the corridors. I wanted more from Edward. I wanted more _of_ Edward.

I still didn't have any idea where we were going or what he'd organised for us, but I was happy to be out of my room and headed out for some fun. Today had been long and parts of it I'd rather forget, but I'd been looking forward to tonight all day long.

"Can I know where we are going now?" I ask playfully.

"You'll see." Was all he'd answer.

We turned right down a corridor I'd never seen before, into a part of the hospital I didn't know even existed. I was disappointed that I'd not get to sneak a peek at Joshua in his crib on our way past. The corridor I was lead down was well before the children's ward. We turned left through some double doors and then we were inside a theatre. A dimly lit theatre at that.

Row after row of red chairs lined the floor but way up at the front, just before a small raised stage, I saw the Cullen clan gathered. All of them! They made an imposing sight too.

I squeezed Edward's hand and looked up into his eyes to see them sparkling and his lips formed into a cheeky grin. "We thought we'd have Cullen family movie night," he whispered right next to my ear.

"Thank you, so much, for organising this," I whispered right back and made my way down between the aisles to the front of the theatre.

Carlisle was as casually dressed as I'd ever seen him in jeans and a striped navy button down with a white t-shirt peaking through the collar. He held Elizabeth who was dressed in pyjamas with Shrek on them. She had tiny little green ears that stood up on the top of her head. I giggled when I saw that.

He put her right into my arms as everyone greeted me. Esme came to stand beside me and kissed me on the cheek while I nuzzled into Elizabeth unashamedly. She slid a headband with ogre ears on it into my hair and announced me 'perfectly dressed for the occasion'.

Joshua rushed to me and flung himself around my knees. With Elizabeth in my arms I couldn't bend down too far to say a proper hello to him, but I hugged him as best I could and listened as he told me that we were going to see a movie, and that he had ogre ears just like Angus, and that Edward had taken the nasty tube from his hand, and Edward had walked with him and Edward this and Edward that. He was so excited he couldn't stand still!

Eventually he ran out of things to tell me and he just drifted away, back to where Angus was sitting on a blanket playing with some blocks. I smiled after Josh and watched for a second as the two boys began their game again.

Rosie was busy telling the others how well I did in the pool today and while I rolled my eyes at her fib she smiled widely and conceded that I'd had a rough start but once I got going I swam like a fish.

We laughed and joked about that while Edward and Emmett fussed around on the stage for a little bit and then the loud crackle of a microphone fizzed through the little theatre.

Alice stood beside me and whispered for me to watch Edward's face for a moment, so I slid Elizabeth higher up onto my arm and turned my attention to the stage area.

"Hey, guys, can I have your attention for a moment please?" Jasper asked into the microphone at the lectern.

Both Edward and Emmett stopped what they were doing and turned towards their brother in law.

Jasper tapped the microphone again and then began to speak into it. "Alice and I want to share some news with you all. Since we're all here together it seemed the best time to tell you that we're pregnant!"

Rosie started squealing instantly and Edward's jaw dropped open in surprise as he took in the information. Emmett glared at Jasper and I wondered, just for a second, if this news wasn't going to be received quite so well by the two boys. After all, this was proof just what this guy had been doing to their little sister.

I needn't have worried. They dropped the DVD and its case back onto the player and rushed Jasper where he stood. They scooped him up and put him on their shoulders and walked the width and breadth of the stage a dozen times singing 'I said a boom chicka boom I said a boom chicka boom I said new Cullen in da room'. It made Elizabeth cry it was so loud, but both the little boys on the blanket stood and cheered as Jasper was paraded up and down while the two brothers sang loudly.

I slung Elizabeth over my shoulder and patted her back, she soon stopped crying and with her cuddled up against me I got to watch the very sweet scene as the two brothers let their brother in law down off their shoulders and then jumped off the stage and accosted their little sister.

They covered her face and neck with kisses and patted her tummy over and over, congratulating her all the while on her great news. Rosie joined in and then Angus came running over to put a hand on his Aunt's belly, hoping to feel the new baby in there. He was forlorn and disappointed to be told that the baby was too small to feel yet. Joshua watched the entire scene play out before timidly joining the noisy group and asking if he could hug Alice too.

With an amazingly tender smile Edward scooped the little boy up into his arms and held him aloft while he leaned across and hugged Alice. He too touched her belly and giggled when he was told there was a baby inside her.

Edward put him down when he wriggled and soon the two little boys were once again sitting on the blanket playing with the Lego bricks.

Esme came to me and whispered that she'd kept Elizabeth awake from her afternoon sleep and had deliberately drawn out the timing on her dinnertime bottle so that I could nurse her and rock her to sleep. I whispered my thanks to Esme with tears in my eyes. She always understood my need, and my want, to mother Elizabeth myself and she always thought about ways to let me do that.

I was helped to settle across two of the seats at the front of the stage and then Esme handed me Elizabeth's bottle. I slipped it between her rosebud lips and smiled down at her as she began to feed. I pulled a soft cotton blanket around her and held her tightly to me, staring down at her as she ate her dinner.

The group was lost to me then. I couldn't have told you what any of them were up to I was so wholly consumed with Elizabeth.

She smelled so good and felt so wonderful in my arms. I missed her so badly during the hours I was awake and was dying to get home so I could do more for her. I knew I had been pretty much useless to her over the past weeks, but now that I was feeling better and moving better I felt even guiltier that someone else had to do everything for her all the time. Apart from the quick half hour visits of a morning I had no contact with her at all and I hated it.

The rest of the family went about their business, setting up blankets and pillows and choosing seats. The little boys were given sipper cups with soda in them and a massive bag of popcorn was put between them on the blanket.

Travel mugs of hot chocolate and cans of soda were passed around for the adults and Esme put mine in the holder I the armrest while I nursed Elizabeth to sleep.

By the time her tiny eyelids closed the others were all sitting in their seats ready to watch the movie. Edward took Elizabeth from me and laid her down in her pusher, tucked her in and moved it to the side so that we could keep an eye on her during the movie.

With a last check that everyone had what they needed he brought the remote control for the DVD player to me and put it into my lap.

"You lead," he whispered cheekily and took his seat beside me. I notice he's got a set of green ogres ears protruding from his hair.

I pressed play and the beginning credits came up on the screen. With Edward's arm around my shoulders I leaned back into him and settled in for a good giggle.

**EPOV**

Her hair smelled of strawberries and her skin was glowing with happiness as the movie credits illuminated her beside me. I put an arm softly around her shoulder, careful not to let its full weight rest on the spot where she had the wound, and smiled smugly to myself for pulling off such a brilliant idea.

The movie was hilarious. The parts the kids laughed at were brilliant, but the bits the adults laughed at were hilarious!

About twenty minutes in Angus called for Rosie and to keep him quiet she told him to just come sit on her lap. Which he did. He climbed up into the seat and she held him while the movie played out. That left Joshua on the blanket on his own.

He was lying on his back looking up at the huge screen with wide eyes but when Angus ditched he began to look around the room sadly. When his eyes met mine I beckoned to him with my free hand and he ran towards me, just as Angus had run to Rose.

I took my arm down off Bella's shoulder, expecting to have to cradle the little boy on my lap for the remainder of the movie, but he didn't reach for me. He reached for Bella. She happily pulled him up onto her lap and held him just as tightly as Rosie held Angus.

I put my arm back around her shoulder and whispered my love for her into her ear. She gave me a spectacular smile and returned to watching the movie. She stroked Joshua's hair idly as the big green guy moped his way through having to rescue Princess Fiona.

Across the room Alice was asleep in Jasper's lap. He ran his fingers through her short spiky hair and rubbed her belly absent-mindedly the whole time. They'd make great parents and I was extremely happy for them. Even if it did mean he'd been sticking it to my little sister. I tried hard not to think about that too much.

My parents were cuddling like teenagers in their seats behind Alice and Jasper and I had to look away when my father pulled my mother to him for a sneaky kiss. I felt like groaning and telling them they were gross, just like I did when I was thirteen, but I figured it would help Bella to see that couples, no matter how old they were, were affectionate in public.

I turned my head just slightly and caught sight of my brother and his wife and son as they watched the film. Rosie had her head resting on Emmett's shoulder, Angus was watching the screen with rapt attention, but didn't notice the way his father was stealthily stroking the outside of his wife's right breast. Again gross.

It didn't take long for both little boys to be asleep. I'd say we were only an hour into the movie before the first snores rent the air. All the adults smiled widely, Rose and Emmett checked to see if it was Angus, but it was actually Joshua, asleep in Bella's lap, snoring away like a train.

He was much better but not quite one hundred percent yet.

I'd had no word from Gary Benson about fostering him and decided I'd give the guy a call in the morning, Saturday be damned.

"Can you put him down on the blanket, he weighs a ton," Bella giggled lightly beside me.

I took the sleeping boy and put him back on the floor, covering him with the other half of the blanket. I patted him gently for a minute or so but he never shifted so I went back to my seat and put my arm around Bella again. This time she snuggled up against me, putting her tiny little hand on my thigh. I did my best not to read too much into it.

"Should I turn it off?" I whispered to the adults.

A couple of no's and one 'I want to see how it ends' from my father came as the reply. I stifled my laugh at my dad and slouched back further into my seat to watch the end.

I put the odd kiss on Bella's hair but other than that we sat right as we were. Emmett and Rose were snogging pretty steadily behind us and mom and dad weren't all that chaste either. Bella giggled here and there when the light from the movie changed and lit the theatre up, giving us all a good view of my parents making out in the back row.

"They are incorrigible," I grumbled to her.

"They are so sweet," she whispered back.

I wanted to kiss her, desperately, but didn't think she'd want me to in front of all the family. Instead I contented myself with twirling her hair around my fingers and kissing her temple now and then.

**BPOV**

Why he wouldn't kiss me I didn't know. Perhaps he was embarrassed to in front of his family? Maybe I should've taken more seriously what he'd told me about Emmett's ability to turn even an innocent kiss into something sinister? Maybe he just wasn't into public displays of affection?

His hand in my hair felt divine. If I could've purred like a kitten I would've. I put my hand on his thigh hoping he'd realise what a big thing that was for me, but he didn't change his position or offer me anything other than the odd kiss to my hair or temple.

It was very frustrating.

I didn't want to be overheard asking him to kiss me and I didn't know how to instigate that for myself. So instead I sat still and watched the movie. I liked it, it was funny and it had been lovely to share that with Josh.

That he chose to sit with me had made me very happy, and proud. I was sure he'd reach for Edward. Their bond seemed so much stronger than ours, but it was me he reached for. He sat very still and laughed only when someone else started to. He was wary of beginning it himself, which I thought was strange. He seemed so much older than he really was. Like a little sad old man in a little boys body.

It was very satisfying that he was comfortable enough with me to just fall asleep the way he did, tucked up against my body. I should watch Rosie with Angus when I get home and see how she behaves with her little boy. Was she rough with him, when he wanted to play little boy games? Was she stern? Was she able to discipline him or did she give in and let him have his head?

I had no idea what sort of mother I was going to be. Maybe I was going to be all those things, maybe I wasn't. I had no yard stick. Esme had obviously done a remarkable job but Rose and Emmett seemed to be doing just fine too. I was looking forward to what they could teach me.

Edward laughed at something on the screen and I felt his body move beside me. It made me bring my thoughts back to the here and now and I was once again sorry I'd not asked one of the girls how to ask for what I wanted from him. I could just shift slightly and turn my face to his, ask quietly for a kiss and I knew that he would oblige. But I didn't know if I could, let alone should.

He kissed me softly on the temple again and I sighed a little, as quietly as I could.

"What is it love?" he asked astutely.

I shook my head, not willing to discuss it now, and tried to return my attention to the movie.

Edward had other ideas. He cupped my chin in his palm and turned me so I was facing him as best I could. His eyes were concerned and I felt bad that my sigh had provoked his worrying instinct. He asked me what was wrong again and although I was scared and embarrassed to ask I tried as best I could to try to change his attention from me to someone else.

"Nothing's wrong," I whisper. "Look at your parents." I nod towards them and feel Edward cringe then chuckle softly.

Esme was buried under Carlisle's arm as she lay across his lap. They were sharing a passionate kiss and were completely oblivious to their surroundings. In front of them Jasper had Alice asleep in his lap and he was stroking her belly with his long fingers, just as Edward had stroked mine.

Edward chuckled under his breath and shook his head at the spectacle of his parents making out. I wish I knew how to ask for what I wanted from him, but I just wasn't that confident yet.

I didn't know, nor could I see, what Emmett and Rosie were doing, but I imagined they were sharing either caresses or kisses too. Even with Angus in Rosie's lap I was sure they were affectionate no matter who was around.

I put a hand up and squeezed his as it draped across my shoulder. He squeezed back but made no further move. It was frustrating but I just couldn't bring myself to make the first move.

I was relieved of the tension I could feel building within me by the closing credits of the film. I hadn't even noticed it was coming to an end. I couldn't recite what had happened for the last fifteen minutes of it. Mind you, I doubted anyone else, other than Edward, could've either.

When the DVD stopped Edward untangled himself from me and turned the player off. He stretched; his arms rose right above his head, and yawned loudly. Neither of the little boys moved and I watched as Rosie carefully laid Angus across hers and Emmett's seats while they got up to help tidy the theatre up.

Very quietly Esme repacked her bags with the left over sodas and the now empty bags of popcorn and as Edward picked Joshua up off the floor she rolled the blanket up and stowed it underneath Elizabeth's pusher. Edward said he'd take Josh back to the ward and would then come back to escort me to my room. He leant over with the sleeping boy so I could kiss his golden curls and then he was gone.

Elizabeth had been so good. She'd slept through the whole movie and hadn't moved other than to push her little bottom higher into the air as she slept. Everyone insisted I just sit and watch her sleep while they cleaned up, making me feel very guilty.

"Nonsense. You don't get to spend nearly enough time with her as it is," Esme tells me kindly. "Take opportunities when they arise," she whispers and winks at me.

I wonder what she means but I think I can guess. It's either a reference to her making out with Carlisle and for me to ask Edward for what I want, or for me to take the chance to spend a little extra bonus time with Elizabeth. Either way I give in and just sit with my baby.

I pat Elizabeth's back while she sleeps and wish it was me taking her home tonight. She snuffles a little in her sleep and I let my hand fall away from her. I want to hold her again. I want to smell her and undress her and get a good look at her. I want to feel her close to me and most of all I want it to be me who gets up to her in the night tonight.

I don't realise I'm crying quietly until Emmett comes to sit beside me. He puts his arms around me and his huge head on my shoulder.

"Don't cry sissy. You'll be home before you know it. Then you can clean all the poopy nappies you want," he laughs.

I sink into his shoulder and laugh too. "Thanks, I think."

He chuckles again, his whole body shaking from it. "I'm serious. In two months time you'll be begging someone to take her off your hands for a couple hours just so you can get some rest. Let mom mother her to death for now and then you can come home and take over the reins."

He's so kind that I can't help but cry a little harder, I'm so grateful to him. To them all really. "Thanks Em. I just miss her so much."

He cups my chin and lifts my eyes to his, just like Edward does when he wants my full attention. I blink back my tears and wait for his words of wisdom. "Luckily she has us, and you do too. We're taking good care of her, I promise. Just get well and come home. Put the little shit out of his misery," he chuckles.

I can't quite work out who he means but it doesn't take me long to work it out. Edward comes storming down the centre aisle and stops right before us. "What's wrong?" he growls at his brother and then looks at me with worried eyes.

Emmett gets up, hands out in supplication. "Keep your shirt on. She was crying, I was just telling her not to worry. God, you _still_ on your period? I'd get that checked," he laughed.

I can't help but laugh too and Edward shoots me a scowl for my trouble. "It's ok Edward, he really was just telling me not to worry."

He comes to me and sits right in front of me, on his haunches. "What were you crying for?"

"I just want to go home." I shrug. "I miss her." I nod toward the pusher and Elizabeth.

His face softens instantly. He trails a finger down my cheek and to the corner of my mouth. "Another few days baby, that's all," he whispers then gets back to his feet.

He holds his fist up towards Emmett and I worry that he's about to take a shot at his brother, but Emmett just laughs a little bit and holds his fist out too. I've not seen this between them before but when they bump their fists together in the centre and then clap each other on the back I can see that it's a well rehearsed routine. They're brothers but more than that, they're friends too. "It's all cool dude," Emmett tells Edward and then moves away to help Rosie with Angus' things.

Edward winks at me and then goes to his parents, leaving me to pat Elizabeth some more.

**EPOV**

I need to get Bella back to her room fast. I want Emmett to get away from her. I want the family to go away. I want them to go to their homes so that I can have Bella all to myself again. I feel bad that that means Elizabeth has to go home too, knowing that Bella is upset and feeling guilty for not spending much time with her lately, but I still want them all to go home.

I thank mom for all she did and shake my dad's hand. He tells me he is going to go back to his ward and begin checking his patients and I thank him too for coming along and for helping me clear it so that we had use of the theatre for the night. He waves my thanks away and goes to Bella to say his goodbyes.

Jasper has woken Alice up but she's cranky and feeling a little nauseous so I say a quick goodbye and let him get her home. It's the same with Em and Rosie. Em has Angus slung over his shoulder so I clap him quietly on the back and thank him for his help and then I kiss my sister in law and thank her again for all she did for Bella in the pool today, and for helping her get ready tonight. I tell her that Bella looked amazing and she hugs me a little bit harder, and little bit longer than usual, when she tells me goodnight.

I pat Angus on his head, trying not to wake him, and wish him pleasant dreams.

Mom and dad are hovering near the pusher and I realise that if I don't make the first move Bella would sit there all night watching the tiny baby sleep.

I go to her and put a hand on her shoulder, her left shoulder, the one without the recently healed wound. "Come on love, let them take her home to her own bed," I say gently.

She turns sad eyes to me but nods and carefully gets to her feet. She thanks both my parents for all they are doing for Elizabeth and for all they did to make tonight so wonderful. They both hug her and kiss her and tell her to have a good night's sleep, then they wish me the same and we both stand and watch as dad pushes Elizabeth and mom walks silently at his side.

Bella squeezes my hand and we make our way out of the theatre. I reach out to switch the lights off as we pass through the double doors. It's a slow procession but soon enough we are in her room, alone.

I want to sweep her off her feet and pull her to me so I can devour her mouth, but that would frighten her, so I hold myself in check and when she is settled in the armchair I offer to go and get us something to snack on and some tea.

I take deep cleansing breaths once I'm inside the lounge and then set about preparing a tray. I put some of mom's cannoli on a plate and add two cups of sweet tea too. I waste another half a minute berating myself for having such lascivious thoughts about Bella and then I head back into her room.

She's right where I left her but she looks sad. I figure it's because she's had to say goodbye to Elizabeth once again. I set the tray on the table between us and pull a plastic chair up alongside her.

I push her tea over to her and she takes a small sip.

"Thank you for tonight, I had a great time," she says softly.

I smile and tell her it was my pleasure. "I had a great time too. Was it nice to feed Elizabeth and put her to sleep?"

She swallows her bite of her pastry and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. I can't help but want to kiss the stray pieces of pastry off her lips. I shake my head a little to try and get my brain back into some sort of control, hoping she doesn't notice.

"It was lovely," she says sadly.

I want her to open up to me, to tell me how she's feeling, but I don't want her sad and I don't want her guilt to eat away at her. And I know she's feeling guilty because every time my mother arrives with the baby Bella gets melancholy because someone else is mothering her child.

We sit in silence and finish our tea and the small plate of snacks. It's early, only nine thirty, but she's had a hugely emotional and physically tiring day.

"Maybe we should get some sleep?" I ask.

She turns her eyes to mine. "Are you embarrassed?" she asks out of the blue and I'm left wondering what the hell she's on about.

"Why would I be embarrassed?" I ask.

She takes a moment to think on it before answering. "You didn't kiss me in the theatre," she states matter of factly.

Ahh. She saw the others making out and is wondering why we weren't. I smile. "I wanted to," I admit.

Again she turns her eyes to me but this time they aren't sad, they're questioning. "Is it because you don't want to be seen doing that with me in front of your family? I understand if it is. I'm still married to someone else."

A small bark of laughter escapes my mouth before I can get control of myself. "No Bella. It's not because you're still married," I laugh. "I don't care about that. We both know we've not done anything wrong, that this isn't wrong for us." I push the tray to the centre of the small table and rise from my seat. I take her hands in mine and bring her to her feet. I kiss the back of her right hand, right where the small scar from the cannula is. I push both my hands into her hair and hold her firmly. I can't take my eyes from her lips as I speak. "I knew that if I kissed you in that theatre, where it was all dark and cosy under the blankets, I'd never be able to stop," I tell her softly. "I'd never be embarrassed with you, ever. I'm so fucking proud to be seen with you. I still find it amazing that you'd be seen with me." I lean between us and close the distance, kissing her softly at the edge of her mouth. "You are so beautiful and you smell so good and felt so good in my arms." I kiss her again, closer to the centre of her mouth but again I pull back. "I don't want to frighten you, I don't want to go too far, I know you aren't ready, so I do nothing."

She relaxes in my arms as my explanation washes over her. A small smile forms on her lips. "You want me?" she asks so quietly I think I've imagined it for a second.

I rest my forehead on hers and move my hands to her shoulders. "I want you," I agree.

"Are you sure?" she asks and I wonder, for the thousandth time, why she can't see what I see in her.

"I'm so fucking sure I'll sign the confession in blood if you want me too," I chuckle. "You don't see yourself clearly, Bella. You are exactly what I want, what I've always wanted. I tortured myself for years thinking about you, wondering about you, fantasising about you. But I thought you were happy, I thought you'd made your choice and that you married Jake because you loved him. But I wanted you all the same. I'm not ashamed to admit that I wanted you even though you were married to someone else. I still thought about you, wanted you, and dreamt of you. I know that makes me a bad person, wanting someone else's wife, but I've loved you for so long Bella, it just wouldn't go away."

I don't realise we're swaying until I stop speaking. She's in my arms and it's like we're dancing. It's subconscious. This is such a serious conversation, such a monumental topic and it's like our brains are telling us to be closer. With each sway she's further into my arms, closer to my body, as though the seriousness of it all is forcing us together. I want it to be true. I want to be as close to this woman as is legal.

"I don't know how to ask for what I want," she whispers with a soft sigh.

"Yes you do," I tell her. "It's just me Bella. I'm Edward. You know me. You can tell me anything, ask me anything, and ask of me anything you want. I might not always give it to you, but I'll always listen."

I let my hands fall a little from her shoulders and then, all of a sudden, I'm holding her around her back and she's pressed fully up against my chest. She's tilted herself so she can see my face and for once in my life I'm not ducking away from it, I'm staring at her as she's staring at me. I realise the gravity of what's being said, what's being admitted. She's either about to tell me she wants me too or she's going to say she doesn't think she's ever going to be able to give herself to me. I try not to hope, I try to ready myself for the latter, but it's so hard to.

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, like she's done a thousand times before when she's nervous, but this time its accompanied by a tiny wince as the jagged wound across her mouth pulls painfully. I want to ask her to stop, to let her lip go, to tell her that she doesn't need to be nervous, that she can tell me anything and I won't judge or press for more.

I'm about to do just that when she blurts out the words I've waited a decade to hear.

"I want more, Edward. I want you too," she mumbles, fresh tears shining in her eyes.

I can't help but let out the breath I've been holding but I don't waste a single second more than that and quickly capture her lips with mine. I kiss her hard, ever mindful that at any moment she'll pull away, always knowing that being too forceful, too relieved, might mean I'm hurting her lip. But she presses herself up against me and shoves her fingers into my hair, pulling me down harder onto her lips.

I kiss her fiercely, possessively for a long, long time. I know she can feel my erection because she's pushing herself up against it a little. She doesn't seem frightened but once again I'm aware that we are standing in her hospital room and could be interrupted at any second. Reluctantly I break the embrace and leave a trail of tiny kisses along her jaw, across her cheek and into her ear.

She shivers gorgeously when my breath hits the shell of her ear. "I love you Bella, but that's enough for now. Knowing you want me too is enough, for now," I tell her breathlessly, loving the way she trembles as I deliberately caress her ear with my voice.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. It was lovely to write this chapter, where everything went well for a change. **

**The next few 'real time days' in the story are going to be washed over so that I can begin to show you how Bella does going home. **

**Please review, I love hearing your thoughts. **


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 35 – Life, Love and a Home of my own.

**BPOV**

I'd done it!

I'd told Edward I wanted more. I'd told Edward I wanted him. I'd done it!

I felt powerful, confident and utterly, utterly in love with him. He hadn't berated me, he hadn't belittled me or told me my feelings didn't count. He hadn't been shocked or appalled or bothered by the fact that I was still someone else's wife.

He'd just been Edward. All the things I loved about him were true, it wasn't an act or a game or a persona he projected for me to see. He was what he appeared to be.

He was loving and generous, considerate and totally truthful. He was also very good at drawing lines in the sand that he insisted he wouldn't cross.

We stood in the middle of my room kissing for a long time after I'd admitted what I wanted from him and never once did he press me for anything other than what I could give. He had understood immediately that my admission wasn't achievable right then, or there, he'd just drawn the line and promised he wouldn't cross it.

I trusted him not to. I trusted him to be strong and to know right from wrong and what was going to be too much for me. He let me lead. He told me he'd taken in what I had said and what I had meant.

It felt so good to know that he had truly listened to me the past weeks and it felt even better going to bed that night and letting him hold me and not having a nagging fear that at any time he could just take from me what it was he wanted. He'd never do that. He wouldn't force me, or coerce me or even threaten me to do anything. And not just sexual things either. I _knew _that Edward would never insist I do anything, or say anything, that I didn't want to. I knew he was exactly what he appeared to be. He was good. Essentially a good man.

And knowing that had freed me in ways I hadn't expected.

Afterwards I'd been different. And not just because we'd come to an understanding that night. He knew I wanted him, I knew he wanted me, but we were both on exactly the same page about that, knowing it wasn't right to do anything about it while I was still in hospital and that there was all the time in the world for us to get this part of our relationship right.

We'd had a rocky start. Hell, we'd had a crap start. We were still going to have to navigate through some pretty tough times in the future, but this part, the physical part of our love, we could do this part right.

On Saturday morning Edward brought he cordless phone into my room and I got to listen as he spoke with Mr Benson about Joshua. He didn't have very much news for Edward, but the little that he did have was positive.

Mr Benson had submitted the forms and the investigation into Edward, me and the family was going ahead as planned. A few of the referees that Edward had named on the form had already been contacted by the department and from what Mr Benson was able to find out they had all given glowing references.

Edward was disappointed that the process was slow, but also elated that it had begun and that it all seemed to be going to plan.

That afternoon he took the staples out of my scalp and I was once again metal free. I had a shower straight away and loved the feeling of being able to properly massage shampoo and conditioner into my hair again. Later in the afternoon his dad gave the go ahead for the stitches in my breast to come out too. Edward said he'd remove them but I wasn't comfortable with that, so Carlisle did it, just as he'd done the first time round. I didn't panic this time, well, not as much as I had done before. I closed my eyes and tried to lie very still while he snipped them from my skin. It only took a few seconds and it didn't hurt at all and I think I did quite well with my nervousness and embarrassment.

We had a quiet day on Sunday too. A visit from Esme, Carlisle and Elizabeth and seeing as they'd once again come straight from church I got to see Elizabeth all dressed up in her 'Sunday best'.

Esme stayed for longer than normal, giving me another chance to feed Elizabeth by myself. Carlisle went to visit with some of his patients and Esme went to sit with Joshua for a little while which left Edward and I to be with the baby. It was wonderful. He slipped out of the room for a few minutes and returned with a plastic baby's bath!

He showed me what he had in it and I gushed with thanks as he pulled out baby soap and shampoo and a washcloth.

As we bathed her he told me all about his disastrous efforts in trying to bath her himself those first few days after I was admitted. We laughed and cooed and talked and joked the whole time she lay in the little bathtub.

I showed him how to hold her, the trick to washing her and holding her just right while you did it and he tried and succeeded for himself after a little practise. He smiled and I could tell how proud he was that he'd mastered it.

He helped me redress her and by the time Esme returned she was asleep between us in the bed. Edward rested his hand on her belly and we both just lay quietly and watched her snuffle through her dreams.

It was a magical day.

Monday was less 'magical' and more 'frustrating' than anything else. It started badly and got progressively worse. Having to say goodbye to Edward when he went to work was awful. After having him with me almost every minute of the weekend made parting on Monday morning worse. I knew I was being unreasonable – and the thought of what my hospitalisation was costing him kept me from begging him to stay. But only just.

I had my regular appointment with Pat and then with Kerry. They were both pleased that I'd gotten in the pool and even more pleased – stupidly I thought – that I was petulant and frustrated at having to still be an inpatient.

Kerry assured me it was a good sign. She insisted I was making terrific progress and that she was sure that I'd be going home on Friday.

Sandra too was pleased I'd gotten in the pool but she worked me hard during our session so by the time Edward arrived after work I was worn out. We had dinner together as usual but I was asleep way before he was.

Still, we woke together, side by side on Tuesday morning.

That day was better because I had Edward in on all my sessions. Kerry, for once, was complimentary about Edward and his role in my recovery. She praised him for including the family in our 'date' on Friday night and told us both that interacting within the larger group was the key to my learning how to working out for myself how to have the family I wanted.

I had a consult with the dietician and to my surprise I'd gained four and a half pounds since I'd last seen her. I didn't think I'd been eating any more or less than I was before, but she explained that a healthier mind meant a more healthy body and she was pleased to mark me off for discharge. On the proviso that I attend her clinic once a month for three months post discharge. It was a bargain I was happy to make.

One more tick on the clipboard. Always a fucking clipboard.

Wednesday was just as hard to say goodbye to Edward but I had something to look forward to in the shape of two hours with Elizabeth while Esme went to Port Angeles to run errands for herself.

Rose and Angus came midmorning, halfway through the visit, and since the weather was good that day we took the two children out into the garden for some sunshine. I undressed Elizabeth and lay with her on a blanket under the dappled shade of the tree. Angus ran and played and laughed and talked the whole time. He was lovely to be around and it was obvious that he adored Elizabeth.

I had a second dose of good karma in the afternoon because after 'Sandra the torturer' left I got to sit with Josh for a while. It was easy to see that he was so much better because he jabbered the whole time. He couldn't stop telling me all about Angus and how they'd built towers just to knock them down the night of the movie. I promised him that if Rosie brought Angus in to visit on Thursday that I'd bring them both by. He was so excited he called for his day nurse and told her all about his new friend Angus.

I wasn't in my room when Edward came back from work because I was with the occupational therapist in the gym. I never thought that would be where I'd find myself inside a hospital but when I was collected and told I'd be going to the gym for a session I had been sceptical.

But sure enough, high up in the hospital was a gym. A big one. I did a modified circuit and had to walk up and down an inclined ramp to prove that my mobility wasn't hampered by my rib injury anymore.

I returned to my room, and to Edward, with another tick in another box.

I fell asleep that night listening to Edward read from my novel. His smooth, silky voice had me wanting more, trying to force back sleep, but eventually I gave in and let it take me over.

Thursday too was a good day for me. Another tick in another box from Karen, the speech therapist, and then another from Narelle the audiologist. I had no trouble with the stupid test this time so she too marked me ready for discharge.

The dentist came to see me and I earned another gold star in another box because my teeth had resettled into my gums without issue. He checked over my diet and announced me fit for discharge as far as he was concerned.

Our session with Kerry went well despite Edward once again being castigated for plans he'd made in readiness for my return to his home. I hadn't known about it, but he'd organised a housekeeper so that I didn't need to do anything around the house either for myself or for Elizabeth. I wondered what Esme thought about that, but never got the chance to ask.

Kerry made it very plain to Edward that it wasn't a good idea, at least for now. She told him, very pointedly, that part of my recovery had to include being self sufficient. I thought that was a little bit strange seeing as I was going to be living with a family that wasn't my own and who was more than likely going to have to carry me both financially and emotionally for quite a while. How that fit into the bounds of self sufficient I didn't know.

I admitted to Edward that I was looking forward to doing everything for Elizabeth and for myself and to a lesser degree keeping house. He looked bothered by that but the only comment he made was that I should do whatever I needed to do. I knew he was only trying to make things as easy for me as possible, but I agreed with Kerry, if not completely, then mostly. I wanted to be normal and normal meant cooking and cleaning and learning to function inside a family. I couldn't learn that if someone else did everything for me.

I didn't gain a tick in the box from Kerry that day, but she assured me that if I was still in a positive frame of mind come Friday – and didn't suffer any emotional setbacks during the night - she'd sign the form. It was what I was clinging to for the rest of Thursday.

True to my word when Rosie came to visit with Angus we all went to spend some time with Joshua. He squealed in delight when he saw Angus walking down the centre of the ward but his attention quickly turned to Edward.

It was to Edward he reached when he wanted out of his confining crib. It was Edward he asked for more juice from. It was Edward's knee he wanted to sit on while I read both boys their story.

Surprisingly it was me he clung to and me he cried for when we had to leave for the night. I cried too. Edward looked close to tears himself but as was the norm for us he was the stronger of the two and got me back to my room and settled in time for dinner.

I worried a little that I was relying on him too much, both physically and mentally, but I had no other option. Besides the two children he was going to be my life and I hoped that I was going to be his too.

**EPOV**

It wasn't quite so hard to say goodbye to Bella come Friday morning. I knew it was the last time I'd have to say goodbye at the door to a hospital room for one thing and for another I now had a whole week to spend with her at home.

I took a week's worth of my massive – and previously unused - allotment of annual leave and decided I'd stay in the house with her for a while until I was sure she was settled. I wanted to be on hand for any meltdowns but mostly I just wanted to be a part of this for her, and for myself.

I didn't want to miss a moment of our first opportunity to be a family.

My time at the clinic, however, turned out to be pretty crap. I had a very full patient list because there were some patients I could only see on a Friday and they'd had to be shuffled to accommodate those patients who wouldn't be able to wait an entire week for another appointment with me. A few had agreed to see someone else, but most of them wanted to see only me. It was gratifying but also a pain in my already overloaded ass.

I halved the length of time I could spend with each patient just to cram them all into the eight hours I had and even then I didn't get a chance to stop for a break until well after my lunch hour had passed.

When I did get a break I was cranky and not good company at all. All I really wanted was to be at the hospital with Bella. I threw my lunch in my head as fast as I could and then returned to my patient list. I had twice as many to see as normal and I had to cram them into one afternoon's consulting. To say that my patients didn't quite get the best of my bedside manner that afternoon was the understatement of the century.

Right on four o'clock I was out of there. I had my files at reception as the clock ticked over the hour and with the good wishes of my colleagues I was out of there like a rat up a drainpipe. I drove home as steadily and as carefully as I could, just in case the law was watching, but once I hit the driveway I drove to the front of the house like a madman possessed.

Emmett had finished the renovations days ago and while Alice, Rosie and mom were still busy putting the finishing touches on the decorating I had things I wanted to do myself. I shoved them all out of the door and sent Alice off to the hospital to help Bella pack while I did my thing.

I unwrapped the new telephone and set it into the socket behind her bedside table. I lined up the pile of new DVD's and cd's I'd bought and then I helped bring all of Elizabeth's clothes and toys down to her new room.

It felt so wrong to be moving it all. While I hadn't spent a whole lot of time in my rooms with Elizabeth I had spent some and I'd liked it. I also liked knowing she was sleeping in the room next to mine. It would feel strange and a little bit lonely when I slept in my bedroom alone now. Having slept with Bella for a month I was going to miss her warm little body pressed up against mine now.

When all of Elizabeth's things were in her new room I helped mom hang the new paintings and straighten up the bathroom before heading off to town for one last errand. I'd promised Bella I would find where Renee rested and I intended to do just that.

**BPOV**

Saying goodbye to Edward was bittersweet on Friday morning. Seeing him walk down the corridor was both good and bad for me. Good because it was the last time he'd leave without me, bad because I had to face Kerry and convince her that I was well enough to go home.

In the end it was simple. She asked me what I wanted for my first night out of the hospital and I told her I wanted a good night's sleep in a place that I felt safe. She asked me where that was and I told her in the guest room at the Cullen house. She wrote something on the clipboard – I wouldn't miss clipboards – and nodded. Next she asked what my plan going forward was.

I'd thought hard about it all morning while I endured my last torture session with Sandra and had come to the conclusion that I didn't have or need a plan other than to continue to get well.

I told Kerry that and she asked me to explain it further. So I did.

I outlined what little plan I had, that I'd go home and do my best by Elizabeth and try my hardest to learn how to function within a working and loving family. I outlined how I was going to continue with my physical therapy, either at home or on an outpatient's level, and that once I was physically well I'd take stock and decide what I wanted to do from there.

I was nervous as she wrote on my file but her smile when she returned her eyes to mine told me I had the final tick in the final box. Soon after she announced me fit enough to go home. There was a proviso, of course. I had to continue with weekly therapy sessions with her, or another psychologist, for at least the next three months. Longer if I was still struggling with anything. She also suggested that Edward continue to talk with someone without me present, just to make sure that he was coping with the changes in his life too.

I had never been so pleased to be handed a report card before. The big 'cleared for discharge' written at the top of the page made me both ecstatic and apprehensive. Both totally normal reactions, so she told me as she was leaving. She wished me well, asked me to pass on her good wishes to my, and I quote, 'delicious hunk of man' and to also wish his parents well. While giggling I told her I would do just that.

I had a quick appointment with Ambrose and he announced my scarring to be minimal. He himself was impressed with the handiwork he'd done to repair my lip and cheek. That left only Ben Cheney, and that meant a full genealogical examination. I was prepared for that, as prepared as I was likely to ever get, but I was still petrified by the time he arrived.

As soon as I knew what time to expect him I sent a text to Esme asking her to please come. She was already on her way, bringing Elizabeth for a visit, and she made it in plenty of time which gave me a few minutes with Elizabeth before she was taken out of the room with the day shift nurses to be cooed and cuddled while I had my final exam.

Ben was very good, telling me that he'd be quick and that he'd only touch me as was necessary. I didn't even want that but made myself stay as calm as I could while I listened to him speak about what he was going to be doing, and checking for.

He wanted to make sure I'd healed sufficiently and that my internal sutures had all dissolved and had been passed. He also wanted to perform a routine Pap smear test and take blood and a urine sample. I was okay with all of that. I'd been poked and prodded over and over the past month and I just wanted this last hurdle cleared.

His nurse asked me to remove my clothing and slip on a gown and lie back down on my bed. Esme came to the head of the bed and held my hand firmly while Ben washed and dried his hands and slid on some gloves. The snapping sound made me jump but Esme was right there, whispering her support for me.

Actually opening my legs for him was hard. I was so embarrassed and desperately afraid to be seen, let alone touched, but Esme talked to me throughout and I managed to keep it together long enough for him to announce me healed and ready to go home.

The blood test was simple, if slightly painful, and the urine test was even easier now that I could take myself off to the bathroom under my own steam.

Ben wished us well and asked me to pass his best onto Edward. He said he'd be in touch in ten days or so with the results of my smear test and that I was not only cleared for discharge but also cleared to recommence sexual activity 'at my leisure'. I was mortified but Esme didn't bat an eyelid.

Once I was dressed in my own clothing once again, or at least the clothing Alice had bought for me, I felt better. Elizabeth was brought back in and I got to feed her and change her and play with her for a whole hour before she began to grizzle. Esme kissed me on the temple and told me how excited she was that I was coming home in a few short hours. She said she'd be back at six, when Carlisle would complete my obs and also clear me to leave, and that everything was ready for me at 'home'. I thanked her profusely and watched her wheel Elizabeth's pusher down the hall for the last time.

The further the day progressed the more nervous I got.

I desperately wanted to go home with the Cullen's, but by the same token I didn't want to leave the comfort and safety of the hospital. That included Joshua. Leaving him behind was going to be torture, knowing he'd not get a visitor unless we came to see him. I wanted to do that, very much, but I felt traitorous being excited about finally getting out of the hospital myself when I knew full well he wasn't going to be leaving yet.

The only consolation I had to work with was the knowledge that he wasn't going to go to some horrible children's home, that he wasn't well enough to be discharged and that by the time he was we might have some sort of court order telling us we could take him home with us. It was a slim chance but it was one both Edward and I were clinging to. It was one of the only instances where I hoped the Cullen clout would help.

At four Alice arrived. I was cross with her that she'd taken more time off work on my behalf, but she waved that away and said that her bosses were well aware that her sister in law was in hospital and that she'd been told to do whatever she needed to assist me. Being called someone's sister in law was surreal for me. With no siblings I never thought I'd be able to call myself that, or have nephews and nieces. I knew it was possible and even though when I married Jake I gained his two sisters and a fair few cousins and even a niece...but they had never embraced me or our marriage and probably rightly so. I'd never been allowed to have anything to do with them once Jake found out I was pregnant and none of them had contacted me since, so I let those relationships fall by the wayside as Jake continued to isolate me.

Now though I had options. I had family, two families if I counted the one I could have with my real father. I still wasn't too sure what to do about that and I'd decided days ago to just concentrate on getting out of the hospital, and then sort that out later. There was no hurry, Harry wasn't going anywhere and I had no way to go far myself.

So that left me with my pseudo-sister Alice who had brought two big empty bags to take all my things home.

She assured me that everything was ready for me to move straight into the guestrooms, and that I shouldn't call them that once I got there. Emmett had done a wonderful job and she spent a good half an hour telling me all about the remodelling job.

I learned that I now had two small rooms, one for me and one for Elizabeth and that he'd enlarged the bathroom to accommodate an actual bathtub, so I didn't have to carry Elizabeth up the main staircase and share Edward's bathroom – the only other bathroom besides Esme and Carlisle's that had an actual tub.

The thought of being close enough to Edward on a daily basis made me shiver with anticipation. I wasn't just eager to get home and learn, I also wanted to go forward with Edward. I'd waited long enough for him, and he for me, I figured we both deserved a shot and I wasn't going to pass up the chance to have it.

By five I was dressed in a pair of soft khaki pants and a white blouse, courtesy of Alice and I had my bags packed and the bathroom cleaned out of all my things. Edward had taken what was his when he went to work this morning so all that was left to do was wait.

I took the opportunity to spend a little more time with Joshua and I explained to him that I was going home but that we'd visit often. He was sad but didn't cry. It broke my heart when I realised that was probably because he was used to people leaving and never coming back. I promised him over and over that I wouldn't do that, that Edward wouldn't do that and he seemed to perk up a little. He went nuts when Rosie arrived with Angus. It was so nice to see him smile and laugh and play.

When Joshua's afternoon tea was delivered we left him to it. By the time Carlisle arrived for my last set of obs the room was full of Cullen's, and Whitlock's. Jasper had arrived to help fetch and carry and Emmett had come right from work. He wore a dark blue windcheater with the words "Cullen Inc" embroidered across the pocket in bright orange. He was filthy too but it didn't stop him from kissing me and hugging me tightly when he arrived.

Edward arrived a few minutes after Carlisle put the last tick in the last box on my discharge sheet. He was later than I thought he was going to be and arrived after everyone else. I had assumed he'd be first. He offered no details of how he'd filled in his hours after work and I wasn't in a position to ask it of him.

"Are you ready to go beautiful?" he whispered into my ear as he kissed me hello.

I gave him my biggest smile and said that I was more than ready to go.

That presented a problem, however. Everyone assumed I'd be travelling with them. They actually fought over whose car I was going home in. Esme said it made sense I'd go with her because she would have Elizabeth in her car with her. Edward said he had a car seat too and could just as easily take us both. Alice pouted and said she'd been first to arrive so I should go with her. Jasper said I should go with Alice because he didn't want to have to live with her mood if I didn't. Carlisle said I should go with him because he was still, officially, my doctor. Emmett said that was bullshit now that he'd signed the form and that I should go with him because he had the biggest, safest car. Rosie said I should be allowed to choose who I went with, but that she hoped it would be her.

I was at a loss. A month ago I didn't have anyone to talk to let alone lean on and now I had seven people vying for my attention! Talk about a feast or famine situation!

As diplomatically as I could I told them what I wanted.

"I'd like to go with Edward, if that's okay?" I said softly.

Edward beamed but had the good grace not to look too smug. "Of course it's okay. You can do whatever you want, baby," he whispered as he kissed my temple.

Nobody put up too much of a fight after that. It was all hands on deck, though, to get all my things into the various cars. Elizabeth was strapped into her car seat in Edward's car and Angus into Rosie's and everything else was spread pretty evenly between the cars. It would've all fit in Edward's, I didn't have that much, but Edward theorised that everyone wanted to feel a part of this and if they didn't take some of my things they'd have no reason to go to the house with us.

I chuckled to myself at that, thinking how wonderful it was that they each wanted to play a part in my going home.

I'd never seen Edward's car before but I wasn't shocked to see how luxurious it was. It even still smelled new. The seats were leather and very soft and it didn't bump along like my old truck did, it was smooth and quiet.

He held my hand across the centre console the whole way. The smug smile on his face said it all. I was nervous, so very nervous, but at the same time I was relieved. To not ever have to return to Jake or to my father and also that I had half a chance now.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked quietly.

I throw him a small smile before answering. "I am thinking how lucky I am."

He drags my knuckles to his lips and kisses them softly. "Exactly what I was thinking," he says, the smile returning to his lips.

I know where the house is and I know it's only a few minutes drive so when Edward turns right off their road I start to wonder where he's taking me. "Where are we going?"

He doesn't take his eyes off the road as he answers. "I made you some promises, I've sort of fulfilled two, dinner and the movie, I can make one more of them happen before we go home."

He pulls off to the side of the road and I see the sign for the Forks Cemetery loom out of the Washington gloom. "Oh," is all I can say.

I had believed, wholeheartedly, that he'd keep his promises to show me things I'd never seen or done, but I didn't think he'd mark three off in such a short time. He turned the car off and got out of his seat, coming around to my door. He holds it while I step down out of the high cab. "I can stay here with Elizabeth if you like," he says as he lets my elbow go.

"How will I find her?"

He nods towards the high metal gates. "Through there. Four rows along on your left. She's the sixth plot along. I'll be right here when you're ready."

I want to say thank you but I can't. My throat has closed over and I'm shaking a little with the emotion of today. It's dark already but there are tall lights all through the cemetery so I'm able to pick my way through the rows as I go along. It's all very well keep. Nice flowers adorn the gravesites and the paths are clear and have just been strimmed.

When I get to the fourth row I look back at the car. Edward is sitting in the backseat with Elizabeth so I know she's okay. I take a deep breath and head along the row, counting off the plots. I stop in front of the sixth one and see my mother's name. Renee Marie Swan. Her date of birth and the date she died is all there, engraved onto the dark marble headstone. There is a posy of yellow daisies sticking out of a clay vase at the base of the stone. There is no card so I have no idea who put them there, but I vow to bring more and often.

"Oh mom," I whimper as I kneel down in front of her final resting place. I look around and make sure nobody is watching, or can hear me, before I speak again. The place is totally deserted. "Mom, it's me, Bella. Isabella," I tell the woman who gave me life. "I'm so sorry I haven't come before, but I didn't know where you were." I sweep my hand across the marble and wipe away some dust and dirt. "But now that I do know I'll come often, I promise. Edward found you for me. He's a good man, mom. I'm going to be okay now. I'll bring Elizabeth next time. Oh mom," I cry.

**EPOV**

I hear her crying because the night is so still and we are a fair way off the road here, but I don't go to her. This is for Bella. She needs this. She needs to do this for herself. This afternoon I'd managed to find out where Renee had been buried by going to the court house in town. A register of all those in graves in the district is held there and it hadn't really been too hard to find the information I wanted. I had no date of death, or date of birth, but her name hadn't been too hard to find. Armed with the location all I'd had to do was make the trip myself so I'd know where to send Bella when the time came. I figured it needed to be today. I didn't want to hold onto the information any longer than was necessary and I wanted Bella to know as soon as possible in case she wanted to visit. In the end I'd made that choice for her, but she seemed willing. I knew then that I had to bring her here as soon as I could. It was one more promise I could keep to her and I needed her to know I could be taken at my word.

Elizabeth was happily gurgling away in her car seat so I kept a close eye on Bella but stayed with the baby. I saw Bella kneel on the grass and then I heard her crying softly. I wanted so badly to just go to her, but I kept my place in the back of my car. "Your mommy is doing so well little one," I told an oblivious Elizabeth. "You can finally have her at home with you now."

She just smiled up at me and made her usual gurgling sounds while stuffing her fist into her mouth. I put a hand onto her belly and took a calming hit of her baby smell.

I was so nervous for Bella. So worried that she wouldn't cope being at home, so scared that once she learnt all she wanted to she'd not want me anymore. So much could change for her, for us, and I would be powerless to do anything about it if Bella stretched her wings and found it wasn't me she wanted.

I hadn't lied when I told Kerry I just wanted her well again. I meant that with all my heart. But I wanted her to want me too, as part of the deal.

The thought of getting her well then her leaving us hurt so badly I had to draw in a ragged breath to steady myself as Bella walked back towards the car. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes red rimmed but she was smiling. She walked right to me as I got myself out of the backseat.

She slid her hand into mine and got onto her tip toes to kiss me softly on the lips. "Thank you, so much Edward. Thank you for giving me my mom," she whispered into my ear as she kissed me again on the cheek.

I let my hand slide over her hip and around to the small of her back, holding her firmly to me. "You're so welcome, baby."

She moved away a little and with a small smile said the words I'd waited a decade to hear. "Take me home Edward."

**BPOV**

They were all there by the time Edward pulled the car into the driveway. They'd left a space for us, despite there being a half dozen luxury cars lined up, so he was able to pull right up to the front porch.

I didn't find it difficult to walk anymore and I had hardly any pain in my ribs to speak of, but they were all doing their best to make things as easy for me as possible. I was grateful and vowed to make sure to tell them all that when I was settled.

Edward opened my door for me and he held onto my elbow as he walked me from the car to the front door. He ran back and collected Elizabeth from her car seat and then he opened the door wide. "Welcome home baby," he said proudly.

I was a little surprised not to see or hear anyone as I went into the foyer. I expected to be mobbed. I had been ready for it, but the place sounded deserted. Edward went past me and into the living room, beckoning me forward with his free hand.

The place hadn't really changed much since the last time I'd been here but here and there I saw new additions. A painting, a figurine, a new rug. But the general layout and the furniture was as it had been when I'd come to escape home all those years ago.

I knew that Alice' room used to be on the first floor and that Edward's parents room was on the top floor, the whole top floor. I'd never seen it but I knew where it was. I also knew that Edward now had the whole first floor to himself. My room was on the ground floor, off the kitchen and down a little hallway. Everyone had told me that over the past few days, how convenient it was going to be for me. Edward led me past the dining room and into the kitchen. Again I expected to see the family there, but it was as empty as the living room had been.

"Where is everyone?" I ask.

"Outside I think," he says and leads me out through the double glass doors that I know lead to the backyard and the pool house.

Sure enough they are all there. Party hats on their heads, streamers at the ready, a giant banner strung between two of the supporting poles that reads 'welcome home girls'.

I can feel the sting of tears as they begin to shout and cheer for us. In turn they come to me and kiss me, hug me and tell me how happy they are to finally have me home. Esme holds me the longest and squeezes my hand as she tells me that I should just take my time and settle in.

This seems to be some sort of signal because as soon as the party starts it's ending. Rosie and Emmett are taking Angus home for his dinner and his bath. Alice and Jasper are away to their house and then out for dinner with some friends. Carlisle and Esme are going to dinner in Port Angeles. They all shout their good luck, their good wishes and their goodbyes and one by one they leave us there on the decking.

Edward at my side, my daughter in his arms. I was, all at once, scared excited and nervous for what was to come.

I'd never been more ready to take this next step.

I had a family. At last. People who cared enough about me to just let me be, to get my bearings, to explore my new space on my own terms. A family who understood how frightening and how anxious this was going to make me. A family who recognised the need for Edward and I to do this part together, as a little family within a bigger one, to settle myself and Elizabeth into our new home.

I reach for Edward's hand and give it a squeeze. "Show me," I say softly.

His smile lights up his whole face. "Come on, you're going to love it."

He tugs my hand gently and I follow him back through the double doors, through the kitchen and down the little hall that leads to my new rooms. I'd slept in the guest room a hundred times but nothing prepared me for what I saw when Edward threw the door open.

A huge bed dominated the room. It had a gold comforter and a dozen matching pillows piled high at the headboard. Two oak tables stood on either side sporting glass shaded lamps.

Bookcases stacked two rows deep lined the wall between two enormous floor-to-ceiling windows, through which I could see out into the yard and across to the pool house.

A small writing desk and a pair of over-stuffed armchairs were in one corner and in the other was a loveseat and a flat screen television on a matching oak cabinet. It was stunning and beautiful and far, far too much.

"We tried to think of what you'd need. I hope we got it right," Edward said softly.

All I could do was nod. I'd never seen anything so right before. It was simple and I loved it. I went to the edge of the bed and ran my hand over the silk comforter. It was soft and smooth and clean. "It's perfect," I whispered, still looking around the room and still finding new things that I'd missed on the first look. There was a painting of pale cream roses on the wall above the desk but above the television there was a frame but no picture. I pointed to it, "That one's empty?"

"It's for portraits. You say when and someone will come and take one of you and Elizabeth." He answered as though it was an everyday occurrence.

"It's too much," I mumble under my breath. "All I we needed was somewhere to sleep."

Edward crosses the room and lies Elizabeth down on my bed then he takes my hand. "And now you have somewhere to sleep. And somewhere to watch TV, somewhere to have quiet time, somewhere to write or email or just read."

I lean across and rest my head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

It's all I have to offer. A simple thank you. It will never be enough.

"Come and see Elizabeth's room." He's on his feet and scooping the baby up and marching through the door on the right of my room.

I follow as though I'm about to go through the looking glass. Edward holds the door for me and then I'm standing in a pale pink wonderland. It's everything I'd ever wanted for my baby. A beautiful circular crib stood in the centre of the room and a matching changing station and wardrobe were against the far wall. There was a rocking chair and a small bar fridge with a tiny sink and work surface beside it. There were toys piled high on top of a toy box and the walls were adorned with roses on bright green vines. They looked hand painted!

"So, what do you think? Alice did it."

"It's beautiful," I whisper as I move around the room. "A fridge?" I ask.

"We thought you could keep her formula in it so you didn't need to come out into the main house if you didn't want to." He shrugs as though it's no big deal.

But it is. It's a very big deal. "It's too much," I say again.

He laughs this time. "That you'll have to take up with mom, Rosie and Alice. I didn't have a hand in this part." He lies Elizabeth down into her crib and pulls the blankets up around her. I watch as he pats her bottom and waits until she's settled. She'll still need a bottle later but for now she seems happy enough. "Come and see the bathroom," Edward says quietly, reaching for my hand and pulling me back through Elizabeth's door and back into my room. "It's through there." He points to the door on the left hand wall of my room.

I find myself in a totally white room. Almost is white. The tub, the tiles on the walls, the toilet and basin, even the vanity unit and its cabinet are totally white. The only splash of colour is a neat stack of red towels on a low bench built into the window sill.

"Emmett and Rosie did this part. The bench is so you can sit while Elizabeth is in the tub. When she's older of course, and able to sit on her own. They didn't want you to have to kneel on the tiles. The big window was my idea." He beams as I turn my gaze to the floor length window.

It had an acre of floaty lace hanging from a white painted rod hanging almost at the ceiling height which made the window look even taller. Not that it needed to. It was huge. It was also frosted. "It's gorgeous," I tell him.

"In winter, when it's snowed, you'll get good light through there and in summer it won't be too hot because of the frosting," he tells me proudly. "Don't worry though, nobody can see you through that."

"It's amazing. Thank you so much." I tell him and lead him back into my room.

It's so hard to imagine this is my space. It's so beautiful I know I'm never going to want to leave it. Apart from eating I'll want to spend a lot of time in these rooms.

"So..." he trails off. He's got his hands shoved deep into his pockets and he's rocking on his heels. I can tell he's nervous, or embarrassed, probably both. "I guess I'll leave you two to get settled then. All your things are here," he points towards the door and sure enough all my bags, and Elizabeth's, are there leaning against the wall. "I'll be up in my room, just shout if you need something." He heads towards the door, turns abruptly and I hope he's coming back to kiss me, but he's not. Instead he holds out his hand and in it is a shiny brass key. He lets it fall into mine. "There is a spare in the safe in dad's office, but this is the only other one. Nobody will come in unless they are invited, I promise."

He nods once but then he's gone and I'm alone in my new room.

I turn around and around once again, taking in all the finer details I've missed. There is a phone on the bedside cabinet. I've got my own phone! There are DVD's and books and magazines, cd's and even a deck of cards under the coffee table. I go through to Elizabeth's room – she's already asleep she's so comfortable in this house – and see that there is a bowl of fruit on the counter. In the little fridge are four made up bottles of formula as well as two long thin bottles with labels on. They both say 'boiled and sterile' and they both hold water. The small cupboard above the sink yields about twenty cans of formula and a kettle with packets of coffee, tea and sugar. Two dainty cups and saucers are lined up on a pink trivet on the counter top and in a drawer there are spoons and napkins. The next cupboard along holds bags of cookies, chips and about a hundred little packages of dried fruits. I've got my own food!

It's so surreal. Like a hotel room, I imagine.

I pat Elizabeth on her bottom once or twice then go back to my room. I stand in the centre and just look for a few minutes. I'm going to live here, I think.

Before I unpack and settle in there is one thing I have to do. I pocket my key and pull the unlocked door shut behind me as I leave. I take the stairs two at a time, careful to miss the one that creaks. I knock quietly on Edward's door and wait, my bottom lip between my teeth.

He answers in seconds and his grin as he pulls me into his arms is to die for. "I love you," I groan into his waiting mouth as his lips cover mine.

* * *

**A/N: A long time coming, this chapter, I know. Forgive me. Another wrong turn in the real world and my writing has been turned upside down, again. **

**Thank you to everyone who has wished my Mr Maxi well, your thought and care is much appreciated. **

**An extra special thank goes out to Patchar and Scrapjul for bringing us dinner! You two ladies have a very special place in my heart. **

**Please review. **


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35 – Lonely

**EPOV**

I couldn't help but pull her to me harder than I ever had before.

Leaving her standing in her new room in MY house ALONE had definitely been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to force myself to do, ever. Knowing she was in the house was fantastic, but leaving her, and the baby alone, went against everything I knew. I wanted them with me. _With _me. Being in the same house wasn't enough now. I thought just having them here, Bella out of the hospital, would be enough for a while. I thought that I'd grow to want more. I never expected to feel so fiercely about needing more than I had as I shut her door behind me and went up the stairs.

Telling her about the creaky stair had been a mistake. I could see that now. I'd had no advance warning that she was coming to me and the beat my heart had missed when I realised it could only be Bella knocking on my bedroom door I could never get back.

With her in my arms, in my bedroom finally, I could let myself relax a little. We clung to each other for the longest time. We just stood there, not speaking. There really was nothing to say. I didn't need her thanks and I definitely didn't want to have to explain my despair at leaving her downstairs, so just being quiet was enough. For now.

Eventually we had to let go and I was the first to do so. Not because I'd had enough of having her in my arms, but because if I didn't let her go we'd still be there, clinging to one another, in three days time if I didn't.

So I let her go and held her by her shoulders. I kissed her once more, very chastely, on the corner of her lips and then I pulled her further into the room. She stared wide eyed around her as she took in my space.

It was cramped still because Elizabeth's room next door was exactly the same as it had been while her mother was in the hospital. I'd been adamant about that. I wanted Elizabeth's things there. I needed them there. I knew it was ridiculous to have two nurseries in the house, but I couldn't part with her crib or her other little things just yet. I'd explained it to the family as Bella being able to have a plan B. That if taking care of Elizabeth became too much for her at any point I could have Elizabeth up here and Bella could get some rest. They seemed to believe me but the sparkle in my mother's eyes told a different story to the one coming from her lips. So I'd paid for another complete set of nursery furniture, and quite a bit more besides, so that there were now two fully stocked spaces that Elizabeth would be comfortable.

My sitting room was comfortable but nowhere near as modern as Bella's was now. It was also a bit dusty and unloved because I'd not been here for over a month. But Bella said she liked it and ran her hand lovingly over my piano as she went around the room. "Do you still play?"

I balked at that. I didn't know she knew I played at all, let alone 'still'. "Yeah," I tell her sheepishly.

A sweet smile crosses her lips before she speaks. "I used to love listening to you play. Sometimes when I stayed over with Alice you'd sneak up here and play, I wondered if you knew we could hear you, even in the yard. I always wondered if you really wanted to become a doctor or whether you wanted to play music."

I shift uneasily on my feet and plunge my hands into my pockets. "I didn't think you knew about her?" I nod towards the piano and Bella giggles a little.

"Her?"

"Yeah, she's a she. Always has been I guess. And I didn't know you could hear me out there."

"Well we could. You play beautifully. I think you do anyway, I don't know a lot about music though."

"I still play. I played to Elizabeth a few weeks ago," I admit self consciously.

Another beautiful smile lights up her face. "Will you play for me one day?"

"Of course," I say immediately. I always wanted to play for her. Almost all my own compositions had her in mind anyway.

"Where do you sleep?" she asks nervously, biting her bottom lip.

It's both adorable and very, very distracting. "Through there." I nod towards the connecting door and wait until she's through it before I join her in my bedroom.

Oh. My. God. Bella is finally, _finally_, in my bedroom!

Thankfully my bed is neatly made and my dirty clothes are hiding themselves in the hamper in the bottom of my closet so the room is fairly tidy. My backpack and its contents are on the floor, but other than that it's pretty presentable.

"And through there?" Bella nods to the next door and I smile weakly.

Am I ready to admit this to Bella? I guess I have no choice now. "See for yourself," I say and step aside to let her through the next door.

"Oh!" she exclaims loudly as she steps into Elizabeth's nursery. "Oh Edward," I hear her sigh.

I stay put. I can't look her in the eye just yet. She'll see right through me, she'll see the hurt I am holding on to because she's chosen to stay in the guest rooms and not here, with me. I don't want to put that onto her shoulders. She doesn't need that and I'm strong enough to hold onto it for myself, I hope.

She comes out of the room and right to me, taking both my hands into hers. "Will you miss her?" she asks softly and I nod. "Will you miss me?" she asks and I can only nod again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand," I tell her softly with a little squeeze to the fingers on her left hand.

"I know you understand, but I'm still sorry." She raises her eyes to mine and all I can see in them is sadness.

I don't want her to be sad, I want her to be as happy as I am that she's here. "We have all the time in the world Bella. I don't want you to be sorry, I don't want you to think about me, just you and Elizabeth. I'm here if you need me and I'm not going anywhere."

"I want to be with you up here, I do, but Kerry thinks its best that we both have our own space for now," she mumbles, not altogether convincingly.

I rein in the chuckle that's building in my chest, instead I mumble my agreeance and let her go once again. "The baby monitor in Elizabeth's room downstairs is connected to the one in here, I'll hear you if you need me and I'll come running, I promise. We aren't that far apart."

She creases her brows and purses her lips at me. "You need to sleep too Edward, you don't want to be listening all night long for us," she says defiantly.

"Bullshit. I've slept beside you almost every night for a month Bella. All I did was listen out for you. If you call for me I'll be there, I promise."

"You'll be like a zombie at work," she sighs.

"I've got the next week off."

Her eyes are wide when she returns them to me. "Really? How can you do that? I mean, I've already cost you so much, you shouldn't waste your vacation time on us."

I can see the panic on her face and she's about ready to start belittling herself and telling me how she's either not worth it or isn't able to pay us back but I'm on it well before she has time to voice it.

"Again, bullshit. I have months of annual leave up my sleeve and I get paid to take it, so I took some. I want to be here, with you and Elizabeth, while you get used to this place. Besides, it's sort of like paternity leave," I laugh.

She looks sceptical but she accepts what I've said with barely a cringe this time. "I want you here, but not if it costs."

"It doesn't, so please just let me be here for you both." She nods but pulls her lip between her teeth again. "Don't do that baby, or at least let me do it," I chuckle.

I bend to her and take her bottom lip gently between mine, suckling it softly. She moans adorably into my mouth and wraps her arms around my shoulders, pushing herself tightly up against me.

I let one hand go to the small of her back, the other I thread into her hair and hold her. The kiss is languorous and wonderful. So full of intensity and need for us both. When she tugs on my hair I can't help but groan a little, which makes her shiver and pull it again. Round and round we go, our tongues dancing inside each other's mouth.

She's breathless as she pulls away. I whisper my love for her into her ear and gently kiss the lobe, mindful of the scar that's still healing there. She shivers again and I rain small kisses across her cheek and back to her mouth. I've only just recaptured her lips when a loud squeak emanates from the baby monitor on my bedside cabinet.

We pull apart instantly, as though we've been busted doing something we shouldn't, and we both look right to the monitor.

"I think that's for me," she giggles.

"I guess so," I laugh. "I'll be up here if you need me."

She plants one last kiss on my cheek and then she's gone, back to Elizabeth and her life downstairs.

I run a hand through my hair and sink down onto the edge of my bed. I think about what she's said up here and listen to her cooing softly to the baby downstairs.

I snatch my mail off the table and lie down to read it. More propaganda from drug companies, I file those in the bin. Another reminder for my ten year high school reunion. I don't throw that out but I put it back into its envelope and push it aside. A bill for the car insurance and two bills from the hospital. One for her ambulance ride and the first of Ambrose's bills. They're hefty but I don't care.

I don't care what her stay in hospital was going to cost, it was worth every cent. The renovations and the new nursery were the same. I just want them comfortable and safe. That's all. If I had to work until I was seventy to pay for it all I would. Not that that was likely.

My bank statement said I had plenty of cash on hand to pay for the renovations and the nurseries and for most of Bella's hospital stay too. I was likely to only fall short by a few thousand and that could be skimmed from interest some of my investments made each month. I opened my laptop and logged onto my bank. In a few minutes I'd transferred enough cash to cover all the likely bills from the hospital and a little extra to cover Elizabeth's paediatric bills and the therapy bills Bella would accrue over the coming weeks.

Luckily I didn't have to dip into my savings and I didn't have to cash out any investments, just use the interest. I had a sizeable nest egg already, but as I listened to Bella talk softly while Elizabeth fed I decided that savings wasn't as important as providing for my new family.

Hoping it wasn't too late I dialled my bank and asked to speak with the manager.

**BPOV**

Never having owned a baby monitor it came as a complete surprise that I could hear Edward up in his room as well as I'd heard Elizabeth cry earlier.

Until I heard him speak all I'd been able to make out was him moving about and the intermittent rustle of papers.

When I heard him announce himself I figured he was on the telephone. He asked for the manager and then I heard him enquire how he'd go about setting up a trust account for a child.

I held my breath when I heard him arrange for three new accounts. One in Elizabeth's name, one in Joshua's and one in mine. I wanted to protest, loudly, but if I did he'd realise I'd been eavesdropping on what was obviously a private call.

I swallowed the squeak of surprise when he announced how much he'd like to transfer into each account and tried my best to concentrate on Elizabeth. It wasn't easy. While I knew that doctors made a good amount of money I didn't have any idea that Edward had access to the kinds of numbers he quoted.

It made me feel both safe and sorry all at once. I knew I wanted to be with him and that had nothing to do with money, I'd take him poor rich or otherwise, and while that sort of money would mean Elizabeth would never need for anything I already felt guilty about the amount he'd spent so far.

I couldn't talk to him about it either, he'd know for sure how I knew and then he'd disconnect the tenuous link we shared with the baby monitor. I wasn't ready to be _that _separate from him yet, so for now I'd have to keep quiet about what I knew.

That first night in the Cullen house was the first night I'd gone to bed not worrying about what tomorrow would bring for as long as I could remember. I was safe, warm and fed. And so was Elizabeth.

Edward had insisted on cooking for the two of us once Elizabeth was fat and asleep again and while it was amusing to watch him in the kitchen I was on tenterhooks the whole time. He might use his hands to heal and his long, long fingers to make beautiful sounds with his piano, but the chefs of the world were completely safe from him ever taking any serious excursions into their domain!

The first lot of eggs were burnt to cinders, the second were a little better but the blackened char on the bottom of the pan meant that even though they weren't actually burnt they tasted like they were. I didn't care that much, they were warm and I was hungry.

With toast and a nice hot cup of tea the meal was completed with small conversation about nothing in particular.

Afterwards Edward showed me the rest of the house, including the pool house and the sunroom that was filled with Esme's adored plants. He showed me how to use the controller for the garage door and gave me a grand tour of the keyboard beside the kitchen door. Each set of keys was named and each had its own hook. He pointed to a set of keys with his name on them and said they were for the red sedan in the garage. He said he rarely drove that car and that it was now mine to use whenever I wanted to.

I balked and argued but he wouldn't hear it. He even went so far as to relabel the keys with my name and with a defiant snap to his wrist he hung them back on their hook, end of discussion.

It had been more than a year since I last drove a vehicle and whilst I didn't know exactly what sort of car it was I was betting it wasn't anything like my battered old red truck at Charlie's. Not that that was mine either. It belonged to my father and I'd left it behind when I'd married Jake.

Even if I did manage to get behind the wheel and work out what I was doing I had nowhere to drive to anyway. I had no friends other than Cullen's and most of them came and went at the house all the time anyway, according to both Edward and Esme.

Esme returned from dinner alone, Carlisle having gone on to the hospital for his usual shift, so Edward excused himself while his mother showed me the finer points of her house.

The laundry was our first stop and she showed me how to work the controls on the washer and dryer and also how to set the hot cupboard to steam. I'd never heard of one of those before but she assured it me it was wonderful and almost all of Elizabeth's clothes were hung in there to dry because they were so small and took so little time.

She walked me through my rooms and showed me how to set the climate control for the central heating and also for the air conditioning. She showed me where the linens were kept, where the cleaning products were stored and how to lock and unlock the windows for myself.

She took me through the kitchen and showed me where everything was stored. She showed me how to use the dishwasher and which settings she preferred. She told me that I should feel free to cook whatever I liked whenever I liked. She showed me her extensive collection of cookbooks and the shopping list pad that was stuck to the refrigerator by a magnet. She told me that I could write anything I liked on it at any time, that I shouldn't feel the need to ask and that she'd take me to the grocery store when she went on Wednesday morning.

By the time she headed off to bed I was exhausted. She kissed me and hugged me and said to call for her if I needed her in the night. I assured her that I would but vowed that I wouldn't need anyone.

I showered in my new bathroom and dried my hair with the hair dryer someone had thoughtfully bought for me. I dressed in a nightgown I'd worn in the hospital before but had since been cleaned and pressed. I brushed my teeth with a new toothbrush and pulled the covers back on my bed for the first time.

The sheets were stiff and cold when I first got in and while I missed Edward I was happy to be safe and so close to my baby after so long.

With one last glance at the clock I closed my eyes and wished for sleep.

**EPOV**

I showered when she showered. I was unwilling to listen to the water run in the seclusion of my bedroom. Knowing she was in there, in MY house, naked...it was too much for me.

When she turned the water off I turned mine off. I dressed in sleep pants and a t-shirt when normally I'd sleep naked in my own bed because if I needed to get up to either of them in the night I didn't want to have to stop to dress first.

I tried to concentrate on patient notes for a while but I kept getting distracted. At one point I had to ditch an entire page of notes because I'd written music notes instead of clinical notes on it! That meant another half an hour transcribing the parts I did need to keep onto a fresh page and then another half an hour finishing my observations. I gave that up as a bad joke at about ten.

I tried reading. I tried watching television. I tried listening to the radio and then my iPod but I found myself pulling an ear bud out over and over because I'd imagined some sound coming from the monitor and I didn't want to miss it.

At eleven I turned the light out but sleep was illusive. At eleven thirty my mother turned her light off and at one my father arrived home. I heard him run the tap and then boil the kettle. I listened as he filled his coffee mug and as he padded up the stairs to his study. I heard him close the door and walk up the next flight of stairs to his room and then I laid there listening to him snore for another hour before I finally felt tired.

While I laid there, trying to convince myself I needed sleep, I listened for any sign of either Elizabeth's or Bella's distress but heard nothing other than the soft snuffling of the baby as she slept. I lay awake for hours just waiting for something, anything, that would alert me to their state of mind. I didn't want either of them to need me, but I did...it made no sense and yet, at the same time, it was perfectly logical to me.

My bed was cold and lonely and I desperately wanted to pad down the stairs and slide in next to Bella, but I couldn't. We'd all promised her that we'd not enter her space unless we were invited and I couldn't break that promise. Her sense of safety was paramount at this stage of her recovery and I wouldn't do anything to set her back now.

So I just laid there. Elizabeth woke at four and I told myself that I'd give it an entire two minutes before I did anything about it. If Bella didn't hear her I'd go to her, but only after a full two minutes. I didn't get to one.

I heard Bella's sweet voice float up from the monitor and Elizabeth quieted straight away. I listened as Bella spoke gently to her while she changed her diaper and again as she heated the bottle that Elizabeth had woken for. I could hear the gentle creaking of the rocking chair as Bella soothed her baby and got her back to sleep.

When Elizabeth was once again in her crib I listened as Bella whispered her love to the snuffling infant and then her soft footfalls as she once again left the room. I threw an arm over my head and tried my best to get back to sleep, but it wasn't going to be easy. Knowing she was down there, alone, did my head in.

I couldn't even stretch out in the bed because I was so used to sharing a tiny one with Bella. My body and brain knew she should be here, right beside me, and it kept me to the one edge the whole night.

Just when I'd convinced myself that I'd done the right thing in leaving her alone I heard her footsteps through the monitor again.

I took my arm off my head just in time to hear a whispered 'I miss you' before her retreating footsteps took her back to her own bed.

**BPOV**

I'd made two plates of pancakes – one blueberry and one plain – before anyone else in the house stirred.

I had no idea if Carlisle was home yet, or even if he came home between his nightly shift and his morning obs, but I made enough for him just in case.

It was just gone eight o'clock and I'd fed and changed Elizabeth and tidied both our rooms before coming out into the house.

Elizabeth was lying on the floor in front of the glass double doors sunning herself in the mottled light. She gurgled and kicked while I cooked.

It had been a long, long time since I'd been able to cook for myself or for anyone else. I'd never lost the ability, just the means. With no ingredients it hadn't mattered that I'd had more than enough time to cook. It had just been impossible.

But now I had a magnificent kitchen and willing takers for what I wanted to cook. I took Esme at her word and investigated the contents of the pantry and the refrigerator before deciding that I wanted to make pancakes.

I'd kept the mess to a minimum and made sure that each dish and spoon I used was washed and in the dish rack before she came downstairs. I fried a few strips of bacon in a pan on the stovetop and set them on paper towel while I went in search of maple syrup and bread. I made toast and piled it high on another plate and set it all onto the countertop by the high stools in readiness for everyone to come and eat.

I was sitting on the floor talking quietly with Elizabeth when Esme came downstairs. She wished us both a good morning and was full of praise for the spread that awaited her. She told me I shouldn't feel obligated to cook for the whole family and said that if I didn't feel like it I should just cook for myself or Elizabeth.

"I didn't mean to mess up your routine," I tell her sadly as she takes the first bite of pancake.

"Oh my god, these are delicious!" she crows as she rolls another pancake up and dips it into the maple syrup. "And you aren't messing with any routine dear girl. I just don't want you to think you're here to do anything for us, you just do what you're comfortable with."

Carlisle follows soon after and pours himself a cup of coffee from the machine on the bench. He takes a long sip then goes to Esme. He kisses her lightly on her temple and says a throaty good morning. Next he comes to where I'm sitting with Elizabeth, by the doors, and leans down to kiss me and say good morning to us both.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks as he takes a place at the counter.

"Not really, no." I admit. "But Elizabeth did."

With his mouth half full of pancakes he tells me how good they taste and wishes me a better night tonight.

"What have you got planned for today Bella?" Esme asks as she takes a strip of bacon.

"Nothing really."

"I don't know what Edward has planned, ahh, here he is, sleeping beauty himself. Good morning darling. Bella's made breakfast, look," Esme says, waving her hands across the counter at the plates. Her sentence is never finished and she continues with her meal.

Edward looked like shit. His hair was all over the place – even more than it usually was – and he'd obviously just gotten out of bed. He was still in his sleep pants and was rubbing his stomach idly.

"Morning," he growls at nobody in particular.

He comes right to me, but instead of a kiss he pats me on the head. My stomach drops. He doesn't even bother to say good morning to Elizabeth. A pat on the head? What is that? Am I a dog?

I watch, silently, as he crosses the room and does as his father did. He takes a long swig of the coffee and then comes back around the counter. I expect him to sit beside his mother, the only empty seat, but he doesn't. He puts his mug on the floor then sits cross legged right behind me. He unfolds his legs once he's on the ground and then he slides across the shiny timber floor until he's right behind me. He scoots again and then I feel him up against my back. He leans his head on the back of my shoulder and sighs. "Good morning beautiful girls. Thank you for breakfast," he mumbles.

My slight anger and the frustrations of the night before melt away when I feel him. I relax into him and feel the heat of his skin against mine. It had been a hellish night without him and at least now I didn't have to wonder if he'd missed me. I could feel it in his bones. The way he held me around my waist, his long fingers stroking my belly softly told me so.

"Good morning," I whisper back.

Nobody says anything. Carlisle and Esme continue to eat their breakfast as if we aren't there. Edward's display of affection, and his obvious lack of sleep, goes without comment for the longest time. I talk quietly to Elizabeth as she flails her arms and legs in the small stream of sunlight coming through the doors. Edward mumbles now and then, but our conversation is limited to grunts and the odd moan from Edward as he shifts himself on the floor.

Carlisle excuses himself to retrieve the newspaper and is soon back with it unwrapped. He spreads it out on the counter and passes Esme a section. They read silently for a while but every now and then one or the other passes comment about something they've read and they chat amiably for a few seconds before returning their attention the paper.

Edward stays put. Before long he's snoring against my back and I can't help but giggle. Esme smiles to herself now and then but Carlisle doesn't even look up.

"I guess that answers the question of how he slept," Esme chuckles.

"He's got the monitor switched on in his room, I hope Elizabeth didn't keep him up," I whisper.

"You," Edward mumbles behind me.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be loud," I tell him. I'm horrified that I've kept him awake. "I'll do better," I tell him.

He huffs a little and lifts his head from my back. "Don't do better, you're perfect," he mumbles. I feel his lips kiss me lightly on the back of my neck and his arms cross over my stomach a little more so he can hold me tighter. "Can't sleep without you," he says petulantly.

Esme giggles and Carlisle excuses himself from the table. "I'm off for morning rounds. I'll see you all at eleven. Bye darling," he says as he kisses Esme. "Bye girls. Edward, a word son."

Edward sighs but gets up to follow his father out of the room. I hope he's not going to get a lecture about our sleeping habits, but I figure he is. I am a married woman, after all, and not married to Edward.

**EPOV**

I follow dad out to the front porch. "What's up?" I ask as he slips his newspaper into his briefcase.

"I know you know, but Bella is a guest here Edward. You can't bribe her into sharing your room with you and you shouldn't guilt her into it either. I'm sorry you didn't sleep well but you have to let them be," he says firmly.

"Is this an 'I don't want any funny business under this roof young man' lecture or what?" I ask nastily.

He sighs and I know I've hurt his feelings. "No, it's not. You're adults and what goes on between closed doors, either hers or yours, is your business. But, she's not completely healed either physically or mentally and I think if you rush this you're making a mistake. I want you to remember, whenever you are with her, that the only relationships with males that she's had have come at a sexual price."

I run my hand through my hair and squint against the sun. "I know that, jeez, give me some credit. She only asked how I slept, I was honest."

"A little less honesty and a little more self control I think, son." He looks up into the sky and then turns back to me. "My advice is to go slowly. You've got the rest of your lives to be intimate. If you rush this she'll panic and leave. I know you don't want that, but neither do your mother and I. The best advice I can give you is to go slowly."

"Yeah, I know you're right. I do," I sigh. I run my hand through my hair again and shift my weight to my other foot. "It's just...hell I don't know...I've waited a lifetime for her dad and she's finally here. It's hard to temper that."

He smiles and puts his hand on my shoulder. The gesture is comforting, strangely. "I know. But I think your patience will win out in the end. Use your time wisely. Teach her a little, spend some time doing normal things, show her what it means to be a family with you and Elizabeth. Any plans you have for your physical relationship can wait."

With that eloquent piece of advice he smiles, nods once then goes down the steps and into his car. I wave but its half hearted.

"I don't have any fucking plans," I mutter darkly as I go inside and take the stairs two at a time until I'm in my own bathroom.

The shower wakes me up a little and the funk I'd been feeling from only three hours sleep has worn off a little by the time I get back to the kitchen. Bella is drying the breakfast dishes while mom feeds Elizabeth in one of the kitchen chairs.

"Feel better?" she asks as I slide onto a stool.

"Yeah, thanks. Any breakfast left by chance?" I ask with a smirk at Bella. It had smelled fucking divine before.

She smiles and pulls a plate from the oven. She slides it across the counter to me and puts a clean knife and fork down on either side of it. "I kept you some."

"Thank you," I tell her and dig in. The pancakes are superb and I tell her so. The bacon is crispy, just the way I like it, and while the toast is cold now it's got tonnes of butter on it. I thank her a dozen times while I eat and by the time I'm done she's beaming. I take my plate to the sink and pull her to me. "I love it when you smile," I tell her before kissing her softly.

"You taste of maple syrup," she giggles.

I raise and lower my eyebrows at her. "Kiss me harder and I'll tell you what you had for breakfast." All thoughts of what dad had said flee my brain as she smiles.

She swats at my forearm and pulls away. "Did you really like it?" she asks as if she's unsure.

"I loved it. Don't tell mom, but your pancakes are heaps better than hers."

"Hey, I heard that." Mom laughs.

"Sorry, but it's true." I wash and dry my plate and cutlery while Bella takes Elizabeth from mom. "What's on the agenda today?" I ask. Bella is bouncing Elizabeth in her arms and I can see she's uneasy about the question. She has no idea how to just be. "I have some ideas if you want to hear them?"

"Sure."

"We could walk for a bit, while the weathers good. Or we could go into town, do some shopping. We can swim, watch a movie, visit Alice or Rosie or nothing at all. You choose," I tell her as I put my plate back in the cupboard.

She's biting her bottom lip and is looking from me to mom and back again.

"You two do whatever you'd like, I've got some sewing to do upstairs. Let me know if you'll be home for dinner." And with that mom leaves us to it.

"So, what do you think?" I ask Bella as I take Elizabeth from her. I put the baby over my shoulder and pat her bottom. She burps like a truck driver and makes her mother laugh. It's glorious. "Delicate, isn't she?" I laugh.

"She wouldn't burp for me," Bella huffs good naturedly.

"I have a magic touch with the ladies," I scoff. Bella's face falls and I realise I've put my foot in it somehow. "It's just a turn of phrase Bella."

She nods and quickly recovers the smile she had before. But it's got no real light behind it. Tempering my physical reactions to her are going to be just as hard as tempering my big fucking mouth!

"She's just thrown up down your back. Yep, magic touch with the ladies alright," she howls with laughter and I cringe.

At least the laughing was genuine this time.

**BPOV**

I take Elizabeth into my bathroom and clean her up. I feed her the last half of the bottle she'd started earlier and then I put her to bed in her new crib. She goes right to sleep and doesn't move an inch.

Edward had to shower again, and change his clothes again, so while he was in his bathroom I crept into his room and gathered his dirty clothes. I find his hamper in the bottom of his closet and stuff all of them into it. I drag it back down the stairs and into the laundry room. It takes me a minute to remember the instructions Esme told me the night before, but before long I've got a load washing on and another sorted and ready to go in straight after.

Edward finds me there and berates me for doing his chores for him. I tell him I'm happy to do it, especially since it's my baby who threw up on him in the first place.

"Ours, she's ours," he tells me sternly and I smile and nod. "That's better. Now, if she's asleep that limits us to indoor activities. Name your poison," he says.

I can't help but giggle. I know what I want, but being able to ask for it is another matter entirely. "Um, I guess we could watch a movie?" I ask cautiously.

What I really want is for him to curl up on my bed with me and sleep, but I can't ask for that. Not if he's just gotten a lecture from his father about our sleeping arrangements anyway.

"Done, you lead," he says with a smug smile.

I lead us to my room and while Edward gets comfortable on my new sofa I choose a movie. My nerves are tingling with anticipation just because this is the closest we've been to each other since last night. It's not normal for us. We've spent so much time alone together, in my hospital room, that being this far apart all the time feels foreign. I flick through the DVD's and finally just decide to play eenie meenie minee moe. I put the disc into the player and leave it to Edward to turn both the player and the television on.

When the opening credits start we are sitting side by side with about a foot between us on the sofa. His arm is lying flat against the back of the chair and he could touch me if he wanted to, but he doesn't.

I stifle my sigh and get set to watch the movie.

It's something about vampires and it starts off kind of slow with a shy, dark haired girl who's starting at a new school. I can kind of empathise with her. She looks about as lost as I feel.

A few minutes in Edward _does_ finally touch me. He lets his fingers drift down off the chair back and they begin to play with my hair. Softly he winds strands of it around his fingers then lets it go, over and over, it's almost hypnotic. I let myself slip down in the seat a little and Edward unhooks his feet where they were crossed at the ankle and does the same. I worry that at this angle his fingers will fall asleep but he doesn't make any move to bring his arm back to his side of the sofa.

"Come here, baby," he whispers softly.

I don't take my eyes off the screen but scoot myself over to his side more fully. Now he wraps his arm completely around my shoulder and holds me close.

I can smell his soap and deodorant from this close. His fingers begin to stroke me again and I can feel myself getting warmer and warmer. Very, very hesitantly – and keeping him in my peripheral vision the whole time – I put my hand on his jean clad thigh. He smiles, a little smugly from what I can see, but says and does nothing else.

A little more of the film passes and by the time the girl has the guts to actually talk to the guy and ask him what his problem is I can feel myself leaning against Edward more and more. I don't mean to do it, it just happens as I get sleepier and sleepier.

"You lead," he whispers and I smile.

I curl my fingers into the flesh of his thigh and feel him stiffen. I hope he'll tell me if I'm hurting him, or if he doesn't like what I do, and keep rubbing my hand back and forth. Every now and then his fingers tighten on my shoulder as I let my hand travel up and down his thigh.

I get cramp in my fingers after a little while but I can't bring myself to move or change position in case I disturb the pleasant atmosphere we have going. So I let my hand still and just leave it on his thigh for a while. It isn't long before he's snoring again.

I decide to take full advantage of the situation and try very hard to reef the throw rug off the arm of the sofa and drape it around us both without waking him up. It works.

The last thing I remember is the soft kiss to my hair he gives me before sleep overtakes us both.

**EPOV**

I wake with a jolt and Bella squeaks.

Elizabeth is somewhere and she's crying, loudly. I shake my head and try to get some clarity of thought. Right. I'm in Bella's room and she's asleep on my chest.

We've slipped down the sofa and somehow we've assumed the exact same position as we had in the hospital bed. Me on the bottom sweating like a racehorse, Bella across my chest with all the blankets.

"Bella," I say quietly hoping she'll wake without a fright. "Bella," I say a little louder when she doesn't rouse.

I'm about to try again when mom comes into the room shushing me. "Let her sleep, I'll go," she whispers and disappears into Elizabeth's room.

I wipe some sweat off my forehead and rewrap Bella with my arms. I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes. I want rid of the blanket but don't want Bella to wake. So I suck it up and just lie still, loving the feeling of her finally close enough to me again that I can feel and hear her breathe.

I hear mom softly cooing to Elizabeth and then her footsteps as she takes the baby out into the house.

It's dark in the room the next time I wake up. Bella is still there, on my chest, but she's waking up too. She rubs her eyes with the back of her hand and sits up gingerly. She stretches and I can tell she's as stiff as I am from sleeping on the cramped sofa.

"Hey," she whispers as I too get up into a sitting position.

"Hey," I whisper back. "Feel better?" I ask.

"So much better," she says sweetly. "Did Elizabeth sleep right through?"

"No, mom came and saw to her a couple of hours ago." I tell her as I get up and stretch fully.

I rub my stomach as it growls and Bella giggles. "Time to feed the human," she laughs.

The movie had been okay. Bit of a chick flick even if the vampires were pretty cool. "Good call," I laugh at her Twilight reference. "You check Elizabeth, I'll see what mom's cooking."

She nods and goes through to Elizabeth's room. She's back in a heartbeat, panic on her face. "She's not there."

"Come on, she won't be far." I take her hand and lead her out into the kitchen where I can smell something delicious cooking.

I spot Elizabeth straight away because Alice has her. She's standing in the archway between the dining room and the kitchen and she's rocking back and forth with her like I've seen Bella do.

Bella goes right to her and I stop just long enough to plant a kiss on my sister's head before heading on into the kitchen to greet the others.

They're all there. Emmett and Angus are at the counter colouring and Jasper is standing off to the side talking with Rosie. Mom's at the stove, like always, glass of wine in hand.

I look at the clock on the wall by the door and see that it's nearly six. "Sorry mom," I tell her as I take the tea towel from her shoulder and start to wipe the dishes in the sink.

"Don't worry about it, you both needed the rest," she tells me. "Dinner's in ten minutes you lot," she calls through the house.

Everyone comes into the kitchen and soon the conversation turns to Bella's first night at home. I watch her beautiful face as she kisses and thanks my brother for all his work on the renovations. Her eyes are sparkling as she thanks Alice then Rosie for all they've done and as she moves towards Jasper she flicks her eyes to mine for half a second before she hugs and kisses him too. I don't know what the look was for exactly, but I can guess that she's more unsure of Jasper than she is everyone else. He's not technically a Cullen and he's the one she knows the least. I hope she'll overcome that with time and I know that Jasper is as trustworthy with her as the rest of us. My dad's words this morning ring in my ears.

Give her some space and let her be.

So I do. I don't hover, I don't go to her, I sit at the counter and talk with my family. But I keep one eye and one ear trained on Bella.

**BPOV**

I've never enjoyed a meal more in my entire life. Not because of the food, but because of the family.

At six on the dot, just like Edward told me it would happen, Carlisle came through the front door ready for his dinner.

Everyone had an assigned place except me and for a second I was panicked that I'd be left out, but Esme led me to a seat beside Edward and then she lowered Elizabeth into a little low rocker beside me. "She doesn't mind it and she's sat with us, this way, almost every night darling," she tells me kindly.

I thank her and feel Edward's hand on mine in my lap. I give it a little squeeze, smile down at my daughter and then turn my attention back to the table.

It's almost the same as when we were kids, though we had a few extras this time. The biggest difference though is that I'm finally sitting next to Edward. Where I'd always wanted to be. Alice threw me a knowing smile and I winked back. She knew. She knew exactly what I was thinking.

Alice and Jasper sit opposite Edward and I and Rosie and Emmett side further down, side by side. Angus is beside Edward and beyond him is a spare seat. Carlisle sits at the head of the table and opens a bottle of wine while Esme brings the food to the table. I want to get up and help but Edward tells me this is her 'thing' and I should let her be. So I do.

When all the food is on the table Carlisle asks us all to join hands and I offer my hand to Esme who sits on my left, Edward keeps my hand in his under the table and gives his other hand to Angus. Carlisle says grace and then the table erupts into conversation.

"I saw Pastor Weber in town today, he sends his best wishes," Alice tells me as she reaches for the peas.

"Angus has finally mastered the letter A today," Rosie tells Carlisle.

"Did you see the scores from last night bro?" Emmett asks Jasper and they begin to dissect whatever game they'd both watched the night before.

"Don't hog the gravy Unca Ed," Angus chuckles to Edward.

"I'll swap you a potato for more meat McFarty Pants," Edward bribes Angus.

Rosie rolls her eyes at the nickname but goes back to talking with Carlisle about growth spurts and learning bell curves.

"I'll show you how to make this meatloaf Bella, Edward loves it," Esme says as she piles my plate high with vegetables.

"Thank you," I whisper.

Her hand covers mine for a moment and then she smiles. "You're welcome darling. Welcome home. Eat up or Emmett will start stealing before you're finished." She laughs.

"You've been warned sissy," Emmett grins across the table at me as he points his knife at my dinner. "I've got my eye on your peas girly," he chuckles.

I quickly scoop up a forkful and start chewing. Out of the corner of my eye I see Esme's foot sneak out from under the table. She puts just her toes onto the bar at the base of Elizabeth's little seat and gives it a little push. The chair starts rocking and Elizabeth starts smiling.

I eat everything on my plate and hold my own in conversation.

When the meal is done and Esme excuses herself to collect dessert Edward puts his arm across the back of my chair and leans in conspiratorially. "If you let me have some of your pie I'll give you my ice cream," he winks.

I stare up into his gorgeous green eyes and grin. "Nothing doing, I've promised my pie to Angus, haven't I?" I wink at Angus and hope he plays along.

"Yeah Unca Ed, keep your mitts off my pie!" he squeals.

Emmett bellows his laughter and tilts his glass to me. "Well played sissy, you're going to fit in fine, just fine. Welcome to Club Cullen!" he crows.

Half a dozen voices echo his statement welcoming me to Club Cullen. There is one lone voice, much more childlike than the others, that can be heard right at the end.

"Can I go to Club Cullen too? Is there video games?"

We laugh our way through the entire dessert.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading.**

**Reviews are most welcome. I actually am finding I need the feedback at the moment. Things are tough in the real world so I'm needing a little encouragement to write. Thanks to everyone who's checked in with us, and wished us well. **


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36 – Quickly Overcome

**EPOV**

I had no idea why the whole family was there for dinner and after a while I stopped trying to work it out and just went with it.

Bella seemed to be having a good time and was laughing and chatting with everyone so I figured don't fix it if it aint broken. I'd wanted her first few days with us to be quiet, so she could settle in before she was overwhelmed with the clan that is Cullen.

So I'd been pretty pissed when we'd come downstairs and the whole lot of them were there, hanging around, tongues hanging out for a free feed. But after a while, when Bella relaxed, I did too.

The banter around the table during the meal had been fantastic, as good as I could ever remember it. It was just how it used to be when Bella ate with us during high school. Of course this was a thousand times better because not only did I now have the balls to talk to Bella, I'd actually kissed her!

She ate well, if slowly at first, and I was so damn happy to hear her conspire with Angus over the pie I couldn't quite take the smile off my face during dessert. By the time mom brought the coffee to the table Bella was involved in all facets of not only the conversation, but also the innuendo's that were flying, the jokes being told badly and the gentle prodding of Jasper.

His having knocked my sister up had had exactly the same effect on our father as it had had on both myself and Emmett. We didn't like it.

We liked Jasper plenty, not that we'd ever admit to that, but knowing he'd actually had sex with my sister was a bit too much for us to handle at the moment. Of course we knew he did, they were married, but the idea of her being pregnant would take some getting used to.

Dad made the mistake – rookie mistake it was too – of saying there was a big difference between Emmett impregnating Rosie and Jasper impregnating his little girl.

Of course I would never admit to thinking exactly the same thing, and I definitely wouldn't have put voice to it, not in this company anyway, but dad did, and nobody could've predicted the mess that one simple statement would cause.

"I'm with you Dad, me knocking Rosie up is totally Rosie's dad's problem," Emmett laughed.

"Hey! My dad likes you but if he heard you say that he'd beat the shit out of you," Rosie retorted.

"Um ah, you sweareded," Angus pointed an accusing finger at his mother.

"Big people are allowed to," Rosie poked her tongue at the little man playfully. "Back me up here Bella, your dad would've wanted to shoot Elizabeth's father, right?" she asked innocently. "He even had the means to do it!" she laughed.

The second it left her mouth she knew she'd put her foot in it. She may not have known why, that went for Emmett and Jasper too, but the rest of us cringed as one. Rosie apologised immediately, but Bella was already upset. I tried to comfort her but she didn't want me, she didn't want anyone.

She'd done so well to take Emmett's joke about stealing her food for what it was, just a joke, but this one was a little too close to home and a little too sensitive an issue just yet.

I felt Bella's shoulders stiffen first, then she gasped, then she looked at my mother, then my father, then Alice and last of all me. The tears were already on her cheeks before my mother spoke.

She reached across to her and put a hand on Bella's forearm but the damage was already done. "She doesn't know sweetheart, it's all in fun darling girl," mom whispered softly, trying in vain to prevent the shit storm that was brewing.

I tried to tighten the arm I had draped over her shoulders, tried to pull her to me so I could comfort her, but she wouldn't have it. She flailed her arms and pushed me away. "She doesn't know baby, she didn't realise, it's only in fun," I tried my best to calm her but the panic and pain on her face was evident long before I made my attempt.

"Bella, breathe," my father insisted sternly as he got up out of his chair and began to walk around the table to her.

Rosie was stammering her apology, even though she had no idea what she was apologising for as Bella got to her feet. She waved at Rosie as though everything was fine but I could tell by the redness of her cheeks as she fled the room that it wasn't.

"I'll go," Alice said as her chair scraped back against the slate tiles of the dining room.

"No," dad said firmly, "I'll go." I was about to argue, and already had my chair pushed back to leave the table, but my father put his hand up at me like a traffic cop. "Take Elizabeth to her bed in your rooms Edward, let me talk to Bella, please son," he said gently.

I looked to the oblivious Elizabeth in her little rocker chair and smiled as best as I could. "Thanks for dinner mom, you outdid yourself. Good night all," I told the others as I scooped the yawning infant up into my arms.

There were calls of 'goodnight' 'sorry' and 'I'll call you tomorrow bro' as I left the room and headed up the stairs to my room. I knew mom would diffuse the situation and put Rosie's mind at rest and I knew that Bella would make her peace with Rose too, maybe not tonight, but I knew she understood the innocence of the comment. She just wasn't equipped to joke about things like that yet. I hoped she would be one day, but that wasn't today.

I laid Elizabeth down on the changing table and slipped off her pretty shoes. I pulled the ribbon from her hair and then I laid her down in her bed. A part of me, the selfish part, was so fucking happy to have the baby in my rooms. The other part of me, the part that loved Bella wanted to be able to take her down to her mother and watch the light return to her eyes once she had her baby in her arms.

I patted Elizabeth's bottom a few times but she was well on her way to being asleep before I even pulled the covers up over her. I waited a few seconds then went into my bedroom. I could hear the conversation being had in Bella's room but switched the monitor to silent. If she wanted to share with me my father's words she would, I'd not eavesdrop on them.

I toed off my shoes and headed into the bathroom across the hall and brushed my teeth. Back in my room I changed into sleep pants and a t-shirt and went to my piano. I played as softly as I could – only lullabies – and waited for some sign that Bella was alright.

**BPOV**

"I know you know she didn't mean it, but it hurts, doesn't it sweetheart?" Carlisle asked as he stroked my hair.

Between sobs I nodded. I buried my face in my pillows the instant I made it into my room but I knew someone would follow me in there. I was prepared for that and I hadn't shut or locked the door behind me. I knew it was Carlisle when he spoke.

"We haven't betrayed the confidences you made to us, Bella," he told me but I already knew that was true otherwise Rosie wouldn't have made the joke.

If she knew that Charlie was Elizabeth's father nothing like that would have ever been said. I knew that about them, about the family, they wouldn't hurt me purposefully.

"I can't help my reactions. I'll do better," I promise.

He strokes my hair and I hear him make a deep sigh. "You're doing so wonderfully well already Bella. The state you were in when you were admitted...hell, I had to wonder if you'd ever come home, let alone only a short month later."

"I'm sorry I ruined dinner," I whine.

"Nothing to be sorry for. We were already fat," he laughs. "I can understand why this particular subject upsets you this way, and so do those of us who know your circumstances. But Rosie, Emmett and Jasper don't know, and those are the kinds of jokes and teasing that goes on around here. I don't want to tell you that you'll have to get used it because I can just as easily tell them to knock it off. You do understand that what Charlie did to you makes him a bad man and not you a bad girl, don't you?"

I want to say that I do know that, but I don't. "Without Charlie in my life I do alright," I sob. "But even his name makes me hurt, it hurts me Carlisle, physical pain to think of him. He told me for so long that everything was my own fault, I can't let go of that overnight."

He strokes my hair again and bends lower so he can whisper into my ear. "Charlie took out his own self loathing on you Bella. It's his shortcoming. You were never to blame. He was unhappy with your mother and he took that out on you. It started with your mother long before you were conceived and while I hate that you had to endure any of it at all that only strengthens my point. It wasn't your fault because the wheels of Charlie's hate for himself were set into motion before you were even thought of."

"Do you really believe that? That Charlie hates himself?" I ask as I sit up.

He's nodding as he speaks. "I really do. Nothing your mother could've done could've justified him beating her and you, certainly, were too young to have done anything yourself, not that there is ever a good reason. That only leaves Charlie's self loathing sweetheart."

It was logical thinking but it was wrong. "You're wrong," I mumble. I reach across to my bedside cabinet and take a tissue. After wiping my eyes and nose I ask for him to please ask Esme to come in.

He leaves briefly and returns with Esme. The three of us sit on the sofa and I begin my explanation. "Renee, that's my mom, had an affair with Harry Clearwater. I don't know if you know him, but he's from the Rez just like Jake. He's my dad. Not Charlie," I let that sink in and while it's obvious that Esme, out of the two of them, wants to say something I tell her there's more. "When she got pregnant and they worked out that I couldn't be Charlie's he beat her and Harry and then took her home, forbidding her from contacting him again. But she loved him and she wrote to him after I was born to let him know. Harry wrote back and Charlie read it. He dragged her down to the Rez and beat her to death in front of Harry and others, I'm not too sure exactly who but Edward knows some details. So you see, I'm just like her. I'm married but loved someone else. Harry wrote to my mom, Edward called me. We aren't that different really."

Esme's mouth gapes and Carlisle runs a hand through his hair just like Edward does when he's thinking hard. I give them a moment to collect their thoughts then go on.

"I've only known for a week or so myself and Edward only a few days longer than that. I'm sorry we didn't tell you before, but there never seemed the right time and it doesn't really change too much." I shrug.

Esme takes my hand. "It changes some things darling. You aren't Charlie's flesh and blood. It changes that. Don't you see? He was angry at himself and your mother and he took it out on you. It's nothing you did and nothing you could control. It doesn't excuse anything of course, but knowing it couldn't have anything to do with you must help, even a little?" she asks.

"I don't know yet, I still feel the same," I admit.

"And Harry, what does Harry say?" Carlisle asks.

"I met him last week for the first time and we talked a little but nothing too deep, you know, it was all a bit of a shock. I said I'd talk to him again one day."

Carlisle sighs. "Does Jake know this?" he asks solemnly. I shake my head. "Does Jake know Charlie is Elizabeth's father?" I shake my head again. "Does Harry know Charlie is Elizabeth's father?" This time I nod.

"Well, that's something. Have you talked to Gary Benson about this?" Esme asks.

"No, I haven't talked to him since I made my statement to the police."

"Then I think we need to have him come visit us tomorrow, don't you dear?" she asks me.

"I guess so." I can't really work out why I'd need for him to know this stuff, but I trust Esme's judgement.

"It will be very important for Gary to know this, Bella. If Charlie Swan isn't your father, but he is Elizabeth's father, he might want to press for visitation or something. We need to put a stop to that. He knowing he isn't your biological father might make a difference legally to his claim to her." Carlisle nods sagely and I begin to panic.

"He can't have her," I shout and get to my feet. "He can't have anything to do with her. I'll take her away, far away," I shout.

I'm halfway to the door when Carlisle catches me by the shoulders. It hurts to be tugged like that and it jags my ribs horribly, but he does it anyway. "Nobody is taking Elizabeth away from you Bella. Don't panic sweetheart, we wouldn't ever let that happen, I promise. Breathe Bella," he tells me and turns me square on and begins to blow breath out over his teeth. I follow as best I can, just like I did in the hospital with Edward and soon I'm calm enough to be rational. "Right, so we have a plan to go forward. I'll contact Gary and get him here tomorrow. For now you should you have a nice hot shower and calm yourself down then go up and visit with Edward for a while. I know he's worried. He has Elizabeth up there." I wipe my eyes and nose with the back of my hand again and nod my acceptance of his plan. He kisses the top of my head and pats me once more. "We'll protect you both Bella. Nobody will take her, you're her mother and there is no reason for you to share her with anyone if you don't want to. Charlie Swan might not be your father but you believed he was and he never gave you any reason to believe that he wasn't. From what I know about the law that means his abuse of you is the same as if he actually was your father. And remember, he hasn't asked for Elizabeth, not even to see her, you have nothing to worry about." He kisses me again and smiles. "Now, about what happened at dinner, you'll have these minor hiccups now and then, I wouldn't worry about it too much. The triggers will lessen as time goes on. Just be prepared for Rose to want to smother you with kindness for a couple of days."

"Thank you, you've all been so kind," I mumble.

"Nonsense. We've upset you, that's not kind. In fact, it was pretty dumb of me to even start such a conversation. I expect I'll be in the doghouse for a bit," he laughs. Esme chuckles softly but doesn't deny it.

I thank him again for coming for me and I thank Esme for listening. Carlisle wishes me a good night and leaves. Esme gives me a quick hug and tells me she'll see me in the morning. When I'm alone again I go into my bathroom and lock the door behind me. While I wait for the water to warm up I look at my naked body in the full length mirror on the back of the door.

My nipple seems to be the worst of my injuries at this point. Had I not reopened the wound it would've looked a lot better by now, but I'd been stupid. Having had it stitches twice meant I had two perfect circles of stitch marks and a lot of swelling still. It didn't hurt exactly, but it wasn't something I wanted touched either. The crops tops were still number one on my hit parade of most comfortable clothing.

I've still got a slight purplish mark under my boobs from my ribs but other than that my torso looks okay. The burns on my thighs are scabbed over and gross, but they aren't oozing anymore and I hope that if I'm careful and keep applying the cream I won't need to see the specialist Carlisle told me about. I turn as best I can to get a look at the scar on my shoulder and while it's still pretty red it looks okay. Like someone has drawn a line on my skin with a red pen. It could've been worse.

I use a hand mirror and try to see the scar in my scalp. It's not easy but it looks alright too now. Raised and angry, but my hair covers it. Using the same mirror I look over my shoulder at my back and the scars that have lived there for as long as I can remember. They'll never leave me, they are the marks from Charlie and his legacy will live on always. My earlobe looks the best out of all the scars because it follows the natural crease where it meets the side of my face. If anything it looks like I've had a sneaky facelift. My mouth and lip are another story entirely.

Inside the skin is smooth and only a little raised. On the outside it's an angry red scar still. I have a dozen very feint pockmarks from where the stitches were pulled through my skin, but I think they'll fade the quickest. The line they closed however is totally different. It is purple and red and looks awful. I open and close my mouth a few times and while it no longer hurts unless I open fully it still pulls and aches at the end of the day.

I try to remember that Jake was wrong. I try to reassure myself that Edward does love me, no matter what scars I carry, and that Jake's efforts to disfigure me were a waste of his time because Edward doesn't look at me and see scars. He sees me, the real me, emotional baggage and all.

I washed, shampooed and conditioned and brushed my teeth and stood for a few extra minutes under the blissful hot water before drying myself on the red towels. I stashed my dirty clothes in the hamper and dressed in light cotton pants and a soft t-shirt. I dried my hair with the hairdryer and tied it back in a high ponytail.

As I went up the stairs to the first floor I listened to the rest of the house. The only sounds were the dishwasher and the television on the top floor. The others must have gone home already.

I stood outside Edward's room for ages just listening to him play. I wanted to go in and watch him but I knew he'd stop the instant I entered and I didn't want him to stop. So I stood outside and just listened.

He was playing very softly, probably because Elizabeth was asleep, but he played with real feeling despite the simplicity of the tunes he tapped out. Each one flowed into the next, he never fully stopped one before the next started and they seemed to meld flawlessly into one long lullaby. It was truly beautiful.

After a while I knocked lightly and blew out the breath I'd been holding.

**EPOV**

I kept one ear trained on Elizabeth, the other on the door. I knew she'd come but I didn't know how long it would take her to get here. I also didn't know what state she'd be in when she did.

So I played.

Every lullaby and soft, gentle song I could think of I ploughed through. I ran them together so that Elizabeth wouldn't be startled by the stop starting of the music. I was halfway through Larghetto when I heard her tap at my door. I knew it was her, it could be nobody else.

I closed the lid on the piano and went to the door and there she stood. Freshly showered and changed and utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful. Her eyes were puffy so I knew she'd been crying, but she looked fresh faced and had a small smile on her lips.

"Hey," she whispered, twisting her hands around themselves nervously.

"You lead," I whisper back as I pull her to me. I didn't want to frighten her, but I needed her.

She took no time to wind her hands into my hair and pull my lips to hers. I needed it, I needed her. I needed to feel her close to me. I needed to smell her, to taste her, to feel that she was physically alright. Talking about what happened would come later but for now I just needed her.

The kiss began softly, almost tentatively, as though we were beginning again. Like on a first date where you aren't quite sure how your partner behaves, or is going to react to your kissing technique. But soon her tongue found my lips and she was pulling me forcefully to her. I obliged without arguing. I'd take what she wanted to give.

A sweet moan came through her lips into my mouth and I couldn't help the caveman rumble that began to build in my chest. She smelled like strawberries and felt like pure warmth. I turned us around so my back was to the door and with one foot I kicked it shut.

She jumped slightly when it closed but didn't break the kiss. She did pull away a few seconds later though and while I kissed across her cheek and to her ear she lead us into my bedroom. We stumbled a little as we came to the edge of my bed and before I had time to ask if she was okay with this she'd turned us again so that we were side by side, standing beside my bed, just like I'd always fantasised that we would.

"Is this okay?" she whispered hoarsely while I nodded frantically.

I managed to stammer through 'you lead' once again and then we were side by side on the bed, our lips pressed together hungrily as we fought for space. The bed itself was still pressed up against the wall from when I'd had Elizabeth asleep on it last time and we naturally rolled that way, towards the wall.

I wrapped one arm around her and held her closely while she continued to pull and push me, taking from me what she wanted with her lips and tongue. A few seconds later she slid her thigh between mine. Not high though, not anywhere near where I ached for her touch, but high enough for me to begin thinking about what it would feel like to be touched by Bella.

I groaned into her mouth and she echoed it right back. I was running my fingertips up and down her back and could feel the soft cotton of her crop top beneath her thin t-shirt. I didn't know how far I was going to be allowed to go but I'd touched her bare back before so I took a chance and slid my hand up under the shirt. She was warm, so warm and so soft. I could feel the welts but I ignored them and ran my fingers from the top of her pants to just under the elastic of the crop top.

Each time I made contact with the cleft of her butt cheeks she moaned and I grew harder and harder by degrees every time she did.

I pulled my mouth away from hers, wanting to ask if it was alright for me to be touching her this way but once again she surprised me, taking the breath out of my lungs as she began to nip and kiss across my chin and down my throat.

"Oh god...Bella..." I mumbled stupidly.

"Do you like that?" she whispers to me, but never stops nipping until I'm squirming and writhing beside her.

"You have no idea," I manage to squeak out. My voice seems to have left me high and dry.

Her hand begins to travel down my back as mine travels hers. She feels so good. I love the feel of her hands on my flesh, just as I always knew I would. When she gets to the hem of my shirt I feel her balk slightly. Not for long, half a heartbeat maybe, while she thought about what she was about to do. And then she did it. She let her tiny fingers slip under my shirt and then she was touching me as I touched her. Her sore little fingers began to explore my back, my hips, the cleft of my butt cheeks. I was rock hard and moaning like a school boy as she moved against me.

**BPOV**

"I love the sounds you make," I found myself saying without even thinking about it.

It all felt so natural, so right. Like I'd finally found who and what it was I'd been searching for. In a way I guess I had. I knew where he was and who he was all these years, I'd just never gotten the chance to be this close to him before.

Oh sure, in the hospital that time I'd touched his chest and run my fingers across his skin but that was for explorations sake, this was for desires sake.

I wanted more of him. He made another adorable squeaking noise whenever I touched his lower back or his bottom and it made me want to go further, see more, and touch more.

Could I? I know he told me to lead, but could I really just _do _it?

There was nothing stopping us now. No interruptions from nurses, no being caught out in the patient lounge. His family had gone home and the two that were left were not going to come into the room unannounced. We weren't in a hospital bed and I wore his promise on my finger.

As if it had a mind of its own my hand slid lower into his sleep pants until I was cupping his bare ass. I squeezed lightly and waiting to hear and feel his reaction. It was intense and instantaneous.

He moaned quite loudly and wriggled so that my thigh was pressed harder up against him. So I did it again. This time he sighed into my ear and I felt the shiver of excitement hit my toes and bounce back up into my chest.

"Jesus," he hissed as I began to move my leg between his.

I knew what I was doing, I knew what it would do to him. I'd done all this before of course, but never with the one I loved. It all felt so exciting, a hundred times more powerful than it ever had before.

With Jake it was true that I'd never been overly instrumental in the physical aspect of our marriage, but I'd never disliked what we'd done, before he found out I was pregnant of course. After that it was just sex. For his pleasure, not mine. But before that I'd participated, I'd tried to learn what he liked and how to please him. But it was different with Edward. I didn't just want to know what he liked, I wanted to show him what I liked too. I had no idea what that was, but I was willing to find out.

My whole body tingled. My senses were all on high alert and I was panting against his cheek as his tongue and lips explored my neck and earlobe.

I pulled away a little so that I could bring my hand back between us and then I was touching him. The thin cotton of his sleep pants was between us, but I could feel every inch of him. Intimately. In a way I'd never touched him before. He was long and thick and desperately hard. This time his moan was animalistic and it went on and on as I tightened my grip around his width.

The kisses he pressed to my ear became more frantic, harder, and wetter the more I explored. I cupped his balls and ran my fingers across them gently, making him shiver and whisper my name over and over.

I felt powerful. I felt electrified. I felt good.

And then he pulled away from me. My hand slipped from him and hit the mattress with a dull thud. He scooted backwards, towards the headboard, and blew out a long, slow breath. "We need to stop," he croaked.

I nodded but I didn't really want to stop. I wanted to make him feel good. I wanted to watch him fall apart for me. "Okay," I agree half heartedly.

He chuckled and reached out a hand for me, pulling me so I was sitting up and across his chest. I rested my hand on his hip and tucked the other between us. His heart was beating so fast it was like it was going to burst out of his chest.

"I want you Bella, god I want you...but there's no hurry and if you kept going it would be over before it began," he groaned into my hair. "Besides, tonight was rough for you."

I sighed against his chest. "I overreacted, but I'm okay. I'm not as delicate as you think I am."

I listen as he chuckles quietly. "Oh really?"

"Yes, really." I sit up and look into his beautiful green eyes. "I'm not ready to go all the way, and not because I don't want to, but I'm not healed enough, but I want more," I say petulantly.

His smiles falters just a tiny bit and I wait patiently for whatever it is that's on his mind. I don't have to wait long. "I want more too. Shit, I want it all, of course I do. But something dad said to me struck a chord I guess." Edward shifts a little so he's sitting more upright and I go with him. "He asked me to try and remember that the only relationships you've ever had with men have cost you sexually. I don't want it to be that way with us. Before you get upset I know it won't be, I know that's not why I want you and I know it's not why you want me. But neither of us is ready to slay that beast, if you will," he chuckled.

"Beast?" I laugh.

"Oh great. Out of everything I said you choose that one word to hang on to. You're incorrigible."

We both laugh but it trails off while we both think about what's been said and what's gone on today. "I guess you're right. I'm not comfortable here yet. I will be, I know that, but I don't know when. I do still feel guilty for all you're doing for me. And while I know that you don't want anything from me that's not normal I don't know how my brain will react to sex yet." I admit.

He tightens his arms around me and kisses my hair again. "I know. And I don't want our first time to be anything other than perfect. I don't want you to have to worry about how it's going to make you react, I just want you to feel it's right. So, like always, you lead. I won't push, I won't press. But god woman...if you touch me again like that I don't know if I'll have the strength to stop before making a mess," he laughs.

"How long has it been?" I ask cautiously. We've never really discussed his sex life before. I know he's dated, I even heard about one of them from Alice years ago, but I don't know what he's been up to of late. When he doesn't answer straight away I get worried that I've crossed a line. "I know it's none of my business, you don't have to answer that."

"No, no, we should talk about that. It's the responsible thing to do and I am a doctor, after all," he laughs. "Um, I guess it has been a while. I'm clean, if that's what you're asking. I was seeing a girl last year but we ended it in June."

"June?" I ask. I got married in June.

"Yeah," he sighs. "My heart just wasn't in it and she wanted more from me than a casual date on the weekends."

"Why didn't you want more, didn't you like her enough?"

"No, it's not that. She was great. Lots of fun and stuff, but she just wasn't you Bella. And then you got married and I got a bit um, depressed I suppose, and I guess I just stopped trying to please her."

"Oh. Has that happened a lot then?" I ask. I wanted to ask how many sexual partners he's had, but can't bring myself to actually ask.

"A lot? No," he laughs. "I dated a girl during med school for about a year, but it was the same situation. She wanted more than I could give her. Then when I moved back here, to start my rotation at the hospital, I dated a nurse or two, but nothing serious. I was honest with them, I told them I wasn't looking for anything permanent."

"And that's because of me?"

"Yeah. I guess it was. Right up until you actually got married I held out hope."

"Then why haven't you dated since I got married, in _June._" I say pointedly.

His sigh tells me a lot. "Well I guess I just gave up I suppose. If I couldn't have what I wanted I didn't want to settle and that wouldn't have been fair to the girl, so I just stopped. I don't think I did it consciously or anything at the time, and it's tough to find dates in Forks, it's not exactly excitement central. But once you got married I just lost the urge to try."

"Were you dating that girl when I got married then?"

"Yeah. We broke up the day after," he says sadly.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"I'm bloody not!" he laughs. "Bella, I'd have waited another decade, probably more, a century maybe, for you. It's always been you. When I came back from your wedding that night I called her and asked if I could see her. I went round there and told her straight up that I couldn't give her what she wanted. She wasn't upset, or angry, or anything. She said she knew, she said she knew that all along, she knew I was settling and that it wasn't going to work. She didn't know who I was pining after but she knew there was someone. But we had a nice time together and we were friends, so she kept seeing me anyway. I still talk to her on Facebook and email and stuff."

I don't know why but that hurts me. It shouldn't, I'm married to someone else. But knowing that Edward has female friends, ones that he's slept with, it hurts. "I've never dated anyone," I say, stating the bloody obvious.

"I know. I kept tabs on you, sorry," he whispers.

"Is it wrong that it hurts me to know you've dated other girls? That's weird, isn't it?"

His laugh is louder and more forceful this time. His kiss to my hair is also longer and harder. "You're so fucking perfect, I wish you knew it," he chuckles. "It's not weird, it's perfectly normal. Knowing you were with someone else killed me Bella. And even right back at the start, when you first married him and I thought you'd done it because you loved him, I still hated it. I still hated him. But I can promise you this, the girls I dated, and they were girls Bella, not women, the girls I dated couldn't hold a candle to you. I looked for you in them but found them sadly lacking."

"Did you fall in love, even a little bit, with any of them?" I ask timidly.

"Any of them? Bella we're talking three girls here, tops. One in college, one nurse and one last year, that's it. And no, I didn't fall in love with anyone. I wanted to, especially after you married, but it just never felt right. I never felt with them the way I feel with you."

"Was the sex okay though?" I ask before I can stop myself. I've no right to ask that, but I want to know.

"Yeah, it was okay," he laughs. "It will feel different with you though."

I lift my eyes to his and smile. "I think it will feel different for me too. Just like kissing you feels different."

"Does it? I thought it was just me. But kissing you is amazing. I get this tingling..." he trails off.

"I feel it too. All over. And yeah, it does feel different for me too."

"I know we aren't supposed to, but do you want to get under the covers?" he asks.

"Oh yes please," I giggle.

He gets up and I shift aside so he can pull the blankets back. I scoot under and wait until he's in there too. "We should swap sides, in case you want to get out, or something," he says.

I think about it for a second and then nod. "For Elizabeth, you know?" I nod towards the door at the side of the room. "I'm not scared of you Edward. I know you won't pin me down."

"I know baby," he whispers as he slides over to the wall.

I get in with him and lay on my side, just like we did in the hospital. He comes closer, folding me into his body. His erection is gone now but he still feels good pressed up against me. "I love you Edward," I whisper as I close my eyes.

"I love you too baby," he whispers sleepily.

**EPOV**

She's gone when I wake in the middle of the night. I figure she's just in with Elizabeth so I listen to the monitor for a little bit, but there's no sound from it at all.

I rub my eyes with my fingers as I make my way into the nursery beside my room but they're not there. I go back through my bedroom, tapping the monitor to make sure it's working – it is – before going through to my sitting room but they're not there either.

On the landing I listen, but there is no sound to be heard in the house. As I take the stairs I begin to panic a little. What if they've left? What if she's taken Elizabeth and I never see them again? What if me telling her about my previous girlfriends has upset her so much she's gone back to Jake?

I knock lightly on her bedroom door but there's no answer. I hate myself for trying the handle but sigh in relief as it gives. They aren't in her bathroom, bedroom or the nursery.

By the time I make it to the kitchen my blood pressure is sky high and I'm ready to start shouting for mom and dad. There aren't any lights on in the house and there isn't a sound to be heard. I go through the breakfast nook and find them both curled up on the loveseat in mom's sun room.

The sigh I let out would've woken the dead and Bella jumps to life, her frightened eyes meet mine over the back of the little sofa.

"Hey," she mumbles sleepily.

"What are you doing down here baby?" I ask in a hushed whisper as I run my hand over her hair then Elizabeth's.

"She woke for a feed but wouldn't settle," Bella mumbles as she gets back up to a sitting position, bringing Elizabeth to her lap. "I knew she'd wake you through the monitor if she kept crying, and I don't know how to turn it off, so I came down here. What time is it?"

I look over my shoulder at the clock on the microwave and squint to read it. "With no glasses it looks like five, love." She stretches adorably and I move around to the front of the loveseat. "I'll take her back to her bed, come on." I wait until she gives me permission before scooping Elizabeth up into my arms then reaching a hand back for Bella.

We walk hand in hand up the stairs and back into my rooms. She stands 'guard' on the door while I settle Elizabeth back into her crib and then I pull her back to bed with me.

"You can have my bed," she suggests but I'm not having it.

"No way. I want you here. Right here," I tell her as she climbs in beside me. I kiss her hair and snuggle up close to her. "I don't want you sleeping down there Bella. You belong in a bed," I tell her firmly as we assume our usual position.

"I don't mind," she whispers and clutches my hand as it rests on her belly.

"I do," I argue. "It makes me think of you on the mattress on the floor at Jake's. Don't do that baby. Come back to bed up here, or come get me. I'll come to you. But don't sleep on anything other than a bed from now on, please."

"Alright Edward." Is the last thing I remember hearing before we are woken by Elizabeth at eight the next morning. I tell Bella I'll go and she protests rather fiercely but I insist.

Elizabeth is changed, fat and happily lying in the sun buck naked on a little blanket in front of the glass doors in the breakfast nook when Bella comes downstairs at nine. She looks absolutely gorgeous in jeans and a t-shirt. The jeans are the most fitted thing I've seen her wear since, well since ever really, and they make her ass look positively edible.

It's obvious she's showered and is bright eyed and better off for the sleep in as she says a cheery good morning to mom and I.

"Dads gone for rounds but he'll be back soon," I tell her and kiss her forehead. "Good morning beautiful," I whisper as she sits beside me on a stool.

She leans back and says a good morning to Elizabeth and then to my mother who is serving up eggs and toast to us.

"Church begins at eleven Bella. You don't have to come, but you are more than welcome to if you want to," mom says.

Bella looks to me but I just shrug. I've not been to church since I was a kid. "Mom and dad stopped asking us two boys to go after we started a fire in the back pew when I was twelve," I chuckle. "But I'll go if you want me to."

Mom huffs and I know what's coming even before she opens her mouth. "Oh sure, you won't go because I want you to you ungrateful little sod, but a pretty girl comes along and suddenly you're an altar boy," she pouts.

Bella is giggling. "Thank you, mom," she says sweetly. "I'd like to go. I want to say thank you to the knitting ladies." She turns to me then. "You don't have to go Edward, I'll just go with your parents."

I'm a bit hurt that she hasn't asked me to go with her but also a bit relieved at not having to go. I'm a believer but don't feel the need to practise. Mom hates it, dad asks every couple of months if I've changed my mind, but I never go. "You go baby, I've got some stuff to do."

"If you're sure?" she asks. She's looking at me but I think she wants reassurance from my mother more than anything.

"Of course," mom says lightly. "Everyone is dying to meet you and everyone loves Elizabeth."

"Then I'll go, thank you."

I've dodged a bullet and my morning stretches before me. It's a grand day to be me.

I know exactly how I'm going to fill it too.

**BPOV**

It seemed like such a simple thing, going to church. I've never been before, Charlie wouldn't allow it, but I had faith and I wanted to thank god – or whoever it was – that let me find Edward and his family.

Esme helped me dress Elizabeth and put the little ribbon in her hair. Then she helped me pick out a suitable outfit for myself. Along with a long navy dress she showed me rows of shoes in every colour and together we chose a low pair of matching navy heels. I left my hair loose and decided against makeup. I was conscious that the scars on my face and ear would be on full show, but somehow, knowing it was to church I was heading, that didn't bother me very much. They were charitable people and they wouldn't stare or ask stupid questions.

Esme assured me that the congregation knew I'd been hurt, not how or by whom, and she was positive that I wouldn't have to answer invasive questions or explain myself to anyone.

We assembled in the foyer while Carlisle brought the car around and it was then that my nerves truly set in. I hadn't been out in the 'real world' for over a year and it was utterly terrifying.

Thankfully Esme was holding Elizabeth or she'd have bounced right out of my shaking hands. When the car was positioned in front of the porch Esme took Elizabeth and settled her into her car seat. Edward came down the stairs to say goodbye and I clung to him as he held me.

"You look so beautiful," he whispers into my ear. "It'll be okay baby," he tells me as he kisses the corner of my mouth. "They're all good people and they only want what's best for you, just like us."

"I know, I'm just frightened."

"Don't be. Mom will be there right beside you and don't tell anyone, but I suspect my dad wouldn't mind the chance to defend you," he winks.

I giggle but it's half hearted at best. "What will you do?" I ask.

His smile is gorgeous. "I have plans. You'll see."

I nod and know he won't tell me anymore. I whisper my goodbyes and go down the stairs as though I'm being led to the gallows.

For the whole length of the drive I berate myself for having given Edward an out. I wanted him beside me. I wanted him with us, as a family, while I met the people the Cullen's called friends.

I got more and more agitated as we got closer and closer to the little church in town. I'd seen it a million times and had never really taken too much notice but as we turned into my street I began to shake. We had to pass right by Charlie's house to get to the church and it made my stomach lurch as the familiar sight of the white painted house came into view.

Esme, bless her, reached around her seat and put her hand on my knee as we went by. I couldn't not look, it was like passing a train crash, but the jolt I got in my chest at the site of Charlie's cruiser in the drive made bile rise up in my throat.

I clutched Esme's hand and hoped I wasn't hurting her. I know it hurt my fingers, a lot, but I couldn't help it. I clung to her as if she were a lifeline.

For the hundredth time on the short journey I wished that Edward was there.

Esme's phone beeped once or twice on the trip and she gave a small giggle as she read the first message, but said nothing. Instead she leaned over between the console and Carlisle's seat and showed him the screen on her phone. He smiled too, but neither said a word.

The church parking lot was packed full but Carlisle pulled into a space right beside the front doors that had a reserved sign on a little post at the head of it.

"Perk of the job," he announced with a smile as he came around to my door and helped me out.

He helped Esme out too, his hand resting at her elbow as she straightened her dress and ran a hand through her hair. I unbuckled Elizabeth and grabbed her bag and one of the lacy knitted shawls the church ladies had made for her.

"All set?" Esme asked brightly and at my nod she came to my left, Carlisle to my right, and together we walked inside.

**EPOV**

Costco was packed. The parking lot was a fucking nightmare and the shop itself was full of screaming kids and pissed off adults.

I only want half a dozen things but it takes half an hour to even find them. I have to push past snot nosed little bastards who are whining about what candy they want and the mothers who just park their asses – and their pushers – in the centre of the aisles so I have to excuse myself twenty times to get where I'm going.

I toss two pairs of Shrek pyjamas into my basket and head back through the throng towards the personal care aisle. It's fucking bedlam in there too.

There are two small boys squirting bubble bath all over the floor while their 'mother' talks loudly into her cell phone. I shoot them a scowl and one of them gives me the bird! Little bastard.

I grab the first toiletries bag that looks blue enough to be for a boy and throw it and a bar of green soap, a Shrek toothbrush and a matching hairbrush into the basket on top of the pyjamas.

I meander through the store until I find the lunch bags and choose one with the donkey and the cat from the movie on it. On my way to the cashier I scoop candy bars, jubes and crisps into the basket.

I'm done in ten minutes and am pretty pleased to be getting the hell out of there.

I'm followed, as usual, to the hospital by a cruiser but this time it's not Charlie, it's a deputy. He doesn't pull me over or flash his lights so I ignore it and just continue to drive carefully. He drives on as I pull into the staff parking lot and I flip him the bird, kind of hoping he saw it before he took off.

Before going into the lift I call Gary Benson. I tell him I'm sorry to be calling him on a Sunday but he tells me it's no problem and that he was just working on Bella's divorce brief.

"The hearing has been set for Thursday at two, she'll need to be there," he tells me.

"I'll bring her myself," I tell him while thinking that was bloody fast. "I'm actually calling about the fostering plan for Joshua."

"Ah yes, let me grab that file, one moment." I hear paper shuffling and a soft curse and a thud but then his deep voice comes back on the line. "At this stage the department is still making the background checks but so far I can see that you, your mother, your father and your brother and sister have clean bills of social health," he chuckles.

"Well that's something at least. And Bella?" I ask.

I hear him sigh and wonder what the fuck is the matter. "Ah well, that seems to be the holdup I'm afraid. The department used old records to try and contact her and of course, as luck would have it, they reached her father who had some less than savoury things to say about her character." I swear, loudly, but he tells me he's got it all in hand. "I've provided them with copies of her statement regarding Charlie and also put them into contact with the two detectives from Port Angeles. They have a copy of the restraining order. It's a minor delay Edward. Bella has never done anything that would prevent her from being a foster parent, and I know that because I've done my own checking. But the department has to follow this up before they make their ruling. Give it a week, if they haven't signed off on it I'll start pushing, loudly."

"I swear to god, is there nothing that man can't infect?" I hiss.

"He's done an excellent job so far, I agree, but we aren't sunk yet. Leave it with me," he says and I thank him for all he's done so far.

The elevator ride is a sombre one as I go up to the ground floor but I'm greeted warmly as I go through reception. Even Tony comes out of his office to ask after both Bella and Elizabeth. I take great pride in telling him, and Dawn, that they are both doing fantastically well at home.

I get stopped a heap more times as I make my way to the children's ward. Everyone is eager for news. One of the nurses even asks after Josh, which is weird because nobody really knows that I've started the fostering process. I answer the questions vaguely and think about who knows enough to be gossiping about it as I walk down the centre aisle of the children's ward.

I startle when I see that Josh isn't there. I rush back to the nurses' station. "Where's Joshua Gibson from bed six?" I ask.

She flips a page over on her clipboard and reads from it. "Oh, he's gone to radiology. Are you a relative?" she asks.

"I'm his foster dad," I lie smoothly. "Doctor Cullen Junior," I add for good measure.

It has the desired effect even if it is bullshit. "Oh, sorry Doctor Cullen, I'm new, I didn't realise. Um, he's gone for a chest x-ray. You can go on down there of course," she nods and stows the chart back in the rack on the wall.

I feel bad for lying and for making her uncomfortable, but at least I can stop worrying for Josh. I get stopped on the way to the radiology department by Ben Cheney.

"How's Bella doing?" he asks as he shakes my hand.

"She's great actually."

"And the baby?"

"She's great too. Growing like a weed," I say proudly. "You on duty?" I ask.

"Yeah, I swapped in while Matt's on his honeymoon," he says with an eye roll. "Hey, I hear your girl is off to my girl's church today?"

"They're there now."

"Not you huh?" he laughs.

"Nah, it's not for me. But Bella seemed keen and the ladies in moms group have been knitting for Elizabeth and I know she wanted to say thank you in person."

"That's nice. How did she go getting out into the big wide world for the first time?"

Shit. I hadn't stopped to think about it that way. I shuffle uneasily on my heels and dig my hand into the pocket of my jeans. "I've fucked up," I grumble.

"How so?" he asks with furrowed brows.

"I didn't stop to think it was her first time out in public since...you know..." I shrug.

"Oh jeez, well, I guess she's with your parents and church isn't the worst place for her to start. It's safe, you know neither Charlie nor Jake attend and Elizabeth is with her."

"Yeah, I guess."

"She got a cell phone on her?" he asks helpfully.

I smile. "Yep, she does. Good idea. I've got to go to radiology real quick and then I'll see how she's doing. Thanks man, you saved my balls," I chuckle and shake his hand again.

"No worries. Good luck with Josh!" he shouts down the corridor as I start to jog towards radiology.

I'm shaking my head wondering how in hell everyone knows about Joshua!

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so very much for reading and for the support and good wishes for my husband.**

**He is recovering quite well now. A special thanks to Patchar and RSWilly who gave up their time to visit him in hospital yesterday. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review. **


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37 – New Friends Old Foes

BPOV

The church was packed. There were so many people I knew and heaps of others I met for the first time, but all of them wished me and Elizabeth well despite not knowing what had happened to us.

It was wonderful and overwhelming and frightening all at once and by the time the service actually began I was a nervous wreck. The pew was hard and cold under my butt but I did my best to smile at Esme when she asked after me.

I'd misunderstood Carlisle's 'perk of the job' comment in the car to mean that because he was a doctor he had a special parking place just in case he needed to leave in a hurry to attend to an emergency. What it really meant was he was a highly respected member of the church community.

He stood beside Pastor Weber as the congregation flooded into the building and shook hands with each and every one of them. He ushered the organist to her position and carried the altar cloth to its special place when the minister was ready to begin his sermon. That also meant that the Cullen's – and that meant nearly all of them – had seats in the very first pew.

Alice and Jasper arrived a few minutes after us and Alice was quick to take Elizabeth from me and take her around to all the ladies who wanted to coo and gabble at her. I stood very close to Esme and kept an eye on her, but Alice was very good with her. She held her tight and never let her go, despite the pleadings of many women who wanted to hold her. Every few minutes she looked back to me and smiled or winked. I appreciated that. She must have known how hard it was for me to relinquish the baby, especially with no Edward to lean on, and even more so because I was so anxious about being in public and surrounded by people I didn't know. I was beginning to realise just how much the Cullen's, and the Whitlock's, had invested in me.

Rose, Emmett and Angus arrived last. Rosie apologised profusely for what she'd said at dinner the night before but I waved it away sincerely. I told her I could appreciate the joke, and I had the night before, but my brain took things to heart long before I had a chance to tell it not to. She kept apologising and would only stop when Esme asked her to. she asked her to let it go, as I had, and that at some point she was sure I would explain exactly why the 'joke' had affected me the way it had. I worried about that a little. The others knowing about Elizabeth and Charlie, but I had to put it out of my mind as Emmett came towards me. He kissed me on the cheek and Angus insisted I sit beside him when it was time to move to the front of the church.

Emmett asked where his 'pussy of a brother' was. Esme slapped his forearm and told him to watch his language while telling him that Edward had things to attend to and wouldn't be joining us. Emmett said he thought as much and whined that Edward always got off scot-free and was the favourite. Esme rolled her eyes but didn't deny either part of the statement.

Angus, as he said he would, sat right beside me and never took his eyes off Elizabeth as the service was conducted. He kept his finger in her grip the whole time but was very quiet and very well behaved for such a lively little boy. He'd obviously been groomed from a very early age to behave in church. I could only hope that Elizabeth, and Joshua if we were allowed to bring him home, would be as well behaved when it was their turn.

I wasn't surprised when the Pastor called on Carlisle to make a reading and his clear, strong voice rang out through the little church with confidence. I listened carefully, taking from his reading what I thought I should. The message was clear. Help they neighbour. His eyes found mine again and again and I nodded minutely, hoping he knew just how important I thought the lesson was. He smiled pointedly at me as he retook his seat.

When the service was finished we were all invited to the hall next door for coffee and cake and Esme asked if I felt up to it or not.

"I'd like to go," I told her more confidently than I really felt. I was nervous about this part, the gathering crowd part. I knew everyone would want a piece of me and I didn't know exactly how much I had to spare just yet.

"Good. Everyone is dying to talk to you," Esme tells me as she takes my elbow.

With that we all filed out of the church and made our way to the little hall. I was uneasy as everyone filed in through the doors. I didn't know a lot of the people and the ones I did know I only knew vaguely. Some I recognised as the parents of kids I'd known at school but I didn't trust any of them other than the Cullen's and Whitlock's.

I stuck close to Esme and had to back away into a corner once or twice when I was approached by a man I didn't know. Esme was very good though, she kept her hand at my elbow and vouched for everyone as they came near to me. She'd whisper who he or she was, what relationships they had within the church community. She was absolutely adamant that each and every one of them was trustworthy not only for me, but for Elizabeth too.

The hall itself was quite large and had a long table with a pristinely white cloth draped over it along one wall and small groups of folding chairs set up in the surprisingly vast open space left in the middle. On the table were rows of cakes and tarts, tiny sandwiches and slices of every kind. A huge urn of boiling water and rows of dainty china cups and saucers were set at the other end.

I'd just gotten a little used to the size of the group, and had found a fairly safe place to stand where I couldn't be snuck up on, when we were approached by a Mrs Jensen who asked after Edward.

"He's very well, thank you," I told her politely.

"He's such a lovely young man. We're all so happy for you both," she said kindly as she moved on towards the cakes.

"Mrs Jensen runs the kiosk at the hospital," Esme whispered to me before the next lady came to talk to us. "Bella this is Mrs Margaret Porter. Margaret this is our Bella. Margaret is the treasurer of the church."

"Hello, it's nice to meet you," I tell the lady with the purple hair.

"It's so nice to finally meet you too Bella. Of course we all know Elizabeth quite well now, but it's lovely to see you up and about. Are you well my dear?"

"Yes, thank you." I tell her truthfully.

The same scenario, with almost identical conversations, is had over and over as each woman in the congregation comes by us to meet me. The men are less curious and tend to stick to their small groups, but the women don't hesitate to come and be introduced.

Elizabeth is a dead weight in my arms and I wish I'd thought to get the pusher out of the trunk of Carlisle's car. I ask Esme for the keys so I can retrieve it but she giggles softly.

"Oh no dear. We won't be needing the pusher. Watch." She nods to Elizabeth and I allow her to take my baby from me. I flex my arms and let the blood flow.

She walks to the centre of a group of about six women and before she's said two words one of them steps forward and takes Elizabeth. This woman kisses the baby softly on the forehead and then retakes her position in the circle. I watch, fascinated, as each of them pats, touches or kisses my daughter. Elizabeth laps it up. She's not made even a squeak in the hour and a half since we first arrived at the church.

Esme, after speaking with Pastor Weber, motions for me to join her. I take care to look around before I leave my safe spot by the wall. There are men everywhere, in small groups and dotted through the women's groups, but none of them is paying me any attention. After a few seconds, when they are all suitably engaged in conversations, I make my way to Esme and the Pastor.

"Pastor Weber this is our Bella. Bella this is Pastor Weber," she says as I come to stand beside her.

I shake his hand and accept his good wishes for a full recovery. "Your little lamb has made quite a splash in our little group Bella. I would guess that our attendance has doubled since Mrs Cullen began bringing her in your stead," he laughs.

I smile. "She certainly seems to enjoy the attention," I say idly while I watch her being passed from the original group of ladies to the next.

"My girl Angela is here somewhere, do you remember her?" he asks.

"Yes, we were in the same year at school."

He looks around the room and spots her talking to Carlisle. He calls for her and she comes towards us with a big smile on her face. "Hi Bella. It's so nice to see you again," she tells me, leaning in to kiss my cheek. She seems so confident, so happy.

"It's been a long time," I smile.

"Well, we'll leave you two ladies to catch up. Mrs Cullen, would you be interested in a cup of tea, I'm quite parched," the Pastor asks Esme.

"I won't be far," Esme whispers as she takes the Pastor's arm and heads towards the tables. She waits for me to nod my acceptance and then she leaves me with Angela.

It's awkward and silent for a few seconds and I fill the gap by taking a good look around me again. I'm standing in the middle of the open space and can be approached from any direction without warning. I don't like it.

"Come and sit," Angela points to a pair of chairs by the door and I nod eagerly. It's a good spot to sit as the door is to my left if I need to flee and I have the wall behind me so nobody can come at me from behind. I survey the room and make sure nobody is watching me overly intently. They aren't.

I lower myself into the hard chair and wince a little as I make initial contact with it. Angela catches the movement but says nothing. I fold my hands into my lap and hope she doesn't notice them shaking.

"So you're Mrs Ben Cheney now I hear," I start the conversation.

"I sure am. We got married last May," she says and proudly shows me her rings.

"They're gorgeous," I tell her honestly.

"I don't know whether to ask you about your ring Bella," she says a little hesitantly.

"Oh," I say, looking down at Edward's promise ring. "This is from Edward. It's a promise ring. Until my divorce is through," I say quietly. I'm so embarrassed to have to admit that I am twenty four and am about to have a failed marriage behind me, knowing how the church thinks of divorce. But it's the truth and I cannot hide from it any more than Angela can.

She looks uncomfortable and I'm about to apologise for making her feel that why when she leans in closer towards me and whispers. "I don't know your story; Ben hasn't said anything if that's what you're worried about. But I did hear that you'd been beaten, so if your husband is the one who beat you I'm glad you found Edward," she says as she reaches across the small gap between us and pats the back of my hand.

I blink rapidly and try to form the correct response. It will do no harm for people to know who beat me so I admit that as a first step to reconnecting with my friend. "Yeah, Jake Black, from the Rez," I mutter darkly. "But I'm okay now."

"I'm so glad that you are. The Cullen's are nice people, you live there now right?" she asks.

"I live in the guest rooms," I say a little too quickly. I realise my mistake and smile nervously. "Sorry Angela. It's been a long time since I had someone to talk to."

She smiles widely. "I'm glad you can talk to me."

"Me too," I admit without hesitation.

I'd always liked Angela. She was a quiet girl and I had never heard her say a bad word about anyone. We'd spent some time together our junior year and I'd like to think we had been friends.

"Your little girl is gorgeous and so much like you. We're hoping to start a family soon too. What with Ben _finally_ finishing med school." She rolls her eyes playfully.

The statement comes out of the blue and I don't know which part of it to comment on. I'm happy that Elizabeth is like me and that Charlie isn't too apparent in her, but don't feel I can discuss that. I don't want to talk about sex, or childbirth or relationships either though. So I go with the work angle instead.

"What do you do?" I ask.

"Oh, I'm working on the Forks Gazette actually. I interviewed Edward once," she giggles. "I'm only working part time, there isn't a full time position going yet, but one of the senior journalists is retiring at the end of the year, so I might get a gig then."

"Wow. I remember you always wanting to write. I'm so glad you got your chance," I tell her.

She pats my hand again. "You'll get your chance," she says with a wink. "You're a Cullen now," she says as though that will make everything alright.

I guess, in a way, it actually will. They've taken me in, they feed me, they clothe me, they take care of my daughter and they've embraced me as a member of their family.

I roll my promise ring around my finger and smile. "I'd like a chance," I tell her.

**EPOV**

I watch Josh through the protective window while his x-ray is taken. He lies perfectly still as the film is snapped. I've had my fair share of child patients and I've never seen one quite as well behaved as he is. He is so accepting. Nothing fazes him. I guess when your mom is sick your whole life nothing could get any worse.

The nurse goes to the bed he's lying on and then points to the window where I'm waiting.

"Edward!" I hear him squeal even though the plate glass is quite thick.

I can't help but smile at his enthusiasm. I wave, he waves back. My heart soars. I wait while he's settled back in his wheelchair and his IV is attached to the back of it.

"Hey there," I say as he's wheeled out into the corridor for the walk back to the ward.

"Can you push me?" he asks hopefully.

The nurse smiles and nods and I hang my carrier bags over the handles on the back and start to push him myself. "I thought I'd come visit. How are you feeling today?"

"I had Fruit Loops for breakfast and a chocolate cookie with chocolate milk," he says animatedly.

I guess that's a fair indication of how he's feeling. If he's got his appetite back he must be on the mend. "So you like chocolate then?" I ask.

"It's my favourite. What's your favourite Edward?" he asks.

"I like strawberry," I chuckle. I fucking love strawberry shampoo, that's for sure.

"What does Elizabeth like best?" he asks.

"Just plain milk at the moment," I laugh.

"She's very little isn't she? Do you think she'll like chocolate like I do? I could be her friend. We could have chocolate milk together at your house." He runs the words all together, as though there isn't going to be enough time to ask all the questions he wants to.

The nurse giggles a little and I wonder, for the tenth time, who's spilled their guts because every man and his dog seems to know that we are trying to make it so that Josh can come and live with us.

Josh doesn't really pause long enough for me to answer. "Angus likes chocolate too. But he likes lime too, I don't know what lime is, he said it's green like Shrek. I like Shrek. I saw the Shrek movie with Edward and Bella and Elizabeth and Angus and Memmet," he tells the nurse in a rush.

I laugh at the mispronunciation of Emmett's name but figure it kinda suits the big guy.

"I heard about the movie," the nurse laughs.

"Yeah," I shrug self consciously. "When did you see Angus?" I ask Josh as we come to the children's ward.

"He came to visit me after breakfast. He was going to see god right after. He said Elizabeth goes to visit him too," he says innocently and I have to laugh at that one.

"They've gone to church," I tell the nurse who looks confused.

I didn't know Emmett and Rosie were planning to stop by here this morning, I'd have to thank them when I saw them next.

I help Josh out of his chair and back into his crib and settle him so that the IV tube isn't in his way too much. I pull the carrier bags off the back of the chair and we both wave as the nurse takes it back to the storeroom.

"What is those?" Josh asks pointing to the bags.

"These are for you," I tell him as I empty the contents out onto one of the plastic chairs beside me.

"Shrek!" he shrieks when I unfold the pyjamas and lay them on the end of the crib rail.

"Yeah Shrek. Look, they've even got little ears on the hood," I pull the top of the jacket closer so he can see the built in ears.

"I can be like Angus now. Can Elizabeth have ears?" he asks.

I love the way he thinks of her in all that he does. "You like Elizabeth huh?" I ask as I open the little lunch bag and toss in all the candy bars and things.

"She's cute," he says as he watches his stash grow. "Are those for Joshua?" he points at the candy bars.

"They are. But you can't eat them all at once. I'll let the nurses know they're yours and if you're a good boy you can have one now and then, alright?"

He nods frantically. "Is that for Joshua too?" he asks as I pull the toiletries bag out of its confines inside the carrier bag.

"Yep, all yours buddy." I pull the tags off the bag and the hairbrush and unwrap the toothbrush and put it all in the bag. I slip the toothpaste in there as well and put it on his bedside cabinet. "Would you like me to ask if you can go into a big boy's bed now that you're feeling better?"

His eyes widen until they are huge green orbs. "Can I have a big boy's bed?"

"I don't see why not. You aren't a little baby, are you?" I tease.

"Nope. I'm four," he holds up three fingers and I laugh.

"I'll go and ask, sit tight."

While I wait for Robson to answer his page I lean against the nurses' station and text Bella. I wait, not so patiently, for her reply to arrive and smile when it does.

~We're okay. Everyone is so nice. I've been filled full of cake! ~

**BPOV**

I didn't lie when I replied to Edward's text. I _was_ full of cake. Every single lady on the 'morning tea' roster wanted me to personally taste their particular cake and by the time Carlisle announced we should be leaving I was stuffed to the gills with lamingtons, pound cake and scones.

My mouth was aching from that and from smiling so constantly for an hour and a half. Elizabeth was getting grumpy and hungry and I was more than ready to go when Carlisle came to my side to collect me from inside yet another circle of women who were gooing and gahhing over Elizabeth.

"We have another appointment ladies so I'm sorry to say I'll have to steal these two beautiful girls from you," he said sweetly, taking my elbow.

I had no idea what the appointment was we had to keep but I hoped it was just his way of getting us out of there. I smiled over and over and said a million thank you's as I took Elizabeth out to the car again.

Esme followed soon after and then we were away, to home, I hoped.

I heard the siren before I saw the flashing lights. My stomach lurched and I began to shake as Carlisle cursed softly from the driver's seat. I knew it was my dad – I couldn't quite get used to not calling him that even though I now knew he actually wasn't my father - before Carlisle said so, the frightened look on his face said it all.

"I don't want you to worry Bella. We've not done anything wrong and we are quite used to dealing with Charlie Swan," he told me as he slowed to the hard shoulder of the road.

I couldn't bring myself to look out the back window so I just sat still and looked straight ahead.

Esme's hand came towards me via the gap between her seat and the back door. I clutched it gratefully as Charlie's boots stomped on the gravel.

"Breathe sweetheart, everything is alright," Esme whispered as Charlie tapped on the window beside Carlisle.

"Good morning Chief Swan," Carlisle said politely.

"License and registration," Charlie barked.

Carlisle reached across Esme's lap and pulled the papers from the glove compartment then handed them through the open window.

Charlie stepped back and unfolded them, refolded them and handed them back in. "Step out of the vehicle driver," he said sternly.

I was about to protest that he hadn't done anything wrong when Esme's hand tightened in mine. A soft 'shh' came from her lips and I bit my tongue.

Carlisle stood at the side of the road while Charlie radioed his particulars back to the station. When the all clear came instead of being allowed back into the car Charlie asked him to remain at the front of the vehicle.

Charlie bent down to look in and smiled at Esme then looked directly at me. He pushed his tongue into his cheek and threw me a nasty smile. "Out of hospital I see," he hissed. He ran his eyes over Elizabeth and clucked his tongue as though he was disgusted. "Parasites," he hissed. "Found someone new to pay your way, have you?" he asked me nastily. I couldn't say or do anything, the panic in my chest meant I could hear my own heart beating. I could feel the heat as it travelled from my belly up to settle at my neck and face. I was angry, hurt, frightened and savagely protective of Elizabeth all at once and the combination, as well as the overload of emotions, made me feel ill. Eventually he pulled his head back out of the window and walked the three paces to where Carlisle was standing. "She's a fucking liar and a whore. She'll ruin you just like she's trying to ruin me," he stated quite calmly. "On your way driver," he said casually and then walked back to his cruiser.

I put a trembling hand on the baby's tummy, more for my comfort than hers and Elizabeth began to cry. I joined her. She was crying because she was hungry and probably wet. I cried because these wonderful people were being pulled into a world filled with my shit.

Only when Carlisle was back on the road and headed away did I let out the breath I'd been holding. The tears came thick and fast after that.

"Son of a bitch," Carlisle muttered quietly to himself, but I heard it.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I told them both as the car sped along.

"Shhh Bella, you'll upset Elizabeth even more, and there's nothing to be sorry for darling girl. He does it all the time. We aren't frightened of him and you shouldn't be any more either, I promise," Esme tried to soothe me. "We don't believe a word he says and you've done absolutely nothing wrong."

I was really sobbing, and Elizabeth was crying her heart out, by the time the car came to a stop again. I looked around me but we weren't in the Cullen driveway. We were in an underground parking lot.

"Where are we?" I asked hoarsely.

"Edward asked if we'd like to visit with Joshua for a little bit, but if you aren't up to it we'll just take you home," Carlisle said kindly.

"Edward's here too?" I ask.

"Yes darling, Edward's here too," Esme chuckled.

I've got my seatbelt off and Elizabeth out of her seat in record time. I'm actually tapping my foot waiting for Carlisle and Esme to be ready to head into the hospital. I need Edward, NOW.

**EPOV**

Robson agrees, after a little prodding, that Josh is big enough and well enough to go into a proper bed and the little guy is ecstatic when one is wheeled down the centre aisle for him.

We make a big deal of waving goodbye to the crib and he sits on my knee with rapt attention as the nurses make his new bed with clean sheets and blankets. When everything is in order he climbs up onto it and crows with pride at being big enough for a big boy's bed. He calls to all the other children and shows off his new 'big' status.

It's such a simple thing but it makes him very, very happy. He tells me thank you over and over and I can't help but smile as he hugs me tight.

Looking over his shoulder I see my family marching towards us and tell Josh that he's got visitors.

"Bella!" he shouts as he spots her. I can tell he wants to jump from the bed and run to her but his IV and its pole won't allow it yet. "Elizabeth!" he shouts again when they get close enough for him to peer into the pusher.

A quick look at Bella's face tells me there is something wrong. Both mom and dad look drawn and worried. Elizabeth is wailing like a banshee and Bella looks desperately unhappy. To me it looks like she's about to drop her bundle. I look from my parents to Bella and back again waiting for someone to tell me what's going on. When nobody does I get up from my chair and go to Bella. I kiss her lightly on her cheek and hold both her hands in mine. They're shaking, she's shaking.

"What is it?" I ask a little harshly. She throws her arms around my shoulders and I pull her to me. She buries her head up under my chin and I look over her to where my parents are now sitting beside Joshua's bed. I raise my eyebrows at my mother and she smiles wanly. "What is it love?" I ask again, more softly this time.

She mumbles something incoherent into my shirt and I have to look over her to mom again to get some answers. She's digging around in Elizabeth's bag for a bottle and dad is busy amusing Josh so it's up to me to find out from Bella what happened. I point at the opening of the ward and mom nods. I tuck Bella under my arm and pull her with me out of the ward.

Josh starts to cry but mom and dad are soothing him, telling him we'll be back in a little while. He stops crying before we are out of the ward fully, his attention turned to Elizabeth and the contents of her bottle.

I take Bella into the patient lounge just off to the side of the ward and sit her down as carefully as I can. She's still crying but hasn't said a word. "Bella, baby, tell me what has happened, please."

"My dad, he stopped the car...and your dad had to get out...and your mom was all...and Elizabeth was crying and he was nasty to her and called us parasites...and your dad...oh Edward," she wails all at once.

It makes hardly any sense but I've heard enough to be able to work out what's gone on. It's the same old same old from Chief Charlie Swan. The actual details, and what was said, don't really matter. He's upset her and that's all I care about.

I pull a tissue from the box on the side table and she takes it and wipes her nose and eyes. I smooth her hair away from her beautiful face and smile as best I can. Inside my heart is racing and I want to punch the living shit out of Charlie Swan but its times like these that my dad's words come back to me. 'She doesn't need another aggressor' he told me right at the start. And his words were as right then as they are now. She doesn't need me to go all caveman, she needs my support. So that's what I give her.

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry," I tell her as I sink down onto the chair next to her. "For a start don't call him your dad. Dad's love and protect their kids, he never has, so let's just call him Charlie from now on hey?" I ask and she nods. "Secondly, he can't hurt us, or you, anymore. He can pull the cars over as many times as he likes but that doesn't mean he can do anything to us. If he wanted to do something other than harass us verbally he'd have done it by now baby."

I hold her tight and kiss the top of her head over and over. I had hoped that her getting out and about today would show her that not everyone she meets wants something from her, or wants to hurt her. I'm sure that was the case at the actual church but it's a shame that her very first outing is forever going to be remembered for the altercation with Charlie Swan and not for the nice new people she's met.

"Did you have a nice time at church?" I ask as a diversion.

"I did, they're all so nice," she mumbles.

"They are. And I bet they fawned all over both my gorgeous girls," I tease.

"They did. They all wanted to talk to me and they all want to hold Elizabeth," she whispers softly. It sounds a little like she's unhappy about everyone wanting to touch Elizabeth and I once again realise the key to Bella's true happiness lies with the children.

"Was she good?" I ask craftily.

It works a treat. She sits up straighter and her eyes are wide open and sparkling with pride as she begins to tell me just how well behaved both Elizabeth and Angus were during the service, and afterwards in the hall. "And I met up with Angela Cheney and she's so nice and she asked after you and everything. Pastor Weber said he will christen Elizabeth whenever I'm ready and Angus called me Aunty Bella over and over as he dragged me around to meet his friends," she said proudly.

I gave myself a little pat on the back for having successfully diverted her attention once again and made a mental note to talk to Kerry about the tactic at our next meeting. I have no idea if it's the right thing to be doing, but while it works and I know no different I'll use it whenever I can. "Well then, it looks like I might have to start going to church again myself," I wink.

"Really?" she beams. "Will you really come with us?"

"You bet I will. I can't have Angus cutting my grass," I laugh and she swats at my forearm playfully. "Now, are you ready to come visit with Josh? He's so excited about being able to have a big bed, he's dying to tell you all about it."

Her smile is fantastical. "Is he really? Has he asked about me?" she asks as we extricate ourselves from the chair. "Has he asked after Elizabeth?"

I am the fucking master!

"He sure has. Em brought Angus in this morning to visit before church so he was full of news about his best friend and then he wanted to know what Elizabeth's favourite flavour milk was," I tell her as we walk back into the ward.

She drops my hand and goes right to Josh as soon as we are close to his bed. She hugs him tight and he softly kisses her cheek as they say hello. Its only seconds before he's invited her to sit up on his new 'big boy bed' with him so he can tell her all about it, Angus, his new Shrek stuff, his candy stash, the pictures of his tummy the nurses took this morning and how when he comes to live with us he's going to teach Elizabeth to drink chocolate milk and make it her favourite just like it's his favourite.

Bella is giggling, smiling, chatting and positively radiant as she talks with the little boy. She catches my eye over his shoulder and mouths 'thank you' to me, to which I wink and mouth 'I love you' before dragging a seat up to the side of the bed and joining in the conversation with my parents.

I notice that she keeps a sly eye on Elizabeth, who is now fat and happy in my mother's arms once again, and another eye on me as our little group visits with Josh. The chatter is light and frivolous and even dad joins in. He and Josh discuss the finer points of living in a castle and how much fun it would be to live in a swamp and be messy and dirty all the time.

Bella cringes now and then at the dirt references but handles it very well. She doesn't panic or shy away from the conversation as I expect her to, she just smiles and nods and joins in when required. Since getting out of here her reactions to things haven't exactly been what I'd been expecting.

First she accepted gracefully all that had been done for her in the house. Second her reaction to the joke at dinner...I thought she'd flip out, try to run, go inside herself and want to hide from us all, but she hadn't. Then today, when she'd seen Charlie, I expected her to attempt to run from us – for our own perceived protection – but she hadn't done that either.

I watch her carefully as the conversation turns to how Joshua is feeling and how he's getting on in the ward. She laughs when he laughs, she sighs when he sighs and she holds him tightly when he speaks about the loss of his mother.

I haven't the heart to tell her that it's Charlie who is holding up the fostering process but I intend to tell my parents as soon as is practical. Kerry told me to make sure I had someone other than Bella to dump on and while I hadn't told my parents that they'd drawn the short straw, they had.

"When I go home with you can I put my mom's picture in my room?" Josh asks Bella with a sad face.

She recovers her composure very quickly but the simple question has so many implications for her. "Of course you can. You can have whatever you want on the walls, can't he Edward?" she asks me with raised eyebrows.

What can I say to that? "Yeah. You can come with me to find a Shrek poster if you want," I tell the excited little boy.

Once more Bella mouths 'thank you' to me and I nod and smile. If he can't come home with us it's going to hurt them both. Hell, it's going to hurt me too.

"Bella needs to speak with Gary tomorrow, Edward," my father tells me pointedly. I have no idea what that's about but from the tone of his voice it sounds important. "Perhaps you'll get an update on the 'plan'," he says, using his fingers to emphasise the word while looking directly at Josh.

I get his meaning but I can't say anything with Bella in earshot so I simply nod.

I try my best to steer the conversation on to other things and then I busy myself reading Joshua's chart while the others finish up their visit. Elizabeth is asleep in her pusher and while Bella says her goodbye to a teary Josh my father stands beside me and reads the chart over my shoulder.

"His sats are good, temperature is down," he says.

"He's looking good," I agree.

"I'll be in my study when you make it home," he says cryptically but I know what he means. He wants info on the foster plan and he has something to tell me himself. It's his way of letting me know that.

"I'll get my girls settled and be right in," I tell him as I slip Josh's chart back into the holder at the foot of the bed.

**BPOV**

It hurts to leave him behind again but I know the whole process of fostering him is a complicated one and it's going to take time. But it still hurts to be leaving him again. I promise to come by again as soon as I can, even though I have no idea how I can make that happen.

Edward hugs him and kisses his hair and says he'll see him real soon too. Josh points to his bedside cabinet and Edward grins adorably. He takes a lunch bag from it and opens it to reveal a stash of candy bars. Josh takes one and wrestles with the packaging.

Edward wishes him well and we sneak away while the little man investigates his chocolate.

"Did you buy him those?" I ask as we walk back through the hospital.

"Possibly," he chuckles.

"And the pyjamas?" I ask.

We round the corner and go out into the bright sunshine. I push the shade out over Elizabeth as she sleeps and look both ways before we cross to the parking lot.

"Yeah, I went and got him a few things this morning," Edward admits sheepishly.

When we come to the other side of the cross walk I stop the pusher, lean over and drag Edward by his arm so that I can kiss his cheek. "Thank you," I whisper.

He smiles all the way to the cars.

Esme smiles when I say I'd like to travel with Edward and Carlisle nods at us and wishes us a safe trip. I tuck Elizabeth into her car seat and Edward folds down the pusher and stows it in the back of his car. He berates me for opening my own door and I poke my tongue out at him playfully.

"I should bite that," he teases as he backs out of his space.

"If you can catch it," I tease, poking it out again at him.

He stops at the exit point from the parking lot and leans across the console. He takes my cheeks in the palms of his hands and kisses me thoroughly. He doesn't attempt to bite, but the kiss is deep and intense.

"I couldn't catch it, I'll try again when we get home," he laughs as he pulls out into the street.

The drive is anything but quiet as I tell Edward all about the people I met at church and all about Angela and how she'd like to go out for coffee with me one morning. We talk for a little bit about some of the couples I'd met and about how Rosie shadowed me throughout the morning, still apologising.

I see Edward look in his rear-view mirror and cringe and I knew, I just knew, that my meeting with Charlie wasn't going to be the only one I had today.

"Is he alone?" I ask, not needing to look behind me to know that we were being followed by a cruiser. The flashing lights a split second later said it all as they bounced their reflection off the windshield.

"I can't tell," Edward sighs. He reaches across the console and takes my hand in his as he slows to the curb. "He can't hurt us," he says with a firm nod as he looks into my eyes. "No matter what he says he can't hurt us and I won't let him get near either of you, alright?"

"Alright," I tell him as bravely as I can.

I'm shaking and shivering just like I had been earlier and when the familiar crunch of gravel begins, as Charlie starts his walk from his car to Edward's, I start to cry. I sniff madly and swipe at my eyes furiously, lest the bastard see he's upset me.

"Good afternoon Chief Swan," Edward says cheerily as Charlie comes to the driver's window.

"License and registration," he barks at Edward just like he barked the same demand at Carlisle earlier.

Edward pats my knee as he leans across and takes his papers from the glove compartment. He sits back as Charlie reads from them. He radios Edward's details, and the details of the car, back to the station and we wait. I know that this has happened before so why Charlie feels the need to radio back each time is beyond me, but he does it anyway.

When the all clear comes he throws Edward's papers back in through the open driver's window. "Step out of the car, sir," he says snidely.

Edward turns to me and smiles grimly but does as he's asked and exits the car. "Is there a problem officer?" Edward asks in a measured tone.

"Shut your smart mouth and stand still," Charlie hisses even though Edward has only been polite. "You ran that last red light and you were eight over the speed limit," he says nastily. Edward says nothing and I realise this probably isn't the first time this has happened to him since he took up with me. There had been no red light between the parking lot and where Charlie pulled us over and Edward had barely gotten up to speed to turn into traffic, so the speeding was bullshit too. I hear Charlie's pen scratching on his ticket book and then the tearing of paper as he hands Edward his fine.

Edward actually says thank you as he takes it.

"You might want to rethink the company you keep, sir," Charlie says as he backs away from the car.

"I didn't realise it was a crime to help innocent women and children," Edward says quite evenly. I cringe. I want him to just be quiet. To get back into the car and give Charlie no reason to say anything else to any of us.

"Innocent," Charlie laughs. "That what she told you, was it?"

"She didn't need to tell me, she was just a kid Charlie. You beat her and she was just a kid. Any company other than yours is a step up, sir," Edward replies, the emphasis on the 'sir' at the end.

"You have a tail light out," Charlie laughs as he starts to walk back to his cruiser. I hear a crunch and then the distinct tinkle of broken glass as Charlie whacks his nightstick against the back of Edward's beautiful car. "Have it fixed fast, if I see you on the road with it broken tomorrow it'll be another fine. Have a _great_ day Prince Charming."

Edward is red in the face when he gets back into his car. He grips the steering wheel hard and I can see the knots of banded muscle contort as he struggles to gain control of his temper.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper.

With clenched teeth he turns to me. "You didn't do anything," he seethes. "But I swear on all that's holy, I'm going to bury that bastard Bella."

I can't look at him then. He's so very angry, so wired and I'm frightened that he'll just snap. So I'm quiet.

He starts the car and waits until Charlie is three or four cars ahead before pulling out into the traffic once again. He whizzes past the turnoff to our street and heads into town. I don't ask where we're going, I trust Edward completely. If there is somewhere we need to be I'll go with him, gladly.

He's going through so much on my behalf; the least I can do is go through his shit with him.

I expect us to pull up at Emmett's, but we whiz by there too. We go even further through town and we don't stop at Alice' house either. I recognise the road we turn down and hold my breath as we cross onto Quileute land. Edward stops the car at the gates and turns the engine off. He takes out his cell phone and punches in a number deftly. His hand is shaking, his thigh bouncing as he waits for his phone to dial.

"Hey Sam, its Edward Cullen. I'm at the gates, wanna come let us in?" he says into the phone. "Sure, thanks." He snaps the cell phone shut with a loud click, making me jump.

"What are we doing here?" I ask quietly.

"Seeing some new friends," he says dryly. "Sorry," he whispers and drags my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. "I'm not angry at you, never at you Bella." He kisses my fingers again, smoothes out the hard lines of his face with a warm smile and winks at me. His anger has dissipated before my very eyes. "Sam runs the garage in town. It's not open today but I need the light fixed or I'll be seeing Charlie again in the morning."

"You have another car," I whisper very quietly hoping he'll remember that and we can leave. I don't want to be here. Not here.

"I know I do. But that would be like letting Charlie win and he's not going to win Bella," Edward says firmly. I can see his point but am willing to take the easy way out of this if it means I don't have to enter the Rez. "Nobody will hurt you here, I promise. You have never done anything wrong and they know that."

I run his words over and over through my head. He's right, I've never done anything to anyone here, but I never did anything to Charlie or Jake either. I look Edward in the eye and see the utter conviction there. He believes this is safe for me and for Elizabeth. He wouldn't help us only to lead us into hell himself. "Okay," I say quietly.

A very tall, very dark man comes to the gates and waves at us. I recognise him even though he was a bit younger the last time I'd been on the Rez. Sam was okay. He was someone who had asked after me in the beginning at least. Edward waves back and starts the car again. We drive right through the opened gates and wait while they are shut behind us again. When they are the man comes to the driver's side of the car and Edward winds down his window.

"Hey Sam, good to see you," he says as we drive along at a crawl.

"Hey Edward, hey Bella. Third house down on the left," he nods straight ahead and Edward pulls into the driveway of the house.

Sam comes right to Edward, hand outstretched. They shake and then Edward comes to my door. He helps me down out of the car and then introduces me to Sam.

"I remember you," I tell him.

"I remember you too," he says sadly.

"You want to come in?" he asks but Edward says no.

"I hate to bug you on a Sunday but we've just met the law and it seems I have a taillight out. The law would like it fixed before tomorrow," Edward says bitterly.

Sam nods sadly. "Sorry Bella, but Charlie's an asshole," he says.

"Yeah, he is," I agree. I can't deny it and it seems like even Sam is on my side in this, so I agree and let it go at that.

"Let me run inside and get some tools and a parts manual. I'll get the old one off and if I haven't got a spare here we can run over to the garage real quick." Edward says thank you and leans against the hood of his car, pulling me to him around my waist. Sam stops at his front door and turns back to us. "Just for interest's sake, four houses down on the right is your family Bella."

**EPOV**

I could see the warring emotions as they flitted across her beautiful face. Half of her wanted to run and hide because she wasn't ready for this, the other half desperately wanted to know and understand where she came from, hoping it would help her get where she was ultimately going.

I will admit, in part, to coming here to have this fixed right now when it could've waited was to put Bella in exactly this position. She needed a family and while she had us she also had her own family and I wanted her to know that it was okay to come to them too, if she needed them. I knew they were willing and I also knew that if left up to Bella she'd never take the first step to reaching out to them. So here we were.

"It's up to you," I told her as she turned her huge, frightened eyes to mine.

She was trembling, her hand in mine was shaking and her palm was beginning to sweat with anxiety. I watched her intently, waiting for the signs I knew would come. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, just as I knew she would, as she ran the pros and cons of this over in her head. Next she shuffled from foot to foot as the two halves of her brain fought for ascendancy.

"Elizabeth is asleep," she said softly, obviously clutching at straws for a reason she 'couldn't' go as opposed to reasons she shouldn't go.

"And I'm right here with her," I assure her.

"I can't go on my own, I can't be near men Edward, and I don't know these people even though they think they know me."

The panic in her voice was heartbreaking. These people were a part of her, this was her family and yet she was utterly terrified of them. I understood that. Her 'family' – Charlie and then Jake – had hurt her and she could see no reason why this family wouldn't try too. I pulled her fingers to my lips and smiled over the back of her hand at her. "Just Harry or your brother and sister too?" I ask.

She chewed her lip for a few seconds then let it go with a pop. She flicked her eyes from one side of the road to the other, counting down the rows to the house she now knew held her family. "Harry," she mumbles.

"Done," I tell her and let her hand go as I reach into my jeans pocket and take out my cell phone. I dial his number and wait for him to answer. "Harry its Edward Cullen. Yes, thanks, she's very well. Yes, Elizabeth is very well too. Ahh, listen Harry, we are standing across the street at Sam Uley's place and Bella was wondering if you wanted to wander down and say hi?" I wait for his answer and hang up as soon as he does. "He didn't even say goodbye," I laugh. "Look," I turn and point down the street, in the direction the Clearwater's house was in.

Harry was running, and for a man of his age and stature that was really something. But he was running towards Bella, a huge smile lit up his whole face as he came to a stop in front of her, panting his heart out.

"Bella," he squeaks. "Oh Bella, it's so great to see you." He looks quickly into the back of my car and I know he's just seen Elizabeth for the very first time. He turns to me and holds out his hand. "Thank you for bringing my girls to me," he says and pumps my hand furiously.

He lets go and extends his hand to Bella. She looks at it cautiously and then lifts her eyes to meet mine. I shrug, not knowing if she can do it and not wanting to influence her choice either way. She looks down at Harry's hand for a few seconds more and just as I think he's about to withdraw it Bella snakes hers out and grips his.

"Hello Harry, it's nice to see you too," Bella says very timidly.

Harry's smile is incandescent as they shake hands. They are both trembling, Bella from fear, Harry from relief. I feel like an intruder as father and daughter stand in front of each other, neither knowing where to go from here but both understanding the gravity of the meeting.

As I think about what brought us here, to the Rez, at this time, I start to laugh. Bella lets Harry's hand go and they both turn to me.

"What's so funny?" Bella asks petulantly.

I can't help but laugh harder. "I can't help it, it's so fucking ironic," I laugh. "Charlie Swan busted my taillight to get at me, but he's ended up bringing you two together. I should send the prick a bunch of fucking flowers and a thank you note," I chuckle.

All is silent for a few seconds and I wonder if I've just put my foot in it. Bella giggles first and is quickly followed by a bellow of laughter from Harry.

"I'll chip in for the flowers," Harry laughs raucously.

Bella folds her arms around her waist as though she's holding herself in. She's still laughing as she speaks, "You don't send flowers to pricks Edward, you send a cactus, and I'll chip in too!"

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**A special thank you to all who review so diligently. It really does make my day/week to read your thoughts and to understand where you all hope this story is leading. I read and reread your reviews over and over as I edit and perfect each subsequent chapter and it really does help me make this story what you want to read. So thank you all. **

**Please review. **


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38 – Who Needs Who Here?

**BPOV**

It had been very strange to talk with Harry on the Rez. Hell, it had been strange to talk to Harry at all and it had been even more bizarre that I was on the Rez at all, let alone with Edward talking to Harry!

It was Jake's turf. They were his 'boys' and I was, I had been sure, the enemy.

Sam was polite and worked fast to fix Edward's car while I stood off to one side talking with my father. It was hard to remember just who he was seeing as I hardly knew him at all, but I did my best to call him 'dad' and 'father' in my mind even though I couldn't quite bring myself to call him anything other than Harry out loud.

Edward hovered. He kept the distance between us very short as he chatted with Sam while the quick repair job was completed. He never really gave him his full attention though. Instead he watched me, intently, as Harry asked questions and I tried to answer them with something akin to sincerity.

He peered into the back of the car over and over, watching Elizabeth as she slept. He complimented her beauty, her likeness to me, her likeness to my mother and how good she was staying asleep the whole visit through. I could tell he wanted to really see her, like with the doors open, maybe even hold her, but she stayed asleep and I didn't want to disturb her. I wasn't ready for him to touch her. I didn't really want anyone to touch her. I let the Cullen's be that close to her because they'd been so good to me taking care of her while I couldn't. But, if asked, I'd admit that I really even didn't like that too much.

A few people walked by as we stood there and a few even said hello to me and called me by name. I didn't really remember any of them, but I did vaguely recall their faces from my few visits over the past couple of years. Charlie would make sure I stayed in the Black household when I came with him and Jake never let me out of his sight which meant I was either in his father's house or in the makeshift workshop while he worked on his beloved motorbike with the boys.

The boys consisted of Sam, Paul and Embry but I only saw Sam this visit. I was curious to see what my brother and sister looked like, even though I wasn't ready to be introduced to them yet – I wanted to be more healed, more sure of myself before I took that leap – but they either weren't there or they kept their distance.

The curtains on the windows of the houses either side of where we stood twitched throughout. I didn't know who was watching me, or why, but I knew that they were. It was unnerving and I was anxious and nervous the whole time.

Both Harry and Sam extended a return invitation whenever we wanted to come down to visit and both Edward and I thanked them both for seeing us, and Sam for fixing the light fitting on his day off.

Our drive home was quiet, but not strained.

Edward either didn't know what to say or was giving me some space in my brain to make some sense of how my world now was.

I'd only been out of the hospital for two days and my life had changed so much. I lived with the Cullen's. I'd had a family dinner. I'd weathered the storm of a badly worded joke and hadn't freaked out, too much anyway. I'd slept in Edward's bed and had finally gotten some decent rest. I'd been to church and had seen Charlie twice. I'd visited Joshua and had laughed and joked with Edward. I'd visited with my real father and had been on the Rez without being hurt or yelled at.

What the next day held was anyone's guess but if it brought with it as many new situations as the prior two days the week was going to be a real doozie.

Edward excused himself to speak with his father while I settled Elizabeth into her bed for a nap in the afternoon. I didn't know where Esme was so I cleaned our rooms, and Edward's, and did a little ironing while I waited for Edward to be finished with his dad.

Elizabeth woke again and was fed and changed before Edward came downstairs. He'd been up there for well over two hours and looked tired and drawn when he came to the kitchen to find us. I'd heard the odd raised voice and some pacing but I had no idea what the problem could be, if indeed there was one. He said nothing about the meeting, or what was discussed so I left it alone. If I was supposed to know I'd have been invited in to it.

**EPOV**

"You wanted a word?" I ask my dad as I sit opposite him across his desk.

He folds his file shut and clasps his hands behind his head as he reclines in his chair. "What news from Gary?" he asks straight up.

"We've all been cleared, Alice and Emmett too, the hold up is Bella."

"Because..." he trails off.

"Because the department used an old contact number to find her and they called Charlie fucking Swan, that's why," I hiss.

It might be Sunday but dad curses a blue streak as he slams his hands down onto the blotter on his desk in frustration. "What is his fucking problem?" he asks nobody in particular. He rises from his seat like a coiled cobra ready to strike and starts pacing the width of the study. "He doesn't want the baby, or Bella in his life. What's it to him what Bella does now? Why can't he just let her alone to get on with her life?"

"All things I've asked myself," I mutter. "Gary says it's a minor inconvenience. He's going to get onto the department and make sure they have copies of the restraining orders and a copy of Bella's statement."

"Does he think, once they've got copies, that that will be enough?" he asks.

"He seems to think so, yes. We can take Bella off the forms, just apply for him ourselves if we have to. But I don't want to do that."

"No, no, of course not," he says forlornly.

He's still pacing and I'm starting to wonder why he's so upset. "It'll be okay. Between us all we'll bring him home," I offer by way of support.

He stops, finally, and goes back to his seat. "Bella needs to speak with him herself, she needs to either go there or him come here tomorrow."

"I'll call first thing. Is it something I should know about?" I ask.

"Your mother and I talked to Bella after dinner last night about Harry, about Charlie being Elizabeth's father and what that meant to any claim he might have on her."

Now it's me on my feet. I can feel the blood pumping in my chest and I can hear it in my ears. My rage knows no bounds. I don't want to shout because it would alert Bella to something, but at the same time I want my father to know exactly how I feel about Charlie Swan having anything to do with _my_ daughter. "She's mine!" I bellow. "He has no claim on her, none at all while I'm still breathing. If he comes within five feet of her I'll kill him myself and gladly do the time," I hiss.

Dad steeples his fingers and rests his chin on them. "Calm down Edward, it will do no good for anyone to be talking like that, no matter how satisfying it would be to put ones hands around that mans neck and just squeeze the fucking life from him," he grins and it makes his otherwise serene features seem oddly evil. "No matter what we think Charlie is Elizabeth's father and he has rights. Whether or not he wants to exercise them is out of our control. Anything Gary might be able to do to minimise, or completely cancel out any contact he might be entitled to is of the utmost importance now. Do you understand that?"

I sit back down and run a hand through my hair. "I understand it but it makes me so fucking angry to think of that piece of shit anywhere near my girls. I won't have it. He can't have either of them. He can't see them and he can't visit with Elizabeth, ever." I'm adamant about that. I know dad is too but his approach is more softly-softly than I'd like. "You should hear the way he spoke to me today, Dad. He's a fucking nutter, he's psychotic at the very least."

"You saw him too?" he asks in surprise.

"He pulled me over just after we came out of the parking lot at the hospital. Did the car over, ran my details again, smashed my tail light as he was leaving. That's why we're late getting home. I took Bella to the Rez; I saw Sam and he fixed the tail light while Bella talked with Harry."

This time he smiles. All dark thoughts of Charlie are forgotten. "She talked with Harry? How did that go? Did he meet Elizabeth? What about Sam? Was he nice to her?" he asks in a rush.

I smile this time too. "She was great. Harry was great. He saw Elizabeth through the windows but she was sleeping so we didn't get her out or anything. But it was okay. Bella talked with him for a bit and even shook his hand. Sam was great too. He's a nice guy. Nobody on the Rez wishes bad things to happen for Bella."

"Well then, that's something at least. Ironic isn't it?" he chuckles and I know he's joined the same dots I joined earlier.

"You said it. He thinks he's niggling at us, thinks he's bothering us, but it's only brought Bella and Harry closer together so far," I concur.

Dad shuffles his files on his desk and I know our meeting is all but over. "Indeed," he says in a casual tone. "So you'll call Gary first thing?" he asks, to which I agree that I will. "I'll wait to hear what he's got to say about Bella's background check before I do anything, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve if we need them."

"Do I want to know about these tricks?" I laugh.

"Probably not," he chuckles. "Go on out to our girls, tell your mother I'll be out at six."

I leave him to his patient notes and go and find my girls. It feels so good to call them that, to think of them as mine, and ours.

**BPOV**

Elizabeth lay in her little chair on the floor in the breakfast nook while I helped Esme prepare dinner. It was a lot simpler than our Saturday night feast had been. I peeled potatoes and topped and tailed long green beans while Esme fried steaks and made gravy.

Edward kissed me softly on the temple and then sat himself at one of the kitchen chairs. He kept his foot on the end of Elizabeth's chair and made sure she never stopped rocking. She gurgled and smiled every time he showed her the slightest attention. I knew exactly how she felt!

Right on six Carlisle came down from his study as if an alarm had been set. The five of us, Elizabeth still in her chair beside me on the floor, ate our meal over a little light conversation.

We talked about what our plans were for the following day. We'd have to call Gary Benson early so that plans to see him could be made. I had appointments with Kerry and Pat at the hospital and Edward and I wanted to visit with Joshua if we could fit it in. Esme said she'd quite like the day to herself to catch up on her chores around the house. I offered to help but she said she was looking forward to 'putting the house to rights' even though it looked immaculate and as pristine as ever to me.

Over dessert we talked about our visit at the Rez and about what it meant for me and the relationship I found myself in with my father. I'd still not made any decisions about it, but I wasn't quite so frightened of him, or the Rez, anymore.

Carlisle speculated that that could possibly be because I'd weathered quite a storm the last couple of days and had borne it all remarkably well. I shrugged, not willing to admit that I was quite that strong mentally yet.

Esme took Elizabeth outside when the meal was finished. Edward and I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen from top to toe while Esme and Carlisle sipped coffee on the deck. It was just like it had been when we were teenagers. The sneaky shared looks, the cagey need to be near, the heartstoppingly beautiful man beside me as I washed and he dried the dishes.

We laughed and joked, he flicked me with the tea towel and I flicked wet and soapy fingers at him. It was such a happy time. I didn't regret the slight ache in my jaw and lip from all the smiling. It felt good to have something to finally smile about.

When the kitchen was clean I took Elizabeth to our rooms and bathed her and dressed her for bed. I heated a bottle for her and sat in the rocking chair as she nursed. When she was asleep and tucked up into her crib I showered and changed into one of the long nightgowns Alice had bought for me in the hospital.

I had no idea where Edward was, or what he was doing, and was too nervous to seek him out. I'd thought that just being in the same house as him would've been enough, but it wasn't. I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want to ask for his company either. I assumed he wanted some time to himself because he didn't come looking for me.

I tried to read but the words swam on the page. I reread the same paragraph three times and if asked there would be no way I'd be able to say what it was I'd read. I threw the book onto the coffee table in frustration. I turned the television on but there was nothing on that could capture my attention for anything other than half a minute, so I turned it off.

I tried a magazine. I tried playing solitaire with the deck of cards. In the end I found myself pulling the throw rug off the back of the sofa and smelled it to see if it held some trace of Edward from our nap the day before, but it smelled only of washing detergent.

There was no point trying to sleep, I knew that. I went into my bathroom and stared at the neat piles of towels. I unfolded them and refolded them twice just to eat up some time. I rinsed the basin and wiped down the counter. I rehung the bath mat even though it was perfectly fine where it was.

I went back into my room and sat on the sofa in a huff. Where was he? What was he doing? Why didn't he come to me?

**EPOV**

I paced the length and breadth of my bedroom impatiently.

I thought Bella and I had come to an understanding, that we had an agreement, that we'd spent our nights together in one or the others room. But she'd stayed down in her rooms with Elizabeth the whole night so far.

She hadn't come for me, or asked for me to join her and I was pissed off and lonely.

I'd showered and dressed for bed. I'd tidied my things and worked for a little bit on some patient notes. I'd wandered through Elizabeth's room and taken lungful after lungful of her baby smell in a futile attempt at closeness to the tiny creature that had bewitched me, but it was no use.

The idea of watching television repulsed me without Bella to cuddle up to on the sofa. Reading was pointless because every novel I extracted from my overstuffed bookcase reminded me of Bella and I couldn't concentrate on the stories long enough to actually be moved by their plots.

Playing the piano was out. There was no chance of plinking out a quiet lullaby in the mood I was in and I'd end up raising the roof with a dirge that would wake the dead.

Sleep was as unlikely as it was unwelcome. I lay down on my bed and hoped I'd be able to at least hear them downstairs through the monitor, but all was quiet. They were either asleep or being ninja's.

"This is ridiculous," I hiss and storm down the hall to the stairs an hour later.

I wasn't comfortable in my own home, in my own rooms, anymore. Not without Bella with me. It was stupid, it was illogical and it was just plain scary. I depended on her far too much. I craved her too badly. If this continued on unchecked I'd be unable to function without her in the same room! What was even more frightening than that was that she'd only been here two days!

I knocked on her door as quietly and as calmly as I could despite my heart beating in my chest so loud I could hear it in my ear drums. I tugged at the hem of my t-shirt and held my breath. She was so quiet in there I couldn't even hear her footfalls.

The door opened and she was smiling. My angel looked fresh faced and her smile was adorable.

"Can I help you?" she grinned, holding the door with one hand.

I could play if she wanted to play. "Does madam require the turndown service?" I ask politely.

She grinned, straightened her back and raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm sure I can pull the covers back on my own bed," she teased.

I tilted my head in acknowledgement. "I am sure madam is quite capable. I shall rephrase. Would madam _like_ the turndown service?"

"Oh, well, I guess so. Unless sir has other duties to attend to this evening?" she giggled as she opened the door further and moved aside while I entered her rooms.

When we were both inside and as the door closed behind us I turned on her. I looked her over, from head to toe and back again. I licked my bottom lip and took the step between us. I didn't touch, but I did get as close to her as I could without physical contact. Her hair was tucked behind her ear conveniently so I simply leaned over and let my breath out of my mouth, letting it float across her lobe.

"Sir is right where sir craves to be," I growl.

She shivers deliciously. It's as though she stumbles as she shifts her weight to the heels of her feet, but she doesn't move away from me. She stands her ground. She doesn't touch me either but she gets onto her toes and I lean down so she can speak to me.

I feel her warm breath against my neck. "Come to bed, sir," she whispers.

I close my eyes and let her words sink in. I think I moan a little as my brain replays them. So many times I'd fantasised about those very words, spoken in her exact voice, in this very house. And there they were.

I return to my full height and take her hand, tug gently so she'll follow me to her bed. I stop at the left hand side of it and pull the covers back. It was still made from the morning. She'd not gotten into it tonight. Did that mean she'd been waiting for me just as I'd been waiting for her? It was so hard to know what was right for us. I knew she needed her own space, I understood the reasons why and I agreed with them. But still I found myself unable to settle without her near.

I slide in to the bed, roll onto my side, scoot over so I'm in the middle and then reach for her hand again. She takes it without hesitation and slides in beside me.

She too turns on her side, but faces away from me and we assume our regular pose. I drape my arm across her middle and she clutches my hand in hers as it rests on her belly.

I nuzzle into her neck and kiss her lightly on the top of her shoulder. I say nothing. Nothing needs to be said. I'm where I want to be. I'm where I belong and so is she.

A soft gurgling noise wakes me in the night and I look over Bella's head to the alarm clock. Three-twenty. It takes me a few seconds to orient myself and when I do I realise that the gurgling sound is Elizabeth through the monitor. She isn't crying but she's awake. I don't want her to wail because it will wake Bella who is sleeping deeply softly beside me in the bed.

I slowly withdraw my body from hers, unwrapping myself from around her, and sneak out of the room and into Elizabeth's. She's flailing her arms and legs but isn't in any distress. She's fully awake though so I talk to her quietly while I change her diaper and heat her bottle. I settle us both into the rocking chair and she takes the teat between her lips eagerly. Her enormous brown eyes stare up at me the whole time.

"You have beautiful eyes little girl, just like your momma's," I whisper to break up the silence. "She's doing so well, I'm so proud of her. Is it nice to have her home again?" I ask the baby, who obviously can't answer me. "I hope you won't remember the time you've spent apart. I know your momma won't forget, but I'd like for you to just grow up with her always with you." She lets the teat go for a second and gives me a gorgeous smile. "I love it when you smile little one. Your whole face lights up, just like your mom's. I'm doing okay with that promise I made you. I wonder if you remember it. I sure do. I'm making her smile more and more. She's going to be happy again one day. One day she will get up out of bed and she won't worry, she won't be frightened, she won't have to think too hard about doing normal things and she won't mistrust the people who love her. I'm sure I can make it happen, it's just going to take me a bit of time to get her there. But she will. I promise."

When she is halfway through the bottle I pull it from her mouth and sling her over my shoulder and pat her little back. She burps quite daintily for her and then I bring her back to my lap for the other half of her meal. She gives me another smile before puckering up and taking the teat.

"Joshua asked after you again today. He really likes you. I think he'd like to be your big brother. Would you like that? To have a big brother? Its okay, you know, having one. I've got one. Your Uncle Emmett is my big brother and he's a great guy. I hope we can bring Joshua home soon little one. I worry about him all alone at the hospital and I know your mom does too. Your mean Grandpa Charlie is making it tough, but we'll work it out and you'll get your chance for a big brother. And you've got Angus to look out for you too. I know you don't understand, but cousins are a bit like brothers and sisters too when they are close to you like Angus is going to be. And Alice, your Aunty Alice, she's having a baby too, so you'll have another cousin as well. Don't tell anyone but I hope she has a girl. A sweet little girl just like you. Then the two of you can grow up together and play and have sleep-overs and dress up and it'll be a bit like having a sister for you. Would you like that? A sister? I'd like to give you that. I hope your momma will want to give you that too one day. Not too soon though. We want to take our time with you, let you grow up with enough attention even though you'll have to share us with Joshua as well I hope. But one day I hope your momma and I will have a little baby for you to be a big sister to." I droned on and as she took the last gulp of her bottle her pale lavender lids closed.

It was easier to pull the bottle from her lips this time. I tucked her back into her bed and pulled the covers up over her. I patted her bottom for a few seconds but she was out like a light.

I tiptoed back to Bella's bed and slid in as noiselessly as I could. She was still breathing heavily when I moulded myself to the shape of her under the covers.

As I slid my hand back onto her belly she sighed. "You're a great dad," she mumbled and began snoring again almost immediately.

It took me a lot longer to fall back to sleep that night. Her words made me feel so incredible. That she thought of me as Elizabeth's dad was amazing to me. I felt like it, of course, and I wanted to fill that role for her more than anything, but knowing Bella thought I was doing alright at it so far was the most amazing feeling.

**BPOV**

I woke in Edward's arms. He was hot and sweaty and it was divine. For the first time in a long time I didn't wake up frightened. I knew where I was, I knew why and I knew with whom.

It was also the first time in a long time that I woke almost pain free. I say almost, but really it was minimal. I had a dull ache between my legs and the burns to my thighs were itchy and sensitive from being overheated lying next to Edward the human space heater all night. My ribs were tender but I couldn't really call them painful anymore.

I'd heard him talking with Elizabeth in the night and although I'd slept through her actually waking up I did listen intently while he spoke with her. It was very sweet. His voice took on this sort of reverent, authorative tone when he thought he was alone with her. He truly had our best interests at heart and his concern for Joshua was made more real for me by listening to the way he wanted to bring the little boy into the fold.

I desperately wanted to know how my father was interfering with the fostering process but if Edward hadn't mentioned it to me by now he had it in hand. I knew better than to worry about Charlie's reach by now. I'd been confronted by him twice in one day and I'd survived. He hadn't hurt anyone and Edward was right, if he'd wanted to he'd have done it before now. I understood that he was scared, that he was a bully and that his entire world was likely to suddenly come to a shuddering halt once he was charged with assaulting me. That would make me a nervous wreck so I knew it would make him ornery and panicked too. He deserved it of course and I had no qualms whatsoever about helping to bring about his downfall, but in the meantime I had to live in the same town as him and so did the Cullen's.

Edward's neglecting to tell me about any problems that might stall the fostering of Joshua meant he had it in hand. I knew that about Edward. He would only worry me if it was necessary.

Edward and I hadn't discussed more children and I didn't want to have that conversation just yet with him. I was unsure what I wanted and besides, I didn't actually know that I could have more children yet so the point might be moot anyway. I'd love the chance to have more, but if I only ever got to mother Elizabeth I'd be content. If I managed to get the extraordinary chance to mother Joshua too I would be complete. I could be whole if I got Edward, Elizabeth and Joshua. A readymade family that I could quite happily be content in.

Edward, however, might never be content without a child of his own. I knew he was capable of loving my daughter has his own and I had no doubts at all that he would love Joshua just the same. What concerned me was Edward never having his own biological child. I couldn't worry about it now so I put it to the back of my mind and filed it under the tab that was named 'future'.

That I had a future at all was still amazing and thrilling to me.

Edward shifted in his sleep and rolled onto his back making him snore terribly. I stifled my giggle and slipped from the bed. I made a quick check on Elizabeth and when I was sure she wasn't going to wake any time soon I padded across my bedroom as quietly as I could and slipped into the bathroom to shower. I tried to fight the need to lock the door but lost. I just couldn't risk being walked in on so I flipped the lock mechanism. I hated myself for needing to, knowing Edward would never come through the door unannounced or without an invitation, but I still locked it.

I took the time to look at myself in the mirror once I was naked. My nipple was improving. A little less red and angry again today. The burns on my thighs, though irritated, looked okay. I was still applying the cream but they all looked good now, not just the few that had begun healing on their own before. Now they all seemed to be in the same state of healing.

I turned on the taps in the shower and waited for the water to heat up. It was blissfully warm and I stood for a good few minutes just letting the water cascade down my body. It unknotted the muscles at my neck and woke me up fully.

I washed my hair with the strawberry scented stuff that Edward seemed to like. It was pink and made pale ribbons down my body as I rinsed it out. I wound my hair into a long rope and wrung it out, trying to make sure it was all out before I used the matching conditioner. But no matter how much I rinsed it, and wringed it out, the water never ran clear.

I watched the rivulets of pink swirl on the bottom of the shower tray and slide down the drain in a long, continuous stream.

I stepped out from under the water and moved to the far end of the stall. I looked down and saw the blood trickling down my legs. I shuddered in disgust. Whores blood.

**EPOV**

As I woke up I heard the shower running and stretched out an arm in the bed beside me only to be met with her fast cooling pillow. I pulled it to me and hugged it, sad for the loss of Bella's warm little body.

I pointed my toes and let my body stretch while I tried to get the motivation to move. A look at the clock told me it was seven-thirty and while I knew we didn't have anywhere to be until mid morning I figured I should get up and investigate some breakfast for the two of us before Elizabeth woke for her next feed.

I threw both legs over the side of the bed and ran my hands over my face and through my hair. My scratchy stubble would have to be removed today. My mother hated me scruffy and only allowed me the luxury of not shaving on the weekends. Today was Monday. Of course I could go against her, I was a grown man after all, but a pissed off mom was no fun.

I went to the bathroom door and was about to knock to let Bella know I was going back upstairs to my own bathroom to shower when I heard her sob.

It was feint and at first I thought I imagined it. Perhaps she groaned? Or moaned? Sighed?

Then I heard it again. Louder this time and unmistakably a cry.

"Bella? Bella?" I called but I got no answer despite the crying becoming louder and louder.

I imagined all sorts of scenarios but the one that stuck in the forefront of my brain was her scrubbing herself raw again, undoing all the healing again. I ran, frantically, through the hallway and into the kitchen, calling for my mother the whole way.

I found her in the sunroom sipping her morning coffee and reading the paper with my father.

"What is it?" she asked cautiously, already getting to her feet.

"I don't know," I admitted. "It's Bella, she's in the shower and she's crying. I can't go in there," I tell her.

"I'll go," she says but she's already running.

"You should sit," my father says over his coffee mug. "The kettle's boiled."

I didn't get coffee but I did sit. I perched on the very edge of the seat mom had just vacated and kept one eye on the hallway to Bella's rooms.

"Any clues?" dad asked.

"Not a one," I tell him.

"Then we wait."

He passes me the sports section of his newspaper and I sigh in frustration, but take it all the same. I slide back into the chair and open the pages.

"You were there?" he asks.

I think about it a second before answering. He's asking if I slept in Bella's room. "Yeah, I was there."

"I see," is all he says.

I'm not in the mood for a lecture and I doubt he'll understand just how rotten I feel when we don't share a bed so I ignore the comment and just read the basketball results.

The house is quiet and I can't hear either mom or Bella and I hope that's a sign that whatever is going on in that bathroom is either under control or I've totally misread the situation.

Dad turns the page of his paper. For some reason it pisses me off. He doesn't seem bothered that Bella is upset and possibly hurt. He doesn't even take his eyes off his paper. If he's got something to say he should just come out with it. His question about where I slept grates on me. I'm not a child, neither is Bella. I wasn't in the mood for one of our silent talks about nothing that turn into talks about something. He turns another page and I wait for him to start, but he doesn't. He just reads and I get angrier and angrier.

It's stupid because he's not said a thing, he's not lectured me or given me any indication that he doesn't approve of my choice of night-time activity, or where I conduct them, but I'm still pissed. Frustrated and pissed.

"Why don't you just say it? For once in your life just say what you mean!" I shout, catching him totally by surprise judging by the look on his face.

He folds his paper carefully and tucks it into the side of his chair. "I have nothing to say, that's the reason I am quiet Edward."

He seems genuinely surprised, and a little hurt at my outburst. I search his face for signs of sycophancy or sarcasm but there is none. "Aren't you worried that she's hurt herself?" I ask.

He nods. "Of course. But given that your mother hasn't come back in a panic asking me to attend, or you to attend, I've deduced that she has the situation under control."

"And all you can say about me sleeping in Bella's room is 'I see'?"

"Yes," he says matter of factly.

"That's it? No lecture? No shouting? No 'go slowly son'?" I ask in a strained voice.

"Is there much point?" he asks rhetorically. "I made my feelings on the status of your sleeping arrangements known to you yesterday. You said you heard and understood. I can't tell you, or Bella, what to do. I trust your judgement and I trust that you've got Bella's best interests at heart."

He says this calmly and in a way that makes me think I'm being ridiculous for asking. "It's not that I've just pushed aside your advice. I _did_ listen and I _did_ intend to do exactly as you suggested. But..." I trail off.

"But?" he asks immediately.

I shrug. I don't know if I can explain why I need them so much. I don't know if I can tell my dad, of all people, why it is that I can't sleep without her. I lean forward and run over the words I want to say before I say them. "I was with her every night while she was in hospital except for that one time, the night she reinjured herself. I was right there. When she slept I slept. When she cried I held her. When she laughed I laughed with her, just like you told me I should. _That _was your advice back then when I told you I didn't know what to do for her. So that's what I did. But something changed. I need her, dad. I know she needs me but I need her now too. It might be wrong, it might even make things worse for her and for me, but I need to be with her and I think she needs to be with me." I take a deep breath when I'm done and hope that he's heard and understood me.

He says nothing for the longest time. Just when I think I should prompt him he leans forward too. We are only inches apart as he speaks. And he does so very quietly. "I'm the same with your mother. Always have been. I don't function properly without at least lying beside her, even if it's for five minutes before I'm called back to the hospital, but that five minutes...we connect. Even if we're silent it's enough. I feel her there. She feels me there. I can't explain it either, son. It is what it is. It's love. I'm so happy you've found it."

He sits upright again and it seems he's said all he's going to on the subject.

Like all children – I assume – I'd never really given my parents relationship too much thought. Oh, I knew they loved each other, that was evident in everything they did and said. But that they needed each other? Like I needed Bella? That had never entered into the equation that was my parents. I'd made the age old mistake of not seeing them as people, only parents. But they were people. Regular people. They loved and they hated, just like everyone else.

For years I'd tried to find what they had without ever really understanding what that was. Now I did. They functioned as people because they had each other. If one was lost, or left, the other would wither and probably die. Their connection was deep and strong and I'd never seen it falter, not once. Of course they fought – and in my parents case they fought hard, but not often. But these spats were usually conducted quietly and they probably thought us kids never heard or saw a thing. Of course kids are inquisitive and I'd spent my fair share of nights lying in bed listening to them argue. But come morning things had returned to normal and they went about their business as usual.

I hear a door close somewhere in the house and sit up straighter in my chair, hoping that either my mother or Bella would soon emerge from Bella's rooms. My mother does and she goes right past the living room, up the stairs and disappears into her room only to reappear a few seconds later and go right back the way she came. She had a small black box in her hands but she said nothing, she just went right back into Bella's rooms. I heard the door close again.

"Your mother has everything in hand," Dad says, reaching for his paper again.

"Do you know that box?" I ask.

He nods as he folds the paper back on itself. "I do," is all he says.

"Care to share?" I ask petulantly.

He doesn't lower his paper and he speaks in a low voice when he does. "I do believe your mother and Bella will be taking a trip to the grocery store today," he says cryptically.

I stare at him for a long moment. "What the fuck are you on about?" I ask.

He laughs, "The mysterious black box holds your mother's feminine hygiene supplies Edward."

I cringe at the reference and it suddenly dawns on me what the problem with Bella really was. She was menstruating. She'd been crying because of the blood!

I run a nervous hand through my hair and sigh. Dad never closes his paper. "Did you expect this?" I ask hesitantly.

"It did cross my mind," he says casually.

"It didn't cross mine, shit," I mutter.

Now he closes his paper. He slips it back down the side of his chair like I'd seen him do a thousand times. "You had no reason to," he says matter of factly. "At the very beginning Bella spoke to your mother about Jake's reaction to blood so I considered what her reaction to it was going to be when she'd healed enough for her cycle to return to normal. I hoped, as did your mother, that she'd just accept it as normal and get on with it, but obviously that had been a pipe dream."

"Jake's reaction to blood?" I ask.

"Hmm mm. He spent three months, after Elizabeth was born, drumming it into Bella that she was dirty, that her post partum bleeding was further proof of it. That the reason she was bleeding was because she was a whore. Three months of that, a constant barrage of degradation over something that was natural. The might she scrubbed herself raw was a manifestation of that. I know you remember how she was that night. I know you remember what she begged of us."

"She was dirty on the inside," I mumble. I could see with perfect clarity the terror on her face as she begged me to make her clean on the inside.

"Right," he agrees. "That's how she feels, dirty on the inside. All the places Jake touched her, or bit her in some cases, Bella sees as the points on her body where she's most dirty. She scrubbed and scrubbed until her blood ran free. She says that that night, standing under the shower, she watched his hate for her seep from her skin and it was red. She associates the redness of blood with Jake's hate Edward."

"Mother fucker," I hiss.

"Look, what he taught her to think isn't normal and your mother will explain that to her. She trusts your mother and I think she'll listen, but when you believe that a normal bodily function is someone's hate for you inside you it's not an easy thing to get past. Let's give them a chance to work it out. If they come out of the room and Bella hasn't been able to accept what your mother tells her we'll get her to Kerry."

It makes good sense, it's a good plan, but I am struggling with my emotions as well as my temper as I sit there listening to it. My fists are balled at my sides. My blood pressure is rocketing fast towards being out of control. My pulse is thrumming in my head and chest and I can feel the rush of heat across my throat and face.

There isn't a sound in the house as we wait.

**BPOV**

"Don't worry about it sweetheart. It will come out in the wash, you'll see," Esme says kindly as I wrap myself in yet another clean towel. That it's a red towel helps.

"I'm so sorry," I say again, for the hundredth time since she'd come bursting into my bathroom.

"Hush. There is nothing to be sorry for. It's normal, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it's nothing to worry about. I know you know that," she says as she plugs the hairdryer into the socket.

I'm sitting on the bench seat under the windows in my bathroom, Esme behind me preparing to dry my hair. We'd been in here for over an hour. It had taken her half of that time to get me to turn the shower off and leave it off. Twice before I'd finally managed it I'd turn the faucet off but had turned it back on almost immediately when I'd looked down and seen the pink tinged water running down the drain.

I listened hard as she spoke to me but I couldn't take my eyes off the pink water. I listened as she explained that it wasn't dirty, that I wasn't dirty and that it was a normal bodily process and not something associated with my behaviour. I knew all that. Charlie might have been a monster but he'd taught me about periods and about being a woman so I knew that it was normal to bleed like this. My fear and anxiety wasn't about Charlie, it was about Jake.

His reaction to me bleeding had been horrific and painful and I associated this perfectly normal period with that. I didn't want Edward near me. I didn't want him to know that I was bleeding. I didn't want Jake's hate for me to infect him too.

The hum of the hairdryer made it easy for me to think about all that had been said to me this morning. Esme had been so calm, so reassuring. She recognised and understood the second she saw me in the shower stall what was going on and knew instinctually what the problem was, as though she'd been expecting it.

"You knew," I say quietly.

Esme unclipped another section of my hair and ran the brush through it. "Yes darling," she says evenly as if it's no big deal that she'd predicted not only my period arriving but also what my reaction to it was going to be.

"How, why?" I ask, keeping my eyes lowered and away from the mirror.

She puts the brush on the counter and puts her now free hand on my shoulder lightly. "For many reasons. For one I'm a mom. I remember how frightened and confused Alice was when it happened for her the first time. I realise it's not new for you, but I listened and remember everything you confided in me while you were in the hospital Bella. So I sort of always knew that when it did happen again you might struggle."

She takes up the brush again and turns the dryer back on. It's still so amazing to me that she has thought about what I've said before and has remembered it and had planned for outcomes I didn't yet know might arise within myself. This was what had been missing from my life. No mom. I know lots of girls go through life without one, but a good percentage of them would've had their dads to help, I didn't. My period starting signalled something for Charlie that led me down a path of not only sexual awareness but also sexual abuse. Bleeding had always meant something horrible to me. And not only because of Jake.

I could talk to Esme about that. I could explain to her why my own blood made me react the way I did. I knew she'd not be disgusted, or judge me. Still with my eyes averted from the mirror I began to explain.

"When I got my period for the first time, I was fourteen, Charlie took me right away to the doctor and I was put on the pill. He started abusing me right after. I guess I associate my period with the beginning of that. Each month, when I began to bleed, he would leave me alone. It was the only few days out of each month that I _knew_ I'd be safe from him. I could sleep without listening for the door. I could get some rest and I could go out and be with my friends because it was the only time he didn't want to have anything to do with me. I got to like it. I wished I'd get it more often," I tell her quietly. She nods throughout but says nothing. "Then, after I married Jake, I didn't have a period of course because I was already pregnant. I thought, once Elizabeth had been born and I'd healed and could get back to normal that that would be how things were with him too. That he'd leave me alone for those few days each month. I looked forward to it. But he'd torn me that first time and I never really stopped bleeding after that. He said I was broken. He said I was dirty. He told me over and over that the reason I was still bleeding was to get the dirty blood out of me. And he didn't stop. Whether I was bleeding or not he took me. Whether it hurt or not he took me. And then, at the end, I got to be frightened of the blood because I knew I wasn't safe even if I was bleeding."

Esme stills the dryer again and plants a kiss on the top of my head. "Oh darling, it should never have been like that. You know that. I know you know that. You're safe here, always, no matter if you're bleeding or not. I've lived my whole adult life with Carlisle and he doesn't care. He doesn't think less of me for it, and I know Edward won't. Nobody ever should. It's normal, it's natural. Without it you'd never have brought your beautiful Elizabeth into this world."

I know she's right, but the sight of the blood on the floor of the shower ignited such fear in me that I couldn't help my reaction to it. My blood meant I was unclean. It meant I was dirty on the inside and it meant that Edward would see and know how dirty I was because even my own blood couldn't stand being inside my body. So my reaction to it was a violent one. It was ingrained. It was as normal to me as hoarding food was. But I'd stopped doing that and I was determined to stop feeling this way about something that happens to every woman on the planet too.

When Esme is done with my hair she lets me pull it up into a high ponytail and after a quick spray of hairspray she announces me all done. I thank her for drying it for me and tell her again it isn't necessary.

"Nonsense. And besides, I like doing it. It's been a long time since I had a girl around who'd let me," she giggles as she stows the dryer back into its draw. "Now, I know you have appointments to get to this morning, but I think we should get to the grocery store this afternoon."

I stare at her in the mirror as she packs away the brushes and clips. She can't be serious? Me? Go to the grocery store in town?

"I can't go," I say quietly.

"And why is that?" she asks as she comes back to my side and sits on the bench seat with me.

"I don't have any money," I say flatly.

"Not good enough, try again," she said defiantly. She clasps her hands in her lap and waits for my reasoning.

"I can't go out in public," I hedge.

"One more try," she huffs.

I huff too. It's not like Esme to badger me. Edward does it, when he knows I'm not being totally truthful, but I've never had it from Esme. I resent it. I resent not being allowed to cower from things if I want to. "I'm afraid," I admit finally, knowing that only the truth will get her off my back.

She smiles and puts her hand on my knee. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it? I know you're afraid. I understand why, too. But this is important. This is your health and your hygiene, both things you said you wanted to be able to control for yourself. This is the first step."

"You could go for me, I don't need to leave here," I say petulantly.

She's nodding as she speaks. "Yes, that's true. I could go for you. But that would be the easy option, wouldn't it? Let me put something to you. If Elizabeth was out of formula, or diapers, and Carlisle and I were away and Edward was at work, what would you do?"

I spot the trap and smile smugly. "I'd call Alice, or Rosie, or Emmett or Jasper."

"You could, that's true. And they'd do it for you, I'm sure. But, this isn't about formula or diapers. This is about tampons and pads. Who would you call then?" she asks with an equally smug smile.

I let my shoulders slump. I know when I'm beat. There is no way I'd call any of them to buy those things for me, ever. I don't even want Edward to know I need them, let alone ask him to collect them for me. "I'll go on one condition," I say.

"Name it sweetheart," she says with a giggle.

"You get to tell Edward that he can't come along."

"Done," she chirps happily. "Now, come on and have some breakfast."

I stare at the bathroom door that she's just left via and wonder how in hell she's going to convince Edward to stay at home while I go to town.

**EPOV**

I hear the door close to Bella's room and dad leaps to his feet with me. We both stare down the hall to see who it is that's coming out. I'm hoping its Bella, he's probably hoping its mom.

Its mom.

But she's smiling. She walks towards us and drops the black box on the kitchen counter as she passes it.

"She's fine. Nothing to worry about," she tells us both.

I let my shoulders drop and the breath come out of my mouth, I hadn't even realised I'd been holding it.

"Is she coming out?" I ask.

"When she's ready, yes," mom says as she turns back to the kitchen. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"What happened, is she okay?" I ask as I slide onto the stool.

"It's none of your business Edward. All you need to know is that she's fine." Mom turns her back to me and takes a pan out of the cupboard beside the cook top. "Eggs I think today," she says to nobody in particular.

I swivel my stool around so I'm facing my father. He shakes his head and motions for me to zip my lips. I want to know what's gone on but I recognise that I won't get any joy from mom now. Dad slides onto a stool beside me and awaits his breakfast. I keep my eyes trained on the hall.

"Is Elizabeth still asleep?" I ask mom as she slides two fried eggs onto a plate in front of me.

"I think so, yes."

"I should check on her," I say as I push the plate towards my father.

My mother points her egg lift at me and with a scowl she says I should sit right back down and eat my breakfast. She looks pretty serious so I decide to sit right back down and eat my breakfast.

"What time will Gary be arriving?" my mother asks of me.

"I haven't called him yet but maybe after lunch."

Mom puts dad's plate in front of him then returns the pan to the stove to fry some eggs for herself. "Bella and I are going into town to the grocery store this afternoon so you'll have to amuse yourself," she says as she leans on the counter to eat her meal.

"I've got nothing on this afternoon so I'll come too," I say firmly.

Dad gets up from his seat. "Thank you for breakfast. I'll see you at eleven my dear," he says to my mom then turns to me. "Call me when you've met with Gary, please?"

"I will. We can meet you in town after Bella's appointment with Kerry, Mom."

"You aren't invited Edward," mom says sternly.

I stare at her. "What do you mean I'm not invited? If Bella is going into town I'm going with her."

Mom squints and shakes her head. "No, sorry son, you aren't."

"I fucking am," I shout.

"Rookie mistake," my father calls from the foyer just before I hear the front door close behind him.

What the fuck that means I have no idea. I turn to my mother. "If Bella goes into town I go too, no negotiations, she'll want me to go with her."

Bella comes out of her rooms at that moment, Elizabeth in her arms. She smiles at me and I can finally see for myself that she's okay. She comes right to me and puts her little hand on my forearm. She kisses my cheek and wishes me a good morning. "I'm going to the grocery store in town with your mother this afternoon Edward."

"I heard. I'm coming too."

My mother and Bella share a 'look' and I know what's coming before either of them speaks.

"No Edward, I'm going to town with your mother, alone," Bella says to me but keeps her eyes on my mother as she says it.

"Fine," I mutter and shove my plate away. "I'll be at the clinic, call me when you're ready to see Kerry and I'll collect you," I tell Bella.

I hear the two women whispering softly as I stalk away. I'm not fucking invited. Day three and already she no longer needs me. Fucking fantastic.

I slam my bedroom door and throw myself down on the edge of my bed. I pull my laptop across my thighs and open Google. I need a fucking house of my own.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**Well, they are moving along nicely, even if they don't agree on certain things. Edward is slowly learning about his family and so is Bella. **

**He's so damn hot when he's chucking tanty's huh? :)**

**Review if you liked it, review if you hated it. Either way I love to hear your thoughts. **


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39 – The Caged Bird

**BPOV**

I wasn't all that surprised that Edward's feeling had been hurt by my decision to go to the store with his mother only. What did surprise me was the way he'd left the room. It was obvious he was hurt, but angry wasn't something I had been prepared for.

A few minutes after he stormed off to his rooms he was back. His hair was even messier than normal, his jeans lower slung than usual, his face more anguished than I'd seen him since the first few times I awoke in the hospital. I knew it was because of me and I desperately wanted to talk to him about not inviting him to come along on what was seemingly a very mundane errand, but he never gave me the chance.

He came right to me as I stood at the kitchen counter cleaning up from my breakfast. He leaned over, kissed me at the temple, said a quick good morning and farewell to Elizabeth and then went through the door to the garage. The whole episode was completed with a hasty reminder to call him when I was ready to go to the hospital for my appointments later.

I stared at the interconnecting door for a long, long time. He was so angry. So hurt.

I absolutely couldn't change my mind about him coming along. I couldn't have him with me when I bought _those_ types of things, not yet anyway. From what Esme had said it was normal for husbands and wives, probably girlfriends and boyfriends too, to know these things about each other and even for men to buy such things for their partners. But I wasn't ready for that. I had to wonder if Edward knew what the problem had been this morning or whether he was just assuming that I didn't need him anymore and had chosen to go to town with his mother 'just because'.

I tried not to make too much of it. I tried hard to tamp down the feelings of guilt I had for making him unhappy.

I knew it was what was right for me and that I needed to explain that to Edward, but at the same time I didn't want to discuss the reason why I had to go to the store only with his mother while he was angry.

I wasn't ready to talk about my body with him. I didn't like thinking about it myself and I knew I couldn't face that discussion just yet. I would have to one day if I wanted to be with Edward, and I did want that, very badly, but not yet.

It was just one more thing in a very long list of things I'd have to talk to Kerry about today. I had a scrap of paper in my jeans pocket with notes on it so I took the pen from the shopping list on the fridge and added the latest of my sins to the note.

Edward had said to call him when I needed to go to the hospital for my appointment but now that seemed a daunting task. Any other time, when he wasn't angry with me, I could've easily just dialled his number and I'd know he'd come and collect me. But now?

It would be strained, awkward and probably silent. All things I wasn't equipped to handle yet. Not with Edward. Not when he'd been the one constant for me over the past month. He'd been so calm, so reassuring. Knowing he was angry at me made me feel uneasy.

"Are you girls ready?" Esme called from the top of the stairs.

"All set," I call back as confidently as I can.

I am anything but confident. When the idea of going to town was just a 'at some point this afternoon' consideration I'd been scared but accepting. It was something I could think about later. After my session with Kerry. I'd get to talk to her about it first, then venture off. But now things had changed. Esme wanted to go now seeing as Edward had stormed off to the clinic and I had nowhere to be until midday.

Esme comes into the kitchen and opens the key board. She selects a set of keys and puts them on the counter while I pull Elizabeth from her little chair. I slide my wallet, with Edward's cash in it, down into the side pocket of her bottle bag and do my best to calm myself.

Esme collects the shopping list and her handbag from the counter and nods towards the keys. "You drive," she says casually.

My heart begins to race and I have to shift Elizabeth to my other arm so that I can steady myself with my now free hand against the counter. "I can't," I rasp.

"You can," she says with a smile. "You have a driver's license, don't you?" I nod. "And you know how to actually drive, don't you?" she asks and I nod again. "That key ring has your name on it so what's holding you back?"

I look at the keys on the counter and then look back to Esme. "I haven't driven for over a year," I whisper as I stare back down at the shiny key.

"All the more reason to do so now I'd think."

"What if I crash? With Elizabeth in the car? What if I chip or dent or mangle Edward's car?" I whine.

"That's what insurance is for. As for Elizabeth being in the car, that's a good thing. Like all parents you'll be extra careful with her with you. Come on darling, I'll be right there with you all the way," she says confidently and starts to move towards the door I know leads to the garage.

She is poised with her hand on the door knob but I'm still not sure. "What if Charlie pulls me over?"

"He'll do exactly what he does to us. He'll check your license and registration. He'll make you get out of the car while he radios your details back to the station and then he'll be nasty before we drive away," she says with a grin smile. "You have a restraining order Bella so he can't actually _do_ anything. If he wasn't the Chief of Police he'd not even be able to speak to you. It's only his position that allows him to even speak to you in any capacity and he knows that. You can do this. We can do this."

I look at the keys and down at Elizabeth. I _need_ to be able to drive. I know that. If something were to happen with Elizabeth, if she was to get sick, or I was, I'd need some way to help her or to help myself. Edward had made his car available to me and while it was a frightening concept – actually driving it – the thought of having the freedom to do so was actually exhilarating.

I snatch the keys from the counter and follow Esme into the garage.

"Holy shit!" I squeak as I get my first look at Edward's 'red sedan'.

Esme giggles and moves towards it. "Mmm, he loves this car. He doesn't drive it often and I never thought I'd see the day he let someone else drive it."

It's tiny. Like minutely tiny. It's got four doors which I guess qualifies it as a sedan but only just. It's also red so his statement wasn't a lie. But it's not just a car. It's a luxury car. It's a sports car. It's also so low to the ground I doubt I'll be able to back it out of the driveway without bottoming out as we go off the gutter and onto the tarmac.

"What is it?" I ask.

"A BMW something or other. I admit I don't really listen," she laughs and opens the back passenger door to transfer Elizabeth's seat from her modest Chrysler into this red beast.

When the seat has been clipped in and the strap is firmly in place in the bolt holder on the back parcel tray she stands aside and I slip the baby into the seat. Esme takes the pusher from the trunk of her car and pushes and shoves it until it's in the trunk of the red BMW whatever it is. It only just fits.

While Esme wrestles with it I buckle the baby in tightly and take a deep breath before lowering myself into the driver's seat. I try to familiarise myself with the dashboard. I flick the turn signals on and watch as they light up on the back wall of the garage. I switch the wipers on, knowing that it would rain at some point today. I move the mirrors so I have a clear view behind me. I push the seat forward and giggle at the length of Edward's legs compared to mine. Esme slips into the passenger seat and puts on her seatbelt. It's obvious she has absolute faith in me because she's smiling and looks happy for me. With one last look at Esme I slide the key into the ignition and bring the car to life.

It roars and I startle, immediately turning the ignition off again. "Wow," I laugh.

"Mmm, he does love power, silly boy," Esme laughs with me. "Okay. Let's try again now that we're both ready for the monster to come alive."

I chuckle at her terminology and turn the key again. This time the sound doesn't shock me and I manage to put it into reverse, foot on the brake, I check my mirrors even though I know we are the only people on the lot. I let my foot off so slowly we inch out of the garage at a snail's pace. Esme says nothing, she just lets me do it at my own pace and I'm grateful.

With the car clear of its housing, and with it now pointing in the right direction, I slip it into drive and ever so slowly take my foot off the brake. I take the gutter slowly, waiting for a scraping sound that never actually comes, and then we are off down the road.

"I'm driving!" I crow.

Esme is beaming. "You sure are. Now we're heading to the grocery store on Wood Avenue, do you know it?" she asks as I make the right and get out onto the main road.

The traffic is light because it's past peak hour and it's a rainy, miserable Monday morning. "I know it," I mutter darkly and think of all the times I'd longed to go there when I'd been with Jake. "I had an account there."

"Ahh," she says in recognition. "Well then, this will be nice for you to actually go there and choose whatever you'd like in person then won't it?"

I think of the money in my wallet, the money Edward had given me in the hospital, and wonder how far it would stretch. I'd have to be conservative with it, I couldn't go nuts or anything, but it would be enough to get what I needed plus a little something extra if I felt like it.

I didn't know when I'd have money of my own, or if I ever would, so I'd need to be careful with the resources I had now. Squandering the money on silly things would leave me with nothing and the awful task of having to ask Edward for more. I vowed I'd never do that, not ever.

I turned right onto Wood Avenue and pulled the spectacular car into the parking lot behind the small market. I spare a second to thank Esme for insisting I drive and tell her how good it feels to know that I can.

She smiles the whole time as we put Elizabeth into her pusher and walk to the store.

Forks main shopping street is small and thankfully it's not crowded. There are people in the street, walking up and down and sitting in coffee shops that line the street, so it's difficult to make myself walk the short distance from the parking lot to the front doors of the store.

I have the pusher in front of me but have no way to protect myself from the rear. Esme is beside me and I am on the outside of the pavement, closest to the road. I want to switch. I want to walk next to the shopfronts so that I only have one flank to protect but this is how we'd come from the parking lot and it seemed stupid to ask to switch now that we were already so close to the supermarket entrance.

The doors slide open as we approach and Esme takes a cart from the neat column to the left of the doors. She pulls the shopping list from her handbag and motions towards the first aisle.

I take a deep breath and look around me. It smells like disinfectant and fruit. Its bright – the overhead lighting is fluorescent and bright white – and nobody is looking at me.

I smile at Esme and take the first steps into the supermarket that I've taken in a year.

**EPOV**

After a few minutes of belligerent Googling for real estate I realise that I can't buy a fucking house and move out because I can't get through one night without her and I know that she has no intention – and wouldn't cope – living away from my mother just yet.

I was caught between a rock and a gorgeous woman who needed me to man up.

In the end I closed the lid of my laptop and went across to my bathroom. I splash cold water on my face and tried to tamp down my feelings of insecurity and anger. Bella didn't need to see that from me and I didn't particularly want to show her that they'd hurt my feelings over something as simple as a trip to town for tampons.

So I said a fast good morning and goodbye to both my girls and got the hell out of Dodge.

I was _not_ in the mood for any of Charlie Swan's shit so I was glad I didn't see him on my short journey to the clinic that morning. I'd probably be sitting in a cell somewhere by now had he taken the opportunity to pull me over this morning. I'd have slugged the fucker without thinking, the mood I was in.

As it was I was short with Gail and abrupt with Kate when I saw them both in the tea room before the clinic opened. Neither of them was expecting me of course so I should've been prepared for a barrage of questions as to my presence, but I wasn't. I wasn't really thinking at all. I was on autopilot fuelled almost completely by anger and disappointment.

In the end I hid in my office. I didn't want to explain why I was there and not at home with Bella like I said I would be. I didn't want pity and I didn't want to have to explain that I'd been pushed aside in favour of my mother because I knew how fucking childish and how selfish that was. But there it was all the same. I was hurt, angry and jealous of my own mother.

I worked steadily for an hour on patient files and had a good pile completed when the first knock on my door came. I called for whoever it was on the other side to come in and smiled when it was Steve who came in, hot coffee in hand for me.

"Thought you could use this," he said as he put it on my desk in front of me.

I push myself away from my desk and swing the chair around so I can face him as he sits in the patient chair. "Thanks," I mumble.

"What happened?" he asks after taking a big swig from his own cup.

I chuckle, "It's that obvious?"

He raises his eyebrows at me and makes a stupid face. "Dude you couldn't get out of here fast enough on Friday to start your vacation time with Bella and the baby and yet here you are, bright and early Monday morning. What gives?"

I sigh. "If I told you you'd call me a pussy for all eternity so let's just say that adjustments are being made and I'm not making them real well," I laugh.

He leans back in his chair and crosses his legs at the ankle. "It was never going to be easy, but you knew that."

"Yeah, I did." I admit. "There is just so much going on and half the time I don't know if I'm helping or making it worse."

"What does Bella say about that?" he asks reasonably.

"Haven't asked her," I admit again.

He raises his eyebrows again. "Seems pretty fucking stupid not to ask the person you are trying to help how she thinks it's going, don't you think? You've got no way to know how you're doing helping her if you don't ask dipshit."

"Pretty words from the vagina doctor," I tease.

"Hey, I've seen more pussy than you could hope to see in your lifetime buddy!' he teases right back.

"I'm not seeing any," I grumble and take a gulp from my cup. "I didn't mean that," I say hastily when I rethink what I've said.

"I know you didn't. I know this is not about sex for you. But you gotta be frustrated, right? Her being in the house finally and yet still unattainable?"

"You've got no idea," I groan.

"Are you at least talking to her about _that_?"

"I can't. She's not ready for that, even though she says she is." I put my cup back onto the blotter and wonder if I can disclose this morning's 'issues' with him without breaking Bella's confidence or his doctor/patient relationship with her. I figure I can. He's not her OBGYN anymore, Ben Cheney is and Bella hasn't exactly confided in me about what went on this morning – even though I already know – so there is no confidence to break. Besides, this is Steve, who's he gonna tell? "Bella got her period this morning and freaked out," I blurt out.

He swears softly and takes a long time to reply. "Okay..." he trails off. "So Bella freaked out, what about you, what did you do?"

I stifle my laugh as best I can. "That's just it. She hasn't told me. My mom sorted it out and they don't know I know, but my dad worked it out and clued me in. Now they are off in town buying 'feminine supplies' and I was told pretty pointedly that I wasn't welcome to accompany them."

It sounds even more stupid when I say it out loud but Steve's not laughing. He's nodding like one of those dogs you see in the back of cars. "And you're feeling useless and left out of the loop huh?"

"You got it in one," I tell him.

He draws in a deep breath and I wait for his words of wisdom. "Alright, put aside the fact they told you couldn't go with them for a second. If Bella did come and tell you what was going on for her what would you have done?"

It's a fair question and I don't have any sort of decent answer. "I don't know. I have no experience with that shit."

"Right, so if she got up the guts to tell you, which you and I both know she hasn't got yet, but if she did tell you that her cycle had restarted you'd have no way to help her, no clue how it feels, no way to be sympathetic without being accused of just being a stupid male, right?"

I lift my eyebrows at him this time. "Right," I admit grudgingly.

"So it sounds like you dodged a bullet. And you said it yourself, your mom sorted Bella out. So there really is no problem here other than your hurt pride and I'm pretty sure your massive pretty boy ego can take a little hit like this one," he laughs. He puts on a fake pout and a whiney girly voice, "Poor widdle Edward isn't allowed to go tampon shopping with his mommy, oh boo hoo."

I punch him in the bicep and he winces. "Shut up faggot. Go back to work. The tuna smell is starting to wear off, best you go top it up."

He gets to his feet and barks his laughter. "Should I send in a little old lady for you to fawn over then?"

"Fuck off," is my very eloquent reply.

He heads to the door and just before he closes it behind him his face changes back to the serious guy I know lurks underneath his funny man facade. "You got her through the physical recovery Edward, just hang in there for the mental. You're doing great, trust me."

I tell him thanks and go back to my files feeling a little better than I had all morning. Steve was right, however reluctant I am to admit to it. I can't sympathise, I can't relate to what Bella's period means for her and I know that my mom can. I can listen though. I might not be able to offer any practical advice or assistance but I can fucking listen to her. She didn't even give me that chance, didn't even take the time to tell me what the problem was and while I understand that is a big part of the issue for Bella – me knowing she's bleeding – I don't like that something as minor as this is what's made her pull away from me.

I take my cell phone out of my jeans pocket and compose a text. I swap some words around, rewrite it about three times then finally just hit send. What will be will be.

**BPOV**

"You grab the bread and I'll get the eggs," Esme waves her hand at the bakery section and then heads off to my left to where the eggs are in neat rows.

I push Elizabeth towards the bakery counter and take a number. I stare at all the beautiful cakes and pastries and long to taste one. I can almost taste Esme's cannoli from the hospital as I look over the myriad of confections held inside the chiller case.

"Number eighty-four," the girl behind the counter calls and I hold up my ticket.

"A loaf of sour dough, sliced thick for toast please," I tell her.

She takes the loaf from the rack and moves across to the slicing machine.

"Bella?" I hear my name and turn around slowly, my heart pounding in my chest long before I realise the voice is female.

It's Angela Cheney. "Hey," I say as she comes closer to where I'm standing at the counter. The girl passes me my loaf of bread and I sit it on the top of Elizabeth's pusher.

"It's so good to see you again so soon," she gushes. "Hello there little Miss Elizabeth," she coos and Elizabeth gives her a gorgeous smile. "Oh Bella she's so lovely. How are you?" she asks.

"I'm pretty good. This is my first trip out," I admit quietly.

Her smile gets even bigger. "Well you look fantastic. Are you here alone? Where's Edward?" she asks as if it would be strange for me to be out on my own, or without Edward at the very least.

I try not to resent the implication that I'm useless and answer honestly. "Esme is getting eggs over there, Edward is at work."

"Doctors huh?" she giggles.

"Yeah," I reply as casually as I can.

I'm not used to being Edward's and I'm not used to being so near two doctors. I'm not used to being talked to, looked at. I'm not used to shopping in an actual store and I'm not used to people seeing Elizabeth.

"I've got Ben's parents coming for dinner tonight so I'm here trying to find inspiration." She sighs heavily. "I'm not a very good cook," she confides quietly with a small laugh.

"Keep it simple then. Don't cook anything you've never cooked before and keep it to dinner and dessert, no extras," I tell her.

Her eyes light up at my advice. Advice I didn't even really mean to give her. I usually smile noncommittally while others spoke to me, but I knew about this stuff. I'd read a lot of cookbooks in my time.

"Wow, thanks Bella. That's great advice," she says as she reaches for a ticket for herself. She hands me a card and I look down at it. "That's my number at home, give me a call and we'll have that coffee we talked about yesterday yeah?"

I stare at the card for a second and nod. "I'd really like that, thanks," I say and pocket the card. I see Esme standing by the chiller cabinet with the egg carton in her hands and realise she's waiting for me. "Esme's ready to go so I'll see you later, alright?"

"Great," she says. "Please call me when you're ready Bella, everyone needs a friend."

I smile nod and tell her thank you as I make my way back to Esme.

"How was that sweetheart?" Esme asks as I pull Elizabeth's pusher alongside the cart.

It dawns on me then that she wasn't waiting for me at all, she was purposefully staying away from me while I talked to Angela. She wanted me to have a friend. It felt disloyal to the family to want one too, but I did. "It was great," I say honestly. "She's so nice."

"She is. And so is Ben. You could do much worse than friends like Doctor and Mrs Cheney," she says pointedly.

"Don't I know it," I mumble.

"Okay, so that's everything off my list, what's on yours dear?" Esme asks as we round the top of the cleaning products aisle and go into the next.

I look up at the sign at the head of the aisle and see that it's the personal hygiene aisle. This is the part I'd been dreading. Not the buying of tampons and pads because I knew that everyone had to buy those. But the standing in public buying them. Anyone who sees me put them into the cart will know that I'm bleeding. They'll know I'm dirty on the inside.

I don't answer Esme, I just push the pusher down the aisle until I'm standing in front of the section I need. When Esme pulls the cart up beside me I throw in two boxes of tampons and a bag of sanitary napkins. Esme leans across me and pulls a small box off the top shelf and drops it into my hands. The box says it contains scented bags to dispose of the napkins. They sound like a good idea so I toss those into the cart too.

"Do you need anything else Bella?" she asks cautiously. I shake my head. "Is there something you want though?"

I know the difference between want and need and still I shake my head no. The money I'm about to spend isn't mine and its good of Edward to have given it to me in the first place, I won't squander it on frivolous things. "No, I'm good."

"Then let's get out of her and go for coffee," she says as she turns the cart around and heads back up the aisle towards the cashier.

There isn't much in the cart so it doesn't take long for the girl to put all of Esme's things through the barcode scanner. "That'll be forty-seven twenty-three Mrs Cullen," the cashier says with a smile.

I shouldn't be surprised that everyone knows Esme Cullen. After all everyone knows Carlisle.

"On our account please Heather," Esme says politely and I watch as the girl punches in a series of numbers to the computer terminal. She prints a receipt and Esme signs it and hands it back. Another receipt is printed and Esme takes her copy and folds it into her purse.

I'm shaking at the thought of Esme's account here. I'd had one too, once. But though they were the same thing, credit accounts, Esme's is for convenience sake and mine was to punish me so I couldn't go to town.

Esme steps to the end of the counter and Heather puts my three items through the scanner. "That's twelve-eighty," she says just as politely to me as she did to Esme.

I open my wallet and hand over a twenty. It's difficult to let the note go. It's a security thing, knowing I had it in my wallet if I needed it. Eventually, after an awkward few seconds that I'm sure the cashier notices, I let it go. She counts back my change to me and I slip it into the coin part of my wallet - I have to work hard not to count it – I push the notes in so they are standing in the tallest part. I take my carrier bag from the girl and meet Esme at the end of the counter.

She smiles and pats me on the arm encouragingly. "You did so well sweetheart," she whispers as we head out of the store and back towards the car.

This time I've positioned Elizabeth and I on the inside so Esme is walking on the side of the pavement closest to the road and I am pushing Elizabeth up against the storefront windows. I'm protected on three sides, only from behind can I be 'got at'.

Esme chats idly about the price of things, about this woman in this cafe, about that man in the barbers. Me, I keep my head as still as I can while I look around me. The two boys standing by the bus stop don't pay me any attention but I watch them as we walk by. If they were to move towards me I had an escape route and a plan in place. A loud noise behind us makes me jump and cower against the plate glass window of a sewing shop but Esme is quick to reassure me that it was only the sound of a box being thrown to the pavement by a delivery man half a block behind us. I turn to face the way we should've been heading and continue pushing Elizabeth.

Esme starts talking again and I do try to listen but if asked I'd not be able to recite a single word she said. I'm relieved to finally make it to the relative safety of the parking lot and slump against the beautiful red car while Esme loads the shopping into the trunk.

"Coffee?" she asks.

I want to say no. I want to tell her that I need to go home now. I want to say that I can't do this, that I don't feel safe, that every noise and movement frightens me and I just want to go home to my rooms and stay there forever but I can't. She's invested so much time and effort into me that I don't feel I can let her down over something so mundane, as simple as sitting in a cafe having a coffee with her, so I nod and smile as convincingly as I can.

As we walk back down the main street she positions herself on the road side again and I realise that she's done it on purpose. She knows I'm frightened. She knows I'm wary of every male that is here and she's trying to make it easier for me.

"Thank you," I whisper so that only she will hear.

"I've got your back baby," she giggles. I can't help the bark of laughter that escapes my lips as she says it. It's so 'young' for her, so out of character for her to say something like that that I laugh my head off. "What?" she asks. "I'm cool for my age, aren't I?" she laughs.

"Oh yeah mom, you're the coolest," I giggle as we enter the coffee shop.

Esme huffs lightly and swats at my arm at my sarcasm and then points to a booth at the back of the cafe. I survey the store and then I nod. It's the safest place for me to be. I can push Elizabeth right up next to the booth and it won't be in anyone else's way plus there is no way for anyone to come at me from any side because the booth is hard up against one wall, it backs on to another, the aisle will be blocked by the pusher and I can see the entire store.

Elizabeth is getting hungry so while I wait for Esme to come with the coffees I take a bottle from Elizabeth's bag and pull her out of the pusher and into my lap. She gulps at the formula and stares up at me with her beautiful big brown eyes.

My cell phone chimes a message so I wedge the bottle under my chin and take my phone out of the side pocket of Elizabeth's bag. After a short struggle I manage to open my message centre and see it's a text from Edward. With a thundering heart I open the message.

~I'm sorry. I was jealous. Forgive me? Enjoy your shopping with mom, you deserve it. I love you, baby. E xx ~

I tap out my reply even though his message makes very little sense to me. Apart from the apology and the love he sends. That I understand and I send mine right back.

I'm smiling when Esme sits opposite me and puts two steaming cappuccino's between us on the table. "Now _that_ is a smile I've been waiting to see all morning," she laughs.

I shrug at her and hold my phone up. "It's Edward apologising for being jealous," I say, eyebrows pushed together to show her that I don't understand the message at all.

She sips her coffee and puts it back on the table. "I can understand why he's jealous Bella. Your very first outing was to church with _us_ and your second is with _me_. He feels left out. I think he believed you'd do these things with him, maybe not these exact things, but all your firsts I suppose. He's very insecure."

I stare at her. "Edward? Insecure? Is that the truth?" I ask.

She smiles warmly at me. "She's asleep," she nods to Elizabeth and I look down to find that she is. While I put the sleeping baby back into her pusher Esme explains. "Yes it's the truth sweetheart. To you he probably seems very in control, very stable and very able to handle anything that comes at him. But he's not. Not really. He will be one day, I'm sure, once you're both settled. I'm very proud that his life, all my children's lives really, have been very easy for them. They breezed through school, studied hard and all have good jobs. The other two are married and having children, just like they wanted. But Edward is different. He never fell in love the regular way. He's never lived on his own apart from college and he's never had anyone to think about other than himself up til now. That's not a bad thing but it hasn't exactly taught him how to handle tough situations."

"But he knew just what to do for me, and for Elizabeth, when I got hurt." I find myself defending him even though everything she's said about him is true.

"I know sweetheart and I'm very proud of the way he handled all that. But now, now that you're home, I think he is a little out of his depth. Could be a good thing actually. You aren't comfortable yet and neither is he, so you'll learn together. But he's got different things to learn than you. You're very strong, no, don't argue, you are. You survived Bella. That took strength and courage. And now you're fighting for what you want and that takes backbone. But Edward, well, he's different. He has to learn to love you while also letting you have your own space. He needs to learn that just because you both do things separately from one another that at the end of the day you'll still be there when he comes home. He doesn't trust that yet. And that's not your fault before you start thinking it is. It's not a fault. It's a circumstance. He's worried that someone will take you both away, that he'll lose the chance you've given him through no fault of his own. But he'll slowly work out that you being in the same house is the easy part. Knowing how to be together inside that house is the lesson here."

It all sounds very matter of fact and I begin to wonder if I have really understood the position I've found myself in.

**EPOV**

My cell phone chirps a return message at exactly the same time as the phone my desk rings. "What is it Gail?" I ask as I read Bella's message.

"Jake Black would like a word, what would you like me to tell him?"

That wipes the smile right off my face. I tell her that I'll see him and then I ask her to ask Steve to come to my office before showing Mr Black to it.

Steve arrives fast and I quickly and quietly apprise him of the situation. He says he'll bear witness to whatever was about to happen and happily stands up against the exam table.

Jake enters the room and looks first to Steve then to me. "What can I do for you Mr Black?" I ask in as calm a voice as I can manage.

He sits in the chair opposite me and I pull myself using the underside of my desk so I'm pressed up against it. I use my knees to brace myself so that I'm still. We've been here before and I don't like it any more this time than I had the last.

I curl my hand around my coffee cup so Jake won't see it shaking.

"Call your brothers off," he says matter of factly.

My surprise wasn't false, I had no idea what he's talking about. "I haven't sent them out, so I can't very well call them back."

"Bullshit. The blonde one cornered me in the DVD store last night and the big one took a swing at me at the petrol station not ten minutes ago," he seethes.

Steve does his best to stifle his laugh. "Quite the popular boy, aren't we?" he laughs.

Jake shoots him a 'look' but turns back to me. "And tell them to keep their mouths shut too. My boys at the Rez know all about their other visit."

I want to say that I don't know anything about their prior visit, but it's a lie. "I didn't send them then and I haven't sent them now," I tell him honestly. "As for them keeping their mouths shut that's something you'll have to talk to them about."

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," he mutters and runs his hand over his bruised jaw. "Someone told my boys that they'd flogged me that time and if it wasn't me and it wasn't them then who was it?"

"It was me," I say matter of factly.

"Bullshit. If you'd been anywhere near the Rez they'd eat you alive, white boy."

I shrug. I don't care what he says, he can't hurt me and he's got buckley's chance of getting close enough to Bella ever again to hurt her either. "Whatever makes you sleep better at night," I chuckle. "I met some of your boys at their garage, they already had a fair idea of what had gone on."

"_You _went to _their _garage and walked away clean?" he scoffs.

I shrugged casually. "No problem at all. They're nice guys." I lean back in my chair and shoot a glance at Steve. He's grinning like the Cheshire cat. "They seem to be pretty good judges of character too."

"Yeah, they're great," he mutters darkly. I take from that that perhaps it might have been Seth, Sam and Paul who gave Jake his most recent hiding. "Seth's a real nice guy," he hisses.

"Look, I didn't send my brothers and if you've got problems with guys from the Rez it's nothing to do with me," I tell him plainly.

"Seth's running his mouth telling anyone who'll listen that he's somehow gonna be your mate. He's real proud that he's gonna be friends with the big time Doctor Cullen. What the fuck is that about? Who is Seth to you?" he spits.

I think on it for a second. Seth, quite likely, is going to be my brother in law one day, but Jake doesn't need to know that. "I only met him for the first time that day. I don't mind if he wants to be friends with me."

He thinks on it for a second too before speaking again. His voice is more measured this time and it's lost its edge. "Is it true then? Is Harry really her dad?"

My surprise must show on my face because he sits higher in his seat, a look of expectation on his face. I'm genuinely surprised that he's heard about that. I didn't pick Harry as the sort to tell just anyone his business. Maybe Seth had? "That's Bella's business," I tell him firmly. "Next question." I'm just not willing to go there with Jake Black of all people.

He looks from Steve then to me. "Are you Elizabeth's father? I know you'll say that's Bella's business too, and it is, but I just need to know if it's you."

There is nothing to be gained by denying it, or by confirming it, so I tell him the truth. "No, I'm not."

He runs his hand through his hair and I get my first good look at the bruising that covers his body. His upper arms are badly bruised, as though he's been held down and beaten. He's got a black eye and his lip is split but already healing. He looks drawn and thinner and not quite as cocky as he did the last time I saw him. He looks like a man who's resigned to his fate. "Do you know who is?" he asks.

This time I don't hesitate to answer. "_That's_ Bella's business."

He lets his hand drop from his hair and he sighs in resignation. "I know that, I don't want to know who it is, I just asked if you knew."

"I know," I admit. I have no intention of telling him though.

He goes quiet for a little bit and I wonder if he's done. I want to tell him to get out now, to just go away and not come back, but he doesn't look as though he's ready to finish the conversation yet. I leave him be a bit longer. I hate him for what he's done, but I won't be the one to hurt him. My brothers have kicked the shit out of him and by the looks of him now someone else has had a turn too, but I won't be the third, or possibly the fourth. As much as my brain tells me I want to kill this man for hurting Bella, I know I'm not capable of it. He'll get what's coming to him from the law, that will have to be enough for me.

"I loved her at the start you know," he whispers. I say nothing. He'll either continue or leave, I want and need nothing from him. "I'm sorry for what I did to her, and to the baby, neither of them really deserved it."

He lowers his head into his hands again and I try with all my might to stop myself from feeling bad for him. He's a lying cheating son of a bitch and he doesn't deserve my pity anymore than he deserves my time. "No, they didn't."

"I won't contest the divorce," he mumbles. "I won't stand in her way, I don't want to hurt her anymore than I already have. But you have to do something about Charlie Swan."

I'm startled and so is Steve. I can tell he's uncomfortable now that Jake's hostility has waned. When I asked him to sit in before it was in case Jake took a swing, but now that things are a little more serious, the conversation a little more personal, I can tell he wants out. "I'll be right now, thanks Steve," I tell him.

He nods and throws one more look at Jake then makes for the door. "I'll be right outside, just yell," he raises his eyebrows at me and I nod and say thank you.

I don't really know what to say. I want him to leave but I also want to know what he can tell me that I don't already know. If there is a way to nail Charlie Swan's balls to the wall I want to know about it. "What do you mean?" I ask as passively as I can.

"He hurt her all the time, right from when she was little. I know I have no right to be disgusted with that, but I am. I would never hurt a child. I'd never hit a kid. I never wanted to turn into him...I loved her," he whispers. "Look, I know I'm going down for what I did to her, but Charlie'll get off scot-free if someone doesn't do something about him."

"We're trying, but it's not easy to prove," I tell him.

"I think he might be Elizabeth's dad," he mumbles almost incoherently.

I cringe but try not to show the panic I'm feeling. "That's a pretty hefty accusation."

"I know, and I have no proof, but I think I'm right. At first I was sure it was you. It was obvious right from the start that it wasn't me she wanted, but I wanted her, I thought it would be enough, that I loved her. But it was you. When I found out about the kid I always thought it was yours, but Bella would never tell me. I thought you knew about the baby and had ditched her, I thought if you knew and didn't want either of them she'd settled for me. If you say it isn't you then it has to be Charlie. He never let her out of his sight, not when she got old enough to, you know," he shrugs and I get the picture. "I never saw her with anyone else, if she wasn't at home with him she was at the Rez. I figured she could've snuck out to be with you, but after she left and I really thought about it, I could account for her time really easily and I knew it probably wasn't you either. Its fucking Charlie Swan and he's gonna walk."

I don't want to admit what I do know, but I don't want to let him leave in case he knows something that could help. I'm torn. I never thought I'd be having this conversation with him. I had hated him for as long as I could remember and while my animosity towards him for what he did to Bella, and to Elizabeth, will never fade, I need the information this piece of shit might have.

"I don't want him to walk but there is nothing anyone can do without proof," I hedge. I have the proof, the two DNA tests and Bella's statement along with Harry's and probably a dozen other people too by now, but if he knows of something that could help put Charlie away for what he's done I want to know it.

He runs his hand through his hair, just like I do when I'm stressed, and then he sighs heavily. "I only know what I saw," he mumbles.

"Not good enough," I say sternly. "He never put her in hospital and she never made a complaint. There isn't anything anyone can do, it's too late."

"It can't be too late, he's got to pay!" he shouts.

Steve is back in my office and looking from me to him and back again before Jake has even finished his rant. "It's all good Steve, thanks." I wave him away and he goes back outside.

"You've got so many watching your back," the asshole mutters.

"So has Bella," I warn.

He nods. He gets my meaning. He's already said he won't contest the divorce and he won't go near my girls, but I don't trust the fucker one inch.

"Will you tell her I'm sorry?" he asks pathetically.

"You can tell her yourself, in court," I mutter darkly.

"Fair enough," he says as he stands. "I don't know what I can do to make things right but if you come up with anything let me know. I'll do it. I never meant for any of this to happen."

He actually has the balls to hold his hand across the desk to me. I have no intention of shaking it and he knows it. He nods once more then leaves the room. I'm left sitting at my desk staring at my blotter and wondering what the fuck that was all about.

I stare at the doodles I'd drawn there earlier and wondered what to do now. He'd not really told me anything of worth but still I felt the need to touch base with the Port Angeles detectives. I lifted the phone receiver and dialled, all the while wondering what the fuck I was going to do about Charlie Swan.

The call had only just connected when Jake comes back into my office. I put the receiver back into its cradle and just stare at him.

He shifts uneasily on his toes, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. "I think I know a way I can help nail Charlie Swan," he says quietly.

**BPOV**

"I think I'd like to drive to the clinic," I mumble half hoping Esme doesn't hear it and I can back out of the ill conceived plan.

But she's heard me alright. "Oh darling that's a lovely idea. Edward will love that! You just drop me, and our groceries, at home and I'll tuck Elizabeth into her bed and you can go and see Edward."

I hadn't thought of that. I'm not sure I can do that. Not at all. I hoped, if Esme thought it was an okay idea, that we'd just drive there from the grocery store. She could stay with me and we'd say a quick hello to Edward and then go home. But now...now my little idea had turned into me driving, on my own, to the clinic to see Edward. I'd have to drive there and back on my own. I'd have to get out of the car with nobody to watch my back. I'd have to ask for Edward from someone I don't know. There would be patients in the waiting area, probably male patients. I wouldn't have Elizabeth with me. There were so many parts to this that could go horribly wrong and I'd changed my mind.

"I'll go another time," I tell her as I turn right onto her street.

"Pull over sweetheart, just there on the hard shoulder."

I do as she asks but I'm not in the mood for a lecture so when I've come to a complete stop I stay holding onto the steering wheel at ten and two like a child.

"Look at me darling," she says softly and I do. "This is a simple thing for you to do on your own. Drop me and the sleeping baby at home and drive yourself to Edward. I'll call him and he'll be waiting outside so you don't need to fear the walk into the clinic. He can usher you inside and into his office, or the tearoom, and you won't have to think twice about the patients who'll be waiting. He can do the same on the return side and usher you back to the car. You can do this. You've done so well already today, I know you can do this too."

Calm, sensible Esme wasn't what I'd been expecting and her words cracked through my very thin veneer of petulance. I did want to see Edward. I wanted to make right what had happened this morning. I wasn't entirely convinced it was a smart thing to do, to go there on my own, but if we called him and he did what Esme said he would I thought I might just be able to manage it.

"Alright," I mumble. "But only if you call him and tee it up so it happens just like you say it will."

"Good girl," she says softly and dials. She pushes the speaker phone button and slots the handset into a holder set into the console.

"What's wrong?" Edward's voice comes through loud and clear.

"Nothing darling. Listen Bella wants to come by and visit you at the clinic, can you meet her in the parking lot in five minutes?" Esme asks.

"No! Don't let her come here! She can't come here!" he shouts.

The line goes dead almost immediately and I stare at Esme in shock. I start the car and head towards home.

"Don't take it personally Bella, please darling," Esme tries to soothe me but I'm crying so hard already. "I don't know what that was about but something's going on down there right now and its obvious Edward doesn't want you exposed to it. Just get us home and we'll sort it out."

I drive like a madwoman and hit the driveway of the Cullen house in record time. I pull Elizabeth from her car seat so violently she begins to cry too. Esme tries to get me to calm down but all I can think of is that Edward is angry and I'm scared.

I clutch Elizabeth to my chest and run up the porch steps. Esme opens the front door and it's the first time I realise I've not been given a key. They don't trust me with a key!

I cry harder and run to my rooms, slamming the door hard, making Elizabeth really wail. I throw the covers on my bed back and crawl into it with her. I roll on my side and pat her until she goes back to sleep.

Edward is angry and doesn't want me there.

I can't come and go here without knowing someone will be home to let me back in.

My pelvis lurches as another cramp takes me over. I cry all through Esme's light knocking on the door and I cry through her whispers as she attempts to get me to open the door. But I don't want to see her. I don't want to see him. I don't want to be here anymore.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**Please take the time to let me know your thoughts. Review or private message, even anon ramblings...I love they way you all express your thoughts on my little saga. **


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40 – Honesty costs nothing.

**BPOV**

I was well aware that what Esme was whispering through the door was true. If I refused to come out, or let anyone into my rooms I was in danger of being readmitted to the hospital for non compliance.

I'd been discharged on the proviso that I attend regular sessions with Kerry and that I keep any and all medical appointments.

By refusing to leave my rooms I would miss my scheduled meeting with Kerry and jeopardise my recovery in the process. I knew all that. I just didn't care.

I just lay on my bed, Elizabeth asleep beside me, and watched her sleep. She was all I had. She was all I could trust. She was the only good and true thing in my life.

The Cullen's, for all they'd done for us, didn't trust me and I felt a burning sense of loss now that I knew it. I knew that I deserved their mistrust, after all I was nobody to them. Not having a key for myself hurt. It hurt a lot. I'd totally misjudged the entire situation by assuming that I was going to be considered as one of the family. I wasn't. I couldn't be. Not if they didn't trust me with a key. I was married to someone else.

I heard the car in the driveway when it arrived. I listened when Carlisle tried to reason with me, begging me to open the door at least. I ignored him totally.

I heard his footsteps as he went up to his room to sleep. I heard Esme moving about the house as she did her chores. I heard the house telephone ring over and over and hushed conversations being held – probably about me.

I knew it wasn't going to help me, or Elizabeth, to just lie there but I could think of no way to pull myself out of the black gloom I was feeling. Edward encouraged me to get back my independence by giving me money and access to a car. I'd used both and had felt very good about it only to have those feelings torn away when he'd refused to see me at the clinic.

I had no idea why. I knew I'd upset him earlier in the morning and I thought, from his text, that he'd gotten over his jealousy. I thought we could just shrug it off and return to normal, apparently I was wrong. My cell phone hadn't rung or chimed with a text message so I could only assume that whatever Edward's reasons were for telling me to stay away from the clinic I was going to be the last person to know about them. Esme hadn't alluded to knowing anything, Carlisle hadn't mentioned anything during his furious whispering outside my door, so I had to assume that Edward just didn't want me there.

I understood that, of course. I tainted everything and everyone I came into contact with. He didn't want me infecting his workplace and I understood that too. His work was very important to him and I knew, without seeing for myself, that he was very highly respected there and good at what he did. Having me hanging around could only damage his reputation.

So I lay there, hidden from the world and hiding from the very people who said they were there to help me. It was all lies, just like it always was.

**EPOV**

"I don't want to hear this shit!" I bellow at Jake who is now, once again, sitting in the chair opposite my desk.

I could never admit to anyone just how scared I was at the thought of Bella showing up at the clinic while Jake was there. What would happen to her, for her, if she was to come into contact with him now was something I didn't want to contemplate. The damage it could do, even if the meeting was civil, was beyond the bounds of her endurance I was sure.

So I'd shouted for her not to come. I'd had to make my mother aware just how serious I was that Bella couldn't come here now. I had to shout out my negativity so she'd know that something wasn't right. I couldn't tell her why because the object of Bella's torment was, at the time, standing in the doorway to my office. I didn't want to antagonise him and I didn't want mom to be worried or frightened knowing he was there speaking with me.

So I sat between the very hard rock and the even harder place and listened to Jake's rambling thoughts on how to best neutralise Charlie Swan.

"It will work," he says forcefully. "He'll say shit in front of me, he always has, all I need is some way to record it."

I run a very frustrated hand through my hair and look him straight in the eye. "If you're serious about wanting to help go to Port Angeles and meet with the detectives handling her case. Talk to them about what you know. Suggest to them this scheme you've got cooking and let them take it from there. I can't help you Jake, you have to help yourself."

He slumps in the chair and his face takes on an almost disappointed look. In a short hour he's gone from confrontational to a broken man before my eyes. I can't say that I feel sorry for him because I don't, I respect the fact that he wants to try to help Bella, but I can't be privy to any plans to do it. It's got to come from him. For it to mean anything to Bella, for Bella, it has to come from him. Any steps he takes have to be his and his alone.

"You're right. Sorry," he says and gets to his feet. "I'll call them now."

He leaves without another word passing between us and I'm glad he's gone. The second the door shuts behind him I dial Ken Livingstone and tell him what's just been said between us. He sounds excited about having Jake on side and assures me that any help they get is both necessary and appreciated. He tells me that they have a solid case against both men but that a confession would seal the deal as far as Charlie is concerned. That perks me up a bit. Knowing that we've got a good shot at putting Charlie away. There was no doubt that Jake would do time, I knew it and he knew it. But Charlie was different. He was the law and he knew what to say and when.

Ken has no idea how to get this confession but is cheered by the notion that Jake sounds willing to try to help.

I hang up wondering if we're right to trust Jake. After all, he's a big part of the reason Bella is where she is, how she is. I want Charlie put away but not at the expense of no conviction for Jake. He too needs to pay for what he's done to my girls.

My next call is to Jasper. I catch him just as he's leaving the teachers' lounge and heading back into afternoon classes but he tells me all I need to know. Yes he did see Jake at the DVD rental store last night. Yes he did call him a coward and a loser and a useless piece of shit in front of the cashier. Yes he did key his car as he was leaving the parking lot.

Jasper didn't sound sorry and I didn't necessarily want him to be. I knew about him and Emmett beating Jake that first time but I had assumed, now that they'd both gotten it out of their system, that they'd let him be and like me we'd all let the law take its course.

In the end I found myself thanking him for once again standing up for Bella and Elizabeth. We ended the call with the promise to catch up soon.

I called Emmett but got his voicemail. I left a message asking him to call me back and told him that I had heard about some sort of altercation between him and Jake the night before. I had no doubt that Emmett's run in would've been far more violent and far more vicious than Jasper's. Emmett's sense of loyalty ran deep. Real deep. Life was very black and white for the big guy. Hurt his family and he takes it as a direct hit himself. Mess with girls and he loses all sense of reason. There was no way he'd be happy about Jake being free, and seemingly enjoying his life, while Bella was in turmoil.

I checked the clock on my wall and saw that it was already after midday. I hoped mom got Bella to her appointment with Kerry on time, or close to it, but knew I had one more call to make before I could head over to the hospital and check on both her and Joshua.

Gary Benson answered his phone himself. "You've reached Gary Benson, how can I help you?"

"Gary its Edward Cullen calling."

"Good to hear from you. I was going to contact you myself just now, seems you've saved me the trouble," he says in his stern lawyers voice.

"Is there news?" I ask hurriedly.

"There is. I was going to phone and ask if I could call on you tomorrow. Would that be possible?" he asks, not realising I was calling him to ask the very same thing.

"That would be great. Anytime after one. We'll be home," I tell him.

He tells me he'll be there and as the call disconnects I kick myself for not actually asking what the news was. Now I'd have the rest of today and most of tomorrow to ponder that before being put out of my misery.

I tidy up my patient files and drop them into the basket on Gail's desk. I wish her a good day and say a hasty goodbye, and thank you, to Steve.

Good old Charlie Swan follows me to the hospital even though I'm sure it was dumb luck that put us on the road at exactly the same time that day. I hardly ever finished work at this time so there is no way he'd know I was leaving when I did. It was just sheer dumb luck.

I turn to go into the hospital parking lot and he continues on straight ahead. I'm thankful for that. I've had the taillight fixed but there's nothing to stop him doing it again, and me copping another ridiculous fine, and in the mood I'm in I was bound to say or do something stupid.

I'm greeted warmly by Dawn in reception and make my way to the by now familiar consulting suites on the second floor. Kerry's receptionist tells me she's in with a patient and asks me to have a seat. I'm pleased that I'll be here when Bella is done with her consult and we'll get the chance to visit with Joshua together.

I flick through a couple of magazines while I wait. I don't really read anything in them, I just look at the pictures and shake my head now and then at the antics of the celebrities.

Kerry's office door opens and out comes a guy I've never seen before. He shakes Kerry's hand and says he'll see her again next week.

"Edward?" Kerry says my name as though it's a question and I'm left wondering why it isn't Bella who just came out of the office.

I walk towards where she is standing in the doorway of her office. "I thought Bella had a midday appointment with you?" I ask hesitantly.

"She did but she never showed up so I had my receptionist move my schedule forward. Come on in," she says with a casual wave of her hand towards the open office.

I sigh as I pass by her. Why didn't Bella show up? She knows how important her appointments are. She knows she could be hospitalised if she doesn't meet her therapy obligations.

I sink down into the chair opposite Kerry's desk and wait for her to slide our file up onto her clipboard. Fucking clipboards.

"Why are you here and Bella not?" she asks reasonably.

"That's a very good question and I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't. She went shopping with my mother this morning and I went in to the clinic. I asked her to call me when she was ready to be picked up for her appointment but she never did, so I assumed my mother brought her," I explain. "That's why I'm here, to collect her."

"Well obviously that didn't happen. She went shopping?" she asks and I nod. "With your mother, but not with you?"

I sigh again, this time in frustration at having to admit this to her. She's going to analyse the living shit out of me for the way I handled things today and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get another wrap across the knuckles for fucking it up so royally.

"She's been doing really well. A few minor stumbles but she's handled all of them really well. I thought we were making progress but this morning she got her period and with all her issues about blood she kinda freaked out about it. Mom helped her through it, I don't know details, and then they announced they were going shopping. Dad and I worked out that they'd need to buy some supplies. I might have thrown a small tantrum about being told I couldn't go with them, but I apologised later and I thought we were all good. I don't know why she's not here. Did my mother phone you?"

"Yes, she did." She says nothing more about it and it really pisses me off. If she knows what's going on why doesn't she just tell me? She is scribbling furiously on the file and I know no good can come of that. She smiles at me when she lifts her pen but it looks sinister and I brace myself for what's to come. "You threw a tantrum?" she asks.

"Yeah," I mumble.

"Were you angry with her for excluding you from this?"

"Yeah, of course I was," I admit.

She scribbles again. "Why do you think it is that you weren't invited along?"

"Look, I'm not an idiot, I know why; I don't have to guess alright? She didn't want me to come along because then I'd know that she was bleeding, when she bought tampons and shit. I get that. I _was_ angry but I'm not now."

More scribbling. "You're not angry right now?" she asks condescendingly.

"No, I'm not," I say firmly. "There's a difference between the panic I'm feeling now because she's not here and the anger I felt this morning. If you know where Bella is and why she's not here just tell me."

"You're panicked because she's not here?"

She's infuriating and I can feel the anger from this morning raising its ugly head again. "Yes. I am. Something might be wrong. Did you call the house? Her cell phone? Mine?"

"No, I didn't. Patients fail to attend all the time Edward. I have no reason to believe she's not perfectly fine." She looks down at the file, "You say you went to the clinic this morning? You were taking vacation time, weren't you? Why did you go in to work?"

"I was angry alright. I didn't want to be angry around Bella. So I went in to the clinic."

"How did you apologise to her?"

"I sent her a text," I say as I pull my cell phone out of my pocket. I open my message centre and read her the text I sent.

"And her reply was?"

"She sent back that she accepted my apology and that she loved me."

"What time was that sent to you?"

I look at the time stamp on the message. "Eleven this morning."

"And you've not spoken to her since then?"

"No. I've spoken to my mother though. She called me and asked if I'd meet Bella in the parking lot at the clinic because she wanted to visit. I told her not to let Bella come. I did ask if everything was alright and she said it was."

I was getting worried now. I didn't know where Kerry was heading with this. "Can you tell me why you told your mother not to let Bella come to the clinic?"

"Because Jake Black was sitting in my office at the time." I don't know why I do it but I hang my head as though it's a shameful thing to admit.

"I see. We'll go back and discuss that at a later date, but for now I think we need to stick with the conversation you had with your mother. Were you aware that Bella was driving your vehicle at the time of the conversation?" she asks.

"No. I thought mom was driving them into town. Bella drove?" I ask excitedly.

"Oh yes and apparently she did so well she wanted to drive over to the clinic to visit with you. Your mother dialled your cell phone from the car Edward. You were on speaker phone when you," she looks down at the file and reads from it. "You were on speaker phone when you shouted, and I quote, "No, Don't let her come here! She can't come here!"

This time I'm shaken. The joy I felt when I heard that Bella had been driving is completely overridden by the fear I feel knowing she heard me yell those words at my mother. "I was on speaker phone?" I ask nobody in particular. "Holy fucking Christ on a cross, what have I done?"

I'm on my feet, my car keys in my hand, cell phone dialling before Kerry has a chance to even speak.

"Sit down Edward," she says softly but I'm not having it.

"I have to go. I have to get to her. She thinks I don't want her there. Oh god. I didn't mean it like that." I press the auto dial for the house and press my phone to my ear. My mother answers. "Mom, it's me. Where is she?"

"She's in her rooms Edward. She won't come out," mom sighs.

"Don't let them leave, I'm coming now," I shout into the phone and snap it shut.

"Sit down Edward," Kerry says again but I ignore her.

I'm halfway through the door when she shouts it at me again. I turn on her.

"What is your fucking problem?" I storm as I go back towards her desk. "You knew I'd upset her but you kept me sitting here crapping on about fucking work and shopping when you knew she was hurting. What the fuck is the matter with you?"

"Sit down Edward, please," she says evenly and very calmly for a woman I've just bellowed obscenities at. I sit. "Good. Now. Yes, I knew she was at home and yes I knew she was upset. But so were you and you were here. I can't help her if she won't come here, I can help you, and you showed up so you became my priority for now. So, instead of rushing home and breaking her door down and scaring her into next week how about you calm down and we can talk about it a little. You never know, I might have some insight I can share that will help you sort this out with her."

I shift my weight back further into the chair and just stare at her. She led me on a merry fucking chase and now she wants me to calm down? What is her fucking story? "This has all gone wrong. I can't fix it if I'm sitting here with you."

"And you can't fix it by going charging in there and having it out either. Not with Bella. So, as I've said I've spoken with your mother and she's apprised me of the situation. So Bella heard you say for her not to come to the clinic. How do you think she would have taken that?"

"I think she'd be upset, obviously. It would've sounded like I was hiding something there, something she couldn't see or be a part of."

"Exactly. Which is exactly how she made you feel this morning. Like she and your mother were hiding something from you. And then when they went shopping without you and you felt as though it was something you weren't allowed to be a part of, correct?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I mumble.

"You managed to work through those feelings on your own and see them for what they really were. Tell me a bit about how you came to apologise."

"Shit I don't know. I talked to a colleague at the clinic who pointed out that I really didn't have any skills or experience dealing with menstruation so I'd probably have been no help anyway. I guess I just saw that mom was the right one to handle the situation, not me, so I apologised for being childish and admitted I was jealous that mom got to fix this one and not me."

She nods sagely like I've made some miraculous personal breakthrough. "Your colleague was right. Bella needed a woman to talk to about this and she was lucky enough to have your mother on hand. From what Esme has told me Bella came around quickly, despite her initial fear of the actual blood, and agreed to shop for herself even though she was frightened to do so. Secondly, your jealousy was, in my opinion, a perfectly rational reaction. You expected to take Bella home and be the primary source of her support and future learning. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It's impractical to assume it, but it's not the wrong hope to have. I think you handled it quite well in fact. You removed yourself from the situation so that Bella would be spared your anger. You spoke with someone about what you were feeling and unravelled your thoughts and emotions quickly and responsibly. You apologised to Bella for whatever it was you may have said or done and you recognised for yourself your own feelings of jealousy and why they came about. These are positives Edward. Leave aside the last misunderstanding with her visiting the clinic and know that you did very well under the circumstances."

"Then why do I still feel like shit?"

"Because you know she's hurting and you want to be there to reassure her. Again perfectly natural feelings. How you go about doing that will be the key."

"So what do I do?"

She takes a deep breath before answering. "You be brutally honest with her. You tell her why you shouted for her not to come. She'll be frightened to know that Jake has confronted you at your place of work but you can't hide it from her. You tell her that you were protecting her from the man who hurt her. And then you listen to her side of it. I can't tell you if she'll listen to you, but if you are honest she will eventually see that you weren't yelling _at_ her, that your reaction to the news of her visiting wasn't about her at all."

"And if she won't listen. If she won't let me into her room, what do I do then?"

"You wait."

Fuck me.

**BPOV**

At two Elizabeth woke, waking me in the process. I must have fallen asleep right beside her because that's where I wake up. I take her into her nursery and change her diaper and heat a bottle for her. I feed her half, to stop her wailing, and then take her into the bathroom for a bath.

I take a long time. I need to draw the whole process out because while I'm mothering Elizabeth I don't notice the pain in my heart. I wash her hair twice. I soap her little body twice. I rinse her twice. I let her lie in the warm water for twice as long as I normally would. Her skin is like a peach seed, all wrinkled, by the time I take her out and dry her in one of the fluffy red towels.

I dress her in clean clothes and pull the strap over her belly on the changing station while I change the sheets in her crib. I reheat the rest of her bottle and sit with her in the rocking chair while she takes it. I don't want her to go back to sleep but she does and I am once again left with my own thoughts.

I shower again and try to avoid looking down at the rivulets of pink as they swirl down the drain. I wash and condition my hair and try to keep myself from wondering if this will be the last time I get to stand in this beautiful bathroom. I can be asked to leave at any time and I'd have to go. I have nowhere to go, but I'd have to leave if asked. I have no claim to this place and it owes me nothing in return.

I have nothing of my own here either, which makes the thought of moving on frightening. I still have the pamphlet from the shelter in Port Angeles and I know that I can go there but I'd have nothing to take with me. Everything in these rooms is theirs. The Cullen's provided it all and when I leave it would stay here. I have seen the duffle bag in the nursery in Edward's rooms that had once held Elizabeth's belongings from Jake's apartment. It probably still held her things because none of them were visible in either the nursery up there or the one down here on the ground floor. If we left now, or fairly soon, she'd still fit some of the clothes at least.

I dry myself and dress in jeans and a pale blue t-shirt. There is no way I can put my own clothing on because it's not here. For all I know it's still sitting in piles on the floor at Jake's, but it's definitely not in the Cullen house. I've checked.

I sit on the sofa and make a small pile of the things I'm going to need to return. The room key, the car keys. The cash in my wallet. Edward's ring. The bracelet from my wrist and the one from Elizabeth's. The cell phone and the candy bars that I still had from the hospital.

Beside that pile I make another pile of the things I can take with me. The things that are mine. They aren't much but they are the only possessions I actually own myself so they are important to me.

My cookbook binder, the invitation to Alice' wedding and my now empty wallet. I add the small white plastic identity bracelet I wore in the hospital and the cards that were attached to the bunches of flowers that are now long dead. I put the pamphlet into this pile and add the large envelope of medical documents that I was given upon discharge and look at the two piles.

I'm twenty-four years old and the accumulated possessions of that time amount to some documents a few get well cards and a cookbook. It's pathetic, they're pathetic, I'm pathetic.

Another soft knock on my door makes me jump.

"Bella, sweetheart, please let me in so I can see that you're alright."

I say nothing. I don't move.

"Let me make something for you to eat, at least, you must be hungry by now."

I say nothing. I don't move.

"Edward's on his way home, he'll be here soon, please come out so we can sort this all out darling."

I am hungry but I have snacks in the little kitchenette in the nursery so I don't answer her at all. I just stay sitting on the sofa staring at my meagre possessions. The pile I have to leave behind has meant more to me in five short weeks than all my own belongings have meant to me across my lifetime. But they have to stay here. They aren't really mine. They're borrowed.

The Cullen's don't trust me and Edward doesn't want me so these things will have to stay here when we leave. If Edward is coming home soon we should go now, avoid the confrontation, make a clean break and spare everyone the scene that will be created if we hash this out.

I don't want to listen to him telling me that he loves me. I believe him, I know that he does, but his shame at being with me I can't handle. I understand it. I wouldn't want to be seen with me either, but it hurts me far more than Jake's physical punishments ever did.

I can't get to Elizabeth's duffle bag so I use the carrier bags from this morning's shopping and the ones we used to bring my things here from the hospital. I pack diapers and a can of formula and a few clothes and a blanket for her into one bag and into another I pack some underwear, one pair of jeans and two t-shirts for me. I don't own a handbag so I empty what I won't need out of Elizabeth's baby bag and decide to use that.

I put the bag on the floor by the sofa and go back and forth between the two rooms adding a bib, nappy cream and two sterile bottles to it for Elizabeth. I throw my hairbrush, toothbrush and the half empty bottle of shampoo into it for myself. Apart from my tiny pile of belongings on the table that's all I'll take. Most of those things aren't even mine but I figure nobody would want to use my hairbrush or toothbrush anyway, the Cullen's will just throw those things out once we're gone, so I guess it's safe to take those.

I remake my bed and smooth down the covers. I take Elizabeth's blanket and put it on the arm of the sofa. I don't want to wake her but we need to be gone before Edward gets back.

"Bella!" I hear him yelling for me before I've even gotten to Elizabeth. Shit. He's still angry with me. I can hear it in his voice as he calls my name over and over as he stomps through the house. Then he's knocking on my door, hard. "Bella? Bella? Please open the door, I need to talk to you baby," he says.

I look at Elizabeth in her crib and then look at the door to my rooms. I've missed my chance.

I'm a prisoner in these rooms.

There can be no avoiding this confrontation now. He knocks again but I'm silent. He knocks again and I get up from my seat on the sofa and stare at the door. I don't want to cry. I don't want him to see how upset I really am at giving up this dream. I walk to the door and decide that if he knocks again I'll open it. I can't not. This is _his_ house. This is _their_ house, not mine. I can't leave without seeing them, it's impossible to get from these rooms to the outside world without seeing them and I know they'll never let me just walk out of here. They'll let me go, I know that, nobody will force me to stay, but I can't slip out of the house unnoticed now either.

Knock, knock.

His voice has lost all the anger when he asks me to open the door this time. Now it sounds sad, resigned.

**EPOV**

It's so fucking hard to temper my panic as I knock on her door. There isn't a fucking sound from within the rooms and if my mother hadn't told me they were in there I'd be sure they'd already run.

I'm shaking all over in panic. I'd been okay in the hospital and after I'd talked to Kerry I thought I had my emotions in check and a good plan as to how to fix this, but now, standing at her door and knowing she didn't want to talk to me I could feel the self control leaving me in floods.

"Bella, baby, just open the door and let me see that you're alright," I plead.

"I'm fine," she whispers from the other side. "Go away."

She doesn't sound fine. No, that's not true. She does sound fine I just don't like being told to go away. "I'm not going to go away Bella so you may as well open this door."

"Edward!" my mother hisses behind me. "Don't speak to her that way, you'll frighten her."

"Shit mom, what do you want me to do? You've been trying for hours and she won't come out. What do you want me to do?" I shout at my mother. I turn back to the door. "Baby just open the door and show me you're alright. I just want to see that you're okay. That's all. I won't touch you, I won't yell at you, you don't even have to speak, just open the door and let me see you."

I'm aware that I'm begging but I don't care. I need to see that she's not hurt herself. I don't know why she would, but I need to know that she's physically okay before I start trying to assess her mental state.

I hear the lock on the other side of the door begin to unlatch and my mother's eyebrows shoot up her forehead. I knew she'd open the door for me, I just didn't know when.

Bella opens the door a lot wider than I thought she would and steps back into the room and away from me. "You can come in," she says softly and as I slip into the room she closes the door behind me.

I'm in. Thank god. Bella looks fine, just like she said she was. "Thank you for letting me in," I whisper to her as she crosses the room and sits on the edge of the sofa.

"It's your house," she mumbles.

I look around. Nothing seems to have changed. There is no evidence that anything is wrong. I stick my head round the door to the nursery and see that Elizabeth is sleeping soundly in her crib. I move to the other end of the sofa and sit on the arm. That's when I notice the coffee table.

I know immediately what this is. The two halves of Bella's life. The one before us, the one after. It's all there. Her binder and her wallet on one side, cash and her bracelet on the other.

I look to her hand and see the empty space where my promise ring should be. I look back to the neat piles on the table and see the two halves of the coin. In one pile is my ring, in the other pile is her wedding ring.

"You want to leave," I whisper. It's not a question just a simple statement.

"I can't stay where I'm not wanted," she whispers back.

I'm drowning in my fear that she'll leave and I'll never see her again. "You're giving up," I whisper again.

"I was never going to win," she replies softly.

"I'll come with you," I suggest. She turns sad eyes to me but I can see the surprise on her face underneath the resignation. "If you're leaving I'm coming too," I tell her. It's a ploy I'd never considered using before with her. Me going too. But it's how it will have to be. "Don't look so surprised. If you aren't happy here we'll leave, together. We'll get a place of our own, where ever you want, whatever you want. But if you leave I go with you."

"But your parents, your family, your life is here..." she mumbles.

"My life is with you, end of story. If you go I go."

The first tear falls then. She's so beautiful, even when she's crying. I just want to hold her but I know that she won't let me. Not yet.

"Don't do this to me," she whispers in a ragged voice.

"I'm not doing anything to you baby. Nobody is, or will, do anything to you if you don't want them to. This is your choice. It's your life Bella. Nobody here makes decisions for you, or for anyone else either. If you want to leave we can't stop you. But you have to know that if you leave I'm coming too."

"Don't make this harder than it already is," she sobs.

I want to scream and shout that she's the one leaving _me._ I want to yell and fight. I want her to see that she's taking the easy road here, that staying and fighting for herself, for us, would be worth it but dad's words keep springing to mind and I bite my tongue. She needs me calm, not aggressive no matter how satisfying it would be for me to get my point across by showing my true emotions. "Baby, it's hard for you to leave because you feel you have to, rather than want to. I don't understand why," I say, even though its bullshit.

I know exactly why she wants to leave. I've fucked it all up. My petty jealousy this morning coupled with what she thinks she knows about the situation at the clinic has got her thinking I'm lying to her. She thinks I don't want her in my normal everyday life. She thinks I want her here, only here in this house, that I don't want to be seen with her.

"I'm not wanted here," she wrings her hands as she says it and I can see that she honestly believes that.

"That's bullshit," I mutter.

Her tear streaked face turns to me then. My words were harsh but they were the truth. "I'm not allowed to have a key," she mumbles.

"What?" I shout. I don't mean to shout and it frightens her. She sinks back into the sofa and cowers away from me. "I'm sorry," I mumble. "I didn't mean to shout. What do you mean you aren't allowed to have a key?"

She's got keys. I've given them to her. I made sure she had them.

"You don't want me to have a key," she says again.

I'm on my feet in an instant. I try not to slam her door as I leave the room. I run to the kitchen to find her car keys and my mother. "Mom!" I shout as I hit the tiles. She comes out of the sunroom, her face clouded by concern. "Where are Bella's car keys?" I ask.

"On the keyboard, why?" she asks.

I wave her away and reef the keys off the keyboard and run back to Bella's rooms. I go right to her and put the keys into her hands. "You have keys," I tell her firmly. "I gave these to you myself. I know you have a key to these rooms too because I gave that to you myself."

She turns the keys over and over in her hand and then tightens her fingers around them. "I can't come and go as I please with these. I'm no more free here than I was at Jake's," she whispers.

My gut clenches as she says his name. I want that fucking ring back on her finger so badly I can feel its pull towards me as I move to the arm of the sofa again. "You have keys. You have a car. You have cash. I don't understand."

She slides the keys onto the table in front of her and they come to rest beside her room key. She's crying harder now but I'm still not getting what the problem is. "I don't have a key to the house. Nobody trusts me with one."

She says it so quietly I think I've imagined it. But I catch it. I snatch the key ring off the table and dismantle it. I put the key to the BMW back onto the table, keeping the other key in my fingers I pull her hand out of her lap. I drop the plain copper key into her palm and close her fingers over it. "That's a house key Bella."

She opens her fingers and stares down at it. "It is?" she asks in wonder.

I chuckle then. I can't help it. The whole situation is a series of fucked up misunderstandings and I can't believe I almost lost them both because of it. "Yes. It is. None of us use them because we park our cars in the garage and use the internal door. I assumed you would too so I didn't mention the key."

She cries harder then. I hope it's in relief. I hope she understands now. "I didn't know. I thought I wasn't allowed to have one. I didn't think anyone trusted me to have one." She's rambling but I hear what she's saying.

She's so fragile. For all her strength she's delicate, even if she won't admit it even to herself. In some things she's actually stronger than me. With Elizabeth and with Joshua she's got it over me in spades, but in a lot of ways she has no idea how to cope. She's so easily hurt and while I understand why, I don't like it. I slip down off the arm of the sofa and scoot across so I'm sitting right beside her. I pull her to me and let her cry. It's such a sweet relief that she's letting me hold her that I sigh in contentment. I know she's upset, I know she's hurt, I know she's so fucked up but it feels so good to be touching her again. I begin to hope that we'll work this out.

"You've never done anything to make anyone mistrust you Bella. I'm sorry you think that way. We'll try harder and try to make sure you know it from now on. I'm sorry I didn't explain the keys better. It's just a habit we all have. Even Alice uses her garage clicker to come into the house and she doesn't even live here anymore! Nobody ever uses the front door except dad and that's only because he prefers to park in the drive in case he has to leave in a hurry for an emergency. I promise I just forgot to tell you, I don't want you to think you can't come and go as you please. I want you to. I want you to feel that you can. And you don't need to even tell me when you're leaving or where you're going. You can do what you want. I promise." I kiss the top of her head and she slumps against me.

"You didn't want me at the clinic." It's a statement, not a question and now that I know what she heard between mom and me I'm better equipped to deal with it.

I turn so that I'm facing her fully. "I fucked up Bella. I fucked up, I know that. I know that you heard me say not to come to the clinic. I know I've upset you with that, and this morning with my tantrum. I'm so sorry for that, but there are reasons." She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and I take the opportunity to take a deep breath before doing what Kerry suggests. I need to be brutally honest with her. "Jake was in my office when mom called me."

She tries to leap away from me but I've got her. I keep her beside me and I push and pull her so she stays there. "Oh god, oh god, oh god," she chants as she wrestles with me to let her go.

But I won't let her go. Not ever. She's pushing at me with the heels of her hands but I'm holding her tight. I stroke her back and whisper that I love her and tell her that I'm fine, that everything's fine. I know she doesn't believe me. I know she's terrified. "Baby its okay. We just talked for a bit. I'm okay, look at me, you know I'm okay."

She sits back a little and looks me over from head to foot. She's got her bottom lip pulled between her teeth and I fight the urge to lean over and pull it free using mine. "Why?" she asks.

It's a simple question and I found myself wishing the answer was just as simple, but it's not. "It's not the first time he's been there Bella," I admit. "But today was different. He came today to talk to me about Charlie." I angle myself so I'm facing her as best I can. She needs to see my face while I tell her about the visit. She needs to see that I'm serious when I tell her that I'm fine. She needs to know that Jake means her no harm anymore.

She sits perfectly still while I explain. Her terror fades the further into the explanation I go. By the time I'm finished she's sobbing quietly.

**BPOV**

By the time Edward has told me about Jake being at the clinic Elizabeth is awake.

I feel so disconnected now. I'm embarrassed for hiding but at the same time I still want to. I can't face Esme and I feel so bad for all I've put Edward through today.

Coming home was supposed to be the good part. Being with the Cullen's was supposed to make all the bad things melt away. I knew I would have setbacks. I knew some things would still upset me. But I never expected to feel so raw inside this house. I thought all the bad things that could hurt me were outside it. I'd spent so long hiding from the world at large that I forgot what living with adults was really like. They fight. They disagree. They're all different people with different ideas and emotions. They clash. Feelings get hurt.

I'd had keys all along. It was a simple misunderstanding and I'd almost thrown the one chance I'd had away because I hadn't examined a key ring! I'd almost thrown away my one chance at happiness away because of a copper key that had been mine all along.

I accepted Edward's explanation of the keys and his reasons for not wanting me at the clinic. I knew he wouldn't lie to me because he never had before and he had nothing to gain by doing so now. Not if he was serious about leaving with me if I chose to go.

That had thrown me. That he'd leave his own home, his parents and everything he knew and leave with me if I chose to go. I hadn't expected that. I knew he'd put up a fight if I left, but I never for one minute thought he'd go with me.

A small part of me wanted it. A tiny little piece of me could see the house we'd share. I could picture us as a proper family, in a home of our own. But a bigger part of me knew I wasn't ready to leave Esme just yet. Carlisle too to a lesser degree. But the thought of being without Esme so soon made me feel sick.

She'd become such an integral part of my life so quickly. I needed her. Elizabeth needed her. Edward still needed her. I knew I could cope with Elizabeth on my own and I had been since coming home, but I couldn't cope inside my own head without her near. I knew that if I had problems, if I needed her for anything that she was right there and she was willing to help. Giving that up right now would do me in.

So whilst I wanted a life with Edward I couldn't have it without Esme and Carlisle in it just yet. It felt like a cop out to admit that to myself and I felt foolish and childish to admit to Edward, but I did.

He said he understood. He said that at his angriest that morning he'd Googled local real estate and had considered just buying something and moving out. But as his temper had cooled down and he thought about it more rationally he too came to realise that he didn't want to be separated from his parents while we were still working through my problems. He knew and understood my attachment to his parents. He was jealous of it, sometimes, but he understood what it was.

I swallowed my disgust and fear and told him _why_ I had to go shopping with only his mother. He said he knew and understood that too. He confided that his father had clued him in, using Esme's 'black box of tricks' as the way they'd worked out what was happening for me. I was embarrassed, of course, but Edward explained that not only was he a doctor and quite adept at discussing normal bodily functions but he was also a man deeply in love with me. He told me that he loved me and that me bleeding wasn't something he was put off by. We talked about how natural it was. How vital it was. How incredible a process it was. He talked me through my fear and my self loathing and by the time he announced the discussion 'totally hashed out' I really did believe that he didn't care that I was bleeding.

We kept talking while I changed and fed Elizabeth. We kept talking while she burped. We kept talking while eating the meal of pasta and bread that Esme put outside my door. We talked for hours and hours and hours.

I came to understand Edward a little better, and the things he'd done and said in the last twenty four hours too. I hope he learned a little about me too.

When Elizabeth was tucked into her bed for hopefully the last time that night Edward tucked me into my bed too. He said he wouldn't leave, if I didn't want him too, which I didn't, but said he wouldn't get into the bed with me that night.

"My dad was right Bella. We're too dependent. You need your space and I always end up pushing the envelope when what you really need is time. So let me give you some time, please." He took the sofa that night.

I liked that he was in the room with me at least but hated not having his body there next to mine in the bed. I didn't like it when I rolled over in the night and he wasn't there. I didn't like the detergent smell on my sheets and missed the spicy smell of him on the pillows when I woke to feed Elizabeth at five the next morning.

He slept through it all. Elizabeth's wailing. The low hum of the microwave as I heated her bottle. The soft creaking of the rocking chair as she nursed. He didn't wake as I lowered myself onto the sofa beside him but he did moan adorably when I pressed myself up against him and pulled the throw rug over us both.

He showered in my bathroom at seven and then put on his clothes from the night before. He couldn't shave down here so he came out of the bathroom smelling like heaven but looking like hell. His hair was staggeringly messy and his pale gold stubble looked as though it had been artfully drawn on even though he stood in dirty jeans and a crumpled t-shirt.

Nothing was said about me sleeping on the sofa with him. I didn't want to talk about it anyway. I loved him and needed him and that included having him in either my bed or sharing his. I didn't care if it made me dependent, I didn't care if it was wrong in the eyes of the shrinks, or his dad, I just needed to be near him.

"I'll be right back," he whispered into my ear as I stretched uncomfortably on the sofa.

He was true to his word and returned a few minutes later with a bottle of orange juice, two cups of coffee a pair of bright green apples and a bag of muesli. He set it all on the low coffee table and crept into Elizabeth's nursery to fetch milk a pair of bowls and spoons.

We ate quietly at my coffee table. He asked if I was still hungry once I'd finished the meal and when I told him I was full he put everything back on the tray and put it outside my door. I didn't want to treat the place like a hotel. I didn't want Esme to have to clean up after me and said so.

"If you want to clean it up you're welcome to," he said with a smug smirk.

He knew I didn't want to leave the room. He knew I was embarrassed about my behaviour and the reactions I'd had to the situations I'd found myself in yesterday. But he also knew that I hated the thought of his mother cleaning up after me.

I shot him a matching smug smirk and kept my head held high as I took the tray to the kitchen. Esme and Carlisle sat at the counter as they had every day since I'd arrived.

"Good morning darling," Esme said in her usual cheery voice.

"Sleep well?" Carlisle asked, not looking up from his paper.

"Good morning," I whisper as I tip the apple peels into the trash and stack our dishes in the dishwasher. "I slept well, thank you."

"Glad to hear it," Carlisle says as he folds his paper and looks directly at me. "Gary Benson rescheduled and will be here at two and you have a replacement session with Kerry at midday. Please make sure you attend, I don't want to have to readmit you."

If that was a rebuke he'd worded it well and I understood the hidden lecture behind his words without needing to worry or feel panicked because of it. "Thank you. I won't let you down again," I tell him pointedly.

"Good girl," he says lightly and slips from his stood. "I'm off for rounds. I'll see you at eleven my dear." He kisses Esme lightly on the hair and does the same to me before grabbing his briefcase and leaving the room.

I can't meet Esme's eyes. "I'm sorry about yesterday," I tell her.

"I am too. I pushed you too far. When you're ready to drive again you tell me. When you're ready to go to the clinic you tell me. It was wrong of me to rush you sweetheart." Her voice is clear and even but filled with unsaid emotion.

I rush to her and she opens her arms for me. I cling to her and tell her how sorry I am to have worried her. She holds me tightly and tells me that everything is alright. She's so accepting, so able to let go and not hold a grudge. "I want to drive. I want to visit the clinic. I want you to push me. Otherwise I'll never leave this house."

She draws back and now her face is filled with a smile. "I know darling. I know. It's all so frightening for you. But we'll face it all together, as a family, and you'll see that it's easier if you share it." I nod my understanding but say nothing lest I burst into grateful tears. "Now, go and have a shower and get dressed while I yell at Edward for a little bit," she giggles.

I don't want her to yell at him, he's been so good and it really was all a big misunderstanding, but I nod and run back towards my room. Edward is a big boy and quite capable of yelling back so I give him his mother's message and run to my bathroom to shower.

The pink tinged water doesn't bother me so much this time. I don't want it on me or in me but as I wash it away I feel the sweet relief of really knowing it's not something to be ashamed of or something I should fear. Jake didn't infect me with his hate, it's just blood. I'm not dirty on the inside. It's just blood.

Besides, Edward told me Jake doesn't hate me, he hates himself. Just like Charlie does.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**Please review. **

**(As an aside, for those of you worried that Jake is suddenly going to become a good guy and will totally redeem himself for his appalling behaviour...not effing likely...) :P**


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41 – Setting Things to Rights

**EPOV**

"You will not bully her into things Edward," mom raged. "You will not speak to her the way you did yesterday. You will not automatically assume you know what's best for her and you will not hide away in those rooms again. Are we clear young man?"

If she wasn't so upset I'd be laughing. But she was upset. She was working hard to keep her tears in check but I could see them shining in her eyes, ready to fall at the first sign of emotion from me.

"We're clear," I tell her straight up. And we were clear, for the most part. I'd lost my temper too many times yesterday and I wasn't proud of it and by the sounds of it neither was my mother. I had assumed I knew what was best for Bella and that was partly why we'd found ourselves in the mess we were in the day before. My assuming I was what was best for her when in reality what was best – this time around - was time spent with my mother. The hiding away was a different issue altogether and not one I was willing to compromise on. "We're clear on all of that except being in Bella's rooms the way we were," I say quietly.

Mom puts her hands on her hips and I just know she's about ready to tear me a new one. "Locking yourselves away won't fix anything Edward. Hiding from the real world won't help her."

I shake my head minutely. "We weren't hiding, we were talking. Really talking. The door wasn't locked and we weren't avoiding everyone on purpose. We just had a lot to talk about, that's all. And I won't promise we won't do that again because if it's what Bella needs, what we need, then we'll do it. You'll just have to accept that."

She looks as though she's about to argue but then changes her mind. She nods, "Fair enough but I reserve the right to readdress the situation at a later date."

I laugh. "You should've been a lawyer."

"Your father says that to me," she giggles.

I leave her to her chores and head up to my room to change. Clean jeans and a clean jersey feel much better than yesterdays rumpled ones. I shave and do my best to tame the unruly mess that is my hair.

I mentally check off my list for the day. One, visit Joshua. Two, get Bella to Kerry for her appointment. Three, speak with Gary Benson. Four, get my ring back onto Bella's finger.

That might be four things but the last one was the most important to me. Seeing the ring still sitting on the coffee table bothered me. It belonged on her hand, I'd asked her to wear it until I put an engagement ring there and she'd agreed. We had an understanding at the first sign of a problem she'd removed it. That had to be the first and last time she took it off. I hated knowing she'd done it.

I hung out in my rooms doing nothing in particular until I heard her shower turn off. Then I made my way downstairs and stood outside her door until I heard the bathroom door close behind her. I knocked carefully on her door. Not too loud as to wake Elizabeth, but not softly enough to be missed.

She was stunning when she opened the door. She was fresh faced and dressed in figure hugging jeans and a jersey not unlike mine, though hers was a darker colour and moulded to her breasts enticingly. I wanted her.

I couldn't ask to kiss her and I couldn't pull her to me like I wanted so instead I reached for her hand and pulled it to my lips. I had to be satisfied with the feel of her skin on my lips and not the lusciousness of her actual lips on mine.

We seemed to have taken five steps back in the space of only one day. Where I'd been free to encourage her to kiss me just yesterday, to touch me just twenty four hours ago, today I felt uneasy and nervous near her.

I loved that she felt she could sleep beside me on the sofa, even though I'd told her I'd not sleep next to her for now. It was a rule I was glad she'd broken. I was as sure of our position on that as I had been the first time I'd slept in the hospital bed with her, but I needed any decision on it to be hers, not mine. If Bella wanted me in her bed, or to be on the sofa with me, then it had to be initiated by her. I'd not ask, I'd not bribe. But kissing her had seemed so easy before, so simple, and so comfortably normal for us that now we'd stopped doing it I missed it.

I let her hand go and followed her into the room. "Is Elizabeth still sleeping?" I ask.

"Yeah, she hasn't moved since five."

I smile at that. I loved that the baby was so comfortable here. I loved that she was so good for Bella, for us. I loved that she was thriving and was safe.

I flop down onto the sofa next to Bella and take her hand back into mine. I rub small circles with my thumb all along the length of hers. "I want to ask you to do something but you have to say so if you don't want to," I hedge, giving her an out if she needed one.

She turns slightly so she's facing me and nods. "I'll do it if I can," she whispers obviously nervous about what I'm going to ask of her.

I reach past her hip and snatch the promise ring off the table. I hold it between my thumb and forefinger and stare over it at her. "I want you to put this back on."

I hope she doesn't need to think about it too hard and thankfully she nods right away. "I didn't really want to take it off," she admits sheepishly.

I take this as a good sign and also a good lead in to what I want to say next. I slide the ring back onto her finger and grin at her contented sigh when it's back in its proper place. I hold her finger a little longer than necessary. "Unless you are actually leaving me please don't take it off again. Will you make me that promise?"

She nods violently, throws her arms around my neck and kisses me passionately. All the worry and stress of the past day melts away as her lips meet mine. She wastes no time covering old ground and her tongue searches for mine almost the instant that our lips are joined. I don't hesitate and let mine go to hers. I'm so relieved to be touching her again. So comforted that she still wants to move forward with me. I moan deep in the back of my throat as I taste her. She tastes of toothpaste and love. I let my hands fall from her shoulders and rest them at the small of her back, holding her to me.

As predictable as it always is I jolt slightly when her hands twist into my hair and pull me harder to her parted lips. She doesn't break the kiss, in fact my reaction seems to spur her on. She holds me harder, pulls me closer and lets one hand fall free of my hair. I feel it on my chest first. Her fingers stroke me softly, teasingly until she finds the buttons on my jersey and then they become more insistent. She's got all three buttons undone and her fingers on my bare skin in a split second and I'm moaning like a school boy again.

Her kiss becomes more insistent and she pushes me back a little as she gets bolder. I can feel the armrest against the small of my back and wonder just how far she intends to go. I don't have to wonder for too long because as soon as she's got me where she seemingly wants me she pulls her hand free from the top of my shirt and starts exploring my stomach and abs with it under the hem of my shirt.

"You feel so good," she rasps as she wrenches her lips from mine for as long as it takes her to say the few words.

Her mouth finds mine again almost instantly and I'm transported back into the kiss. She's trembling all over as I hold her to me. I can feel the heat from her skin where we touch and can hear the soft, almost kittenish whimpers she's making in the back of her throat as I kiss her back.

With one quick movement she's above me, her knee pressed to my groin applying direct but not painful pressure to my very over sensitive dick. I don't know if she means to do it or if it is an accident but I don't spend long wondering. I want her.

She hovers above me, devouring my mouth with hers, one hand on my chest under my shirt, the other clasped tightly into my hair. I haven't moved my hands from the small of her back and I don't intend to. I don't want to frighten her or startle her by making any sudden moves even though I want nothing more than to touch her as possessively as she's touching me.

I want to make the pain of yesterday a distant memory and lose myself in her touch, her taste and the smell of her freshly washed body. I want there to be no trace of the panic I felt when she'd made two piles of her belongings in preparation to leave me. I want to forget it and I want to use this passion between us to do it.

Another slight shift of her knee and I know she's doing it on purpose now. It can't be coincidence. It's too perfectly done. I groan involuntarily into her mouth and I feel the shift of her lips as she forms a smile around the kiss. This is what she wants. She wants me.

I press a little harder with my fingertips and dig them into her hips. She presses forward and I take it as a signal to go further. If she didn't like me touching her this way, pressing into her flesh, she'd stop me or say something so I do it again just to test the waters.

She groans again and plunges her tongue deeper into my mouth. I let my hands travel up her back, to the nape of her neck and into her hair. She's pulled it up into a high ponytail and I grip the end of it roughly between my fingers. I use the leverage I have to pull her lips from mine so I can kiss and suck my way down her exposed throat. She moans and shifts again, bringing the point of her knee harder up against my erection.

"Jesus Bella," I moan.

I need more friction, or at least the little bit I do get when she moves I need more often. I slide myself down the sofa so I'm lying almost prone beneath her. She can get off me, leap away, and can break this up anytime she wants. I want her under me, I want to feel her body beneath me fully for the first time but I know she'll panic and bolt if I do that, so I lie under her and let her lead. I keep her hair wrapped around my hand, effectively giving me free rein over her soft, creamy throat, but the other hand I trace downwards to cup her behind.

Her hips thrust forward a little letting me know she likes it. I dig my fingers into her ass, kiss her harder against her neck and suck a little of her skin into my mouth. I won't mark her. I won't bite her. Not without permission. Leaving teeth marks in her flesh would freak her out, I know that without being told, but the instinct to do it is strong. I sheath my teeth and suck but don't bite. I suck a little harder and she arches her back and pushes her throat harder onto my lips.

"Feels so good..." she trails off breathlessly.

I slip my hand under the waistband of her jeans but over her panties and cup her ass again. She's warm, so very, very warm and so very, very soft. Her breath is coming in short pants and she's whispering my name as I kiss her. Over and over she says my name as I continue my exploration with my lips and hand.

She's lying fully on top of me then. I lose the little bit of breath I had in my lungs as I realise that she's on top of me, lying along the length of me, my erection pressed into her stomach. The shock of getting what I want makes me whimper and I'm almost embarrassed to make the sound as audibly as I do.

"I want you," she whispers, making me impossibly harder.

Another almost imperceptible shift of her weight brings her down onto me where I need the friction to be concentrated. The hard contact of my cock pressed up against her belly makes me shiver. Her mouth is on mine again and our dance continues unabated.

With my hand now free of her hair I can use it to stroke her back while my other hand loosens and tightens over one of her butt cheeks. She's grinding herself in to me forcefully and I can feel the tension step up yet another notch.

She pulls her hand free from under my head and forces it between us. She slips it into my jeans but, like me, she stays between the denim and the cotton of my boxers. But it's enough for me to start moaning again. She lays her hand on my length but doesn't move it. I fight the urge to push my hips up to force the friction and try to temper my need to thrust.

Without warning she pulls her lips from mine and stares down at me. "I want you," she said again, this time breathlessly.

It's all I've ever dreamt of, hearing her say it with lust in her eyes but we've got to stop. I'm seconds away from all my Christmas's coming at once, but coming isn't an option, so I tell her I want her too but also tell her we need to stop.

She's nodding but she's still grinding. I know she understands why we have to stop and I also understand that the brain and the body don't always work in tandem at times like these. I know her body wants more and I know that her brain knows we can't just yet. Her hips finally still and she lets out a long, slow breath.

I'm not scared that she's going to think I don't want her, she knows I do, and I have no fear of that. She kisses me again, once...twice...three times more and then pulls up and off me, settling herself at my feet on the sofa.

I drag in a couple of ragged breaths and put my forearm over my face, trying to gather some self control. I want to shove my hand down my pants and adjust myself. Hell, who am I kidding? What I want to do is force my hand down into my jeans and relieve the pressure in my balls. But that can't happen, at least not with Bella in the room, so I breathe deeply for a few seconds and force down the desperation I feel for her.

When I do reopen my eyes it's to see Bella lying back against the sofa, _her_ forearm thrown over her eyes, her chest rising and falling at an alarming rate. She's sucking in deep panting breaths over her teeth and letting them out in a slow, steady stream as though she's having trouble controlling herself too.

"We're a fine pair," I laugh.

I watch as her smile curls the edges of her lips upward. She doesn't remove her arm but she does giggle a little, very softly. "We are, aren't we?"

"Yeah," I say as I use my elbows to sit up a little. "Come here baby."

She turns so her back is facing me and then she lies down along the length of my body, between my parted legs. My dick would be sticking into her back but she says nothing so I shut my big mouth and hope she's not mortified. I close my arms around her, careful not to put too much pressure on her still tender ribs, and hold her to me. I kiss her temple and match my breathing to hers.

**BPOV**

Not feeling embarrassed for how quickly that got out of control takes me by surprise. Surely I should feel dirty? Slutty? At least sorry? But I don't. Not at all. I've wanted to touch Edward that way for as long as I've known what touching someone like that meant. And that was a long, long time. A long and very frustrating time. Now that I had I felt powerful, alive and in control.

That was very foreign for me. I knew I could talk to Edward about that, I knew he wouldn't call me any of those things for wanting him back. I knew we could speak about desire and lust and frustration without me needing to feel like I'd done something wrong but starting that conversation took courage. Did I have that courage?

He kisses me at the temple again and I decide to just say it. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I take a good, deep breath and just say it. Come what may. "I've dreamt of touching you that way," I tell him very quietly and brace myself for his response.

Under me I feel him suck in a deep breath as he considers what to say. "So have I."

It's such a simple statement and while I'm so happy that he's on the same page as me I feel as though I've ripped him off. I can touch him as I like. I can be rough or gentle, strong or soft. I can touch him wherever he wants to allow me, but he can't do the same to me. I've never given him permission to do it and he's stood by his promise to not take from me anything I wasn't prepared to give. I understood better now what that meant. I understood that Edward had gone as far as he thought I'd allow. He'd been mindful of my injuries and the issues he knew I had. But at the same time I'd gone a lot farther than he had. He'd allowed me to touch his skin, anywhere I liked and he'd never asked the same of me.

For the very first time I knew that wasn't because he didn't want to. I knew it was because I'd not given him permission to. He was keeping his promises.

It made my love for him swell inside my chest. I felt a warm flush all over my body as I came to truly understand the depth of his love for me. He'd deny himself the pleasure he'd dreamt off his whole adult life to keep a promise he'd made to me. He'd forgo his own hopes and dreams to give me mine.

As much as I knew the timing was all wrong and the position we held within the house was less than ideal I knew that now was the right time to take another small step forward. Knowing the door was locked and nobody would force their way into this room if I didn't want them in it made the decision to do what I was about to do a much easier one.

Elizabeth was safe and asleep in the next room with the connecting door shut. Esme was the only other person in the house and I knew for a fact that she'd not disturb us.

If I let this opportunity pass by I didn't know how long it would be until I would have it within my grasp again. For the very first time in my life I wanted someone to see me. Really see me. I wanted, while we were so comfortable with each other, to show Edward that I trusted him with more.

I wondered if I should just do it or should I explain what it was I was going to do, and why. I wrestled with what to say and finally decided to say nothing. Edward knew me. He knew how hard it was for me to bare myself as I was going to and I knew that he'd understand why I felt the need to do it.

I knew he'd seen almost all of me, from the waist up, at certain points during my stay in the hospital but that was different. Seeing and being shown are two entirely different beasts. I wanted to show him my scars, I wanted him to see the damage done to me and I wanted him to touch them and make his peace with them, as I had, so that we could go forward.

I had to trust that he'd know that what I was about to do was hard for me. I had to believe that he'd understand the significance of it and that he'd realise that this was me giving myself to him. At least this little bit of me anyway.

**EPOV**

Bella was quiet for a long time. She was wrestling with her thoughts. Her body twitched and jerked as she lay in my arms. I didn't want to disrupt her thought process but in that minute I'd have given almost anything to be able to read her mind. To know what it was she was thinking, to know precisely how she felt.

Her shoulders stiffened as she pushed herself up off me. She didn't turn to face me, nor did she say a word as she clasped the hem of her jersey in her fingers and pulled it up and over her head.

Holy fucking mother of god! What was she doing?

The rush of conflicting emotions hit me hard. I know I gasped, or at least made some sort of bleating sound and hoped to Christ she didn't take it the wrong way.

She sat before me, naked bar a plain white crop top, from the waist up. Not undressed because some medical procedure required it. Not because of some therapy or other. Not because she felt she had to, but because she wanted to.

We'd stopped touching intimately so I knew this wasn't about sex. This wasn't a passionate display to encourage me to resume our make out session. This was Bella exposing her scars to me.

Oh my god. Bella was showing me her scars!

The significance was monumental. It hit me right in the centre of my chest. She trusted me with this. This wasn't a 'look at what you're getting' gesture. This was a 'this is me, love all of me' statement.

"You're so beautiful," I whisper. "Can I touch them?" I ask cautiously.

If she declines I won't make a big deal about it. Showing me and letting me touch the scars might be two very different things.

It takes her a long time to answer but when she does her voice is calm and clear.

"They are a part of my past. You are my future. Get to know them," she says.

She's so fucking brave. Far more than I am. I scoot back on the cushions of the sofa so that I am sitting bolt upright. I rub my palms together to warm my hands so my first touch doesn't startle her. I start at her shoulders by putting my hands flat against them. I rub small circles.

"You're so beautiful," I tell her again as I rub my fingertips over the welts and weals.

She squirmed a little as I ran my hands over her ruined skin ever so lightly but she didn't say a word. I trace each welt with my forefinger and then followed it with my lips. I kissed each one, acquainting myself with it, almost as though I was introducing myself to it. Each raised mark, each healed wound and each scar told a story. I didn't know any of them and I was pretty sure Bella wasn't ready to divulge them to me yet either, but I knew and understood the significance of this for her. I kissed each mark in turn, starting at the nape of her neck. I let my lips linger on every one of them. I murmured how lovely she was, how flawless, how brave, how kind, how much I loved her between kisses.

When I'd made my way over her back completely I let my hands rest at her hips. I didn't know where we went from here. Would she want to talk about them? Did she just want to put her shirt back on? We sit just like that, my hands on her hips and her head tilted forward over her chest, for a long while. What she was thinking was beyond me but she made no move to cover herself so we just sat in the silence.

I wanted to thank her for showing me. I wanted her to know how much it meant that she'd let me see them, touch them, kiss them. I wanted to push her a little further and show her that I could be trusted with her scars. I dip my head down onto her shoulder and cup my hands over her belly. I kiss her once at the juncture of her shoulder and her neck. "Can I see the rest, on your front?" I ask softly.

She wastes no time speaking this time. "Do you want to? Aren't you disgusted?" she asks, still in the same clear calm voice. She's not upset. She's not worried. She's curious.

I shake my head against her shoulder. "No. Not at all."

"Alright, but I can't take my bra off yet. I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Don't be. I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

With one decisive nod of her head she shifts forward and I remove my hands from her. She turns so that she is slightly facing me on the sofa. I decide its best if she sits square on and I move to sit on the low coffee table, in front of her. That way she can cover herself easily and I can move away if she gets upset or it's too much for her.

I don't look down at her body, instead I keep my eyes on hers. I wait for her permission to lower mine. It takes her a minute or so but she nods slightly and I mouth thank you to her.

I've seen these marks before but never with her absolute permission. I'm astonished at the trust she's showing me. Completely overwhelmed by my feelings for her. The marks on her front aren't so prominent but I see them with the practised eye of a clinician. The bruising from her ribs has all but faded, in their wake the soft yellowish green reminder that they were there at all. She has two deep scars, as though her flesh has been gouged deep by some object above her right hip and another just under her ribs on the left. There are feint pink lines and pock marks from injuries long ago that mar her beautiful torso. She's so slim still, not skinny like she was when she was first admitted, but still too slim for my liking. Her ribs jut out but her belly has filled out a little at least. Her breasts, still encased in the crop top, are fully and round, as they should be for a new mother. I look up a little higher and she the dark outline of her nipples beneath the thin cotton.

I feel no jolt of lust, just compassion. This isn't a sexual exploration of my girlfriend; this is a physical revelation on the depth of human depravity. What's been done to her is horrific and disgusting, but she's not. She's everything to me. She's perfect in my eyes, both physically and mentally. What they've done to her has broken her skin but her spirit remains intact. Parts of her are broken in places I can't see, and on the inside, but I'm hoping that one day she'll be as whole as she can be. What Charlie started Jake continued. But she survived and she's here with me now, sharing the horrors of her past with me so we might have a future. I'm engulfed by emotion as I let my eyes travel to her collarbones. She's unmarked here, probably because both the men in her life knew that any marks left here would be seen quite easily by anyone wishing to look beyond the collar of her shirt. They made sure her injuries were securely hidden and any marks or scars were left in places nobody was likely to see unless she went swimming, which of course she would hardly ever be likely to do beyond the pool house in the backyard here.

The soft hollow at the base of her throat drew my eyes to it. The fine gold chain around her neck hung here, the locket hanging from the centre nestled in the cleft there. She was perfect. I needed her to know that.

I put my hands on her hips and held her firmly. Her eyes met mine and I smiled. "Thank you for showing me. You're so brave. I'm so proud of you. You are utterly, utterly perfect in every way."

I watch in fascination as she pulls her bottom lip back between her teeth. She's running over what I've said and done in her mind and I can almost imagine the cogs turning and whirring in there as she breaks it down into manageable chunks. Eventually she lets her lip go and I watch as she pushes her bottom lip this way and that, probably relieving the pain – or the ache – the biting it has inflicted upon the scarring both outside and inside her mouth. Her eyes are clear and bright as she returns her gaze to mine. "I'm not perfect, Edward."

I can smile then. She's not worried about me seeing her, truly seeing her; she's worried that I think she's perfect. I know she's not. I know that nobody is. But she's as perfect _for_ me as anyone could ever be. That's the direction I choose to take. "I know that nobody is perfect Bella. We're all flawed. We've all got free will. But, to me, there is nobody as perfect for me as you are. As you always have been. I love you because you're you, not because you have flawless skin or a flawless psyche."

She smiles minutely and I wonder what she's taking from that. Her smile amps up and then her whole face is smiling at me. I can see the mischief in her eyes. "Despite your temper I think you're pretty perfect too," she giggles.

I harrumph playfully. "My temper?" I laugh. "I don't have a temper," I protest.

She giggles adorably. "You do, you know you do. But I wanted to thank you for never showing it to me directly." This she says very softly and ducks her head.

I put a finger under her chin and lift her face so I can see her eyes. "You're right. I do have a temper but I promise you you'll never see it if I can help it."

She nods but says nothing more.

We've come such a long way today. I'm proud that we overcame yesterday's issues, proud that I prevented her from leaving us and I'm ecstatic that she has shown me her scars. I'm well aware that she's still sitting facing me in only a crop top and jeans so I take her jersey from the coffee table and put it into her lap. "You should probably put that back on now," I chuckle. She giggles but makes no comment. She's not insecure about the way I feel about her anymore and I'm so happy for it.

I flick my eyes to the clock on the DVD player and see that it's nearing ten. "Elizabeth will wake soon." I state matter of factly.

Bella smiles and nods. "Yeah, she will. I have to be at Kerry's office at midday."

It's a statement and I wonder if I should volunteer to drive her or whether to encourage her to drive herself, with me along for the ride of course. I can't decide so I let the statement ride. "Gary Benson will be here at two," I tell her instead.

As if on cue Elizabeth squeaks her presence and Bella grins as she goes to her.

**BPOV**

"I drove here myself," I tell Kerry proudly.

She scribbles on the clipboard and I throw Edward a quick smile. He's onboard with the whole 'fucking clipboard' thing. It cracked me up when he told me on the car ride over that his pathological loathing for clipboards knew no bounds. I didn't hesitate to admit that I felt exactly the same. Even Esme had laughed and said that no good ever came from a wielded clipboard.

"Any appearance of the law?" Kerry asks, snapping me from my happy memory of Edward's smile and laughter as it filled the tiny cabin of the car.

"Not a one," I tell her and she scribbles again.

This time it's Edward who chuckles and raises his eyebrows at me from his seat beside me.

Kerry looks at him first, then at me, but says nothing about our silent exchange. "I've written up yesterday's failure to attend as an unavoidable emergency but I must warn you, two more such occurrences and I'll revoke your living away privileges. Are we clear on that?" she asks me and I nod solemnly. As does Edward. "Good. Now, I've reviewed Pat's notes and I've spoken with both Carlisle and Esme this morning and can see that you are making good, steady progress there with them. I'd like to talk a little about where to go from here." She returns her eyes to the file and reads for a few seconds before placing the file and her pen on the desk. Over clasped hands she smiles at us. "I think it might be beneficial for you both to begin a journal. Separately of course."

I cringe at the idea. Writing down my thoughts and feelings scared the hell out of me. Anything written on paper could, and more than likely would, come back to haunt me. From the stiffness of Edward's posture I could tell he felt something similar, if not the same.

"I don't think I should," I say quietly, searching his face.

"I don't think I want to," he agrees as he searches mine.

"Alright, I'm open to negotiations but I'll need your reasoning first," Kerry says evenly.

Edward leaps right in. "I take notes for a living. I'm too clinical. If you want to read what I've written you'll end up reading about my physiological responses rather than my thoughts and emotions. It will be like reading a textbook. I can't write creatively."

I stare at him. Wow. That took him half a minute to think of and he expressed it exquisitely. It's not how I feel, it's not why I don't want to keep notes, but his explanation is amazing.

"And for you Bella?" Kerry asks me instead of challenging Edward's reasoning.

"Um, if I write down my thoughts and feelings who's to say someone who means me harm won't read it?" Edward reaches between us and drags my hand from my lap and pulls it into his. I know what the gesture means and I try to reassure him. "I don't mean you, or the family, I know you wouldn't do that."

Kerry watches us intently then takes up the file again. She writes sporadically for a moment then puts the file back down. "Edward, you write whatever and however you please. Bella, same goes for you. I'll speak with Carlisle about keeping the journals in the family safe if that would make you more comfortable, but neither of you have presented a significant argument that makes me thinks this isn't a good way to go."

Edward curses under his breath and I sigh despondently. "Fine," he mumbles.

"I think a journal would hold real merit, for both of you, but mostly for Bella, Edward. If you write down the struggles you're having Bella, and can then revisit how you resolved them at a later date, you may find that dealing with the same issues on numerous occasions and learning from your previous experiences will help you to resolve those issues faster and with a minimum of emotional stress."

Shit. That sounded smart to me. I look to Edward who also looks mollified, somewhat.

"I said fine," he mumbles again.

I nod too, as unhappy about having to do it as he is but unable to shake the feeling that Kerry's suggestion sort of made sense. Kind of.

"Okay," I say quietly.

"Good. So, I'll see you tomorrow at the same Bella. Edward, you won't be required for that appointment. I'll see you on Thursday morning and then the two of you together again on Friday."

Edward's grasp on my hand tightens and I try to pull my hand out of his. He whispers sorry but doesn't let me go. He clears his throat. "Um, I can't attend Thursday morning; Bella's divorce hearing is at ten."

I stare stupidly at him. I could feel my anger rising and the deep crimson blush beginning between my breasts. "How? Why am I the last to know this?" I hiss at him.

His previously beatific smile is gone when he turns to me this time. His eyes are sad and his posture has changed dramatically. "I didn't want to say anything just yet. I wanted you to have a few more days with us, to let you find your feet with us before you had to face him. Gary would've told you this afternoon anyway."

He's still clutching my hand in his and I desperately want to yank mine back out of his, but he holds it tight. "I can't believe you kept this from me," I mutter.

I look to Kerry who looks pensive. "Edward, the details of Bella's life are Bella's. It's her divorce, keeping this from her is not helping." Is all she says.

I look back to him as he nods bleakly. "I'm sorry, my mother told me not to assume that I knew what was best for you and I keep doing it. I'm so sorry."

I'm torn. I want to throw my arms around him and pummel him all at once. His intentions were good, like they always were, but not telling me something this important wasn't ever going to help me in the long run.

"Do I have to attend?" I ask quietly, to which he nods. "Will _he_ be there?"

"I don't know. He says he's not contesting the divorce but I don't know what his lawyer has advised him to do."

Edward has talked to Jake about this? They've discussed me behind my back? Edward knows things about _my _husband; he knows things about _Jake_ that I don't even know myself. That hurts. I understand why he didn't tell me about the hearing, but to talk about my divorce with the other person, without ever talking to me about it, was an awful thing to do.

I blow my long held breath out over my teeth. I don't want to see Jake. I don't want to be in the same room as him. Hell, I don't like knowing he lives in the same town as me still. An ache begins in my chest. I can feel myself trembling long before Edward is aware of it and alerts Kerry to the panic attack that's about to overwhelm me.

"Breathe baby," he whispers as he leaves his seat and kneels before mine. "Just breathe Bella."

I try to. I really do. I want to stave this off. I want to be strong enough to get through this next ordeal but I'm not. I shake my head and just stare at him. I can see his concern; I can see the fear in his eyes. He begins to rub my hand with his, stroking rhythmically and methodically along my thumb and over the back of my hand before returning to my thumb once again. I try to focus on that. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. In through my nose and out through my mouth like I'd been shown. Slowly, agonisingly slowly, a soft gentle calm comes over me.

"I'm alright," I whisper. Kerry hasn't left her seat and as I open my eyes I see her scribbling on the clipboard once again. "I don't want to go back into hospital," I whisper to Edward.

"I won't let that happen baby, I'm so sorry, I should've told you."

"It wouldn't have mattered," Kerry says firmly. "With days to prepare, or hours, the response would've likely been the same. Your reaction to seeing Jake is perfectly understandable Bella. You shouldn't feel bad, or confused, about it. It's what I would've expected. I understand the need to protect her Edward, I do, but it's not healthy for her to have these things withheld."

Edward nods but doesn't move. He lets my hand go and puts his hands on my shoulders. He kisses my forehead and when I don't meet his eyes he sighs – probably in frustration with me – and sits back down in his own chair. "I'm sorry," he mutters forlornly again.

**EPOV**

The session with Kerry ended on a sour note. Bella refused to speak to either of us again after I told her about the divorce hearing. Kerry said she expected as much and ended the session before our time was officially up.

I had nothing to add so I agreed. I walked Bella back through the hospital and to Joshua's ward. My mother and Elizabeth were there waiting and from the look that passed between her and Bella I knew there were questions that would need answering at some point. My mother never let anything go. She'd eek the answers out of me either by force or by good old fashioned guilt.

And I was guilty. Of so many things.

Keeping information from Bella was one of them. Assumptions – no matter my good intentions – was another. I didn't even intend to make them, but somehow I ended up repeating the same mistake over and over. It was something I wanted to speak with Kerry about when I had my next private session.

Bella played and talked, joked and sympathised with Joshua for half an hour without ever making eye contact with any of the adults in the room. My mother became more and more concerned as the visit went on. I couldn't tell her anything and I doubted Bella wanted me to.

Josh cried when it was time for us to leave and Bella looked close to tears as I ushered my girls out to the waiting car. She refused to drive home which meant I had to. My mother slid into the backseat with Elizabeth despite Bella announcing she wanted to sit with her. For whatever reason my mother insisted and Bella gave in silently. The realisation that she didn't want to sit in the front with me hurt me badly. I could see that all our progress last night, and today, was slowly ebbing away.

Bella took Elizabeth to her rooms the second I pulled the car to a complete stop in the driveway. My mother hung back with me and as soon as Bella was out of earshot she set upon me.

"What the hell happened?" she hissed.

I hung my head. There was no point trying to keep it from her now. "Kerry said she wanted to see me Thursday morning, on my own, and I had to tell her that neither of us could attend on Thursday morning because Bella's divorce hearing is scheduled for ten."

Mom gasped and clutched at her chest with an open hand. "Bella didn't know?"

"No. I wanted to wait as long as I could. I knew she'd get upset. I knew the idea of having to see Jake would make her panic and after yesterday...oh shit, I don't know mom. I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. Sometimes she overreacts, sometimes she takes things in her stride but her reactions are never the same twice!" I bellow.

Her face softened then. She reached for me and I let her fold me into a hug. She patted my hair, like she used to do when I was little. "Oh sweetheart. We all forget sometimes just how hard this has been on you too. You're doing wonderfully well. I know I don't tell you that enough, but you are. We'll handle this like we have everything else. We just need to tread carefully."

I was grateful that she didn't berate me. Grateful that she didn't yell or call me an interfering idiot. But how to handle it now that the cat was out of the bag was beyond me. I had no clue and said so.

Mom let me go and took a step away. She pursed her lips and furrowed her brow as she considered our next move. And it had to be 'our' next move too. I'd finally come to understand that I couldn't do this completely on my own anymore. I was out of my depth and Bella's problems were way out of my league. This would take a group effort.

A slow grin began to appear across my mother's face as she formed the plan. "You know what; I take back what I said. This isn't something we should tread carefully through; this requires a certain amount of muscle. Your brother is just the man we need for this particular job."

I opened my mouth to speak but her eyebrows shot up so fast there was a real chance that she'd pull a muscle, so I shut my mouth again and nodded. I had no idea what she could be thinking, getting Emmett involved in this, but knowing mom it would work a treat.

"I'll call him now," I told her unconvincingly.

"Trust me darling, Emmett is just what Bella needs right now." She patted my cheek condescendingly and skipped off inside as though she had not a care in the world.

He picked up on the second ring. "What's wrong?" he barked at me when the call connected.

I wanted to spare the time to laugh, thinking how alike we really were, instead I told something was 'up' and that we needed him, now. He assured me he'd be here as fast as he could get away from the construction site and I hung up hoping like hell that whatever my mother was planning was going to work.

**BPOV**

With Elizabeth asleep in her crib I had the time to silently seethe.

I paced the length, then the breadth, of my room for twenty minutes before falling onto the end of my bed exhausted. My ribs ached from trying to maintain my anger at Edward. My head hurt from trying to contain my fear of Jake. My chest ached from the relief of having a hearing date and a light at the end of the tunnel that was my marriage.

I expected the knock at the door a little while later but what I wasn't expecting was to see Emmett Cullen standing on the other side of the door when I opened it.

"Can I come in?" he said gruffly.

I stepped aside and let him in. He looked angry. No, not angry, concerned. Maybe a bit of both. It was interesting for 'them' to call in the heavy in the form of Emmett rather than send the calm and soothing Esme – or even the ever practical Carlisle – to see me this time. He made himself comfortable on my sofa and then he patted the cushion to his side. I wasn't afraid of him, I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but the look on his face was unreadable.

There _was_ a reason he'd been sent, after all. So I sat. "Why did they send you?" I asked him calmly.

He chuckled a little and turned to face me. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a dazzling smile. Dimples and all. "I want to tell you a little story sissy..." he began. "You know that Jasper and I beat the shit out of your husband that first day you were admitted to the hospital, right?" he asked.

I sigh. "Yeah, I know about that."

"Right, but what you don't know is that we've both seen him since..."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**Progress is being made, on many fronts, wouldn't you agree?**

**The next chapter has Emmett's POV and an explanation of his 'confrontation' with Jake at the gas station, as requested. :)**

**Please review.**


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42 – Unbound

**Emmett's POV**

I take a deep breath and spill my guts.

I wasn't ashamed of the way I'd beaten Jake that first time, or the altercation we'd had recently at the gas station, but I didn't want to give Bella the impression that that was all I was. A thug like him. So I tempered my story by leaving out the obscenities we'd traded as the whole thing unfolded.

"A couple days ago I was at the gas station; you know the one on the corner of Robin Hood Loop and the main street? God, who named this shitty place," I laugh. "Anyway, I was there filling the work truck when Jake pulls in in his piece of shit Ford. I'd already paid so I was walking back to my ride when I spotted him filling his up. He spotted me right off and threw me a smug smile. He prolly thought he was safe there, you know, in public and all? But I just got so mad because there he was filling up his car and going god knows where and I knew you were here having a pretty shit time of it and I just saw red. I hate that he's living his life and you're so messed up." I took her hand and pulled it into my lap like I'd seen Eddie do and hoped it helped to soothe her. God knows Eddie knew just what to say and when to say it; I didn't have that knack at all and was sure I was going to make things worse for her by telling her this shit. "I marched right over to him and let's just say I didn't call him by any name that you'd hear in a preschool playground. He shit himself. And I don't mean he just stowed the nozzle and then got back into his car and drove off, he all but crapped his pants, Bella. He's afraid of me. Of all of us. He backed up against the bowsers and cowered like a frightened puppy about to get his nose smacked with a newspaper. He was begging me not to hit him. But he was real quiet about it. It wasn't like he was trying to attract attention for help or anything, he just whispered for me not to hurt him. He's been beaten over and over in the past couple weeks. I swear I've only hit him that one time. I haven't been near him since. But I know that some of the boys at the Rez have had a go at him and I could tell he was scared. I threatened him but I didn't hit him. I didn't need to. He's terrified Bella. All he kept saying as I yelled at him was that he was sorry. That he was going to go to prison for what he did to you and that beating him up again wouldn't solve _your _problems."

I let that sink in and watched her face as she ran over all I'd said.

I did as mom suggested and kept all the florid details from her. How mom knew about it was beyond me. I hadn't told anyone, other than Rosie and I'd only told her because she was the one who'd patched me back up when I arrived home. But somehow mom knew. As soon as I'd arrived at the house for my 'mission' mom pulled me aside and asked me to tell Bella about the altercation, hoping it would make her see that Jake wasn't as powerful or as strong as she believed him to be. It was a long shot and I'd been reluctant to tell Bella about it, but mom was sure it would help.

Bella didn't need to know that I'd given in to my anger and had punched Jake into next week. There was no way she'd be happy about the way I'd spoken to him and there was not a snowballs chance in hell she'd see her way clear to forgiving me for threatening him the way I did. Those details were for me and the boys to know, not even mom knew how far I'd gone, only that I'd confronted him and had it out, again.

He'd been absolutely petrified that I was going to kill him right there at the gas station that night. I could see it in his eyes. He knew I was capable and he knew why I was perfectly happy to do it. The depth of my rage had taken even me by surprise. All I could see as I hit him, in my mind's eye, was his list of rules taped to the wall above the telephone. Every punch I threw flashed a new image of Bella's torment before my eyes. The filthy sheet, the rag she had to use as a towel, the used teabag in the fridge, the perfect order of his bedroom compared to the baby's. As each new image moved through my consciousness I let it fuel my hate for the piece of shit. I hit him hard and had had to be dragged off him by two guys who came out of nowhere.

It wasn't until later, when I was explaining my bruised and bloody knuckles to Rosie, that I thought to question who they were and why they didn't call the cops. Turns out they were the guys Eddie had met a couple weeks before. They ran the gas station and the connected garage and had seen the whole scene play out. They could've dragged me off Jake at any point but for whatever reason they'd chosen to let me have my way first. They were natives. They were Jake's 'boys' and they'd backed _me._ Sure they'd dragged me off him eventually and one of them even stooped to ask if he was alright, but they left him where he was slumped and went back inside as soon as I left the lot and I hadn't heard a word about any trouble coming my way since.

I looked over my shoulder around town for a couple days but nothing ever came of it. I got a message from the nerd asking about what had happened but I ignored it. He obviously knew something had gone on and I figured that if ever anything did come of it it was better that he knew as little as possible so he couldn't be dragged into it, or blamed or done for asking me to do it. I'd done it myself, nobody had asked me to do it and it certainly wasn't planned. He was just there, it was sheer coincidence. I could've ignored him too, I was going to, but when he smiled that smug fucking smile at me I lost it.

I never had before. I'd always been pretty much in control of my temper before. Sure I'd sworn and cussed at people but it was rare for me to lose control and strike out the way Jake always seemed able to make me. I'd never come into contact with someone like him and I hoped I never did again. Wife beaters, and kid beaters in Charlie's case, deserved everything they got but I had never considered that it might be me who dished 'it' out to them.

Rosie said she understood but I also knew it frightened her a little to know that I was capable of not only hitting a man while he was down – as I'd done that first time Spaz and I had visited Jake – but that I was also capable of letting fly in public, without thought for what I was really doing. I knew she worried that if I was put away because of it we'd be apart for the first time in a decade. That thought bothered me more than I wanted to admit and so I'd promised her that I'd keep my distance from Jake and if I saw him again I'd walk the other way. It would be hard, not to give him another taste of his own medicine, but the thought of being parted from Rosie and the Ninja soured my taste for revenge of the fist variety. For now anyway.

"Do you feel sorry for him?" Bella asked defensively, snapping me out of my mooching.

"Hell no!" I shout. "Of course not. Whatever he ends up getting he brought down on himself. The beatings, the prison sentence, the punishment that gets doled out to cowards like him in jail aren't pretty Bella, he'll be lucky to survive the first year. No. I don't feel sorry for him. I want him to pay. I want him to rot in hell for what he put you through."

"Why are you telling me this then?"

I sigh and hold her hand a little bit tighter. "I'm telling you this so that you'll know that he's weak. That he's afraid. I want you to know that bullies like him never win. They cave when confronted. And he did Bella. He didn't fight back. He didn't defend himself and he didn't once say that he didn't deserve what I was dishing out to him. He knew why I was hitting him and he knew that if he ever came near you again he'd get more of the same. I guess I'm telling you this so you'll know we've got your back. Nobody asked Jasper and I to go visit him that time and nobody asked me, or told me, to confront him if I saw him in town. We just did it. And we did it because we love you and care about you and it wasn't fair what he did to you."

"You didn't even know me that first time," she sniffled.

I smiled then. She was so unsure of herself and had absolutely no idea how families worked. "I didn't need to know you sissy. Ten seconds after we burst through your front door and Edward had Elizabeth in his arms I knew you were special to him. Ten seconds. That's all it took for me to understand what the two of you meant to him. He loves you so we do too."

"You can't stop someone from hurting me. If they want to get at me they'll find a way," she whispers softly.

"Very soon they won't be able to sissy. They're going to jail Bella. No two ways about it. But that's not what this is about. Not right now anyway. This is about you having to go to court on Thursday. You won't be going alone. We'll all be there. All of us. Sure you'll prolly have to stand beside the suit and we won't be allowed to stand there right beside you, but you can bet your balls that we'll be in the row right behind you, watching your back. If he shows up – and I seriously doubt that he will - he'll know why we're there. He'll know that we've got you covered. He'll see the strength we provide. We wouldn't let you go through this alone and there is no way in hell that we'd let you go through the divorce hearing without us there to support you."

I hope she's hearing what I'm trying to say. I don't talk pretty like mom and dad and Edward can. I just say shit how it is. I'm the muscle in the family. I play the heavy when I need to. I'll leave the softly, softly bullshit to the others. For me it's about physical presence. I'll stand right beside her, behind her, wherever she needs me to be I'll be there.

She turns sad eyes to me and sighs heavily. "Will he be allowed to talk to me? He's not supposed to be near me."

I hadn't thought of that. "I don't know. The suit's coming today right?" I ask.

She giggles. "Yeah, Mr Benson is coming soon."

"So, ask the suit. He'll know how it all works. But remember, if he talks to you, it's only words and they can't hurt you. No matter what he says, it doesn't matter. The only people you need to listen to are those who matter to you. The words from those you respect and trust are the only ones that count."

She was nodding her head as I spoke so I knew that that part was getting through and making sense, at the very least.

"Will you come with me then?" she asks timidly.

I can't help the smile. "You bet your ass I will. We all will, now that we know."

"He only kept it from me so I wouldn't worry about it for days on end, you know."

Even when she's pissed at him she defends him I think to myself. "Yeah well, it was a stupid fucking idea in the end, wasn't it?"

She laughs then and her whole face lights up. "Yeah, I guess it was pretty dumb."

"So unless I see you in between I'll see you in court sissy," I tell her as I get to my feet.

I want to hug her and kiss her and tell her that everything will be alright but I know that shit freaks her out sometimes. It seems this wasn't one of those times.

It was like she leapt at me. She threw herself forward and I caught her around her shoulders. She tucked her head up under my chin and I held her as tight as I dared. I knew she was still hurt. I kiss the top of her head and smile to myself. She was a nice girl. She was good and true and she didn't deserve the shit hand she'd been dealt.

"Thank you," she whispers against my shirt.

"You're welcome," I tell her and kiss her hair again.

"Can I ask a favour?" she asks shyly as we untangle ourselves from one another.

I know where this is heading without her having to say so I'm already nodding as I make my way to her door. "Yeah, yeah, I know, go get Eddie," I huff playfully.

I can still hear her laughter as I make my way into the kitchen. Mom and the nerd are sitting at the counter eating sandwiches. The nerd gets to his feet, worry and concern on his face. "How is she?" he asks in a panicked voice.

"Keep your pants on dude, she's fine. She wants to see you. Fuck knows why," I laugh.

I doubt he even heard me. He's running towards her room before I even finish my sentence. Little prick. I slide into his seat and pick up his lunch.

"I'd tell you to watch your language but I know you won't listen," mom says.

"Prolly not," I laugh with a mouth full of tuna and mayo.

"Is she alright then?" mom asks as she slides the bottle of juice across the countertop to me.

I pour myself a glass and take a long pull. "Yeah, she's fine. It's kinda cute really. She's all pissy at him and you can see the anger just under the surface, but she defends him if anyone says anything bad about him. The little asshole scored a good one."

Mom slaps my arm in mock horror but I know she agrees. On both counts. He's a little asshole goody goody and she's a keeper.

**EPOV**

By the time Gary arrives- and Emmett has devoured what was left of my lunch and gone back to work - Bella and I have hashed out the whole fucking mess. She's forgiven me for keeping the information from her and I've apologised a hundred times.

She says she 'gets it' and knows that I'd kept the information from her for all the right reasons but she's still a little pissed that I'd done it. I could live with that. I felt guilty for being the cause of her anxiousness, and her pain, at the thought of having to be in the same room as her tormentor but I also felt relieved that after having spoken with my brother she no longer seemed panicked by the thought.

I had no idea of what he'd said to her, no way to know what he'd done to reassure her but it had worked. I found her fresh faced and ready to talk when I finally got into her room myself. She spoke calmly and we talked about how to handle the upcoming hearing. We made a plan, together, just like my mother always advised that we should.

Mom excuses herself after saying a quick hello to the lawyer and I usher him, and Bella, into the dining room. Gary opens his briefcase and spreads out a mountain of paperwork while Bella and I take a seat each opposite him.

"So let's start with the hearing," he announces as he pulls one of the thick files towards himself. "I'll need you to be at the courthouse at nine even though the hearing isn't set down to begin until ten, Bella. There are some forms you'll need to fill out and they can only be done there, in the presence of the court recorder. There will be a security check first, so bring nothing that would set off a metal detector or impede your entry into the chambers itself. Wear something dressy, business attire is fine, but no jeans or t-shirts please. We've been assigned to Judge Cannondale so we'll be in courtroom four. I can show you where that is when you get there. Edward you can attend but I ask that you be quiet throughout the entire proceedings, we don't need any complications with you being named as the 'other man', no matter how untrue that is. So you'll be seated in the public viewing area, right behind where Bella and I will be, but you mustn't speak to her during the proceedings." He opens more pages of the file and begins to take them out. He pushes them across the table towards Bella and she lowers her eyes to them even though Gary continues to speak. "I need you to read through those between now and Thursday and if there are any changes you want me to make please let me know as soon as you can. Once those papers are filed on the day no amendments can be made, not even by you, so be sure it's what you want. Now, the hearing itself should be fairly straight forward. The judge will read out the terms you've requested, the alimony conditions or lack of them in this case, the petition for visitation, division of assets, things like that. He will read them directly from these pages; so again, if there is anything you want you should say so before the hearing. After reading the petition he will ask you if these are your wishes. You should just say yes sir and leave it at that. The simpler your answers the better. This isn't a complicated matter so we shouldn't try to complicate it if we can help it."

Bella is nodding to show that she understands but I can see the questions in her eyes. I hope she asks them now, I don't want anything left unsaid or left to chance on the day.

I know she is frightened about Jake being there but the only person who can tell her yes or no is sitting right in front of her and she's not asked him. I decide to, just to get it all out into the open once and for all. If he's not attending the next few days will go easier for her, if he is we'll have a chance to help her through that before the actual hearing. These things only cement the stupidity of my keeping this information from her until today.

"Do you know if Jake will be there?" I ask.

Bella turns to me, her eyes filled with fear. I know she wants the answer to the question but was unable to ask it for herself.

"I'm not sure yet. I've contacted his lawyer but he too is unsure if his client wishes to attend. He's aware of the hearing of course and I've not been presented with any documents that suggest he's going to contest any of your conditions, but he has the right to appear even if it is just to be present. If I hear anything between now and Thursday you'll be the first to know Bella."

"Thank you," she whispers.

"Now, after the judge has asked you if you are sure this is what you want he'll ask Mr Black the same thing, should he choose to attend. As this is a no fault divorce petition there is no need for anyone to present any evidence of any kind and the process should move on to the terms of the dissolution of the marriage. The judge will set a date, usually between two and three months after the hearing, when your marriage will legally be dissolved."

"Can Jake contest this?" Bella asks. Her voice is shaky, like she's not sure what the answer is going to be.

"He can I'm afraid. He has only one chance to do so and that's at the hearing. That's what it's for after all. If he appears he can instruct his lawyer to contest the terms of the agreement, but not the divorce itself. You are legally allowed to get divorced Bella, no judge can force you to stay married, but Mr Black can contest the terms of the agreement such as custody of the minor child, the division of property, the disbursement of health insurance, life insurance and his retirement benefits in the future."

Bella nods but is upset at the prospect of having to argue the terms. I know how she feels. Jake has told me, in person, that he doesn't intend to contest anything, that he'll let her go without standing in her way, but I don't trust the fucker.

"I don't want anything from him," she says.

"I know and that is clearly stated in the terms of the agreement. The judge might ask you to reconsider but all you have to say, if you are sure that is what you want, that you wish to be free of Mr Black and the marriage and you wish to dissolve it without taking anything from the union. The judge will note that and move on quite quickly." Gary pushes another form across the table and asks Bella to read it. "That is a copy of the terms of the restraining order and while no mention of it will be made by the judge, or either lawyer, the judge will have read it and will understand that there is an ongoing process of investigation being conducted that will more than likely result in criminal charges being laid against Mr Black. This information cannot be used at a no fault divorce application hearing so while the judge will be aware of it he cannot mention it. But you and I will know, as will Mr Black, that the judge is aware of the circumstances of your withdrawal from the marital home and will more than likely grant the dissolution without hesitation."

"Is Jake allowed to be there, I mean, with the restraining order in place?" I ask.

"This is the only circumstance that allows it I'm afraid. He has a right to be at the hearing if he wishes. He will have to apply to the clerk of the court for clearance to do so and that's how I'll be able to tell if he intends to appear," Gary says to me then turns back to Bella. "You should thank the judge when proceedings are concluded and remain standing while he leaves the courtroom."

"I understand all that, but can Jake contest custody even though the judge knows what he did to me?" Bella asks.

"I'm afraid he can, yes. But decisions like that are held over and time is allocated for proper investigations to take place. If he wishes to press for visitation, or shared custody of the minor child and you wish to contest that the judge will adjourn the divorce hearing and we'll be shuffled to the family court and given a date and time to appear for a preliminary hearing there. The divorce cannot be granted if custody isn't agreed first. If Mr Black is serious about pressing for custody or for visitation then we'll be sent to mediation, that's where you will have your chance to present to the mediator the extenuating circumstances pertaining to Elizabeth's paternity and the alleged domestic violence."

I cringed when he said the words paternity and alleged and knew that Bella hated it too. There was nothing alleged about the violence she'd suffered and we all knew that Jake had no paternal claim to Elizabeth. But this was a process and we all understood that too. Being free of Jake might be as simple as asking a judge for a divorce on Bella's side, but if Jake wanted to play hardball it could very well be complicated and get very, very ugly.

"I don't have the results of the paternity test yet. Is that going to be a problem, time wise? Will a judge grant temporary visitation if we can't prove he has no claim on her by the time of the hearing?" I ask with trepidation.

I didn't want to talk like that in front of Bella, in a negative way that might imply I think Jake will press to see Elizabeth, but I need to know where we stand.

"No. It doesn't work like that. If Mr Black presses for custody or visitation it's a long drawn out process and the family court judge will have all the relevant information regarding the assault, battery and the police reports from their investigation into it. The judge should grant Bella temporary full time custody until those documents are revised and a social worker is sure that Mr Black is a safe and responsible enough person to have contact with the child. We all know that isn't the case, so if this goes that far that will be what we set out to prove more strongly until paternity can be legally disproved. That, of course, will throw up another hurdle I'm afraid, in the form of Charlie Swan's claim to the child."

Bella drew in a sharp breath and turned terrified eyes to mine. I clutched her hand and squeezed it to let her know I felt the same way. It would be a cold day in hell before either of them had anything to do with Elizabeth.

"I've talked to Esme and Carlisle about that," Bella whispers. I had no idea of this conversation but guess it's what dad was alluding to on Sunday in his study. There are things Bella needs to tell Gary so he can help her, I'm just not privy to them.

**BPOV**

I know that Edward is hurt that I've talked to his parents about all this without him there, but I hadn't ever meant to keep it from him, I just never got the chance to explain it. So much had happened in just a few short days, there never seemed the time to sit down and talk about this stuff with him. Not when we were busy with other things that managed to crop up and sap our time anyway.

Before I explain to Gary what's changed in my situation I turn to Edward. I throw him a small smile before I begin. "I have no secrets from you about this Edward. Not this part. There are things about me you don't know, and one day we'll sit and hash all that out, but you know about this. I don't want you to think that your parents and I share anything that's kept from you. We don't."

It's his turn to give me a smile and while it's a small one it's a start. "Alright." Is all he says and I turn back to Gary.

"Since I made my statement to the police I've learned some more things that Esme and Carlisle think you should know about. Charlie Swan is Elizabeth's father, but he isn't mine," I say quietly. "Harry Clearwater, from the Reservation is."

Gary writes furiously on a fresh piece of yellow legal paper then puts his pen down. "And you trust this information?" he asks.

"I do, Harry told me himself. He said my mother told him when she found out she was pregnant. I don't have any proof other than that though."

"I see," he says and starts writing again. "Do you think Mr Clearwater would present himself for a DNA screening?"

"I'm sure he would," Edward chimes in.

"Alright. That's where we start then. I will leave you with that Doctor Cullen." He writes on his page again then turns to me. "This changes very little, thankfully, for you. Have you ever heard of presumptive paternity?" he asks and I shake my head no. So does Edward. "In its simplest form then. You grew up believing that Charlie Swan was your father, you had no reason to doubt it until recently. That meant that Charlie Swan never gave you any indication that he wasn't your actual biological father, is that correct?" I nod to that and he continues. "Presumptive paternity means that Charlie Swan assumed the role of your father even though he knew he wasn't actually your biological parent. Washington law states that if your parents are married to each other at the time of your birth, whether or not you were conceived during that time I hasten to add, but that your actual birth occurs after a legal marriage takes place then the man your mother was married to is legally your father. You have the right to challenge that, of course, and with DNA screening being a simple way to disprove paternity it happens more and more these days. That said, as far as the law is concerned Charlie Swan is your father. That does not mean that he had the right to do to you what you say he's done, but as far as the law stands, and until you can prove otherwise, he is your father in this matter. As it stands that might worry you, but rest assured this is a good thing. When Charlie Swan is charged with abusing you, and I have it on good authority that he will be very soon, he won't be charged as a man, or friend or any other connective premise to you, he will be charged as your father. Whether he is or not is not the issue. The presumption that he assumed that role is all that matters. That makes the charges applied heftier and they carry a far more extensive sentence if he's found guilty. Now, the issue of custody of Elizabeth becomes murky in this situation. The law says he is your father, therefore an act of incest has been perpetrated against you, the result of which is Charlie Swan has fathered his own granddaughter. That is a serious issue and one that the courts do not take lightly. Disproving his paternity, with regard to you dear, won't change that. Harry Clearwater may indeed be your biological father, but for the purposes of charging Charlie Swan it won't matter in the least. Do you understand?"

My head is swimming. There is so much to take in. So many twists and turns. I do my best to unravel what I've been told. "Let me see if I have it right. Harry Clearwater is my real dad, Charlie Swan is not, but because he was married to my mother when I was born the law says he is. Because of that law when he's charged he'll be charged with incest instead of rape or assault, right?"

Mr Benson smiles widely at me. "Perfectly correct. Continue, please."

I take a deep breath. "Disproving paternity won't matter in the long run because this law says Charlie let me believe he was my dad and because he did that it makes what he did to me heaps worse and a judge will punish him harder for it?"

Another smile. "Excellent."

"Can Charlie press for any sort of custody of Elizabeth?" Edward asks, saving me from having to.

"Of course. He has that right. Anyone can press for custody of any child, no matter their relationship to the child. As you yourself know Edward, not having any genetic link to a child doesn't exclude one from forming a relationship with he or she, or indeed loving that child. That said, pernicious attempts at visitation or any form of custody petition, especially ones that are not in the best interests of the child, are usually denied. I am not aware of any such attempt by Chief Swan to gain access to his granddaughter, or daughter, or whatever you are most comfortable calling Miss Elizabeth, so I would not be too worried about any such claim arising in the near future."

"So just because he asks doesn't mean he'll get," I say as calmly as I can.

"Eight years at university has taught me to speak in fluent lawyer Mrs Black, forgive me," Mr Benson chuckles. I cringe at the name and so does Edward. "Excuse me, Miss Bella," he corrects himself and I grin.

I move closer to Edward slightly and he lowers his ear to my lips. "Can we ask about Joshua now?" I whisper so only he can hear.

His smile is gorgeous as he moves away from me again. "You read my mind beautiful," he whispers back. "Is there any news on Joshua?" he asks Mr Benson.

More papers are shifted on the table until a thick file is set in front of him. He opens it and reads the top sheet then closes the file again. "As it stands the background checks have passed without incident, for you _all_," he says rather pointedly.

Edward lets out a breath and I look to him for explanation. "What's going on?" I ask, even though I have a good idea what the problem is by now. Plus I'd overheard a few things in the past couple of days and even though nobody wanted to worry me with them I need to know now.

"Charlie said some shit about you, all lies, but the department has to note them. I take it that has all been cleared up now?" Edward asks Mr Benson.

"Indeed it has. Yourselves, your parents and both your siblings and their partners have been cleared by the department. The next step would normally be for a social worker to meet with you and survey the home you intend to bring the lad too. But, as a court appointment social worker has already attended this premises that won't be necessary. That means we are further along in the process than we normally would be."

Edward's smug smile says it all. We're going to bring Joshua home very soon.

"What's the next step then? When can we bring him home?" Edward asks excitedly.

Mr Bensons face crinkles up as he thinks on it a second. "There will be a preliminary hearing in the next few weeks I assume, but we won't be privy to that I'm afraid. His most recent foster parents will be asked to attend and they'll be asked if they wish to re-establish their role with the boy, if they decline then the department puts forward your application. If the judge is satisfied with all he sees he'll grant you both temporary custody of the boy, pending regular evaluations."

"How soon?" Edward asks in a rush.

Mr Benson flicks through the file before answering. "It is my understanding that the boy hasn't been released from hospital yet, is that correct?"

"That's right, but he's so much better. His results are good; he'll be ready to come out in a week or two. I don't want him having to go to a children's home or something while this gets sorted out. We want to bring him straight home with us."

"I understand. I will find out about the hearing first and if all goes well there I'll do my best to rush through the fostering request. It would make that process easier if I had medical documentation to substantiate my claims. A letter from the boys physician stating he will be released very soon and that it is his opinion that a stable, loving reliable home life would aide his continued recovery would assist in making his case file come to the top of the pile, if that's possible to arrange?" he asks Edward.

"Consider it done," Edward replies without hesitation.

Mr Benson gathers his files and puts them one on top of the other until the tottering pile is a foot tall. "Well, is there anything else I can assist you with today?" he asks as he rises from his seat.

Edward reaches across the table and shakes his hand while thanking him for coming and for all that he's doing for us. I shake his hand too, if a little more hesitantly than Edward did. I thank him too and he says he'll see himself out.

Edward scoops me up and swings me around and around. "We're on our way baby!" he crows as he swings me.

We meet Esme in the kitchen as we leave the dining room. "Did it go well then?" she giggles.

I slide onto a high stool and watch Edward's grin spread across his face. He spends the next half hour explaining to his mother how everything is going to work out just fine.

Thursday comes way too fast for my liking.

I wake with a sick feeling in my stomach but at least I wake beside Edward. Us not sleeping in the same bed went out the window fast. Neither of us was content just being in the same room as the other, it was the close physical contact we craved, not just the company. So any talk of not sharing a bed was dismissed quickly. There had never been any discussion about which bed we'd sleep in, we'd just naturally fallen into the habit of sharing mine. I knew that Elizabeth would be just as comfortable upstairs in the nursery adjoining Edward's room, but for whatever reason we had stayed in my rooms all that first week.

I'd shower first and when I was done Edward showers next, in my bathroom. He'd given up using his and had brought his shaving gear and his toothbrush downstairs to mine. Now, as he passed by me to get into the shower we'd stop in the doorway and he'd kiss me good morning. It was a lovely ritual and one I looked forward to.

But today was different. Today was the hearing for my divorce. There was a kiss in the doorway but we clung to one another, both of us wanting today to come and yet, somehow, both wishing it never would. Today I would be granted the court's permission to end my marriage. Today I was going to see Jake for the first time since I'd been taken to hospital.

Mr Benson had called the night before to tell us that Jake's lawyer had informed him of his client's intentions to appear. I'd been frightened at first but when word got out – and I was finding that word got out fast with the Cullen's – the family rallied. In turn they had arrived last night to offer their support and encouragement. Emmett and Rosalie arrived with Angus just after dinnertime and assured me that they'd be there in court. Not Angus though, he was to visit with his other grandmother for the day, but Rose and Em would be there with us, as promised. Jasper and Alice arrived not long after and they too promised they'd be at the court this morning. Carlisle had been to the hospital to complete his morning rounds early, leaving him free to attend too. Esme had been amazing. She cooked a full breakfast, helped me get Elizabeth ready and then helped me get ready too.

Alice had bought me a plain navy skirt and a white button up blouse to wear. Mr Benson had said business attire and the outfit was both understated and proper for what I imagined to be a very formal occasion inside the courtroom.

Edward came down the stairs in a plain navy suit, a starched white shirt underneath and teamed with a striped navy tie. It felt wrong to want to tell him how amazing he looked in the suit when his face was creased with worry, so I kept quiet. Carlisle was almost identically dressed, though his suit was charcoal grey. They were both impossibly handsome; I just wished they had been dressed so smartly for a joyous occasion, not the frightening one we were all faced with.

Alice and Jasper arrived in time for breakfast but Rose and Em arrived just in time for us to be leaving for court. It was a solemn greeting with both couples. They both hugged me hard and tried to reassure me but I was far too scared to really take in much of what was said to me.

The drive to the court was a quiet one. Each couple took their own vehicle with Elizabeth, Edward and I in Edward's car. He had asked if I wanted to drive but I just wasn't steady enough to try. He understood.

Mr Benson greeted us all on the steps of the court and advised that I leave Elizabeth with Esme while he ushered myself and Edward in through the metal detectors and then further into the building to a small windowless room. There I was introduced to the clerk of the court and given some papers to read and to sign. I took my time reading them and signed when I was sure the information was correct. The forms were very straight forward. I had to sign, and have the form witnessed, and then I had to prove my identity to the clerk before he took the forms and told us to please wait in the corridor outside court number four.

I was pleased to see the whole family gathered there when we arrived. Elizabeth was in her pusher and Esme was rocking her back and forth even though she was perfectly content to lie there awake. I understood the movements though. They weren't for Elizabeth's benefit; Esme was working off her nervous energy.

I was hugged and held, kissed and patted by them all. I was told over and over that they were there for me, that Jake couldn't hurt us anymore, that we were loved and wanted and that everything would be alright.

I believed it all. I knew in my brain that I had nothing to fear from Jake, especially inside a courtroom, but my body shook and trembled as if it and my brain were no longer communicating. Edward did his best to calm me. He kept me close to him. He kissed me often, rubbed my shoulders, squeezed my hand, brought me coffee and water and offered me his handkerchief over and over. Nothing worked. I continued to shake and shudder as time ticked on.

I backed myself up against a window at the far end of the long corridor and kept my eyes trained on the door I'd been lead through. If Jake came he'd come from there, I'd see him first, I couldn't be snuck up on in any way. Edward understood it and he stood right beside. Emmett must have caught on too because he too came to stand beside me. I was flanked and watched, supported and kept safe by my new family. It should've made me happy, to know they all cared so much to come with me today, but instead it made me sad that I had to do this at all.

At last my name was called by a primly dressed woman who introduced herself as the court bailiff. Mr Benson was allowed to walk with me to the front of the room but the family had to stay behind the low partition that separated the judge and lawyers from the public gallery.

I took me a long time to let go of Edward's hand.

Mr Benson showed me to a seat on the left of the room and I took it gratefully, no longer sure I'd be able to stand without support. Mr Benson took a stack of files out of his briefcase and arranged them on the table in front of us. He mumbled to himself as he sorted them into piles.

The table to our right was still empty. No documents lined the table, the chairs stood idle beneath it. I stared at it a long time knowing that sooner rather than later I would come face to face with Jake.

The public gallery filled up quite quickly. I recognised some faces from the Reservation and I even managed a small smile when Harry came to the barrier and whispered his good wishes to me. I couldn't speak though. My throat was raw and dry and I was so close to tears with nerves that had I tried I'd simply blubber and make a fool of myself, showing all the people who'd come to watch from the Rez that I was weak. Besides when Harry had arrived nobody spoke to me other than Edward and Emmett who had positioned themselves right behind me.

I heard their encouragement but couldn't return either their smiles or their sentiments. I kept my gaze straight ahead and picked a spot on the back wall of the room to focus my attention while we waited.

The soft hum of hushed conversations rose to a more insistent hum and I knew that Jake had arrived. I didn't know what I expected, maybe the odd call of abuse, perhaps a catcall or two. But whispers and the low rumble coming from the assembled crowd wasn't it.

In my periphery I saw them sit in the seats opposite us but I kept my gaze trained forwards. I heard the sharp slap of files and folders being put down then moved on their table but still I looked ahead.

Mr Benson put his hand on my forearm, making me jolt in surprise, as the bailiff came down the centre aisle and into the space between the two tables and the high bench where the judge would soon sit.

"All rise for the Honourable Judge Cannondale," she said sternly.

I stood as Mr Benson did and watched as a very tall, very black man in a long black robe entered from a side door and took his place on the bench. He asked everyone to sit and then he began to read from a file.

"The application for dissolution of the marriage of Isabella Marie Black versus Jacob William Black will be heard this twenty-seventh day of June in the year two thousand and eleven. Mrs Black is the applicant on this petition. Is it your request that your marriage to Jacob William Black be dissolved this day Mrs Black?"

Mr Benson nodded to me to answer. I swallowed hard. "Yes sir." My voice is croaky, barely audible, but the judge nods then writes on the file.

"Is it your intention to forgo any alimony that you may be entitled to Mrs Black?"

"Yes sir," I say again, my voice a little clearer this time.

"Is it your intention to relinquish any claim to any asset acquired during the marriage Mrs Black?"

"Yes sir."

"Is it your intention to renounce any future claim for life and disability insurance, portion or piece of any earnings that leads to any retirement benefit paid to Mr Black?"

"Yes sir."

He wrote on the file and then turned slightly to where I knew Jake and his lawyer were sitting. "Is it your intention to grant Mrs Black the dissolution of this marriage without impediment Mr Black?" he asked.

His voice was ragged. Gravelly. It cut through me like a knife as he said, just as I had, 'yes sir'. I heard a low hiss behind me and wondered which of the Cullen's had uttered it. The deep, relieved sigh was Edward, that I knew for sure. Mr Benson put his hand on my forearm again and I moved my right hand on top of it and squeezed gratefully.

"The matter of the minor child Elizabeth Smith can be settled in this court if there is no disagreement about shared custody. Is there any reason a straight split, giving both parties equal time with the child, shall not be deemed fair and equitable to both parties Mr Benson, Mr Bradbury?" the judge asked both lawyers.

Mr Benson was on his feet in an instant. My panic hadn't fully risen before he was telling the judge that I did not want to share custody of Elizabeth. I could feel the bile rising in my throat and the hot, angry red blush creeping up my chest and onto my throat and neck.

"Mrs Black does not wish to share custody of the minor child your honour. It is my client's wish that if Mr Black does not relinquish his parental rights to the child that we petition the family court," Mr Benson's voice was clear and authorative and I wanted, desperately, to believe that Jake's lawyer would know not to fuck with him.

The judge peered at me, his eyebrows meeting in the centre causing his face to take on the look of an angry bird. He turned quickly to the other side of the room. "Does your client wish to share custody of the minor child Mr Bradbury?"

I could tell that the way he'd asked the question was a little off. He was stunned, shocked maybe that I wasn't willing to share Elizabeth even a tiny bit. Perhaps he thought this was an everyday, ordinary divorce? He was sorely mistaken.

Jake's lawyer got to his feet and even though I didn't turn to look at him I could just make him out in my peripheral vision. I steeled myself for what he'd say. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This could change everything.

"Mr Black will consent to relinquish his parental rights to the minor child on the condition that he be permitted to make a statement before the court today, your honour."

Another hiss from the public gallery but this wasn't just a Cullen, this was a collective group hiss. From both sides of the room. I distinctly heard Carlisle curse and Esme gasp but other than that my ears were filled with the sound of hissing.

"It is most extraordinary that the court hears a statement Mr Bradbury. Have you been made aware that if you relinquish your rights to your child Mr Black you will not be allowed custody, or any form of regular visitation with the child?" the judge asked Jake directly.

"Yes sir," he said clearly, without hesitation.

"Well then, if both parties are sure that this is what they want I grant you permission to make your statement Mr Black and may the court recorder note that Mr Black has surrendered his rights as the minor child's parent this day." He wrote for a few seconds on his file as the lady with the little typewriter tapped away steadily. "You may make your statement Mr Black," he said towards Jake's table.

I felt a warm hand at my back but couldn't look back to see who it was who'd put it there. All I could do was stare straight ahead and focus on that point on the wall. The judge was watching where Jake stood, but I couldn't. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't see his disgust for me, his hate for me on his face as he spoke. The sound of his voice was enough of a terror for me without being able to see the smugness on his face as he said his peace.

I heard the ruffle of paper and a chair scrape backwards. It made me jolt bolt upright.

I heard him clear his throat then the rustle of paper again.

"Um, I just wanted to say one thing. Bella I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to go this way. I'd do anything to take it all back, to be able to wipe the slate clean. I'll do whatever you need me to do to make it all go away for you you only have to name it and I'll do it. That's it really; I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

I'd held my breath the entire time. I'd been braced for a barrage of bad language, for accusations and anger. I let my breath out slowly as the hand at my back began a slow, rhythmic rubbing. My legs were shaking so badly that my knee was tapping the underside of the table like a pulse. My fingers felt numb, my eyes watery and my tongue felt as though it had swollen to three times its size inside my mouth.

"Well," the judge began, effectively snapping me out of my dazed state. "It seems these proceedings have come to their logical conclusion. I grant the dissolution of this marriage this day and deem that in sixty days from now the decree nisi will be issued by this court."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading. **

**Thank you, too, to everyone who has asked after my Mr Maxi. He is doing very well. Recovery has been slow, with many setbacks, but he is doing well. Therapy is hard and he is exhausted all the time, but he's on the road to recovery. As is our Bella huh?**

**Please write and let me know what you think. After much research I came to the realization that unless you actually live in Washington State the legalities, the ins and outs of the courtroom ettiquette and the legal jargon used wouldn't matter much. So I've taken several liberties but not with the actual laws themselves. Presumptive Paternity is a real law, it's a bizarre one, but it's real.**

**So, as ever, thank you to those who read and review. The story is steaming ahead and the next chapter sees our slowly forming family take a giant leap forward towards their future...some lighter times ahead...sort of ...tee hee.. :)**

**You will also notice that this chapter has Emmett's POV in it, rather than his thoughts and actions being made available in an outtake. This will happen from time to time if it suits the story. In fact, in the next two or three chapters you'll hear from Jake... **

**Maxi**

**xxx**


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43 – KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid

**EPOV**

Bella sat passively the entire drive home. She neither moved nor spoke. Her gaze stayed straight ahead, out the windshield as the trees flew by.

Elizabeth was asleep in her car seat and hadn't made a peep since being fed on the steps of the court as the family had gathered around her mother to give their congratulations.

It had been the best outcome we could've ever hoped for. Jake had done at least one thing right in his miserable life. He'd released Bella from the marriage as he'd said he would. He'd given up any legal claim to Elizabeth and Bella would soon be totally free of him too. Sixty days. In sixty days she'd be free. In sixty days I could ask her to marry me. In sixty days.

I had been euphoric. Bella had been quiet. Emmett had beaten his chest like a Neanderthal and had jeered at Jake as he'd left the courthouse. My parents had berated him but he'd ignored them and had shouted obscenities as the lawyer bundled a hunched over Jake into a waiting car. I still didn't feel sorry for him but it was obvious that the divorce had hit him badly. I hoped he knew what he had lost and if the look on his face as he'd taken in the sight of all of us Cullen's _and_ half the population of his own Reservation standing on the steps supporting Bella was anything to go by, he did.

Sixty days.

I'd already waited a lifetime so sixty days didn't seem all that long to me. Perhaps it would when the feeling of exhilaration wore off, but for now I was just happy that it was going to be over and we could get on with our life together.

Mr Benson had pulled Bella away to the side for a few quiet words before wishing us all well and quietly slipping away himself. We all stood for a few more minutes until Elizabeth began to fuss and mom took her to the car to feed her. Bella was incapable.

She was in shock. She was pale and her hand had been clammy in mine. She mumbled now and then but said nothing loud enough for anyone to be able to understand. The celebrating went on around her but she made no actual effort to participate.

Harry Clearwater, along with Seth, Sam and Paul all wished us well and left quietly soon after my mother took the baby away to be fed. Bella didn't acknowledge any of them, despite her knowing that Seth was actually her half brother. I thought that that would at least peak her interest, but she said and did nothing. I promised Harry that I'd call him soon and he seemed pleased with that as he waved goodbye to us.

Alice and Jasper were the next to leave. They both needed to get to work, as did Emmett, who kissed Bella and pulled her into a bear hug before kissing Rose and saying he'd see us all the following night. I had expected everyone to come back to the house with us but Bella's reaction to what had transpired put a hasty halt to that. The others knew she was in no shape for visitors and a plan was hatched that we'd have the family over for dinner the following night. Bella said nothing, neither agreeing nor disagreeing to the plan.

Rose had stayed close to Bella, watching her intently. She raised her eyebrows to me and nodded subtly towards the silent Bella a few times as we stood there, but apart from offering a small grim smile I couldn't say or do anything.

I had no idea what Bella was feeling and no way to know what to do for her. It was shock. Plain and simple.

I parked the car in the driveway and my mother took Elizabeth into the house once I'd freed her from her restraints. Bella stayed still in the passenger seat. She unbuckled her seatbelt when I opened her door and took my offered hand but she didn't meet my eyes or make a sound as we walked, hand in hand, into the house. I led her to the sofa in the living room and she plopped down onto it awkwardly.

"I'll get you some tea," I told her as I went into the kitchen to boil the kettle.

Mom was with Elizabeth in the nursery in Bella's rooms but soon joined me in the kitchen. She set out three cups and arranged some cookies onto a plate while I added sugar and milk to the cups.

"Has she spoken?" she asked quietly.

"Not a word," I told her just as softly. "She's in shock, I think."

Mom sighed. "I can't say that I blame her. It went well, by all standards, but seeing him and hearing him would've taken a toll on her I'm sure." With the tea made I was ready to go back to Bella but mom put a firm hand on my arm first. "Just be patient with her," she told me pointedly.

I nodded but said nothing. I had no intention of forcing Bella to open up. Her thoughts were hers to give. If she wanted to share them with me she would.

I took the tea and the plate of cookies into the living room and set them down on the low table to the side of the sofa. I took the seat beside Bella and dragged her limp hand into my lap. I traced slow circles with my thumb over the back of her hand but she gave no indication that she even felt my touch.

I was at a loss as to what to do, or say, so I said nothing. The silence wasn't cloying. She wasn't crying or even trembling anymore so her silence seemed contemplative rather than a hysterical reaction to the shock she'd suffered that morning.

So we sat. Her hand in mine. Our tea getting colder by the second.

And then she spoke.

"Sixty days," she said so quietly I thought I'd imagined it at first.

The smile that broke across my face actually hurt it was so big. She wasn't frightened at having seen and heard him. She wasn't panicked at what he'd said. She wasn't angry or frustrated at his useless apology and vague hinting at helping her now he'd inflicted all this damage. The part she'd chosen to stick to was the sixty days. Just like me she was thinking of the sixty days until she was totally free.

"Yeah, sixty days," I reply just as quietly as she had.

She didn't turn to me or change her expression. She didn't shift in her seat or change her quiet contemplative posture. She spoke clearly and simply.

**BPOV**

"Will you ask me to marry you in sixty days?"

It's all I could think of and I knew that was stupid.

I'd just been face to face with Jacob Black for the first time since I'd been rescued and all I could think of was the sixty days I was going to have to wait through until I could belong to Edward.

That was wrong, wasn't it?

Surely I should be frightened for my future? Shouldn't I be worried about something? I knew I should've been angry at Jake's pathetic apology. But I wasn't. I just ...wasn't.

All I wanted to know was that Edward wanted to marry me when I was free. I needed to know that was his plan. I desperately wanted some reassurance that the promise on my finger – and the one we'd made verbally – would be upheld.

I waited patiently for his reply but it seemed that a long, long time had passed since I'd asked the question and I began to worry that the answer I got wouldn't be the one I expected at all. Perhaps everything had changed? Perhaps it was the thrill of the chase Edward liked? Maybe now that I was going to be free his need for me, the craving he said he had, would wane?

"Sixty days," he mumbled and it left me strangely empty. I needed more. And then his fingers began to rub a little harder on the back of my hand. He shifted in his seat and I began to grow uncomfortable. I was about to pull my hand from his and flee to my room when he spoke again. "In sixty days I _won't_ ask you to marry me Bella. In sixty days I'm going to _actually_ marry you."

I turned so quickly that my ribs jagged and I gasped at the sharp pain the movement induced. But it was worth it, so worth it to see the smile on his face and the undeniable happiness in his eyes.

I flung myself at him and he caught me expertly. I buried my face in his shoulder and cried. I cried for all that I'd lost and all that I'd gained. I cried for the mistake of my marriage and the promise the next one held. I cried for Elizabeth and for my mother, I cried for myself and I cried for the time I'd lost with Edward. But mostly I cried in sheer relief that he wanted me, still.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I told him over and over as he held me.

It was incredible to me that not only was he as stunned at the announcement that in sixty days both Elizabeth and I would be free of Jake, but also because he knew and understood what I wanted and what I needed without having to explain it. He knew I wanted him, he knew I loved him; he knew I needed to be his, finally and fully in the eyes of the law and in front of god. He knew. He just, quite simply, knew.

Without warning he broke the embrace and moved both his palms to my cheeks. He stared at me a long time before licking his bottom lip and then covering my mouth with his. It was the gentlest of kisses. His thumbs stroked my cheeks as his soft, warm lips moved against mine. He was trembling. Shaking all over with emotion as he kissed me. It was lovely and it was right.

All too soon he broke the kiss and stood from the sofa. He plunged his hands into his pockets forcefully and rocked on his heels. "I'll be right back, don't move, please," he said shyly as I nodded. "Drink your tea, but don't move, please."

He ran from the room leaving me sitting on the sofa in a state of elated shock. Where he had to go, what he had to do was beyond me. I wanted to stay right there and keep kissing him.

I sipped my tea and tried to listen to the whispered conversation being held on the first floor somewhere, but I couldn't discern anything that was said. I heard footsteps, a chair scraping along the polished wooden floorboards somewhere in the house and then the closing of a door. Carlisle and Esme were home of course but I had no idea where they were within the house. Esme had taken Elizabeth to her bed as soon as we'd arrived but I had no idea where Edward had run off to.

He was back very quickly though, a boyish grin on his beautiful face as he strode towards me from the hall. He slid to his knees as he approached me and I looked at his face expectantly. What was this?

He took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles softly. He raised his eyes to mine, staring up at me through his impossibly long lashes. Without taking another breath he produced a ring and slid it halfway up my left ring finger. "Marry me?" he asked without hesitation or nerves.

I didn't take my eyes off his, not to look at the ring or to think about my answer. He wanted me. Forever. "Yes," I whispered instantly.

He slid the ring all the way onto my hand and butted it up against the promise ring that already lived there. He moved forward and kissed me hard; stealing the breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

**EPOV**

It hadn't been particularly romantic. It hadn't been done in any sort of style. Hell, it had been in the living room of my parent's home with me in suit pants and an unbuttoned business shirt and Bella in a borrowed skirt and blouse, but it had been fucking perfect!

I hadn't planned it. I hadn't even really thought about how I wanted to do it, I'd just done it. I wouldn't say it had been on a whim because, honestly, I'd dreamt of doing it my whole adult life, but it had been hasty and without nerves.

It's what I'd always wanted. It's what I'd been moving towards since Alice had first dragged her home to play on the jungle gym in the backyard after school. She was going to marry me and be mine, forever.

I didn't have a ring, I'd had to borrow one, but I knew it was the right time to do it. When she'd asked me if I'd propose after the sixty days I knew I'd never be able to wait that long, then longer so we'd have enough time to plan an actual wedding. Waiting for the sixty days to even propose felt wrong. I wanted to marry her on the sixtieth day, not propose. I wanted her to be mine the instant she legally could be. I wanted everyone on the planet to know that we'd pledged ourselves to each other.

The instant the question had left her lips I'd told her my plan. She'd thrown herself at me and had cried. At first I worried that I'd upset her. At first I panicked thinking it wasn't what she wanted, but then she'd whispered her love for me and I knew that the tears she was shedding weren't all about the events of today.

Sure, they were mixed in there too, and probably a fair amount of relief as well, but in amongst all those tears were tears of joy. I knew they were. And I knew right then what I had to do.

So I kissed her and put all the emotion and relief that I'd been feeling into it. She responded just as fiercely and my heart soared. This was right. Just simply right.

As the kiss came to its logical conclusion I knew what I had to do. Making sure she knew I'd be right back I ran to my father's study. I found him dozing on the sofa under the windows and gently shook him awake.

He was disoriented and groggy and immediately asked if Bella and the baby were alright. I grinned and told him that they were perfect. I asked if he had a ring I could borrow, preferably a diamond one, and after a few seconds of pointedly staring at me he told me that he did.

He didn't ask what I wanted it for but I think he knew. He went to the safe and withdrew a small black jeweller's box. He put it into my hand and told me that it wasn't particularly valuable, that it had belonged to his mother and that he'd inherited it. I didn't need to see it or study it because it was temporary so I plucked it from its bed of satin and closed my fist around it.

I thanked him as I ran out of the room, catching a glimpse of the amusement on his face as I closed the door behind me.

I wasted no time asking her. I didn't use fancy words or try to make the situation poetic or particularly significant using prose or a grand show of emotion. I just asked her. It was simply what I wanted. I didn't need or want to coerce her, to convince her she should say yes. I simply asked her and waited patiently for her reply.

Her reply was as simple as my request and as I slid the ring home on her finger I allowed myself a second of euphoric bliss and relief.

The kiss that followed was as emotion filled as the one before the proposal. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me to her. I slid between her knees and got as close to her as I possibly could without tearing the seams on her skirt. I kissed her and touched her; I loved her with my mouth and whispered my love for her into her ear as she clung to me.

She was going to be my wife!

Although my father obviously knew I'd proposed he said nothing when he joined us for dinner that night. My mother served the meal and I rocked Elizabeth in her little seat beside the table as we ate.

The conversation was light but not strained. Nobody mentioned the hearing. I wanted to. I wanted everyone to know how happy I was with the outcome but felt it was Bella's place to break that particular iceberg apart.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" mom asked Bella.

She looked at me and I shrugged. We had nothing planned other than our regular session with Kerry.

"Nothing that I know of," Bella said and resumed eating.

I saw the grin on my mother's face before she spoke next but didn't have time to warn Bella that that could only mean mischief.

"I'm going to Port Angeles if you'd like to do some shopping," mom announced.

Bella's shoulders slumped a little but she did well to cover her reaction. I didn't exactly know what the problem was but I had a few guesses up my sleeve.

One, Bella had no money. Which was bullshit because I had plenty and what was mine was hers.

Two, crowds weren't Bella's forte just yet. Again, an easily fixed problem. They could shop early or late and avoid the crowds.

Three, she was frightened of coming into contact with either Charlie, Jake or anyone from the Rez. This one I couldn't help with because I was frightened of her coming into contact with any of them too.

I kept eating and waited patiently for Bella to make her choice.

"Can Edward come too?" she asked very quietly almost as if she was worried my mother would be angry.

My mother had quite the opposite reaction though. "Of course! It's been years since I've been shopping with my little boy," she giggled.

I groaned and dad chuckled. "Yes Edward, you should go shopping with your mommy. You'll be needing new socks and underpants I'm sure," the traitorous bastard laughed.

I pointed my fork at him. "Laugh it up old man. We're getting married and when we get a place of our own its you who'll be shopping with her for socks and jocks," I laughed evilly.

As soon as I finished the sentence I realised my mistake. I'd tipped my hand and my mother's eyes flew to Bella's hand and Bella's hand flew to her mouth to cover her gasp.

**BPOV**

There was so much wrong with what Edward had said I didn't know where to start. From the way Esme was staring at the ring on my finger I knew the cat was well and truly out of the bag as far as our engagement _and_ as if that wasn't bad enough, Edward assumed I was ready to move out!

We'd been engaged for exactly two hours and he was making decisions for me. My brain told me it was an idle comment, and one that was said in retaliation for his father's joke, but my reaction was unavoidable.

My fork clattered to the empty plate with a loud crash that startled Elizabeth and made Carlisle wince.

"I didn't mean that," Edward was saying loudly, further upsetting Elizabeth. "I swear Bella, it was just a throw away comment. We aren't going anywhere, I promise." He had my hand in his and his eyes were filled with worry as I nodded. "When we leave here it's because you're ready and only you can tell me when you are."

"Hold on a minute Edward, back the train up," Esme said just as loudly as Edward had. I knew what was coming. "You're getting married? You're getting married? Is there something I need to know?"

Edward's face softened and he closed his eyes very briefly before apologising to me profusely. "I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out. I'm so sorry," he said over and over while he kissed my hands and blustered adorably.

Underneath his worry for me I could see the pride in his eyes. He wanted the whole world to know that we were getting married, just like I did. I could see no point in hiding it now that his parents knew, or in Esme's case she'd found out by accident. I slid my hand out of Edward's and put it to his cheek. With a smile I told him exactly what I thought. "I love you," I told him and watched his eyes begin to sparkle.

I'd never said it in front of anyone else before and I'd thought that I would be embarrassed about it, but I wasn't. I loved him. I wanted everyone to know. Marrying him would prove it but for now I wanted his parents to know how I felt. I looked over his shoulder and caught Esme's eye. "Edward has asked me to marry him and I've accepted."

The high pitched squeal she let out would've woken the dead as she leapt from her seat and hugged us both about the shoulders. "Oh I'm so happy for you both. That's so wonderful. Oh Edward, oh Bella, that's so lovely," she crowed over and over as she kissed Edward's forehead and then mine in turn. "Aren't you happy Carlisle?" she asked crossly when he kept his seat.

"Of course I am," he chuckled. "But this isn't quite the same surprise for me as it is for you darling," he laughed.

Esme just creased her brow and stared at her husband hard. "You knew and didn't tell me?" she roared playfully. "Oh Doctor Cullen, you're in serious trouble."

Carlisle merely chuckled and stood in his seat. "I think that is my cue," he said. "Esme, can I see you in our suite for a moment before rounds?" he asked her sweetly.

She giggled the whole way across the room and up the stairs. The distinct sound of a hand smacking a butt cheek echoed around the house.

Edward rolled his eyes at his parents and turned his gaze to me. "I am sorry I told them," he said.

I patted his cheek and smiled. "I'm not."

"You aren't?"

"No, should I be?"

"I just wondered if you wanted to keep it a secret or something. Maybe until your divorce is final. We could surprise the others and just get married. If we ask mom and dad to keep the engagement quiet they will. Maybe we could just do it and invite the others over for a party and surprise them with our news once it's done?"

'Once it's done'. My brain focused on those particular words as I tried to disassemble what he was trying to tell me. Did he not want a wedding, did he want to simply be married.

I could understand that. It would be hypocritical of us to have an actual wedding. I'd already done that and it had been a sham from the very start.

He didn't want to celebrate our marriage with his family. He wanted to just do it quietly, in the courthouse, because I'd already had a wedding once before. Should we just have a civil service because I couldn't marry him in his family church? I began to feel bad for him. This would be his first – and hopefully his only wedding. Would he be ashamed to be marrying a divorcee?

"Why did your face cloud over then baby?" he asked softly.

I didn't want to ruin the memory of the day he asked me to marry him but this had to be discussed. Things weren't quite as simple as they had seemed at first. The whole 'happily ever after' scenario my brain had shown me might just be too far from the mark.

"Elizabeth needs her bath and a bottle," I told him gently as I extricated myself from his grasp and my seat the dinner table.

I felt bad leaving him there with the dishes and no explanation but this was going to be tough. Tougher, maybe, than some of the awful things I'd been through in the past few years. But it had to be done. We had to talk about this and we had to do it now before anyone else found out we were engaged.

I took Elizabeth to my rooms and closed and locked the door behind me. I ran the water in the tub and bathed her slowly and gently. I talked to her about everything and nothing as she kicked and splashed in the warm water.

I dried her in a huge fluffy red towel and took her into her nursery to dress her for bed. I heated a bottle of formula and held her to me in the rocking chair while she nursed. Instead of watching my baby's eyes while she drank I looked at the rings on my finger.

A promise ring and an engagement ring. They were both so lovely and held so much meaning to me and to Edward. I knew the promise ring was a family heirloom but where he'd come up with the engagement ring was beyond me. Did he already buy one? Did he borrow it? Would someone ask for it back one day? Had he had it for years? Did it mean something even more significant for him than the promise ring?

I didn't doubt for one minute the value I placed in it. It was exactly what I would've picked had I been given a choice. It was simple and delicate and just right. No pretence, no big bold statement just a simple ring to bind the two of us together more closely.

A simple gold band with a diamond set into old fashioned claw clasps in the centre. I could tell it was old but there was no inscription on this one, just the diamond set into the simple band.

When Elizabeth stopped sucking I looked down at her closed eyelids and smiled. She was such a good baby. So content. She hardly ever cried and when she did she was easily soothed.

I kissed her forehead and put her into her crib. I tucked her in and patted her little bottom for a few seconds before checking the monitor and closing her door behind me.

I wasn't nervous about the discussion Edward and I needed to have, just anxious to have it. I knew this wasn't the end for us and if we never made it official I wouldn't make a fuss because all I really cared about was that I got to have him forever. Marriage or not I'd take him any way I could get him.

I straightened the cushions on my sofa and unlocked my door. Within seconds there was a soft knock on it. He had either been standing right outside waiting for some signal or it was a coincidence. Either way his timing was impeccable.

I knew what I wanted to say and how to say it so I ushered him into the room and asked him to take a seat on the sofa. I placed my hand into his after I'd settled myself into the seat beside him and then I looked him in the eye.

"We need to talk," I told him firmly.

He closed his eyes for half a second then nodded bleakly. "You don't want to get married, do you? I asked you too quickly. I knew it!" he mumbled. "I'm sorry I sprang it on you the way I did. I should've waited. That's what you were alluding to, with the sixty days comment, wasn't it? You were glad you had sixty days to think things over before deciding if this, if I was what you really wanted. I'm so sorry. I just got carried away. I'll take it back. It was a shit proposal anyway. I should take you somewhere nice next time. We'll go away for the weekend and I'll make it special. A nice dinner, a show or something and then I'll get down on one knee and ask you properly."

He was rambling and if it wasn't so fucking gorgeous it would've broken my heart to hear him speak the way he was speaking. He doubted me. It crushed me to think I'd given him that impression and vowed to make at least that part right as fast as I could.

I squeezed his hand tight and made sure I had his full attention before speaking. "Edward, if you're finished crapping on can I say something please?" I giggled. He looked shocked but nodded frantically. "Thank you. First things first. I will marry you. The proposal was perfect and I don't need sixty days to know something I've known almost all my life. I want you. I've always wanted you. I want to be yours and for you to be mine. I love you Edward."

He sighed heavily and ducked his head to his chest. "Thank god," he whispered to himself.

"Look at me Edward, please," I asked more confidently than I felt. When he returned his gaze to me I started again. "We need to talk about a few things before we get carried away, that's all I meant before." I put my free hand to his cheek and he turned his lips into it and kissed it softly. "I will marry you in exactly sixty days. I promise that's not what this is about. But I need to ask you some things before everyone jumps on this and turns it into something you don't want. Alright?"

He looked confused but said alright anyway.

"Good. Now, I want you to know how sorry I am that we can't get married properly. I'm sorry that we can't get married in your family church but being married to you is all that I care about. I don't care where or how we do it, as long as it happens. I also understand if you just want to go to the courthouse and do it in front of a judge and then have a party with the family. Hell, a civil celebrant in the park is fine with me as long as it happens. I can only begin to imagine how embarrassing it would be for you to be marrying a divorcee so I agree that we shouldn't make a big song and dance about it. So your idea sounds great. We'll go to the court, get married and invite everyone to a party and announce what we've done."

He sat bolt upright and with a look of utter devastation on his face he began to shake his head violently.

"No Isabella. Just no," he seethed.

**EPOV**

This was all fucked up! This wasn't the conversation we were supposed to be having.

We should've been laughing about what stupid dress Rose and Alice were going to be forced into on the wedding day. We should've been plotting how to play my brother off against my brother in law for the best mans position. We should've been rolling our eyes and cringing at the fuss my mother was going to make about the whole thing.

Instead she was talking about me being ashamed of her because she was going to be a divorcee. She was crapping on about not being able to get married in church and just doing it cheaply and nastily in the fucking same courthouse that had granted her deliverance from Jake and all his evil!

This was all wrong.

So I told her no. Just simply no. That wasn't how this was going to go down. I'd waited too long, been too fucking patient. I'd been the good guy for long enough. This was my time. This was our time. It was time that we both got what we wanted, no compromising, no cutting corners and definitely no fucking hiding our happiness from anyone.

It was so wrong I told her again. "No Bella, that's not how this is going to be. No fucking way. There is no fucking way I'm marrying you in some shitty courtroom with some crazy drunk off the street as a witness. That's not how this is going to go down at all."

She just stared at me with frightened eyes. I felt bad that she thought I was angry and I guess in some small way I was. But not at her, rather with the way she saw herself and our situation.

I slid my hand up her throat and into her hair by her temple. "The details are unimportant, that part of your bullshit scenario was exactly right. Being married to you is all that matters to me too, but you've got it all wrong baby. You can argue later, with my mother and sisters probably, about colours and themes and a dress and the fucking food and the fucking flowers, but I'll tell you how it's going to be. Sixty days from now you are going to arrive at the church, yes my family's church, and I will be there in a suit and tie with stupid fucking flowers pinned to the lapel. You'll walk down the aisle and the pastor will marry us. I'll be shaking and nervous and so fucking thankful that you turned up that everything and everyone else will melt away until I hear you say the words 'I do'. Then we're going to go to the swankiest fucking place I can find around here and we're going to dance the night away with our family and friends. Everyone will envy me because you'll be so fucking amazing, so goddamned beautiful that even the married guys will be jealous." I paused only to take a breath. I gave her no chance to butt in, no chance to interrupt. This was what I wanted and I had a very fucking good reason for wanting it too. "You'll be kissed and hugged by everyone and I'll be ready to kill them all by the time they give you back to me. We'll smile for pictures until our cheeks ache. We'll drink champagne and laugh at Emmett and Jasper's stupid speeches. We'll not eat a bite of our dinner because we'll be too busy making goo goo eyes at each other to bother with food. My dad will make a far too serious speech that will embarrass me, my uncle Aro will try to pinch your ass because that's what he always fucking does at family weddings. My second cousin Tanya will make a pass at me and you'll probably punch her into next week for trying. We'll eat cake and leave in a flash car that someone has tied blown up condoms on and then we'll drive somewhere nice and secluded and I'll finally make love to you AS MY FUCKING WIFE!" I bellowed.

I hadn't meant to shout quite so loudly but by the time I'd finished my speech I was beyond rational thought.

She looked stunned. She hardly breathed. When she did it was to utter the final words that broke my resolve to stay calm.

"But people will know I'm a divorcee," she whispered quietly.

This time I did shout. This time it did wake Elizabeth up. This time my parents came running. I didn't care at all. She had to know what I thought and she just wasn't listening to me.

I leapt to my feet and stood right in front of where she sat perched on the edge of the sofa.

"I want everyone in the known universe to know that you divorced that mother fucking useless, spineless cunt Bella. I want you to stand in front of god and all the family and friends we can muster and tell the world you'll love me forever. For good or bad. For better for worse. In sickness and in health. I want it all Bella or I want nothing at all. Choose!" I screamed.

**BPOV**

He was so enraged I could see the veins in his throat pulsing.

His fists clenched at his sides rhythmically at the rate he was breathing.

But I wasn't scared of him at all. His rage wasn't for me; he was just trying to make me listen.

Carlisle and Esme burst through the door at the same time that Elizabeth began to wail.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Carlisle shouted.

"Why are you screaming Edward?" Esme asked, shocked.

I reached across the short distance between us and grabbed hold of Edward's hand and got to my feet. I faced him fully, without fear and without hindrance. He wanted it all or nothing.

I nodded minutely to Edward before turning to his parents. "He's yelling because we're getting married. In sixty days. In the family church. In front of god and the family. And apparently his uncle Aro will pinch me on the ass and his second cousin Tanya is a slut," I giggled.

Friday night dinner became a bit of a 'rule' for us after the one that followed my divorce hearing.

After the 'big blow out' - as our shouting match in my rooms was referred to – life settled into something the others called normal. It wasn't normal to me, however. I wasn't used to the freedom I had and was constantly being told to just do as I please and to stop asking if I could do things inside 'my own house'.

I rediscovered a love of cooking and spent many a long hour baking with Esme. She introduced me to her plants, which sounded weird at first and even I knew it wasn't normal to think of plants as people, but Esme did. She had named each of her exotic orchids and I must admit that they looked healthier and more vibrant after she'd lovingly tended to them.

I spent hours in Carlisle's study talking to him about my sessions with Kerry and about what I wanted to do with my life, other than be a wife and mother of course. I hadn't done very well my senior year at high school and while we didn't talk about why, I knew he understood. I hadn't talked to Edward yet about my plan to resit my final exams with the other graduating students at the local high school but I figured there was no hurry just yet.

That first week in the house was blissful because Edward was home with us the whole time. The only time we weren't together those next few days was when we bathed. Other than that we did almost everything together. But it wasn't to last. He returned to work at the clinic on the Monday and it left me feeling lonely and longing for five o'clock when he'd come bounding through the front door, usually yelling for me. When he found me he kissed me passionately and told me how much he loved and missed me. We had contact during the day. We emailed and sent text message after text message, but it was never enough.

At first I tried to make sure that Elizabeth was asleep when he came home so that she wouldn't bother him but after a few days he admitted that he missed her and wanted to know why she was always asleep. A tense moment was had when I told him I was making sure she didn't eat up his precious time once he got home from work. He yelled and I cried but after a little while it got sorted out and we were fine again.

He made me promise not to do that. He told me over and over how much he loved her, how much he wanted to see her and spend time with us both. He made sure I knew that her routine was paramount and that if she genuinely needed to be asleep at that time of an afternoon he'd understand, but I wasn't to purposely put her to bed because he was coming home.

Dinner was always on the table at six, sharp. A couple of times Esme was angry with Carlisle for being late so I made sure to be there to help prepare the meal and that both Elizabeth and I were seated when the meal began. I hadn't missed or been late yet and didn't plan to be.

After dinner Esme and Carlisle would take Elizabeth out onto the deck for coffee while Edward and I did the dishes. Esme had tried to protest at first but when Edward explained that we really did want to clean up she sighed and relented. She asked me about it the next day and I explained, vaguely, how it reminded both of us of what things were like when we were shy teenagers and that it made us happy to finally be able to talk and play and laugh – and swat at Edward's edible backside with the tea towel – as we cleaned the kitchen. After that she never once balked when we said we'd clean up and it became one of my favourite times of the day.

The mornings, however, were not. Saying goodbye to Edward as he went to work hurt. It truly hurt. It was getting slightly better but not by much. He lingered as long as possible on the front porch but it always broke my heart to have to wave goodbye to him as he drove away.

Driving had also become a big part of my new life. I drove everywhere! I loved it. It was so freeing and I felt in control and independent when I took myself and Elizabeth off to somewhere without a care in the world. I was stopped by Charlie periodically and the first time had been frightening, but after that one time, when I realised that he truly couldn't do anything to me other than issue me with another stupid ticket for some idiotic imagined traffic infringement I got used to it.

I'd been to visit Edward at the clinic twice. Once when Elizabeth got a cold and another time when he finally convinced me to make an appointment to see Steve Glover. It took me half the morning to get the courage up to back the car out of the drive and another twenty minutes sitting in the parking lot at the actual clinic to get the courage up to walk inside.

The appointment itself wasn't so bad and as I'd left I'd wondered what the fuss had been all about. In my session with Kerry the next day she praised me endlessly for my bravery and strength but really I didn't deserve all that praise for doing something as utterly normal as taking control of my health.

I shopped at the grocery store with Elizabeth strapped into the little baby carrier seat on the top of the cart and handed over my very own platinum credit card with pride every time. It took me longer to get used to spending Edward's money than it had taken me to get used to not hoarding spare change, but I'd overcome it eventually.

I still didn't like it, but it no longer made me anxious or feel guilty. We'd fought over it at first. Edward was infinitely patient with me but on this he wouldn't budge. His attempts to give me cash became more and more ambiguous as the days went by. Any and every excuse to try he took. He began leaving wads of it all through my rooms and I even found two crisp hundred dollar bills tucked into the side pocket of Elizabeth's bottle bag once.

Things came to a head when Elizabeth got a cold and he gave me a prescription for some infant cold medication. I didn't fill it. He checked with the pharmacy two days later. That afternoon he came home with a credit card in my name and threw it at me across the sofa in the living room.

'I will not have _my_ daughter go without essential medication because her mother won't accept money from me, Isabella' he'd raged. I kept my thoughts on calling her _his_ daughter to myself but as soon as I got a chance I replayed the way he'd said it over and over.

I told him that Elizabeth was fine and reminded him that he'd only given me the prescription 'just in case' she didn't improve over the following twenty four hours and seeing as she had I didn't think I needed to get it filled. But he wouldn't listen to that kind of reason.

Instead he threw the card at me again and made me promise to use it. He said there would be no more cash, no more accounts at the grocery store and no more store credit at places he knew I needed to visit during the week. If I wanted or needed anything I'd have to use the card.

I was mortified and both Carlisle and Esme were seriously angry with him. They both offered me cash the very next day but I declined. Edward had explained that he wasn't isolating me, he wasn't punishing me and I wasn't bound to follow any rules, not that he was laying any down. But he wanted me to depend on him because he knew I had nobody else to depend on – besides his parents who he said he was determined to keep out of our personal business. I told him I didn't like ultimatums and that it was unfair of him to cancel accounts all over town because I was cautious with his money. I screamed at him and asked if he wanted me to be some stupid, vapid shallow girl who spent whatever she liked without having to ever lift a finger to earn it. He laughed then. Actually laughed at me and I was so angry I threw the card back in his face and told him to shove it.

He laughed again.

He picked the card up from where it had fallen at his feet and stalked across the room to where I stood. He pulled my hand away from my pocket and put the card in it, closing my fingers over it before speaking very quietly.

"What's mine is yours. Spend what you like, I don't care. There are no restrictions on where you can spend it or on what you choose to spend it on. But if you don't fill that prescription tomorrow I will drag you to the pharmacy myself and stand right beside you while you do. This isn't a game Bella. This is the health of our daughter. And for the sake of twenty dollars, because that's all the script will cost to fill, twenty lousy dollars you are willing to play with her well being. I'm not. Fill the prescription." I nodded bleakly; it was all I could do. I wanted to say something but he never gave me the chance. He kissed me hard on the lips and pulled me to him. "And you couldn't be a – what was it – stupid, vapid and shallow girl even if you wanted to. Besides, you're all woman baby, all woman."

The next day I had the prescription filled and handed over my new credit card with a grin on my face. Since then I hadn't looked back.

I still felt bad for every cent I spent, but when it came to essentials – especially things for Elizabeth – I bought what she needed without really blinking. Edward never questioned anything that appeared on the bill and I did my best to minimise what I spent.

The family dinners were noisy affairs now that our engagement was the main topic of discussion. Actually, that wasn't right. The main topic of discussion was the wedding, the engagement caused quite a stir that first Friday night but since then it had been all about the wedding.

Us four women were planning and organising everything, it seemed all the men had to do was turn up.

Carlisle had taken us both to meet with Pastor Weber during my second week at the Cullen house and he, much to my relief, agreed to marry us in the church. I wasn't sure why he would choose to condone it, but he did. The looks that passed between Carlisle and the Pastor during the conversation told me that some wangling had taken place, perhaps even some polite coercion but I didn't mind. I wanted to be married in that church and so did Edward so any amount of discreet cajoling Carlisle did on our behalves we were grateful for.

At the third Friday night dinner Edward asked his siblings what they thought of the Sol Duc Hot Springs Resort in the national park for the reception. What would happen after the actual ceremony I hadn't paid too much attention to. Marrying him was all I cared about and thought the whole idea of a big swanky reception was a waste of money. Nobody else thought that way, however, so I usually kept my protestations to myself when it was spoken of.

"It's gorgeous but it's too far to go," Alice crinkled up her nose at the idea.

"I agree. An hour's drive between the church and the reception is too far dear," Esme agreed with Alice.

"Why don't the ten of us just come back here?" I suggested. It made sense to me. We didn't need to throw a party because it would more than likely only be us and we fit around the dining room table without a problem.

Esme's gasp startled me first but it was Edward's reaction to my suggestion that floored me most.

"You think there is just going to be the ten of us at our wedding?" he asked sarcastically. It was exactly what I thought so I nodded. He laughed for half a second then drew my hand to his lips. Without taking his eyes from mine he spoke to his mother who was at his left. "Hey mom, tell Bella how many acceptances we've had so far."

Esme's smile was radiant. "Seventy- four," she said smugly.

He raised his eyebrows at me and smiled smugly. "The ten of us huh?" he laughed. "But I'll tell you one thing, I like your idea of having the reception here. A big marquee, a heap of round tables and chairs and a dance floor so we can dance all night long."

The table erupted with suggestions and encouragement and promises to help from all the family.

So that's how, thirty-four days into the sixty the court had given me, I found myself standing in the middle of a jewellery store with Esme and Alice on either side of me peering through the glass topped cabinets at wedding bands.

We'd already been to the florist and sorted through hundreds of photographs of table arrangements. We'd sat through a half hour lecture about cutlery and the use of outdoor lighting to create the right mood by the local party supply guru. It took an hour to convince Esme that we didn't need a live band and that cd's would be fine for the makeshift dance floor.

I was determined to pick what I wanted for Edward's ring. I was happy to listen to their advice but in the end I wanted his ring, which I hoped he'd wear forever more, to by my choice.

Spending Edward's money on his own ring felt so wrong but nobody would listen to me.

"I like that one," Alice said, pointing to a thick gold band with engraving all around its surface. "It's masculine but still intricate."

"I like that one," Esme said as the salesgirl pulled yet another satin covered board out from under the glass. "It's simple and plain but the diamond gives it a certain touch of the modern, don't you think dear?" she asked me as she took the ring from its cradle.

I ran my finger around it and studied it hard. I'd never chosen a ring for someone before and it was tough. Weren't they all the same? Would he even care what sort of ring he wore?

That's when I saw it.

"That one," I told the salesgirl. "I want that one."

She took it from its pedestal and dropped it into my hand. It was heavy. The band was much wider than either of the two rings the others liked. It had a flat section on the top of the ring with a flat, inlaid piece of pitch black onyx embedded in it. Into the onyx had been carved intricate lines that swept on an angle from one side to the other. The engraved parts were slightly shinier than the smooth surface and I knew instantly that this was Edward's ring.

Esme looked over my shoulder at it and gasped. "Wow," was all she said but it said it all really.

"He'll love it," Alice assured me as she got a good look at it.

I handed it and my credit card to the salesgirl. She took both away to the other side of the store to process the payment. She returned with the receipt and I popped the box with the ring in it into my pocket.

Had I known what was about to happen I'd have insisted we go straight home, but I'd let Alice and Esme talk me into having coffee and cake to celebrate the buying of the ring.

I'd been away from Elizabeth for three hours already – she was at Rosie's – and really wanted to just go and collect her but the disappointment on their faces made me change my mind.

They led me to a small bakery cafe only two or three stores along from the jewellers and we sat in a booth in the centre of the place. After making our choices from the limited menu Alice went to the cake counter to place our order while Esme went to the barista to order our coffee. It wasn't busy so there were empty booths and empty tables all over. I was getting better at being in public but still wasn't keen. I was better if Edward was with me but I'd started coming into town with just Elizabeth more and more often as the weeks went by. Kerry said I was making good progress and to just keep doing whatever it was I was doing because it was obviously working.

"You fucking bitch!"

I heard the words but didn't have time to wonder who was screeching them, or who they were screaming them at, when I felt the sting of a hard slap across my cheek.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who sent me messages and reviewed the last chapter. **

**I know you are all angry and upset at Jake's pathetic apology, and you're all worried that everyone is going to suddenly forgive him, but let me assure you now that's just not going to happen. **

**He's evil and nothing will ever make any of the Cullen's, or anyone else for that matter, accept his reasoning or his apology. **

**Please review. **


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44 – Spin Cycle

**EPOV**

The month passed so quickly that when I looked at the calendar at work and realised that it was already July I had to stop, reread the date, and then carry on with my patient notes.

Since the hearing so much had changed for me, and for Bella. She was making remarkable personal progress and our relationship was too. Though not in a physical sense.

The day of the hearing I'd asked her to marry me and I had been so happy, and still am, that she'd said yes that all else seemed to melt away as we went through the exciting time of informing family and friends of our upcoming wedding. But after a while reality set in.

I'd made a fundamental mistake and I now regretted it wholly.

Bella had thought I didn't want to marry her in the conventional way, church, flowers white dress and all that shit, but I did. That's where my big fucking mouth got me into trouble.

I'd yelled at her, to convince her how sincere I was, that we _would_ be getting married in a church and we _would_ be having a proper reception and that we _would_ ride off into the sunset and then I'd _finally_ be able to make love to her as my wife.

That one little word was destined to torture me for the coming sixty days.

I'd said _finally._

The alarm bells didn't start ringing about how stupid that comment had been until the next day.

Elizabeth was asleep in her crib in my room because mom had taken Bella to the hospital for her visit with Kerry. When they came home Bella came to my room and we ended up on the bed, making out like mad. I'd missed her so much that I'd pulled her to me and kissed her hard. She didn't complain either. She went along for the ride and participated fully in my desperate bid to be near her again. But something was amiss.

Every time we'd retraced our steps and moved towards something more Bella had taken the lead and had taken the next step. This time she did not. She let me kiss her however I wanted to and she even let me trace my fingers up her bare back and over her bare stomach and I'd traced the underside of her right breast before too but she never made a move to go any further than we already had.

It wasn't until she explained why that I realised I'd caused the problem myself.

'You said you'd _finally_ make love to me as your wife on the night of the wedding,' she'd said innocently.

I tried my hardest to back track, to take it back, to try to make her see that waiting wasn't what I'd meant, or wanted. But she was adamant. She explained that she agreed, that we should leave that one rule unbroken. She said we were already dangerously close to incurring god's wrath as it was – me marrying a divorcee who already had a child – and no amount of reasoning, talking or in the end begging would sway her. This was how she wanted it and me being the pussy that I was agreed. Reluctantly. Very fucking reluctantly.

So me and Mrs Palmer and her five daughters became well acquainted with each other again, just like we had been during my teenage years. It was fucking pathetic. And Bella made it worse daily.

Oh, she didn't know she was making it worse, but she was.

As she grew more confident in herself she became more confident with me. We kissed a lot more. We touched a lot more and our nights of 'sleeping' got increasingly _harder _for me. She was less inclined to hide it in public, or at least in front of the family, so there was a lot more hand holding, general touching and a lot more affection shown when the family was present.

We also began to see more and more of the real Bella emerge as she settled more and more into a routine within the house. She sang! Who knew she had the voice of an angel? While she did her chores she sang. When feeding Elizabeth she sang. When I played she sang! In the shower she sang...oh god, Bella in the shower was going to be the end of me!

We spent every night in her bed, which in itself was torture, but every morning she'd skip into her bathroom to shower and sing. I'd have to lie there, in the empty bed, and listen as she washed herself. Knowing she was washing herself was bad enough, but lying so close to the bathroom and hearing her so happy caused me all sorts of problems. She took a long time, thank fuck, because a few times I'd almost been caught post-self- relief and didn't relish trying to explain my racing heartbeat and my raspy voice.

Sleeping next to her night after night with no relief was an agony I can only describe as acute. Her smell, the way she looked, the soft snuffling sounds she made as she curled herself around me all had my senses on high alert and my dick wide awake and aching to be touched.

I woke up dozens of times dry humping her thigh and a couple of times with my cock in my hand as she slept on beside me, oblivious thank god.

Other things, little things, began to make life difficult for me in the crotch-u-lar region too. Once our argument about money was finally, once and for all settled, she began to shop for herself too. That meant hip hugging jeans and t-shirts were the order of the day rather than Alice' chosen pants and blouses. Now fully healed she didn't need the crop tops either so I was further tortured by the hints of lace that peaked out now and then from her shirts. The two women had totally different taste and as Bella's own style began to emerge I started having difficulty concentrating on even the simplest things if Bella was in the room. She had a penchant for hipster jeans and if she bent over too close to me I was treated to the sight of her bare midriff or back. I excused myself from the room so many times those first few weeks that eventually my father pulled me aside to ask if I was alright.

It was the hardest, most embarrassing thing I've ever had to tell him, but I did. He was shocked. Both he and my mother, and probably my siblings too, assumed that we'd consummated our relationship weeks beforehand and that's why we'd taken to spending so much time alone in Bella's rooms.

I had sighed hard and buried my head in my hands as I explained what was going on. He laughed, fucker, but after that he was sympathetic. Not so sympathetic not to hang shit on me at every opportunity, but he was smart enough never to do it in front of Bella so I let it slide with as much good grace as I could muster. Which, by the end of that first month wasn't much.

Along with Bella's new found self confidence came the cheeky side of Bella. Where innuendo and ribbing had made her feel uncomfortable before now she was beginning to come out with her own comments.

I came out of the bathroom one morning to find her only half dressed. I'd either been too quick in the shower or she'd had to tend to Elizabeth before dressing. I apologised and tried to exit her rooms as fast as I possibly could but to my surprise she just grinned at me and told me to stay then continued dressing. I only caught a glimpse of the side of her left breast but it was enough to send me fleeing through the house and up to my own rooms.

The grin was what undid me. She wasn't embarrassed. She wasn't upset. Hell, she didn't even look sorry. She looked confident. Confident and so fucking downright innocently sexy that I had to shower again. Let's just say that Mrs Palmer and I were even more intimately acquainted after that morning than ever.

It happened more and more often after that. Not catching Bella dressing, but the understated sexuality. Everything she did and everything she said had this undercurrent of latent eroticism. To me it did anyway. To everyone else what she did and said was probably perfectly normal but to me I could relate everything back to sex. Sex I wasn't getting.

I'd never been in a full on sexual relationship before so I didn't know what regular sex was like, but I had an imagination and I could guess that getting your mind blown nightly was pretty fucking amazing or nobody would bother. I'd had sex, of course, but never often and only once or twice with the same girl, so I'd never had the benefit of maintained sexual release. I started to wonder if Bella was teasing me on purpose. It seemed unlikely and I was unwilling to ask, so once again I had to struggle through some pretty heavy petting sessions and try to keep my over active libido in check.

At first I tried to ignore it, thinking she had no idea what she was doing to me. But after a few days I was going out of my mind. After two weeks I started inspecting my hands for calluses. At month's end I was a nervous wreck.

Each time she lowered her lashes I got hard. Each time she stooped to collect something or put something down I got hard. Each touch, each whisper, each waft of her scent drove me to near insanity.

As a curious teenager my friends and I had wondered if each man on earth was given a certain number of erections and there was no way to renew your quota. We theorised that that was why old men had erectile dysfunction. If I still believed it I'd be fucking terrified that I'd used up my quota already with the number of unused erections I'd had during those weeks!

I was the cleanest fucking human specimen on the planet I'd showered so much. No self respecting bacterium would live on my skin I showered so frequently. I had waterlogged skin and wrinkles far before my time. When the monthly bills arrived in the post I expected my mother to pull me aside and ask me to pay a bigger share in the utilities because I'd used so much goddamned hot water!

She never did, but I expected it for days.

I knew almost for certain by then that Bella had no idea what she was doing to me but that somehow made it all worse. If she could have this profound an effect on me and she wasn't even trying what the fuck was going to happen to me when she did it on purpose? And I knew she would. One day she was going to find her inner strength completely and she'd unleash unholy sexual hell on me and I'd be done for. Calluses would be the least of my problems then. I'd end up with a chaffed dick!

Emmett seemed to sense her burgeoning awakening and encouraged it, usually at my expense, as much as he could. They joked and laughed, teased and tormented me without Bella even realising she was doing it. But I knew my brother. I knew he was aware of the situation even if we hadn't discussed it.

Bella seemed to find her sense of humour in those few weeks too. It was dry and could be coarse and sometimes downright filthy, all good things usually. But with my overactive imagination every joke and prank they concocted took my brain right back to the gutter and related it directly to Bella and me. Some of the dreams I'd been having were probably illegal in several states.

Keeping it all from Kerry was paramount. I knew that instinctively. While anything I said to her in confidence had to be kept that way I knew that if I made any comment relating to sexual frustration she'd bring it up in our next paired session and relate it to Bella and I'd be forced to admit to my weakness. I didn't want that.

I wanted Bella as my wife. I knew that I did. Most of me was pleased that she'd taken my comment the day of the proposal so seriously and she was right to want us to wait until we were properly married. But another part of me, and not just the part of me that contained all my erogenous zones, was excited to keep that little tiny piece of tradition intact.

Thank Christ I hadn't waited to propose! Thank god we were only a few weeks away from the actual wedding! If I had waited to propose on the sixtieth day I'd then have to wait more months to have her, and that wasn't an option.

'Local Doctor Succumbs to Severest Case of Blue Balls in Human History' would be the headline in the Forks Gazette if I had to wait much longer.

A tiny part of my brain wondered if it wasn't all a bit rushed but the rest of me was hell bent on getting her to say I do. We'd talked about every detail and I knew that if Bella felt rushed she'd have said something well before now. She never had so my wedding night fantasies went ahead full steam.

Alice and Bella began snickering in private. I never asked about what but I got a lot of sly looks and some hastily covered up giggles in that first month. Rosie was hardly better, just less interested in covering it up. She would openly taunt me. The two of them would play 'dress up Bella' and then parade her in front of me in some obscene get up or another. I could see that Bella hated it but she was good natured at heart and let my sisters do their worst to her. But to me it was pure torture. The short skirts, the spiky tousled sex hair, the brazen red lipstick and worst of all the lingerie...god the lingerie. The other two said it was dress rehearsals for the wedding but I knew better. I knew the groom wasn't allowed to see anything related to the wedding outfit before the actual wedding which meant they were torturing me on purpose. I chose to believe Bella was oblivious.

Bella and Emmett were impossible together too. Whatever he'd said to her the day she found out about the divorce hearing had brought them closer together and while I wasn't exactly jealous of it, it did irk me.

They'd text each other dirty jokes, or pictures, and would laugh conspiratorially across the dinner table if someone said something funny. They had private jokes and I hated it. Not enough to say anything, I was dumb, not stupid. Emmett would raise his eyebrows at her whenever she said anything risqué or slightly off colour and it was to him that she always looked to first for confirmation that what she'd said was alright. That hurt me. But I understood it. Emmett was her sounding board for all things social. I was her sounding board for everything else.

Emmett was universally loved and he was teaching her how far to go in social situations. She was a model student too. Within weeks she was telling blue jokes to my father that had him in stitches and made my mother blush furiously. Alice and Jasper loved her joke of the day, something instigated by Jaz of all people. He suggested that instead of keeping their jokes to themselves why didn't they just pick the best joke of the day – told between the two of them – and text it to everyone at dinner time. It was a good idea and served several purposes. One it would mean everyone got a laugh and two it meant that Bella would have a definite conversation starter at the beginning of the meal. Something she was having trouble doing for herself. Starting and keeping up a conversation with anyone that wasn't family was hard for her. This seemed to work. Not to mention some of the jokes were hilarious and after a few days of it we all looked forward to getting that text at the end of the day. Even me.

So as Bella changed so did the rest of the family. Rose became softer; more open with us all and generally less harsh. Alice and Bella spent hours discussing the pregnancy and poring over books about birthing and early childhood. Jasper learned along with them but even he had changed. He was more willing to share Alice with us now. Of course we understood that the newlyweds would want to spend their time together, locked away doing what newlyweds did, but he slowly let his guard down and they were both reabsorbed into the daily routine of the main house. They still went to work and they still lived in their house, just like Emmett and Rosalie, but I could probably count on one hand the numbers of days Bella had gone without contact with one or both couples in the past month. That went for the Ninja too. Angus was a source of much joy for Bella. He adored her, and Elizabeth. Hardly a day went by that she didn't see one or all of them. If she didn't actually see them she spoke with them, or emailed them, or texted them. I loved watching her slowly open up more and more.

Mom and dad changed too. Dad spent more and more time in the house and out of his study. He spent hours sitting with Elizabeth in the sunshine on the back decking and more and more time in the living areas of the house with us. Mom too. Before Bella she would spend the hours after dinner in her sewing room in the top of the house, now she spent them with us.

If asked I think everyone would agree that – besides Bella – the one who'd changed the most had been me.

All my adult life I knew what I was missing, not having Bella in my life, but I never for one moment realised just how profoundly different life could be with her finally in it. Everything felt different. Everything looked different. Normal situations took on real meaning and I learnt to roll with the punches more each day. I didn't panic as much as I had when Bella was first admitted to the hospital and I stopped 'mothering' her as my own mother put it. I stopped assuming I knew what was best for her and she stopped relying on me to tell her what to do. We grew up together.

We weren't done with that, we both knew that, but we'd made serious inroads.

Just the lessons on self control were making their mark on me. Via the agony of longing to have her I learned to love all of her. If we'd been having sex I was sure I would've missed so much about her actual personality. The sense of humour, the singing, what a talented cook she really was. Her desire to go back to school – which she thought I didn't know about – her love of books and music and her thirst for knowledge. All that might have been lost to me if I had spent the past month losing myself in her body.

Joshua had been another constant source of joy for us both even though the going was slow for us to bring him home legally. I badgered Gary Benson mercilessly for weeks asking about the hearing and how to speed up the process. Eventually I stopped. Sort of. I confined my enquiries to once every few days. All we knew for certain was that the hearing had been held. No outcome or a date set for us to move forward had been set. It was so fucking frustrating and heartbreaking to watch Bella say goodbye to him every day at the hospital. He became more and more attached to her, and to me, as the days went on.

He was almost ready to be discharged and I hoped, beyond hoped actually, that we'd be allowed to bring him home before the wedding, but it looked unlikely. With only three weeks to go it looked as though he'd go into temporary care when he was discharged. Robson Willis had been fantastic and had gone to bat in our corner on more than one occasion but due process was due process and no amount of money or social standing was going to hurry it along. Dad tried. He never said what he'd done but it didn't work.

I had no idea who he would go home with or even where he'd go to but Gary assured us both that he'd be well looked after if it came to that.

Everything was moving along nicely. The wedding plans were coming along even though I wasn't privy to a lot of them. Bella was making great leaps ahead and Elizabeth was thriving. Mom and dad were content with us doing our own thing in the house and my siblings had embraced both my girls – and Joshua – and we were just one big happy functioning family.

I had anticipated a few spanners in the works along the way, and god knows we'd had a few to date, but things had been ticking along nicely for an entire week when the shit hit the fan, again.

Leaving for the clinic that morning – day thirty four – was as agonising as ever. Bella held me hard on the front porch and I waited until the last possible second to let her go before driving to work.

The whole day was fucking bedlam.

Mr Petersen bottomed out on my exam table, right there in my office. I hit the emergency button and dragged the crash cart from the hallway into my office and started compressions and bought him back, but fuck...right there in my office, on my examination table!

The paramedics took him right to Forks General, probably right to my dad.

Mrs Motloff's post surgery wound was infected and it took me half an hour to extract the dying flesh from around it before I could clean it up and send her on her way.

The 'sisters grim', as the McDonald twins were called, were at their gloomy best, to top it all off. They whined and grumbled their way through a double consultation and left me feeling depressed and pissed off by the time they left.

"Your mother is on line two Edward," Gail announced through the intercom.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for another discussion about tablecloths or who should sit next to Great Aunt Antonia. "Hey mom, what's up?" I said as cheerily as I could.

"Sweet Pea's Bake Shop on West. Bella's been hurt," she said breathlessly.

I didn't breathe, I just reacted. "Two minutes mom, give me two minutes," I yelled into the receiver as I slammed it back into its cradle. I was pulling my keys from my pocket and dialling on my cell phone before I reached reception. "Bella's been hurt I have to go," I tell Gail who nods frantically and wishes us well as I leave.

Dad doesn't pick up and I figure he's still in surgery with Mr Petersen so I hang up and dial Bella's cell. It rings out. It makes me panic more. I call Rosie.

"She's fine," Rose answers with a chuckle.

"What?" I roar as I hang a quick left onto West Avenue.

"Elizabeth, she's fine, you don't need to check on her all the time," she laughs again.

I don't have time for the game she wants me to play. "Bella's been hurt, keep Elizabeth there until I collect her, yeah?" I tell her, sort of ask her, but mostly tell her.

"Oh god, do what you need to. Elizabeth is fine here. Call me," she says and hangs up.

Rosie's all business. She knew I was panicking. She knew I wouldn't want to chat. I throw the phone onto the passenger seat and try to concentrate on the traffic. Too much fucking traffic. I see the cruiser parked next to the curb where the bakery is and curse. If Charlie Swan is in there upsetting Bella I'll kill him with my bare hands I think as I double park in a side street.

I run as fast as the traffic allows me to and when I get to the doors of the bakery a deputy puts his hand on my chest. "You can't go in there sir," he says flatly.

"She's my fiancée," I hiss right in his face.

He says nothing but he does move slightly aside and I rush forward.

Bella is slumped in a booth, tears streaming down her face. My mother is across the table from her, whispering quietly to her as she cries. Bella looks okay, upset but okay. Her cheek is bright red and I guess that she's either been hit or at the very least slapped.

Alice stands to the right, maybe two meters away, talking to a female deputy who is writing in a notepad.

There is a girl screaming like a banshee in another booth at the back of the cafe.

Bella looks up and sees me and starts to move out of the booth. I go right to her and I crush her to me, pulling her so close I'm sure I'm going to suffocate her. "Shhh, it's okay, I'm here, its okay," I find myself telling her even though I don't know what 'it' is yet.

Bella is shaking all over. Really shaking. She's ice cold and crying so hard that I can hear the sobbing starting deep down in her belly. I look over her head at the screaming girl and start to wonder what the fuck has gone on here.

"Sir?" The female cop approaches me. "Can I have a quiet word, over there?" she nods towards the booth that held the girl who had been screaming when I came in.

"Let me look her over first," I shout at the cop who backs away with a curt nod of her head. I push Bella away from me slightly and look her over from head to toe. "Where are you hurt baby?" I ask softly. She's sobbing so hard she can't tell me and my heart breaks for her. She's been through so much already, she didn't need this. Fuck, nobody needed this shit, but especially my Bella. I run my hands over her shoulders and down her arms. She stands stock still while I check her over and I try not to be too clinical or too detached. She doesn't need Doctor Cullen she needs Edward Cullen. I lift her chin so I can get a clearer look at her face. I can see the hand print on her left cheek and silently thank god that it's that side – if it had to be any side at all – and not the same one that had just healed. I run my thumb over the mark and then I kiss it gently. "Is your vision okay?" I ask and she nods slightly. "Is there a ringing in your ears at all?" I ask and thankfully she shakes her head. "Your teeth?" I ask. She runs her tongue around them then shakes her head. I pull her to me, satisfied that her injury is just a slap mark. "I won't let anyone near you baby, I promise. Oh baby, I'm so sorry this happened." I kiss the top of her head and she quietens a little. She clings to me but her sobbing abates a little. I kiss Bella's temple and begin to break the embrace. She resists at first but then relents. "Bella, baby, I have to go talk to this lady here. I won't go far, okay? Mom?" I gestured for mom to come get Bella and I stayed in the one spot until I was sure Bella was alright with mom and Alice again. I walked down to the booth and stood beside the cop. "I'm Doctor Cullen," I tell the cop and shake her hand.

"Doctor Cullen this is Leah Clearwater," the cop nodded towards the girl.

I looked her over. "Don't know her," I said. Of course I knew the name, but I'd never laid eyes on the girl before and saying I knew _of_ her would only escalate the problem as far as I could see.

How the fuck was I going to tell Bella that the girl who had assaulted her today was actually her half sister? She didn't need this, either the confrontation or the mess this was going to cause in her head.

"I realise that. Leah is an acquaintance of a Mr Jacob Black. I believe you know him?" she asked as she read from her notepad.

"Yeah, I know him," I mutter darkly. I knew, I just knew this would have something to do with that piece of shit.

"Miss Clearwater assaulted your fiancée earlier. She tells me it's got something to do with you, would you care to enlighten me as Miss Clearwater is refusing to tell me the details."

I raise my eyebrows at the cop first, then the girl. "I've got no fucking idea what she's on about. I haven't seen Jake Black in weeks. Not since the divorce hearing," I tell the cop.

"That's bullshit you fucking piece of shit. You got your brother to hit him again!" The girl screeched at me. "He's in fucking jail because of you and your bitch."

I hold my tongue and actually have to bite down on it so I don't hurl abuse at the trash slumped in the booth. I turn to the cop. "I have no idea what this is about. I didn't even know he was in jail. What did you do to her?" I scream at the girl.

"Nothing she didn't deserve. She had him arrested!" she screeched. "She's a fucking liar!"

"Oh yeah and Jake Black is so dependable and trustworthy," I shout at her. She backs away into the corner of the booth and I'm at least a little satisfied that she won't try anything with me. Just like Jake she's only tough enough to hit girls by the looks of things. Match made in hell.

The cop gives the girl a 'look' and then turns back to me. "Thank you Doctor Cullen. You can take your fiancée home now. We'll be in touch," she tells me as she slides back into the booth with the girl.

I look her over one more time, she had to know she was Bella's half sister by now. Seth knew the family connection and I couldn't abide that either he or Harry wouldn't have apprised her of the situation. I hadn't seen this girl at the divorce hearing but if she was somehow tied up with Jake that didn't surprise me.

I wanted, so badly, to ask her if she knew the connection she held with Bella, but opening that particular can of worms while she was behaving like a feral wouldn't help anyone, especially Bella, so I let it go for now.

I went back to the booth that held my girls and told them we were free to leave. Mom would take Alice back to her place then come home herself. I walked Bella to my car, tore the parking ticket off the windshield and threw it into the backseat. I put her seatbelt on and took her home.

I took her right to her rooms and laid her down on her bed. I ran my fingers over the bright red welt on her cheek and cursed. I told her to stay put and ran to the kitchen for a bag of frozen peas. I wrapped it in a tea towel and took it back to her. I held it to her cheek for a few minutes and just watched her breathe.

She seemed okay, physically. There were no injuries that wouldn't fade in a few hours as far as I could tell.

"Someone hit Jake two days ago," Bella mumbled. "She said it was your brother but we've seen Emmett, he didn't say anything."

I sigh. It hadn't been Emmett. It had been Jaz. I knew all about it and so did everyone else. Just not Bella. "It was Jaz," I tell her. There was no use hiding it. She'd find out eventually anyway. Especially now. "He saw Jake in town on Saturday night in the pub. Jaz was there with a whole group of guys, a buck's night for one of the other teachers. Jake was drunk and itching for a fight. Jaz only hit him once but that was all it took apparently."

Bella nodded but said nothing more about it. "The cop says he's in jail."

"Yeah, I heard that too. I don't know why Bella but I'll find out if you want me to?" She nods again and closes her eyes. "What happened today baby?" I ask her gently.

She keeps her eyes closed the whole time she explains it to me. "Your mom was buying our coffee and Alice was at the cake counter, I was sitting in the booth just watching the world go by when that girl started screaming at me. She slapped me, hard, and just threw herself on me. Alice and your mom pulled her off me but she wouldn't stop screaming. Someone called the police."

"Do you know that girl?" I ask.

She nods her head. "She's Jake's mistress, Leah."

Fuck. Why didn't I know this? "How long?" I ask.

"Before Elizabeth was born," she says forlornly. "I couldn't make him happy Edward. I wasn't what he thought he was getting."

"Oh baby that's just bullshit. Okay, so he was unhappy with you, and I gotta say that makes him a bigger tool than I already think he is, but that doesn't give him the right to cheat on you baby."

"No, you don't understand. I was grateful to her. She's the reason I only had two designated sex days. If he was sleeping with her he didn't want me as often."

God, this is so fucked up. She's defending the mistress? What the fuck is that? "I can't tell you how wrong that is," I mutter. "Just know that it is."

"She's not the only one," Bella whispers and I cringe.

"What do you mean?" I ask, knowing I wasn't going to like what I was about to hear.

"There are two more, that I know of. Kim, she's a girl from his office and another girl that I think is called Jessica someone. She phoned the apartment a few times."

"Jesus fucking Christ," I curse. I don't want to get into this now, not while Bella is in the state she's in, so I let it go, again. "I'm going to go call the detectives, see if they'll tell me why Jake's locked up. Will you be alright here?" she nodded bleakly and I left the room to call Ken Livingstone.

**Detective Carol Hardwick POV**

The call we both knew was coming finally did. Edward Cullen sounded worn out and frustrated when the call connected.

"What can I do for you Doctor Cullen?" I ask even though I already had a fair idea what this call was about. Ken sighed across the desk and set his pen down to listen to at least my side of the conversation.

"There was a situation in town today, a girl Leah, assaulted Bella and told the attending cop that Jake Black was in jail. Can you tell me anything?" Edward asked.

"I don't have any information about an assault," I tell Edward, knowing full well that wasn't the information he was looking for. I couldn't, ethically speaking, tell him too much about Black being in custody so bought myself some time.

"I'm not asking about the assault. I want to know why Jake was arrested," Edward says in a huff.

The poor guy had a right to be pissy. It had been nearly two months since Bella had been admitted to the hospital and it taken us every second of those two months to build the case against Charlie Swan and Jake Black. Black was always going to be the easier nut to crack and we'd taken him into custody using a bench warrant for his arrest only two days ago. I was surprised word hadn't gotten back to the Cullen's before now.

"Mr Black is currently residing in the holding cells at the Port Angeles lockup, yes." It's all I could divulge, technically.

"What did he do?" Edward asked.

I was hoping he wouldn't ask that, but they always did. "I'm not at liberty to discuss it."

I hated keeping him in the dark but if the plan was going to work, and I thought it had a good chance, then the Cullen's needed to be left out of the loop altogether.

"Is this about Bella's situation or something else? Surely she has a right to know that at least?" he was angry and I didn't blame him.

"I cannot divulge the details of Mr Black's arrest. I'm sorry."

"If Bella calls you can you tell her then?" he asks.

Fuck. These Cullen's are smart. "I'm sorry Doctor Cullen, the details of Mr Blacks arrest are privileged information."

"Is Ken there?" Edward asked.

I nodded over toward Ken and he threw me a grim smile and a nod of his head to show that he understood that Edward Cullen had done exactly as we'd expected him to do. "Sure, I'll put you on to him but he'll tell you the same thing Edward. Sorry."

I transfer the call to Ken and put my head into my hands with a deep sigh. I hated this part. The innocent victims got treated like trash while we tiptoed around the assholes that hurt them. Protecting the rights of the guilty sucked major ass.

"Hello Edward, Ken Livingstone speaking, how can I help you?" Ken asked evenly. He listened for a second then shook his head wearily. He hated this part too. "I'm sorry Edward, really I am, but what Detective Hardwick told you was correct. There is nothing about Mr Black's arrest that I can divulge to you." He listened again. "I understand that and I'll do all I can to find that information out for you, but as Carol has said, we don't know anything about an assault yet. Yes, I will. Thanks for calling."

He put the receiver back into its cradle and smiled sadly across the desk at me.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" I say idly.

"You said it. They're good people. That girl has been through hell and back and its Jake Blacks rights we have to protect. Fucking ridiculous," he mutters as he gathers up the files in front of him. "Come on, we'll go coach the piece of shit some more."

"Yeah, why not," I say, standing from my seat. "Couldn't go any worse than the last lesson. Stupid prick," I mutter just as darkly.

We'd arrested Jake two days ago and he'd been a pain in our asses ever since. We charged him with spousal rape, common assault, battery, intentional starvation of a dependant, failing to render medical assistance and the withholding of medical assistance, unlawful use of a weapon and the negligence of a minor. We got him for every aspect of his treatment of both Bella and the baby and the fucker hadn't blinked the whole time we read the list of charges. It was only when we said the words 'attempted purchase of a slave' that he went pale. Yeah, suck on that you piece of shit I'd thought at the time.

Eventually he broke down and told us he knew it was coming, that he deserved it, and that he would plead guilty to whatever we wanted to charge him with. The fucker was actually sorry. I mean really sorry. That wasn't too common in our line of work. Ken and I actually talked about it later and we both agreed that had we not arrested him when we did it was probably pretty likely that he'd have turned himself in real soon anyway. Guilt did terrible things to people.

It was only when he started crapping on about wanting to help us get Charlie Swan that we found out just how sorry he was. He spilled his guts. Totally. He told us all about how Charlie Swan coached him on how to mistreat Bella. He went into great detail about the contract and even though we didn't need it because we had Bella's copy he gave us his copy.

If that wasn't surprising enough he actually started talking about his theory that Charlie Swan was Elizabeth's father. How he was sure that he'd raped Bella and gotten her pregnant and then tricked him into marrying her. Of course we already knew that that was exactly how Elizabeth came to be, but there was nothing we could say so we played that part down.

I tried hard not to appreciate his help but it was hard. I wanted to nail Charlie Swan so bad I'd have accepted the help of the devil himself. It seemed the District Attorney agreed because not ten hours after Mr Black's mammoth confession he called us into his office for a chat.

Ken and I were informed that Mr Black had agreed to help us trap Charlie Swan. I immediately got my back up and started yelling about not giving the little fucker a deal but was quickly quieted by the cheering news that Mr Black hadn't asked for a deal.

"Mr Black has requested nothing in return," the DA told us.

I goggled at Ken and then at the DA. "You have got to be shitting me?" I said to neither of them in particular.

"I can assure you I'm not. His lawyer has advised him to ask for a reduced sentence but he won't have it. He wants to help us get Charlie Swan and he wants nothing in return. I have his signed confession and have already given his lawyer a basic outline of what will be expected of him if he decides to go through with this."

"Jesus," Ken muttered.

I didn't want to be impressed but I was. I hated the guy, like really hated him. He was an evil piece of human scum and I didn't want to be grateful to him when all this was over. I wanted us to get Charlie on our own, I wanted it to be Ken and I that told the Cullen's that we'd got him good and I didn't want to have to do that with Jake Blacks help. But the DA was adamant. This was how it was going to be.

So we began coaching the asshole on how to approach the Chief of Police from Forks. We only had until Monday, when he'd be bailed, to teach him what to do and it was slow going because in reality the guy was a few crayons short of a full box. He just couldn't get his thick head around the importance of appearing nonchalant when he questioned the Chief. We did our damnedest to try and explain to him that this wasn't some two bit cop shop on the telly and Charlie Swan was smarter than your average man in the street, especially when it came to legal matters. None of it had sunk in yet and Jake continued to be robotic in his verbal technique and nowhere near as casual as he should appear in his physical interactions. It was going to be a long, long weekend.

**Jake Black POV**

I'd never been so relieved in my whole life to be sitting in a cop station.

The pressure of not knowing when they'd show up at my door to arrest me was unendurable. I had been a nervous wreck and I was so sick and fucking tired of being flogged that I welcomed the solitude that a cell promised.

So far it hadn't exactly been peaceful though.

Actually the place was pretty fucking loud. Drunks came in all night long. Two bikers from opposite sides of the fence tried to kill each other in the next holding cell and it stank. The food sucked and the shower was shit. But nobody was beating on me, yet. I knew that would come when I got to prison proper. I'd heard stories and the media was always full of tales about what happened to guys who hit women in prison. I was well and truly fucked and I knew it. I understood that I deserved it.

The two detectives that had sat with me while I'd written out my confession hated me. I could see it in their eyes. The guy kept a close eye on me, probably just waiting for the chance to beat the shit out of me if I showed a single sign of being anything other than a model prisoner and the woman kept rolling her eyes at me every time I told them I was sorry for what I'd done.

It was bad enough that Bella couldn't even look at me during the divorce hearing but knowing that even hardened cops couldn't stand the sight of me kicked it home fully. I was a piece of shit to them and while I probably deserved that too I thought the very least I could expect from cops was impartiality. I guess that went out the window when I confessed.

I'd always planned to. I'd never had any intention of pleading not guilty. I knew how it worked. If I took my chances with a jury trial Bella would be made to give evidence and I didn't want to put her through that. I'd lose anyway because I was actually guilty. It was bad enough that she'd had to endure me at all, making her relive it in a public courtroom made me feel sick. Pleading guilty meant that didn't need to happen. She could bypass that and so could I. I wouldn't have to admit what I'd done publicly and I wouldn't have to lie or twist the truth in order to try and make a jury feel sorry for me. I was doing plenty of that for myself.

I'd been completely alienate by the tribe and word had gone out that anyone from the Rez found to be having anything to do with me would suffer the same fate I had. So far only Leah had dared to ignore it. That meant I couldn't see my dad, sisters or niece. It sucked but I understood it. Nobody trusted me, especially around their women or their children. I had been horrified when I realised that I was even suspected of hurting Elizabeth, I'd never do that, but then nobody really ever thought I could hurt Bella either and I'd proved them wrong on that too.

I looked at myself in the mirrored glaze on the one way mirror in the interview room for a long time. I hardly recognised myself and it had nothing to do with the new bruises I was sporting. I'd gotten another hiding from Jasper only three days ago and still the bruising looked pretty angry. I'd been drinking and I'd bitten off more than I could chew but just couldn't seem to make my mouth stop sprouting the crap it had come out with. I'd bagged Bella, the baby, any Cullen I could name and then I started in on Jasper himself. I knew nothing about the guy but that hadn't stopped me blaming all my problems on him in the pub that night. To me he was just a convenient target. The booze had given me courage and I ended up calling him out even though I was there alone and he was surrounded by a group of guys having a piss up. But at the time they looked pretty harmless. All neatly dressed. They looked like nerds to me so I'd let my mouth rule my head and had gotten stuck into him when he went to the bar for another round of drinks.

He hit me square on the chin and I went down like a bag of shit. That's all it took that night. One fucking punch. I had been so drunk I could hardly stand when I'd started running my mouth so it came as no surprise that I woke up on the sidewalk hours later with a fat lip another purple bruise and a headache that would kill an elephant. It had rained and I had been soaked through to the skin as well. I think someone had given me a kick too because when I showered a few hours later my ribs ached again.

I had no memory of anything after the first punch and nobody to ask what had happened to me so I'd sucked it up and had stayed in the apartment ever since. Twenty four hours later I'd been arrested.

The charges were a mile long, some of them I didn't even understand! The female cop tried to explain some of them to me but it didn't really matter. I confessed to what I'd done almost immediately and they left me alone for a few hours in a cell. That's all I really wanted. To be left alone.

The next morning the two detectives came to the holding cells for me and lead me to this interview room. It was just like it looked on the TV. The stark walls and crappy plastic chairs. The table with cigarette burns all over it. The feint smell of urine and of course the mirror.

At first I was concerned about who else was listening to me as I talked to the detectives but after a while I guess I just didn't care. Everyone knew who and what I was and there was no hiding from it anymore. I was a wife beater and I was ashamed.

**BPOV**

Edward told me that the detectives couldn't tell him anything about Jake being arrested but I didn't really care anymore.

I'd been hit again. It was all I could think about. The sting and the screaming words of the out of control Leah.

I'd never liked her but it was obvious that she despised me. She was from the Rez and I knew that she had expected to marry Jake and that that was the cause of her major problem with me. She was his type too, tall and lean and blonde. She was confident, overtly sexual and she had the mouth of a trucker, even in public. She was everything that I'm not.

The slap had been bad enough but what she'd said had cut me to the quick.

She blamed me, of course, for Jake being arrested. In a way she was right but Jake had really done it to himself. I wasn't the reason he was arrested, just the victim. But of course Leah didn't see it that way at all. She screamed at me that everything I'd told the police was lies, lies designed to get Jake put away so that I could have his money. What money? What he made went either on the bills or into his stomach in the form of beer or was lavished on his mistresses. I didn't care one way or the other because while he was out screwing them and getting drunk he wasn't at home punishing me or holding me down for sex.

At first I didn't bother trying to defend myself verbally. There was no way she was going to listen anyway. So I'd cowered in the corner of the booth and let her scream. I tried hard to remember what Emmett had told me. The words of those I don't respect mean nothing. It was true, but it was hard not to take some of what she said to heart.

She said I was a whore because I'd 'upgraded' from a real estate agent to a doctor. She said I'd once again sold myself to the highest bidder. She said I only wanted Edward because of his money and his family's prestige and social standing. She said Edward only wanted me because he was a doctor and needed a pet project to fix. Just like Jake she assumed that Edward was Elizabeth's father and that he was weak and a parasite for making Jake pay for her all these months. I knew it was lies but it was still hard to listen to.

She got angrier when I didn't fight back. It seemed to spur her on, just like it used to spur Jake on. I got frightened then. Really frightened because she lunged at me across the table and pulled on my hair trying to make me put my head up so she could hit me again. She called me a coward for not fighting her and for the first time in my life I felt like one.

I didn't need to fear her. She wasn't that much taller than me but she was angry. Angry people don't think rationally and if I'd hit her I didn't know if I could've knocked her down. I didn't want to be like her, like him. I didn't want to hurt anyone, even those that hurt me.

Then she said something that made my blood boil.

She leaned right over me, her face right in mine, her foul breath wafted across my face as she spoke. "How does it feel to see Jake's scars on your body when you fuck him? You can divorce Jake but the Doc will always know he's getting Jake's sloppy seconds."

It was too much. I felt my fingers form the fist before she'd finished the first sentence. By the end of the second I'd straightened in my seat. As she spat the word sloppy at me I swung with all the energy and guts I could muster and hit her right on the point of her chin.

Pain exploded in my hand in the same second that it exploded across her horrible face. She staggered back, clutching at her mouth, swearing a blue streak as blood began to trickle out of the corner of it.

She took her fingers away from her mouth and at the sight of the blood she lunged at me again. There was nowhere for me to go, I was hemmed into the booth and she knew it.

I closed my eyes and prepared for the pain I knew she was going to inflict but it never came.

Alice and Esme had pulled her off me before she could hurt me any further and they dragged her back to her own booth leaving me alone in ours. The manager of the cafe came out from behind the counter and told me he'd called the police and then he went to help Esme and Alice get control of Leah. After a minute or two Alice came back to my booth to check on me. She was ginger at first and I guess that was to be expected. How I'd react to being set upon again was anyone's guess. But I didn't freak out, not like I used to.

I let her pull me to her. I let her hold me. I let her touch me and for once I didn't cringe away at being touched after being hurt. Alice would never hurt me. Ever.

My cell phone began ringing but I couldn't answer it. I wanted to stay tucked under Alice' arm until Edward came. And I knew he would.

I heard Esme call the clinic and I knew that Edward was on his way long before Esme shouted that out to me across the now empty cafe. All the other diners had fled and the police kept them out of the store after they arrived.

He looked utterly terrified when he did arrive. I gave in to the tears as soon as I saw him. Up until then I fought them off, not wanting Alice or Esme to worry too much about me. But the instant I saw Edward I let them flow. I didn't care if he saw how upset I was. I needed him to understand what had happened, what she'd said and that she'd hit me. Only Edward could console me. Only Edward could make me feel safe.

And that's what he did. He checked me over (I kept quiet about the pain in my hand, I was ashamed that I'd hit her back) – all the while keeping Doctor Clinical Cullen in check – and then he dealt with the policewoman. Then he brought me home and brought me frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel! Even when he was panicked out of his head he was the sweetest man. Nothing was ever too much.

I heard him raise his voice as he spoke on the phone to the Port Angeles detectives and I knew from the look on his face when he came back into my room that he didn't have any good news for me.

He lowered himself onto the bed behind me and draped an arm over my side. He kissed me softly on the top of my shoulder and sighed. "They won't tell me why he's been arrested and they don't know anything yet about what happened today. I'm so sorry baby," he whispered.

"What are you sorry for?" I asked groggily. I needed sleep.

His sigh was heavier this time. "Because you got hurt, again. Because I can't find out what's happening with Jake and I can't do anything about that slut."

I smiled to myself at his use of the word slut. Trust Edward to see her like that. She wasn't really. Jake was at fault, again. Leah wasn't married, she wasn't cheating on anyone. She certainly couldn't be called a home wrecker because the apartment I shared with Jake while she was sleeping with him wasn't a home. It was somewhere I lived, but not a home. Besides, it had never truly been a proper marriage anyway. Not like mine and Edward's was going to be. There had never been any trust so when Jake began sleeping with her I lost nothing. In fact I'd gained. He left me alone more often once he started seeing her so in a pathetic way I was grateful to her.

"You've nothing to be sorry for. There was no way for you to know that I was going to be hurt today. Promise me you won't beat yourself up for that," I told him sternly.

I heard his quiet chuckle at my choice of words and then his agreement. "Do you need anything?" he asked.

"Just hold me a while."

"Always," he said softly and began to stroke my side with his long fingers.

I woke hours later and it was dark. My room was quiet and Edward was gone. My headache had gone away and I stood without any ache in any part of my body. I booked it into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. The red weal on my cheek was gone and so was the swelling I'd felt there earlier. Who knew that a simple bag of frozen peas would have such medicinal properties? I giggled at myself and stuck the washcloth under the cold tap. With my face clean I felt refreshed and ready to find the family.

It was Thursday so I was pretty surprised to find them all in the kitchen. And I mean _all _of them. Alice was sitting in a kitchen chair with Elizabeth in her lap and Rose was opposite her with Angus in hers. He was leaning across, his finger firmly held in Elizabeth's fist.

Jasper, Emmett and Edward were sitting at the counter eating cookies and drinking from tall glasses of milk. It was hilarious because they were grown men but they looked like little boys having their afternoon tea after school.

Esme was at the kitchen sink washing coffee cups, Carlisle stood beside her wiping them on a tea towel.

"Oh here she is, hello sweetheart, how do you feel?" Esme was the first to come to me, but she wasn't the last.

Within seconds the whole family, Angus included, was beside me making sure I was alright.

I'd never felt better. With them all around me. The concern on their faces evident. I'd honestly never felt better.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**For those of you who didn't want to hear Jake's POV I apologise. The story cannot continue without his, and hte detectives points of view. The plan they are hatching relies on this, so if this is upsetting for you I'm deeply sorry. **

**Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement with this story. **

**There were quite a few questions about Joshua and the upcoming marriage, so I hope this fills in the gaps for you. **

**Please review. **


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45 – Tick Tock

**EPOV**

Bella slept for three hours and I used the time as wisely as I could. I called Gary Benson and apprised him of the newest situation and also told him about Jake's mistresses. I didn't know what good the information would do but thought he should know just in case he could use it at a later date.

I called the hospital and set up an x-ray for Bella's hand. She could have it done after her meeting with Kerry and while she thought I didn't know about her hitting Leah, I did.

Mom had seen her do it. Bella never said a word to me when I checked her over in the cafe and had kept it quiet after we'd gotten home too. I figured she was either ashamed or worried what I'd think but in all honesty I was fucking ecstatic that she'd defended herself.

I knew she was strong enough – even if she didn't – to bear the brunt of a verbal attack from a girl like Leah, but I'd had no idea she had it in her to actually, physically fight back.

Mom was aghast but both Alice and I were pretty fucking impressed. Mom thought it was going to set her back monumentally. But Bella had come such a long way from the frightened cowering girl I'd seen the first time she'd woken in the hospital. I was hoping she'd prove me right, and mom wrong.

Why she didn't want to tell me would have to come out the following day when I told her she'd need to have an x-ray. So until then I'd just go through the motions of making sure she was mentally okay. And I thought she was.

She'd told me about Jake's other women and while I was disgusted with him and appalled that she accepted it so simply I couldn't help but be impressed with the way she was dealing with this latest trauma. She was clear of thought and rational in her reactions.

With the x-ray appointment made I called Kerry and made sure that she knew what had happened, just in case Bella decided to sidestep it in her session the following day. To my joy Kerry too thought that Bella was responding well to what would have been a very frightening experience. I didn't tell her that Bella had hit back, that was Bella's business, especially since she hadn't shared it with me as yet. I'd learned my lesson about assuming.

My next call was to my brother. I asked if he'd bring Rosie, Angus and Elizabeth to the house at dinnertime and told him the basics of what had gone on. He was ropable to say the least. It took all of my persuasive skills to stop him from going right to the Rez and calling Leah out. He eventually dropped his caveman attitude when I told him what that kind of reaction would do for Bella, not to mention what it would mean about him if he hit a girl himself. He agreed to bring his family, and our daughter, to the house at six.

When I phoned Jasper he already knew the ins and outs of what had gone on because Alice had called him on her way home with mom. So I was spared having to retell the story yet again. Our conversation was less polite than the one I'd had with my brother though.

"Why did that girl go at her?" Jaz asked after assuring me he'd be at the house at six too.

"Because you fucking punched Jake in the head you asshole!" I seethed.

"Shit," came his muffled reply. "I didn't mean for this to happen. Is Bella alright? Should I talk to her?"

"No she's not fucking alright. Leah slapped her, hard, and pulled her hair and screamed the place down. She is convinced I sent you to flog Jake and that's why he's in a holding cell right now. Jesus Christ Jaz..." I trailed off.

I knew it wasn't his fault that this had happened and I knew it was wrong of me to be yelling at him, but I had to yell at someone.

"Who the fuck is Leah?" he asked after a long moment of silence.

I sigh. "I'll explain that when you get here."

"I'll be there, tell Alice to stay put when she gets there, I don't want her out and about if there are nutters running around with a grudge because of what I did," he said flatly.

I hung up sorry that I'd implied it was his fault. Now he was worried about Alice and I felt bad because I'd not thought to be worried about her myself. I was so caught up in what was happening with my Bella that I'd never given a second thought to what danger my mother and sisters might be in.

I flew through the house looking for them to make sure they stayed put, just as Jaz had suggested. I found them in the pool house. Mom was doing a crossword puzzle as she lounged on a waterproof chaise and Alice was doing laps. Fast laps. Probably working off some anxiety.

I sat on a lounger opposite mom and put my head into my hands. What had seemed a simple situation only moments ago was getting more and more complicated the more I thought about it.

"How's our girl?" mom asked. It was like she had decided to channel dad. She never looked up from her puzzle and kept scratching away at it even as she spoke.

"Asleep, finally," I tell her with a deep sigh. "Do you know that girl?"

"Leah Clearwater, Harry's daughter. She's two years younger than Bella," mom says flatly.

"So you know..."I trail off.

"I do. She's Bella's half sister."

It's a simple statement and I hope mom can see the looming landmines we're about to face once Bella learns this fact too. "She's also Jake's mistress, has been for years, and she's not the only one."

_That_ makes mom put her puzzle aside. The look of horror on her face gave me a jolt to the gut like no other. The ramifications of what had gone on this day were just starting to make themselves known to her and I knew exactly how she felt.

"Does Bella know who she is?"

"She knows her name is Leah and what connection she has to Jake, but not that she's her family."

"What will you do?" mom asks and I wonder the same thing myself.

"I've called the others, they're coming for dinner. I think if we all talk to Bella about what happened today, not confront her but just talk to her about it, it might lessen the shock."

"It's a big risk, what does Kerry say?"

"She agrees it's a big risk but keeping things from Bella doesn't work either, trust me," I laugh darkly. "She thinks we all need to lay our cards on the table. Jaz needs to tell her what he did on Saturday night. Emmett needs to tell her about what he did at the gas station. I need to tell her exactly who Leah is."

"Then that's what we'll do," mom says with a sense of finality.

"I'm in too Edward," Alice chimed in from the edge of the pool.

I'd been so caught in the thoughts in my own head I'd failed to see her, or hear her approach. I gave her a grim smile and headed back into the house to organise dinner for ten.

**BPOV**

When the soft and gentle enquiries of the whole family were over we sat down to eat.

It was takeaway, which was something I hadn't had for years. Esme told me that Edward had arranged it all and had it delivered for convenience. It smelled amazing and pretty soon my plate was piled high with wontons, noodles and meat dishes I knew I wouldn't even be able to pronounce let alone deconstruct to copy if he liked them.

The conversation was light, but strained. They all looked as though they wanted to say something about today but were all keeping it inside. I didn't know why. I didn't think the situation warranted a full scale family dinner in the middle of the week, but Edward obviously did as it had been him who had ordered all the food.

He and Esme shared more than one 'look' between them as the dinner progressed and I began to feel uncomfortable. Knowing you were the topic of discussion before entering a room was a bad, creeping feeling and sitting around the dining room table with a group of people who all had something on their mind that in some way related to you was worse.

"Can someone just say something, please?" I say out of the blue, startling Esme but making Carlisle chuckle.

"See, I told you she's not stupid," Alice huffed and poked her husband in his ribs, causing him to wince and groan.

Esme reached her hand across to me and pats me on the forearm. "I'm sorry this feels so awkward for you dear," she says kindly.

Alice poked Jasper again and he looked terrified as he swallowed hard and began to speak. "I got into a fight with Jake on Saturday night. I'm so sorry Bella. This is all my fault. That girl thinks you, or Edward, sent me to do it. He didn't, I swear it," he said pleadingly.

I give him a small smile. "Please don't say you're sorry to me."

"But I am sorry. If I hadn't lost my temper the other night she wouldn't have been screaming at you," he said sadly.

"I doubt that Jaz," I tell him honestly. I didn't know what else to say about it so I said nothing. I looked around the table at the concerned faces of the family and couldn't help but giggle. "Is this some sort of intervention?" I joke. But nobody laughs. Oh dear. "Sorry, that was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?"

This time it was Carlisle who was ready with the kind word. "No darling, it wasn't, we just aren't in a terribly joking mood. Bella, there are some things we want to talk to you about. We thought that over a nice relaxing meal that it might be easier on you. Were we wrong?" he asked carefully.

I look around the table at all the now apprehensive faces. Emmett looked like he was about to burst. Alice looked ill. Rosie looked panicked and Edward looked scared out of his wits. I knew what this was about and I was all of a sudden frightened too.

I hung my head. "I hit her back. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it. She just said some awful things about my scars and what Edward would think when he saw them and I lost control. I won't do it again, I promise. I didn't want to make any trouble for any of you. I understand the trouble I've caused." I lift my head only enough to meet Carlisle's eyes. "Will the police be coming for me soon then?" I ask.

**Rosalie POV**

Oh. My. God.

This poor girl is a mess I think as I watch her stumble through what she thinks is 'trouble' for _us. _

I was still unsure exactly what had gone on today but from what I knew it sounded like Bella was right to hit Leah back. She'd deserved it. Especially if she'd gotten stuck into Bella about her scars. That was a low blow and I could see how Bella would've lashed out if any mention of them was made in connection to Edward's reaction to seeing them.

I'd seen her fall apart at the pool that day. I knew how self conscious she was about them. If she hit Leah because she'd been set upon I couldn't have blamed her, but hitting Leah because she implied something about something that was _done_ to Bella was understandable. That the other girl had thought to get at Bella using her injuries as bait was simply staggering.

Not that I ever doubted Bella had it in her. I didn't. I'd seen how fiercely protective of both Edward and Elizabeth she could be, so I hadn't been surprised when Esme told me that part of the story.

What I wasn't prepared for was Bella apologising for having done it. That I couldn't condone.

"That's bullshit Bella," I said without thinking. Everyone gasped at my tone of voice but I chose to ignore them. I leaned over the table and pointed a finger right at Bella. "You had every right to defend yourself and none of us want to hear bullshit apologies for it. She had it coming. You did the right thing. No cop is coming for you, trust me."

She tilted her head to one side as though she was seeing me for the very first time. The look of confusion on her face made me feel so bad for having raised my voice at her, but she needed to know that she hadn't done anything wrong and nobody was worried, other than for her.

"But I hit her. The police came and questioned her because she hit me and I hit her. When will they come for me?" Bella asked.

I looked Em and let my frown take over my face. She was never going to believe me. It would have to come from someone else. Em didn't get much of a chance to try though because Edward had a crack first.

"The police will contact you to take a statement but they won't charge you with defending yourself Bella," he says evenly. She doesn't look at all convinced so he tries again. "Baby you didn't do anything wrong. She hit you first; you didn't do anything to her so she hit you without provocation. You were only defending yourself. You hitting her isn't the same as what she did."

She seemed to think on it for a moment before nodding slowly. Trust Eddie to be the one she'd listen to. He could've told her that the moon was made of cheese and the pope was a Muslim and she'd have believed him.

"But I don't want to be like him," she whined.

God. I'd slap her across the room myself if I thought for one second that four men and two pissed off women wouldn't jump me. She had to know that defending herself and throwing the first punch were different? Didn't she?

Fuck.

She didn't!

"Bell's you couldn't be more unlike him if you tried!" Jasper chimed in. "He hit you for no reason. You hit that girl because if you didn't she would've kept hitting you. They're totally different things."

"You hit Jake. Did he hit you first?" Bella asked a floundering Jasper.

"Well no, he didn't hit me first. I want to say that's different but I guess it's not. He was drunk and he was saying some horrible things about you and I was defending you." Jasper's shoulders slumped and I knew he was defeated, totally.

"Sweetheart nobody is angry with you for fighting back. Nobody thinks any less of you for what you did," Esme said plainly.

I tried to think hard for an analogy that would help but I wasn't having much luck.

Everyone fell silent and I wondered if they were all trying to come up with some way to show Bella that she had nothing to fear from the law and that what she'd done any of us would've done. That's when I realised what would make her understand.

"Do you remember Lauren Mallory, from school?" I asked Bella.

She nodded bleakly. "She was in your year, right?" she asked me.

"Yeah, she was. And she was an uber bitch. Sorry, but she was. She did everything she could to make my time there miserable. She bullied me mercilessly for a whole year and I took it. I took everything she said, everything she did and all the lies and innuendo she could throw at me. I took it all. I tried to be the bigger person all the time and I did well for a long time. Then I met Em and we started dating. He'd finally gotten the courage to ask me to the spring dance and I was so excited about it. But she did her best to try and ruin it. She even phoned my house posing as another friend of mine saying that she'd seen Em making out with another girl after football practise. I knew it was lies but I didn't know it was Lauren making the call. Not at first anyway. When I got to school the next day I confronted my friend, the one I thought had called me and when she swore she had been in Port Angeles the night before and couldn't have called me I just knew who'd done it. When Lauren began taunting me about it in the cafeteria I still took it. You weren't at lunch that day, remember?" I asked Em and he nodded sadly. He'd never forgiven himself for not being there for me that day, even though none of it was his fault. I turned back to Bella and kept going. "After twenty minutes of jabs and jeers from her and her harpies I got up to leave. She followed me and cornered me outside the cafeteria. She called me a slut and a whore and said that Em was too good for me. She said I'd never hold him, that he'd get bored with me and that then he'd realise that it was her he was meant to be with. I was crying by this point. Not because of what she said but because I already knew he was too good for me. She used my insecurities to get at me and I let her. She pushed me down and spat on me, right there in the middle of the school, and nobody lifted a finger to help me. Some of her friends had come out with her and had been shoving me and generally egging Lauren on, but after a while word got around and then the place was full of people who wanted to watch. While I was on the ground she kicked me and spat on me again. She told me that she was going to beat the shit out of me so that I couldn't go to the dance the following night and then she'd get her chance with Em. She screamed at me that _she_ would be the one he danced with. She yelled that it would be _her_ that he made out with in the backseat of his car on the way home." Carlisle sniggered a bit but nobody said a thing while I spoke. I'd really hit my stride by this point. Remembering what that bitch had said to me all those years ago still made my blood boil. "I remember standing up and dusting off my jeans and staring her in the eye before I slotted her. I remember making the fist and I remember shutting my eyes right before the impact and I remember the agony of my knuckles after I'd done it. But what I remember most was the utter, utter shame I felt at lowering myself to her level. I know how it feels Bella. I know how it feels to think that you've gone so low that you'd stoop to becoming what you'd always hated about someone else. But that one punch changed my life Bella. I was nobody's punching bag after that. I never, ever let anyone speak to me that way again and I certainly never let anyone lay a hand on me if I didn't want them to. I defended myself Bella and it was liberating. You hit Leah because she's a mean, spiteful bitch who used your own insecurities and a weakness she knew you had to hurt you. You hit her because if you didn't you'd always be her punching bag."

I slumped back against the chair and watched Bella's face as she took in what I'd said. I was done. If she didn't understand the difference between assault and self defence now she never would.

Emmett put his arm over the back of my chair and rubbed between my shoulder blades with his fingers. It was soothing, sweet and totally Emmett. Not the Emmett everyone else saw, but my Emmett.

"I remember that day," Bella whispered. "I didn't know you then and I didn't know you were dating Emmett, but I remember that day." She said it very clearly, a slight flush to her cheeks as she sat up a little higher in her seat. "Everyone was talking about it afterward. Everyone was saying how great it was that Lauren finally got what was coming to her. Nobody said anything bad about you, though."

The last sentence was spoken much more quietly than the rest, as though she was just starting to understand that the victim was very different from the instigator.

"That dance was fucking awesome," Emmett chuckled beside me. Everyone laughed a little, though it wasn't the full bellied laugh that was usual. Of course Emmett couldn't leave it there. "And you were smokin hot that night. The only thing was, it wasn't my car we made out in, it was Eddies."

This time everyone laughed. Even Bella.

**EPOV**

I watched Bella's face intently as she processed what she'd heard. Rose was dead on, as usual. I remembered that day too but for very different reasons. I was the one who had to walk Rose to the principal's office. I'd been the one who had to drive Rose to the hospital and who had to tell dad what had happened before he bandaged her knuckles. I was the one who had to tell Emmett what had happened while he'd been at football practise. I hadn't seen what happened I'd just been coming back from the music rooms and had seen Rose clutching her bloody knuckles surrounded by a group of cheering girls.

I reached for Bella's hand and pulled it to my lips. "I remember that dance too. Though not quite as fondly. You went with Mike Newton but I can still remember that red dress you wore. He was a jerk but you were sublime."

Bella giggled quietly. "He smelled of marmite and danced like he was having some kind of fit."

I couldn't help the laughter this time. Alice was laughing her head off and Emmett was clutching his sides. All the stories from that time came out then. It was as though everyone needed the relief from the minefield we'd found ourselves in tonight.

Angus took this as his queue and asked if he could go and play with his stash of toys in the living room. I was relieved. I didn't want him to have to see or hear the next part and neither did Rosie. She told him to excuse himself like he'd been taught and after a very polite 'excuse me' he ran off to find his beloved blocks and cars.

Elizabeth was asleep by this time. The gentle rocking motion of the chair, coupled with the steady rhythm with which mom pushed it with her foot, had her asleep in no time.

I looked around the table and tried my best to rejoin the gentle ribbing going on. The laughter once again rose to a fever pitch as the stories became more and more embarrassing for me.

It wasn't to last, however.

Before everyone got too carried away telling stories about each other, and school, I cleared my throat and looked to dad to help me get things back on track. It took me two goes to make my point but he caught on soon enough.

He too cleared his throat and every eye at the table turned to face him as he spoke. This was going to be tough, and not just for Bella.

**Carlisle POV**

I nearly choked when Edward cleared his throat and looked to me. I knew what he wanted from me I just couldn't bring myself to actually do it.

With all of us around the table as we were it was easy to forget why we were here midweek.

Bella had accepted what Rosalie tried to explain to her and while I would've tried a little harder to put it into much more subtle terms, it became clear quite early on that Bella would only ever feel ashamed of herself, and frightened for the consequences of her actions, if someone didn't relate their own personal experience with violence for her in such a way that she'd see what we were trying to make her see.

I took half a minute longer to gather myself for what I was about to do before I too cleared my throat, making all the children – and my lovely Esme – turn their attention to me.

"Sweetheart we actually wanted to talk to you about the girl who confronted you today. Do you know her darling?" I asked cautiously.

I knew from Edward and Esme that she did, but I wanted her to be able to talk to us all, not just the three of us who lived in this house. I wanted her to know that the family as a whole were trustworthy and that she could approach any one of us in a time of need.

"Leah, her name's Leah," Bella said very quietly.

"Right. Do you know of her then?" I asked again.

I didn't want for her to have to admit this part, that the girl was Jake's mistress, but the others would find out of their own accord – as these things often made their way round the family in one way or another – and I thought it was vital that everyone be on the same page for what was to come next.

Bella hung her head as though it were she that should be ashamed to admit who Leah was. "I've known her for a long time, yes."

"How does she know Jake sweetheart? If she was yelling at you because of Jake, how is she connected to him?" I asked very gently.

Edward was cringing and I knew he wanted to make this as easy as he could for her, but I was quite convinced that this was the way forward, despite any protestations he may have.

"_He's been sleeping with her..._" Bella mumbled.

I didn't have the heart to ask her to repeat it so everyone could hear it clearly. It was enough that she'd said it out loud. Emmett thumped his hand down on the table so hard our coffee cups jumped and Esme gasped. Alice grasped Jasper's arm as he made to mirror the action and caught him in time before we were all wearing the hot liquid. Rose just stared at Bella, her concern and compassion shining through all the layers of brashness she hid behind.

Edward hung his head and Esme reached for Bella's hand on her other side.

"Bella do you know Leah's last name?" I hedged. Bella shook her head but wouldn't look at me. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to be the one who broke this poor girl's heart all over again.

Edward rescued me and threw himself onto the fire instead. "She's Leah Clearwater Bella. She's Harry's daughter, your half sister."

**BPOV**

It couldn't be true!

It just couldn't. I looked around the table and saw their faces. Ten minutes ago they'd all been laughing and joking and telling embarrassing high school stories about each other and now each and every one of them was looking at me like I had rabies.

Poor little Bella Swan. Life kicked sand in her face over and over. Poor little Bella Swan.

Well, Leah 'Jake's mistress' or Leah 'half sister' would NOT make a victim out of me a second time. Not today. Not in this lifetime.

I shift in my seat, gave Edward's hand a squeeze then Esme's and gave the table one more look. "Then she's a bigger bitch than I thought," I said as clearly as I could.

Edward blew out the breath he'd been holding and returned the squeeze I'd given his hand. "Jesus," he muttered.

I couldn't look at him though. I didn't want to see the pity in his eyes. I didn't want to see pity in any of their eyes.

"I think I need to speak with my father," I said slowly. I slid my hands out of those beside me and pushed my chair backwards with my legs. It scraped, making an awful metallic sound as it moved. I looked to Elizabeth but she hadn't moved at all. "Could you please take Elizabeth to her bed please Edward?"

"Yeah, of course," he said forlornly.

I nodded around the table and as I moved through the double glass doors and out onto the decking I took my cell phone from my jeans pocket. Harry would know what had happened by now so hopefully I'd be spared having to tell him, but I thought he should know about Leah and Jake. If anything it might help him understand why I'd hit his daughter today.

He answered on the first ring as though he'd been expecting my call.

"Hello?"

"Hi Harry, its Bella calling."

"Bella? Are you alright? Did she hurt you? You aren't in the hospital are you? Do you need me to come?" he said very quickly.

At least I knew he knew now. "No Harry. I'm fine. I'm at home, with the Cullen's," I added for good measure.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't know Leah would do something like that. She had no right to slap you and no right to say what she did."

"I'm fine Harry, really. What I'm calling for is to apologise for hitting her."

"You've got to be shitting me!" he cursed softly. "Bella, SHE slapped you. From what I've been told – and its straight from the cops mouth – you were defending yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't apologise, please."

"But I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt someone," I whisper.

I begin pacing the length of the decking as I speak. There is so much to say and yet I can't quite bring myself to start that part of the conversation. I don't want to accuse Harry's daughter of anything and I certainly don't want to make him uncomfortable.

"Look Bella, I know this is weird, between us, and I want you to one day be comfortable enough around me so that you can say whatever you like, but I don't like it that you're apologising to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. I do though. I want you to know how sorry I am that it was my daughter that hurt you this time. It's unforgiveable."

"She was angry. She thinks I had something to do with Jake being taken to jail, but I don't. I didn't even know he'd been arrested," I tell him honestly.

It wasn't exactly fishing. I didn't know if Harry knew anything about what was going on with Jake, but I wanted to know why he'd been arrested and whether it had anything to do with what he'd done to me.

I hear Harry sigh and wait patiently through the very pregnant pause. I can hear the regret in his voice when he speaks. "Leah was with him when he was arrested Bella. She's been sleeping with him. I only found out earlier today, I'm so sorry."

I let out my held breath. It wasn't what I was calling to find out but I felt sorry that Harry had to find out about it just the same. It couldn't be nice to know that your daughter has been sleeping with your _other_ daughter's husband. Or soon to be ex husband anyway.

"I already knew Harry. You don't need to tiptoe around it. I've known from the start."

"Shit," he curses again. "I didn't know. I swear it. I would've tried to put a stop to it if I had."

"It wouldn't have mattered Harry. She wasn't the only one," I tell him bleakly.

"Good god, what was he thinking?" Harry asks idly.

I figure it's a rhetorical question but answer it anyway. "It's not as bad as it seems, Harry. Trust me. I can't go into specifics but just know that she kinda did me a favour at the time."

I don't want Harry to ask about anything that went on in that apartment and thankfully he doesn't. It takes him a second or two to speak but I sigh in relief when he'd let that go and moved on to the next point in question. "We aren't all like Leah, Bella. My family, I mean. Well, your family I guess. Sue and I, and Seth, wouldn't do something like that to you and even though Leah didn't know, way back at the start anyway, that she was your sister, she did know it quite recently. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, she continued doing with him whatever it was she'd been doing all along. I'm so sorry honey."

"It's okay Harry. Leah doesn't owe me anything, especially not loyalty. She was free to do with Jake whatever she wanted; he was the married one, not her. You don't need to apologise to me for her actions, you had nothing to do with them." Before he could argue I asked my final question. "Do you know why Jake was arrested?"

The line is quiet for a few seconds longer than it should've been and I began to worry. Would Harry tell me even if he knew? Which way would _his_ loyalty lay? To the Rez – which meant Jake – or to me?

"Leah told her mother that he's been charged with hurting you and neglecting Elizabeth," he said very quietly.

My tears were flowing before he'd finished speaking. Great big, fat tears of relief. "Thank you Harry. It means a lot to me that you told me."

"It means a lot to me that it's me you asked. Don't cry sweet girl. Don't waste your tears on him."

"Thank you Harry. I'll call again soon, alright?"

"You know you can call me anytime Bella. Let me know you're okay now and then, please?" he begged.

"I will," I agree. "Bye Harry, take good care."

He whispers his goodbye and I close my cell phone with a decided snap.

I walk the length of the decking twice more, trying to get my head around all that Harry had said. I thought he was trying to let me know the he didn't approve of Leah's actions and that he wanted me to know that the rest of his family, my family I guess too now, didn't condone it. He'd said that the rest of them, he Seth and Sue would never hurt me the way Leah had. I believed him. I'd seen Seth at the divorce hearing and while I'd been too out of it to actually acknowledge him he'd never given me any reason to think he felt about me like Leah did.

Edward had told me he'd met him, actually talked to him, and if Edward thought he was okay then he had to be. Edward would never let someone near enough to me just to hurt me. I knew that with all that I was.

A decision was forming but it was still murky in my head. I paced a little longer and looked out over the railing towards the trees that lined the Cullen property. The Cullen's were my family now too, and pretty soon they'd actually be my in-laws, but I had other family I didn't really know too much about. Maybe it was time to meet them properly?

**EPOV**

Bella came back inside with a pensive look on her face. She'd been crying, that much was evident from her puffy red eyes, but she didn't look all that upset. She'd announced she was leaving the room to speak with Harry, but how the conversation went was anyone's guess. To someone who didn't know her well her blotchy face and nervous gait would look like the call hadn't gone at all well. But to me it just looked like another in a long series of awkward and uncomfortable conversations she'd had recently.

She'd come back from her first coffee date with Angela looking much the same as she did now. Unsure and uneasy. But I soon learned that it had gone quite well. They'd skirted around difficult topics and had actually enjoyed a couple of hours of 'catching up'. Ben had called me soon after Angela had gotten home from their meeting just to tell me that Angela was confident that Bella was okay. I appreciated that and had agreed that we'd meet up, the four of us, real soon.

We hadn't yet but I had been thinking about it for a while. I saw Ben occasionally at the hospital while Bella was in her sessions and I thought he was a nice guy. Angela was a nice girl and I wanted Bella to have friends outside the family, just as Kerry had suggested.

Ben sometimes sat with me while I visited with Joshua but most times I caught him in between patients and our conversations were brief at best.

Bella came back to the dinner table and I shot a warning look to the others. They'd all wanted to lynch Leah and flog Harry if it was found that he'd been duplicite in his relationship with Bella. If he in anyway condoned what his daughter had done to Bella my brothers and sisters wanted in on the fight that would ensue.

Dad had calmed them down and reasoned that if Harry had known about Leah and Jake he'd have said something well before now, he was convinced of that even though I had no idea how well he actually knew Harry.

Bella sat back into her usual chair and put her cell phone on the table in front of her. She turned it this way and that idly. We waited.

"He didn't know," she said finally, eliciting a satisfied groan from my father and a sigh of relief from each of the others. "He's not angry at me for hitting her. He said Leah was with Jake when he was arrested. The police have charged him with hurting me and neglecting Elizabeth."

"Thank fuck," I mutter and ignore the cringe my mother made at my choice of language.

I hold Bella's hand and feel it tremble slightly. I want to ask her if she's alright, if there is anything she wants us to do for her but I don't. This is her train and we are just the passengers.

I've got a million questions but every single one of them will lead somewhere I don't want to go. I don't want to have to tell them that Jake has some crazy notion for redemption and that he had planned to approach the detectives himself to try and help bring Charlie down. I wanted no part of it. I didn't want to get caught up in Jake's attempt to make things right because I didn't believe that he ever could. The damage he'd done to my girls was going to be long lasting for Bella but I hoped that Elizabeth would not remember a single thing about the three months she'd spent in that hellhole. I'd never forgive him for what he'd done so I wanted no part in watching him try to redeem himself.

I had no way to know if the Port Angeles police had accepted his offer of help and I didn't really want to know. Whatever played out would do so without me knowing. If he managed to actually help, good. If he got himself killed in the process I wouldn't shed a tear for him. Either way he was locked up for now and that was all I cared about.

"I think I want to meet my family now," Bella said matter of factly.

It was such a shock that I think I choked a little bit on the mouthful of coffee I'd been sipping. I just stared at her. This was a big step. A huge step. It was so big I wondered if she was really equipped to do it and I hadn't doubted Bella's ability to achieve anything as yet, ever.

I recovered quickly. "Call them and set it up," I told her with as much confidence as I could muster.

"I will," she agreed but I could tell there was more she wanted to say. "If I organise it for late in the afternoon will you come with me?"

I'm sure my smile nearly split my face I half it was so big. "Definitely. Every step of the way baby," I assured her.

She looked around the table at the rest of the family and smiled a little. "You are my family too now and I don't want you to think I'm trying to replace you, but I think I'd like to meet my brother now," she whispered.

Emmett was the first, of course, to make light of it to diffuse what should've been an emotional moment. "You know, having a brother isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, look at nerd boy over there. I've had to put up with his sorry ass nearly all my life. You'll be needing 'brother handling' lessons. I'm your man sissy," he chuckled and began making punching actions with his fists. "If you keep your left up they focus on that and don't see the right coming," he said with a wink.

Everyone laughed, even Bella, and I felt pretty certain that the seriousness was over with for the night, finally.

"I've arranged for you to have your hand x-rayed just before your session with Kerry tomorrow Rocky," I laughed.

It took a few seconds but Bella began to giggle too.

**BPOV**

The x-ray went fine. I hadn't broken anything, it was just bruised. A few days in a crepe bandage at night and it would be fine.

I had a much longer session with Kerry that day. We went over and over what had happened in the cafe and although she assured me that I'd done nothing wrong it took another few days before I started to actually believe it.

Our visit with Joshua was bitter sweet. He was going home, but not with us.

We did our best to reassure him but, and it broke my heart to think it, but he didn't seem as bothered by the fact that he wasn't going home with us like we promised. I hated that we'd let him down. I hated that he thought that all the adults in his life broke promises but I hated most of all that he didn't cry when he went with his temporary foster mother.

Edward held me a long time and promised me that it would only be for a little while and that we'd visit him every day, even at the temporary home. Maggie, his new foster mom was great. She seemed excited for him and for us when we explained how far along in the process we were with the little boy. She told us we could visit whenever, and for however long we wanted to. Edward took her details and promised Joshua that we'd see him the very next day. He smiled and nodded but I could tell he didn't believe it.

Edward was as upset as I was but he told me over and over that it was only temporary and that Mr Benson was working hard to make it happen as fast as he could. I didn't doubt him but I hated watching the little boy leave with someone else.

That night was a long and quiet one. Edward held me in his arms as I tried to sleep. He brought Elizabeth to me in the night when she woke and was there in the morning, as always, with a kind word and his unending patience.

After Edward had gone to work I called Harry and asked we could come and see him later in the afternoon. He was so excited he sounded like Alice as he assured me that we were welcome anytime.

The wait between the call and actually leaving for the visit was interminable. I paced. I checked and rechecked the time. I did laundry and cleaned the bathroom. I changed the sheets on my bed and Edward's even though we hadn't slept in it for weeks. I dusted and mopped, polished and paced some more.

I spent time with Elizabeth outside in the sun and inside while she nursed. I read to her, sang to her and talked to her to eat up the hours.

By the time Edward got home from the clinic I was a nervous wreck. I'd talked myself into, and out of, the visit so many times I didn't know which way was up anymore.

I didn't like the idea of going to the Rez at all, even though it had been my idea in the first place but we'd been invited and assured that we were welcome. I knew that it was only because I didn't want to face anything new. And Leah being my sister was definitely new.

Edward held me tight and kissed me passionately when he came through the door but I could tell that he was as apprehensive as I was. Would Leah be there? Would Sue accept me? What was Seth like?

The only way to find out was to go there and see but it was frightening too.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked as he stashed his backpack in the closet in my room.

"Yeah, ready as I'll ever be," I whined.

"I'll grab Elizabeth, you get her bag," he said as he made to go through to the nursery.

"Wait!" I shouted a little too loudly. "Your mom said she'd watch her."

"You don't want to bring her too?" he asked, his face masked with confusion.

I didn't think that I wanted to take her with me but the look on his face made me think that he did. "Do you think that I should?" I asked.

"I do," he said as he came towards me. He held me at my waist and stared down at me. "She's their family too. She's Sue and Harry's granddaughter and Seth and Leah's niece. Don't you want them to meet her?"

While I didn't want to think about Elizabeth being connected to Leah at all I had to concede that her being Harry and Sue's granddaughter did stir something inside me. She had a family. And not just Cullen family. She had Clearwater family and she had a right to know them, just like they had a right to know her.

"I don't want her in the middle of any trouble," I whisper.

"I don't want either of you in the middle of any trouble," he agreed. "I've spoken with Sam and Paul and they assure me that nobody at the Rez means you any harm."

"Leah does," I mumble.

"Yeah, well, with the big boys around she won't try anything, trust me."

I did trust him. Completely. If he thought this was a good idea then I had to consider it. "You won't leave our side?" I ask pathetically.

"Not for a second slugger," he laughed.

I relaxed, minutely. I nod my head once and with a quick kiss to my temple he's away to collect Elizabeth from her crib. I take half a second to steel myself then follow him in to pack her bag.

Esme meets us in the foyer and I explain that I've decided to take the baby with me. She smiles wide making me think she thought I was making the right decision, but she says nothing out loud. She slips something into Edward's hand but I can't quite make out what it is, it looks like a piece of paper. I don't have time to ask as Edward ushers the baby and I out the front door and to the car quite quickly. Esme stands on the front porch waving.

The drive is silent, each of us thinking about what we were about to do. I felt no anxiety over seeing Harry because I'd seen him a few times now and he'd been nothing other than supportive and friendly those times. I was nervous to meet Sue but reasoned that if Harry was so accepting of me then Sue would most likely be okay. Probably resentful at having to meet with Harry's illegitimate daughter, but if she was civil, perhaps even polite, I'd deal.

To say that I was anxious to meet Seth properly wasn't quite right, though it did border on anxiety. It was mostly nerves, seeing as Edward had assured me many times that Seth was eager to get to know me, not go me.

Leah, however, was an entirely different kettle of fish. She hated me and I loathed her. Nothing good would ever come from us meeting again, especially on her home turf. The best outcome I could hope for with her was that she wasn't home.

Sam met us at the gate and we parked in a little lay by just inside the gate. Sam greeted me warmly and shook Edward's hand.

Edward got the pusher and I put Elizabeth into it, slinging her bag over the handles. Edward offered to push her but I declined. I used the handle of the buggy to steady my shaking hands as we walked the short distance to Harry's house. I knew it, of course, from that very first visit when Sam fixed Edward's taillight so I didn't need to think twice about the direction I'd be heading. Instead I got the chance to look around a little as we made the short distance from the parking area.

All along the sides of the dusty road net curtains were twitching as though we were in some English town with little old ladies on either side of the road watching their neighbours.

I felt the eyes on me.

I could imagine the furious gossip that would take place the instant that we left again and wished that I could just turn around and run with Elizabeth back to Edward's car.

"I'm not sure about this," I whispered, hoping Edward could hear me but trying not to let Sam hear.

Edward put one of his hands over mine on the handle and his other into his hair. He squeezed my hand but kept walking. He was either really sure about this or prepared to step in if it went wrong. I didn't know which it was.

Sam left us at the edge of Harry's property and promised to be back soon. He was gone before I could ask him to stay, just in case.

Harry came out of the house before we even had a chance to knock.

"Bella! Edward! So good to see you both," he said with real affection. He took a second to look into the pusher then he turned a huge smile to me. "And Elizabeth too! Sue! Sue!" he called as he waved for us to follow him into his home.

Edward put his hand on the small of my back and took the pusher from me, lifting it easily over the single step at the front door.

Once inside properly we were met in the hallway by a very tall, very dark lady with jet black hair and soft brown eyes.

She stepped forward the instant we stopped walking, hand outstretched to me. "Bella it's so good to finally meet you, I'm Sue," she said softly.

I looked down at her hand then to Edward, who was smiling widely too. I took Sue's hand and shook it carefully. Her hand was warm and soft.

She turned to Edward and repeated her greeting, and the hand shake.

"It's good to meet you too Sue," Edward said politely as we were ushered further down the hall and into a little kitchen and dining area.

"Please, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?" Sue asked as she took up residence behind her kitchen counter.

"Just soda if you have it," Edward said calmly. "Bella?" he asked me.

I shook my head, unable to speak. I knew if I opened my mouth my voice would falter. It was better to say nothing.

Sue nodded kindly in my direction and took a can of soda out of the refrigerator for Edward, setting it on the table with a glass and coaster beside it.

I keep my eyes on Elizabeth in her pusher. She's kicking her legs and gurgling adorably but all I can think about is where the exits are and how best to get to them, with Elizabeth, should anything happen. I know I'm being rude but I just don't know what to say, so I say nothing.

After a few awkward minutes Harry sits on the chair beside me and Sue comes out from behind the safety of her kitchen counter to take the only other vacant seat, between Harry and Edward.

Edward has a grim smile plastered on his face and I can see that 'looks' are being passed between him and Harry. I know I'm stuffing this up, I know this wasn't how I wanted it to go, I know I don't want this awkwardness.

This is my family. They want to know me, at least Harry does, Sue may just be along for the ride, but my father has wanted to know me my whole life and I've got to give it and him a chance.

I look at Edward and he winks at me, urging me to break the ice for myself. I know it's not right to start with a joke but coming up with something to begin with is so hard. Sue looks longingly at Elizabeth in her pusher and I decide to start with the brightest star in my cosmos.

"Would you like to hold her?" I ask Sue.

Her eyes widen in astonishment and a slow smile spreads across her face. "I'd love to, if you'll let me," she says very quietly.

I look to Edward who is grinning smugly. I search his face for his approval but find nothing that will help me. Maybe being honest is the only thing I can do. I pull Elizabeth from the pusher and straighten her dainty little pink dress. She smiles up at me so trustingly. I hold her to me and pat her bottom. I look Sue in the eye and take a deep breath. "You have to hold her head," I tell Sue stupidly.

She's raised two children that I know of and while I can't say that Leah was a fine upstanding citizen maybe Seth was. Either way she knew how to hold a baby and I was embarrassed for having coached her.

It goes silent again while I pass the baby to Edward who passes her to Sue. She holds her just right, of course, and I feel foolish all over again. Sue coos at the baby for a second then turns back to me. "I'll be very careful with her, I promise," she says carefully to me. "Thank you," she whispered and closed her eyes and cuddled Elizabeth close.

I nod my thanks but don't take my eyes off them at all. I feel Edward's hand on my leg and he pushes lightly to stop me from subconsciously making it jump. I still. His supporting touch is all I need.

"Thank you for bringing her, she's beautiful," Harry says reverently, never taking his eyes off my daughter.

It's with a jolt that I realise that she's his granddaughter. Sue was his wife and even though he once loved my mother she was gone. For all of us, she was gone and he was what I had left and I didn't want to waste the opportunity that he represented. It all came tumbling out then, in a great big rush. I began speaking and couldn't stop. My leg jiggled, Edward squeezed it reassuringly and I spilled my guts. All of it. And I did it fast, tripping and stumbling over the words that had plague my mind since I found out who he was.

"She's mine but she's yours too, if you want her, if you want me? We were robbed Harry. Charlie robbed us of this. And I want it. I want a family. I want to know you. I want you to know me and Elizabeth. Edward too. Hell, I want you to know us all, all the Cullen's, all my friends, the people at the church. I've never been allowed to have anything, nothing at all Harry, but I want this. I want this chance. Charlie beat me, raped me, and isolated us both. Then when I thought I was finally free of him Jake did the same. But I want this, I need this. I want to know my brother and my sister too, good and bad. I want to know you Sue. I lost my mother, yes, but you're here and if you're willing I want this. In three and a half weeks I'm going to marry Edward, the day I get my divorce papers I'm getting married and I'll have a proper family of my own. Me, Elizabeth, Edward and Joshua. But I want you too. All of you. I want this chance."

I knew I was panting and I knew it must look like a total idiot for ranting the way I was but it's what I felt. And even with all the shit going on around me of recovery, learning how to behave within a family, learning to be out in public, losing my fear, learning to love Edward and learning that I was worthy of it I'd thought a lot about what having a family of my own meant.

Charlie robbed me, yes, but I had a choice now. I've never had choices like I do now. If I wanted to water ski across the English Channel wearing a pink tutu and carrying a pot bellied pig under my arm I could do it. Wanting something as simple as belonging to a family seemed like a tangible goal and watching these people so in awe of my daughter made me want it more than ever. They were good people. They'd opened their home to me and I was nobody to them. Especially for Sue. I was the product of her husband's previous relationship and she didn't have to accept me. She didn't have to welcome me. She certainly didn't have to show any civility towards me, but she did. So simply. She opened her home and invited me into it, just like Esme had, without hesitation.

A tear streaked Sue's beautiful dark skin and I watched it make its way down her cheek and fall off her chin. She met my eyes and I knew that if I stared at her too long my own tears would bubble over too. So I looked to Harry. He was staring at me as though he was blind. He hadn't moved and I wondered if I'd gone too far, said too much, laid all this at their feet far too soon.

I began to panic. My leg jumped of its own accord and I heard the embarrassing mewl that I'd made in the back of my throat and winced. This was going to all blow up in my face!

**EPOV**

If one of them didn't say something soon I'd have to bundle the baby back into the pusher and get Bella the hell out of here fast.

She'd laid it all on the line and neither of them had said a word. Sue was crying and Harry looked close to a heart attack.

Bella's leg jumped frantically under the table and no amount of soothing from me was going to make it stop until someone said something. It couldn't be me, I was a spectator, this was Bella's family and this had to be between them. I was only here for moral support. I hoped beyond hope that I hadn't misjudged the whole situation and when Harry finally spoke I heaved a massive sigh of relief.

"We want that too," he said very quietly. He reached across the table and put his hand on Bella's. "It's all we've ever wanted. Both of us, all of us. We've waited so long and we were beginning to wonder if it would ever happen. But everything you said, all of it, we want that too."

He looked to Sue who was nodding frantically as he spoke and I began to hope that this might just work out.

"Really?" Bella asked, astounded. "Are you sure? I know it has to be hard for you Sue, me being Renee's daughter, and for you Harry, having a reminder all the time."

If she didn't stop back peddling soon all this would be for nothing. Thankfully Sue broke the silence before Bella could begin to panic again.

"I never knew your mother Bella, but I wish I had. Harry loved her and you were born from that love so there is nothing hard for me about that. We met and fell in love a long time after your mother passed on so there is no jealousy, no envy, no bad feeling for me. Harry told me about you right away, right from the start and I've lived his pain with him for all this time." Sue gave Bella a bleak smile and shifted Elizabeth to her other hip. She stroked the baby's hair gently and smiled down at her too. "It's been so long since there has been a baby in this house Bella. Seth is nineteen now. We've waited a long time for this, for you, for you both. And you too Edward. Seeing Bella settled, happy and in love is more than we could've ever hoped for. We never thought we'd ever get a chance to actually share in it. Giving us this chance to see it for ourselves is the greatest gift you could've ever given us."

Bella was crying steadily throughout Sue's speech but she didn't look distressed or upset particularly. She looked relieved. I was happy for her, and for Harry and Sue. It was obvious now that the first breach of the defences had been made that they were relieved too.

I pulled the envelope from the back pocket of my jeans and held it out for Bella. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stared at me, confused. My mother had given it to me as we were leaving and I was pleased that Bella hadn't asked what it was at the time. It would've put too much pressure on her and made this meeting even more awkward than it had already been. But now, maybe, the contents of the envelope would help heal the rift that had been forced on this family.

Bella took it and I nodded at it, trying to tell her to read it before handing it over. She slipped her fingernail under the flap on the back and pulled the crisp ivory card a little ways out. Her eyes widened when she came to realise what it was and then she smiled.

"Thank you," she whispered to me and I nodded to show her that I accepted her thanks. She pushed the card back into the envelope and without any hesitation she put it on the table in front of Harry. "I'll leave it up to you but I, no, we would love it if you'd come."

Harry smiled wide. He didn't need to see what was in the envelope to know that it was a wedding invitation but Sue snatched it off the table and pulled the card out fully. She read it for a few seconds then turned smiling eyes to Bella. "We'll be there. Definitely. Thank you so much, it's very kind."

Bella smiled in return and the room went back to being silent. It wasn't quite so uncomfortable this time. I knew they all had so many thoughts running through their heads and every single one of them was probably reeling from it all, so I sat quietly and watched Sue stare down at the baby.

The silence was broken by Sam announcing the arrival of Bella's half brother and sister.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**Before the lynching begins for leaving it there I apologise. **

**This chapter hit 11K well before I intended it to and there was just no better place to leave it other than there. **

**The next chapter I am in two minds about so it may take me a couple of extra days to get it right before uploading. I've written two alternate ways the meeting with Leah ( in particular Leah - those of you who've read my other saga will recall my little crush on Seth, so he'll be just fine...swoon...jailbait!) goes and I'm as yet undecided which way to take it. I'll sort it out as soon as possible, I promise.**

**Thank you all for your good wished for Mr Maxi. His improvement is minimal but his pain has decreased significantly over the past week or so, thank goodness. He'll definitely keep his fingers...the best possible outcome despite the very slow recovery process. Again, thank you to Patchar and Jules who keep a good eye on me and are never very far away with an encouraging word or the unexpected, but very much appreciated, delivery of beautiful flowers to cheer me up. I love you both from the very heart of my bottom :)**

**Please review. **


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: So sorry for the lateness of this upload. Real life got in the way. **

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Chapter 46 – Family Matters

**Seth POV**

When Sam came to collect me from Embry's house is when my nerves started for real. Dad had told me that Bella had called and was coming to visit but until she was actually here I tried to put it out of my mind just in case she chickened out.

I couldn't blame her if she did. If I was her I wouldn't want to set foot inside the Rez either.

It was a pretty intimidating place even for me and I'd been born here. The other guys had told me about Bella, about when she'd been here with the Chief when she was little and how she was always bruised or hurt. The gossip was pretty bad actually, worse than usual. There was always a scandal of some sort floating around the Rez, who was sleeping with who, who had been caught doing this or that, but this was different. This wasn't malicious gossip, not about Bella anyway. Everyone just sort of jumped on the bandwagon condemning Jake and I was okay with that.

I'd helped beat the shit out of him myself a couple weeks ago.

So when mom and dad had told me she was coming to see them today I was worried for her. I hoped Edward would come with her, not because she'd need protection but because Leah intended to go to my parent's house and meet with her too. I tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn't listen to me. She wouldn't listen to anyone. Not even Sam, which was unusual for her. She idolised Sam – probably still loved him a bit – but nothing he said could talk her out of a confrontation. I knew that Leah had loved Sam a long time, right from when they were kids really, but Sam loved Emily and they were about to get married. Leah had been sleeping with Jake for a long time too but I never thought she actually loved him. He was just her rebound guy, the one she turned to when Sam told her he wasn't interested. Maybe she did love him now, maybe that's why she was so angry with Bella? I didn't think she did love him, not in the usual sense anyway. I had always thought it was for convenience, but I could've been wrong. It wasn't like Leah was ever going to tell me what was going on with her either. She legged it from home as soon as she could and she'd never really come back, not even to visit too often, which suited me just fine.

Mom and dad fought with her a lot and home wasn't a great place to be with Leah in it.

My sister was convinced that Bella was the root of all evil, despite knowing full well that Jake beat Bella at every turn. Leah had the fucked up notion that Bella had deserved it and I guess she could only have gotten that idea from Jake himself because I knew Bella didn't know Leah. She might know of her, but she didn't know her.

Sam walked with me from Embry's to my mom and dad's house and warned me again to be extra careful and extra nice. I ignored the comment because I'd waited to meet my sister for so long there was no way I was going to do or say anything to mess this up.

Leah, however, was a different story.

No warning from Sam was going to put her off having her say.

She came at the house from the opposite direction to us and it didn't take a genius to see that she was pissed and was itching for a fight as she approached. It was written all over her face. Her bottle blonde hair swayed as she stalked towards the house, fists clenched at her side and a scowl on her face that would've curdled milk.

Sam tried once more to calm her down, to make her see reason, but she shoved past him and strode right in through the front door of our parents house even though she didn't live there anymore herself.

Sam went in next and I followed behind him. We found them sitting around the kitchen table talking quietly. My mom had the baby in her lap and looked about as happy as I'd ever seen her. Dad too. He was grinning from ear to ear and staring at the baby too. It wasn't to last.

I just hung back. I wanted to grab Bella and hug her but I knew all about her fear of men, and even though I was her brother and would never hurt her, she didn't know that yet.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing in _my_ house bitch?" Was Leah's opening greeting.

Sam tensed and Edward leapt to his feet but it was dad's voice that shocked me most.

"Out! Now Leah!" he roared. The baby started crying and Bella got off her chair and started backing away from us, towards Edward who was clenching his fists beside his thighs. "I warned you Leah. I told you that if you couldn't be civil you weren't welcome here when Bella is, so go, now," dad said as he pointed to the hallway.

I wanted to get in between the two girls, not to defend Leah, but to protect Bella. But Edward had her covered and I didn't want to shove Sam out of the way to do it. So I stood, like an idiot, half behind Sam and watched.

Leah was ready to say something else but Sam put his giant hand on her shoulder and she stopped right away. Sam was good like that. Very calm but a mountain of a man and Leah knew he wasn't above hoisting her over his shoulder and dragging her out of there bodily. He'd done it before.

Leah scowled at Bella and set her lips into a mean grimace. "Jake will get out on bail and then you'll be sorry bitch," she hissed at Bella. Bella looked shocked and stunned. Sam said nothing and I knew he was trying to stay out of it as much as he could. This was family business, our family business, and while we were all members of the same tribe individual families came first. He held onto Leah but said nothing to either help or hinder. "He'll get out and we'll come for you. Me and him. You won't know when, you won't know where. A knock on the door, a tap on the shoulder and it'll be us," she sneered then turned on her heel and made to stalk back out the front door. She didn't quite get that far.

She shoved me as she went by me but I didn't move. She did that a lot, just pushed and shoved but it didn't bother me. I wanted to say something, tell her to take back what she'd said because I knew it would frighten the hell out of Bella, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella shaking herself out of her shock.

Bella leapt to her feet and stalked across the room and got right up in Leah's face. She didn't yell or anything and that impressed me. I wouldn't have blamed her for letting Leah have it both barrels, but Bella was all class. She just set this stern look on her face and spoke real quietly.

"Listen good Leah because this is the one and only time I'm warning you. Don't come near me, don't come near my daughter and don't come near the Cullen's. I won't be held responsible for what happens to you if you do."

"Are you threatening me bitch?" Leah shrieked.

I stepped aside a bit, as far as I could go in the hallway anyway. I could see this fierce look on Bella's face and knew she had this.

"I guess maybe I am. I didn't fight back when Jake beat me because I was afraid of him back then but I'm not afraid anymore Leah. Not of you and not of him. I'm done with fear, you got me? Come near me, or my family again and you'll be sorry. I've hit you once I'll do it again, are we clear?" Bella said very clearly.

I could see she was shaking and I wondered if Leah could too. It didn't really matter because I could see the fear in Leah's eyes. She'd met her match and she knew it. I knew that dad telling her to play nice or leave wasn't going to mean shit, they yelled at each other all the time and she took absolutely no notice, but when Bella spoke Leah listened. I could see it on her face. She probably thought Bella was some little insecure girl who could be easily pushed around, but it was obvious that she wasn't. Maybe she had been once, I didn't know too much about her, but the girl who stood in front of Leah right now was anything but scared. Leah had only just worked that out for herself. Sure, Leah would put up a fight and she'd act all brave and invincible, but she knew Bella meant every word.

"The only thing we're clear about is that you're a fucking liar!" Leah screamed. There was no way she was going to show any sign of backing down, not with Sam in the room anyway.

Bella took a good deep breath and while she did I looked to Edward. He looked about ready to kill. His knuckles were white he was clenching his fists so hard. His face was red and I could see the vein in his neck pulsing. If this didn't stop soon we'd have to step in.

Bella stood a little straighter and looked Leah right in the eye as she spoke. "If I'm such a fucking liar how come you keep asking me about the scars Jake gave me, huh? If you say what I've told the police about Jake beating me is lies how come you keep trying to bait me using the injuries he gave me? He hurt me Leah, for nothing. There is no way I'd have the scars I've got if it wasn't for Jake. I couldn't bite my own nipple off, could I? So if I'm lying about what he did why do you try to use the scars against me? You've got nothing else, I realise that, but you have to give up the 'you're lying' angle, it's just not going to work on me. You and I both know what he did Leah. No lies need be told about that. I don't even know what your problem is. You want Jake? Go right ahead, have him, you're welcome to him."

Leah looked about ready to cry. I was pretty sure that every game plan she had needed Bella to be afraid of her and now that intimidation wasn't working Leah was lost. I felt the tiniest bit sorry for her. But not for long.

"He was never yours," she spat at Bella. "He's been with me since before you married him!" she said as though it was a huge win.

It wasn't. Everyone knew that. Jake wasn't a prize and if he was he was the booby prize. I felt so bad for Bella. I knew that Jake had been banging my sister but I didn't know if Bella knew. I was relieved to hear Bella's laughter.

"Like I said Leah you're welcome to him. I've known about you all along, you can't get at me Leah, give it up. You have nothing I want. I win Leah. I got out and you get Jake. I get Edward and Elizabeth. Sucks to be you, I guess," Bella laughed again.

If I'd been asked for my opinion I'd have told Bella not to laugh at Leah. It just made her angrier. I got myself ready to leap off the chair and I figured Sam expected Leah to explode too because he looked ready to pounce if she took a swipe at Bella. We were all surprised when that didn't happen.

Leah swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and turned on her heel and walked right out the front door. She slammed it so hard the baby started crying but all in all it was a pretty good outcome. Nobody got hit, nobody got hurt.

Bella was shaking, badly. Edward had her about the waist and was trying to calm her down while also trying to soothe the baby who was wailing pretty loudly. I didn't know what to do or what to say so I said nothing.

Mom got up and started pacing with the baby, talking softly to her and patting her on the back. She soon stopped crying and mom sat back down.

Dad just apologised to them over and over. He told them that Leah hadn't lived with us for a long time and that he was sorry for the things she said. They didn't exactly ignore him but I could tell that the only thing Bella wanted was Edward. She hung on to him pretty tight and while she wasn't crying it looked like she might want to. Nobody would think less of her if she did. Hell, Leah was my sister and she made me want to cry plenty.

"Come on in son," dad said to me and I nodded at him and went further into the room before pulling one of the kitchen stools over so I could sit beside him.

We wait while Bella catches her breath but it doesn't take her long. She and Edward stare at each other for a long minute. It was like they were reading each other's minds, telling each other without words what they needed to hear. When Bella sat back down she apologised to my parents for speaking to Leah that way. My mother told her not to say sorry, that Leah got what she deserved both today and the other day too.

Sam excused himself then, telling us he needed to get home. We all said goodbye and then the room went quiet again. I just stared at my parents in turn; hoping one of them would say something to break the silence.

"Bella this is Seth, Seth this is Bella, your sister," my mom announces ceremoniously.

"Hi Bella," I say quietly. It seemed stupid to be introduced to her now, after the show my sister had just put on.

"Hi Seth, it's nice to meet you," Bella says just as quietly. "Um, you already know Edward, right?" she asks and I nod. "This is Elizabeth."

I look over to my mom and get my first good look at my niece. She's cute. Really cute. Bella is cute too, in an older sister kind of way. She's got dark hair like us and I can sort of see a bit of my dad in her if I look hard enough.

**BPOV**

Saying hello to Seth for the first time felt weird. After the way I'd just gone off at his sister I thought he might be angry with me too but he sat passively on the kitchen stool next to Harry and said a quiet hello.

I was grateful for that. I don't know where I'd gotten the strength to stand up to Leah the way I had but I knew for certain that I couldn't do it twice in quick succession if Seth wanted to yell at me too. He didn't, of course. He was quiet just like Edward said he would be.

I had an overwhelming urge to hug him. For some reason he looked like someone I was going to like, love even. He was tall and very slim but had Harry and Sue's dark hair and eyes. They were kind eyes and as he stared at me I knew I had nothing to fear from him. He'd had plenty of opportunity to side with his sister and even with Sam in the hallway Seth could've easily gotten to me, but he hadn't.

"I put the anchor bolt in your car," he said suddenly.

It was such an odd thing to say and it reminded me of Baby Houseman saying 'I carried a watermelon' in Dirty Dancing. It made me giggle.

Nobody else was laughing though. "Sorry, that was wrong, wasn't it?" I asked Edward. "I didn't mean to laugh."

He gave my hand a squeeze, "No, it wasn't wrong, it's probably just what we needed," he said with a grin. "The anchor bolt is brilliant Seth, thanks again," he said kindly.

Seth looked embarrassed and neither Sue nor Harry had spoken in a little while. I guessed it was time for me to go even though I'd only said hello to Seth and nothing much more. It was a start.

I stood and Edward stood with me. He either wanted to leave now too or he knew that I did. Either way he reached for Elizabeth and after Sue had kissed her forehead and handed her back to Edward she said a quiet goodbye to me too.

"Please come back and see us again soon?" she posed it as a question.

"I'd like to, if you want me to?" I asked.

She smiled then, really smiled and I couldn't help but smile too. "We want you to," she said simply and I nodded my agreement.

Seth offered to walk with us back to where we'd parked the car so I said I quick goodbye to Harry and promised him that I'd call again soon. He too asked me to visit again and I said that I would. My parents – it was going to be hard to think of them that way, but I had to try – stood on the front lawn and waved us goodbye at we pushed Elizabeth back up the road to the parking area.

Not a word was said the whole walk and it was terribly awkward.

I buckled Elizabeth into her car seat and Edward wrestled the pusher into the back of the car. Seth stood quietly at the side of the car, toeing the gravel with his shoe.

Edward went to him and offered his hand. Seth smiled when he shook it. "Thanks for coming," Seth said wanly.

"You're welcome. We'll see you again soon," Edward said quietly. Seth nodded but said nothing more.

Edward smiled at me a little as I he moved around the front of the car and got in, leaving me standing face to face with my brother.

Seth toed the gravel again and I could tell that he was uncomfortable. I didn't quite know what to say but I didn't want to leave without saying anything either. Honesty had worked before so I figured I'd give it a whirl again.

"I don't like to be touched," I announced. "But I'd like to shake your hand, if that's okay?"

He was smiling so widely when he looked up that I giggled. He held his hand out in front of me and I took it cautiously. He had huge hands just like Edward but Seth's were much warmer and he held my hand more firmly than Harry did.

"I wanted to meet you for a long time," he said simply.

"I didn't know about you," I admitted.

"I know, I should've come seen you ages ago but with Jake...you know?" He tilted his head to the side and we both knew nothing more needed to be said about that. "But it was a shit excuse and I'm sorry I didn't come meet you earlier. I should have. I've wanted to know you for so long."

It was the most he'd said the whole time we'd been there and I just stood there stupidly staring at him. He felt like I did. Ripped off and sorry that it had taken so long to find each other. I couldn't let it go at that. I had to make a move now, before we went another year, or more, just skirting around the issue and never truly getting to know one another.

"Can I ask you something?" I said far too quickly and ended up giggling at the end of the sentence.

"Sure," he said eagerly as he slipped his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels.

I took a deep breath and hoped that what I was about to do would be well received. I hadn't asked anyone's permission about this so I was just hoping they'd understand. "We have a family dinner on Friday nights. Will you come?" I asked carefully.

His smile was huge, again. He was nodding violently as he thanked me for the invitation. "Sure. I mean, if you want me to I'd really like to. This Friday night?" he asked, excitedly.

"Um, yeah, this Friday night would be great. We eat at six and you have to be there before then or Esme gets cross, okay?"

"I'll be there. Thanks," he said shyly.

"I guess I'll see you then," I told him and climbed into the cab of the car.

He stood on the grass verge and waved until we were out of sight.

I let my long held breath go and slumped against the back of the seat.

Edward was completely silent; his eyes didn't leave the road as he took us further and further away from the Rez. Elizabeth, too, was silent and I looked over my shoulder to see that she was already asleep. I turned my eyes back to the windshield and watched, without really seeing, the little town of Forks fly by as we swept past.

I was both worried and grateful that Edward hadn't said anything. I didn't know if he was giving me space to think about all that had taken place or whether, like me, he had no idea what to say.

The meeting had taken so many turns. From initially being awkward and frightening it had turned into a fight with Leah then an emotional outpouring from me and another from Sue and Harry. Seth had been almost completely silent during our time in the house then eager and almost grateful when I'd invited him for dinner. I didn't know what to make of any of it and wondered if Edward did.

As we got close to the turn off to our street he slowed the car. At first I thought something might be wrong with either him or the car but he seemed okay and the car sounded no different to me. He pulled over onto the hard shoulder, slid the car into park and turned the ignition off. He undid his seatbelt and opened his door. Right there, on the side of the road, he just got out of the car!

My heart was racing as I watched him walk around the front of the car. He opened my door and held his hand out for me. I undid my belt and took his hand, unsure just what the hell he was doing. But I trusted him implicitly, if he wanted me out of the car for some reason it was both necessary and important.

I stood beside the car, the odd car whizzing by on their way to and fro, and wondered what the hell the problem was.

Edward paced.

**EPOV**

The silence was fucking deafening. I couldn't handle another mile like it. I had to walk. Hell, I wanted to run, but walking would suffice for now.

I had so much to say but I needed her to have her say first. This wasn't about me. This wasn't my business, but shit, I had so much to say!

So I paced.

She watched.

The look on her face told me nothing other than what a complete and utter nutter I looked as I made the same figure of eight on the gravel beside the road as I'd made in the garden at the hospital.

Just say something I wanted to shout. Anything. Any comment. Any sign that what went down back there made any kind of impression on you at all Bella! Is what I wanted to yell into the still of the day. But she made no sound, no move.

She'd done something remarkable today and yet she said nothing at all about it. She'd made the first contact with her real family and borne it well. She'd spoken clearly and hadn't hidden from anything at all. She'd borne the brunt of Leah's anger and had actually fought back! Her eyes had shone with accomplishment and as she'd gotten further and further into the argument I got more and more impressed with her. She'd come so fucking far from the scared, timid Bella I'd known before she was admitted to the hospital. She'd not only fought back but she'd done it with style and grace!

She'd invited her _brother_ to her home!

Her _brother_, who was a guy, a guy she didn't know from Adam!

She was magnificent. Perfect. Brave and strong and independent and confident and...god...she was ball clenchingly fucking awesome!

Eventually just pacing the simple pattern in the deathly silence became overwhelming and I had to go to her. I needed her. I wanted her. My emotions were brimming over and there was nothing I could do to stem them. I pulled her to me and for only a split second I felt bad for the little squeak of surprise she let out of her perfect lips, then my desire and lust for this new Bella took over.

"I want you," I told her firmly. I had tried so had the last months to keep my need for her, the craving I felt for her all the time to myself, but I couldn't do it anymore. She had to know! I held her by her shoulders and watched her eyes. Normally so easily read she gave me nothing. "Did you hear me?" I asked. "I want you Bella. Right now. Here on the side of the fucking road, I want you." I got nothing other than a shocked blink of her eyes and the plump rosy bottom lip that got squashed between her teeth as she tried to work out what the fuck I was on about. I let her go and took a step back. "Say something!" I shouted far too loudly. She flinched and I was sorry instantly. "Say something," I said a little more softly.

"What do you want me to say Edward?" she whispered and hung her head.

I grabbed her by the shoulders again and only when she'd raised her eyes to me did I speak again. "You did it. You met them. You held your own. You let them touch Elizabeth. You spoke to them, really spoke to them. You stood up to Leah...god woman...you stood up to that bitch and gave as good as you got! God Bella, it was so fucking amazing and I couldn't take my eyes off you the whole time. You were amazing. Gorgeous. So strong and brave and she was scared, really scared when you threatened her and I was so fucking hard for you I thought my dick was going to tip the table over and spill my drink! And Seth...god, Bella, you talked to Seth! He's a guy, you know? And you talked to him and you don't know him at all but you talked to him and you invited him over and he accepted and you met your brother!"

It all came out in a rush. A stupid, rambling incomprehensible rush but I had to let it out. I was so fucking proud of her that it all came out and nothing was going to stop it.

She blinked and let her lip go and a wide, gorgeous smile spread slowly across them instead. "Is that true?" she asked quietly.

She was still so fucking unsure of herself, of me, and after all she'd managed to do today it gutted me. "Yes it's all fucking true. All of it. I've told you before I won't lie to you Bella. You were brilliant. Amazing. Fucking incredible!"

A soft adorable giggle escaped her lips as she took in what I'd said. I could see as well as feel her posture changing as she stood before me. "I did it," she mumbled and I couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped my throat.

"You did...you really did and it was fantastic. Did it feel good?" I ask.

She's nodding as soon as I've said it. "It did. Not all of it. At first it was nerve wracking but at the end it felt good. Leah was shit scary huh?" she laughed.

She actually laughed about it! Really laughed. She wasn't frightened or ashamed or any other bullshit, she just laughed! "She was," I agree. "But you gave her what for just like I knew you could. Jesus baby, you were so hot."

She still looked shocked, as though all that had happened and all that had been said had been someone else, but I thought that maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to find a bit more strength from this.

Bella pursed her lips and her eyebrows came together in a frown. "Me screaming was hot?" she asks.

All I can do is smile. She smiles too and then I take her lips with mine.

This wasn't our usual soft, gentle kiss either. This was possession and pent up need personified. I held her to me far tighter than I had ever dared before. I pulled her into my arms and all but assaulted her lips with mine. I had forgotten to be gentle and when I suddenly realised that maybe I was frightening her and tried to pull away a little she shocked me by letting out an exasperated whine and pulling me to her!

Holy. Fucking. Christ.

She wound her fingers into my hair and pulled hard, making me groan loudly. This seemed to spur her on further. She used her free hand to take a hold of the front of my shirt and pull that hard too. So hard that I stumbled as I came up against her, making her take a step backward so she was up against the side of the car. That made another strangled groan escape me, knowing she was pinned against the car like I'd always fantasised she would be. I didn't want to frighten her, didn't want her to feel that she couldn't escape me or that I was keeping her there so I tried once again to back off. But Bella wasn't having it. She tugged her mouth free of mine for half a second and scowled at me.

"You said you wanted me, stop pulling away," she all but growled into my shocked face.

This time I didn't hesitate. I slid my thigh between hers and pushed her back against the rear door of the car even harder. She whimpered a little and pressed her breasts up against me hard. I put one hand on the roof of the car, the other I slid down behind her and cupped her ass. She whimpered again and bit down on my lip making me shiver with excitement.

We'd never gone this far so fast. It usually started out soft and sweet and grew into something more, but this time we'd gone from naught to a hundred in half a minute. It was fucking blissful.

I was under no illusion that we'd go much further, but while it was happening it was incredible.

I kneaded her left butt cheek as hard as I dared, all the while pulling up her and into my erection, desperate for some friction to relieve the ache. She played her part almost expertly and ground her hips into me unashamedly.

I pulled my lips from hers to see if she'd had enough but she hadn't and she pulled my mouth back using the hand at my base of my neck. In my haste to get my lips back onto her skin I missed her mouth and kissed the corner of her lips. The side where she'd been torn. I waited for her to tell me it hurt but she never did. She simply turned her face so that I could kiss her cheek and across to her ear.

She'd never done that either. This was new territory for us both. I had always assumed she didn't want me to, or for some reason she didn't like having the rest of her face kissed, but maybe she did and I had just enjoyed her lips so much I hadn't put enough effort into finding out.

Either way she let me. I trailed hungry kisses across her cheek and when I got to her ear I licked her gently around its shell. She shivered and the fingers that were balled into a fist in my shirt stiffened and she actually attempted to pull me up harder even though we were joined from chest to knees already. She liked it!

"I want you so badly baby," I whispered just before I licked her ear again. This time she moaned sweetly in the back of her throat and wound her ankle around my calf. God, that simple touch, new as it was, almost blew my mind. "Do you like that?" I asked rhetorically and dipped my tongue into her ear again. She nodded but said nothing out loud. I lowered my lips and began to kiss away from her ear and down towards her throat. She writhed and moaned softly throughout but when I reached the base of her throat, where it met her shoulder, she stiffened and hissed air out over her teeth a little. I wasn't entirely sure she liked this quite as much, even though I was nowhere near where her injury had been, so I did it again so I could better gauge her reaction. I kissed a little harder, letting my tongue lap against her skin for a second before removing my lips. She stiffened again but this time she let my hair go and groped for _my _ass!

The moan I let out sounded inhuman as it left my mouth. I kissed her again, in the same spot and again she pulled me harder up into her. I let one of my hands come away from where I'm holding her and put it at her waist. As my fingers inch up her side I am careful to listen and feel for her reactions, lest she freak out, but she doesn't. She moans adorably as my thumb finds the underside of her breast and as I strum across the nipple for the very first time she tilts her head further aside – giving me better access to her throat and collarbones – and she bucks her hips a little towards me.

There is no time to just enjoy the feeling of her breast in my hand because I couldn't stop thinking about how to react when she pulled away, or if she shoved me off her because of her fear. I know I'm over thinking it but I can't help it. I'm worried for her, scared for her reactions to my ministrations.

This is new territory, completely new territory. I've never touched her like this. Never kissed her like this. She's never let me go this far.

That's when it truly hits me. She wants me like I want her.

I know she's told me that before and I know she's not ashamed of her desire anymore, but still, somewhere in the back of my mind I think I wondered if she only responded the way she did to my fumblings because she thought she should. But this...her desire matched mine. She wanted me.

And then my fucking brother drove past and beeped his horn at us! I just caught a quick look at his smug face as he drove by. Shit.

The spell was broken and I leapt away from her as fast as I could. I didn't want her to feel bad at being busted so I searched her face for signs of panic, but there were none.

"It was Emmett," I told her gently.

Bella pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and shuffled on her feet. "I don't think I care," she whispered.

My smile felt like it might crack my face in two it was so wide. "I don't think I care either," I tell her as I pull her to me again. I knew we were 'done' for now, but I wanted her to know what I was thinking. "I can't wait to marry you Bella. I don't care who sees us kissing either, its normal. We're supposed to want this. You know that right?"

With her head tucked up under my chin I felt her nod. "I know it's normal, your mother and sisters told me," she giggled.

I cringed at the thought of them discussing our intimate life but I was smart enough to know that if they didn't talk about it with her I might not have an intimate life at all, so I'd deal. "I hope you told them I was good at it," I tease.

Her blush tells me more than she realises and as she ducks her head I start to really laugh. "I might have," she admits timidly.

I pull her to me again and kiss her temple with a loud thwack. "Good, now, let's get going. If we hurry we'll have time to visit with Josh a bit before Elizabeth wakes up."

She agrees hurriedly and jumps back up into the car.

I spend the twenty minute drive to his carer's house in a dazed state of lust filled shock.

**BPOV**

Edward's smug grin as he drove told me that he was as happy as I was with today's events. And not just the touching and kissing we'd just experienced on the side of the road either. It was everything.

My visit to the Rez, the connection I'd made with my father, step mother and brother and even my confrontation with Leah seemed to have made him happy. I understood that he wasn't happy that I'd had to endure Leah's wrath, but rather he was pleased for me because I hadn't let her bully me.

I felt good about that too. I never wanted it to go that way, of course, but seeing as she'd begun the meeting that way I'd had no choice but to defend myself, and Elizabeth. I hope she understood that I'd not stand for anymore bullying or anymore threats from her. I hope she knew I was serious when I said I'd do everything I could to protect myself and my new family.

His happiness at our little roadside 'session' was evident too. He'd been so aroused, so passionate. I wanted to tell myself that it had shocked me, but it didn't really.

We'd 'played nice' for so long, skirting around going further using the wedding as the reason, but underneath he was probably just as frustrated as I was. He just didn't hide it quite as well as me.

I hadn't lied when I told him I'd talked to his mother and sisters about us. I had. In great detail. It had been embarrassing and awkward at first but after the first few questions I posed they loosened up and so had I. Rosie was the best at putting aside that it was Edward we were talking about and I knew that was because to her he was Emmett's brother. For Alice and for Esme too it was weirder still because he was brother and son. They told me over and over that wanting him in that way was normal. That if I loved him, which they knew I did, then I should want him. And I did. Desperately.

I never thought I would. I had spent so many years thinking that sex was just one more chore I had to endure that it had taken me a while to get used it being for my pleasure, and his. The girls explained to me that it wasn't a right, to be taken, but a pleasure to be given. Kerry agreed. Edward had told me often that he didn't want anything I couldn't give him freely and Kerry and I talked a lot about what it was going to mean for me to give myself to him fully on our wedding night.

She wasn't as onboard with us getting married so quickly as I'd hoped she would be. She thought we were rushing into it, having only just found each other, but both Edward and I were adamant.

Kerry asked us both and individually if we would consider me spending some time on my own – with Elizabeth of course – before marrying, but I didn't want that. I'd waited long enough for him and he for me. Waiting was futile. The end result was going to be the same no matter that we get married in sixty days or in six hundred. We'll be together from now on, no matter what. It was the one thing we truly disagreed on with her and she'd had to accept it, however begrudgingly in the end.

On everything else we usually agreed with her or we were able to come to some compromise fairly easily. Intimacy was one of those issues. I knew that Edward had talked to her about it and I had too, in my private sessions, but as yet we'd not talked about it with both of us in the room at the one time. I wasn't sure I wanted to but knew that at some point she may insist. For now I was happy with the way things were, as frustrating as they were.

I was prepared for the fear and the sick, uneasy feeling to overwhelm me when Edward had begun to snake his fingers up my ribs and towards my breast but they never came. He'd been smart enough to go for the right one, not the left, but even so I'd been worried about what my brain would tell me to do when the time came. Surprisingly it told me to enjoy it. I wanted him to touch me there. I wanted to go further. I wanted to give myself to him. Kerry told me that was the key.

All my other sexual experiences had involved something being taken from me, with Edward I was giving of myself. He didn't take, he gave too. I never once felt as though I was taking something from him and never once had I felt as though he was asking more of me than I was willing to give. In fact, if anything, I wanted him to want more.

As Joshua's foster family's house came into view Edward reached across the console of the car and tugged my hand into his lap.

"I wish I could read your thoughts," he said with a chuckle.

"I don't," I laughed.

"Don't tell me there are some naughty things spinning around in your beautiful mind?" he teased.

I giggled. "Maybe," I hinted.

"Thank god you can't read mine then!" he laughed as he pulled the car into the drive.

As had become our custom he tooted the horn three times and stepped down out of the car to wait for the bundle of energy that would soon come screaming out of the front door towards him. It never failed.

Sure enough not half a minute after the horn had sounded Joshua came barrelling out the front door right into Edward's arms. He swung the squealing boy around and around and hugged him close. I loved watching them together.

I stood a ways away, letting them have their reunion moment, but pretty soon Joshua spotted me and came running to me too. "Bella! Bella! Bella!" he chanted as I caught him in a tight hug. "Where's Elizabeth today?" he asked, as predicted.

He always asked after her once he'd greeted us both properly. Always.

"She's asleep in the car so we need to be very quiet, alright little man?" Edward told him.

"I can be quiet, Angus and I have been practising our inside voices, look," he said seriously. He furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. "Aunty Rosie took me and Angus to the play centre this morning. Angus fell off the slide but he didn't cry," he said in a tiny whisper.

**EPOV**

I would've choked up as Joshua said 'Aunty Rosie' but Bella was doing enough of that for the two of us.

He was so perfect. So much like Bella. Both craved affection and I hoped that they'd both found it now.

I scooped him up and took him inside when Bella said she'd fetch Elizabeth from the car. He took me right to his room, with only a second for me to say hello to his foster mom on the way.

Friday came so fast.

Of course my mother was ecstatic that Bella had invited Seth and the whole family was looking forward to meeting him. The added bonus was Joshua attending too.

Rosie had collect him late in the afternoon and brought him to the house for a swim with Angus and it was decided, after a quick call to his guardian, that he could stay for the family dinner too. Rosie was to take him back right after. I wanted to do it, but Rosie had insisted and Angus had pouted when it looked like he'd not be able to see his friend home. So I'd given in, eventually.

Josh was so excited but his excitement was matched by Angus'. The two boys swam right up until the very last second and would only come out of the water at Rosie's insistence.

Mom and Bella had cooked all afternoon to prepare an extra special dinner and by the time the door bell rang we were all nervous and just as excited as the two little boys.

I followed dad to the door.

"Hello Doctor Cullen and um...Doctor Cullen," Seth chuckled and held out his hand to us in turn.

"Please, call me Carlisle, it's good to finally meet you," dad told him as they shook hands.

"And you know I'm just Edward," I told him next. "Come on in and meet everyone else. Bella's in the kitchen." I led the way through the house to the noisy kitchen where all the women and children were congregated – hoping to sneak a taste of the meal before it was put on the table. "Seth's here," I told Bella who wiped her hands on a tea towel and smiled widely.

She moved right to him and shook his hand without hesitation. I just marvelled at how far she'd come in the past months. She wasn't frightened of him at all! "Hey Seth, it's good to see you, thanks for coming," she told him warmly to which he replied in kind. "Mom, this is Seth, my brother," she said proudly.

Mom reached for his hand. "Hi Seth, I'm Esme. Welcome."

"Thanks so much for having me," he said.

"Seth this is Edward's sister Alice and her husband Jasper," Bella introduced. "This big guy here is Emmett and his wife Rosalie." Another round of hand shaking and introductions was made before Bella moved towards where the three children were sitting in the breakfast nook. Seth followed close behind her. "This is Angus, Rose and Emmett's boy, of course you know Elizabeth, and this is our Joshua. Well, soon to be our Joshua hey little man?"

Josh jumped to his feet, dislodging a few layers of his and Angus' Lego tower in the process. "I'm Joshua and this is my bestest cousin friend Angus. This is my little sister Izzy, she doesn't talk yet so I'll say hello for her. Hello Bella's friend."

Mom sighed and Rosie's face softened into a beautiful smile as Joshua made himself known to Seth.

"Josh this is my little brother Seth," Bella said proudly, ushering Seth further forward.

"Hey Seth. How come you're Bella's little brother if you're bigger than her and a different colour?" he asked quizzically while looking from one to the other.

Seth looked lost for half a second and more than a little shell shocked at the reception he'd gotten. I sometimes forgot that it wasn't just Bella who was going to have to learn to live within a new family; this was all new for Seth too, not to mention for Joshua as well.

I moved towards the group and put a hand on Seth's shoulder. "Just be honest," I said very quietly to him.

He stared at me for half a second then nodded. "Well, Bella and I have the same daddy but she had a different mommy to me. And I might be bigger but Bella is older, that's why I'm her little brother," he said. It was simple and to the point and honest.

Josh thought on it for a second then nodded. "Will Izzy be bigger than me one day Momma-Bella?" he asked.

He'd never called her that before. Never anything other than just Bella. I didn't know what to say or where to look but Bella didn't miss a beat.

"Maybe she will, but you'll always be her big brother even if she gets taller than you," she said as she swooped down and pulled him to her. She kissed the top of his head and then let him go. I could see the tears in her eyes but she hid them well.

He quickly returned to his game with Angus but not before patting Elizabeth's belly for a few seconds and asking her if she was alright in her little rocker chair. Of course she wouldn't answer but that didn't ever seem to deter him. He always thought of her.

As expected my mother was using her tea towel to dab at her eyes. Jasper had his hands clasped over Alice' belly and Rosie was trying to hide her face in Emmett's shoulder.

"Okay everyone, dinner's ready. Edward can you take the meat, Em grab the peas and the corn. Jasper could you bring the gravy and that leaves the bread for you Seth. Ladies, bring your babies to the table and let's eat, I'm starved," mom announced. It was a good ice breaker and the overly emotional atmosphere in the room was instantly replaced by lots of hurried movement as everyone dived on their allotted task so we could eat. With a final yell to my father to come out of his 'confounded study and be sociable' we sat down to eat as a family.

**Alice POV**

I'd never seen my family like this before. But my family had never been this, well, big before. We were loud and funny and caring and sweet and I loved them all. Even Seth.

Jasper knew I wasn't feeling too good so he never questioned why I sat with a full plate but just pushed the food round and round, never actually eating too much. He just let me be.

He was so good like that. He didn't fuss. He didn't hover. He just let me be.

So I got a unique chance to watch and really listen as each person interacted with the larger group. It was fascinating.

My father was positively illuminated. Not like he glowed in the dark or anything. He was just so...well, alive. He always talked to us, around the dinner table especially, but tonight he was actually lively.

He looked like the conductor of a ramshackle band as the meal went on. His gaze kept flitting to mom while other adults kept his attention on conversations, but every now and then he peered down the table at his grandchildren. The smile he wore when watching them said it all.

He was king of his castle and adored all who shared it with him.

Mom was in her element. With so many of us for her to mother she was spoiled for choice. The addition of Elizabeth to her brood had been unexpected but very welcome but with the inclusion of Joshua she positively beamed. She watched him and Bella carefully as the meal was consumed. 'Do you like that?' 'That's good for you' and 'you can have as much as you like darling' were phrases that she kept coming out with. It was obvious that the more everyone ate the happier she was.

I wondered if I'd feel jealous of the attention Bella received from my parents but I never did. They had this way about them, my parents. They lavished attention on us all in equal measure and while I knew that mom did a lot of things with Bella that I wasn't included in I never once felt as though I wasn't welcome or was being left out by it. It never felt as though one of us was being given more than another, their attention and affection was spread around and I wondered how they found the energy to give so much of themselves to us. I could only hope that when the time came I could master the art myself.

Of all of us it was Rosie who had changed the most. I expected it to be Bella because she had the most to gain from the shift in circumstance, but it was actually Rosie. Always a constant part of our family since Emmett had begun dating her at school Rose had always seemed to stand slightly separate from our tight knit group. Not separate in that she didn't participate, because she did. But separate emotionally. When Angus had been born she spent a lot more time with her own mother and I knew that my mother had taken a little while to come to terms with that. She believed she'd be spending more time with Rosie, but of course it was to her own mother that Rose had turned for help and advice when the baby had been born. But as he grew and became less demanding Rose began to open up more to us. Maybe it was a daughter in law thing? I'd be careful to make sure Jasper's parents had a lot of involvement with our baby when it was born, just in case they felt left out like my mom had.

But now, with Joshua and Elizabeth around, Rose had really come into her own. I knew they were desperate for another child and I knew it would happen for them one day soon, but I could tell that Rosie really loved these new additions. And Angus loved both Josh and Elizabeth too. The two boys spent hours together playing anything and nothing. The conversations they had were hilarious and Rose and I had spent many an hour hiding behind pillars and doors listening to them deconstruct their world as only little boys could.

Rosie had really taken to Bella too. She was fiercely protective, probably even more so than Emmett who could go over the top sometimes in his protection detail. Anything or anyone who got too close to Bella or Elizabeth was public enemy number one for both Rose and Em. And now that included Joshua too. I knew for a fact that Rose had been badgering Gary Benson for weeks to hurry up the fostering situation so that Joshua could come and live with Ed and Bella before they got married. It hadn't worked so far, but Rose was tenacious and never took no at face value.

Rose had dad in stitches over something that had happened at church the week before and their laughter rang around the room and infected everyone else, even though nobody else quite knew what the joke was. But everyone laughed. Even the two little boys.

Emmett was more relaxed these days than I'd seen him in, well, ever really.

He told me once that nobody had more than he had. He had a beautiful loving wife and a perfect son that he could love and teach and enjoy. They had a nice house, a good income and now that Bella and Elizabeth had taken up with Edward he felt as though his family was complete.

He'd spent a long time worrying about Edward. For years he thought something was wrong with him, that his brothers' inability to commit to someone might be unhealthy. He worried that Edward was working too hard and not taking enough time to enjoy life. Of course we all had thought that at the time but it was only me who knew that there was nothing fundamentally wrong with Edward; he was just pining for Bella.

Emmett felt like Joshua was a bonus that nobody expected but that both Bella and Edward deserved. He envied his brother his daughter most of all and longed to give Rosie another child, hopefully a girl. He felt he had a lot more to give, a lot more love to go around, and while they weren't actually worried that she'd not conceived yet Emmett could be impulsive and impatient and he wanted her to be pregnant _now. _

He'd told me about having seen Ed and Bella 'dry humping' on the side of the road a few days ago and I wondered how long it would be until they were pregnant themselves. Edward had said long ago that the key to Bella's happiness was children and she'd confided in us girls only days ago that she eventually wanted more children, especially with Edward.

The wedding had me worried at first but I didn't want to been seen as the 'downer' so I'd kept my mouth shut. I had thought it was too soon. That they were rushing something they had all the time in the world to do, but I'd done a complete three sixty turn in the last weeks on that. This was how it was always meant to be. They belonged together. Anyone could see it.

Edward had never been this happy, ever. He'd spent his teenage years moping and brooding because he didn't have the balls to just tell Bella he liked her, and eventually loved her. Sure he'd gone all through college and I knew that he hadn't been exactly chaste through those years, but underneath he was just pining for Bella. Once they were married I had no doubt, absolute none, that they'd make a go of it.

They didn't function at all well without each other now that they were together. Mom had told me about those first few nights at home after Bella got out of hospital. While she'd thought it hilarious that they tried so futilely to be separate she'd had no doubt that they'd wind up in one another's bed within days. In the end it hadn't even taken that long and I knew that had made mom happy, even if dad didn't agree.

The way Edward was with Elizabeth made me hope that Jasper would be like that with our little one. Ever cautious, constantly present, very hands on and intricately involved. It was as though Edward came alive the day Bella put into words – albeit on a computer screen – that she returned the love he had for her.

He changed completely after that. Gone was the worry from his face, his natural confidence and his sense of humour returned. Sure he still emo'd out and had the infuriating habit of wanting to be in control, but he was slowly learning that didn't work.

Watching him between Bella and Angus, with Joshua just one chair down from his nephew was like watching the Renaissance unfold before your very eyes. He listened intently to the children, he helped them through their meal without ever taking over and he slid his hand onto Bella's thigh over and over. He never lingered and I knew it wasn't a sexual overture, just a reassuring gesture to let her know that while his attention was being taken up with the two little boys he knew she was there and was ready willing and able to give her any attention she needed too. Covert looks to Elizabeth in her rocker chair made me smile. She was never far from his thoughts either.

And then there was Seth.

He'd been shy and nervous when he'd first arrived but now it was as though he'd been coming here all his life. He fit in _that_ seamlessly.

He sat beside Jasper with mom to his right at the head of our end of the table. He talked with Bella, with me, with mom and he too seemed to be able to spread his attention evenly among the noisy crowd of vultures.

He held his own in conversation with Jasper, he answered every question put to him about his family and the Rez and he quite obviously was as taken with his new family-in-law as we were with him.

He was a quiet boy but friendly and open and charming.

His adoration for Edward wasn't hidden either. They talked about cars and the garage, the beach and by the time dessert was brought to the table they had a firm agreement that there would be many beach days ahead for the newly formed friends.

Bella wasn't as quiet as she normally was either tonight. It was as though the addition of her own kin at the table had freed her. Maybe she felt safer or more comfortable or maybe it was just really nice for her to have someone there that represented her actual family? Whatever the reason she was changed too.

She smiled more. Laughed more. Engaged more. She no longer looked to Edward for assurance that what she'd said or done, or what she'd eaten, was right before she did or said it. Her joke of the day was retold with a twinkle in her eye and a confidence I'd not ever seen on her face. She ate more, she didn't balk when I said I couldn't eat all that was on my plate and she didn't 'take' anything from the table when the meal was done.

I knew I wasn't the only one who'd seen her do that when she first came home. She'd taken bread and had shivered and shaken when Emmett and Jaz cleared the table and scraped the leftovers into the rubbish those first few nights. Now she didn't blink.

I had grown up with privilege and plenty so it was hard for me to get my head around how it would feel to be denied food. Bella didn't seem to worry about that anymore though and I was grateful for it.

When the discussion turned to the topic of the upcoming wedding I snapped out of my daydreaming and entered the conversation with gusto.

In three weeks my big brother was going to marry the love of his life, my best friend, and they'd finally get a chance at the happiness I already knew existed.

Jaz gave my knee a little squeeze under the table and smiled the impish grin he knew I loved best. "I love you darlin," he whispered. I returned the sentiment and squeezed his hand in reply.

Our great big family sat around the great big dining room table and talked wedding for hours. Everyone was happy. Everyone was content. My best friend was going to marry my brother and I couldn't be happier for them.

* * *

**A/N: I realise this seems an odd place to leave this chapter, but there was no better place, despite searching for it. **

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please review. **


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47 – Men, The Very Best of Men

**EPOV**

Church was exactly as I'd remembered it. Fucking boring.

I guess it was nice to see a lot of the people I hadn't seen for ages but apart from that I could do without the guilt and the 'oh I'm so glad you've come back to the lord' bullshit I got from the old fogies every ten seconds during morning tea.

Add to that that my girls had been swept away on the arm of some blue headed woman the instant we'd walked through the door and I'd not had half a second with them since and you had the makings of one pretty pissed off returning lamb to the flock.

It made my mother happy though. She'd said so ten times before we left the house and another ten times before we'd taken our seats in the pews. Twice more on the twenty yard walk to the hall and once more as I reached for my first slice of cake.

Emmett had ragged on me about being seen 'in a compromising position' on the side of the road the other day but I didn't care what he said. I'd caught him and his wife so often I'd lost count after a while so I figured it was my turn. He let it go when he realised he'd get no bite from me. Rosie hadn't said a thing which surprised me. Always quick to hang shit on me at the slightest opportunity this time she said nothing. Jaz had bumped my fist but made no comment. If Alice knew about it she wasn't letting on so all in all we'd done pretty well to weather that storm.

I hung around the edges of the hall for a long time just watching. Bella relinquished Elizabeth without hesitation to the first lady who asked for her and I goggled at that. Apart from the family she hated anyone touching Elizabeth. But here, amongst these people, she was completely at ease with it.

I looked on as Elizabeth was passed from one woman to another inside many chattering groups. For her part the baby lapped it up. She smiled and gurgled and lay perfectly still as person after person kissed and caressed her.

After saying hello's to everyone Bella and Angela snuck off to a corner and hadn't emerged since. They were so deep in discussion neither of them had looked up for the last half hour.

Bella had been meeting with Angela in town for coffee once a week, every week, since she'd been discharged and while I liked it and encouraged it I was a little jealous of their obvious affection for one another. I knew it was stupid. I didn't want to isolate her like Charlie and Jake had, but a little part of me – probably the insecure fourteen year old boy who's just gotten his first girlfriend part – wanted her to only giggle and laugh with me.

Mom circulated like she always did. Everyone wanted her advice and every single woman wanted details of our very fast approaching nuptials. With barely two weeks to go the organisation committee – as the women in my family had been dubbed – were going full steam ahead with the plans. I heard snippets of their conversations and there were plenty of mentions of dresses, flowers and the honeymoon destination. That was a closely guarded secret and only Emmett, Jaz and I knew where I was taking my girl. Not even Bella knew.

Oh she'd tried to get it out of me, often, but I'd not given in yet.

It wasn't particularly amazing, what I had planned, but it was significant and I hoped it would be something that Bella would not only enjoy but be comfortable with. So far I'd resisted all her wily ways and had managed to keep the information to myself.

If I'd known what having a playful secret from her would induce I'd have thought hard about having others! The instant she found out – from my big mouthed sister no less – that I had a secret Bella had gone from shy and reserved to some sort of sex crazed temptress.

She took every opportunity to touch me, to kiss me, to tempt me. This time I knew for certain that she meant what she was doing. And what was worse was that she knew what it was doing to me. I'd made so many shower babies in the last month that I was going to have to re-grout my shower pretty soon. There was a permanent groove the exact shape and size of my forehead in the tiles where I had leaned so many times.

But here, in public, in a church setting, Bella was the same shy, demure girl I'd known for so long. It was only in private that she turned into the Bella that I knew lurked under the staid t-shirts and plain jeans.

"She's happy here," dad said quietly as he sidled up to me.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Can I ask you something son?" he said, his demeanour changing to more serious.

"Um, sure," I replied.

"Have you talked to Bella about who will give her away?" he asked.

"No, I haven't. I don't know how to start that conversation."

"I know you know this, but there are only two weeks to go and if she wants someone to do it you'll be cutting it pretty fine to match suits," he said.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "I know."

He wandered off when he realised there was nothing else I could add. I honestly didn't know how to ask Bella what or who she wanted.

**BPOV**

I happened to look up from Angela and towards Edward at exactly the same time as the pained expression came across his face. The hand in his hair, the stiff posture, the departing back of his father...it spelled only one thing. Trouble.

I sought and found his eyes and he smiled at me but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

I asked Angela to excuse me for a moment and I went right to Edward. "What is it?" I asked.

I could already feel the adrenalin coursing through my body as I waited for his reply. I could only hope that he'd tell me what the problem was because if he didn't there would be a fight and I didn't want to argue with him.

We didn't fight often but when we did it was heated and passion fuelled and with no physical outlet for all the pent up feelings between us we often said ugly and hurtful things. Of course we took them back later and both of us understood, without it needing to be said, that for right now that was the only release we had available. I had never once been frightened of him though. At the beginning he'd walked away, unwilling to show me his anger and I'd been grateful back then. But after a little while, after I became more confident of my place in the house and in his life I told him not to run from me. He'd been hesitant but Kerry had been adamant that we should learn to fight like adults, not children who pouted and threw tantrums and left. So he'd stayed and we'd yelled and had scared the shit out of his parents, and Elizabeth on one occasion, but he'd stayed and we'd fought and then we'd made up. And even though I'd hated fighting with him it felt good to know that we could yell without it coming to blows.

We'd argued about stupid things. Who was going to get up to Elizabeth in the night, me not wanting to drive his big car and only really feeling comfortable driving the little sedan. We fought about money a lot still but we always found a compromise in the end.

Right now though he didn't look angry, he looked bothered by something. I just had to be patient and he'd tell me what that something was. This was what Edward did. He paced. He paced and thought of how to word things, how to put difficult things to me in a way that wouldn't upset me too much. I loved him for it.

He let his hand fall from his hair and he shoved it into his pants pocket. "There isn't a problem, as such," he said a little sheepishly.

It wasn't the answer I was expecting but it was enough to open the line of communication and like Kerry had taught me to do I grabbed onto that line and used it as best I could.

I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand from his pocket and held it in mine. "You can tell me anything Edward," I promised him.

I'd worked hard with Kerry, as had Edward, to learn to talk more and react less. It worked, most of the time.

This time, when his smile came, it was a little better. Not quite the adorable lop sided grin I loved best, but his eyes lit up a little. "I know I can baby," he whispered and bent to kiss the corner of my lips chastely. We were in church after all. "Dad asked me something about the wedding and I don't know what to do about the decision," he said carefully.

I knew there was more to it than a simple wedding related question. "Is it something I should know about?" He nodded but said nothing. Okay, I could play twenty questions. "Is it a decision we have to make together?" I asked. He shook his head. "Alright, so it's something I have to decide and you think it's going to upset me, am I right?"

He hung his head. "Yeah, that's about right."

I squeezed his hand and then I tugged it a little and pulled him out through the double doors and out into the parking lot with me. When we were clear of the building I keep going a little ways until we got to his car. "Okay. So I can't promise I won't get upset because you know I don't have control over that sometimes. So how about you just tell me what decision I have to make and we'll deal with my freak out, or not, together?"

This time his smile was gorgeous. He pulled me to him and kissed me hard. "You're fucking perfect," he hissed against my throat as he pulled away. "Dad was wondering, um, if you'd given any thought to who you wanted to give you away?"

The way he said it made my heart ache for him. This upset him. Knowing it might upset me. That it was something I'd not given any thought to myself made me startle a little but I recovered quickly, hoping Edward hadn't seen the slight panic on my face as the question settled in around me.

Who _did_ I want to give me away? "Give me a minute?" I asked softly and Edward nodded.

I moved away a little and paced Edward's usual figure of eight pattern while I tried to decide the best way to handle the situation. It really wasn't a big deal and it was something I could solve on my own, I just needed a minute to cover every base and think about the consequences of any choice I made. It was a good technique and while I'd scoffed at Kerry's suggestion of 'separate yourself and make a pro's and con's list in your head before deciding anything' at first I was coming to realise that it actually worked. I'd employed the technique a few times, albeit with slightly less important decisions than this, to good effect before. I saw no reason to not employ it now.

I wasn't comfortable asking Harry, I didn't know him nearly well enough yet. And while I knew that it would make him immensely proud to walk me down the aisle it wouldn't feel right, yet. Maybe had the wedding been delayed a few months, maybe a year and I'd had time to really get to know him the choice might have been easier. But that wasn't the case.

I didn't feel as though I could ask Seth either. For much the same reasons. If I did ask him Harry would be doubly hurt. I was already closer to Seth than I was to either Harry or Sue, but we were making good progress.

I'd been to the Rez a few times since that first meeting in their little house and they'd been to a family dinner or two as well as a couple of family things that had been held at the church.

I could always choose neither. Lots of women walked down the aisle on their own and this wouldn't be my first wedding so it was hardly conventional to start with.

And in the end that's what helped me make my choice. It had to be someone I trusted, someone I was close to without picking either Seth or Harry. I didn't want either one to feel put out at not being chosen even though both of them probably expected to be asked. It needed to be someone who understood me and would support and encourage me on the day.

I knew who I wanted.

I stopped pacing and moved back to Edward, standing right up in front of his chest. "I'll explain the choice I've made to you in more depth later, but I've decided to ask your father," I told him firmly.

His smile was utterly angelic. He swooped down and captured my lips with his and I melted against his chest. It was only the catcall from Ben Cheney that separated us and made us go back inside.

I sought Carlisle out just before dinner that night. He was holed up in his study poring over patient notes while he waited to be called for the meal. I took the chair opposite his desk and waited patiently while he folded his pages and slipped them back into their folder.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit?" he chuckled.

I was nervous now. Maybe he wouldn't want to do it? Maybe it was a bad idea? Maybe he'd feel stupid or uncomfortable giving me away when I wasn't actually his daughter? I was about to chicken out when Kerry's words once again rang in my head.

'Nobody gets what they want without asking for it' she'd told me over and over.

With one last deep breath I asked for what I wanted. "Um..." I stumbled, still unsure how to actually ask. "Edward mentioned that you were wondering about who was to give me away at the wedding?" I hedged.

"I didn't mean to pry," he said cautiously.

"No, no, I don't think you are. It's just, um, well...I guess I don't know my dad very well and asking Seth is too soon. So I was wondering, if it's okay with you, and please say no if you don't want to, I'll understand. But would you give me away?"

I didn't know where to look. I'd posed the question like an idiot even though I'd run over it in my head a hundred times between when I'd first told Edward it's what I wanted and now. I'd meant to be more respectful, I'd wanted to tell him how grateful I was for him, for all he'd done for me. I wanted to tell him that I loved him.

A grin, not unlike Edward's, came across his face as he pondered my terribly worded request. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked calmly.

I nodded even as I answered. I was determined to get it right this time. "I am. Totally sure. You're more of a dad to me than anyone ever has been. I love you and I didn't need to be told it was okay to feel that way either. You're Edward's dad and you raised him so well and he's so wonderful and you've taken me in and loved me like your own so I want it to be you who gives me to Edward."

Even that had come out all wrong but it felt a little better than my first attempt.

"I see. Well then, just in case I don't tell you nearly enough, I love you too darling. I've thought of you as a daughter since Edward explained to us that he loved you, maybe even before that, so it would be my pleasure to give you away on your wedding day Bella."

I flung myself at him then and hugged him hard. It just felt so right not to fear this man. I never had, not ever. Not even before I knew that Edward loved me. Anyone who could make children like the ones he'd made had to be a good guy.

He kissed my hair and told me to bugger off so he could finish his notes before dinner and with another thank you and a giggle to myself I left him to it and ran off to find Edward and tell him the good news.

**EPOV**

I knew my dad's answer as soon as Bella came back into her rooms. She was smiling her head off and actually skipped into the room with a flourish.

"He said yes," she beamed.

I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her hair. "Of course he did," I told her. I kissed her once more and dragged her down onto the sofa with me.

With that minor detail out of the way I thought it high time to get another, slightly more important detail dealt with.

When she seemed comfortable and I'd answered all her questions about Elizabeth. Yes I'd changed her diaper. Yes she'd taken the entire bottle. Yes she'd spit up on me. Yes she'd burped and yes she was asleep in her crib.

Then I slid from the embrace and slid to the floor at her feet. I pulled the ring from my pocket and held it between my fingers as steadily as I could. She was gaping at me when I returned my eyes to hers. "I know you said you were happy with the ring and the way I'd asked you to marry me before, but I wondered if you'd like a ring of your own, not the borrowed one?" I began. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and began chewing it like she always did when she was either nervous or deep in thought. I didn't pause to try to work out what that meant and went headlong into the rest of the explanation. "The ring you are wearing was dad's mothers but it wasn't anything special, or important, like the ones the other girls wear, it's just a ring. I want you to believe that you're special; I want you to know that the rings you wear that I give you mean something to me as well. When you look down at them I want you to know that there were reasons I gave them to you, that they aren't just jewellery."

I was lame and it came out all wrong but I was glad that I'd said it all the same. I knew she liked the ring she had on but I wanted her to love it, not just like it. I had no way to gauge how she'd feel about replacing it with the one I'd bought specially for her so I opened my hand and left the new ring in my palm for her to see.

She stared at it a long time before saying anything and when she did it wasn't what I was expecting, of course.

"What does this ring mean to you Edward?" she asked as she took it from me.

I watched as she rolled it around in her fingers. This new ring was just as simple as the other one, a plain gold band with a diamond set in old fashioned claws at its centre just like the other one. But this ring had its differences as well as its similarities to the one she already wore.

"First, do you like it?" I asked cautiously. She'd given me no clue so far. She just stared at it.

"I do," she said evenly.

"It's very similar to the other one, right?" I asked, hoping to lead her to the point.

"It is," she agreed.

"But while it's the same it's also different," I began. "I chose this one myself. I bought it myself. I had it engraved with my own thoughts."

She'd not noticed the engraving so now she brought it up closer to her face and read the words on the inside of the band. 'No End' had been etched into the gold in a fine script.

She crinkled her nose and eyes up as she read it and I hoped she'd ask what it meant. She didn't disappoint. "I don't get it," she giggled.

"Perfect circles, like this ring, have no end," I said simply. She'd get it now, I knew she would.

The tiny smile told me she did. "Like how I love you, without end," she whispered.

"Exactly," I said firmly. "It's also different than your other ring because nobody has ever worn it before you. I've loved nobody other than you. I've wanted, truly wanted, nobody other than you."

She looked from the ring on her finger to the one in her hand and sighed. "Will your dad be hurt if I take this one off?" she asked as she held her hand out for me so I'd know which one she meant.

I shook my head even though she'd not taken her eyes off her fingers. "No, he won't. The day I asked if he had a ring I could use he told me it wasn't good enough for you. He said it wasn't meaningful enough, that it was just a ring. He knows I intended to buy another, it won't hurt his feelings, I promise."

She looked from one to the other again then smiled. "I love them both and I hate to choose but..."

I knew she wasn't holding out on me on purpose but the suspense was killing me. I didn't honestly think my father was going to be upset if she chose my ring, at least I didn't think he would be, but what the hell did I know? He wasn't who I once thought he was and neither was Bella. She probably didn't think I was who she thought I was either. So much had changed.

She sat very still, silently turning the ring in her hand round and round while staring at the one already on her finger.

"No end," she whispered. "I think, I mean, I guess...no that's wrong," she mumbled. She took in a deep breath then smiled. "I want the one you chose."

She seemed sure. She'd said it quite firmly. I gave her half a minute to change her mind and when she didn't I reached for her hand, which she gave to me willingly. I slid the 'other' ring off and slid the new one onto her finger. "No End," I agreed.

She threw her arms around me then and I knew she was happy with her choice. Now to explain it to my father.

He actually took it really well. I slid the ring across his desk and told him that I'd bought another and that Bella had chosen the other.

"I hope you aren't disappointed," I told him honestly.

He rolled the ring around the tip of his index finger for a moment before shaking his head. "Not at all. I told you the day you asked for a ring that this wasn't anything very special. It's just a ring my mother had. I don't know its providence or even if it's something my father gave her. It was just in amongst her things when I cleaned out the house," he said quite calmly. "I'm giving Bella away," he grinned.

"So I heard. Thank you," I told him.

"No need for thanks. I'm actually quite pleased that she asked me."

"I thought you might be."

"Who have you chosen as your best man?" he asked.

I laughed, I couldn't help it. "You and I both know there'd be no living it down if I didn't have both of those clowns."

"I imagined some sort of test, a fight to the death," he laughed.

"I thought about it," I chuckled in agreement. "But in the end I didn't want either of them to think I thought of them as anything other than both my brothers, so I asked them both. One will hold the ring the other will make the speech."

"Oh please tell me it's Jasper making the speech," dad laughed.

"You got it. Nobody wants another repeat of Alice' wedding." I shuddered at the same time dad did.

**BPOV**

"Stand still Bella, god," Alice whined.

"If you stab me with that pin I'll bleed on it Alice," I whined right back.

This was my second, and final thank god, dress fitting and I was well and truly over the whole charade by now.

With only thirteen days until the ceremony I was fed up to the back teeth with all things bloody wedding.

Church yesterday had been fine but I was well and truly done with having to describe every detail of every decision and every choice I'd made about the ceremony and the reception.

I didn't care anymore about shoes. I couldn't care less about who was going to sit next to whom and I certainly didn't give a shit about the size of the sugar flowers on the top of the cake. I just wanted to be married.

I'd gotten my way about almost everything, but not my dress.

Esme and Alice had deferred to me on almost everything but that.

I went with them to choose the flowers, cake and thank you stationery. I'd chosen the bridesmaids dresses and their shoes and jewellery. I'd put my foot down when it came to live band versus digital music and I'd certainly stood my ground when they said they wanted me to spend the day at a local spa resort and have myself waxed, mud masked and primped. I negotiated pretty well and said that I'd stay with Alice overnight a few days before and she could paint my nails and give me a facial, but that was all. They'd whinged and pouted and had thrown tantrums but I was adamant. No spa. No champagne. No waxing. No hot oils in my hair and definitely no swanning about in a robe and nothing else with strangers around.

Once I'd explained that part, and how exposing my ruined skin to anyone other than Edward was likely to make me feel they'd shut up. Pretty soon they came to see the concession I was making with the nail polish and the facial and agreed to leave it at that.

But the dress choice I'd been outvoted on, quite violently.

I'd wanted a simple shift. Perhaps a little hat. Something plain and unassuming. But the women surrounding me just wouldn't hear of it.

I'd pouted and whined, thrown tantrums and cried but it was all to no avail.

It was Esme who'd made me see the error of my ways when she explained that although this was my second wedding it was Edward's first, and only.

He wanted to make a fuss. He wanted a lavish ceremony and a reception with all the trimmings and I couldn't deny the truth in her words in the end.

The more I tried to hide the fact that I was getting married because of my shame at being a divorcee the more Edward boasted and showed it off. He countered my every move with one of his own that was designed to show the world that he loved me and was dying to marry me.

So I'd let the girls take me into Port Angeles and we'd spent two full days searching for just the right dress. We found it in the unlikeliest of places but as soon as I'd seen it, much the way I'd found Edward's wedding band, I knew it was the right one.

With the dress debacle out of the way the three women stepped up their attempts to get me to have a makeover. I wasn't keen and it was Esme who talked to me later, when the other two had gone home, and talked me into having my hair cut, at a salon in town, but even that had taken her ages to bring me around to. She, very rightly, expected that it would be hard for me to sit in a chair in the main street of town while someone I didn't know fiddled with my hair but she could see no way around it. There wasn't a Cullen confident enough to cut my hair and since it had been years since I'd last hacked at it with a pair of kitchen scissors myself I agreed to go. On the proviso that Rosie go with me.

Esme had been hurt, I think, that it wasn't her I wanted to go with me but I didn't have the heart to tell her that Rosie was very effective in scaring the crap out of anyone and everyone and that if Rose was the one to tell the stylist not to do something, or to not touch me in certain places, they'd listen. Esme just didn't have it in her to be that tough.

Now I was having to endure another round of Alice' special brand of torture while she made the last adjustments to my dress. Every few minutes she stepped back, tilted her head to one side and sighed. Then she attacked the hem again, or the bodice, or the sleeves, but always with the goddamned pins!

"Where did you put the wrap?" she asked as she searched the mountain of carrier bags that we'd dumped on the floor of her living room.

"The blue bag," I pointed, knowing better than to get down of my plinth in the middle of a fitting.

Alice snatched up the bag and pulled my matching wrap from within it. She draped it across my shoulders and stood back to survey the landscape as it were. "Are you sure you want the wrap on the day? It's not going to be cold, or even cool," she asked, crinkling her nose up at my choice.

"Not for the ceremony, but for after, yes I want it," I told her firmly. I didn't want my scars to show during the photographs.

Alice knew and understood this but she chose any and every opportunity to try and talk me out of it. She said it ruined the aesthetics of what she was trying to achieve for me. I didn't care. I wanted to be married. If I had to do that in a hessian bag with flip flops on my feet I would.

She looked like she was going to say something then changed her mind. Instead she simply put another two pins between her lips and began to cinch in the wings of the wrap.

With the dress and its associated bits and pieces finally done we could spend some time on other things. I was a bit over the whole process now. I just wanted it to hurry up and get here so I could get on with being Edward's wife.

The situation with Joshua was depressing and frustrating and even though things had progressed quite well with my family the dark shadow of Jake and Charlie loomed above us like a storm cloud.

Edward called the Port Angeles detectives regularly but they told him very little of substance. Yes Jake had been bailed, no a date for his hearing hadn't been set. Yes they were still investigating Charlie; no, no warrant for his arrest had been sought. Almost everyone we knew from the Rez had been questioned so we knew the police now had all the information they were likely to get, or need, to charge Charlie so what the holdup was we didn't know.

I found out that Rosie had been badgering Mr Benson for weeks too. At first I'd been angry and accused her of butting into our private business. But when she explained that she just hated having to 'borrow' Joshua from his foster mom for visits I backed off. I hated having to go there to see him too.

We went every day, without fail. Anything and everything had been put off or pushed aside to make sure that we saw the little man every single day. I'd begun seeing Kerry every second day a month ago and now I only had to go twice a week. I still wanted to go, Edward not so much.

He thought we were doing perfectly fine on our own and that Kerry just spoke to him like he was a child all the time. I admit she did that a lot, and I hated it, but she was still helping me. I still felt as though she had something to offer me, so I went.

Alice plonked herself down on the sofa beside me and flipped open yet another photography portfolio. I didn't know of the existence of a single Forks photographer but she'd managed to find, what was it now, six? Seven? We'd gone over them, one after another, but really it was Alice who was searching for that illusive x factor she said would add the perfect touch to our wedding album. Me? I wanted five pictures. One of me and Edward as husband and wife. One of me, Edward, Elizabeth and Joshua as a family. One with the Cullen family and I and one with my other family and I. And then I wanted one of the two children on their own. I didn't care if they were posed. I didn't care if they were indoors, outdoors, with or without suit jackets for the men and boys or with or without the bouquets for the girls. I didn't care if they were candid or had the look of portraiture. I just wanted those five pictures.

But, as was the norm for this wedding, Alice had other ideas.

So we flipped through this newest portfolio and talked about what we liked about this particular photographers work and what we didn't. I tried my best to seem interested and engaged as she spoke animatedly about this pose, that hint of subtle light, that backdrop.

I liked spending time with Alice, I always had, but I would be glad when we could go back to concentrating on her pregnancy and the limelight switched from my wedding to her baby.

Alice decided she liked this portfolio best after all and said she'd call the guy and set it all up for me. I was relieved.

"Oh," she exclaimed as she got up from the sofa to grab the phone on the coffee table. "Do you want me to book him to take pics at the hen night too? That might be fun."

I sighed. "What hen night Alice?" I asked, knowing full well not to bother arguing with her. This was already a done deal by the sound of things. She wasn't the only one to have mentioned it to me.

Her smirk gave me an insight into the evil workings of the Cullen mind. "You can't get married without having a hen night and I know you know I'm throwing you one so you can get rid of that pout," she said as she waggled her finger at me.

As the photographer answered her call my cell phone began to ring. Grateful for the distraction I answered it happily, hoping it was Edward. Caller ID told me it was.

**EPOV**

I'd sat staring at the phone on my desk for a full ten minutes now. Unable to decide whether to call her about this or just go to my sisters and tell her in person.

The news had hit me like a ton of bricks. There had been no warning. No advance clue or hint that this was going to happen now. Why now? Why not a month ago when we had been heartbroken over it?

I'd answered the call like I always had, never suspecting that our lives were about to be turned upside down and inside out by what was about to be said on the other end.

I knew I had to tell her I just wasn't sure how to go about it. I toyed with asking my mother for advice but I knew that if Bella came to realise that my mother knew before she did I'd be toast. So that was out. That also ruled out telling anyone else so I knew I had to just man up and just do it.

It really wasn't something I wanted to share over the phone but the drive to Alice' would be agonising, so a call it was.

My hand shook as I took the receiver from its cradle. I was sweating as I dialled. I held my breath while it rang.

Her sweet, sing song voice answered on the third ring and caller ID would've already told her it was me.

"Hello darling, how is your day going?" she asked sweetly.

I gulped long and hard and held my breath while I spoke. No mean feat. "Bella, Gary Benson just called me. We've got him baby. He's ours."

I heard the thump as her phone hit the floor and I began yelling her name hoping she'd not fainted dead away. She was pretty prone to that. So I kept calling her name over and over until I heard my sister's voice on the other end.

"Edward? Edward? Is that you? What's happened?" she shrieked in a panic.

I figured I could tell Alice now that Bella knew and it might help her calm Bella down. "We've been approved to foster Josh. He's ours," I tell my sister.

"Oh my god. Oh Edward, oh my god. That's fantastic. Oh, hold on, Bella...yeah he's still on the line...hang on, wipe your face...sit up, here he is," she said as she handed the phone back to Bella.

"Edward?" Bella asked uncertainly.

"Yeah baby, it's me. You okay there?" I chuckle.

"I dropped the phone. Oh my god. Are you sure? Is it for real? Is it legal? How soon can we go get him? Oh god, where will he sleep? We don't have any clothes for him, what if he's frightened?" she rambled in one long sentence.

I just smiled into the phone. At least we both freaked out about the same things! Exactly the same thoughts had rushed through my mind as I had listened to Gary tell me the news. We weren't ready for him. We'd not wanted to tempt providence by making any grand plans and none of us thought that we'd have him with us by the time we got married.

"Don't worry about any of that, none of it matters. Apart from him being frightened, but I can't see why he would be," I tell her. "Gary says we can collect him whenever we're ready. He's spoken with his temporary carer and she's been made aware of the ruling so we can pretty much do it in our own time."

No doubt there was fifteen miles of paperwork to do but Gary had assured me that Maggie, his temporary foster carer, was ready willing and able to hand him over to us. The paperwork could be completed by Gary and he would bring it this evening for us to sign. He'd known, without being told, that Bella and I wouldn't want to wait for that and collect him tomorrow. We wanted him NOW.

I was still in shock so I guess it was to be expected that Bella was too. But not Alice. She must have reefed the phone from Bella's hand because she positively squealed down the line at me. "Leave everything to me. I'll sort out the house, you go get him. No, wait. Come here first. Get Bella. Then go get him. No, wait. Bella's got her car here, she should come get you. But then your car is there. Shit."

"Alice, calm down for god's sake. Put Bella back on," I laughed. Bella giggled adorably when she had the phone once again in her grasp. "Okay, go home and I'll meet you there in ten minutes and we'll go and collect him together, alright?"

"Alright. I can't believe it. We've got him. Oh Edward I'm so happy," she all but crooned.

"Me too baby, me too. See you in a few, love you," I told her and slammed the phone back into its cradle.

I hated leaving the clinic in the lurch, again, but nothing was going to stop me from collecting Bella and then going to get our son. Our son. Oh my god I've got a son!

I should probably have taken the time to make a few phone calls. Mom, dad, Em, Rosie, Jaz and probably a million other people who should know, but all I could think of was getting to Bella and then getting to Joshua.

I tipped my pile of unfinished patient notes into my backpack and snatched my keys from my desk. I pocketed my cell phone and my wallet and virtually ran out into reception. Gail looked up in surprise as I dumped my last consultation slip into her in tray.

"What's happened?" she asked.

"We got him. We got Joshua. We're going to collect him now. Tell Kate I'm sorry," I shout over my shoulder and make a beeline for the front doors.

"Congratulations!" Gail calls after me but I'm already in the parking lot.

It was the quickest trip home ever. I was grateful not to get caught speeding, especially by Charlie, and arrived home to find my mother, father and Bella with Elizabeth in her arms on the front porch.

Mom took the baby and Bella launched herself at me as I reached the bottom stair. "Oh Edward, I can't believe it. Thank you thank you thank you," she chanted between kisses.

Mom settled Elizabeth into her car seat and I untangled myself from a buzzing Bella. "Come on, let's go get him," I told her, holding her at arm's length lest she start kissing me again.

I was torn between wanting to kiss her back and going to collect our son. I still couldn't wrap my head around that. I had a daughter and now a son. I was getting married and I had a family. Four months and I had it all.

**BPOV**

"Thank you so much for everything you've done for him," I told Maggie sincerely. I hugged her twice more before Josh tugged on my hand.

"Come on momma Bella, I want to go now," he said.

Edward hadn't stopped smiling since he'd come to collect me from the house and now his smile was even wider.

"Go," Maggie said a sad smile on her face.

A clean break is what I took from her expression. I knew how she felt right now. I'd had to say goodbye to Josh over and over and I knew for a fact that he never truly ever believed that we'd take him to live with us.

I said another thank you to Maggie and made her promise to come see him soon and then I took my son to the car. My son.

It was unreal to me. I helped him buckle his seatbelt and watched as he patted Elizabeth on her belly. Edward had the car started already and when I was buckled in he gave Maggie one last wave and we were off.

It was hard to know what to say but Josh made it easier for us only a few hundred meters out of the driveway.

"Is my robot in my bag momma Bella?" he asked.

"He is, I put him in there myself," I told him.

I still couldn't help but smile whenever he called me that. It was so lovely.

"Can I see Angus when we get there?" he asked.

"Sure, we'll call Aunty Rosie right away, alright?" Edward said a huge smirk across his gorgeous lips.

"Can I have a swim at your house today?" Josh asked.

"Josh do you understand that you're going to live there with us now?" I asked very carefully. He nodded but didn't say much. "It's your house too now."

He tipped his head to one side just like Alice and Edward did and squinted at me as I looked back over my shoulder at him in the backseat. He looked so serious.

"And Izzy?" he asked.

I was a little confused about the question and by the frown on Edward's face he was too so I asked Josh to explain what he meant.

"Well, when I go to a new home one of the others have to leave. Is Izzy leaving so you can take me home with you?" he asked seriously.

A choked sob came out of my throat before I could stop it. Edward put his hand on my thigh and squeezed hard.

This poor little man had been shunted from home to home for so long, never knowing when the end would come and he could truly live somewhere permanently. He didn't understand the enormity of what we'd done. He didn't understand that this was it for him and for us.

I turned in my seat and pulled the seatbelt a ways out so that I could face him as square on as I dared whilst still being safe in the car. I reached my hand out between the front seats and put it on his little knee.

"Izzy isn't going anywhere darling. You're both going to live with us. Forever. I know you don't understand forever but I promise you won't be taken from us and we won't leave you again, ever. Izzy is my little girl and you're my little boy now. You'll be Izzy's big brother forever, alright?" I asked. I tried my best to make him see but I knew full well that the only way to truly make him believe was time.

He didn't say a word for the rest of the trip home. He watched Elizabeth intently as she smiled and gurgled at him but to me he looked deep in thought.

Edward looked worried, drawn and tired as he drove but he too was silent.

We weren't prepared for this at all. We'd made no plans. We hadn't organised anything, nothing at all, to make him comfortable. For the first time I began to worry about bringing another child into Esme and Carlisle's lives. Into their home. We hadn't even really asked them if it was okay.

"Edward..." I began but he silenced me with a sharp shake of his head and a nod towards the house as he pulled the massive vehicle into the spot beside his father's car.

"Not now baby," he whispered as I got my first look at the house and the crowd gathered on the steps of the front porch.

They were all there. Just like they always were.

Rosie was holding Angus back. He looked as though he was ready to run forward and launch himself at the car he was so excited. Emmett stood beside his wife, a hand at her back, grinning from ear to ear.

Jasper had Alice pulled up against his chest, her back to him, his hands cradling her tiny baby bump lovingly.

Carlisle and Esme stood a little bit away from the others but their smiles, and Esme's excitement, was written all over their faces.

With one last look to Edward I prepared to take my _children_ inside.

We were a family, the four of us, preparing to be loved by a bigger family.

In all my days I couldn't recall being happier.

**EPOV**

Gary brought the papers after dinner and dad offered us the use of his study so we'd have a little privacy to get the formalities out of the way. We signed a million pages, read a billion words and accepted his congratulations with as much good grace as we could muster, which wasn't much.

We were both just far too excited to be gracious.

Josh had swanned into the house as though he'd always lived there and he and Angus went right to the hall cupboard and pulled out the big box of toys and began playing right there on the rug in the foyer without a second glance at any of us.

His visits to the house over the past months had prepared him for this, but not us. To us they'd been visits. To him they'd been training.

I hadn't realised just how entrenched he was in this family already until he came bounding into the kitchen half an hour later and announced he was hungry and could he please have a cookie for himself, and one for Angus, if they promised to still eat all their dinner. Oh, and what was for dinner anyway?

Bella and I had been sitting at the counter in a dazed state up until then.

Neither of us knew where to go and just what to do to help his transition into our odd little family easier, but with that one question he'd taken all the uncertainty and worry out of us.

What was for dinner anyway? That one simple question seemed to ease us both.

He had no fear here. He knew he'd be fed. He knew where the toys were kept. He knew that if he had a cookie before dinner he'd have to promise to still eat everything he was given. He knew the lie of the land inside, and outside the house too. He loved Izzy and Angus and he was happy to be here.

"One cookie each," Bella had answered while I sat in a dazed state, unable to articulate what I was thinking or feeling.

He'd been careful to choose two similarly sized cookies from the glass jar on the counter and then he'd run back to the foyer and Angus.

"He's so at ease here," mom had whispered to us. My brothers and sisters were sitting behind us, in the breakfast nook, but no sound came from them. I think they were as stunned as we were.

Mom had looked a little stunned too and I'd wondered how I could ever thank her, and dad, for letting me invade their lives with my new family. "Thank you," I'd told her seriously, hoping she'd understand what I was thankful for.

She'd smiled and come around to my side of the counter. She ruffled my hair as she'd done a million times before and then folded me into a tight hug. "You're so welcome. Thank you for giving them to me," she whispered before kissing my cheek.

She'd repeated the gesture with Bella before going back to the other side of the counter.

It seems that was it. All the worry and pain that being separated from the little boy that we'd experienced was gone in that one single moment. He was here. He was happy to be here. Mom was accepting that there would be yet another child in her home. My brothers and sisters loved him enough to want to be here to welcome him formally.

"Well, that's all the paperwork so I will leave you to it. Congratulations again, he's a lovely little fellow," Gary said as he straightened his files and slid them back into his overstuffed briefcase. He held his hand out for me across dad's desk and I shook it eagerly.

"Thank you so much for all that you've done for us," I told him sincerely.

He shook Bella's hand and she echoed my thanks.

"You are most welcome. Not a bad day at the office for me, getting to see a new family through," he said as we ushered him back through the house to the door. "I'll be in touch," he said as he went down the steps to his car.

I hugged Bella to me and kissed her hair. "Can you believe it?" I asked.

She shook her head a little and sighed. "I can't, not really no. You?"

All I could do was chuckle. "Not really."

"Um, while the boys are playing, do you think we should, um, talk to your parents?" she asked. Her voice was shaky and so quiet.

"I know why I want to, but why do you want to?" I asked cautiously.

"Because we've just overrun their home with children. I have to know they are okay with this, at least for the next little while."

'For the next little while' was what caught me by surprise.

"I want to know what they think too, but can you tell me what a little while is please?" I chuckle.

She swatted at my forearm as it was draped around her middle and laughed. "We can't stay here forever, not with two children and god knows how many more we'll have one day, can we?"

Even though the question was put to me in obvious jest the thought of having more children with her set my mind racing. I wanted to drag her to her rooms and make her tell me all that she was thinking but settled for another carefree chuckle. "I like the sound of that, but for now let's just go sort out the ones we've already got." I kissed her hair again and pulled her with me back inside.

**Esme POV**

I'd known it would happen soon enough but I wasn't prepared for it to be this soon.

Carlisle had warned me not to get too used to having them all with me in the house. He'd told me to be supportive and not try to manipulate the situation for my own benefit, but it was so hard.

I wanted them here. I still wanted my other children, and their children too, to live here with us. I knew it was selfish and I really was proud of them all for the lives they'd carved out, but I wanted them here. Where I could mother them. Where I could help them. Where I could share in their lives.

I stared blankly at the rows of books on Carlisle's study shelves as the discussion went on around me. I wanted no part of it.

"Of course you can stay as long as you'd like to but I think it's only right that you have a home of your own, of course I do," Carlisle was telling them.

He was full of shit. The slight downturn of his lips told me that much more clearly than his overtly cheerful reaction to their haphazard plans.

"Mom?" Edward asked, catching me by surprise. "What do you think?"

I think you should shut the fuck up about taking my grand babies from me so soon is what I wanted to shout. "Of course you should have a home of your own. It's what every parent wants for their children," I said as confidently as I could.

"It won't be too soon. Finding the right place and wading through the paperwork will take time, but once the wedding is done we should start looking, don't you think?" he asked me.

I knew they'd want me to help look. The others had too. I'd cursed them silently too when it had been their turn and did the same now with Edward. "Of course. We'll find something beautiful darling," I told him.

They left soon after that, probably happy that neither of us had overreacted and seemed pleased that they were about to take the first steps toward their happily ever after. I should've been elated. I should've been proud.

Instead I felt empty. Desolate and alone in my grief.

"They'll be alright. We'll be alright," Carlisle said softly as he reached for me from his chair.

I let him take my hand and I was comforted by the circles he traced with his thumb.

"I know they will, I'm not sure I will be," I sniffed.

* * *

**A.N: Thanks for reading. **

**So far a smooth transition to Cullen life for little Joshua. A few loose ends to tie up for him, including the shuffling of spaces to accommodate him, but he should slot right in. Hopefully ;)**

**I hope you've found something of interest in this chapter and I'm dying to hear your thoughts overall. **

**Please review. **


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: Some readers who have come to this story quite late in the peace have asked for access to the outtakes. These are available via my profile and have their own section where my stories are listed. **

**Thank you to those who have written to me recently to ask if all is well. I apologise for the delays in uploading. A small family holiday (much needed break in light of our current situation) and all the medical appointments Mr Maxi is still having to attend has sapped my time and energy of late. **

**But, after a few nice days in the sun I feel energised and ready to finish this sucker! (pun intended...you know, vampire stories and all...) **

* * *

Chapter 48 – Continental Shift

**Carlisle POV**

I did the best I could to console my wife over the following few days since Edward and Bella's announced their intention to find a home of their own after their wedding.

I wanted so badly for them to stay but knew that if they wanted to be whole, truly whole, that they had to do this for themselves.

It was purely selfish need on my behalf that made me want them here. Esme, usually so serene and full of life and energy, was crushed by their declaration of independence and there was nothing I could do for her to take that pain away.

I felt the same but could not show it. Especially not to her.

I had to be strong enough for the both of us and get us through this next phase of our life together. It had been a long time coming and there had been times when I'd wished for it to hurry up, but not so now.

Now that my home was filled with laughter again, and the train wreck that small children brought with them into your life, I found myself loving it more and more.

I'd once thought that a quiet, almost boring life after all our children had flown the nest would suit us, but I could see now that this was not going to be the case. I would miss the mess. I would miss the noise. I was loath to admit that I would also miss the children.

Emmett would soon be turning thirty so it had been thirty long years since Esme and I had any true privacy. It had taken us both a while to come to terms with that loss but the children had been such a blessing that after a little while we found ourselves missing the bedlam when they weren't in the house. I'd coveted that silence once, dreamt of the day where I'd have her all to myself as it had been in the early days of our marriage, but not now.

It still felt too soon to lose them all.

Hell, I knew we weren't actually losing them. Emmett and Rosie had left years ago, Alice not long after, but Edward...ah, dear Edward was different. He'd stayed and made his life here with us.

And his new family had joined him, and us. The hole they would leave when they made their way into the world would cause ripples for a very, very long time.

Emmett was the strongest of my three children. Always very sure of his path, never stopping until he had what he wanted, both good and bad. Rose was very similar; if less strident in her attainment of whatever goal she reached for. Emmett was headstrong, even more so than Edward, and saw life as a very simple equation. He loved and was loved. If he did no wrong to anyone he expected to wrong to be done to him and so far it had worked for him. He was universally loved and respected in both his private life and his professional one. He worked hard and played harder. He never really did grow up but it was something I loved about him, even envied a little, rather than worried about.

He was with his son the way I'd wanted to be with him. Carefree, fun loving and yet firm and strict too. He'd managed the balance I'd searched for for decades and he made it look easy.

Alice was more like her mother. Flighty and given to bouts of frivolous artistic endeavour. She was as creative as Emmett was strong. She'd always hummed at a higher frequency than the others, never stopping for breath sometimes. She'd been good for Bella in that way. She managed to inject fun and a heightened sense of entertainment in all that she did and it was lovely to watch Bella soak it up whenever the two were near.

Jasper had calmed Alice somewhat without stamping out her thirst for life. He was a nice lad. Very serious, very studious. He took his job seriously and my daughter even more seriously than that. I had no doubt whatsoever that he'd die to protect her, and in turn their unborn child. They were polar opposites and that's why they worked so well.

It was the same with Edward and Bella. He was a control freak hell bent on giving her whatever her heart desired while she was quite reserved and asked for nothing. She was contemplative where he was impulsive. She was demure where he could sometimes be pig headed and brash. And yet it worked. As flawlessly as Alice and Jasper did.

Anyone who knew them, and probably many who didn't, could see that they were desperately in love with one another. They were like magnets. If one moved the other mirrored it. If one stilled the other moved towards them and stilled too.

Bella had calmed him as nobody else could. With a single word, a single touch, he'd let go of whatever he'd been ranting about and would sit and let her speak. Sometimes that led to trouble and they would fight, but I'd be more concerned if they didn't.

She deferred to him in all things, which could sometimes feed his controlling ways. But if it was something Bella was passionate about, or felt strongly enough about to go against him on, she'd give as good as she got. I'd watched many times as the wedding plans were made where Edward would assume to know what Bella wanted only to be pulled aside and set straight.

She had no fear of him. She never cowered. She never backed away from him as she had done me and other males at first. She never shied away and she never, ever let him have his own way to stop him pouting or from throwing a tantrum.

Sure she lost her temper plenty, they both did, but they were both very good at apologising and coming to some agreement that would settle whatever the argument had been about in the first place.

This I put down to Kerry's influence.

I hadn't lied to Edward that day in the hospital when I told him I'd be checking in with the psychologist to see how they were both progressing, and I had. Infrequently as time went on. I learned, without details, that Kerry was helping them to communicate better without the benefit of physical release.

She'd told me that with most modern couples she would advise them never to go to bed angry. To use their physical desire to help prevent major blow ups and to siphon off some of their unused energies.

I knew for a fact that Edward was frustrated and both Esme and Alice had hinted that Bella was the same. It had to be hard for them, both wanting to consummate what they'd waited so long for, but I knew that neither would be swayed from their current path.

Edward had made it clear that they'd wait. I was proud of him for that.

Of course they were both adults and had they decided not to wait I'd have been alright with that too. I wasn't a prude; I knew that the others had slept together before they married. But these two were different.

I knew neither of them had been chaste prior to coming together, after all Bella had been married and had a child and while Edward had never been serious about another girl I knew that he'd indulged. But now that they'd finally found each other it was as if they'd decided that waiting would be worth it in the long run. They'd waited this long, after all, a few more months wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. At least I hoped it wouldn't. The sexual tension – and its ever accompanying frustrations – were a constant source of anxiety for them both.

This wasn't just some crush for him, or for her. They were building the foundations of a future together and they were doing it with some considerable class.

Their abstinence had caused a few problems and not just for them either. Gratuitous displays of affection were somewhat taboo in my home as of late. Gone were my early morning fumblings at the kitchen counter with Esme before I went to work. My lazy Sunday morning lie in's were also decidedly less blue since Bella had come to live with us.

Nobody wanted to flaunt their happiness, physical happiness anyway, in front of the two frustrated non-lovers in the house. Edward paced more. Bella sighed more often. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose often while Bella retreated to her rooms if any of us were overly too familiar with our partners around them.

They were certainly going to have their hands full with an instant family, and not just Edward. He'd taken to being a father to Elizabeth so easily, which was something I was immensely proud of. But now they'd included Joshua and while I was pleased for them I couldn't help wondering how they would fare without Esme to rely on.

I remembered the early years with small children. Of course we had two boys and that was a whole other world away from one girl and one boy. Had we just been blessed with Alice and Edward, or Alice and Emmett, our lives would've been different, I was sure. But those two boys raised hell for the first six years or so. Alice, with all her exuberance and energy seemed like a breath of fresh air after years of diecast cars, water pistol fights and the wrestling that never seemed too far from where my two boys were.

Bella and Edward would enjoy the children, I had no doubt, but it wasn't going to be easy at all. Even with perfectly behaved children – and I'd yet to meet any of those – it was going to be hard at times. Of course we'd always be there for them and I was under no illusion that Esme would be called on quite often at the beginning to help them sort out one problem or another, but I knew they'd be fine in the end.

Edward was different with the children in his life. Joshua had only been with us – as a permanent arrangement rather than for a visit – for twelve hours and already Edward was changed. More serious. More adult.

I saw the first stirrings of this change when Bella had been admitted to the hospital and it had been left to Edward to arrange things for Elizabeth's care. He hadn't wanted to relinquish her even to his own mother and I knew then that he'd love that baby as his own. It was the same with Joshua. I'd never questioned his attachment to the little fellow and as the weeks wore on, and the process dragged on, Edward became more and more determined to be a father to Joshua as well.

Now that he was here it would be interesting to watch the transformation that my family was to undertake. I had no doubt that it would make us better, stronger, closer.

I could only hope that Esme and I weren't forgotten in the process.

**EPOV**

"I'll take him for his bath, you bath Elizabeth down here," I told Bella when the subject of where Josh was to sleep and just how to get them both bathed and into pyjamas was raised.

She bit her lip but agreed in the end. I knew she wanted to mother Joshua, especially on his first night with us, but it wasn't practical and I wanted to be involved as much as I could.

I knew that the day to day 'taking care of the children' would fall to Bella because I had to work, but while I could I wanted to do as much as I could.

Angus huffed and whined when Rosie took him home _before_ bath time. The two little boys loved bathing together, even if cleaning the water off the ceiling and the drips from the walls wasn't my favourite part of their cleaning fun. Josh said a serious goodbye to both Rosie and Emmett and then a tearful one to his best friend before hugging Alice and Jasper a little more cautiously.

I took him to my bathroom on the first floor and showed him where everything that he could need was. He had no qualms about undressing in front of me and he was soon ensconced in the tub happily playing with the shampoo bottle, despite it being half full only minutes ago it was now empty and he was squirting plain water out of the hole in the top up the wall and onto the floor beside the tub.

I sighed. They were going to be a lot of work but I was up for the job. Totally.

I dried him and had him into his Shrek pyjamas and back down into Bella's rooms before she had Elizabeth into her sleep suit so the two of us sat on the sofa and watched television for a few moments while we waited.

He chuckled at the Simpsons over and over and when Bella came out of the nursery with Elizabeth they too joined us on the sofa.

Bella fed the baby while Joshua sat beside her, one hand on Elizabeth's belly, like he always did. When the baby fell asleep he kissed her softly on her cheek before calling a quiet goodnight to her.

Now we just had to work out where he was going to sleep tonight.

Tomorrow we'd rearrange my rooms and the four of us would move up there. It was the only logical solution. Bella's rooms might be fresher, more modern, but I had three rooms and a lot more space. So we'd agreed to shuffle everything up to there and sort out some things for Joshua tomorrow when the shops opened.

Alice had agreed to shop with Bella as I had to be at the clinic and while I was disappointed that I'd miss it I wasn't envious of Bella at all. Shopping with my sister was torturous.

I'd begged them both, Alice and Bella, to wait until the weekend so I could go too but in the end my mother made a very good point and I'd had to give in. She was worried that if we spent a whole week with only temporary things for Josh he might start to think that him living with us was only temporary too.

So we'd made a big song and dance about the shopping trip tomorrow and told him he could choose what he wanted for himself. He was so excited about it and so were the girls.

But for tonight? It was going to be strange for him and we didn't want him to be scared in the night if we put him upstairs in my bed while we slept downstairs, so in the end we decided we'd make him a bed on the sofa in Bella's rooms.

We made a big song and dance about that too, making it out to be a big game, a sleep over. We both tucked him in and promised we wouldn't leave the room when he asked us not to. It was still early and neither Bella nor I were ready for bed so we laid on it and read instead. Josh was soon snuffling softly just like Elizabeth did.

Bella checked on him a few times and I added another blanket to him before we got into our bed for real.

I held Bella close and did my best not to press myself up against her too much. It was, as always, a losing battle and we woke in the same position we always did. Me humping her leg and her grinding her hips with each thrust I made.

It wasn't embarrassing anymore. It was what it was. I wanted her, she wanted me, we just had to wait two more weeks.

**BPOV**

Waking up on my new sons very first day with us was bitter sweet.

We finally had him and he was allowed to stay with us, but it all felt very temporary still. He seemed totally at ease with us but it would take a little time for us to get used to having him with us permanently.

I was up for the task and I knew Edward was too, but our lives had changed so quickly it felt as though I'd been sucked up into a twister and when I was finally set down I'd assumed someone else's life.

Elizabeth woke early and while I fed and changed her Edward straightened the bed and showered. By the time I had Elizabeth under control Josh was awake and asking for his breakfast.

I set Elizabeth into her little rocker chair and Josh into a seat beside her in the breakfast nook and worked as fast as I could to put a meal in front of the hungry little man. He ate with real gusto and I was pleased to see that he finished everything I offered him.

Edward looked reluctant to head off to the clinic and held me longer than normal on the front steps before dragging himself away. I didn't have too much time to worry about him leaving us because Joshua demanded my attention completely.

He was full of life and fun and questions that morning.

Could he have a car shaped bed like Angus? Would he and Elizabeth share a room? Could he give her her bottle later? Where did Carlisle sleep if the room up the stairs was Esme's? Was he allowed to swim whenever he wanted to now?

Esme and Carlisle joined us soon after Edward went to work so Josh sat alongside Carlisle and asked another million questions about his work and the hospital and all the people he knew from there. At first I worried that it was bothering Carlisle, knowing how much he liked to just sit and read the newspaper at breakfast, but it soon became apparent that he liked the attention.

"Maybe momma Bella will bring you to visit me at the hospital one day?" he asked Joshua while staring at me. I nodded and said that I would. "Then you could meet some of the people I help. They'd love to meet you. They get a bit lonely in the cardiac ward because they get very tired very fast and can't have too many visitors for too long."

Josh tipped his head to one side as he pondered what Carlisle had said. "My other mommy got real tired real fast too. You won't get tired will you, momma Bella?"

I smiled as wide as I could. "Nope. I won't get real tired," I promised.

He'd already lost so much. It wasn't fair that his mother had to die just so I could have him and it certainly wasn't ideal that someone other than his own mother raised him, but what was done was done now.

He seemed content with my assurance and went back to pestering Carlisle. I cleaned the kitchen then took both the children to my rooms to get them ready for our shopping expedition. Alice had promised to be with us by nine so we'd get a good go at the shops before the children were too worn out and cranky so I only had a little time to make sure I had everything I'd need while we were out.

Emmett had already sorted out a temporary car booster seat for Josh and he and Jasper had already installed it in my car so all I had to do was make sure I had enough made up bottles, diapers and spare clothes for Elizabeth and snacks and drinks for Josh. I'd only just gotten all their things into the nappy bag when Alice arrived.

She bounced and giggled and clapped her hands as though we were heading off on some amazing expedition, not just to the furniture outfitters.

**EPOV**

A text from Bella at midday made me thank my lucky stars that I had to work today.

She was probably joking when she said she needed rescuing from the shopping nazi, but behind the joke would've been a real plea for help. I'd shopped with my sister before, I knew the terror of being dragged from one end of town to another to find just the right 'this' or 'that'. I didn't envy Bella, or the children, one bit.

My day went surprisingly slowly. I had a full patient list plus a couple of walk ins so it was lunchtime before I had my first break. My collegues came and went through the tea room as they took their chances for fresh coffee or to grab a bite to eat but I was pleased to have a few extra minutes with Steve before he too had to go back to work.

I told him all about Joshua and how it had come about that we now had him with us. I accepted his congratulations and laughed and joked with him about turning into an old family man.

I got two more texts from Bella before the day was through and each of them made me long for her and the children more than I already did.

When the clinic closed for the day I headed to my car with a spring in my step.

The sight that greeted me when I got home was one of utter destruction. Packing crates lined the driveway and there was bubble wrap and discarded plastic as far as the eye could see.

I wasn't at all surprised to see Emmett and Jasper's cars in the drive, parked alongside Alice' and Rosie's. I knew that everyone would be enlisted to make the room shuffle happen in quick time.

I called my hello loudly into the foyer but knew I'd not been heard. The noise from Bella's rooms, coupled with the noise from my rooms upstairs, was deafening. There was music playing somewhere too.

I left my backpack at the foot of the stairs and headed on up to see what my sister and mother had devised in my rooms. The wanton destruction there was as bad as it was outside.

In the hall were box after box of my beloved books. Each box was marked though, which would make it easier to find something if I wanted to, but seeing them there really brought home to me to size of the change my life was undergoing. I was a father, twice over.

More boxes stood against the door when I went into the sitting room. My piano had once again been shoved up against a wall and looked forlorn and neglected where it now stood. It had been weeks since I'd even opened it!

I was pleased to see that new furniture hadn't been bought for me and that my two, worn and much used sofas still sat in the room. Gone though were my things from the cabinet tops. My globe, chess set, high school trophies and even the remote controls for my TV and stereo equipment were gone.

It made sense. With two small children in the rooms all those sorts of things would need to be put out of reach so I wasn't worried, or bothered, at the changes I could see.

Where my television used to sit there was a small wooden table and chairs, child sized ones, with a small two-tiered bookshelf beside it. There were colouring books and pencils on the little table and the bookshelf housed dozens of children's books. This was Joshua's space now.

There was a tub overflowing with Lego and another held hundreds of die cast cars and tractors. There were farm animals and little plastic soldiers in another and the last one held moulded dinosaurs and zoo animals.

My television had been replaced with Bella's larger, newer one and now stood on a higher cabinet at the other end of the room. The remote controls were all in a wicker basket on a higher shelf alongside children's DVD's and a mixture of hers and my old collection. The choices looked random. It wouldn't matter anyway. In ten days we'd be married and between now and then there would be no time for lying on the sofa watching movies, not if my mother and Alice had anything to say about it anyway.

My desk was the same desk but gone from its surface were my stacks of patient files and the mountain of paperwork that usually lived in a haphazard pile to one side. Instead there was a neat two drawer filing cabinet in the same timber finish as the desk. A lock had been added to the drawer and I assumed that all my pens and pencils were stashed inside it safe from little hands.

"Do you like it?" I heard her voice before I saw her.

I turned to find her leaning against the doorframe that led to what used to be my bedroom, a look of apprehension on her beautiful face.

"Will you be spending time with me up here?" I asked, trying to keep a modest concerned look on mine.

"Of course," she replied.

"Then it's perfect," I told her as I pulled her to me.

I kissed her firmly and held her a little longer but we were soon interrupted by Alice and mom as they came out of the bedroom with yet more boxes. I let Bella go and took the one from my mother – more books – and asked what else I could help with.

"Just the boxes," she called over her shoulder as she went back into my room.

I stowed my heavy load with the others and went into my bedroom. It didn't look very different though there were things missing from here too. Gone were my mismatched beside tables and Bella's perfect pair stood on either side of the bed. New drapes and a new comforter adorned the bed. Her lamps, cordless telephone and the rug from the floor beside her bed were also there. Which meant mine were gone now, relegated to either her old room which would once again become the guest room, or they were gone gone, actually gone.

The shelves had been cleared of any small items and my cd's had been taken to higher ground too. A tall wardrobe stood beside my built in closet and on top of it was Bella's duffle bag and her box of belongings that we'd rescued when we collected Elizabeth.

"Edward, Edward, Edward!" Joshua called as he barrelled out of the next room and straight into me. I scooped him up and held him high above me.

"What's going on little man?" I asked playfully.

"Come and see my new room!" he shouted excitedly as I tossed him over my shoulder and walked towards what used to be Elizabeth's nursery.

I put him down and let him tug my hand towards his new bed. It was indeed a car shape and it had a Shrek comforter and a myriad of stuffed toys from both the Cars movie and Shrek.

"Wow, you did well," I laughed as he began to show me each of the characters that adorned his comforter.

"Alice bought me the quilt and the Shrek toys but momma Bella bought me the Cars stuff. Look, I've even got my own shelf to put my robot on."

He pointed to the small timber shelf that was about three feet of the floor and stuck out over the top of his bed. On it were his most precious belongings. His robot held pride of place right at the front of the shelf, but there were other significant things there too. The original pile of Lego bricks he'd been admitted to hospital with. The two small books he'd had long before I knew him and his Shrek ears from the movie night. On the very end of the shelf was a pair of photo frames that hinged in the middle and opened like a book.

On the left was a picture of a woman I didn't know but assumed was his actual mother, and in the other side was a picture of the four of us that had been taken the night he'd stayed for dinner.

"You look all set," I told him. "Do you like it up here?"

"It's great. I've been practising my inside voice for when Izzy is asleep and momma Bella says I'm allowed to sit with you when you play piano, but not touch it unless you are there too," he told me seriously.

I smiled over his head at Bella who had a dreamy look on her face as she watched us. "Do you _want_ to sit with me while I play?" I asked.

He chewed the inside of his lip, just like Bella did sometimes, and then tilted his head to one side. "My other mommy used to play when I was real little. Can you play twinkle twinkle?" he asked with a serious face.

I wanted to smile at the childish request but knew that I shouldn't. If his mother played it for him he would remember it always and I didn't want to make fun of that. "Sure, I know twinkle twinkle. I could teach you to play it too you know."

His eyes got so big I thought they were going to pop out of his face. "I promise I won't break your piano Edward," he said seriously.

"I never thought you would. Come on then, while Elizabeth is awake we'll have our first lesson," I pulled him up off his bed and tossed him back over my shoulder. I went to where Elizabeth was lying in a streak of sunshine on a blanket and lowered Joshua to the ground beside her. I leaned over and kissed Elizabeth's hair and told her hello and waited while Josh did the same even though he'd spent all day with her.

Esme and Alice sighed as they watched our two children together. It was obvious how much Joshua cared about Elizabeth. He was very careful with her.

I stood but Josh wasn't done. "Don't cry if it's loud Izzy. Or if I get it wrong, I'm only four and a half," he told her before rising to his feet and reaching for my hand again.

I knew if I turned and looked at Bella and Alice one or both of them – probably my mother too - would have tears streaming down their faces. I didn't want Josh to think he'd done anything wrong so I didn't turn, but as soon as we were both through the doorway and heading back through the bedroom I heard one of them sniffle.

I pulled the piano bench out from under the keyboard and sat on it then patted the space I'd left beside me for Josh. He sat very still, his back dead straight and listened hard as I tried to explain to him that my piano wasn't a toy. He looked very serious as he watched my hands move up and down the scales. I began to play his requested tune and he clapped his hands and shouted 'that's the one my mommy did' over and over as I played it through three times from start to finish.

He wasn't to know that the tune was simplicity itself for me but I was happy that he remembered it and that it hadn't upset him to hear it.

I reached my right arm around him and took his hands in mine and placed them on the correct keys to begin the tune. I asked him to keep them there then put mine on the same keys in a lower register further down the keyboard.

As I pressed a key he copied me. When we'd each played the first five notes one after the other, like an echo, I began to join two notes together and then asked him to copy those. He did so without a problem. Three notes in a row posed no problem either so we tried for four. He stumbled only once before self correcting and playing the four notes in the correct order. He was going to be a natural.

**BPOV**

Esme was hopeless at hiding her tears and Alice wasn't much better.

They peaked round the door to watch as Edward took his son to the piano for the first time. I tried to hang back and just listen, knowing that if I saw what the other two did I'd likely fall in a heap sobbing too.

Edward was patient with him and even though the tune wasn't simple the way Edward was playing it Josh picked it up right away. His soft giggle of delight when he played the first few notes without making a mistake made my heart soar with happiness.

I continued to fold his new clothing but my attention really was engaged in what was going on in the other room. Alice and Esme sighed a few times but soon returned to help me.

Esme squeezed my wrist when she came back to help and Alice rubbed her tiny baby bump longingly.

Elizabeth kicked and gurgled in the sun and I looked down at her in wonder. She was so perfect, so content, such a happy baby. I hoped she would never resent us bringing Joshua into the family and making her have to share our attention. For now she was oblivious.

"Where would you like to put his socks?" Esme asked.

"In the bottom drawer where he can reach them himself," I instructed.

It wasn't long before the room was in some sort of order. I worried about them sharing the same room – I didn't want Elizabeth to wake Josh in the night and I didn't want Josh to wake Elizabeth in the mornings – but figured we didn't have much choice right now.

Esme excused herself to go and begin dinner and Alice left soon after. She hugged me hard and said she'd see me the next day because we had to take Josh to town to have him fitted for a suit for the wedding.

I was only guessing but I thought that Esme was upset about the idea of us leaving after the wedding. I thought she'd be pleased to have her house back, but it didn't seem that way at all. She'd been crying when she came downstairs last night after Edward and I had told her we were going to look for a home of our own. She looked as though she'd been crying when she came downstairs this morning too.

She'd been her usual bubbly self while we shopped, and here at home now she was the Esme I'd always known, but there was something just under the surface that was bothering her.

I think I knew what it was and I think it was what was bothering me too.

I didn't know if I was ready to have a home of my own. I didn't know if I could cope with Elizabeth on my own and now we had Josh too. I wasn't sure I could be the kind of wife Edward wanted and needed just yet either. He'd go off to work each day and want to come home to happy children, a clean home and dinner on the table. I knew _how _to do that but didn't know if I could pull it off.

Elizabeth was fairly easy. She ate, slept and played for a few hours a day. She made little mess other than her washing which was easily handled.

Joshua was going to need my attention a lot during the day. He'd want to be played with, taught, disciplined and loved. He'd make mess and I'd have to clean it all up. He'd want to spend time with Angus and Rosie and the others too, and I'd be the one who'd have to take him or have the house tidy enough for them to visit us.

I'd have to cook and clean in the house and I'd have to shop for the groceries, take the children to appointments if they needed them, and keep the household ticking over. Were there enough hours in the day to get it all accomplished? Was I going to be any good at it?

And then there was Edward.

Right now he needed very little from me. I just needed to be here when he came home. He'd told me over and over that that was all he wanted. For me to be here when he came home. It was easily accomplished right now because I had few responsibilities other than Elizabeth, and now Joshua. But when we had a home of our own would there be time for Edward too?

He'd want to spend time with the children after being away from them all day and while that would free me up to get a few chores done of an afternoon and early evening, would there be any energy or time left for _me_ to spend time with Edward?

Was I ready for this? Were _we_ ready for this?

Could I do this without Esme's help? Was it stupid and naive to think I could?

"What is it, love?"

I heard the voice and snapped out of my thoughts quite startled. Edward stood in the doorway of the children's bedroom, worry on his face.

I ran to him, flinging the new t-shirt I had in my hands onto Joshua's new bed as I ran. I threw myself at him and clung to him as his arms went around me. I felt his kiss on my hair and hugged harder.

"Hey, what's all this about?" he asked.

My tears came even though I tried so hard to suppress them. I couldn't even truly explain why I'm crying, but I am. Great big, fat tears.

"I don't know, I don't know what this is," I hedged through sobs.

He holds me. Just holds me. He moves us, never breaking the embrace, and pushes and pulls me until we're sitting on the bed. He still holds me. Murmuring how much he loves me. How much he wants me. How happy he is to have us all. I nod and know it's the truth. I know this about him. He doesn't lie, ever, not to me.

"I know it's scary but we can do this baby, we can do this," he assures me.

Somewhere deep down he knows what I'm frightened of. He knows that it's overwhelming for me because it's the same for him. This is all so new for us, both of us, and sometimes it's too much.

"I don't know if I can be alone with them," I tell him.

I keep my eyes hidden from him. I don't want to lift my chin and have him see the doubt on my face. I want him to think this is all going to be easy, that we'd get what we want so easily.

He's not having it though. Like so many times before he won't let me hide from him. He lets me have my way with the others and he stands aside when I try to blend into the background, but not with him.

He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my reluctant eyes to his. "I love you, you won't be alone, I love you," he tells me firmly.

Is that enough? That he loves me? It's going to have to be. I can't live without him, I won't live without him and I need him. The three of us need him.

"I'm scared," I tell him in a childlike voice. Right in that moment I do feel like a child.

I feel like the day I went off to high school. I feel the same fear I did then. Will anyone like me? Can I hide these bruises from new people? Will anyone notice that I don't eat, that I'm not given enough grocery money to make it stretch to lunches? Will they hate me because I'm not allowed to mix with them after school?

I feel just like that now. Only the goal posts have been moved. Instead of fear of my peers I feel fear about letting my new family down.

What if I can't care for two children on my own? What if I can't keep a house clean? What if I can't feed them right? What if they get sick? What if Edward loses interest in me and I can't live up to the ideal he surely has of me?

His voice breaks through my silent meanders through my fears. "I'm scared too. You've got no idea how scared I really am. I've only just found you for myself and now I have to share you with the baby and now a son and I haven't even really had you for myself yet. I know that's selfish but I'm scared Bella. Scared you'll hate having to take care of two kids all day while I work. Scared you'll get sick of keeping me in line. Scared you'll finally see what a childish, selfish motherfucker I really am once we're married."

I had to laugh. I couldn't help it. He looked shocked that I'd laugh at his heartfelt words, but I did.

"Oh Edward!" I laughed. "You aren't childish and you aren't selfish and I don't even want to know why you think you're a motherfucker, but you aren't," I tell him between laughing sobs. "I'm scared of the same things but I didn't know you were too."

He laughs then too and the tension between us melts away, like it always does once we've waded through those first few tense moments before we spill our collective guts. "Of course I'm scared. I've never been anyone's father before and never a husband. How do you know I'm not going to completely fuck these two perfect kids up? I could you know. Quite easily. I'll either spoil them or neglect them," he says with barely concealed worry.

"You won't," I tell him sternly. "You won't neglect them. I know you won't. You might spoil them, actually you probably will spoil them, but that's okay within reason. And you'll be a great dad. Elizabeth adores you and so does Joshua, already, and he did long before he came to live with us. And even though you've never been a husband before I've never truly been a wife either, so we'll learn that together."

His smile is angelic. He kisses me softly on the lips then draws back a little. "It was supposed to be me telling you that you'll be okay and here you are trying to convince me that I will be. We're a pair, aren't we?" he laughed and I nodded. "Look, this isn't going to be easy, or simple. It never was going to be, even before we added Josh into the mix. But we can do this. I want to do this, with you. And even though you think I'm not selfish I really am. Completely and utterly selfish because I want more. I want more than I've already got, which should be enough for anyone. But I want more Bella. I want you as my wife. I want these two babies and I want more of them. I want us to have more children one day Bella. I'll work until I'm seventy if I have to, but I want that with you."

All I could do was stare up at him. We'd never talked about that, having more children, and I guess it was stupid to agree to get married without having at least tried to find out his thoughts on it. Until I heard him say it I didn't know, within myself, that I wanted more babies too. But most of all I wanted Edward's babies. "I want that too, but not now," I giggled.

He pulled me to him then and kissed my hair again. "No, not now," he laughed. "Let's get ourselves married and settled somewhere with these two and then what will be will be hey?"

"Are you sure we can do this Edward? Really sure? What if I can't keep up with them both?"

"Then I'll help more. Or mom will, or Alice or Rose or the boys even...don't forget you have a step mom too and I know for a fact she'd love to get her hands on these little ones. And your dad and Seth and god knows how many aunts and uncles and cousins you've actually got down there on the Rez, love. There's Angela and Ben and everyone at the church as well as everyone we know at the hospital and the clinic too. There are heaps of people around to help us. And I mean us. These children aren't just yours now love, they're ours. Yes I have to go to work, but that's only for eight hours a day, nine if you count lunch and the drive to and from, so that leaves me fifteen hours every day to help you with them. I know it's not going to be simple and I know we'll probably make each other crazy until we get it into some sort of routine but this is what I want. You're what I want. Those children are what I want."

He sounded so sure all of a sudden and I couldn't deny what he'd said. There were plenty of people who'd help. I knew that. In my brain I knew that. But knowing it and actually asking for that help were two different things.

**EPOV**

She was scared and I was so relieved.

Up until the moment I'd seen her staring into space I thought I was the only one who was. But she was too and I was relieved.

I had no illusions about what I'd set myself up for, all I could hope was that I'd be able to pull it off.

"Come on," I told her with one more kiss to her hair. "Mom's got dinner nearly ready and you know she gets pissy if we're late."

She giggled adorably and pulled herself from my embrace. "All I want is you and those children too Edward," she whispered as she ran her hand through my hair.

I sighed; it was involuntary when she touched me like that. "Then we're lucky we both want the same things then. Let's go."

"I won't hear it Edward. I'm not asking you, I'm begging you."

My mother stood, in full furious flight, in my office at the clinic with one hand on her hip and the other waving two airline tickets at me violently.

She'd made an appointment to see me and everything. She'd been trying to corner me about the honeymoon for three weeks and so far I'd been good at dodging her efforts. But she'd got me good by making an actual legitimate appointment to see me at the clinic and I couldn't refuse her.

"I'm not saying we can't go on a honeymoon, _mom_," I all but sneered. "I'm saying I don't want to go that far away and I don't want you to have to look after a baby and a four year old while we do."

She sighed, no, she huffed and threw the tickets onto my desk in front of me. Then she sat herself down in the patients chair and put her hands into her lap. "Edward, sweetheart..." she began softly. "Take her away for a week. Show her a good time. Show her what she means to you. Show her what it means to be married to someone you love. She's never known that. She's never had any fun, real fun, and you have this chance and you should take it."

I turned the tickets over and stared at the writing on them. I wanted to do it, I really did, but I knew Bella would hate to leave her babies behind while we went away for a good time. I wasn't so sure about doing that either, but I wanted some time alone with her. It might be the one and only chance we ever get. I turned the tickets over again so I couldn't read the destination and couldn't feel the tug I felt towards them.

"Tell me how it would work," I said simply.

To her credit she didn't jump and clap her hands like Alice would have she just sat calmly and told me how the family planned to give us this time.

I had to listen carefully to all the plans that had been made because it was exactly how I was going to have to convince Bella to do this with me. Every last detail needed to be perfect or she wouldn't go. I knew that about her. She was very responsible and hated leaving the children with anyone for anything. This was going to need to be a hard sell.

**BPOV**

"Come on Bella, there's only two days to go and there is still a lot to do," Alice whined as we trudged through the mall _again._

"Alice we aren't going that far and I don't need new bathers because I don't plan to swim," I said firmly.

We were getting married in two days time and we'd spend our wedding night in a hotel in Port Angeles and then we'd go home, to the Cullen house, and begin our lives as husband and wife. It was pretty simple. I didn't need 'honeymoon' clothes because we weren't going on one. I didn't need new bathers because I didn't plan to swim, and if I did I'd do it in the privacy of the pool at the house, not in public. I didn't need lingerie because underwear was fine. I didn't need makeup because I didn't wear it, ever. So this whole shopping trip was a useless waste of money and I hated it.

She rounded on me then, startling me out of my daydreaming. With a pointed finger jabbing at my chest she let me have it.

"Okay, I promised them I wouldn't say anything but I've had it. Mom and dad have paid for the airline tickets and the rest of us chipped in and paid for the accommodation and the activities. You ARE going on a honeymoon and you WILL swim. You WILL need makeup to go out in the evenings and you WILL need lingerie because you're going to be a bride and brides wear lingerie on their honeymoons."

I knew my mouth was gaping but I couldn't stop it from hanging open. "I can't go on a honeymoon Alice, I've got two children to look after!" I shouted, not caring who heard or saw us.

Her face softened then. "Okay Bella look. We knew you wouldn't want to leave them and I get that, we get that, truly we do. But we want you and Edward to have a proper wedding and proper weddings have honeymoons. You've never been alone with him, not properly, and we all want the two of you to have a chance to start your life together properly. You can be angry with us and you can rant and rave and you can shout and call us interfering if you want, and you'd probably have a point, but you both need this. You should want this Bella, I know Edward wants this."

I stared at her then. Not knowing if that was the truth and unable to ask. He hadn't said anything to me at all about wanting to go away and he certainly hadn't said anything about tickets and holiday plans. And then I knew. This was all the families doing. He either didn't know about it yet or he'd declined the offer.

"Give me a minute," I told Alice, raising my finger at her to let her know that I was serious. She nodded and stepped away and took the handle of the pusher and Joshua's hand.

I paced. The lazy figure of eight. Right there in the food court of the mall I paced.

Time alone with Edward. Edward all to myself. No children, no diapers, no feeding schedules and no therapy sessions. No family and no interruptions. Just the two of us for a few days. It sounded like heaven to me. I felt guilty for that, for wishing for time away from my babies, but I wanted it. I really wanted it.

Alice had said that Edward wanted it too. He hadn't told me that, but he might not know about this seeing as Alice said it was a surprise.

Elizabeth was too young to remember me leaving and she wouldn't know the difference between a few hours and a few days, so I guessed I could leave her for a bit. Esme, and Alice and Rosie, would take good care of her. They had while I was in hospital and I knew they would this time too. But Joshua? Would he think we were abandoning him? Would he trust that we'd come back?

I didn't know the answer to that.

I moved back towards Alice and stood right beside her and spoke quite quietly so I wouldn't be heard by Josh. "Alright Alice. On one condition. Edward and I will talk to Joshua, if he doesn't mind us going we'll go, but if he does have a problem with it we won't go, or we'll take the children with us. Take it or leave it."

"Deal," she whispered and held out her hand.

I shook it and couldn't help but giggle at her expression. She looked supremely confident.

"So, what do I need to take with me then?" I asked. I had no idea where we were going and no idea what I'd need to take with me.

"Never fear soon-to-be-Mrs-Cullen, I know just where to get what you need," she said as she tugged my sleeve and pulled me through the mall.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**Next chapter (apart from the 'talk' about the honeymoon) will be the wedding. I have two versions of it, the long soppy version where everything is described to within an inch of its life...or the 'i do' followed by the fun of the reception.**

**I will leave it up to the reviewers to decide. Vote either for slow and soppy or fast and fun and whichever side of the debate has the most votes wins. **

**I'll leave it with you. **

**Please review. **


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: After counting the votes the 'fast and fun' won!**

**So here it is (a slight lead up then onto the wedding) the fast and fun version. I will rework the 'long and loving' version and post it with the other outtakes at the end of this story. **

**The wedding component of this chapter is in Bella's POV. It seemed only fitting to see it through her eyes as this was her story to begin with. It's her issues that are being overcome and the culmination of her finally becoming a Cullen seemed, in my opinion anyway, the right way to go. **

**As a payoff most of the honeymoon will be seen in Edward's point of view...nudge nudge...wink wink...say no more!**

* * *

Chapter 49 – I Do, Do You?

**EPOV**

I knew it was going to be a hard sell but I was confident – and I'd practised for hours – how to present the honeymoon holiday to Bella in such a way that she couldn't find fault with it. I knew every answer for every scenario she could care to name. I knew who would take which child where in case of any and every emergency and I had the plans, and plan B's, down pat.

I believed the family when they told me they'd take good care of the children while we were gone but I didn't know if Bella would believe that.

I wanted her to believe it and I wanted to go on a real honeymoon with her. I wanted her all to myself, selfishly, and I wanted time to be just her husband before we returned and became a family.

There were only two days to go before the actual wedding and I'd chickened out so many times already that I had backed myself into a corner. Alice had begged me to tell her, to ask her what she thought, so that the shopping could be done to prepare for our week away, but so far I'd not had the balls to bring it up.

But now I was out of time. I had to either confirm or cancel the tickets and I had to confirm the accommodation or lose the booking. There was no time left to wonder.

Mom shot me a nod of encouragement as I approached the sunroom where Bella was sitting with Elizabeth in the sun. I took a deep breath and went in. I sat in a deck chair beside her. I steeled myself for the big speech. I knew what I wanted to say and I wanted her to listen to it all before she made comment. I reminded myself to be even handed, in control but not controlling and then she stole my thunder.

"Edward, I think we should take the trip the family have planned for us."

She said it so confidently that I was caught completely by surprise. I had no comeback for that. I wasn't prepared for her to bring it up herself and I definitely wasn't prepared to have to answer the question for myself so I just sat there, stunned. She turned to me, so that we were facing. "I know you probably don't think it's a good idea and that's why you haven't told me about it yet, but I think we should go. Your parents wouldn't let anything happen to the children and Rosie has agreed to have Josh for a few days in the middle to give them a break. We won't be _that_ far away even though Alice won't tell me where we are going exactly. And we both have cell phones and we both know the people at the hospital if anything happens, so we know they'd be well taken care off until we could get back here. I want to go but I think we should talk to Josh about it before we do, just so he knows that we're coming back, that we aren't abandoning him or anything. Edward, I think I want to be alone with you for a while."

She'd said it all as if she'd been reading it directly from my carefully planned speech. If you replaced the 'Edward's' with 'Bella's' in her dialogue it would've been almost word for word what I would've said to her.

What does the guy who got absolutely everything he wanted, more than he'd ever thought to hope for, and certainly more than he ever deserved, say when it's handed to him so neatly?

"Thank you," I tell her and really mean it. "I want to go too."

She smiles sweetly and goes back to whatever game it was that she was playing with Joshua before I came into the room. I excuse myself and go back to my mother in the kitchen.

I must look like I've seen a ghost because she comes right to me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "What it is?" she asks worriedly.

"She wants to go on the honeymoon," I mumble.

Moms smile is incredible. "Does she now?" she giggles. "Well, well, well," she mumbles as she goes back to fixing dinner.

**BPOV**

I thought I was going to have to push harder, fight harder at least, to get Edward to agree to go on the honeymoon. But I must have done okay explaining how safe I thought the children were going to be if we went because he said he wanted to go too. Without any arguing either. No give or take. No compromising. No nothing. Sure we still had to talk to Josh about it all, but we would do that together.

I mentally patted myself on the back for being able to explain myself to him so plainly, and for getting him to agree so easily. Perhaps we were meant for each other after all.

We still had to talk to Josh about it, but after my simple victory with Edward I was sure we would be able to convince the little boy that we would return from our brief holiday.

"Dinner's ready," Esme called and Josh's ears pricked up immediately.

He was gone in an instant, running towards the dinner table like a bullet. "Slow down," I called after him but knew it was futile.

"We want to talk to you about what's going to happen after the wedding," Edward told Josh as I held him on my lap in our sitting room.

Josh was nodding his head but looked worried. "I have to be a good boy and stand very still while my picture gets taken, Aunty Alice telled me already," he replied.

Edward chuckled. "That's right buddy, you do have to stand still for that. But what we want to talk to you about is the next day, after the wedding and the party are finished. When people get married they go on holidays afterward and we'd like to go too. But they don't take their children along and we wanted to see how you felt about that before we made plans to go."

I had no idea how to explain it but Edward had done a good job.

"Is momma Bella going on holidays with you too?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, that's usually how it works. Momma Bella and I will go on holidays together and you and Izzy will stay here with Esme and Carlisle. What do you think?" Edward asked.

Josh wriggled on my lap a little until he was facing me, twisted around at his shoulders. "You will come back, won't you?" he asked and Edward and I both nodded seriously. "Can I swim with Angus while you go on your holiday?" he asked me.

I smiled and laughed a little at how simple his world really was. "I'm sure you can."

"Then I'll stay here and you can go on holidays with momma Bella," he told Edward sternly. "I'll take good care of Izzy too, but she's too little to swim with us. Angus is too rough."

Edward was trying hard to fight his laughter but he did quite well. He settled for a fond pat to the top of Josh's head and a kiss on his hair. "Well then, I guess you should run downstairs and tell Esme that you'll be staying here with her for a week."

He was off my lap and gone in the blink of an eye and Edward and I were left staring at each other in amazement. It had all been so easy. Something had to give.

A short hour later it did. Big time.

**EPOV**

"Don't cry baby, please don't cry," I begged her but it was no use. She sobbed into my shirt front and clutched at the buttons as if I'd just told her I was going to die in ten minutes.

"I don't want you to go," she sobbed. "We've not been apart, only once and I hated that. Don't go, I promise I'll behave."

I did my best to pull her away from me without hurting her wrists and eventually she let me. "This isn't about behaving Bella. I love what we do in bed, I'm not ashamed of it and neither should you be." I held her at arm's length and smiled sadly. "Baby, you know how this works. I can't see you the night before the wedding, it's bad luck."

"I know that, I'm not stupid Edward!" she shouted. Shouting was better than tears, right? "But we've got TWO nights to go. Why do you have to leave now?" she bellowed.

I scratched idly at the back of my head and cringed. Shit. I didn't want our last hours together before the wedding to be this way. "Um, well, the guys are taking me out tonight for a few drinks. We didn't want to do it tomorrow night in case we all turn up at the wedding with hangovers, so we're doing it tonight. I'm going to stay at Emmett's so I don't disturb the house when I finally make it home." She seemed a little appeased by that but I had more ammunition ready and waiting just in case. "The girls are coming over tonight to be with you, did you know that?" I asked tentatively.

I could tell from the look on her face she didn't know about it. "Are they?" she whispered.

I took my shot where I saw it and folded her into my arms. "They are. They want you to have a nice time before all the stresses tomorrow and the next day. They want you to have some fun Bella. That's all. Everyone just wants us to have some fun before the wedding and we're forced to grow up," I chuckled. "I'll go with the boys and have some fun and you stay here with the girls and have some fun ..."

"Alright, stop trying to sell it to me Edward. God, I'm not an idiot you know," she said as she pulled herself from my arms. "You want me to stay here so you can go to a strip club or something, I get it alright. You don't have to make up stories about the girls coming over for some fun. I'll stay here, you go with the boys."

This time I laughed. Really laughed. God she was gorgeous when she was pissy. I fought her and pulled her to me and kissed her hard on the lips. "God you're beautiful when you're angry but Jesus you're stunning when you're wrong," I laughed. She pummelled my chest playfully but I didn't let her go. "The girls _are_ coming over, lots of them actually. There is a party happening here tonight and you my dear are going to be the centre of attention for a change. And us boys, we aren't going to a strip club, we're going to Port Angeles to a pub there so there is no chance that we'll run into either your father or Jake. Your brother is coming with us so he's sure to report any incorrect behaviour straight to you so you've nothing to worry about." I kissed her forehead and let her go.

"Really?" she asked sceptically.

"Really," I nodded exaggeratedly.

"You asked Seth to go with you?" she asked.

"I did. We're friends so don't think it's a pity invitation either. I like him," I shrugged as if it was no big deal to me. I knew it was a big deal to her though.

She threw herself at me then. I wasn't ready for her and we toppled backwards with force. I hit the door frame with the middle of my back and tried hard not to wince or groan. "Thank you for inviting my brother," she whispered right before claiming my mouth with hers. "I'll miss you," she hissed between fiery kisses.

I slid one hand into her hair to anchor her lips to mine and slid the other under her, cupping her ass with it and holding her up against my straining prick. She moaned deliciously when she came into contact with me and I groaned into her warm wet mouth as the friction between us built.

"I'll miss you too," I told her as I pulled my mouth from her lips and ran my tongue across her earlobe. "In two days you'll be mine baby, and I'll be yours," I tell her as I take the lobe into my mouth and suckle it.

She groans again and I feel her hands begin their journey from my shoulders to my ass. I can't help but grind myself into her and she pushes herself into me just as hard. "I want you _now," _she hisses into my ear.

"Oh god," I groan. "We've got to stop," I tell her without any real conviction.

"Don't go," she all but moans into my ear. "Stay here with me. I love you, I want you, we're adults, and we don't have to wait."

"Oh fuck," I mumble as she takes my earlobe between her teeth and bites gently. "We've waited this long Bella..."

"I've had enough Edward. Love me. I want you," she tells me in a rush before delving her tongue into my ear once more.

She's right. We're adults and it was fucking stupid to want to wait. She wins. I'm done. I pull her mouth back to mine and wrap my free hand around her waist and lift her off her feet, fully intending to take her into the bedroom and have her.

I don't even get three paces when I hear a throat being cleared.

"Edward Anthony Cullen you put that girl down right this instant!" I hear.

I drop Bella back to her feet and stare over my shoulder at the woman who belongs to the voice. Bella turns in my arms and I see her frantically wiping her mouth with her sleeve and trying to tug her jersey down to cover her exposed midriff.

"Um, Bella, this is my Aunt Silvia, Aunty this is my fiancée Isabella." I made the introductions and waited the long moment while Aunt Silvia surveyed Bella from head to toe. For a second I thought she was going to ask Bella to turn around or provide her with some sort of stock report. Silvia was the least tactful woman on the planet and from the look in her eye I knew, just knew, that this meeting was going to be anything but pleasant. Unfortunately she didn't disappoint.

"Tiny, isn't she?" Silvia asked rhetorically. "No meat on her bones. You're too fragile my girl, you should put some weight on and you'll do much better. Taking after a man is hard work, you won't last if you don't heed my advice," she waggled her finger at Bella and I cringed. This was outrageous. How this woman was related to my father was beyond me.

"You're perfect," I whisper to a shell shocked Bella.

She tugged her jersey down self consciously and I can see, right before my eyes, that all the work she'd done so far was rapidly becoming undone with a few simple words from my overbearing aunt.

"Really Edward, what were you thinking?" The harridan asks me as though she has some say in whom I marry. "If you're going to be a surgeon's wife, dear, you'll need to clean yourself up a bit. This won't do. Edward, you need someone less timid. Whatever happened to that nice girl Jane?" she asked.

I wanted to tear her apart with my bare hands. I wanted to strangle the life right out of her and batter my father if he suggested doing CPR. "Jane wasn't a nice girl she was an airheaded Barbie doll with an IQ in single digits. And you know very well that I'm not a surgeon and I never will be. I'm a family practitioner and I'm very good at it. It's YOU who wants me to be a surgeon. And for your information Bella isn't timid, she's gentle, and you're being rude."

She didn't even squint let alone try to take in anything I said. Bella shifted from foot to foot and looked as though she was about to cry. I reached for her but she snatched her hand back from within my reach violently.

"You don't think I'm being rude, do you dear?" she asked Bella but had no intention of waiting for her reply. "I'm just being realistic. This dear boy is going places in his chosen profession and from the looks of you you just aren't cut out for the high flying world of medicine. She looks as though she's going to cry Edward. She's so frail, look at the poor dear, she looks as though she'd blow over in a stiff wind. Was your baby born small dear?" she asked Bella. The question itself wasn't too bad but the implication that Bella was responsible for Elizabeth's small birth weight was.

I gaped at the horrible woman and was about to shove her aside and sweep Bella away when she surprised us both and squared her shoulders.

"I'm very pleased to meet you Aunt Silvia and yes, my baby was born small. She was just under five pounds born. But that's not because I'm small it's because my ex husband starved me and beat me every day." Silvia began to mouth like a goldfish but Bella wasn't done, not by a long shot. "I don't want to be anything to Edward other than his wife and the mother of _our_ children. He's a doctor and a fucking good one at that. He saved my life, and Elizabeth's. He's a good man and that's saying something about the way Carlisle and Esme have raised him if he's related to the likes of you!" She turned on her heel and headed back into our room. I made to turn back to my aunt to see what her reaction was going to be when Bella rounded and came back to us. She pointed one long, slender finger at my beet red aunt. "And for your information I know he can do much better than me. I've known that all along. I don't know who this Jane is but she sounds like a fucking moron to let this man go. Her loss, my gain." She nodded once then turned again. She took my hand and squeezed it hard. "Have a good time tonight Edward. I love you; I'll see you in church."

It seemed that both of us, myself and Silvia, had been dismissed.

**BPOV**

I was congratulated over and over for putting Silvia in her place. I wasn't very proud of the way I'd spoken to her and I certainly wasn't prepared for the rush of adrenaline I experienced as I had. instead of feeling frightened, or sorry even, I'd felt energised and didn't lose my bundle even when Alice came looking for me.

She fussed over me and said how sorry she was and asked over and over if I was alright. I'd waved her away and told her I was perfectly able to stand up for myself and that I just needed a minute and would be downstairs soon. She'd smiled wide, nodded once then left me to it.

Esme seemed a little put out at some of the language I'd chosen but pretty pleased that someone had managed to 'shut the old trout up'.

I learned from Alice that she wasn't even really an aunt, rather a family friend of Edward's grandmother, Carlisle's mother. On occasions such as these she usually swanned in, insulted either the bride or one of the bridesmaids and didn't feel an iota of remorse for having done so.

I couldn't imagine someone like Rose ever being intimidated by her but she said she was, once. She too gave the old windbag what for the day before her wedding to Emmett but apparently – learned later from some of the actual aunts and a few of the cousins – I did it with a little more style and some serious shock value. Carlisle had had to calm her down and I was sorry that he had to listen to her rant about the 'intolerable younger generations' all afternoon. But not sorry enough to apologise.

She'd made me furious at first and I hated the idea that the woman would be in the house for the next two days, but after washing my face and setting my shoulders I walked back into MY kitchen with my head held high. Esme was there making finger sandwiches and little cakes for our evening follies so I set about helping her as best I could. After a few minutes she patted me on the arm and kissed my cheek softly.

"Edward's right you know, you are just about perfect sweetheart," she whispered and just as quickly went back to icing the little cakes.

I giggled and whispered my thank you and went back to cutting the crusts off the bread for the sandwiches.

Carlisle came into the kitchen for another cup of tea for his 'aunt' and while trying to look sternly disapproving he too kissed me and told me how much he enjoyed watching me stand up for myself.

She didn't even look at me for the rest of the afternoon or the evening. I knew I'd have no more trouble from the infamous Aunt Silvia.

My girl's night turned out to be a lot of fun.

Every female I knew came. From the Rez (not Leah, thank god) and from church. Some from school and of course from the hospital and the clinic. At first they all just marvelled at Josh and cooed over Elizabeth but after Esme and I got them both settled for the night we settled down to some fun.

More relatives of Edward's arrived that night too. Cousins and aunts, family friends and some friends of Esme's too. I was a little overwhelmed at the size of the group and couldn't really come to terms with how accepting they all were of me – bar Aunty Silvia of course – seeing as this wedding was hurried and they'd never even met me, let alone heard Edward ever mention me. I'd felt ashamed and a little self conscious about being newly divorced and already a mother before marrying their relative but not one of them mentioned a thing about it and seemed genuinely happy that Edward as going to marry, at last. I heard that a lot during the night. 'At last'. He was only twenty-six and there was plenty of time for him but it seemed, like I had before I knew the truth, that he'd have settled down long before now.

Esme took great delight in telling them all that Edward had been waiting for me and that my first marriage was not only arranged but also a mistake that she was pleased I was now free of.

Everyone accepted that at face value and no more was said about the terrible circumstances of my first marriage.

They were a lively bunch and apart from his cousin Tanya I liked them all. I was glad that many of them lived far away, but others were nice and didn't judge me.

We ate a lot and the others drank a lot. We laughed all night and sang and danced and gave each other pedicures and manicures and we gossiped half the night away. We played a few silly games and I had to wear a gaudy hot pink veil attached to a plastic silver tiara for most of the night, but I'd had fun and the relatives all went home with smiles on their faces and told me how looking forward the wedding they all were.

I helped Esme and Alice clean up from the festivities while Rosie collected Angus from the guest room where he'd slept through the whole party. She promised to be back early the next morning to be a part of all the preparations and she kissed me softly on the cheek when she left.

She was a far cry from the hardnosed icy Rosalie I'd first met in the hospital!

Joshua was up at the crack of dawn, like always, but Elizabeth slept late. That gave me a chance to make sure that my little man understood what was about to happen over the coming days.

He's settled right in, totally accepting and utterly divine as he climbs up onto my lap and hugs me tight. I tell him again how Edward and I are getting married the next day and that we're going on a little holiday to celebrate. I'm careful to make sure he knows, understands and believes that we're coming home to him and Izzy. He is understanding and not at all worried, if his demeanour can be taken at face value. He kisses me on the cheek and tells me to have a good time and could I please bring him candy from the holiday. I promise I will but make him promise to be a good boy for Esme and for Rosie. He says he will and once again promises to take good care of Izzy while we're gone.

He eats all his breakfast in return for a few minutes in front of the television before Rosie and Angus arrive. Both my babies are going to Rosie's for the rest of the day. There are a hundred and one things for me to do, and to help set up, before the actual wedding and Rose offered to take the three little ones off our hands while we accomplish it all. I'd been hesitant but agreed when Alice pouted and said she really wanted me to be involved in the reception set up.

Another kiss and another promise to be good saw Josh and Elizabeth off with Rosie and a very excited Angus. He had their whole 'sleepover' planned. From what they'd eat for dinner (hot dogs with green 'Shrek' tomato ketchup) to what movie they were going to watch before bed (Cars). Rosie looked pleased to be getting out of having to help set up for the reception and after a few hours of being bossed around by Alice I began to think she had the right idea. And that was before most all of it was even delivered! I tried to remind myself to be as far away from the Cullen residence as was humanly possible in the days prior to any large family gathering or event. If only I'd known before now!

I hadn't heard from Edward since he left the night before but Alice got a text message from Jasper telling us that the boys were all present and accounted for that morning. He didn't reply to our request for a status report on the groom's health though.

I tried not to worry about it.

I knew that the guys had lots to do today too even if they had been spared the organisation Nazi with the clipboard.

Mr Benson arrived at four with the decree nisi for me to sign. I'd really wanted Edward with me when I finally got it but it couldn't be helped. It was enough that I got it in time to be married to him, he'd see it when we came back from our honeymoon. By then I'd have a swanking new marriage certificate and this court document would be relegated to the distant past.

When my signature had dried on the court forms Mr Benson made a show of presenting me with the certificate and announced me divorced and legally free to marry Edward the next day. He wished us well and left as a huge white van came up the driveway.

Alice – and a fucking clipboard – appeared as if from nowhere and the contents of the van were spilled out onto the driveway along with five burly men to shift everything into place. I was nervous to be around so many men I didn't know but it was short lived. They paid no attention to me and work like Trojans to get everything in place as fast as they could.

Tables, chairs, and a huge white marquee tent complete with temporary timber dance floor came out of that van. Another one pulled up behind it not long after and another half dozen bodies tumbled out of it and began to wheel massive stainless steel bain-marie serveries around the side of the house and into the tent.

Alice stood to one side and directed the traffic. She knew where everything went and where it would look best. She yelled and argued, scribbled and negotiated and by six the tent was done and the vans were gone. So was the workforce who looked pretty relieved to be getting the hell out of the snake pit that was to be my reception.

Alice assured me that an army of caterers and waiters would arrive at first light tomorrow and the whole thing would be perfect. I trusted her and feared her, just a little.

I spent my last night at home in a nervous twist. I was no longer Bella Black and for one short day I was once again Bella Swan. If only I could go back and be the Bella Swan I'd been during high school. If I could go back now I'd tell Carlisle about Charlie, I'd tell Edward that I loved him. I'd tell Alice what was happening to me. I'd be Bella Swan for the last time and could've negated having to have ever been Bella Black.

I got a short but loving text message from Edward at ten that told me not to worry about anything, that he'd take care of me and the children, that he loved me and that he'd be where he was supposed to be, on time, and that I'd know which one he was because he'd be the one with the smug look of happiness on his face. I knew where he'd be at two o'clock tomorrow. He'd be standing at the front of the church with Emmett and Jasper at his side ready to marry me.

I had absolutely no doubt about that at all.

My hands were shaking and my breath came in short pants as I watched Alice and Angela swish their way down the aisle of the little church. I deliberately denied myself a look at Edward. I knew he'd be there, he'd promised me he would be. Every eye turned towards the double doors and then we were on.

"You are so beautiful Bella. I'm so proud to give you away sweetheart." Carlisle bent to kiss my temple one last time and then the music hit its peak and we took our first steps down the aisle.

He was right where he was supposed to be. Emmett and Jasper at his side. Joshua was holding Emmett's hand and smiling widely as I walked slowly down the aisle.

"Momma Bella looks like a princess Emmy!" Joshua 'whispered' quite loudly which broke the tension nicely.

The women in the church sighed and the men twittered fondly. I looked to Edward and saw the adorable smile on his face and knew that he was as happy as I was.

Esme dabbed at her tears as we passed by the front pew. Sue, sitting behind her, looked just as emotional.

Carlisle put my hand in Edward's and we turned to face Pastor Weber.

I turned away from Edward only once. To pass my bouquet to Alice who stood beside me at the altar. After that he had my full attention.

He promised to love me always and I made the same promise. He slid an engraved wedding band onto my finger and as it slid up against my engagement ring he promised to be mine forever. I made the same promise as his onyx and gold ring settled on his ring finger.

He kissed me long and hard as we were announced to finally be husband and wife.

Rice filtered down the front of my dress and settled between my breasts as we were pelted upon leaving the church. Edward pulled me to him in the back of the car and kissed me hard. We laughed and joked and kissed and hugged the entire way back to the house. I was now Mrs Edward Cullen and I'd never been happier.

Hundreds of photos were taken before the meal both inside the house and outside in the grounds. I posed with everyone and in so many combinations that by the time I did sit down to eat I felt like I'd been snow blinded by the flash of the camera.

Joshua sat on my knee and Elizabeth sat beside Edward in her little rocking chair while we ate our meal. It was unorthodox and totally us. Edward's attention never wavered from us during the meal. He helped Joshua slice his meat up and wiped the spit up from Elizabeth's lips. She smiled and gurgled whenever he was near her and my heart pounded with pride every time I looked at him with our children. When it was all cleared away off the tables Edward and I cut the cake. Joshua and Angus found it incredibly exciting and we had to light and relight the candles five times before they were satisfied and had had enough turns each to blow them out. Edward and I fed each other the first slices then said good night to the children.

I hugged Josh close and once again reminded him that we'd be back in a week's time, with candy, if he was a good boy. He promised me he would and held onto me tightly before he was pulled away by Rosie. He tried so hard not to cry and so did I. Elizabeth of course had no idea that she wasn't going to see me for a week, but I knew and it hurt. Rosie must have realised because she made the break painless by allowing me one last kiss and then she tore the baby from my arms and was away with her.

They went to Rose and Emmett's with Rosie's mother for the evening and would be collected by Esme first thing tomorrow morning. Of course by that time Edward and I would be far away.

Jasper made a lovely speech. I could see Emmett itching to speak too but a deal was a deal. He'd been allowed to speak at the bachelor party and Jasper made the speech at the reception. He didn't look too happy about his end of the bargain though. Jasper welcomed me to the family and wished us both well with a toast.

Carlisle's speech had every woman within the tent in tears. He told Edward how proud he was of him, how much he loved and enjoyed his new grandchildren and how grateful he was that Edward was gracious enough to share his new family with him and Esme. He thanked me for making Edward happy, at last, and with a toast not unlike Jasper's he too wished us well.

In what looked like an arranged move Harry took to his feet and surprised us with a speech of his own.

His voice was a little unsteady and the emotions of the day almost overwhelmed him at one point, but he acquitted himself very well. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, male or female, when he thanked me for the extreme privilege of allowing the Clearwater family into my life. Seth nodded throughout the speech and I knew without words that he felt the same. I mouthed 'thank you' to Harry as he retook his seat.

Alice said some very nice words then embarrassed me with a few stories from when we were teenagers. Edward ribbed me twice and insisted I explain one or two of them at a later date which produced many 'oh-oh's' and 'you're in trouble now's' from the gathered crowd. The stories were harmless, and quite amusing, so I knew he was joking.

With the speeches over it was time for the dancing. This was the part I'd been dreading. As the music began Edward reached for my hand and with an apologetic grimace I took to the floor with my new husband.

"It's my turn to lead, Mrs Cullen," he whispered into my ear as he put his hand to my waist.

I could feel the blush rising up my chest at his double entendre and completely forgot to be self conscious or nervous about the dancing. It just felt so right. He was a magnificent dancer, of course, and he twirled me around the makeshift dance floor like an expert, making me look good in the process.

Esme and Carlisle took to the floor, as did Harry and Sue as the parents of the bride and then they were joined by Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosie and then by Seth and the girl who'd come as his date. I knew her name was Sarah but hadn't been introduced to her yet.

I watched them as they danced and knew instantly that Seth really liked this girl. To me it looked as though the feelings were mutual. She laid her cheek delicately on his shoulder and they too danced beautifully around the floor.

We were soon pulled from our dance though as Carlisle cut in. He smiled down at me and told me again how beautiful I looked and how proud he was to have me as his daughter in law now. Harry cut in soon after and I was once again complimented on my dress and told how happy he was to be there with me today.

It was much more awkward dancing with my real father than it was with Edward's, something I felt a little ashamed of. But I'd not spent very long with Harry and although I knew in my heart that he would never hurt me, my brain just knew him as an unknown male. Our dance was much stiffer than the two previous ones, but we managed alright.

Emmett tapped Harry on the shoulder and I was spun into my new brother in laws arms with a flourish. He kissed me lightly on the cheek and bore me off to the farthest corner of the dance floor. More than likely to piss Edward off. It worked. Edward scowled his way through dancing with Sue and never took his eyes from us the whole time I danced with his brother.

Jasper was a less ostentatious dancer but no less good at it than Edward or Emmett. He was a very quiet, calming man and I liked him a lot. Loved him actually, and not just because he was married to my best friend who was now my sister in law. But because he was sensitive and caring and was always there to guide me without patronising me. Not that the others patronised me, but Jasper had a way of guiding me towards a certain path without me even realising that he was. With Emmett, and Edward too sometimes, they tried to subtly bully me into the right path, with Jasper it was a much soft approach.

I wasn't sure if the other males at the wedding had been warned not to attempt to dance with me but nobody else approached me and I soon found myself dancing once again with Edward. I was grateful to whomever it was that sent the message out. Everyone who'd been invited was there because they were genuinely happy for us but I still didn't know them and wouldn't be comfortable being touched by them either.

All too soon Alice broke us up and I was whisked upstairs to get changed out of my dress. I'd chosen a very simple outfit to go away in and was pleased to be out of the frothy concoction of white satin and lace at last.

We'd chosen not to throw the bouquet because I wasn't comfortable with Edward removing my garter and then throwing it to the waiting crowd of men, so we dispensed with both of those traditions altogether and just moved straight onto the circular shaped gathering to say our goodbyes.

We were congratulated and kissed and hugged and showered with kindness and best wishes as we made our way to the 'getaway' car as Edward had dubbed it.

Of course it was covered in shaving cream and had the words 'just married' on the back window. Tin cans were tied to the rear bumper and we had to stop only half a mile up the road to take them off because the racket was deafening.

After a half hours drive or so, with one small stop for a quick make out session, Edward pulled the car into the parking lot of the Royal Victorian Motel in Port Angeles. It was right on the waterfront and overlooked where the ferry left and returned. He helped me from the car, always the gentleman, and then he pulled two small overnight bags from the trunk. Our suitcases, filled with Alice's purchases and probably a ridiculous amount of lingerie I had no intention of wearing, were in the trunk ready for our departure tomorrow. He led me into the reception and we were met with a bleary eyed concierge who was quick to congratulate us on our marriage. We signed in quickly and Edward threw me an adorable wink as he pushed the form towards me and I signed my name as Mrs Cullen for the first time. Edward took the key to the room and led the way to the elevator bank.

He set the bags on the ground outside the correct door then swept me up into his arms. He walked us over the threshold and kissed me softly as he set me back on my feet just inside the door.

When the door closed behind us Edward put the bags onto the luggage rack by the door and opened his arms for me. I went into them eagerly. "I love you," I told him as he pulled me to him.

* * *

**A/N: I am sorry for leaving it there but there was no other logical place to cut this chapter off. That means it's smaller than I'm used to, but I beg your indulgence...the next chapter contains Edward's thoughts on the wedding and reception as well as a few more tidbits from behind the scenes that Bella didn't witness herself. **

**Thank you so much for reading.**

**I so enjoyed your response to the last chapter and your enthusiasm to see these two finally wedded (and bedded :) )**

**Please review. **


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50 – The Other Side of My Coin

**EPOV**

She was finally Mrs Cullen and she was finally all mine!

My brain just couldn't seem to process how monumental that really was because for the first five minutes that we stood in that hotel room I couldn't do anything. Not t thing. I was rooted to the spot unable to do anything other than hold her.

I inhaled into her hair and tried, desperately, to man up. "I love you too," I told her as I slowly lowered my lips to hers.

The whole day had been perfect. She was divine and the service had been reverent and quick. Our families had behaved and my brothers had kept their teasing and ribald joking to a minimum. The children had been fantastic and I'd actually had a great time at the reception. We'd had a nice meal, spoken with everyone, danced and cut the cake.

There was an awkward moment when a cousin of mine said he was looking forward to me removing the garter from my 'delicious' new wife's thigh and unfortunately he decided to make a passing comment about Bella's perfection on the outside matching the perfection that would be between her legs. I winced at his words but took it as the throw away comment it was meant to be, but Emmett stiffened and reacted as predicted. He pulled him from his seat by his collar and demanded he explain exactly what he was implying about his newest sister. The poor guy just about peed himself and stuttered when his reply finally came. He was only kidding around, which I knew right from the start, and said that it was always his favourite part of any wedding – the garter removal - and he just wanted the chance to elbow some of the other guys out of the way when I tossed the garment over my shoulder.

Emmett, in his own charming yet slightly disturbing overprotective Neanderthal way, put him to rights about why we weren't going to be observing that particular tradition then dropped him back into his seat and stormed off to find Bella. To the cousin's credit he apologised to me profusely, stuttering that he'd had no idea about any of Bella's 'issues'. I waved him away and told him not to worry about it but for the rest of the evening he kept a close eye on Emmett's proximity to his table.

Bella looked surprised when Emmett sidled up to her and demanded to know if she was alright, out of the blue and at least for her for no apparent reason, but she recovered quickly and actually kissed Emmett's cheek before returning to her conversation with Angela and Ben Cheney. She'd had no idea about the cousin's comment of course, and once Emmett had assured himself that she was fine he went back to his table, and his wife, as if nothing had happened.

Nothing and nobody would get close to his new sister and for a split second I wondered if in his own mind that included me. He knew we'd not consummated our relationship yet and I wondered, not for the first time, if it bothered him that we more than likely would tonight. Knowing how he felt about Jasper knocking Alice up left me wondering whether the big guy was having similarly dark thoughts about me wanting to have Bella. He probably did even, though I was his brother.

I'd watched Bella closely during the reception and she was doing well in such a large crowd. She kept a very careful watch on both children and I could see that she was also eyeing the exits as well as keeping myself and my dad in her periphery. I found myself wondering if dad would be at all helpful in the event of an 'incident' that might involve fists being thrown. Hell, he'd changed so much in the past four months I figured that under what was left of his staid, immaculately tailored exterior might just lie a lion willing to do anything to protect his cubs.

I could see that it took a conscious effort for Bella not to back herself into a corner to protect herself and marvelled at her progress to date. She still had weekly sessions with Kerry and had met with Pat twice just his week to make sure she was ready and able to go through with all this. They'd both given her the thumbs up and she'd announced to me proudly only three days ago that Kerry didn't want to see her again for another month. I myself didn't have an appointment with her for the next three months.

Almost gone was the panicked and terrified girl who'd woken up battered and bruised in the hospital that day. Instead I saw a mildly confident, happy woman enjoying the company of the women who'd come to celebrate our wedding with us. She was still very wary of men she didn't know and whilst I tried to be by her side whenever one of them approached her to offer their congratulations – or to simply be introduced to her – I couldn't always be there. But my family could, and were. Without prompting or being asked they were there.

Twice Jasper had inserted himself into the introductions and had stood beside her, his hand protectively at the small of her back, as she'd met some friend of the family or a distant relative. I'd seen Emmett do it too though his technique was less subtle. My brother would approach whomever it was that was making his way towards my wife and accost him before he got too near her. He'd whisper for a moment and then he'd skip to Bella's side. He'd whisper to her too, she'd smile up at him and they'd wait for the unknown male to approach. He didn't put his hand at her back as Jasper did but he did stand right beside her, as in almost touching her upper arm with his massive bicep as she was introduced. As soon as the conversation was done he'd go back to whatever it was he'd been doing beforehand. It looked well thought out and orchestrated and yet it was also sweet and endearing. The big guy could hover with the best of them when it came to Bella and for once Rosie didn't seem to be jealous. Rather she watched as Emmett did his thing, a slight smile on her lips. When he returned to her she kissed him sweetly on the cheek and they resumed their previous interactions. To me it looked as though she was proud of him rather than irritated at his over the top protective streak where Bella was concerned.

My father hovered near her too. Not ostentatiously, but I noticed all the same. The CEO of the hospital and his wife were in attendance and normally my parents would be sure to keep them entertained, but not tonight. They sat at a table with some of dad's colleagues and looked to be having an okay time. My mother was invariably within whatever circle Bella was in and my father made sure to be speaking with whichever guests were close to where the two of them stood. Now and then he'd look over to wherever I was but he didn't nod, or wink, or give me any indication what exactly it was he was searching for. Maybe he was just keeping tabs on us all?

The reception had ticked along nicely thanks to Alice's meticulous organisation and I made sure to find her and thank her profusely, making sure she knew how appreciative we both were. She actually cried when I thanked her and hugged me hard. She told me that she'd known all along that Bella and I were destined to be together and how happy she was that her best friends – Bella and I – had finally found each other. I agreed totally and told her so, eliciting another round of sobs and more hugging.

The only thing that hadn't gone to plan, despite Alice's expert party planning, was my cousin Tanya. Actually that's not true. I hadn't been lying when I'd told Bella that Tanya would make a play for me. So it had gone exactly to that plan, it was just that the plan was all Tanya's, not Alice's. Tanya always made a fool of herself and by extension a fool of me, no matter the circumstance. She'd done it at a cousins sons christening and she'd even done it at our grandmother's funeral! We were distant cousins and I'd never felt anything for her other than that creeping feeling you get when someone crosses the fine line between flirting and stalking, but she never let that worry her, ever. If I didn't know better I'd guess that she was related to Silvia, but I knew for a fact she wasn't. They jut happened to share the same lack of moral compass and exactly the same lack of regret for their actions.

I knew that at some point during the evening she would sidle up to me and pinch me on the ass. She always did. I'd asked her not to a hundred times and had even insisted she didn't on a few more, but Tanya never let that stop her and my wedding day was no different.

She sought me out after the meal, before the dancing, and slid to my side like she always did. She used the excuse of asking me to keep a dance spare for her and then, as predicted, she pinched my ass, hard. I barked out my surprise at her audacity and prepared myself for what might be Bella's reaction. She was right beside me and had seen Tanya do it and my reaction to it.

Bella surprised us both by just giggling but it wasn't Bella's reaction I should've been preparing myself for because Joshua had been sitting on my mother's knee, right behind where I stood with Bella and Tanya, and he'd obviously seen the whole thing because he leapt off mom's knee and ran right to us.

He stood, with hands on his hips and an adorable scowl on his face, and gave Tanya what for!

"Don't you touch my daddy's bottom!" he yelled right at her. "He is married to momma Bella now so you have to go and find your own daddy to get married up to," he said far too seriously for such a little boy. He looked over his shoulder and must have found Angus because he nodded to his best friend and then turned back to us.

The comments stunk of Emmett and Rosie's opinion and I couldn't help but laugh at both his posture and the indignation he showed on his face.

Of course our son would decide to call me daddy for the first time on our wedding day, to make it all that much more special. I'd scooped him up and hugged and kissed him till he'd begged me to let him go. He ran right to his mother and she too scooped him up into her arms. I watched as she praised him for being such a good boy as he kissed her lightly on her cheek before asking if he could go and swat moths with Angus.

Bella turned to Tanya and with the sweetest, most innocent smile she could muster whispered her thoughts. "I think _our_ son has a point Tanya. He's all married up now so you might need to go and find someone of your own." With that she turned on her heel and stalked over to Angela's table and inserted herself into the conversation expertly, leaving Tanya gaping like a goldfish and me laughing my ass off.

Everything had been perfect and now here we were. Alone. Married and finally alone. And I was nervous.

Internally I was kicking myself for being apprehensive because this was Bella. The same Bella I'd known nearly all my life and who I'd wanted this with for almost as long. She was my wife and we'd been sleeping together – actually sleeping – for four months now so I shouldn't be embarrassed or nervous now that I was finally going to make her mine.

But I was.

I let her go and went to the bags to distract myself from not having thought too much about what we should do now that we were finally alone, and married. I opened the overnight bag and pulled her toiletries case from inside it. I put it on the bed and came back to where she stood and handed her the note from Alice and the garment bag that had been inside the overnight bag. "You go first baby," I nodded towards the bathroom.

She got up onto her toes and kissed me softly on the lips and then she all but ran into the bathroom. She didn't seem nervous at all. Damn. I had to get my shit together.

I shucked my shoes and pulled the tie off from around my neck. I hung my tux jacket over the back of the chair and took the silver vest off and put it with it. I put my cufflinks into the outside pocket of my overnight bag and tugged my shirt out of my pants. My belt joined my cufflinks in the bag and my shirt joined my jacket on the back of the chair. I tried to be methodical to use up some of the nervous energy I had but it didn't work, I just looked like an anal retentive git. And the whole rig moral hadn't even eaten up five minutes!

I took a moment to study the ring my wife had put on my finger today. It was incredible. The black stone was amazing and I loved it. I knew there would be engraving inside it but I didn't want to take it off to read it. if I was honest with myself I knew that I could go my whole life not ever seeing the writing because I knew that it belonged on my finger and I never wanted to take it off. I'd ask Bella about it once we were away on our trip.

I could hear the shower running and knew she'd be a while. There were so many pins in her hair it was going to take a while to get them all out and all the product washed from her hair.

Waiting for her would be a double edged sword. On one hand I was about to get everything I'd every hoped to have, on the other I was fucking terrified of letting her down. I'd gone so long wanting this that now that I had it I was terrified to fuck it up.

Couple that with the knowledge that she might not be able to do this at all and you've got the makings of one very nervous groom. Kerry had walked me through what to do and what to say if Bella became upset or unable to continue and I think I had a good handle on how to comfort her, but it would still be an awful thing to have to go through on your wedding night. For both of us.

I knew there was a note from my sister in my bag too so I took it and lay back on the bed to read it.

Dear big brother,

Congratulations to you and your new wife. I know you'll be very happy together.

There is non-alcoholic bubbly in the mini bar and nice glasses on the counter. The lighter for the candles is on the mantle and your iPod is in your bag as requested.

Don't forget that check-out is at midday and your plane leaves at two.

Have a great time and if you make it out of your hotel room at all send us a text or a postcard and let us know you're both still alive.

I love you both,

Alice

Xxx

I had to laugh at her. She was such a control freak but she'd given us a beautiful wedding, even though I paid for it all. She'd take the credit and I could live with that. It really had been wonderful.

Seeing Bella so happy had been worth every cent and more.

I lit every candle Alice had left for me and set them on any surface available. I dimmed the overhead lights and then I set the two glasses out on the table with the bottle between them. I seated my iPod in the alarm clock docking station and set it to play the right playlist and then hit pause. It would be ready when I was.

The water in the shower switched off and I was treated to a few agonising minutes of listening to her move about in the bathroom before she emerged in a floor length white stain robe and a huge smile on her face.

"Your turn baby," she giggled as she came towards the gigantic bed.

I pulled her to me and kissed her freshly washed cheek before scooping up my own toiletries bag and the sleep pants I hoped I wouldn't be wearing too long.

The water was hot and welcome and I let it wash away as much of my anxiety as I could. I washed my hair and shaved again even though it had only been hours since I had the last time. But I wanted everything to be perfect for us and that picture didn't include beard rash for Bella!

I scrubbed my entire body and fought the chuckle as I compared this cleaning routine to the one I performed daily at the clinic. I didn't want tonight to be clinical at all. I wanted it to be hot and sweaty and needy and probably too fast. But I wanted it to be real.

Emmett had suggested rubbing one out in the shower before going to bed and at the time I'd thought it a good idea. But now, now that I was finally here I thought about it again and decided not to. It was okay that it was going to be quick. I wanted her to know that I couldn't control myself when she's near me. I want her to know that she overwhelms me. There was time enough for dragging it out later, when we were more secure and our need better controlled.

I dried my hair and tried to tame it but failed, as I usually did. I slipped into plain black boxers and my sleep pants and threw everything else back into my wet pack. I took a deep breath and went back out into the room.

I was surprised to hear and see that she was on the phone.

"Kiss them both goodnight for us won't you? And please call us if anything goes wrong. And don't forget that Elizabeth has juice in between feeds now. Yes, alright, I will. Bye." She hung up and sighed as her shoulders slumped. She missed them already.

I threw my bag down on the floor beside the bed and went to sit beside her. I took her hand in mine and drew her fingers to my lips. "We don't have to go. We can just check out of here tomorrow morning and go home to them."

She sighed and squeezed my hand. "We could, and I'll go along with that if you can tell me it's what you really want."

She had me and I think she knew it. It wasn't what I wanted and I had assumed, again, that it was what _she_ wanted me to want. "I don't want to go home unless we have to. I want this time with you," I tell her.

"I want this time with you too," she whispers.

It's a simple statement with about a billion hidden meanings.

Neither of us knows how to do this part. It's awkward and I'm nervous and she's shaking. I didn't want it to be this way, I wanted it to feel natural and not like something we _had _to do. Like it was something that was expected of us simply because we wore rings and had a certificate. It shouldn't be like that. It should be something you wanted to do with your husband or wife to celebrate the commitment you've made to one another, not a chore and definitely not a right. Never a right. Bella had lived with the results of a husband who expected his rights to be fulfilled and I was determined never to make it that way for her, even if it meant we never had sex.

"Come," I tell her and tug her to her feet. I bring her with me over to the table and pour her a glass of 'wine'. We both know it's got no alcohol in it and that it's all for show. The whole wedding had been dry, much to Silvia's disgust. But it was the right thing to do. Drunk, loud and obnoxious relatives were not something I wanted Bella to have to put up with on her wedding day. I want her to be relaxed and happy and content. I want this night to flow and I don't want her to do anything she's still not ready to do, even if I am. I pick up my now full glass and tip it towards hers. "To the new Mrs Cullen."

She giggles at my toast and sips the drink. Unfortunately taking the drink only cleared the nervous tension in the room for about ten seconds and we were now, once again, staring at the elephant in the room in silence.

**BPOV**

Arrgh. This was all going wrong.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be easy and carefree. The air was supposed to crackle with sexual tension and I was supposed to be confident and sexy. Instead I was nervous and worried and I felt tired and anxious.

Alice' note had made me smile. She'd packed me a very nice negligee that for once wasn't too racy. It was white with tiny blue flowers embroidered on the lacy neckline and at its hem. It had a matching robe and I did feel a tiny bit sexy when I thought of the underwear I had on under the robe, but Edward was nervous and trembling and we sucked at this!

Alice had warned me that it might be this way if we managed to wait until we were married. She suggested I just prepare for bed the same way I normally would and go through my usual routine and try to forget that it was my wedding night. At first I'd been angry at the suggestion. I didn't want to forget that it was my wedding night at all. I wanted to celebrate finally being Mrs Edward Cullen. But after talking with Alice and Rosie about it a bit more I came to see the genius in their suggestion.

If it was any other ordinary evening I'd shower, dress for bed and slip between the sheets. Edward would shower, change and join me. We'd kiss for a while and we'd touch a little bit and then Edward would pull away and insist we should stop.

There was no longer any reason for us to stop so the girls had suggested I just treat the beginning of the evening like any other. Shower, check. Dressed for bed, check.

I moved to the side of the monstrous bed and pulled the covers back. I let the robe fall off my shoulders and I left it where it pooled on the floor. I was so nervous I doubted whether I could make my fingers still enough to grasp it anyway. I put the extra pillow onto Edward's side of the bed knowing he always wanted another, and then I slid into the bed like I normally would, check.

I took a deep breath as Edward moved to his side. This was it I kept telling myself. There was no reason for either of us to stop now. I wanted him and he wanted me and we were finally going to get exactly what we'd wanted all along.

I'd satisfied myself that medically there was no reason we couldn't do this and Ben has assured me that it wouldn't hurt me at all. Kerry had talked with me about what to expect emotionally and also about how to handle any anxiety issues I might face when the time came. I wasn't feeling very confident and I certainly had no idea if I could instigate anything if Edward chickened out, but I did want this.

He kept his sleep pants on, just like he would at home, and then slid between the sheets too. He moved to the centre of the bed, like he would at home, and reached for me.

I met him halfway and positioned myself in his arms. His kiss was warm and wet and just like it was at home.

**EPOV**

As I kissed her I mentally reminded myself to thank my brothers for the suggestion of just going through our normal nightly 'getting ready for bed' routine. It had worked!

I knew that this could end at any time and I knew that my reaction to that would matter for a long time. So I tried very hard not to get too carried away as we kissed.

Holding her in my arms was enough but of course I wanted more. But I was smart enough to know that that decision was hers to make. It was her who would lead us through this. Or not.

I let her lips go for just a second and reminded her to lead. She nodded and threaded her hands back into my hair and pulled my mouth back to hers. I had her answer. She'd lead us.

As the kiss deepened she began to move closer to me, shifting her body so that we touched from lips to toes. She was so warm and the slippery satin feel of her gown slid along my skin like it was a liquid.

Our tongues met between our parted lips and I felt her fingers tug at my hair. I groaned into her mouth and let her pull me harder to her. I so wanted to dig my fingers into her shoulders or her waist and let her know that I wanted her, but I was ever mindful not to be too rough with her.

Desire was one thing; any display of aggression would doom this in a heartbeat.

And so she led us.

The kiss turned from exploring and loving to lust filled and desperate so fast. It happened so quickly I was powerless to define when it had changed. She bit my bottom lip and took one hand from my hair and put it at my chest. As her nails raked across my nipple I hissed my pleasure into her mouth. With her hand anchoring my lips to hers there was no way for me to break the kiss and move elsewhere so I let myself get lost in the taste of her.

She snaked her free hand down my chest and circled my navel with her tiny fingers. Jolts of electricity flooded my body as her hand slid across my hip and to the small of my back.

She broke the kiss when she was ready and I steeled myself to hear her say it was either too much or we'd gone far enough for now. But she didn't. Instead she floored me with her raspy, whispered assertion.

"I want you, my perfect husband," she groaned into my parted lips.

I took my chance where I saw it and instead of kissing her lips I moved my mouth across her cheek and shifted so that I had access to her ear and throat. She couldn't tolerate kisses on her cheek too much yet, the nerve damage had been extensive, so I moved past it as quickly as I could without it seeming like I was ignoring it.

I wet the shell of her ear with my tongue and then suckled her lobe between my lips. "I want you too, my beautiful wife," I told her as I began to trail wet kisses down her throat and into the hollow where her shoulder met her neck. "I want you so much, I love you so much," I told her between kisses.

**BPOV**

When his lips met my shoulder I stilled for only a second and waited for the pain I expected to come. The wound had long since healed but he'd never touched me there before and so I waited. But there was nothing other than the soft, gentle caress of his lips as he moved across the scar tissue.

"So beautiful," he murmured when I didn't flinch.

I wound my hand back into his hair and lay back to enjoy his busy lips. He increased the pressure of each kiss as he moved further and further away from the scar. By the time he'd moved across my shoulder and across the swell of my breast I was a shaking mess. I wanted this. I wanted this to be everything we'd ever dreamed of. I wanted it to complete us as a couple. I wanted to be able to finally show him love. He wanted me to lead and I understood that, I knew that he was frightened of hurting me or upsetting me but I couldn't take the lead. Not this time. Not now.

I needed him to control this; I needed him to control us. I had no words to tell him what I wanted and I couldn't show him either because I was too caught up in the flood of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me as he touched me.

"Love me, Edward," I begged as he kissed closer and closer to my breast.

"Tell me its okay," he begged in reply.

I didn't want to have to tell him it was okay that my husband was touching my breast but knew he had to hear it before he'd go on. He was frightened of my responses and I knew he needed to know that what he was doing was something I could handle. I swallowed hard and let the words come. "It's okay," I whispered.

He sighed against the top of my breast and brought his hand up between us. I stilled and waited for his first touch. When it came I let the pleasure overtake my apprehension. I could do this. I wanted to do this. He'd ask nothing of me I wasn't prepared to give. He'd told me that so often these past months and I hoped I was finally ready to believe it wholly.

Very gently he cupped me, his thumb made slow circles across the rise of my flesh, far enough away from my nipple to let me know that he was mindful. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and steadied myself. He'd never touched _this_ breast before. He'd never kissed it or traced it with his fingers and apart from washing it carefully neither had I.

This was a test. For me and for him. I had expected him to start with the other and work up to this, but this was a test. If I couldn't handle this we'd go no further and we both knew it. Letting him see it and touch the damaged flesh was a monumental step for us both. I hated the way it looked but had no recollection of how it should feel under his gentle, loving caress.

The nipple was still tender but it wasn't painful anymore. We both knew what a big step this was and he was verycareful. He slid the tiny strap of my nightgown down my arm and exposed my breast fully. He began away from the nipple itself and his lips and tongue felt like the touch of a feather as he kissed and caressed the flesh that wasn't ugly. He moved slowly, achingly slowly, from the outside of my breast towards the nipple. He gave me ample time to pull away or tell him to stop and when I didn't he opened his mouth and kissed the nipple in its entirety.

"Ohhh," I sighed as his mouth closed over it.

He immediately drew away and had I been brave enough to look down I knew I'd find his concerned eyes focussing directly on mine. I couldn't say it; I couldn't tell him it was okay so I did the next best thing. I curved my hand around the nape of his neck and pulled ever so slightly.

He covered the nipple with his mouth once again and this time I felt the soft, gentle lick of his tongue as he tasted me for the first time.

I hadn't expected it to be pleasurable and was startled when it was. Carlisle had told me that I'd one day feel it this way again but I'd never let myself believe it. I knew the other nipple was still sensitive to touch but this was a pleasant surprise.

Edward waited and I pulled his neck again, giving him the go ahead to continue. When he did he kissed me softly and once again drew his tongue across the now peaked bud.

"Ohhh," I whispered again.

**EPOV**

I needed to know if 'ohhh' was a good thing or a bad thing but didn't know how to ask. We'd never been very verbal. Up until tonight we'd had a sleeping baby in the next room and my parents over head so there hadn't really been much chance to be truly ourselves.

Her hand tightened on my neck once again and I took this as the signal to keep going. If it hurt I knew she'd ask me, or tell me, to stop. But she did neither so I suckled her gently once again.

This time she arched her back and pressed herself to me even harder and I had my answer. I splayed my fingers underneath her breast and let them travel to the curve of her hip. I licked and sucked as gently as I could while my hand dug into the flesh of her torso. Again her hips bucked upwards towards me and I knew that she was okay.

I wanted to rid her of the gown but didn't want to break the embrace to do it so I bunched the material in my fist as I gripped her. I tried to keep my touches gentle, to show her how careful I could be with her, to let her know that even as I loved her I knew that she'd only ever been used for sex, not shown love and tenderness.

I raised myself from her carefully, placing one last gentle kiss on her breast before I left the confines of the embrace fully. She fell onto her back and lay before me in all her glory.

I settled myself beside her, half lying half kneeling, and ran my hand up her leg beginning at the ankle. She writhed and giggled a little as my tickling touch moved higher.

Her skin was so smooth and so soft. The soft satin of the gown rode up as my hand travelled higher and when it was bunched at her hip I allowed myself a quick look down. She had beautiful white lacy panties on and I could see her dark curls beneath them as she lay perfectly still before me.

I think I groaned when she arched her back and let me pull the gown up higher. With it beneath her breasts she sat up slightly and let me drag it off her body. I threw it beside the bed and let it join the matching robe.

"So beautiful baby," I cooed and lowered my lips to her other breast. This one I was well acquainted with and I wasted no time reintroducing my tongue to it. She moaned and arched her back as I nipped at the soft flesh. She whispered my name and fisted my hair as I stroked her with my tongue. "I love you so much," I mumble against her now slick flesh.

I leaned on one hand but let the other make its way across her perfectly flat stomach. Her fingers clutched my hair tighter as I circled her navel with my fingertips. The hollows of her hips called to me so I trailed kisses from her breast to the jut of her hipbone. Each kiss made her stiffen then sigh. Each movement upwards of her hips told me she was alright.

The smell of her arousal told me she wanted me as I wanted her.

I kissed each hip and let my hand wander the length of her right leg. I knew where each of her burn scars was and I was careful to steer clear of them as I moved. I didn't want her thinking about them so I made sure I went nowhere near them, trying to distract her from any self conscious thoughts and only concentrate on the pleasure I tried to give her. Each time I made the trek from knee to upper thigh I went a little higher until she was a squirming, writhing mess beneath me.

I settled a hand either side of her hips and let my thumbs hook into the elastic of her panties and then I stilled. I released my lips from the soft flesh of her belly and looked up at her gorgeous face. "May I?" I asked.

She seemed to think on it for a second before she answered. "Please," she whispered hoarsely.

I'd touched her here but never seen her here. She'd never been truly naked before me. This was completely new for both of us and I knew that she could pull away or stop this at any time. I'd do my best to comfort her and not let her see how disappointed I was if it came to it, but right in this second I could hardly contain my joy at what she was allowing me.

I slid her panties down her thighs and she lifted her legs to allow me to take them from her completely. I tried to keep my eyes on hers but lost the battle within seconds. I wanted to see her. I wanted her to be comfortable with me seeing her like this but knew she was more than likely going to be self conscious this first time.

With half a second to take in the beauty of her sex I moved myself back up the bed and lay beside her again. I waited for her to roll towards me and when she did I claimed her mouth with mine.

**BPOV**

I may have felt exposed and anxious but I craved his touch too. The warring sensations and emotions were overwhelming as his tongue slid against mine.

I was aware that I was completely naked and he was clothed but as his hand settled between my thighs I just didn't care. All I could think of was the ache between my legs and how he held the key to easing it.

"Touch me, please," I begged breathlessly against his lips.

I was ashamed and self conscious of the burns on my thighs and anxious to know how I was going to react to his touch but when it came it was beyond my expectations.

Esme, and Alice and Rosie at different times, had described for me the difference between being touched and needing to be touched by your husband and up until this very second it had all just been theoretical. But now, now that his fingers were stroking me I knew what they had meant.

This was desire in its purest form and it swept over me like my blush normally did. I knew I was wet because I could feel it as I'd pressed my thighs together while he suckled at my breast.

I never got wet with Jake because I didn't want to have sex with him. But with Edward I knew that I was drenched and ready for him. This wasn't going to be sex. This wasn't going to be a right that Edward expected to get from me as my husband. This was love. This was making love. An expression of what we already felt for each other, a physical confirmation of it.

I wasn't frightened and I wasn't worried that I wasn't going to enjoy this. I knew now, now that his fingers had found my bundle of nerves, that this was what I'd waited my whole life to feel. I'd waited my whole life for him.

"Yesss," I moaned as he caressed me gently between thumb and forefinger. "Yesss," I hissed as he spread my wetness to the apex of my sex. "Yesss, more," I begged as he dipped the tip of his finger inside me for the very first time.

He was panting against my throat. His breath was warm and wet as he exhaled against my superheated skin. "Oh god, Bella," he moaned as I bucked my hips to meet his hand. "Tell me," he pled.

I had no idea what he needed to hear from me but I had no intention of telling him to stop. Not now that I could feel the clawing need for release beginning inside me. He pressed the heel of his hand against me and pushed his finger further into me at the same time as I felt his lips against my throat.

I clutched at his hair, his back, and his shoulders and writhed against his hand unashamedly. I wanted this. I needed this. I craved this man.

"Tell me," he moaned again.

"Yesss," I managed to squeak as more of his finger disappeared inside me. "I love you, I want you," I told him and hoped it was what he needed to hear from me.

Apparently it was because as soon as the words had left my lips he used his upper chest to push me onto my back. He held himself on one elbow and withdrew his finger from me only to slide two back in as I was about to protest.

I closed my eyes and savoured the fullness of the feeling. There was no pain and no ache. There was no fear and no self loathing. There was only Edward's beautifully long fingers giving me pleasure and I loved it.

He was kissing me again then. Deeply and fully as his fingers moved in and out of me, heightening the tension I could feel building in the pit of my stomach. I cried out with pleasure when his thumb brushed against my clit and he swallowed my sounds with his kiss as my release built.

He pulled his lips from mine and stared me down. I could see the question in his eyes as he gazed at me. He was waiting for me to say stop, that it was too much, but he was wrong. I didn't want to stop now and it wasn't too much, it wasn't enough!

"I want this," I growled into his lips as I pulled his mouth back to mine.

His answering groan was inhuman. I could feel it reverberate through his body.

My release was right there. I felt as though if I reached out with my pinkie finger I could grab it, that's how close it was. It had been such a long time since I'd felt the stirring inside me that it shocked me that it was happening at all. Even if I couldn't find it, couldn't follow it to completion, it would've been enough for it to still be possible for me. I'd long ago given up the idea of feeling this ever again. And yet there it was, seemingly taunting me to reach out and take it.

Dark thoughts took over my brain as I strained to achieve this goal. Was it okay to want this? Did I deserve this? Was having an orgasm alright and what would he think of me if I took what he was giving? Was it right to seek out the pleasure I could feel my body craving?

**EPOV**

I wanted this too, so very much. I wanted her and I wanted this but I needed her to tell me that she was alright.

I didn't want to break the embrace, or stop any kind of build up she was managing to make, but I needed to know what was going on inside her brain. Her eyes had clouded over moments ago and I knew that she was thinking about what her release would mean for her and for us.

She was worried but wanted it none the less. I understood that. For so long her pleasure was denied her and then she when it was demanded of her she'd be punished for enjoying it.

I loved the feel of her, her satiny walls clenched down on my fingers and her lips on mine as I gave her pleasure. But I could never truly be sure that the grimace on her face was her striving for release or whether it was tension and fear.

"Tell me it's good," I begged her in a hoarse whisper as I tore my lips from hers. "Tell me you want this, like this," I implored her. "It's okay to want to feel good baby, I want you to feel good."

I didn't slow and nor did I fully withdraw my fingers but I wanted her to know that I'd stop if she couldn't verbalise what she was feeling right now.

She was staring at me with concentration and anguish that I had to stop. I let my fingers still though I didn't withdraw them. She had to be the one. This had to come from her. If she wanted this she had to tell me, I'd not take it from her and I'd not force her to climax, ever. If she wanted it she had to take it from me.

She clutched at my back with her nails and bucked her hips up to meet my hand as she finally cried out her demands. "Soooo good," she cried. "Please don't stop, don't stop," she begged. I restarted my movements, making them slower, more pronounced, drawing out the entry and withdrawal of my fingers, increasing the pressure of my thumb on her clit. "So close, I'm so close," she whimpered into my lips. "Need you, a little more, need..." she trailed off.

I wanted her to have her release like this just in case she couldn't achieve it with me inside her, or we had to stop before we got that far, but it wasn't easy to give it to her. She was holding onto something. Either fear or nerves or something was getting in the way of her freeing herself enough to let go.

She'd been punished for this before. She'd been beaten for wanting it and beaten for not reaching it. Everything she knew about sex was tied up with punishment and I wanted to erase that from her mind forever.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck and kissed her hard. I straightened my fingers and extended them as far as they could go and then I curved them upwards, seeking that special spot I knew would make her moan deliciously. When she did I began to whisper to her softly.

"I love you baby, I want this with you, only you, only ever you," I told her. "I want you to let go for me, show me you like it when I touch you this way," I implored her, letting her know it was okay to let go because I wanted her to. "It's normal to want this baby, its okay to get there," I told her.

"I can't," she almost choked on the words as I _finally_ found the soft, smooth spot deep inside her. She arched her back and cried out against my shoulder as I stroked that one spot harder.

"Let me give you this Bella, take it from me, it's for you, only for your pleasure. Take it, reach out and take it Bella. My wife. My only love," I implored her as I increased the speed that I stroked her.

I lowered my lips to the curve of her throat again and kissed her hard. She clutched at my back and shoulders and I knew from the tension in her body that she was right there, perched on the edge of the precipice and too scared to take the final leap.

"I want to wait for you, we'll fall together," she rasped out between gritted teeth.

It was either a diversionary tactic or she truly didn't want this without me.

"Don't wait for me, let me give you this first," I told her. I held her at the small of her back and helped her arch into my hand harder as she fought the battle inside her brain. Now that I knew why she was holding back I was even more determined to give this to her now. She wasn't afraid, she wasn't worried that I would deprive her or punish if she did, she was just being selfless. I'd never last long enough inside her to get her there; it had to be now, like this. "Bella, baby, you have to cum for me. I need you to cum for me. Give it to me, it's mine and I want it," I told her.

I tried so hard to keep the desperation out of my voice, to make it sound like a request and not a demand, but I don't think I did very well. I took a deep breath in and suckled the soft flesh of her throat into my mouth. I curved my fingers upwards again and stroked her sweet spot. I pressed the heel of my hand against her clit and pulled her harder to me with the hand at her back. I wanted it. It was mine and I wanted it now.

She drew in a huge breath and I felt the first clench of her inner walls on my fingers and smiled around the flesh I had in my mouth. That's it baby, I thought, give it up for me.

She shuddered from head to toe and a kittenish whimper escaped her lips as it overtook her. "Edward, Edward," she crowed as she rode the wave. I stilled my hand and let her throat go. I held her to me as she writhed and shivered for me.

For me. I'd made my wife cum!

"I love you baby," I whispered into her hair as I laid her back down onto the bed. I kissed the juncture between her breasts and let her catch her breath. Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks were flushed. She panted heavily and slowly, ever so slowly, a wide smile playing itself out on her lips.

"I love you too," she whispered and pulled my mouth back to hers.

Apparently we weren't done.

**BPOV**

It was perfect. He was perfect.

Just the right mix of forceful and patient. Loving and tender and just perfect.

He wanted to give me my orgasm in case he let me down. I understood that. It had been such a long time for him and I'd denied him his release so often that I understood how hard it was going to be for him to contain himself once we were truly joined together. I loved him more – if it was possible – for thinking of me before thinking of himself.

I relaxed into his kiss and held him gently around his back and shoulders as we lay on the bed. With that orgasm I felt all the tension and worry seep from me as the wave had swept me under. I was able to let go of all the darkness inside me and I opened myself up to the light that was Edward. He'd given me pleasure without thought for himself and I knew instinctually that if we were to stop now, right now, and not go any further he wouldn't complain or argue. He was selfless. He wanted to make me happy, give me pleasure, not take pleasure in me for himself.

He had been careful not to hold me down, or hover over me in a menacing way, but I wanted to feel him on top of me now. I trusted him. I knew he wouldn't ever hurt me.

When he next withdrew is lips from mine I told him so. "I want you now Edward. I want to feel you inside me now."

He moaned into my throat and kissed me once more before drawing himself up onto his elbows and staring down at me. "Are you sure?" he asked for the hundredth time.

I let my smile come. "I'm sooo sure baby," I giggled.

His smile matched mine. "You need to tell me if you want me to stop. Promise me you'll tell me," he begged.

"I will. I promise I will."

He moved away to the side of the bed and took his sleep pants and boxer shorts off. I ogled the curve of his backside as he stood at the side of the bed. I'd never seen him naked and couldn't wait to feel comfortable enough for me to be able to look and touch and taste him for myself. He reached for the bedside table and I heard the unmistakable sound of a foil packet being ripped open, then smelled the horrible smell of latex.

He turned to face me then. He took my breath away. He was so beautiful. Muscular without being muscle bound. Slim without being scrawny. A light sprinkling of gold hair covered his thighs and his belly and lower, towards his very prominent erection. I licked my lips in anticipation and he chuckled low and rumbling in his chest.

He returned to the centre of the bed and took me back into his arms. He kissed me softly at the corner of my lips then let me go. Adorably he turned his back to me and rolled the condom on. I didn't want to use it but couldn't bring myself to say so, so I let him do it. there was all the time in the world for us, I knew that now, so there would be time enough for me to feel his skin against mine in the years to come.

I went into his arms willingly. He kissed me a little harder than normal and I held onto him tighter than I ever had.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"I am. I'm sure Edward. I want this, I want you, I've always wanted you," I told him truthfully.

"I love you Isabella," he said seriously as he positioned himself between my legs. He held my gaze as he moved. "I've loved you my whole life. I've wanted you my whole life," he whispered reverently.

"Show me," I whispered in return and watched as he closed his eyes and took in a long, deep gulp of air.

He settled his face beside mine and whispered his love into my ear as he placed himself at my entrance. I had no thought of saying no. There were no doubts. There was nothing but love and lust and desire to feel my husband inside me.

I wrapped my arms around him and threaded my hands into his hair. I too took in a deep breath and as he pushed slowly into me I let it out over my lips.

There was no pain, no ache, just the thrilling feeling of being full. He stretched me gently, easing his way into me slowly, which only increased my desire. He waited, probably for me to say stop, and then he pushed himself into me fully.

I couldn't help the whimper I let out and hoped he knew it was in pleasure and not in pain. He balked for a second then withdrew ever so slightly. I moaned, louder this time, as he pressed back into me and this time his moan matched mine.

I used my fingers to pull him so that I could kiss him and when his tongue slid across mine he groaned into my waiting mouth.

His pace was agonisingly slow at first. I knew he was waiting for my reaction but I didn't know how to let him know what I wanted without words and there was no way I could verbalise what I wanted, not yet.

Now that my fear had dissipated I selfishly wanted him to stroke me faster, harder, and deeper. But I knew that it wasn't for me that he was taking his time. It was for him. He wanted it to be good for me too.

I let his lips go and pulled him so that his ear was beside my mouth. "I love you and I want this. Love me Edward, love me," I whispered, hoping it was what he needed from me.

It must have been what he'd been waiting to hear because as soon as the words left my lips he thrust into me fully. I cried out at the pleasure of being filled so shockingly and wrapped my legs around his waist. He hovered over me then, his eyes searching my face for my reaction as he pulled out and shoved back in.

"God, Bella...you feel so good...so right...I love you," he told me over and over as he began to pick up his pace.

I shifted slightly under him and tilted my pelvis so he went deeper with each stroke. With each inward thrust he hit me right where I needed him to and I felt the now familiar stirrings of heat begin again inside me.

I clawed at his back and shoulders and clung to him like a limpet. "Yes, there..." I told him when he got up further onto his knees and pushed into me fully. "There..." I rasped selfishly.

I could feel the heat spreading itself outwards from my belly. It raced up to my chest and down to my toes so fast it felt like I was being consumed by it. Each stroke brought me closer and closer to that illusive sensation I was seeking. With each plunge I felt myself getting higher and higher, light began to dance behind my eyes and my breathing sped as his did.

"Can you..." he asked, never slowing his pace. "Can you go with me?" he whimpered as he lost himself in the moment. He sounded so unsure of himself, so unsure of me, but I knew what he needed to hear to bring us to completion together.

"Take me with you; yes...there...love you..." I whimpered against his cheek as the rush of heat enveloped me again.

I shook and shuddered beneath him, loving every single second of the euphoria he was giving me. He pressed harder into me twice more then cursed and shuddered himself. I stared into his eyes as he released into me, a look of pure bliss flashed across his face and then his beautiful crooked smile broke free across his lips. "I love you," he murmured against my cheek as he lowered himself to the bed.

**EPOV**

It was quick and desperate and hurried and fucking perfect!

She was perfection personified. She was nervous and I was nervous and we were just, incredibly, perfect.

I pulled the horrid condom off and flung it to the floor beside the bed then pulled her into my arms and held her tight. I kissed her hair over and over and stroked her back and shoulder.

I didn't know what to say or how to act now. I didn't really think we'd get this far tonight so I'd never let myself wonder about how we'd be after.

"Are you alright?" I asked after a long silence.

She kissed my throat and giggled. "I'm better than alright. Are you okay?"

"Better than okay," I chuckled. "How do you feel?"

She stretched a little and sighed once. "Out of practise," she laughed. "That was amazing. I never knew it could be...I mean, I hoped, but I never knew."

I kissed her hair again. "Me either."

"Was it, um, I mean, did you, well..." she mumbled.

I had no idea what she needed to hear so I told her everything I could think of to make her understand what I was feeling.

"Bella, you have to know, that was the most amazing thing I've ever done, or felt. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you and I never want to feel that way with anyone other than you ever again. I love you, all of you. I love the way you feel, the way you smell. I love the noises you make and the way you tell me I'm doing something you like. I love that you could, you know, 'get there' for me and you have no idea how very much I want to do it all over again."

She giggled then stilled. "It's only midnight," she whispered.

It may only have been midnight when we found completion in each other but it was nearer to four before either of us even thought about sleep. Our second time, after a shower each and a little sustenance in the form of a couple of overpriced soda's and a pair of granola bars from the minibar, was just as mind blowing as the first. Less anxious and a whole lot more confident. Still respectful and slow and just as desperate as the first time I gave and received pleasure from my beautiful wife.

At six she woke me with her hand and it was seven before we managed to get ourselves out of the bed for the first time since getting into it the night before. It took longer for us to find our release, having done it so thoroughly during the night, but that only served me better in the end. I had more time to explore her beautiful body and she began to relax a little more and even verbalise what she wanted from me a little more. There was no sex talk, rather she let me know with little whimpers and whispers that what I was doing was good for her.

We had both been a little nervous and self conscious during our breakfast but that was forgotten as we began to speak about the wedding and the children. We both got what we wanted that morning. Our first breakfast as husband and wife was spent reading the early edition of the newspaper over sweet tea and a full hot breakfast that had been pre-ordered thoughtfully by Alice.

When our meal was done I went to sit on the edge of the bed and asked for my wife to join me. She slid into my lap and I kissed her long and hard. I wanted her again and when I slid my hand under her robe and flicked my thumb over her nipple her adorable moan told me she wanted me again too.

I felt like a teenager again. As though she was my very first, well, everything. I couldn't get enough of her and even though I worried that she'd be getting sore she never once mentioned such a thing and we'd enjoyed each other thoroughly by the time I finally slumped back on the pillows exhausted. Giddy but exhausted.

Bella took the first shower and even though I desperately wanted to join her I let her be. I'd talked to Ben about my concerns for her health and in his capacity as a gynaecologist he told me that I was right to be concerned. The type of tear she'd sustained – coupled with the massive infection – may cause her some discomfort if our activities were prolonged or had too often the first few days. He suggested extra synthetic lubricant and a day or so's rest, if it could be managed he'd said with raised eyebrows, while we were away on our trip. He also suggested warm salt baths and plain cotton underwear. I didn't feel as though I could talk to her just yet about those sorts of things but I'd packed lubricant and my self control and had to hope that nature would be kind to her for the rest.

She took a long time in the bathroom and I was beginning to get worried when she'd come out of the room looking staggeringly beautiful in a pair of skinny jeans and a dark blue jersey. Nothing Alice could have picked for her would've even come close to the way the goddess who came out of that bathroom looked.

Quite apart from her attire I noticed the happiness on her face and in her eyes. She wasn't upset, worried or concerned. She just looked happy.

I went to her then and folded her into my arms. I kissed my beautiful wife good morning and went into the bathroom myself.

She was packed and sipping tea when I came back out and she'd never looked more gorgeous to me. Relaxed, happy and content. It's all I could ever hope for her to be.

We decided to call home and check on the children and thank the family once again for such a magnificent wedding. We were relieved to hear that both children had slept well and had been collected by my mother without incident and were now, once again, back in their own home. Joshua was playing happily in our living room with the tub of Lego bricks and Elizabeth was lying in the sunshine on a rug on the floor beside him. Mom had sounded happy and wished us well for the trip. We rang off with the promise to call once we were settled in our hotel.

It was a very tired Mr and Mrs Cullen that presented themselves at the check in counter at the United Airlines desk that afternoon.

Bella still didn't know exactly where we were going but the jig was up the minute the baggage check in girl asked for our tickets.

"Las Vegas?" Bella asked sceptically.

I nodded but said nothing else. I knew what she was thinking. Crowds, bright lights, fast pace and a thousand too many clichés, but she was wrong. Dead wrong and I couldn't wait to prove it to her.

We checked our baggage and accepted our boarding passes and made our way silently to gate number 14. We had twenty minutes until our flight boarded but I figured I'd need all that, and probably more, to convince her that this would be alright.

I settled us into two seats in the departure lounge waiting area and as soon as she was sitting comfortably I took both her hands in mine. "I promise that everything you are dreading won't happen," I chuckled. "I know you hate crowds and I know you hate the idea of Vegas but you have to trust me, trust that the family knows you too, please?"

She still looked uneasy but she nodded at me wanly.

I didn't want to spoil the surprise for her so I kept my mouth shut about where we were actually going and where we were going to be staying. I wanted to see the look on her face when she saw it for the first time.

I'd had exactly the same reservations she was having now when my mother had turned up with the tickets at the clinic. I'd pictured probably pretty much was she was picturing now. Thousands of people rushing from here to there. Noise and dirt and being shoved aside by tourists from all over the world. No peace and quiet and not a moment alone. She was probably picturing some massive, gaudy casino hotel and the two of us racing from one awful tourist trap to another. But I was wrong and so was she; she just didn't know it yet.

**BPOV**

At Port Angeles airport we boarded a plane for SeaTac and at SeaTac we changed planes for one that was to take us to Las Vegas.

I was nervous and a little shocked that we'd been given a trip to Vegas as a honeymoon but was so very pleased to finally be alone with my new husband that I just couldn't find it within myself to argue with him about the details.

If we ended up in some horrible casino hotel along with a thousand international tourists I'd deal, but that's not what I wanted.

I had hoped for something quiet, remote maybe, isolated would've been better. I'd imagined all sorts of things but the bright and noisy streets of Las Vegas hadn't entered into my dreams at all.

I tried not to be ungrateful. I tried not to panic.

I looked across to Edward whose brow was creased with worry and had his lips pursed into a slight grimace.

I reached for his hand and pulled it into my lap. I leaned over and whispered into his ear. "I trust you, and thank you."

He smiled then and I knew that whatever he had planned, whatever the family had planned for us, would be alright.

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed me softly.

"I did promise you that by the end of the year I'd mark some things off that list of yours. I do believe that flying was one of them," he smirked adorably.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**This was a joy to write. It came so easily and even though Bella's nerves and fear played a big part in their eventual - and long time coming - connection, I thought it was right that she overcame it quickly. They'd waited long enough for each other and they both deserved for it to go well. **

**Now, onto the honeymoon. I wonder what the family, and Edward, have planned for her!**

**I'd like to send good wished to my friend Julie who is laid up in respite recovering from recent surgery. I hope you are back on your feet soon (tee hee) as we miss you at classes so much. All love and luck to you my friend. **

**Please review. **


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51 – Viva Las Vegas

**EPOV**

The second flight, from SeaTac to McCarran was only two and a half hours long but it was long enough for us to nap a little.

It was dark when we touched down and we were both tired and hungry by the time we'd collected our luggage and signed for and found the hire car in the parking lot. Bella looked exhausted and sceptical as I began the drive out of the lot. The GPS navigator I'd requested in the hire car steered me away from the strip and into the suburbs without too much of a problem. I'd never been to Vegas myself, so it was all new for me too.

It was an almost silent drive apart from Bella's gasps and sighs as we passed through the city itself.

"I promised you I'd show you the city," I chuckle as I take a hard left and head out towards the golf course.

She didn't turn to me, instead keeping her eyes trained out the passenger side window as she spoke. "I meant Seattle and you know it," she laughed. "But yeah, you did promise. Thank you."

I slid my hand onto her thigh and she quickly covered it with her own, but didn't turn. I was worried that the surprise I we had devised for her would come too late to shake her from her fear of the big, crowded place that was Las Vegas, so I stepped on the gas and tried to get us to our destination as quickly as I could.

I would've liked to have taken her down the strip and driven past all the well known tourist spots but I knew that now wasn't the right time. Maybe in a few days, after we'd explored the quieter side of Vegas life and she was confident within herself, and us.

I turned east onto Spencer street and followed it past the golf course. It was brightly lit and the club house was decked out with hundreds of party lights. Bella sighed again as we went by and I knew she was dreading the whole idea of this trip.

**BPOV**

This was a mistake. They should've told me their plans and not kept it a surprise. I hated surprises and so far this one was one of the worst.

Vegas was huge! Of course I'd known all along that it would be, I hadn't been living under a rock for the past twenty-four years after all, but nothing I'd heard or seen had prepared me for what I actually saw.

There were people everywhere!

The airport had been bedlam. People rushed from one side to the other, luggage trailing in their wake as they ran to catch their flights. Even those that were there to meet incoming travellers weren't relaxed. They talked on cell phones, loudly, and pushed and shoved their way through lines at the eateries and inside the shops.

The tannoy never let up, not for one second as it begged wayward travellers to present themselves at one check in counter or another. Lost luggage, rushed connections, weary travellers and sad well wishers all gathered in the massive airport to create one big, loud, obnoxious living nightmare for me.

There had been nowhere to hide, no way to lose myself in the crowd or find a route that would be travelled by a few less of these awful people. I was pushed and shoved and trod on as we waited for our luggage to appear on the revolving carousel and not even Edward's cheery countenance could calm me or make me believe that this was going to be the trip of a lifetime that he obviously thought it was.

Finding the car had been easy and I did feel a little better once we were finally sitting in it and barrelling along the highway, but only a little. Edward was quiet, concentrating on the instructions from the navigation system, so I was left to peer out of the windows at the mess that flew by us.

So much neon, so many people standing in the streets. Thousands of cars all honking their horns and trying to push their way into other lanes. It was bedlam.

It changed a little as we moved further away from the city itself but even the suburban streets looked a lot busier than sleepy Forks Washington. I wasn't used to seeing so many people moving about after dark. At home hardly anyone wandered about and if they went anywhere it was by car.

We passed by some golf course that looked as though it was hosting some sort of celebration. There was bunting and fairly lights all over the main building and a line of cars stretched out onto the street waiting for entry. A huge neon sign gave me my answer. 'National Bar and Grill' in huge bright pink letters told me that the cars were lining up for valet parking so their occupants could eat and drink in the restaurant.

In Forks a traffic jam consisted of more than four cars waiting at the same set of traffic lights and the only time anyone queued for a meal was in the cafeteria at the high school.

I began to worry that Kerry's assertion that I try new things was a big mistake. I didn't belong here. The city frightened me. Too many people and none of them anyone I knew. I couldn't navigate my way around here and I'd have no idea where to go or what to do if I found myself in any trouble. How would I find my way back to Elizabeth if something happened?

Edward turned once again and the lights of the golf course were left behind. Only street lights and the living rooms of the houses either side of the narrow streets lit our path now. The road seemed to wind back onto itself and from my window I could see the green stretches of the golf course fairways as Edward continued to drive.

He pulled the car up in the driveway of what looked like an ordinary house. He announced that we were 'here' and quickly got out of the car to come to my door and help me out.

I took his hand and let him lead me towards the front door. The lights were on inside but I could hear no sound coming from within.

"Who lives here Edward?" I asked with a shaky voice. I began to fear that we'd be spending our week in one of his relative's homes, people I didn't know. I wouldn't be able to sleep and eating would be out of the question if I was surrounded by the unknown. I could feel the panic and fear rising inside me as he took both my hands in his at the doorstep.

"We live here Bella, for the next week anyway," he told me right before kissing my cheek softly. He brought my hand up between us and dropped a key into my palm. "Go ahead, open it," he said as he backed away to give me the room to do just that.

My hand shook as I pushed the key home into the lock. It turned, to my surprise, and I swung the door open wide. The next thing I knew I had been picked up by my husband, bridal style, and was once again walked over the threshold and set on my feet in an entryway.

"Ohhh," I whispered as I took in the room.

**EPOV**

Thank fuck the drive had ended when it did. I could see the panic rising within her with every mile further that I'd driven. The house was exactly as it was pictured in the brochure my mother had presented me in the clinic.

"I'll go and get our bags, you should take a look around baby," I chuckle.

I doubt she heard me because she was already moving through the foyer and into the house proper. Mom had been right, Bella would love this.

I took the luggage out of the trunk and then pulled the car into the garage and closed the door behind me. I dragged our bags into the house and carefully bolted the door. Bella would check, so I made doubly sure that they were all secure.

I left the bags in the hall and went in search of my bride. I found her in the living room, gaping at the size of the fireplace that seemed to loom out of the wall, dominating the room.

"There's a fireplace!" she squealed as she turned round and round, trying to see everything at once. "Oh and a piano...you can play here!" She skipped away again and I lost sight of her once more. "There's another sitting room. The TV is huge!" she squealed. "Emmett would love it!" she laughed.

She was off then, running – yes actually running – through the rooms, one after another, squealing in delight at what she'd found. "Edward, come and look at this, there's a hot tub in here!" she shouted from down one of the long hallways. "Oh god, there's another one in here. Who needs two hot tubs?" she laughed.

I took my time and wandered in the direction of her voice, peeking into each room as I passed by it. She was right, there was a hot tub in every bathroom and each of the bedrooms – three in all at this end of the house – had a bathroom of its own.

I heard her squeak 'another one' as she went by the third bedroom and then I heard her thud up the stairs at the back of the house. A loud 'Jesus' came floating down the stairs as I ascended and I figured she'd found the master suite.

Sure enough she stood right in the middle of it with her mouth agape.

"Do you like it?" I asked, trying not to frighten her as I approached.

She spun and smiled wide. "I love it," she shouted as she flung herself at me, kissing me hard on the lips before tearing off to check out what was behind each of the doors in the room.

Small yells of what I hoped were pleasure followed her wherever she went in the suite. Whilst I didn't share her 'girly' joy over it I did think it was pretty impressive. A massive bed overflowed with cushions and pillows in a dozen different shapes and the entire wall of glass that looked out onto the decking made the room look even larger than it already was.

The wall opposite the glass windows was taken up with shelf after shelf of books and under the shelving stood two identical desks with leather chairs. There was stereo equipment, a huge plasma television and even a laptop and modem in a cabinet between the two doors at the other end of the room.

Bella came out of one door with wide eyes before ducking into the other one. I stuck my head in through the one she'd come out of and whistled at the size of the walk in closet. It was bigger than my living room!

She came out again and told me I _needed_ to check out the ensuite. Needed sounded interesting so I did as I was bid and went into lucky door number two.

"Holy shit," I shouted.

"Thought you'd like that," I heard Bella laugh from the bedroom.

Three hot tubs in three ensuites downstairs and now a jacuzzi in the ensuite? Jesus. Maybe people from Vegas all had water fetishes?

The shower stall was pretty impressive too. Chrome and glass and shiny polished stone floors, rainwater shower heads overhead and a bench seat built right into the floor. Incredible.

I went back into the bedroom to find Bella but she was gone. I could hear her moving around downstairs so I went to find her again. She stood in the middle of the kitchen, arms crossed over her chest, just staring at the appliances.

"Hungry?" I ask as I come to her side.

"Yeah, are you?" she asks. "We could order take out I guess."

I have to laugh at that. "We won't be ordering take out on our honeymoon baby," I assure her and step around her to open the fridge door.

Inside it was stacked with all manner of foods. Fruits and vegetables already sliced up on big white ceramic plates on one shelf, cold cuts and salads on another. The door held bottles of juice and cartons of milk as well as two bottles of chilled sparkling water.

The company this place had been rented from had been told that the house needed to be dry, so there'd be no beer and no wine in any of the fridges or cupboards.

I took out the platter of cold cuts and the bowl of salad and set them on the counter. "Have a seat," I tell Bella and nodded towards one of the high stools.

"You don't have to cook for me on our honeymoon Edward," she huffs.

"I know that, but I want to. Just this once. I want you to relax and have some fun this week, so you won't be cooking," I tell her sternly as I slide her newly made sandwich across the counter to her.

I pour her a glass of juice and one for myself and lean against the countertop to eat my own sandwich.

She tells me it's delicious as she takes the first bite then puts it back onto her plate. "You should relax and have some fun this week too you know."

"I plan to, don't worry." I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she giggles adorably. "Finish up and then go call home, I know you're dying to." I laugh.

"Is that wrong?" she asks cautiously.

"Of course not," I laugh. "I miss them too you know? It's natural to want to know that they're okay."

She takes another small bite of the sandwich and ponders what I've said. "Alright," she whispers. "But I know it's not right to spend our whole honeymoon thinking about the children, right?"

What she's said is so funny! She starts off with 'I know it's not right' and ends with 'right?' as though it's a question. She's adorable when she's trying to be all things to all men.

"Right," I agree. "How about we plan to call in the morning and in the early evening but in between we concentrate on honeymoon stuff?"

She brightens at that, all traces of guilt and worry gone from her beautiful face. "I agree," she giggles. "And what exactly is honeymoon stuff?"

I know what I want to say, but refrain. Bella isn't crude and I doubt she'd appreciate what's on my mind as I watch her lick some mayo off her fingers. So I go the gentlemanly route and tell her what I can about my idea of a good honeymoon.

"We can sleep late, stay up even later and generally sloth it if you want. Or...and this is just a serving suggestion, we could work on that list of yours some more."

Her wide eyes meet mine and she smiles. "I like the idea of sleeping late, and staying up late too, but whatever will we fill our days with?" she smirks.

Again I want to tell her _exactly_ what I'd like to fill our days with, and her sexy smirk isn't helping where my mind has wandered to, but once again I refrain. "I do believe you said you'd never bowled, or skated or gone dancing. So we can fill in a few hours there. Then there are restaurants, movies, concerts and your first trip to the big city."

I slide my plate into the dishwasher and return to the counter for hers. She downs the last of her juice and hands me her glass as well. "You already marked movies off though," she laughs.

"Doesn't count," I counter. "You said you'd never been to a movie in a cinema and you wanted popcorn."

"We had popcorn," she protests with a laugh.

I take her hand and pull her to me. "Yes, we did. But it wasn't a real cinema and you didn't eat any of the popcorn because your mouth was still sore."

"It was a real cinema," she pouts adorably.

I think I know a way to change her mind about the whole 'real' cinema experience. "Do you remember what you said to me when we got back to your room that night, after the movie?"

She lays her head on my chest, "Sort of," she whispers.

I kiss her hair and smile even though she can't see me. "You asked why I didn't kiss you during the movie while my whole family were making out, which was gross by the way." I kiss her hair again. "I want you to have the _whole_ movie date experience baby. You get popcorn and massive buckets of soda that make your bladder want to explode and then I will try and sneak my arm around your shoulder – probably using the age old yawn and stretch technique so pretend to be shocked when I do – and then we get to make out in the dark."

She giggles against my chest and I feel my need for her rising in direct proportion to her happiness.

"I think I'm going to like the cinema then," she whispers, sending a shiver right through me.

"Go and call home and I'll clean up in here," I tell her as she steps away.

She tries to hide the fact that she's eager to call, but she's not fooling me. I hear her soft voice as the call connects and when I'm sure there isn't any major concern at home – if there was she'd be running back into the kitchen demanding we go home immediately – I turn and begin the few dishes that are in the sink.

I hear her laugh now and then and after a few minutes she comes back to the counter and hands the phone to me. "Its mom," she whispers and takes the tea towel from me to dry the now clean dishes.

"Hey mom," I say into the phone. "How's it going there?"

"Everything is fine darling, how was your travelling? Do you like the house?" mom asks.

"The flights were good and the house is amazing. Thanks again for doing this," I tell her honestly. "How are the kids, behaving themselves?"

"Of course they are," mom crows even though I know she would say that even if Elizabeth had been screaming since the crack of dawn and Josh had eaten her engagement ring and set fire to dads study. "They are just perfect."

"I'll bet," I chuckle.

"They are, I promise. Oh, hold on, what's that darling; you want to talk to daddy. Hold on I'll put him on. Edward Josh would like to say hello," mom tells me and I wait to hear the little man's voice.

"Daddy, Angus got a smack on his bottom from Uncle Emmett for drawing with crayon in the bath but I was a good boy and I didn't," he tells me in a rush.

I can't help but laugh. Just as I thought, mom would say they were perfect even if they were being ferals. "Well I'm glad you didn't draw on the bath then, Uncle Emmett smacks pretty hard."

"I know, Angus cried a lot and said his butt hurt bad. When are you coming home?" he asked forlornly.

"We've only been gone one day buddy, but we'll be back real soon. Don't forget, if you're a good boy we'll bring you something nice."

"I'm being a good boy. I promise," he told me then dropped the phone.

Mom picked it up a second later. "Sorry about that. Seems he was done talking," she giggled. "Now, you get off the phone too and go and see to your bride."

"Yes mom," I said in a sing song monotone.

We rang off with good wishes from everyone to have a nice time and by the time I put the phone back into its cradle Bella had the kitchen back to its pristine state and was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs.

I pulled her to me and kissed her hair and suggested we go up to bed. It's only early but we hardly got any sleep the night before and with all the travelling she has to be as tired as I am. And besides, it was our honeymoon and from what I knew of them they were supposed to be spent mostly in bed.

**BPOV**

Every time he says the word bed my belly does a flip flop!

I shouldn't spend all of my time thinking about him naked, but I am. It hurts to be away from the children but I'm so glad we decided to come away. I wanted him all to myself before I had to relinquish him to his work and share him with the children. But most of all I just wanted him.

I took his hand and pulled him up the stairs behind me. I wanted to be comfortable with him and not be self conscious or embarrassed about my body and being naked in front of him, but it was so hard to make my brain be okay with that.

Even though I'd showered that morning I wanted to again, if only to have a few minutes of quiet to myself to think about what was more than likely going to happen once we got into bed together. But I could give up those few minutes of solitude if one of us could muster the balls to ask the other to share that shower.

By the time I'd closed the heavy drapes and turned the bedside lamps on on either side of the massive bed Edward had our suitcases up on the luggage racks in the closet and our toiletries bags on the bathroom counter. I went into the closet and grabbed some clean underwear and a nightgown and told him I was going to shower. He seemed about to say something, and then thought better of it. I waited, but he said nothing so I went into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

I kept my hand on the doorknob a long time, just staring at it. My brain told me to lock it but my heart told me not to. I took two cleansing deep breaths and let it go.

There was only Edward and I in the house, he wouldn't hurt me and there was nobody else around. I was safe and I could shower without the door locked. I knew this to be true but I stared at that door knob for a long time.

The hot water was bliss. I washed my hair and soaped my entire body. I expected to be sore, it had been a long time since I'd had sex so regularly – even though it had been over twenty four hours now – but I wasn't sore at all.

My skin tingled as I washed and I realised it was in anticipation. We'd hardly touched at all today and I felt the loss of Edward's closeness acutely. Even before we married we touched all the time. But now it felt as though we were back to the awkwardness of those first few days at home. Sure he kissed me but now it was tentative, as though he was waiting for me to say no more. I never would. I never could.

We belonged to each other now and I wanted him even more than I had before. Now that I knew he was truly mine, in every way, and that we were bound together forever I wanted to show him that I wanted him. After having had a taste of his body, being able to sink into his mind as he loved me physically I knew I could never go back to the rather innocent touching we'd done before.

For the first time in my life I wanted sex. No, that was wrong; I wanted to make love with my husband. I wanted the pleasure only he could give me and I wanted to pleasure him in return. Last night had been thrilling in the extreme to know, finally, that I could experience real pleasure again but it was much, much more than that too.

It's as though, even though I'd had sex before, I was for the first time experiencing love. Real love. There could be no comparison between what I'd done with Charlie, or even with Jake, to what I'd experienced with Edward last night. He hadn't taken from me, he'd given to me. He'd made sure that I'd reached completion before he reached for his own. He'd been quiet and respectful and at the time I'd loved him all the more for it, but now I wanted more.

He'd awakened something inside me last night and I didn't want to shove that part of me back down again. With Edward I could be what I wanted to be, be who I wanted to be, have what I wanted to have.

Pushing away my panic I opened the shower door and craned my neck around so that I was facing the bathroom door.

"Edward!" I called loudly.

I slipped back into the shower and closed the glass door behind me and tried to calm my quaking nerves a little.

"What's wrong?" he yelled frantically from the other side of the door.

"Nothing," I called back. I took half a second to tell my brain to shut up and then I called for him again. "You can come in," I said in as firm a voice as I could muster.

Nothing. No reply. Shit.

"Edward!" I called again but didn't wait for his answer. "Come in," I told him more firmly.

"Are you sure?" he asked cautiously.

I understood his caution. He didn't want to push me and he didn't want to upset me. But I was sure about this. I'd given myself to him a long time ago and even though it was only twenty four hours ago that I'd given him my body for the first time, I felt sure that I was ready to give the rest of myself to him too.

All of it. The scars. The pain. The ugly puckered skin on my back and at my breast. The stretch marks from Elizabeth, even the crooked way one of my toes had set after being broken as a child. It was all I had left to give him and it felt right to trust him with it on our honeymoon.

"Edward, you can come in, please," I begged.

**EPOV**

What the fuck do I do? Can she handle this? Should I want her to?

I raked my hand through my hair once more then tried the door knob. It was unlocked!

My god. That in itself would've been a big, no a monumental, step forward for my wife. Barely a day since marrying me she'd been brave enough to go into the bathroom without the door locked.

I wanted to shout how proud of her I was. I wanted to call home and tell my dad. Shit, I wanted to call Kerry and tell her how fucking amazing Bella was!

Of course I did none of those things and instead turned the doorknob and cracked open the door a couple inches. "Bella?" I asked carefully.

I'd let my mind go places it shouldn't have gone and perhaps I'd read the whole situation wrongly. Maybe she needed me to put something on the counter for her? Maybe she's slipped and needed me as a doctor? Maybe she had forgotten to lock the door and was calling me to do it for her?

"Please, come in. I'm okay I promise," she said softly.

I blew my held breath out over my lips and shifted my free hand up to cover my eyes. I felt like a fucking tool, but until she told me it was okay to look I wasn't going to. There was no way I'd risk the rest of our honeymoon by misinterpreting this and having to spend the rest of our holiday sleeping on the couch or worse, jacking off in a downstairs bathroom.

I heard her soft giggle as I came into her view. "What are you doing?" she laughed.

I huffed; frustrated at not knowing what the hell she wanted from me. "I'm hiding my eyes," I say belligerently.

"Why?" she laughed again.

I felt fucking stupid with my hand over my eyes so I turned so that my back was facing her and let my hand fall away from my face. "Because I don't want to freak you out if you called me in here to do something for you." That just sounded fucking wrong when it came out. It sounded better in my head.

"I think I want you to do something for me," she whispers so softly I think I've imagined it.

I don't turn but I let a smile play out on my lips. "Do you need shampoo? Are there no towels in here? Do you need me to wash your back?" I chuckle.

It's quiet in the room for what seems like an age and when she does speak it's in a whisper that sounds so nervous and so unlike the Bella I'd seen today that I have to run it over in my head three times before I trust what I've heard.

"I think I want you to wash my back."

Holy. Fucking. Christ. On. A. Cross.

I still can't bring myself to turn around; even though my brain _and_ my dick think they've just won the fucking lottery and are begging me to. "Are you sure? I mean, I want to, of course I do, but if you aren't ready I understand. There's no rush baby, we've got forever," I tell her as confidently as I can muster, even though my own brain is telling me I'm a bitch for putting the 'out' out there.

She's quiet again for a long time and I try my best not to get too carried away, to remember that this is a big step for her. Even though we're now married I'd not seen her naked, well, I'd sort of seen her last night, but I hadn't gotten a chance to actually look. There is a difference.

"Thank you for saying that. But yes, I think I want you with me, in here," she says finally.

Jesus. She's serious. She wants me to join her in the shower? This is big. Way big. I feel like an idiot standing in the bathroom with my back to her so I slowly, real slowly, turn around. I keep my eyes on her face at all times and try to work out what she's thinking, or feeling.

She doesn't look upset or even particularly worried. She just looks...well, happy I guess. She's grinning at me but she's not hiding her body from me either. She's just standing under the spray like it's no big deal and it's me who's making it into one.

"I'll come in on one condition," I tell her firmly, eyes on hers. She nods. "You stay up that end, near the door and if you need to get out or you get uncomfortable or whatever you just get straight out, okay? No recriminations, no judgements, I won't say a word, alright?"

She thinks on it for a second then nods. "Alright. But you have to promise not to be offended if I have to get out, alright?"

It's a fucking brilliant deal and I'm mentally patting myself on the back even as I'm nodding and agreeing to her terms.

I shuck my shoes and pull my shirt off over my head and throw it in a heap on the floor with her clothes. I undo my jeans and put my wallet, cell phone and keys on the counter before slipping out of my pants. Standing there in plain black boxer shorts it's suddenly me with the self confidence problem. It only struck, right then, as I looked at myself in the mirror, that she's never seen me naked either. Well, she saw me last night, but again that's different.

Shit. My heart was going ten to the dozen and my hands were shaking as I slid my boxers to my ankles. I was praying that my dick would just let me have a few minutes under the water with her before he decided he was going to make my decisions for me. I didn't want to frighten her and I didn't want to seem like a sex crazed pervert either.

She backed out from under the spray while I slipped into the cubicle. It was massive and we fit easily into it but it was still quite intimate. The hot water felt fantastic but I didn't know where to look.

Would she be upset if I didn't look at her? Would she think I didn't like what I saw, that I didn't want to see her naked? Was she worried about her scars? Would she flee if I tried to touch her?

**BPOV**

I could see the war going on behind his eyes and I felt so bad that this was so awkward for us. We were married for god's sakes! We should be able to be naked near each other. We'd made love last night, and this morning, and now it felt as though we were back to square one.

I'd kept my eyes up while he'd gotten undressed but couldn't help take a sneaky peek at his beautiful body when he closed his eyes and adjusted to the heat of the water.

He was sublime. Perfect. And he was all mine.

I took a deep breath and moved towards him. I put my hands on his shoulders and moved into his arms. They came up around me just as I hoped they would and then I put my mouth to his. This we knew how to do. This type of intimacy we were good at.

His kiss was comforting and familiar. His arms made me feel safe and loved. It didn't matter that my skin was pock marked and scarred because he didn't care. I shouldn't care either and I hoped that one day I wouldn't.

He was my husband and I wanted to share all of myself with him, even the parts that I didn't quite understand and know yet myself, but I wanted to be free and giving with him so I tamped down my fear and self loathing for my body and lost myself in his kiss.

He was gentle and careful, mindful and respectful and I wondered, though not worryingly, whether he was giving his true self to me. Was this how Edward really was? When he made love to me to tenderly last night was that the true Edward? I knew he loved me; he was far too moral a man to wed me if he didn't, but his almost silent reverence had gotten me thinking. Is that how he wanted to be with me? Quiet and respectful?

I dragged my lips from his and grinned at his groan of displeasure. I held him still, our bodies touching from chest to thighs, but looked up into his eyes.

"I want this and I'm sure," I told him firmly. "But I want the real you. I want to know the real you. I want you to know the real me."

He said nothing at all but the smile that slowly crept across his face told me that he'd heard and understood me fully. He lowered his lips to mine once again and as his tongue begged for entrance I parted my lips and allowed it.

Lost in the kiss it took me a few seconds to realise that we were swaying under the hot water. Our bodies had found a joined rhythm, rocking side to side, keeping each other warm and close. I twisted my fingers into the hair at the back of his neck and he pressed his fingertips to my waist.

His erection was pressed between us but our height difference made it impossible for me to feel him where I needed him. I pressed my thighs together hard, aching for some relief and trying desperately to create some friction.

He wrenched his mouth from mine and began where he had last night, in the hollow between my shoulder and throat. I tried to keep the moan inside me but it broke free without my will.

"I love that sound," he whispered against my shoulder.

I moaned again and hoped it was what he wanted to hear. I couldn't have held it in even if I'd wanted to anyway. The way his lips felt against my skin was thrilling. He held me so tightly, far tighter than he ever had before we were married. Before he'd been scared to, I knew that. He didn't want me to feel as though I were a captive. But now I craved it. I wanted to be his, only his and I wanted him to claim me as his own.

It was a total back flip for me, I knew that. Before I'd been afraid to let myself be his, I had been frightened of being out of control, unable to lead for myself, filled with terror at the thought of being unable to stop him if he insisted he continue. Now I needed him to be forceful, possessive even. I didn't want to be hurt but I did want him to show me, instead of tell me, that I was his and only his.

I moaned again and felt him buck his hips towards me. His kisses increased in their pressure and I let my head loll back to accept him. He licked and kissed up towards my ear and I waited for the delicious shiver I knew would come when his tongue found just the right place.

_There. _

"Yesss," I hiss breathlessly when he delves his tongue into my ear.

"Do you like that?" he asks before doing it again.

"I love it," I confirm as his warm breath sends another heady shiver through my body.

"You feel so good, taste so good," he whimpers against my throat as he makes his way back down.

Until he'd actually entered me last night we'd been almost totally silent. I didn't want that. I wanted him to know what he did to me, how he made me feel. I wanted to know that he liked doing it. I wanted to tell him, to show him, how I wanted him to love me and I wanted him to be able to tell me what he needed from me and when.

I'd never been vocal during sex before, I'd learned early on to keep my mouth shut. I'd been punished so many times for crying out, for pleading for respite, that it had become automatic for me to keep my thoughts and words to myself. But this wasn't sex. This was love. I'd never asked for what I wanted because I'd never been given a choice before. I'd never asked what my partner needed from me because I'd always been instructed.

This was different.

This was my husband and even though I'd been married before this time it was for good and it was to someone I loved and adored and wanted to make happy anyway that I could.

I waited until he was kissing the swell of my breast before I spoke, for two reasons. One, his mouth felt so fucking good there that I'd temporarily lost all reason and two, it took me a few seconds to get it straight in my mind what I was about to say.

"More. I need more," I said with a tremble in my voice.

Though he stopped kissing me he didn't extract his mouth from my skin while he paused. I'd shocked him, I knew that, but I was convinced this was the way forward for us. We had to be able to talk during. We had to be able to express ourselves or it would always feel this awkward.

He drew in a sharp breath. "Tell me, tell me what you need baby," he begged and began to kiss and lick once again.

With the floodgates seemingly now open I swallowed my insecurity and told him as honestly as I could what I needed. "That feels so good but I need it a little harder."

I could feel my blush spread across my chest and face, right where he was kissing me, but knew that it was nothing to be ashamed of. I'd talked to Kerry about this. About telling Edward what I needed from him. We might not have discussed this exact situation, and the advice she offered me had had nothing to do with sex at the time, but the principles were the same. So I thought anyway.

He made quick work of giving me what I needed and quickly shifted his position, standing a little further away from me, and cupped my entire right breast in his hand before lowering his mouth to my now peaked nipple.

His touch was still gentle at first but slowly built into a deeper, tugging motion as his kiss strengthened. He took my entire nipple into his mouth and sucked a little harder, making me moan long and loud.

"God, Bella," he groaned as he let my slick flesh go from between his lips. "More tell me more," he all but begged.

I fisted my hands into his hair and pulled his mouth back to me before I spoke. My confidence was growing. I could feel it. Like a transparent cloak, settling around me as I told him what I needed. "The other, kiss the other," I begged.

Again he wasted no time, but his touch was lighter, gentler at my other breast. I had no fear of this type of touch, though I doubted I could've stood being kissed too deeply on this nipple. He knew that and was still very careful, but where last night he'd been hesitant until he knew whether or not he _should_ kiss me there he was now confident that this part of my ruined skin was not off limits to him.

He flicked his tongue over the nipple and I groaned. It felt different to the other one, but not unpleasant at all. There were still a few small patches that were totally numb, but the areas where the nerves had knitted accepted his touch gratefully.

"Tell me, you have to tell me," he hissed.

"It feels so good," I confirmed. "You feel so good."

**EPOV**

Nothing would ever compare to this. She was so trusting, so confident all of a sudden. She'd not only instigated this but she'd had the courage to voice what she wanted and I was in heaven. But I also had one foot in hell.

She'd opened up to me, told me what she wanted and now I had to do the same.

It was glorious in its complexity. We were married and I was scared to speak to her during...well it wasn't sex; it was making love, but just thinking that made me feel like a love sick puppy. If she knew what I thought, if she heard the desperation in my words she'd run. She'd know, without doubt, some of the filthy, disgusting things that ran through my mind when she allowed me the supreme honour of touching her.

I continued to lavish affection to her left breast, ever mindful that it could quite possibly be painful if I was too rough, but all the while I ran through my head what could pass for loving and what would be taken as filthy.

I wanted to be myself. I wanted to feel confident that I could do and say what I wanted to do and say to her, but I didn't know how that would be received. I wanted to be real with her. Present. I wanted to engage not just my carnal craving for her body but also let her know how she made me feel. I wanted to know, without doubt, that the way I touched her was pleasing her.

We needed this.

And that's what it ultimately came down to. We deserved this. Complete disclosure. Utter honesty. Soul bearing admittance that she was all that I'd ever wanted.

I let her nipple go and returned to my full height. Seeing her like this, her eyes dark and hooded, her head thrown back as I pleasured her, was what I'd been craving my whole life. Up until yesterday, when I'd made her my wife, my life had just been a series of practise runs. Nothing and nobody had ever felt like this. Nothing I'd ever done with anyone, nothing I'd ever said to anyone, nothing I'd ever thought about love had come close to how this felt.

"Let me take you to bed," I said. It had sounded much better in my head and I prepared myself for her reaction.

As had been the norm of late she totally surprised me. Instead of lowering her eyes or hiding her face from me she reached behind her and turned the water off. Within seconds she was on the bath mat drying herself with a huge towel.

I hung back and let her have a minute so I wouldn't drip all over her or the floor and when she was dry and moving towards the door I got out of the cubicle and reached for her hand. "Wait," I told her gently. "Don't run from me, please. Don't rush to get under the covers and hide your beautiful body from me, please."

Her eyes never left mine and I knew she was doing as I was, trying not to look down. "Alright," she whispered as I let her wrist go. She kept the towel around herself but leant back against the counter and waited for me.

It was now or never. If she wanted to look at me, really look at me, she should do it now. "I want you to see me; do you understand that that is normal? To want to look is normal?" I asked her.

I reach for two towels and sling one around my hips, the other I take to my hair.

"Do you want to see me then? Really see me?" she asked hesitantly.

I took the towel down from my hair and grinned at her. "All of you, yes." I continue to dry myself and look away from her, giving her the opportunity to look in private, if she wanted to.

I had no way to know if she did or didn't look. All she'd see was my chest anyway, with the towel around my body, but it would be a good start. I hung the towel from my hair over the rail by the counter and took in a breath, careful not to show her how nervous I was, and pulled the other towel off my body and hung it with the first.

I heard her suck in her own breath and did my best to keep my grinning to myself. She was looking at me! I could feel the familiar stirrings of arousal begin and hoped she'd be done looking by the time I was fully hard. Standing at the bathroom counter with wood could be embarrassing, hell, it _would_ be embarrassing. I'd been as hard as a rock in the shower but had tempered it by being as serious as I could and telling her it was natural to want to look at each other, but now, now that I knew she'd looked at my body my 'other' brain had slipped into gear. It was time to go to bed.

I raked my fingers through my hair and turned towards her once again. She had this serene, dreamy look in her eyes and I wondered, or hoped, that it was because she liked what she saw. I was in good shape and hoped that I looked okay to her.

I moved to her and took her hand again. "Come to bed," I said softly and bent to kiss her cheek.

She nodded but said nothing. I had no way to gauge how she felt but the slight tremble in her fingers as we went into the bedroom hand in hand told me she was either nervous again or excited. Probably a mixture of both.

**BPOV**

How do you tell someone that they are perfect? How do you tell someone that the mere sight of their naked body makes you feel faint? How do you vocalise what it is you hoped they'd do to you, with you, with that body? I had no idea.

I let him tug my hand and take us back into the bedroom. He pulled back the covers on the bed and sat me on the edge of it. Instead of going to his side, and sliding in as we normally would, he knelt on the floor, between my knees.

"I understand if you can't let me see you, but there is a difference between can't and won't. If you are afraid you don't need to be. If you are worried that your scars will turn me off you shouldn't. I've seen them and they are just a part of you, they don't define you and they certainly don't detract from your beauty," he whispers. "So I won't ask you to lower the towel and I won't ask you to tell me things anymore. When you are ready you will." He moves slightly forward, until we are almost nose to nose. "I love you Bella, I always have, but I don't want to be nervous around you when I'm naked. I want it to be easy for us to be around each other this way. I want to show you, and tell you, how much I love you and how beautiful I think you are. But I understand if you can't do that yet, but I think I'm going to, alright?" he kisses me softly on the lips then moves back to his full height and goes to the other side of the bed.

He'd just put voice to everything I'd been thinking in the shower and yet I'd completely lost my bottle for it!

I felt the bed depress as he got into it and sighed. He wanted to see me. Truly see me. He'd said all of me. Of course he already had, in the shower, but I knew the difference between that kind of looking and the kind he wanted. The kind I wanted.

He said he wanted to tell me how he saw me, how he loved me. I had wanted that from him, hell I'd wanted that very same thing not five minutes ago and yet I now found myself perched on the edge of the bed again, covered in a towel, hiding myself from him again.

I pulled the towel from myself and threw it over the chair at the side of the bed. I had my back to him and knew that the worst of my scars were now visible to him. Was he looking? If he was he said nothing. We'd done this before. I'd exposed these scars to him on more than one occasion and he'd never balked before and I doubted he would now.

I felt the bed depress again and him shift towards me. I didn't startle as his first touch came. I just closed my eyes and tried to feel it in its entirety. He ran his fingers down my back, from neck to the cleft in my bottom and then back up again.

"So beautiful," he murmured right before his lips met my skin.

I sat still and quietly and let myself just feel. Wherever his lips met my skin it prickled, warmed from his soft touch. My belly began to flutter, as though I was anticipating something monumental, and I guess I was. That first orgasm last night had curled my toes and been such a huge release of endorphins that it had taken me a long time to recover, then of course the second had hit and I'd had to remind myself to breathe. I wanted that again but there were other things I wanted too.

I wanted Edward to feel that way again too. I wanted to tell him how incredible it felt and I wanted to hear how incredible it felt for him. That had to begin now, before I lost all reason and myself in his touch.

"That feels so nice," I whisper softly.

Without missing a beat, and without passing comment, his touch changed. It went from soft and loving to needy and purposeful. I felt him shift on the bed and knew that he was kneeling behind me, his knees on either side of my hips. "Do you like that?" he murmured huskily behind my left ear as his fingers began to knead my shoulders.

I nodded but also spoke. I had to. I wanted him to know. "I do," I told him.

The first kiss he placed on the point of my shoulder made me hiss as the warmth from his lips combined with my overly sensitive flesh to cause a delicious shiver. "I feel you shiver when I kiss you. You like that too, don't you baby?" he whispered directly into my ear.

"I do," I agreed, though this time my voice had taken on a slightly wobbly, slightly breathless tone.

Now his fingers trailed fire down my arms. Everywhere he touched me came alive. Each nerve ending sprang to life of its own accord as his fingertips ignited them. He traced the inside of my wrists then shifted to the curve of my hips. His touch wasn't light, it didn't make me wriggle because he wasn't playing, he wasn't tickling, he was mapping my skin.

His fingerprints traced every line of my torso, back and front, between my breasts and over my collarbones. Down my throat and over my shoulders. Into my hair and across the roll of scar tissue on my scalp. Hit hot breath came in pants at my ear, his voice was shaky and silky when it came.

"I want to know every inch of your beautiful body baby. I want to kiss it all. I want to touch it all. I want to love it all," he told me as his thumbs and forefingers closed over a nipple each. I let a little 'oh' sound escape my lips and was about to tell him how much I wanted that too when he continued for himself. "I want to know how I make you feel. I want to tell you how you make me feel. I want to know, without any doubt, that what we do is what you want and what you need."

It was exactly what I wanted!

"I want that too," I whisper and let my head fall back toward him as the sigh escapes my lips.

"Let me see you," he asked.

It was a simple question and for the very first time in my life I had no hesitation as I agreed. He shifted away, back towards his side of the bed, and I lay down on mine. I didn't reach for the covers and I didn't bring my arms and hands up to cover my naked body. The bedside lamps were on and there was nowhere for me to hide and for once I didn't want to. I wanted him to look because I wanted to look at him too.

I didn't just want to feel, I wanted to see.

"My god you are perfection," he tells me as his eyes rake along my body.

I know I am not. I know I'm scarred and pock marked. I know my skin isn't flawless and I know I'm still too skinny but he doesn't see that. Or if he does he's hiding it well.

He's still kneeling beside me so I can't see all of him, but what I can is perfect too. Banded muscle on his upper arms, ridged abdominal muscles and the light sprinkling of gold hair down his chest and around his navel. Slim hips and powerful thighs. He's perfect to me too.

I give him a minute to look at me then reach for his hand. He gives it willingly and I drag it to my lips and kiss his wedding band. Never taking my eyes from his I kiss it again. "I love you."

His smile lights the room further. "As I love you," he replies.

He lowers himself so he's lying beside me and I roll so we are face to face. I trace the line of his jaw with my fingers and stare in wonder as he closes his eyes and sighs. I hover over his lips a little then run my thumb over the apple of his cheek then his eyebrows and back down to his lips. His tongue snakes out and licks the tip of my index finger as it passes and I giggle. It's hard not to.

His hand comes up between us and cups my chin. When his finger traces my bottom lip I do as he did and lick it. He too chuckles though it's a rougher, earthier tone than mine.

We lay like that, exploring each other's faces, for a while. But the tension is building between us. It crackles, like static electricity, and I know it's going to erupt any second.

When it does its fierce. He pulls me to him and slides the hand that had been on my chin into my hair and uses it to anchor his mouth to mine. The kiss is possessive, riddled with need and desperation and as our tongues meet we both sigh in relief.

The sighs switch to moans as we press ourselves up against one another, touching now from chest to toes. Gone is the hesitation. Gone is the nervous tension. Gone is my fear that I cannot express to him what I want and what he's giving me. We're connected both physically and emotionally and I feel alive with it. It sizzles inside me, this new found power I hold. I can be me. With Edward I can be me.

I wrench my lips from his and grin at his pout. I cradle his head in my hand and twist my fingers, making him moan. "Make love to me Edward," I beg. His eyes widen as he processes what I've said. I've put voice to it and the revelation is not lost on him. I've managed to put voice to what I want and I have no intention of stopping now. Before I move to recapture his lips with my own I tell him exactly what I want, and how. "I want you inside me. I need you inside me. Love me. Show me. Tell me."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **

**There really isn't too much further for this story to go. There are a couple of chapters of the honeymoon, obviously, and then its home to sort out the details of how and where they are going to settle. **

**And then, fellow Charlie and Jake haters, it's onto the conclusion that you've all been waiting for!**

**So, to those who have stuck with me through this thank you. **

**Please review. **


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52 – All Your Love Is Belong To Me

**EPOV**

My god. All I'd ever wanted was right here, in this very moment. So I tell her so.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that."

I take her lips with mine and kiss her thoroughly. I give her no opportunity to speak, only to breathe and right now that's me being generous. I want to consume her. Take her whole body into mine, make us one being. I want to show her that she's mine. I want to tell her that she's mine and that she'll be nobody else's ever again, but instead I rein in the Neanderthal inside me and just try to show her.

She hums deliciously into my mouth as we kiss. Her whole body vibrates when I shift my free hand down the outside of her arm and across her hip. She shivers as that hand finds the soft, luscious curve of her breast. She bites my tongue when the fingers of that hand tighten around her nipple.

I wrench my lips away from hers and watch her face as pleasure washes across her features. She's so beautiful as she accepts my touch. "Tell me," I beg before tipping my head back towards the pillows and burying my lips and tongue in her throat once again.

Her fingers are instantly in my hair, dragging from me the inhuman groan that always frees itself the second she tugs on it.

"So good," she moans. "Take it all in your hand," she instructs and I do.

I curve my whole hand, from underneath, and take her entire breast in my palm. It's a perfect fit. Firm and ripe and begging to be kissed. I squeeze it gently, rolling my fingers in a rhythmic motion, loving the way she presses herself harder into my hand.

I push her slightly, gently, so that she's lying flat on her back and kiss my way down her cleavage. I brace myself with my now free hand on the mattress beside her shoulder and lower my lips once again to her breast.

I don't take the nipple into my mouth right off, I want to explore her. I want to experience every inch of her and I want to do it slowly, with her telling me what she likes and dislikes.

I kiss the underside of each breast. I run my tongue up between them. I suckle the rise of each of them into my mouth. She moans and sighs and pushes her hips upward with each of my ministrations.

Her hands have come up around me, holding me just below my ribcage, her fingers tracing delicate patterns across my skin as I touch her.

I move lower, taking the soft flesh of her belly into my mouth. She tastes of the soap and smells like sunshine and warmth. She groans, hard and loud, as my tongue circles her belly button. Normally she'd wriggle, try to dislodge my hand if I touched her here where she's most ticklish. But that type of play, the childish and almost innocent caresses that we shared before our marriage have long since passed. Now she writhes rather than wriggles. She moans rather than giggles. She hisses as I blow warm air across where I've kissed.

"I want to taste all of you Bella," I tell her between kisses. I don't wait for her response and delve my tongue into the dip aside her hip bone. She lifts that hip upwards, meeting my mouth and my moan joins her.

I can smell her now. Hot and needing me. I force my erection deeper into the mattress and try to keep my head. It's not easy. She's naked and I want her.

I don't know how far she'll let me go but I press on in the hope that she'll not only let me truly see her, but that she'll let me explore her fully.

I bring my hands to her waist and press a little more firmly than usual as I hold her. She doesn't balk or attempt to pull away from me. I kiss across her, from hip to hip, and go ever so slightly more south with each pass.

She still has her hands in my hair and I desperately need her to tell me what she wants. Without lifting my eyes I ask her gently if she's alright.

Her reply is quickly and breathlessly given. "I love you, I want this," she whispers.

**BPOV**

I knew where this was heading and I wanted it. _This_ I could give him as only his. Nobody had ever put their mouth to me before and I knew that would come as a surprise to him. But not to me.

Sex had never been about me before. It had never truly been my choice before. I'd never been offered the pleasure a mouth could give and I'd never asked for it before either.

I wanted to tell him, to let him know that this could be just for us, and as he slipped lower I closed my eyes and reached mentally for my voice.

"Only you," I whisper and hope he hears and understands.

He does. He stops.

I open my eyes cautiously; afraid of what I'll see when our eyes meet. He's grinning.

"Never?" he asks, the grin never slipping from his beautiful lips. I shake my head no and he licks his bottom lip in response. "Only me," he reiterates and closes his eyes, inhaling deeply.

The first touch almost undoes me even though it's his fingers and not his tongue. It's too gentle, too teasing and I can't help but push my hips up higher as I try to force him to relieve the ache I'm feeling. He slips his hands underneath me, cradling my butt in his palms. I feel myself open for him as he splays my thighs.

I should be embarrassed, nervous even, but I find that I am not. I've waited for this. I've wanted this with him for so long and even though I'm conscious of the burns I don't insist that he stops.

Instead I fist the sheets at my side and allow my fingers to take the strain of what I'm feeling. I force my shoulders to relax, my hips to sink onto the mattress and I close my eyes and wait.

He gently kisses each burn, swiping his tongue across them as if he's introducing himself to them one by one. Maybe he is. Maybe Alice is right and they only tell a story. Maybe he truly doesn't care about them, maybe he truly doesn't see them the way I do.

As if he's reading my mind he begins to speak between kisses.

"I'm so sorry you have these," he says first. Another kiss, "I won't ever hurt you baby," he says softly against my inner thigh. He kisses slightly higher, closer to where I need him and speaks again. "I only want to make you feel good, make you forget," he whispers as he pulls me wider still and gazes at me for the first time. His lashes are impossibly long but they can't hide his desire from me. "Say it Bella, say it's only ever been me," he rasps out.

He waits for my reply and as I give it he lowers his mouth to cover me for the first time.

"Only ever you Edward, only ever...oh my god..." I cannot finish the sentence because as I try to speak he flicks his tongue over my bundle of nerves and I all but hit the roof.

He hums against me sending wave after wave of prickling hot sensation through my body. I'm so very aware of him as he licks and sucks at me. I can hear his soft moans and the way his breath hitches in his chest every time I whimper or sigh. I can feel the depression of the bed as he grinds his hips into the foot of it in time with the bucking of my hips as I try desperately to meet each caress of his tongue.

When he sucks my entire bud into his mouth I shout out his name and clutch at his hair fiercely. He groans loudly but never lets his tongue leave me. He laps at my lips and uses his fingertips to open me further, tasting from within me. It's heavenly and I tell him so, over and over.

I can feel the heat building inside myself. Radiating from my core outwards, enveloping my entire body as I reach for it. I'm clawing at his hair, bellowing his name, unable to control the spasms that I know will precede my release and desperate to know whether I am allowed this.

"I can't..." I whimper. I need him to know that I can't control myself for much longer. "If you don't stop..." I try again and fail as I feel his finger delve inside me, increasing the sensations tenfold and bringing me even closer to my orgasm. "Please let me," I beg. "Am I allowed to...?" I beg of him.

And then he's gone. Away from me and standing panting three feet from the end of the bed, wiping his lips on his forearm and staring down at me intensely. "What did you just say?" he whispers softly.

**EPOV**

I don't want to upset her, or frighten her, but if she just asked me if she was _allowed_ to fucking cum I was going to put my fist through a wall!

"What did you just say Bella?" I ask again as quietly and as gently as I can muster.

She reaches for the sheet and pulls it to her, right up to her neck and begins to shake her head. "I don't know, I don't know," she whimpers. She looks as though she's about to cry.

She might not remember what she said but I fucking do. Perhaps it was an ingrained response, perhaps she wasn't really thinking all that clearly, perhaps she asked it out of habit but by god she'll never, ever ask it of me again. I'll make sure of it.

I stalk back to the bed and tug the sheet away from her body, pooling it on the floor at my feet so she won't be able to reach it, or hide from me again tonight. I take a deep, deep breath and steady myself. I will not dominate her and I will not insist, but she has to know that that is not what I want from her at all. That's not how we are going to be. As I slide back up so that I'm lying beside her I run my tongue over my palate and taste her there. Heaven.

I take her face into the palms of my hands and stare her down. "Don't ever ask me that again. Never. Not ever baby. You don't ask my permission for anything, do you understand that?" I ask. After a second or two she nods but doesn't look convinced. "I don't just mean sex Bella I mean anything. You are a grown woman and you have a brain and I know you know how to use it. I'm not your keeper, I'm not your master, I don't own you and you sure as hell aren't my slave. You don't ask me if you can cum, you fucking insist I make it happen for you!" I shout. She winces and I'm sorry for it, but not sorry enough to stop speaking. "I don't want this without you. I don't want an empty orgasm for myself. I want to make you cum so hard you see stars, do you understand that? I want you to be incoherent afterwards. I want your knees to buckle and your lips to tingle because you've forgotten to breathe. I want you sweaty and I want you shaking and quivering and begging me for more. You. Do. Not. Ever. Ask. My. Permission. For. Your. Own. Pleasure." I punctuate each word with a kiss to her lips.

I don't know how she feels about being kissed by me after I've just tasted her but she doesn't deny me and I can't help but shudder at the thought of her tasting herself from my tongue as I slide it across hers.

Her eyes are wide and she looks about ready to cry when I eventually break the kiss. I think I've gone too far and upset her and am about to apologise when I notice the smile forming on her lips.

"Okay Edward," is all she says.

Good, I think as I kiss her lightly again. "Say it, try it out," I suggest.

She gulps and stares at me for a long minute, then smiles. "I insist you make it happen for me," she giggles adorably.

Now I'm smiling. "Your every wish is my command," I chuckle. "How does her highness wish to have it happen for her?" I asked playfully, hoping she'd play along and tell me what she liked.

Instead she chews on her bottom lip. I wanted it for myself so I took it. I stroke it with my tongue and then delve it into her warm mouth. She sighs against me and I decide that I'd quite like to find out for myself what she liked, with or without her assistance.

I lightly pinch her nipple between my fingers and wait for her sigh. I swallow it down and mentally check the box marked 'right nipple'. I run my fingertips down between her breasts and into her belly button. She sighs again and again I make another note. 'Belly button', check.

She arches her back and pushes her hips into me when I trace the curve of her lower lips and then she stuns me by pulling her mouth from mine and twisting so that her lips are beside my ear.

"Like that, I want to cum like that," she whispers hesitantly.

"Mmm," was all I could say to that!

I slid one finger inside her and feel her shiver. With two she shudders and when my thumb finds her clit she shakes, hard. "Yesss," she hisses into my ear and my shiver matches hers in both intensity and longevity.

She pants her pleasure into the flesh at my throat and as her tongue runs its way up to my jaw I curve my fingers forward and reach for the stars.

"Cum for me baby, please," I beg as she writhes on my hand.

That's all it takes. Two long strokes and for me to tell her what I want from her and she cums with a thundering shudder against my hand.

A string of curses combined with a long drawn out breathy 'Edward' and she came for me. My beautiful wife came long and hard.

"So beautiful," I tell her as I kiss her eyelids and her cheeks. "So very beautiful."

**BPOV**

This was different to last night. The consummation of our marriage had been wonderful but this, this revelation, was incredible. It was freeing.

I hadn't meant to ask permission, it had slipped out of my mouth out of habit and I had known instantly that it had upset him. He had spoken so fiercely, so firmly when he'd told me not to ask. He'd been so confident and so sure as he'd told me how he felt, told me what he wanted to do to me that I'd quivered with need as he'd spoken the words.

I'd always wanted this. This freedom to be myself. To have for myself what I needed, what I wanted. To be able to give him pleasure in return, to know that I didn't disgust him, to be able to voice what I wanted and to tell him that I liked it was a powerful high for me. I was finally able to give and take mutually.

I didn't want it to end so when the last of my release had subsided I kissed him hard and pushed him back against the mattress.

I kissed my way from his ear to the base of his throat and back again. I suckled his earlobe and listened to him groan and sigh as I kissed my way down his chest to his belly. I ran my fingers through the fine golden hair and then I take a long moment to think about what I'm about to do. I hope he doesn't notice my hesitation. I kiss him once more at his hip and then I shift so I can straddle his body and then I kissed him thoroughly at his lips.

I've never been allowed to be on top before. It felt like a dominant pose and I instantly knew why Jake never allowed it. I could be in control here and it finally clicked for me why that hadn't ever been an option before.

I can't help my smirk as I lower myself to his lips once again. Our kisses have changed, again. They are hungry, devouring and desperate. Our teeth clash and our tongues fight for superiority and for the first time in my life I fight back. It's heady and I love it. His hands are everywhere on my body. Digging into my hips, stroking up my back, kneading my ass. His arousal is right there and I can't help but grind myself down onto it at every opportunity.

"Put your hands on the headboard baby," he instructs and after another brief hesitation I do as he asks.

I don't wonder for long why he wanted me like this. He reaches up, with both hands, and cups my breasts. I instinctively lean further over until my right nipple is before his lips. His smirk matches mine and then I'm writhing with intense pleasure as he sucks and nips at my peaked bud.

"So good," I tell him breathlessly.

I grind myself down on him and he hums against my superheated flesh. He's still gentle with the left but the right receives his full attention and soon I'm panting and begging for more.

I make to get off him so that I can position myself underneath him but his hands leave my breasts and go to my hips. "No, stay," he begs. I stare down at him. I'm not sure. He doesn't wait for me to voice my concerns. "Please, stay there. You lead," he says firmly and I nod.

I tell myself I can do this, I can lead us through this, and with his hands on my hips and our eyes boring into one another's I tentatively reach for his hardness and hold him at my entrance.

Looking down on him from above I can see the draw to this position. He's right. From here I can control this. I can take what I need. In a split second I know what I need.

"Tell me," I demanded.

"Please," he begs but it wasn't quite what I wanted.

I needed to hear it from his lips. I needed to know that he would allow me to do this to him. I wanted his assurance that this was what he wanted from me.

"No," I say firmly. "Tell me this is what you want."

He closes his eyes for a split second then opens them and stares me down. His fingers dig into my hips a little harder and he bucks his hips upwards, almost sheathing himself inside me. "Have me Bella. Ride me. Hard. Love me," he drawls.

It was all I needed to hear. I let him go and settled both hands on his chest as I sink down onto him, taking him into me fully. I hunch over his chest, not yet prepared for the fullness, that exquisite fullness I knew would come when I sat up straight.

"Gggggoddddd," he whines as he seats himself in me fully. "Bella, god...you feel so...god," he whimpers as I begin to move.

Slowly at first, letting myself get used to the sensation, then a little quicker once I am comfortable and sure that he was okay with this.

His hands come up to cup my breasts again and I lean a little further back, gasping at the shift in intensity. Still with my hands on his chest I begin to bounce. Just a little at first, trying to find a satisfying rhythm for us both. Sitting up a little more I find it.

"Jesus...Bella..." he crows when I throw my head back and begin to ride him proper.

The burn begins in my thighs this time. A dull ache that seems to need relief immediately. "Touch me," I beg as I seek the spiking, all encompassing bliss that I know will soon begin.

His hands reach for my breasts again and as they begin to knead gently I clamp my knees hard up against his thighs and increase my pace.

With his eyes closed and his fingers pinching gently at my nipples I feel the first wave of euphoria engulf me.

"Bella...I can't...have to stop or I'll...Bella...Bella..." he shouts, but I am too far gone to be able to stop myself.

"Cum Edward, cum for _me_ now baby. Cum with me...take me with you..." I shout in response and let the waves begin to crash.

With one last, breathy 'Bella' he explodes inside me.

I collapse to his chest, breath coming in exhausted pants, and tell him I love him over and over.

It was while we were in the shower the next morning that our mistake was realised.

No condom.

We had them. Hell, Emmett had given us a whole box and Alice had packed more in our suitcases, but neither of us had thought to use one last night.

It was unlikely, given where I was at in my cycle, that I'd become pregnant, but Edward – or Dr Cullen as he soon became – became anxious and concerned within seconds.

I told him that I would most definitely not be taking any morning after pills and that should anything happen I'd be ecstatic rather than scared. It took a little while but eventually he settled down and made me promise to remind him to use a condom from now on.

I doubted that I'd be any good as a reminder as it had been me so far that had instigated two out of the three times we'd made love the night before, but I let him believe that I'd remember.

True to his word he didn't cook for me that day. Or at all that week.

Instead, at precisely nine in the morning there was a knock at the door. Edward assured me that it had been planned, that he had personally spoken to the company who was going to cater for us and that they would simply come inside to deliver food and then leave immediately after.

I stayed in our bedroom while the delivery was made that first day but was sitting at the kitchen counter on the second. I was introduced to Jen, the owner of the catering company, and I watched with interest as she stacked our fridge with our meals for the day.

Just as Edward said she would she was gone in five minutes and we were good to go for another twenty four hours.

We spent the first full day of our honeymoon making love in various rooms of the house, and once in the Jacuzzi in our ensuite. We watched part of several DVD's (stopping often to do other things, filthy, dirty things), played a riotous game of pool in the games room and called home frequently to check on the children.

But day two had been different. I was quite content to stay in the house but Edward had other ideas.

He drove us back towards the strip and after a long, leisurely loop he pulled into a parking lot. He announced that we were going to mark something off my list and pulled me from the passenger seat.

The cinema was packed. I mean really packed. He never left my side, his hand at the small of my back, whispering how proud of me he was, how he'd help me deal with the crush of bodies, how well I was doing. We stood in line for ages and then again at the concession counter. Edward bought the biggest box of popcorn I'd ever seen and he hadn't been kidding when he said they served soda in a bucket.

If asked what most of the movie was about I'd have to lie because we didn't see even half of it. We made out like teenagers instead. He _did_ use the age old 'stretch and yawn' move and I _did_ act as surprised as I could manage when I felt his hand at the back of my neck. After that it was a short, sharp decent into debauchery.

Luckily we were on the very edge of a row of seats, quite high up in the back of the cinema. At first I'd been worried that the people behind us would snigger, but Edward laughed and told me to take a look for myself. I, very sneakily I thought, tossed a quick look over my shoulder and saw the middle aged couple locked in an embrace that could only be described as blue.

After that I didn't hesitate when Edward pulled me to him and kissed me.

We only just made it into the foyer of the house before the discarding of clothing began that day.

Day three was another first for me. We drove for longer that time, way out into the suburbs to the Las Vegas Ice Centre. I groaned at the thought of what damage I could do to myself, and any unsuspecting member of the general public I happened to take to the ice with me, if I fell. But Edward was fantastic, of course. He couldn't skate either so we clung to one another, and the rail around the outside of the rink, laughing through three hours of icy torture.

We both sucked as badly as the other and I had such a good time I had sore cheeks from smiling so much. I had sore feet, my butt hurt from falling so often, I had wet jeans and I'd never been happier.

That night we ate our dinner in front of the fireplace. Edward lit it and stoked it and when our meal was done he laid me down on the floor and made love to me. It wasn't until nine that night that we remembered to call home.

Esme answered with a laugh, saying she knew it would be us, and assuring us that the children were once again perfect.

Day four was a lot more nerve wracking for me. We walked the length of the strip.

Edward was careful and made sure that he held onto me at all times. He knew and understood my need to be as close to the walls of the buildings we passed as possible and he made sure to position us just right if we had to walk out in the open. Which, this being Vegas and every block being taken up with the elaborate gardens and attractions of the casinos, was pretty often.

By lunchtime I'd relaxed a little and we even managed to go inside one of the casinos for a little bit. It was very loud and very bright and neither of us was really all that over awed with it so we had a quick look and went back out onto the street.

We crossed over and went into a shopping arcade where we bought souvenirs for the three children and as many kitsch and ridiculous trinkets we could find for the rest of the family.

That night we ate out on the decking under the stars. It was terribly romantic and I'd remember it always. We talked and laughed and when it was time for bed Edward carried me up the stairs and into our bedroom before laying me on the bed and loving me thoroughly.

The fifth day we spent in the house but our time was used wisely. Edward was determined to wipe as many things off my list as he possibly could so we spent a little time on the laptop in the bedroom surfing tourist sites looking for a concert we could go to the next night. With the choice made he switched sites and we entered all my relevant information and by the time the oven chimed to let us know that our dinner was warmed I was registered to vote!

I didn't know too much about popular music and Edward said he wasn't fussy so we eventually settled on seeing a comedy festival show that was being held in one of the casinos.

I wasn't all that keen but knew that it was important to him to mark one more thing off so I agreed to go. He asked me to give him a little time alone on the computer, saying there was one more thing he needed to search, so I left him to it and went to soak in one of the hot tubs.

The comedians turned to be great! The first few were a little slow but Edward explained that these guys were up and coming comedians who were being given a chance to hone their skills before the main acts came on. So we clapped and cheered and catcalled them all in encouragement.

The main headliners were hilarious and once again we went out onto the street with sore cheeks from laughing so hard.

When we came to the intersection where we needed to turn left to go back to the car Edward steered me instead to the right. I began to panic, wondering where he was leading us, but realised that this was Edward, my Edward, and he would never take me anywhere that would frighten me or put me in any situation I couldn't handle. So in the end I relaxed and let him lead me through the crowds on the pavement.

He stood with me outside the restaurant and told me all about it. That we had a table booked in the back in a smaller area so there wouldn't be too many times that someone would be able to approach me from behind. He said that he'd already chosen a menu – which he hoped I'd like – so that our stay didn't have to be any longer than necessary.

As apprehensive as I was when we went in I found myself enjoying the atmosphere.

It was cosy without feeling claustrophobic. It was intimate and yet at the same time I was aware that it was very public. The tables were quite far apart but there were so many of them there was no way to gain any real privacy. And for once that didn't bother me.

Edward was very attentive as we ate. He'd ordered a huge selection off the menu, in small quantities, and I found myself really loving trying everything there was on offer. We talked and laughed and I found myself relaxing more and more as the meal went on.

He beamed my favourite crooked smile at me when I told him I was sad to leave when the meal was done. We walked hand in hand back to the car and he, with great hype, announced yet another thing marked off my list.

Our sixth day turned out to be a rather gloomy one. The weather had closed in during the night and instead of bright sunshine we were met with dark clouds and thunder claps that morning.

After calling home we decided to stay indoors. I would've spent the entire day in bed with him but he was determined to have a different kind of fun.

Out came the decks of cards, board games and the video games.

We lounged around all day. I didn't change out of my pyjamas and he didn't change out of his sleep pants. We ate in the living room whilst playing a disastrous game of Gran Tourismo on the Xbox, laughing all the while. I slammed that car into every barrier and missed almost every corner but laughed all the same. I was no better at the wrestling games and found my character on the bottom of countless packs, tapping out or simply throwing the controller to the side in disgust.

Our evening meal that night was had at the counter in the kitchen. I loved it there. it was large but it was also cosy and I could see us both in something similar of our own one day. It didn't need to be this luxurious, or even this big, just something of our own to raise our family in.

I wasn't as sure now as I had been the day we got Joshua about leaving the Cullen house yet, but if Edward pressed the point I knew I'd follow him anywhere.

**EPOV**

She looked so adorable, sitting at the kitchen counter eating her dinner.

"What actually is this place?" she asked idly.

I swallowed the mouthful of delicious maple smothered pancake and wiped my mouth before answering.

"Mom found it. It's just someone's investment property. They rent it out as it is, for families and groups I guess," I told her.

"We could all fit in here," she announced excitedly.

I knew we could, whether we'd want to was another question. It had been years since I'd lived with anyone other than my parents and the idea of living in such close proximity to Emmett again made me shiver. "Yeah, I guess we could."

"Your mom and dad could sleep up there and we could take one of the other rooms. The kids could all bunk in together and there's plenty of room for Emmett and Rosie and Alice and Jaz." I could tell by the tone of her voice that she liked the idea.

I didn't hate it; I just wasn't keen to plan a family holiday on my honeymoon. I rinsed my plate, then hers, and stacked them both in the dishwasher. "I suppose there would be. I can't imagine myself and Emmett in this house for too long though," I laughed.

She laughed too. "Yeah, he's pretty full on, isn't he?"

"You don't know the half of it," I told her as I began to wipe down the countertops. "He's so competitive, every little thing had to be a race, or a contest, and if he didn't win we'd have to play again until he did."

She wiped her mouth on her napkin and slid her plate across the counter for me to put into the dishwasher. "I wonder what it would've been like living with Seth and Leah growing up?"

It was still a very odd feeling for her, knowing as she did now that she'd had a brother and sister all along. She'd loved Seth almost from the instant they'd met and given the chance – and Leah being a totally different person of course – she probably would've loved Leah too.

"I can't say exactly what it would've been like for you three, but for us it was a lot of fun," I told her honestly. "Maybe one day you and Leah might be able to sort something out." I hoped it was possible but deep down I doubted it. Leah had made her choice and for now she stood firmly on the side of Jake, however delusional that was.

"Maybe," Bella sighed.

Distraction was in order so I stowed the last of the dishes as quickly as I could and went to her side, shoving myself between her knees as she perched on the kitchen stool. "What would you like to do tonight Mrs Cullen?" I asked cheekily as I began to kiss down her throat.

She wound her arms around me and pulled me closer before answering. "Well," she giggled, "we've exhausted all the games in this place and it's too awful outside to do anything out there either so I guess we're stuck indoors."

She shivered deliciously as my lips found the slight hollow behind her ear. "I know you miss them all but I don't want to go home tomorrow. I want to stay right here alone with you," I whispered into her ear. She moaned but didn't deny missing everyone at home. "I want to spend all night making love to you," I told her firmly, making her shiver again.

She slid off the stool and stepped into my arms. "That sounds like the best night ever," she giggled.

I took her hand and led her to our suite. I'd only just divested her of her clothing when my cell phone began ringing. I was prepared to ignore it when hers began too.

My stomach dropped instantly. The both of them ringing at exactly the same instant could mean nothing good. Something was wrong.

I dived for my phone as she dived her hers. "Dad," I announced before answering.

"Harry," she announced before answering hers.

This couldn't be good.

**BPOV**

Something was very wrong. I knew it the instant both phones chimed. Harry had only once called my cell phone before but I knew, just knew, that if he was calling me now, while I was on my honeymoon no less, that what I was about to hear was bad. It was.

"Harry?" I asked tentatively by way of greeting.

"Bella honey you have to come home," he sobbed.

"What's happened?" I screeched at the same time that Edward barked the same question into his cell phone.

I turned towards him and watched as his face visibly paled.

"It all went wrong...Leah...she went there and...Bella it all went so badly wrong. Come home," Harry begged.

I didn't understand what the hell he was on about and I had no idea where Leah went or why but I could tell from his voice that whatever had happened was huge. If he needed me home I'd go home. Now.

"We're leaving now. We'll be there soon dad. Hang on for me," I told him and snapped my home shut, not even giving him a chance to respond. We needed to be gone, now.

Edward snapped his phone shut at precisely the same moment and raised his terrified eyes to mine. "We have to go home, now."

I didn't wait for him to explain why; I just ran to the closet and threw my suitcase onto the bed. I was throwing clothes and toiletries into it before Edward began to tell me what he knew, which wasn't much.

* * *

**A/N: And here we go. What you've all been waiting for!**

**Thanks for reading. **

**To those of you who continue to read, and review and send messages of encouragement and support, thank you so very much. I realise that the rate at which I have updated this story has slowed as it's gone along, but please know that was never my intention. Real life has thrown me some real curve balls of late but I hope I'm able to finish this off with a bang...**

**One more chapter then an epilogue and we are done. **

**I hope the next chapter won't be too far away. **

**As ever, thank you for reading. **

**Please review. **


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: As this is the last chapter you will hear from many of the participants. This was done to give certain parts of the story a more clear view, directly heard from those in the thick of it. I didn't want to have to 'recount' it, tell it after the fact. I wanted you to 'watch' it unfold. **

**If a character you particularly wanted to hear from isn't represented I apologise, it just wasn't possible to hear from them all. **

* * *

Chapter 53 – What Goes Around Comes Around

**Emmett POV**

I mentally checked off my shopping list as I drove the route home.

Toothpaste, check. Green apples, check. Home pregnancy test kit, check, shudder. Sneaky cheese and onion crisps that I'll have to hide in the glove compartment of my truck, check.

I kept a watch for any signs of the law but saw none as I rounded the corner that would lead me past Bella's childhood hellhole. The lights were the first thing to startle me, followed quickly by the rush of adrenalin I felt as I slowed behind the rubber-necker in front of me.

At least four cruisers lined my side of the street, another four on the other. Three ambulances, lights flashing and sirens wailing stood in the driveway of Charlie's house.

I was reaching for my cell phone before I'd even fully stopped behind the backed up traffic.

**Carol Hardwick POV**

The van was packed to the gills with cops, detectives and our legal team. There wasn't a square inch of room inside it and the stale smell of body odour mixed with coffee was almost over powering.

I reached for my headset last, letting the 'guys' get settled before I played my part. I was used to being thought of as just a 'girl cop' even though I'd been around longer than most of the others now. It was still a guys club and nothing was ever going to change that. But I knew I did a good job. They would probably – begrudgingly – say I did a good job despite being a girl, nobody ever said I did something right without that proviso being attached to it. But I didn't care. I had as high a case clearance rate as anyone else and working side by side with Ken meant I learnt a lot. I went home at night knowing I'd done a good job. Not too many of these ass clowns could say the same.

I tried not to take anything too personally and slid my headset over my ears in readiness for the idiot to do his thing.

Jake Black was as dumb as a bag of rocks.

The weird thing was that he admitted it as easily as someone would admit they could breathe unaided.

We'd walked him through this so many times and he still stumbled over the simplest parts. There was nothing more anyone could do for him now. He'd either get what we needed on the recording or he was going to totally fuck it up and get himself killed. He knew both sides of the coin and he'd still volunteered to try. Guilt was a powerful emotion.

Ken started the recording equipment and I checked with the audio operator that he could hear, and then Ken got on with the legal shit.

"Detective Ken Livingstone accompanied by Detective Carol Hardwick recording. The time is now six twenty seven pm. Recording between Chief Charlie Swan, Forks PD and Jacob Black. Mark time," he said into the tiny microphone then switched it off and sat back in his chair, hands crossed behind his head. "It's up to him now," he said to nobody in particular.

**Jake POV**

I'd been coached and walked through his a hundred times over the past week and I still didn't know if I could pull this off. I just knew I had to try.

Oh, I knew Charlie fucking Swan would spill his guts in front of me – that was the easy part, getting him to talk - but I didn't know if I'd be able to walk away once he had. If he ever found out, or worked out, that I was sporting a recording device in my pocket I was a dead man. I knew enough about the Chief to know that much.

I'd been assured that my back was being watched, that there were officers crawling all over the nearby area and even though I'd been told that my safety was important to all of them I didn't believe it for a second. They thought of me as a piece of shit and really, deep down, I knew they were right.

I was scum. I was as guilty as Charlie was.

The only difference between the two of us was that I was sorry for what I'd done and I was trying to man up and pay my price like a man. Charlie was hiding behind his badge and his lawyer.

I looked at my watch for the hundredth time and saw that I only had one minute to go before show time. I tapped the device in my pocket, like I'd been told to, and waited for my cell phone to beep. The cops had told me that they'd text me if they hadn't heard my tap by the time the half hour clocked over.

Show time.

My heart was in my throat as I put the car into drive and headed towards Charlie's house. It was lit up like a Christmas tree so at least that part of the plan looked like it was going to work. As I drove into the driveway I took a sneaky look either side of me, even though they told me not to, I couldn't help it.

I hoped to Christ that someone was out there listening because I couldn't see squat. I don't know what I expected but dead silence and the street looking like a ghost town wasn't it.

I knocked at his door then shoved my shaking hand deep into my empty pocket. He'd twig right off if he saw me shaking like a frightened puppy. I heard his boots clunk across the kitchen floor and then he flung the door open.

"Hey kid," he drawled.

Shit. He was three sheets to the wind. Not a good start. Beer fumes hit me in the face as I stepped closer.

"Hey Charlie, got a minute?" I asked as casually as I could.

"Sure, sure," he said as he stepped away from the door. He didn't wait for me to come inside before he turned back towards the living room. "Grab a beer and one more for me," he called over his shoulder as he sunk into his recliner.

I did as he asked and made my way into the room too. I put his new beer on the side table and knocked the top off mine. I had no intention of drinking with him but I put the opened beer bottle to my lips and tipped it back hoping he wouldn't notice that I closed my lips over the top as I did. He didn't.

There was a baseball game on the big screen TV and he looked as though he was getting ready to settle in for the night. There was only a small window of time to get him to say what I needed him to say before he was too drunk to be credible on the recording. I remembered that, at least, from my lessons, so I began.

"You know I got arrested right?" I asked tentatively and sat back into the sofa, trying to look casual.

He never took his eyes off the screen. "Yeah, I heard. Tough break kid." So much for solidarity.

"Yeah," I muttered. "What should I tell them?"

"Fucking nothing," he sneered. Still with his eyes on the screen he swigged from his bottle and put it back on the side table. "You got a lawyer, right?"

"Yeah, I got a lawyer," I tell him.

"So do what he says and say nothing. Simple."

Fucking simple. Yeah right. "But they keep asking me all sorts of shit Charlie. They know stuff. Cullen's brothers spilled their guts and I'm in deep shit." I knew I sounded like I was whining but this was the plan. Who was I to go against what the cops wanted me to say? They knew their shit.

"Doesn't matter," he said bluntly. "They can say whatever they like. Doesn't mean shit. Its gotta be proved to be right. They can say they saw an alligator in your fridge but unless they can prove it its bullshit."

I tried hard not to sigh. I knew from previous experience that he was a hard ass but I really did think he'd say shit if I pressed him a bit. What I hadn't planned on was him being right. He'd made a very good fucking point. I fake swigged at the bottle again and then set it between my knees. They were shaking so fucking hard I wasn't sure that I could control them, the bottle helped. "But the big one, Emmett I think his name is, he took photos Charlie. I've seen them. That's proof, right?" I asked.

Come on Charlie, I've led you to the water; all you gotta do is drink you asshole I think.

He's so fucking calm it makes my nerves worse. He truly looks like he doesn't give a shit. He looks fucking invincible. "Depends what he took photos of."

"The rules Charlie, they've got photos of the rules on that page on the wall. And I think they've got Bella's copy of the contract," I say quietly.

If he's shocked he doesn't show it but it takes him longer to reply this time.

"I don't give a shit if they've seen the contract. It's a prenup, nothing illegal about a prenup. You can bet your ass Cullen made her sign one too."

By this time my heads swimming. I hate the fucking name Cullen and I hate thinking about her with him. Married to him. Fucking him. Cleaning for him when she should be with me still.

I wasn't stupid, I knew she loved him and I also knew that he loved her, but it still stuck in my gut that they were so happy and I was facing prison. I might know it was all my own fault but it still hurt.

"Okay, say nobody cares about the contract, what about the photos?" I hate the way my voice cracks as I ask.

"Well, you're the fuckwit who put that list on the wall so you'll just have to explain it away, won't you?" he sniggered.

I wished I could turn the TV off but I know that's not a good idea. "But they were your rules too Charlie. You told me that's what she was used to so I only put them up because you told me to."

"She knew the fucking rules long before you bought her, she didn't need them on a list on the wall. Don't blame me because you couldn't control your bitch," he sneered.

"Well it was all fucking new to me. The list wasn't for her, it was for me."

"Fucking amateur," he laughed. "Only one way to treat women kid. Mean. I told you how to keep her in line but you fucked it up and hurt her too bad and put her in the hospital." He said it so coldly I shivered.

"I couldn't help it. Cullen wouldn't stop calling her, sniffing around, what was I supposed to do?" I asked as innocently as I could muster.

"You beat the wrong horse kid. It was Cullen you should've knobbled, not your slave. Left yourself without a cook and a cleaner, dipshit," he laughed. "Poor Jake's got no hole to fuck," he laughed evilly.

I winced. I hadn't thought of Bella as a hole to fuck. Not ever. Not even after I found out she was knocked up I never thought of her that way. But I knew that Charlie had. Right from when she was a kid he'd only ever thought of her as a slave, a cook, a cleaner and a hole. It made me sick to know that I'd turned into him so easily.

"How the fuck did you keep her mother in line for so long without putting her in hospital?" I asked. This was where things were likely to get tricky. This part I couldn't keep straight in my head because I was too young to know about Renee, I just hoped Charlie wouldn't realise that, or care. "I mean, I couldn't control Bella for a year, how the fuck did you keep Renee in line as long as you did without getting busted?"

That got his attention. He swigged from his beer and turned to me. "Because I'm a lot fucking smarter than you Jake. I beat her just enough to make sure she knew her place but not so much as to draw attention from anyone else. If you ever make the mistake of hooking up with a whore ever again it's a lesson you're going to have to learn kid. Beat em, sure, but not to a pulp like you did. Enough to keep em scared, obedient, compliant even, but not enough that they can't perform their duties. That's the key kid. You gotta show em whose boss but don't ever send them to the quack. Simple breaks and bruises can be explained away. Rips and tears like you did can't."

My gut churned thinking about it. I knew I'd done it to Bella but knowing he'd done it too made me sick. "But you went too far too, didn't you? I mean, Renee died, left you without a slave too."

He slammed the beer bottle down onto the table and rounded on me. I nearly shit myself when he hovered over me in my seat. His breath stunk, but not as much as the stale body odour that radiated off him. "Listen here you little punk. You got yourself into this fucking mess you get yourself out. I never put Renee in the hospital and I never put Bella in the hospital either. I _told_ you how to do it. Fuck, I showed you how to do it often enough. When Renee betrayed me she paid for it with her life. It's you who let that fucking bitch leave you. For a Cullen!" he roared. "You let Bella go now you have to pay for your mistake. No baggage kid. Fuck em and chuck em. You shoulda killed her when you had your chance but you wimped out. You let her walk away. She sang like a bird and you let her. It's a lot fucking easier to bury gossip than it is a corpse but it's not impossible. Next time you'll be smarter. Listen to your lawyer and shut your fucking mouth and things will go a lot easier for you kid."

I got off pretty light and I reckoned I had had enough. I didn't care anymore whether the cops outside thought I had enough on the recording for what they needed, I was done.

"You're right Charlie. I'll shut up and listen to my lawyer." It was a fucking cop out and I knew it but I knew enough about Charlie Swan to know that if I pushed him much further it would be me who he'd turn on next. He backed off then and I sucked in a big gulp of air. "I gotta go," I announced as soon as he'd returned to his recliner.

"Lock the door on your way out," he said by way of his goodbye.

I put my empty bottle on the kitchen counter and was about to let myself out when there was a knock on the kitchen door. Fuck.

"Get that kid, tell em to fuck off, I'm not home," Charlie called from the living room.

I opened the door and felt the colour drain from my face. Leah.

"What the fuck?" I hissed at her as she shoved her way past me and into the kitchen.

"Is it true?" she screeched as she ran into the living room.

Charlie was on his feet in a heartbeat. "What the fuck?" he shouted, echoing my greeting. "Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you screaming about?" he roared.

She didn't even flinch. She was heaps braver than me but she'd just made a big, big mistake. Charlie Swan was a psycho and she'd just burst into _his_ house.

"Is it true you piece of shit?" she screamed.

"Is what true?" he asked quite calmly for a guy who was being yelled at by a girl he didn't know in his own home.

"Did you rape Bella and get her pregnant?" she hissed.

Now it was Charlie's face that lost all its colour. He looked past Leah and right at me. "What bullshit you been spewing Jake?" he sneered with such malice that I felt my heart lurch.

I didn't get a chance to say a thing because right then Leah rounded on me. "Did you know?" she screeched. I don't say a fucking word. We both need to be out of here now, like right now. "Did you know?" she yells again, her face bright red with rage.

"Come on Leah..." I stepped towards her, tried to grab her wrist and drag her out of the house with me, but she wasn't having it. She whipped her hand out and slapped me clean across the cheek. It stung like a bitch but I stood my ground. I figured my lack of an answer had tipped my hand but I wasn't afraid of Leah, it was Charlie who posed the biggest threat, to us both.

"I'm not going anywhere until one of you tells me the truth!" Leah shouted as she turned to face Charlie again. "Is it true?"

**Leah Clearwater POV**

I knew Jake was a liar the instant I met him but the depth of his betrayal had come as a complete shock to me. Now I knew that was because I had _wanted_ to believe that Bella was an evil, manipulative bitch and not because she actually was one.

I knew that Jake had lied about hitting Bella. I knew that she didn't deserve what he'd done to her but I'd had no idea just how bad her situation had been with Charlie Swan. Now I did.

Seth had cornered me on the Rez. I'd told him to fuck off more times in the first few minutes of that meeting than I thought I'd ever told him in a lifetime before but he ignored all my ranting and had dragged me into the little tin shed that housed his mechanics tools. He threw me, bodily, up against the wall and held me there while he told me what he knew.

Bella was a slave and had been her whole life until Jake put her in the hospital. Charlie raped her over and over, right from the day she was old enough to know what sex was. He beat her, starved her, raped her and tortured her both mentally and physically her whole life.

He told me that Jake had bought Bella, actually paid money for her. He told me that he too beat her and not because she'd ever done anything wrong but simply because he was angry with her for being pregnant when they married. He told me that Bella never meant for it to be a secret, she had assumed Charlie had told Jake well before the money changed hands. Seth told me that Charlie convinced Jake that the only way to keep Bella 'in line' was to beat her like he had. To torture her like he had. To fuck her like he had.

Elizabeth was his, Charlie's, and Jake knew.

Jake knew.

He had also known that Charlie had killed his wife Renee and had blamed my father for the whole thing. He beat her to death and my father had loved her. And Jake knew.

Everyone knew and I didn't. I'd hidden for so long, in plain view, and I didn't know.

I thought I could be good for Jake, could heal him, make him forget Bella, but I knew now that I couldn't. He was a liar and a cheater and he paid money for his wife!

I thought I loved him. I thought that because I could overlook all he'd done and said before that must mean that it was love, real love. But that meant that I loved a liar. It meant that I loved someone who could beat an innocent girl. If it was true I loved a man who could do and say nothing despite knowing that that girl's father had raped and beaten her too.

I had thought I'd loved Sam too. But he loved Emily and I'd never had a hope of turning his eyes my way. And now Jake. I didn't love him, I was using him. For sex. For comfort that he rarely showed me. For understanding that he couldn't possibly have. I was having sex with a man who'd beaten an innocent girl and I'd hit that girl myself!

Oh god. What have I done?

I looked up into the tear stained eyes of my only brother and could see the love he had for me despite my always having been a total and utter bitch to him, he loved me anyway. Oh god, what have I done?

"Why are you telling me this?" I croaked out as Seth began to pace.

"Because you need to know!" he roared. "Because Bella is our sister and I love her like one. Because Jake is evil and he'll hurt you too and I love you and I don't want you in the same position Bella was. Because our parents love her and you're hurting them with all this hate. Hate that doesn't even make any sense!" he screamed. "She's done nothing, nothing do you hear me? Nothing at all to deserve any of this and now she's finally got something good in her life and I don't want you to ruin it for her with all this bullshit that Jake's been feeding you. I don't expect you to play nice with her but you had to know that everything Jake's filled your head with is all crap."

I just stared at him. Right before my eyes he seemed to shimmer and shake and when I looked up into his eyes I finally saw him as a man, not a stupid little kid who knew nothing about anyone or anything. He knew. He'd listened. He'd watched. He'd learnt. Oh god, what have I done?

I stepped towards him and saw him flinch. It crippled me. He thought I was going to hit him. I didn't blame him, I'd hit him plenty over the years. But not today. "Seth," I whispered as I approached him. "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't help, but I am." He let me come closer and when we were only a few inches apart I opened my arms and hoped he'd step into them. He did.

We stood there like that for a long, long time. Neither said anything but the hug was healing. It said more than anything either of us could've said through words.

"I have to go and make this right," I mumbled against his chest.

He stroked my hair and sighed. A deep, rumbling sigh. "I know," was all he said. He slipped from the embrace and kissed me softly on the cheek. "Do what you have to do, I'll be here when you're ready. Come home Leah, come back to us, please."

For the first time in ten years I was truthful with my brother. I wiped my eyes and stared into his. "I will, I promise. Let me have my say with Jake and then I'll come home. I want to come home," I admitted.

He smiled, nodded once and then I ran. I ran to my car and gunned it out of the Rez as fast as I could. I had no idea where Jake was, we weren't like that, we didn't check in with each other. He called me for a fuck or I turned up at his apartment for a fuck. That's how we were. Up until that point I'd never questioned it. I didn't even have his cell number. Up until that point I'd never questioned that either. Now I did.

I spotted his car, parked in the Chief's driveway, and saw red. That motherfucker was even more guilty than Jake. He'd started all this. Jake might have been dumb as shit to follow along but Charlie had started this boulder rolling. I could kill two birds with one stone and confront them both.

**Charlie Swan POV**

"What have you been spewing Jake?" I raged. If he'd told this piece of shit, Leah I think he called her, anything of worth I'd kill them both.

"Nothing Charlie. I haven't said anything," Jake stumbled on the words and I knew he was lying. I hadn't been made Chief for nothing. I could smell bullshit from a hundred yards.

I advanced towards them, but slowly. It would do no good to scare them off too soon. I stopped at the edge of the kitchen tile and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Well, it seems like she thinks she knows something so why don't you just spit it out girly?" I asked.

"Did you beat her, rape her, knock her up and then _sell_ her to Jake?" she hissed.

Shit. Someone had been telling tales out of school and right now that nark looked a lot like Jacob Black. "That's a hell of a story. Probably not a good idea to say shit like that, could get you into a lot of trouble little girl," I laughed even though everything she'd said was true.

"Leah, let's go, come on," Jake said, reaching for her hand.

"Not until he tells me," she spat at Jake and tore her hand away from his.

"So what if it is?" I asked, edging my way towards them. Sudden rushes of movements would tip my hand and I couldn't have that. "Who is going to listen to a silly little girl and a guy who's already been arrested for doing the same thing?" I laughed.

"Stop calling me a little girl," she screeched.

I knew I had her then. She didn't want to be seen as weak, she didn't want to be seen to be horrified at what I'd done, or what Jake had done. But I'd seen the revulsion on her face. I had her.

"Okay, you're not a little girl, but you are afraid. Afraid of what you think you know," I laughed again. I'd done it purposely. While they were both coming to grips with how casually I could laugh in what was a very tense situation I could move more freely about the room. I took another small step towards the wall of the kitchen while they were both busy staring at each other in shock. "Doesn't matter what you think you know anyway. You aren't going to tell a soul," I said firmly. There was only one way to ensure that, all I had to do was take another two paces and it would be within my grasp. So I kept talking, kept my voice firm and assuring, making sure that both of them knew I wasn't afraid of either of them. And I wasn't. I was Chief Charlie Fucking Swan and I owned this town. "Nobody would believe you anyway. I'm the Chief of Police and you've got no chance to make anyone think that I'm anything other than the good cop that I am."

She was brave, I'd give her that. She was shaking her head before I'd finished my sentence. "You're wrong. People know. They know what you did."

"Leah!" Jake shouted at her. "Shut up, come on," he was tugging on her sleeve this time but she wasn't going to budge.

"Fuck off Jake. You're just like him!" she screamed. "You hurt her too. For nothing. You told me she deserved it! You said she was awful to you but she wasn't, was she? You're just evil, like him. You're just like him and I hate you, I hate you for making me hate her!"

This was good. This was very good. It was obvious now that he was either fucking her or he wanted to. He was trying to get her out of here, trying to protect her and if I gave a shit about either of them it would've been touching. But I didn't. So I took my chance where I saw it and moved in front of the coat rack.

"I'm not like him!" Jake raged, which shocked me. "Don't say that. I'm not like him. I'm sorry for what I did to her, he's not. He's fucking evil Leah, I'm not. I'm trying to fix it, you have to believe me!" he shouted.

I slipped my hand up my back when Leah rounded on him, putting herself between me and the kid and quite effectively masking my movements. I'd let them fight about it for a few minutes, it would give me time to do what I needed to do.

"I don't fucking believe you Jake!" she ranted. "You aren't sorry. You are just like him. You used her, abused her, hurt her and let everyone think she'd done something to deserve it. You're just like him!"

"I'm not, I swear. I was just angry. I loved her but she was knocked up and I saw red. I never meant to hurt her and he did," Jake pointed at me but didn't look my way. Neither did Leah. "And I am sorry, so fucking sorry. I'm going to prison Leah, I'm going to pay for what I did to her and I just want him to pay for what he did too!"

That shocked me too. The little fucker was here to corner me. He knew he was going down and the pissant wanted to take me with him! That wasn't going to fucking happen.

I slipped my hand around the cold hard steel and slid it out of its holder. I slid my free hand into my pocket in as casual a gesture as I could and pretended to be amused with the little love spat unfolding in my kitchen.

"You're a liar Jake. You aren't sorry, you never thought twice about what you did to her. Hell, you bragged about it often enough. You'll go to prison alright Jake but you're not sorry," she whispered in a deadly hiss.

The kid seemed to shake all over and while their attention was diverted I cocked the pistol behind my back and flicked off the safety. I didn't want to have to kill either of them, but I would. Intruders. I was sitting in my recliner watching the game when I heard them. The cars in the drive might pose a problem but I could move them down the block, make it look like they'd left them there then crept up to my place. God knew Jake would've held a grudge against me, Bella being pregnant when he married her and all. Leah would be harder to explain away but it was doable. She was fucking Jake and Jake was in love with Bella. Jake was going to prison and I wasn't. They came here to knock me off, together. Yeah. Makes sense. I could make it believable.

"I am fucking sorry!" Jake boomed, startling me from my mental plans. "I am fucking sorry. I'm doing all I can to take this cunt down with me Leah!"

It was like it was unfolding in slow motion in front of me as the kid shoved his hand in his jeans pocket again. This time, when his hand came out, it held a tiny metal box. Mother fucker! I knew what that was! I knew what it did!

**Leah Clearwater POV**

I looked into Jake's palm and saw a small metal box. What it was I had no idea but Charlie's reaction told me it was something bad. He was sort of hissing sort of growling and I knew that whatever it was Charlie was real mad about it.

"You fucker!" he screamed as he shoved me aside.

I didn't even have time to scream before a blinding flash and an eardrum bursting bang rent the tiny room. I clutched at my ears in a futile attempt to block it out, but it was too late. The shot reverberated around the room and its echo went on and on.

Jake clutched at his stomach and stared up at Charlie through terrified eyes before falling, face first, onto the kitchen floor. He did let go of his stomach and he didn't even reach out a hand to stop his face from smashing onto the cold, hard tiles.

I knew what had happened. I'd seen it. I'd heard it and yet my brain wouldn't let me process it. It wasn't until the red cloud began to ooze its way out from under Jake that my head made the connection between the sound and the quickly forming puddle.

Instinct told me to run so I stepped to the side and fled past Charlie and towards the kitchen door. I heard the sirens then and then it all made a bit more sense. This was a set up. When Jake screamed at me that he was at least trying to make right what he'd done wrong this was what he'd meant. It was a set up. The metal box in Jake's hand was a recording device and he'd been at Charlie's tonight to get him to talk. I'd walked into a fucking sting operation and now I'd been dragged into the thick of it.

Officers were running towards the house as I tried to run from it. They came like a swam of ants, dressed in black with huge shotguns in their hands. They all screamed at me but the sound was muffled as it came into the open air from under their riot helmets.

Was it get down or was it get away? Do I run or do I stand still? Do I duck or do I run straight? What do I do? What do I do?

The bullet caught me in the back as I got to the bottom stair and never had a pain radiated from within me so quickly. Never had a white hot flash consumed me so quickly. Never had the ringing in my ears been so severe.

I didn't even have time to consider what I should do next. I didn't even have time to look down to see whether I'd been hit by one of the oncoming cops or whether I'd been shot in the back by Charlie.

I looked up, ahead of me, and saw more cops coming down the driveway, all shouting too. The pain spiked higher still as I came to a stop on the gravel drive. I tried to scream for someone to help me but no sound would come out of my throat.

I heard more shouting then, a lot closer to me this time and then another shot, then another, then another and as I too face planted on the ground I heard another final shot before the blackness consumed me.

**Emmett POV**

He answered on the first ring. "Dad?" I asked stupidly. It was his cell number I'd dialled so I didn't know who else would answer his phone, but my brain just wasn't working right now. I was on autopilot.

"What is it son?" he asked lazily.

"You've got incoming and it's coming from Charlie Swan's house by the looks of things," I told him in a rush. "It's a fucking mess in the street," I added for good measure.

That must have gotten his attention because he was all questions now. "What do you see? What's going on there?"

"I can only see a couple ambulances and a heavy load of the law. No idea what's going on. Where are the kids?" I asked. Of course I knew they were safe and sound at home with mom and there was no logical reason that she'd have any of them anywhere near Charlie Swan's house, but asked anyway, panicked beyond belief.

"They're at home, they're safe. Call your mother, tell her what you see. I'll call the station and get an idea of what to expect this end. Thanks for calling, stay safe." With that he hung up on me.

As the cars began to inch along I kept my eyes trained to the house like everyone else. There wasn't much to see at first but as I got closer and closer to the driveway I could see movement. A whole lot of movement.

There was a stretcher on the front lawn with someone lying on it. A paramedic was leaning over them so I had no idea who it was, but the medic looked like he was frantically trying to do something. I wound my window down to see if I could hear anything and as soon as the air lock was broken in the cab of my truck I heard the shouting.

Lots of it.

There were cops swarming over the place like locusts. There was already yellow crime scene tape across the driveway and around a clump of trees off to one side.

Cops were yelling instructions all over. They were running back and forth between their cars and the house. They looked like ants in their black riot gear.

I couldn't see who it was on the stretcher as I went by because the medics had put the stretcher, and whoever it was on it, into the back of the ambulance by the time I got a clear enough view of the front lawn. I watched as the ambulance did a three point turn, navigated through the banked up line of cars that I was stuck behind and sped off towards the hospital.

I was all the way past the house now and couldn't see anything else so I decided to try and call mom. I hit speed dial for her number and tried to wait patiently for her to answer.

I gave a quick look in the rear view mirror and saw another stretcher being wheeled across the lawn. There was a paramedic sitting on it, like they were straddling the patient, and they were doing chest compressions like crazy. Two other paramedics were pushing the trolley at a good clip towards the waiting ambulance. This wasn't good.

I knew what this meant.

Someone was dying.

**Harry Clearwater POV**

I heard Seth yelling before I saw him come running from the direction of his shed and knew that something wasn't right. I met him on the lawn and tried to make sense of what he was telling me.

Leah. He'd had it out with her and she'd taken off. She was headed to have it out with Jake and Seth was scared that he was going to hurt her. He was right to be scared. Jake was an unfeeling bastard and a coward and after what he'd done to one of my daughters I was determined, instantly, that he wouldn't hurt the other.

I shook Seth by his shoulders and demanded to know where Jake was, where Leah was heading.

"I don't know. I don't think she knew where he was. She's not answering her cell and I can't find anyone who's seen him today either."

Seth shook from head to toe and I wished I could comfort the boy but Leah needed me more right then. I swore under my breath and tried to think where that piece of shit was likely to be on a Friday at this time. "Come on," I called to Seth as I began to run up the steps and into the house. I had my car keys in my hand before he'd hit the top steps. "We'll try his place, then the estate agents and if they're not there then we'll worry, come on."

They weren't at his place and nobody at the agency had seen him or heard from him since the day he'd been suspended. Shit. What now?

I turned the car around and headed back towards town. "We'll head to the garage and get the other boys to start looking too," I told Seth who was nodding bleakly.

An ambulance flew past us at a rate of knots, lights flashing, sirens blasting and I wondered what the hurry was. And then I saw the mess that was Charlie Swan's front yard. Oh god.

**EPOV**

The flight took forever. On our way to Vegas it had seemed such an adventure. My new wife and I going on the holiday of a lifetime but now it just felt silly and inconsequential.

We had little new information even though it had taken us four hours to get to the airport, check the hire car back in, change our flights and wait for it to board.

Dad could only tell us that there had been some type of 'incident' at Charlie's and that he was on standby to receive one or more of the injured. That could mean anything and it could mean nothing, on its own, but it wasn't the only information we'd gotten. I'd begged him to tell me why we were needed at home but all he'd been able to tell me was that it was Leah, Jake and Charlie involved and that we'd be needed at home to deal with the fall out of whatever had happened.

Harry had called Bella at exactly the same moment that dad had called me and he'd known a little more.

Bella had shouted that we needed to go home as I'd shouted it and we'd both hung up our phones and started packing furiously so it wasn't until we were sitting in the airport departure lounge that we had a spare moment to call home and find out what we could.

Mom had told me the same as dad. An 'incident', dad was needed to see to the injured, Emmett had seen the ambulances and the cops crawling all over Charlie's house but had no more of an idea about what had actually happened than anyone else.

Harry, hopefully, could tell us more. Fortunately he could. He still didn't know too much about what had actually happened at the Chief's house but what he had been able to tell Bella was enough for us to know that we couldn't get home fast enough. All three were going to go into surgery and Bella had promised that we'd be there, for whatever Harry and Sue needed.

The children were fine, the family were fine, Seth was fine, Sue was fine and Bella was in no danger if she came home now. Those who weren't fine were Jake and Leah and Charlie.

The second the plane touched down and we were let off we ran through the terminal and out into the parking lot. We found the first car rental desk we could and hired the first serviceable car we could. We drove like the bejeesus and hit Forks in record time, cell phones to our ears trying to find out more information as we drove.

I dumped the car in the undercover staff parking lot at the hospital and pulled Bella into the lift with me. We rode in silence to the ground floor and both flew out of it and down the corridor towards reception as fast as we could.

Dawn greeted us both fondly but neither of us had time for pleasantries.

"Hi Dawn, where's my father?" I shouted, a little too loudly.

She tapped on her keyboard for a few seconds. "In surgery. Do you need me to page someone else?" she asked cautiously.

"Swan, Clearwater or Black, any of them been admitted?" I asked hurriedly.

Bella was pacing beside me and I could tell she was about to drop her bundle. Not just because her ex husband or her sister were more than likely very hurt but also because the hospital freaked her out. She hated it here.

I didn't know what it was that was worrying her more. Jake, Charlie or Leah but realised it was probably a little of all three. I hoped that someone from our family was here and waiting for us, or at least Harry or Sue or Seth.

"All," Dawn said, bringing me back from my stupor. "Black is in 5, Clearwater in 6 and Swan in 8."

I didn't wait to find out why I just pulled on Bella's hand and ran with her through the hospital. It was so surreal. It reminded me so much of that first time I'd run through these halls to get to Bella. My heart was in my throat as we rounded the corner that would bring us face to face with whoever was waiting in the very same area that my family had waited for me that day.

They were all there. Every single one of them.

My mother had Elizabeth on her hip and Angus and Joshua at her feet. Jasper had his hand on Alice' belly, Rosie sat beside Emmett with her head resting on his shoulder. Sue was crying softly and Harry had one of her hands in his lap. Seth was pacing, Sam Embry and Quil right beside him as he traced a lazy figure of eight. I knew that line so well.

The instant we were spotted we were mobbed.

**BPOV**

Joshua shouted so loudly he frightened Elizabeth who began to cry. I only had time to kiss them both, then Angus, before Seth took me into his arms.

I clung to him, despite not having any idea what had happened. I could tell from the desolate faces that something big had gone down but I still had no idea what we were faced with.

Seth stepped away a little and led me to my parents. Harry stood and folded me into a tight hug telling me thank you for coming home so fast. It didn't bother me, for once, that he was touching me. He needed me and I was happy to be there for him.

Sue cried steadily but also thanked me for coming.

Edward had moved towards his mother and sisters and sat down between Alice and Esme. Hardly anything had been said and I was beyond nervous for what it was we were going to hear.

"Will someone please tell us what's happened?" I begged the room.

Seth came towards me and was about to say something when Billy Black arrived. He was flanked by his daughters and was being pushed by Sam's Emily. He looked deathly pale and couldn't meet my eyes.

"Please?" I begged again when Billy and the new arrivals were all seated. "Please just tell me what's going on!"

**Carlisle POV**

I peeled off my scrubs and washed down like I had a thousand times before. I threw the used paper towels into the waiting trash basket and tried to steady myself for what I was about to have to do.

I hated this part. This was the worst part of what I did. Facing the families. Having to explain to them that although you'd done your very best your very best still hadn't been good enough to save their loved one.

I signed myself out of the operating theatre and pushed the intercom button that would connect me with theatre 5.

Larry French's deep voice answered. "Just closing Carlisle. What news of yours?" he asked.

"Negative," I told him in the code we often used to describe a death during surgery. Negative meant negative brain activity or that the heart had failed to continue to beat during the surgery. In this case both had been true.

"Wait for me yeah?" he drawled in a voice very reminiscent of Jasper's. I told him I would even though it would be tougher to wait to have to tell the family.

I pressed the intercom for theatre 8 and waited for Hal Peters to tell me how he was getting on. When it came the news was grim in the extreme. "I was closing when we found another bleeder. More suction here Janice," he said to his nurse. "Another ten minutes I think Cullen. How did you fare?"

"Negative I'm afraid. Larry is closing now, he's asked me to wait before I tell the family," I told Hal.

"Sheila says they're all related, is that right?" he asked.

"Close enough, yes," I admitted.

They may not be actually blood related but their actions had bound the three of them together intrinsically.

"Gotcha!" I heard Hal cry in triumph and I assumed that he'd found and tied the bleeder he'd been searching for. "Wait for me, we'll tell them together if all the families are out there. Five minutes, tops. Janice get me an Atraumatic needle, I'll close now that this is under control."

I pushed the button and shut off the intercom. If he was calling for sutures he was closing and wouldn't be long.

That left me to wait for both the other surgeons, and alone with my thoughts.

I didn't know who or what I'd face when I got into that waiting room. I knew that Harry was here, and Seth, but had the others come too? Were _my_ family out there now? Had Bella and Edward gotten back this quickly? Were the Blacks out there too? And who or what was waiting for news of Charlie?

I gulped at the lukewarm coffee from the machine in the surgeons lounge and thought about how to word my news. It was never easy. I always tried to be as honest as I could, right up until the inevitable question was asked. 'Did they suffer?' the family always asked. No matter the circumstances I always lied. Always. No matter the damage I faced when I worked on their loved one, no matter what I thought personally, no matter what I knew to be true I lied. With a straight face. It was the only time I ever did and it was the only time I was sure I would be forgiven for it.

Would this time be the same? Could I lie about this death? Could I keep a straight face when the family asked me that question? Should I lie?

I began to make a list, pros and cons. Who would it hurt if I told the truth, who would be hurt if I lied, could I live with the lie this time, could I live with myself if I didn't?

Larry came to the lounge first. He looked a mess. I'd had to call him in on his day off, not that he minded of course.

"How did it go?" I asked.

He poured himself a coffee and sat opposite me. "As well as could be expected. The bullet was lodged in the lung but it reinflated once we got it out. The prognosis looks good at this point. Let's see what the morning brings."

It was his usual report. He often said that a good night's sleep went a quarter of the way to healing; I could only hope that in this case that was once again the truth.

We sat quietly for a while. There was no need to speak. He knew I'd lost my patient and I knew his had a long, long road to full recovery ahead and that both of us would need a few quiet moments to digest all that had occurred tonight.

Hal joined us but declined the coffee I offered. "I'd rather go talk to the families. Mine has a fifty-fifty chance so I want them to know the odds, just in case."

I nodded knowing it was the right thing to do. Families needed time to say their goodbyes just in case. They had to be given every chance to say what they needed to say, inform who they needed to inform and to see their loved one as soon as practical after surgery was complete. The surgery was often the easy part. The recovery – as had been the case with my Bella – was often a long process and the quicker the family could begin to construct what was necessary to help their relative begin that recovery the better.

The three of us walked towards the waiting area quietly. There was never any back slapping on walks such as these. My colleagues were nothing other than utterly professional and they knew that I had been charged with the far worse task of informing a family that their loved one had just died.

I took a deep breath as we rounded the corner and tried to prepare for whom and what I was about to see.

**EPOV**

The only time I'd ever felt this useless before was when Bella had been in surgery. Now, as I had then, I felt like I wasn't doing enough to help the situation. I was a doctor too and as it had been with Bella I wasn't privy to what was going on and neither could I assist.

I'd done my best to speak with everyone I could while we waited but it was tough. The not knowing was the worst. Would Bella lose a sister? Would Billy lose a son? Would the world lose a monster?

Dad's face was ashen when he arrived, flanked by Larry and Hal. They all looked shocked to see such a large group waiting for them, but dad not so much. He knew all three of the victims and had probably guessed that all of those assembled would be here waiting for news.

I had no idea which of the three patients he'd had to work on. I moved towards him first but needn't have worried who would leap on him as I was the only one to actually move.

I held my hand out and shook dad's trembling hand hard.

I stared at his eyes and didn't need to ask how his patient had fared. His eyes said it all. Whoever dad had worked on hadn't made it. I knew it before the slight shake of his head that he gave me. Now I just had to hope that it hadn't been Leah.

I let his hand go and went back to stand by Bella. She was shaking in terror as she, like everyone else, waited to find out who'd made it.

Dad was the only one of the three surgeons who actually knew which family belonged to each of the patients so it was he who led proceedings. I held my breath as he crossed the room.

Bella choked on a sob as he made his way to the back of the room. I closed my eyes and prayed that he'd move past Harry and Sue and thankfully he did.

Unfortunately that meant he moved towards Billy Black. Dad knelt on the ground so that he was eye to eye with the frail man in the wheelchair. In a hoarse whisper my father spoke, one father to another. "I'm so sorry Billy. Jake didn't make it."

Bella crumpled then. Her knees gave way as an almighty wail rent the air around us. Billy screamed his pain and Bella sobbed into my chest as I went to the floor with her. I held her to me, crushed her up against me, and held on for dear life as she sobbed and sobbed.

Hate just wasn't something Bella knew how to do and I knew that the pain she was feeling was deep regret for Jake's loss, for Billy's pain and for the life that Jake should've gone on to lead.

I, however, wasn't quite so forgiving. Nor was I quite as sorry for the loss.

"Mr and Mrs Clearwater?" I heard Larry say softly and I nodded towards the crying couple two seats down from Billy who was now doubled over and being comforted by his daughter and my father. Larry moved towards the pallid couple and he too knelt before them. "Your daughter did very well," he whispered, aware of the grief being played out beside him. Harry slumped in his chair and his tears of relief streamed down his face as Larry outlined the prognosis for their daughter.

That left Hal. He stood in the centre of the room, hands in his pockets, surveying. "Chief Swan's relatives?" he asked cautiously.

I didn't know what to do. I knew there was nobody there who would care one way or another whether Charlie lived or died other than Bella, and I didn't think that she was up to anymore shock. So I stood. I passed Bella into my mother's arms and went to Hal. I shook his hand and told him that Charlie was Bella's relative – I was unwilling to say how, or under what circumstances – and readied myself for the news he had to share.

"He's lost a lot of blood and his injuries are extensive but I expect him to make a full, if very painful, recovery."

My two brothers cursed. Seth pulled his mother into his arms. Billy Black screamed in anguish once again as we all came to realise that Charlie had survived.

* * *

**A/N: And we leave it there. **

**Thank you so much for reading. **

**This is the final chapter, as you may have already discerned from the comment above, but I am going to write the epilogue right this very second while all the details are fresh in my mind. I hope to post it tomorrow, or the next day at the latest. **

**Charlie's eventual fate will be outlined within the epilogue, as will Leah's recovery and the ripples caused by Jake's death. **

**I will leave my specific thanks for the authors note at the end of the epilogue but would like to, as always, thank everyone who's been reading and reviewing all along. **

**As ever, if you have liked this chapter and would like to tell me why I'd be honoured to hear your thoughts. Alternatively, if you hated it and would like to let me know where I went wrong with it I'd love to hear your thoughts on that too. **

**Please review. **


	54. Chapter 54

**Epilogue – And Then There Was...**

The aftermath of what had happened at Chief Charlie Swan's house that day reverberated around Forks for months.

The death of Jacob Black at the hands of the local Police Chief sent shock waves through the community.

The general public – at least those who had always thought that Charlie Swan was a good cop and a good man – couldn't quite understand what had happened. They were shocked and stunned and had had real trouble understanding and believing all that they began to hear about the man.

Carol and Ken visited Bella and Harry and Sue often the first few days after the goings on at the Chiefs house and slowly all the details of what Jake had been trying to achieve came out. Edward had to admit that he knew a little of what had been planned. Bella had to admit that she was grateful for Jake bothering to try.

Of course it all came out in court and there were press and journalists lining the street outside the Seattle Courthouse from the very first second of the trial. Every day new details came to light and were published in newspapers and reported on the television news all around the country. Bella found the notoriety of being connected to the case very difficult to handle but she never once balked at having to testify against the man she'd spent most of her life calling dad.

Each day, for the twenty-nine days of the trial – Bella and Edward arrived at the courthouse flanked by family and friends who came to support and encourage her. Each day she took the stand and made her statements in a strong clear voice. Each day she returned to her family home and cried in the arms of her husband. But each and every morning she resolved to do what she must and returned to the court again.

Gary Benson counselled her threw the entire ordeal but it was the strength of the combined Cullen and Clearwater families that got her through it.

Elizabeth's paternity was duly proved and a stunned gallery listened as the shocking details of her conception and the treatment of her mother was hashed out for the public to hear and see.

Immediately public sympathy began to pour into the tiny town of Forks. Letters by the sackful. Gifts by the tonne. Emails, telegrams, texts and offers of support came from every corner of the country. Women who'd been through something similar began to form groups for self support. Online forums filled page after page of opinion and support for those who'd identified with Bella and her child.

Of course, as support for Bella and Elizabeth grew so too did the hate that poured out of the community for Charlie, and by extension for Jake.

As much as she didn't want it to it did hurt Bella that Jake was so hated. Complete strangers announced their pleasure at his demise to her. She was stopped in the street and told over and over how pleased people were that Jake had 'gotten what he deserved' that day in Charlie's house.

Of course there would never be a trial for Jake. The public had him tried and found guilty instantly, as the public usually do. When the recordings made that fateful day were played in open court Leah Clearwater was there to listen to them. She wept throughout and was comforted by her sister who sat proudly beside her.

Leah's recovery had gone very well. Within two days she was walking and within a week she was using the very same gym Bella had used during her physical therapy. When it came time for her to be discharged it was Bella and Seth who collected her.

Bella had spent hours every day by her sister's bedside and as Leah made her physical recovery the two women healed their relationship. There were no angry words exchanged. Leah felt infinitely guilty for having believed all the lies Jake told her and Bella felt guilty for writing Leah off without trying harder to get to know her. Neither had anything to feel guilty for, of course, but as these things tend to go their shared insecurities bound them together more tightly than anything else ever could have.

Together they mourned the loss of Jake. They did it quietly and without ever letting anyone around them know that they felt the way they did.

Bella didn't want to hate anyone and that included Jake. As children he had been her friend. As teenagers he'd been her confidante. As young adults he'd seemed to be her saviour. And when it was all said and done he _had_ rescued her from Charlie. Bella had always been grateful for that, however short lived it had turned out to be. She'd forgiven Jake his mistakes a long time ago and nothing anyone could say to her would change her mind about how she felt. She didn't hate Jake, she pitied him. And now that he was dead she was happy to just put that part of her life behind her and eager to concentrate on the wonder that was Edward and her family.

For Leah it was even simpler. She'd turned to Jake when she'd been rejected by Sam and Jake had fulfilled the role that Leah had needed him to. He was also a member of her family tribe and that loss hit her hardest of all. Any loss within the tight knit community was a terrific blow and she grieved as much for that as she did for having lost Jake whom she had to admit she'd felt a great deal for. It hadn't been love but it had been something.

The two women found much in common and together with their brother they worked through their differences and came to understand each other better. Leah repaired her relationship with her parents too. It hadn't taken much. She apologised, her parents cried, she sobbed into her mother's shoulder and all was forgiven, as it nearly always was within families.

When the guilty verdict came from the jury Bella and Leah wept openly in the gallery. There was no cheering, no catcalling, and no celebration. There was just a very deep sense of justice having been done.

Bella didn't attend the day of sentencing. Mr Benson had explained that Charlie would be allowed to say whatever he liked to the judge before his sentence was handed down and Bella knew that nothing Charlie had to say would change anything, and she decided not to attend.

The men did.

Harry, Seth, Carlisle, Emmett, Edward and Jasper made the trek to Seattle for the hearing and sat as passively as they could in the gallery while Charlie Swan spoke of his years of service to his community. He told the judge that there was no proof whatsoever that he'd done anything to anyone and that it was the machinations of a disturbed mind – namely Bella's disturbed mind – that saw him standing in the dock. He plead for leniency, once again citing his outstanding record with the Forks Police Force and finished his statement with a plea for other wrongly accused men to band together on his behalf and demand that justice be done.

It was.

Twenty minutes later Charlie Swan was sentenced to life for the murder of Renee Marie Swan. A further life sentence was added for the first degree murder of Jacob Black and another twenty years for the attempted murder of Leah Clearwater.

For his abuse of Bella there could be no sentence as the crime had not been reported within the allotted statute of limitations but he'd pled guilty to one charge of rape and one charge of assault that had resulted in the birth of Elizabeth and for that he received eighteen years.

The end result was that Charlie Swan would never again see the light of day. As he was taken down he vowed to fight the terrible injustice done to him that day. Not a sound other than his hoarse voice shouting his fury could be heard in the courtroom and as the judge announced proceedings to be over the men in Bella's life stood and left the room quietly.

Edward broke the news of the sentence to Bella who wept quietly and thanked him over and over for always believing in her.

Three days after the sentencing hearing Charlie Swan was bashed for the first time inside his new prison home. Four days later he was beaten almost to death by two inmates who had heard about his penchant for hitting women. Charlie lost an eye and was moved to a single cell.

Rosie and Emmett announced that they were pregnant at the regular Friday night family dinner two weeks later. The dinners had been expanded to include the Clearwater family. A newer, bigger table was purchased and the dinners became louder and louder as the weeks went by.

Exactly one month after Charlie went to prison Leah announced to both the Cullen and Clearwater families that she was pregnant. Of course Carlisle already knew and it had been Edward who'd confirmed it for her after a very tear filled visit to his clinic.

Billy, though still grieving for his son, welcomed the news. That Jake would live on through the child brought him a little comfort. Leah worried day and night that if her child was a boy that it could grow up to become what his father had been. Every member of her now joined families – Cullen and Clearwater – assured her they'd never let that happen.

Alice and Jasper Hale were delivered of a baby girl that weighed in at a healthy eight pounds four ounces and named her Adele Rose. She was the apple of both her parents' eyes and was doted on by Angus and Joshua equally.

Elizabeth continued to thrive amongst the love and support inside the Cullen house. No move had been made to move the little family within a family out of the house and into one of their own and by the time Christmas rolled around neither Edward nor Bella could stomach broaching the subject. Thankfully Esme and Carlisle took matters into their own hands and solved the problem for them.

As gifts were exchanged around the enormous Christmas tree Carlisle very pointedly handed his son a plain cream coloured envelope.

The solution was ingenious.

Inside the envelope was a title deed. An acre lot had been subdivided off the property and had been made over to the newest mister and missus Cullen. They could build on it at their leisure. Both Esme and Bella had cried and Edward had come very, very close to following suit.

Two weeks before Leah was due to give birth Edward, Bella, Joshua and Elizabeth moved into their new home. A cobbled pathway wound its way through the copse of trees at the back of the main house and nestled into the woods one hundred yards away sat their new home. Edward had spared no expense, despite Bella's protestations, and had made as good a copy of their honeymoon house as he could. The only difference that Bella could discern was the three normal sized tubs in the three ground floor ensuites. The Jacuzzi in the master bedrooms ensuite was there, however.

When Leah gave birth to her son it was her sister who mopped her brow at her bedside. When Henry William Clearwater was born he was immediately dubbed Harry Junior and he was universally loved by all. It was as though he were a clone of his father. Leah took him home to her parent's house but visited Bella often at hers.

When Rosalie gave birth a month later she was blessed with the girl they'd always wanted. Charlotte May was a whopper and had a set of lungs on her that shook the windows. She too was the apple of her parent's eye.

It fell to Mr Benson to deliver the news that Charlie had once again been attacked in prison a few weeks later. A gang had cornered him in the exercise yard and had all but pulled him limb from limb. He bled out on the stark concrete ground before guards could come to his assistance. At Bella's insistance he was given a proper funeral, despite Edward's protestations that he should be allowed to rot in hell for what he'd done Bella wouldn't have it. Bella and Edward were the only mourners present when his body was committed to the ground in the Seattle cemetary. For all her ability to forgive Bella couldn't bring herself to have him buried on the same sacred ground as her mother.

When Edward and Bella's first wedding anniversary came around both had surprises for the other. Edward began the process that would see both their children become, finally and legally, both Cullen's. Bella gave him a gift that matched no other.

She arrived at the clinic at midday and startled him in his office between patients. She pulled him to her and kissed him fiercely. He returned her kiss although what the occasion was he couldn't think. It was rare for Bella to arrive unannounced at the clinic.

When she allowed him to break the kiss and had stepped away a little he enquired as to what he owed the pleasure.

Without saying a word she took his hand and placed within it a small white plastic stick. The two blue lines were clearly visible across the little windows.

With her favourite lopsided grin across his face he whispered his love for her into her waiting lips.

Their makeshift, but utterly perfect little family was completed with the safe arrival of Mason Edward and Kathryn Renee Cullen.

Oh yes, and Elizabeth's first word was daddy.

* * *

**A/N: The happily ever after I promised. **

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading this tale and an extra special thank you for those who took the time to review and to send me messages describing your thoughts on the story and what it meant for you. **

**As I said way back at the beginning this was my story. Some of the details are different (I was beaten but not raped) but Bella's injuries and her circumstances were mine too. The theraputic properties of getting this out of my head and onto paper is incalcuable to me. Being allowed the chance to write from Jake's point of view of his actions allowed me to - however fictionally - get the apology I've been longing for from the men who hurt me so long ago. It's not the same and I accept that, but just being able to articulate what they should've felt about themselves and what they'd done has helped me in so many ways. **

**To those of you who have been reading who know of someone who's been abused, tortured, threatened and spent their lives in fear I urge you to reach out to them and let them know that you are thinking of them. Often there is little that you can actually do for them but I want you to know just how powerful it is to know that someone, somewhere has your back. Sometimes it's all that person might need to keep going. Sadly sometimes it's not. **

**To Patchar who was instrumental in this particular story actually making it onto paper I thank you with all that I am and all that I have. Without you this wouldn't have been possible and definitely would not be the success that it has been. **

**To my friend ScrapJul, Thank you for your continued support and encouragement. **

**To my beautiful cousin Kelly, you have to know how very much I love you and you have to know how very much I value the time you've spent listening to me and helping me. I need you to know that without you in my life it would look very differnt right now. At a time that I was falling apart you held me together. You are always there for us, no matter what it is we ask of you, and I only hope that if you ever need us (and I hope that you never do because I suck at sympathy, as you know :P) that I can acquit myself with the same amount of style and grace that you have. Love you Kel.**

**To those who this story has hurt and for those who felt ill whilst reading the details of the abuse I urge you look around you. If you have a family like the Cullen's tell them as often as you can that you love them and are thankful that you have them. To those of you who don't have a family like the Cullen's I urge you to be the very best family member you can be. **

**You might not ever find out the way in which you've touched someones life. Sometimes you aren't meant to know. I got lucky, I hope you did too. **

**With love and continued thanks,**

**Maxi**

**xxxx**


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